Facts! I still don’t feel ready at 32. Plus you still have time for children if you want them. Plenty of my relatives had children in their mid & late 30s and early 40s and they’re thriving better than if they did so in their 20s and early 30s.
Two things that I won’t let ruin my life: 1. Having a child 2. A man (any man). I’m a 27-year-old African woman, and I’ve always known that nobody can fool me into doing these things. As an observer, I’ve seen the misery that women endure when they’re not financially free, and the dependence that comes with it as well as societal indoctrination into taking care of men (as if they’re incapable) (slaving themselves away) and having a child (a lifetime commitment). I have my degrees, I run my own business, and all I want is to grow, travel, and enjoy my life in peace.
This! I love this for you! Growing up I learned pretty quickly that marriage and kids are a trap designed to slow women down. My mother made it known that she never wanted kids and that kids made it hard for her to live the life she wanted. And growing up and seeing how her toxic bfs treated her and how her current husband treats her made me realize that marriage doesn't benefit women at all. I have always been career driven and now I'm in my 30s and I have a job, my own place and I'm childfree. My life is peaceful and stress-free as a result.
Period ❤our value is so intrinsic flowing from our minds to our bodies to our intuition to our inner truths to our divinity being a woman is pure magic 🪄 🎉 that magic never expires
I started cooking and cleaning at age 9 my mum and brothers and father would literally be in the living room watching TV and laughing while i slave away,guess who's taken the torture and turned it into strength and now earns six figures and ignores the entire family yes me yes me!
@FreshGuava161 Are we expecting something from you? If it was the case, we wouldn't be choosing not marry with you guys. If you're not convinced yet, try then work AND raise your children all alone.
@@i_trollforfun3092This video wasn't meant for you, but for women. If they wake up, you guys can laugh as much as you want about our suffering. However, you guys will do it all alone, cause no lady will want to be next someone who treats her like nothing. If you don't believe me, just see what's happening in South Korea rn ;)
Even women in happy marriages regret not having explored the world and ventured solo in their younger years. My great aunt is 90. She lived happily with her husband, had only one child, raised her and set her up for a successful life. The husband passed a way decades ago and sure, she kept living her life. She is still active, going to pilates and water aerobics class, cooking a whole feast every time someone visits her. During one of my visits, as I was sharing my travel experiences with her, although she was proud, there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. She said "I wish I had the courage to do these things when I was younger". She had the money, she had the time. But not the courage. So I owe it to her, to my great grandma who got married off at 14, to my grandma that had 7 kids and crossed the country in search of a better life. I owe it to all of them to live this life without limitations. They sacrificed a lot so that I could be here today. We are breaking cycles!
Hello. I love your video. I turned 25 this year and basically my friends are telling me to find a man and start planning marriage because i have grown old and need to be uner pressure to marry because I'm running out of time and soon men won't be checking for me 🙄 but STFU people, I'm thriving, studying my dream course and heading towards financial stability. Edit: OMG!!!!! Thankyou so much for the likes❤ I'm famous yo
Yess girly, i like your mindset surrounding this issue!. What your feinds are doing is extremely dangerous, i personally believe that this is how many young girls and even older women end up in toxic narcissistic relationships that they later regret and can't get out of! As as woman, it’s not your job to find a man, if anything it should come to you or fall into place naturally, just like how i believe anything else happnes in this world. Yes, I like the fact that you are thriving and living your life doing the things you want. Marriage is not the ultimate life goal, the real ultimate life goal is freedom and freedom of expression as well as ones own mind. Keep going, most of these people pressuring you want you to be as miserabe as them. Don't fall for it and carry on living your life!!!!!!
Don't, I got married at 27. Educated was working moved to another country to join my husband, quit my job and was pregnant. A mess. Get financially stable and don't care if you're 30+ getting married.
Girl at 25 you are just a baby. Man abuse old woman, young woman, beautiful and ugly, educated and uneducated, dark skin and light skin. To them we are like furniture, I paid for you so I treat you however I want is the mindset. Stabilise yourself first
One thing I've always resented about my african upbringing was the negation to the plight back home. Like why tf do all our cultures push procreation (breeding) in the worst of circumstances? Why don't people have a visceral hunger for an economic and moral revolution to take place in africa to change the atrocious living conditions of so many and corruption? It's evil.
So true, it really boggles me, like if you really hate yourself that much it's fine but why not love your children enough to want better for them, I genuinely don't believe most Africans love children they just see them us a status symbol , you just have children for the sake of having children
So true, it really boggles me, like if you really hate yourself that much it's fine but why not love your children enough to want better for them, I genuinely don't believe most Africans love children they just see them us a status symbol , you just have children for the sake of having children
So true, it really boggles me, like if you really hate yourself that much it's fine but why not love your children enough to want better for them, I genuinely don't believe most Africans love children they just see them us a status symbol , you just have children for the sake of having children
So true, it really boggles me, like if you really hate yourself that much it's fine but why not love your children enough to want better for them, I genuinely don't believe most Africans love children they just see them us a status symbol , you just have children for the sake of having children
@nicole1859 💯💯. People pushing for more births are the evil ones, but they think they are righteous, especially pro-lifers. I miss my brother but before he died, we were both depressed, we talked about death and the end of the world a lot. He said he didn't want to travel abroad anymore, even though we shared a dream of traveling. We shared a sense of dread in the pandemic (I was 19, he was 16). Things have gotten tougher since then in different ways and my mom always says she's happy her son isn't here anymore. We are currently in the worst economy ever in Nigeria and Trump's reign next year is looking like a global economic crisis, yet she doesn't like to hear me say I might not get married 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️. It's like the cement of this bad ideology has hardened in her to the point that she can't bear to be logical. She's currently in a weird separation from my dax and she's doing well, but she called me one midnight to join a TH-cam program to pray for my future husband 😢😮😮. Mummy, Elon musk might be the anti-christ, why do you want me to bring babies here😅
"Get a child/get married when young so you can grow together" is such a common phrase. Never heard the same said about education, careers, businesses 🤔
I’m from the Caribbean; my family always reminds me to enjoy spending time with myself and not to believe I need to get married, for a good life. I’m glad they see me as a person, who is capable of existing individually. I wish every girl’s family supported them like that; it’s heartbreaking to scroll through these comments. Lots of love sisters! 💌
@@faithyande6702 Yeah, a hear from girls and ladies of many traditional countries, that even the older women in their families, who endured the pain of being a maid-servant wife; they pressure their daughter/s to follow the same fate. I’m half West African and half East Indian descent, so if I were born where my ancestors were born, even in today’s age, I wouldn’t have the freedom to choose my life.
My father is a narcissistic womanizer… the positive side of that is… he refuses to allow anyone man to use his daughters or put his daughter in a position they are depending on a man… it’s more so that his narcissism doesn’t allow his children to be their own person they are an extension of him… they are his identity so he’ll never allow that for his image. He told use it’s not a woman’s job to learn how to cook and clean it’s a survival skill everyone must acquire. Esp men b/c if a man can’t do for himself he will always need a woman around even if he can’t stand her.
Same girl even at 25 I don’t feel like I could ever be ready for that type of commitment but being Indian and being 25 is too old to get married lol people telling me I won’t find anyone after 5 months coz that’s all the time I have now to get married. But I’m strong and I’m going to stand my ground and do what I want to do with my life.
DONT ALLOW ANYONE TO PRESSURE YOU INTO ANYTHING!!! Most people forcely push the marriage narrative because they want you to be as miserable as them! If anything happens after they push you into it, you will be the one to bear the consequences only. Most of the advisers and promoters will disappear, they will be no where to be found. And like you said. Stay grounded and strong and do as you please with you life. Your value as a women isn’t based on a man by your side! Stay strong and keep thriving!!!!!!
Stand your ground girl. I’m 20 years older than you and I married when I was 25 , I’m miserable , bored and annoyed. I have not experienced anything in my life. Young women please marriage and having children is not a badge of honour.
The way you hit the nail on everything 🎯 "Those people who put presure on you, when you're in trouble they are nowhere to be seen." I always keep this in mind that when married women are begging for help, the people who acted like the sky would fall if she didn't get married suddenly turn around and say "the affairs of married people are not our business" and they leave that woman to suffer. That's when i realised that it wasn’t her being unmarried that was the issue, the real problem they had was seeing a woman living her life for herself. Culture and societal expectations hate the idea of women looking after themselves, they expect them to sacrifice for others so that they can say nice things about them at their funerals knowing that she went to the grave heartbroken and stressed beyond belief. Same goes for people who pressure you into having kids, they disappear once you give in.
This, because if am just focused on finding a husband and doing what makes him ‘happy’ being “submissive “ and all that, then when do I actually have some time to myself? I don’t want the years to go by and all I’ve done was take care of men!!?? Nooo am living my life!
SE asian here, but my family are just the exact same as this... everyone kept telling me to get married very quickly ever since I hit 18(I'm 25 now) wtf
15 and im telling you. my African parents cant go a day without talking about when you get married blah blah blah. If they took this time to teach me about my period, body and self love , it would have helped a lot. Im grateful for the internet, my other parents. When people complain on teens being on their phone too much, its probably cuz you dont talk to them. Ive decided that im going to adopt a child and use my precious adult time to talk to this child and raise them how i wish ive been raised. This mentality of marriage being put in children is vile, i want to talk of the new trendy shoes and swim in the beach, not about taking care of some man for the rest of my life. I don't even want a career too cuz it takes too much time out of my life and i like being with myself. So in the future, i wont get married rather ill focus on myself and have a mini me
I'm 45, got married and pregnant at 18. I don't regret my child, but I wish I would have learned to love myself and be by myself. My husband is only a year older, but he was really hard to live with. He stressed me out. I did so much for us to have a good life, but he still cheated. That was an eye-opening experience. Please take time for yourself and love yourself. 🙏🏾
''I'm moving from a one house to another, when do I have time to myself?' I'm almost 30 and it's the first time that I hear those words from someone else's mouth. I'm the youngest in my family and I've been the designed maid in my parent house my whole life. I've been taking care of everyone but myself. And like you said some women don't realize that until it's sometime too late. I started thinking like this just 2 years ago. i wanna live my life the way i want without thinking about when am I gonna be a manchild's maid.
I am African as well and honestly what you said is right. Each time I have a conversation about my plans in uni and they respond, they never mention having a good career. They always manage to imply that immediately after uni i will get married. Not once did they mention my career
@@christysong9578 same omg it was always the same for meee!!! Before I even started uni they keep on implying about me getting my degree and then getting married to have kids? Like?? That’s all the spoke about! Not career, travelling the world, finding my passion, finding myself, there are a whole lot more to do in this world thank just finishing uni then getting married to have kids. I hated hearing it! Everyone is just on and on about this like really!!????
The pressure even comes from outsiders. When I used to take the train to uni, there was a group of older women (you could see how haggard and broken down they were) who would harass me about why I was bothering with wasting all this time to finish a degree when all I should be doing is finding a husband. Mind you, a few of them were clearly being abused by their own spouses at home. Sometimes it's just people who want to pull you all down to suffer alongside them
@@Kanji220 I was told the same thing by my grandpa. Who said I should hurry up and get married (19 at the time) and I should wasn’t my time getting degrees others men will be afraid to approach me. So in other words I should limit myself and downgrade myself for a man!!!?!!! Absolutely not!
Society generally pressures women to get married early because once our prefrontal cortex is fully developed ( around 28/30) and we can executive our lives perfectly we become a " menace" and can't tolerate abuse. 😮
It really infuriates me how somehow I'm "too young to decide that I don't want kids" but girls my age who know they want kids are old enough to decide. I can't breathe without someone asking me when I'll start dating and having children, like?? I don't want that, leave me alone!
Yes, and I’m looking at society as in when did all this catering to men come about lol. In nature, the female tends to easily get rid of the male after mating for example. Them tarantulas tend to eat their male partners for example
I am African American and I believe that I was groomed for abuse as well, I am 33 with an 11 year old and 9 year old. Their father is Ethiopian. Let's just say.... my life is not exempt from knowing what abuse is about. I am so proud of all of these young ladies growing up and finding their voice and freedom. I love it. I can say as an older woman, I am so happy for you all and do not let older women who hate their lives throw your confidence down.
I am currently suffering the blows of low self esteem and not having the money to move away. Please take this as a lesson, do not get into the relationship before you live for YOU !
I am an American mother and I have always told my daughters to go out and enjoy life. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Travel . everything that you are saying is correct. Live your life, you only have one. love you. . Respect yourself and speak highly of yourself Because when you find the right man you Will? know, you're worth. You Will?know what you deserve? And if you don't get it from him, you won't want him. when you say it's time and if you want to get married, get married, but not because someone said you should because you Want to . And just always be safe.
Because of the suffering of women, this is the reason why sometimes I hesitate to evn have a child at all in the future and get married. And it pisses the heck out of me on how ppl still think some way that men are babies and need to be taken care of. How stupid. If i ever have a man, he better learn that i am a woman, your wife and not your mom. I am a mom to my kids and not you.
@@magnetic06 Exactly, so so stupid! My mother said the same thing about men being like kids. I was about 15 at the time and I said to myself. Are you fricking joking!!?!!?? That’s a grown human being right there and you’re telling me they’re are like! Like have you lost your mind? How does it feel either way that coming out of your mouth?!! I was like, well, if you let him be a kid with you, not me. Absolute nonsense!
I’m in my late 40s and was a single mom the whole time I was married. I was groomed and pushed to be married. I am lesbian and it felt like endless SA. I realised in my 30s but he was abusive so it took until 45 to leave. There was economic abuse. I taught my 3 daughters not to marry unless the feel really strongly and not before 35. My middle child will be 19 in December and going on her first holiday with my sister. Just to discover and learn to travel. So she has the confidence and savvy to travel with friends. I am a first child of my African parents who are titled. Iwas crushed by expectations. Don’t let ANYONE con you. Marriage is horrible for women. I defied my parents and thought I would satisfy my parents and be safer in an interracial marriage after abuse from African men. It was the same partly because I didn’t know who I was, how to navigate the world, carrying the abuse of my childhood, suppressing emotions. Look after yourself first.
I never feel lonely. I love my company and my God who is with me every moment. I make myself laugh, cry, sing and dance. I am my own soulmate and my God is the love of my eternity ❤️ I pray this type of love finds every young African girlie 💕
I am glad to see african women embracing some topics of feminism. People distorce what this movement is in a pathetic attempt to demoralize it. Those people (mostly bad intentioned men) try to make it seem that some absurd speeches or behavior of a few radical feminists are actually more problematic than men killing, abusing, and exploring women and young girls systematically. Once women understand the difference between an individual problem and a social one, most of their fallacious discourse will fall apart.
💯 My value is eternal. Other people opinions are projections and illusion. I'm 31 and still feel baby. I'm finally learning the world and my mission. Marriage does benefits the man and it drains us woman energy. No kids and single is the new way. Soft life and empowered. Man can't use us anymore. Shine bright like the sun 🔆 don't feel compatible with man either. I have happiness within me and stay close to my Creator and the people who walk on this path. Loneliness is a state of mind. As long as I nourishe my soul mind and body . I stay fulfilled 🧡
Yesss this!!! Am so glad you commented cause this is exactly how I think! Our value is eternal even after death, these PDF still messes with our 💀bodies 🤮. They do 💯 drain our energy almost all marriage women I’ve seen are miserable! And yes all their advice are projection and want you to be as miserable as them. They want to see you suffer to make themselves feel better!
Not to mention you can still feel lonely in marriage. Most men don't even give you enough time so you still feel lonely while being with a man. Tbh I felt less lonely in my single years than when I dealt with a man. Then your energy is consumed in why hasn't he texted me, why his energy is off and your entire day is consumed by overthinking and you're unhappy. Meanwhile being single you don't even care about anything like that and it's peaceful. Women don't feel loneliness being single like men do. Every man I've dated told me "you cured my loneliness" or I've heard my male friends telling me how lonely they feel when they are single. But for me and all of my female friends we never felt loneliness when we are single. The fear of "you'll die alone" is a projection of men, they fear that and they want us women to fear the same. But it's very different for us. According to research and even my personal observation the happiest women are childfree and single.
@@GoddessSignature I think untill the masculine submits to the feminine and stops dominating or controlling her and he understands how to replenish her energy. He is not worth it and most man are takers and secretly despise woman or jealous so they lack empathy for us. The one I admire are characters in my anime where the man is embodying his masculine energy and knows how to give to the feminine and submits to her. This is why man bow down one knee to ask for your hand because it means I submit to you and to do as you say but religion and society has lied to man and conditioned to believe that a woman must submit to a man and control the feminine which disrupts the flow of the energy of the feminine. I choose single because I haven't met a man who is willing to submit to me and submission doesn't mean the way the masculine views they perverted. Submission is beautiful from the masculine is beautiful and powerful. I see it in the old days it's very rare. Only a man who is strong and courageous can submit to a woman. Nowadays they even conditioned woman to propose which is sad because they let them take the masculine role and that will drain her. It's important he submits the feminine does not need submission. She naturally will respect him and give herself willingly and proudly because he submits but what sort of man will do that nowadays most of them are perverts and will submit for fetish reasons only. But that's not true submission.
Wow as an African man(18) I never considered this, I just thought it was normal. Now that I think about it, my mother would tell me and my sister"is that what you would do in your husband's house or is this what you would do when you get married". stuff like that.
I'm still under twenty,I definitely agree with you. My mother literally always uses the 'Is this what you would do in your husband's house. You will not get a maid' line to make me do things. I know it's important to know how to cook,but I don't want to learn it because someone would make me a wife. I'm too busy trying to make money and be who I want to be. The parents don't understand that not every woman and man needs to get married,that is an option.
"My value is eternal" exactly ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 this is so true for all of us women. We dont nee to get married an have children to determine out values. And i relate to a lot of the points you say because I myself am an african daughter and hear it alll the time too 😭
I started having disagreements talks with my mum anytime she uses the phrase “As a woman” and I am glad I realized it at 23-24. Women need a period to stay single and figure out what they want and if they really want marriage and kids or it’s just society that has ingrained it into us.
I am going to turn 28 years old at the end of this year and I had my daughter when I was 23 I tried to find myself in relationships by finding identity and being a caregiver and being a girlfriend and practicing being a wife and I would have saved a lot of time energy money and sanity by learning myself a different way Jumping into committed relationships and having a family and getting married takes a lot out of you and if you don't have an established identity or a life beforehand it can be a lot and it is a burden and a huge responsibility Keep being selfish and taking your time and doing things that you want to do so youre fulfilled I'm in a happy relationship but I still want my independence and I'm going to keep working on my identity outside of other people including my kid very good advice
1:02 this is so true! And it’s something I really don’t like about African culture. It’s so sad but you’re totally right when saying we are groomed into it because i definitely remember being told “what you gonna do when you have a husband” like wth women are not slaves tf!
I just want to say, do you not think these same words are being said to African Men. About the type of husband they should be? I am just curious. The culture actually is harder more on women. But the culture also has expection for the men. Food for thought. I want us humans to have healthy conversation instead of basing every conversation about our feelings. Your feeling are valid. But when you think it important to see think in not one light.
@ that’s a good point. But like you mentioned it’s definitely way harder on women. The men have expectations but guess what? Majority of the time they don’t meet those expectations. so our women are literally left to do things themselves.
@sivialove475 I believe people should come in the table with something. It varies for everyone. I don't support men who don't bring something to the table.( ex. A men who value himself and is not self centered) And you shouldn't too. I learned that in life you entertain people worth your time. Whether it is relationship or career. You pour water on people who pour water on you. ( This is because both men and woman are naturally selfish. Everyone thinks they are right. )
@@AstridPresley You are COMPLETELY missing the point. The point is without taking the time to live your own life and learn and love yourself then you will take any man just for the sake of having one. Yes, men in all walks of life are told to get a wife, but they aren't PREPPED and bred for it, which is why men expect women to be a counselor, chef, maid, teacher, nurse, etc. Boys may have household chores but they are made to believe that that stops the moment that you get a wife. They aren't taught to continue to be a helping hand to your partner and women end up doing all the work.
@Heat_Rush I believe woman are finally starting to do what most men are doing. But if you choose to be partner you Don't have as much time as men. Additionally I believe woman should not date while young. We tried to not listen to our mother's but they honestly know best. I suggest you talk to your mom. I learn a lot of dating stuff from my mom. Some where outdated some where valid.
i'm so proud of you! you are younger than me. i'm a millennial and i got married young, divorced now but my daughters are gen z like yourself. i realized all you're talking about in my late 20's. and still grateful i made it out. i've seen few ladies older than me and still man centered.....women and girls also matter. we have a purpose in this life as well. i'm soooo happy for you. the sooner the better.
I’ve literally been saying this. I’m just glad we’re all starting to wake up. I don’t care if I’m a crazy cat lady 😂 at least I’m not a ‘modern day slave’.
It's time we stop counting marriage and children as one of our achievements. See, having a good partner and a happy family with kids is good but it's definitely not something that I will ever count as my achievements.
So young and smart and sensible, well done . I’m 40 watching you and relearning because I wasn’t as intelligent, they shoved marriage down my throat and I accepted it, threw away any education and focused on having children for the wrong man. May life is almost wasted the only thing I have to show for it is children
You are 40, not dead or decrepit! You did your best, outstanding even, with what you knew. You have so many years ahead of you to live a new life. Your past was there to teach you and hopefully guide others! 40yrs young, you got this.
You have so much time for the life you want sis, especially if your children are older. Go back to school, get you a fulfilling career, you'll gain some friends along the way and travel, travel, travel. This is the perfect time. The rest of your life should be all about you and YOUR happiness.
I am also 22 years old and you just voiced all my thoughts and concerns I’ve been having. Why is it that I feel like time is running out, and I’m already "too old to get married"? I def think the pressure from the family is a HUGE factor, as well as the comparison that parents make between you and your peers. Thank you for making this video ❤
Yess I like your point on: how is it that am only 22 and time is running out already?? Absolutely ridiculous because at this age what do you even know about life to make such a long impacting decision as 22, also with pressure?? Talking about it’s better to have kids at a young age and get married early. Most women who gets married in the early 20s ends up regretting with reasons such as they didn’t know who there were or what they were doing, they were just pushed into it. Some of these women reach their 30s and mid 30 before they know who they are and what they really want in life because all their life they’ve been listening to other other people instead of themselves. Everyone is saying do this, everyone is saying do that!!!. I feel like this is a very important stage in ones life. To know who you are and discover yourself to think and accept whether you want is what you really want or it’s for the approval of others! So I highly recommend you do this, don’t allow anyone to pressure you into anything! Never! go at your own pass. There is no such thing as time running out! Take your time but don’t waste time!
Yes most mothers hate their children and husband and continue to advise women to get married and have children. The blind leading the deaf fr. We are worth more than being mothers and wives
i started being the maid at 12 yrs taking care of house laundry cooking cleaning raised others kids went to uni got the degrees came back home to look after parents and family again now im 41 no kids no husband now that i have told them im gonna live my life for me they totally cut me off
You spoke a truth which many people can’t digest. Marriage is like many other institutions out there and one can either choose to go for it or not. But one being shamed and most of the times in society women being brained washed that it the most important thing one must do is ridiculous.In my opinion there more to life for yourself, you should live for you, go on the journey for personal growth, discover and happiness for you and not someone Else. Don’t pressurize yourself to conform to the society, that society which judges you won’t halt a day for you.
This is exactly how I think. I just couldn’t understand why marriage was pushed the most onto women by society, religion and at home, when there’s so much more to discover in this world! Once you get marriage, all that is limited! The women also ends up sacrificing her dreams to help the man build his who then ends up leaving her anywhere, meanwhile if I invest all that time into building someone else’s son into myself and life, I will be way further in life! Women doesn’t needs men, men needs us to live longer and be successful!! But they’ve switched all that around. You just need yourself and other women who aren’t jealous nor envious you!
People act like if you don't reach the end of your life as a married person, then you'll get dragged straight to hell or something. There's a serious fear of being unmarried, it's reached the point of paranoia
I’m actually not against getting married young. The issue is a lot of men don’t take the marriage seriously or do their part. They see their wife as an object and not as their other half.
Yes our value and status on society isn’t based on that! We are not just here to push out babies. The world is overpopulated anyway it’s time for some clearance!
Thank for you for this video, I’m Caribbean and while we have those sentiments, the Caribbean is traditional matriarchal society, so we have a large sense of Independence in women. When I got to university I was really shocked and disappointed by the way the African girls interacted with men. All (and I’m not exaggerating) the girls were surrounding themselves with abusers. I didn’t realize this until I was victimized by their friends and they said i knew what I was doing choosing a man like that, ( they told me I was stupid because that’s the type of guys their friends are)..It was so disgusting I feel sorry for a lot of them, they are genuinely fighting so hard to get married to men that hate.
I agree with you. They’re cray cray that’s all they think about. And that’s how their whole life has been. How can you just love a life of marriage and doing everything you can to please your husband and just staying indoors doing nothing but cooing, cleaning and nannying!! Some of these women have no career, dreams crushed as they sacrificed themselves for their husband and children, no travelling experience. Some completely stop working after marriage/kids!! Cooking large meals etc! This was literally your life and you want the same for me?? YOU HATE ME PERIOD. This is how some of them also think: ‘if I went through it then you have to go through it too otherwise that makes you better person or like the healthy one! Sickening!!!!
The sad part for me personally is that I rejected any form of the typical gender roles of cooking,homemaking, sewing etc because I absolutely hated that I had to do all these things for this husband ,who is that guy anyway? Now at 26 I realise that these things are essential life skills any person should know and be able to do for themselves. I still don't necessarily get the concept of marriage but it can be a beautiful for those who wish to experience it. It shouldn't be forced on anyone , especially young girls. Don't get started on babies ... I will enjoy learning these life skills at my own pace at my own time to please and grow myself.
Well done for this ❤ Take your time girls enjoy your youth, trust me you won’t regret it. Start that small business, travel, do that course, learn a new skill. The more you better yourself, the more your likelihood to meet someone in that caliber. You’ll be better smarter, calmer and not in survival mode. Yours, A sister from another mother ❤
Young Wise Woman, Desperation is not a good look at any age. Self discovery and development will primarily help you to live a fulfilled life. Along the way you will attract a man with like mindsets who have also value, respect and appreciate a woman with a personality, a soulmate even. All you do to please yourself will also intrigue and make him willing to work for your love. Better than taking what you get like a hasty online purchase.
I was going to New Orleans by myself and I remember my mother saying “yall keep going places that you should have a husband with before going.” This women never had a honeymoon and her husband has doesn’t more money on cars that get repossessed than he ever spent on her to go on a vacation. Know another women been with her husband for more than 25 yrs. She had been the breadwinner for more than 20. She only has 3 kids from her husband and her husband has 7, he has fathered children outside the marriage. Not before the marriage. Let’s not forget how we also coddle are men too!! The amount of stories I hear about men who are abusers.
Girl 👏! My point but the wrong people clearly are not getting the message when it comes to marrying or having children. Plus, marriage does not equate to happiness. Some people that are always talking marriage are married to monsters and miserable in their relationships. If you’re married to your better half, good. If you’re happy with yourself, still good. Your choice is nobody else’s business.
Amen amen amen amen. Thank you for speaking on this. Regardless of where you come from, I think all women have experienced this to varying degrees. You are a smart woman and have insight that will take you far.
As a lesbian, when I came out to myself, I had to address my attempts to receive male validation, which I felt like I was not supposed to want. However, that is the way we have been trained, and male validation has been seen as power, when it is really a sign of pretty privilege and (often) stupidity. If men agree with you, you're probably wrong.
i love that you’re talking about this cuz it’s truly unbelievable how common this is. i’m haitian and it’s the same for us too. i decided to put myself first regardless of what people say. and it sucks hoe these marriages will be FILLED with abuse but they have to stay quiet on it because “that’s my husband” HUH?! yea no thank you
I'm here for this rant! I used to also hate it when mothers will say oh you can't clean oh you cant cook, is this what youll do in your husband's house. Pisses me off! I do ao much things by myself because i genuinely love my company and i am so grateful for all the things i have done in my life cause i did them myself.
Nothing pisses off more than “when you get married” comment. Why does it always boil down to marriage? Why do I have to learn something because it would be helpful when I get married? What about me? I’m not 20 yet but I’m so grateful that i realized it early because it just made me realize the reason why most older women crave a man’s validation so bad is because that’s all they have been taught to do! Support and care for a MAN.
Yes! I’m so glad I was a strong headed child and marriage was NEVER my main desire. I’m going to school to be a doctor and cook for myself thank you! And if I want to cook for a man it will be because I WANT to, not because he is treated like my child.
Liking and commenting because I emotionally can't sit through the video but want to boost it and support you speaking up on this. This is so much more common than we'd like to think.
Yes live your life! Don't let these men make you feel like you need to be in a rush to settle down or you'll "expire". Live your life on your own terms
I was desperate to be in my first relationship at 21 after having no attention from guys my whole life... I ended up getting married at 22 😮 at 24 now, im like wtf... Lol anyway my marraige crashed and burned because I wasnt ready and now i have a 1 year old. Dont get married but also dont even mess with guys, i didnt but i know a lot of girls might not want to get married but still get in relationships... Dont do any of it!!!
Yes, it's so true! When do women have time for themselves when they are conditioned at a young age to take care of everyone except themselves? This why women need to live their life in their 20s, learn to be independent, have a career and their own place, and travel the world. Marriage and kids only slows women down and anchors them to a [Redacted]. Women sacrifice everything once they get married and they lose themselves in the process.
Im a 46 year old woman and I'll tell you young ladies...learn to truly love yourself first which means you love God and know what you deserve. Live your life...have fun and be great! Love you all💚 And when a man shows the red flags...leave him immediately! Love does not hurt!
I am 17. Since the age 9 when I started developing, all I heard was “You’ve grown oh. Soon we will be celebrating your marriage” from my some of my family members, parent’s friends and village people and my parents would just laugh when these people say this. “What about your husband/children”, “This one you don’t like this food and don’t want to learn how to cook it, you must learn for your husband and children”, “Is this what you will do in your husband’s house?” “Don’t ever let me come to your husband’s house in the future and see him entering the kitchen or washing plate” and so many more. The worst part is that some of these are coming from MY parents. They say I’m misbehaving and growing wings. They expect that as soon as I finish my masters(I’m in university right now) and work for two years then I should marry after that and not be a career woman who is focused on work and won’t take care of her children. I stay in an apartment close to my school and my parents argue that I don’t come home often and that’s I’m running away from home. Why won’t I run when every time I come home they’ll make me angry with their words one way or the other. I can’t bear it anymore, sometimes I don’t even want to stay close to them because it just adds more mental stress to me 😢
I guess this is a sign 😌. TH-cam recommended this to me as if it’s reading my mind and heart. I had no choice but to subscribe few minutes in. Words of wisdom for someone as young as you. Thank you. African parents….. especially our mothers they won’t advise us to focus on our career whereby they never enjoy in their marriages but will be the first to prepare us for marriage at tender age! Ah. Women we suffer, chai!
Just SUBBED, YOU ARE MY DIVINE siSTAR🤎🪬💜🩷🪷⚖️🫶🏾🧿🥵🦉🍫 I learnt ALL THIS at 35 which is 3 YEARS AGO, keep SHARING, ILLUMINATING GODDESS, I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE WHO YOU BECOME ALREADY SHINING BRIGHT LIKE THE DAUGHTER OF STARS🛐✨🦄🤌🏾👏🏾🌞 OUR ANKHCESTARS ARE STANDING TALL🤌🏾👏🏾✨🛐🦉
Support groups link in WhatsApp: chat.whatsapp.com/LRB3pbXoSPlKpR4aZzzFas
The older I get, the more I realize getting married before 35 is too young.
Same
Facts! I still don’t feel ready at 32. Plus you still have time for children if you want them. Plenty of my relatives had children in their mid & late 30s and early 40s and they’re thriving better than if they did so in their 20s and early 30s.
It is indeed
Agreed
After 32 is the best age
Two things that I won’t let ruin my life:
1. Having a child
2. A man (any man).
I’m a 27-year-old African woman, and I’ve always known that nobody can fool me into doing these things. As an observer, I’ve seen the misery that women endure when they’re not financially free, and the dependence that comes with it as well as societal indoctrination into taking care of men (as if they’re incapable) (slaving themselves away) and having a child (a lifetime commitment). I have my degrees, I run my own business, and all I want is to grow, travel, and enjoy my life in peace.
Exact same thoughts
This! I love this for you! Growing up I learned pretty quickly that marriage and kids are a trap designed to slow women down. My mother made it known that she never wanted kids and that kids made it hard for her to live the life she wanted. And growing up and seeing how her toxic bfs treated her and how her current husband treats her made me realize that marriage doesn't benefit women at all.
I have always been career driven and now I'm in my 30s and I have a job, my own place and I'm childfree. My life is peaceful and stress-free as a result.
@@b1njjj95 peace baby, peace, that's the real price. Congratulations to you. Marriage can be so traumatic especially considering it's permanence!
@@livingstonemasuku1571 🙌🏾 Exactly!
Personally I don't think I ever want to get married 😊 I m too emotional n smth I have really abd anger issues 😢
"I'm a woman, I have value forever. My value is eternal, even if I'm dead!" 🙌🙌🙌
Amen🩷✨✨
Period ❤our value is so intrinsic flowing from our minds to our bodies to our intuition to our inner truths to our divinity being a woman is pure magic 🪄 🎉 that magic never expires
I started cooking and cleaning at age 9 my mum and brothers and father would literally be in the living room watching TV and laughing while i slave away,guess who's taken the torture and turned it into strength and now earns six figures and ignores the entire family yes me yes me!
Men will suck the energy out of you! I’m telling you
You won’t even be able to recognise yourself in the mirror!
😂😭
Imagine if a man said the same thing, when we're actually the ones expected to do everything. What an echo chamber
@FreshGuava161 Are we expecting something from you? If it was the case, we wouldn't be choosing not marry with you guys.
If you're not convinced yet, try then work AND raise your children all alone.
@@i_trollforfun3092This video wasn't meant for you, but for women. If they wake up, you guys can laugh as much as you want about our suffering. However, you guys will do it all alone, cause no lady will want to be next someone who treats her like nothing.
If you don't believe me, just see what's happening in South Korea rn ;)
Even women in happy marriages regret not having explored the world and ventured solo in their younger years. My great aunt is 90. She lived happily with her husband, had only one child, raised her and set her up for a successful life. The husband passed a way decades ago and sure, she kept living her life. She is still active, going to pilates and water aerobics class, cooking a whole feast every time someone visits her. During one of my visits, as I was sharing my travel experiences with her, although she was proud, there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. She said "I wish I had the courage to do these things when I was younger". She had the money, she had the time. But not the courage.
So I owe it to her, to my great grandma who got married off at 14, to my grandma that had 7 kids and crossed the country in search of a better life. I owe it to all of them to live this life without limitations. They sacrificed a lot so that I could be here today.
We are breaking cycles!
Perioddddd, I’m seriously proud of you and you are my inspiration 💖💖💖💖🧘🏽♀️
AMEN!!❤
Ah, beautifully said. 🤍
Hello. I love your video. I turned 25 this year and basically my friends are telling me to find a man and start planning marriage because i have grown old and need to be uner pressure to marry because I'm running out of time and soon men won't be checking for me 🙄 but STFU people, I'm thriving, studying my dream course and heading towards financial stability.
Edit: OMG!!!!! Thankyou so much for the likes❤ I'm famous yo
Yess girly, i like your mindset surrounding this issue!. What your feinds are doing is extremely dangerous, i personally believe that this is how many young girls and even older women end up in toxic narcissistic relationships that they later regret and can't get out of! As as woman, it’s not your job to find a man, if anything it should come to you or fall into place naturally, just like how i believe anything else happnes in this world. Yes, I like the fact that you are thriving and living your life doing the things you want. Marriage is not the ultimate life goal, the real ultimate life goal is freedom and freedom of expression as well as ones own mind. Keep going, most of these people pressuring you want you to be as miserabe as them. Don't fall for it and carry on living your life!!!!!!
Don't, I got married at 27. Educated was working moved to another country to join my husband, quit my job and was pregnant. A mess. Get financially stable and don't care if you're 30+ getting married.
Girl at 25 you are just a baby. Man abuse old woman, young woman, beautiful and ugly, educated and uneducated, dark skin and light skin. To them we are like furniture, I paid for you so I treat you however I want is the mindset. Stabilise yourself first
🤦🏽♀️ any older man who’s checking for younger woman is major red flag 🚩 anyway !
Parents be pushing the program heavy.
One thing I've always resented about my african upbringing was the negation to the plight back home. Like why tf do all our cultures push procreation (breeding) in the worst of circumstances? Why don't people have a visceral hunger for an economic and moral revolution to take place in africa to change the atrocious living conditions of so many and corruption? It's evil.
So true, it really boggles me, like if you really hate yourself that much it's fine but why not love your children enough to want better for them, I genuinely don't believe most Africans love children they just see them us a status symbol , you just have children for the sake of having children
So true, it really boggles me, like if you really hate yourself that much it's fine but why not love your children enough to want better for them, I genuinely don't believe most Africans love children they just see them us a status symbol , you just have children for the sake of having children
So true, it really boggles me, like if you really hate yourself that much it's fine but why not love your children enough to want better for them, I genuinely don't believe most Africans love children they just see them us a status symbol , you just have children for the sake of having children
So true, it really boggles me, like if you really hate yourself that much it's fine but why not love your children enough to want better for them, I genuinely don't believe most Africans love children they just see them us a status symbol , you just have children for the sake of having children
@nicole1859 💯💯. People pushing for more births are the evil ones, but they think they are righteous, especially pro-lifers. I miss my brother but before he died, we were both depressed, we talked about death and the end of the world a lot. He said he didn't want to travel abroad anymore, even though we shared a dream of traveling. We shared a sense of dread in the pandemic (I was 19, he was 16). Things have gotten tougher since then in different ways and my mom always says she's happy her son isn't here anymore. We are currently in the worst economy ever in Nigeria and Trump's reign next year is looking like a global economic crisis, yet she doesn't like to hear me say I might not get married 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️. It's like the cement of this bad ideology has hardened in her to the point that she can't bear to be logical. She's currently in a weird separation from my dax and she's doing well, but she called me one midnight to join a TH-cam program to pray for my future husband 😢😮😮. Mummy, Elon musk might be the anti-christ, why do you want me to bring babies here😅
"Get a child/get married when young so you can grow together" is such a common phrase. Never heard the same said about education, careers, businesses 🤔
I’m from the Caribbean; my family always reminds me to enjoy spending time with myself and not to believe I need to get married, for a good life. I’m glad they see me as a person, who is capable of existing individually.
I wish every girl’s family supported them like that; it’s heartbreaking to scroll through these comments. Lots of love sisters! 💌
You are lucky. Most families will break their women down
Lucky 😔
@@faithyande6702 Yeah, a hear from girls and ladies of many traditional countries, that even the older women in their families, who endured the pain of being a maid-servant wife; they pressure their daughter/s to follow the same fate.
I’m half West African and half East Indian descent, so if I were born where my ancestors were born, even in today’s age, I wouldn’t have the freedom to choose my life.
@@lianetepedro4737 ❤️
The average man is not husband material. It’s litteraly so nice to be single 😂❤❤
I really wish women could be cherished, protected, and let to enjoy their lives.
My father is a narcissistic womanizer… the positive side of that is… he refuses to allow anyone man to use his daughters or put his daughter in a position they are depending on a man… it’s more so that his narcissism doesn’t allow his children to be their own person they are an extension of him… they are his identity so he’ll never allow that for his image.
He told use it’s not a woman’s job to learn how to cook and clean it’s a survival skill everyone must acquire. Esp men b/c if a man can’t do for himself he will always need a woman around even if he can’t stand her.
Same girl even at 25 I don’t feel like I could ever be ready for that type of commitment but being Indian and being 25 is too old to get married lol people telling me I won’t find anyone after 5 months coz that’s all the time I have now to get married. But I’m strong and I’m going to stand my ground and do what I want to do with my life.
DONT ALLOW ANYONE TO PRESSURE YOU INTO ANYTHING!!! Most people forcely push the marriage narrative because they want you to be as miserable as them! If anything happens after they push you into it, you will be the one to bear the consequences only. Most of the advisers and promoters will disappear, they will be no where to be found. And like you said. Stay grounded and strong and do as you please with you life. Your value as a women isn’t based on a man by your side! Stay strong and keep thriving!!!!!!
You go girl!❤
I really thought I was alone and thought in those lines but im not thank God women are made for a higher purpose and they need to discover it.
Stand your ground girl. I’m 20 years older than you and I married when I was 25 , I’m miserable , bored and annoyed. I have not experienced anything in my life. Young women please marriage and having children is not a badge of honour.
@judithchisama9257 this!!!
The way you hit the nail on everything 🎯 "Those people who put presure on you, when you're in trouble they are nowhere to be seen."
I always keep this in mind that when married women are begging for help, the people who acted like the sky would fall if she didn't get married suddenly turn around and say "the affairs of married people are not our business" and they leave that woman to suffer.
That's when i realised that it wasn’t her being unmarried that was the issue, the real problem they had was seeing a woman living her life for herself. Culture and societal expectations hate the idea of women looking after themselves, they expect them to sacrifice for others so that they can say nice things about them at their funerals knowing that she went to the grave heartbroken and stressed beyond belief.
Same goes for people who pressure you into having kids, they disappear once you give in.
Wow 😮 all of this! 👏👏
You're so ✅️
True
Baby girl, you're so right. Live your life and spend more time with yourself . Marriage is not answer to everything
This, because if am just focused on finding a husband and doing what makes him ‘happy’ being “submissive “ and all that, then when do I actually have some time to myself? I don’t want the years to go by and all I’ve done was take care of men!!?? Nooo am living my life!
Exactly
SE asian here, but my family are just the exact same as this... everyone kept telling me to get married very quickly ever since I hit 18(I'm 25 now) wtf
Don’t buy into the pressure
Love this conversation. I've intentionally created a life centered around myself, in honor of my grandmothers who never had the choice to do so.
That’s so cute🥺 they deserve so much better!
15 and im telling you. my African parents cant go a day without talking about when you get married blah blah blah. If they took this time to teach me about my period, body and self love , it would have helped a lot. Im grateful for the internet, my other parents. When people complain on teens being on their phone too much, its probably cuz you dont talk to them. Ive decided that im going to adopt a child and use my precious adult time to talk to this child and raise them how i wish ive been raised. This mentality of marriage being put in children is vile, i want to talk of the new trendy shoes and swim in the beach, not about taking care of some man for the rest of my life. I don't even want a career too cuz it takes too much time out of my life and i like being with myself. So in the future, i wont get married rather ill focus on myself and have a mini me
So sorry girl continue focusing on self love and what you want 🫶🏽
I'm 45, got married and pregnant at 18. I don't regret my child, but I wish I would have learned to love myself and be by myself. My husband is only a year older, but he was really hard to live with. He stressed me out. I did so much for us to have a good life, but he still cheated. That was an eye-opening experience. Please take time for yourself and love yourself. 🙏🏾
15?
Is that not like child abuse?
😂
Beautiful!!
I love this for you! Create the life you want💚
''I'm moving from a one house to another, when do I have time to myself?' I'm almost 30 and it's the first time that I hear those words from someone else's mouth. I'm the youngest in my family and I've been the designed maid in my parent house my whole life. I've been taking care of everyone but myself. And like you said some women don't realize that until it's sometime too late. I started thinking like this just 2 years ago. i wanna live my life the way i want without thinking about when am I gonna be a manchild's maid.
I am African as well and honestly what you said is right. Each time I have a conversation about my plans in uni and they respond, they never mention having a good career. They always manage to imply that immediately after uni i will get married.
Not once did they mention my career
@@christysong9578 same omg it was always the same for meee!!! Before I even started uni they keep on implying about me getting my degree and then getting married to have kids? Like?? That’s all the spoke about! Not career, travelling the world, finding my passion, finding myself, there are a whole lot more to do in this world thank just finishing uni then getting married to have kids. I hated hearing it! Everyone is just on and on about this like really!!????
The pressure even comes from outsiders. When I used to take the train to uni, there was a group of older women (you could see how haggard and broken down they were) who would harass me about why I was bothering with wasting all this time to finish a degree when all I should be doing is finding a husband.
Mind you, a few of them were clearly being abused by their own spouses at home. Sometimes it's just people who want to pull you all down to suffer alongside them
@@cyanrose499misery loves company
Right??? I am even told that i need to find a man now because when i become successful as a woman or too successful men will be afraid to marry me 🙄
@@Kanji220 I was told the same thing by my grandpa. Who said I should hurry up and get married (19 at the time) and I should wasn’t my time getting degrees others men will be afraid to approach me. So in other words I should limit myself and downgrade myself for a man!!!?!!! Absolutely not!
Society generally pressures women to get married early because once our prefrontal cortex is fully developed ( around 28/30) and we can executive our lives perfectly we become a " menace" and can't tolerate abuse. 😮
It really infuriates me how somehow I'm "too young to decide that I don't want kids" but girls my age who know they want kids are old enough to decide. I can't breathe without someone asking me when I'll start dating and having children, like?? I don't want that, leave me alone!
“My value is eternal” 👏🏼👏🏼
Yes say it louder!!!
I’m happy to see these women wanting more for themselves and putting themselves first.
Yes, and I’m looking at society as in when did all this catering to men come about lol. In nature, the female tends to easily get rid of the male after mating for example. Them tarantulas tend to eat their male partners for example
I am African American and I believe that I was groomed for abuse as well, I am 33 with an 11 year old and 9 year old. Their father is Ethiopian. Let's just say.... my life is not exempt from knowing what abuse is about. I am so proud of all of these young ladies growing up and finding their voice and freedom. I love it. I can say as an older woman, I am so happy for you all and do not let older women who hate their lives throw your confidence down.
I am currently suffering the blows of low self esteem and not having the money to move away. Please take this as a lesson, do not get into the relationship before you live for YOU !
0:35 “self-love is not selfish”😫😭🙌🏾
She said it perfecty!
I am an American mother and I have always told my daughters to go out and enjoy life. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Travel . everything that you are saying is correct. Live your life, you only have one. love you. . Respect yourself and speak highly of yourself Because when you find the right man you Will? know, you're worth. You Will?know what you deserve? And if you don't get it from him, you won't want him. when you say it's time and if you want to get married, get married, but not because someone said you should because you Want to . And just always be safe.
Because of the suffering of women, this is the reason why sometimes I hesitate to evn have a child at all in the future and get married. And it pisses the heck out of me on how ppl still think some way that men are babies and need to be taken care of. How stupid. If i ever have a man, he better learn that i am a woman, your wife and not your mom. I am a mom to my kids and not you.
@@magnetic06 Exactly, so so stupid! My mother said the same thing about men being like kids. I was about 15 at the time and I said to myself. Are you fricking joking!!?!!?? That’s a grown human being right there and you’re telling me they’re are like! Like have you lost your mind? How does it feel either way that coming out of your mouth?!! I was like, well, if you let him be a kid with you, not me. Absolute nonsense!
I’m in my late 40s and was a single mom the whole time I was married. I was groomed and pushed to be married. I am lesbian and it felt like endless SA. I realised in my 30s but he was abusive so it took until 45 to leave. There was economic abuse. I taught my 3 daughters not to marry unless the feel really strongly and not before 35. My middle child will be 19 in December and going on her first holiday with my sister. Just to discover and learn to travel. So she has the confidence and savvy to travel with friends. I am a first child of my African parents who are titled. Iwas crushed by expectations. Don’t let ANYONE con you. Marriage is horrible for women. I defied my parents and thought I would satisfy my parents and be safer in an interracial marriage after abuse from African men. It was the same partly because I didn’t know who I was, how to navigate the world, carrying the abuse of my childhood, suppressing emotions. Look after yourself first.
I never feel lonely. I love my company and my God who is with me every moment. I make myself laugh, cry, sing and dance. I am my own soulmate and my God is the love of my eternity ❤️ I pray this type of love finds every young African girlie 💕
I am glad to see african women embracing some topics of feminism. People distorce what this movement is in a pathetic attempt to demoralize it. Those people (mostly bad intentioned men) try to make it seem that some absurd speeches or behavior of a few radical feminists are actually more problematic than men killing, abusing, and exploring women and young girls systematically.
Once women understand the difference between an individual problem and a social one, most of their fallacious discourse will fall apart.
💯 My value is eternal. Other people opinions are projections and illusion. I'm 31 and still feel baby. I'm finally learning the world and my mission. Marriage does benefits the man and it drains us woman energy. No kids and single is the new way. Soft life and empowered. Man can't use us anymore. Shine bright like the sun 🔆 don't feel compatible with man either. I have happiness within me and stay close to my Creator and the people who walk on this path. Loneliness is a state of mind. As long as I nourishe my soul mind and body . I stay fulfilled 🧡
Yesss this!!! Am so glad you commented cause this is exactly how I think! Our value is eternal even after death, these PDF still messes with our 💀bodies 🤮. They do 💯 drain our energy almost all marriage women I’ve seen are miserable! And yes all their advice are projection and want you to be as miserable as them. They want to see you suffer to make themselves feel better!
New suscriber
Not to mention you can still feel lonely in marriage. Most men don't even give you enough time so you still feel lonely while being with a man. Tbh I felt less lonely in my single years than when I dealt with a man. Then your energy is consumed in why hasn't he texted me, why his energy is off and your entire day is consumed by overthinking and you're unhappy. Meanwhile being single you don't even care about anything like that and it's peaceful. Women don't feel loneliness being single like men do. Every man I've dated told me "you cured my loneliness" or I've heard my male friends telling me how lonely they feel when they are single. But for me and all of my female friends we never felt loneliness when we are single. The fear of "you'll die alone" is a projection of men, they fear that and they want us women to fear the same. But it's very different for us. According to research and even my personal observation the happiest women are childfree and single.
@@GoddessSignature I think untill the masculine submits to the feminine and stops dominating or controlling her and he understands how to replenish her energy. He is not worth it and most man are takers and secretly despise woman or jealous so they lack empathy for us. The one I admire are characters in my anime where the man is embodying his masculine energy and knows how to give to the feminine and submits to her. This is why man bow down one knee to ask for your hand because it means I submit to you and to do as you say but religion and society has lied to man and conditioned to believe that a woman must submit to a man and control the feminine which disrupts the flow of the energy of the feminine. I choose single because I haven't met a man who is willing to submit to me and submission doesn't mean the way the masculine views they perverted. Submission is beautiful from the masculine is beautiful and powerful. I see it in the old days it's very rare. Only a man who is strong and courageous can submit to a woman. Nowadays they even conditioned woman to propose which is sad because they let them take the masculine role and that will drain her. It's important he submits the feminine does not need submission. She naturally will respect him and give herself willingly and proudly because he submits but what sort of man will do that nowadays most of them are perverts and will submit for fetish reasons only. But that's not true submission.
Wow as an African man(18) I never considered this, I just thought it was normal.
Now that I think about it, my mother would tell me and my sister"is that what you would do in your husband's house or is this what you would do when you get married".
stuff like that.
I'm still under twenty,I definitely agree with you. My mother literally always uses the 'Is this what you would do in your husband's house. You will not get a maid' line to make me do things. I know it's important to know how to cook,but I don't want to learn it because someone would make me a wife. I'm too busy trying to make money and be who I want to be.
The parents don't understand that not every woman and man needs to get married,that is an option.
"My value is eternal" exactly ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 this is so true for all of us women. We dont nee to get married an have children to determine out values. And i relate to a lot of the points you say because I myself am an african daughter and hear it alll the time too 😭
Yes our value isn’t based on having a predator and a soul sucking creature by our side!!!
And if you’re the African daughter who refuses to be a maid you’re called lazy 😐
Ur right when they say to me ur lazy I said yh am lazy n walk away😁
Me😂
the fact that you're 22 & have this mindset (that some 60yrs haven't developed yet) is a HUGE blessing ! i absolutely love to see it 🤍
I started having disagreements talks with my mum anytime she uses the phrase “As a woman” and I am glad I realized it at 23-24. Women need a period to stay single and figure out what they want and if they really want marriage and kids or it’s just society that has ingrained it into us.
10:35 "men and women aren't compatible"? That explains why I've been single going on 7 years 😂😂😂😂
Lmao, I mean like just look around you, you don’t even have to engage to know!
@@GoddessSignatureFacts sis you said a whole mouth full. You really don’t have to engage and you see it clear as day. 💯👏🏽
I am going to turn 28 years old at the end of this year and I had my daughter when I was 23
I tried to find myself in relationships by finding identity and being a caregiver and being a girlfriend and practicing being a wife and I would have saved a lot of time energy money and sanity by learning myself a different way
Jumping into committed relationships and having a family and getting married takes a lot out of you and if you don't have an established identity or a life beforehand it can be a lot and it is a burden and a huge responsibility
Keep being selfish and taking your time and doing things that you want to do so youre fulfilled
I'm in a happy relationship but I still want my independence and I'm going to keep working on my identity outside of other people including my kid
very good advice
Those coming straight from TikTok saying heyyyy😊
1:02 this is so true! And it’s something I really don’t like about African culture. It’s so sad but you’re totally right when saying we are groomed into it because i definitely remember being told “what you gonna do when you have a husband” like wth women are not slaves tf!
I just want to say, do you not think these same words are being said to African Men. About the type of husband they should be? I am just curious. The culture actually is harder more on women. But the culture also has expection for the men. Food for thought. I want us humans to have healthy conversation instead of basing every conversation about our feelings. Your feeling are valid. But when you think it important to see think in not one light.
@ that’s a good point. But like you mentioned it’s definitely way harder on women. The men have expectations but guess what? Majority of the time they don’t meet those expectations. so our women are literally left to do things themselves.
@sivialove475 I believe people should come in the table with something. It varies for everyone. I don't support men who don't bring something to the table.( ex. A men who value himself and is not self centered) And you shouldn't too. I learned that in life you entertain people worth your time. Whether it is relationship or career. You pour water on people who pour water on you. ( This is because both men and woman are naturally selfish. Everyone thinks they are right. )
@@AstridPresley You are COMPLETELY missing the point. The point is without taking the time to live your own life and learn and love yourself then you will take any man just for the sake of having one. Yes, men in all walks of life are told to get a wife, but they aren't PREPPED and bred for it, which is why men expect women to be a counselor, chef, maid, teacher, nurse, etc. Boys may have household chores but they are made to believe that that stops the moment that you get a wife. They aren't taught to continue to be a helping hand to your partner and women end up doing all the work.
@Heat_Rush I believe woman are finally starting to do what most men are doing. But if you choose to be partner you Don't have as much time as men. Additionally I believe woman should not date while young. We tried to not listen to our mother's but they honestly know best. I suggest you talk to your mom. I learn a lot of dating stuff from my mom. Some where outdated some where valid.
i'm so proud of you! you are younger than me. i'm a millennial and i got married young, divorced now but my daughters are gen z like yourself. i realized all you're talking about in my late 20's. and still grateful i made it out. i've seen few ladies older than me and still man centered.....women and girls also matter. we have a purpose in this life as well. i'm soooo happy for you. the sooner the better.
Good to hear young women speak like this!! You do not need a man to validate you with marriage. Love and protect yourself!
I’ve literally been saying this. I’m just glad we’re all starting to wake up. I don’t care if I’m a crazy cat lady 😂 at least I’m not a ‘modern day slave’.
It's time we stop counting marriage and children as one of our achievements. See, having a good partner and a happy family with kids is good but it's definitely not something that I will ever count as my achievements.
Most don't even achieve that 😭
It’s definitely an achievement. Especially nowadays
@@hellosunshinek6883 having a good partner? Sure. But marriage in general??? Nahhhh...
@ having a healthy partner leads to a healthy marriage which is definitely an achievement in todays world.
@@hellosunshinek6883 I don't think you got the point of this whole video and my comment. Google it maybe.
Thissss!!! Ive seen so many african women abused badly and the family just brush it off and beg her to stay
So young and smart and sensible, well done . I’m 40 watching you and relearning because I wasn’t as intelligent, they shoved marriage down my throat and I accepted it, threw away any education and focused on having children for the wrong man. May life is almost wasted the only thing I have to show for it is children
You are 40, not dead or decrepit! You did your best, outstanding even, with what you knew. You have so many years ahead of you to live a new life. Your past was there to teach you and hopefully guide others!
40yrs young, you got this.
Please don’t be hard on yourself mama, you still have life in you. You can start a business, go to school, and be a guide to your kids. 💕🙏🏽
You have so much time for the life you want sis, especially if your children are older. Go back to school, get you a fulfilling career, you'll gain some friends along the way and travel, travel, travel. This is the perfect time. The rest of your life should be all about you and YOUR happiness.
I am also 22 years old and you just voiced all my thoughts and concerns I’ve been having.
Why is it that I feel like time is running out, and I’m already "too old to get married"? I def think the pressure from the family is a HUGE factor, as well as the comparison that parents make between you and your peers.
Thank you for making this video ❤
Yess I like your point on: how is it that am only 22 and time is running out already?? Absolutely ridiculous because at this age what do you even know about life to make such a long impacting decision as 22, also with pressure?? Talking about it’s better to have kids at a young age and get married early. Most women who gets married in the early 20s ends up regretting with reasons such as they didn’t know who there were or what they were doing, they were just pushed into it. Some of these women reach their 30s and mid 30 before they know who they are and what they really want in life because all their life they’ve been listening to other other people instead of themselves. Everyone is saying do this, everyone is saying do that!!!. I feel like this is a very important stage in ones life. To know who you are and discover yourself to think and accept whether you want is what you really want or it’s for the approval of others! So I highly recommend you do this, don’t allow anyone to pressure you into anything! Never! go at your own pass. There is no such thing as time running out! Take your time but don’t waste time!
Yes most mothers hate their children and husband and continue to advise women to get married and have children. The blind leading the deaf fr. We are worth more than being mothers and wives
i started being the maid at 12 yrs taking care of house laundry cooking cleaning raised others kids went to uni got the degrees came back home to look after parents and family again now im 41 no kids no husband now that i have told them im gonna live my life for me they totally cut me off
i’ve realized very early from seeing the women around me that i would never live like that. I don’t want kids or men.
Facts! Don’t have any desire to be a maid, sex slave or a pushover
Same I don’t want kids in the future
You spoke a truth which many people can’t digest. Marriage is like many other institutions out there and one can either choose to go for it or not. But one being shamed and most of the times in society women being brained washed that it the most important thing one must do is ridiculous.In my opinion there more to life for yourself, you should live for you, go on the journey for personal growth, discover and happiness for you and not someone Else. Don’t pressurize yourself to conform to the society, that society which judges you won’t halt a day for you.
This is exactly how I think. I just couldn’t understand why marriage was pushed the most onto women by society, religion and at home, when there’s so much more to discover in this world! Once you get marriage, all that is limited! The women also ends up sacrificing her dreams to help the man build his who then ends up leaving her anywhere, meanwhile if I invest all that time into building someone else’s son into myself and life, I will be way further in life! Women doesn’t needs men, men needs us to live longer and be successful!! But they’ve switched all that around. You just need yourself and other women who aren’t jealous nor envious you!
They push marriage onto women because it benefits men. They don't care whether it benefits you as a woman. Everything is in service of men.
People act like if you don't reach the end of your life as a married person, then you'll get dragged straight to hell or something.
There's a serious fear of being unmarried, it's reached the point of paranoia
I’m actually not against getting married young. The issue is a lot of men don’t take the marriage seriously or do their part. They see their wife as an object and not as their other half.
"My value is eternal" exactly ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 i believe this whatsoever if i do or dont get married or have children as an African daughter ❤️🔥
Yes our value and status on society isn’t based on that! We are not just here to push out babies. The world is overpopulated anyway it’s time for some clearance!
@@GoddessSignatureyesss💜
The title aloneeeee ❤❤
Aww thanks hun, more coming❤🥹
I’m so proud of you. And to see more young African women speaking this way.
Thank for you for this video, I’m Caribbean and while we have those sentiments, the Caribbean is traditional matriarchal society, so we have a large sense of Independence in women. When I got to university I was really shocked and disappointed by the way the African girls interacted with men. All (and I’m not exaggerating) the girls were surrounding themselves with abusers. I didn’t realize this until I was victimized by their friends and they said i knew what I was doing choosing a man like that, ( they told me I was stupid because that’s the type of guys their friends are)..It was so disgusting I feel sorry for a lot of them, they are genuinely fighting so hard to get married to men that hate.
Africa has one hundred different cultures. Which Girls were you describing?
I'm happy that I have found my people. I have been saying this!!!!
I am glad this video found you🥹
Girl what is you skin care routine, you skin look like butter ❤
Coming soon! Thank you so much!
I am from Morocco I swear we have this problem too… they are crazy
You are so beautiful 🥹☺️
I agree with you. They’re cray cray that’s all they think about. And that’s how their whole life has been. How can you just love a life of marriage and doing everything you can to please your husband and just staying indoors doing nothing but cooing, cleaning and nannying!! Some of these women have no career, dreams crushed as they sacrificed themselves for their husband and children, no travelling experience. Some completely stop working after marriage/kids!! Cooking large meals etc! This was literally your life and you want the same for me?? YOU HATE ME PERIOD. This is how some of them also think: ‘if I went through it then you have to go through it too otherwise that makes you better person or like the healthy one! Sickening!!!!
❤ great points. Nobody is fit to marry until they learn to love their own presence. You do you boo 😊
I agree
The sad part for me personally is that I rejected any form of the typical gender roles of cooking,homemaking, sewing etc because I absolutely hated that I had to do all these things for this husband ,who is that guy anyway? Now at 26 I realise that these things are essential life skills any person should know and be able to do for themselves. I still don't necessarily get the concept of marriage but it can be a beautiful for those who wish to experience it. It shouldn't be forced on anyone , especially young girls. Don't get started on babies ...
I will enjoy learning these life skills at my own pace at my own time to please and grow myself.
Well done for this ❤
Take your time girls enjoy your youth, trust me you won’t regret it.
Start that small business, travel, do that course, learn a new skill.
The more you better yourself, the more your likelihood to meet someone in that caliber.
You’ll be better smarter, calmer and not in survival mode.
Yours,
A sister from another mother ❤
Young Wise Woman, Desperation is not a good look at any age. Self discovery and development will primarily help you to live a fulfilled life. Along the way you will attract a man with like mindsets who have also value, respect and appreciate a woman with a personality, a soulmate even. All you do to please yourself will also intrigue and make him willing to work for your love. Better than taking what you get like a hasty online purchase.
@@bedinabebe4521 you don't get the point in the video. Men are stress givers! Period!
I was going to New Orleans by myself and I remember my mother saying “yall keep going places that you should have a husband with before going.” This women never had a honeymoon and her husband has doesn’t more money on cars that get repossessed than he ever spent on her to go on a vacation. Know another women been with her husband for more than 25 yrs. She had been the breadwinner for more than 20. She only has 3 kids from her husband and her husband has 7, he has fathered children outside the marriage. Not before the marriage. Let’s not forget how we also coddle are men too!! The amount of stories I hear about men who are abusers.
Girl 👏! My point but the wrong people clearly are not getting the message when it comes to marrying or having children. Plus, marriage does not equate to happiness. Some people that are always talking marriage are married to monsters and miserable in their relationships. If you’re married to your better half, good. If you’re happy with yourself, still good. Your choice is nobody else’s business.
Amen amen amen amen. Thank you for speaking on this. Regardless of where you come from, I think all women have experienced this to varying degrees. You are a smart woman and have insight that will take you far.
My value is eternal 🙏🏾
As a lesbian, when I came out to myself, I had to address my attempts to receive male validation, which I felt like I was not supposed to want. However, that is the way we have been trained, and male validation has been seen as power, when it is really a sign of pretty privilege and (often) stupidity. If men agree with you, you're probably wrong.
i love that you’re talking about this cuz it’s truly unbelievable how common this is. i’m haitian and it’s the same for us too. i decided to put myself first regardless of what people say. and it sucks hoe these marriages will be FILLED with abuse but they have to stay quiet on it because “that’s my husband” HUH?! yea no thank you
i’m so glad there’s girls like me out there
So proud of you girl. Please live your best life and let God guide you👏👏
I'm here for this rant! I used to also hate it when mothers will say oh you can't clean oh you cant cook, is this what youll do in your husband's house. Pisses me off! I do ao much things by myself because i genuinely love my company and i am so grateful for all the things i have done in my life cause i did them myself.
this is priceless information
The thank you 🥺
Nothing pisses off more than “when you get married” comment. Why does it always boil down to marriage? Why do I have to learn something because it would be helpful when I get married? What about me? I’m not 20 yet but I’m so grateful that i realized it early because it just made me realize the reason why most older women crave a man’s validation so bad is because that’s all they have been taught to do! Support and care for a MAN.
Even in the society, people treat you better when you’re attached to a man. clubs, landlords, etc
Bro, I was so entranced with what you were saying, to the point the video passed by so quickly for me! You go girl!
Aww bless your heart!!! You’re so self aware and it will serve you in the long run 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
2:15 so true,they always say: if you don't know how to clean who's goning to marry you?? As if my whole life is to serve a man😒.
Yes! I’m so glad I was a strong headed child and marriage was NEVER my main desire. I’m going to school to be a doctor and cook for myself thank you! And if I want to cook for a man it will be because I WANT to, not because he is treated like my child.
Liking and commenting because I emotionally can't sit through the video but want to boost it and support you speaking up on this. This is so much more common than we'd like to think.
Yes live your life! Don't let these men make you feel like you need to be in a rush to settle down or you'll "expire". Live your life on your own terms
YES AFRICAN GIRLS ARISEEEE ❤❤❤❤❤
Not just marry when they want you to, but who they want you to. Sigh.
❤ thank you
Well said, Trinidad 🇹🇹 here.
Thank you!
Yes! Nothing but facts spoken! 💯
I was desperate to be in my first relationship at 21 after having no attention from guys my whole life... I ended up getting married at 22 😮 at 24 now, im like wtf... Lol anyway my marraige crashed and burned because I wasnt ready and now i have a 1 year old. Dont get married but also dont even mess with guys, i didnt but i know a lot of girls might not want to get married but still get in relationships... Dont do any of it!!!
Yes, it's so true! When do women have time for themselves when they are conditioned at a young age to take care of everyone except themselves? This why women need to live their life in their 20s, learn to be independent, have a career and their own place, and travel the world. Marriage and kids only slows women down and anchors them to a [Redacted]. Women sacrifice everything once they get married and they lose themselves in the process.
Im a 46 year old woman and I'll tell you young ladies...learn to truly love yourself first which means you love God and know what you deserve. Live your life...have fun and be great! Love you all💚
And when a man shows the red flags...leave him immediately! Love does not hurt!
"The main character in Flushed Away" Ayo! That took me out! 🤣🤣
Fr🤣
I busted out laughing when she said that 😂😂😂
I am 17. Since the age 9 when I started developing, all I heard was “You’ve grown oh. Soon we will be celebrating your marriage” from my some of my family members, parent’s friends and village people and my parents would just laugh when these people say this. “What about your husband/children”, “This one you don’t like this food and don’t want to learn how to cook it, you must learn for your husband and children”, “Is this what you will do in your husband’s house?” “Don’t ever let me come to your husband’s house in the future and see him entering the kitchen or washing plate” and so many more. The worst part is that some of these are coming from MY parents. They say I’m misbehaving and growing wings. They expect that as soon as I finish my masters(I’m in university right now) and work for two years then I should marry after that and not be a career woman who is focused on work and won’t take care of her children. I stay in an apartment close to my school and my parents argue that I don’t come home often and that’s I’m running away from home. Why won’t I run when every time I come home they’ll make me angry with their words one way or the other. I can’t bear it anymore, sometimes I don’t even want to stay close to them because it just adds more mental stress to me 😢
Even if I'm dead i still have my value 😂😂😂😂. I like that
I guess this is a sign 😌. TH-cam recommended this to me as if it’s reading my mind and heart. I had no choice but to subscribe few minutes in. Words of wisdom for someone as young as you. Thank you. African parents….. especially our mothers they won’t advise us to focus on our career whereby they never enjoy in their marriages but will be the first to prepare us for marriage at tender age! Ah. Women we suffer, chai!
Facts on Facts we want a part 2 and 3
@@Shineynsparkles Awww this is a privilege to hear, I was just planning part too, so it’s coming out soon🥹🥰
@ yay
Yes!!!! “I am a woman. I have value forever.” Put that on a shirt. 🫰
I've found a gem! I've been thinking these thoughts as well
Just SUBBED, YOU ARE MY DIVINE siSTAR🤎🪬💜🩷🪷⚖️🫶🏾🧿🥵🦉🍫
I learnt ALL THIS at 35 which is 3 YEARS AGO, keep SHARING, ILLUMINATING GODDESS, I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE WHO YOU BECOME ALREADY SHINING BRIGHT LIKE THE DAUGHTER OF STARS🛐✨🦄🤌🏾👏🏾🌞
OUR ANKHCESTARS ARE STANDING TALL🤌🏾👏🏾✨🛐🦉