Never Chase For His Attention, Do THIS 1 Thing Instead

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 พ.ย. 2024
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    Let's face it, it's very unattractive when a person chases another especially when it comes to getting their attention.
    This is why chasing, whether it's a man or a woman doing it is usually a turn off even though women have been conditioned to be chased by men.
    But let's get real for a second, have you ever had a man chase you and then disappear? And worse, you went after him when he pulled away.
    In today's video, we are going to explore the DEEPEr misconceptions around chasing and I better way to connect when you want your partners' attention.
    Let's talk about... Never Chase For His Attention, Do THIS 1 Thing Instead

ความคิดเห็น • 997

  • @louisemc3680
    @louisemc3680 3 ปีที่แล้ว +440

    'Never chase a guy and never invest more than he's investing in you.'- great advice as always Jonathon!

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      thx

    • @julietkwaha5868
      @julietkwaha5868 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      ❣️

    • @subodhaharshani5646
      @subodhaharshani5646 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Very true

    • @mabakoenasekano8183
      @mabakoenasekano8183 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Jonathan I have just discovered you a couple of weeks ago. I'm extremely grateful you exist!!!!!
      Please do inform me how to belong to your VIP group?
      Many thanks!
      And call me Mabs.

    • @cherieknight7931
      @cherieknight7931 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Thank you, Jonathan!!!

  • @pattymurphy3593
    @pattymurphy3593 3 ปีที่แล้ว +461

    Everything changed for me when I took your advice and stopped chasing. I’m now in a relationship with an adult man who honors and respects my standards Thank you Jonathan

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      WOW! Love reading this... happy for you and thank you.

    • @pattymurphy3593
      @pattymurphy3593 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@JonathonAslay thank you!

    • @klddere3734
      @klddere3734 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Good for you!

    • @pattymurphy3593
      @pattymurphy3593 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@klddere3734 thank you!

    • @savoir777faire
      @savoir777faire 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Good for you!!!

  • @supramkiv1330
    @supramkiv1330 3 ปีที่แล้ว +247

    The best relationship you will ever have is one within your self.

    • @anahataveda8248
      @anahataveda8248 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Greatest love of all just popped into my mind ❤️

    • @suegreengranite2002
      @suegreengranite2002 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Oh you are right! Trying to get there

    • @kimturner9309
      @kimturner9309 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      This might sound odd but how do you start off starting to love yourself. I understand the concept. I think I need a little push off!

    • @anahataveda8248
      @anahataveda8248 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@kimturner9309 honestly, the littlest things add up. Getting a massage, meditating, painting, writing affirmations, connecting with people who truly care, getting your nails done, taking a salt bath. Wearing things that make you feel and look great. When I first started to do these things it felt weird but I wasn’t used to caring about myself but slowly it’ll add up.

    • @tdedera6900
      @tdedera6900 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      We have a deal!

  • @delphinenyirahabimanam.d.8510
    @delphinenyirahabimanam.d.8510 3 ปีที่แล้ว +195

    Never chase a man, CHASE YOURSELF instead! This video is just powerful.

    • @graceruano
      @graceruano 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I agree

    • @sonya7391
      @sonya7391 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      You're cool!
      I have been emotionally and physically dormant and in hibernation for 17yrs to raise my twin children. I didn't date or enter into any relationships. For all those years I grew to know, love and forgive myself. I knew what I wanted in a partner. During early stages of covid lockdown, and through social media, I reconnected with an old acquaintance. After 5 months of conversing, we went on a date and we are still seeing each other. In the beginning, I said lets be friends with benefits bc I was deathly afraid of intimacy, and being vulnerable. He wanted a committed monogamous relationship. I think deep down inside I wanted that as well but too chicken shit to jump in. He told me he loved me after 2 months. As time passed, I got to know what this guy was all about and I liked who he was. I fell madly in love with him. Now, the motherfucker is not parallel with me. He's fallen back. I feel like I am chasing him always wanting to be with him. On one hand he says he would like to see me more often than he does, but on the other hand he is satisfied to wait until friday night (weekends). Like what the fuck is that?? Im 52, a damn good catch, and too old to be dealing with this crap. However, the love and respect I had for myself has gone out the window. I can't bring myself to end it. I feel like I've gone mad.

    • @patriciaekomy7955
      @patriciaekomy7955 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Morning,i'am from Gabon and french speaking,i like your topic

    • @delphinenyirahabimanam.d.8510
      @delphinenyirahabimanam.d.8510 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@patriciaekomy7955 I'm glad! CHASE YOURSELF, it's the only way to be happy in life!

  • @milachyc88
    @milachyc88 3 ปีที่แล้ว +179

    I never chase men to be honest, like I let them know that I’m interested but if they are super slow I’m moving on. I cannot do slow, you need to speak up and act

    • @donnawoodford6641
      @donnawoodford6641 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      I was interested in a person for months, regularly talking with him after church, but he never invited me to have tea or coffee. I told him I had moved hours away. He wanted to come see me. I said, "No". And so if a man doesn't take simple action and invite, I have no use for him.

    • @angelsandocean2853
      @angelsandocean2853 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I don't know how to speed up things. The guy is super nice and super slow😀

    • @michellewall6748
      @michellewall6748 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I couldn’t agree more......losers!

    • @lynnehayes5766
      @lynnehayes5766 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Exactly. He likes you and wants to be with you or not. Don't hang around for that. He's involved or afraid or whatever. Don't waste your time thinking on someone who is not thinking on you!!
      Wake up Bitches 😎❤💜💙

  • @annelang514
    @annelang514 3 ปีที่แล้ว +100

    I made the mistake of investing my time and energy into a relationship that wasn't going anywhere so I left and refuse to waste my time and energy on someone who isn't prepared to make the same effort as me.

  • @kopsie6379
    @kopsie6379 3 ปีที่แล้ว +85

    Healthy relationships are reciprocal. When one consistently gives more than the other, resentment eventually sets it.

  • @allyoureallyneedisselflove3692
    @allyoureallyneedisselflove3692 3 ปีที่แล้ว +53

    Funny how he gets passionate and louder 😂 You sound like the coolest dad who could have taught me all this stuff growing up !❤️ Thank you !!

  • @vhayashi7369
    @vhayashi7369 3 ปีที่แล้ว +136

    He's Right! I have set my standards and I'm alone! I won't accept breadcrumbs or abuse! 😂

  • @heather569
    @heather569 3 ปีที่แล้ว +144

    “I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself.” Yep. Recovering Codependent Love Addict right here 🙋‍♀️ Learning how to love myself first and not to put the undue and insurmountable pressure on someone else to care for or love me. I never knew that was unhealthy until I started diving in. Total game changer!
    Not sure where I heard this but I wrote it down...
    “You must love yourself in order to not lose yourself to someone else.” Furthermore I love this quote in Pia Melody’s book Facing Love Addiction, “....we need to develop a relationship with an appropriate higher power a power greater than ourselves that is not another human being...”
    Great subject and another great video. Thank you 🙏

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      First off, thank you and well said. Connect with our higher power... 🙏

    • @cristinaperezmoncada8595
      @cristinaperezmoncada8595 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yes. That higher power for my life is the love & peace.I feel.when I 🙏 and .ask to the Creator of life, everyday and couple of times.during the day. .Best wishes and thanks for your great comment! Wich is precious. 🙂

    • @topkat8268
      @topkat8268 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Clueless, yes that's the men l meet

    • @retrogirl2443
      @retrogirl2443 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Codependent No More says goodbye to the doormat, fixer, and pleaser. We are all valuable as
      equals investing no more or no less. That attitude has helped me recognize unhealthy people! I can smell them a mile away now. I keep hearing Jonathan saying, “Ladies don’t give your power away” and that’s the key.

    • @user-pj6fo5nv2h
      @user-pj6fo5nv2h 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      What a rich, informative comment. Thank You 😇

  • @clc1003
    @clc1003 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    You hit the nail on the head about resolving childhood issues. I lost my father when I was three years old and never felt worthy of a man loving me. Now I am in my late 50’s and met the man of my life. I believe it was because I decided to teach a man how to treat me. Respect myself & tell him your expectations prior to sex.

  • @parfecto7716
    @parfecto7716 3 ปีที่แล้ว +107

    Jon, that's not only an American way of thinking. I live in Eastern Europe and that's exactly what happens in dating mainly because people are not developing a good character, it's so hard to build a healthy relationship, it's so hard to rely on somebody and especially to get a man to commit. So women are on the edge of dispair, they either chase men, or they settle for someone lower than themselves just to avoid loneliness. I'm 43, a single mother, and building my self esteem and keeping well my standards. I've been dating this year and one thing is very clear. Men do not want a stable and exclusive relationship. Maybe because everyone is open to anything. So if a guy can't have what he wants with a certain woman, no problem, he will get it from another one. Sorry for the long text :) and thank you for always reminding me of my beauty and worth! God bless you!

    • @vhayashi7369
      @vhayashi7369 3 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Yep Exactly!!!! They don't want to commit to a relationship! I gave up! I'm not chasing! I'm 43 also and a single mom of two kids! I am having the same experience!!! It's horrible and I quit! Being Happy by myself!

    • @parfecto7716
      @parfecto7716 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      @@vhayashi7369 i understand you very well! Take care of yourself and your kids and keep your peace, it's more important than anything. Hugs from Romania!

    • @parfecto7716
      @parfecto7716 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      @Citizens Arrest thanks for sharing your experience. Still, I wonder what some women do to get high value men... I know couples around me where he is a great husband and father but not appreciated by his wife... The whole world is upside down!

    • @parfecto7716
      @parfecto7716 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @Citizens Arrest unfortunately :(

    • @vhayashi7369
      @vhayashi7369 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I thought I wrote this because this is my exact experience with men and I'm 43 and a single Mom! No I'm not kidding! 🤯❤️🤍

  • @reginawoess4928
    @reginawoess4928 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    I've finally learned that I want a man but I dont need one to be ok.

  • @lisayoung7290
    @lisayoung7290 3 ปีที่แล้ว +105

    That’s true. I just realized that I had trauma wounds and trauma bonds and was a codependent and hooked up with a sociopath obviously not on purpose I was lured in. I’m grateful because it caused me to go to counseling and discovered that I had childhood trauma from being raised by narcissistic parents. So I’m healing and recovering praise God.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Thank you for sharing...

    • @Razainthewoods
      @Razainthewoods 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I married one….he slowly pulled back and rejected me and I found myself giving more and more because he said he had been abused and never loved. I was determined to show him what love looked like. I was way off! Love looks like loving and respecting myself first. I’m still healing as he left me after 8 years for another woman last fall. Painful learning curve! I’m doing EMDR therapy and healing my childhood traumaz

  • @tricianderson1717
    @tricianderson1717 3 ปีที่แล้ว +76

    Matthew Hussy was my “gateway” into these relationship coaching videos, he’s the reason I found you!

    • @musicfanatic4138
      @musicfanatic4138 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Me to Tricia

    • @karent4424
      @karent4424 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Me too!

    • @raynemiller6315
      @raynemiller6315 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Me too! I started by watching Hussy, but now I spend more time watching other coaches :) I like the different approach of each coach

    • @asa9547
      @asa9547 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Me too

    • @tammymccarthy1204
      @tammymccarthy1204 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Me too

  • @mariamjackson2994
    @mariamjackson2994 3 ปีที่แล้ว +42

    I wish I listened to this before I chased him. But it's never too late.

  • @hamptongal62
    @hamptongal62 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    I've learned that you need to love yourself first...self-love is so important...the rest will follow...

  • @jess77surfs
    @jess77surfs 3 ปีที่แล้ว +241

    I probably needed that validation in my 20s to early 30s...
    Now it's about whether or not a guy is worth my time and effort.
    Question I ask myself: Does he add to my life or take away?

    • @melcarter6422
      @melcarter6422 3 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      I agree I love my life so much that he has to “bring something to the table” (not like a job interview-but humor, date plans...something ) for me to invest my time. I enjoy my own company. I don’t say this in a haughty way though.

    • @littleblackbabycat
      @littleblackbabycat 3 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      Exactly. Same here. Finally at 49 I'm in a fantastic, healthy relationship with an equally mature real man.

    • @julietkwaha5868
      @julietkwaha5868 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      ❣️

    • @sayusayme7729
      @sayusayme7729 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yes 🤍

  • @wei-jen
    @wei-jen 3 ปีที่แล้ว +37

    Yes, that's the perfect deal package. After chasing men during all my 20s, I no longer want to do the same thing. I realize I have many better things to chase, ex: my dream and professional goal, etc. Thank you for sharing :)

  • @terric6013
    @terric6013 3 ปีที่แล้ว +43

    I'm a Gemini fun loving lady. I place myself on a pedestal. My scorpio male friend can crawl back under his rock. Love yourself first.

  • @laurakoskenmaki6969
    @laurakoskenmaki6969 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    I started my journey of self love 2 yrs ago. I no longer chase men and I an so happy in my life! I do have a wonderful man as well who doesn’t chase me either. I have noticed the path we are on goes exactly like you stated. I get ahead sometimes and he catches up and visa versa. We have a loving, honest and very connected relationship.

  • @kathleengallagher6023
    @kathleengallagher6023 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    I've heard say a man can't learn to love a woman. He either will or won't. A woman on the other hand can learn to love a man. Love isn't all puppy dog tails, flowers, and angelic music.

  • @sylviahwang8669
    @sylviahwang8669 3 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    I have problem setting standard and boundaries! I don’t even know when and what I need to get angry about!
    Thank you big brother, I love the way you got hyper just to emphasis the key points for us! ❤️

  • @bridgetlarson5443
    @bridgetlarson5443 3 ปีที่แล้ว +73

    I'm not chasing any guys anymore it's me and my cat from now on 😂 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @240type
      @240type 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yeah, that would be me too.

    • @misssusan5959
      @misssusan5959 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Me, too!

  • @mariaupton8429
    @mariaupton8429 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    8-Dates is an amazing book! Yes, bye bye to men who pushes me to break away from my standard! Thanks Jonathon, hugs back to you🥰💞💜

  • @melcarter6422
    @melcarter6422 3 ปีที่แล้ว +36

    Matthew Hussey was my start into the foray of TH-cam dating coaches years ago. I too was previously a codependent as well as a 70% giver. Most nurses are givers! Love the “set your standard”. My eyes & heart are open to those 10-15%. We absolutely have a deal!!!

  • @violets711
    @violets711 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I just discovered your channel and as a divorced mom of 5 who is planning the next phase of my life, I love love love your channel and approach. All of the things that you have navigated divorce, custody blah blah is a nightmare and it can make love seem impossible after going through it all. I will definitely watch more!

  • @catulopsae
    @catulopsae 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    The level of your personal Emotional attachment that is the big deal. Learn how to be happy without attachment and you will be and feel happy.

  • @janiwelsh4587
    @janiwelsh4587 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Thanks again Jonathan.
    In my last relationship that is over and done with now as I finally saw the light. The gentleman wanted me to always chase after him, text and call him. That’s how he measured my love for him. 🙄 I became very exhausting and often emotional. It was conditional love on his part.
    It was constant head games. And when someone finally told me I was dealing with a narcissist, didn’t have a clue what that was, soon did some research. I’m done with that.
    The guy still reaches out to me. Still wants me to chase him. I refuse. Now I am talking with a gentleman online who is equally into the relationship. Most of the time he calls me or FaceTimes me, but we seem to both be into it. A month ago we met in a neutral town and went to lunch and did some hiking. We are 200 miles apart. Difficult and challenging to get together because of our jobs.
    Hoping there’s a future insight.
    I so appreciate what you share. In many ways it validates my feelings and actions. And shows me what I may be doing that needs to be changed. So thank you again so much.😊

  • @lauracordoba5888
    @lauracordoba5888 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    When you set the standard, you set the pace… so brilliant

  • @jayneliberty3429
    @jayneliberty3429 3 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    I was so crazy in love with my ex that I chased him until I finally won his love and he married me. It was shortly after that I realized that I had been so involved in the art of winning him that I hadn't paid enough attention to who he really was and I found that I didn't like him. If I had let him pursue me from the beginning I would have realized I didn't like him from the start and saved both of us so much pain.

    • @Kendrach
      @Kendrach 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Eye opening. Thanks

  • @billesummers1070
    @billesummers1070 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    A guy just broke up with me after a 2 month relationship that was great. We just met each other’s kids and that went great. We were talking about living together. It was the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. Out of the blue he wanted to break up. He can’t give me a reason. I’m heartbroken but I will not chase him. Loved this video, I needed to hear every word.

  • @katmandy
    @katmandy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Yep, I've absolutely externalized my feelings of self worth before. Not only feeling like I needed someone else to love me for me to feel fulfilled, but also letting the state of the relationship dictate how happy I felt on any given day.
    There are two books by Pia Mellody that you should add to your recommendations:
    1. Facing Codependence
    2. Facing Love Addiction
    And, as always, another great video Jonathon! 👏

  • @GoldenAthena311
    @GoldenAthena311 16 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Set your standard instead of chasing a man, wowww..... this blows me away, bravo Jonathan!!!!

  • @vawnagary4830
    @vawnagary4830 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Thank you, Jonathan! You don't stop with "never do this". You then give us hope, direction and confidence. I enjoy your videos and glean a lot from them.

  • @vhayashi7369
    @vhayashi7369 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    We are brainwashed as women to believe we are nothing without a relationship. I am not chasing anyone and I love myself. I'm tired of doing all the work and trying to attract healthy sane people and no more toxic Narcissists!

  • @lisaatkinson8120
    @lisaatkinson8120 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Omg I love you:) Right on point with healthy language. Listening to you helps motivate me to learn to come back to loving myself. Invest and test, a relationship being a two lane street. Love it!! I come from abuse both as a child into a marriage that was. Although I very strong women it was my strength as much as it was my downfall. I found the true strength while going through cancer. In that moment everyone I had put time into wasn’t there for me. I love how you help us first value ourselves, set our standards in what is a healthy relationship for ourselves and others. It’s great value thank you 😊

  • @De_Los_Her
    @De_Los_Her 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I think that's a necessary question to ask a man - "What does commitment look like to you?" Years ago I wish I had asked that. I invested countless years in a dead-end relationship. He treated me well and was a good person, but he never wanted to get married and that ultimately was the reason why I became disenchanted and pulled out. We were on two different pages. I invested a lot of valuable time. Never again.

  • @AmariaSweetMusic
    @AmariaSweetMusic 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I love Matthew Hussey . . . He has been one of the few relationship coaches that is speaking truth to build relationships, and not setting up relationSHIT traps. Love it. Set standards 💖

  • @jac1057
    @jac1057 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    "Invest and test" another great nugget, Jonathon. The journey for... and throughout your best life.

  • @anne-mariemcinnis9143
    @anne-mariemcinnis9143 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    AMEN!!! Loving what I'm hearing! It took going through the fire, to finally have eyes to see and ears to hear...
    Jonathon, continue on this journey of teaching women about these things, because there is TREMENDOUS NEED for this!

  • @raeluvdanielle7039
    @raeluvdanielle7039 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Yes, men have a way of kicking off a relationship get my feelings involved and then everything changes, no calls. Now I'm left with nothing but moving forward brokenhearted.

  • @kiabrooks1472
    @kiabrooks1472 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Yes this is me Daddy issues. And recovering codependent. Self love now.

  • @shanncarr9276
    @shanncarr9276 ปีที่แล้ว

    Yes Jonathon, it’s sinking in!! I am a Leo as well as you , and so is the guy I’m talking to. I grew up in a very disfunctional household as well as a marriage with you name it- it was anything you can think of. It has taken me years to self love and respect my own self. Bc I’ve been taken advantage of by so many so long. And I’m finally able to love myself for what I am - and let go of all that has been taken from me. And honestly it took me 3-4 years! Now I feel ready for the real love I’ve always desired. My soulmate. And my one who loves me for who I am. In our mid 40’s and fifty’s , perspective changes in life. And there are not but so many years to find that “one” and enjoy some good years with them.
    Thank you for focusing on this age group and shedding so much light and energy into this. Remarkable. And that during this all, this shitty dating world now, you too have found a diamond in the rough!! It elates me!! Thank you Jonathon!!

  • @sammie4695
    @sammie4695 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    This is the best advice video you have had so far. I wish I had known what you talked about starting when I started dating. Parents ought to teach their young adult children this before they started getting into relationships. I came from a family of four children. My parents never hugged or kissed us, no affection, nor did they act interested in what was going on in our lives. No validation. It was like growing up in an orphanage. Food, clothes and a roof over your head. So when I started dating if a guy acted interested in me, getting love and attention felt wonderful. The wrong kind of guy would take advantage of my "needienc and I would get hurt. Well, over the years I got wise. But I still struggle with "knowing how to love myself because of the lack of love not shown by my parents. I guess it's subconscious and hard to overcome

  • @barbarawentzel6202
    @barbarawentzel6202 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    No one has loved me w/o me doing the work. Then I found a man who did. He was just playing a game. Won my heart, then chewed it up and spit it out. Then stomped on it.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Sending your heart some love... 🙏

  • @leesteal4458
    @leesteal4458 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Two books that are excellent:
    1. "We've only just begun."
    2. "To have and to hold."

  • @Rubiastraify
    @Rubiastraify 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Yep, been there, done that. After being single for some time, I've kind of come around to the same thinking. I know that if I want a relationship, I'm willing to put a lot into it. So, the way that I approach a potential relationship, is I'll put in a little energy/interest/investment, and see how he responds. If he responds positively, then I'll give a little more. If he wants to be with me, he has to ask! The "ask" can be non-verbal, but he has to show me that he's interested in a long term relationship. I like Matt, and I also like Jack Butler and Susan Winter.
    Jonathon -- I'm in my late 60's, and I think as we age and mature, certain things just fall by the wayside. I mean, if a guy doesn't come up to (or show that he wants to come up to) my standards, I haven't got the time for him! Seriously! The REAL biological clock is ticking, so I have no patience for indecision. I'm looking for a relationship with a man, not a boy.

  • @tiffanimayers1188
    @tiffanimayers1188 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Its resonating. I chased a guy only to make him my ex, I wanted what he was unwilling to give back, I was blind... Your videos are my inspiration, thank you.

  • @honey9375
    @honey9375 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Sir, i just finished reading your book: “ what the heck is SELF LOVE anyway?”
    In 3 short phrases:
    Perfect
    Straight to the point
    A beautiful reminder of what self love really is.
    Thank You for writing this book in that beautiful way.
    And above all, thank you for sharing your painful experience.
    May the memory of your Conor always be the fuel to share more love with this world.
    It is a powerful way to relate to people who read this book.
    That we feel it is not someone who just writes theories. You Sir, you lived what you preach, and that’s the beauty of this book!
    Thank You once again!
    Looking forward reading your next book😉

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Omgosh... thank you sooooo much for this kind message, you just made my day. Any chance you can post this as a review on Amazon? Honored 🙏

    • @honey9375
      @honey9375 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@JonathonAslay
      Done already on Amazon france😊

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@honey9375 France... cool 👍thanks 😊

  • @lovelee9315
    @lovelee9315 3 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    In dating I've been the one to date bad boys, now I'm dating a Dr.. He's harder to date !
    He's scared of women, Bad boys aren't.
    He barely takes me anywhere, bad boys always show me off. He doesn't know what he wants, bad boys at least know they want me.
    We barely have intimacy, well you know and boys always are trying. It's like dating a bad boy with out the fun!
    This is the issue for me. They all invest, but getting the longterm guy to really give back after hes been hurt. They want commitment before they give it.

  • @blessing9316
    @blessing9316 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thanks so much, just met a guy, he says he likes me but hardly bothers to call me or just reply messages, he will say he is busy and has no time...
    So decided not to bother anymore, he is not into me enough, thank u

  • @patty8945
    @patty8945 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I wanted men to love me for me when I was still “ unhealthy me or codependent.” Now, I know that I just wanted attention, and I didn’t understand what true love was.

  • @susanvanwyk1806
    @susanvanwyk1806 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Deal! 52 years and you are revolutionary to my life.

  • @Razainthewoods
    @Razainthewoods 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    After I got married my husband just pushed me away. Unfortunately I did start to compensate for him. 8 years later he let unannounced. Lesson learned for me. He was one of my best friends for years before we ever dated and I found that because of that one fact I ended up giving to him way more than I ever would have put up with other men I dated. A red flag is still a red flag even after marriage.

  • @roslyndrayton6716
    @roslyndrayton6716 3 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    I think I know what I am going to do over Christmas?...read 8 Dates! Thank you for your tips.

  • @atiyehatiyeh8322
    @atiyehatiyeh8322 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Jonathan I was speaking to the man I was getting to know I asked him what does commitment look like for you? Then he ask me the same! I feel empowered

  • @Jmnicole.Ludtke
    @Jmnicole.Ludtke 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    “Your standard is your watermark” love that!

  • @lisawitte9637
    @lisawitte9637 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Interesting about setting a standard. For me, the focus would be doing that consistently. It seems when I'm not as interested in someone, setting the standard is easy. Then, when I am interested in someone (or at least think I am), I probably switch to the chasing. We get ideas about someone based on superficial things I suppose, without really knowing them. We assume they are worthy, then we want to pull them up to our pace as you suggested. The standard has to be firmly in place. Which begins with investing in myself and knowing I am worthy of a standard.

  • @margaretburgess5602
    @margaretburgess5602 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    We got a deal. I have ordered the book “Eight Dates”. Thank you I have never been able to work out what I am doing wrong. Have childhood trauma. Now working on myself. For the first time in my life I am happy. By the way no man in my life.

  • @angelieavenie5741
    @angelieavenie5741 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Thank you Jonathan. The thing is...if only things were more simple and no drama, we can get somewhere sooner...Be truthful, know yourself, know what you need from each other, and what you can offer in the relationship...no one wants to invest in the chase if past 45. I guess it's part of fun and game. :)

  • @luvmymusicnow
    @luvmymusicnow 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I am one of the people who has almost always wanted someone to love me so I could feel good about myself.

  • @costelloandlizzievolk2233
    @costelloandlizzievolk2233 3 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    Deal! I find myself in this situation with an old guy friend I’m reconnecting with, and while he’s been super nice, I feel like I’m chasing and doing all the work to initiate etc.. which is starting to not feel so good for me. I know that’s just how he is, but my standard I’ve realized is someone who initiates and makes more effort sometimes too. I feel like if I don’t contact him, he won’t contact me, and that’s not good for me. I wish him well, and who knows what the future holds, but I am learning to love myself more and want a relationship that feels good. Not sure where I go from here with him, guess I just see what unfolds. But yes will not chase! 😊

  • @yellowmoon9308
    @yellowmoon9308 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thank you Jonathon, I have chased before....but will not after listening to your podcast. Thank you.

  • @time4peace726
    @time4peace726 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Yes!! Never chase! Made big mistakes before!! Lesson learned!! 🤗

  • @brownbagtarot34
    @brownbagtarot34 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I'm a recovering codependent too. I'm learning to fill my own cup. Old conditioning does hard, but this older woman is learning new tricks.

  • @janiegibbons919
    @janiegibbons919 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Great advice and content. Matthew is Great, but I resonate with u, because of our age and experience. Love your videos the best on utube!!!

  • @taraelmegreen5527
    @taraelmegreen5527 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This 50 two-year-old divorced woman after 29 years chased the 1st man until I caught him and made him think it was his idea. I will not Chase I am in a relationship now where I am tempted to give more than I should found your video at the perfect moment learning tons and have already started reading the book 8 dates. Thank you for all you do deal!!!

  • @Thegardenersclog
    @Thegardenersclog 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    We have a deal! I just need to hear this on repeat fir a while and let it sink in! Thank you for your videos they do help a lot. I feel better every day!

  • @mickil2081
    @mickil2081 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Lisa A. Romano is awesome and explaining this as well, you are nailing it!!! Thank you!!!

  • @jess77surfs
    @jess77surfs 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Addition:
    There is a subset of the population that are adamant they know what they want until they have to put action to words. I think that's about 20% of people.

  • @oliviast.pierre9270
    @oliviast.pierre9270 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Your a strong driven man. PUTS us back on track, and now I can hop on the train to better things in life.

  • @MM-lb9np
    @MM-lb9np 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I've chased a man more times than I care to admit. Great video as always :)

    • @johelka7901
      @johelka7901 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      As long as you can recognize it now you’re in the way to empowerment & recovery!!

  • @dgarris1501
    @dgarris1501 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thank you for that hug of love. Always appreciated and reciprocated.

  • @avirginia8808
    @avirginia8808 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Yes this is resonating! Thank you so much. I have an anxious attachment style. I have a level of secure attachment as well but historically anxious. This is helpful ❤️

    • @jennifersinatra5743
      @jennifersinatra5743 ปีที่แล้ว

      Any books you've read to help you with your anxiety? I'm the same way.

  • @SanderaTheGypsy
    @SanderaTheGypsy 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I have done that in my youth. I realized I do not want anyone in my life that does not want to be there. I deserve better, so do they.

  • @nellierodriquez1350
    @nellierodriquez1350 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thank you ☺️ Jonathan for your awesome advices..... I’m following you.👏🥰

  • @-me-myself-and-I
    @-me-myself-and-I 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    It's great what your telling people. I had to find that out by trial an error. After my relationship ended, I moved and started a new life. I found that after midlife, dating was difficult. I hadn't been in a new relationship for sometime. It was a little overwhelming. Well, it became alot easier when sat down and made a list of my expectations and things I'd say no way to. I have to say that it makes testing the waters alot easier. It may take awhile before I find the right someone to share life with again, but at least I know what I want. I love myself and I'm having fun now. My life has definitely improved. I don't have the stress from the old relationship. My daughter said to me one day, Mom, your back! She was so happy to hear me laughing and getting excited about life again. When things are bad it's so easy to lose site of all that stuff.
    Keep helping people. I enjoy listening your perspectives of things.

  • @time4peace726
    @time4peace726 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Love the 8 dates book- I’ve given this book away to all kinds of dates- and I did not get to keep them! 😂 they ran away. Hope it helped them realize more. Thanks Johnathan!

  • @pega8
    @pega8 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Well, in the past I've chased a man an the result did not made my soul happy so here I am today changing the rules and having so solid standards. Thank you for all your work!

  • @sallgrey5494
    @sallgrey5494 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Love all this! Thank you, Jonathan. We absolutely have a deal, I won’t be leaning back and that crap, I will be investing and see what happens. I have heard of Matthew Hussy and like most of his stuff. And I used to be that person as well where I needed someone to love me to feel loved - that codependent dynamic. Thankfully now that’s not the case and you’re helping me in solidifying that going forward. Thank you!

  • @saraiannaccone1790
    @saraiannaccone1790 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thank you. I feel good about myself and love me for me. I don’t chase. It’s not worth it. I move on and go on with my life. I greet each day on a positive note with a smile. 😊

  • @jamishepard98
    @jamishepard98 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I’m a fan of Matthew.🤩 This is one of your best videos.

  • @shereenshebaro1020
    @shereenshebaro1020 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    You are absolutely right!! Never ever chase a guy.
    If it is not equal give and take don't even bother.
    Thanks a million💖

  • @jilross4892
    @jilross4892 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    If nobody chases than we wont be with anybody. If we all put out our standards it will be hard to find a match, since everybody has different standards. True love takes compromise and some suffering. Love is not a business deal

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I never said love was a business deal; however, marriage is a contract which has business components associated with them...

    • @naomigonzalez-longstaff7366
      @naomigonzalez-longstaff7366 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      When my husband is upset or doesn’t like something I say he hangs up the phone on me and says “he’s done”
      And goes MIA, gives me
      The silent treatment or ignores me. This used to kill me I wouldn’t eat and sleep, I carried a lot and felt like shit about myself and I would chase him, apologize and do whatever to bring peace…guess what? I stop! I stop I just said enough what the hell am I doing! And guess what I realized that he wasn’t chasing me at all. So all the compromises and suffering you’re talking about, well I tried it and did it for years…for the best decision for me. So I agree people won’t be with anyone if nobody chases but that’s mot human nature we all need someone so find someone to court you. Courting and chasing is diff!

    • @jilross4892
      @jilross4892 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@naomigonzalez-longstaff7366 I am not talking about you Naomi. If a man treats you like you describe, you should leave him right away. Exception is you are draining him. I am talking of normal healthy folks out there. Men should approach women first and show interest

  • @ginamaloney9097
    @ginamaloney9097 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I love your videos. I’m right at that midlife crisis you mentioned, nasty divorce, slitting custody. And dating is a nightmare...lol

  • @Songs-ls2pr
    @Songs-ls2pr 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    The ☝🏼 ONE thing IS
    Ask urself what is ur standard
    What does commitment look like for u?
    Lean into ur sovereignty.
    Work on becoming emotionally healthy
    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
    All great advice and so true. Thank you Jonathan.

  • @amazingyear9042
    @amazingyear9042 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Right👊🏻 The Man must chase the woman. If he doesn’t chase something is very wrong...

  • @Dragonfly_magictarot
    @Dragonfly_magictarot 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    You're so kind for sharing 💕
    Books:
    Eight dates
    book Self love
    Spiritual partnership
    We got a deal!

  • @leealejo
    @leealejo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Solid advice, a woman should never chase a man - ever. I can’t stand Mathew Hissy. You however I do! You speak the truth without arrogance or venom. No one wants to feel humiliated because they made mistakes with men by caring and giving too much.

  • @AngelicHarmony444
    @AngelicHarmony444 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Thank you so much for your love, energy, authenticity and enthusiasm😊 And yes... nice guns!!😁

  • @michekids
    @michekids 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Chasing beta males was chasing ny dad injured in the war who was never there. After 30 years being a hostage I am over it. The narcissist died a millionaire on the golf course while I got broke raising the three kids and have been homeless for 13 years. BUT it is time for ME. I have embraced a new standard with everything called Al Di La. Listen to the song by Jerry Vale. Only beyond the beyond. I am a great catch but have become greased lightening. Thank you for all your affirmation and inspiration ❤

  • @user370Z
    @user370Z 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Hi Jonathon,
    You are amazing! After listening to you, I know I am on the right path!
    Thank you.
    Cheers from Paris in Oz x

    • @walterblase7959
      @walterblase7959 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      life is all about happiness let me recommend you to someone who helps restore broken relationship without delay he's a genius

    • @walterblase7959
      @walterblase7959 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      + 2 3 4 9 0 2 2 9 5 0 8 0 8 😍😘

    • @user370Z
      @user370Z 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Hi,
      Walter Blase?

    • @walterblase7959
      @walterblase7959 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@user370Z hello
      Text that number on whatapp he'll help you..

    • @user370Z
      @user370Z 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Don't have a broken relationship Walter...just trying to find the right man for me. These days, I am more cautious, selective! Tried to add you without success!

  • @laurentyson
    @laurentyson 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Just found your channel and have subscribed. This makes a lot of sense to me and will help me in future decision-making. I struggled after a 31-year marriage ended; didn't ask the right questions of men I dated. I am alone now, healing, and getting centered. Books, movies, and caring people like you help. I will buy the two books you recommend, "Eight Dates" and "Spiritual Partnership." I have already read and loved others by these authors (Gottman, Zukav). Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom !

  • @pamrammacher3091
    @pamrammacher3091 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Lol, the arm flex! So cute, I’m buying the eight date book. Thanks

  • @ladyk2002
    @ladyk2002 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I use too.chase to feel loved.til I realized..I love myself first and if this relationship doesn't align to how I treat myself..then it won't work.. Feels great to be kind to myself.

  • @Smile-kg7vb
    @Smile-kg7vb 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Dear Jonathan, thanks for sharing your insightful thoughts about “ self - love “, I’d want to recommend it to all my friends. Thank you for having this channel available to us. I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful New Year ahead. 🌲❤️🙏 ( blessings from U.K.)

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Thanks for sharing!! and Happy Holidays🙏😊👍

  • @michelledavidson7269
    @michelledavidson7269 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    I have never been a chaser in my life. I’m not starting now. I love you’re question… “What does commitment look like for you?” I never have asked that very directly before, but I will now…so thank you. 🤗🤗🤗

  • @bellad.1274
    @bellad.1274 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    🙈🙉🙈 Expecting an HONEST answer about "commitment" from a dude that's trying to get into your pants is CRAZY! that's bad advice & he's old enough to know better!

  • @tinamiles5937
    @tinamiles5937 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    I love you’re honest direct advice! No BS .. love that !