Mental Mondays with Ben Askren: Parents, Get Out of the Way

Learn the mental aspect of wrestling on and off the mat. Mental Mondays offers Ben Askren's perspective on the many technical, tactical, and psychological aspects facing wrestlers, coaches, and parents.
Years of Experience
This week on Mental Mondays with Ben Askren, Ben continues to explore topics that inspired him at the Super 32 Championships. This time the focus is on wrestling parents, instead of the wrestlers themselves. After coaching for 7 years, one of the most difficult and off-putting things Ben has had to deal with is parents, especially parents at the younger age groups. While there are a select few outliers, no parents actually want to hurt their child’s success. It's generally the parent’s enthusiasm to help their children succeed that can ultimately cause problems.
The Atmosphere Matters
Most parents genuinely want to help their child in any way possible, but they run into trouble when they don’t know how to most effectively do so and in return find themselves in a situation where it is difficult to keep their emotions in check. This can happen easily, especially at such a large wrestling tournament like Super 32. Reflecting back upon the wrestling environments at Super 32 Ben notes the massive energy shift between the gyms that contained the high school and the youth wrestling tournaments. The gym where the high school wrestling was held was mostly calm and the coaching was generally effective and transmitted well to the wrestler. When you walked into the youth gym, it was complete chaos. Inside the youth gym parents were screaming overly simple nonsense such as “GET UP” repeatedly at their youth wrestler with an unnecessary intensity. This helped to create a very tense and difficult wrestling environment for the wrestlers where it becomes almost impossible for the athlete to perform effectively. Ben compares this type of environment to your work environment, explaining if you were an accountant and someone were to come into your office and just scream at you, “DO THOSE TAXES”, all day long, you wouldn’t be able to do your work because of how distracting and uneasy that environment is. You need to be in the emotional state that you want the wrestler to compete in and very few people perform at their peak under high duress.
Advice From Experience
Ben reflects upon his own experiences growing up, when he was roughly 11 years old his own father was rather intense until another parent told his father that he was acting “like a crazy person” and needed to relax. From then on his father was still supportive but allowed Ben to learn from his coaches and better flourish. Ben still had the support from his father that he needed but it was without him constantly being the one to push the issue on the mat. Ben saw a similar situation at Super 32 and did a similar thing for that parent, telling them, “It’s time to let the coaches coach, it’s time for you to get out of the corner”. Later on in the tournament that same parent came up and thanked him as he didn’t realize the environment he was creating for his son and hearing it from someone else put it into perspective.
Ben’s overall point is for the parent to be there to support their child but be able to separate themselves from the wrestling and allow the coaches to coach, you don’t always know what is best for them and that is why the coaches are there. Ultimately, not only will this be beneficial to your wrestler’s success but it will also be beneficial to your relationship with your child.
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Mental Mondays is hosted by Ben Askren. Ben Askren, World Champion and Olympic wrestler, joins RUDIS from the T-Row & Funky Show in an official partnership as a content provider for all things RUDIS.

[@yellowmedal6708]

Amazing advice. I'll throw in my 2 cents as a former middle school referee. Please Dads; please, please listen to Ben.

[@JS45678]

I was absolutely in TEARS at “DO THOSE TAXES, DO THOSE TAXES, DO THOSE TAXES!!!” I’m going to try that on my accountant next week for kicks.
I wish every parent in America watched this episode. Having coached for many years at HS level, I’d like to think I’ve seen everything until I saw a Dad at youth tournament tear into his 4 year old who was in tears after losing....The Mom comes running up frantically matside, poor kid is in tears being shredded by Dad...I’m thinking, thank goodness, Mom to the rescue.
To my shock, the Mom SCREAMS, “LOOK AT YOUR FATHER WHEN HE’s HELPING YOU!!!”
😳

[@yaywoot123]

so true .. youth soccer parent's may even be worse
"very few people compete well in a very erratic state" .. this x1000

[@MrSilus2000]

In football the coaching style is 100% "DO THOSE TAXES DO THOSE TAXES"
I hope you can change sports

[@MrSilus2000]

You're good at navigating sensitive topics with the best intentions

[@ryanmcconnell549]

as a youth coach and a parent, i agree with this to a point. im more emotionally invested in my daughters matches. i only yell if i see something incredibly blatant. when the other coaches are around, i will largely let them take over coaching my daughters matches, its actually a blessing. im a fan at that point. this really sunk in for me at state last year, i was very thankful for other coaches. if i see anything discussion worthy, we can work that out in the practice room, or between matches. even then, i might discuss it with another coach. besides...she knows im watching. the only contrast i can think of, is she expects to see my face there, and hear my voice. as a parent, i think that is all she wants from me at that point, its my job to be her comfort zone and parent at that point. every parent needs to hear this.

[@lifeinblackandwhite6544]

Apparently no parents have seen this video.

[@zeeshh6249]

He luk old man

[@alainmorell6683]

Thank you Ben.

[@samt.2081]

Such an important topic for youth wrestling. Thanks Ben!

[@gntlmnnmodi]

Absolutely, dad coaches from a young age carry right over into highschool as psycho hecklers heard above all else. Can't let your athletes parents distract them during competition sad but it's a reality especially considering the better the athlete the worse the parent.

[@tommymc7535]

I think he’s still unconscious

[@jonathonremington3263]

Ben is such a great guy! Incredibly smart and talented young man. Askren = Future UFC welterweight champ.