This hits close to home. But not my classmates, they kept comparing my to my cousin, so much that they made me apply for the same collage and even the same major.
@@martinxy1291 they truly aren't. My aunt and uncle always support my cousin, while my parents just wanted me to "do good", and their definition of good is very different than others. They didn't even support what I was doing at my free time during collage, kept discouraging me, told many times to me to cut the bs and focus on my collage, and only when I actually got a job, they stopped that behaviour. It is really weird. They seem and sound like they like me and care about me, but their actions usually prove otherwise. They skip my accomplishments with very little praise, but yell like mad for hours on very tiny mistakes.
"You're so mature for your age." It made me feel like having fun with other kids and being goofy was a bad thing, and that I should only strive to be a "competent" adult.
Yeah the pressure from that is real you don't want to put your kid up on a pedestal I do hope you realize that you can still have fun in adulthood provided you're able to balance it with responsibility
"Stop acting so mature, maybe if you had friends you would be normal" i relate, made me feel outcasted and I’ve never really had many friends cuz i move a lot. So it hurt a lot considering i have social anxiety. I understand so don’t feel compelled to be mature, enjoy the life around you while its still yours.
thats not toxic. if your parents said that to you directly with no context it’s probably a compliment. what you derive about it afterwards is not their fault. edit: just realized what the person meant, i’m sorry to all of you for having to experiencing this and for making a pretty confusing comment. stay safe :))
Heard that a lot as a kid for two reasons, didn't have any chance to be a child because every part of my life was pure hell when I was a kid and I was constantly depressed so I didn't have the energy to be a kid in general.
“It’s not depression, it’s just laziness” Didn’t know wanting to die was considered lazy but thanks parents. Probably the worst thing my parents could say to their kid who just came back from therapy happy bc they felt like living wasn’t impossible for once.
Omg same but my mom always calls me lazy and litterly makes me say what she wants to hear when it's not even the reason why I did it. I've started thinking to kill myself cause I'm just tired and when I told her at one point that I was tired she literally said me to not noticing that I ment I want to die or leave this life that I'm stuck in I just want it to go back to when I was a kid and live those happy days. I don't have a therapist anymore but I try to keep happy thoughts and I definitely am happy when I'm with my cousins or friends or siblings but I sometimes still put on a fake smile like everything is ok
All while questioning your decisions to make you doubt your ability to judge situations and make decisions about you life. Then when you fail or become afraid to take the next step they have the gall to say "See? You can't handle the real world" or "You're so lazy!"
On the one about parents talking shit about the father and the comparing him to you that comeback doesn’t work for me because my mother was forced to go through that marriage.
If I were to ask my step mom if I was pretty she would always reply no your ugly your sister is better looking then you. And if I hadn't eaten much in a day and eat a lot at dinner I get called a pig. And when I tell her I don't think she loves me she replay with but I bought u this and so on. That doesn't fix the problem. And one of the worst things she's said is every time I make a wrong disision or a mistake when I am telling my sibling something she replay with don't listen to her she's wrong and she lies. She wrong and she lies over and over again.
Same, but the "real world" they want for me is to get married straight out of high school and have as many kids as possible. And if I want to follow my dreams I'll end up living under a bridge "it's just true, you can do your thing as a hobby while your husband supports you. The way God intends for all women."
@@damarisseppanen4473 I do not even want to think about children when I get outside of highschool because I want to be a veterinarian and I kind of need to go to college for that I don't know how my mom decided to have me only at 25
When your parents use “We sacrificed so much for you” as a guilt trip tactic to try controlling you and getting their way. Or the classic “You have so much to be grateful for/some people have it so much worse than you” whenever you try genuinely expressing your feelings of self-loathing and depression.
Saying stuff like “people have it worse than you” never really made sense to me. We had no choice in what family we were born into, you worked hard for our income and our family loves you for it. But cmon, saying I have it better than someone because there’s one tiny grain of rice left in the bowl is a bit bullshit
I always kinda rolled my eyes at “we sacrificed so much for you” because YOU CHOSE TO HAVE CHILDREN. Yea that’s a big deal having kids; time, money, and learning. So don’t complain about it.
The "some people have it way worse then you" makes me dismiss my own issues often, I broke down in my boyfriends arms once and apologized repeatedly for crying. I finally felt comfortable and safe and my only response was to break down and cry.
I haven't made an attempt yet But anytime I'm told about how good my life is I simply say to them" now you see why I'm so mad at myself" I had to say something I feel bad about to make them stop though When they kept trying to tell me to basically get over it toughen up man up that my life is good I said "thank you for contributing to myself loathing and making the situation worse I appreciate your support" Since then we've come to an understanding and have a much better relationship I still feel bad though
I probably won't word this very well but please believe me when I say that your lives matter, and I know your situation is probably really shitty right now but it will get better. I know that's a lot to say, but taking your life isn't the right answer.
@@staffdespell7802 I've never made an attempt because I'm the most spiteful little s*** on the planet However I'm aware that anger and hatred driving my motivation isn't healthy so I've been working on it Plus there are kind people like you in the world
@@kajbo. please don’t, it doesn’t matter if you go to hell or heaven, both of our lives matter and our lives aren’t super long. You need to enjoy it, ok?
"You're manipulative, evil, and disrespectful" When you don't do what they want, express your emotions, or do something like spend time with a parent you claim to hate because just first a moment you want to try forgetting the shit they out you through. While that said parent calling you that's things proceeds to manipulate you into feeling bad
My mum in recent weeks calling me arrogant, aggressive and abusive. She's the one screaming at me at 10am when I'm sitting in my room listening to music, writing or playing games.
All of this. My mother told me that I'm the cause of all our problems, every fight is my fault, that I'm using my parents for a roof over my head and as a safety net (despite being 19, working a full-time 32+ hours a week, paying some bills to my parents, going through intensive outpatient after a suicide attempt, and trying to save money to go to college), and that my therapy wasn't working because I've just been a bitch and not healing the way my parents wanted. Then my mother had the gall to tell the therapist in the family session that she had to get on the same page as my mother in order to fix me. Then called the owner of the therapy place to complain when my therapist pointed out how she was being a bit of a hypocrite.
My mom thinks that my sisters and I not seeing her views or taking her side in situations (even when she is in the wrong), that we are disrespectful children.
Yeah and then proceed to insult your likes and hobbies. "What are you reading? Oh why do still read that junk?" Or hijack your intrests, oh you want to learn how to cook? Well you can do the dishes from now on. Happened with my girlfriend too she got her license and now shes their taxi whenever they need anything. It's 1am and your 40 year old brother went out with his ex and got drunk again and wants a ride home. You have to work at 6am? Well too bad I'm not going out to get him but he's family so you have to.
@@dragonwaz oh man the hijacking interests is so true. Like if I wanna learn a language my dad will want to learn it too and then compliment himself even though he’s terrible at it.
My mom does that all the time, and then gets confused on why I keep doing it. Sometimes (Rarely) she even goes as far to ground me just because I don't want to hang out with them.
hell yeah. she'd constantly be like "I'm not the best mom, but I tried my best" right after I tell her about how she laughed along with my sister and cousin after they made fun of me for being fat
That one hurts real bad. My mom and a couple of her sisters drilled it into my brain when I entered college that I would never be happy doing art in my life, that I would forever be poor and destitute. Maybe there was some good in it honestly, but it slaughtered my sense of ambition. I'll just work in a job that hurts me, because I don't want to strive for anything anymore.
I relate to this on a personal level. My dad got angry that I have a comfort character, and said that it was okay to like anything else, "just please, anything but [character's name]", even though he's always told me to be myself. Jokes on my dad, though. That did a number on my mental health, so guess what helped me cope? My comfort character. By telling me not to like my comfort character, you are literally making me more attached to him because he's helping me more with my mental health than you ever could.
My mom told me that after kidnapping me when I was four (she lost my custody, my dad got me back in 3 months) and I said "Really? YES! WOOOHOOOOO!" and just ran around she was mad. freaking babyraging, I still wonder how she didn't get arrested
My mum told me that throughout my life and recently screaming at me a couple months ago. "You're lazy! You're aggressive! You're abusive! Just like your father! Why don't you go and live with him?" He's a narcissist.
"ADHD doesn't exist, you're just lazy. You being depressed is your fault because you chose to go back to public school rather than be homeschooled. You can just stop being anxious, calm down." -My mom when I try to talk to her
When I was around 13 years old, my mum used to repeatedly tell me that I was fat. She meant it as a joke because I was actually slightly underweight but she always sounded serious and even showed me the areas where I was apparently a bit chubby. I developed anorexia and later on bulimia. Thankfully I've recovered but it's still shocking how she could plant this thought in my head. She isn't a mean person and I'm sure she wasn't aware of her actions. I think her "humor" was more like a coping mechanism for her because she is fat herself and unhappy with her body.
Reminds me of how my grandma would tell me I was fat and I had to get thinnier otherwise my friends would stop hanging out with me. I once got so mad that I told her that she should shut up, since she was even fatter than me and I at least had friends that could decide whether to hang out with me or not, unlike her.
this reminds me of a time I was watching an old video of myself where I was like, 6. I was always told that I was bigger, chubbier, fatter than other kids my age at the time by my parents. they weren't saying it in a rude way, kind of in a humorous way ig idk. But when I was watching that old video, I realized that I was never fat... yes I was a little bigger than maybe you're average kid but that probably cuz Im a twin (my twin is a little bit underweight). But I remember always feeling so big and fat from such a young age. I wouldn't want to participate in certain activities soley because I believed I was to fat for them. I remember being afraid of riding a pony because I was afraid I was going to hurt it with my weight :(. And after watching the video, I told my parents I never was as fat as they made it out to be when I was younger and all they said was, "we never said those things to you!". At 4th grade I remember overeating a lot because my mom would always nag me about my weight and tell me I need to lose it. So I would eat and eat and eat cuz I thought "you know what? im fat already might as well keep eating" I still struggle with controlling how much food I eat to this day. also apologies for this long ass paragraph, didn't mean to dump it all out lol
My mom just called me fat and that I was unhealthy.... she was right but she could have gone about it a different way. I eat a lot and I mean a lot but I found ways to help feel full and also gain more muscle mass because of it
"You were on the honor roll once, why can't you just do that again?" "You're so smart, but you don't do anything with it!" "You used to have so much energy, now you're fat and lazy!" - After my mom had decided to put me on anti-psychotics when I was twelve, killed my energy, and then I got fat.
Bro the exact same thing!!! Edit: I'm no longer on them because I forced myself to stop taking them and I've been working hard at losing weight My education might have been hindered because of me dropping out but I'm going to get my GED and go to a trade school Life likes to kick you while you're down you're not defeated until you stay down
"You weren't like this as a child." Says the woman who screams and tells everything i do is a failure while asking me to get out of room and talk with guests so she can tell mistakes i did to them and make me shy
They always say this when I don’t like interacting with people or going outside. As a kid I always loved to be social but they grounded me so much I got used to being inside as time went by.
A few years ago my dad saw me having a mental breakdown where I was literally beating the hell out of myself. About 10 minutes after I calmed down he pulled me aside and told me not to go to him with my emotional problems. It felt like the world sunk when he told me that. I used to have hope that we could develop a deeper emotional connection but now that hope’s long gone.
I'm so srry that ain't a real dad at all parents are supposed to help their kids mentally emotionally and physically if he can't even do that then he doesn't deserve the title dad
That's terrible. They then wonder why you don't tell them anything that you are having a problem with. I have a tendency of ruminating on things in a really bad way and, like you, beating myself up about them, only for my mom to say that I don't care about the very thing that I can't stop thinking about.
This is really damaging, I personally feel sorry for my friends, as I'm always forced to bottle up my feelings and then they always explode when I'm around friends. Luckily they appreciate and love me very much and always stick around to hug and comfort me when I'm breaking down or in tears. They always bring me out to get Starbucks or a new book and let me stay over at their place whenever I don't want to be around my family. They really are amazing and are the best thing ti ever happen to me. My god I'm ranting so much in this comment section rn.
This, or the more common one "Don't cry, no one has hitted you so you don't have any reason to do it" are what sticked to my mind and made me start to become an introvert. I'm so used to supress my emotions I wasn't even phisically able to cry on my father's funeral. Nowadays I feel like any annoying thing that happens to me is gonna make me explode since I already have so many emotions suppresed inside me I don't know how the hell I should react
@@HannibalKantter This. Just this. Everything, from sadness to fear to happiness always gets invalidated by parents. You can never express yourself because nobody accepts how you actually feel, and instead invalidates them and tells you how youre supposed to feel. When you feel accomplished over things it always gets minimized and compared to everybody else. Whenever youre sad you get told theres no reason. When you're literally vomiting from so much pain and chores, and you get yelled at and slapped because "yOu dOnT eVeN kNoW wHaT iT fEeLs lIke tO bE a pArEnT" and then get compared to everubody again.
@@HannibalKantter my goodness, this is exactly what happened, I was screamed at until I was shivering and sobbing and hoping she would stop and even begging for mercy, scared out of my life and my mom said “Who’s hitting you? Why are you crying, get up.” I said “Please stop what did I do?” She said, “I already told you, are you stupid? Stop crying or I’ll call the psychiatrist and say your insane” then the following morning she acted like nothing happened.
@@leonardobenavides3578 it wouldn't be excused even if you were the biggest fuckup in the world which you're not A parent's job is to help a person become the best them their job is to help you become your best self not belittle you for not being perfect Make sure that you hold on to and remember the bad use it as motivation to find good Try to show yourself love and compassion you deserve it
Me: "Mom, kids are bullying me!" Mom: "You better stand up for yourself" *I punch back at bullies and we get sent to the principal* Mom: "It takes two to tango. Now apologize"
My mom actually said if someone bullies me, disregard the teachers and beat the hell out of em' because our teachers were generally incompetent and didn't care about anything but their salary. Those were tough times but I'm glad I'm out of that hell.
PUNCH EM' HARDER, SON! FIGHT BACK! PLUCK HIS TOOTH OUT TOO! I'LL BRIBE THE TEACHER SO BEAT HIM AS HARD AS YOU CAN! AS LONG AS YOU WIN, I'M OKAY WITH IT!
When I got bullied an brought in a recording of them doing it all my mom said was “ why didn’t you bring it in sooner” That’s it. Nothing about how to stand up to my self. Not if I was ok. Nothing. Just that. Over and over again.
if my kid gets bullied I wouldn't care if he got suspended for fighting back, its an admirable trait that is lacking now a days as long as it doesn't go too far
That is hella messed up I hope your in a better place know some parents are just so ungrateful and don't deserve any kids at all they bought u in this world what she said shouldve been the other way around cause sis u didn't do anything she is the problem
“Your extremely lazy and dont do shit.” When a parent says that right after you so a chore or something. that fucks a kid up. we try our best, and fortunately for our parents, they constantly have the upper hand. I say this because we have no way of confronting them, even if we do confront them for their actions, they can just get more mad and take away our electronics, etc.
I stopped cleaning the house because of this. It’s difficult because they continue to call me names and ridicule me or use physical punishment but if they’re going to call me lazy, I might as well act like it and not do any cleaning for anyone but myself.
These parents will always call you lazy for resting or doing what you can,and then act like putting a roof over your head,or giving food is enough to make you respect them.
"So it's my fault?" This is a tactic used so that they look like the victim and you look like the villain "overreacting". Next time they ask you this say yes, they'll cut that crap off immediately.
My grandma consistently bullying my eldest sister for "being dumber than us". I ( youngest sister ) got into a medical school at 17 and my other sister ( middle one ) got into law school at 18. She just keeps shitting on her for doing what she likes. It hurts to see her suffer like that, mainly because she's the sweetest person i know. Poor girl is just trying to teach music to kids
My mother once threatened to call CPS and have them take me away because she couldnt deal with my misbehavior anymore. She left me in my room sitting on the floor alone crying while I was supposed to be packing my clothes up. I think I was 8. I wasnt even a bad child. The axe forgets, but the tree always remembers.
@@stackataka Nah that's fucked there isn't ever an excuse to tell your child that you don't love them. I've gotten mad at my kids, really mad, I've sad things I shouldn't but I would never tell my child I didn't love them
My grandpa once called me a brat for trying to speak with my parents alone without my grandparents and he denies ever calling me a brat. I know I'm not just imagining it though. I know what he called me.
What about losing it over the smallest of things while you make a small mistake trying to be self independent? (Cooking for yourself, cleaning up a little.)
Well my dear monsters decided that 3am was a great time to smear two and a half dozen eggs acrossy leather couch in an effort to make breakfast...there is a time and place for learn self dependence and that wasn't it. That was a few years ago and now the oldest is learning proper knife handling and basics of cooking. The youngest is learning about seasoning and handling of dry ingredients.
"You're the oldest, you HAVE to be perfect!" "I expect you to work at our store for free and get perfect grades even though I pull you out of school 3 times a week cause I need a break from work." "You're not normal, that's why you have no friends." And they wonder why I'm moving to a different country.
My Aunt costantly says my older Cousin (who works, cleans, cooks, always helps doing chores of all kind) how she messes up and costantly says she should take more from her younger sister (who does nothing of that unless forced). The younger sister is not as good as her at school, but it seems my aunt doesn't care about that, as she wants two charismatic and always outgoing girls always thinking on appaerences. I hope you can get away from that situation, unfortunately scar may form... wish you well!
The most toxic thing a parent can say to a child? *"I don't care if you're crying or what you're crying about. Woman/man up and face it."* Guys and gals listen here. You matter. Your feelings and emotions matter. No matter the age and no matter the gender status. We're all humans at the end of it all.
@@Mitsuri.Kanroji.. facing the problem is the right way to go about it not complaining or getting emotional. There are times in life for emotions but there are also many times in life where emotions will only drag you down
I'm the odd one out among my siblings. All of them are extroverted partygoers with large social friend groups, my parents are also like them. I'm an introverted bookworm and coffee shop dweller with only 2 very very close friends that I love. I was always treated differently, it's like parents having a favorite child, except all the children are their favorite except for me. I'm also the eldest, and I'm constantly shamed and compared to my brothers, I used to be suicidal until I met my friends. I absolutely love my friends, they're pretty much the only thing I live for. I'd consider them more of my parents then my actua parents, and they're always helping and supporting me when I'm having trouble with something instead of beating me like my parents. This became a bit of a rant now, sorry about that.
You can rant all you want, of you can even call that a rant. You are totally in the right for typing all this. I feel for you, and hope your life gets better soon.
@@granty3796 Ah sorry, it's just a habit. My friends call me out too, I usually just suddenly stop talking in the middle of my stories because I'm used to being shut up by my family. I'm working tk get rid of it.
@@usurpererenyeager649 dont be sorry for anything!! You’re valid for expressing your emotions and if someone tells u you aren’t, then they’re in the wrong
Wow man, i know what that's like, i grow up pretty shy from most people in my family and never really went outside very much, i just stay inside doing mostly nothing except art, game idea's and video games and streaming
same breh. im autistic and 13. none of meh brothers and sister are autistic (i think one of meh grandparents was autistic looking bacc on it now lol) but meh parents treat me as if im an nt anyway. also im 99% sure meh iq is high 120s (not sure tho but i can read college level shit lul) but my grades in school say im shittier at everything unlike meh nt siblings (which tbh idrc care abt but i try to get above a 90 and meh grades are high 80s, theirs are 90s-105). idk im just not made for teh school system lol
@@hottudoggu7712 stop putting everyone in the same pot. People like those parents shouldn't exist, yeah. But leave the good people out of your bullshit.
@@hottudoggu7712 there are like ants or monkeys, but that's not the reason i'm mad. It's that I don't see a reason to drag everyone along for the sin of the few who comitted it. Life isn't black and white for you to tell that humanity shouldn't exist. If any animal would be given intelligence, then it would be the same.
"Suicide is selfish" - this after I tried to tell her I was feeling suicidal. I locked myself up in my room to cry and never went to her with my emotional problems again after that. When I tried talking to her later about it she said I never told her that and she never said that. It wasn't until after my brother overdosed that she ever listened to me about being depressed, and this was well into the time I was already and adult and had disconnected myself from her for the most part. Also a strong contender - "You're just being sensitive" - this really fucked me up because I grew up thinking my emotions were invalid and whenever I was upset it was my fault for not being able to control myself. Even if I am sensitive, it doesn't mean I'm not upset and that I should just be dismissed. I still have problems being vulnerable with people because I'm terrified that I'll scare them off with my intense emotions.
I've never been suicidal, but I have struggled with depressive times and my mom never fails to say that "Suicide is the last deadly sin, do you want to end up in hell?"
You don't have intense emotions. Your mom just doesn't have any emotions and punishes you for having normal emotions. It Took me 36 years to realize that it's normal to feel and express your emotions and normal people do this daily. What's not normal is to have a mother and father who dismiss your emotions and gaslight you into thinking you are insane for being a normal person all because they are the ones who are broken and can't express or feel normal human emotions. I know this post is from a year ago but I really hope you are doing well and found your people in this life to uplift and support you.
my grandma in a nutshell with my brother and i. Sometimes she goes the extra mile and calls us some unnaceptable terms in spanish. Good times, then my mom and grandma ask us why we arent happy
Got scolded and called useless in a public car park because I couldn't carry 5 shopping bags to the car at 8 years old even though I was the only male there
@Kendall Worthington one's that are so self absorbed in their own delusions that they are selfishly ruining their child's chance at a future my own father would say shit like "you'd never be able to hack it/ make it " when i mentioned wanting to join or do anything growing up sports teams/advanced classes/ect. when i mentioned i was thinking about joining the military in highschool "you'd never make it through basic" yeah my father was textbook example of what not to fucking say to a kid "ironic considering he talked a big game to other people like he was a combat vet but he was really a cook stationed in Hawaii and Japan" i think he did shit like this because he was unhappy with how his life turned out so he belittled me to try to make himself feel better the last thing he said to me after my mother died and he kicked me out of house and home was "i wish you were never born" my reply seemed to have shocked him when i said "so do i" i haven't seen him in over 10 years don't know or care where he is. i'm doing ok now and that's what counts
haha yes, my parents say, why are you so skinny, why can't you look healthier like your bestie? and my bff's parents say, 'Why can't you be more like [my name], she's so smart' I had to have tuition and she had a healthier diet
"Look at your older cousin hes already rich!" he is rich because you gave him everything, he has 2 ps4 and 5000 dollars, does 5000 dollars was from his birthday, the 1st ps4 was from his father, while the 2nd was from his uncle.
And every opportunity I get you won't let me do because you either have to take a small part like driving me there or you just don't let me do it because "because I said so" and "im the parent"
I recently had an interesting chat with my sister about a similar thing. Whenever we as kids would complain that our friends' parents allowed something our mum didn't, she would say: "Well, why don't you go ask Mrs. XY if you can live with them?" My sister said: "That always shut me up because I obviously didn't want to live with any other family." and it really surprised me because my own reaction couldn't have been more different. I already felt like a major nuisance to my own family; how would any family with a choice ever willingly take me in? Edit: auto-correct typo
I can understand that being funny in hindsight. Skiing with moguls wiped out and knocked myself out busted my face up and was taken to ski lodge medic center called mom said what happened she then goes "maybe now youll be more attractive" mad about it in the moment, but looking back i over reacted and even told her i find it funny now
"you're just overreating" ~my mum, last year, after i told her that the reason why i was crying that night was because my dad threatened to rip my head off of my shoulders for speaking in a slightly annoyed tone now i don't tell my parents about my problems because i'm scared they'll call me a liar or say i'm overreating
That is awful I'm sorry you have to go through that that must be so invalidating to your emotions But you are allowed to feel you're supposed to feel if you weren't you wouldn't be able to There are many people on here myself included who are more than willing to talk to you if you want to talk about it
@@schmenkspeedtyping218 seems highly likely to me that they were a child at this time And I don't know how others were as a child but whenever I was a child I took things rather literally Then you also have to take into account being a child means you're small so you have a fully grown adult man giving you a threat over something small That s*** would stress me out too all in all the adult should have handled it better and set the example
@@themanicman8458 I believe in the preservation of masculinity, you cannot work your way to being a man crying, nor can you while being gluttonous or lazy.
It's really sad, parents always think that because they're older and know more than you, means that they understand you completely. They don't even take into consideration that you could be a completely different person, with completely different likes, dislikes, triggers, and hobbies. They try to mold you into their image of a good child instead of accepting who you are, but then simultaneously tell you to stob being so reserved, to talk to them, to express yourself, and become more open and spend more time with them. Then when you express yourself you get denied, you get told you're wrong, your feelings are invalidated and rejected and instead of trying to understand how you feel, they tell you how you're *supposed* to feel. Then they claim that it's all because they love and want what's best for you. Yeah because driving me into cutting myself is what's best for me, thanks a lot mom. Because ofc driving me into so much anxiety with threats and insults that nobody will like who I am because I'm "weird" is perfectly fine and normal. Because having serious paranoia, trust issues, and believing that nobody will truly understand or appreciate you is "love". Because physically disciplining me everyday because my interests and passions are "weird" or "not normal". Thank you so fucking much for that dad.
@@usurpererenyeager649 I'm so sorry for what you went through. I know there isn't anything much I can do, but know there are a lot of people that can and will treat you better, and I hope you have found a person or people like that, and if not, that you will find some soon.
@@TheEvilEmerald Thanks a lot, on a happier note, a little story. I am extremely introvered and socially awkward, so I never made any real friends until the 6th grade, during this time they decided they liked me and sat beside me and tried to befriend me for the rest of the year, naturally with my trust issues I triednto shut them out butbthey were really persistent and I ended up liking them as well. It's been two years since then, and she's always kept in close contact with me, it took about a year and a half since we first met when I genuinely began to trust her. As of right now I've opened up about everything to her and we're closer than ever and the best of friends, I don't know what I'd do without her, heck I'd probably have committed suicide long ago if she hadnt befriended me, to this day I'm thankful I met such an amazing person and that they were so persistent in getting to know me. She's probably the only person I really trust, but as a consequence im often paranoid that I'll do something that'll make her hate me. It's a way more minor problem tho. Rest assured I will treasure and protect them forever.
“im so sorry im such a bad parent” or “im so sorry i cant do anything right” every time you apologize for something. because then it turns into me comforting you. “we’re going to have to pull you out of school and put you in a mental hospital” in response to me telling you im suicidal because we’re moving for the 14th time. “i spent more time with her (my beautiful therapy cat, dragon) before she died, why are you so upset about this” when long story short, the reason i didnt spend as much time with her near the end is because she couldn’t move much anymore and you were always around her. and i didnt want to be around you. i still regret that. “why cant you make more friends quicker” wow dont you think im trying “you dont want to spend too much time with your friends and become a burden”
Actually, this has made me realize just how magnificent I seem to other people. As my parents would always say that to me, I thought that just having 100 in everything was what I needed to do. Which resulted in dropping things I wasn't good at first try, and that the thing I did exceed, were all 100. Friends of the family would tell my parents just how perfect I was, when in reality I was just stressed out because I wanted validation and praise
meh mom thinks getting above an 85 for meh grades is an obligation when to me anything above dat is a massive fucking accomplishment lol. anything above 90 is fucking exceptional (except in theology class and math) since i mostly get 80s and sometimes 70s (*ahem* english class lol). i mean rly. i have better things to do than school 24/7 liek doing the things i enjoy (biking, yt, roblox, rhythm gaming, etc). also did i mention doing something with liek 1 day left is the only thing i get things done? yeh if i dont do it before i have 1 i day left i get unmotivated and end up getting a shitty grade anyway. dats just how i work but my mom expects me to do it before then when i just cant. i cant motivate myself to and every time i try it doesnt work lol
not giving your child a reward they want after showing their responsibility, and instead being more and more restrictive. Also, not admitting their wrongdoings/being deflective.
my parents rarely every did teh reward thing. i take shit rly literally so if they say i dont do this thing i lose this i fucking break down. like rly.
Or worse.Making promises to give them certain rewards if they succeed at something and then changing up when you actually succeed and acting like you didn’t do enough
“No you aren’t” “It’s just a phase” “You’re too young to know” “Its just a trend” “You just want attention” Please don’t tell this to kids from the LGBTQ+ Edit: it also applies to kids with depression and anxiety
I heard those but not as a kid, mind you, still hurts AF. In fact they "advised" me after telling them about my 4 years relation to see a psychologist to help me "clear my confusion". I did take their advice, but to be able to open up to someone, even if it is a paid stranger with a diploma. Found out I'm developing depression thanks to that and many other seemingly harmless little things that aren't so harmless, so yea... that was fun. >.>
My parents have been divorced since I was 2. Both on opposite but toxic sides of the support spectrum. Dad said he'd still love me if I "turned out gay" but not as much love and wouldn't admit to being my father. Mom told me so often that it's okay to be gay (and every time a girl dumped me) that I felt that I was disappointing her by being straight. Later as I realized I'm pan, I can't tell either of them. Dad wouldn't understand and mom would be validated and say she called it or that she was half right.
Oh yeah. 'We know you better than you do!' B*** you don't even know that I understand *nuance and hyperbole* as an autistic person, gtfo of here with that shit.
My sperm donor thought I was a 6 year old who love stuffed animals until I was kicked out of that house. Spoiler alert, I was 18 and hated clutter, especially the stuffed animals (which were just an excuse for his girlfriend to get off on buying pointless trash as usual) this was the least of my problems but it just shows he didn't know me at all and didn't care. He also didn't know I'm autistic.
"Just do what I tell you to do." Then mom proceeds to fill out all of my college applications, chooses where I enrol, and completely robs me of my agency. Mind you, I didn't grow up with her, so she didn't know that I had a hard time adjusting to new environments. Took me from private schooling to a public one, where I had no fixed schedule. Totally screwed me up physically, emotionally, and mentally. I just couldn't cope and started skipping all my classes and ended up dropping out. What's worse is that I shouldered all the blame, despite the fact that I never wanted to study in the top state university in the country... Who cares about that when I was fucking miserable? All I was ever good for was stroking her ego. Then she dumped me at my aunt's again, and pretended that I didn't exist for a year. It's been almost a decade, but I can still clearly remember one of those days when I wanted to jump off of an overpass to end it. I didn't want to continue faking anything anymore. I was so tired and drained all the time. Until this day, we haven't talked about it. I really don't want to let her know how much she screwed me over, but I think a part of me is craving for closure. I mean, I kind of know why she did the things that she did, but I guess I just want it to come from her mouth. All I have are assumptions about her motivations, and it sucks.
It doesn't matter what her motivations were, she should have genuinely encouraged you and reinforced areas of your interests instead of using blunt force. It's her actions that led to your misery and she will be held accountable, in this life or the next.
The ironic thing is that they talk shit about how my friends manipulate me, but they’re the ones who use those cheap tactics to victimize themselves (Ex: “So it’s my fault?” “I’m doing this for you”)
My mum uses my dad as a weapon against me, but she's losing control over me to use me as a weapon against him. She says 'you're just like (my last name), you're all narcissists'. Thank god I'm an only child, I am very thankful that I'm the only one that got caught in the crossfire of my parent's divorce.
I’ve heard the “no privacy” shit way too many times. My room is decorated only with things my parents chose. They never approve of what I do in my spare time and bully me for it. My mom likes to tease my best friend about his weight and tell me all about how he is a terrible role model for me (all in private). Recently I was going through a tough time and reluctantly asked my mom to see a psychiatrist for some mental help, and she started yelling at me about how that shit was only for people who had went through traumatic events and then she told me how disappointed she was in me and my appointment never even got scheduled. But. The worst experience by far was when I was in a discord call with my best friend while I was doing homework and he was showing me memes. Cue my mom from the top of the stairs, “WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING HOMEWORK!” I yell back, “I’m just talking to my friend while I-“ she cuts me off. “You’re not living with us (her and dad) when you’re a failure.” She said In A calm voice. She makes out my dad to be this monster of punishment that she needs to protect me from when he is actually the only decent parent I have. The only reason she got away with it when I was younger was because he worked long hours as a trauma surgeon and I didn’t really know him well. I’m 13 now and still deciding wether or not to cut the cord with my family when I grow up because most of them are actually really nice. If you actually read all of this ur something else. God bless y’all and have a good day
My mom well my step mom she constantly makes fun of my friends when I bring them up and she makes fun of me for anything I do wrong and my siblings make it worse when my mom says something like whoever put this here is and idiot and the whole family will agree except my dad and I will get called fat too or two skinny when I only weigh 90 pounds and random things she literally starts to make me upset :(
Aww, God bless you too. Still, I've got to stop reading these comments now because they're really depressing. Life shouldn't be like this. Parents shouldn't be like this. They're meant to be the people who have your back, even when it feels like the whole world is out to get you. I'm so sorry that you and so many other people don't have that. All this is messed up.
"I hate you!" Then backpedaled and said "I hate they way you act like your father!" That broke something in me. Sent me down a path where I desperately tried to be nothing like him and years later.
I have had a similar experience when I started hitting puberty my mother suddenly started comparing me to my dad and saying that we were the same. I was so ashamed and I felt like I was just destined to be bad. She doesn't do it much anymore but it definitely messed with me.
Never ever tell a nine-year-old something about their body. Whether they're growing breasts or are gaining a lot of weight, please don't mention it to them. In the beginning stages of puberty I was so insecure about my body and felt so uncomfortable because of the comments my mom would tell me. It felt like every time I went out in anything that wasn't a full-on burka, there would be eyes on me.
also please don't point out the fact that daughter's budding and whether or not she got her period yet. that's no one's business and having a child's (who isn't even a teenager yet body) be the most common topic of your conversations is really creepy and weird (no it doesn't matter that you're her mom/aunt/sister/grandma or a female in general, it's still weird)
My stepdad would constantly tell me my legs were too hairy and my thighs were too thick for a boy, and told me not to turn out gay. I now love my thighs and wear tight mid-thigh socks and skirts, am extremely gay, but I always shave my legs.
That ‘parents laughing at you for bettering yourself’ thing is so true. I was always made fun of by my family for trying to work out due to be bullied for being skinny. It made me want to quit. Can’t even go to the gym without fear of people staring at me and laughing now.
ok, that happened 2 days ago when I was talking to my mom about my ADHD issues (I wanted to discuss it with her and I still want to get tested) and I mentioned how I find hard to find motivation to do things (you know, because of the dopamine deficiency), and she straight up said "if you can't find motivantion to keep up with life, it would be best to end it". Thanks mom, it's not like I've been dealing with the feeling of being a burden and a failure ever since I was little, and that tooootally didn't made me feel so worthless to the point of crying cause I have rejection sensitive dysphoria -_- so yeah, my mom can be really toxic sometimes and she has a habit of taking her stress out on me and dad, so... =/
My mom would always compare me with other kids so I responded by comparing her with other parents, the good news is that she doesn't do that as often now and she just calls me lazy.
I think the most toxic thing you can is "boy i miss those days" it doesn't make us think wow my life is so good no it makes us worried for the time we become adults
Or when they say "i had so much fun and then i had you." Even if they follow up with something like "and I’m glad" it still makes me feel like a burden considering she never says it nicely.
I told my mom to shut up a few days ago - after repeatedly asking her nicely to stop - because she wouldn’t stop listing things I needed to do. I was sicker than a dog at that point with a severe cold (possibly covid but she wouldn’t let me test since there was “no reason” due to me being homeschooled) and had a major headache. She then proceeded to yell at me to never tell her to shut up and then went quiet. Well, telling her to shut up was the only thing that got through to her so what else was I supposed to do? That same day she also told my sister that she needed to clean her room since she was staying home. My sister was extremely burnt out and that’s why she was staying home. To rest. To take a day to herself. Needless to say she didn’t clean her room. Also my grandma saying “you’re too young to be tired/be in that much pain.” Thanks gran, not like I have a genetic disorder that causes chronic pain/fatigue
One I got a lot was "You have NO IDEA what we sacrificed for you!" Really? What did you sacrifice? Your happiness? Your lives? Did my birth make you give up something precious that you're deeply bitter about? Golly gee, thanks for telling me!
It makes me so mad when my mom says stuff like "I feed you everyday" like YOUR SUPPOSED TO! THAT IS THE BARSE MINIMUM. Just because you feed me and give me a room, that does not make you an award winning parent!
Try being West Indian . Overly critical to the point you just want to left alone and not spied on continually. And I’m only half West Indian so that felt doubly intrusive
I'm a tomboy and my dad told me to "stop fighting the [feminine] stereotype." It made me feel like I just wasn't good enough for the way I was. He also said that "every girl gets chubby on her period", despite me not being overweight whatsoever and having body dysmorphia. This hurt me so much, in fact, that I started cutting again because I thought I was fat and there was nothing I could do about it.
i'm so sorry :( i'm not a tomboy but a trans male and i understand where you're coming from. about the self harm...i get that too. i have been doing it for over 3 years and it's also because of my parent. i'm here if you need to talk, okay? stay safe.
"You can keep your worthless son, I'll take the daughter at least she's still salvageable." Courtesy of dear old dad during one of the arguments between him and mom during the divorce.
As someone who is underage, has autism, and lives with a family who treat my older brother who is also autistic like a prince, it pisses me off when they say why I’m doing “bad” at school (I have had a’s and b’s for about to be four years now) and why I didn’t join any sports (sports aren’t my forte I’m interested in art and space) and how my brother did football for four years, and how he did amazing, yet they yell at me when I point out how he got detentions in high school for being rude to others. I didn’t even get one.
“You’re going to live here forever because you’ll never be able to get enough money to move out. You’re going to be living in our basement.” -my parents It made me believe that I’d never be successful and that I’d never get anywhere in life. I was 7+ when they started saying that. They also said other things like “you’re such a burden.” “Taking care if you is so difficult.” “You are so spoiled.” They would also tear my self esteem to shreds and when I was catcalled my parents ignored that it made me really self conscious and made fun of me for it. They also never believed me when I was a child even tho 9 times out of 10 I was right. When I was about 6 years old I broke my arm and I started screaming and crying and my parents told me to stop overreacting and waited almost 2 days to take me to the hospital. Same thing happened when I got an ear infection and strep throat. Edit: I just remembered something else that they would tell me and my sister a lot (I don’t remember this a lot because I tried to push it to the back of my brain. They told me and my sister that they had had enough of dealing with us and that they would drop us off at an orphanage and leave us there. I was 7+ :/
I told my mom she was largely responsible for my ptsd, thats when I learned she was a narcissist. Immediately she began to blame me for it and tell me it was all my dads fault and used any examples I gave her against me and tried to beat me down with me abandoning her, how much she sacrificed, the works. Luckily, when I told my dad he was also responsible, and he immediately tried to help me out and was filled with regret and guilt. Because he too has ptsd. Hell, he even apologized for it.
No, there are just a lot of bad guy parents out there. There are a lot of great parents and a lot of middling parents. If someone's parents don't do a lot of critical thinking I've noticed it takes about 3 or 4 kids before they start doing it without lasting damage.
It's wild that my parents still think they're great parents when they're pretty shitty to me all the time. It's extremely awkward when we're watching a movie or show, and a scene like the one with Miles' dad at his dorm room door talking about his spark comes on. My mom always makes comments about how she parents like that or that that's what good parenting is like and gets this expression on her face I can't describe without feeling anxious, when in reality she gaslights and tries to control me all the time.
I felt this comment in my soul. For me, its the opposite. If my family is watching a movie, and a part comes on with an example of someone being a shitty parent in a way that my parents chose to parent, then they'll comment on how shitty the person in the movie is lol. But from someone who's been dealing with this for decades, I'm going to tell you right now and today- they will never see it any other way. Trying to "fix it with them" is a waste of time. In my case, a waste of a lifetime. Just get out and go as young as you can so you can enjoy a new world.
My mom threatened me with, "Do we have to send you to a hospital?" She was talking about a mental hospital and I think the fear of being sent to one was worse than the fact that she would consider it.
Me and my mom recently had an argument, and when she remembered I had suicidal tendencies (HAD being the keyword, I at least like to THINK I'm mostly over them) she thought it was a good idea to call me a coward and try to guilt trip me out of it. Yes. She literally tried to fix my problem by reinforcing the exact reasons why I was suicidal in the first place.
"___ did better", "Why can't you be like ___?", "If I knew you'd be my child, I'd choose not to have you" or " k*ll yourself" All of these have been said by my parents to me or my brother, and they still think they're in the right. It hurts us both so much.
This is making me think of the time that I was 7 or 8, my dad was having minor trouble with his job and had quit for reasons I never found out (we still had plenty of money saved up, so we were not in financial trouble), and my mom yelled at me that it was my fault my dad quit and he didn't have a job. When I was 17, she also screamed at me for wanting to go to college and basically threatened me if I said yes to the acceptance letter I got. Thanks for the support mom.
@@k4rn31ro8 stay with her for the rest of her life so she can use them for anything she may need and to control them probably some parents are batshit crazy and will do anything to make their child stay with them even if they're old enough to move out
I’ve got an entire list here : -Blaming you for unresolved issues (i.e. headaches) -Threats to abandonment -Death Threats (I’ve had it once) -Pressuring you about you work at school (Homework) -Blaming everything on you -Saying you’re lazy while you sleep at 11:30 PM finishing that essay -“It’s because of that damn phone” -Comparing yourself to people like champions -“I did this for your future” -Make you do things you hate and supporting things you hate -Being Unsupportive -Gaslighting -Leniency -Blaming your good friends for making you sad,depressed instead of themselves Mind you , I’ve received all of these at least once and my parents told me that my life is SO EASY.
My dad (understandably) really hated when we didn’t listen to him, but he would often blow up and say unnecessarily harsh, and sometimes manipulative, things when we didn’t listen: One time I wasn’t cleaning my room, so he demanded the door stay open so he could watch and make sure I did. I tried to close it and he said “close that door, and die.” I was 10. One time my windshield wipers stopped working during a bad winter. He told me I couldn’t drive it until it was fixed (I was 23 and the car belonged to me for context), I told him I needed to drive it to work at least, to which he responded: “well, when you kill someone because you can’t see I hope you feel like shit” as if I wouldn’t find any alternative if it the weather was bad. He didn’t offer any either. One time my sister was going in for surgery (for those who don’t know you can’t eat past midnight the night before you’re put under), and she was trying eat dinner at about 8. My dad got angry and said she shouldn’t eat anything just to be safe, and when she was understandably annoyed, he just threw his hands up and said “gotta love how all my kids just hate me” Sometimes you don’t even realize just how damaging that stuff is until you’re older.
like when you’re stressing out cuz your mama forced you to attend extra school and she slaps you for doing something wrong while saying “oh you made me waste my money on you (insert mentally damaging insult)” which makes you feel bad and you have to study x10 harder to make her proud even though you know you can’t cuz she’s super @bus1v3. god damnit mama
constantly reminding me of the fact that she'll die before me. She used it to get her way so many times that I'd become numb to the thought of it by the age of 10. She always said things like "You should love me while I'm still here" and "I'll probably die soon, so you should be nice to me" (My mum is my best friend, and always has been, and I love her more than most kids love their parents, so constantly being told that one day I'll have to see her die... it fucked me up)
Been constantly told this by my grandmother. It just sucks that I know it's mainly an excuse to make me feel bad so I will go back to living in an abusive household. I know it's true, but if I go back I know I'm just reversing years of progress to become independent.
My mom said something similar. She wishes that she was dead so me and my brother would bad for not respecting her. She also said this over me not saying thank you for getting me things
@@deadaccount3809 I swear parents expect us to be grateful for them doing the bare minimum. "You never thank me for keeping you alive all these years" YEAH WELL GUESS WHAT BECAUSE OF YOU I DON'T WANT TO BE ALIVE YOU ABSOLUTE PEICE OF SHI- Anyway I really think parent make us feel ungrateful for literally no reason at all and it's bad for our mental health.
My mother did something similar where if something upsetting happened or maybe I messed up slightly when she was in a bad mood, she would mutter things like wanting to kill herself or just straight up say to my face she was going to leave me. I am super attached to her and I'd give my life to make her happy. So hearing that just made me 10x more anxious.
"When I was your age I already worked since 6 carrying cows and studying on a horse, blah blah blah, your father used to wake up at 4 am to go to help sell newspaper... I had to stop working because you were born yaddah yaddah yaddah..."
One thing that really affects me that my parents said was “everyone is sad/mad because of you” I’ve been depressed(actually diagnosed)for about 2 years. My parents refuse to take me to a specialist, get me some help, or at least try to be nicer. They’re always yelling at me for simply existing. Then they blame me for being angry.
Bruh anytime i messed up even the slightest my parents would constantly berate me and ask me shit like “Are you stupid?” And then later when I was a little older and tried telling them that it, among other things, hurt my feelings they would just laugh it off as a joke; despite none of the situations being funny in any way shape or from. If i pressed them on it, it was always a sarcastic “Oh, im *so* sorry did i hurt your feewings? I cant believe my child is so sensitive”
You know how it's cliche to say to people "don't give a fuck what others think, be true to yourself"? Well, my mom said the opposite. I was struggling to make friends after moving to a new town & school and she told me that "sometimes you need to compromise on who you are in order to have friends"... She would probably tell you she never said that, because to her it was just a passing comment and she forgot all about it, but I definitely remember. It was 6 years ago now, I still struggle with my self esteem and have to remind myself I don't suck and I don't have to change who I am.
...but it’s true. Popular people absolutely do this. Doesn’t mean it’s the correct decision, but it is a real question you do need to ask yourself. Maybe it’s worth it to push down behaviors that irritate other people. Maybe it’s not. But it’s a choice.
@@ThunderStruck15 1. It's absolutely not true, because you won't have friends just because you act like you're somebody else. I've tried that seen others try it, it doesn't work. And even if you do have people to hang out with, they're not really your friends because they don't know you. 2. It's not a question whether or not that's a bad thing, as telling people that they are not good enough to have friends as they are leads to stuff like depression, anxiety and more. I'd rather be completely alone but not be suicidal, thanks. 3. This might have been lost in translation (English is not my first language), but she did not phrase this as a question. She told me, on more than one occasion, that there are parts of me I have to change and can't let anybody see.
"I wish you were never born" and/or "I would send you away" This creates major confidence issues and you kinda lose the sense of your existence and your reality .
The one about how parents shouldn't insult your intelligence hit close to home. My mother's opinion means the world to me, as I emotionally cut my dad off a long time ago for being narcassistic and toxic. About 5 years ago, I messed up some paperwork and my mother had a complete spaz at me. She eventually calmed down and apologized. She then came home with some fish oil capsules, when my sister asked why she had those; and my mother said (with me in the room) "Because your sister is dense. She needs to start taking fish oil." Cut like a knife. I eventually confessed this to her that it once came up in therapy, she said she was sorry...but five minutes later tried to justify saying it. My mother would also treat me like a kindergartener on their first day whenever I had something important to do/go (i.e. job interview or work placement). Insultingly simple shit like: "Remember to smile and speak clearly!" Like thanks...I'm in my 20's, I know how to human. Legit burst into tears on my way to job placement because of how stupid she made me feel.
“You were a mistake but your here now” She always made sure I felt isolated and out of place in the family. She stresses me out so much a break out in hives.
"Youre lucky youre my child, anyone else would not put up with this" Or "I'm busy ask your dad" then "I'm busy ask your mom" It's not That bad but if it happens all the goddamn time it hurts cause you're always second after work.
This actually happened yesterday, but I went to a rock show and won the first place prize for my display. It was this really cool, agatized wood belt buckle. The first words out of my mom's mouth were "you shouldn't have that, give it to your cousin."( Who had also made a display and didn't win.)
sometimes,my dad and my mom say jokes like: "we gonna make you two wear dogs cloths and we gonna give you to adoption" or "why do you invest in having you two, we don’t buy two bicycles?" Me and my sister know this is just a joke,and the two love us, but this joke can be used as a toxic offensive sentence and can be the worst thing someone can say
Damn I still hate these jokes- it just puts me off, my parents eventually stopped due to my extremely negative reactions but it didn’t help my younger sibling liked to play along with the joke- even when it targeted the two of us most the time
man the one about insulting intelligence and low esteem made me realize i have a toxic mother. she always brings up bad shyt upon me and starts calling me overconfident and egoistic whenever i become slightly more open and cheery with my words. and every new skill i learnt she'd use to make me feel inferior for "you dont become nothing better by learning a a few more things" and yeah. i just wanted to share with someone. thanks for listenin
The most common are arguably the worst. Such as: "OH! look who´s finally out of the room." "Your´e just crying to get attention." "There´s always arguments whenever you come down/are here." "You have a roof over your head, you get food, you have nice clothes, your´e so spoiled and yet you behave like this!" "Okay..."
My parents kept comparing me to my classmates "Oh why can't you be like him?" Well maybe because i don't want to be alcoholic at age of nine.
This hits close to home. But not my classmates, they kept comparing my to my cousin, so much that they made me apply for the same collage and even the same major.
69 likes, nice.
@@sadiqabbaszade4789 Damn that must suck.
"Why aren't you like your cousins?"
"Well why the fuck aren't you like my uncle/aunt?"
@@martinxy1291 they truly aren't. My aunt and uncle always support my cousin, while my parents just wanted me to "do good", and their definition of good is very different than others. They didn't even support what I was doing at my free time during collage, kept discouraging me, told many times to me to cut the bs and focus on my collage, and only when I actually got a job, they stopped that behaviour.
It is really weird. They seem and sound like they like me and care about me, but their actions usually prove otherwise. They skip my accomplishments with very little praise, but yell like mad for hours on very tiny mistakes.
Father of three here. I listen carefully to these stories to make sure I'm not harming my kids without knowing it.
thank you so much for listening.
wish your my parent
You're doing good sir
good for you. worst thing a parent can do is refuse to believe they’re wrong
@@nonbinarymess perfectly said
"You're so mature for your age."
It made me feel like having fun with other kids and being goofy was a bad thing, and that I should only strive to be a "competent" adult.
Yeah the pressure from that is real you don't want to put your kid up on a pedestal
I do hope you realize that you can still have fun in adulthood provided you're able to balance it with responsibility
"Stop acting so mature, maybe if you had friends you would be normal" i relate, made me feel outcasted and I’ve never really had many friends cuz i move a lot.
So it hurt a lot considering i have social anxiety. I understand so don’t feel compelled to be mature, enjoy the life around you while its still yours.
Yes :0 you managed to put it into words!!
thats not toxic. if your parents said that to you directly with no context it’s probably a compliment. what you derive about it afterwards is not their fault.
edit: just realized what the person meant, i’m sorry to all of you for having to experiencing this and for making a pretty confusing comment. stay safe :))
Heard that a lot as a kid for two reasons, didn't have any chance to be a child because every part of my life was pure hell when I was a kid and I was constantly depressed so I didn't have the energy to be a kid in general.
“It’s not depression, it’s just laziness”
Didn’t know wanting to die was considered lazy but thanks parents. Probably the worst thing my parents could say to their kid who just came back from therapy happy bc they felt like living wasn’t impossible for once.
relatable
Hope both of you are better now
ummm yeah it is laziness, dead people can't work
Literally
Omg same but my mom always calls me lazy and litterly makes me say what she wants to hear when it's not even the reason why I did it. I've started thinking to kill myself cause I'm just tired and when I told her at one point that I was tired she literally said me to not noticing that I ment I want to die or leave this life that I'm stuck in I just want it to go back to when I was a kid and live those happy days. I don't have a therapist anymore but I try to keep happy thoughts and I definitely am happy when I'm with my cousins or friends or siblings but I sometimes still put on a fake smile like everything is ok
"I'm preparing you for the real world." While she proceeds to cause me to fear people and possible mental health issues
All while questioning your decisions to make you doubt your ability to judge situations and make decisions about you life. Then when you fail or become afraid to take the next step they have the gall to say "See? You can't handle the real world" or "You're so lazy!"
On the one about parents talking shit about the father and the comparing him to you that comeback doesn’t work for me because my mother was forced to go through that marriage.
If I were to ask my step mom if I was pretty she would always reply no your ugly your sister is better looking then you. And if I hadn't eaten much in a day and eat a lot at dinner I get called a pig. And when I tell her I don't think she loves me she replay with but I bought u this and so on. That doesn't fix the problem. And one of the worst things she's said is every time I make a wrong disision or a mistake when I am telling my sibling something she replay with don't listen to her she's wrong and she lies. She wrong and she lies over and over again.
Same, but the "real world" they want for me is to get married straight out of high school and have as many kids as possible. And if I want to follow my dreams I'll end up living under a bridge "it's just true, you can do your thing as a hobby while your husband supports you. The way God intends for all women."
@@damarisseppanen4473 I do not even want to think about children when I get outside of highschool because I want to be a veterinarian and I kind of need to go to college for that I don't know how my mom decided to have me only at 25
When your parents use “We sacrificed so much for you” as a guilt trip tactic to try controlling you and getting their way. Or the classic “You have so much to be grateful for/some people have it so much worse than you” whenever you try genuinely expressing your feelings of self-loathing and depression.
Saying stuff like “people have it worse than you” never really made sense to me. We had no choice in what family we were born into, you worked hard for our income and our family loves you for it. But cmon, saying I have it better than someone because there’s one tiny grain of rice left in the bowl is a bit bullshit
Yea, whenever I say "Maybe we can order some pizza ?" My parents say some shit about kids in africa. I'm tired of it
Shit I just realized how bad my dads parenting is 😐
I always kinda rolled my eyes at “we sacrificed so much for you” because YOU CHOSE TO HAVE CHILDREN. Yea that’s a big deal having kids; time, money, and learning. So don’t complain about it.
The "some people have it way worse then you" makes me dismiss my own issues often, I broke down in my boyfriends arms once and apologized repeatedly for crying. I finally felt comfortable and safe and my only response was to break down and cry.
"Oh stop crying!/Stop overreacting!"
Yeah sorry I'm just hypersensible and have a high tendency to anxiety, thanks that's help a lot.
Same dude, it’s not cool.
So that’s not normal?
and the magical phrase "I'll give you something to cry for" after being the reason you're crying/emotional.
When I cry my mom calls me an attention seeker!
Hahhha
Hahah
Haha...
Ha
Oh you are homeless? Just buy a house what's the big deal?
"When i was your age, i had a far shittier life" Yeah dad, thanks for helping me out with my 2 suicide attempts
I haven't made an attempt yet
But anytime I'm told about how good my life is I simply say to them" now you see why I'm so mad at myself"
I had to say something I feel bad about to make them stop though
When they kept trying to tell me to basically get over it toughen up man up that my life is good I said "thank you for contributing to myself loathing and making the situation worse I appreciate your support"
Since then we've come to an understanding and have a much better relationship I still feel bad though
I probably won't word this very well but please believe me when I say that your lives matter, and I know your situation is probably really shitty right now but it will get better. I know that's a lot to say, but taking your life isn't the right answer.
@@staffdespell7802 I've never made an attempt because I'm the most spiteful little s*** on the planet
However I'm aware that anger and hatred driving my motivation isn't healthy so I've been working on it
Plus there are kind people like you in the world
i’m attempting for May 1st
@@kajbo. please don’t, it doesn’t matter if you go to hell or heaven, both of our lives matter and our lives aren’t super long. You need to enjoy it, ok?
"You're manipulative, evil, and disrespectful"
When you don't do what they want, express your emotions, or do something like spend time with a parent you claim to hate because just first a moment you want to try forgetting the shit they out you through. While that said parent calling you that's things proceeds to manipulate you into feeling bad
My mom can't manipulate me since you can't manipulate a manipulator :)
My mum in recent weeks calling me arrogant, aggressive and abusive. She's the one screaming at me at 10am when I'm sitting in my room listening to music, writing or playing games.
All of this. My mother told me that I'm the cause of all our problems, every fight is my fault, that I'm using my parents for a roof over my head and as a safety net (despite being 19, working a full-time 32+ hours a week, paying some bills to my parents, going through intensive outpatient after a suicide attempt, and trying to save money to go to college), and that my therapy wasn't working because I've just been a bitch and not healing the way my parents wanted.
Then my mother had the gall to tell the therapist in the family session that she had to get on the same page as my mother in order to fix me. Then called the owner of the therapy place to complain when my therapist pointed out how she was being a bit of a hypocrite.
That re-opened so many wounds....
"Your disrespectful" after any valid point in an argument
Knowing facts is now disrespectful?
I guess
My mom thinks that my sisters and I not seeing her views or taking her side in situations (even when she is in the wrong), that we are disrespectful children.
“Oh look we have a (daughter/son)” when you come out of your room to spend time with them, suddenly don’t want to spend time with them anymore
Yeah and then proceed to insult your likes and hobbies. "What are you reading? Oh why do still read that junk?"
Or hijack your intrests, oh you want to learn how to cook? Well you can do the dishes from now on. Happened with my girlfriend too she got her license and now shes their taxi whenever they need anything. It's 1am and your 40 year old brother went out with his ex and got drunk again and wants a ride home. You have to work at 6am? Well too bad I'm not going out to get him but he's family so you have to.
@@dragonwaz oh man the hijacking interests is so true. Like if I wanna learn a language my dad will want to learn it too and then compliment himself even though he’s terrible at it.
My mom does that all the time, and then gets confused on why I keep doing it. Sometimes (Rarely) she even goes as far to ground me just because I don't want to hang out with them.
@@loganwren3038 that’s awful, I’m so sorry
EVERY FUCKING TIME
"Well, I did my best". Usually said after child points out their messed up childhood.
Well, at least they're quick to prove they don't blame themselves.
What's a better alternative? "I'm sorry. I tried my best, and I'm sorry things happened the way they did"?
"I didn’t raise you to be that way" uh... you did.
hell yeah. she'd constantly be like "I'm not the best mom, but I tried my best" right after I tell her about how she laughed along with my sister and cousin after they made fun of me for being fat
And just- "Bitch you didn't even tried."
I want you to be happy
And then go full rage mode when you actually do what makes you happy
Or "Its for your safety"
Then proceeds to apply essential oils.
That one hurts real bad.
My mom and a couple of her sisters drilled it into my brain when I entered college that I would never be happy doing art in my life, that I would forever be poor and destitute. Maybe there was some good in it honestly, but it slaughtered my sense of ambition. I'll just work in a job that hurts me, because I don't want to strive for anything anymore.
Be angry enough to want to succeed in spite. I believe in you.
I relate to this on a personal level. My dad got angry that I have a comfort character, and said that it was okay to like anything else, "just please, anything but [character's name]", even though he's always told me to be myself.
Jokes on my dad, though.
That did a number on my mental health, so guess what helped me cope?
My comfort character.
By telling me not to like my comfort character, you are literally making me more attached to him because he's helping me more with my mental health than you ever could.
this one, playing video games make me happy, but when talk abt it my mom says I have an addiction and threatens to smash my computer :(
"You're just like your father."
I ended up bursting into tears the moment I heard that.
My mom told me that after kidnapping me when I was four (she lost my custody, my dad got me back in 3 months) and I said "Really? YES! WOOOHOOOOO!" and just ran around
she was mad.
freaking babyraging, I still wonder how she didn't get arrested
Man my mom told me this today.
My mum told me that throughout my life and recently screaming at me a couple months ago. "You're lazy! You're aggressive! You're abusive! Just like your father! Why don't you go and live with him?" He's a narcissist.
My mom tells me this any time I don't go along with her.
“Nothings wrong with you.”
-My mom when i try to talk to her.
“You need to talk to me.”
-My mom when i wont talk to her.
For me, my parents scold me when i talk to them about myself. Especially my sexuality. They punished me for it.
This
this‼️‼️
This
"ADHD doesn't exist, you're just lazy. You being depressed is your fault because you chose to go back to public school rather than be homeschooled. You can just stop being anxious, calm down." -My mom when I try to talk to her
When I was around 13 years old, my mum used to repeatedly tell me that I was fat. She meant it as a joke because I was actually slightly underweight but she always sounded serious and even showed me the areas where I was apparently a bit chubby. I developed anorexia and later on bulimia. Thankfully I've recovered but it's still shocking how she could plant this thought in my head. She isn't a mean person and I'm sure she wasn't aware of her actions. I think her "humor" was more like a coping mechanism for her because she is fat herself and unhappy with her body.
Yeah that's bad and anorexia bulimia can cause death. So she could've killed you
Reminds me of how my grandma would tell me I was fat and I had to get thinnier otherwise my friends would stop hanging out with me. I once got so mad that I told her that she should shut up, since she was even fatter than me and I at least had friends that could decide whether to hang out with me or not, unlike her.
this reminds me of a time I was watching an old video of myself where I was like, 6. I was always told that I was bigger, chubbier, fatter than other kids my age at the time by my parents. they weren't saying it in a rude way, kind of in a humorous way ig idk. But when I was watching that old video, I realized that I was never fat... yes I was a little bigger than maybe you're average kid but that probably cuz Im a twin (my twin is a little bit underweight). But I remember always feeling so big and fat from such a young age. I wouldn't want to participate in certain activities soley because I believed I was to fat for them. I remember being afraid of riding a pony because I was afraid I was going to hurt it with my weight :(. And after watching the video, I told my parents I never was as fat as they made it out to be when I was younger and all they said was, "we never said those things to you!". At 4th grade I remember overeating a lot because my mom would always nag me about my weight and tell me I need to lose it. So I would eat and eat and eat cuz I thought "you know what? im fat already might as well keep eating" I still struggle with controlling how much food I eat to this day. also apologies for this long ass paragraph, didn't mean to dump it all out lol
*used to
My mom just called me fat and that I was unhealthy.... she was right but she could have gone about it a different way. I eat a lot and I mean a lot but I found ways to help feel full and also gain more muscle mass because of it
"You were on the honor roll once, why can't you just do that again?"
"You're so smart, but you don't do anything with it!"
"You used to have so much energy, now you're fat and lazy!"
- After my mom had decided to put me on anti-psychotics when I was twelve, killed my energy, and then I got fat.
Bro the exact same thing!!!
Edit: I'm no longer on them because I forced myself to stop taking them and I've been working hard at losing weight
My education might have been hindered because of me dropping out but I'm going to get my GED and go to a trade school
Life likes to kick you while you're down you're not defeated until you stay down
That first one hits so hard
"mine is you were so skinny now your fat"
-my asian grandma who gives me too much rice on dinner and lunch
Ok the first two hit really close to me
The first sentence hit so hard for me.
"If you don't stop complaining, I'll give you something to cry about."
Enough said.
My parents would say a version of this.
" if you don't stop crying you're punishment will be worse "
The only toxicity i got was the crying part which resulted in me storing my sadness inside and rarely cry
But that stopped
That doesnt work but you should try to get them to stop crying.
Same every time I am crying and I literally can't stop my self I get grounded weeks on end and then she gets upset at me for crying more :-(
"You weren't like this as a child." Says the woman who screams and tells everything i do is a failure while asking me to get out of room and talk with guests so she can tell mistakes i did to them and make me shy
They always say this when I don’t like interacting with people or going outside. As a kid I always loved to be social but they grounded me so much I got used to being inside as time went by.
Same.
tell the same guests what she is doing at the moment. Tell them that what she says make u feel really bad.
A few years ago my dad saw me having a mental breakdown where I was literally beating the hell out of myself. About 10 minutes after I calmed down he pulled me aside and told me not to go to him with my emotional problems. It felt like the world sunk when he told me that. I used to have hope that we could develop a deeper emotional connection but now that hope’s long gone.
I'm so srry that ain't a real dad at all parents are supposed to help their kids mentally emotionally and physically if he can't even do that then he doesn't deserve the title dad
That's terrible. They then wonder why you don't tell them anything that you are having a problem with. I have a tendency of ruminating on things in a really bad way and, like you, beating myself up about them, only for my mom to say that I don't care about the very thing that I can't stop thinking about.
“Boys don’t cry. Be a man and stop crying.”
Let the boys cry.
This is really damaging, I personally feel sorry for my friends, as I'm always forced to bottle up my feelings and then they always explode when I'm around friends. Luckily they appreciate and love me very much and always stick around to hug and comfort me when I'm breaking down or in tears. They always bring me out to get Starbucks or a new book and let me stay over at their place whenever I don't want to be around my family. They really are amazing and are the best thing ti ever happen to me. My god I'm ranting so much in this comment section rn.
yes ur correct
This, or the more common one "Don't cry, no one has hitted you so you don't have any reason to do it" are what sticked to my mind and made me start to become an introvert. I'm so used to supress my emotions I wasn't even phisically able to cry on my father's funeral. Nowadays I feel like any annoying thing that happens to me is gonna make me explode since I already have so many emotions suppresed inside me I don't know how the hell I should react
@@HannibalKantter This. Just this. Everything, from sadness to fear to happiness always gets invalidated by parents. You can never express yourself because nobody accepts how you actually feel, and instead invalidates them and tells you how youre supposed to feel. When you feel accomplished over things it always gets minimized and compared to everybody else. Whenever youre sad you get told theres no reason. When you're literally vomiting from so much pain and chores, and you get yelled at and slapped because "yOu dOnT eVeN kNoW wHaT iT fEeLs lIke tO bE a pArEnT" and then get compared to everubody again.
@@HannibalKantter my goodness, this is exactly what happened, I was screamed at until I was shivering and sobbing and hoping she would stop and even begging for mercy, scared out of my life and my mom said “Who’s hitting you? Why are you crying, get up.” I said “Please stop what did I do?” She said, “I already told you, are you stupid? Stop crying or I’ll call the psychiatrist and say your insane” then the following morning she acted like nothing happened.
"Don't you think your life is useless?"- My dad after me not finding the pizza pan
Bro that's fucked
@@wormbag80 I was never good at finding things that my parents sent me to find. I think that was when he snapped and called my life useless.
@@leonardobenavides3578 are you away from them???
@@leonardobenavides3578 it wouldn't be excused even if you were the biggest fuckup in the world which you're not
A parent's job is to help a person become the best them their job is to help you become your best self not belittle you for not being perfect
Make sure that you hold on to and remember the bad use it as motivation to find good
Try to show yourself love and compassion you deserve it
My parents flip out after I can't find something too. It's standard, but still pretty bad...
Me: "Mom, kids are bullying me!"
Mom: "You better stand up for yourself"
*I punch back at bullies and we get sent to the principal*
Mom: "It takes two to tango. Now apologize"
My mom actually said if someone bullies me, disregard the teachers and beat the hell out of em' because our teachers were generally incompetent and didn't care about anything but their salary.
Those were tough times but I'm glad I'm out of that hell.
PUNCH EM' HARDER, SON! FIGHT BACK! PLUCK HIS TOOTH OUT TOO! I'LL BRIBE THE TEACHER SO BEAT HIM AS HARD AS YOU CAN! AS LONG AS YOU WIN, I'M OKAY WITH IT!
When I got bullied an brought in a recording of them doing it all my mom said was
“ why didn’t you bring it in sooner”
That’s it. Nothing about how to stand up to my self. Not if I was ok. Nothing. Just that. Over and over again.
hypocritical mom rip
if my kid gets bullied I wouldn't care if he got suspended for fighting back, its an admirable trait that is lacking now a days as long as it doesn't go too far
"Where did I go wrong? What did I to deserve someone like you?" Those are things that I actually heard about 2 years ago, it still hurts deeply
That is hella messed up I hope your in a better place know some parents are just so ungrateful and don't deserve any kids at all they bought u in this world what she said shouldve been the other way around cause sis u didn't do anything she is the problem
“Your extremely lazy and dont do shit.”
When a parent says that right after you so a chore or something.
that fucks a kid up.
we try our best, and fortunately for our parents, they constantly have the upper hand.
I say this because we have no way of confronting them, even if we do confront them for their actions, they can just get more mad and take away our electronics, etc.
just sounds really annoying yeah in that case I'd leave as soon as I can because of the lack of freedom
I stopped cleaning the house because of this. It’s difficult because they continue to call me names and ridicule me or use physical punishment but if they’re going to call me lazy, I might as well act like it and not do any cleaning for anyone but myself.
Ñ
These parents will always call you lazy for resting or doing what you can,and then act like putting a roof over your head,or giving food is enough to make you respect them.
Trying your hardest to make mum happy with the chores she set, only to be told "YOU DIDNT EVEN TRY"
“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed”
Or “If don’t behave i am going to send you boarding school!.”
That's actually pretty valid
"So am I"
"I'm not being honest but I am beating around the bush"
@@faoziaabida9912 exactly, I was told this before in 5th grade
"So it's my fault?"
This is a tactic used so that they look like the victim and you look like the villain "overreacting". Next time they ask you this say yes, they'll cut that crap off immediately.
God I've told myself this about my mom for years. I've known forever that I just need to tell her yes
Yes mom, it's your fault. There only was you to beat my sis.
And no, mom, I did not scratch my skin off just to make you sad and I have issues.
No they'll just hit me or yell at me
In some cases it would be rude to say yes but it wouldn't be incorrect.
@@spidertransrightsarehumanr5433 This, right here.
My grandma consistently bullying my eldest sister for "being dumber than us". I ( youngest sister ) got into a medical school at 17 and my other sister ( middle one ) got into law school at 18. She just keeps shitting on her for doing what she likes. It hurts to see her suffer like that, mainly because she's the sweetest person i know. Poor girl is just trying to teach music to kids
I hate the classic "respect the elders" I hate when old people say that when I say facts about them being a piece of shit
@@netheritepickaxe1506 "Well, then do something respectable, elder!"
My mother once threatened to call CPS and have them take me away because she couldnt deal with my misbehavior anymore. She left me in my room sitting on the floor alone crying while I was supposed to be packing my clothes up. I think I was 8. I wasnt even a bad child. The axe forgets, but the tree always remembers.
"You shouldn't be eating that, you'll get fat"
Not a great idea to say that to your anorexic son, mom 😬
I’ve never heard of a male being anorexic.
@@matthew8153 ???
@@matthew8153 ??????????
@@matthew8153 ????????????
@@matthew8153 you have now
"Normaly mothers love their daughters, but I don't love you" - my mom 15 years ago, she doesn't remember, but I do
i feel you. sometimes parents say stuff they dont mean, and at the end of the day they still love you.
@@stackataka Nah that's fucked there isn't ever an excuse to tell your child that you don't love them. I've gotten mad at my kids, really mad, I've sad things I shouldn't but I would never tell my child I didn't love them
I have THAT same mother … I’ve been no contact for three years! Best years of my life. Hope you find peace 🖤
My grandpa once called me a brat for trying to speak with my parents alone without my grandparents and he denies ever calling me a brat. I know I'm not just imagining it though. I know what he called me.
that is pretty awful to hear wtf
What about losing it over the smallest of things while you make a small mistake trying to be self independent? (Cooking for yourself, cleaning up a little.)
Well my dear monsters decided that 3am was a great time to smear two and a half dozen eggs acrossy leather couch in an effort to make breakfast...there is a time and place for learn self dependence and that wasn't it. That was a few years ago and now the oldest is learning proper knife handling and basics of cooking. The youngest is learning about seasoning and handling of dry ingredients.
@@MrJagorin that’s not the smallest thing, then, is it?
"You're the oldest, you HAVE to be perfect!"
"I expect you to work at our store for free and get perfect grades even though I pull you out of school 3 times a week cause I need a break from work."
"You're not normal, that's why you have no friends."
And they wonder why I'm moving to a different country.
Good take control of your life it belongs to you and no one else just because they created it doesn't mean they get a say in it
My Aunt costantly says my older Cousin (who works, cleans, cooks, always helps doing chores of all kind) how she messes up and costantly says she should take more from her younger sister (who does nothing of that unless forced). The younger sister is not as good as her at school, but it seems my aunt doesn't care about that, as she wants two charismatic and always outgoing girls always thinking on appaerences.
I hope you can get away from that situation, unfortunately scar may form... wish you well!
I'm the oldest and I can say with confidence that I am the laziest of the bunch!
@@ghuttsmckenzie4269 it just means you know how to take it easy in life
nothing wrong with being lazy provided you have everything else under control
Same with being the middle child even if they replace it with 'caring' for you
The best saying for this thread: All kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids.
"What happened to my loving son?" Oh he's still here, he's just sick of your manipulation
Yoo you just got me a good quote thank you
The most toxic thing a parent can say to a child?
*"I don't care if you're crying or what you're crying about. Woman/man up and face it."*
Guys and gals listen here. You matter. Your feelings and emotions matter. No matter the age and no matter the gender status. We're all humans at the end of it all.
nah that shit is good i would feel motivated if my parents told me that
That shit is fucking motivation bruh fym?
@@AsgharAli-ni9oo tf
@@Mitsuri.Kanroji.. facing the problem is the right way to go about it not complaining or getting emotional. There are times in life for emotions but there are also many times in life where emotions will only drag you down
@@AsgharAli-ni9oo my parents used that tactic
it ended with me not being able to interact without panicking
I'm the odd one out among my siblings. All of them are extroverted partygoers with large social friend groups, my parents are also like them. I'm an introverted bookworm and coffee shop dweller with only 2 very very close friends that I love. I was always treated differently, it's like parents having a favorite child, except all the children are their favorite except for me. I'm also the eldest, and I'm constantly shamed and compared to my brothers, I used to be suicidal until I met my friends. I absolutely love my friends, they're pretty much the only thing I live for. I'd consider them more of my parents then my actua parents, and they're always helping and supporting me when I'm having trouble with something instead of beating me like my parents. This became a bit of a rant now, sorry about that.
You can rant all you want, of you can even call that a rant. You are totally in the right for typing all this. I feel for you, and hope your life gets better soon.
@@granty3796 Ah sorry, it's just a habit. My friends call me out too, I usually just suddenly stop talking in the middle of my stories because I'm used to being shut up by my family. I'm working tk get rid of it.
@@usurpererenyeager649 dont be sorry for anything!! You’re valid for expressing your emotions and if someone tells u you aren’t, then they’re in the wrong
Wow man, i know what that's like, i grow up pretty shy from most people in my family and never really went outside very much, i just stay inside doing mostly nothing except art, game idea's and video games and streaming
same breh. im autistic and 13. none of meh brothers and sister are autistic (i think one of meh grandparents was autistic looking bacc on it now lol) but meh parents treat me as if im an nt anyway. also im 99% sure meh iq is high 120s (not sure tho but i can read college level shit lul) but my grades in school say im shittier at everything unlike meh nt siblings (which tbh idrc care abt but i try to get above a 90 and meh grades are high 80s, theirs are 90s-105). idk im just not made for teh school system lol
"Welcome back to we hate humanity, today we have for you :"
"Parenting! "
Humans shouldn't exist....
@@hottudoggu7712 stop putting everyone in the same pot. People like those parents shouldn't exist, yeah.
But leave the good people out of your bullshit.
@@Lavamario1 Why are you mad? Im saying is in fact true, tell me do you see any other species on this planet destroy each other like humans?
@@hottudoggu7712 there are like ants or monkeys, but that's not the reason i'm mad. It's that I don't see a reason to drag everyone along for the sin of the few who comitted it. Life isn't black and white for you to tell that humanity shouldn't exist. If any animal would be given intelligence, then it would be the same.
@@Lavamario1 no
"Kids can't have depression" - Said by my biological father who was the very cause of my depression and anxiety at 11.
"Suicide is selfish" - this after I tried to tell her I was feeling suicidal. I locked myself up in my room to cry and never went to her with my emotional problems again after that. When I tried talking to her later about it she said I never told her that and she never said that. It wasn't until after my brother overdosed that she ever listened to me about being depressed, and this was well into the time I was already and adult and had disconnected myself from her for the most part.
Also a strong contender - "You're just being sensitive" - this really fucked me up because I grew up thinking my emotions were invalid and whenever I was upset it was my fault for not being able to control myself. Even if I am sensitive, it doesn't mean I'm not upset and that I should just be dismissed. I still have problems being vulnerable with people because I'm terrified that I'll scare them off with my intense emotions.
llor
Same.
I've never been suicidal, but I have struggled with depressive times and my mom never fails to say that "Suicide is the last deadly sin, do you want to end up in hell?"
You don't have intense emotions. Your mom just doesn't have any emotions and punishes you for having normal emotions.
It Took me 36 years to realize that it's normal to feel and express your emotions and normal people do this daily. What's not normal is to have a mother and father who dismiss your emotions and gaslight you into thinking you are insane for being a normal person all because they are the ones who are broken and can't express or feel normal human emotions.
I know this post is from a year ago but I really hope you are doing well and found your people in this life to uplift and support you.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, I hope you are doing better 💕🙏🏻
"you're useless"
my mom uses that one anytime i ask for help, now I cannot ask for help anymore since i feel like i will be treated the same
You're not useless. You can do whatever you want if you work hard to succeed....and you WILL succeed. 💙
@@shaarinya6932 thank u ♡ that really lifts me up♡
Most likely your a boy going through puberty
My father calls me a stupid bitch when i give him even a slight problem. Or when hes just mad in general.
my grandma in a nutshell with my brother and i. Sometimes she goes the extra mile and calls us some unnaceptable terms in spanish. Good times, then my mom and grandma ask us why we arent happy
"you have no future"
kills me inside
The people talked about in this video are no parents, they’re bullies
@Kendall Worthington abusive alcoholic ones who themselves have no future
Got scolded and called useless in a public car park because I couldn't carry 5 shopping bags to the car at 8 years old even though I was the only male there
@Kendall Worthington one's that are so self absorbed in their own delusions that they are selfishly ruining their child's chance at a future
my own father would say shit like "you'd never be able to hack it/ make it " when i mentioned wanting to join or do anything growing up sports teams/advanced classes/ect.
when i mentioned i was thinking about joining the military in highschool "you'd never make it through basic" yeah my father was textbook example of what not to fucking say to a kid "ironic considering he talked a big game to other people like he was a combat vet but he was really a cook stationed in Hawaii and Japan"
i think he did shit like this because he was unhappy with how his life turned out so he belittled me to try to make himself feel better the last thing he said to me after my mother died and he kicked me out of house and home was "i wish you were never born" my reply seemed to have shocked him when i said "so do i" i haven't seen him in over 10 years don't know or care where he is. i'm doing ok now and that's what counts
yeah they say this to me but whatever, when we will grow up we will prove them wrong KEEP YOUR HEAD UP
My mom: compares me to my friend.
My friend`s mom: compares my friend to me
Me and my friend be like:
*We really were destined to be besties.*
Bffs goals be like
@@dramadobacalhau8059 agreed
Wtf
haha yes, my parents say, why are you so skinny, why can't you look healthier like your bestie?
and my bff's parents say, 'Why can't you be more like [my name], she's so smart'
I had to have tuition and she had a healthier diet
My mom compares me to her friends children who are like 15.
“it’s just a phase”
“stop over-exaggerating”
“when i was your age…”
“it’s not that bad”
“it’s the phone”
🫥
“It’s the phone” is the worst. HOW TF CAN I GET ANGRY FROM WATCHING F***ING TRAINS??????
"when I was your age" Stfu you're 50 years old, I don't care
@@LittleJimmyR FRR LIKE MAYBE THERES OTHER REASONS THAT IM TELLING THEM OMG
SO STOP BLACKAMAILING MY FAMILY ABOUT IT OMGG
When ur parents think being suicidal is just a faze:
"Look at your older cousin hes already rich!"
he is rich because you gave him everything, he has 2 ps4 and 5000 dollars, does 5000 dollars was from his birthday, the 1st ps4 was from his father, while the 2nd was from his uncle.
And every opportunity I get you won't let me do because you either have to take a small part like driving me there or you just don't let me do it because "because I said so" and "im the parent"
“If you don’t start acting normal, i will just find a different family for you”
"If you're calling yourself normal, then humanity was a mistake"
If my mom tried that I just say "yeah sure. Do that. Watch how quickly I get adopted"
I recently had an interesting chat with my sister about a similar thing.
Whenever we as kids would complain that our friends' parents allowed something our mum didn't, she would say: "Well, why don't you go ask Mrs. XY if you can live with them?"
My sister said: "That always shut me up because I obviously didn't want to live with any other family." and it really surprised me because my own reaction couldn't have been more different. I already felt like a major nuisance to my own family; how would any family with a choice ever willingly take me in?
Edit: auto-correct typo
I can understand that being funny in hindsight. Skiing with moguls wiped out and knocked myself out busted my face up and was taken to ski lodge medic center called mom said what happened she then goes "maybe now youll be more attractive" mad about it in the moment, but looking back i over reacted and even told her i find it funny now
"let me get this straight, your punishment for me not being normal is to find me a better family?"
"By all means sign me the fuck up!!!"
"you're just overreating"
~my mum, last year, after i told her that the reason why i was crying that night was because my dad threatened to rip my head off of my shoulders for speaking in a slightly annoyed tone
now i don't tell my parents about my problems because i'm scared they'll call me a liar or say i'm overreating
you are absolutely not overreacting! that's a terrifying thing to hear. i'm here if you need to vent about anything, okay? stay safe.
That is awful I'm sorry you have to go through that that must be so invalidating to your emotions
But you are allowed to feel you're supposed to feel if you weren't you wouldn't be able to
There are many people on here myself included who are more than willing to talk to you if you want to talk about it
Both you, and him were overreacting
@@schmenkspeedtyping218 seems highly likely to me that they were a child at this time
And I don't know how others were as a child but whenever I was a child I took things rather literally
Then you also have to take into account being a child means you're small so you have a fully grown adult man giving you a threat over something small
That s*** would stress me out too all in all the adult should have handled it better and set the example
@@themanicman8458 I believe in the preservation of masculinity, you cannot work your way to being a man crying, nor can you while being gluttonous or lazy.
Right after they do smthn wrong “I do this because I love you.”
It's really sad, parents always think that because they're older and know more than you, means that they understand you completely. They don't even take into consideration that you could be a completely different person, with completely different likes, dislikes, triggers, and hobbies. They try to mold you into their image of a good child instead of accepting who you are, but then simultaneously tell you to stob being so reserved, to talk to them, to express yourself, and become more open and spend more time with them. Then when you express yourself you get denied, you get told you're wrong, your feelings are invalidated and rejected and instead of trying to understand how you feel, they tell you how you're *supposed* to feel. Then they claim that it's all because they love and want what's best for you. Yeah because driving me into cutting myself is what's best for me, thanks a lot mom. Because ofc driving me into so much anxiety with threats and insults that nobody will like who I am because I'm "weird" is perfectly fine and normal. Because having serious paranoia, trust issues, and believing that nobody will truly understand or appreciate you is "love". Because physically disciplining me everyday because my interests and passions are "weird" or "not normal". Thank you so fucking much for that dad.
@@usurpererenyeager649 I'm so sorry for what you went through. I know there isn't anything much I can do, but know there are a lot of people that can and will treat you better, and I hope you have found a person or people like that, and if not, that you will find some soon.
@@TheEvilEmerald Thanks a lot, on a happier note, a little story. I am extremely introvered and socially awkward, so I never made any real friends until the 6th grade, during this time they decided they liked me and sat beside me and tried to befriend me for the rest of the year, naturally with my trust issues I triednto shut them out butbthey were really persistent and I ended up liking them as well. It's been two years since then, and she's always kept in close contact with me, it took about a year and a half since we first met when I genuinely began to trust her. As of right now I've opened up about everything to her and we're closer than ever and the best of friends, I don't know what I'd do without her, heck I'd probably have committed suicide long ago if she hadnt befriended me, to this day I'm thankful I met such an amazing person and that they were so persistent in getting to know me. She's probably the only person I really trust, but as a consequence im often paranoid that I'll do something that'll make her hate me. It's a way more minor problem tho. Rest assured I will treasure and protect them forever.
111 likes
@@usurpererenyeager649 I am glad to hear. I hope you and your friend have a wonderful day. ^^
“im so sorry im such a bad parent” or “im so sorry i cant do anything right” every time you apologize for something. because then it turns into me comforting you.
“we’re going to have to pull you out of school and put you in a mental hospital” in response to me telling you im suicidal because we’re moving for the 14th time.
“i spent more time with her (my beautiful therapy cat, dragon) before she died, why are you so upset about this” when long story short, the reason i didnt spend as much time with her near the end is because she couldn’t move much anymore and you were always around her. and i didnt want to be around you. i still regret that.
“why cant you make more friends quicker” wow dont you think im trying
“you dont want to spend too much time with your friends and become a burden”
Don't ever say to your child that how "expensive their needs are" or how "they take extra space in the house"
Me: does something good that i worked hard for
Mom: "you didn't do anything less than your obligation"
ahahahaha me when I get straight a’s 🥲
Actually, this has made me realize just how magnificent I seem to other people. As my parents would always say that to me, I thought that just having 100 in everything was what I needed to do. Which resulted in dropping things I wasn't good at first try, and that the thing I did exceed, were all 100. Friends of the family would tell my parents just how perfect I was, when in reality I was just stressed out because I wanted validation and praise
Also mom: where's my mother's day gift?
@@xx_lillo yes, every single time
meh mom thinks getting above an 85 for meh grades is an obligation when to me anything above dat is a massive fucking accomplishment lol. anything above 90 is fucking exceptional (except in theology class and math) since i mostly get 80s and sometimes 70s (*ahem* english class lol). i mean rly. i have better things to do than school 24/7 liek doing the things i enjoy (biking, yt, roblox, rhythm gaming, etc). also did i mention doing something with liek 1 day left is the only thing i get things done? yeh if i dont do it before i have 1 i day left i get unmotivated and end up getting a shitty grade anyway. dats just how i work but my mom expects me to do it before then when i just cant. i cant motivate myself to and every time i try it doesnt work lol
not giving your child a reward they want after showing their responsibility, and instead being more and more restrictive. Also, not admitting their wrongdoings/being deflective.
my parents rarely every did teh reward thing. i take shit rly literally so if they say i dont do this thing i lose this i fucking break down. like rly.
I get yelled at when i get a B in school. My school actually sucks and is way harder than it should be, so getting a C is honesty a win
😑
Or worse.Making promises to give them certain rewards if they succeed at something and then changing up when you actually succeed and acting like you didn’t do enough
“No you aren’t”
“It’s just a phase”
“You’re too young to know”
“Its just a trend”
“You just want attention”
Please don’t tell this to kids from the LGBTQ+
Edit: it also applies to kids with depression and anxiety
I have heard 75% of these from my parents, all because I have depression and anxiety and want to die.
I heard those but not as a kid, mind you, still hurts AF. In fact they "advised" me after telling them about my 4 years relation to see a psychologist to help me "clear my confusion". I did take their advice, but to be able to open up to someone, even if it is a paid stranger with a diploma. Found out I'm developing depression thanks to that and many other seemingly harmless little things that aren't so harmless, so yea... that was fun. >.>
wow i've heard almost all of these
My parents have been divorced since I was 2. Both on opposite but toxic sides of the support spectrum. Dad said he'd still love me if I "turned out gay" but not as much love and wouldn't admit to being my father. Mom told me so often that it's okay to be gay (and every time a girl dumped me) that I felt that I was disappointing her by being straight. Later as I realized I'm pan, I can't tell either of them. Dad wouldn't understand and mom would be validated and say she called it or that she was half right.
@@edjecollins4141 my parents would be
"what?"
"I don't care if you starve yourself so long as you lose weight"
- my mom's husband
😍☺️
Im so sorry that happend to you! I hope you're doing OK now :( ❤
Can we all agree that our parents THINK that they know us completely but fail to see who we really are?
Agree, agree, AGREE.
Yes
Oh yeah. 'We know you better than you do!' B*** you don't even know that I understand *nuance and hyperbole* as an autistic person, gtfo of here with that shit.
My sperm donor thought I was a 6 year old who love stuffed animals until I was kicked out of that house. Spoiler alert, I was 18 and hated clutter, especially the stuffed animals (which were just an excuse for his girlfriend to get off on buying pointless trash as usual) this was the least of my problems but it just shows he didn't know me at all and didn't care. He also didn't know I'm autistic.
"Why do you have to sabotage everything!!?"
-My dad, in reaction to me spilling water on the bathroom floor
One place in the house where it's supposed to end up on the floor somehow 🤣
WUT!
The bathroom. The one room with a bathtub a toilet, and water is sabotaging their life in the wettest room in the freaking House
Every sixty seconds in Africa, a minute passes
That's a bruh moment💀
"I would beat you guys when you behave badly but here there is child protection laws and I don't want cps coming here."
My Step-Dad Does The Same To Me
@@LobtotomyVictim lol
My Dad says the same thing.
same
I mean they still beat us anyways 👩🦯
"Just do what I tell you to do."
Then mom proceeds to fill out all of my college applications, chooses where I enrol, and completely robs me of my agency. Mind you, I didn't grow up with her, so she didn't know that I had a hard time adjusting to new environments. Took me from private schooling to a public one, where I had no fixed schedule. Totally screwed me up physically, emotionally, and mentally. I just couldn't cope and started skipping all my classes and ended up dropping out. What's worse is that I shouldered all the blame, despite the fact that I never wanted to study in the top state university in the country... Who cares about that when I was fucking miserable? All I was ever good for was stroking her ego. Then she dumped me at my aunt's again, and pretended that I didn't exist for a year.
It's been almost a decade, but I can still clearly remember one of those days when I wanted to jump off of an overpass to end it. I didn't want to continue faking anything anymore. I was so tired and drained all the time. Until this day, we haven't talked about it. I really don't want to let her know how much she screwed me over, but I think a part of me is craving for closure. I mean, I kind of know why she did the things that she did, but I guess I just want it to come from her mouth. All I have are assumptions about her motivations, and it sucks.
It doesn't matter what her motivations were, she should have genuinely encouraged you and reinforced areas of your interests instead of using blunt force. It's her actions that led to your misery and she will be held accountable, in this life or the next.
The ironic thing is that they talk shit about how my friends manipulate me, but they’re the ones who use those cheap tactics to victimize themselves (Ex: “So it’s my fault?” “I’m doing this for you”)
My mum uses my dad as a weapon against me, but she's losing control over me to use me as a weapon against him.
She says 'you're just like (my last name), you're all narcissists'.
Thank god I'm an only child, I am very thankful that I'm the only one that got caught in the crossfire of my parent's divorce.
I’ve heard the “no privacy” shit way too many times. My room is decorated only with things my parents chose. They never approve of what I do in my spare time and bully me for it. My mom likes to tease my best friend about his weight and tell me all about how he is a terrible role model for me (all in private). Recently I was going through a tough time and reluctantly asked my mom to see a psychiatrist for some mental help, and she started yelling at me about how that shit was only for people who had went through traumatic events and then she told me how disappointed she was in me and my appointment never even got scheduled. But. The worst experience by far was when I was in a discord call with my best friend while I was doing homework and he was showing me memes. Cue my mom from the top of the stairs, “WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING HOMEWORK!” I yell back, “I’m just talking to my friend while I-“ she cuts me off. “You’re not living with us (her and dad) when you’re a failure.” She said In A calm voice. She makes out my dad to be this monster of punishment that she needs to protect me from when he is actually the only decent parent I have. The only reason she got away with it when I was younger was because he worked long hours as a trauma surgeon and I didn’t really know him well. I’m 13 now and still deciding wether or not to cut the cord with my family when I grow up because most of them are actually really nice. If you actually read all of this ur something else. God bless y’all and have a good day
sounds like your mom is the issue, if the rest of the family is nice then try to cut only her off
My mom well my step mom she constantly makes fun of my friends when I bring them up and she makes fun of me for anything I do wrong and my siblings make it worse when my mom says something like whoever put this here is and idiot and the whole family will agree except my dad and I will get called fat too or two skinny when I only weigh 90 pounds and random things she literally starts to make me upset :(
Aww, God bless you too. Still, I've got to stop reading these comments now because they're really depressing. Life shouldn't be like this. Parents shouldn't be like this. They're meant to be the people who have your back, even when it feels like the whole world is out to get you. I'm so sorry that you and so many other people don't have that. All this is messed up.
@@conlon4332 thank you
"I hate you!" Then backpedaled and said "I hate they way you act like your father!" That broke something in me. Sent me down a path where I desperately tried to be nothing like him and years later.
I have had a similar experience when I started hitting puberty my mother suddenly started comparing me to my dad and saying that we were the same. I was so ashamed and I felt like I was just destined to be bad. She doesn't do it much anymore but it definitely messed with me.
Never ever tell a nine-year-old something about their body. Whether they're growing breasts or are gaining a lot of weight, please don't mention it to them. In the beginning stages of puberty I was so insecure about my body and felt so uncomfortable because of the comments my mom would tell me. It felt like every time I went out in anything that wasn't a full-on burka, there would be eyes on me.
^^^
also please don't point out the fact that daughter's budding and whether or not she got her period yet. that's no one's business and having a child's (who isn't even a teenager yet body) be the most common topic of your conversations is really creepy and weird (no it doesn't matter that you're her mom/aunt/sister/grandma or a female in general, it's still weird)
@@butterfliesandwaffles6335 facts
you sir/madam would make a great parent
@@butterfliesandwaffles6335 huh, i thought it was normal that my mom would ask me when my period started
My stepdad would constantly tell me my legs were too hairy and my thighs were too thick for a boy, and told me not to turn out gay. I now love my thighs and wear tight mid-thigh socks and skirts, am extremely gay, but I always shave my legs.
That ‘parents laughing at you for bettering yourself’ thing is so true. I was always made fun of by my family for trying to work out due to be bullied for being skinny. It made me want to quit. Can’t even go to the gym without fear of people staring at me and laughing now.
ok, that happened 2 days ago when I was talking to my mom about my ADHD issues (I wanted to discuss it with her and I still want to get tested) and I mentioned how I find hard to find motivation to do things (you know, because of the dopamine deficiency), and she straight up said "if you can't find motivantion to keep up with life, it would be best to end it". Thanks mom, it's not like I've been dealing with the feeling of being a burden and a failure ever since I was little, and that tooootally didn't made me feel so worthless to the point of crying cause I have rejection sensitive dysphoria -_- so yeah, my mom can be really toxic sometimes and she has a habit of taking her stress out on me and dad, so... =/
❤❤❤
My dad once said "you know, sometimes I'm embarrassed by you". That stuck with me
If he says it again go “ oh well it’s in your genes isn’t it?”
Wow, that’s pretty soft compared to what my parents have said to me. Still though it sucks when that happens.
My mom would always compare me with other kids so I responded by comparing her with other parents, the good news is that she doesn't do that as often now and she just calls me lazy.
Yoo I also did that too
I think the most toxic thing you can is "boy i miss those days" it doesn't make us think wow my life is so good no it makes us worried for the time we become adults
Far better to teach your child there will be good times and there will be bad times and how to deal with the bad times
@@themanicman8458 i agree
Or when they say "i had so much fun and then i had you." Even if they follow up with something like "and I’m glad" it still makes me feel like a burden considering she never says it nicely.
I told my mom to shut up a few days ago - after repeatedly asking her nicely to stop - because she wouldn’t stop listing things I needed to do. I was sicker than a dog at that point with a severe cold (possibly covid but she wouldn’t let me test since there was “no reason” due to me being homeschooled) and had a major headache. She then proceeded to yell at me to never tell her to shut up and then went quiet. Well, telling her to shut up was the only thing that got through to her so what else was I supposed to do?
That same day she also told my sister that she needed to clean her room since she was staying home. My sister was extremely burnt out and that’s why she was staying home. To rest. To take a day to herself. Needless to say she didn’t clean her room.
Also my grandma saying “you’re too young to be tired/be in that much pain.” Thanks gran, not like I have a genetic disorder that causes chronic pain/fatigue
One I got a lot was "You have NO IDEA what we sacrificed for you!" Really? What did you sacrifice? Your happiness? Your lives? Did my birth make you give up something precious that you're deeply bitter about? Golly gee, thanks for telling me!
"Sacrifice is what you have to be prepared to do when you decide to have kids. A mature adult would realize this and expect it, mom/dad."
It makes me so mad when my mom says stuff like "I feed you everyday" like YOUR SUPPOSED TO! THAT IS THE BARSE MINIMUM. Just because you feed me and give me a room, that does not make you an award winning parent!
@@elizabethbeasley7754 literally the same thing was said to me by my dad makes u think how some people shouldn’t be parents
In the words of Steven He, "You aren't Asian if you don't have crippling emotional debt."
The Asians don’t have the market cornered on this. I’m looking at you Jewish moms.
Lmao, I have asian parents and they always like to joke "99% Why you no get 100%? No food."
@@geoffreychauvin1474
*Slav moms have entered the chat*
Let's not forget perfection can frick you up.
(REALIZES)
$HIT WHEN'S MY 18th B'day?!
Try being West Indian . Overly critical to the point you just want to left alone and not spied on continually. And I’m only half West Indian so that felt doubly intrusive
I'm a tomboy and my dad told me to "stop fighting the [feminine] stereotype." It made me feel like I just wasn't good enough for the way I was. He also said that "every girl gets chubby on her period", despite me not being overweight whatsoever and having body dysmorphia. This hurt me so much, in fact, that I started cutting again because I thought I was fat and there was nothing I could do about it.
i'm so sorry :( i'm not a tomboy but a trans male and i understand where you're coming from. about the self harm...i get that too. i have been doing it for over 3 years and it's also because of my parent. i'm here if you need to talk, okay? stay safe.
u filipino?
@@billieeilish4735 Thank you. I hope that you're doing well, and I really appreciate your support.
"You can keep your worthless son, I'll take the daughter at least she's still salvageable." Courtesy of dear old dad during one of the arguments between him and mom during the divorce.
Damn thats sad
Poor daughter
@@thorfinn518 he didn't get to keep either of us. Custody was 50/50 but we both moved in with mom shortly thereafter.
@@Azhrei2 hope you get out quick
We both moved in with mom not long after the divorce was finalized.
As someone who is underage, has autism, and lives with a family who treat my older brother who is also autistic like a prince, it pisses me off when they say why I’m doing “bad” at school (I have had a’s and b’s for about to be four years now) and why I didn’t join any sports (sports aren’t my forte I’m interested in art and space) and how my brother did football for four years, and how he did amazing, yet they yell at me when I point out how he got detentions in high school for being rude to others. I didn’t even get one.
"life sucks then you die" said it all the time growing up "get used to it", way to fill your child with confidence about the future
“You’re going to live here forever because you’ll never be able to get enough money to move out. You’re going to be living in our basement.” -my parents
It made me believe that I’d never be successful and that I’d never get anywhere in life. I was 7+ when they started saying that.
They also said other things like “you’re such a burden.” “Taking care if you is so difficult.” “You are so spoiled.”
They would also tear my self esteem to shreds and when I was catcalled my parents ignored that it made me really self conscious and made fun of me for it.
They also never believed me when I was a child even tho 9 times out of 10 I was right. When I was about 6 years old I broke my arm and I started screaming and crying and my parents told me to stop overreacting and waited almost 2 days to take me to the hospital. Same thing happened when I got an ear infection and strep throat.
Edit: I just remembered something else that they would tell me and my sister a lot (I don’t remember this a lot because I tried to push it to the back of my brain. They told me and my sister that they had had enough of dealing with us and that they would drop us off at an orphanage and leave us there. I was 7+ :/
That's suck...
Im sorry to hear, i don't think i could live dealing with that, but im really concern, is there something going right now?
I hate when they say I'm spoiled when THEY PAY ME. When I help them watch my brothers when they are at work
I told my mom she was largely responsible for my ptsd, thats when I learned she was a narcissist. Immediately she began to blame me for it and tell me it was all my dads fault and used any examples I gave her against me and tried to beat me down with me abandoning her, how much she sacrificed, the works.
Luckily, when I told my dad he was also responsible, and he immediately tried to help me out and was filled with regret and guilt. Because he too has ptsd. Hell, he even apologized for it.
No one:
That kid who has no parents :
*... So...am I the bad guy for wanting parents?*
No, there are just a lot of bad guy parents out there. There are a lot of great parents and a lot of middling parents. If someone's parents don't do a lot of critical thinking I've noticed it takes about 3 or 4 kids before they start doing it without lasting damage.
@@NeflewitzInc yeah. Parents mostly do things to release their anger and they choose......CHILDREN!
Honestly, I'd rather not have parents. I feel like I'm stuck here until I'm 18
It's wild that my parents still think they're great parents when they're pretty shitty to me all the time. It's extremely awkward when we're watching a movie or show, and a scene like the one with Miles' dad at his dorm room door talking about his spark comes on. My mom always makes comments about how she parents like that or that that's what good parenting is like and gets this expression on her face I can't describe without feeling anxious, when in reality she gaslights and tries to control me all the time.
I felt this comment in my soul.
For me, its the opposite. If my family is watching a movie, and a part comes on with an example of someone being a shitty parent in a way that my parents chose to parent, then they'll comment on how shitty the person in the movie is lol.
But from someone who's been dealing with this for decades, I'm going to tell you right now and today- they will never see it any other way. Trying to "fix it with them" is a waste of time. In my case, a waste of a lifetime. Just get out and go as young as you can so you can enjoy a new world.
My mom threatened me with, "Do we have to send you to a hospital?" She was talking about a mental hospital and I think the fear of being sent to one was worse than the fact that she would consider it.
Me and my mom recently had an argument, and when she remembered I had suicidal tendencies (HAD being the keyword, I at least like to THINK I'm mostly over them) she thought it was a good idea to call me a coward and try to guilt trip me out of it. Yes. She literally tried to fix my problem by reinforcing the exact reasons why I was suicidal in the first place.
thats really toxic, there's so many better ways to deal with this situation and she picked this
"___ did better", "Why can't you be like ___?", "If I knew you'd be my child, I'd choose not to have you" or " k*ll yourself"
All of these have been said by my parents to me or my brother, and they still think they're in the right.
It hurts us both so much.
That hit hard
Oww..
This is making me think of the time that I was 7 or 8, my dad was having minor trouble with his job and had quit for reasons I never found out (we still had plenty of money saved up, so we were not in financial trouble), and my mom yelled at me that it was my fault my dad quit and he didn't have a job. When I was 17, she also screamed at me for wanting to go to college and basically threatened me if I said yes to the acceptance letter I got. Thanks for the support mom.
What?? If she doesn't want you to go to college then what else does she want you to do??
@@k4rn31ro8 stay with her for the rest of her life so she can use them for anything she may need and to control them probably
some parents are batshit crazy and will do anything to make their child stay with them even if they're old enough to move out
I’ve got an entire list here :
-Blaming you for unresolved issues (i.e. headaches)
-Threats to abandonment
-Death Threats (I’ve had it once)
-Pressuring you about you work at school (Homework)
-Blaming everything on you
-Saying you’re lazy while you sleep at 11:30 PM finishing that essay
-“It’s because of that damn phone”
-Comparing yourself to people like champions
-“I did this for your future”
-Make you do things you hate and supporting things you hate
-Being Unsupportive
-Gaslighting
-Leniency
-Blaming your good friends for making you sad,depressed instead of themselves
Mind you , I’ve received all of these at least once and my parents told me that my life is SO EASY.
My dad (understandably) really hated when we didn’t listen to him, but he would often blow up and say unnecessarily harsh, and sometimes manipulative, things when we didn’t listen:
One time I wasn’t cleaning my room, so he demanded the door stay open so he could watch and make sure I did. I tried to close it and he said “close that door, and die.” I was 10.
One time my windshield wipers stopped working during a bad winter. He told me I couldn’t drive it until it was fixed (I was 23 and the car belonged to me for context), I told him I needed to drive it to work at least, to which he responded: “well, when you kill someone because you can’t see I hope you feel like shit” as if I wouldn’t find any alternative if it the weather was bad. He didn’t offer any either.
One time my sister was going in for surgery (for those who don’t know you can’t eat past midnight the night before you’re put under), and she was trying eat dinner at about 8. My dad got angry and said she shouldn’t eat anything just to be safe, and when she was understandably annoyed, he just threw his hands up and said “gotta love how all my kids just hate me”
Sometimes you don’t even realize just how damaging that stuff is until you’re older.
like when you’re stressing out cuz your mama forced you to attend extra school and she slaps you for doing something wrong while saying “oh you made me waste my money on you (insert mentally damaging insult)” which makes you feel bad and you have to study x10 harder to make her proud even though you know you can’t cuz she’s super @bus1v3.
god damnit mama
constantly reminding me of the fact that she'll die before me. She used it to get her way so many times that I'd become numb to the thought of it by the age of 10. She always said things like "You should love me while I'm still here" and "I'll probably die soon, so you should be nice to me" (My mum is my best friend, and always has been, and I love her more than most kids love their parents, so constantly being told that one day I'll have to see her die... it fucked me up)
Been constantly told this by my grandmother. It just sucks that I know it's mainly an excuse to make me feel bad so I will go back to living in an abusive household. I know it's true, but if I go back I know I'm just reversing years of progress to become independent.
My mom said something similar. She wishes that she was dead so me and my brother would bad for not respecting her. She also said this over me not saying thank you for getting me things
@@deadaccount3809 I swear parents expect us to be grateful for them doing the bare minimum. "You never thank me for keeping you alive all these years" YEAH WELL GUESS WHAT BECAUSE OF YOU I DON'T WANT TO BE ALIVE YOU ABSOLUTE PEICE OF SHI-
Anyway I really think parent make us feel ungrateful for literally no reason at all and it's bad for our mental health.
My mother did something similar where if something upsetting happened or maybe I messed up slightly when she was in a bad mood, she would mutter things like wanting to kill herself or just straight up say to my face she was going to leave me. I am super attached to her and I'd give my life to make her happy. So hearing that just made me 10x more anxious.
"When I was your age I already worked since 6 carrying cows and studying on a horse, blah blah blah, your father used to wake up at 4 am to go to help sell newspaper... I had to stop working because you were born yaddah yaddah yaddah..."
Yep. Except my mom is a liar and lied about all of that
(confirmed by grandma. Rest in peace grandma)
One thing that really affects me that my parents said was “everyone is sad/mad because of you” I’ve been depressed(actually diagnosed)for about 2 years. My parents refuse to take me to a specialist, get me some help, or at least try to be nicer. They’re always yelling at me for simply existing. Then they blame me for being angry.
"You're just like your father"
Felt that one
Bruh anytime i messed up even the slightest my parents would constantly berate me and ask me shit like “Are you stupid?” And then later when I was a little older and tried telling them that it, among other things, hurt my feelings they would just laugh it off as a joke; despite none of the situations being funny in any way shape or from. If i pressed them on it, it was always a sarcastic “Oh, im *so* sorry did i hurt your feewings? I cant believe my child is so sensitive”
You know how it's cliche to say to people "don't give a fuck what others think, be true to yourself"?
Well, my mom said the opposite. I was struggling to make friends after moving to a new town & school and she told me that "sometimes you need to compromise on who you are in order to have friends"...
She would probably tell you she never said that, because to her it was just a passing comment and she forgot all about it, but I definitely remember. It was 6 years ago now, I still struggle with my self esteem and have to remind myself I don't suck and I don't have to change who I am.
...but it’s true. Popular people absolutely do this. Doesn’t mean it’s the correct decision, but it is a real question you do need to ask yourself. Maybe it’s worth it to push down behaviors that irritate other people. Maybe it’s not. But it’s a choice.
@@ThunderStruck15 1. It's absolutely not true, because you won't have friends just because you act like you're somebody else. I've tried that seen others try it, it doesn't work. And even if you do have people to hang out with, they're not really your friends because they don't know you.
2. It's not a question whether or not that's a bad thing, as telling people that they are not good enough to have friends as they are leads to stuff like depression, anxiety and more. I'd rather be completely alone but not be suicidal, thanks.
3. This might have been lost in translation (English is not my first language), but she did not phrase this as a question. She told me, on more than one occasion, that there are parts of me I have to change and can't let anybody see.
''Don't compromise yourself- you're all you have.''
-John Grisham
"I wish you were never born" and/or "I would send you away"
This creates major confidence issues and you kinda lose the sense of your existence and your reality .
@Gas Pack once I was away my mum begged for me to come back
So I think it would also be like that if they did
The one about how parents shouldn't insult your intelligence hit close to home. My mother's opinion means the world to me, as I emotionally cut my dad off a long time ago for being narcassistic and toxic. About 5 years ago, I messed up some paperwork and my mother had a complete spaz at me. She eventually calmed down and apologized. She then came home with some fish oil capsules, when my sister asked why she had those; and my mother said (with me in the room) "Because your sister is dense. She needs to start taking fish oil." Cut like a knife. I eventually confessed this to her that it once came up in therapy, she said she was sorry...but five minutes later tried to justify saying it.
My mother would also treat me like a kindergartener on their first day whenever I had something important to do/go (i.e. job interview or work placement). Insultingly simple shit like: "Remember to smile and speak clearly!" Like thanks...I'm in my 20's, I know how to human. Legit burst into tears on my way to job placement because of how stupid she made me feel.
“You were a mistake but your here now”
She always made sure I felt isolated and out of place in the family. She stresses me out so much a break out in hives.
"Youre lucky youre my child, anyone else would not put up with this" Or "I'm busy ask your dad" then "I'm busy ask your mom" It's not That bad but if it happens all the goddamn time it hurts cause you're always second after work.
diy
This actually happened yesterday, but I went to a rock show and won the first place prize for my display. It was this really cool, agatized wood belt buckle. The first words out of my mom's mouth were "you shouldn't have that, give it to your cousin."( Who had also made a display and didn't win.)
sometimes,my dad and my mom say jokes like: "we gonna make you two wear dogs cloths and we gonna give you to adoption" or "why do you invest in having you two, we don’t buy two bicycles?"
Me and my sister know this is just a joke,and the two love us, but this joke can be used as a toxic offensive sentence and can be the worst thing someone can say
Yeah- ‘jokes’ can be _really_ rough man..
Damn I still hate these jokes- it just puts me off, my parents eventually stopped due to my extremely negative reactions but it didn’t help my younger sibling liked to play along with the joke- even when it targeted the two of us most the time
@@twisted_tapestry bro,i not sad with this joke,i just saying this joke can be harmful for other persons
man the one about insulting intelligence and low esteem made me realize i have a toxic mother. she always brings up bad shyt upon me and starts calling me overconfident and egoistic whenever i become slightly more open and cheery with my words. and every new skill i learnt she'd use to make me feel inferior for "you dont become nothing better by learning a a few more things" and yeah. i just wanted to share with someone. thanks for listenin
The most common are arguably the worst. Such as:
"OH! look who´s finally out of the room."
"Your´e just crying to get attention."
"There´s always arguments whenever you come down/are here."
"You have a roof over your head, you get food, you have nice clothes, your´e so spoiled and yet you behave like this!"
"Okay..."