Im injured possibly permenantly disabled its hurts like hell but what i can do i do it ive taken to finding usefullness and therfore my sanity in small things like still being rhe strongest in the house so while moving something or doing the garden up to be planted (fert till water till again)seem small to most the appreciation i get from these thing however small is my world thats why starting when i got injured if i open something i close it extra hard
Always remember this.... Words not spoken, will NEVER be understood... If you have something to say, then say it...Just never in a way that can be misinterpreted. After 30 years of marriage, I've learned to NEVER walk on egg shells in the Home I own.. NEVER sleep on the couch under the roof of the home I own...And NEVER go to sleep wishing I had spoken my peace.
We don't deserve him. He is a far, far, far better man than our society is. He needs to stay where he is and do what he can in the area where he can do the most good.
I was with my wife for 12 years. She was my best friend and other half of my sole. We did everything together without even thinking twice about it. God bless her. She just passed two months ago.
My condolences. I'm glad you were able to spend those years together with her. I've noticed something I'd like to share with you from my own relationship. My partner has certain quirks in the way she says things, or does a specific task, and I've found that I began to mimic certain habits and speech of hers; and she began to mimic habits and speech of mine. I'm sure you know what I'm trying to convey. I say all of this to tell you: Whenever you realize you're doing something stemming from your wife, let it serve as a reminder: a piece of her is always still with you. ❤
@@ablebaker8664 escalation is emotional... anger is a form of escalation when it goes from discussion to argument... meaning its inevitable. As long as it stays an emotion and doesnt get extreme or abusive.
@crankybarista9306 YES... very early on we made a pact between us for our inevitable arguments... no cussing AT each other. Swear all we want, but no directing it in a personal attack. Reference rule #1...
Exactly, and so I would never end a fight whenever they would be like that. Not married, but long term relationships. And my most beloved ex still says to this day: You were always right.😅 Don't get me wrong...there were things when it was dumb to argue over. But even if I just said: You are doing what for 5 min? Let me look...turn it that way. Him: no, it worked last time 5 minutes later: He did it my way, saying: damn, how did you know? Why are you always right? 😂😂😂😂 15 years past, I still love those memories
@@ericwallace2325 Don't blame you. That's how I was when I was younger. But in my last relationship I was the opposite. Understanding. Not taking things personally. Being overly patient. Understanding that she was 5 years younger than me and had some growing in emotional maturity. That's not the play either. I became a shill of myself and inadvertently allowed her "strong independent woman" persona walk all over me. She lost all respect for me and discarded me once I was completely drained of all I was worth to her. Very healthy balance. Now that I've fucked up on both ends of the spectrum.
Yes bro! One of the things that my wife and I have committed to each other (and put in our vows) is that we would always CHOOSE to believe the best in each other. Believe what we KNOW ... not necessarily what we're feeling right at the moment. Has worked well for us for 17 years and 6 kids! And the jar lid thing is HILARIOUS!
“Tighten all the lids.” is priceless. 😂 My late husband and I were at an impasse once. He refused to speak to me over a very serious and thoughtful decision I made which he disagreed with. I respected his feelings for a couple of months and let him be. The silence became extremely uncomfortable for me and probably for him too. But he was stubborn and wasn’t going to break his silence. One evening I couldn’t get the cap off a bottle of nail polish. So I took it over to him and asked, “Honey, would you please help me?” . He opened the bottle and opened his heart. Your words brought back a precious memory to me. Thank you. ❤️
@@sethhood3492It certainly was. He meant for me to be hurt. It was deflating for him when I didnt plead for attention or criticize him for his petulance. I just quietly went about my business. He learned a lot about me when he did that. And I learned a lot about him.
No offence, but was it reasonable to include him before you, unilaterally, made that very serious and thoughtful decision? Did he not bother talking because he felt he had no voice? The assumption he is stonewalling may have been both stonewalled. I glad forgiveness happened. Sorry that he has now passed. (What I learned from the proverbial Eve is consult with your husband, first because it affects both of you.)
@@kathleengainor8532 That’s a very good and thoughtful question. Yes, I did try to involve him in my decision. I considered him superior to me and looked to him for guidance. The decision I made was a personal matter of spiritual significance. He had refused to have any meaningful discussion on the subject. That was unexpected because his family appeared to be very devout and he seemed to have strong moral convictions, which was a good part of what attracted me to him. But I respected his reluctance to talk about religion. He told me very little, but vaguely hinted at some upsetting events in his childhood. I pursued my spiritual journey alone. I began reading the Bible and discussing it with like minded individuals. My husband seemed indifferent until I made a decision to formally associate myself with a congregation. That lead to him threatening me, burning my books and hiding my Bible. When verbal abuse failed to deter me, he stonewalled me. It wasn’t a competition to me….I was genuinely afraid to anger him at first. But at one point I no longer felt that he would physically harm me and I broke the silence by asking him to open the bottle of nail polish. It was clearly a relief to him. I hadn’t realized how uncomfortable he had made himself by shutting me out. He knew it wasn’t having the desired effect, but was too stubborn to break his silence. It was touching to see how happy he was that I broke the silence. And I also think he was relieved that he hadn’t driven me away. His demeanor toward me significantly improved after that. His petulance made more sense when I learned that his first wife became involved with a religious group and began an immoral relationship with another congregant. It took many years of patience and persistence on my part to convince him that I wasn’t trying to replace him. And before he passed away he thanked me for sticking to my principles and raising our children to be like minded.
It's narcissistic, is what is! Narcissists can never be wrong. Telling someone they're always right is creating a monster and robbing them of the opportunity to grow. Smh
Ten years (and four days) into my marriage to a marriage counselor and I would add a fourth rule: the harder a conversation is to have, the sooner you should have it. Holding onto it will only make it worse.
Rule 5: You don't have to give all details when telling something or answer all questions but do not lie. Make sure to ask all questions and don't make assumptions.
About the same but I can honestly say we have had a few bad years and a couple of really bad years. The good outweighs the bad by far. We make each other better people. We made a conscious choice to stick through the worst year or two. It comes down to a conscious decision to follow through. Def could have been divorced a couple of times. I am happy that you have all good years. Hopefully I get that together by the next life.
If you think there is a best rule you did not get the point. all of these things working in conjunction with one another contributes to having functional communication in a relationship do not think any is more important than the other they are all extremely important and should be taken Into account with the utmost seriousness
@@myrandomcorner3460stop taking every opportunity to teach women how they should be. The opening comment was fine without yours. Most women are normal and just want to make things work. If you don’t believe that to be the case, that’s likely because you chose very badly. Stop generalising even if you feel you’ve been the victim of generalising. Two wrong don’t make a right and no one cares about comments that are patronising. You’ve won over exactly no one otherwise your comment would have got a like. 🤫
@@rosebud040686 Your making the assumption as though I said all women... I said most for a reason as not all women are self absorbed pricks but all one needs to do is look around and you can see by interactions by story's from others of situation there are far more women who think like my statement than don't. That being said I did not say that there where no women that want to make it work.. And to answer your other statement I decided in highschool after seeing so many women who are like my statement. that I decided to opt out of the relationship game I have had many friends who are women but I have never had a girlfriend and that is for multiple reasons one being I opted out of it the second I would not put a women through meeting my family its all kinds of dysfunctional and I know a women can and likely will assume much from that so I opted out. So you can say I have no grounds if you want to make an opinion but what you do not know about me is that I am a very good judge of character and have saved many of my friends from relationships with women who turned out to be exactly what I stated. I will conclude that I thank you for your opinion which you are entitled to as are we all...but that do not assume you know me when you have no facts to backup your assumptions P.S I didn't post the statement for likes either I'm not out for validation if someone agrees with my statement that's on them if they do not that's also fine we all have our own views
I think the only addition I've got to this is I've had to learn to value feelings more. Facts matter, but I've found it very productive to acknowledge feelings, figure out where they come from and resolve them before moving on to facts. You've got to both be ready to talk facts... and I trust that if I'm patient, we will get there.
When he says, ‘I shouldn’t have to sugarcoat everything for you..’ I remind him that he shouldn’t coat everything in sour either.. usually gets him to crack a smile.
I've been married 22 years and we have made it a point not to argue at all. Disagreements are not arguments. Disagreements involve calm, logical, and rational discussions designed to reach a resolution that benefits all parties involved. When emotions begin to elevated to a level of contention we stop and take a break until both of us have formulated an effective way to communicate our points. Because of this, our 7 kids have never seen us argue. Last month while visiting their aunts and uncles, they observed how other couples try to resolve issues by yelling at each other. My two oldest sons, ages 17 and 15, were appalled at what they witnessed. It was a great teaching moment on both what to do, and what never to do. Needless to say they appreciate their home life much more now.
For those of you who have not yet been able to get to this level of communication, make sure you also resolve and apologize for anything you have said during the argument so that the children understand how important it is to admit mistakes and come to a mutual understanding, no matter how heated the discussion/argument becomes. We are all human and make mistakes, it is admitting our faults and learning from them which causes us to grow and prevent those mistakes in the future.
Wow, That's awesome on your marriage & not arguing in front of kids. Definitely better for them but also beneficial to see the difference between hiw to properly handle their own reaction to situations.
@@Blessd-savingrace I agree, my parents constantly fought in front of us and it made me not want that life so I made the choice to not do it and it's one less things for my kids to be concerned about (are mommy and daddy going to break up) no because we talk and don't yell.
This was a great decision to agree to. I grew up in a family who argued about everything and still do. I have trouble with confrontation and arguing. I have to work on this daily.
Oh my God, I wish that had been the case between me and my husband. I did not find out until after we were married the military has a program for intel to have a "cover wife". He got paid to get one. With a security clearance. They made it a really sweet deal by getting me to go back into hospital work and become a high paid officer. Then he was paid monthly to keep one. He had a second bank account to hide it. I pray you are always in love and keep your marriage kind.
What when every word out of her mouth (not an exaggeration) for two years is a complaint, criticism, attempt to control or accusation but you remember your vows and have no other place you'd rather but she leaves threatening to take everything?
@@michaelscott3174if you're bitter, that means you're thinking of yourself and your own feelings while disregarding things that could be more important. Someone who is truely wise knows that they can be (are are quite often) wrong. Bitterness comes from resentment, and resentment often cones from bottleing things up. Or, at least, that's the way I see it.
Or…… You may be bitter because even during spirited debate you are made to look foolish and incorrect…. Constantly. You may also be bitter because you know the relationship is doomed, but you wear a happy face for the sake of the children and/ or family unit. The latter is no way to live, but sacrifices sometimes have to be made for the children’s well being.
If love was enough, no one will ever wish divorce. Besides, Satan will deceive you into believing you are in love with someone you are not meant to be with for the long haul.
Who would have thought the secret to a quality marriage is good communication? I don't understand how more people don't understand this. Also the last part was on point lol
**hugs** You're one man who met my number 1 priority in marrying a man. My husband is the same way. He met that, all other secondary requirements, and met other requirements that I never even considered make as a requirement. We have 4 daughters and we tell them that as long as they marry a man like their father (meets the specific traits and standards he models, especially putting Christ First), we could not be any happier with their choice.
Press on. That's the hardest commandment by Jesus for Husbands. We must *AGAPE* our wives . . . meaning love her *unconditionally* There is no such command specifically for women.
@@tori_va807 Be the kind of *WOMAN* that kind of man is looking for. Develop the FRUITS of the Spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control. I cannot name a single one that Feminism encouraces or creates. In fact, they pretty much *SCORN* such feminine and godly behaviors.
Your humility and honesty are admirable. People dodge humble pie like a plague. Love her as Christ loves the church AND dwell with her according to knowledge. Blessings to you and the Mrs. 1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."
but you see he and his wife have an understanding at the outset. and respect as well. and you mentioned that your wife said, she "fights". hmmm. very telling. and she's an ex so there you have it.
As a couples counselor, facts are important, but easy to twist. Beliefs are behind fact interpretation. Logic sometimes hides huge emotional baggage. Emotions sometimes are based upon unarticulated facts. The fact that one partner is dismissing the other is the issue. In a heated discussion, acting as if you are superior is pure disrespect.
One thing my husband and I had to do was agree to disagree and not actually argue with each other but write it down in short factual statements. When we were talking it usually escalated as we were both hotheads. As time went on we were more likely to have discussions, not arguments. We were married in 1976.
From someone who has not only been married 51 years and still very much in love with my husband, this is great advice, if I may add one, never ever go to bed upset or mad at your mate, when the argument ends it’s OVER.
I would say if people are too tired or exhausted, the arguing has gone on for too long, one or both are using alcohol or drugs, take a time out and just stop! Agree to go to sleep, or sleep separately and agree to take a break. Don't argue for hours! If needed one person should leave the house to calm down. Just agree to take a break!
Be affectionate too, both of you. Nothing gets a bigger smile on my husbands face than when i nuzzle my face under his chin/jaw for no apparent reason 😊
I wish someone had shared this with me in my first years of marriage. It took a long time and a lot of hard feelings before we figured out basically the same thing
@@timohaikarainen3957where would that be coming from? It wouldn’t be his wife, not a female friend because he’d probably tell her to mind her own business The only thing would be if he cheated on his wife with another woman, but I don’t think he would do that
@@Connerthespider easily. his wife. there is no virtue that social media and social pressure cant reach to destroy. it branwashes you in real time. when you open up your app in the morning they give you a list of things you should resent and nag about today. and the man is completely out of loop, just wondering where all this is coming now. bots.. bots my friend.. programmed by social engineers funded by mr klaus schwabb types
@@Connerthespider you wanna hear a true story i got to witness a couple of months ago? my friend, happily married to a quiet, good, stay at home wife for 20 odd years with 8 children got into a situation where a bot started flirting with his wife over facebook. the bot claimed to be a famous persons brother and wealthy. she fell in love. most importantly this bot started to program this wife with doctrines of feminism. which started with ideas of individuality and bloated self worth. she started first nagging and pointing out all kinds of untrue things about her husband, then it cranked up to physical violence. the finale of the story is this. she got so resentful taking care of her kids, and i remind you, they had 8 of them, out of which the youngest one was very young and mentally handicapped. one day she was out with only this youngest one, she was so distracted with the facebook and her virtual new boyfriend that she let her boy walk 50 meters in front of her. the boy run behind a corner, down to an icy river and drowned. later when the relatives came to visit them and comfort this divorcing couple for their lost ..here is the kicker.. as he was telling the story to their relatives he started crying a bit. after the relatives got out the wifey had another feminist program kicking in: she accused him of being weak! really? for crying about the lost of their son, because of her lack of motherhood. i only tell this because i know the wife personally. she used to be everything that you would expect from a humble and timid wife. everyone and everything is at the table when it comes to the might of feminism.
Thats first statement he says “Remember your talking to someone you love” is prolly the most useful advice ive ever heard!!! Wish I thought of that when i was younger i prolly would have treated my parents better. Its not to late people take this advice!!!!
"We're not in competition with one another." That is beautiful and keeping that in mind can certainly help things as long as one of you doesn't hold a deep-seated belief that in the end, they are *the* authority/last word/great decider in the relationship.
I once asked a wise man why I was under the impression that sometimes my wife kept asking me the same question multiple times in a row. He turned his face, looked at me with the weight of his ancient knowledge, and finally answered: "That's because you keep giving the wrong answer. She is giving you another chance."
On point again sir! Been working with engaged couples for 15+ years...learning how to "fight" is a big part of a successful relationship. One of the best points is this, always fight so the relationship wins...not an individual.
There's an old saying...you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I've noticed that many women seem to have never learned that lesson. Too many women try to act tough and masculine. I tell them that they will be great husband someday.
As a woman, I felt the last solution in my soul. Well played, sir.
It's good to feel needed...
🤣🤣🤣
And the forearms. 😂
Im injured possibly permenantly disabled its hurts like hell but what i can do i do it ive taken to finding usefullness and therfore my sanity in small things like still being rhe strongest in the house so while moving something or doing the garden up to be planted (fert till water till again)seem small to most the appreciation i get from these thing however small is my world thats why starting when i got injured if i open something i close it extra hard
If one has a crazy wife she may start smashing jars instead 😁
Couples should remember that it's not him vs her. It's them vs the problem.
💯
💯 x 1000
Exactly! You’re a team not individuals.
❤❤❤❤
Right. Unless you marry a narcissist. Then everything is a competition. They need to win every conversation, decision. You don't matter
ALWAYS remember this...some words spoken, can NEVER be taken back!
And occasionally, some of those words should in fact never be taken back anyway...
Uh...none of them can be taken back! lol 😂
To have peace you must have a war
Always remember this....
Words not spoken, will NEVER be understood...
If you have something to say, then say it...Just never in a way that can be misinterpreted.
After 30 years of marriage, I've learned to NEVER walk on egg shells in the Home I own.. NEVER sleep on the couch under the roof of the home I own...And NEVER go to sleep wishing I had spoken my peace.
@@johnnyappleseed6960ultimate interpretation is not the responsibility of the speaker.
"Happy wife, happy life" has destroyed more marriages and crippled more men than anything in the modern era.
Im a wife of 22 years. That last remark about the jar lids is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
Slow clap...👏👏👏
BEAUTIFUL ❤ ❤ ❤
I had to laugh at that, too. Effective ice breaker…. 😂
LMAO. I thought was great too.
You write that now but if your mad at your husband you would throw the jar at him if you knew he did it on purpose
@@ok50438😂😂😂 remember rule #1!!!
"Just go tighten all the jars." Nick's a legend.
This won't work where i live because the previous owner built a jar opener and made it easily accessible.
@@robertdees2150Bummer dude.
😂😂 Thank goodness I can open jars. Thankfully, I don't need it want anything from a jar!
@@chrystalteal4171 So you only eat fresh food?
@@robertdees2150😂
😂 Love the last bit. Why is this guy not running for President! Oh yea, he’s too smart. 🤦🏼♀️
Awesome, insightful and too true.
We don't deserve him. He is a far, far, far better man than our society is. He needs to stay where he is and do what he can in the area where he can do the most good.
I was with my wife for 12 years. She was my best friend and other half of my sole. We did everything together without even thinking twice about it. God bless her. She just passed two months ago.
I'm sorry for your loss, prayers🙏
My condolences. I'm glad you were able to spend those years together with her.
I've noticed something I'd like to share with you from my own relationship. My partner has certain quirks in the way she says things, or does a specific task, and I've found that I began to mimic certain habits and speech of hers; and she began to mimic habits and speech of mine.
I'm sure you know what I'm trying to convey. I say all of this to tell you: Whenever you realize you're doing something stemming from your wife, let it serve as a reminder: a piece of her is always still with you. ❤
My condolences 😢
God bless you James, stay with the Lord and be comforted in the peace of his presence. Love you brother!
I pray her memory brings you more joy than sadness with every day that passes. She will always be your blessing.
Tighten the jars...😂😂😂
The end about tighting the jars is great.
Unless your wife knows how to loosen jars using a spoon/knife as leverage to pop the seal.
If that doesn't work, just place things she needs on high shelves
@@jeffreykindron7162 That'll do it.
@@jeffreykindron7162 Yep, works every time.
35 years, Nick. Best articulation of this conundrum. Haven't had to torque the lids. YET.
lol
😂😂😂❤❤❤❤
I wasn’t talking to my husband… who knew, I was looking for lightbulbs. Bastard went and hid the ladder! Well played sir… well played. 🤣
😂😂
I just love Nick.....he should be declared a national treasure !!!!
He’s already monumental! Wish more men were like him.
I agree and I Thank God that there are good, strong men like him out there !
Cooperation, not escalation, you're trying to find a solution to an issue, not make it worse.
Escalation is inevitable, but dont let things get out of control.
Exactly op!!! XD 🔥💯💥
@@CrankyBarista
Not if you keep the perspective that the object is to make something better for your partner, not defeat them.
@@ablebaker8664 escalation is emotional... anger is a form of escalation when it goes from discussion to argument... meaning its inevitable.
As long as it stays an emotion and doesnt get extreme or abusive.
@crankybarista9306 YES... very early on we made a pact between us for our inevitable arguments... no cussing AT each other. Swear all we want, but no directing it in a personal attack.
Reference rule #1...
"We're Not In Competition With One Another"
GOD BLESS You For That.
Pride stands in the way of this stance to life. People want a win even if its at the expense of their loved one and its a vicious cycle.
@@sealstech8087 Unfortunately😔
May We Learn To Work Together In Harmony🙏🙏
Tighten the Jar Lids 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Absolutely Brilliant 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂the jars!! 😂😂😂😂 leave the jars out of this!!!😂😂😂
"It's not that feelings don't matter, it's just that they don't trump facts" is the smartest thing I've heard anyone say today.
I thought the follow up was pretty important too.
Upvoted for the rarity of using "trump" as a verb, like it should be always.
Try telling that to a woman
@@smokingcrab2290or to a religious nut job
Good luck getting your wife to fully accept this concept. "Perception is reality" is the world i live in.
“Nobody like to be treated like a petulant child that needs to be placated so that you can get on to better things” so perfectly articulated
So true, however the problem is that many people nowadays are exactly that. How do we fight that?
Exactly, and so I would never end a fight whenever they would be like that. Not married, but long term relationships. And my most beloved ex still says to this day: You were always right.😅
Don't get me wrong...there were things when it was dumb to argue over. But even if I just said: You are doing what for 5 min? Let me look...turn it that way.
Him: no, it worked last time
5 minutes later: He did it my way, saying: damn, how did you know? Why are you always right?
😂😂😂😂 15 years past, I still love those memories
@@ericwallace2325 Be prepared to walk away if she chooses to not respect your boundaries.
@@pauldurbin6586 So tempted to disrespect right back when that happens ngl. Very smart idea nonetheless.
@@ericwallace2325 Don't blame you. That's how I was when I was younger. But in my last relationship I was the opposite. Understanding. Not taking things personally. Being overly patient. Understanding that she was 5 years younger than me and had some growing in emotional maturity. That's not the play either. I became a shill of myself and inadvertently allowed her "strong independent woman" persona walk all over me. She lost all respect for me and discarded me once I was completely drained of all I was worth to her. Very healthy balance. Now that I've fucked up on both ends of the spectrum.
This guy was sent to earth for a reason
Yes bro! One of the things that my wife and I have committed to each other (and put in our vows) is that we would always CHOOSE to believe the best in each other. Believe what we KNOW ... not necessarily what we're feeling right at the moment. Has worked well for us for 17 years and 6 kids!
And the jar lid thing is HILARIOUS!
“Tighten all the lids.” is priceless. 😂 My late husband and I were at an impasse once. He refused to speak to me over a very serious and thoughtful decision I made which he disagreed with. I respected his feelings for a couple of months and let him be. The silence became extremely uncomfortable for me and probably for him too. But he was stubborn and wasn’t going to break his silence. One evening I couldn’t get the cap off a bottle of nail polish. So I took it over to him and asked, “Honey, would you please help me?” . He opened the bottle and opened his heart.
Your words brought back a precious memory to me. Thank you. ❤️
That sounds like stonewalling and it’s emotional abuse
@@sethhood3492It certainly was. He meant for me to be hurt. It was deflating for him when I didnt plead for attention or criticize him for his petulance. I just quietly went about my business. He learned a lot about me when he did that. And I learned a lot about him.
@@sethhood3492 perhaps this 'very serious and thoughtful decision' was the emotional abuse. Just because you call it something doesn't mean it is
No offence, but was it reasonable to include him before you, unilaterally, made that very serious and thoughtful decision? Did he not bother talking because he felt he had no voice? The assumption he is stonewalling may have been both stonewalled. I glad forgiveness happened. Sorry that he has now passed. (What I learned from the proverbial Eve is consult with your husband, first because it affects both of you.)
@@kathleengainor8532 That’s a very good and thoughtful question. Yes, I did try to involve him in my decision. I considered him superior to me and looked to him for guidance. The decision I made was a personal matter of spiritual significance. He had refused to have any meaningful discussion on the subject. That was unexpected because his family appeared to be very devout and he seemed to have strong moral convictions, which was a good part of what attracted me to him. But I respected his reluctance to talk about religion. He told me very little, but vaguely hinted at some upsetting events in his childhood.
I pursued my spiritual journey alone. I began reading the Bible and discussing it with like minded individuals. My husband seemed indifferent until I made a decision to formally associate myself with a congregation. That lead to him threatening me, burning my books and hiding my Bible. When verbal abuse failed to deter me, he stonewalled me. It wasn’t a competition to me….I was genuinely afraid to anger him at first. But at one point I no longer felt that he would physically harm me and I broke the silence by asking him to open the bottle of nail polish. It was clearly a relief to him. I hadn’t realized how uncomfortable he had made himself by shutting me out. He knew it wasn’t having the desired effect, but was too stubborn to break his silence. It was touching to see how happy he was that I broke the silence. And I also think he was relieved that he hadn’t driven me away. His demeanor toward me significantly improved after that.
His petulance made more sense when I learned that his first wife became involved with a religious group and began an immoral relationship with another congregant. It took many years of patience and persistence on my part to convince him that I wasn’t trying to replace him. And before he passed away he thanked me for sticking to my principles and raising our children to be like minded.
THANKYOU
I've never liked this idea of "she is always right"
Always thought it was bullcrap
It's narcissistic, is what is! Narcissists can never be wrong. Telling someone they're always right is creating a monster and robbing them of the opportunity to grow. Smh
Of course it is. My husband is right most of the time. Drives me mad. Lol.
Yes! So nice to have this better way articulated as three simple principles.
If men actually listened instead of pulling rank… it’s usually not about being right -?it’s about being heard, and respected for the opinion.
@@rachaeledwards2782Mine too! 😅
All in all. I cannot refute!
God bless you, sir.
That last line had me!!! So true! Kudos man.😂
Ten years (and four days) into my marriage to a marriage counselor and I would add a fourth rule: the harder a conversation is to have, the sooner you should have it. Holding onto it will only make it worse.
Rule 5: You don't have to give all details when telling something or answer all questions but do not lie. Make sure to ask all questions and don't make assumptions.
Some conversations simply should never be had.
@@danawagner5301no, we have time
@@danawagner5301Avoidance technique works wonders for not understanding someone more lol
My husband and I live by this. We've been happily married 23 years
44 years next week.
About the same but I can honestly say we have had a few bad years and a couple of really bad years. The good outweighs the bad by far. We make each other better people. We made a conscious choice to stick through the worst year or two. It comes down to a conscious decision to follow through. Def could have been divorced a couple of times. I am happy that you have all good years. Hopefully I get that together by the next life.
Does he tighten the jar lids? 😂... I thought that was funny
Love the last suggestion. All in all you are a good man.
I love this dude give straight easy to follow good advice keep up the good work sir
Best rule: Remember that you are speaking to someone that you love and care about deeply. Great advice!
I love your take on life
If you think there is a best rule you did not get the point. all of these things working in conjunction with one another contributes to having functional communication in a relationship do not think any is more important than the other they are all extremely important and should be taken Into account with the utmost seriousness
In short: happy spouse, happy house. You're a team. A unit.... act like it
happy man happy fam
yah but to most women its happy wife happy life. which no your statement happy spouse cause it means both is correct ladys learn from this one
@@myrandomcorner3460stop taking every opportunity to teach women how they should be. The opening comment was fine without yours. Most women are normal and just want to make things work. If you don’t believe that to be the case, that’s likely because you chose very badly. Stop generalising even if you feel you’ve been the victim of generalising. Two wrong don’t make a right and no one cares about comments that are patronising. You’ve won over exactly no one otherwise your comment would have got a like. 🤫
@@rosebud040686 Your making the assumption as though I said all women... I said most for a reason as not all women are self absorbed pricks but all one needs to do is look around and you can see by interactions by story's from others of situation there are far more women who think like my statement than don't. That being said I did not say that there where no women that want to make it work..
And to answer your other statement I decided in highschool after seeing so many women who are like my statement. that I decided to opt out of the relationship game I have had many friends who are women but I have never had a girlfriend and that is for multiple reasons one being I opted out of it the second I would not put a women through meeting my family its all kinds of dysfunctional and I know a women can and likely will assume much from that so I opted out.
So you can say I have no grounds if you want to make an opinion but what you do not know about me is that I am a very good judge of character and have saved many of my friends from relationships with women who turned out to be exactly what I stated.
I will conclude that I thank you for your opinion which you are entitled to as are we all...but that do not assume you know me when you have no facts to backup your assumptions P.S I didn't post the statement for likes either I'm not out for validation if someone agrees with my statement that's on them if they do not that's also fine we all have our own views
@@rosebud040686Well done!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Your WISDOM is PRICELESS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Tightening all the jars in the house...I just sprayed coffee...😂😂😂
I think the only addition I've got to this is I've had to learn to value feelings more. Facts matter, but I've found it very productive to acknowledge feelings, figure out where they come from and resolve them before moving on to facts. You've got to both be ready to talk facts... and I trust that if I'm patient, we will get there.
Good man @ andrewdarby
Wise and sensitive in your approach. Loving, honoring and cherishing.
If she's Italian you have to wait 10 minutes and one round of aggressive sink cleaning and then you can talk.
Lol as an Italian myself, I feel this in my soul 😂
Who cleans the sink btw?
Henrico, Va. Army Vet. Run for governor. Run for president. Please. Thank you for showing LOGIC has not been bred out of people.
"Brilliant!" Words from the wise.
When he says, ‘I shouldn’t have to sugarcoat everything for you..’ I remind him that he shouldn’t coat everything in sour either.. usually gets him to crack a smile.
Im using this one😊
Gotta remember that for my parents. I'm the more sensitive child.
Have you tasted sour coating?
@@aeonversestudios01 Ever had sour patch kids?
@@imthetube44 Exactly, it's the shit!
"Just go tighten all the jars in the house and then she'll have to talk to you." 😂😂😂😂 That was amazingly hilarious and I didn't see it coming!
This guy should run for president!!! Nick Freitas for president 2024… I approve this message!
Especially as we've gotten older, and arthritis in my hands flares up, that last one keeps my Beloved Joe as my Superhero.❤
I've been married 22 years and we have made it a point not to argue at all. Disagreements are not arguments. Disagreements involve calm, logical, and rational discussions designed to reach a resolution that benefits all parties involved. When emotions begin to elevated to a level of contention we stop and take a break until both of us have formulated an effective way to communicate our points.
Because of this, our 7 kids have never seen us argue. Last month while visiting their aunts and uncles, they observed how other couples try to resolve issues by yelling at each other. My two oldest sons, ages 17 and 15, were appalled at what they witnessed. It was a great teaching moment on both what to do, and what never to do. Needless to say they appreciate their home life much more now.
For those of you who have not yet been able to get to this level of communication, make sure you also resolve and apologize for anything you have said during the argument so that the children understand how important it is to admit mistakes and come to a mutual understanding, no matter how heated the discussion/argument becomes. We are all human and make mistakes, it is admitting our faults and learning from them which causes us to grow and prevent those mistakes in the future.
Wow, That's awesome on your marriage & not arguing in front of kids. Definitely better for them but also beneficial to see the difference between hiw to properly handle their own reaction to situations.
@@Blessd-savingrace I agree, my parents constantly fought in front of us and it made me not want that life so I made the choice to not do it and it's one less things for my kids to be concerned about (are mommy and daddy going to break up) no because we talk and don't yell.
This was a great decision to agree to. I grew up in a family who argued about everything and still do. I have trouble with confrontation and arguing. I have to work on this daily.
WAO.. GOD BLESS YOU.. 🙏❤
"Always remember you are talking to someone love." Great quote! I'll never forget it.
Oh my God, I wish that had been the case between me and my husband. I did not find out until after we were married the military has a program for intel to have a "cover wife". He got paid to get one. With a security clearance. They made it a really sweet deal by getting me to go back into hospital work and become a high paid officer. Then he was paid monthly to keep one. He had a second bank account to hide it. I pray you are always in love and keep your marriage kind.
@@JoyPeace-ej2uvif I’m ever a juror for your murder trial, I’ll find you not guilty.
No one cares
@@samhowl1152 Then why are you here?
What when every word out of her mouth (not an exaggeration) for two years is a complaint, criticism, attempt to control or accusation but you remember your vows and have no other place you'd rather but she leaves threatening to take everything?
Tighten the jars???? Clever move sir, very clever. 😂🤣
I love it. "Tighten all the jars in the house" LOL 🤩
I love that after he says “Tighten all the lids” he holds up his mug and it “I know”😂
Nothing says "think about it" more than that sip of coffee at the end eh?
If you are bitter, you aren't wise enough yet in a nutshell
What makes you say that?
@@michaelscott3174 Because being bitter implies lack of wisdom.
@@feartheghus Ok but how? You just repeated what OP said.
@@michaelscott3174if you're bitter, that means you're thinking of yourself and your own feelings while disregarding things that could be more important.
Someone who is truely wise knows that they can be (are are quite often) wrong.
Bitterness comes from resentment, and resentment often cones from bottleing things up.
Or, at least, that's the way I see it.
Or……
You may be bitter because even during spirited debate you are made to look foolish and incorrect…. Constantly.
You may also be bitter because you know the relationship is doomed, but you wear a happy face for the sake of the children and/ or family unit.
The latter is no way to live, but sacrifices sometimes have to be made for the children’s well being.
Watched with eager anticipation of the raising of the coffee cup 😂
If you’re arguing to win instead of overcoming the problem, everyone eventually loses
💯
Tighten all the jars in the house. I havent had such a joyful laugh as that in a long while. Cheers!
I have not been able to loosen the cap on the olive oil, do I have to marry to get olive oil into my skillet???😅
I have been married to my husband now, 16 years, sir. That was beautiful.
Tightening the jars is solid advice. Thanks.
Man, l needed that laugh today😂😂😂😂
I tell all young couples love isn't enough for a marriage to last. Trust and communication are key
If love was enough, no one will ever wish divorce. Besides, Satan will deceive you into believing you are in love with someone you are not meant to be with for the long haul.
Who would have thought the secret to a quality marriage is good communication? I don't understand how more people don't understand this. Also the last part was on point lol
That's sneaky, but I bet it works!😂😂😂😂
Nick, I very much appreciate your content. Life advice at its finest
Damn. That, sir, is a cunning plan.
The jars were a grandmaster move 😂. Respect chief!
Exactly....
And thanks for the jar tip!
"Tighten all the jars in the house". Lmfao
My attitude is, I'm to love her like Christ loves me. Do I always succeed? Not even close, but I keep trying.
**hugs** You're one man who met my number 1 priority in marrying a man. My husband is the same way. He met that, all other secondary requirements, and met other requirements that I never even considered make as a requirement.
We have 4 daughters and we tell them that as long as they marry a man like their father (meets the specific traits and standards he models, especially putting Christ First), we could not be any happier with their choice.
Press on. That's the hardest commandment by Jesus for Husbands. We must *AGAPE* our wives . . . meaning love her *unconditionally*
There is no such command specifically for women.
I hope I can find a husband with that mindset one day😊
@@tori_va807 Be the kind of *WOMAN* that kind of man is looking for. Develop the FRUITS of the Spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Forbearance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control.
I cannot name a single one that Feminism encouraces or creates. In fact, they pretty much *SCORN* such feminine and godly behaviors.
Your humility and honesty are admirable. People dodge humble pie like a plague.
Love her as Christ loves the church AND dwell with her according to knowledge. Blessings to you and the Mrs.
1 Peter 3:7
"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."
My ex literally told the marriage counselor that she fights with emotions and I fight with facts. Ask a Democrat facts don't matter😂😂
but you see he and his wife have an understanding at the outset. and respect as well. and you mentioned that your wife said, she "fights". hmmm. very telling. and she's an ex so there you have it.
Bro is still complaining about his wife after getting divorced 😂
I'm sorry you had that experience. Do you have any words of wisdom after however much time has elapsed since?
As a couples counselor, facts are important, but easy to twist. Beliefs are behind fact interpretation. Logic sometimes hides huge emotional baggage. Emotions sometimes are based upon unarticulated facts. The fact that one partner is dismissing the other is the issue. In a heated discussion, acting as if you are superior is pure disrespect.
@@bbsy1facts are interpreted through the lens of belief.
Thanks for the reminder about tone. Not married but a respectful, loving tone is something I can work on when dealing with loved ones.
I can't open my salsa jar...it's been on a shelf for 6 mo!!!!! Lol
One thing my husband and I had to do was agree to disagree and not actually argue with each other but write it down in short factual statements. When we were talking it usually escalated as we were both hotheads. As time went on we were more likely to have discussions, not arguments. We were married in 1976.
This is awesome! 🏆 Well done, you two!!!👏
Tighten all the jar lids...
Love it!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
From someone who has not only been married 51 years and still very much in love with my husband, this is great advice, if I may add one, never ever go to bed upset or mad at your mate, when the argument ends it’s OVER.
I would say if people are too tired or exhausted, the arguing has gone on for too long, one or both are using alcohol or drugs, take a time out and just stop! Agree to go to sleep, or sleep separately and agree to take a break. Don't argue for hours! If needed one person should leave the house to calm down. Just agree to take a break!
"Fine tighten all the jars" 😂😂😂😂😂😂 messed up! But definitely a good joke 😂😂😂😂😂
Rule 4 - Understand why the other person feels the way they do.
you probably already will if you are a few years in
That closer was the killer.😂
The jar tightning is actually very funny
Sorry men. I've cracked the code to opening jars without tools. You'll have to find a new bargaining chip😈😂
Communication is key 🔑 👌 💯 😌 🙌
Sure is. Without it ya got nuthin’.
Be affectionate too, both of you. Nothing gets a bigger smile on my husbands face than when i nuzzle my face under his chin/jaw for no apparent reason 😊
Good way to look at disagreements.
The jar advice 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Nick, that ending was first class!!!
Love your Wisdom, Especially about the Jars!❤❤❤
Nick, my wife has a can, bottle and jar opener. 😂😂😂😂😂
Just hide them.
Now "that" is funny.😆😅🤣😂
I wish someone had shared this with me in my first years of marriage. It took a long time and a lot of hard feelings before we figured out basically the same thing
I've been married 13 years. This advice is fantastic.
THIS MAN SHOULD RUN FOR PRESIDENT!
Emotional and communicative competence. Helluva thing.
ah, so its YOU my husband got the jar-idea from 😂
This man is a treasure trove of wisdom and advice.
nothing that a healthy contamination of feminism cant destroy, just give it a bit more time
@@timohaikarainen3957where would that be coming from?
It wouldn’t be his wife, not a female friend because he’d probably tell her to mind her own business
The only thing would be if he cheated on his wife with another woman, but I don’t think he would do that
@@Connerthespider easily. his wife. there is no virtue that social media and social pressure cant reach to destroy. it branwashes you in real time. when you open up your app in the morning they give you a list of things you should resent and nag about today. and the man is completely out of loop, just wondering where all this is coming now. bots.. bots my friend.. programmed by social engineers funded by mr klaus schwabb types
@@Connerthespider you wanna hear a true story i got to witness a couple of months ago? my friend, happily married to a quiet, good, stay at home wife for 20 odd years with 8 children got into a situation where a bot started flirting with his wife over facebook. the bot claimed to be a famous persons brother and wealthy. she fell in love. most importantly this bot started to program this wife with doctrines of feminism. which started with ideas of individuality and bloated self worth. she started first nagging and pointing out all kinds of untrue things about her husband, then it cranked up to physical violence. the finale of the story is this. she got so resentful taking care of her kids, and i remind you, they had 8 of them, out of which the youngest one was very young and mentally handicapped. one day she was out with only this youngest one, she was so distracted with the facebook and her virtual new boyfriend that she let her boy walk 50 meters in front of her. the boy run behind a corner, down to an icy river and drowned. later when the relatives came to visit them and comfort this divorcing couple for their lost ..here is the kicker.. as he was telling the story to their relatives he started crying a bit. after the relatives got out the wifey had another feminist program kicking in: she accused him of being weak! really? for crying about the lost of their son, because of her lack of motherhood. i only tell this because i know the wife personally. she used to be everything that you would expect from a humble and timid wife. everyone and everything is at the table when it comes to the might of feminism.
Thissouns SOOOOO much better!!!! Thank you for making some happier men out there ✔️
I admitted you have awesome comedy delivery, haven't I? TY! 🤩
Thats first statement he says “Remember your talking to someone you love” is prolly the most useful advice ive ever heard!!! Wish I thought of that when i was younger i prolly would have treated my parents better. Its not to late people take this advice!!!!
If she's upset, there are *TWO WAYS* to calm your wife down: neither of them works.
Because people can only calm themselves
🤣
@@vanessamartz7596 I'll bet you're a blast at parties.
"We're not in competition with one another." That is beautiful and keeping that in mind can certainly help things as long as one of you doesn't hold a deep-seated belief that in the end, they are *the* authority/last word/great decider in the relationship.
Good old fashioned advice with humor. Way to go! 😊
Amen! Words of Wisdom & Truth spoken by this man! 👏 May God continue to Bless their Marriage.
I once asked a wise man why I was under the impression that sometimes my wife kept asking me the same question multiple times in a row.
He turned his face, looked at me with the weight of his ancient knowledge, and finally answered: "That's because you keep giving the wrong answer. She is giving you another chance."
❤😂
So the wise man is saying your wife thinks your stupid.... wow that sucks for you
@@ok50438 you really didn’t get it, did you?
Never mind.
Good one!!!!
Then why doesn't your wife just ask for you to do it rather than give you the illusion of a choice?
Outstanding advice. I just went back and wrote these down so I can re-read and memorize them.
I love your sound advice and the fact that you put humor into it to !. Thank you!
On point again sir! Been working with engaged couples for 15+ years...learning how to "fight" is a big part of a successful relationship. One of the best points is this, always fight so the relationship wins...not an individual.
Great advice that applies to all relationships.
Man I wish you were in Oklahoma, love your messages man. Keep spreading your wisdom. Thank you
Tighten all the jars...Brillllllant, my man Nick. 😅👏💯
This is how you should treat all family members and friends.
There's an old saying...you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I've noticed that many women seem to have never learned that lesson. Too many women try to act tough and masculine. I tell them that they will be great husband someday.