A Very Honest Eating Disorder Recovery Vlog
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2024
- We're back again with another VLOG! I had not intended to have a breakdown... (obviously) but think it was important to capture and include.
Lots of stuff in this one... trying new cereal, baking, crying AND going out for dinner. It's a jam-packed vlog and I hope you enjoy!
Love always ❤️
Instagram: @maddiejaneec
You have no idea how much we appreciate you filming yourself even when you're struggling. Recovery is not linear and there will be ups and downs. But you're doing a great job and we're proud of you for it. Congrats on 2000 subscribers and to many more to come!
P.S. Also, my poor Italian heart will be scarred for life after seeing that carbonara. I'm sure it was good but they should not call it "Carbonara". It's got nothing to do with the real one. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it and challenged this fear. Thanks for being honest with us!
You are so right, recovery is NOT linear and there will always be good and bad moments. I appreciate the comment and support :) Also… I’m sure this was nowhere near authentic carbonara 😂 When I visit Italy one day I will be sure to get the “real thing”. 👍
Hear me out…I don’t think you could find a single person that would dispute that the small amount of weight that you have gained is not worth the huge gains that you are experiencing in the quality of your life after embarking on this journey. Your life seems so rich, and might I say glamorous! Hugs sweet lady!💗💗💗
This comment made me smile, thank you. You are right. Yes, I’ve gained weight, but the memories are so worth it as well as getting my life back. And it’s also nice to get a little fancy and go out 😂 I hope you have a great week!
My favorite kid cereal was Captain Crunch.
Thank you for this video!! I literally had the same inner dialogues about myself, eating, & exercise as it was Thanksgiving this week in the U.S. I cried & was so frustrated. 😖
Your honesty and vulnerability is appreciated & doesn't go unnoticed. You're trying and giving it everything you got. That's all anyone (even you) can ask of yourself. ❤🤗
OMG I love Captain Crunch! It's been a minute since I had it though... I know how anxiety inducing Thanksgiving can be, but as we heal we can learn to enjoy the holidays (and holiday food) as opposed to be fearful of them. Thank you for the comment :) It's hard to be vulnerable but I know that when all you see are people doing well and happy in recovery it can be frustrating when you feel so upset. There will always be ups and downs and I want to show all sides of recovery. You've got this, keep fighting 💪❤️
Tattoo is beautiful. Fig is looking so much less tilted-sweetheart. Thanks as always for blogging honestly-recovery is SO hard and some bloggers only show the good parts. So many people will be able to relate.
I think it’s important to show the hard parts so that people feel less alone when they are doing through a rough time. Glad you like the tattoo! And YES, Fig is doing much better :)
Your videos are so relatable- it makes me realise it is not just me, especially the tough stuff. Today I have been anxious that I have both put on and lost weight simultaneously. I am also about to go out to a thanksgiving dinner (that I am petrified about)- I don’t even celebrate thanksgiving. So this video has come at a perfect time- please keep vlogging
You’ve got this! I am here cheering you on! Remember that your family and friends love you for YOU, not your body. I know it’s hard but you just have to keep going. Try to think about your reasons to recover and you goal. ❤️
I so wish I could give you a hug through my screen right now. It takes guts sharing your struggles and it is so so appreciated. I’m dealing with a lot of anxiety and panic attacks too and know the feeling of wanting to get out of your body very well. But I feel like this part of healing and getting better, stepping out of our comfort zone and growing, managing to sit with and acknowledge uncomfortable feelings as they come up. And Maddie you are doing so well! We’ll make it through this 💛
Milli, thank you. I know how hard and frustrating it is to have so much anxiety but it’s important to remember that the these moments will always pass. I’m proud of you for continuing to push through. Thank you for the comment ❤️
I am so appreciative of your complete honesty, especially in the hard moments. It makes me feel not so alone because I can 100% relate to your thoughts and fears. Watching you turn it around and still go to dinner and order exactly what you planned is so inspiring and motivating. Thank You from the bottom of my heart for all your honesty and willingness to share the good the bad and everything in between. I am so incredibly proud of you, your progress, your strength and determination 💞😊
It's hard to be honest and vulnerable but I know how important it is to help people feel less alone. I used to watch a lot of recovery accounts and always felt bad when everyone was so happy in recovery... I really appreciate your comment, thank you ❤️ Sending love ☺️
I know it is awfully hard to not give in right know, stay strong, it only gets better from here! Every day is going to be easier than the day before 💞
There are definitely good days and bad days but it’s important to just keep going. Thank you for the support ❤️
omg your breakfast makes me want to try yogurt with cereal again! I haven’t had it since before my ED, it is soo good tho!
Go for it! Life is too short to not enjoy the foods you love. I know it’s hard, but it’s worth it!
Maddie… I know this is an incredibly tough fight… but when you are feeling alone and wanting to give in remember that you have over 2000 people supporting you and cheering you on!!! I’m also so thankful you post the struggles abs not just the triumphs… I really hope that one day you can see yourself the way others see you… you are beautiful!!!!
Awww thank you Emily ❤️ It has definitely been really motivating to have so many people behind me as supports. I do like to think of all the nice comments when I am feeling down, thank you 😊
Thankyou for sharing your recovery and for being honest this has really helped me this week as i probably started my recovery the same time as you and also am probably about where you are and this week i have been struggling so much with weight gain and having a hard time accepting that. Massive well done on the meal out though you totally smashed it hun xx
Maria, thank you for sharing. I know how hard it is... Tuesdays are actually my weigh in days so I have also been having a hard time accepting the weight gain... but you just need to KEEP GOING. That's what I tell myself over and over again. It's okay to gain weight, in fact, that's a huge sign of progress. You've got this. Keep going! 💪❤️
@@maddiejaneec aww thankyou hun i completely understand you to hun you got this xx
Congratulations on 2,000 subscribers! Oh Maddie I wish you could see your body through my eyes. This ED really sucks if you cannot see how you are still very slim but much healthier now. 💕 Your going out to dinner outfit looked gorgeous on you. Thank you for sharing your most vulnerable moment and we can see you are trying so hard not to over exercise! You were so brave with your dinner choices and carried through with what you set out to do. 👍 I really don't care now for the sugary cereals that I did as a kid, much prefer oats, sultana bran, muesli. Keep on fighting Maddie 😍 Love seeing Fig so eager to receive his food. 🐰 Have a great week! 🙂
Thank you Dianne :) It's hard to share the vulnerable moments but I know that it's important to help others. Although I'm much older now, I still do love kids sugary cereals 😂 But I also love Raisin Bran and Muesli - all breakfast foods are yummy to me ❤️ Thank you for the support as always. Take care ❤️
I understand it's so hard not to exercise, but one, you do exercise and two you should be proud for not doing any extra because now you are obviously gaining weight but not rewiring your brain. If you break the link between food and exercise at least you will be rewiring your brain while recovering physically. You got this!
Thanks Brooke! I have been able to decrease my exercise to about an hour a day, but still working on minimizing this even more. As you mentioned, I am trying to break the link between food and exercise and look at movement as a way of keeping my body healthy as opposed to punishing it. Thanks again ❤️
You are SO strong. You give me strength!
Thank you, so are YOU! ❤️
First things first.....my favorite cereal as a kid was Golden Grahams. They are disgusting to me now, I'm all about things like Cheerios and Rice Chex or Corn Chex...very boring cereal LOL. Second, this was a great vlog. The vulnerability you show helps so many people (I know I've said that before, but its true). Also, something that may help you, it may not, but I have found it beneficial in my own journey: think about exercise addiction as a habit. What do we do when we want to break a habit? We stop doing whatever it is we are doing repeatedly. Every time you don't give in to the voice in your head, and you do just your regular routine and not add in extra workouts/walking, etc, you are breaking/chipping away at that "habit". This is an oversimplification, but every time you say, Hey, eff you Ed, I did my workout, I'm done for the day, no matter what you say, or what I'm doing later ( btw, pasta carbonara is my favorite dish), you are re-wiring your brain just a tiny bit to be okay with not giving in to the urge/habit. I struggled A TON at one point with getting up in the middle of the night (like 2am) and binging, it went on for months. I hated myself, I hated my body, I would wake up feeling disgusting, bloated, all the things, and my therapist said, just stop doing it (it wasn't that simple, but you know what I mean) and I was like, but I'm powerless over this and she said, when you wake up at 2am, try just staying in bed, don't get up and walk to the kitchen, just sit in bed and process what you're feeling. It was so hard (there were times when the only thing I could do was scream into my pillow because the desire was so strong) and I wasn't always perfect, but after a while, I was able to stop acting on the urge/desire to go to the kitchen at 2am. You did a masterful job with resisting the urge in this vlog. Keep doing that.You also crushed dinner out. The restaurant looked so lovely (and fancy!!!) and the food looked amazing and you looked to be enjoying yourself, which is so important (I know its hard not to always feel terrified). You are an amazing, smart, beautiful young woman with an amazing future waiting for you. Every single minute of your journey will be worth it (also CONGRATS on 2,000 subscribers) Sending love to you and Fig as always from Wisconsin ❤️
Oooh never tried Golden Grahams but if they are anything like Graham crackers then I'm down ✌️ I like the idea of thinking about exercise like a habit, I can definitely see hoe much of a "habit" it is in my life... and just like bad habits, I need to break my exercise addiction. Sitting with emotions as opposed to pushing them away or acting on them is difficult but just as you said, after a while you can master the urges. The dinner out was really good and I would love to do it again! Thank you so much as always, I really appreciate you telling me about your past experiences as it helps me looking forward. Love to you from Fig and I ❤️
Loved this Vlog and thank you for sharing. I had a breakdown recently over my body changing and it really helps to see someone else going through this. The body heals before the mind which makes this stage of recovery extra challenging. I'm so proud of you for sticking with it and going out even though you didn't feel like it. Connection to other people is one of the best weapons we have in fighting our eating disorders. The people who care about us don't think about our bodies at all. Hopefully one day we can see ourselves in the same light. Lots of love to you and Fig! ❤️ 💕
It's important to remember that recovery is not linear and there will be ups and downs. Just know that in those really tough moments you need to keep fighting because the feelings will pass. It's hard when your body is changing and your mind needs to keep up, but it is possible. We just need to keep going. You are doing great Dorothy, keep fighting ❤️ Love back to you from Fig and I!
Good video, great job on getting through the day as successfully as you did!!! Outstanding! Loved your outfit & I too am in love with fig 🥰🥰🥰
Fig is the real MVP here 🐰❤️ Thank you for your support ☺️
Lovely vlog as always ✨ just a thought, maybe it would be a good idea to have something more substantial before you work out rather than waiting until 10:30am to have breakfast?
I wake up and have breakfast within half an hour (even though I don’t feel hungry) because I know I NEED to go through this phase of ‘mechanical eating’ in recovery so I can get my hunger signals back (and because it’s easier to eat enough if I start eating earlier in the day) :) sending love ❤️
Hey Elena! Thanks for the comment :) Mechanical eating is something that I started off doing and was pretty good at sticking to it, but have since let my meal times get delayed... I am working on eating earlier (around 7:30) and having a snack after as opposed to the other way around. As you mentioned, hunger signals can often get skewed so I think my ED was sneaking back in a bit there so I just need to work on that. Take care ❤️
Yes this is very important. I am studying dietetics and also am a competitive distance runner. As females, you SHOULD NOT train fasted even if you aren’t recovery from an eating disorder as it disrupts the hormones a lot. You should have a decent snack before your workout if you want to workout in the morning then a decent breakfast within 30 minutes after. It will really help with hormone levels, recovery and hunger the rest of the day :) let me know if you need any more help x
@@laurenmillyx Thanks for the comment Lauren. I am aware that working out fasted can mess with hormones so have been working on incorporating some type of fuel before I do anything. This has been hard but I know it's what my body needs. I appreciate the professional advice, thank you :)
Count Chocula. I’m always late watching your videos (no time) but I LOVE them. Thanks for posting! You’re awesome and so cute and Fig is just ADORABLE. Maddie - hang in there.
I have never tried Count Chocula but I love anything chocolate so I’m sure it’s delicious 😂 I appreciate the support as always Deb, hope you have a great week!
I have an exercise addiction too and it fuels my anorexia. I’ve tried this week to challenge it and I had a total meltdown because it was cold, dark, wet and plain nasty and I couldn’t do it so I can completely relate to the feelings you were showing. I tried hard to think of the bigger picture and replacing it with something less punishing but when you’re having less than positive feelings about your body and all you want to do it exercise, it’s so tough xxxx
Thanks for the comment Kate. I know how hard it is to challenge the exercise urges but it’s possible - we can work on it together 💪 I’m starting by just reducing a little bit at a time and filling that time with something I enjoy like reading or talking with friends ❤️
Also-I know that you don't feel it right now but you are absolutely beautiful and your personality really shines through!
Thank you 🥰
Froot loops are my fave!!!
So proud of you! You're amazing and so brave!!! You are changing lives and think of all the wonderful things you have yet to do with your life:)
Go team Froot Loops! Thank you so much, sending you hugs and good vibes ❤️✌️
@@maddiejaneec thank you!!!!
Your video made me realize I still have some fear foods.. especially sugary cereals. I'm going to get some froot loops tomorrow:) even though I've technically been recovered/weight restored and period back for almost 12yrs now, there's still little areas that aren't 100%. Your videos made me aware of that💕
@@mirandamccoubrey1714 you’ve got this 💪 Enjoy some Froot Loops for me 😊
@@maddiejaneec thank you! I totally will😊
@@maddiejaneec I had them for breakfast today in a bowl with yogurt and grapes! So good! I think that will be my daily breakfast now lol
Girl you are rocking this, keep going strong okay, keep going you are doing amazing so so amazing. 🌻💟
Awww thank you 🥰
As always thank you for showing your vulnerability and the downs as well as ups. If you can do this, we can too ❤️
Yes you can! Thank you so much 😊❤️
Your doing amazing Maddie keep going! ❤👏👊
Thank you ☺️❤️
Congrats on 2,000 subscribers 👍
Thank you 🥰
Hi Maddie! I was wondering why you put off breakfast so long after waking up? Maybe it would be a challenge to eat within 30 minutes of waking up. I know people like Tabitha and Becky Freestone suggest this and if it gives you anxiety to eat earlier it's probably something to try!
Hey Sara, thanks for the comment! Honestly, it is a bad habit that I have to be putting off breakfast. I do have a piece of fruit before my "proper" breakfast, like a banana or an apple, but should be eating earlier. It definitely is an anxiety thing... so it is a good idea to challenge myself to eat sooner. Take care ❤️
@@maddiejaneec Becky Freestone has something called the candy bar challenge for just this reason. You need to be bold and aggressive and show your ED you mean business. She suggests keeping a candy bar next your bed and eating it right when you wake up and then go straight to the kitchen and eat the breakfast you're really craving. I did it for awhile and it was pretty scary but it totally got me out of quasi recovery, which to be honest I think you are in.
@@Sara-ok6zd That's a good idea, thank you for the suggestion. I am not sure if I am quite ready for a challenge like that yet, but I know I need to push myself harder. I do have quite a big challenge planned for a video that will be done in about two weeks so am prepping for that 😂
Timbits cereal !
Ooooh of course! I have only tried the birthday cake ones and did enjoy them :) 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦
❤️💪🏼
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Recovery for me has been really hard but the thing that's the hardest it is I am gaining weight eating only safe foods and I have tried new foods but they aren't as scary as some of the others that I haven't tried and I'm worried because I don't want to be fat and I want I have this perfect image do you have any advice?
I know how hard it can be to see the number on the scale go up and also still feel stuck in the ED. Although I am not a professional, I can give you advice based on my own experience. Stepping out of your comfort zone and having fear foods is really important in recovery because you need your body to understand that there are no "good" and "bad" foods, but just different forms of energy. Also, there are SO MANY delicious foods to try and sticking with your "safe" foods may be less anxiety inducing, but once you start getting used to having other foods life can be so much more enjoyable (for example, croissants!). When it comes to having the "perfect image" it can be tricky, because in an ED, there is no such thing as perfect as your "goal" will never be enough. What I am trying to teach myself is that you are perfect just the way you are, no matter what size. You are YOU, there is only one of you. And your family and friends love you for who you are. not how you look. Try to do some yoga and sit with you body for a moment. Look at it in a neutral way and think about what it can DO as opposed to how it looks. Hope that helps ❤️ You've got this, keep fighting 💪
HI MADDIE AND FIG. I LIKE APPLE JAX CEREAL. NICE TATTOOS. DONT WORRY YOU LOOK GREAT. SOME DAYS SUCK ITS NORMAL AND YOU BOUNCED BACK QUICKLY. IM HAPPY AND GIVE THANKS IM STILL ALIVE. YUMMY YUMMY GREAT BIG HUGS FOR YOU KEEP ON TRUCKING CYA SOON
I am also VERY thankful that you are still here Hendrix. Apple Jax are great too! We don't get them in Canada but I have tried them when I was in Florida :) Sending hugs ❤️
@@maddiejaneec IM WATCHING AGAIN LOVE YOU SO MUCH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BE STRONG IM TRYING 2. BIG HEARTS AND HAPPY FACE
Maddie, that was just great! You did amazing! Love your bravery.
And Maddie? However you look, you will NEVER, in no possible universe, be NOT beautiful. Please remember that on days like this, where your brain tries to trick you.
Thank you so much for this lovely comment, I really appreciate it ❤️ Sending love and hope you have a great week!