If you are a licensed mental health professional and want to learn how to apply Control-Mastery Theory in your own clinical work, then check out this new Online Clinical Consultation Group for Therapists of Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. jreidtherapy.com/online-consultation-group-narcissistic-abuse/ There are only 4 spots remaining, so sign up for your interview to join the group soon! Get 20 CE Credits!
This is the #1 reason I can’t find and keep a therapist. I can’t find one where I feel a lasting sense of relational safety. 6 months at most then the cracks start showing and I feel misunderstood shut down. Every therapist has made me have to plead my case to validate my perspective, which is the last thing survivors of narcissistic abuse need.
Superb information Dr Jay. It is IMPERATIVE we have a safe relationship w our Therapist, Coach, Counselor, Professors, Doctors.... AND TO DO RESEARCH ON THE PEOPLE WE PAY TO TREAT US IN THERAPY AND RECOVERY. I'm a 57 yr old woman, and found some terrible experiences w Therapists throughout my life. In my childhood, I had a great therapist until he told my parents that I was a highly intelligent child, and my emotions were normal. Healthy. He wanted to have THEM come to therapy with me. That was THE last time I can remember anything good about relationships w Professional people in this industry of mental health care. In my late 20s. I had umpteen counselors for the sexual trauma bc the turnover of counselors is so high, that you end up telling ur story over n over to some new person just as you FINALLY got comfortable w the one that just left. Then mid 30s, coming out of an abusive relationship, the Jungian psychiatrist seemed wonderful. But he saw how vulnerable I was and took advantage. At first, he me feel safe and I began to open up my vulnerabilities. But then he began to attempt to manipulate me w sexual innuendos and advances. Down right unethical behavior, to where I immediately stopped n cut him off. Reporting anyone professional is futile, bc you become the enemy and troubled one for pointing out a Professional doing anything unethical. I felt immensely betrayed. I stayed out of therapy almost 10 years. In my late 40s, the counselors, psychologist or psychiatrists treated me like a lesser inferior. A number. Not even an intelligent human being. I went on almost 15 yrs w diagnosis piling up on one another, w/scripts for the latest drug that would score the Drs a free vacation as perks for pushing. By 2018, age 52, I suffered 3 near death experiences, including a 5 day coma, adrenal failure resulting in organ failure, and a coerced suicide attempt. I was FINALLY diagnosed properly with prolonged exposure to complex trauma. BUT AFTER.... And probably one of THE MOST DISTURBING experiences w a Professional. I admitted myself in hospital, n spent almost a month on a psychiatric ward bc of the suicide. In which the scary Freudian doctors refused to release me until I admitted my husband left me for a younger woman bc of my mental illness. Until I admitted I was bi polar and I was abusive and I needed the punishment of a divorce bc I was rebelling against his word. I had to cow-tow, and pretend my good little woman polite, yes Dr Freud, you were right all along. I'm mentally ill and of course hubby left me for someone younger and healthier. On Oct 11 2018, shortly after being finally released, (even tho I went in myself, unordered), oh I vowed to never allow any person, let alone a professional w licences EVER rewrite my reality, treat me as if I'm beneath them, try to sexually exploit me, treat me like a number for a free vacation, or put their repulsive behavior on my back like some scapegoat they can abuse. I have no fancy university degree. But I certainly know more about human behavior and the psychopathy of the disordered individual, and sadly, you will find far too often, these disordered people are the professionals.
Your story sounds as bad as mine and yes, I’ve found the most mentally unhealthy people are working as so called therapists (as well as others in the same field) and do so much damage. I’m 63 and have been dealing with so many of them since age 29 I lost count. I don’t know what they teach them in school but it’s clearly useless information. You have mentally ill people learning nothing good and you end up with years of additional harm to your psyche.
Healing can be very messy. Most find the healing path, too difficult so they stay stuck. Every day is a new day to get something right. If we do not believe in ourselves, certainly no one else will.
My goal is to become the person I was meant to be inspire of pathological beliefs gained during childhood. Living alone after parents are gone is a challenge- I now see my family role of caring for siblings and parents was a form of safety. I have issues with self-esteem, trust and believing I deserve to have a safe loving adult relationship with a significant other. I used to be confident.
I survived a household infested with malignant narcissists and so can you! To neutralize the narcissistic individual, take the following steps: 1. Secure them firmly to a chair with super strong duct tape. Do not use a flimsy or folding chair. 2. Pour a bucket of holy water onto their head. (Repeat step 2 until the monster is thoroughly doused and saturated) 3. Call a priest. 4. When the priest arrives, hand him a wooden stake and run away. (He might need the wooden stake) 5. Wait to see what happens. Observe from a safe distance. 6. If the house doesn't burn down and there are no signs of activity, approach with caution and find out wth happened. 7. If the afflicted individual seems human, thank the priest profusely and carry on with your life. 8. If not.. move to another continent like I did.
I loved reading your comment. It made me laugh out loud and it is good to see someone who has suffered at the hands of a narcissist, but still retains their sense of humour.
🤣Good riddance. Because I don't want to be around anyone who believes they must be fighting only flesh always. Instead of being against any negative only a spirit.
Even though I am not a therapist and had narcissistic family members, I enjoy learning from these videos and gaining more understanding into healing from abuse.
Emotional safety in a relationship with a person who is mature and responsible for regulating their own emotions is the basis for healing . Love, acceptance, patience and unconditional regard for the other person are curative. Thank you for your help and advice.
All this is very, very meaningful and that's why I can't comment without putting both, a lot of effort and thought in it. I watched it 4 times yesterday and still have to organize my ideas and feelings because of the impact that the content of, actually, all of your videos have on me. A lot of homework for me. I can't go at your pace, dr. Reid. Thank you very much. I'll try to complete this comment later on.
I am from a generation of white women on my mother's side of the family who were shamed whenever asserting their independance in the manner that white men think nothing of risking to do. I am done falling for the belief that I have to be hypervigilant responsible for any possible maybe bad behavior coming from any man who happens to be around me in a way that might limit my independence only because I can pass as both a white woman or a woman who is maybe from an indigenous background too instead of insisting on equal rights for women. For example only a few years ago while I was relating a story to my aunt about me having to go around a drunk stranger who happened to be walking on the street while acting beligerent on the same sidewalk on a bend in the road when I was almost back home at the time only to be then getting shamed by her for daring to go out socialize after dark in the winter even when that was me only to go visit my mom in her nursing home when coming home in the dark after 4:30 pm in the winter. Or in another abusrd example me long ago being told that when I am living alone in a basement suite being told by my older white female relatives and their friends that I must keep the curtains shut day and night while I am fully clothed and awake too so as not to attract any attention from men who happen to be walking on the street too.
If you are a licensed mental health professional and want to learn how to apply Control-Mastery Theory in your own clinical work, then check out this new Online Clinical Consultation Group for Therapists of Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. jreidtherapy.com/online-consultation-group-narcissistic-abuse/ There are only 4 spots remaining, so sign up for your interview to join the group soon! Get 20 CE Credits!
This is the #1 reason I can’t find and keep a therapist. I can’t find one where I feel a lasting sense of relational safety. 6 months at most then the cracks start showing and I feel misunderstood shut down. Every therapist has made me have to plead my case to validate my perspective, which is the last thing survivors of narcissistic abuse need.
Superb information Dr Jay.
It is IMPERATIVE we have a safe relationship w our Therapist, Coach, Counselor, Professors, Doctors....
AND TO DO RESEARCH ON THE PEOPLE WE PAY TO TREAT US IN THERAPY AND RECOVERY.
I'm a 57 yr old woman, and found some terrible experiences w Therapists throughout my life.
In my childhood, I had a great therapist until he told my parents that I was a highly intelligent child, and my emotions were normal. Healthy. He wanted to have THEM come to therapy with me.
That was THE last time I can remember anything good about relationships w Professional people in this industry of mental health care.
In my late 20s. I had umpteen counselors for the sexual trauma bc the turnover of counselors is so high, that you end up telling ur story over n over to some new person just as you FINALLY got comfortable w the one that just left.
Then mid 30s, coming out of an abusive relationship, the Jungian psychiatrist seemed wonderful.
But he saw how vulnerable I was and took advantage.
At first, he me feel safe and I began to open up my vulnerabilities.
But then he began to attempt to manipulate me w sexual innuendos and advances. Down right unethical behavior, to where I immediately stopped n cut him off.
Reporting anyone professional is futile, bc you become the enemy and troubled one for pointing out a Professional doing anything unethical.
I felt immensely betrayed.
I stayed out of therapy almost 10 years.
In my late 40s, the counselors, psychologist or psychiatrists treated me like a lesser inferior.
A number.
Not even an intelligent human being.
I went on almost 15 yrs w diagnosis piling up on one another, w/scripts for the latest drug that would score the Drs a free vacation as perks for pushing.
By 2018, age 52, I suffered 3 near death experiences, including a 5 day coma, adrenal failure resulting in organ failure, and a coerced suicide attempt.
I was FINALLY diagnosed properly with prolonged exposure to complex trauma.
BUT AFTER.... And probably one of THE MOST DISTURBING experiences w a Professional.
I admitted myself in hospital, n spent almost a month on a psychiatric ward bc of the suicide.
In which the scary Freudian doctors refused to release me until I admitted my husband left me for a younger woman bc of my mental illness.
Until I admitted I was bi polar and I was abusive and I needed the punishment of a divorce bc I was rebelling against his word.
I had to cow-tow, and pretend my good little woman polite, yes Dr Freud, you were right all along. I'm mentally ill and of course hubby left me for someone younger and healthier.
On Oct 11 2018, shortly after being finally released, (even tho I went in myself, unordered), oh I vowed to never allow any person, let alone a professional w licences EVER rewrite my reality, treat me as if I'm beneath them, try to sexually exploit me, treat me like a number for a free vacation, or put their repulsive behavior on my back like some scapegoat they can abuse.
I have no fancy university degree.
But I certainly know more about human behavior and the psychopathy of the disordered individual, and sadly, you will find far too often, these disordered people are the professionals.
Your story sounds as bad as mine and yes, I’ve found the most mentally unhealthy people are working as so called therapists (as well as others in the same field) and do so much damage. I’m 63 and have been dealing with so many of them since age 29 I lost count. I don’t know what they teach them in school but it’s clearly useless information. You have mentally ill people learning nothing good and you end up with years of additional harm to your psyche.
Healing can be very messy.
Most find the healing path, too difficult so they stay stuck.
Every day is a new day to get something right.
If we do not believe in ourselves, certainly no one else will.
😊
My goal is to become the person I was meant to be inspire of pathological beliefs gained during childhood. Living alone after parents are gone is a challenge- I now see my family role of caring for siblings and parents was a form of safety. I have issues with self-esteem, trust and believing I deserve to have a safe loving adult relationship with a significant other. I used to be confident.
I survived a household infested with malignant narcissists and so can you!
To neutralize the narcissistic individual, take the following steps:
1. Secure them firmly to a chair with super strong duct tape. Do not use a flimsy or folding chair.
2. Pour a bucket of holy water onto their head. (Repeat step 2 until the monster is thoroughly doused and saturated)
3. Call a priest.
4. When the priest arrives, hand him a wooden stake and run away. (He might need the wooden stake)
5. Wait to see what happens. Observe from a safe distance.
6. If the house doesn't burn down and there are no signs of activity, approach with caution and find out wth happened.
7. If the afflicted individual seems human, thank the priest profusely and carry on with your life.
8. If not.. move to another continent like I did.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Very funny. Thank God for your sense of humor and for sharing. I can't find my keys, either, but some day I will.
I loved reading your comment. It made me laugh out loud and it is good to see someone who has suffered at the hands of a narcissist, but still retains their sense of humour.
🤣Good riddance. Because I don't want to be around anyone who believes they must be fighting only flesh always. Instead of being against any negative only a spirit.
Great. I can tell that you’re definitely familiar with the malignant narcissist as am I. 😄
The other continent thing works!
Even though I am not a therapist and had narcissistic family members, I enjoy learning from these videos and gaining more understanding into healing from abuse.
Emotional safety in a relationship with a person who is mature and responsible for regulating their own emotions is the basis for healing . Love, acceptance, patience and unconditional regard for the other person are curative. Thank you for your help and advice.
All this is very, very meaningful and that's why I can't comment without putting both, a lot of effort and thought in it.
I watched it 4 times yesterday and still have to organize my ideas and feelings because of the impact that the content of, actually, all of your videos have on me.
A lot of homework for me.
I can't go at your pace, dr. Reid.
Thank you very much. I'll try to complete this comment later on.
Not a therapist or coach, but I got a fair amount of value from this video. Thanks Jay.
Glad it was helpful!
I am from a generation of white women on my mother's side of the family who were shamed whenever asserting their independance in the manner that white men think nothing of risking to do. I am done falling for the belief that I have to be hypervigilant responsible for any possible maybe bad behavior coming from any man who happens to be around me in a way that might limit my independence only because I can pass as both a white woman or a woman who is maybe from an indigenous background too instead of insisting on equal rights for women. For example only a few years ago while I was relating a story to my aunt about me having to go around a drunk stranger who happened to be walking on the street while acting beligerent on the same sidewalk on a bend in the road when I was almost back home at the time only to be then getting shamed by her for daring to go out socialize after dark in the winter even when that was me only to go visit my mom in her nursing home when coming home in the dark after 4:30 pm in the winter. Or in another abusrd example me long ago being told that when I am living alone in a basement suite being told by my older white female relatives and their friends that I must keep the curtains shut day and night while I am fully clothed and awake too so as not to attract any attention from men who happen to be walking on the street too.