My dad was strict with me, to a point where my mom wouldn't let him be near me alone. When my mom divorced my father I needed to take care of my sister and be emotionally supportive for my mom at only 7yo. Then my stepdad came, and throughout my teens I was afraid of speaking up my mind on how reactive he responded throwing and breaking things. Even If it was unintended my mom and stepdad sometimes dismissed my emotions by laughing or "Are you going to cry?" or my opinions on things were rejected for being young. I'm 20, and after they had my little brother ten years ago, they have changed a lot the way they are parenting. Tho it's hard to accuse them, because in their eyes my stepdad is way better than my father, and it's true, but all together affected my childhood plus the toxic friendship that ultimately destroyed me leaving me with social anxiety. It's so hard to speak up and get rid of my fears, but step by step I think I'm building the inner world I have always wanted.
Going back and finding out where these tendency's come from is so important, it puts everything into perspective and gives a way out for healing from them. growing up with emotionally immature parents can destroy your life later on if you do not know about these dynamics.
I read that it tends to stem from a parent or caregiver who was inconsistent or conditional with their love or affection causing us to believe we had to be perfect at all times in order to "earn" their love. That seems to be the story for me anyway and explains why I go to great lengths to be EVERYTHING for any partner I have until so much mutual resentment grows that things just implode or dissolve. Being perfect is not real or possible and only creates false and brittle connections.
Feeling the pain of not people pleasing is uncomfortable, but I guess making room for feeling that state of ‘uncomfortable’ helps to build resilience if we keep an overriding attitude of love? Such a helpful video, so many insights -thank you.
I like to be on good terms with everybody. Therefore people pleasing feels often pretty good to me. But more important are my own boundaries. Thank you for teaching me, how to set them
How does one draw the line between being in service of others and people pleasing. Does this depend on how much I have in my emotional tank and whether I feel good about serving or the serving feels draining? I definitely want to straighten that out for my future thinking and behaving.
My dad was strict with me, to a point where my mom wouldn't let him be near me alone. When my mom divorced my father I needed to take care of my sister and be emotionally supportive for my mom at only 7yo.
Then my stepdad came, and throughout my teens I was afraid of speaking up my mind on how reactive he responded throwing and breaking things.
Even If it was unintended my mom and stepdad sometimes dismissed my emotions by laughing or "Are you going to cry?" or my opinions on things were rejected for being young.
I'm 20, and after they had my little brother ten years ago, they have changed a lot the way they are parenting. Tho it's hard to accuse them, because in their eyes my stepdad is way better than my father, and it's true, but all together affected my childhood plus the toxic friendship that ultimately destroyed me leaving me with social anxiety.
It's so hard to speak up and get rid of my fears, but step by step I think I'm building the inner world I have always wanted.
Going back and finding out where these tendency's come from is so important, it puts everything into perspective and gives a way out for healing from them. growing up with emotionally immature parents can destroy your life later on if you do not know about these dynamics.
I read that it tends to stem from a parent or caregiver who was inconsistent or conditional with their love or affection causing us to believe we had to be perfect at all times in order to "earn" their love. That seems to be the story for me anyway and explains why I go to great lengths to be EVERYTHING for any partner I have until so much mutual resentment grows that things just implode or dissolve. Being perfect is not real or possible and only creates false and brittle connections.
Feeling the pain of not people pleasing is uncomfortable, but I guess making room for feeling that state of ‘uncomfortable’ helps to build resilience if we keep an overriding attitude of love? Such a helpful video, so many insights -thank you.
Yes - 💯!
I like to be on good terms with everybody. Therefore people pleasing feels often pretty good to me. But more important are my own boundaries. Thank you for teaching me, how to set them
Love your video! Such helpful info presented very clearly. Thank you!
Thank you!
✅ very good video
I have this problem. It’s sad really.
🫶🏻
How does one draw the line between being in service of others and people pleasing. Does this depend on how much I have in my emotional tank and whether I feel good about serving or the serving feels draining? I definitely want to straighten that out for my future thinking and behaving.
Yes, the difference you‘ve described is it. People pleasing is at the cost of your own health, serving is within your limits.