To be fair, a lot of men tell women they're afraid of commitment because it's easier than straight up telling them they don't want a relationship with them specifically
It's because men are also conditioned to coddle women emotionally, often telling comforting lies to avoid egotistical responses, deter potential shame, ridicule and/or violence.
This is the truth. Even in the docs example, he just wasn't interested in the ladies that told him that. Telling him that was just their way of coping with his rejection. Seems like he was just overthinking the reason why they would tell him this, or he was just looking for an excuse for himself as to why he is continuing messing with those particular ladies, even though he isn't romantically interested in them. Granted, perhaps some men actually are afraid for various reasons, but usually, he is just trying to use the woman he won't commit to for quick sex.
That’s the real truth, because he’s guessing if it’s the right decision or not, and commitment means going all in on something where you’re trying to predict if it’s a good decisions not not just now but even in 50/60/70 years time. You must have a-lot of confidence she’s the one
Absolutely not. And this kind of thinking only re-victimizes their victims. There are some men who are simply second guessing their relationship and know deep down they don't want to marry her. That is not a true commitmentphobe. Commitmentphobes have extreme fears and anxieties from their upbringing/past trauma that have nothing at all to do with the partner they happen to be with.
Agree...as a man gets older, more successful, and provided he has never been married and does not want kids there is literally no reason to stop being a free agent
Men who are older and have never been married and/or do not have kids have extreme self esteem and emotional issues. So much so that they can not even make a relationship work. Thankfully they didn’t become parents
@@adiosmiamigo Probably because Sundown is a woman and rejected by every man after they get to know her. That, or her mental issues cause her to date men with mental issues. She's bitter.
You are correct that men do not fear commitment and make commitments all through life. Because men understand commitment; a decision, a rational process. Women view commitment as a feeling, and feelings can change as the seasons change (sometimes faster). This makes it very difficult for men to take a woman's offer of commitment seriously. We know there will be no real consequences for a woman breaking her commitment. But for men the consequences of the relationship ending are not so avoidable. Particularly if the man DID take her commitment seriously, and is now left with not only feelings of loss and/or abandonment but also betrayal. Which will make it all the harder for the next woman who might seek a relationship. Once bitten, twice shy.
I agree. And given that the majority of divorces in the USA are initiated by women (some stars I've heard) it looks to me like those women are the ones who have commitment issues, not the guys. To most people, being committed means continuing to put effort into something no matter what, EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO. If you quit because you don't want to do it anymore, then you were never committed in the first place. Somebody entering into a 'committed' relationship and then breaking up because they aren't happy or don't feel like it is absolute opposite of commitment. Instead, it is more like convenience. Many men are understandably hesitant about committing to a relationship because they know they can't leave, even if they want to - at least that's what a committed relationship is supposed to be. You're supposed to stick it out through thick and thin. That is reason enough to be very careful about entering into a commitment. When women are flaky and change their mind about a relationship, even one that they wanted in the first place and pressured the man for commitment, and give up when it is uncomfortable, that is something for men to be careful about, because they aren't seeing commitment the same way.
@@thecurrentmoment Same happened to me: commitment, wow, everything is fine and then some 10 years in the relationship ... boom: business trip to Japan, emotions, cheating .... Of course I look good as hell and men ask me: why don t you want to commit any more. Well: too much emotion on your side, sorry! Not interested.
This idea that men are just naturally commitment-phobic is nothing more than feminist theory. It's another attempt to pathologize male behavior rather than empathizing with it.
@@torkgems I take it you've never heard the stat about 70% of divorces being initiated by women? Or 40-50% of marriages ending in divorce? What a wonderfully ignorant statement you've made. As if only a 'true' 'alpha' male is 'strong' (read: stupid) enough to sacrifice a percentage of his income forever for a relationship that isn't worth it.
Women: He's afraid of commitment Men: I'm just not so into you... Women: Men are afraid of strong independent women Men: We're just not attracted to a manly woman
Unfortunately you’ve appropriated many aspects of adult humanity to the male side, leaving women with precious little to build on. That’s your problem not ours
@@joygibbons5482 Not really. What people call "strong, independent women" is just annoying bitches. They aren't actually strong, they just try to appear like that. It's the feminist who thinks she can armwrestle you. She's not strong but deeply insecure. If they were in touch with their feminine side they'd know where their strengths lie. But nobody ever taught them that. So it's complete nonsense. Men didnt appropriate all the grownup behaviour. If you think that you simply dont know what strong men and strong women look like. There is no competition between the sexes.
Yes, I'm fearful of commitment to a woman when she tells me she had her first 9 year marriage end in violence and her 2nd 15 year marriage end when she says "it worked until it didn't", but also said for the last 10 years of it, the marriage was sexless. The common denominator in those of her problems in those marriages, was that she was involved in both. She was a baaaadddd deal and I felt no remorse from walking away quickly....and silently.
Yea, what they don't understand is that as we get older we're just not as horny. This allows us to VET with a purpose and scrutinize RED FLAGS. Congrats on making the right decision.
I don't know if this is even tangentially related but I'm DEATHLY afraid of being with somone I'm not sure I 100% like and either 1: not leaving the relationship, being miserable 2: deciding I don't like them and breaking their heart.
I have done this an I am breaking my own heart as well, since I have been excited about her, but I began to have doubts at the six month mark. And she has been the sweetest girl to me, and not like she doesn't have takers, Im just having my own doubts.
Makes sense. It's how it should be. People must be sure, it's called being in love (not in lust), having a sense of certainty. If it's not there, it is not your person.
@@VladimyrfulI completely respect that, but also this is why if you’re not sure, you should accept being friends before being more. I’ve been asked by guys before who I clearly wasn’t sure about yet who I told I wanted to be friends with. Then they don’t even know how to have the tough conversations. We all need to be friends and get to know each other before jumping into this. If I can’t like you in general in a relationship I’m going to hate you.
I am a woman, and I concur. That’s one of the biggest issues that I have in today’s society, and I see it even amongst my close, personal friends. It does seem to be that whenever our relationship goes south, a woman will list everything she’s done for a man, failing to realize that relationships are not so much what you do or don’t do, but they are about chemistry And other things that we may not be able to express. It’s become popular to accuse a person of narcissism if you were good to them, and they ultimately did not want to relationship with you. Whatever I’ve been in a situation with a man I’ve never once accuse the person of being a commitment phobe. I pretty much knew that it did not mean I was a terrible or unattractive person. I just knew in my gut that the man was not feeling me as a lifelong partner. That is something that it seems women struggle with. Everybody talks about the weakness of the male ego, but I beg to differ. Women absolutely go nuts, when they are in love with a man, and he won’t choose them. I also think men can be better at sensing when a woman is truly in love, or the type of woman, who may genuinely be in love at the moment, but may not exhibit signs of emotional stability, meaning if she goes strictly by her feelings and passion, when those feelings change, she may not be the solid rock that most men want in a marriage. I’ve always felt a bit isolated from other women, because when you point these things out, they get extremely mad and you lose friends. The problem is even worse today, because women date and have sex with so many men, but I think after a while, it just destroys their self-esteem. I have all the sympathy in the world for anyone who has been rejected, but unless someone is cheating or physically or emotionally abusive, You cannot call someone a narcissist because you did a bunch of stuff for that person that they probably did not even ask or expect you to do. So many women and men today follow a playlist of what they think the opposite sex ones. If you’re a man, be on on time, preferably with a big bouquet of roses, and a box of chocolates. Worship her, tell her 24 hours a day how she is beautiful and that means if the woman has any sense at all, she will jump on marriage. For women, it’s basically in a lot of cases today, taking the bad boys and trying to literally live their lives for them. Help him find a job, loan him money let him borrow your car, have sex with him whenever he wants it and boom, she assumes he will feel obligated to marry her. Relationships really are not Based on what the person has or has not done for you. I think men choose partners, because they feel a particular woman will be a solid, and emotionally stable rock. A lot of men think women are very flighty, and they don’t trust. A woman will remain long-term. Surprisingly enough, it’s not always the most physically, beautiful woman that I made, and she was supposed to be his wife. I think men can sense that a woman is just auditioning for the role of wife because that’s how she feels in the present moment, and I think Matt are repulsed by it, although they probably are not able to expressed that. Essentially, he will commit just not to this particular woman for whatever reason. And then there are other men who do the opposite and Mary a woman simply because of her physical beauty and the social status, he thinks it will give her. Then he lives to regret it. But I think that is less common, and I could see a man who is not used to getting a lot of female attention, and who is not successful with women overall, jumping on the chance to wife up what he perceives to be a woman out of his league. There is an entire myriad of circumstances at play. Sometimes it is just simple chemistry. It’s very hard to fine relationships were both people feel strong about each other or an equal level. They always say the person who cares the least is the one with the most power. But there’s nothing you can do to change it if you feel strongly for a person, and the other person is lukewarm, at best about you
@@drewgonzales6969 You can't make chemistry and compatibility. Your argument that "there is no perfect partner" is completely irrational and flies in the face of empirical evidence. Just because no one is "perfect," or even "perfect for you," does not mean some are not a whole lot better for you than others. Some couples have a lot more chemistry/compatibility/goodness of fit than others. People bandy about these "just make it work" notions so recklessly, then they wonder about the rate of divorce. Massive PTH.
Plain and Simple. Thanks. I am a woman in fear of commitment or well after this analogy example I realize it’s not that I’m afraid, it is that I am unsure of his offer.
For me, it's a real fear of commitment in romantic relationships because I am survivor of divorce. I know what the family court looks like. I know what it feels like to fear decisions you do not get to make. And since, I have heard other countless horror stories from other divorced men who had it far worse than me. So to add to the discussion. A woman would have to prove that I would never be taken back to the family court. She can't... And that is to a guy who is now 13 years divorced. Five years since my last relationship. Now clear of all debts and issues from that marriage. When I see an opportunity for a new relationship I sieze up with anxiety. I have literally run away from women over it. And this is just me... But I have shared my thoughts with other guys and they have the same outlook. Girls are great for fun, but never to get serious with. Ever...
One bad breakup (or divorce) can be enough to turn men off of relationships for good. And this isn't all that great for women either, as it further reduces the pool of eligible men.
I’m 29 and I feel the same way going through the friend of the court. Knowing someone can play God with your life, or dramatically affect your income coz they’re being spiteful… it makes you not trust anyone. Coz had you know from the beginning, you wouldn’t have indulged, but how do we know??? I’d rather be free, live, build businesses, travel, not be bound by someone who can change up on you and severely hinder your life. Good luck brother.
The "commitment" issue is serious to women because they keep on attempting to seek commitment from Gigachad knowing (or not knowing) damn well that Gigachad doesn't need to commit to any one woman.
I'm curious to know how you feel attachment theory plays into this dynamic. An insecurely attached person, particularly a dismissive avoidant, by definition does have negative somatic, subconscious responses to commitment as a result of the inherent vulnerabiity it requires. This is often manifested in having unrealistic and unreasonable "standards" for a perfect mate that is "the one." I don't think, generally speaking, your "he's just not that in to you" point is wrong or invalid. But I think it's worth considering that there are, in fact, approximately 25 percent of the population (more if you count disorganized attachment style) that are, in fact, whether consciously or subconsciously, afraid of commitment.
Regardless of the answer to your question, the end result is that the person doesn’t want to be involved. Why does it matter so much what the reason is?
@@Thatsher21 Because I believe creating a paradigm where the fault of rejection always lies within oneself for not being a good enough offer is incredibly psychologically and emotionally dangerous, especially for people who may have insecure attachment styles or who struggle with the after effects of trauma. These people are already the most vulnerable to emotional and psychological manipulation and exploitation as it is. If one already believes at a core subconscious level they are unworthy, bad, abandoned, etc., telling themselves they have been rejected because _they_ were not a good enough "offer" for the other person can only reinforce negative self beliefs. So I think it is vital to consider whether the rejection is actually a function of the other person's _inability_ to engage in a healthy relationship. In which case, of course, no offer will ever be good enough for the rejector. But that still leaves the rejectee in a better place than them simply being sub-par and undesireable.
@@Shutzie27 I wholeheartedly agree with your statements. The person being rejected should take into account the person doing the rejecting. It may not be an immediate realization that the rejector could be flawed, however, in time, signs will most likely appear after one steps back from the situation. Just because one is rejected by one person does not mean that this will happen in all their relationships.
@@Shutzie27 if I may paraphrase your comment, it sounds like one should consider whether their rejection was because of factors within their control or outside of their control. That's what I think anyway. Your comment seemed to assume that if you are not good enough a deal that this is somehow intrinsic to you and therefore outside of your control, but I don't think this is right. To think so is disempowering but a lot of people seem to think like that. I think that if one realises they are getting rejected because they are not good enough of a deal then that is empowering, as long they can identify what needs to change and it's something in their control. That should be an empowering lesson, rather than disempowering. Most of the 'value' that one brings to a relationship can be improved and is within our control, the one exception being age or some unfortunate and unavoidable circumstance or disadvantage. But most things that men value are within the control of most women, e.g. weight, cooperative teamwork, empathy, cooling, homemaking, being supportive, patient, etc. It's all things that women can change, although it's not necessarily easy. I'm summary, one should identify why they are getting rejected and whether that is something they can control or not, and act accordingly.
The International Sisterhood of Withholding Women Union folded years ago and has been replaced by non-union, low wage labor. You can't give something away for free and later expect to charge premium prices in the same market.
Brilliant insight - as soon as you started introducing the concept of needing allies, then your word is your bond, a whole of things started to make sense to me as I saw what you were going to talk about. I had never really thought about it that way. Makes so much sense. Thanks. I especially liked the bit about a commitment involving a significant sacrifice and requiring adequate compensation. I will use some of these ideas to explain my perspective to women who assume they are my girlfriend after the first date. I think this would also apply to when men want a relationship from a woman and she doesn't - basically his offer isn't compelling enough
What woman assumes she's your girlfriend after ONE date??? I admit I like a guy quickly but has that actually happened to you? I hope you're exaggerating for comedic effect 😅
@@amandaforrester7636 well it was long distance and we were talking for a while before we met, but it's true that we actually only met once and she thought we were in an exclusive relationship. As far as I was concerned we were still getting to know each other. I could see where she was coming from but it was also pretty funny to me when I thought about being in a relationship after one date. She didn't tell me either, so I explained to a friend that "I just broke up with a girlfriend I didn't know I had" which was quite amusing
Not wanting to entangle yourself with a woman to the point at which you would bear significant costs (mental or financial) in extricating yourself from the arrangement is a perfectly rational risk adjusted evaluation of that arrangement particularly for men who don't want kids.
Yes, that is a hard pill to swallow but once accepted, it's freeing and allows one to develop oneself to be in a position of being acknowledged as valuable to invest in and commit to. Something I'm working on myself. Thanks doc 🙏
@@ouroboros2285 ☺️ thanks for the encouragement! It doesn't even take that long with God if one is spiritually oriented and open to Love's transformative hand. Much love and blessings to you!
I was with a girl who was a lovely person for years, and after a particularly nasty fall out. She went on tinder and was getting ran through the same week. It is frightening how they can turn on you. Just glad it happened now and not years from now
yeah it really is. I'm one of those people terrified of commitment. I don't trust them. Why would I? There's no value in it. I'm giving up everything for nothing. Makes no sense at all.
Thank u for making relationship matters in simplier terms. I understand things better coming from you...lol. The cat and milk theory and this offer on commitment makes it super easy to understand. I don't look at relationships the same way without struggle anymore. Even though I had most of it figured out. Your perspective makes it even more easier to understand. Just focusing on my own life now and what comes is what comes. 🥰😍🥰😍
I WANT to commit to a real woman but I am having difficulty finding any woman that will meet some reasonable standards that would make commitment worthwhile.
How high do those standards have to be? do you have like a basic list? at least we can get an idea because this whole thing is just looking like mission impossible
Well women initiate 70 percent of divorces in u.s.and 90 percent or so when college educated. The level of commitment simply isn't very likely to be reciprocated.
Exactly. And it really is no commitment if divorce is an option. That's like adding to marriage vows "until we change our mind and seperate". That's no vow at all.
Most people who receive privileged treatment are not going to say ''no'' for the sake of fairness to all. Requires character. But it's ruining things for all of us women.
Its laughable that, according to women, us men are just supposed to commit easily to the most malleable thing in the world, another person. 100% agree with Orion. Ladies, make a great offer.
The thing is though, our commitment comes easy and free if you ask for it early in life. At 17 it's easy to fall in love to a somewhat decent, somewhat beautiful woman. All women would have to do is to hold tight. But they won't do it at that age. They rather drop everyone ever interested in them only to complain about a lack of commitment at 30.
besides sex, what do most have to offer? hell, you can explicitly ASK them what they have to offer, and most will say the same things: companionship, i can cook/clean, freaky sex, etc. a man can BUY all of those things and not deal with the follow-up headaches.
It's the way us women are, we just need to feel our emotions enough and we'll commit. But we don't allow those emotions if the guy was not up to scratch. Do you see the difference here? Guy will still show the excitement and take it to a physical level just to dump us shortly afterwards for not being up to scratch.
Kevin Samuels used to talk about it (Rest in peace), men typically want women who are fit, feminine, cooperative/submissive, childless, virgin, pretty, those are the passive traits. Active traits : a woman that knows how to cook, clean, that’s ready to get on his plan and follow him, satisfy his needs in bed, be a family first woman, a lady that motivates him, be his peace, an helper, that’ll see where he lacks and elevate him. You have to complement him; he fills the masculine traits, you feel the feminine. You’ll probably read my response with disgust, but men still like what they used to like before feminism, we’re shamed for what we want, so we just shut up and avoid those women (shaming won’t change the way our biology works). Feminism has taught women to become like men, but just like you’re not attracted to feminine men, we’re not attracted to masculine women. The more a man makes money, the less he cares how much you make, if he’s rich you being in a work where you network for him could help, or secretary/management. You should check out his channel, it’s also entertaining because he talks to those women that can’t find high value men and KS explain to them that high value men don’t want masculine feminist women, he’ll tell you all you need to know on how to be perfect for an average man and a rich man.
Men will deal with masculine women, though, because they don’t have a lot of options, since they’re average and not that successful, But the top men (20%) majority of them will want you to fill all of those categories, because they have the leverage, they are the price and can easily find a woman that’ll do all those things for them. Those rich men also tend to have concubines.
That's really easy Sara, it hasn't changed since the dawn of time. It's hard to imagine you don't already know all the things you need to know. Ancy is right but it's usally alot easier. Men come for the looks and stay for the attitude. If you're young and good looking you'll attract tons of men. If you have a friendly and supportive attitude you have everything you need. Most women today don't know their place until they have kids. Most women today are of no support to a man whatsoever. If you want to be a superb woman (which might compensate to some degree for a lack of good looks), you might want to take advice from the women who've been most successful at locking down good men (1950s housewives). What were they supposed to be like? Friendly, good looking, supportive, silent and classy. Think of Betty Draper in Mad Men (just not quite as dumb). Think of what the man you want needs. If he should be a good worker with reasonable success, he probably doesn't need money. But to be successful he can't be at home all the time. So maybe someone who can make a home beautiful comes in handy. Maybe a young woman who can give him lots of children and actually wants to raise them would be great. It's really not that complicated. Just be what women traditionally are supposed to be. And don't ever listen to the feminists. The fact you're asking for advice is already a very good sign. If you want to see what the women you don't want to be are like, you can scroll through the comment section and look for the karens who're trying to argue with the guys. That's the combative, aggressive feminists who give women a bad reputation.
Some insight from a man twice divorced who has not had a date in 20 years---my choice. Today, with truly draconian divorce laws there is NO incentive for a woman to be well behaved in the process. Every man today has seen/heard of countless men who moved from a house he owned back to mom*s basement, or worse, lives out of his car, and have >half of his income confiscated by the courts, and cannot see his kids for years. The simple fact is that a man can adjust to singlehood very well. He has VERY little to gain from marriage and everything to lose, including his life. I personally know dozens of men, some in their early 20s, who have not had a date in years BY THEIR OWN CHOICE, and never will date. It is not that the juice is not worth the squeeze. There is no juice.
What if the person doesn't want a job (or commitment) to begin with? Doesn't matter what the offer is, if you don't want it, you turn it down. I understand what he is saying - I, a female, have a "fear of commitment" and somehow still attract men who want to settle down. But it's not just because I don't think their offer is not good enough but because I don't really want a lifelong commitment to begin with.
There’s nothing to do with what you are offering. People will go for the wrong offer even though knowing they are wrong. Nowadays there’s this idea that there’s something better which never comes. Man and woman just stay in this dating apps passing people just for the sake of the feeling that the next person will be better. They end up alone till they realize they are the problem.
There is a group of men and women waiting for that someone that will 'take their breath away' and are rejecting every option in front of them but what the Doc said is true for many others... what they currently have is not worth giving up for what they can get from having a relationship with the other person.
I disagree, though it could be the case at times. I think sometimes it's a matter of incompatibility in terms of personality, sex drives, quirks, communication style (or lack thereof). Also, everyone has some baggage...I take everything into account. But I think men after a certain age carry a lot of responsibilities and will hesitate to "add an additional one" (in their minds), no matter how high value the woman is, it's easier to carry on with her casually than changing their routines. I call it selfish. "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" type of thought.
I dated a man who told me with great admiration how his friend's wife is in business, raising two wonderful sons and is very beautiful herself, like a model. I understand that when you are told with admiration about such a woman, whether she exists or not, then this is approximately the ideal for which he himself would strive to commit. And yes, I am not that great for him.
I'm a man, and I'm not afraid of commitment. These days, fear of commitment applies to women, too. In fact, in my last relationship I was the one who wanted to commit more, whereas my then-girlfriend didn't.
Has she got unfinished business? This could be a reason. I met a guy I liked a lot but because there was someone else I couldn't forget I didn't respond so much
Women are often able to easily make me feel guilty even though I shouldn't feel guilty when I think about it logically. Do you have any advice for me on how to not feel guilty?
Thanks doc. I think many in the Western societies are married to their jobs - they would gladly sacrifice their time for their boss and to do well in their job on the expectation of a promotion or raise while to do sacrifice on a similar scale for their partner, then they ask themselves all kinds of questions - What am I getting out of this? Being busy all the time is seen as some kind of standalone achievement in itself!!!
My newish husband wasn’t afraid of commitment with me. I wasn’t all that interested in a relationship in the beginning. It was his idea…. I don’t believe I put any pressure on him…. I didn’t care about marriage…. Never married though had had opportunities in the past. I have a sixth sense about men and commitment…. You can see their struggle to see if ‘it’ is what they want…. And whether they will be ultimately rejected. I said yes. He later told me he wasn’t sure what my answer would be. 😊. In his past other women had pressured him with marriage and his one previous marriage was an unintended pregnancy…. She caught her man. He was planning to break up with her on the day he found out she was pregnant.
I keep my legs closed period. Until he comes with a discussion of commitment. Im not playing house. Getting feelings involved for a man who hasnt made a commitment. Fuc that
Simple explanation, if you going skydiving and the skydiving instructor said "there's 4 parachute but 2 of them will not open and you will die because you will spat when you touch the ground", will you still going jump? Marriage have 50% success/fail rate however man will lose everything he has if divorced happen.
I'm one of those people genuinely terrified of commitment. I met the girl of my dreams last year and I still pushed her away. Single forever, bros. Don't feel bad for me. It's just the way it's got to be I guess. I enjoy singlehood too much.
@@billyb4790 that's for you to decide...I think everyone wants to love and feel loved and to have companionship and someone who's going to stand by you when you're older. Sex will eventually stop, looks will fade, all there's left is companionship. Imagine yourself single for the rest of your life, you're now 80, no more sex, fun dates, your health is failing...are you going to be happy by yourself? I just don't want you to have regrets. I'd go after that girl, if I were you.
when a woman REALLY wants commitment and you decline or don't pursue her on that level, that's a big, big hit to her ego, and they do NOT like it. "how can he say 'no' to me? i'm ms. perfect!!!" lol. as the good Dr. said, "your offer isn't good enough for me to leave my current situation."
This is so true. Women are accustomed to men giving them whatever they want, such as constant attention, so when a guy doesn’t do that she doesn’t know how to handle it. Even ugly women get many men wanting to have sex with them, and the guy that doesn’t want it can shock her to her core
I avoid commitment, and dance around all commitments directed at me because they are hard to get away from and rarely present with the actual way it's going to be. If someone can't stand me or endure my selection process that's exactly what I was looking for. I'm not afraid of commitment, I absolutely loathe tricky, sticky, heavy growths of commitment
Commitment phobia or rejection of relationship could be a result of workaholism too - the ability to commit to your job and to the gym doesn’t mean you’re not a commitment phobe when it comes to love
He’s not a narcissist. He’s not an avoidant. He’s not afraid of commitment. He thinks he can do better than you, be that with another woman or his own peace. Doesn’t matter if the reason is compatibility, chemistry or something else. He doesn’t want you. Save your time and dignity and move on. Why would you want someone who thinks he can do better than you?
I think more often than not it is a fear of commitment for fear of missing out what may come- not because the "offer" is not good enough, but because there's this neverending, what if there is something better around the corner and I'm already "in a bond" . And I'm sorry, but comparing a relationship to an employment contract is very superficial. There's a difference between loyalty and commitment in a relationship and employment. After all there's something in the saying "I'm not married to this job"...
I respect men who doesn't want to commit and don't get women to fall in love with them by lying . I have seen some men single , no children and don't date at all...however they also mentioned that as they grew older they start to feel lonely and they see the need of having companionship. I still respect them because they didn't string along women lying to keep or use them ,same goes to women .
For some women ( *not all* ) a relationship and marriage is a status symbol... "I have a boyfriend who does this, my ring, wedding dress and wedding cost this" and after that passes, the reality of what it actually means to be a wife, companion etc is not socially glamourous so if the married life is not something that looks glamorous to her peers when posted on instagram, then its divorce and the alimony and child support can finance the new socially glamorous lifestyle. Another reason why commitment for men in the west is not an appealing option.
True, make that woman pass the loyalty test first. What I mean by that is not staging cheesy tests, but watching in real life situations how she responds and the level of character that shows, things the person says, etc.
Always gaslighting men. This is the same thing as saying he's "intimidated" to date a "boss babe". Thankfully people on these platforms are speaking up for men
Modern women do not need to give up anything to enter into a relationship with a man. She can even cheat, lie and steal from him and still society -- and often the law -- will continue to side with her. Modern men give up everything to enter into a relationship and can lose everything if it fails. Everything means, potentially: his freedom, his autonomy, his ability to have a relationship or casual encounter with someone else, his children, his life savings, his assets, his house, his future income and his retirement savings. This is the fundamental dichotomy of relationships these days. Women need to understand this situation and lower their standards back to reality. No man of any intelligence and certainly no man of value is ever going to enter into a relationship with a woman who has even the slightest hint that she might screw him over one day. The risk to men is just too great.
Depends on whatever that particular guy sees as valuable, but I think in general men are looking for a woman who can and will have and raise his children successfully, meaning she is fertile (aka hot) and nurturing (basically agreeable, compassionate, etc). Second to that would be loyalty and support - as he said near the start of the video, many things we want to accomplish require allies. He is asking himself of you will be an ally or a distraction. Some women take up so much time, energy, attention and even money that they really hinder a man's potential, instead of helping him to realise it. Those are the women men try to avoid getting into a relationship with, and I'd say those types of women are the reason for most men being hesitant about commuting to a relationship - he needs to know you will help him not hinder him. Women like attention from their partner, but too much attention seeking and demanding behaviour from her will only weigh a man down and will make it hard for him to accomplish anything. Your status, financial or otherwise, has little value to him, unless you can increase his status. His status is what leads to his success in life, I.e. his ability to get desirable women and provide for and protect his family. Men make money to start and support a family, so it's not that important how much you make, usually, unless it helps the two of you get established and live the life you want. But you working too much compromises your ability to raise children which is what a lot of serious guys are looking for. So extra money is helpful to a certain point, but when it starts compromising the successful raising of children it becomes detrimental.
@@thecurrentmoment Very good points. Here's my summary: As a man you want to work hard knowing that when you're done for the day you'll come home to a house in order with a hot wife waiting for you. When she's good with the kids and bought that two pound steak at a budget price for you, you know you're in heaven. Now consider that he's coming home after a stressful day so don't overburden him by telling him about your day. No man wants to fix problems at work all day only to come home to a wife to fix her problems. If life would be easier for him without you, you're doing it wrong.
The above points indeed make the offer agtractive to men but there is another problem outside the woman's control... laws and culture regarding marriage in the west. There are multiple reddit and yohtube stories of men that had wonderful, loving wives and over time became radicalized by women around them telling them that taking care of her home is domestic slavery and that she should divorce him, get alimony and child support and live the hot girl summer. Many men in the west have seen fathers, uncles, workmates, neighbors go through this and even the transition of the beautiful, attractive women to overweight, abusive, sex-depriving wives up to the point that they take half during a divorce. So even when the deal is so attractive, some will think that their life could be ruined after 10 years because of events outside of his control so some (not all) may still be reluctant even if the perfect partned appears.
This woman states early on she will never settle for less and leaves a good man. After hitting the wall, she finds that she is the issue and has little to offer a man.
Some women indeed do not want to be married or have children for various reasons and end up being content with their decision so we can not assume that tge lady that posted that she never wants to marry will regret her choice... However, I agree that many other women wrongly assume that because of all the offers that they receive in their youth that it will be the same in 30s or 40s or that the same way a man who has high socioeconomic status can marry and remarry even at 50 years old and assume that women can do that as well. So I agree that many women are not given realistic advice about their options at different ages but the lady who wrote may or may not be one of them.
@@ArmyWolves These women you speak of have no choice but to be content with being unmarried because they have no offers. They’ll settle for less due to guaranteed companionship. Humans are not made to be alone and we all want to be loved, needed, and appreciated.
How does a woman make their offer "good enough"? This is obviously going to be largely individualized but I'm sure a lot of ladies would be curious how to make their offer of commitment very appealing to a man (assuming that's what they want).
This is almost impossible. The woman needs to impress on him that she is, and always be, reasonable, not nag, not sleep around, not chunk up, etc.etc. She has to "promise" that life will not happen.
Women telling themsleves that a man is afraid of commitment is the functional equivilent of men telling themselves that women are playing hard to get. Nope. In both situations, the other person just isn't into you like that. Are those things true sometimes? Yes, but not at all nearly as often as people tell themselves.
I've known some guys, even myself, that don't care for commitment because they find the woman dull, it's just sex, but long term, they just don't care to talk to them soon enough and yet she wants commitment. Any take on this?
If she’s not mentally ill, has no personality disorders, not obese, emotional unstable, or has tons of baggage, THEN I’d commit but I have NEVER met a woman in all my years that did NOT have at least some of those issues.
i understand that sex would be considered a compensation. i am kind and supportive so i would hope that would be too. what are other examples of compensation?
Sex as a compensation creates a problem in that it will no longed an act of intimacy given generously but in exchange for something. When be buy something we pay and get that item in exchange and the seller cant ask to also use tge item they just sold... So if sex is a compensation to a man in exchange for, say a commitment tgen the woman cant complain about him too demanding in bed or that she isnt satisfied or he isnt doing what she wants because the man will be giving up other things he wants and earn money to buy things tge woman wants that he may not want like a $4,000 wedding ring, a bigger house, a big wedding and so on. Sex will become something that you owe him and he will work and he in return gives you something you want. oh and in such an arrangemnt you cant lure in someone with amazing varied sex only to switch to starfish style or let yourself become overweight when you will still expect him to maintain his socioeconomic status for the rest of the time you are married. That would be like him luring you with a great salary abd after you are married, older and have children he decides that working to maintain the lifestyle that he used to lure you requires working 70hours a week so he will cut down on hours hence reduced salary and so certain expenses will have to be cut... and its not open for discussion and its final.
If a man says that a woman is "afraid of commitment," everyone instantly assumes that it is because he just isn't good enough for her. Women are much more able to complain about men not wanting commitment, without being told that she just isn't good enough for him. The problem is, that many men will string a woman along because he wants to have sex with her or to continue having sex with her without wanting a commitment. There are also women who stay with their boyfriends while fully being conscious that she will leave him when she finds someone she likes more. Nowadays, a smaller and smaller fraction of men are deemed relationship worthy by women. These men have copious options, and are therefore reluctant to commit to any one woman.
@@hanswurscht6625 my grandfather said something along this line. He had nothing because he married young, but then he built his life with my grandmother hence he didn’t have issues changing things if needed because my grandmother was there from day one playing an important role in helping him grow and have the life he wanted. He insinuated he wouldn’t be so welcoming of many things she ended up getting off him if he was dating her when he was 30 or 40 and had so much more going for him in life
Women who complain about commitment are mostly women in their late 20 and early 30s. They realize their biological clock is ticking ever faster so they try and press a man into a commitment, and often it's a man who knows he can do better, like get a younger woman. Best to want a commitment when your SMV is still super high.
Exactly. And "better" often times is simply younger. I know former models my age (I'm 36) I'd have loved to date 10 years ago, but would never commit to today. There is just no point in commitment when she has a kid from another man and probably won't be able to bear yours.
Yes, this is true! However, in my opinion it's very important to be able to know the difference between men who are not willing to give up their single life and still want the woman to give to them all just as in a relationship, to those that reject the woman because she's not the deal for them. The latter is fair, undersandable and ok, while the other type can harm one's self worth in a major way, ending up most probably thinking that she's the problem, and the one that just doesn't worth it.
If a person can not handle the pain of rejection then they should not enter a relationship. Someone can still break up with you after they chose you in the beginning.
So he currently has me for seven years in a relationship where we live together for seven years almost I had access his wife we have a lot of shared interest we enjoy each other’s company, so why no commitment to marriage? Because he already has me or he is still waiting for something better to come along
Men are SLOW to commit, while women often "fall in love" super quick... while they know next to nothing of the man at that point. But the irony is that when men finally commit, usually the women lose attraction fairly soon after. Men might easily commit at first and be reluctant to do so, but for long term relationships, marriages, kids together, stats clearly show women break most of these relationships, by a long ways too. So yet another criticism that's off the mark. And it's why most men don't even care anymore, having had their hearts broken when fully engaged, just to see their ex with a new BF super fast. I really think it's social pressure that made couples last in the past. Nowadays, there is none.
I agree society plays a role in marriage and relationships. Culture, social, legal, economic. For many western countries hooking up, divorce is not only socially accptable but celebrated as being empowered and true to yourself and incentivized through assets, alimony and child support that a spouse can receive from the other spouse in a divorce.
@@ArmyWolves the norm used to be that divorce was scorned, and women would look at other women in a dirty way if they found out the other woman was divorced or had been divorced. And marriage conferred status to couples. When this culture went away it’s no surprise women stopped valuing marriage and commitment (aka no divorce) the way they used to, and men have reacted.
In your ruins, you just don't have much to offer. If someone takes you there, he is the right one. But if he returnes only when you have risen from your ashes, he won't get that offer, anymore. Just an answer: Time for you to go.
Yeah why do women say this that I am afraid of committment. I just don’t want to eat mars bars for the rest of my life. I want to eat the various deserts on offer. Why would I be afraid to commit to one mars bar, I simply want to eat a dairy milk and a twix every now and again too. However if I come across a new chocolate bar that tastes so damn good i don’t need to ever consider any other sweets or chocolate ever again I will consider it but it better be good and not only tastes good but also not have a bad attitude towards me.
Hm..Im a woman, and I have trouble with commitment too..I run for the hills faster than then the wind.. I have other female friends that do the same thing..are the rules, or the roles turning around?
Women have tried turning the s-xual values upside down and have mostly succeeded but the roles can't change since men can't bear children. The only way this works is that a man takes care of the family when the woman is pregnant and takes cares of the infants, and children as the primary caregiver.
Women are coded to be hypergamous- i.e. chase the best option they can get. A man approaching a woman for a relationship is akin to a woman approaching a man for sex immediately- it's a red flag. There's something 'wrong' about the partner if they are giving away for free what should be difficult to obtain. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships and women are the gatekeepers of sex. If the gate's wide open that's not a good sign for commitment from either side.
Not sure if I would call it a role reversal but I think it has always been the case as women have rejected offers and proposals from men that they felt were unsuitable for them. If the men rejected do not meet your requirements then that just means you want a commitment but have not found someone suitable... but if men that meet your requirements but you simply reject them out of anxiety or inexplicable reason then that could be a fear commitment or other problem.
The offer is only not good enough once they’ve already expended the usage of the woman. No surprises… Women, stop giving yourself away to these men. They have options so can you blame them?
I’m certainly committed to the gym, my business and my word, however they all enhance me as a person and my individuality and freedoms. However I’m terrified of a committed relationship, no matter how good the guy, as it’s a completely different commitment dynamic. Past relationship traumas should also be thrown in the equation here maybe 🤔 Not to mention decision paralysis due to all the access we have to people on apps.
I think decision paralysis is a fair hurdle for women in a modern context- but I'd also note that there's fewer 'real' options than it appears. Many, many men will respond to a woman on dating apps when they are horny (which for men is almost a constant), even if said men are ridiculously out of their league and/or simply not looking for a relationship. Generally though your problem (from a female perspective) is non-existent as men are the gatekeepers of relationships. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. If a man is approaching a woman for a relationship that she does not want, he is approaching from a position of weakness and insecurity/he just wants out of the dating game. It's about as much of a red flag as a woman offering sex on the first date without the man expressing any interest.
@Michelle Smith.. Exactly what Dr. Taraban said where if what is offered by a relationship will not i. prove your situation significantly there will be a reluctance to enter into it... whether male or female.
Woman: Wanna buy a car with 250,000 miles, major issues, in need of serious body work fir $500,000 cash? Man: No Woman:YOU'RE AFRAID OF COMMITMENT! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Don't listen to this guys- this whole "They are just not that into you." movement is getting OLD. Although there are some delusional rejected people who need to hear this type of truth- this is without a doubt half the time not always the case. The person that rejected you could be suffering trauma, depression, a s3x addiction. Sort of like how in my late 20s I stayed away from college age types because i knew how over swamped their life was with college change career building ect. Its not about your offer - its about the offer that person is currently offering themselves! I for one am not ready for love but ill go on these apps talk to people- 'feel' it out and see if anyone can steer my own self confirmed notion that im not ready - but guess what no one can change it but me.
Couples need to meet no longer than their late 20's at the latest. Once men get into their 30's, you've got your own place with a mortgage & commitments...a failed marriage or break up involving a child will lead to the man's assets being transferred over & the man is back to square one almost.
Coercion, manipulation & intimidation are ‘of the Devil’. 2 Corinthians 3:15-18 King James Version 15 But even unto this day, when Moses is read, the vail is upon their heart. 16 Nevertheless when it shall turn to the Lord, the vail shall be taken away. 17 Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
One must recognize that exposing Devilish Deeds in total allegiance & dependence upon Christ Jesus can very well be perceived in a ‘bad light’ by the Embodiments of Wickedness whom very much enjoy deceiving themselves & the people in their charge. Ephesians 5:11-13 King James Version 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. 12 For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. 13 But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. 2 Timothy 1:7 King James Version 7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 1 Timothy 1:5 King James Version 5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned: Fair warning messages ARE an act of love weather the recipients like it or not.
1 Timothy 1:5 King James Version 5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned: Biden dodges reporters after question on COVID-19 origin: 'Will you hold China accountable?' Alexander Hall | Fox News Published on March 04, 2023 "The question of how this pandemic began is the most important question in the world, and we should not continue to waste precious time waiting for the Chinese Communist Party to suddenly cooperate with U.S. officials and open up access to the Wuhan Institute of Virology," Gallagher added. "It’s time for Congress to act and force the administration to declassify the relevant intelligence surrounding the pandemic."
To be fair, a lot of men tell women they're afraid of commitment because it's easier than straight up telling them they don't want a relationship with them specifically
It's because men are also conditioned to coddle women emotionally, often telling comforting lies to avoid egotistical responses, deter potential shame, ridicule and/or violence.
@@Kreymore 100% real talk.
This is the truth. Even in the docs example, he just wasn't interested in the ladies that told him that. Telling him that was just their way of coping with his rejection. Seems like he was just overthinking the reason why they would tell him this, or he was just looking for an excuse for himself as to why he is continuing messing with those particular ladies, even though he isn't romantically interested in them.
Granted, perhaps some men actually are afraid for various reasons, but usually, he is just trying to use the woman he won't commit to for quick sex.
Its basically when a man friendzones a woman
Fear of commitment lie = "It's me not you."
He's not afraid of commitment, he just doesn't want commitment with you.
Exactly!! 👍
Or more like He doesnt want commitment with anyone.
@@fishseller. no, just you
That’s the real truth, because he’s guessing if it’s the right decision or not, and commitment means going all in on something where you’re trying to predict if it’s a good decisions not not just now but even in 50/60/70 years time. You must have a-lot of confidence she’s the one
Absolutely not. And this kind of thinking only re-victimizes their victims. There are some men who are simply second guessing their relationship and know deep down they don't want to marry her. That is not a true commitmentphobe. Commitmentphobes have extreme fears and anxieties from their upbringing/past trauma that have nothing at all to do with the partner they happen to be with.
Agree...as a man gets older, more successful, and provided he has never been married and does not want kids there is literally no reason to stop being a free agent
Men who are older and have never been married and/or do not have kids have extreme self esteem and emotional issues. So much so that they can not even make a relationship work. Thankfully they didn’t become parents
@@sundown6748 Your claim is based on what exactly?
@@sundown6748 cat lady
@@adiosmiamigo Probably because Sundown is a woman and rejected by every man after they get to know her. That, or her mental issues cause her to date men with mental issues. She's bitter.
@@adiosmiamigomy guess would be conservatism...... which is proven by scieGod
You are correct that men do not fear commitment and make commitments all through life. Because men understand commitment; a decision, a rational process. Women view commitment as a feeling, and feelings can change as the seasons change (sometimes faster). This makes it very difficult for men to take a woman's offer of commitment seriously. We know there will be no real consequences for a woman breaking her commitment. But for men the consequences of the relationship ending are not so avoidable. Particularly if the man DID take her commitment seriously, and is now left with not only feelings of loss and/or abandonment but also betrayal. Which will make it all the harder for the next woman who might seek a relationship. Once bitten, twice shy.
Wow
I agree.
And given that the majority of divorces in the USA are initiated by women (some stars I've heard) it looks to me like those women are the ones who have commitment issues, not the guys.
To most people, being committed means continuing to put effort into something no matter what, EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO. If you quit because you don't want to do it anymore, then you were never committed in the first place.
Somebody entering into a 'committed' relationship and then breaking up because they aren't happy or don't feel like it is absolute opposite of commitment. Instead, it is more like convenience.
Many men are understandably hesitant about committing to a relationship because they know they can't leave, even if they want to - at least that's what a committed relationship is supposed to be. You're supposed to stick it out through thick and thin. That is reason enough to be very careful about entering into a commitment.
When women are flaky and change their mind about a relationship, even one that they wanted in the first place and pressured the man for commitment, and give up when it is uncomfortable, that is something for men to be careful about, because they aren't seeing commitment the same way.
@@thecurrentmoment Same happened to me: commitment, wow, everything is fine and then some 10 years in the relationship ... boom: business trip to Japan, emotions, cheating ....
Of course I look good as hell and men ask me: why don t you want to commit any more. Well: too much emotion on your side, sorry! Not interested.
+1 I have flat affect and just can't fathom how women's decisions based on emotions makes sense
This idea that men are just naturally commitment-phobic is nothing more than feminist theory. It's another attempt to pathologize male behavior rather than empathizing with it.
Paraphrasing Chris Rock: " _I don't fear commitment, i fear the judiciary system_ "
What a beta mindset lmao
@@torkgems I take it you've never heard the stat about 70% of divorces being initiated by women? Or 40-50% of marriages ending in divorce?
What a wonderfully ignorant statement you've made. As if only a 'true' 'alpha' male is 'strong' (read: stupid) enough to sacrifice a percentage of his income forever for a relationship that isn't worth it.
Acknowledging that divorce court destroys man is not Beta. In fact it's Beta to pursue marriage ...
@@dickdilligaf9240it's not true.fight it out in court. What's wrong with you?
@@torkgemscuckkkk
Women: He's afraid of commitment
Men: I'm just not so into you...
Women: Men are afraid of strong independent women
Men: We're just not attracted to a manly woman
Unfortunately you’ve appropriated many aspects of adult humanity to the male side, leaving women with precious little to build on. That’s your problem not ours
@@joygibbons5482 Yeah. We say no to domineering, nagging, narcissistic women. Better to go it alone and be content than be miserable together.
No vvomen would agree to that tho 🤣💀🤣
Women: He's gay
Men: I'm just not into you at all
@@joygibbons5482 Not really. What people call "strong, independent women" is just annoying bitches. They aren't actually strong, they just try to appear like that. It's the feminist who thinks she can armwrestle you. She's not strong but deeply insecure. If they were in touch with their feminine side they'd know where their strengths lie. But nobody ever taught them that.
So it's complete nonsense. Men didnt appropriate all the grownup behaviour. If you think that you simply dont know what strong men and strong women look like. There is no competition between the sexes.
Yes, I'm fearful of commitment to a woman when she tells me she had her first 9 year marriage end in violence and her 2nd 15 year marriage end when she says "it worked until it didn't", but also said for the last 10 years of it, the marriage was sexless. The common denominator in those of her problems in those marriages, was that she was involved in both. She was a baaaadddd deal and I felt no remorse from walking away quickly....and silently.
Yea, what they don't understand is that as we get older we're just not as horny. This allows us to VET with a purpose and scrutinize RED FLAGS.
Congrats on making the right decision.
My dude, what type of woman are you going for😂9 years of marriage plus another 10 years😢sheesh😅that alone puts her in her late thirties😢
@@wellingtonnkata-cy2ll She's 62. There was a gap between her first and 2nd marriage of supposedly 15 years,
I don't know if this is even tangentially related but I'm DEATHLY afraid of being with somone I'm not sure I 100% like and either 1: not leaving the relationship, being miserable 2: deciding I don't like them and breaking their heart.
I have done this an I am breaking my own heart as well, since I have been excited about her, but I began to have doubts at the six month mark. And she has been the sweetest girl to me, and not like she doesn't have takers, Im just having my own doubts.
@@Tupemo Maaan that sucks so bad. Sorry to hear that.
Same and I'm a girl
Makes sense. It's how it should be. People must be sure, it's called being in love (not in lust), having a sense of certainty. If it's not there, it is not your person.
@@VladimyrfulI completely respect that, but also this is why if you’re not sure, you should accept being friends before being more. I’ve been asked by guys before who I clearly wasn’t sure about yet who I told I wanted to be friends with. Then they don’t even know how to have the tough conversations. We all need to be friends and get to know each other before jumping into this. If I can’t like you in general in a relationship I’m going to hate you.
I am a woman, and I concur. That’s one of the biggest issues that I have in today’s society, and I see it even amongst my close, personal friends. It does seem to be that whenever our relationship goes south, a woman will list everything she’s done for a man, failing to realize that relationships are not so much what you do or don’t do, but they are about chemistry And other things that we may not be able to express. It’s become popular to accuse a person of narcissism if you were good to them, and they ultimately did not want to relationship with you. Whatever I’ve been in a situation with a man I’ve never once accuse the person of being a commitment phobe. I pretty much knew that it did not mean I was a terrible or unattractive person. I just knew in my gut that the man was not feeling me as a lifelong partner. That is something that it seems women struggle with. Everybody talks about the weakness of the male ego, but I beg to differ. Women absolutely go nuts, when they are in love with a man, and he won’t choose them. I also think men can be better at sensing when a woman is truly in love, or the type of woman, who may genuinely be in love at the moment, but may not exhibit signs of emotional stability, meaning if she goes strictly by her feelings and passion, when those feelings change, she may not be the solid rock that most men want in a marriage. I’ve always felt a bit isolated from other women, because when you point these things out, they get extremely mad and you lose friends. The problem is even worse today, because women date and have sex with so many men, but I think after a while, it just destroys their self-esteem. I have all the sympathy in the world for anyone who has been rejected, but unless someone is cheating or physically or emotionally abusive, You cannot call someone a narcissist because you did a bunch of stuff for that person that they probably did not even ask or expect you to do. So many women and men today follow a playlist of what they think the opposite sex ones. If you’re a man, be on on time, preferably with a big bouquet of roses, and a box of chocolates. Worship her, tell her 24 hours a day how she is beautiful and that means if the woman has any sense at all, she will jump on marriage. For women, it’s basically in a lot of cases today, taking the bad boys and trying to literally live their lives for them. Help him find a job, loan him money let him borrow your car, have sex with him whenever he wants it and boom, she assumes he will feel obligated to marry her. Relationships really are not Based on what the person has or has not done for you. I think men choose partners, because they feel a particular woman will be a solid, and emotionally stable rock. A lot of men think women are very flighty, and they don’t trust. A woman will remain long-term. Surprisingly enough, it’s not always the most physically, beautiful woman that I made, and she was supposed to be his wife. I think men can sense that a woman is just auditioning for the role of wife because that’s how she feels in the present moment, and I think Matt are repulsed by it, although they probably are not able to expressed that. Essentially, he will commit just not to this particular woman for whatever reason. And then there are other men who do the opposite and Mary a woman simply because of her physical beauty and the social status, he thinks it will give her. Then he lives to regret it. But I think that is less common, and I could see a man who is not used to getting a lot of female attention, and who is not successful with women overall, jumping on the chance to wife up what he perceives to be a woman out of his league. There is an entire myriad of circumstances at play. Sometimes it is just simple chemistry. It’s very hard to fine relationships were both people feel strong about each other or an equal level. They always say the person who cares the least is the one with the most power. But there’s nothing you can do to change it if you feel strongly for a person, and the other person is lukewarm, at best about you
You can find chemistry or you can make chemistry their is no perfect partner it depends
@@drewgonzales6969 You can't make chemistry and compatibility.
Your argument that "there is no perfect partner" is completely irrational and flies in the face of empirical evidence.
Just because no one is "perfect," or even "perfect for you," does not mean some are not a whole lot better for you than others. Some couples have a lot more chemistry/compatibility/goodness of fit than others.
People bandy about these "just make it work" notions so recklessly, then they wonder about the rate of divorce. Massive PTH.
Plain and Simple. Thanks. I am a woman in fear of commitment or well after this analogy example I realize it’s not that I’m afraid, it is that I am unsure of his offer.
True
For me, it's a real fear of commitment in romantic relationships because I am survivor of divorce. I know what the family court looks like. I know what it feels like to fear decisions you do not get to make. And since, I have heard other countless horror stories from other divorced men who had it far worse than me.
So to add to the discussion. A woman would have to prove that I would never be taken back to the family court. She can't...
And that is to a guy who is now 13 years divorced. Five years since my last relationship. Now clear of all debts and issues from that marriage. When I see an opportunity for a new relationship I sieze up with anxiety. I have literally run away from women over it.
And this is just me... But I have shared my thoughts with other guys and they have the same outlook. Girls are great for fun, but never to get serious with. Ever...
One bad breakup (or divorce) can be enough to turn men off of relationships for good. And this isn't all that great for women either, as it further reduces the pool of eligible men.
I don’t blame you. That’s tough sledding
I love my money too much to throw it away on american women. On the other hand I want a normal life. Damned if you do damned if you don't
I’m 29 and I feel the same way going through the friend of the court. Knowing someone can play God with your life, or dramatically affect your income coz they’re being spiteful… it makes you not trust anyone. Coz had you know from the beginning, you wouldn’t have indulged, but how do we know??? I’d rather be free, live, build businesses, travel, not be bound by someone who can change up on you and severely hinder your life. Good luck brother.
@@PTO_Finesse correct they can change and often do given the opportunity
The "commitment" issue is serious to women because they keep on attempting to seek commitment from Gigachad knowing (or not knowing) damn well that Gigachad doesn't need to commit to any one woman.
I'm curious to know how you feel attachment theory plays into this dynamic. An insecurely attached person, particularly a dismissive avoidant, by definition does have negative somatic, subconscious responses to commitment as a result of the inherent vulnerabiity it requires. This is often manifested in having unrealistic and unreasonable "standards" for a perfect mate that is "the one."
I don't think, generally speaking, your "he's just not that in to you" point is wrong or invalid. But I think it's worth considering that there are, in fact, approximately 25 percent of the population (more if you count disorganized attachment style) that are, in fact, whether consciously or subconsciously, afraid of commitment.
Regardless of the answer to your question, the end result is that the person doesn’t want to be involved. Why does it matter so much what the reason is?
@@Thatsher21 Because I believe creating a paradigm where the fault of rejection always lies within oneself for not being a good enough offer is incredibly psychologically and emotionally dangerous, especially for people who may have insecure attachment styles or who struggle with the after effects of trauma. These people are already the most vulnerable to emotional and psychological manipulation and exploitation as it is.
If one already believes at a core subconscious level they are unworthy, bad, abandoned, etc., telling themselves they have been rejected because _they_ were not a good enough "offer" for the other person can only reinforce negative self beliefs.
So I think it is vital to consider whether the rejection is actually a function of the other person's _inability_ to engage in a healthy relationship. In which case, of course, no offer will ever be good enough for the rejector. But that still leaves the rejectee in a better place than them simply being sub-par and undesireable.
@@Shutzie27 I wholeheartedly agree with your statements. The person being rejected should take into account the person doing the rejecting. It may not be an immediate realization that the rejector could be flawed, however, in time, signs will most likely appear after one steps back from the situation. Just because one is rejected by one person does not mean that this will happen in all their relationships.
@@Shutzie27 You're quite eloquent and insightful. I like you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
@@Shutzie27 if I may paraphrase your comment, it sounds like one should consider whether their rejection was because of factors within their control or outside of their control. That's what I think anyway.
Your comment seemed to assume that if you are not good enough a deal that this is somehow intrinsic to you and therefore outside of your control, but I don't think this is right.
To think so is disempowering but a lot of people seem to think like that. I think that if one realises they are getting rejected because they are not good enough of a deal then that is empowering, as long they can identify what needs to change and it's something in their control. That should be an empowering lesson, rather than disempowering. Most of the 'value' that one brings to a relationship can be improved and is within our control, the one exception being age or some unfortunate and unavoidable circumstance or disadvantage. But most things that men value are within the control of most women, e.g. weight, cooperative teamwork, empathy, cooling, homemaking, being supportive, patient, etc. It's all things that women can change, although it's not necessarily easy.
I'm summary, one should identify why they are getting rejected and whether that is something they can control or not, and act accordingly.
The International Sisterhood of Withholding Women Union folded years ago and has been replaced by non-union, low wage labor. You can't give something away for free and later expect to charge premium prices in the same market.
lol you nailed it xD
Brilliant insight - as soon as you started introducing the concept of needing allies, then your word is your bond, a whole of things started to make sense to me as I saw what you were going to talk about. I had never really thought about it that way. Makes so much sense. Thanks.
I especially liked the bit about a commitment involving a significant sacrifice and requiring adequate compensation.
I will use some of these ideas to explain my perspective to women who assume they are my girlfriend after the first date.
I think this would also apply to when men want a relationship from a woman and she doesn't - basically his offer isn't compelling enough
What woman assumes she's your girlfriend after ONE date??? I admit I like a guy quickly but has that actually happened to you? I hope you're exaggerating for comedic effect 😅
@@amandaforrester7636 well it was long distance and we were talking for a while before we met, but it's true that we actually only met once and she thought we were in an exclusive relationship. As far as I was concerned we were still getting to know each other.
I could see where she was coming from but it was also pretty funny to me when I thought about being in a relationship after one date.
She didn't tell me either, so I explained to a friend that "I just broke up with a girlfriend I didn't know I had" which was quite amusing
One of your better videos. Truth is beauty.
Not wanting to entangle yourself with a woman to the point at which you would bear significant costs (mental or financial) in extricating yourself from the arrangement is a perfectly rational risk adjusted evaluation of that arrangement particularly for men who don't want kids.
Yes, that is a hard pill to swallow but once accepted, it's freeing and allows one to develop oneself to be in a position of being acknowledged as valuable to invest in and commit to. Something I'm working on myself. Thanks doc 🙏
Can you summarise that in 10 words or less?
Great attitude.
Attagirl. With that attitude you’ll be a gem in a couple years of hard work and self reflection.
@@ouroboros2285 ☺️ thanks for the encouragement! It doesn't even take that long with God if one is spiritually oriented and open to Love's transformative hand. Much love and blessings to you!
@@ouroboros2285 the 'hard work' will be creating the list of what men need to do to qualify to her.
I was with a girl who was a lovely person for years, and after a particularly nasty fall out. She went on tinder and was getting ran through the same week. It is frightening how they can turn on you. Just glad it happened now and not years from now
yeah it really is. I'm one of those people terrified of commitment. I don't trust them. Why would I? There's no value in it. I'm giving up everything for nothing. Makes no sense at all.
And what exactly was your part in this nasty fallout? Flip the tables and take some accountability exactly like this video is preaching.
Thank u for making relationship matters in simplier terms. I understand things better coming from you...lol. The cat and milk theory and this offer on commitment makes it super easy to understand. I don't look at relationships the same way without struggle anymore. Even though I had most of it figured out. Your perspective makes it even more easier to understand. Just focusing on my own life now and what comes is what comes. 🥰😍🥰😍
Sometimes the truths that are the hardest to hear are the most necessary to hear. Thanks for not sugarcoating this one Doc!
Great video! Men are shamed nowadays for having standards.
Well said! This is one of my favourite vidoes on this channel, good job!
I WANT to commit to a real woman but I am having difficulty finding any woman that will meet some reasonable standards that would make commitment worthwhile.
How high do those standards have to be? do you have like a basic list? at least we can get an idea because this whole thing is just looking like mission impossible
If no woman on planet Earth (who is interested in you) meets your standards then your standards are too high.
Well women initiate 70 percent of divorces in u.s.and 90 percent or so when college educated. The level of commitment simply isn't very likely to be reciprocated.
Exactly. And it really is no commitment if divorce is an option. That's like adding to marriage vows "until we change our mind and seperate". That's no vow at all.
Most people who receive privileged treatment are not going to say ''no'' for the sake of fairness to all. Requires character. But it's ruining things for all of us women.
Once again Spot On, Brilliant.
Commitment is great. Go for it.
A woman can be and is a great motivator.
Its laughable that, according to women, us men are just supposed to commit easily to the most malleable thing in the world, another person. 100% agree with Orion. Ladies, make a great offer.
Right, our commitment is supposed to come easily, otherwise we have a "phobia." And we're supposedly the entitled ones.
The thing is though, our commitment comes easy and free if you ask for it early in life. At 17 it's easy to fall in love to a somewhat decent, somewhat beautiful woman. All women would have to do is to hold tight. But they won't do it at that age. They rather drop everyone ever interested in them only to complain about a lack of commitment at 30.
besides sex, what do most have to offer?
hell, you can explicitly ASK them what they have to offer, and most will say the same things: companionship, i can cook/clean, freaky sex, etc. a man can BUY all of those things and not deal with the follow-up headaches.
@@maxdawgI was going to ask the same exact question.
It's the way us women are, we just need to feel our emotions enough and we'll commit. But we don't allow those emotions if the guy was not up to scratch. Do you see the difference here? Guy will still show the excitement and take it to a physical level just to dump us shortly afterwards for not being up to scratch.
Can you do a video on what a man would consider a good offer? That would make his life better and make the sacrifices worth it?
Passive income, good property or business, a high paying job in her dad's firm in worse case ;)
Kevin Samuels used to talk about it (Rest in peace), men typically want women who are fit, feminine, cooperative/submissive, childless, virgin, pretty, those are the passive traits. Active traits : a woman that knows how to cook, clean, that’s ready to get on his plan and follow him, satisfy his needs in bed, be a family first woman, a lady that motivates him, be his peace, an helper, that’ll see where he lacks and elevate him. You have to complement him; he fills the masculine traits, you feel the feminine.
You’ll probably read my response with disgust, but men still like what they used to like before feminism, we’re shamed for what we want, so we just shut up and avoid those women (shaming won’t change the way our biology works). Feminism has taught women to become like men, but just like you’re not attracted to feminine men, we’re not attracted to masculine women.
The more a man makes money, the less he cares how much you make, if he’s rich you being in a work where you network for him could help, or secretary/management.
You should check out his channel, it’s also entertaining because he talks to those women that can’t find high value men and KS explain to them that high value men don’t want masculine feminist women, he’ll tell you all you need to know on how to be perfect for an average man and a rich man.
Men will deal with masculine women, though, because they don’t have a lot of options, since they’re average and not that successful, But the top men (20%) majority of them will want you to fill all of those categories, because they have the leverage, they are the price and can easily find a woman that’ll do all those things for them. Those rich men also tend to have concubines.
That's really easy Sara, it hasn't changed since the dawn of time. It's hard to imagine you don't already know all the things you need to know. Ancy is right but it's usally alot easier. Men come for the looks and stay for the attitude. If you're young and good looking you'll attract tons of men. If you have a friendly and supportive attitude you have everything you need.
Most women today don't know their place until they have kids. Most women today are of no support to a man whatsoever. If you want to be a superb woman (which might compensate to some degree for a lack of good looks), you might want to take advice from the women who've been most successful at locking down good men (1950s housewives).
What were they supposed to be like? Friendly, good looking, supportive, silent and classy. Think of Betty Draper in Mad Men (just not quite as dumb). Think of what the man you want needs. If he should be a good worker with reasonable success, he probably doesn't need money. But to be successful he can't be at home all the time. So maybe someone who can make a home beautiful comes in handy. Maybe a young woman who can give him lots of children and actually wants to raise them would be great.
It's really not that complicated. Just be what women traditionally are supposed to be. And don't ever listen to the feminists. The fact you're asking for advice is already a very good sign. If you want to see what the women you don't want to be are like, you can scroll through the comment section and look for the karens who're trying to argue with the guys. That's the combative, aggressive feminists who give women a bad reputation.
Some insight from a man twice divorced who has not had a date in 20 years---my choice. Today, with truly draconian divorce laws there is NO incentive for a woman to be well behaved in the process. Every man today has seen/heard of countless men who moved from a house he owned back to mom*s basement, or worse, lives out of his car, and have >half of his income confiscated by the courts, and cannot see his kids for years. The simple fact is that a man can adjust to singlehood very well. He has VERY little to gain from marriage and everything to lose, including his life. I personally know dozens of men, some in their early 20s, who have not had a date in years BY THEIR OWN CHOICE, and never will date. It is not that the juice is not worth the squeeze. There is no juice.
Once again, this is gold. Many thanks for the video
“In order to make a deal, you have to offer him something substantially better than he already has.”
What if the person doesn't want a job (or commitment) to begin with? Doesn't matter what the offer is, if you don't want it, you turn it down. I understand what he is saying - I, a female, have a "fear of commitment" and somehow still attract men who want to settle down. But it's not just because I don't think their offer is not good enough but because I don't really want a lifelong commitment to begin with.
Every man's dream. Friends with benefits.
Then the offer isnt good enough.😅if the offer was good enough (for you) you would give up this idea of no lifelong commitment
It's not that guys are not afraid of commitment. It's that guys are afraid of commitment... to you (the woman).
😅
There’s nothing to do with what you are offering. People will go for the wrong offer even though knowing they are wrong. Nowadays there’s this idea that there’s something better which never comes. Man and woman just stay in this dating apps passing people just for the sake of the feeling that the next person will be better. They end up alone till they realize they are the problem.
There is a group of men and women waiting for that someone that will 'take their breath away' and are rejecting every option in front of them but what the Doc said is true for many others... what they currently have is not worth giving up for what they can get from having a relationship with the other person.
@zensleep Spot on
I disagree, though it could be the case at times. I think sometimes it's a matter of incompatibility in terms of personality, sex drives, quirks, communication style (or lack thereof). Also, everyone has some baggage...I take everything into account. But I think men after a certain age carry a lot of responsibilities and will hesitate to "add an additional one" (in their minds), no matter how high value the woman is, it's easier to carry on with her casually than changing their routines. I call it selfish. "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" type of thought.
Personally, I am not afraid of commitment.I enjoy my freedom.
Bingo, Dr Taraban! Thank you
I dated a man who told me with great admiration how his friend's wife is in business, raising two wonderful sons and is very beautiful herself, like a model. I understand that when you are told with admiration about such a woman, whether she exists or not, then this is approximately the ideal for which he himself would strive to commit. And yes, I am not that great for him.
I'm a man, and I'm not afraid of commitment. These days, fear of commitment applies to women, too. In fact, in my last relationship I was the one who wanted to commit more, whereas my then-girlfriend didn't.
Has she got unfinished business? This could be a reason. I met a guy I liked a lot but because there was someone else I couldn't forget I didn't respond so much
No worries! One persons trash is another persons treasure ☺
Frustrating when they look almost perfect, but what's not working is just a plain deal breaker.....
Women are often able to easily make me feel guilty even though I shouldn't feel guilty when I think about it logically. Do you have any advice for me on how to not feel guilty?
Thanks doc. I think many in the Western societies are married to their jobs - they would gladly sacrifice their time for their boss and to do well in their job on the expectation of a promotion or raise while to do sacrifice on a similar scale for their partner, then they ask themselves all kinds of questions - What am I getting out of this? Being busy all the time is seen as some kind of standalone achievement in itself!!!
This is so profound thank you 🙏🏼 love your channel
My newish husband wasn’t afraid of commitment with me. I wasn’t all that interested in a relationship in the beginning. It was his idea…. I don’t believe I put any pressure on him…. I didn’t care about marriage…. Never married though had had opportunities in the past. I have a sixth sense about men and commitment…. You can see their struggle to see if ‘it’ is what they want…. And whether they will be ultimately rejected. I said yes. He later told me he wasn’t sure what my answer would be. 😊. In his past other women had pressured him with marriage and his one previous marriage was an unintended pregnancy…. She caught her man. He was planning to break up with her on the day he found out she was pregnant.
I keep my legs closed period. Until he comes with a discussion of commitment. Im not playing house. Getting feelings involved for a man who hasnt made a commitment. Fuc that
Simple explanation, if you going skydiving and the skydiving instructor said "there's 4 parachute but 2 of them will not open and you will die because you will spat when you touch the ground", will you still going jump? Marriage have 50% success/fail rate however man will lose everything he has if divorced happen.
The failure rate is >>half. You did not mention all the sexless C- and D- relationships to women who nag and have chunked up 80#.
I'm one of those people genuinely terrified of commitment. I met the girl of my dreams last year and I still pushed her away. Single forever, bros. Don't feel bad for me. It's just the way it's got to be I guess. I enjoy singlehood too much.
I wonder if you're going to feel the same at the age of 80. 🤔
@@ladylk6280 is that why we get into relationships? Fear of being alone?
@@billyb4790 that's for you to decide...I think everyone wants to love and feel loved and to have companionship and someone who's going to stand by you when you're older. Sex will eventually stop, looks will fade, all there's left is companionship. Imagine yourself single for the rest of your life, you're now 80, no more sex, fun dates, your health is failing...are you going to be happy by yourself? I just don't want you to have regrets. I'd go after that girl, if I were you.
@@ladylk6280 no offense but . I think you need to go around the block a few more times before understanding where I’m coming from.
@@ladylk6280 do you honestly think a man can bank on any woman sticking around that long? complete delusion
This provided clarity, thank you
when a woman REALLY wants commitment and you decline or don't pursue her on that level, that's a big, big hit to her ego, and they do NOT like it.
"how can he say 'no' to me? i'm ms. perfect!!!" lol.
as the good Dr. said, "your offer isn't good enough for me to leave my current situation."
This is so true. Women are accustomed to men giving them whatever they want, such as constant attention, so when a guy doesn’t do that she doesn’t know how to handle it. Even ugly women get many men wanting to have sex with them, and the guy that doesn’t want it can shock her to her core
I avoid commitment, and dance around all commitments directed at me because they are hard to get away from and rarely present with the actual way it's going to be. If someone can't stand me or endure my selection process that's exactly what I was looking for. I'm not afraid of commitment, I absolutely loathe tricky, sticky, heavy growths of commitment
Commitment phobia or rejection of relationship could be a result of workaholism too - the ability to commit to your job and to the gym doesn’t mean you’re not a commitment phobe when it comes to love
Nope. I means your evaluated it and the benefits don't exceed the cost
If others don't do their job, I still get paid. If my partner doesn't want to do her job, I also lose. Fear or rationale? You decide.
The man she wants is having the "time" of his life. Why would he commit! She usually respond by shaming him.
He’s not a narcissist. He’s not an avoidant. He’s not afraid of commitment. He thinks he can do better than you, be that with another woman or his own peace. Doesn’t matter if the reason is compatibility, chemistry or something else. He doesn’t want you. Save your time and dignity and move on. Why would you want someone who thinks he can do better than you?
Then why do they string you along for so long? I could never do something like this. Men and women do this btw
@ They like you enough to keep you as an option in case they can’t get the person they really want.
I think more often than not it is a fear of commitment for fear of missing out what may come- not because the "offer" is not good enough, but because there's this neverending, what if there is something better around the corner and I'm already "in a bond" .
And I'm sorry, but comparing a relationship to an employment contract is very superficial. There's a difference between loyalty and commitment in a relationship and employment. After all there's something in the saying "I'm not married to this job"...
Hot fyo🔥 damn ! Love ya spirit and confidence via your well procured reality
I respect men who doesn't want to commit and don't get women to fall in love with them by lying . I have seen some men single , no children and don't date at all...however they also mentioned that as they grew older they start to feel lonely and they see the need of having companionship. I still respect them because they didn't string along women lying to keep or use them ,same goes to women .
For some women ( *not all* ) a relationship and marriage is a status symbol... "I have a boyfriend who does this, my ring, wedding dress and wedding cost this" and after that passes, the reality of what it actually means to be a wife, companion etc is not socially glamourous so if the married life is not something that looks glamorous to her peers when posted on instagram, then its divorce and the alimony and child support can finance the new socially glamorous lifestyle.
Another reason why commitment for men in the west is not an appealing option.
True, make that woman pass the loyalty test first. What I mean by that is not staging cheesy tests, but watching in real life situations how she responds and the level of character that shows, things the person says, etc.
If he doesn’t want to commit, he doesn’t want to partner with you specifically. You are a placeholder.
Because for women commitment onlyeans staying till u can find a richer man
So true. It means you don’t qualify for them for a long term pair bond, just casual mating.
Always gaslighting men. This is the same thing as saying he's "intimidated" to date a "boss babe". Thankfully people on these platforms are speaking up for men
Modern women do not need to give up anything to enter into a relationship with a man. She can even cheat, lie and steal from him and still society -- and often the law -- will continue to side with her.
Modern men give up everything to enter into a relationship and can lose everything if it fails. Everything means, potentially: his freedom, his autonomy, his ability to have a relationship or casual encounter with someone else, his children, his life savings, his assets, his house, his future income and his retirement savings.
This is the fundamental dichotomy of relationships these days. Women need to understand this situation and lower their standards back to reality. No man of any intelligence and certainly no man of value is ever going to enter into a relationship with a woman who has even the slightest hint that she might screw him over one day.
The risk to men is just too great.
Crazy that they need to be told this.
Thank you Sir
Sometimes you offer anything and everything, it is still not good enough. So time to withdraw
It's probably your personality, idk
What do you consider a good offer? Looks, good character, financial status, origin?
Depends on whatever that particular guy sees as valuable, but I think in general men are looking for a woman who can and will have and raise his children successfully, meaning she is fertile (aka hot) and nurturing (basically agreeable, compassionate, etc).
Second to that would be loyalty and support - as he said near the start of the video, many things we want to accomplish require allies. He is asking himself of you will be an ally or a distraction.
Some women take up so much time, energy, attention and even money that they really hinder a man's potential, instead of helping him to realise it.
Those are the women men try to avoid getting into a relationship with, and I'd say those types of women are the reason for most men being hesitant about commuting to a relationship - he needs to know you will help him not hinder him. Women like attention from their partner, but too much attention seeking and demanding behaviour from her will only weigh a man down and will make it hard for him to accomplish anything.
Your status, financial or otherwise, has little value to him, unless you can increase his status. His status is what leads to his success in life, I.e. his ability to get desirable women and provide for and protect his family.
Men make money to start and support a family, so it's not that important how much you make, usually, unless it helps the two of you get established and live the life you want. But you working too much compromises your ability to raise children which is what a lot of serious guys are looking for. So extra money is helpful to a certain point, but when it starts compromising the successful raising of children it becomes detrimental.
Yes.
@@thecurrentmoment Very good points. Here's my summary: As a man you want to work hard knowing that when you're done for the day you'll come home to a house in order with a hot wife waiting for you. When she's good with the kids and bought that two pound steak at a budget price for you, you know you're in heaven. Now consider that he's coming home after a stressful day so don't overburden him by telling him about your day. No man wants to fix problems at work all day only to come home to a wife to fix her problems. If life would be easier for him without you, you're doing it wrong.
The above points indeed make the offer agtractive to men but there is another problem outside the woman's control... laws and culture regarding marriage in the west.
There are multiple reddit and yohtube stories of men that had wonderful, loving wives and over time became radicalized by women around them telling them that taking care of her home is domestic slavery and that she should divorce him, get alimony and child support and live the hot girl summer. Many men in the west have seen fathers, uncles, workmates, neighbors go through this and even the transition of the beautiful, attractive women to overweight, abusive, sex-depriving wives up to the point that they take half during a divorce.
So even when the deal is so attractive, some will think that their life could be ruined after 10 years because of events outside of his control so some (not all) may still be reluctant even if the perfect partned appears.
This woman states early on she will never settle for less and leaves a good man. After hitting the wall, she finds that she is the issue and has little to offer a man.
Some women indeed do not want to be married or have children for various reasons and end up being content with their decision so we can not assume that tge lady that posted that she never wants to marry will regret her choice...
However, I agree that many other women wrongly assume that because of all the offers that they receive in their youth that it will be the same in 30s or 40s or that the same way a man who has high socioeconomic status can marry and remarry even at 50 years old and assume that women can do that as well. So I agree that many women are not given realistic advice about their options at different ages but the lady who wrote may or may not be one of them.
@@ArmyWolves These women you speak of have no choice but to be content with being unmarried because they have no offers. They’ll settle for less due to guaranteed companionship. Humans are not made to be alone and we all want to be loved, needed, and appreciated.
I love the employment analogy.
He never uses statistics in his videos to back up his claims, just broad generalizations that I often agree with to a certain extent
How does a woman make their offer "good enough"? This is obviously going to be largely individualized but I'm sure a lot of ladies would be curious how to make their offer of commitment very appealing to a man (assuming that's what they want).
This is almost impossible. The woman needs to impress on him that she is, and always be, reasonable, not nag, not sleep around, not chunk up, etc.etc. She has to "promise" that life will not happen.
Women telling themsleves that a man is afraid of commitment is the functional equivilent of men telling themselves that women are playing hard to get. Nope. In both situations, the other person just isn't into you like that. Are those things true sometimes? Yes, but not at all nearly as often as people tell themselves.
I've known some guys, even myself, that don't care for commitment because they find the woman dull, it's just sex, but long term, they just don't care to talk to them soon enough and yet she wants commitment. Any take on this?
If she’s not mentally ill, has no personality disorders, not obese, emotional unstable, or has tons of baggage, THEN I’d commit but I have NEVER met a woman in all my years that did NOT have at least some of those issues.
He is correct
i understand that sex would be considered a compensation. i am kind and supportive so i would hope that would be too. what are other examples of compensation?
Sex as a compensation creates a problem in that it will no longed an act of intimacy given generously but in exchange for something.
When be buy something we pay and get that item in exchange and the seller cant ask to also use tge item they just sold...
So if sex is a compensation to a man in exchange for, say a commitment tgen the woman cant complain about him too demanding in bed or that she isnt satisfied or he isnt doing what she wants because the man will be giving up other things he wants and earn money to buy things tge woman wants that he may not want like a $4,000 wedding ring, a bigger house, a big wedding and so on. Sex will become something that you owe him and he will work and he in return gives you something you want.
oh and in such an arrangemnt you cant lure in someone with amazing varied sex only to switch to starfish style or let yourself become overweight when you will still expect him to maintain his socioeconomic status for the rest of the time you are married.
That would be like him luring you with a great salary abd after you are married, older and have children he decides that working to maintain the lifestyle that he used to lure you requires working 70hours a week so he will cut down on hours hence reduced salary and so certain expenses will have to be cut... and its not open for discussion and its final.
@@ArmyWolves i do agree with you, actually. i think i agree, i don't fully understand everything you were trying to say
Met a woman who is 37 yrs old. Been single for 5+ yrs. And has a 6 yr old child. While trying to keep the cat for down the road. I'll pass.
If a man says that a woman is "afraid of commitment," everyone instantly assumes that it is because he just isn't good enough for her.
Women are much more able to complain about men not wanting commitment, without being told that she just isn't good enough for him.
The problem is, that many men will string a woman along because he wants to have sex with her or to continue having sex with her without wanting a commitment. There are also women who stay with their boyfriends while fully being conscious that she will leave him when she finds someone she likes more.
Nowadays, a smaller and smaller fraction of men are deemed relationship worthy by women. These men have copious options, and are therefore reluctant to commit to any one woman.
Commitment makes sense if your partner invests in you, but makes little sense if you've had to invest in yourself alone.
Exactly. If you wait until a man has build a life of his own, don't be surprised if he doesn't change everything for you.
@@hanswurscht6625 my grandfather said something along this line. He had nothing because he married young, but then he built his life with my grandmother hence he didn’t have issues changing things if needed because my grandmother was there from day one playing an important role in helping him grow and have the life he wanted. He insinuated he wouldn’t be so welcoming of many things she ended up getting off him if he was dating her when he was 30 or 40 and had so much more going for him in life
Women who complain about commitment are mostly women in their late 20 and early 30s. They realize their biological clock is ticking ever faster so they try and press a man into a commitment, and often it's a man who knows he can do better, like get a younger woman. Best to want a commitment when your SMV is still super high.
Exactly. And "better" often times is simply younger. I know former models my age (I'm 36) I'd have loved to date 10 years ago, but would never commit to today. There is just no point in commitment when she has a kid from another man and probably won't be able to bear yours.
Yes, this is true!
However, in my opinion it's very important to be able to know the difference between men who are not willing to give up their single life and still want the woman to give to them all just as in a relationship, to those that reject the woman because she's not the deal for them. The latter is fair, undersandable and ok, while the other type can harm one's self worth in a major way, ending up most probably thinking that she's the problem, and the one that just doesn't worth it.
What difference does it make if the result is the same?
Giving it all to someone is easy when you have nothing.
@@axl1002 lmao 🤣 on point
If a person can not handle the pain of rejection then they should not enter a relationship.
Someone can still break up with you after they chose you in the beginning.
So he currently has me for seven years in a relationship where we live together for seven years almost I had access his wife we have a lot of shared interest we enjoy each other’s company, so why no commitment to marriage? Because he already has me or he is still waiting for something better to come along
We are not afraid of commitment, we get disgusted by their past therefore we decide not to commit.
This is it
Men are SLOW to commit, while women often "fall in love" super quick... while they know next to nothing of the man at that point. But the irony is that when men finally commit, usually the women lose attraction fairly soon after. Men might easily commit at first and be reluctant to do so, but for long term relationships, marriages, kids together, stats clearly show women break most of these relationships, by a long ways too. So yet another criticism that's off the mark. And it's why most men don't even care anymore, having had their hearts broken when fully engaged, just to see their ex with a new BF super fast. I really think it's social pressure that made couples last in the past. Nowadays, there is none.
It is axiomatic that women very quickly get bored with sex with the old bear. Open the marriage???????????????????????? Pandora*s box.
I agree society plays a role in marriage and relationships. Culture, social, legal, economic. For many western countries hooking up, divorce is not only socially accptable but celebrated as being empowered and true to yourself and incentivized through assets, alimony and child support that a spouse can receive from the other spouse in a divorce.
@@ArmyWolves the norm used to be that divorce was scorned, and women would look at other women in a dirty way if they found out the other woman was divorced or had been divorced. And marriage conferred status to couples. When this culture went away it’s no surprise women stopped valuing marriage and commitment (aka no divorce) the way they used to, and men have reacted.
ouch that hurts
It's not entirely true. It is only one way to look at it
In your ruins, you just don't have much to offer. If someone takes you there, he is the right one. But if he returnes only when you have risen from your ashes, he won't get that offer, anymore. Just an answer: Time for you to go.
Yeah why do women say this that I am afraid of committment. I just don’t want to eat mars bars for the rest of my life. I want to eat the various deserts on offer. Why would I be afraid to commit to one mars bar, I simply want to eat a dairy milk and a twix every now and again too. However if I come across a new chocolate bar that tastes so damn good i don’t need to ever consider any other sweets or chocolate ever again I will consider it but it better be good and not only tastes good but also not have a bad attitude towards me.
Sounds like psychopathy.
Hm..Im a woman, and I have trouble with commitment too..I run for the hills faster than then the wind..
I have other female friends that do the same thing..are the rules, or the roles turning around?
Women have tried turning the s-xual values upside down and have mostly succeeded but the roles can't change since men can't bear children. The only way this works is that a man takes care of the family when the woman is pregnant and takes cares of the infants, and children as the primary caregiver.
No. That is the typical behaviour of very young women.
Women are coded to be hypergamous- i.e. chase the best option they can get. A man approaching a woman for a relationship is akin to a woman approaching a man for sex immediately- it's a red flag. There's something 'wrong' about the partner if they are giving away for free what should be difficult to obtain.
Men are the gatekeepers of relationships and women are the gatekeepers of sex. If the gate's wide open that's not a good sign for commitment from either side.
Not sure if I would call it a role reversal but I think it has always been the case as women have rejected offers and proposals from men that they felt were unsuitable for them.
If the men rejected do not meet your requirements then that just means you want a commitment but have not found someone suitable... but if men that meet your requirements but you simply reject them out of anxiety or inexplicable reason then that could be a fear commitment or other problem.
The offer is only not good enough once they’ve already expended the usage of the woman. No surprises… Women, stop giving yourself away to these men. They have options so can you blame them?
I've given up dating because many women can't even commit to a first date.
I’m certainly committed to the gym, my business and my word, however they all enhance me as a person and my individuality and freedoms. However I’m terrified of a committed relationship, no matter how good the guy, as it’s a completely different commitment dynamic. Past relationship traumas should also be thrown in the equation here maybe 🤔
Not to mention decision paralysis due to all the access we have to people on apps.
So modern women problems? Paradox of choice and emotional baggage.
When I read your comment I initially thought you're a guy. That seems to be part of the problem.
The people on apps are as realistic as Playboy*s old centerfolds and Barb Cartland romance novels.
I think decision paralysis is a fair hurdle for women in a modern context- but I'd also note that there's fewer 'real' options than it appears. Many, many men will respond to a woman on dating apps when they are horny (which for men is almost a constant), even if said men are ridiculously out of their league and/or simply not looking for a relationship.
Generally though your problem (from a female perspective) is non-existent as men are the gatekeepers of relationships. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. If a man is approaching a woman for a relationship that she does not want, he is approaching from a position of weakness and insecurity/he just wants out of the dating game. It's about as much of a red flag as a woman offering sex on the first date without the man expressing any interest.
@Michelle Smith..
Exactly what Dr. Taraban said where if what is offered by a relationship will not i. prove your situation significantly there will be a reluctance to enter into it... whether male or female.
Meanwhile she’s bragging: “TaKe mE aS I Am”
Woman: Wanna buy a car with 250,000 miles, major issues, in need of serious body work fir $500,000 cash?
Man: No
Woman:YOU'RE AFRAID OF COMMITMENT!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
How many women have more wealth than the men they want a commitment from? It's about resources for her, that's all.
Don't listen to this guys- this whole "They are just not that into you." movement is getting OLD. Although there are some delusional rejected people who need to hear this type of truth- this is without a doubt half the time not always the case. The person that rejected you could be suffering trauma, depression, a s3x addiction. Sort of like how in my late 20s I stayed away from college age types because i knew how over swamped their life was with college change career building ect. Its not about your offer - its about the offer that person is currently offering themselves! I for one am not ready for love but ill go on these apps talk to people- 'feel' it out and see if anyone can steer my own self confirmed notion that im not ready - but guess what no one can change it but me.
Couples need to meet no longer than their late 20's at the latest. Once men get into their 30's, you've got your own place with a mortgage & commitments...a failed marriage or break up involving a child will lead to the man's assets being transferred over & the man is back to square one almost.
The volume was low here. Cant hear.
I feel so sorry for anyone reducing human relationships to mere transactions. They must have a really lonely and empty live.
Coercion, manipulation & intimidation are ‘of the Devil’.
2 Corinthians 3:15-18
King James Version
15 But even unto this day, when Moses is read, the vail is upon their heart.
16 Nevertheless when it shall turn to the Lord, the vail shall be taken away.
17 Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
One must recognize that exposing Devilish Deeds in total allegiance & dependence upon Christ Jesus can very well be perceived in a ‘bad light’ by the Embodiments of Wickedness whom very much enjoy deceiving themselves & the people in their charge.
Ephesians 5:11-13
King James Version
11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
12 For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.
13 But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.
2 Timothy 1:7
King James Version
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
1 Timothy 1:5
King James Version
5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:
Fair warning messages ARE an act of love weather the recipients like it or not.
1 Timothy 1:5
King James Version
5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:
Biden dodges reporters after question on COVID-19 origin: 'Will you hold China accountable?'
Alexander Hall | Fox News
Published on March 04, 2023
"The question of how this pandemic began is the most important question in the world, and we should not continue to waste precious time waiting for the Chinese Communist Party to suddenly cooperate with U.S. officials and open up access to the Wuhan Institute of Virology," Gallagher added. "It’s time for Congress to act and force the administration to declassify the relevant intelligence surrounding the pandemic."
He's just not that into you, simple.
Accept rhe fact and move on 😅. A man who's into you will move mountains to be with you.