"they're gonna fomo & not watch the video" Joke's on you, I'm listening to the video while cleaning my shelf. I have ADHD & am doing too much at once, duh.
I love that shirt! Reminds me of the Simpson’s episode where Marge is selling the ‘Homer is a dope’ T-shirt’s “look at the fine stitching on the word ‘dope’ “ hahahaha love your videos. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
I think what makes it worse with adhd for me is that I know that I "miss" a lot of things in general because of attention and memory problems. Just like I'm never sure if I really locked the door or if I just remember locking the door yesterday, I don't know how many opportunities I just forgot about. And I can't say "well if I really wanted it I wouldn't have forgotten about it" because I have adhd. I have recurring nightmares about forgetting about big events and having to scramble to try to still get there but failing.
Ohhhh yeah that makes total sense! Because thinking on it... I struggle with that a lot too... then feeling crappy if I come across what I had forgotten only to realise it's too late. Yeah that one hits hard. 🧡 - Harley
I once got angry at people for not inviting me to an event they sent me pictures of on Snapchat. Turns out they did invite me (the invite got sent in the same group as the pictures) I just completely forgot about it
I feel this a lot too. I've also missed out on so much because of my physical health.. that I feel like I live in constant fear of missing out on something important or special because one of my many issues decides to be a PIA. Do you also feel a sinister connection between FOMO and people-pleasing? I feel like I've too often spent my good days doing things for others and prioritizing others that I've left myself neglected because I also have FOMO about spending time with those I care about & them not wanting to spend time with me doing what I would rather be doing/where I'd rather be. I'm always the one traveling and meeting people where they're at... (can you tell I'm really good at overanalyzing my own brain?)
I didn’t realize FOMO was such a strong ADHD thing. Explains a lot about my trouble with making decisions. I’ve made a lot of wrong ones and that amplifies the fear even more.
I own an $80 Qpid necklace from Death Stranding that I thought i needed. It came in the mail and now i just think.. what do i do with this thing i dont even want it anymore
Relatable. I feel so indecisive, even with the smallest things like what to eat for breakfast (smh). I'll consider one option, but then I immediately think it's not going to be worth it or satisfying enough as soon as the thought of the other decision crosses my mind. I start thinking there's something about the other option that I could be missing out on, and it makes me feel unsure of myself. It's even worse when my gut feeling/intuition isn't really guiding me, and even guessing is hard in these moments. It's paralyzing and frustrating honestly.
not really. I have ADHD and despite hating the fact I missed something in my life I also got into other things at the same time. At the end it's just the ability to feel comfortable in your own skin. Everyone have desire to have a better life than what they are having and I have that very often. However at the end I always remind myself that I have my own choice. If I want to I would have or will do it. At those time those things no longer were something that I missed, they were just thing I decided to skip to do something else that I wanted to do more at that moment.
FOMO could be harder to deal with for ADHD folks because of our reward system. For me a big part of it is because of my perfectionism, but also how ambitious (yet impatient) I am due to my ADHD. Seeing immediate results makes me feel like something is worth my time, but in reality most tasks that have amazing results at the end don't have that. I've jumped from one interest to another, hoping one will keep me engaged but everything requires patience and persistence.
This is actually why I so enjoy costuming and making party decor because it's not expected to last long and it doesn't need to be perfect, and the payoff happens much sooner!
You are me. I am you. 😂😢😅 Best wishes finding your "thing" in your explorations! Remember that the positive side of this behavior is that you're trying many things and that's something other people don't experience. Be kind to yourself. ❤
Literally my first response to this was "you know you can film TH-cam videos on a yacht, sipping champagne right?" and now I realise I'm part of the problem 😜
Pfft, you calling me out! I was thinking, "I don't have to miss out on buying new clothes, I can write my book and shop online too" . No, I told my brain to stop that spiral XD
I finished watching the video. :) My depression has basically overwhelmed my life to the point of "oh well, I will just miss out on everything. Everyone else's life is great and just mine sucks and that's how life is. The end. Nothing to miss out on because I'm going to miss out on literally everything and nobody wants me there anyway." But my therapy is already helping me reframe things from "I *should* be doing this today", and I like how you rephrase it as "I *choose* to do this today." Your "nothing is a waste of time" video really helped me, and now this video ... yeah, it's going to take some time for me to process it. "No matter what our choices are, we're going to miss out on stuff." "What am I being present for?" "What we can do is make it so that the things in our lives are fulfilling." Those ... those are deep thoughts. And it's a really good place to explore and to think about. Thanks. Again. For a deep and very validating video that will give me a lot to think about.
Thank you so much for sharing! Yeahhh, there are so many ways to reframe things, but I'm glad you resonated with "I choose"! We're glad that you've found some of our videos helpful! And you're welcome
Yeah. I remind myself often that able bodied neuro typs also have to choose between Important Things with their time and energy, and are always missing out on other potential things too. I think its kindof like money. No matter how much you have, you can easily feel like it's not quite enough, if you haven't combated the "need more" stance about it. When your numbers are high, so also rises your expectations and aspirations. (Evidenced by every millionaire and billionaire who has an insatiable drive to keep getting MORE.) Anyway, my work about money and scarcity (strongly influenced by the book 'The Soul of Money'), also turned out to help with my scarcity mentality about time, happenings, opportunities, etc., and ability to be more content in my days and hours.
Thank you for the reminder that "I wrote a book" is a thing to feel great about in the rocking chair. I've been a published author for 22 years and have often felt like I've missed out on a lot of "real life" due to publishing deadlines and also generally finding fictional people more engaging than nonfictional ones. Because of ADHD it takes me a lot longer to write and edit a novel than most of my peers, so I spend way too much energy comparing myself to them and wishing I had a different brain. So it's nice to be reminded that writing a book that people want to read is an extraordinary thing. Thank you. 💖
I definitely want to congratulate you for writing a book! 🎉 I have had a story in my head for the past ten-ish years but have not found a way to get it ‘out’
This is one of the biggest challenges I've had to deal with! I constantly get analysis paralysis because I'm so afraid of missing out on something better, something more "valuable," something which would get me into a better position like earning more money or living alone so I stop burdening the people around me. And then I use about half the time I could have actually used, because I constantly stop myself to think and double-check. I've been working really hard to be more present in the moment, more productive doing the things I love like writing, but it's really hard when you don't have a reliable argument to dismiss that fear with. And now I do. Thank you.
Aw man I feel that exact thing. You are not alone. Even making the simplest decisions can paralyze me because I don't know what will the best thing to do. This video will help me feel better about just choosing something I think!
This video and topic reminds me of a Mister Rogers quote: "You rarely have time for everything you want in life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are."
2 minutes in and I am already sobbing. I feel so trapped in my current life, and have no options to change tracks. False positivity has caused me so much pain, but THIS is so reassuring and affirming. Thank you for the work you do. ❤❤❤
@@ShadowRaven66669 I would build a homestead with tiny homes that my friends could come live in when THEY need a break or change tracks. I would actually raise my child instead of just surviving from workday to work day. Maybe get a cat.
Thank you for this. Struggling more and more as I age without any medication. I somehow thought I would just get better over time. No. Everyday is a struggle. I find coffee and other stimulants actually help a great deal for focusing
Awwwww yeah I know the feeling. I did that for a couple of years and learned the same thing.... everyday is a struggle. Do love me a good coffee though! You have a particular favourite coffee drink? :) - Harley
@@HowtoADHD nothing too exciting, some cold brew is always nice for the summer days. But I find I can focus on something better IE work when TH-cam is playing in the background or music. At any given day I keep 2 things going at the same time so I can focus on one of them
This was such a major thing in my life. I was diagnosed as a child and went off medication around the age of 13. Hyperactivity was such the main focus back then that growing up I figured ADHD was something I had grown out of. Truth is, I had family, roommates, and a partner I was living with during all the time I was off medication. Now living by myself, all of the struggles are coming to light, as now as an adult in my 30s I have to actually learn how to live with this.
I was literally just freaking out because I was filling out references for a new job which made me think more of how lonely I've been the past year since moving and leaving my campus for online school and this video pops up in my notifications:) Thanks so much, Jess!
Not only just interpersonal things I’m afraid of missing out on like inside jokes or memories and activities, but fomo has ruined my life financially. Between Pokémon collecting and league of legends events and limited time skins I have spent over 20,000 dollars between the two because of the fear that something won’t be available or will go up in price in the future. I tested myself to let things pass and although part of me will always wonder if I will regret it, I’m proud of myself for keeping the money and knowing I’ll have it for real needs. I’ll only allow myself to partake in one purchase for each every few months and it has relieved so much stress from me.
This is the video I needed. FOMO is horrible, especially when it affects your budget. And choosing your words is so important. I don’t have to, I GET to or I CHOOSE to. It’s an empowering first step.
thank you!!!! I think watching sooo many people being rich and famous every time we turn on our phones makes us feel like we're boring losers if we have a normal life. but it doesn't make you basic to enjoy the little things and actually be content with what you have
It's definitely hard. The one thing that helped me accept this is the movie Groundhog Day. It taught me that the grass is green where you water it. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm repeating the same day to figure out what my values are ultimately.
Absolutely! Most of my early adult life was spent in this kind of activity positivism. If I wasn't doing something "productive" then I was wasting my life and being lazy. It doesn't help growing up in a post 80s prosperity culture that is productivity obsessed. It wasn't until I got into Buddhism in my late 20s that I began to understand the value of BEING. There is very little talk or value of this in Western culture.
@@alexpavalok430 ikr! I envy you finding it so early. I floundered for a good half a decade more before I did. My life was still chaos after, but I didn't take it so personally. Just that one small adjustment transformed my life experience.
Literally just finished the call for the results of my assessment. I didn’t quite fit adhd or autism, so she said depression and anxiety. But I’ve found open arms in the neurodivergent community, and your videos have really helped me. I’ve found I really relate to the academic and workplace struggles of adhd. I’m not sure how best to continue considering I don’t have adhd.
for so many years I thought I was the only one who couldn’t feel the moment and was always having anxiety over the thought of doing something better SO GOOD TO FIND PEOPLE WHO RELATE TO THIS
Jessica, thank you so much for the consistent content. As somebody who has struggled with ADHD for years and has benefitted from the informative and validating nature of your videos, I just want to share my appreciation for your dedication to this community. You have helped me and I'm sure so many others understand our own brains and behaviors and what you have done for us is invaluable. Life is so wild and I can't even imagine all of the things you have going on in your own life. The fact that you've been so consistent in bringing us this content and sharing this knowledge, especially considering all the challenges you must face as somebody with ADHD, I really can't thank you enough for the time and effort you have put in. It is truly remarkable and I just want you to know how much love and appreciation myself and so many people have for you. If life gets too crazy and you have to take a break from this or even stop all together, just know that everything you've done for this community will shine through everybody that you have helped with this content, and we never take your hard work for granted. Thank you again Jessica, I can't wait to watch this video (:
We've been able to build a really good team that helps keep up with the consistency so that no single person (including Jess!) is doing EVERYTHING. And we honestly help support each other and help keep each other accountable since we all know the ADHD struggle! And it's wonderful to know that the consistency is seen and appreciated, so thank you so much for commenting! We worked very hard (Jess included!) to get to where we are now and so thank you... knowing the work is appreciated really helps keep us going... helps encourage us.
@@HowtoADHD Harley, you and your team are absolutely amazing!! Thank you for getting back to me, and for the time, hard work and dedication that you, Jessica and the rest your team put into this channel. It really is something special! I can't thank you enough. Also, I'm sorry that my initial comment only recognized Jessica, as I'm sure she would be the first to say she couldn't do it without you guys. You all rock!! Teamwork makes the dream work
Awwwww, thank you that's so sweet! It's alright! We know that it's easier to hone in on Jess because she did start this channel and is the face of it -- and still puts in a lot of her own work behind the scenes too! We know that sometimes people won't realise or might even forget there are more people that they DON'T see! But we definitely won't say no to being included. 😄 But thank you once again -- I'll share your kindness with the rest of the team, I think it'll make their day! 😄 - Harley
I agree Nate. Being a subscriber and watching Jessica's videos sure has helped me, in more ways than one. Not just things to do to compensate for my inattention, and other things, but it has helped me not feel alone in my struggles. Once in a while, I read some comments after watching a video here and I get the feeling that others understand the struggle. I also have the common comorbidity's of depression and anxiety. My generalized anxiety can certainly compound the FOMO.
Had to cancel flights last week, for a family visit that has been long-planned, due to my partner having COVID (which I've now tested positive for too). My FOMO relating to my siblings still being on this trip is intense. You couldn't have posted this vid at a better time. Thanks
Thank you so much for this video! I just found out I have ADHD a few months ago at age 29 (thanks to your video on ADHD in women) and after years of unhappiness in my job as finance manager recently finally decided to change my profession and study again. It was a very hard decision to make because I love the NGO I work for and I support our mission 100%. The team is the best in the world, I have flexible working hours and the salary is very good, but I have been unhappy with my tasks for such a long time and feel so out of place doing them. And also I'm really not good at them which triggers my anxiety a lot. Knowing that I will never have working conditions this good again (especially in social work, which is what I want to study) has made it very hard for me to make this decision, but my career really is the one thing in my life right now that's making me extremely unhappy and I can't bare it anymore. Just today someone reminded me (as many have before) how I'm giving up a great and employee-friendly job and although that didn't change my mind about leaving, it still triggered my anxiety about this decision. So this video comes at a great time to reassure me that what I am doing is the right thing for me. Thank you so much for that! And for everything else you have contributed to my life and those of many others struggling with themselves. ❤️
I've repressed depression all my life for the sake of not missing out on all the things around me. I didn't want to take a moment to breathe because I felt already so much behind. When I gave in, I realised that despite all the sadness and moodswings, there was all the support I needed. It's an experience that brings me closer to my best friend who's also in a depression and allows me to understand that a lot of wrong that happened to me isn't a result of my failure. Running away from my feelings towards all sorts of activities got me to waste a lot of time where I could've figured out earlier who I am. Ironically, taking a moment to breathe was what I needed to stop feeling behind.
I remember reading a post on facebook that definitely has the same vibe as the "95yo in a rocking chair"... the post said something along the lines of "if it's the sort of thing you'd think about when casting a patronus charm, then it's not a waste of time"... and that, for some reason, resonated with me. Even now as I type this, the thought makes my eyes water a little bit because, despite years of feeling depressed, I do have strong happy memories which bring a smile to my face and make me feel I'd cast a badass patronus charm. :)
it gets even worse with autism, because there's an additional layer of obstacles to doing stuff, so it's even easier to potentially miss out, which feeds the fomo, so a lot of energy is spent on swinging between being anxious about the idea of doing stuff and being afraid to miss out because of this anxiety which feels like we can't control it
This was really deep. Thanks. I've started making choices with intent and by reminding myself: I can't be in two places at once. Pick one, and BE there.
As an autistic person in heavy suspicion that I have ADHD as well, I simply saw the title of this video and my life this past 21 months suddenly made even more sense. And so far everything you’ve been saying in the video has resonated with me. I’m actually feeling the sense of fulfillment from navigating a hard situation, which you talked about in this video ❤️ I really hope to get a professional evaluation for ADHD as soon as possible.
I didn't realize that FOMO was a thing. I have a tendency to burn out really quickly, and when I get asked to join an activity (i.e., my mom invites me to the mall, a friend asks if I'd like to go hiking, something not very hard but mentally/physically draining overtime) I tend to say no. Usually that's because I already know that I'm tired and probably won't enjoy the experience as much as I would on another day. But almost every time, when the other person leaves, I regret saying no because I could have joined in and had a great time. I've also said yes to things I didn't have the energy for, and regretted not saying no. So usually I end up regretting my decision either way, and tend to get snappy or very emotional. It sucks a lot, and it also tends to make people not ask me to go places with them, but I've never been able to explain why it happens. It hurts my mom's feelings if I don't want to go places with her, but it hurts her feelings worse if I do go and then have a bad time, and in having a bad time, sometimes make everyone else's time bad. I try to work on it but it is very difficult. My ADHD and autism both kind of affect me in this way, bc the autism burns me out and then the ADHD makes me wish I wasn't burnt out bc what am I missing out on? What could be happening if I wasn't mentally exhausted?
Thank you for sharing. This aspect of life drives me insane. Especially when I see others, friends or on social media seemingly "always" getting what they want. When I know I have a very specialized set of interests or things I really want or need. This content will go a long way to telling my autistic/ADHD brain to just STFU, and stop ramping up FOMO and flurry of emotion that ensues.
I'm so glad I found your channel. I've had problems with adhd since I was a kid but was never able to or wanted to seek help. Thank to you I started therapy last week and have a appointment on the 5th of July to see if medication is right for me. So thank you for the support and courage to do so.
This video actually helped me get out of a stasis! Just finished the video and now I feel motivated to do what makes me feel those little happy present moments
Thank you for making this video!! I have a kiddo with an adhd brain and fomo is something he experiences a lot, and we're trying to figure out what works best to help him cope with it. This is such a helpful video. Thank you!
Hi! I really love that you explain everything really well. It makes it easier for me and probably others to listen to you while multitasking and doing something else
FOMO seems to be prominent in folks with ADHD for several reasons. And you've put really great advice out there for us. But there is also something to be said about systemic problems. Yes, therapy is great, but what many people need the most is - money. I personally struggle with FOMO and obviously, my ADHD contributes to that in many different way, but these days, I'm extremely confident in my choices of what makes me happy. It's just that I'm still missing out and so obviously still struggle with FOMO because we live in a capitalist hellhole. I have to pay my bills and do my dishes, and for many people, that's often all they can afford at the end of the day. And I think we could sit with that uncomfortable truth for a minute.
Just wanted to thank you for your videos. I recently had a screening and they couldn't confirm a diagnosis because there weren't enough examples of symptoms manifesting before 12. I still don't understand how if my main issues seems to be long term planning and keeping track of things like bills, traffic tickets, etc how that issue would have been caught as a child. Regardless, your videos help me realize my neurodivergence isn't so rare and to feel less like an alien who just was left alone on this planet, so thanks.
I struggle with bad social anxiety as well, and I really want to be able to do things but I can’t and that I struggle with identity and desires as I’ve not been able to develop my own being long story short, I had a mum who would control me so much and I don’t even know if she knows she’s doing it but really how she is she’s truly narcissistic and it’s scary it really is how much she is and having speaking to family about this and they validated me. I do love and appreciate mum I want more then anything to have an open great relationship but it’s so deeply toxic. I mean I’m not diagnosed but the psychiatrist did say I will score highly on the test and that I keep relating more and more and truly believe I do have it there’s so many awful stigmas with this condition but when I did a scoring system from the gp last year I was shocked a lot of it I thought it was just me but I realise it’s not, the forgetfulness, lacking motivation only being able to game, easily distracted, a hyperactive mind fidgeting etc, I got a detention at school for forgetting my school planer and I was so humiliated and every week forgot my pe kit when we went swimming I was bullied a lot at school not just for that though. I’m so grateful for this channel really am and you should be so proud ❤️🥰 your amazing with what your doing I hope one day I’m able to do something like this xx
Diagnosed at the age of 50 with extreme ADHD. Never had the feeling I was missing out. Had more of a feeling that this society was overwhelming. More of a feeling that the problems of the world weighed heavily upon me.
I felt that too in my 20s and I just had to let go of it.. I still feel a bit guilty about it, but I know ultimately I have to take care of myself first before I can be of use to others
5:12 I'd say to be careful when thinking about when you *feel* like you're living your best life. I know that the moments I recall being absolutely filled with joy is when I was alone in my room, beautiful sun shining in, and super high playing rocket league. Without a doubt those are some of the best *feelings* I've experienced, but obviously if I chase those feelings then I'm chasing down an unfulfilling life of playing video games while high. Like the lady living her best life life when she's drunk; I wonder if she's an alcoholic now cuz she's chasing down those moments of being disinhibited and carefree. I think your follow-up later in the video on analyzing whether your time is well spent or wasted effort needs more emphasis, and also emphasizing that such introspection should always happen after some time has passed (because introspecting on whether you're wasting your time *while* it's happening is the reason everyone is watching this video! :) )
Thanks Jessica! Every time I have questions about ADHD I watch your videos. You give us so much information and great advice. Thanks for helping me understand myself better.
One of the main ways I procrastinate is by hanging out with friends because I don't want to miss out. It is difficult for me to be present, focus on the conversations, and remember things I should, but I stay and socialize. I often stay too long, again, because I don't want to miss out. I appreciated when you asked yourself, "Do my efforts matter here?" I need to ask myself that more often.
FOMO is definitely harder to deal with with ADHD because we tend to miss out on more things than most people because we take on more than we can handle, even fun stuff. Like we think it’d be cool to do a bajillion projects not realizing we don’t have time to take on a bajillion projects, and then we end up missing out on completing any of them either due to not having as much time as we thought or simply forgetting about them.
Thanks Jessica so much for this video! I’ve always struggled with this. Makes me feel like I always need to be a step ahead of everybody, and if I don’t I feel like I’m missing out on stuff. I love your videos!!!! It’s nice to know there’s others out there with the same struggles as me. I also have ADHD 😁😁😁
Definatley a balance. I appreciate my low self esteem, it make me appreciate the things I know I'm good at, the good things that happen( s, ed, ing) in my life. I think its a good thing to worry a little, and helps motivate you to do your best or try new things. But you can't let it ruin every minute or even half your life. Big fan. Thanks. 😊
This video popped up in my notifications at just the right time. I'm going through so many transitions in my life right now, with work aspirations, a wedding getting extremely close, trying to implement healthy life decisions, and a budget that always seems to slip a little farther away from me. I've had so many things on my mind that I've always felt inadequate about even one of those factors, that watching this video really has helped my mind refocus on the value of holding on and making the most of what's happening in the present and not feel like there's some infinite to-do list that I'll never accomplish. Logically, I understand that I know I'll never do everything there is to offer while I'm alive, but it definitely helps to remember that it's the quality of life that matters and not the quantity of things that I've filled it with. There are many things I want to do, and I look forward to doing them, but now the next year looks like it will be so much more positive than dragging my feet forward to get everything perfect. Thank you for sharing this and helping me tweak my perspective in the right direction
we really need to talk more about adhd and relationship. I know we don’t have too much facts about adhd, but We need to educate people and teach what we know. That’s why I’m so thankful for you Jessica , for making people aware and helping us “brains” to understand ourselves and how…yeah, how to adhd ❤️ truly grateful 🙏🏼
I think this is great for anyone, brains or hearts. But brains especially need to remember that many people with ADHD have a really powerful imagination but less than powerful brakes on regulating feelings. So it's way easier to fall into a FOMO trap because the imagined life is so attractive. The other thing you are not doing is always better - if you switch, it is still the other thing that is better because your powerful brain fills your head with the imagined greatness of what isn't. And the problem with storing and retrieving episodic memory that plagues many people with ADHD means you forget that last time you thought the other thing was better and it wasn't. Ideas: write down how you felt about your choice and pull out your notes next time you are choosing, or really talk to a friend about your choice, and have them help you reflect and pull up those memories that your powerful brain has pushed off the plate.
This is so true. Finding something to be thankful for and looking for solutions in the midst of difficulties was helpful. "Getting" to work a variety of jobs made me look for new ways to communicate and step out of my comfort zone. Shift work was demanding and missing out on my son's activities was no fun. Thankfully, I learned to focus on daily moments with him. Building forts in the living room & having ice cream on the last day before his birthday to celebrate the last day of that age/year; was special for both of us. To this day, as a young man, he still shares with me while we drive together or make dinner. It was in those moments that we built a relationship. - Finding a different perspective for myself is what I could control, my circumstances changed eventually. That "shift work" opened the door to better opportunities a few years later.
From a 23 yr old girl in small town in the UK who has never felt like she was ‘normal’ or ‘fit in’ or a weirdo, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I have never understood myself and my wacky little brain as much as I do since watching your videos. Thank you thank you thank you❤️
I just want to thank you for this channel! I've been just recently diagnosed with adhd and your videos are helping me A LOT in figuring everything out , and just helping me understand myself(and my brain) a little better. Thank you
I was thinking about that book the other day, “Island of the Blue Dolphins” and actually downloaded it to my audio book collection to listen to in the car. It is a book I remember from my childhood, but switching schools so never got to finish it. The narration of the book is good, and sounds like an native pacific islander reading it. Take care of yourself Jessica. Now that you reminded me of my FOMO with videos on TH-cam, I will close the app and read a book. Unfortunately the book is on a kindle.
This one really speaks to me. I have some really intense fomo feelings that trickle over into most aspects of my life, to the point where I’m constantly questioning how I should be spending my time and paralysed over the “right” decision to make over everything. It’s extremely exhausting and anxiety-inducing. Had a rather nasty bout of it recently, so thank you tor this very well/timed video ❤️
This channel is absolutely my savour. It has helped me to realise what actually is my adhd and not some weird thing that just I do like I’m “obsessed” or “addicted“ to football (soccer I’m from Uk lol) I love the sport to the point where it is the only thing I will talk about and I will spend like 6 hours every Sunday just doing keepy ups and I will do it in the rain till I’m told to come in out of the rain because I will get cold or a fever lol. Basically you have helped me and so many others so keep it up (as long as you enjoyed it)
I was diagnosed with adhd at 22, now 29. The biggest part of fomo that drives me nuts is when I miss an opportunity with girls showing m signs of interest, cause my brain is moving too fast in a bad way. It's beyond frustrating
I love this! In addition to telling yourself this, when you speak to other people about what you are doing, speak in this way to them. It will make you come off as a more friendly fulfilled person and it might change the mindset of your peers as well!
One of the things I'm going to be grateful for while I'm remembering the things that impacted the quality of my life is finding your video, "Motivation Bridge." I had just gotten out of 7 was of group therapy for depression that focused on mindfulness. I was told several times by the therapist that I have ADHD tendencies. Then, I found the "Motivation Bridge." I sobbed. You put words to what I could NEVER explain to anyone - especially myself. I just knew something wasn't right. Because of that video, I was finally diagnosed with Combined Type ADHD at 49 years old. I missed out on a lot the day I was mindlessly scrolling through TH-cam, but the second I hit, play, my life became fulfilled. (...and now I'm sobbing happy, grateful tears. Thank you❤)
Your videos have helped me immensely in navigating my very recent diagnosis. I am a big fan of your work! I do have a small-ish issue with how you presented choices in this video. A lot of people say that you can JUST get a new job, or JUST move if you don't like your situation, but for a lot of people, that isn't true. I am happy that you found a fulfilling career, but I'm sure you know how rare that is. The more I learn, the clearer it becomes that most of our problems are structural. Fitting in is medicalized for us, and often the goal of treatment is to get us to better serve an economy that does not serve us. I know it wasn't the focus of this video, it just rubbed me the wrong way when you added work and housing to the choices category, without considering the options people are choosing from. I should reiterate that I love your work, and I think it is important and you are doing a good job at it. It's just that I don't want to see this trend spread to you and the wonderful How to ADHD community.
Jessica, you hit the nail on the head with saying FOMO of something else should not interfere in your engagement with what you are currently doing. Years ago, my family and my sisters family had taken a vacation together. In one city, our goal was to visit, say 10 tourists spots in one day. We tried to come up with the shortest travel time between the spots, estimating traffic congestions, and believed we would have very little time at each spot. We could check-off on our bucket list that we had been there, but what was the point if we spent most of the time in a car going from point to point. Hence, we decided to strike out say 2 tourists spots from our itinerary which was such a relief just during the planning stage. In the end, we had a great stress free, laid back relaxed time, which is the purpose of a vacation. Another key factor is planning one's life, and not just drifting away. Planning not every hour, but having some time to explore, some time for relaxation, chilling out. Any overall plan is better than having no overall plan. While growing up, there could be a lot of exploratory time, but once a vision becomes clear, it would be a good idea to get serious and do some planning. With planning, FOMO would not be an issue. It was MO'd according to plan.
FOMO is one of my biggest struggles… no one else i know seems to feel it as intensely as i do, and i never connected the dots that it could intensified by ADHD! thank you for making this video 🤍
Thank you so much for this input, sometimes I give to much weigh to the "perfectionism"/anxiety related distraction when I evaluate why a task is so hard to compleate , but recently I started to consider that FOMO is actually playing a central role to it, I just didn't know how to articulate it in words well enough until watched this. TY
This reminds me of minimalism and trying to simplify my life. I have a tendency to save things, mainly things that have memories tied to them. But then I have a lot of stuff. I think having a more minimal lifestyle and less stuff is really helpful for ADHD. More experiences, less stuff. I wanted to be a Mom, so I decided at 35 to become a Single Mom by Choice. It has been a dream come true. Still hard, yet so worth it. 💜💙
I have just come across your videos today as I begin to attempt to understand all who I am and all that it means to be ADHD. I never once thought that my FOMO was connected to my ADHD. The way you frame things is amazing and I definitely need to reframe my thinking from 'have to' to 'get to' and I am hopeful that this will help me to not feel so overwhelmed by all of the things I always 'have' to do. Thank you for the work you have put in to all of these videos. While they are extremely helpful, I also find it very helpful to see hundreds of contents from others who understand what is like to have a brain like mine.
I already downloaded Fabulous for me from your last sponsored video with this sponsorship. I have been using it for over a month and loving it and now I am trying to help one or more of my coworkers to find their root of their issues so they could try to stop bad habits though I know ai have some bad habits myself that I need to work on but it I really hard to put yourself first when you never ever did put myself first before everyone else.
My struggle is that often I know if I don't act on something I'll forget about it. I need to return to a strategy I devised of a list of "Delayed distractions" so that I can remain more present during activities. One example of this is, lately I've been watching a lot of movies. While watching the movie I might remember or think about another movie I also want to watch, or think that I should buy the soundtrack to the movie I'm watching on Vinyl. So I'll get distracted searching for that stuff to see how expensive it is, how easy is it to buy a copy of ect... and I miss the current movie I'm watching. Even if I pause the movie I'm watching it still disrupts the act of watching a movie. One method I've used to some success is just keeping a pen and paper near by so I can write down things to look up later to get them to stop nagging at my attention so that I can maintain more focus on the movie I'm watching.
So much of FOMO for me is due to my history of giving up on things when they got hard, so basically when they stopped being an easy source of dopamine and required actual work. My mum would get so annoyed with me and the phrase "You always just give up" is practically tattooed in my brain. The shame and sadness I feel when I inevitably give up stops me from even starting something, so I get into cycles where I deep dive into a subject but stop myself from getting excited by it and enjoying it because "I'll just give it up again" and I don't want to get hurt. I end up grieving career paths and hobbies I never even started. I'm hoping that once I start on meds in the coming weeks (yay for adult diagnoses) I will be able to allow myself the risk of getting invested in something so I can push past that drop-off point and into the area where I feel like I have accomplished something with whatever I am doing.
I relate to this. After so much of my life not being able to finish things because I'd forget about them, or getting frustrated at how difficult they turn out to be and failing so often, it's really impacted my ability to enjoy new things and to try accomplish a goal. My default is to hold myself back before I've even started.
Holy hells! I started watching this because the title resonated on how social media makes me feel and THEN “best-life” life moments!!!! In my therapy and throughout my life I get to this block where I need to find my values. Now I have a tool to really do this! Thank you 💕💕💕💕
I was actually thinking about this yesterday. I was bowling in my league and just sat back and enjoyed the moment. Ir was a great realization. It also helped me understand the last meditation video you posted. Enjoy the present. Enjoy the time with your friends. Enjoy the time with your family. Enjoy the time folding laundry....Well...Actually, you don't have to enjoy that one.
Finally. I know I’m not making it up in my brain. I keep saying to my doctors I’m afraid of FOMO. I’ve trouble getting sleep because of fomo of nothing. I always remind myself that stop worrying about anything. Be present yet I drowned of thinking. I can’t do anything or move away from my bed. I always thought I’ve anxiety and a person who has overthinking issues lol. The part where you said “sometimes the things we think we really want end up not making us happy..” made me realised after a few years that I thought I’ll be happy if I studying/pursuing what I’m doing right now but turn out it isn’t. But at least due to it(what im doing right now) I just realised (and diagnosed) that I’ve adhd too. And this topic really hits me hard. Thank you ma’am.
Right?! Sometimes for me it's doomscrolling but you're right there have been times I've actually done it because I don't want to miss out or be "late to the party" (despite being... very late to the tiktok party.......wooops) - Harley
I can't wait for your book to come out! Thank you so much for all the effort you put into the channel to share so much helpful information and delivering it in such a great way, your episodes are fun and easy to digest, I don't get bored watching your videos and I just want to say thank you.
Awwwww we're glad you enjoy it and find it helpful! Our creative team does such a great job putting videos together (of which Jess obviously is a part of too!). ADHD friendly videos? CHECK. ✅ Thank you so much for sharing such kindness with us! It definitely encourages us to keep doing what we're doing
Thank you for that opening scene laughing about the FOMO-inducing vid on FOMO. It genuinely helped identify and chuckle at the "guilt" I was feeling about watching this over doing work right now ;)
I am starting to embrace this concept of being IN my life moment by moment. It is helping me figure out what I actually want instead of relentless efforts to be more 'productive'. My new word is enough. I am enough. I have enough, so any time, money or resources I have beyond enough can be shared, given to others (in ways which give me joy and connection).
Hi there! Thanks so much for the amazing video! Absolutely relate to all of this sooo much! But I also find it really important to mention that FOMO for me personally makes itself very present when it comes to sleeping! Ever since I was born, my parents were never or hardly able to put me down to sleep. They tried EVERYTHING…literally 😅… And of course that stems from my brain working differently and especially not having the same chemical balances but also from FOMO! To this day I hate sleeping because I always feel like I’m missing out on something. As a kid I would never want to go to sleep and always had my eyes and ears everywhere in order to not miss anything. Therefore, I was obviously pretty tired but that still didn’t stop me from doing it all day long and even at night. I think this is really important to consider, especially when looking at a healthy lifestyle! Sometimes it’s not just the lack of discipline or executive dysfunction or hyperfixation that can hinder achieving the goal of a healthy sleep schedule/healthy lifestyle but rather the unbelievably and hard to detect FOMO! Hope this was a nice insight on what other ways FOMO can affect one’s daily life :) Lots of Love Brain Julie
oooh yes me too - in the evening there is no more boring prospect than going to sleep, which in turn means that in the morning nothing seems more interesting than my own dreams...
Oh wow! Yeah I can see why your brain won't want to sleep if it's afraid of missing out! I actually often avoid sleep in a futile attempt to delay inevitable things (such as due dates 😅) but I'd never considered people having insomnia because they're afraid of missing out! But it makes so much sense! Thanks so much for sharing!!
oh boy i used to feel like i could have had an entirely different life had i been diagnosed with my adhd sooner. it's not a nice mental place to be in because it robbed me of that present moment, which was filled with regret about what i probably missed out on... which made me miss out even more! now i know better, and i make sure i list what i am grateful for daily. sure, things could be different, even better, but they also could be much worse, and for me i know my stability is more important than any coulda woulda shoulda scenario. it's like i'm finally in a place where i can afford to think about how little i'd really want to be on a yacht, getting all seasick and falling overboard. waking up on a deserted island, tied up by lilliputians. no thank you!
I loved the bit of insight that you shared. It reminded me of a college course I took on Medieval Philosophy. Thomas Aquinas said some thing along the the lines that, every choice is a renunciation. Which is very true. As an ADHDer it's so difficult for me to keep this in mind since my impulsive thoughts lead me to seek short term gratification in the moment instead of reaching for long tem goals.
Keep up the good work! Looking forward to your book (as a librarian, I'm excited to put it on our shelves)! Found out I had ADHD this past year as an adult and your channel has been so helpful. Thank you!
You can add to your moment of reminiscent thousands of peoples life and perspectives with your great and well made content so many of us can relate to and is actually feels so ADHD friendly. Even my mom who haven't even thought she might have ADHD until i got diagnosed in my 30's is watching you now and loving your videos (and she is still learning english so its extra awesome she understands you too). Sometimes hard to be positive about what we have and were we are at life , especially with ADHD and our tendency to seek that dopamine of something new and existing. But its also sometimes hard to see through our own masking , that the thing we think we like is what we think others would like and we want to fit in or be like others we look up to , so we tell ourselves that this is what we want for happiness and success. We build a character that is not always necessarily what we truly want. But what society or our circles influenced us to think we supposed to want. (Maybe its more true for the late diagnosed fellow ADHDers , since we are so deep in our mask we fail to look through it from years of hiding behind it). Anyway here i go rumbling again. Just wanted to say thank you again , another great video. Made me think a bit about what i have right now - and try to see it in a different light , since i am at a crossroad in my life right now with big decisions ahead.
The more of these ADHD videos i see, the more i see my own patterns and behaviors. I just scheduled a dr visit to see if i will be clinically diagnosed for this.
I really needed the information in this video. I didn't even realize it, but over the last few months I have been really heavy into fomo from my anxiety. Like just before watching this video, I saw some coworkers slacking off and chatting about random stuff just outside and I so badly wanted to join them. Thankfully through introspection I immediately realized that I was experiencing fomo. Before that I was oblivious to myself experiencing fomo. Thank you so much for all of the wonderful information you give us poor ADHD / anxiety wridden souls 😅
I have really bad career FOMO. There's just so many things I find interesting that I'm always afraid I made the wrong choice studying and I have hopped quite a bit. It just makes me sad knowing I will not get to do those other things and study those other things and so on. It's an awful commitment issue thing because it makes it way less satisfactory.
I most definitely have a FOMO, but many of the things I fear missing out on are things that I have convinced myself long ago is good for me yet they have started falling along the wayside since I started working. I take way longer to do tasks than others so I also don't get to exercise, read or spend quality time with people etc because I have less time now. I don't know if improving my time management is the answer yet or if I should let go of some things that I find important. I am working on improving my time management, but the irony is that I don't get much time for it haha. I wish my FOMO was as simple as thinking about a yacht party and letting that go, but I have to let go of things that I do find important but don't get time for anymore.
You certainly are doing a good job. I am so enlightened now about this condition and understand my daughter better. I am convinced she and her dad have adhd. Thank You so much
I love this channel and it has helped me understand so much about myself and impulse control is my biggest struggle with my constantly fighting FOMO. This video also reminded me of an episode of 'Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast' did an episode of FOBO (fear of better options) it coverd a lot of what you were talking about and gives a range of perspective.
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How long does it take for you to make a video this long?
"they're gonna fomo & not watch the video"
Joke's on you, I'm listening to the video while cleaning my shelf. I have ADHD & am doing too much at once, duh.
It’s good to see you again beautiful
I love that shirt! Reminds me of the Simpson’s episode where Marge is selling the ‘Homer is a dope’ T-shirt’s “look at the fine stitching on the word ‘dope’ “ hahahaha love your videos. Love from Australia 🇦🇺
You are sooooooo right. There are afew storys Meow could tell about this. There isn't enough time, room, etc to do it here and now, but, yeah...lol
I think what makes it worse with adhd for me is that I know that I "miss" a lot of things in general because of attention and memory problems. Just like I'm never sure if I really locked the door or if I just remember locking the door yesterday, I don't know how many opportunities I just forgot about. And I can't say "well if I really wanted it I wouldn't have forgotten about it" because I have adhd. I have recurring nightmares about forgetting about big events and having to scramble to try to still get there but failing.
Ohhhh yeah that makes total sense! Because thinking on it... I struggle with that a lot too... then feeling crappy if I come across what I had forgotten only to realise it's too late. Yeah that one hits hard. 🧡
- Harley
I once got angry at people for not inviting me to an event they sent me pictures of on Snapchat. Turns out they did invite me (the invite got sent in the same group as the pictures) I just completely forgot about it
Same here. ❤️
This, opportunity can feel so fleeting when it’s so easy to miss
I feel this a lot too. I've also missed out on so much because of my physical health.. that I feel like I live in constant fear of missing out on something important or special because one of my many issues decides to be a PIA. Do you also feel a sinister connection between FOMO and people-pleasing? I feel like I've too often spent my good days doing things for others and prioritizing others that I've left myself neglected because I also have FOMO about spending time with those I care about & them not wanting to spend time with me doing what I would rather be doing/where I'd rather be. I'm always the one traveling and meeting people where they're at... (can you tell I'm really good at overanalyzing my own brain?)
I didn’t realize FOMO was such a strong ADHD thing. Explains a lot about my trouble with making decisions. I’ve made a lot of wrong ones and that amplifies the fear even more.
I own an $80 Qpid necklace from Death Stranding that I thought i needed. It came in the mail and now i just think.. what do i do with this thing i dont even want it anymore
Relatable. I feel so indecisive, even with the smallest things like what to eat for breakfast (smh). I'll consider one option, but then I immediately think it's not going to be worth it or satisfying enough as soon as the thought of the other decision crosses my mind. I start thinking there's something about the other option that I could be missing out on, and it makes me feel unsure of myself. It's even worse when my gut feeling/intuition isn't really guiding me, and even guessing is hard in these moments. It's paralyzing and frustrating honestly.
ADHD and satisfaction from the little things in our lives... what a joke
not really. I have ADHD and despite hating the fact I missed something in my life I also got into other things at the same time. At the end it's just the ability to feel comfortable in your own skin. Everyone have desire to have a better life than what they are having and I have that very often. However at the end I always remind myself that I have my own choice. If I want to I would have or will do it. At those time those things no longer were something that I missed, they were just thing I decided to skip to do something else that I wanted to do more at that moment.
Same!!!
FOMO could be harder to deal with for ADHD folks because of our reward system. For me a big part of it is because of my perfectionism, but also how ambitious (yet impatient) I am due to my ADHD. Seeing immediate results makes me feel like something is worth my time, but in reality most tasks that have amazing results at the end don't have that. I've jumped from one interest to another, hoping one will keep me engaged but everything requires patience and persistence.
This is actually why I so enjoy costuming and making party decor because it's not expected to last long and it doesn't need to be perfect, and the payoff happens much sooner!
Exactly how I’ve been feeling
@Bartinator1990 yeah, I'm usually the last to leave things
You are me. I am you. 😂😢😅 Best wishes finding your "thing" in your explorations! Remember that the positive side of this behavior is that you're trying many things and that's something other people don't experience. Be kind to yourself. ❤
@@melissadell3881 Thank you so much! Maybe our "thing" is being enthusiastic explorers 😊
Literally my first response to this was "you know you can film TH-cam videos on a yacht, sipping champagne right?" and now I realise I'm part of the problem 😜
Pfft, you calling me out! I was thinking, "I don't have to miss out on buying new clothes, I can write my book and shop online too" . No, I told my brain to stop that spiral XD
I finished watching the video. :)
My depression has basically overwhelmed my life to the point of "oh well, I will just miss out on everything. Everyone else's life is great and just mine sucks and that's how life is. The end. Nothing to miss out on because I'm going to miss out on literally everything and nobody wants me there anyway." But my therapy is already helping me reframe things from "I *should* be doing this today", and I like how you rephrase it as "I *choose* to do this today."
Your "nothing is a waste of time" video really helped me, and now this video ... yeah, it's going to take some time for me to process it. "No matter what our choices are, we're going to miss out on stuff." "What am I being present for?" "What we can do is make it so that the things in our lives are fulfilling." Those ... those are deep thoughts. And it's a really good place to explore and to think about.
Thanks. Again. For a deep and very validating video that will give me a lot to think about.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Yeahhh, there are so many ways to reframe things, but I'm glad you resonated with "I choose"!
We're glad that you've found some of our videos helpful!
And you're welcome
Yeah. I remind myself often that able bodied neuro typs also have to choose between Important Things with their time and energy, and are always missing out on other potential things too.
I think its kindof like money. No matter how much you have, you can easily feel like it's not quite enough, if you haven't combated the "need more" stance about it. When your numbers are high, so also rises your expectations and aspirations. (Evidenced by every millionaire and billionaire who has an insatiable drive to keep getting MORE.)
Anyway, my work about money and scarcity (strongly influenced by the book 'The Soul of Money'), also turned out to help with my scarcity mentality about time, happenings, opportunities, etc., and ability to be more content in my days and hours.
Thank you for the reminder that "I wrote a book" is a thing to feel great about in the rocking chair. I've been a published author for 22 years and have often felt like I've missed out on a lot of "real life" due to publishing deadlines and also generally finding fictional people more engaging than nonfictional ones. Because of ADHD it takes me a lot longer to write and edit a novel than most of my peers, so I spend way too much energy comparing myself to them and wishing I had a different brain. So it's nice to be reminded that writing a book that people want to read is an extraordinary thing. Thank you. 💖
I am watching this b4 bed well have to truly process this tomorow noisy here atm but I do know a couple ready in wpg
I definitely want to congratulate you for writing a book! 🎉
I have had a story in my head for the past ten-ish years but have not found a way to get it ‘out’
your videos helped me explain to my parents exactly what i struggle with in life and no adhd is not just me being lazy
Love this! I'm glad our content has been able to help you explain your struggles! 🧡
Same here! So grateful that this Creator was able to find the words that I could not 😊
same issue
This is one of the biggest challenges I've had to deal with! I constantly get analysis paralysis because I'm so afraid of missing out on something better, something more "valuable," something which would get me into a better position like earning more money or living alone so I stop burdening the people around me. And then I use about half the time I could have actually used, because I constantly stop myself to think and double-check. I've been working really hard to be more present in the moment, more productive doing the things I love like writing, but it's really hard when you don't have a reliable argument to dismiss that fear with. And now I do. Thank you.
Aw man I feel that exact thing. You are not alone. Even making the simplest decisions can paralyze me because I don't know what will the best thing to do. This video will help me feel better about just choosing something I think!
i feel like this has to be related to working memory in some way. And maybe how stress impacts our access to memory in general.
This video and topic reminds me of a Mister Rogers quote:
"You rarely have time for everything you want in life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are."
2 minutes in and I am already sobbing.
I feel so trapped in my current life, and have no options to change tracks.
False positivity has caused me so much pain, but THIS is so reassuring and affirming.
Thank you for the work you do. ❤❤❤
Wishing you the best of luck & may you find peace & your true direction ♡♡♡
If you COULD change tracks, what would you do differently?
False/toxic positivity is damaging for everyone, but I think especially for us a-typs. 💔
Same 😭😭 @Jayda Odom
@@ShadowRaven66669 I would build a homestead with tiny homes that my friends could come live in when THEY need a break or change tracks.
I would actually raise my child instead of just surviving from workday to work day.
Maybe get a cat.
Thank you for this. Struggling more and more as I age without any medication. I somehow thought I would just get better over time. No. Everyday is a struggle. I find coffee and other stimulants actually help a great deal for focusing
Awwwww yeah I know the feeling. I did that for a couple of years and learned the same thing.... everyday is a struggle. Do love me a good coffee though! You have a particular favourite coffee drink? :)
- Harley
@@HowtoADHD nothing too exciting, some cold brew is always nice for the summer days. But I find I can focus on something better IE work when TH-cam is playing in the background or music. At any given day I keep 2 things going at the same time so I can focus on one of them
I hear you. I cannot medicate because of other health issues, but a coke slurpee does wonders for a few hours 🙂
I totally agree with you on this 💯@AshleyOblinger !
This was such a major thing in my life. I was diagnosed as a child and went off medication around the age of 13. Hyperactivity was such the main focus back then that growing up I figured ADHD was something I had grown out of. Truth is, I had family, roommates, and a partner I was living with during all the time I was off medication. Now living by myself, all of the struggles are coming to light, as now as an adult in my 30s I have to actually learn how to live with this.
I was literally just freaking out because I was filling out references for a new job which made me think more of how lonely I've been the past year since moving and leaving my campus for online school and this video pops up in my notifications:) Thanks so much, Jess!
Not only just interpersonal things I’m afraid of missing out on like inside jokes or memories and activities, but fomo has ruined my life financially. Between Pokémon collecting and league of legends events and limited time skins I have spent over 20,000 dollars between the two because of the fear that something won’t be available or will go up in price in the future. I tested myself to let things pass and although part of me will always wonder if I will regret it, I’m proud of myself for keeping the money and knowing I’ll have it for real needs. I’ll only allow myself to partake in one purchase for each every few months and it has relieved so much stress from me.
This is the video I needed. FOMO is horrible, especially when it affects your budget. And choosing your words is so important. I don’t have to, I GET to or I CHOOSE to. It’s an empowering first step.
thank you!!!! I think watching sooo many people being rich and famous every time we turn on our phones makes us feel like we're boring losers if we have a normal life. but it doesn't make you basic to enjoy the little things and actually be content with what you have
It's definitely hard. The one thing that helped me accept this is the movie Groundhog Day. It taught me that the grass is green where you water it. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm repeating the same day to figure out what my values are ultimately.
Love this.
thank you.
These videos have helped me figure out so much about me and my wife it’s nuts. We’re both ADHD lol
That's awesome! Glad the videos are able to help! 😊
Absolutely! Most of my early adult life was spent in this kind of activity positivism. If I wasn't doing something "productive" then I was wasting my life and being lazy. It doesn't help growing up in a post 80s prosperity culture that is productivity obsessed. It wasn't until I got into Buddhism in my late 20s that I began to understand the value of BEING. There is very little talk or value of this in Western culture.
I need to find worth in being because I am worthless by USA standards. (No job, on disability).
@@Catlily5 You have worth. You are so much more than being a cog in the labour economy.
@@lyndas232 Thank you.
I am so lucky I found Buddhism when I was 20. Idk how I would've gotten through severe chronic pain as well as undiagnosed ADHD without it...
@@alexpavalok430 ikr! I envy you finding it so early. I floundered for a good half a decade more before I did. My life was still chaos after, but I didn't take it so personally. Just that one small adjustment transformed my life experience.
I appreciate the subtle change of context with "I choose to"... Actually I love the subtle change..!!!
Literally just finished the call for the results of my assessment. I didn’t quite fit adhd or autism, so she said depression and anxiety. But I’ve found open arms in the neurodivergent community, and your videos have really helped me. I’ve found I really relate to the academic and workplace struggles of adhd. I’m not sure how best to continue considering I don’t have adhd.
for so many years I thought I was the only one who couldn’t feel the moment and was always having anxiety over the thought of doing something better SO GOOD TO FIND PEOPLE WHO RELATE TO THIS
Jessica, thank you so much for the consistent content. As somebody who has struggled with ADHD for years and has benefitted from the informative and validating nature of your videos, I just want to share my appreciation for your dedication to this community. You have helped me and I'm sure so many others understand our own brains and behaviors and what you have done for us is invaluable. Life is so wild and I can't even imagine all of the things you have going on in your own life. The fact that you've been so consistent in bringing us this content and sharing this knowledge, especially considering all the challenges you must face as somebody with ADHD, I really can't thank you enough for the time and effort you have put in. It is truly remarkable and I just want you to know how much love and appreciation myself and so many people have for you. If life gets too crazy and you have to take a break from this or even stop all together, just know that everything you've done for this community will shine through everybody that you have helped with this content, and we never take your hard work for granted. Thank you again Jessica, I can't wait to watch this video (:
We've been able to build a really good team that helps keep up with the consistency so that no single person (including Jess!) is doing EVERYTHING. And we honestly help support each other and help keep each other accountable since we all know the ADHD struggle!
And it's wonderful to know that the consistency is seen and appreciated, so thank you so much for commenting! We worked very hard (Jess included!) to get to where we are now and so thank you... knowing the work is appreciated really helps keep us going... helps encourage us.
@@HowtoADHD Harley, you and your team are absolutely amazing!! Thank you for getting back to me, and for the time, hard work and dedication that you, Jessica and the rest your team put into this channel. It really is something special! I can't thank you enough. Also, I'm sorry that my initial comment only recognized Jessica, as I'm sure she would be the first to say she couldn't do it without you guys. You all rock!! Teamwork makes the dream work
Awwwww, thank you that's so sweet! It's alright! We know that it's easier to hone in on Jess because she did start this channel and is the face of it -- and still puts in a lot of her own work behind the scenes too! We know that sometimes people won't realise or might even forget there are more people that they DON'T see! But we definitely won't say no to being included. 😄
But thank you once again -- I'll share your kindness with the rest of the team, I think it'll make their day! 😄
- Harley
I agree Nate. Being a subscriber and watching Jessica's videos sure has helped me, in more ways than one. Not just things to do to compensate for my inattention, and other things, but it has helped me not feel alone in my struggles. Once in a while, I read some comments after watching a video here and I get the feeling that others understand the struggle.
I also have the common comorbidity's of depression and anxiety. My generalized anxiety can certainly compound the FOMO.
Had to cancel flights last week, for a family visit that has been long-planned, due to my partner having COVID (which I've now tested positive for too). My FOMO relating to my siblings still being on this trip is intense. You couldn't have posted this vid at a better time. Thanks
Thank you so much for this video! I just found out I have ADHD a few months ago at age 29 (thanks to your video on ADHD in women) and after years of unhappiness in my job as finance manager recently finally decided to change my profession and study again. It was a very hard decision to make because I love the NGO I work for and I support our mission 100%. The team is the best in the world, I have flexible working hours and the salary is very good, but I have been unhappy with my tasks for such a long time and feel so out of place doing them. And also I'm really not good at them which triggers my anxiety a lot. Knowing that I will never have working conditions this good again (especially in social work, which is what I want to study) has made it very hard for me to make this decision, but my career really is the one thing in my life right now that's making me extremely unhappy and I can't bare it anymore. Just today someone reminded me (as many have before) how I'm giving up a great and employee-friendly job and although that didn't change my mind about leaving, it still triggered my anxiety about this decision. So this video comes at a great time to reassure me that what I am doing is the right thing for me. Thank you so much for that! And for everything else you have contributed to my life and those of many others struggling with themselves. ❤️
I've repressed depression all my life for the sake of not missing out on all the things around me. I didn't want to take a moment to breathe because I felt already so much behind. When I gave in, I realised that despite all the sadness and moodswings, there was all the support I needed. It's an experience that brings me closer to my best friend who's also in a depression and allows me to understand that a lot of wrong that happened to me isn't a result of my failure. Running away from my feelings towards all sorts of activities got me to waste a lot of time where I could've figured out earlier who I am. Ironically, taking a moment to breathe was what I needed to stop feeling behind.
I remember reading a post on facebook that definitely has the same vibe as the "95yo in a rocking chair"... the post said something along the lines of "if it's the sort of thing you'd think about when casting a patronus charm, then it's not a waste of time"... and that, for some reason, resonated with me. Even now as I type this, the thought makes my eyes water a little bit because, despite years of feeling depressed, I do have strong happy memories which bring a smile to my face and make me feel I'd cast a badass patronus charm. :)
JOMO - the Joy Of Missing Out! This is what we should be learning ;) Thanks Jess, this is a really important topic!
it gets even worse with autism, because there's an additional layer of obstacles to doing stuff, so it's even easier to potentially miss out, which feeds the fomo, so a lot of energy is spent on swinging between being anxious about the idea of doing stuff and being afraid to miss out because of this anxiety which feels like we can't control it
This was really deep. Thanks.
I've started making choices with intent and by reminding myself: I can't be in two places at once. Pick one, and BE there.
As an autistic person in heavy suspicion that I have ADHD as well, I simply saw the title of this video and my life this past 21 months suddenly made even more sense. And so far everything you’ve been saying in the video has resonated with me. I’m actually feeling the sense of fulfillment from navigating a hard situation, which you talked about in this video ❤️ I really hope to get a professional evaluation for ADHD as soon as possible.
I didn't realize that FOMO was a thing. I have a tendency to burn out really quickly, and when I get asked to join an activity (i.e., my mom invites me to the mall, a friend asks if I'd like to go hiking, something not very hard but mentally/physically draining overtime) I tend to say no. Usually that's because I already know that I'm tired and probably won't enjoy the experience as much as I would on another day. But almost every time, when the other person leaves, I regret saying no because I could have joined in and had a great time. I've also said yes to things I didn't have the energy for, and regretted not saying no.
So usually I end up regretting my decision either way, and tend to get snappy or very emotional. It sucks a lot, and it also tends to make people not ask me to go places with them, but I've never been able to explain why it happens. It hurts my mom's feelings if I don't want to go places with her, but it hurts her feelings worse if I do go and then have a bad time, and in having a bad time, sometimes make everyone else's time bad.
I try to work on it but it is very difficult. My ADHD and autism both kind of affect me in this way, bc the autism burns me out and then the ADHD makes me wish I wasn't burnt out bc what am I missing out on? What could be happening if I wasn't mentally exhausted?
Thank you for sharing. This aspect of life drives me insane. Especially when I see others, friends or on social media seemingly "always" getting what they want. When I know I have a very specialized set of interests or things I really want or need. This content will go a long way to telling my autistic/ADHD brain to just STFU, and stop ramping up FOMO and flurry of emotion that ensues.
I'm so glad I found your channel. I've had problems with adhd since I was a kid but was never able to or wanted to seek help. Thank to you I started therapy last week and have a appointment on the 5th of July to see if medication is right for me. So thank you for the support and courage to do so.
This video actually helped me get out of a stasis! Just finished the video and now I feel motivated to do what makes me feel those little happy present moments
Thank you for making this video!! I have a kiddo with an adhd brain and fomo is something he experiences a lot, and we're trying to figure out what works best to help him cope with it. This is such a helpful video. Thank you!
Hi! I really love that you explain everything really well. It makes it easier for me and probably others to listen to you while multitasking and doing something else
Awwwww thank you! Glad it helps
FOMO seems to be prominent in folks with ADHD for several reasons. And you've put really great advice out there for us.
But there is also something to be said about systemic problems. Yes, therapy is great, but what many people need the most is - money.
I personally struggle with FOMO and obviously, my ADHD contributes to that in many different way, but these days, I'm extremely confident in my choices of what makes me happy. It's just that I'm still missing out and so obviously still struggle with FOMO because we live in a capitalist hellhole. I have to pay my bills and do my dishes, and for many people, that's often all they can afford at the end of the day. And I think we could sit with that uncomfortable truth for a minute.
Just wanted to thank you for your videos. I recently had a screening and they couldn't confirm a diagnosis because there weren't enough examples of symptoms manifesting before 12. I still don't understand how if my main issues seems to be long term planning and keeping track of things like bills, traffic tickets, etc how that issue would have been caught as a child. Regardless, your videos help me realize my neurodivergence isn't so rare and to feel less like an alien who just was left alone on this planet, so thanks.
I struggle with bad social anxiety as well, and I really want to be able to do things but I can’t and that I struggle with identity and desires as I’ve not been able to develop my own being long story short, I had a mum who would control me so much and I don’t even know if she knows she’s doing it but really how she is she’s truly narcissistic and it’s scary it really is how much she is and having speaking to family about this and they validated me. I do love and appreciate mum I want more then anything to have an open great relationship but it’s so deeply toxic. I mean I’m not diagnosed but the psychiatrist did say I will score highly on the test and that I keep relating more and more and truly believe I do have it there’s so many awful stigmas with this condition but when I did a scoring system from the gp last year I was shocked a lot of it I thought it was just me but I realise it’s not, the forgetfulness, lacking motivation only being able to game, easily distracted, a hyperactive mind fidgeting etc, I got a detention at school for forgetting my school planer and I was so humiliated and every week forgot my pe kit when we went swimming I was bullied a lot at school not just for that though. I’m so grateful for this channel really am and you should be so proud ❤️🥰 your amazing with what your doing I hope one day I’m able to do something like this xx
Diagnosed at the age of 50 with extreme ADHD. Never had the feeling I was missing out.
Had more of a feeling that this society was overwhelming. More of a feeling that the problems of the world weighed heavily upon me.
I felt that too in my 20s and I just had to let go of it.. I still feel a bit guilty about it, but I know ultimately I have to take care of myself first before I can be of use to others
5:12 I'd say to be careful when thinking about when you *feel* like you're living your best life. I know that the moments I recall being absolutely filled with joy is when I was alone in my room, beautiful sun shining in, and super high playing rocket league. Without a doubt those are some of the best *feelings* I've experienced, but obviously if I chase those feelings then I'm chasing down an unfulfilling life of playing video games while high. Like the lady living her best life life when she's drunk; I wonder if she's an alcoholic now cuz she's chasing down those moments of being disinhibited and carefree.
I think your follow-up later in the video on analyzing whether your time is well spent or wasted effort needs more emphasis, and also emphasizing that such introspection should always happen after some time has passed (because introspecting on whether you're wasting your time *while* it's happening is the reason everyone is watching this video! :) )
Agreed
Thanks Jessica! Every time I have questions about ADHD I watch your videos. You give us so much information and great advice. Thanks for helping me understand myself better.
One of the main ways I procrastinate is by hanging out with friends because I don't want to miss out. It is difficult for me to be present, focus on the conversations, and remember things I should, but I stay and socialize. I often stay too long, again, because I don't want to miss out. I appreciated when you asked yourself, "Do my efforts matter here?" I need to ask myself that more often.
Same problem here
FOMO is definitely harder to deal with with ADHD because we tend to miss out on more things than most people because we take on more than we can handle, even fun stuff. Like we think it’d be cool to do a bajillion projects not realizing we don’t have time to take on a bajillion projects, and then we end up missing out on completing any of them either due to not having as much time as we thought or simply forgetting about them.
I think the cruelest thing about this is that it ends up eroding our trust in our own judgement.
Thanks Jessica so much for this video! I’ve always struggled with this. Makes me feel like I always need to be a step ahead of everybody, and if I don’t I feel like I’m missing out on stuff. I love your videos!!!! It’s nice to know there’s others out there with the same struggles as me. I also have ADHD 😁😁😁
Definatley a balance. I appreciate my low self esteem, it make me appreciate the things I know I'm good at, the good things that happen( s, ed, ing) in my life. I think its a good thing to worry a little, and helps motivate you to do your best or try new things. But you can't let it ruin every minute or even half your life.
Big fan. Thanks. 😊
I’m going on four months without logging on to Instagram or TikTok and the FOMO is real... and this video hit home on so many levels. ❤️
This video popped up in my notifications at just the right time. I'm going through so many transitions in my life right now, with work aspirations, a wedding getting extremely close, trying to implement healthy life decisions, and a budget that always seems to slip a little farther away from me. I've had so many things on my mind that I've always felt inadequate about even one of those factors, that watching this video really has helped my mind refocus on the value of holding on and making the most of what's happening in the present and not feel like there's some infinite to-do list that I'll never accomplish. Logically, I understand that I know I'll never do everything there is to offer while I'm alive, but it definitely helps to remember that it's the quality of life that matters and not the quantity of things that I've filled it with. There are many things I want to do, and I look forward to doing them, but now the next year looks like it will be so much more positive than dragging my feet forward to get everything perfect. Thank you for sharing this and helping me tweak my perspective in the right direction
we really need to talk more about adhd and relationship. I know we don’t have too much facts about adhd, but We need to educate people and teach what we know. That’s why I’m so thankful for you Jessica , for making people aware and helping us “brains” to understand ourselves and how…yeah, how to adhd ❤️ truly grateful 🙏🏼
I think this is great for anyone, brains or hearts. But brains especially need to remember that many people with ADHD have a really powerful imagination but less than powerful brakes on regulating feelings. So it's way easier to fall into a FOMO trap because the imagined life is so attractive. The other thing you are not doing is always better - if you switch, it is still the other thing that is better because your powerful brain fills your head with the imagined greatness of what isn't. And the problem with storing and retrieving episodic memory that plagues many people with ADHD means you forget that last time you thought the other thing was better and it wasn't. Ideas: write down how you felt about your choice and pull out your notes next time you are choosing, or really talk to a friend about your choice, and have them help you reflect and pull up those memories that your powerful brain has pushed off the plate.
This is so true. Finding something to be thankful for and looking for solutions in the midst of difficulties was helpful. "Getting" to work a variety of jobs made me look for new ways to communicate and step out of my comfort zone. Shift work was demanding and missing out on my son's activities was no fun. Thankfully, I learned to focus on daily moments with him. Building forts in the living room & having ice cream on the last day before his birthday to celebrate the last day of that age/year; was special for both of us. To this day, as a young man, he still shares with me while we drive together or make dinner. It was in those moments that we built a relationship. - Finding a different perspective for myself is what I could control, my circumstances changed eventually. That "shift work" opened the door to better opportunities a few years later.
Sleep is on of the most important thing for Adhd brain and yet I'm watching this at 3am while trying to keep my eyes open for some reason.
From a 23 yr old girl in small town in the UK who has never felt like she was ‘normal’ or ‘fit in’ or a weirdo, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I have never understood myself and my wacky little brain as much as I do since watching your videos. Thank you thank you thank you❤️
I just want to thank you for this channel! I've been just recently diagnosed with adhd and your videos are helping me A LOT in figuring everything out , and just helping me understand myself(and my brain) a little better. Thank you
I was thinking about that book the other day, “Island of the Blue Dolphins” and actually downloaded it to my audio book collection to listen to in the car. It is a book I remember from my childhood, but switching schools so never got to finish it. The narration of the book is good, and sounds like an native pacific islander reading it. Take care of yourself Jessica. Now that you reminded me of my FOMO with videos on TH-cam, I will close the app and read a book. Unfortunately the book is on a kindle.
One of my favorite childhood books too!
I’m bipolar type 2 but I do this as well. I love it!! Very helpful!! Thank you!! Completely changed my perspective!!
This one really speaks to me. I have some really intense fomo feelings that trickle over into most aspects of my life, to the point where I’m constantly questioning how I should be spending my time and paralysed over the “right” decision to make over everything. It’s extremely exhausting and anxiety-inducing. Had a rather nasty bout of it recently, so thank you tor this very well/timed video ❤️
This channel is absolutely my savour. It has helped me to realise what actually is my adhd and not some weird thing that just I do like I’m “obsessed” or “addicted“ to football (soccer I’m from Uk lol) I love the sport to the point where it is the only thing I will talk about and I will spend like 6 hours every Sunday just doing keepy ups and I will do it in the rain till I’m told to come in out of the rain because I will get cold or a fever lol. Basically you have helped me and so many others so keep it up (as long as you enjoyed it)
I was diagnosed with adhd at 22, now 29. The biggest part of fomo that drives me nuts is when I miss an opportunity with girls showing m signs of interest, cause my brain is moving too fast in a bad way. It's beyond frustrating
I love this! In addition to telling yourself this, when you speak to other people about what you are doing, speak in this way to them. It will make you come off as a more friendly fulfilled person and it might change the mindset of your peers as well!
This has been one of the most inspiring videos I’ve seen in a while. Thank you for making a difference. I needed to hear this today
One of the things I'm going to be grateful for while I'm remembering the things that impacted the quality of my life is finding your video, "Motivation Bridge." I had just gotten out of 7 was of group therapy for depression that focused on mindfulness. I was told several times by the therapist that I have ADHD tendencies. Then, I found the "Motivation Bridge." I sobbed. You put words to what I could NEVER explain to anyone - especially myself. I just knew something wasn't right. Because of that video, I was finally diagnosed with Combined Type ADHD at 49 years old. I missed out on a lot the day I was mindlessly scrolling through TH-cam, but the second I hit, play, my life became fulfilled. (...and now I'm sobbing happy, grateful tears. Thank you❤)
Your videos have helped me immensely in navigating my very recent diagnosis. I am a big fan of your work! I do have a small-ish issue with how you presented choices in this video. A lot of people say that you can JUST get a new job, or JUST move if you don't like your situation, but for a lot of people, that isn't true. I am happy that you found a fulfilling career, but I'm sure you know how rare that is. The more I learn, the clearer it becomes that most of our problems are structural. Fitting in is medicalized for us, and often the goal of treatment is to get us to better serve an economy that does not serve us. I know it wasn't the focus of this video, it just rubbed me the wrong way when you added work and housing to the choices category, without considering the options people are choosing from. I should reiterate that I love your work, and I think it is important and you are doing a good job at it. It's just that I don't want to see this trend spread to you and the wonderful How to ADHD community.
Jessica, you hit the nail on the head with saying FOMO of something else should not interfere in your engagement with what you are currently doing. Years ago, my family and my sisters family had taken a vacation together. In one city, our goal was to visit, say 10 tourists spots in one day. We tried to come up with the shortest travel time between the spots, estimating traffic congestions, and believed we would have very little time at each spot. We could check-off on our bucket list that we had been there, but what was the point if we spent most of the time in a car going from point to point. Hence, we decided to strike out say 2 tourists spots from our itinerary which was such a relief just during the planning stage. In the end, we had a great stress free, laid back relaxed time, which is the purpose of a vacation.
Another key factor is planning one's life, and not just drifting away. Planning not every hour, but having some time to explore, some time for relaxation, chilling out. Any overall plan is better than having no overall plan. While growing up, there could be a lot of exploratory time, but once a vision becomes clear, it would be a good idea to get serious and do some planning. With planning, FOMO would not be an issue. It was MO'd according to plan.
FOMO is one of my biggest struggles… no one else i know seems to feel it as intensely as i do, and i never connected the dots that it could intensified by ADHD! thank you for making this video 🤍
A big Life Life Moment for me was Re-discovering my ADHD. You are my Hero Jessica ❤️
Thank you so much for this input, sometimes I give to much weigh to the "perfectionism"/anxiety related distraction when I evaluate why a task is so hard to compleate , but recently I started to consider that FOMO is actually playing a central role to it, I just didn't know how to articulate it in words well enough until watched this. TY
This reminds me of minimalism and trying to simplify my life. I have a tendency to save things, mainly things that have memories tied to them. But then I have a lot of stuff. I think having a more minimal lifestyle and less stuff is really helpful for ADHD. More experiences, less stuff. I wanted to be a Mom, so I decided at 35 to become a Single Mom by Choice. It has been a dream come true. Still hard, yet so worth it. 💜💙
I have just come across your videos today as I begin to attempt to understand all who I am and all that it means to be ADHD. I never once thought that my FOMO was connected to my ADHD. The way you frame things is amazing and I definitely need to reframe my thinking from 'have to' to 'get to' and I am hopeful that this will help me to not feel so overwhelmed by all of the things I always 'have' to do. Thank you for the work you have put in to all of these videos. While they are extremely helpful, I also find it very helpful to see hundreds of contents from others who understand what is like to have a brain like mine.
I already downloaded Fabulous for me from your last sponsored video with this sponsorship. I have been using it for over a month and loving it and now I am trying to help one or more of my coworkers to find their root of their issues so they could try to stop bad habits though I know ai have some bad habits myself that I need to work on but it I really hard to put yourself first when you never ever did put myself first before everyone else.
My struggle is that often I know if I don't act on something I'll forget about it. I need to return to a strategy I devised of a list of "Delayed distractions" so that I can remain more present during activities. One example of this is, lately I've been watching a lot of movies. While watching the movie I might remember or think about another movie I also want to watch, or think that I should buy the soundtrack to the movie I'm watching on Vinyl. So I'll get distracted searching for that stuff to see how expensive it is, how easy is it to buy a copy of ect... and I miss the current movie I'm watching. Even if I pause the movie I'm watching it still disrupts the act of watching a movie.
One method I've used to some success is just keeping a pen and paper near by so I can write down things to look up later to get them to stop nagging at my attention so that I can maintain more focus on the movie I'm watching.
So much of FOMO for me is due to my history of giving up on things when they got hard, so basically when they stopped being an easy source of dopamine and required actual work. My mum would get so annoyed with me and the phrase "You always just give up" is practically tattooed in my brain. The shame and sadness I feel when I inevitably give up stops me from even starting something, so I get into cycles where I deep dive into a subject but stop myself from getting excited by it and enjoying it because "I'll just give it up again" and I don't want to get hurt. I end up grieving career paths and hobbies I never even started.
I'm hoping that once I start on meds in the coming weeks (yay for adult diagnoses) I will be able to allow myself the risk of getting invested in something so I can push past that drop-off point and into the area where I feel like I have accomplished something with whatever I am doing.
I relate to this. After so much of my life not being able to finish things because I'd forget about them, or getting frustrated at how difficult they turn out to be and failing so often, it's really impacted my ability to enjoy new things and to try accomplish a goal. My default is to hold myself back before I've even started.
Thanks
You're welcome! Thank you so much for the support! 😊
Holy hells! I started watching this because the title resonated on how social media makes me feel and THEN “best-life” life moments!!!! In my therapy and throughout my life I get to this block where I need to find my values. Now I have a tool to really do this! Thank you 💕💕💕💕
I was actually thinking about this yesterday. I was bowling in my league and just sat back and enjoyed the moment. Ir was a great realization. It also helped me understand the last meditation video you posted. Enjoy the present. Enjoy the time with your friends. Enjoy the time with your family. Enjoy the time folding laundry....Well...Actually, you don't have to enjoy that one.
Finally. I know I’m not making it up in my brain. I keep saying to my doctors I’m afraid of FOMO. I’ve trouble getting sleep because of fomo of nothing. I always remind myself that stop worrying about anything. Be present yet I drowned of thinking. I can’t do anything or move away from my bed. I always thought I’ve anxiety and a person who has overthinking issues lol. The part where you said “sometimes the things we think we really want end up not making us happy..” made me realised after a few years that I thought I’ll be happy if I studying/pursuing what I’m doing right now but turn out it isn’t. But at least due to it(what im doing right now) I just realised (and diagnosed) that I’ve adhd too. And this topic really hits me hard. Thank you ma’am.
This was my todays thing. Thank you for calming me down. Keep on doing this!
This is amazing!! thank you sooo much for this, ive had FOMO of missing out on all of the memes and thats why i spend too much time on social media
Right?! Sometimes for me it's doomscrolling but you're right there have been times I've actually done it because I don't want to miss out or be "late to the party" (despite being... very late to the tiktok party.......wooops)
- Harley
"Nobody's going to finish actually watching the video"
Me who was about to click away: Maybe i'll stay..
Just as I was struggling , Jessica is here ! No words to thank you for the efforts you put in for all of us ❤️
Thanks!
You're welcome! Thanks for watching! 🧡
I can't wait for your book to come out! Thank you so much for all the effort you put into the channel to share so much helpful information and delivering it in such a great way, your episodes are fun and easy to digest, I don't get bored watching your videos and I just want to say thank you.
Awwwww we're glad you enjoy it and find it helpful! Our creative team does such a great job putting videos together (of which Jess obviously is a part of too!). ADHD friendly videos? CHECK. ✅ Thank you so much for sharing such kindness with us! It definitely encourages us to keep doing what we're doing
Thank you for that opening scene laughing about the FOMO-inducing vid on FOMO. It genuinely helped identify and chuckle at the "guilt" I was feeling about watching this over doing work right now ;)
I am starting to embrace this concept of being IN my life moment by moment. It is helping me figure out what I actually want instead of relentless efforts to be more 'productive'. My new word is enough. I am enough. I have enough, so any time, money or resources I have beyond enough can be shared, given to others (in ways which give me joy and connection).
Hi there! Thanks so much for the amazing video! Absolutely relate to all of this sooo much! But I also find it really important to mention that FOMO for me personally makes itself very present when it comes to sleeping! Ever since I was born, my parents were never or hardly able to put me down to sleep. They tried EVERYTHING…literally 😅… And of course that stems from my brain working differently and especially not having the same chemical balances but also from FOMO! To this day I hate sleeping because I always feel like I’m missing out on something. As a kid I would never want to go to sleep and always had my eyes and ears everywhere in order to not miss anything. Therefore, I was obviously pretty tired but that still didn’t stop me from doing it all day long and even at night. I think this is really important to consider, especially when looking at a healthy lifestyle! Sometimes it’s not just the lack of discipline or executive dysfunction or hyperfixation that can hinder achieving the goal of a healthy sleep schedule/healthy lifestyle but rather the unbelievably and hard to detect FOMO!
Hope this was a nice insight on what other ways FOMO can affect one’s daily life :)
Lots of Love
Brain Julie
oooh yes me too - in the evening there is no more boring prospect than going to sleep, which in turn means that in the morning nothing seems more interesting than my own dreams...
Oh wow! Yeah I can see why your brain won't want to sleep if it's afraid of missing out! I actually often avoid sleep in a futile attempt to delay inevitable things (such as due dates 😅) but I'd never considered people having insomnia because they're afraid of missing out! But it makes so much sense!
Thanks so much for sharing!!
oh boy i used to feel like i could have had an entirely different life had i been diagnosed with my adhd sooner. it's not a nice mental place to be in because it robbed me of that present moment, which was filled with regret about what i probably missed out on... which made me miss out even more! now i know better, and i make sure i list what i am grateful for daily. sure, things could be different, even better, but they also could be much worse, and for me i know my stability is more important than any coulda woulda shoulda scenario. it's like i'm finally in a place where i can afford to think about how little i'd really want to be on a yacht, getting all seasick and falling overboard. waking up on a deserted island, tied up by lilliputians. no thank you!
I loved the bit of insight that you shared. It reminded me of a college course I took on Medieval Philosophy. Thomas Aquinas said some thing along the the lines that, every choice is a renunciation. Which is very true. As an ADHDer it's so difficult for me to keep this in mind since my impulsive thoughts lead me to seek short term gratification in the moment instead of reaching for long tem goals.
I needed this video today! Thank you so much for posting this vlog. You help me more than you know, thank you Jessica!
I love seeing you smile, It gives me hope that I too can smile like that having adhd and be satisfied with my life
Keep up the good work! Looking forward to your book (as a librarian, I'm excited to put it on our shelves)! Found out I had ADHD this past year as an adult and your channel has been so helpful. Thank you!
You can add to your moment of reminiscent thousands of peoples life and perspectives with your great and well made content so many of us can relate to and is actually feels so ADHD friendly.
Even my mom who haven't even thought she might have ADHD until i got diagnosed in my 30's is watching you now and loving your videos (and she is still learning english so its extra awesome she understands you too).
Sometimes hard to be positive about what we have and were we are at life , especially with ADHD and our tendency to seek that dopamine of something new and existing.
But its also sometimes hard to see through our own masking , that the thing we think we like is what we think others would like and we want to fit in or be like others we look up to , so we tell ourselves that this is what we want for happiness and success. We build a character that is not always necessarily what we truly want. But what society or our circles influenced us to think we supposed to want. (Maybe its more true for the late diagnosed fellow ADHDers , since we are so deep in our mask we fail to look through it from years of hiding behind it).
Anyway here i go rumbling again.
Just wanted to say thank you again , another great video.
Made me think a bit about what i have right now - and try to see it in a different light , since i am at a crossroad in my life right now with big decisions ahead.
The more of these ADHD videos i see, the more i see my own patterns and behaviors. I just scheduled a dr visit to see if i will be clinically diagnosed for this.
I really needed the information in this video. I didn't even realize it, but over the last few months I have been really heavy into fomo from my anxiety. Like just before watching this video, I saw some coworkers slacking off and chatting about random stuff just outside and I so badly wanted to join them. Thankfully through introspection I immediately realized that I was experiencing fomo. Before that I was oblivious to myself experiencing fomo.
Thank you so much for all of the wonderful information you give us poor ADHD / anxiety wridden souls 😅
I have really bad career FOMO. There's just so many things I find interesting that I'm always afraid I made the wrong choice studying and I have hopped quite a bit. It just makes me sad knowing I will not get to do those other things and study those other things and so on. It's an awful commitment issue thing because it makes it way less satisfactory.
I most definitely have a FOMO, but many of the things I fear missing out on are things that I have convinced myself long ago is good for me yet they have started falling along the wayside since I started working. I take way longer to do tasks than others so I also don't get to exercise, read or spend quality time with people etc because I have less time now. I don't know if improving my time management is the answer yet or if I should let go of some things that I find important. I am working on improving my time management, but the irony is that I don't get much time for it haha. I wish my FOMO was as simple as thinking about a yacht party and letting that go, but I have to let go of things that I do find important but don't get time for anymore.
You certainly are doing a good job. I am so enlightened now about this condition and understand my daughter better. I am convinced she and her dad have adhd. Thank You so much
The zoom ins that you do, catch my attention back to your video if I’m zoonin out and I love it
Yesterday i tweeted about how my youth is slipping away and now you posted this video and im just crying you are amazing thank you so much
Awwwww, I hope it was able to help in some fashion! 🧡
I love this channel and it has helped me understand so much about myself and impulse control is my biggest struggle with my constantly fighting FOMO.
This video also reminded me of an episode of 'Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast' did an episode of FOBO (fear of better options) it coverd a lot of what you were talking about and gives a range of perspective.