I'm praying for you, Jared. Not the "Lord, lead him back to faith" prayer which I'm sure has been said many times by many people. Instead, a prayer for a hurting man dealing with loss. Your honesty and pain are so raw, and I felt tears in my eyes watching and hearing you in those last few minutes. I pray that, in some way, you find the peace you seem to have lost with your faith. Your videos challenge me, as a pastor, more than most people I know in person. Thank you for what you do here.
The truth is, this guy is no less a Christian that are ANY of the people of the church who think they are Christians. All the people of all the churches are in reality atheists.
Man.. the amount of respect you had for the Theotokos in this video is immense. I highly suggest attending the Orthodox Church and hear the story that is told here about the Nativity, about Joseph and how he was a widow who didn’t even take the call seriously due to his old age. Theotokos have mercy on this man. Intercede for him to your most Holy Son of his burning heart and how he has been led astray by lost and broken souls in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit now and ever unto the Ages of Ages Amen! ☦️
@@javaman8895 The Truth can’t be reasoned into understanding because the ego is in control. Learn the story of the Bee and the Fly. May god give you Wisdom to see as wisdom supersedes intellect in the kingdom of heaven.
@@javaman8895 we dont owe you a good faith argument sir. we are doing what is best for us, i suggest you do the same. please- while you doubt our faith explain to me the scientific reason why i turn when someones gaze in on me? or why they turn when i look? could be a friend or a stranger. also please- explain the common phenomenon of calling someone just to have them be about to, or literally in the process of calling you? please entertain your ego trying to explain these mysteries, please don't acknowledge mysteries that are greater still, and what ever you do please dont offer up some new age explanation for mysteries like it is a superior explanation. A lot of us have simply grown tired of this ecumenism. you wont get a good faith argument from a real Christian much longer. its a waist of time and breath. You are so loved, you are invited to participate in the mysteries. it is not free will vs determinism. it is both. we have been so deceived in the west. Protestantism is not Chirst. it is not the true church. the true church according to the bible is present anywhere the eucharist is present. do not seek to separate yourself from love. if you are mad at god seek him with a broken spirit, a heart that is broken and humble he will not despise. this does not mean you have to seek him happily. take your follies, confusions and wretchedness to him completely. seek him and he will meet you where you are at.
Lovely video, man. Your journey is definitely different than folks who had a negative experience with church/religion, like me. Life is a journey, and when there’s a fork in the road it’s perfectly okay to just walk between them. I love that you see the value and goodness in humans regardless of their religion or lack thereof.
Hi Jarred - as a fellow atheist who grew up in the church, your story means a lot to me. All of the proselytizing in the comment is certainly hard to see. I hope it doesn’t impact you negatively like it does me. To me, it reminds me that some Christian’s will always see me as a “project” instead of a person. Love the videos - keep it up man.
I’m sorry that some Christians have made you feel like a project instead of a person. Because you are definitely a person and not just a thing to be saved. I would challenge your perspective a little bit, most believers in Jesus I have known see people and not projects to work on. Could it be that, even when a genuine Christian shares their faith with you out of love, you still perceive it as them trying to prove a point, which, in turn, fosters negativity in your own heart towards them?
@@Cheekychick1 I am totally okay with believers sharing about how their faith impacts their lives, what it means to them, and why they choose to have faith. I respect people of faith and their beliefs. But, I do expect the same respect back when I share my beliefs and what they mean to me. I think talking about different beliefs and faiths can be beautiful and a great way to better understand others. The behavior I’m referring to is when someone is sharing their faith with the sole purpose of trying to convince me to share their same beliefs - even after I’ve explained why I do not believe what they do. When a believer persistently tries to “save me” after I’ve made it very clear that I do not need saving, it feels deeply disrespectful to my own beliefs.
The island you mentioned is what living in an Eastern Orthodox monastery was like. Many would say "how peaceful it must have been" and I always responded that is was the absolute opposite. It was a place filled with terror and prayer. All your demons take the stage and there are no distractions. I've felt this in various monastic settings.
Are you still a monk? I've often wondered what places like mount athos are like where some monks live in a hermitage and it's just them, nature, and God.
I only had done a 1 week retreat at a monastery and I was filled w existential dread. I had no clue before then how much I don't deal w life well w no chaser, no distractions
Hey Jared, You have become one of my favourite youtubers over the last couple of months. This was an amazing and moving video. Thank you for the work you do. As someone who spent some time being an atheist and found my way back to christ, I really am praying for you to find your way back aswell. May the blessed mother (who was about 16 at conception according to scolarly estimates I believe🤔) and all the saints guide you back home and to eternal life. I wish you all the best.
I appreciate your honesty in this video, the come to Jesus moment brought back feelings I've pushed down for the longest time when I was a Christian, I lost my faith but I still don't want anyone close to me experience the pain that I felt losing it.
Wow, just wow Jared. I mean, I completely agree with your critique on both sides. The holier-than-thou political takes of some churches (mostly on the traditional right, but I've also seen it on the traditional left) or the overproduction that makes it all so very sparkly when the real truth of the gospel is gritty and hard, even if the more moderate take I subscribe to is real. But I really want to communicate how much I feel the terror you felt at 13. I had a very similar experience after what would go for a hell and brimstone service as a JW when I was 11. It really sped up my baptism timeline with them. I'm happy to say that my initial experience with the Jesus I feel I've come to know was a lot more centered on the unconditional love aspect than the hell aspect. I can't imagine starting my faith journey from a point of nihilism or fear. I can only imagine how that would reverberate through your life. Then again, you did come to love Jesus before you came to not believe, and I believe that. There is a large part of you that both yearns for something along these lines to be true and that still loves the people and the faith itself. I doubt I as an active believer love Jesus as much as you probably still do (at least in the abstract), and that says something about both me and you. Despite being Pentecostal in some senses, I've always been a cold, rational person whose love is intense when invoked, but so seldom invoked as to be a real detriment at some points in my life. All I can say from my standpoint is that I hope you never lose your passion for people and your questioning mind. So again, I love you Jared, and you can see from the other comments here how much you are loved by your community more broadly. Hugs and appreciation.
The more videos I see like this the more it does feel like he’s actively trying to search for an answer or find something. Being agnostic I can at least sympathize with his motivations. And I also understand from his perspective why even if it would be nice to believe, there are certain parts of the religion that we will never agree on. At the same time it’s annoying to see other religious apologists in the chat who are basically proving his point. Where these people are just trying to ‘get him’ and score a point by converting another atheist. Or gaslighting him by saying ‘you’re already Christian you just don’t realize it yet’.
@jamirr100 man, I know many are like that but a ton of us aren't trying to "score a point" or any of that ego trio nonsense. My heart genuinely breaks for him. I converted later in life, I know what it is to have doubts and fears. I want peace for him now and in the next life. Do you really believe that a majority of us dont just want peace and wholeness for him now and for him to be in paradise some day?
God feels more real than ever since I converted to the Orthodox faith. A lot of us as Protestants were in a confusing point. I hope all of you wavering or who stepped away from the faith come back. Bless you all.
@@Confessingjesuschrist agreed. There is mercy and hope in the church, not dread. Granted I think Orthodoxy online, and every denomination and religion online, is dread and just not the same. I truly need to get off the Internet entirely. It's not good for anyone's Spirit
Another Convertodox. You have no idea what orthodoxy is until you have been in an orthodox country. American orthodoxy is just another iteration of Americans clinging to Christianity.
👋 Hate to break it to ya, but of course Mike gave you VIP treatment... it's just customer service to him. Their staff meetings are perhaps one of the most inauthentic and disgusting things I've ever seen behind the scenes. He treats his staff like crap, is disrespectful to them, humiliates them, walks around with a bunch of "yes men", and acts like he's some corporate CEO. He operates like an authoritarian, does not even care about theology or truly knowing why he believes what he believes. He only cares about the "experience" you have. I think buried deep inside somewhere he has convinced himself he's doing God's work, but he's not. This was all an ego tickle for him, because it would give a lot of kudos to him to have an Atheist feature him on his YT channel. Sadly, there aren't many real churches in the Triangle area that I can say have a balance of reverence and relevance. Either they are super buttoned up or super celebrity pastor wanna-be. Neither are authentic representations of Christianity or the early Church. In my estimation... true church looks like imperfect people who love God breaking bread together at the kitchen table, discussing the scriptures, singing songs as a church family, and then brainstorming together on how to meet the needs of those around you and who you can serve. Loving others until they ask why. Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, either way... if Jesus stepped foot into either of these places, I am confident he wouldn't be too thrilled with what he saw.
I can get on board with this as a deconstructed Christian. I believe churches and their congregations are capable of good things even though I no longer follow the Bible. You and my mother are the same kind of believer and I think she's one of the best humans on earth. I wish more followers were like you.
The TRUE church…no true Scotsman fallacy is so ingrained in the Christian community. All 40000 denominations of your faith just love hate on one another thinking that your version is the true one. I’m so happy to be free from religious oppression and judgment. The fear your religion puts into people for no reason harms people, look at this video as see the heartbreak of this man as he finally comes to grips that none of it is real. Feel it, because I felt it too. There is nothing more heartbreaking then reailizing that your faith and everything you have been taught your entire life is A LIE.
Ricky Gervais has a similar story of an older brother popping his religious bubble. Dude, you've managed to do what I really haven't seen online (and I watch a LOT of TH-cam): you allowed your emotion to show. You did a great job comparing and contrasting the two churches, but, what's more, you emphasized why the "Fear not" message was more meaningful, because it speaks to the reality of how much fear most of us live our day to day lives in. Thank you for this. I hope you have a great 2025, my friend. -Kenneth
I want to say that I empathize with you and your experience wrestling with the mess of doubting faith and deconversion. I have a similar story as well, and I really appreciate how you express yours! As an atheist myself, my close christian brothers and sisters often speak to me as if I am some callous, jaded intellectualist who smugly rejects the church out of my own arrogance, but in reality there was a lot of pain and terror that I felt for years. I hope that more and more theists see people like you who are very emotional with respect towards their atheistic beliefs, so we can all understand each other more rather than fall to our presuppositions as all of us do. Thank you for your channel, and best to you brother
Jared, if you see this, and I pray you do, take a visit to Holy Transfiguration Orthodox Church. It’s right off 2A on 540 by the airport. God bless you my friend, and know that many are earnestly praying for you. Merry Christmas and Happy New year
Jared, this was very moving. I hear the grief in your story and my heart goes out to you. Unlike other major losses in life, no one sends cards and funeral flowers when you lose your faith. Nevertheless, it is a major life altering experience and very real grief. It must be hard at times when people assume that atheists hate Christians. I imagine it would feel invalidating to the grief you experienced/ are still experiencing. I'm a Christian so my journey is different from yours, but I can hear that you took your faith very seriously. I admire your honest and vulnerable sharing of your human experience. Thanks for making these videos. Keep up the good work. I hope it is a healing process for you as you navigate your life after losing faith.
Hey Jared, i see so much of myself in your journey. while I haven't had a close-bond with God, the idea of him not being there has driven me to tears more times than i can count and honestly my life without him has been a haze. I'm starting a journey to re-visit the faith and you have been one of the most influential people online in my experience. You're honesty and vunerablity have given me and so many other belivers and non-believers the assurance that we are not alone in our struggles and that in and of itself is a great comfort. Wishing You a Happy New Year and many prayers
You have to be the most gracious person. I really "enjoy" hearing about trauma in faith and how people deal with it. I don't hear many who have been lead to the place you are. My struggles strangely lead me to a prison in Germany. Would love to have a conversation with you. If you are ever, by some strange twist of fate, in the east of Germany, feel free to look me up;) You can even audit my church, even though it is in German.
After my deconstruction I have yet to find a person who discusses religion after their experience with it with the deep sincerity and realness with which you have in this video. So powerful and I really appreciate your vulnerability - I felt your tears of past pain so deeply. Thank you very much for sharing. You have a new subscriber.
Somehow this video found me in the right moment. Yesterday I broke down in tears telling my sister that I no longer knew how to deal with the grief of losing God and a community I had (I started deconstructing in 2020). New Years is hard because I used to love the New Year service and it hasnt been easy to redefine things. I tearded up when you said "I loved Him more than anything". I did, too. I stand right there with you. Its hard for people that havent experienced this, whatever this is, to understand the sorrow and the loss, and for me its been hard to deal with my life outside of what religion was to me, what my church was to me. I dont have answers, peace, let alone certainty about most things, but I hope you can find them in the near future. Sincerly, I appreciate your work and honesty. Sending much love!
I never really know where I got you. Instinctively I want to love what you are and do. I'm an agnostic who visits religious groups each week just like you. Many of your thoughts are the same as mine. Same thing I've wrestled with and tried to come to terms with. But I have also seen charismatic leaders who can make others feel the same intense feelings and make them feel profound. But turns out to be horrible, empty people. I know that you obviously have spoken in front of groups a lot and have the training that obviously colours how you speak... but I can't help but think I have no idea of how much of this is emotions, and what part is you trying to convey emotions....
Every time I watch one of your videos I can't help but feel that you're a genuine believer worker your way through the wilderness of the world. So much of modern Christianity is framed in having perfect faith as if we must never go through sessions of doubt where we question everything. In those times we discover what we have built our house on-the rock or sand. Personally I've come to a place where I understand that those who have helped me find my way were as lost as I was but in different ways because no one person can understand and express the fullness of God and that we all must navigate the wilderness at some point. And in doing so we gain the strength required to carry our cross and follow Christ. God bless you brother.
I had a very similar experience to you, hardcore atheist older brother and the whole 9. I spent 20 years as an atheist reading philosophy, eventually moved to deism, then pantheism, and finally through grace alone returned Home. There are people who live alone with God and the Holy Spirit. Saint Anthony of Egypt is probably the most famous. I suggest you look into Orthodoxy or Catholicism and find a monastery near you and speak with a monk. You have a gift for contemplation and I believe monastics can offer the wisdom you seek. As much as I love my Protestant brothers and sisters, they may be the only major religion in the world without a tradition of monasticism. I will pray for you brother and may peace be with you.
Man, this is like the 2nd video of yours I've watched, and I don't know what to say. I just wish I could comfort you somehow. It feels like your intellect is keeping you away from what your heart yearns for. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Better to feel your real feelings than numb it away with disassociation. Why are you so uncomfortable with him expressing what he really feels that you have the urge to hustle him off stage and attempt to coax and soothe it all away?
@@francisnopantses1108 I am neither advising he dissociate or be in any other way intellectually dishonest, nor am I trying to hustle him offstage. I am seeing a brother in pain and wishing I could help him, and thanking him for sharing his journey so publicly.
This hits so hard, I prayed on the roof of my house one time at night. It was my dedication prayer, it was my chance to talk to god and to tell him that for the rest of my life I would be his servant. It was my personal declaration to him before I was baptized in the JW religion. My dad made it a point for me to read up on most other Christian denominations and even some eastern religions so that I would have a “choice” he was an elder at the time and he didn’t want me to be wishy washy about it all. I was 16 at the time. I truly felt like I had the Holy Spirit in me, that as I began this Christian journey I would never be alone even if the world fell apart. And as most Christian teachings teach, the world will fall apart and god will wipe out most of humanity except his chosen few. But I WOULD BE SAVED as long as I held up my dedication to him. I loved my congregation and the people in it. I loved Jehovah, I loved Jesus. I loved it all. Now it is nothing but bitter, the lies that have been spread for thousands of years, the perpetual ignorance that has stripped peoples away of their identity. The lies that keep people uneducated, the harm it brings. I will never ever go back to the dark apocalyptic teachings of Christianity or any religion. I am free to love who I want, to be safe in my own thoughts, to learn new things about the world, to help my fellow man without judging him or burdening him with religious indoctrination. I will never let a pastor or a book lead my emotions and play on my vulnerabilities ever again. I will never let a tear drop from eye for these lies that hold us down.
If by JW, you mean Jehovah’s Witnesses, the vast majority of Christian denominations recognize them as a cult. If I were to invite you “back” to the Christian faith, I’d really be inviting you for the first time. Please don’t let The Watchtower be your definition of Christianity 😢
@@Grantcfo You fell into the no true scotsman fallacy there bud. It is all the same nonsense to me. There is 40000 sects/cults of Christianity and each one thinks they are the TRUE version. Christianity is in itself a doomsday cult. All of your denominations are equally distasteful and disgusting in my eyes. Your fairy tail god is an evil monster, if you managed to somehow convince me it is real, you then have an arduous task of convincing me WHY it deserves my devotion and worship. I highly doubt that will happen considering your comment comes of high and mighty. Nothing more annoying conversing with someone that thinks their version is a better and true version. Arguing christian dogma with me is like trying to convince me that cat shit taste better than dog shit.
Agnostic, Gay & Socialist checking in to say that as a fellow ex-Christian who still has a fascination and deep respect for the Church this channel hits a spot that I've never really knew I needed. Thank you for all you do Jared, and stay curious about your passions!
WOW IM A AGNOSTIC GAY AND PROBABLY GONNA BECOEM SOCIALIST WHO ADORES CHRISTIANITY BUT IS EX CHRISTIAN!! I'm also trans though but that increases gayness
Heretic (Nestorian), Gay, dues paying member DSA, ha! Deacon in the Old Catholic Church who recites Vespers nightly and alone because of the hate and bigotry in all denominations in my town. Jared's channel is brilliant.
@@Eristic_Love hey, fellow reformer here - trust me, your sarcasm is not funny. Please be considerate of other people and how much hate you spread online. This channel is a place for people who have probably been hurt by the universal church, probably by an elect. Let’s take the snark over to redeemed zoomer comments sections where it’s welcomed
@lucky_friggin_strikes bruh im not kidding I wouldn't joke about not being a Christian anymore I was trying to be friendly I just like the name and pfp and haven't bothered to change it
Jared, thank you. I am a ministry student at a Christian university and have been following Christ for 5 years- and find myself wrestling all the time. Over the years I’ve become frustrated too. I read and study the Gospel narrative and it’s beautiful and heart-wrenchingly challenging at the same time. I am a place where I am challenged by complacency and desperate to find Christians who live like they “actually believe this.” The love of God is beautiful, and I hold tight to the ways I’ve experienced His redemption and grace in my life. I feel unsatisfied with my salvation alone though, live with a yearning to see others experience it too. Thank you for communicating the cost of the Gospel and making me feel less alone. I feel encouraged to continue asking questions. In relationship with God, I’ve found His grace allows for faith and doubt to coincide. I’m sorry we’ve turned Christianity into a game, and I will fight for things to be better. Jared, I pray the Lord shows up for you again and find that He is real.
I personally do not like the Baptist ecclesia and the system layout. It seems to me that the issue Jared has is actually with charismatic churches and seeker friendly non denom mega churches, whether he knows this or not. I incourage Jared to try a mainline non charismatic protestant church. Like a Confessional Lutheran Church (LCMS) or a PCA Presbyterian church. Jared could also try out an Eastern Orthodox Church.
I’m a pastor for worship and spiritual formation at my little Anglican Church. Brother, I am so moved by your story. Your connection and identification with Mary is so spot on. As you probably already know, the Church has historically identified with Mary as the type of what it means to be a Christian. Her humility, surrender, and full mind, heart, soul, and body service. Her story speaks deeply to me as well. Anyways, you’re welcome to come worship with us, any time. Church of the Ascension in Myrtle Beach, SC. I don’t have socials and won’t put my number on here, but I wish we could be friends somehow haha. I just like you as a person. Praying for you and your heart as you continue this journey. God’s peace be with you, friend.
The reason you connect with this lost man is because you also are totally lost. You also are an atheist. The fact is, if anyone has anything to do with anything known as the/a church they are an atheist. Repent of your fake Christianity!
The reason you connect with this lost man is because you also are totally lost. You also are an atheist. The fact is, if anyone has anything to do with anything known as the/a church they are an atheist. Repent of your fake Christianity!
So many memories and long forgotten feelings came up while watching this. I had to pause a few times to collect my thoughts. I was a practicing catholic who once upon a time would go to daily mass, crave adoration, and held deep reverence for Jesus in the eucharist. It still pains me at times that I don’t believe in any that anymore. Sometimes I miss just having the label. At times I miss the relationship I had with god. When I began deconstructing catholicism/christianity, I didn’t know I would lose my faith in god. It’s not what I wanted or expected. I loved Jesus too. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us all ❤.
Hello Jared, I agree with you. As the first and true Christmas is fully not as merry. As we see, it was indeed a sacrifice too. As a Catholic, I have heard various priests who had this in their sermons. And also this is why we differentiate "happiness" from "joy". The former is temporary/situational, while the latter may have life as not necessarily comforting (even full of uncertainties) yet one remains happy because one is hopeful that God is always there.
Bro. Love your videos. Grew up charismatic and seen the damage that can happen, as well as all of the damage done by well meaning folks who just miss it. Ended up passing through the Baptist world and landing in the PCA. My heart breaks for you. Prayers and hugs bro.
Well said, Jared. May you have an encounter with the living God as to remove all doubts. This is my prayer for you, my friend. May you become a sanctuary and a dwelling place of the Holy Spirit to the glory of God. You're going to be so blessed, AMEN 🙏💖
Wow. This felt so much more personal and vulnerable than anything else I have ever seen on this platform, not only in the religious, or non religious space, but the entirety of it. Thank you for sharing this with us! I can't quite relate to it, as I wasn't brought up in a religious household and have never had any sort of felt personal relationship with a god before, but somehow this still resonated with me.
Jared. Jared. Jared. ❤️ I have no clue what you’re going through or called to, but man the way this video is going to lead non-believers to Christ.. Unfathomable.😭❤️🙌
Thank you Jared, this was so beautiful. You sound and behave more Christian than many Christian friends I know. The dread that I felt was of a different sort but I can relate a lot to what you're sharing. I am praying for you.
I love your honesty and humility. I think you would appreciate digging more into the Eastern Orthodox Church - not the one you find on social media, but the in-person community like you experienced during the Paschal season. I was way too early for our Christmas Eve service, and just sat in the sanctuary in the dark (a few candles had been lit) in silence, kind of looking around at the icons and letting my mind wander. It was one of the more beautiful spiritual moments I had this year - not quite the island, but certainly no frills or anything. Anyway, I am grateful for your perspective and for challenging me to look at and analyze my own worldview as well as help me understand those whose doesn’t make sense to me. Hoping (praying? I mean…) you find what you need on your journey.
Fellow North Carolinian here. I know what you’ve been through. I began to question my faith in my late teens and I searched and prayed for answers and they never came. I finally accepted that there wasn’t a god in my late 20’s. It’s tough if you’ve had a religious upbringing and you realize that we only get one life but that fact empowers me to live my life to the fullest because I know that I won’t get another one.
Liked and subscribed and watched the whole video. This is exactly what I desire for Christians and THE CHURCH. It's been a hard journey to unlearn some of the unhealthy thought patterns that I have embraced about God in my childhood, but now, I feel safe and secure as His child and the funniest part is, the church (the institution) had only repeatedly pushed me further away from Jesus in the name of service excellence. It was individuals within that church who thought critically about their faith and why they believe what they believe that pushed me and inspired me to hold on to Jesus. My life has changed and transformed since then. Today, I do not claim to have all of the answers, but I have learnt to ask better questions and they have led me to a better relationship with God and THE CHURCH, unfortunately the church (the institution) is still catching up with latest church trends. I am not playing that game.
Duuuude, the last minutes of you sharing about what would we do or rather, what would our faith look like if we were all alone with God on an island. What would we have if we stripped our churches of the titles, the loud music, the "hallelujahs" and "amens", of the church structure as we know it. What if we stripped it to the bedrock, Christ, and the believers. It has bothered me for a while now, so thank you for bringing this up! We, in the church, need to talk about this and be real!
Gen X here. Just wanna share that your wrestle-with-(no)-God, the way you express yourself, really reminds me of grunge scene angst, Kurt Cobain, the kind of pathos that permeated my teenage social milieu
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. When you spoke about Mary, a light bulb went off in my head. When I discovered that Mary was a 13 when she gave birth to Jesus, I too was in my teenage years. When I was 14 (gotta emphasize without outside influence), I discovered that I was queer and I was terrified because I was alone trying to reconcile my faith. I too connected with Mary because she must’ve been just as scared if not more than I was. Now that I’m 30, I still believe in Christ and I’m still queer but I’ve deconstructed a bit. P.S. I do believe older generations must handle the religious messaging to kids with care because religious psychosis is real and using such stern/scary language can cause children to spiral mentally.
Thanks you for this video, it really moved me a lot the passion and the love you talk about Jesus. I’m still trying to not cry after this Beautiful video
I really think your channel is something every Christian should see- you bring up points that NEED to be considered in the church, points that should not just be swept under the rug. You bring up concerns that need to be addressed but just aren’t, and I am so truly truly sorry that you had to go through so much suffering to be that. I deeply appreciate that you have taken this suffering and, in a way, used it to help others who may be feeling similarly or who maybe need to hear exactly what you’re saying in order to actually make the church a safer place. But I truly wish you never had to go through it to get to that point. You’re doing what must be done. As a Christian, I wish you the very very best and hope you find peace in your soul (not in a “turn back to God” way, literally. You deserve to have peace in this life, with or without faith)
This video was just a random algorithmic pick, but I really felt it. I was raised in fundamentalism. I never felt the fear you felt, but the whole point of it was saving people from hell. I left the church, became an agnostic and stayed there a couple of decades. But i was born oriented toward belief in something, and found my way back to Jesus. This time i read the Bible for myself and found what i had been missing: the kingdom of God as represented by Jesus in the gospels. Love your neighbor, feed the poor, heal the sick, forgive and pray for your enemies, etc. Living and loving like Jesus is how i try to live. In the end if it all turns out to be nothing, at least i added a little love and care to this world. Blessings to you on your journey. Oh, and my church of choice is small and Methodist and dedicated to the idea of living and loving like Jesus.
There's something that I don't even know how to name , something that you can express, something you feel and speak out for myself... it's so strange... I'm one generation older than the owner of this channel, I live on the other side of the ocean but still somehow he seems to share with me the thoughts, doubts, questions, likes and dislikes, and the mourning pain.... Hugs to all you you because apparently there's more of us out there.
The Catholics are going to flood this comment section with apologetics! But I do want to encourage you to try more liturgical churches….this stuff is hard and I really do think American Evangelicalism has made made it hard to believe and see the point with their focus on social issues, trying to prove creationism, and all the other distraction. I say this and include denominations across the spectrum from Pentecostal to Baptist.
Super appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I have no idea where your journey will end up taking you but I'm rooting for you to find peace and purpose. This internet stranger loves you.
Wow, I am awestruck by your experience of how you came to Jesus. The fear you experienced and honestly of thoughts going through your head at 13. A struggle and how you are where you are at today. Thankyou, it has helped me to validate my doubts and inner conflicts at this point in my life.
I began my departure from evangelical churches when a pastor at my old church brought out a coffin on stage on Christmas Day. I was 20 and genuinely so repulsed by this. I'm an Orthodox Christian now and one thing we do not do is strip the dignity of our Lord by showing images of him bleeding and in pain on the cross, nor would a Priest ever try to scare children. I really don't understand why they do this. The Nativity of Christ should be day of celebration and joy. It's so misguided to take that from children. I am so thankful to be fully away from the fatalism of Protestant churches.
Thank you, Jared. I'm praying for you. You're truly a gift, and I don't say so lightly. I often think about it too. When everything else is stripped away, what is left if it's just me and God?
This is one of the most beautiful videos I’ve ever seen! You actually made me cry a little (I never really cry at any videos and this was the second time it’s ever happened) thank you so much for this!
Beautiful video my friend! One of the greatest blessings of Orthodoxy is experiencing the motherhood of the Holy Virgin. Call out to her and she will come to you. If you want to check out an Orthodox Christmas liturgy it may not be too late. There’s a beautiful Serbian church in Charlotte that may be on the old calendar so they celebrate Christmas two weeks after the 25th.
As a born again believer since the age of 12, saved in 1972, I find your content to be compelling and vulnerable. I have found myself in tears on several occasions watching you elucidate your experiences and emotions surrounding your life the church. I have caught myself wanting to cry out to the screen that you ARE a true, saved child of God! Because you are still drawn to Him. That you bear the scars of many abuses from denominational misnomers and false deceptions. Not to beat up on the Pentecostals, but their focus on signs and wonders added to life-coaching, best-life-now, sow-your-seed-and-reap-10fold sermons do not live out and cause the deconstruction of so many. I'm grateful that you still have a reverence or affinity or both for God. I don't believe He is finished with you. I will pray you come back full circle, indwelt with the Holy Spirit, assured of your place in God's family, and prepared to use all of that biblical knowledge you have. God bless you and keep you on your journey. Amen
As someone exploring faith and religion recently,, i appreciate Your insights man. Especially that the universe of Protestant and/or Evangelical Christianity felt being a far away thing for me. Wrestling with big questions can be dreadful as a 13 year old. I remember a priest in a Church being mad at me during confession. He said: "do not pretend that You are someone, You either believe it or not". Later on, I left the Church, experienced the New Atheism wave. Recently, because of my history research, i happened to consider again questions about "higher matters". Your channel is helpful in rethinking these matters. Thank You for Your work.
I feel like you would enjoy visiting an Orthodox Christian monastery. You mentioned, “I wonder what Christianity would look like if you were on an island, just you and God.” A monastery might be the best place to see what that looks like in real life.
glad you addressed the "Amen" thing it pretty popular with the Baptist churches people just spew it out willy nilly when the preacher gets loud not really getting ore contemplating on what he is saying
Thank you for opening up. I am an Episcopalian here. I learned so much about other Christian traditions from your video. I also learn how tough and painful it is to deconstruct. I had a coworker who went through that from a tradition that she could not be part of. She asked me one day if she is an atheist, would she be considered evil. I told her of course not! I asked her were she planning to not be the same kind, caring, and compassionate person I knew her to be. I truly believe what counts is how you treat others. If we treat others with dignity and kindness regardless what tradition that we are part of or not, that is the key. I feel that most of my loved ones are atheist or gnostic these days. They still love me and I love them. Sorry for the long comment. Please take care and sending a virtual hug!
I was in the Air Force. Was a Christian my entire childhood. Left the church in highschool and became a devout atheist. Then I died at bagram Air Force base in Afghanistan when I was electrocuted by high voltage wires. I was dead for 3 minutes. I went to hell when I died. There's no other way I can explain it. It felt real. I felt everything, smelled everything. I felt the heat. But I also felt the lack of love and the utter darkness and loneliness of the place I was in. I saw thousands of people being tortured and hurt and made fun of by demons and creatures. No one in my life knows this about me. I woke up thank god. My wife doesn't even know I went to hell. I havnt made videos or written a book about it. Quite frankly it terrifies me. I don't know exactly what I saw if it was a trick or the dying brain or if it was actually hell or some other place, I don't know. But I know it wasn't good
I love the way we who deconstructed faith are able to get in touch with our emotions and feelings and just dig in and let the whole water flaw from the dam completely loose, it's so honest it kinda hurts, as the water floods the valley of every certainty we've held sacred up to a certain point in time. Even coming out of different denominations, I've known that pain very well, the need for something to be real; otherwise, nothing would make sense, and the need to overlook very important details cause I can't allow myself to question. Otherwise, I'll be left with no foundations. And in all of this process, we're moved by love, not by hate, which is why we're not afraid to dig deep, cause our pain can save lives, so it's worth shedding tears.
I think Grant's frustration was maybe toward what "Christ's mass" does to children. You see, everyone loves Christmas, especially kids, yet most do not love Christ for whom it is supposed to be about. Cutting through all the garbage of Christmas that confuses kids (Santa, gifts, home alone, etc.) is like cutting through the deepest jungle with a machete. Therefore, you must be serious and stern to make any impact at all. That may have been why he was so determined to get through to the kids.
Appreciate your vulnerability so much. I wish more atheists could tap back into their former faith as welcoming as you do. I know many Christians here will take your tears as a sign you are still wrestling and will eventually come back. But just know I get it and I see you.
Hope you're ok, Jared. Thank you for this video. Such a challenge to consider what faith and relationship with God would look like if you faced it on your own. I connected with your reflections on Mary massively. ❤
Good video man. I'm an ex evangelical and I feel like I've had that natural resistance to Christians since most of my family believe. I like your videos because they're honest and relatable. More than that, you help me to remember through my own bias; I can remember why I believed and why I left apart from all the counter apologetics I learned afterward. Like you, I don't hate Christians, but it can be easy to feel defensive, and you help to remind me that I don't need to feel that way because I'm free
So insightful to hear your thoughts and experiences. I do not live in the US, and I luckily do not recognize my church og Christianity in these.. For me it is like you describe - a relationship where I hear the whispers in the quiet, in the still small voice.. and where my heart breaks for those who do not know Him. I pray that God will reach your heart again. I'm reminded of that old song "Heart of Worship" when you speak. "When the music fades and all is stripped way and I simply come longing just to bring something that's of worth that will bless your heart .... I'm coming back to the heart of worship cause it's all about You, all about You Jesus.
Jared your story really speaks to me, and I struggled with a lot of the same things from about 13-25. When my wife drug me back to church I was disgusted for lack of a better word. The lukewarm, weak, comfortable Christianity drains the spirit instead of feeding it. It wasnt until I found Orthodoxy and really went all in that my spirit found succor. Lord have mercy on our brother Jared! ❤
Have you thought about visiting an Orthodox monastery or Mount Athos? I think you will find Christians there who can handle the tough questions that you are asking. Thanks for sharing your story, may God help you find peace and healing.
One thing I love in the Bible is the book of Revelation, it fits what you were talking about with the island scenario and it is both beautiful and terrifying to see Johns vision whether it be revealed by God or by a psychotic break it shows the best and worst of faith and Christianity. The fear and the beauty. The lamb and the Dragon. I look to it as motivation, if John could have such faith in a terrible circumstance with no community, no fancy display, so can I. Jared, I thank you for showing such emotion, I have no idea what that fear must have felt like, of course I pray you find your faith once more, but more importantly a meaning showing you that this isn't pointless, that the fear and terror and necessity you felt aren''t the only things, that beneath it is a hope and a purpose, one of many. God bless!
I can't speak on the authenticity of these churches or your personal experiences at either service. I do think I, along with many, can relate to the dread you speak about in approaching the reality of Christ. I feel that it is the essence of Proverbs 9:10. I do not think, however; that God cares to isolate us on an island of terror, self-loathing, and undoing. In the beginning He created a garden for man and did not leave him alone in it. He did not judge nor tyrannize them from the skies, but walked with them amongst the groves. Dread did ensue, as we all know the story, but it was not the end. The knowledge of Christ surely begins in dread, but it is not the end (Ephesians 3:19).
Jared you’re my favorite. I’m a Christian and I resonate with a lot of your takes. I wish I could give you a big hug. Thank you for being you
I'm praying for you, Jared. Not the "Lord, lead him back to faith" prayer which I'm sure has been said many times by many people. Instead, a prayer for a hurting man dealing with loss. Your honesty and pain are so raw, and I felt tears in my eyes watching and hearing you in those last few minutes. I pray that, in some way, you find the peace you seem to have lost with your faith.
Your videos challenge me, as a pastor, more than most people I know in person. Thank you for what you do here.
One of the best religious series on the internet ❤️🔥
The truth is, this guy is no less a Christian that are ANY of the people of the church who think they are Christians. All the people of all the churches are in reality atheists.
Thanks for sharing. I share the first pastors sentiments. “I’m just praying for my buddy Jared to come back to the faith” 😢
I'm with you big man. Sometimes we need a sign from Heaven or whatever. "What a Friend We have in Jesus".
Great to see you in the comment section!!
I need a collab NOW
make a cloab with this dude I think you'll have an interesting conversations
Same!
Man.. the amount of respect you had for the Theotokos in this video is immense. I highly suggest attending the Orthodox Church and hear the story that is told here about the Nativity, about Joseph and how he was a widow who didn’t even take the call seriously due to his old age.
Theotokos have mercy on this man. Intercede for him to your most Holy Son of his burning heart and how he has been led astray by lost and broken souls in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit now and ever unto the Ages of Ages Amen! ☦️
this- the orthodox lil motto in the west is " come and see"
All stories with no factual basis.
@@javaman8895 The Truth can’t be reasoned into understanding because the ego is in control. Learn the story of the Bee and the Fly. May god give you Wisdom to see as wisdom supersedes intellect in the kingdom of heaven.
@@javaman8895 we dont owe you a good faith argument sir. we are doing what is best for us, i suggest you do the same. please- while you doubt our faith explain to me the scientific reason why i turn when someones gaze in on me? or why they turn when i look? could be a friend or a stranger. also please- explain the common phenomenon of calling someone just to have them be about to, or literally in the process of calling you? please entertain your ego trying to explain these mysteries, please don't acknowledge mysteries that are greater still, and what ever you do please dont offer up some new age explanation for mysteries like it is a superior explanation. A lot of us have simply grown tired of this ecumenism. you wont get a good faith argument from a real Christian much longer. its a waist of time and breath. You are so loved, you are invited to participate in the mysteries. it is not free will vs determinism. it is both. we have been so deceived in the west. Protestantism is not Chirst. it is not the true church. the true church according to the bible is present anywhere the eucharist is present. do not seek to separate yourself from love. if you are mad at god seek him with a broken spirit, a heart that is broken and humble he will not despise. this does not mean you have to seek him happily. take your follies, confusions and wretchedness to him completely. seek him and he will meet you where you are at.
As a Pastor, I want to say I appreciate your videos, and I appreciate your honest videos. Thank you for your vulnerable sharing.
your wrestle with god is inspiring brother, I pray you find what it is you’re looking for
Lovely video, man. Your journey is definitely different than folks who had a negative experience with church/religion, like me. Life is a journey, and when there’s a fork in the road it’s perfectly okay to just walk between them. I love that you see the value and goodness in humans regardless of their religion or lack thereof.
Hi Jarred - as a fellow atheist who grew up in the church, your story means a lot to me. All of the proselytizing in the comment is certainly hard to see. I hope it doesn’t impact you negatively like it does me. To me, it reminds me that some Christian’s will always see me as a “project” instead of a person. Love the videos - keep it up man.
I’m sorry that some Christians have made you feel like a project instead of a person. Because you are definitely a person and not just a thing to be saved. I would challenge your perspective a little bit, most believers in Jesus I have known see people and not projects to work on. Could it be that, even when a genuine Christian shares their faith with you out of love, you still perceive it as them trying to prove a point, which, in turn, fosters negativity in your own heart towards them?
@@Cheekychick1 I am totally okay with believers sharing about how their faith impacts their lives, what it means to them, and why they choose to have faith. I respect people of faith and their beliefs. But, I do expect the same respect back when I share my beliefs and what they mean to me. I think talking about different beliefs and faiths can be beautiful and a great way to better understand others. The behavior I’m referring to is when someone is sharing their faith with the sole purpose of trying to convince me to share their same beliefs - even after I’ve explained why I do not believe what they do. When a believer persistently tries to “save me” after I’ve made it very clear that I do not need saving, it feels deeply disrespectful to my own beliefs.
The island you mentioned is what living in an Eastern Orthodox monastery was like. Many would say "how peaceful it must have been" and I always responded that is was the absolute opposite. It was a place filled with terror and prayer. All your demons take the stage and there are no distractions. I've felt this in various monastic settings.
Are you still a monk? I've often wondered what places like mount athos are like where some monks live in a hermitage and it's just them, nature, and God.
🙏🏻☦️❤💕
I only had done a 1 week retreat at a monastery and I was filled w existential dread. I had no clue before then how much I don't deal w life well w no chaser, no distractions
@@ForceRecon112 I am not. I left the monastic life 14 years ago. I still visit the monasteries, including Mt. Athos.
@@SfAnthonyJones Respectable! I hope to make a trip to St Anthony in AZ in 2025. Do you still consider yourself orthodox?
Most intense episode yet! *Chills* thank you for sharing!
Mary loves you, Jared.
Hey Jared,
You have become one of my favourite youtubers over the last couple of months. This was an amazing and moving video. Thank you for the work you do. As someone who spent some time being an atheist and found my way back to christ, I really am praying for you to find your way back aswell. May the blessed mother (who was about 16 at conception according to scolarly estimates I believe🤔) and all the saints guide you back home and to eternal life. I wish you all the best.
I appreciate your honesty in this video, the come to Jesus moment brought back feelings I've pushed down for the longest time when I was a Christian, I lost my faith but I still don't want anyone close to me experience the pain that I felt losing it.
I'm curious as to what led you to lose your faith, would you be willing to share?
This video was raw and beautiful. Yhank you for telling your story.
Wow, just wow Jared.
I mean, I completely agree with your critique on both sides. The holier-than-thou political takes of some churches (mostly on the traditional right, but I've also seen it on the traditional left) or the overproduction that makes it all so very sparkly when the real truth of the gospel is gritty and hard, even if the more moderate take I subscribe to is real.
But I really want to communicate how much I feel the terror you felt at 13. I had a very similar experience after what would go for a hell and brimstone service as a JW when I was 11. It really sped up my baptism timeline with them. I'm happy to say that my initial experience with the Jesus I feel I've come to know was a lot more centered on the unconditional love aspect than the hell aspect. I can't imagine starting my faith journey from a point of nihilism or fear. I can only imagine how that would reverberate through your life.
Then again, you did come to love Jesus before you came to not believe, and I believe that. There is a large part of you that both yearns for something along these lines to be true and that still loves the people and the faith itself. I doubt I as an active believer love Jesus as much as you probably still do (at least in the abstract), and that says something about both me and you. Despite being Pentecostal in some senses, I've always been a cold, rational person whose love is intense when invoked, but so seldom invoked as to be a real detriment at some points in my life. All I can say from my standpoint is that I hope you never lose your passion for people and your questioning mind.
So again, I love you Jared, and you can see from the other comments here how much you are loved by your community more broadly. Hugs and appreciation.
The more videos I see like this the more it does feel like he’s actively trying to search for an answer or find something. Being agnostic I can at least sympathize with his motivations. And I also understand from his perspective why even if it would be nice to believe, there are certain parts of the religion that we will never agree on.
At the same time it’s annoying to see other religious apologists in the chat who are basically proving his point. Where these people are just trying to ‘get him’ and score a point by converting another atheist. Or gaslighting him by saying ‘you’re already Christian you just don’t realize it yet’.
@jamirr100 man, I know many are like that but a ton of us aren't trying to "score a point" or any of that ego trio nonsense.
My heart genuinely breaks for him. I converted later in life, I know what it is to have doubts and fears.
I want peace for him now and in the next life.
Do you really believe that a majority of us dont just want peace and wholeness for him now and for him to be in paradise some day?
God feels more real than ever since I converted to the Orthodox faith. A lot of us as Protestants were in a confusing point.
I hope all of you wavering or who stepped away from the faith come back.
Bless you all.
@@Confessingjesuschrist agreed. There is mercy and hope in the church, not dread. Granted I think Orthodoxy online, and every denomination and religion online, is dread and just not the same. I truly need to get off the Internet entirely. It's not good for anyone's Spirit
Orthodoxy is like setting a sponge in water. Accept the healing of Christ and you will be filled with Him
Another Convertodox. You have no idea what orthodoxy is until you have been in an orthodox country. American orthodoxy is just another iteration of Americans clinging to Christianity.
👋 Hate to break it to ya, but of course Mike gave you VIP treatment... it's just customer service to him. Their staff meetings are perhaps one of the most inauthentic and disgusting things I've ever seen behind the scenes. He treats his staff like crap, is disrespectful to them, humiliates them, walks around with a bunch of "yes men", and acts like he's some corporate CEO. He operates like an authoritarian, does not even care about theology or truly knowing why he believes what he believes. He only cares about the "experience" you have. I think buried deep inside somewhere he has convinced himself he's doing God's work, but he's not. This was all an ego tickle for him, because it would give a lot of kudos to him to have an Atheist feature him on his YT channel.
Sadly, there aren't many real churches in the Triangle area that I can say have a balance of reverence and relevance. Either they are super buttoned up or super celebrity pastor wanna-be.
Neither are authentic representations of Christianity or the early Church.
In my estimation... true church looks like imperfect people who love God breaking bread together at the kitchen table, discussing the scriptures, singing songs as a church family, and then brainstorming together on how to meet the needs of those around you and who you can serve.
Loving others until they ask why.
Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, either way... if Jesus stepped foot into either of these places, I am confident he wouldn't be too thrilled with what he saw.
Did you work there?
I can get on board with this as a deconstructed Christian.
I believe churches and their congregations are capable of good things even though I no longer follow the Bible.
You and my mother are the same kind of believer and I think she's one of the best humans on earth. I wish more followers were like you.
The TRUE church…no true Scotsman fallacy is so ingrained in the Christian community. All 40000 denominations of your faith just love hate on one another thinking that your version is the true one. I’m so happy to be free from religious oppression and judgment. The fear your religion puts into people for no reason harms people, look at this video as see the heartbreak of this man as he finally comes to grips that none of it is real. Feel it, because I felt it too. There is nothing more heartbreaking then reailizing that your faith and everything you have been taught your entire life is A LIE.
Did you actually work there or are these assumptions?
What was that stuff he drank before the sermon? Creepy
Ricky Gervais has a similar story of an older brother popping his religious bubble. Dude, you've managed to do what I really haven't seen online (and I watch a LOT of TH-cam): you allowed your emotion to show. You did a great job comparing and contrasting the two churches, but, what's more, you emphasized why the "Fear not" message was more meaningful, because it speaks to the reality of how much fear most of us live our day to day lives in.
Thank you for this. I hope you have a great 2025, my friend. -Kenneth
I want to say that I empathize with you and your experience wrestling with the mess of doubting faith and deconversion. I have a similar story as well, and I really appreciate how you express yours!
As an atheist myself, my close christian brothers and sisters often speak to me as if I am some callous, jaded intellectualist who smugly rejects the church out of my own arrogance, but in reality there was a lot of pain and terror that I felt for years.
I hope that more and more theists see people like you who are very emotional with respect towards their atheistic beliefs, so we can all understand each other more rather than fall to our presuppositions as all of us do.
Thank you for your channel, and best to you brother
Your vulnerability is much appreciated - You have definitely been my favourite and comfort creator this year, thankyou x
Excellent video because of your honesty and thoughtfulness. Thank you
Jared, if you see this, and I pray you do, take a visit to Holy Transfiguration Orthodox Church. It’s right off 2A on 540 by the airport. God bless you my friend, and know that many are earnestly praying for you. Merry Christmas and Happy New year
I live near Holy Transfiguration and am looking to go next Sunday!
Jared, this was very moving. I hear the grief in your story and my heart goes out to you. Unlike other major losses in life, no one sends cards and funeral flowers when you lose your faith. Nevertheless, it is a major life altering experience and very real grief. It must be hard at times when people assume that atheists hate Christians. I imagine it would feel invalidating to the grief you experienced/ are still experiencing. I'm a Christian so my journey is different from yours, but I can hear that you took your faith very seriously. I admire your honest and vulnerable sharing of your human experience. Thanks for making these videos. Keep up the good work. I hope it is a healing process for you as you navigate your life after losing faith.
Also this reminds me of St. Mary of Egypt, who went out and lived in the wilderness for 40 years by herself. Such a fascinating story
Hey Jared, i see so much of myself in your journey. while I haven't had a close-bond with God, the idea of him not being there has driven me to tears more times than i can count and honestly my life without him has been a haze. I'm starting a journey to re-visit the faith and you have been one of the most influential people online in my experience. You're honesty and vunerablity have given me and so many other belivers and non-believers the assurance that we are not alone in our struggles and that in and of itself is a great comfort. Wishing You a Happy New Year and many prayers
You have to be the most gracious person. I really "enjoy" hearing about trauma in faith and how people deal with it. I don't hear many who have been lead to the place you are. My struggles strangely lead me to a prison in Germany. Would love to have a conversation with you. If you are ever, by some strange twist of fate, in the east of Germany, feel free to look me up;) You can even audit my church, even though it is in German.
After my deconstruction I have yet to find a person who discusses religion after their experience with it with the deep sincerity and realness with which you have in this video. So powerful and I really appreciate your vulnerability - I felt your tears of past pain so deeply. Thank you very much for sharing. You have a new subscriber.
Somehow this video found me in the right moment. Yesterday I broke down in tears telling my sister that I no longer knew how to deal with the grief of losing God and a community I had (I started deconstructing in 2020). New Years is hard because I used to love the New Year service and it hasnt been easy to redefine things. I tearded up when you said "I loved Him more than anything". I did, too. I stand right there with you. Its hard for people that havent experienced this, whatever this is, to understand the sorrow and the loss, and for me its been hard to deal with my life outside of what religion was to me, what my church was to me. I dont have answers, peace, let alone certainty about most things, but I hope you can find them in the near future. Sincerly, I appreciate your work and honesty. Sending much love!
I never really know where I got you. Instinctively I want to love what you are and do. I'm an agnostic who visits religious groups each week just like you. Many of your thoughts are the same as mine. Same thing I've wrestled with and tried to come to terms with.
But I have also seen charismatic leaders who can make others feel the same intense feelings and make them feel profound. But turns out to be horrible, empty people. I know that you obviously have spoken in front of groups a lot and have the training that obviously colours how you speak... but I can't help but think I have no idea of how much of this is emotions, and what part is you trying to convey emotions....
I love your honesty and vulnerability, it shows real strength and courage. Keep wresting brother, sending love
I second this!
Every time I watch one of your videos I can't help but feel that you're a genuine believer worker your way through the wilderness of the world. So much of modern Christianity is framed in having perfect faith as if we must never go through sessions of doubt where we question everything. In those times we discover what we have built our house on-the rock or sand. Personally I've come to a place where I understand that those who have helped me find my way were as lost as I was but in different ways because no one person can understand and express the fullness of God and that we all must navigate the wilderness at some point. And in doing so we gain the strength required to carry our cross and follow Christ. God bless you brother.
I had a very similar experience to you, hardcore atheist older brother and the whole 9. I spent 20 years as an atheist reading philosophy, eventually moved to deism, then pantheism, and finally through grace alone returned Home. There are people who live alone with God and the Holy Spirit. Saint Anthony of Egypt is probably the most famous. I suggest you look into Orthodoxy or Catholicism and find a monastery near you and speak with a monk. You have a gift for contemplation and I believe monastics can offer the wisdom you seek. As much as I love my Protestant brothers and sisters, they may be the only major religion in the world without a tradition of monasticism. I will pray for you brother and may peace be with you.
Man, this is like the 2nd video of yours I've watched, and I don't know what to say. I just wish I could comfort you somehow. It feels like your intellect is keeping you away from what your heart yearns for. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Better to feel your real feelings than numb it away with disassociation. Why are you so uncomfortable with him expressing what he really feels that you have the urge to hustle him off stage and attempt to coax and soothe it all away?
@@francisnopantses1108 I am neither advising he dissociate or be in any other way intellectually dishonest, nor am I trying to hustle him offstage. I am seeing a brother in pain and wishing I could help him, and thanking him for sharing his journey so publicly.
I wanted to give him a big hug this was so raw.
This hits so hard, I prayed on the roof of my house one time at night. It was my dedication prayer, it was my chance to talk to god and to tell him that for the rest of my life I would be his servant. It was my personal declaration to him before I was baptized in the JW religion. My dad made it a point for me to read up on most other Christian denominations and even some eastern religions so that I would have a “choice” he was an elder at the time and he didn’t want me to be wishy washy about it all. I was 16 at the time. I truly felt like I had the Holy Spirit in me, that as I began this Christian journey I would never be alone even if the world fell apart. And as most Christian teachings teach, the world will fall apart and god will wipe out most of humanity except his chosen few. But I WOULD BE SAVED as long as I held up my dedication to him. I loved my congregation and the people in it. I loved Jehovah, I loved Jesus. I loved it all. Now it is nothing but bitter, the lies that have been spread for thousands of years, the perpetual ignorance that has stripped peoples away of their identity. The lies that keep people uneducated, the harm it brings. I will never ever go back to the dark apocalyptic teachings of Christianity or any religion. I am free to love who I want, to be safe in my own thoughts, to learn new things about the world, to help my fellow man without judging him or burdening him with religious indoctrination. I will never let a pastor or a book lead my emotions and play on my vulnerabilities ever again. I will never let a tear drop from eye for these lies that hold us down.
If by JW, you mean Jehovah’s Witnesses, the vast majority of Christian denominations recognize them as a cult. If I were to invite you “back” to the Christian faith, I’d really be inviting you for the first time. Please don’t let The Watchtower be your definition of Christianity 😢
@@Grantcfo You fell into the no true scotsman fallacy there bud. It is all the same nonsense to me. There is 40000 sects/cults of Christianity and each one thinks they are the TRUE version. Christianity is in itself a doomsday cult. All of your denominations are equally distasteful and disgusting in my eyes. Your fairy tail god is an evil monster, if you managed to somehow convince me it is real, you then have an arduous task of convincing me WHY it deserves my devotion and worship. I highly doubt that will happen considering your comment comes of high and mighty. Nothing more annoying conversing with someone that thinks their version is a better and true version. Arguing christian dogma with me is like trying to convince me that cat shit taste better than dog shit.
Agnostic, Gay & Socialist checking in to say that as a fellow ex-Christian who still has a fascination and deep respect for the Church this channel hits a spot that I've never really knew I needed. Thank you for all you do Jared, and stay curious about your passions!
WOW IM A AGNOSTIC GAY AND PROBABLY GONNA BECOEM SOCIALIST WHO ADORES CHRISTIANITY BUT IS EX CHRISTIAN!! I'm also trans though but that increases gayness
@@Eristic_Love k
Heretic (Nestorian), Gay, dues paying member DSA, ha! Deacon in the Old Catholic Church who recites Vespers nightly and alone because of the hate and bigotry in all denominations in my town. Jared's channel is brilliant.
@@Eristic_Love hey, fellow reformer here - trust me, your sarcasm is not funny. Please be considerate of other people and how much hate you spread online. This channel is a place for people who have probably been hurt by the universal church, probably by an elect. Let’s take the snark over to redeemed zoomer comments sections where it’s welcomed
@lucky_friggin_strikes bruh im not kidding I wouldn't joke about not being a Christian anymore I was trying to be friendly I just like the name and pfp and haven't bothered to change it
I deeply appreciated this episode on many levels. We are so similar, but almost inverse. Don't give up.
Jared, thank you. I am a ministry student at a Christian university and have been following Christ for 5 years- and find myself wrestling all the time. Over the years I’ve become frustrated too. I read and study the Gospel narrative and it’s beautiful and heart-wrenchingly challenging at the same time. I am a place where I am challenged by complacency and desperate to find Christians who live like they “actually believe this.” The love of God is beautiful, and I hold tight to the ways I’ve experienced His redemption and grace in my life. I feel unsatisfied with my salvation alone though, live with a yearning to see others experience it too. Thank you for communicating the cost of the Gospel and making me feel less alone. I feel encouraged to continue asking questions. In relationship with God, I’ve found His grace allows for faith and doubt to coincide. I’m sorry we’ve turned Christianity into a game, and I will fight for things to be better. Jared, I pray the Lord shows up for you again and find that He is real.
Amen 🙏
I love this take! I too am wrestling with my faith. I know God sees and hears me and there’s grace for the questions and misgivings.
I personally do not like the Baptist ecclesia and the system layout. It seems to me that the issue Jared has is actually with charismatic churches and seeker friendly non denom mega churches, whether he knows this or not. I incourage Jared to try a mainline non charismatic protestant church. Like a Confessional Lutheran Church (LCMS) or a PCA Presbyterian church. Jared could also try out an Eastern Orthodox Church.
I’m a pastor for worship and spiritual formation at my little Anglican Church. Brother, I am so moved by your story. Your connection and identification with Mary is so spot on. As you probably already know, the Church has historically identified with Mary as the type of what it means to be a Christian. Her humility, surrender, and full mind, heart, soul, and body service. Her story speaks deeply to me as well.
Anyways, you’re welcome to come worship with us, any time. Church of the Ascension in Myrtle Beach, SC. I don’t have socials and won’t put my number on here, but I wish we could be friends somehow haha. I just like you as a person. Praying for you and your heart as you continue this journey. God’s peace be with you, friend.
The reason you connect with this lost man is because you also are totally lost. You also are an atheist. The fact is, if anyone has anything to do with anything known as the/a church they are an atheist. Repent of your fake Christianity!
Anglican here in Idaho. Just came across this channel and saw your comment. Blessings on your ministry in SC.
The reason you connect with this lost man is because you also are totally lost. You also are an atheist. The fact is, if anyone has anything to do with anything known as the/a church they are an atheist. Repent of your fake Christianity!
@@Apriluser ,...Repent!
@@Apriluser Thank you! We covet your prayers as a new church plant! God's peace be with you!
So many memories and long forgotten feelings came up while watching this. I had to pause a few times to collect my thoughts.
I was a practicing catholic who once upon a time would go to daily mass, crave adoration, and held deep reverence for Jesus in the eucharist. It still pains me at times that I don’t believe in any that anymore. Sometimes I miss just having the label. At times I miss the relationship I had with god. When I began deconstructing catholicism/christianity, I didn’t know I would lose my faith in god. It’s not what I wanted or expected.
I loved Jesus too. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us all ❤.
Hello Jared, I agree with you. As the first and true Christmas is fully not as merry. As we see, it was indeed a sacrifice too. As a Catholic, I have heard various priests who had this in their sermons. And also this is why we differentiate "happiness" from "joy". The former is temporary/situational, while the latter may have life as not necessarily comforting (even full of uncertainties) yet one remains happy because one is hopeful that God is always there.
Bro. Love your videos. Grew up charismatic and seen the damage that can happen, as well as all of the damage done by well meaning folks who just miss it. Ended up passing through the Baptist world and landing in the PCA. My heart breaks for you. Prayers and hugs bro.
Well said, Jared. May you have an encounter with the living God as to remove all doubts. This is my prayer for you, my friend. May you become a sanctuary and a dwelling place of the Holy Spirit to the glory of God. You're going to be so blessed, AMEN 🙏💖
Great work. Thanks for joining us.
Ditch the freakin' green room. Lose the Yes Men. Pick up the basin and the towel. Maybe... just maybe, you might actually look like Jesus.
Ditch the freakin' green room. Lose the Yes Men. Pick up the basin and the towel. Maybe... just maybe, you'll start to look like Jesus.
Dang, what a real episode today. Sending virtual hugs your way Jared 🫂🫂
Wow. This felt so much more personal and vulnerable than anything else I have ever seen on this platform, not only in the religious, or non religious space, but the entirety of it. Thank you for sharing this with us! I can't quite relate to it, as I wasn't brought up in a religious household and have never had any sort of felt personal relationship with a god before, but somehow this still resonated with me.
Jared. Jared. Jared. ❤️
I have no clue what you’re going through or called to, but man the way this video is going to lead non-believers to Christ.. Unfathomable.😭❤️🙌
You are a remarkably good speaker.
It's so obvious that you did love him!
11:20 Is, low key, how I feel... almost, constantly. Thank you for articulating it.
Thank you Jared, this was so beautiful. You sound and behave more Christian than many Christian friends I know. The dread that I felt was of a different sort but I can relate a lot to what you're sharing. I am praying for you.
Wow that was a great sermon 🙏
I love your honesty and humility.
I think you would appreciate digging more into the Eastern Orthodox Church - not the one you find on social media, but the in-person community like you experienced during the Paschal season. I was way too early for our Christmas Eve service, and just sat in the sanctuary in the dark (a few candles had been lit) in silence, kind of looking around at the icons and letting my mind wander. It was one of the more beautiful spiritual moments I had this year - not quite the island, but certainly no frills or anything.
Anyway, I am grateful for your perspective and for challenging me to look at and analyze my own worldview as well as help me understand those whose doesn’t make sense to me.
Hoping (praying? I mean…) you find what you need on your journey.
*not crying.... Not crying... Not crying!* Stop crying! 😭
I love you Jared. I love you.
"it's like 10,000 spoons when all you need if a knife." Jesus is simple.
I loved Jesus too. Those emotions were real for me also. That fear was unbearable.
Fellow North Carolinian here. I know what you’ve been through. I began to question my faith in my late teens and I searched and prayed for answers and they never came. I finally accepted that there wasn’t a god in my late 20’s. It’s tough if you’ve had a religious upbringing and you realize that we only get one life but that fact empowers me to live my life to the fullest because I know that I won’t get another one.
Liked and subscribed and watched the whole video.
This is exactly what I desire for Christians and THE CHURCH.
It's been a hard journey to unlearn some of the unhealthy thought patterns that I have embraced about God in my childhood, but now, I feel safe and secure as His child and the funniest part is, the church (the institution) had only repeatedly pushed me further away from Jesus in the name of service excellence.
It was individuals within that church who thought critically about their faith and why they believe what they believe that pushed me and inspired me to hold on to Jesus.
My life has changed and transformed since then. Today, I do not claim to have all of the answers, but I have learnt to ask better questions and they have led me to a better relationship with God and THE CHURCH, unfortunately the church (the institution) is still catching up with latest church trends.
I am not playing that game.
Duuuude, the last minutes of you sharing about what would we do or rather, what would our faith look like if we were all alone with God on an island. What would we have if we stripped our churches of the titles, the loud music, the "hallelujahs" and "amens", of the church structure as we know it. What if we stripped it to the bedrock, Christ, and the believers. It has bothered me for a while now, so thank you for bringing this up! We, in the church, need to talk about this and be real!
Gen X here. Just wanna share that your wrestle-with-(no)-God, the way you express yourself, really reminds me of grunge scene angst, Kurt Cobain, the kind of pathos that permeated my teenage social milieu
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. When you spoke about Mary, a light bulb went off in my head. When I discovered that Mary was a 13 when she gave birth to Jesus, I too was in my teenage years. When I was 14 (gotta emphasize without outside influence), I discovered that I was queer and I was terrified because I was alone trying to reconcile my faith. I too connected with Mary because she must’ve been just as scared if not more than I was. Now that I’m 30, I still believe in Christ and I’m still queer but I’ve deconstructed a bit.
P.S. I do believe older generations must handle the religious messaging to kids with care because religious psychosis is real and using such stern/scary language can cause children to spiral mentally.
Thanks you for this video, it really moved me a lot the passion and the love you talk about Jesus. I’m still trying to not cry after this
Beautiful video
Hey man. I'll say a prayer for you. I'm also sending you good vibes, and my love. BIG HUGS.
I really think your channel is something every Christian should see- you bring up points that NEED to be considered in the church, points that should not just be swept under the rug. You bring up concerns that need to be addressed but just aren’t, and I am so truly truly sorry that you had to go through so much suffering to be that. I deeply appreciate that you have taken this suffering and, in a way, used it to help others who may be feeling similarly or who maybe need to hear exactly what you’re saying in order to actually make the church a safer place. But I truly wish you never had to go through it to get to that point. You’re doing what must be done. As a Christian, I wish you the very very best and hope you find peace in your soul (not in a “turn back to God” way, literally. You deserve to have peace in this life, with or without faith)
Imagine the Saints alive today to see what has become of "worship". Saint Ignatius would be rolling in his grave.
Loyola or Antioch?
@@spheniscusdemersus lol, does it matter? BOTH!
@ fair enough
smells like no true christian fallacy
@yeahaddigirl yeah, I am going to gate keep
This video was just a random algorithmic pick, but I really felt it. I was raised in fundamentalism. I never felt the fear you felt, but the whole point of it was saving people from hell. I left the church, became an agnostic and stayed there a couple of decades. But i was born oriented toward belief in something, and found my way back to Jesus. This time i read the Bible for myself and found what i had been missing: the kingdom of God as represented by Jesus in the gospels. Love your neighbor, feed the poor, heal the sick, forgive and pray for your enemies, etc. Living and loving like Jesus is how i try to live. In the end if it all turns out to be nothing, at least i added a little love and care to this world. Blessings to you on your journey. Oh, and my church of choice is small and Methodist and dedicated to the idea of living and loving like Jesus.
There's something that I don't even know how to name , something that you can express, something you feel and speak out for myself... it's so strange... I'm one generation older than the owner of this channel, I live on the other side of the ocean but still somehow he seems to share with me the thoughts, doubts, questions, likes and dislikes, and the mourning pain.... Hugs to all you you because apparently there's more of us out there.
The Catholics are going to flood this comment section with apologetics!
But I do want to encourage you to try more liturgical churches….this stuff is hard and I really do think American Evangelicalism has made made it hard to believe and see the point with their focus on social issues, trying to prove creationism, and all the other distraction. I say this and include denominations across the spectrum from Pentecostal to Baptist.
Super appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I have no idea where your journey will end up taking you but I'm rooting for you to find peace and purpose. This internet stranger loves you.
I just love your videos man you are just so genuine
Wow, I am awestruck by your experience of how you came to Jesus. The fear you experienced and honestly of thoughts going through your head at 13. A struggle and how you are where you are at today. Thankyou, it has helped me to validate my doubts and inner conflicts at this point in my life.
I began my departure from evangelical churches when a pastor at my old church brought out a coffin on stage on Christmas Day. I was 20 and genuinely so repulsed by this. I'm an Orthodox Christian now and one thing we do not do is strip the dignity of our Lord by showing images of him bleeding and in pain on the cross, nor would a Priest ever try to scare children. I really don't understand why they do this. The Nativity of Christ should be day of celebration and joy. It's so misguided to take that from children. I am so thankful to be fully away from the fatalism of Protestant churches.
Thank you, Jared. I'm praying for you. You're truly a gift, and I don't say so lightly.
I often think about it too. When everything else is stripped away, what is left if it's just me and God?
Speaking of an island you should watch a movie called ''the island'' it is about a Russian Orthodox monk living the life you mentioned.
Doubly recommended. Excellent movie.
Wow, that is a crazy reading of “The Island”. I took it face value as a Bayhem sci-fi about hot clones. But I’ll watch again.
This is one of the most beautiful videos I’ve ever seen! You actually made me cry a little (I never really cry at any videos and this was the second time it’s ever happened) thank you so much for this!
*spiritual hug* Thanks for reporting.
Beautiful video my friend!
One of the greatest blessings of Orthodoxy is experiencing the motherhood of the Holy Virgin. Call out to her and she will come to you.
If you want to check out an Orthodox Christmas liturgy it may not be too late. There’s a beautiful Serbian church in Charlotte that may be on the old calendar so they celebrate Christmas two weeks after the 25th.
As a born again believer since the age of 12, saved in 1972, I find your content to be compelling and vulnerable. I have found myself in tears on several occasions watching you elucidate your experiences and emotions surrounding your life the church. I have caught myself wanting to cry out to the screen that you ARE a true, saved child of God! Because you are still drawn to Him. That you bear the scars of many abuses from denominational misnomers and false deceptions. Not to beat up on the Pentecostals, but their focus on signs and wonders added to life-coaching, best-life-now, sow-your-seed-and-reap-10fold sermons do not live out and cause the deconstruction of so many. I'm grateful that you still have a reverence or affinity or both for God. I don't believe He is finished with you. I will pray you come back full circle, indwelt with the Holy Spirit, assured of your place in God's family, and prepared to use all of that biblical knowledge you have. God bless you and keep you on your journey. Amen
As someone exploring faith and religion recently,, i appreciate Your insights man. Especially that the universe of Protestant and/or Evangelical Christianity felt being a far away thing for me.
Wrestling with big questions can be dreadful as a 13 year old. I remember a priest in a Church being mad at me during confession. He said: "do not pretend that You are someone, You either believe it or not". Later on, I left the Church, experienced the New Atheism wave. Recently, because of my history research, i happened to consider again questions about "higher matters".
Your channel is helpful in rethinking these matters. Thank You for Your work.
I feel like you would enjoy visiting an Orthodox Christian monastery. You mentioned, “I wonder what Christianity would look like if you were on an island, just you and God.” A monastery might be the best place to see what that looks like in real life.
glad you addressed the "Amen" thing it pretty popular with the Baptist churches people just spew it out willy nilly when the preacher gets loud not really getting ore contemplating on what he is saying
Thank you for opening up. I am an Episcopalian here. I learned so much about other Christian traditions from your video. I also learn how tough and painful it is to deconstruct. I had a coworker who went through that from a tradition that she could not be part of. She asked me one day if she is an atheist, would she be considered evil. I told her of course not! I asked her were she planning to not be the same kind, caring, and compassionate person I knew her to be. I truly believe what counts is how you treat others. If we treat others with dignity and kindness regardless what tradition that we are part of or not, that is the key. I feel that most of my loved ones are atheist or gnostic these days. They still love me and I love them. Sorry for the long comment. Please take care and sending a virtual hug!
Respect. The dread I felt when I finally left JWs was very similar. Thanks for articulating your thoughts so well, mate.
I was in the Air Force. Was a Christian my entire childhood. Left the church in highschool and became a devout atheist. Then I died at bagram Air Force base in Afghanistan when I was electrocuted by high voltage wires. I was dead for 3 minutes.
I went to hell when I died. There's no other way I can explain it. It felt real. I felt everything, smelled everything. I felt the heat. But I also felt the lack of love and the utter darkness and loneliness of the place I was in. I saw thousands of people being tortured and hurt and made fun of by demons and creatures.
No one in my life knows this about me. I woke up thank god. My wife doesn't even know I went to hell. I havnt made videos or written a book about it. Quite frankly it terrifies me.
I don't know exactly what I saw if it was a trick or the dying brain or if it was actually hell or some other place, I don't know. But I know it wasn't good
I love the way we who deconstructed faith are able to get in touch with our emotions and feelings and just dig in and let the whole water flaw from the dam completely loose, it's so honest it kinda hurts, as the water floods the valley of every certainty we've held sacred up to a certain point in time. Even coming out of different denominations, I've known that pain very well, the need for something to be real; otherwise, nothing would make sense, and the need to overlook very important details cause I can't allow myself to question. Otherwise, I'll be left with no foundations. And in all of this process, we're moved by love, not by hate, which is why we're not afraid to dig deep, cause our pain can save lives, so it's worth shedding tears.
I think Grant's frustration was maybe toward what "Christ's mass" does to children. You see, everyone loves Christmas, especially kids, yet most do not love Christ for whom it is supposed to be about. Cutting through all the garbage of Christmas that confuses kids (Santa, gifts, home alone, etc.) is like cutting through the deepest jungle with a machete. Therefore, you must be serious and stern to make any impact at all. That may have been why he was so determined to get through to the kids.
I appreciate your openness . You're the type of person I'd like as a lifelong friend. Good on you ! All the best.
Appreciate your vulnerability so much. I wish more atheists could tap back into their former faith as welcoming as you do. I know many Christians here will take your tears as a sign you are still wrestling and will eventually come back. But just know I get it and I see you.
Hope you're ok, Jared. Thank you for this video. Such a challenge to consider what faith and relationship with God would look like if you faced it on your own. I connected with your reflections on Mary massively. ❤
Good video man. I'm an ex evangelical and I feel like I've had that natural resistance to Christians since most of my family believe. I like your videos because they're honest and relatable. More than that, you help me to remember through my own bias; I can remember why I believed and why I left apart from all the counter apologetics I learned afterward. Like you, I don't hate Christians, but it can be easy to feel defensive, and you help to remind me that I don't need to feel that way because I'm free
This is beautiful. I wonder what you think about John Mark Comer, Tyler Staton, and/or Francis Chan?
So insightful to hear your thoughts and experiences. I do not live in the US, and I luckily do not recognize my church og Christianity in these.. For me it is like you describe - a relationship where I hear the whispers in the quiet, in the still small voice.. and where my heart breaks for those who do not know Him. I pray that God will reach your heart again.
I'm reminded of that old song "Heart of Worship" when you speak.
"When the music fades
and all is stripped way
and I simply come
longing just to bring something that's of worth
that will bless your heart
.... I'm coming back to the heart of worship
cause it's all about You, all about You Jesus.
Thanks for sharing Jared
Jared your story really speaks to me, and I struggled with a lot of the same things from about 13-25.
When my wife drug me back to church I was disgusted for lack of a better word. The lukewarm, weak, comfortable Christianity drains the spirit instead of feeding it. It wasnt until I found Orthodoxy and really went all in that my spirit found succor.
Lord have mercy on our brother Jared! ❤
Same. Evangelical and now Anglo-Catholic. Cant handle the show of some churches. Ugh!
Have you thought about visiting an Orthodox monastery or Mount Athos? I think you will find Christians there who can handle the tough questions that you are asking.
Thanks for sharing your story, may God help you find peace and healing.
One thing I love in the Bible is the book of Revelation, it fits what you were talking about with the island scenario and it is both beautiful and terrifying to see Johns vision whether it be revealed by God or by a psychotic break it shows the best and worst of faith and Christianity. The fear and the beauty. The lamb and the Dragon. I look to it as motivation, if John could have such faith in a terrible circumstance with no community, no fancy display, so can I. Jared, I thank you for showing such emotion, I have no idea what that fear must have felt like, of course I pray you find your faith once more, but more importantly a meaning showing you that this isn't pointless, that the fear and terror and necessity you felt aren''t the only things, that beneath it is a hope and a purpose, one of many. God bless!
I can't speak on the authenticity of these churches or your personal experiences at either service. I do think I, along with many, can relate to the dread you speak about in approaching the reality of Christ. I feel that it is the essence of Proverbs 9:10.
I do not think, however; that God cares to isolate us on an island of terror, self-loathing, and undoing. In the beginning He created a garden for man and did not leave him alone in it. He did not judge nor tyrannize them from the skies, but walked with them amongst the groves. Dread did ensue, as we all know the story, but it was not the end.
The knowledge of Christ surely begins in dread, but it is not the end (Ephesians 3:19).
Felt this so much
I feel like I was in those shoes before