Why INFJs Hide from the World
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ก.ย. 2024
- INFJ and INFP personality types often have a love/hate relationship with the outside world. Many INFJ and INFP personality types are hermits and have a high level of fear and social anxiety, but we also genuinely care about people and we crave deep levels of emotional intimacy with others.
INFJ and INFP personality types are naturally open receivers, which means we are extremely sensitive to energy. Many INFJ and INFP personality types also tend to forget this trait and we push ourselves to “get over it” every time we go out into the world. We say “yes” to attending social functions, when we really would be better served by saying “no.” However, because we have a feeling of obligation that comes with most relationships, we don’t let ourselves bow out of things nearly as much as we would prefer. We force ourselves to show up for events anyway, and then we feel exhausted and overwhelmed.
“Getting over it” is a form of us violating our own boundaries for self-care, and we usually do this because we feel a lot of shame that we are not like most other people. We force ourselves to push through social events and then we have to hide from people later because we need a massive amount of recovery time. The amount of recovery time we need after social events feels like a source of shame too.
Because of all this shame, INFJ and INFP personality types usually do not open up to other people about their extreme sensitivity to energy and how much recovery time we need after interacting with people or going to social events. Instead of communicating openly and honestly about our boundaries, we use the hiding strategy in most situations.
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We’re introverts and need to recharge.
We’re comfortable in our own energy but not around most other people.
We’re very comfortable in our own head.
Any other INFJs like to be out and about but be invisible at the same time?
Because most people are petty, lame, opportunistic backstabbers.
Whats the point of having a "gift" if no one cares about it and society doesnt value it?
Do you value it ? If you value yourself based on society’s view , it might be time to take a good long look at what modern society values .
I use my gifts to make changes where i want to. To hell with society 😂
I understand your frustrations.
Find the part inside that holds the anger about that - you KNOW the part I mean, the one you're SO afraid to look at or allow to be seen; embrace that part, and feel its warmth sear you to medium well. Get to know it, let it have its say for a change - then climb up on its back and ride it into righteous battle with the powers and principalities that shouldn't be that have devalued everything worthwhile and robbed humanity of its substance. They aren't going to govern themselves, that's OUR job.
Balance in the universe
We dont have a problem with hiding from the world, we are good at it 😂😂😂
😂😂😂
As I have gotten older I have learned to embrace my alone time. Getting out is exhausting. I literally have to recover from going out anywhere. I love being home and being in nature. I would rather spend time with my dogs and get overloaded with other peoples energy which actually can be painful. I now protect my energy and value this aspect of myself. I am different and that is absolutely fine.
I completely understand and have experienced the same process of acceptance. If people don’t understand my need for alone time, that’s their problem and not mine ❤️
This makes so much sense to me. I feel peace at home and doing my things alone. I feel overwhelmed by the toxicity in society. I just want peace and healthy people/friendships.
This resonates with me. It has gotten harder for me to go out and engage with the world as I've gotten older.
Sadly i see the healing of the world is futile. Its not soley on any individual to accomplish, but a collective effort. I don't think many people in life see there is any issue with the way life currently is.
I’ve learned to be happy alone while out riding my motorcycle, the ultimate duality being out and out of reach 😊
For me sitting on the back of a bike is utter bliss.
Living a secluded life is not a problem. It's my nirvana.
INFJ here,
Keep in mind that you may experience life better in other countries. Germany has smaller stores and less small talk than in the US. Generally, Germans are also more private individuals as we are. My point is, you CAN find your place in the world. Countries tend to have differing personalities as well.
It's cultural and/or economic. Like Japan, or being in a rough neighborhood...being "warm and fuzzy" just might have adverse effects. Great point...there are entire nations of people where we would be considered the norm.
INFJ deeply committed to staying home. I gather errands and get them done on one day outside the house. Hurry home. Can’t enjoy mankind. Crazy is too prevalent. I know I’m enjoyed by those I do business with… they are very glad to see me. Yet… I just want to get back to my books and music. Polite courteous speedy exchange is the goal. It brings misunderstanding to others. Oh well.
This modern superficial frivolous society is maddening
People are overwhelming and cars and trucks loud, obnoxious and ugly. Modern building is ugly. "Even the grocery store": true! (I thought it was just me), so a relief that I now order my groceries for delivery. Having had role models from my teenage years that were weird - artistic outliers and rebels - helped me avoid the "I need to get over it" attitude, to some extent.
Finding your channel as an INFP has been a literal God send to me. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. I feel seen, heard, understood. Thank you for all that you do & all that you are ❤
It's strange to me that in my childhood I had about 10 friends and also big birthdays. I was a normal girl, sometimes clumsy or annoying because I wanted to belong. But since I was 23 I became more of a loner. And now at 32 I have multiple chemical sensitivity and cannot leave the house without a breathing mask. Most people talk too much crap, screaming babies are stressful, lot of people wear toxic perfume. I rather spend time alone in my dreamworld with my unusual hobbies.
I went to TJ Maxx today and couldn’t push myself to get to the grocery store without a two hour retreat home and even then I felt so exhausted still. I’m an INFJ btw. I’ve known forever that I’m an empath, HSP, sensitive to energy, etc. but I really needed this reminder. ❤
I learned the term highly sensitive person about 5 years ago .. sensitive landed in my mind , so I googled it , my life fell into place . I’m 57 . Hsp’s aren’t hero’s , we’re advisers .
Oh, wow, this is so true about going to the grocery store. Especially if I know people there and have to listen to them. If I go in the morning, and I run into a talker, that’s it for me for the rest of the day. 😂 Sad!
It's okay to ignore people and brush them off completely. I do it all the time and I can't care less.
The only people I talk to are the service people when I go out.
And I'm a Barber 💈😵💫 As I've gotten older- it gets harder. Also the energy is intense for the Collective. I wish I could earn my living from home! Yet i do live when i have a new client and i read their energy and tell them about themselves. I can make grown men cry. 💝
"I can make grown men cry" and why would you do that?
@@SoupDragon63lol
@@SoupDragon63they're referring to their heal capabilities
@@LEONLOVESMUSIC Doh, silly me.
So helpful thank you. For me as an INFJ, I hide from the world not out of fear, anxiety or shyness, but because I can't relate to many people out there and their lack of any conversation that I find meaningful. It's utterly exhausting. And lonely.
I can relate to the grocery shopping aversion. I hate supermarkets with a passion. I live in a rural area and prefer to go to a village shop where I encounter fewer people even if it's more expensive. I hate the impersonality of chain supermarkets. A village store has a nicer atmosphere compared to a soulless supermarket and the staff are generally nicer and you can have a chat.
I love grocery pickup, actually, for similar reasons. 😂
I am a 57 year old man who is an INFJ. i spend alot of time at my local cafe to people watch, i sit at the same corner seat, order the same thing and am fascinated at how NTs interact. But interaction is a no-go!😊
That’s me too 64 year old 🇮🇪😂
One of the best things I've been told in my life was, "Create margin in your life." For example, if you have something from 1:00-2:00 planned, plan in your schedule that it will take from 12:30-3:00. Bigger events need more margin created. If you're going to a big event, put in your schedule that it runs through the next day, if you need that much time to recover.
The older I get the more of a hermit I have become. My family says “that’s not good for you, you need to make an effort”. I used to love to travel, now I find it overwhelming.
It happens, I have been feeling this way too. It's almost like a muscle we stop using that begins to atrophy from not using (doing)
Your videos are always so accurate for me. It comforts me knowing it's not just me. I'm a sociable introvert and get depressed and lonely if I'm too isolated, but can also get extremely drained from both good and bad interactions. I could barely get out of bed for 3 days after a particularly draining phonecall. It can take me months of even years to recover from emotionally upsetting events. The need for downtime has made it difficult to work because I just needed more time away from work to re-regulate myself.
Same for me. Being an INFJ isn’t any gift and makes it hard to function and deal with people. I work second shift so I can be alone in peace.
For me, it's the Se. I get overwhelmed and drained by all the sensory details when I'm in public, on top of absorbing people's emotions. My girlfriend thinks I don't want to be around her when I want time alone to recharge. She's an ISTJ so I'm guessing she doesn't relate but I really do love her so much. I could live my life as a hermit if I wasn't with my girlfriend.
NOT THE LONG SLEEVE SHIRT, THE BIG HAT AND THE SUNSCREEN... YOU REALLY SURPRISE ME EVERY DAMN TIME!!!!!
I have no shame about who iam 😂😂😂 and not a soul can shame me 😂😂😂 😊
INFJ = 1.5% people
1/4=male (.37%), 3/4 female (1.3%)
I am the smallest demographic on the MTBI scale.
I love the sunscreen comparison as it describes perfectly how it feels to be hypersensitive. I've always been a loner and feel more at peace alone than in crowds. I find people draining and need days to recharge after social events. I got fed up making excuses why I can't attend social events so it's just a plain "No" now. I'm a hermit recluse who prefers solitude! 😄 Thanks for your videos ☀️
The "fair skin" analogy is great!
I have to confess...I don't meet people for one on one coffee anymore. It usually turns into a free therapy session for the other person. And I got nothing from the interaction...well I get two things actually... exhaustion and regret. And yes, I'm getting old...tuning 50.
Thank you Lauren.
I shared this with my wife who is an ISFJ. We had a shopping trip earlier in the day and had gone into 5 stores. By the 5th one my battery had drained and I got quiet and was actually a bit grumpy. For quite some time we have had a rule of no more than 3 stores on any given outing. Yesterday since we were in a city that is outside of where we usually shop I didn't want to be a drag and pushed myself to do more shopping than I can usually tolerate. So my ears perked right up when Lauren mentioned that very tendency we have of wanting to be like everyone else and even betraying our own boundaries or own self knowledge to do it! That is what I did yesterday and I subsequently paid the price of coming home grumpy and exhausted and depleted. My wife was her same self. Very seldom does something like going into several stores affect her. She might get bored but she never gets overwhelmed like I do. Another perfectly on point video Lauren!! Thank you!❤💯
I’m not feeling my best today.
Hope you feel better tomorrow 💓
"We feel is a flaw" 👌 Thank you for pointing this out.
I’m an INFJ but I’m not an empath. Had I learned this at, say, 19 years of age (I’m 61), it would have saved me a ton of trouble. Were I a legit empath, though, I’d have been gone💀💀💀💀 decades ago.
Curing B12 deficiency with methalcalmin and adrenocabalmin.. (not cynocabalmin)!!!!! helps my fellow infj's. 🌎
Not me getting a part time job in the public 😅 I do purposely come out of my comfort zone often. I feel myself wanting to stay home more and more, so I force going out for my mental health. I know I am sensitive but I must adapt to the world some.
Every time I leave home, all I think about is getting home as soon as I can. Then I only have to deal with the neighbors’ noise.😂
Fun story:
So I didnt understand that I was sensitive to energy until my mid or late twenties. But when I understood, I began noticing it everywhere.
One day, I was taking a stroll at the park. And suddenly I was overcome with crippling anxiety. It made no logical sense for me to feel this way. It was a wonderful day and I had no major stressors.
Quick footsteps caught up to me and I heard two young ladies talking as they breezed past me. One of them was lamenting over a serious exam that she had that week. She kept saying how unprepared and worried she was.
I realized then that I had quite literally absorbed a total stranger's emotional energy without ever seeing her face or knowing what was going on in her life. I could feel her wordless pain.
This is what it is like to be an INFJ.
Its something Im still adjusting to. And trust me, I've got other weird stories. Lol
Question: Does the aluminiun foil hat works for us? 🙃Because I don't think there is a protective barrier like sunscreen for INFJs. Its like we have no skin at all, walking with our flesh exposed to the world. Or maybe an antenna, our function is to capture signals/information and organize it, we have no barriers. So the only thing we can do is to retract/isolate the antenna (ourselves) for a time until we process the gathered information and separate what is us from what is not us. And then expose ourselves again.
Yep thats my world. I imagine im wearing a teflon infused white light coat ha ha
Headphones 🎧 even if they don’t have sound. People don’t try to engage you but not perfect because I can still read the room and see that crazy wave 🌊 of emotions
@@shedragonrider Yes, I used to use this strategy too back when I was a creative working in advertising agencies, lots of noise and interruptions. So I put on headphones with no music just to disencourage people form talking to me but I could hear everything that was going on.
I feel like I might have to unalive someone when I go out. Misunderstandings can be trivial, but they can also turn into a life-or-death situation in an instant.
This is soooo very true. Especially if you're in religious circles, being INFJ can be very difficult because of the emphasis on "fellowship" (which is church venacular for the extrovert ideal). In fact, I have a cousin who is a pastor w/ a podcast, who stated that "introverts know that deep down they're motivated by selfishness." The struggle is real. Thanks for your podcast.
i am an orthodox christian and infj also...and in our churc there is no problem being introvert...instead it is embraced and a lot of our brothers and sisters become monks...and they become saints...they are full with love,peace ond grace having a holy spirit living in them...sorry for my bad english,i am from macedonia,europe...wish you all the best...introvert nature are more close to god and people...we understand people better and care more for them
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@@biljanajaneva3902 You are blessed, my friend. In America, INFJs are not as valued in the church (at least, not in my experience).
@@b3rger825 i am very thankfull to my lord for showing me where to find him ...,,blessed are the meek,for they shall inherit the earth"
Can relate. Only i like fishing alot....alone usually or with maybe one person that doesnt talk much that also likes to go fishing
Too many guns is the main reason I stay away from people
My entertainment is a lot better at home and I stay away from the lame entertainment in my small town with small minds
Thanks, Lauren. Quality as always.
You speak truth ❤
Stop calling me out 😂
You by far have the best content for me. Thank you!
I get confused about whether I should talk to everyone in a public place(like gym) which I find so draining or I should be myself even though they misunderstand me... I want to talk to few people but not all...even though I talk to few people every once in a while( not on that deeper level, just casually to ask something ) I don't feel like talking to them everytime I see them after that interaction which makes them think I am ignoring them... Then they start ignoring me and show bad attitude towards me as if I have harmed them in anyway... On top of that my physical attractiveness makes them think i think so highly of myself and that they are not on my level etc which isn't true at all... I don't know how to behave in those public places where most of the people are extroverts and I am the odd one out there... So they see me suspiciously to figure out why I don't interact with everyone the way they do... Some of them even think i am a weirdo just because I stay on my own... They admire me, follow me, copy me but at the same time talk behind my back.. A lot of them are so obsessed with me, follow my every step to figure me out 😂....sometimes I feel it would have been better for me if I wasn't physically attractive, then they wouldn't mind me being on my own and care whether I give them attention or not... A lot of them have huge crush on me which makes them resent me more when I don't engage with them... It makes them insecure even more... I don't know how should I behave in those places... I want to make friends too but not all of them, only those whom i like... But I am such a bad communicator that I can't even engage with the people i like even though I want to.. My personality makes it harder for me to make friends while maintaining my inner peace and energy
I think helping others is one of our main goals as INFJs, so if you would accept it from me as a person that suffers from something like that, "A lot of them are so obsessed with me" no they are not! And even if they do try as much as you can to remind yourself: "NO ONE CARES!" Even if they do care, try to forget about it because that way of thinking makes us so uncomfortable and so overwhelmed by how people sees us and judges us 24/7. after my obsession about reading and understanding myself lately, one of the many things I have learned that this phenomena or that way of thinking has got a name! And it's the spotlight effect, so what I see you suffering from from that comment is the spotlight effect, try to watch some videos or read about it, it's a really great way to improve yourself and your negative or weak areas!
Oh wow I do that all the time.
Socionics Model G shows:
Unhealthy INFJ (IEI) becomes more detached like an INTP (LII.)
Healthy INFJ becomes more involved like an ISFJ (ESI*.)
-------------------‐-----------
*Note:
12 of the 16 mbti and Socionics types have the exact same first 2 functions once you do a J and P switch ONLY for the introverted intuitives.
ONLY the 4 introverted sensors have different first 2 functions between mbti and Socionics. And that is because of the mbti introverted sensing cognitive stack error.
Observation & Socionics proves ALL mbti-SJs lead with a rational judging function. ALL mbti-SPs lead with irrational sensing. Including the introverts!!!
---------‐-----‐‐------------‐-------------
Mbti-ISFJ (ESI) leads with correctly defined FiSe = Relations fortified by Se acts of service.
Mbti-ISTJ (LSI) leads with correctly defined TiSe = Logical rules enforced in the Se world ✏️ 📝
Mbti-ISTP (SLI) leads with correctly defined SiTe = Sensory pragmatism 🔨 🛠 🪛 🔧
Mbti-SFP (SEI) leads with correctly defined SiFe = Sensory mood 💋 💄
Thank you
I'm glad I'm not the only one like this
INFP ❤
Cant speak for them all just self….personally love n hate oh yes… had my way id live in the middle of nowhere…little interaction…got over it enough …one of those if i had millions of dollars id be sure to invest in complete seclusion
You make alot of great videos but what kinda gets me down is that need and yearning for a support group with similar mindset. You mentioned how important that is for injs and infp but where can one find that
I just feel bad/guilty sometimes for needing so much recovery time, because it feels like I am just being lazy and un-ambitious.......
Thanks
Hey, thanks for the video. Funny question is your image in reverse or is that how I’d see you in real time? Thank you.
What about ENFP, i can relate too. I am an ENFP😂
Yessss
Would you give this same advice to a much less sensitive person who is aware that it would be good to become more sensitive, even if it is uncomfortable ir unannatural to them?
Galatians 6:14 May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.
why are INFPs sensitive to other's emotional energy (my dad is one) when their stack is Fi Ne Si Te and there is no Fe they readily use ? Is it the creative intuition Ne ?
Is that lamp an elephant?
This me am high sensitivity really hate it
My fantasy is that I wake up and I'm the only mammal left on earth (not counting sea life.) I would say I'd like to be the only human, but I don't want all the abandoned animals to starve to death, even in my fantasy, so in my fantasy, all the humans and animals are gone... and this planet... is now... mine. All mine.
Oh this is my dream for ages. I can relate totally :) I would like to land on this planet (no other humans) and just walk the Earth.
I know what you mean.
Checkout the movie The Quiet Earth 1985.
@@cajampaI think of that movie often! Not because I want to be alone but as a metaphor for looking for people who are deep and real.
INFJ movies:
Castaway on the Moon (Tubi)
Romantics Anonymous
@@Bat_Boy Thanks, I will check them out.
Checkout some of my favorites, I feel is very much INFJ type of movies.
Mr.Nobody
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
Stay 2005
Millennium Actress
And I am sure you all already have seen
Amelie 2001
Sigh....
👍💚
Empathy and fruits ,sin..yeah eeek..so if you say i dont smoke crack..i see your hidden pipe..lol hahah..she never came back..lol so pretty sure i just be close mouth..im still fed❤
Hi, if you are not saved, and would like to be included in the rapture of the church. Believe that Jesus's death on the cross, was enough to pay for ALL your sins , yes ALL ,(past, present and future) That is what the Gospel is about. We are saved by GOD'S amazing grace, through our faith in Jesus's sinless life, death on the cross and resurrection 3 days later . No additional works needed. It is literally that simple. Ephesians 2:8-9 Romans 10:9-10 Romans 4:5