My 28 year old son is a narcissist, big time. He cusses me out, belittles me, and won't let me forget my previous mistakes. Thank GOD he lives out in Washington state and I'm in Massachusetts! I wish to have no more contact with him; he's taken up where my ex husband has left off. Sounds cruel to say about my own son, but I'm done with him. I'll be sixty in a couple of years; it's high time I have to take care of my own needs FIRST. Life is short. Sorry, Patrick.
My 28 yr old son just called me every name in the book. brought up every mistake I ever made as a single parent and wants me to apologize to him for something I didn't even do. Unfortunately he only lives 25 min away from. I've spent the last 6 months distancing myself from him & am setting boundaries for the first time with him...but he came to my door last night & screamed god awful stuff at me...I almost called the cops. His father is the narc and I the codependent, so apparently he has decided to go the narc route. I'm looking at this situation as an opportunity to work on myself, set boundaries and stick to them. What else can I do?
I had to do the same thing in the past. Ex husband and mother-in-law full narcissists. I walked away from them when two kids were already adults. One of them was a teenager. Older son picked up where ex left off. I had him escorted from my home by the police he was already over 18. Was called the most God awful things. I put my foot down and set the boundaries. I told him I will always love you you are my son but I do not have to tolerate your behavior. And I stuck to it. Finally, he came back around and didn't do it again. He figured out about his dad. My other son never acted that way I was very lucky. Have a very close relationship with him. My daughter is polite, but treats me like I'm not that important. Kind of like a stranger on the street would say hello. Narc mother-in-law became her mother. I set my boundaries. It's very hard but you have to do it.
Going through the same exact thing with my 23 year old daughter. This has been going on since her teen years. She says mean hurtful things. She recently played a cruel joke by trying to convince me she was dying of blood cancer. My mother died of Leukaemia so When my daughter told me she had cancer I felt sick to my stomach. Then she laughed about it. I just don’t understand how she could think that was even remotely funny. We are not on speaking terms now. But not because of her joke. The day after she did that we argued about something stupid and she started accusing me of not loving her or caring about her. She is a mother of two and she has a husband. I honestly thought she would of matured by now. For the most part she has. She has a good life. But when it comes to me and her relationship it’s not that great.
Going "no contact" is the only way to have peace in your life again and ramp up your own self esteem. You can pray for your Son, that God might intervene, but you and all of us mother's of narc children will never be able to help them. You have done the right thing.
Has it gotten any better over the last three years? How has it changed? My covert narc husband devalued me in front of the kids and to the kids behind my back. Then used my deepest need against me. Both my adult children are alienated against me. Is there anything a mom can do?
Yes, there IS something WE can do as moms. I had to divorce my ex after 32yrs. My daughter watched him and acted out against me just like him. I do not have contact with my daughter at the moment for MY sanity . Drop me a line if you’d like to chat ❤
I’m finally setting boundaries with my 24 year old son and I have been called every foul name in the book. Just for saying NO to abuse. I love him and it’s so hard, but I have to stay strong
I know how hard it is, because I’m going through it and doing it myself. But we have done a good job raising our children and other influence or whatever has caused them to be who you didn’t raise. His time will come and he will see how hurtful he has been. Till then, and we can do is pray for these children🙏
We’ve been basically raising our 2 year old granddaughter since birth. Our “no’s” have gotten us the punishment of having granddaughter removed by mommy who is “never letting us see” our granddaughter again. Never been away from this child for more than 3 days, it’s been over a month now. We are hurting, this is what she wanted of course and finds it gratifying that she’s hurting us according to a text. What saddens us most is that she could rip her child from everyone and every stable thing she knew to just allow anyone to watch her while mommy does her thing. It’s so sickening to think of how far we bent over to keep this baby safe and how many of our own resources we used to care for her and try to show our daughter our support just to be spit in the face both figuratively and literally. Including putting up with her adult tantrums, rages, destruction of our home and threats, not good… let’s keep each other in prayers! Can’t believe how many people “help” our children when they leave, burning the bridge with us, once the find new sources.
You know what I really need is to get inside the mind of theses estranged adult kids.. My son told me " mom" I am pretty sure that your the only one that really cares after ripping me deep as he could and bringing in his brother as much as he can. So am I the only one hurting and grieving after 2 years of them ignoring me? He is 33. Does he really never think about me or his dad or the horrible things he has said to me? I was a stay at home mom.. and now he is college graduated i am pretty much a discarded past object..
My oldest son is the same and I have noticed the traits since he was very little. They don’t change and you can’t do anything to change them but hurt yourself in the process
My son is a Narc and his girlfriend is too. Its Crazy. I have gone no contact with them both he is 41 yrs. Old. They have twin boys 3 yrs. Old. I also cry for them. 😣 because I never see them now. They are my only grand children.
I have been going through this for 6 years now with my daughter she has taken me through the unimaginable sence she's given birth to my granddaughter I have even had to take her to court to see my granddaughter. I'm at the point today that I want nothing to do with my daughter but I'm not gonna let her keep my granddaughter away from me as of tomorrow I will be contacting the police for welfare check and contacting child service. Eveytime she get a boyfriend in her life I become the enemy. And she is my only child. I gave her to much and now I regret it.
Emily you are so right Emily thank you for speaking out I needed to hear it as well as probably many many others. all these years I felt so alone shamed and embarrassed while hurting. although it makes me sad for everyone I no longer feel alone in this. :-)
Thank you for this video. Our son is 41. No hope. He has kicked our front door and surround in , set us up at his graduation, embarassed us, so we left. We paid for years of college, degree, after degree, through Doctorate degree. We have been no contact for over a year, since the door issue. He also was abusive as in screaming pushing me up against the wall, trying to force me into saying what he wanted me to say. Husband rescued me. The child was given the best of everything. Best schools, cars, clothes. He turned into a monster instead of being an appreciate child. We feel responsible since we gave him so much. This is very difficult. He has gone to other members of both sides of the family, mine and my husband's. I shutter to think what he has told, but we are to the point that we don't care. We moved to a new home, which he will find eventually. Should we think of taking out a restraining order? I could write a book on this child. We were totally ignorant about this condition, or perhaps we thought he would eventually grow up, and act like an adult who cares about his family. Not going to happen. God bless all the other parents that are going through this same thing.
So sorry Karen. Just simply heartbreaking to have your own child turn into such a monster. You are right to protect yourselves since these are his hoices, not yours and he has become dangerous. Yes, get a restraining order since he can locate you through extended family members and likely will show up on your doorstep again one day. If you're both retired (I assume yes since he's 41), then move even further and start anew. Don't even tell family where you are. Sadly, it must be done. I hope your hearts find peace and healing. It is the path he chose and life lessons for him to learn. Narcissist's rarely change if ever. He might pretend to have changed (they are expert at copying others with feelings), but only as a way to hoover you back in or himself into your lives again, merely to take from you and abuse you. Don't let it. You are worthy and deserving of a good, happy life with people who respect and care about you mutually. Abuse of any kind is NOT acceptable. Wishing you peace and blessings, protection, safety and love ❤
There’s plenty of children who received all that you gave your son and they turned out great. Your son chose this path as did my daughter. Having a surface relationship or no contact is the only way with a narcissist. They’ll never love you or respect you, and it isn’t personal. They are incredibly selfish and have no true empathy for others. I blame our sick society. How can one get away from this constant self-gratification world we live in. I wish you and your husband the very best.
Thank you. Bottom line: set a boundary of courtesy and never chase an adult child to be included in each other's life. Time for Mom to make new friends and come to grips that I may now be a family of one.
Thank you, Wanda, for my new bottom line. I set a boundary of courtesy yesterday with my son, texting him that he did not need to insult me to make his point. His texted reply: “I think you need to reflect on your reaction to that text and consider checking your ego at the door and try again”. Right now I am struggling not to reply to him that setting a boundary is not an ego trip, but I understand that would be feeding into his narcissism and lack of empathy. Ghosting him makes me feel like I am shutting the door in case he ever needs me, but that is my co-dependent self taking over again. Like you said, I need to get used to the idea of being a family of one forever and stop trying to make a good relationship with him happen.
One problem I had with my narcissistic daughters was I always thought of them as children! What fun we had! How I loved them! When they were about 30 all this changed. I asked myself why. They became cruel. "Oh Mother!..(add insult here). I even blamed myself. Finally I told one I didn't want to see her for a year! "Fine" she said. But I had begun to notice she was that way with her family too. Long story short, I make every excise NOT to see them. I will not be able to enjoy my Grandkids. But I have to have my peace & sanity. I really feel for ppl on here, like me, who don't deserve what they are getting from narcissistic older children.
Zee B I so relate. the emotional pain and confusion is almost more than a person can bear. everything I ever believed in became questions in my mind. I had no idea if I was right or wrong about one thing anymore. that was 4 months ago. I am actually starting to want to do a few small things now. I feel strong in some of my beliefs again. the belief system that I had gone by and then questioned so much, seems so good and true and write to me again. I feel I have been right all along. abused neglected abandoned ignored so many things. I'm glad to share that my inner strength that was invisible to me and felt gone, is coming back more and more now. I am so so sorry that any human has had to endure what these kids have put me through. hang in there just keep hanging in there with Blind Faith. it gets better and better. I no longer long for any of their attention. that part has changed 100%.
That’s how feeling . My first grandchild and both my son and his wife are the same . It beaked my heart knowing they care only for what my home is worth and my will and what’s on it . He tried to be fake nice for a while then if I say anything he doesn’t like be it innocent on my part like I said he used to be fussy eater when he was little ... he tore strips off me wing criticism and harsh words them hung up on me . Seems I have to pay and change everything about me to be good enough to be a ble to see my granddaughter.
My son is a narcissistic so much so while battling breast cancer my husband decided to keep him away. He didnt send a card or well wishes nothing. After a chemo treatment I had received a call that he was getting evicted from yet another apt...I told him Im having major surgery tomorrow and could not help him...He said why is everything about you..from that point my husband would not allow any phone calls while battling breast cancer....All my love can never change him how do I turn it off?
Thank you for this. ..my son is 47and in the last few years it is evident he is now overtly aggressive to me and simple boundaries! We have broken completely and it remains that way. ..no contact is choosing me now! I have suffered ALL my 70 yrs at the hand of this one and that one but now alone is good and peace is a wonderful thing! I didn't make them that way and I can't fix them!
TY for your support! This isn't a new problem and now I am not sorrowing but accepting of it all. I live in peace that I have done my best and given all that I can give now. He is 48 and has a right to his own thinking regardless of whether right or wrong and I respect that. I wanted simple boundaries like no more talking about the ex of 27 years ago who molested his sister....and he took it to a whole different level...there it remains!
Karen Cox I feel so bad for you. I do understand exactly what you're talking about I have a 32 year old son that is a narcassist he's getting ready to have his first baby. and my life has been pure hell his latest stunt was and I can't believe I fell for his stupid lies he stole $4,000 from me. the people at the bank when I found out they told me I should call the police but how can you do that to your own child and even though I know it would have been the best thing to do but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. after this last stunt of his I am no longer going to be able to have him in my life anymore. I know that sounds terrible to some people but unless you have gone through this you just do not understand. he's turned my oldest daughter against me and the both of them or trying to get me to divorce my husband. I just couldn't believe I fell for his stupidity all these years. but not anymore cuz he's not in my life. I wonder if there are any groups out there for parents that have children that are narcassist. there probably is but I just haven't looked it up. you just feel so alone when you have a child like that. my son wanted me to divorce my husband so bad he went and took a box of empty rubbers and put it in the car so I can find it. and he was telling me that my husband was messing around on me. my husband is his step dad so that makes him the bad person even though he's not it's just because he's not his real dad. I hope and pray that you get the happiness that you deserve in life nobody deserves to be put through hell that our children put us through. I will pray for you. take care of yourself. God bless you
It’s so painful and my son is 42 and it’s made my anxiety and flash backs unbearable too . I’ve had to get out of abuse before but omg when it’s your son it just makes all the cheesy movies seem ridiculous and far fetched . We’re supposed to show unconditional love yet get treated like dirt and shame and guilt because we loved too much ? Hard enough when it’s a partner but god I’m breaking up in bit trying to find my self respect back and not keep thinking I’m defective and unworthy of being treated with some decency . Not have the rants and insults of an adult son acting like a petulant toddler screaming till they get what they want .prsy for us all here to find peace love and safety 🙏🏽🦋
Sherry Galloway - I'm now at the point I need to have no contact with my step daughter who I've poured love, time and energy into for 20 years. She is 35. Why do I feel so sick to my stomach and shaky over the thought of it?
I have decided to go no contact with my 27 year old, betrayed me gaslighted me lied about me talks about me like a dog, enough is enough. The hardest part is acknowledging I will never see my grandkids and how many times she has betrayed me.
It's the most heartbreaking thing I've ever been through. And I have a beautiful granddaughter involved who loves us dearly and we adore her. It's a feeling of being stuck in a bad relationship, accepting being treated horribly or else you lose everything you love.
I know what that is like. I can't stand my daughter now. But I love my grandkids who are only toddlers now. I have not seen them for 6 months and I don't think she will ever let me see them.
I have lost my grandchildren too. My comfort is that when they grow up and realize what their mother is, they will come looking for me. I will be there for them.
My adult narc daughter's idea of a "healthy" relationship is for me to continue allowing her to control me and give her what she wants (time, energy, money). She insults me, is cruel and has also put my life in danger but I'm just supposed to continue to allow this to take all of this because according to her, as her mother, I owe her. Yeah it's twisted and no amount of patiently talking things through with her (which I don't do any more) is of any use. It's her way or no way. So I finally put my foot down (when she was 30) and said no way! She was utterly shocked, didn't expect it from me and her smear campaign against me has intensified: I'm now the abandoning, neglectful and abusive liar of a mother. This means I've been left isolated from most of the people in my life who she is able to easily manipulate.
It's more about what they experienced as children, not necessarily specific to narcissism, even healthy parents can easily, unknowingly make their small children feel responsilbe for their parents or other people's feelings, and the child either ends up being healthy, or a people pleaser who is codependent, or they end up having fear of abandonment (not physical abandonment) and get bpd/ npd traits, which make them abusive. Children spend a majority of their time in their subconsious, more so than adults (even most adults spend a lot of their time living in their subconsious), so everything gets downloaded into their brain without them questioning it, and when they hear their parents say things or do things that make them feel responsible for their parents feelings, like, if you show them that you are upset if they make bad grades or do something wrong, they learn the they ARE RESPONSIBLE for their parents feelings, which is very damaging, especially if they don't end up learning otherwise, later. The limbic system in our brains (amygdula) causes those emotions to come up later, and it's then extremely difficult to fight your brain chemicals, and they react to the old emotions, how they felt as children, rather than to the current situation.
@@SydMountaineer No one thing causes narcissism and it is time to stop blaming ‘parents’ by default. Western society as a whole is a huge contributor to narcissism by promoting the ‘self’ and it’s all about ME and ‘you only get one life’ mentality that justifies thinking about…. ME! and to hell with everyone else. It encourages selfishness and disrespect. My daughter was the most loving and caring daughter and very family orientated until she hooked up with her ‘lost’ friends and she changed over a 2 year period to a woman who couldn’t give a damn whether I was dead or alive because it was all about her and if that meant abandoning/discarding me in typical narcissism style, ‘Oh well!’ The pain has been devastating as she is my only child and we used to be so close. Now that seems like a dream.
@@NickyM_0 I feel like I just read EXACTLY how I am feeling and what is happening to me with my oldest daughter.....absolutely heartbreaking, devastating and feels surreal. It has truly broken me. 💔 I pray 🙏 she finds God and forgiveness again and can find her way back to me...but she has not communicated in almost a year AND gave birth to my 1st grandson that she hasn't even bothered to tell me or send pic or anything. Just beyond sad. I must learn to move forward and try to find joy in every day. I do have another adult daughter who I am very close to and a teenage stepdaughter that is great. That is saving me. My oldest blames me for anything and everything. Helps reading all comments from people in similar situations as I don't feel so alone. Thanks for sharing.
Defense coming up in response to the reality that no one is perfect is also a sign of narcissism. Having an open heart and the ability to look inward for validation of experience or for what one might have done (unknowingly) to injure their own child are healthy responses. The majority of the world hold injuries from their parents; even in the two-parent, stay-at-home, intact, happy home.
My name is Laurie, and I was raised by an overt narcissistic mother, married to a narcissist/sociopath, had 2 children with this man, we have been divorced for 12 years, and my children have become narcissistic, and I have gone no contact with both of my children, my ex-husband, and my mother. It's heartbreaking to set that boundary with my children because they are MY flesh and blood, but the manipulative people in my life, I've just had to pull away. It's been so hard, but I know I am safer.
Hi Laurie. My story is similar to yours. Both my parents were narcissists. Mother now dead. Father not far behind. My two remaining brothers are narcs. My ex wife of 22 yrs is an exquisite covert narcissist. Her father overt and malignant. Their extended family that they are all so proud of, nothing but narcs and abused spouses. Horrific. Wish I knew all this before. Just put a boundary of no contact with my 21yr old son. I think he is lost. Never grieved so hard in my life reaching that decision. My 25yr old daughter who might be beyond saving is totally manipulated by all of them. It is profoundly disturbing and distressing that only people like you and me can ever appreciate or understand fully. Our only difference is I have only reached this moment now in time. How are you now? Is there anything you can tell me that might help? Anything in retrospect, now that a couple of years have gone by, that would be worth knowing for somebody just coming to grips with this? Take care.
my old son is a narcissist and has now cut me out of his life, after smearing me to others and leaving me with a huge debt. it's like my son has disappeared and he's become a different person...has become my ex-husband. there is a hole in my heart.
It’s awful I know and so hard to accept that you put your whole life for them and it comes back to hurt you . Pray favour on your life of peace and support n safety 🙏🏽🦋
Ex husbands cause a lot of pain because one has left them. Thats not fair to the children. There should be laws that are enforced to stop their trying to turn the kids on their own mother's .
Thank you for this TH-cam! I was married to a covert narcissist and, sadly, two of my three adult children have definite narcissistic traits. Other parents--let's encourage each other!
I'm late. But I understand. I don't know but your comment triggered something very freeing inside me. I don't know why I'm surprised at my daughters behavior ... Her father, her paternal grandmother, and paternal aunt are the most narcissistic pathological liars this side of the moon! Only one of his siblings turned out normal and the minute she turned eighteen she moved to California and never looked back. She didn't even come to their mother's funeral two years ago just to stay away from the rest of her dysfunctional family! So I guess my daughter inherited it honestly as the old people used to say!
So sorry Elizabeth and Sonja. You both deserve happiness, peace, mutual respect, caring and love. Abuse is abuse no matter the source. It's heartbreaking when it's your own child. Abuse is NEVER EVER acceptable Protect yourselves and know that this was their choice not yours. They are shallow, empty, immature, controlling, extremely selfish and toxic liars and cheaters that can NEVER be trusted. They copy the feelings of others because they don't feel things hardly at all, which is why it's so easy for them to hurt you and others and NOT care at all, & this is why they must wear their masks to copy real people with real emotions and this is so they can ultimately win at their selfish game. You both deserve better. You deserve peace and happiness and real caring and love. As horrifically painful that it's your own child, every narcissist is somebody's child, abuse is abuse and mus5 NEVER, EVER BE TOLERATED. hope you both find peace, caring and real love. If not, practice self-care and self-love, and distance yourselves in order to find your own deserved peace. ❤
I have 2 daughters, one is a covert narcissist and the other is an overt narcissist. Both have called me crazy when I set boundaries! I haven't had contact with my oldest daughter for over a year and the other daughter ghosts me every time I enforce boundaries. It is emotionally devastating after raising them to the best of my ability and I frequently question my parenting skills. My job is finished however my heart longs for a healthy relationship with them.
Same, Laura, and I'm really so sorry this is happening to you too. It's such a massive loss isn't it .. and we really have no choice but to put those boundaries in place, and those boundaries push them away and expect us to have a conditional disingenuous unloving relationship with them .. I had to finally say 'no more' .. nothing heals this does it, and coming to terms with it so that we can live life again is very very hard but necessary. God bless and keep you well. We did nothing to deserve this.
@@jackgoodings Mine ghosts me too when I set boundaries but I know that this is her way of punishing me and trying to stay in control (by creating anxiety in me). I've not caved in. I've been through so much hell and she has put my life in danger so I can't afford to back track. It's very tough to come to terms with (it feels worse than death) but yes, very necessary. I know I'm not a perfect parent but I do know I've always been a loving an supportive parent (her narc dad has been completely out of the picture since she was a year old so had no influence in her life) and I know I did nothing to deserve this. My mistake is that I was conned by her dad who was posing as someone different from the person he actually was. Despite this I don't regret having had her and I love her with all my heart despite all she's said and done to try to destroy me. It's heartbreaking.
This is the worse…. Two years I have seen this developing with my daughter. Now…. I can barely stand to talk to her or even listen to her. I use to love being around her…. LOST
This is the most difficult and hurtful situation I've ever had to deal with in my whole life. Considering that I have CPTSD from early childhood abuse/trauma as well as PTSD from secondary life threatening trauma, is a "walk in the park" compared to the past 15 years... My son became/was my whole life. I vowed before he was born that he would get everything I never had as a child, first on the list was unconditional love. It was just us against the rest of the world. He was my life, my reason for living/breathing, what kept me going when all I wanted to do was give up. And yes, I admit, I did spoil him rotten... I will ALWAYS love that child, he/his memory will always live in my heart but... The person he turned into after meeting someone we both regarded to be a father figure in his life and that person manipulating (sociopathic narcissist/schizophrenic) forever changed my son. Psychologist term is parental alienation. This man totally turned my son against me and nothing I could do or say to try to get my son to understand how he was being manipulated was "true". I was lying or just jealous that he'd "found a father". I finally had to leave when my own son kicked me out of "our" home. He was 18 then. I left and moved back to where we had lived when he was growing up. Yes, it was extremely difficult emotionally leaving my son but my hopes were that he would finally "wake up" and realize that he was being controlled.... I FORCED him to listen to me the night before I boarded my flight, he was angry, defiant and told me that he wouldn't believe me. I told him that was fine, it was however my RESPONSIBILITY as his mother to tell him what I felt and what I had found out about this man. What he choose to do with that information was up to him... Said and done, I left the next morning and cried the whole way home... 6 months later he called me and asked me to come back and help him. He had finally woken up... Of course, I was on the next flight back... Got kicked out 2 more times and a few months later, he'd beg me to come back, which I did... Finally when he turned 21, I said no more, if you need me, you come home and I left, for what I thought was the last time... 1 year later he "crashed and burned" and I sent him a one way ticket to come home. That's when life really took a turn from bad to worse... Manipulation, guilting, nothing could be his fault. I had "abandoned" him with this pervert/father-figure, everything was turned against me and I bought into it, as did many other people he would "cry his story to". My self-esteem went from low to rock bottom. Constantly feeling that I had to be "on call" or it would be my fault if something "bad" happened, if he would need me, suicide attempts, having to rush into town to either prevent him from harming himself or sitting by his hospital bed hoping and praying that he would be ok... Several psyciatrists later, he was diagnosed narcissist/borderline/sociopath... I somehow survived this for 10 years, he is now 32 yrs. old... I was breaking more and more day by day, night by night. year in and year out... Told him MANY times that I couldn't deal with the "drama" and needed it to STOP, or I would either end up killing myself or leaving. Did he believe me? Did anything change? no... This last February I left, packed 2 suitcases, just up and abandoned my house and moved, not just to a different town but to a different country... *tears* Do I miss my son? YES, I miss the son I use to have... Unfortunately I have had to realize that, that son no longer exists... Yes, his body is still alive but it is not my son that is within that body. Does he know where I am? Yes... Do I take any crap from him? NO, I hang up the phone when I feel he starts trying to play the blame game or manipulation... Am I hurting? Yes and most likely I always will when it comes to him. I am mourning my child as if he was dead... But, I want to LIVE and this is the only way I know I can live a LIFE and not just exist... as I know I can't stop myself from letting him manipulate me if I'm around him. So, I removed myself from the equation... Do I feel guilty for leaving him? Yes, at first but now, 8 months later I have started to feel more at peace with who I AM, my choices and how *I* feel! //Solani
Good for you. They will never accept responsibility for the pain they cause you after you have given them everything you could outside of your vital organs!!! I had to give up on my only child and let her deal with the consequences. I actually feel pretty darn good. After I watched her sad attempt to sabatoge my graduation, the only thing that raised my self esteem, I learned how to act like I don't care even if I do!!! I kicked her out like she was a stranger and after I reclean my house from her nastiness ill be happy once again!!!
Birdie Blue I am so sorry to read that you and others are having to deal with this, especially when it's our children that are the ones that are causing us this pain. We do deeply love our children and in a lot of ways (at least mine) we feel responsible for how they've turned out, and that literally sucks BIG TIME! Believe me, it doesn't get better... *sad face* Not until you seriously put your foot down and not only tell them that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! but also follow through with action. This is MY house, MY rules and if you don't like it, you know where the door is!! In the end it is their choice if they decide to respect your rules or if they choose to leave. We can only do so much as parents but in the end, no matter how much it hurts us inside, we HAVE TO make them understand, that we just won't take anymore of their crap. Not if we ourselves want to keep living a life worth living or heavens forbid reach the point where we just don't want to live anymore and see no other way to get out of the situation that we choose to end our lives. Since I took the step to leave my son, I have done much research on the narcissistic sociopaths as well as their victims and especially when it comes to the child or parent being the sociopath, it often ends with the person being abused committing suicide... :( Big hugs to you!!! //Solani
I have lost my only son because after so many years of subtle, degrading comments that always made me feel stupid, he recently exhibited Narcissistic Rage. I would also like to mention he has a Superiority complex and is also Paranoid. After spending only two days visiting him, by the time I left I felt like throwing myself under a bus. He destroyed any self worth, any confidence I had in myself as a Mother and as a human being. When I finally realized what had happened I had to put him out of my life forever, it was very painful, all the unconditional love I had for him all of his life GONE. I ended up sending him an e mail telling him he was dead to me, mainly because I learned the hard way Narcissists NEVER change. I would never give him the chance to hurt me again with his mental abuse and what I call battering.
I as well suffer from PTSD and honestly, I believe from your posting that you have been a major contributor to his situation. You "spoiled him rotten" but now that he is suffering from your lack of self help and parenting he's become codependent on you and he's to blame? Stop the fuckin attributions and take responsibility. Selfish shit I've ever herd from a parent...
Nancy Purland your not alone and is not to make you feel comfortable is to share the painfully moment wen you realize,what wrong choice,we make in have childrens grown up whit a Narc patent 😔whe were so deceiving by a narcissistic inhuman being 👾
I was in that same exact place. My mother, my sister, my husband and only child, aged 36; ALL narcs. I had to sell my house, move out of town, change my phone number. I’ve been no contact for 66 days. It’s a lifelong journey to recover. I cannot go soft either, and down the line reconnect with them. NEVER! This poison lingers and IS powerful! Don’t let your own mind weaken you. STAY AWAY!!!
What an important video! Parents who are faced with needing to protect themselves from narcissistic adult children, especially children who gaslight them, really really really need this support.
I have four children. Only one is like this. The others are delightful. My husband is a precious man. My child has been like this his whole life. I can remember when he was 4 yrs old and I knew something wasn’t right. People can be born this way. I’m learning to have boundaries but it is so hard.
I really needed to hear this. My son is 26 and started in his road to bad decisions at 16. I stuck by him. I attempted to fix wronged things. I stood by him when everyone else turned their backs. Now he has grown into a man that is so angry, manipulative and self centered that he blames everyone else for the things that have gone wrong in his life. I love my son with all of my heart, but I just cannot tolerate the venom that he spews at me and doesn’t even think twice about it. I do not see him changing his ways or thought. I don’t see him changing any of his mannerisms. I’m afraid that when the tears stop falling from my eyes that the caring will stop as well. I just cannot continue this cycle. I only hear from him when things are going wrong or when he needs money. I did the best I could raising him as a single parent. But he just told me I never supported him in anything for 26 years. My tears are starting to slow down. When they dry up- so will my ability to keep him in my life. My heart is breaking.
Kelly.... I hear you and I am there 3 years later... My son triangulated and now involved others.. I remain as quiet as I can and realize that we are truly in the entitlement generation... It is heartbreaking and some days are worse then others.. holidays etc.. I am just saying.. I understand 100%... hugs to you
Kelly.........you have written my own story and my heartbreak........my son is 24 and I am DONE with his explosive mental and emotional abuse and disrespect.......he has, or tried to, turned all his friends (whom I treated like my own kids as they were growing up) against me......and is working on my family........adopted him at age 5 days, and by what little we know about his birth father, I swear there is a strong component of heredity.
you may want to rent the movie of Ray Charles his life. myself and in my humble opinion I think other mothers need to be reminded of how wonderful our children have it and had it. Nothing's good enough for them. watch what Ray Charles does with his life and watch where he came from. I know what terrible gross guilt is. I've packed way too much. that's how they keep controlling us
I am only tonight realizing that my 29 yr old daughter is probably a narc. It's been a long road of abuse from her. Nothing I do is right or good enough. I did her a huge favor this week, but she kept gaslighting me, manipulating, and lying. In the middle of her telling me what a terrible mother I am who tricked her (?!) and ruined her life, I slapped her in the face. I can't believe I did that! When she talks to me like that it feels like she's killing my heart. I just had to do something to make her stop and come to her senses. Not the best way to set a boundary, I know. She said she'll never speak to me again, and immediately turned her sister and brother against me. The pain I feel is indescribable. I've already lost my oldest son to suicide because of my ex narc. I'm hanging on by a thread, but your video has given me some comfort for the moment as far as seeing this situation for what it is. Thank you.
Julie Achterhoff i can identity...also throw alcoholism and my 5 year old granddaughter. i can ket go of daughter but the 5 year old is helpless and loves me and suffering. i hurt so bad for the granddoll and allow the behavior to be able to see her and i guess in some way feel i can provide a safe place or save her. i want to say stay away and not see her she is so toxic. i feel so poweless and hurt for my granddaughter. i feel lost
Susanne C Just started educating myself on this, dealing with my 25 yr old daughter.. I have a granddaughter that I babysat 3 nights, many days,soothed her colic, sang to, held, loved with all my being, all within the first 6 weeks.. Me and her sister-in-law were discussing how that my daughter could have post pardom depression because of the way she talked to my granddaughter.. 3 days later, my daughter is throwing up how I'm trying to convince everyone she is a bad mom, and we talked to my daughter about this prior, but I ended up with the guilty past thrown up, she is going to kill me one day, says the most hurtful things! But not seeing my grandbaby.. I didn't know how to handle her til I ran into these videos. But it's been 3 weeks and 4 days since I've even seen my granddaughter and I've grieved myself sick. Can I not have someone be me and my daughters in-between communication? So I can know my first grandbaby. My daughters dad didn't speak to me for 22 years after I left him, his mother was our communication for my daughter
keelan Tonya Thank you for your gracious reply. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. You certainly deserve better. Your granddaughter loves you and will want to be with you rest assured. Maybe your daughter is a little jealous. Maybe you could try a little flattery and sincere praise, for something that she has done well, and saying that you're there for her. She's probably hungry for that herself.. almost like reparenting, and always trying to remain calm.in doing so.
Same here Shae . It's good to know we're not alone and what Meredith says is so right as hard as it is to hear especially when there are grandchildren involved as well . Like someone else mentioned there ,i too am hoping and praying it is just fleas and that with boundaries and effort on my part to continue and keep moving on that this will filter through and we can become family again in healthier happier ways .
@@lisanicholls6698 -- Nooo thats not the way, success is the best revenge.. The hardest thing is to step away.. forever! the narcissist wins if you give in.. Do something good for yourself and know that its a lot off us here going through similar hurt and shame from being exposed to narcisists.. Be successful at taking care of yourself..
My son has had unconditional love, support and it didn't matter he has too be in control no matter what. He has a huge entitlement complex where he treats others like his servant and doesn't bat eyelid when others are hurting around him. No talking, reasoning, laying down the rules will sooth this beast he has to feed. I have cried lonely tears of what he has become and come to terms that he enjoys manipulating and hurting others. They are not the one's that are hurting like they want everyone to think, but we are because we CARED. My heart is broken but I will not allow anyone to emotional abuse me anymore. He is an covert narcissist and emotional pain is their food.
OMG. Sounds like my oldest child. She has manipulated everyone to believe that I am the enemy. She stresses me the hell out. I had to cut her off. And also cut my losses. She ignores me when trying to reach out. Then accuse me of reaping havoc when she disrespectful as hell. And never see her wrong. But I am made out to be the villain.
My son same exactly!!! I can’t even go to my local grocery anymore without being stared at and whisper whisper!!! He works in Deli and has lots of gossip about what a horrible mom I have been how bad I hurt him!! I’m left scratching my head,,,
I feel compelled to interject. I'm not sure if you're saying that the child becomes a narcissist because they "identify" with the narcissistic parent, meaning narcissists are developed through nurture. My 30-year-old daughter is mimicing her narcissistic/psychopath father who left when she was 3 months old. I am 100% convinced that her narcissism is genetically inherited. She mimics him down to the change in her pupils when she's "cycling" or "loosing it" or what ever you want to call it when she's going manic. She did not grow up around him. He was out of the picture, and, yet, she's mimicing his behavior in many ways. I wish she would get an EEG to see what her brain map looks like and if there is anything that can be done to correct this. There are grandchildren involved, and this situation is the absolute pits. She controls everyone around her and uses the grand kids as trump cards. She is totally out of control. In my daughter's case, it's genetic.
That is exactly my experience, except that my daughter never saw her father after 11 months old. She is 30, and has 2 beautiful boys, 8 and 3, and uses them as her "ace in the hole," or "meal ticket." Setting boundaries is difficult, at best. I stand my ground, but she will say I am keeping them from having good experiences by not allowing her to use my car for personal things. She is out till 2 am almost every night, and sends the little one to his dad every other 3-3 1/2 months. She spends no time with them, and then accuses me for being kind to them. Agh. There is a drug and alcohol element, as she smokes daily, and I don't allow it in my house or car. I am struggling to provide safety for them when she threatens suicide. She wouldn't do it, she's very proud of her ability to manipulate people and have them dance around her. Her biofather was a drug addict, is a registered sex offender (not then) and was very handsome and con-man/schemer. She has all his traits. There has to be a DNA connection.
I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I feel for ya. These situations are so unnecessary and are emotionally painful. It's not fair that the kids have to go through this. I wish there was some real help. All the best to you.
Just remember, Diademglo, your child is not well in the head. What he said is a lie, and he has no idea what he says. What they say has no grounding in reality. You know what you've done for your kid. You were a good parent, not a perfect one. And that's the best any of us can be. Chin up, my dear. He'll be back.
Tina Huston sometimes we have to do the most painful thing. Our grandchildren are the victims. That's what we're going to have to do. It will be enormously painful, but we cannot live happily and well. Our lives are just too short
Tina Huston I've always thought there was a genetic predisposition but now you really have me convinced. Of course my 29 year old son has had a lot of example to follow but still . And it makes me feel a little better to know that there was nothing that I could have done about it. Thank you
I feel so rejected by my daughter, I’m in tears. She’s 22 going on 16. I hear you say that I need to chose me over my relationship with my daughter. I never imagined that I would have to choose to not have a relationship with my only child. The truth is, like Einstein said, I can’t keep on doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results.
Keep educating yourself on narcissism and learn how to deal with them. Raging-don’t react and simply walk away. Love bombing-your being set up to be used. Gaslighting-they’re trying to make you believe a different version of events. This is a really good opportunity for you and me to be emotionally stable and strong. I’ve decided to look at it as a psychology project. We have the upper hand with knowledge because narcissists are so predictable. Try not to take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. They’re mentally ill and don’t know how to deal with it. They’ll never be able to reciprocate love back to you. They don’t love anyone, not even themselves.
My boy. My only son whom I love so painful . I am am codependent, empath, HSP to the extreme. A curse to myself and now the realization damaging to one's children. The incredible intense pain I feel from the hatred, the disdain and the psychological repeated beat down abuse from my 26-year-old son is unbearable. I don't know what it feels like to lose a child but I can't help but wonder if this isn't worse. I actually wish that I lacked the empathy to smother how painful and devastating this is. Thank you so very much for all of your time and effort helping myself and so many other people understand and come to realizations or radical acceptance. I so hope that he will get help and it's not too late. Regards, Joseph J Watson Wixom Michigan
Hello ladies who have commented here and have gone through this. I'm so sorry to hear this. I know only too well because I have/am going through it too. People tell you to move on... it's kind of hard to 'move on' from your own child. This is not the life I envisioned with my adult child who used physical and other forms of gaslighting to 'try to' drive me mad. The realisation of that alone was enough to shock the hell out of me. I have no idea how all this will play out in the future and I don't want to go into the details as I'm sure many of you here will understand immediately if I use the words, lies, manipulation, rage, silent treatment, playing the victim, issuing guilt and blame, taking his father's side and glorifying him and 'dumping me' etc. I pray a lot and sometimes I'm still very angry because my world view was/is that love should conquer all and that mothers and sons should have a mutually loving and healthy realtionship. Nothing else ever entered my mind. Yet, this experience radicially shifted my views on love. I know now it doesn't always work out the way it usually works between mother and sons/daughters (within a normative context and taking into account the usual ups and downs etc). Sometimes God or whoever gives us this BIG cross to carry and this is a major LIFE challenge/lesson. I'm still trying to figure out where to go from here and what to do. At the moment I'm a work in progress, but I had to set boundaries and ask him to leave our home and that alone has been so difficult. I won't tolerate abuse from anyone. Blessings and love to you all. Miriam xxx
Miriam Cassar I am so thankful for your very eloquent, truthful, caring words. because your words could be mine, I fully yes fully understand. there has had to be so much confusion and pain to come to this conclusion on your part. I have suffered Decades of the same. when you talk about what you thought love was supposed to be, I thought the exact same thing and have seen it in this world for decades. when you talk about the confusion when it turned out to be different with your own offspring, I know that feeling. it honestly felt like an asteroid had hit my world and knocked it completely off axis. how could the children that I loved and adored so many years, Gone without so much on my part to give to them turn and treat me like they have? the sadness of it all is enough to take anybody out. but I've got to say, the shock of finally seeing the truth made me look at all of life differently, and the pain of that truth is more then one thinks a human can bear. as I read your words, I see somebody that has made it. you have made it through the most ungodly part of it with a sane mind. I believe we need to take the rest of our life loving self, looking and finding Joy in everything we can. I also believe that there are other people out there that love and believe healthy. I wish you much happiness the rest of your days as I wish it for me. thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks 🙏🏽 was kind of you to write . I’m going through such pain at this time from my old son . I’m always copping some put down or insult from h and his wife and I can’t allow my baby granddaughter to grow up witnessing the disrespect he dishes out when he can’t cope . Pray for all the patents who get abused by their own adult kids .
yes, we have to move on even if it is our children, I guess it means accepting the situation, what other choice do we have, none so go and have a good life in spite of it, that is what I am doing.
I am choosing to go no contact with my 28 yr old son who identifies and with lives with his narcissistic father. My son only contacts me when he wants something. During his last visit he mocked me, criticized me acting and treating me exactly like his father did. It is heartbreaking...I left my abusive Narc husband 7 years ago after 30 years of marriage. I wished I left sooner and possibly saved my son from becoming like his father. The last part of video was right on. I am so thankful that someone out there knows and understands. Blessings and prayers of healing to all. God is good I have a wonderful and beautiful new life with a new husband who treats me like gold and his family have welcomed me into their wonderful family and love me as their own.
My daughter, age 41, is a narcissistic abuser. I have been so damaged by her and her father, I still feel like I may have a nervous breakdown. It's been hell!
Carol Klimaitis - so sorry!! I found the best thing I could have ever done was make myself first!! I’ve started my own hobbies & work out, meditate, & that was best thing I could have ever done is work on myself & make myself strong!! My daughter 32 is really just attack’s me & I realized this is her journey & I have mine. Bummer is I have 5 grandkids I go hang out over there a lot. She loves to say horrible things about me in front of them & anyone, she sums me up in several ugly sentences ( yikes!!) 😳like she has me all figured out& lately I’ve learned to say...your entitled to your opinion no matter how it doesn’t resonate with who I truly am! Anything along those lines!! They don’t like us or let us have a voice! At least they try!! Blessings to you & I hope you rise above it🙏🏼❣️
Oh. How i wish my son would go away. He's emotionally abused his parents in OUR HOME, for four years. He's been arrested, homeless and sadly my spouse takes him back every time. The next time he is arrested he will go to prison for six months. I'm detached emotionally and have absolutely no respect for him. I'm tired of the threats. Tired of being held hostage. Locking bedroom doors and feeling afraid. I anticipate his next arrest. We have no life. And my wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer! I'm wondering if we can survive. I guess we're guilty of enabling, but I cannot wait to put this chapter behind us
I have a 28 year old daughter. The last 10 years have been terrible. I feel like I have viewed or been in a war zone. Was your son's behavior drug related? My daughters is. And I wonder if it's the same. Even if it's drugs that made her this way, should I just say enough is enough and close the book?
Thank for these words, you just reinforced my decision to change my phone number. So tired of text messages of how horrible a person I am, as well as my husband. After twenty two years of them being married, receiving off and on signals, taken away from grandsons, cut off from everything, apologizing never in the right way, it is time to stop the madness. We are going to live our remaining life,in PEACE and LOVE with each other. Please anyone out there listen, to this beautiful dear lady 🙏
This helped me SO MUCH! My 28 year old son barely speaks to me since I stopped manipulating me for money (not working, doing drugs and expecting me to support him 100%.) He has completely cut me off, refusing to speak to me. The few times he does call me. it's only to break my heart and tell me how horrible of a mom I was...and our entire family is "toxic". He blames everything on me and the family for his inability to have any friends, relationships, or the ability to work and be self sufficient. I have allowed him to do this to me due to my poor boundaries...but I now see how I have to maintain my own sanity. I wish he would get help, but i know I can't make him. Having your child break your heart is THE HARDEST thing in the world, but you just have to make the choice to take care of yourself. Thank you for making it okay for me to take care of me.
They don't change. They don't see anything wrong with themselves. So don't tell people they may change. You will never see a narcissist going to therapy.
That is not true, not all of these people are full blown narcissists - I did acted in a similar way to my mom when I was in my 20s, and since have realized that what my son is doing to me is very similar to how I blamed my mom. It was different because my Mom abused me in every way, even as an adult, and instead of setting boundaries when I was a young adult, I sometimes reacted to her abuse by projecting and blaming. My son seen me, as he was growing up, not stick up for myself and make healthy boundaries, and he learned how to behave from me, so he hates that so much about himself, that he blames me, wrongly, as he is an adult, and should not blame me for his behavior - he does not yet realize that he does not have to allow others to control his behavior, and that he should not allow others to control his behavior. But I was acting like my mother, and did have some of her bpd traits, but seen through it when I researched andn learned about it - so there is hope for some people, depending on how narcissistic they are and if they have bpd, depending on the severity.
This video really hit home for me. I'm desperately trying to keep the lines of communication open with my 35 year old daughter yet lay down boundaries but those boundaries are ignored. She feels guilty about her behavior toward me yet blames me for her guilt. I repel any of her vicious accusations because I know I have been a loving and supportive mother to her and her brother. It was hard when I realized that both my kids treat me with the same level of disrespect that their father did (he had an alcoholic mother). I divorced that behavior when they were small and it was so hurtful to realize that my kids had his tendencies. My son's behavior toward me is more dismissive than anything but the vicious verbal attacks from my daughter are something else. I hope I can continue to stand strong in my effort to hold my boundaries. It is so hard when it is your own child.
Awe so sorry Denise. You don't deserve this and from two of your children...so sad, so disheartening, so heartbreaking. Set boundaries and protect yourself. Abuse is abuse no matter the source. This is their choice, not yours. It's their path, not yours. You must stay on your own path and keep going. Sad for them, but 100% mandatory for you. Sending you a big hug and prayers for your continued strength and protection to keep toxicity out of your life. Focus on finding mutual peace, caring, love and respect in God, through God, in others, or from within yourself. Do not ever allow abuse. Big hug❤
I am dealing with narcissistic behavior in two of my adult children. I am hoping it is fleas and that as I heal, they will, as well, but I know that what Meredith is saying on this video is correct. I must take care of myself. Thank you, Meredith, for strengthening me once again with your clarity and the power of truth. Awakening to the narcissism of my mother and siblings and husband was heartbreaking, but the thought of losing my children is degrees worse. It is devastating. Accepting that it could be a life path and really ceasing to blame myself is transforming my life. Thank you for your marvelous work, Meredith.
I'm dealing with the same... I'm allowing myself time to heal from my awakening of my family of origin...narc mother narc sister...romantic partners from the past...now two adult kids... I'm done with abuse I've made myself clear...no contact with both my Son and Daughter... my grandson's were pawns to abuse me for years...but I'm choosing myself and allowing God to handle the rest...freedom from emotional abuse is liberating... Great video!! We definitely need a support group!!!!
Same here Sylvie . Thanks for sharing . I too hope the same as you and i've been told that as we heal they can too so i hold that hope out for all of us and our children and grandchildren also . Hugs and much love xx
You know, just this week, I saw how the shifts in myself have changed one relationship for the better. I saw real evidence of empathy and a desire for change in one of my problematic children. I am taking that one off the worry list. Unfortunately, the other went No Contact with me a year ago. I will keep working on myself. I have hope for that one, too. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I wish everyone the best. Hugs.
Donnell Allan Thank you for sharing such encouraging news and well done you ! I too can share the very same as my eldest son is on board with me now too along with his partner of 12 years . I now feel much more enthusiastic in regard to my other two adult children and have immense faith and trust for a brighter more harmonious future here now. Regards , best wishes and hugs . Donna. .
I feel like you were talking to me.....I have a son who has chosen this path....though he is clearly miserable. I hope he awakens, in the meantime I have and am searching for a better life.
jb maruca you’re not alone; I have an only child;son who is 19; facing the judicial system due to choices he made after 18; I raised him and told him with actions; chooses come consequences; it hurts my heart deeply; I know God is in control: he loves us all; and knew us before we were even born; with my faith so weak at times I try holding my head up and smiling while hurting deeply inside
I have come to the realization that my 23-year old daughter is most certainly a narcissist. I am a former Social Worker and student of psychology. I realized when she was very young (4 or 5) that she identified with her father. She has spent her entire life in counseling and therapy, including a year-long inpatient treatment facility when she was 13. She has moved back in with me for the second time. Even though she agreed to attend weekly family counseling with me, two months into this move, the honeymoon is over. She had a total and nearly explosive meltdown in two of the 4 sessions we had. I told the Therapist, I am fine with terminating the weekly sessions because this is not for me and I will not waste her time or mine. I realized long ago that I had done all I could to assist her in developing into a healthy and well functioning adult. Now I am taking steps to remove my daughter from my healthy and well-functioning space. Thank you for the video and the empathy you expressed.
It is more than devastating. Mine went so far as too help my ex by lying about me in family court which cost me my other younger daughter, my home and all in it. I became homeless. She campaigned against me with family and friends. 8 years later. im isolated.
I want you to know I believe you. They will not get the last word, you learn to take the best possible care of yourself that you can. I am doing the same.
having a daughter as a narc is extremely painful. I love my grandkids. but I have to have no contact. she will continue abusing me using the kids as a pawn.
I've got the same thing going, Lisa Talluto. No Contact with my 28 year old daughter because my heart was getting hurt too many times with my granddaughter being used as her tool to control me, all the confusion and craziness of silent treatment and verbal abuse. It has been 1 1/2 years since she had a manic-like episode and I ended up with post traumatic stress syndrome. My mother in law is JUST LIKE HER! They are two peas in a pod... both left handers...they think alike and are evil, have no empathy, odd people, act like kids in adult bodies, are bullies, liars, etc. I was in a terrible fog and very depressed. I am better now. I miss the daughter I used to have. She has gone nuts and married a controller and crazy doctor who thinks he is God. So glad I realized what was going on. However, she acts like she's the victim. I have so many stories I could share! Even regarding my Narc mother in law. All the cray cray's that used to be in my life.... God Be With Them! I pray for them
I have the same problem. It is very painful but worth it I think. They just keep playing games and if you do get to see the grand kids then they withhold them when you are so attached; blaming you for doing something wrong...... which is really just some lame excuse they made up to toy with you. I think its genetic. My daughter was raised lovingly in our family but my ex, (her Dad) became a cruel nightmare in the last 9 years of our 35 year marriage .....he was raised by 2 alcoholic parents. I always felt so sorry for him; but in the end........he turned it all on me. Heartbreaking.
This is such a hard thing to deal with and you don't hear much about it when your adult child is a narcissist or psychopath this makes things so much harder this can ruin someone's life I'm so glad this video is about this very subject. This subject I know all too well
Something else that's really important I've realized, is that you're actually doing the other person a service when you set a boundary. Meaning, you're teaching them a valuable lesson that maybe they've never learned before. What if they've only been around abusive types or people who succumb to their whims and outbursts, but when you set a boundary and hold to it they learn the lesson of what it's like to respect someone and what a person with self-respect looks like. And imagine if everyone vocalized their needs and boundaries and held to them in front of these people? Then they would have to change to fit into this world. They'd learn lessons all around, but most people don't want to confront anything and just hope they "go away" so they learn bad boundaries all the time :/ Anyways, just don't forget you do yourself a favor and you do them one too. You might be the first example of a healthy person in their life, maybe you are part of their actualization journey. Who knows, and not yours to dwell on either ;) just set the boundary, hold the boundary, and let go with gratitude ✌️😎
Yes, YES, YES, this is very important - I'm glad you brought that up, very good, Thank You! I wish I would've had the opportunity to do that many years ago, but at that time, my son was younger, and he was not abusive to me, but he DID see how I tolerated abuse from my parents and from my ex, so now, in his 30s, he is using me as narc supply, too, but, it is still good for him to see me finally take care of myself, maybe he will learn from it, maybe he won't, but it IS a good example for him, as he will end up like me, possibly, when his son grows up. When he was young, I thought I was "shielding" him from it, but he still seen that I had no boundaries and allowed people to verbally, emotionally, and physcially abuse me, which made him grow up being the same way - except I think he is PROJECTING, where he is projecting what he hates about himself onto me, and he is definitely BLAMING ME for how he feels, even though I am not abusive in any way. My grandfather was abusive to his kids and wife, and when his kids grew up, most of them ended up treating their mother exactly like he did, even though they say they are disgusted at how he treated her, they blamed her, because they learned to be like her, because at the time, she did not know how to make a good example for them, and would not have been able to, as when she tried to leave him once, he took all the money out of the bank - this was back in the 60s, my grandmother had 5 kids, did not work, and did not drive, but still tried to leave him by walking to the bus station in the snow, but he beat her to the bank.
Sounds to me that you're the narcissist. Narcissists always reckon that others are the toxic ones. Narcissi children get it from their parents. They're not born with it
Hugh Lennon: Exactly how do you know that "funky winkerbeans" is a narc? Sometimes it's normal and healthy to recognize that someone in your life is toxic, and the next healthy thing to do is remove them from your life.
sadly, nearly all narcs would avoid the years of therapy that it would take in order to be able to build relationships with them. Part of being a narc is not believing that you are the problem thus no reason for therapy. A very high percentage of the time a narc will be that way for life.
I just recently stood up to my guilt tripping daughter. I received a very hateful text saying that since I don't have much going on in my life I owe it to her to help her out more. Why can't I be like her mother-in-law? Why can't I be like her friends mother-in-law? Truth is - I help her all the time - every single time she asks. So I just told her that maybe her mother-in-law can help her out. =) I notice she never misses gym time or having facials or nails done. I like myself too much to put up with her ugliness. I go through my day thinking kind thoughts toward her; I am proud of her and love her very much - only to find out she doesn't have warm fuzzy thoughts toward me at all. She calls me daily to tell me all her problems and whines about people who don't treat her the way she thinks she should be treated but the second I mention something I'm going through she's instantly bored. She used to play with her phone constantly when we went to do things together until I started doing it too. I could tell she thought it was really rude for me to do that and saw it slowly dawn on her that maybe it's rude when she does it too. I tried to break the ice after a few days but she still wants to be mad and is giving me the cold shoulder and this time I'm not giving in first. It's heart breaking because I had to go no contact with my own mom - there were years that we had nothing to do with each other. She was angry because she couldn't control me - and now I have the same crap with my daughter.
my narc daughter does the same thing, in that she TRIANGULATES by comparing me to all her friends' moms and tries to incessantly guilt me, shame me, make me question my value as a mom and parent. meanwhile, NEVER does she look to compliment me, praise me, or worry about what might be bothering ME- when all i do is worry about her and yet "not give" enough. it's all TAKE on her end, all GIVE on my end. i agree, enough is enough. she gives me the silent treatment or STONEWALLS me lately. not sure what i "did" to deserve it, but that's her problem: if i'm below her so much she can't even communicate why she is mad/angry/sad, then i shouldn't care! plus, it's all a method of CONTROL. so i'm taking the advice i once read: what to do when someone gives you the SILENCE treatment? ENJOY THE SILENCE! hahahaha. yes, it's heartbreaking, but it is EMOTIONAL abuse she is inflicting on me, and i do NOT deserve it. she only gets away with it because she's my child. believe me, if she were a stranger, she would NOT be allowed in my house, or in my life! someday.... i'll find peace with this. until then, i'll learn all i can about how to manage disrespectful narcissistic children!
I have custody and she's trying to get me upset by petition me to court. They're dumb cuz i have soooo much evidence against her and het drug use it's insane
My adult son who is disabled is possibly a narcissist. He is self absorbed but tries to instill guilt. Accuses me of not loving him if he doesn't get my money. Hurts me as he criticizes me and praises anyone else as an example.
I am in a similar situation. It is not realistic to go no contact when he depends on me for support, but he grows increasingly violent and controlling. I have asked my ex, his narc father for help, but now they have teamed up to bash me and I am at a loss as to what to do next.
I'm in the same situation he trashed me till no end , still is emotionally he is 40 yr old injured spine , paralyzed from chest down in hospital 8 months .. every visit he makes me feel bad. I'm so sorry you all are going through this too . Sending love to each of you
At last! someone who understands my terrible grief in having an adult child (my only one) who needs to devalue me, point out my frailties, twist the truth to make me look bad, re-write history wherein I am the villain, use my grandchildren as leverage to manipulate me, etc. etc. The pain has been excruciating as I've tried over and over to connect with her in a good way but ultimately being slammed for some perceived slight. Guess what I discovered about this dynamic?! The better parent I was/am, the harsher was her treatment of me. Q: After all, if she couldn't target me, who else could she blame??? A: she would have to examine her own behavior and take responsibility for it. Would a narcissist ever do this? I think not.
You have to let the grandchildren go too meaning not being manipulated with them. If we have the attitude “I can live with or without” they’ll not be able to control us. This may mean less visits because if they can’t use us then we hold no value in their eyes.
If I had known that the child I tried to protect would turn into the abuser after I divorced his father?? I would have gone underground and gave up the worthless child support and visitations that I was forced to allow.
even three months ago I would not have said what I'm about to say. I'm into my sixties and I have tried so hard for so long. if I had it to do over, they would not have been born.
I completely identify with this. I've gone over and over inside my head trying to work out what went wrong. It's torture. However I am convinced it's learned behaviour. My mother, sister and ex husbands were Narc's too. This pattern appeared in childhood and I allowed it to continue, hoping things would improve. They don't. I have walked away. There really is no other choice. I have lost my grand- daughter. Sadly I know my daughter will never be happy but I can't help her. This is one of the best explanations and support videos online.
My Ex and My adult son are both narcissist. My Ex is also an recovering alcoholic,, it was suggested I go to al-anon and I can't speak highly enough of how much it helped me with setting boundaries and taking my power back. over time instead over being powerless of alcohol, today I just say I'm powerless over narcissistic behavior. God Bless
My son didn't learn this from his parents. However, it seems to be genetic. My dad and one brother were disordered. This breaks my heart, and I don't know what to do anymore.
Yes, there is more and more research surfacing on the genetic component.What was I thinking to have a baby when my family and him and his family were so dysfunctional? Back then I though all you need is love LOL
@@Doriesep6622 Oh My,you sound like me 33yrs ago.Haha all you need is love right?Its not our fault .Who wouldve guessed that we were giving birth to the enemy??Not me.I wish you Peace girl!
I am so thankful after weeks of searching for information on this topic, I finally found this video and all of you folks, who are sadly suffering with this. My 29 year old son has been gaslighting, using me, and telling lies to me and about me for so long, and I just kept going back thinking this is my son, I am his mom, he should love me. Now after finally standing up to him and telling him I have value, I am not able to see my beautiful granddaughter. His wife (no big shock) is an empath like me. She has been fooled by him just like so many others. And only God knows what line of crap he has filled her head with about me. I have been reading all of your post and although my hearts breaks for all of you, it has made me see, I am not crazy, this does happen. Sadly it appears to be an epidemic. I will say a prayer for all of you. If I may suggest I started going to a CR group and it has really helped me deal with a lot of my feelings. One day at a time for us. Remember you have value.
Science is saying there is a genetic link,I realize my 1 St husband was a narcissist constantly fighting me in court to get child support reduce & got away with paying none.Let them go,as an empathic person I have realized they can keep their kids , I've raised 5 ,last 25 years alone ,the grandchildren will one day wonder why .. if they are so self absorbed I don't want the toxicity now in my 60+ years.
You have helped heal me. Thank you, as tears swell in my eyes as I type. I have lost 2 daughters and a granddaughter. They are in there 20's now and I see no point of return. My eldest is getting married in 3 weeks and I am not even invited to her wedding. You have shown me alot in this video and have helped save my relationship with my 10-year-old son who is still with me. We have a Mother-Son relationship that is beautiful but he is in the Tug-Of-War with his eldest sisters and Father as they are a united force. But he has a great step-dad and I believe we will make it through and you have helped with this video. Thankyou
I'm going throught that right now I said no to him I'm not giving you any money he thinks by not talking to me he is punishing me it's not it's a break from him
My narcissist daughter has abused me for at least 2 years. She stood me up, made me wait long hours. She tries to put me on guilt trips when ever I would discipline her for disrespecting me and never following the house rules. All while expect us to take care of her while she has a full time job and spending alot of money on herself and boyfriend. She blames us for things she did wrong. She has smeared me on Facebook and with friends. She has skipped school repeatedly after standing me to spend all night with her boyfriend. I am going through all this and she is 18. She has sad some mean things also to me and yet says I am always mean. My daughter ghosted me repeatedly because I refuse to take her abuse. I chose my insanity and let this recent ghost remain. She ghosted me and her father and just walked out to live with her boyfriend and cut alot of the communication down to zero, from being cold to stonewalling. So I decided to let it be. I pray for a Wake up call for her. She is living with a family of narcs. I am going through this with her while just losing my mother and she knows how much I cared for my mom. Thank you for telling i didn't fail as a mom. Everyone tells me I am such a good mom. I ALWAYS put her first. I didn't ever want to put her last since I knew how she felt since my biological put me last my whole life. My daughter has constantly abused my boundaries. She would turn cold in front of her friends then say I over reacted if I pointed it out. She was super kind to everyone but me. She acted like my mother and my boss. I realize she chose the path. Thank you for this video
Looks like my two daughters have narcissistic qualities supported by their father to keep me in my wifely servant position too. Loving them through healthy boundaries and letting them make their own mistakes.
Same here. 4 years after the discard. Now she's cyber stalking me after slandering me on social media with awful lies about me and my business. It's heartbreaking.
Knowledge of this personality disorder is key. You won’t be in shock when they gaslight, deflect, rage, manipulate, love bomb, hoover, ghost, smear campaign, etc. And please don’t take it personal. I’ve been working very hard on this part and it’s working. We have to give up the dream of what it was suppose to be and radically accept this new reality. The sooner the better. Go live a great life without them. I am. I’m even looking to mentor a young woman with children through Community Bible Study.
Crying so much listening to you my 30 yr old son does this to me .I love him so much and just want to be a good Mum . more than that I want him healthy.
My first husband was a narsasist and abused my daughter. She is now 48. She chose to be around her dad when of age. He's her stepfather. She cast me from her life. I've grieved for years. I'm now 67.
OMG Arline, I feel your pain. My daughter left me to live with her father because he's a damn narcissist and played Mr. Nice Guy so she'd go live with him, and to get at me. She didn't talk to me for years, and when I did see her, she was completely rude and snide. Fast forward, I try and discuss things with her, like her hitting me, etc, and it's a no win argument. It's never her fault, and she's justified with everything she's done and I'm "crazy". We do grieve, but one thing that can save us is being around the people that do respect us.
Arline, so sorry for your heartbreak. I understand. I relate. Its hard to fathom that your own blood would not want to know your side of the story. Mine jumped on the bandwagon that has the most money. I believe it has much to do with it.
I believe that daughters who chose to be with the abusive step parent may have a ongoing sexual relationship with the stepfather this is something I can never understand this happened with my daughter and her real father and she chose to keep the relationship going with him after he sexually abused her all of her life and she will not listen to anything against him now that he is dead she keep a shrine to his name.
I needed to hear this. She has fooled many for years as my mother did, as my exes, her dad and step-dad did. My boundaries have made her so angry she snares me in and then treats me like garbage. The last incident was the worst and after I kindly bought her glasses. She's mad because she has to "fund" her own life which isn't entirely true, but she is paying for her college and rent while doing co-ops off campus and none of her friends have to. I told her she's learning to be independent. I can do nothing right, she always looks for the way to bring me down. Now I'm being given the silent treatment again. She texted me only to ask for a picture of her now dead father as the anniversary of his death was coming up. No apology for her terrible treatment of me. No how are you. I had sent her a letter to apologize for every thing she believes I did to ruin her life - by staying with these awful men one after the other, even though I saw no way out. She probably threw it out. I told her to let me know when she's read the letter. If she doesn't, I really don't know that I need to send her a picture, one out of many I offered her at least two times in two years to take with her and she refused. His family is in her life now and blamed me for preventing them from visiting with her while growing up. The courts made me have a permanent restraining order on him, yet the pro se manic depressive was allowed to drag me to court every holiday of her growing up life. They supported him and the courts therefore would not allow them to see her because they knew they'd take her to see him and that was not allowed. They lied to her. I have to let her go as painful as it is. She was so sweet when very little. If she texts again, I have to not answer, i have to stop jumping because she expects me to. Maybe she'll have an epiphany. In the meantime, I have to stay strong.
Your explanation was brilliant! My daughter also identified with her narc mom and now is an adult narcissist doing all kinds of manipulations and there's nothing I can do to change that. We are no contact now, I even lost track of her completely.
You’re being spared a lot of misery. I’ve joined a Women’s Bible Study to hopefully mentor a young mother. Hopefully, it will help with the pain of knowing my own daughter will never be able to reciprocate my love.
My daughter is a narcissist. Her whole life she abused the family members. She's a thief, liar, con, bully... It's horrible the damage she has caused. After 38 years of drama, I went no contact with her and gave up talking to another family who stayed in touch with her. I moved and changed my phone number. It's been 9 months and I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Best decision and most difficult. It's good to hear from others going through similar situations. My advice... Run!
thank you Meredith. this helped me this moment. I just got off the phone with my daughter who does not see how very hurtful being in a room with her dad and the woman he cheated with. we were married for 20 years. the divorce was final 2 years ago. her dad quickly married that woman. my daughter sided with her dad in the divorce. it crushed me. I barely made it through our daughter's graduation last year. they expected me to go to dinner with them!
Levin Praeyur beyond sick.pray to God for strength and surround yourself with good people. Dont be afraid to taje chances. Its devastating and mindblowing but you now have the tools of discernment.life is too short and your mental and physical health need not be destroyed. Stay strong.
Thank you so much for doing this video. There's very little online for parents. Very helpful, for the incredibly pain I'm going through with my daughter. Thank you.
Yeah, parents tend to get demonized like we caused the disorder through bad parenting. I've seen little to no consideration given to the fact that there is a genetic component. For some the genetic component may be greater than for others and environment is said to play a role as well. Environment doesn't necessarily mean poor parenting but could mean a trauma (due to an accident/witnessing violence etc.) or other influences such as peers (bullying), illness/death/absence of a parent etc. These are things that happen in life and are no-one's fault it's just that negative environmental influences are thought to have more of an impact on children born with these genetics than on those who are not. Then, if parents suspect something's not right they tend to get dismissed (unless the child's behavior is extreme from a very young age) so detecting the disorder early on in order to get help to correct it can be tricky. It's just laziness to blame everything on parents. It ends up ostracizing us when we need all the support we can get because these are not easy kids to raise or have any sort of relationship with once they reach adulthood.
Yes, you are correct. When it is your child, it is a living hell. This particular video is MY LIFE to a T. There is a small amount of solace in knowing that someone at least understands what happened and is not blaming me outright. There were other people involved.
my daughter is so overwhelming and I just wanna run away.she guilt trips me all the time .anything she sees upsets me she does all the time .you are speaking exactly about my daughters
To me I'm so glad this video keeps going because this is something no one ever talks about, so there's really no one that you think understands, but apparently there are people who understand. This is a great comfort. I am torn between feeling guilty and knowing that I have to protect myself or I will just disappear so do I sacrifice for my son who's almost 30 or do I take care of myself and cut him loose completely but my heart breaks because he's in a halfway house right now and he's having trouble and will be around soon I guess that's what the problem is too. And my awful narcissist husband and I fight constantly over him it's getting to the breaking point.
I told my adult narc daughter at one point that I would not rescue her or take responsibility for her now that she's an adult. If she wants to destroy her life (drugs, jail etc) that's her choice but I was having no part of it. She was shocked and accused me of being the most vile, evil cold hearted monster not worthy of being called mother (in fact she doesn't call me mother or mom any more). If I'm honest there are times when I feel cruel but I have to slap myself back to reality as I know that she would destroy me in a heartbeat if she could. I left her narc dad when she was a baby so he's never been in the picture so it's been a blessing I've not had to deal with him as well. However, she recently looked him up and they are now in touch. I told her I wanted nothing to do with it. If she chooses to identify with him and join forces against me I'm gone for good. It's heartbreaking because my daughter has been my whole life and I love her so much. There are times I sorely miss her but have to keep reminding myself of the destruction she leaves in her wake.
Susanne, protect yourself at all costs. Abuse should never be tolerated no matter the source and as horrifically painful that it's coming from your child. They are responsible for their own choices. It's the path they chose and not yours. Stay on your own path and know with certainty that you deserve peace, happiness, respect and love. It's incredibly sad it won't come from your own child, but you can and must seek it elsewhere. Stay strong. Big hug ❤
Good content. Thank you. I have a teen daughter from a covert narc ex. Daughter has ghosted me 3 yrs now after decade of abuse, physical, mental and reactive. Honestly I’d like to keep things light as I go into my 60s she’s so manipulated and lost. I’ve set my boundaries and my health and friendships are blooming. Wanting to help others in same circumstance. 😊
Thank You so much. I don't have a relationship with my 18 yr old Son. I set my boundaries a few years ago. Each time I enforced them he would call my much older daughter who in return would tell me to STOP. He lives with her now and she's constantly calling begging to make him stop. She fed the Monster. He has Zero respect for me and everytime I see him I tell him how much I Love him and try to see how he's doing. I Love him but I can't save him.
I have realized my youngest son is an enabler to the abuse of his father's abuse. Hes seen the bruises, hes heard the verbal abuse, hes seen it all. Now he doesn't talk to me at all and still lives with the abuser, hes 26 years old, still living like a adolescent.
yes yes my son, 19 yrs old, went with the identity of his narc father!!!! It's soooo sadd!!!!!! He is trying to destroy my reputation, intregrity and my character. I want him to move out to not be destroyed by him. He even told me I was my husband's abuser when the opposite is true. I was a codependent empath who endured more than 2 decades of emotional and verbal abuse. It's so heartbreaking. My son is very covert, but I have learned enough about personality disorders to see what's really going on. But I am totally putting myself first at this time. I still have a 7 yr old to raise and won't give up on her. I took him to a therapist and he was given an acessment test, and the therapist said he scored as having a mood disorder and a personality disorder :(
My husband starting breaking down in the last 9 years of our 35 year marriage; he did the same thing.....provoke me and when I got angry started saying I was abusive, turning others against me. Its such a horrible place to be in because you know the truth; but you know that others are fooled by him. I console myself with trying to believe its only the really stupid ones who are fooled by such lies. I hope you and your 7 year old can get away from your 19 year old so that he doesn't destroy you, it sounds like there is no help for him.
You probably has saved my life as I think about suicide because I cant go through another struggle with my daughter. She put me through hell when she was 16 and I ended up in a mental hospital with depression. It took until a couple of years ago to have a relationship again but now she ( now 24) has bullied me again trying to manipulate me and I just dont know what to do thank you for sharing everyone it has given me the courage and wording I need to be able to tell her it is not ok.... good luck to all of you.
Lauren Newell My daughter is also 24- my oldest and I had recently let her come home to live for a while. I had no is a what I was in store for. She destroyed my life in every imaginable way. I am currently trying to recover from the long ordeal and at times I have thought I wasn't going to make it through. She had no remorse whatsoever and actually was getting joy from the pain and mental anguish she was inflicting. She also drained me of my money and destroyed my house. It breaks my heart because I grew up with a narc mother and sister and after years of torment finally got away from them. To see my daughter follow in their footsteps is devastating. I wanted to tell you this because I know how hopeless it all feels but it can be overcome. I have had to cut any contact with my daughter in order to salvage what's left of me. I hope things are getting better for you.
If I even try to interact . It's him guilt tripping me. Manipulating. It is draining,heartbreaking. It bothers me for days. Yep figured out a name for this. Narcisem .
Boundaries are in place for me... But they the narc call it " controlling"... I don't think we have a chance or ever be right again once the adult kid starts being a narcissist...
I look back at my relationship with my parents and Im thankful it was a good one on both sides. I miss them both dearly as they died too soon. I now look at the relationship with my children and constantly wonder Where I went wrong. My adult children grieve my heart terribly
i recently have discovered th is about my 27 yo daughter. She is our adopted daughter because she was as abused at age 1 mo old by her birth parents.She got a moderate TBI with cognitive impairment. She is recently home from NM To NY bcause she was in a marriage with a HIGHLY Narcissistic man. She was kicked out with no money etc and had to come home without her baby. Now I am her whipping boy, her scapegoat. I am also her advocate so letting her go has been really hard. Today, I officially set boundries. She told me she wants me out of her life, so Im here...but not here
OMG! Thank you for this video! You have just saved me from many hours of beating myself up. THANK YOU! Many many of these things have happened to me with the person I am dealing with. He pushed, and pushed and pushed. The minute I said no, I was told that I was the WORST person ever to be born. It is SO difficult for me because now I have not seen him or heard from him for over 2 years. I work and sleeep, and other than that I am barely alive. This helps though. I truly hope to see my son again. I have placed him on the missing person's list for the 2nd time this year. Yes, I do believe that it was TRULY CRUCIAL for me to set boundaries, however, I am very grief stricken at this time. Thank you for the video.
I really needed to hear this because it absolutely breaks my heart that my 29 year old son treats me the way he does I'm happy to see that I'm not alone cuz you really feel like where did I go wrong what did I do to cause this and the reality of the situation he will be 30 in August it absolutely breaks my heart and I wish and pray that there was something I could do different to change it
Thank you for this video as usual on time ! I get to the piling onion ,one by one I recognize the narcs ! Tears and pain , denied narc will not change ! So painful to admit... I don't try to hurt them but to serve them and they ,family hurts me ! I get more educated and pray to God ❤️truly thankful for the people sharing the knowledge 💜
I feel like my life has been highjacked by my highly narcisstic adult daughter. I'm devastated emotionally, physically and financially. She lives with us and refuses to move out of our home. My husband is in denial and is also abused by our daughter. I need help and hope.
I can relate. I dont understand how our children are this way. As a christian i pray about this. I just had to give them to God. He is the only one that can fix this. He can heal our broken hearts. We are dealing with a spirit that has taken a hold of our children. Look up jezebel spirit. It explains what we are dealing with. Just trust God. They were His before they were ours. If we pray and believe npthing is impossible to God. Much love and prayers Granny B in Texas
I’m totally I upset about my adult son and his abuse . He uses guilt and shaming every thing I’ve ever done . His wife and him push to make out I’m crazy and wants to know about my will and they want to use my home as their investment property and now seems that I’ve done nothing right ever . Now with a baby it feels like now that’s another pawn to use to make me do what they want . The insults went too far last time and I haven’t spoken to him since . I’m lost and haven’t been able to even speak to him since he hung up on me for no reason . I feel bad for not talking to him but I don’t feel it will change unless I do all the. Change. I have to change my speech how I talk I can’t say anything without it be turned into an insult on how bad a mother I am . Anyone else out there in the same position ? This is a much needed topic 🙏🏽
would anyone like to actually talk on the phone for emotional support ? they dont see the light..they dont change..its all a game with these deep dark heartless souls.
![ILLSLICK - THE KING'S LANDING [Freestyle]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/feIJJnNkTfk/mqdefault.jpg)
My 28 year old son is a narcissist, big time. He cusses me out, belittles me, and won't let me forget my previous mistakes. Thank GOD he lives out in Washington state and I'm in Massachusetts! I wish to have no more contact with him; he's taken up where my ex husband has left off. Sounds cruel to say about my own son, but I'm done with him. I'll be sixty in a couple of years; it's high time I have to take care of my own needs FIRST. Life is short. Sorry, Patrick.
My 28 yr old son just called me every name in the book. brought up every mistake I ever made as a single parent and wants me to apologize to him for something I didn't even do. Unfortunately he only lives 25 min away from. I've spent the last 6 months distancing myself from him & am setting boundaries for the first time with him...but he came to my door last night & screamed god awful stuff at me...I almost called the cops. His father is the narc and I the codependent, so apparently he has decided to go the narc route. I'm looking at this situation as an opportunity to work on myself, set boundaries and stick to them. What else can I do?
I feel ya...thats part of their power is guilt tripping us
I had to do the same thing in the past. Ex husband and mother-in-law full narcissists. I walked away from them when two kids were already adults. One of them was a teenager. Older son picked up where ex left off. I had him escorted from my home by the police he was already over 18. Was called the most God awful things. I put my foot down and set the boundaries. I told him I will always love you you are my son but I do not have to tolerate your behavior. And I stuck to it. Finally, he came back around and didn't do it again. He figured out about his dad. My other son never acted that way I was very lucky. Have a very close relationship with him. My daughter is polite, but treats me like I'm not that important. Kind of like a stranger on the street would say hello. Narc mother-in-law became her mother. I set my boundaries. It's very hard but you have to do it.
Going through the same exact thing with my 23 year old daughter. This has been going on since her teen years. She says mean hurtful things. She recently played a cruel joke by trying to convince me she was dying of blood cancer. My mother died of Leukaemia so When my daughter told me she had cancer I felt sick to my stomach. Then she laughed about it. I just don’t understand how she could think that was even remotely funny. We are not on speaking terms now. But not because of her joke. The day after she did that we argued about something stupid and she started accusing me of not loving her or caring about her. She is a mother of two and she has a husband. I honestly thought she would of matured by now. For the most part she has. She has a good life. But when it comes to me and her relationship it’s not that great.
Going "no contact" is the only way to have peace in your life again and ramp up your own self esteem. You can pray for your Son, that God might intervene, but you and all of us mother's of narc children will never be able to help them. You have done the right thing.
I am amazed at how many are dealing with grown children issues, mostly from parental alienation by a covert narc. They damage all.They don't change.
Has it gotten any better over the last three years? How has it changed?
My covert narc husband devalued me in front of the kids and to the kids behind my back. Then used my deepest need against me. Both my adult children are alienated against me. Is there anything a mom can do?
Yes, there IS something WE can do as moms. I had to divorce my ex after 32yrs. My daughter watched him and acted out against me just like him. I do not have contact with my daughter at the moment for MY sanity . Drop me a line if you’d like to chat ❤
@@lisacrockett9364
Pray! 🙏🏼
If prayer can’t change the narc adult child, prayer will give you peace 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I’m finally setting boundaries with my 24 year old son and I have been called every foul name in the book. Just for saying NO to abuse. I love him and it’s so hard, but I have to stay strong
I know how hard it is, because I’m going through it and doing it myself. But we have done a good job raising our children and other influence or whatever has caused them to be who you didn’t raise. His time will come and he will see how hurtful he has been. Till then, and we can do is pray for these children🙏
We’ve been basically raising our 2 year old granddaughter since birth. Our “no’s” have gotten us the punishment of having granddaughter removed by mommy who is “never letting us see” our granddaughter again. Never been away from this child for more than 3 days, it’s been over a month now. We are hurting, this is what she wanted of course and finds it gratifying that she’s hurting us according to a text. What saddens us most is that she could rip her child from everyone and every stable thing she knew to just allow anyone to watch her while mommy does her thing. It’s so sickening to think of how far we bent over to keep this baby safe and how many of our own resources we used to care for her and try to show our daughter our support just to be spit in the face both figuratively and literally. Including putting up with her adult tantrums, rages, destruction of our home and threats, not good… let’s keep each other in prayers! Can’t believe how many people “help” our children when they leave, burning the bridge with us, once the find new sources.
I am right there with u.....u r not alone
Yes im there too....breaks my heart
This has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. It breaks my heart , I feel like I should be in a institution. Its heartbreaking.
SOOOO RELATE!! Tina, all I know to do is connect with God for healing. Draw near to God, He will draw nearer to you.
me too tina... almost went to one but my faith in God sustains me
You know what I really need is to get inside the mind of theses estranged adult kids.. My son told me " mom" I am pretty sure that your the only one that really cares after ripping me deep as he could and bringing in his brother as much as he can. So am I the only one hurting and grieving after 2 years of them ignoring me? He is 33. Does he really never think about me or his dad or the horrible things he has said to me? I was a stay at home mom.. and now he is college graduated i am pretty much a discarded past object..
Me too
sorry for your pain Debbie... these videos take the edge off and knowing there are more of us helps too
Yes my oldest son following his dad’s abusive nature. He’s manipulative and friendly when he wants something, otherwise he’s stone cold and uncaring.
My daughter is exactly the same.
So is my son ..he turned 18
My 21 year old Son is the same
My oldest son is the same and I have noticed the traits since he was very little. They don’t change and you can’t do anything to change them but hurt yourself in the process
I feel so not alone anymore. I could care less about my daughter. She s burned her bridges with me but my Grandchildren, I weep for them!!!
It kills me to be without my grandchildren.
Oh yes, I believe they use their own children--our grandchildren--as pawns in their sick chess game :-(
My son is a Narc and his girlfriend is too. Its Crazy. I have gone no contact with them both he is 41 yrs. Old. They have twin boys 3 yrs. Old. I also cry for them. 😣 because I never see them now. They are my only grand children.
I have been going through this for 6 years now with my daughter she has taken me through the unimaginable sence she's given birth to my granddaughter I have even had to take her to court to see my granddaughter. I'm at the point today that I want nothing to do with my daughter but I'm not gonna let her keep my granddaughter away from me as of tomorrow I will be contacting the police for welfare check and contacting child service. Eveytime she get a boyfriend in her life I become the enemy. And she is my only child. I gave her to much and now I regret it.
I m in the same boat. Its very sad.
Finally!..a video for parents. ..it's a very sad and painful decision I had to make
Emily you are so right Emily thank you for speaking out I needed to hear it as well as probably many many others. all these years I felt so alone shamed and embarrassed while hurting. although it makes me sad for everyone I no longer feel alone in this. :-)
Yes!!!
Thank you for this video. Our son is 41. No hope. He has kicked our front door and surround in , set us up at his graduation, embarassed us, so we left. We paid for years of college, degree, after degree, through Doctorate degree. We have been no contact for over a year, since the door issue. He also was abusive as in screaming pushing me up against the wall, trying to force me into saying what he wanted me to say. Husband rescued me. The child was given the best of everything. Best schools, cars, clothes. He turned into a monster instead of being an appreciate child. We feel responsible since we gave him so much. This is very difficult. He has gone to other members of both sides of the family, mine and my husband's. I shutter to think what he has told, but we are to the point that we don't care. We moved to a new home, which he will find eventually. Should we think of taking out a restraining order? I could write a book on this child. We were totally ignorant about this condition, or perhaps we thought he would eventually grow up, and act like an adult who cares about his family. Not going to happen. God bless all the other parents that are going through this same thing.
So sorry Karen. Just simply heartbreaking to have your own child turn into such a monster. You are right to protect yourselves since these are his hoices, not yours and he has become dangerous. Yes, get a restraining order since he can locate you through extended family members and likely will show up on your doorstep again one day. If you're both retired (I assume yes since he's 41), then move even further and start anew. Don't even tell family where you are. Sadly, it must be done. I hope your hearts find peace and healing. It is the path he chose and life lessons for him to learn. Narcissist's rarely change if ever. He might pretend to have changed (they are expert at copying others with feelings), but only as a way to hoover you back in or himself into your lives again, merely to take from you and abuse you. Don't let it. You are worthy and deserving of a good, happy life with people who respect and care about you mutually. Abuse of any kind is NOT acceptable. Wishing you peace and blessings, protection, safety and love ❤
There’s plenty of children who received all that you gave your son and they turned out great. Your son chose this path as did my daughter.
Having a surface relationship or no contact is the only way with a narcissist. They’ll never love you or respect you, and it isn’t personal. They are incredibly selfish and have no true empathy for others. I blame our sick society. How can one get away from this constant self-gratification world we live in.
I wish you and your husband the very best.
Please get a restraining order!!
Thank you. Bottom line: set a boundary of courtesy and never chase an adult child to be included in each other's life. Time for Mom to make new friends and come to grips that I may now be a family of one.
😢 this is me
So many fun things to do in the world, many of them free. Best wishes.
Barefoot Prof thank u
Zee B so true
Thank you, Wanda, for my new bottom line. I set a boundary of courtesy yesterday with my son, texting him that he did not need to insult me to make his point. His texted reply: “I think you need to reflect on your reaction to that text and consider checking your ego at the door and try again”. Right now I am struggling not to reply to him that setting a boundary is not an ego trip, but I understand that would be feeding into his narcissism and lack of empathy. Ghosting him makes me feel like I am shutting the door in case he ever needs me, but that is my co-dependent self taking over again. Like you said, I need to get used to the idea of being a family of one forever and stop trying to make a good relationship with him happen.
One problem I had with my narcissistic daughters was I always thought of them as children! What fun we had! How I loved them! When they were about 30 all this changed. I asked myself why. They became cruel. "Oh Mother!..(add insult here). I even blamed myself. Finally I told one I didn't want to see her for a year! "Fine" she said. But I had begun to notice she was that way with her family too. Long story short, I make every excise NOT to see them. I will not be able to enjoy my Grandkids. But I have to have my peace & sanity. I really feel for ppl on here, like me, who don't deserve what they are getting from narcissistic older children.
My life is like that. It is sad. I can't stand my daughter. I miss the grandbabies. And I cannot see them.
Zee B I so relate. the emotional pain and confusion is almost more than a person can bear. everything I ever believed in became questions in my mind. I had no idea if I was right or wrong about one thing anymore. that was 4 months ago. I am actually starting to want to do a few small things now. I feel strong in some of my beliefs again. the belief system that I had gone by and then questioned so much, seems so good and true and write to me again. I feel I have been right all along. abused neglected abandoned ignored so many things. I'm glad to share that my inner strength that was invisible to me and felt gone, is coming back more and more now. I am so so sorry that any human has had to endure what these kids have put me through. hang in there just keep hanging in there with Blind Faith. it gets better and better. I no longer long for any of their attention. that part has changed 100%.
That’s how feeling . My first grandchild and both my son and his wife are the same . It beaked my heart knowing they care only for what my home is worth and my will and what’s on it . He tried to be fake nice for a while then if I say anything he doesn’t like be it innocent on my part like I said he used to be fussy eater when he was little ... he tore strips off me wing criticism and harsh words them hung up on me . Seems I have to pay and change everything about me to be good enough to be a ble to see my granddaughter.
My son is a narcissistic so much so while battling breast cancer my husband decided to keep him away. He didnt send a card or well wishes nothing. After a chemo treatment I had received a call that he was getting evicted from yet another apt...I told him Im having major surgery tomorrow and could not help him...He said why is everything about you..from that point my husband would not allow any phone calls while battling breast cancer....All my love can never change him how do I turn it off?
I noticed that, my daughter started calling me "Mother" instead of "Mom". She could make the word Mother, sound like..Fu*k you...🤨
Thank you for this. ..my son is 47and in the last few years it is evident he is now overtly aggressive to me and simple boundaries! We have broken completely and it remains that way. ..no contact is choosing me now! I have suffered ALL my 70 yrs at the hand of this one and that one but now alone is good and peace is a wonderful thing! I didn't make them that way and I can't fix them!
TY for your support! This isn't a new problem and now I am not sorrowing but accepting of it all. I live in peace that I have done my best and given all that I can give now. He is 48 and has a right to his own thinking regardless of whether right or wrong and I respect that. I wanted simple boundaries like no more talking about the ex of 27 years ago who molested his sister....and he took it to a whole different level...there it remains!
Karen Cox I feel so bad for you. I do understand exactly what you're talking about I have a 32 year old son that is a narcassist he's getting ready to have his first baby. and my life has been pure hell his latest stunt was and I can't believe I fell for his stupid lies he stole $4,000 from me. the people at the bank when I found out they told me I should call the police but how can you do that to your own child and even though I know it would have been the best thing to do but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. after this last stunt of his I am no longer going to be able to have him in my life anymore. I know that sounds terrible to some people but unless you have gone through this you just do not understand. he's turned my oldest daughter against me and the both of them or trying to get me to divorce my husband. I just couldn't believe I fell for his stupidity all these years. but not anymore cuz he's not in my life. I wonder if there are any groups out there for parents that have children that are narcassist. there probably is but I just haven't looked it up. you just feel so alone when you have a child like that. my son wanted me to divorce my husband so bad he went and took a box of empty rubbers and put it in the car so I can find it. and he was telling me that my husband was messing around on me. my husband is his step dad so that makes him the bad person even though he's not it's just because he's not his real dad. I hope and pray that you get the happiness that you deserve in life nobody deserves to be put through hell that our children put us through. I will pray for you. take care of yourself. God bless you
Not enough awareness of this. TU
Me too! We are the same age. We deserve some peace. I am NC too. So peaceful and quiet here now.
It’s so painful and my son is 42 and it’s made my anxiety and flash backs unbearable too . I’ve had to get out of abuse before but omg when it’s your son it just makes all the cheesy movies seem ridiculous and far fetched . We’re supposed to show unconditional love yet get treated like dirt and shame and guilt because we loved too much ? Hard enough when it’s a partner but god I’m breaking up in bit trying to find my self respect back and not keep thinking I’m defective and unworthy of being treated with some decency . Not have the rants and insults of an adult son acting like a petulant toddler screaming till they get what they want .prsy for us all here to find peace love and safety 🙏🏽🦋
Let go, and let God. Bless them and say goodbye!
I had enough! I'm done!
Amen
Am at this point now to, amen 🙏🏼 xx
Me too Loli I have gone back to church and I pray daily
I'm going to have to do the same
Sherry Galloway - I'm now at the point I need to have no contact with my step daughter who I've poured love, time and energy into for 20 years. She is 35. Why do I feel so sick to my stomach and shaky over the thought of it?
We need more information on this subject , this is a big issue , many of us are suffering again at the hands of our own CHILDREN....
Yes we do need more information.
I have decided to go no contact with my 27 year old, betrayed me gaslighted me lied about me talks about me like a dog, enough is enough. The hardest part is acknowledging I will never see my grandkids and how many times she has betrayed me.
It's the most heartbreaking thing I've ever been through. And I have a beautiful granddaughter involved who loves us dearly and we adore her. It's a feeling of being stuck in a bad relationship, accepting being treated horribly or else you lose everything you love.
I know what that is like. I can't stand my daughter now. But I love my grandkids who are only toddlers now. I have not seen them for 6 months and I don't think she will ever let me see them.
Nobody Knows Yes, i know. same here. Praying for you.
I have lost my grandchildren too. My comfort is that when they grow up and realize what their mother is, they will come looking for me. I will be there for them.
Narcissist doesnt happen for no reason. Who failed here with parenting???
Answer: you cannot have a healthy relationship with a narc.
can't have a healthy relationship with a narc adult child who has psychopathic tendencies
Boundries?? Narc have no concept of what this is, or do they care.
My adult narc daughter's idea of a "healthy" relationship is for me to continue allowing her to control me and give her what she wants (time, energy, money). She insults me, is cruel and has also put my life in danger but I'm just supposed to continue to allow this to take all of this because according to her, as her mother, I owe her. Yeah it's twisted and no amount of patiently talking things through with her (which I don't do any more) is of any use. It's her way or no way. So I finally put my foot down (when she was 30) and said no way! She was utterly shocked, didn't expect it from me and her smear campaign against me has intensified: I'm now the abandoning, neglectful and abusive liar of a mother. This means I've been left isolated from most of the people in my life who she is able to easily manipulate.
Narcissist children also can come from two normal parents with out narcissism or narcissistic personalities
It's more about what they experienced as children, not necessarily specific to narcissism, even healthy parents can easily, unknowingly make their small children feel responsilbe for their parents or other people's feelings, and the child either ends up being healthy, or a people pleaser who is codependent, or they end up having fear of abandonment (not physical abandonment) and get bpd/ npd traits, which make them abusive. Children spend a majority of their time in their subconsious, more so than adults (even most adults spend a lot of their time living in their subconsious), so everything gets downloaded into their brain without them questioning it, and when they hear their parents say things or do things that make them feel responsible for their parents feelings, like, if you show them that you are upset if they make bad grades or do something wrong, they learn the they ARE RESPONSIBLE for their parents feelings, which is very damaging, especially if they don't end up learning otherwise, later. The limbic system in our brains (amygdula) causes those emotions to come up later, and it's then extremely difficult to fight your brain chemicals, and they react to the old emotions, how they felt as children, rather than to the current situation.
@@SydMountaineer No one thing causes narcissism and it is time to stop blaming ‘parents’ by default. Western society as a whole is a huge contributor to narcissism by promoting the ‘self’ and it’s all about ME and ‘you only get one life’ mentality that justifies thinking about…. ME! and to hell with everyone else. It encourages selfishness and disrespect. My daughter was the most loving and caring daughter and very family orientated until she hooked up with her ‘lost’ friends and she changed over a 2 year period to a woman who couldn’t give a damn whether I was dead or alive because it was all about her and if that meant abandoning/discarding me in typical narcissism style, ‘Oh well!’ The pain has been devastating as she is my only child and we used to be so close. Now that seems like a dream.
@@NickyM_0 I feel like I just read EXACTLY how I am feeling and what is happening to me with my oldest daughter.....absolutely heartbreaking, devastating and feels surreal. It has truly broken me. 💔 I pray 🙏 she finds God and forgiveness again and can find her way back to me...but she has not communicated in almost a year AND gave birth to my 1st grandson that she hasn't even bothered to tell me or send pic or anything. Just beyond sad. I must learn to move forward and try to find joy in every day. I do have another adult daughter who I am very close to and a teenage stepdaughter that is great. That is saving me. My oldest blames me for anything and everything. Helps reading all comments from people in similar situations as I don't feel so alone. Thanks for sharing.
Of course its all woman making excusds for the cause. ITS THE MOTHER that causes narcissism. Check out Sam Vaknin.
Defense coming up in response to the reality that no one is perfect is also a sign of narcissism.
Having an open heart and the ability to look inward for validation of experience or for what one might have done (unknowingly) to injure their own child are healthy responses.
The majority of the world hold injuries from their parents; even in the two-parent, stay-at-home, intact, happy home.
My name is Laurie, and I was raised by an overt narcissistic mother, married to a narcissist/sociopath, had 2 children with this man, we have been divorced for 12 years, and my children have become narcissistic, and I have gone no contact with both of my children, my ex-husband, and my mother. It's heartbreaking to set that boundary with my children because they are MY flesh and blood, but the manipulative people in my life, I've just had to pull away. It's been so hard, but I know I am safer.
Hi Laurie. My story is similar to yours. Both my parents were narcissists. Mother now dead. Father not far behind. My two remaining brothers are narcs. My ex wife of 22 yrs is an exquisite covert narcissist. Her father overt and malignant. Their extended family that they are all so proud of, nothing but narcs and abused spouses. Horrific. Wish I knew all this before. Just put a boundary of no contact with my 21yr old son. I think he is lost. Never grieved so hard in my life reaching that decision. My 25yr old daughter who might be beyond saving is totally manipulated by all of them. It is profoundly disturbing and distressing that only people like you and me can ever appreciate or understand fully.
Our only difference is I have only reached this moment now in time. How are you now? Is there anything you can tell me that might help? Anything in retrospect, now that a couple of years have gone by, that would be worth knowing for somebody just coming to grips with this?
Take care.
Big Hugs - so very difficult.
my old son is a narcissist and has now cut me out of his life, after smearing me to others and leaving me with a huge debt. it's like my son has disappeared and he's become a different person...has become my ex-husband. there is a hole in my heart.
realist noPC My adult son can be my ex to the tenth power. I think he's bipolar.
Wow sounds like my daughter.
It’s awful I know and so hard to accept that you put your whole life for them and it comes back to hurt you . Pray favour on your life of peace and support n safety 🙏🏽🦋
@@liabeachy Yes, a lot of work and sacrifice to turn out like this, I see I am not the only one, 2 Nadult children. Very painful, they are so selfish
Ex husbands cause a lot of pain because one has left them. Thats not fair to the children. There should be laws that are enforced to stop their trying to turn the kids on their own mother's .
Thank you for this TH-cam! I was married to a covert narcissist and, sadly, two of my three adult children have definite narcissistic traits. Other parents--let's encourage each other!
I'm late. But I understand.
I don't know but your comment triggered something very freeing inside me.
I don't know why I'm surprised at my daughters behavior ...
Her father, her paternal grandmother, and paternal aunt are the most narcissistic pathological liars this side of the moon! Only one of his siblings turned out normal and the minute she turned eighteen she moved to California and never looked back. She didn't even come to their mother's funeral two years ago just to stay away from the rest of her dysfunctional family!
So I guess my daughter inherited it honestly as the old people used to say!
So sorry Elizabeth and Sonja. You both deserve happiness, peace, mutual respect, caring and love. Abuse is abuse no matter the source. It's heartbreaking when it's your own child. Abuse is NEVER EVER acceptable Protect yourselves and know that this was their choice not yours. They are shallow, empty, immature, controlling, extremely selfish and toxic liars and cheaters that can NEVER be trusted. They copy the feelings of others because they don't feel things hardly at all, which is why it's so easy for them to hurt you and others and NOT care at all, & this is why they must wear their masks to copy real people with real emotions and this is so they can ultimately win at their selfish game. You both deserve better. You deserve peace and happiness and real caring and love. As horrifically painful that it's your own child, every narcissist is somebody's child, abuse is abuse and mus5 NEVER, EVER BE TOLERATED. hope you both find peace, caring and real love. If not, practice self-care and self-love, and distance yourselves in order to find your own deserved peace. ❤
I have 2 daughters, one is a covert narcissist and the other is an overt narcissist. Both have called me crazy when I set boundaries! I haven't had contact with my oldest daughter for over a year and the other daughter ghosts me every time I enforce boundaries. It is emotionally devastating after raising them to the best of my ability and I frequently question my parenting skills. My job is finished however my heart longs for a healthy relationship with them.
I hope you get one
Same, Laura, and I'm really so sorry this is happening to you too. It's such a massive loss isn't it .. and we really have no choice but to put those boundaries in place, and those boundaries push them away and expect us to have a conditional disingenuous unloving relationship with them .. I had to finally say 'no more' .. nothing heals this does it, and coming to terms with it so that we can live life again is very very hard but necessary. God bless and keep you well. We did nothing to deserve this.
@@jackgoodings Mine ghosts me too when I set boundaries but I know that this is her way of punishing me and trying to stay in control (by creating anxiety in me). I've not caved in. I've been through so much hell and she has put my life in danger so I can't afford to back track. It's very tough to come to terms with (it feels worse than death) but yes, very necessary. I know I'm not a perfect parent but I do know I've always been a loving an supportive parent (her narc dad has been completely out of the picture since she was a year old so had no influence in her life) and I know I did nothing to deserve this. My mistake is that I was conned by her dad who was posing as someone different from the person he actually was. Despite this I don't regret having had her and I love her with all my heart despite all she's said and done to try to destroy me. It's heartbreaking.
This is the worse…. Two years I have seen this developing with my daughter. Now…. I can barely stand to talk to her or even listen to her. I use to love being around her…. LOST
Same
Hugs to all who have had these sad experiences.❤❤❤❤
you too >>>>♥♥♥
Thank you it's a horrible experience you never get over.
This is the most difficult and hurtful situation I've ever had to deal with in my whole life. Considering that I have CPTSD from early childhood abuse/trauma as well as PTSD from secondary life threatening trauma, is a "walk in the park" compared to the past 15 years... My son became/was my whole life. I vowed before he was born that he would get everything I never had as a child, first on the list was unconditional love. It was just us against the rest of the world. He was my life, my reason for living/breathing, what kept me going when all I wanted to do was give up. And yes, I admit, I did spoil him rotten...
I will ALWAYS love that child, he/his memory will always live in my heart but... The person he turned into after meeting someone we both regarded to be a father figure in his life and that person manipulating (sociopathic narcissist/schizophrenic) forever changed my son. Psychologist term is parental alienation. This man totally turned my son against me and nothing I could do or say to try to get my son to understand how he was being manipulated was "true". I was lying or just jealous that he'd "found a father". I finally had to leave when my own son kicked me out of "our" home. He was 18 then. I left and moved back to where we had lived when he was growing up.
Yes, it was extremely difficult emotionally leaving my son but my hopes were that he would finally "wake up" and realize that he was being controlled.... I FORCED him to listen to me the night before I boarded my flight, he was angry, defiant and told me that he wouldn't believe me. I told him that was fine, it was however my RESPONSIBILITY as his mother to tell him what I felt and what I had found out about this man. What he choose to do with that information was up to him... Said and done, I left the next morning and cried the whole way home... 6 months later he called me and asked me to come back and help him. He had finally woken up... Of course, I was on the next flight back... Got kicked out 2 more times and a few months later, he'd beg me to come back, which I did... Finally when he turned 21, I said no more, if you need me, you come home and I left, for what I thought was the last time...
1 year later he "crashed and burned" and I sent him a one way ticket to come home. That's when life really took a turn from bad to worse... Manipulation, guilting, nothing could be his fault. I had "abandoned" him with this pervert/father-figure, everything was turned against me and I bought into it, as did many other people he would "cry his story
to". My self-esteem went from low to rock bottom. Constantly feeling that I had to be "on call" or it would be my fault if something "bad" happened, if he would need me, suicide attempts, having to rush into town to either prevent him from harming himself or sitting by his hospital bed hoping and praying that he would be ok...
Several psyciatrists later, he was diagnosed narcissist/borderline/sociopath... I somehow survived this for 10 years, he is now 32 yrs. old... I was breaking more and more day by day, night by night. year in and year out... Told him MANY times that I couldn't deal with the "drama" and needed it to STOP, or I would either end up killing myself or leaving.
Did he believe me? Did anything change? no...
This last February I left, packed 2 suitcases, just up and abandoned my house and moved, not just to a different town but to a different country... *tears* Do I miss my son? YES, I miss the son I use to have... Unfortunately I have had to realize that, that son no longer
exists... Yes, his body is still alive but it is not my son that is within that body. Does he know where I am? Yes... Do I take any crap from him? NO, I hang up the phone when I feel he starts trying to play the blame game or manipulation... Am I hurting? Yes and most likely I always will when it comes to him. I am mourning my child as if he was dead...
But, I want to LIVE and this is the only way I know I can live a LIFE and not just exist... as I know I can't stop myself from letting him manipulate me if I'm around him. So, I removed myself from the equation... Do I feel guilty for leaving him? Yes, at first but now, 8 months later I have started to feel more at peace with who I AM, my choices and how *I* feel!
//Solani
Good for you. They will never accept responsibility for the pain they cause you after you have given them everything you could outside of your vital organs!!! I had to give up on my only child and let her deal with the consequences. I actually feel pretty darn good. After I watched her sad attempt to sabatoge my graduation, the only thing that raised my self esteem, I learned how to act like I don't care even if I do!!! I kicked her out like she was a stranger and after I reclean my house from her nastiness ill be happy once again!!!
Birdie Blue
I am so sorry to read that you and others are having to deal with this, especially when it's our children that are the ones that are causing us this pain. We do deeply love our children and in a lot of ways (at least mine) we feel responsible for how they've turned out, and that literally sucks BIG TIME! Believe me, it doesn't get better... *sad face* Not until you seriously put your foot down and not only tell them that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! but also follow through with action. This is MY house, MY rules and if you don't like it, you know where the door is!! In the end it is their choice if they decide to respect your rules or if they choose to leave. We can only do so much as parents but in the end, no matter how much it hurts us inside, we HAVE TO make them understand, that we just won't take anymore of their crap. Not if we ourselves want to keep living a life worth living or heavens forbid reach the point where we just don't want to live anymore and see no other way to get out of the situation that we choose to end our lives. Since I took the step to leave my son, I have done much research on the narcissistic sociopaths as well as their victims and especially when it comes to the child or parent being the sociopath, it often ends with the person being abused committing suicide... :(
Big hugs to you!!!
//Solani
I have lost my only son because after so many years of subtle, degrading comments that always made me feel stupid, he recently exhibited Narcissistic Rage. I would also like to mention he has a Superiority complex and is also Paranoid. After spending only two days visiting him, by the time I left I felt like throwing myself under a bus. He destroyed any self worth, any confidence I had in myself as a Mother and as a human being. When I finally realized what had happened I had to put him out of my life forever, it was very painful, all the unconditional love I had for him all of his life GONE. I ended up sending him an e mail telling him he was dead to me, mainly because I learned the hard way Narcissists NEVER change. I would never give him the chance to hurt me again with his mental abuse and what I call battering.
I as well suffer from PTSD and honestly, I believe from your posting that you have been a major contributor to his situation. You "spoiled him rotten" but now that he is suffering from your lack of self help and parenting he's become codependent on you and he's to blame? Stop the fuckin attributions and take responsibility. Selfish shit I've ever herd from a parent...
Nancy Purland
your not alone and is not to make you feel comfortable is to share the painfully moment wen you realize,what wrong choice,we make in have childrens grown up whit a Narc patent 😔whe were so deceiving by a narcissistic inhuman being 👾
I was in that same exact place. My mother, my sister, my husband and only child, aged 36; ALL narcs. I had to sell my house, move out of town, change my phone number.
I’ve been no contact for 66 days. It’s a lifelong journey to recover. I cannot go soft either, and down the line reconnect with them. NEVER! This poison lingers and IS powerful!
Don’t let your own mind weaken you. STAY AWAY!!!
What an important video! Parents who are faced with needing to protect themselves from narcissistic adult children, especially children who gaslight them, really really really need this support.
You might want to check out my video on gaslighting too!
I have four children. Only one is like this. The others are delightful. My husband is a precious man. My child has been like this his whole life. I can remember when he was 4 yrs old and I knew something wasn’t right. People can be born this way. I’m learning to have boundaries but it is so hard.
Vote with your feet. Just say no to toxic family.
And live with the memories.
I really needed to hear this. My son is 26 and started in his road to bad decisions at 16. I stuck by him. I attempted to fix wronged things. I stood by him when everyone else turned their backs. Now he has grown into a man that is so angry, manipulative and self centered that he blames everyone else for the things that have gone wrong in his life. I love my son with all of my heart, but I just cannot tolerate the venom that he spews at me and doesn’t even think twice about it. I do not see him changing his ways or thought. I don’t see him changing any of his mannerisms. I’m afraid that when the tears stop falling from my eyes that the caring will stop as well. I just cannot continue this cycle. I only hear from him when things are going wrong or when he needs money. I did the best I could raising him as a single parent. But he just told me I never supported him in anything for 26 years. My tears are starting to slow down. When they dry up- so will my ability to keep him in my life. My heart is breaking.
Kelly.... I hear you and I am there 3 years later... My son triangulated and now involved others.. I remain as quiet as I can and realize that we are truly in the entitlement generation... It is heartbreaking and some days are worse then others.. holidays etc.. I am just saying.. I understand 100%... hugs to you
Let him go. You are not doing him any good but just prolonging your suffering. Maybe distance will help you both.
Kelly.........you have written my own story and my heartbreak........my son is 24 and I am DONE with his explosive mental and emotional abuse and disrespect.......he has, or tried to, turned all his friends (whom I treated like my own kids as they were growing up) against me......and is working on my family........adopted him at age 5 days, and by what little we know about his birth father, I swear there is a strong component of heredity.
you may want to rent the movie of Ray Charles his life. myself and in my humble opinion I think other mothers need to be reminded of how wonderful our children have it and had it. Nothing's good enough for them. watch what Ray Charles does with his life and watch where he came from. I know what terrible gross guilt is. I've packed way too much. that's how they keep controlling us
@qwerty53039 narcissists are made. Not born. Your son sounds more like a physcopath
I am only tonight realizing that my 29 yr old daughter is probably a narc. It's been a long road of abuse from her. Nothing I do is right or good enough. I did her a huge favor this week, but she kept gaslighting me, manipulating, and lying. In the middle of her telling me what a terrible mother I am who tricked her (?!) and ruined her life, I slapped her in the face. I can't believe I did that! When she talks to me like that it feels like she's killing my heart. I just had to do something to make her stop and come to her senses. Not the best way to set a boundary, I know. She said she'll never speak to me again, and immediately turned her sister and brother against me. The pain I feel is indescribable. I've already lost my oldest son to suicide because of my ex narc. I'm hanging on by a thread, but your video has given me some comfort for the moment as far as seeing this situation for what it is. Thank you.
Julie Achterhoff
i can identity...also throw alcoholism and my 5 year old granddaughter. i can ket go of daughter but the 5 year old is helpless and loves me and suffering. i hurt so bad for the granddoll and allow the behavior to be able to see her and i guess in some way feel i can provide a safe place or save her.
i want to say stay away and not see her she is so toxic.
i feel so poweless and hurt for my granddaughter.
i feel lost
Lisa Lunn Green
I hope you're doing a little better and my heart does go out to you.
Susanne C
Just started educating myself on this, dealing with my 25 yr old daughter.. I have a granddaughter that I babysat 3 nights, many days,soothed her colic, sang to, held, loved with all my being, all within the first 6 weeks.. Me and her sister-in-law were discussing how that my daughter could have post pardom depression because of the way she talked to my granddaughter.. 3 days later, my daughter is throwing up how I'm trying to convince everyone she is a bad mom, and we talked to my daughter about this prior, but I ended up with the guilty past thrown up, she is going to kill me one day, says the most hurtful things! But not seeing my grandbaby.. I didn't know how to handle her til I ran into these videos. But it's been 3 weeks and 4 days since I've even seen my granddaughter and I've grieved myself sick. Can I not have someone be me and my daughters in-between communication? So I can know my first grandbaby. My daughters dad didn't speak to me for 22 years after I left him, his mother was our communication for my daughter
keelan Tonya
Thank you for your gracious reply. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. You certainly deserve better. Your granddaughter loves you and will want to be with you rest assured. Maybe your daughter is a little jealous. Maybe you could try a little flattery and sincere praise, for something that she has done well, and saying that you're there for her. She's probably hungry for that herself.. almost like reparenting, and always trying to remain calm.in doing so.
keelan Tonya
I know how you feel I feel. like my son will be the death of me. But there's always tomorrow, and I have faith and hope most of the time.
I'm reluctant to say much in a public format, but yeah, dealing with this big time...
Same here Shae . It's good to know we're not alone and what Meredith says is so right as hard as it is to hear especially when there are grandchildren involved as well . Like someone else mentioned there ,i too am hoping and praying it is just fleas and that with boundaries and effort on my part to continue and keep moving on that this will filter through and we can become family again in healthier happier ways .
Same here
Being in this situation I feel like taking my own life 😢
@@lisanicholls6698 -- Nooo thats not the way, success is the best revenge.. The hardest thing is to step away.. forever! the narcissist wins if you give in.. Do something good for yourself and know that its a lot off us here going through similar hurt and shame from being exposed to narcisists.. Be successful at taking care of yourself..
@@lisanicholls6698 same ❤️
My son has had unconditional love, support and it didn't matter he has too be in control no matter what. He has a huge entitlement complex where he treats others like his servant and doesn't bat eyelid when others are hurting around him. No talking, reasoning, laying down the rules will sooth this beast he has to feed. I have cried lonely tears of what he has become and come to terms that he enjoys manipulating and hurting others. They are not the one's that are hurting like they want everyone to think, but we are because we CARED. My heart is broken but I will not allow anyone to emotional abuse me anymore. He is an covert narcissist and emotional pain is their food.
OMG. Sounds like my oldest child. She has manipulated everyone to believe that I am the enemy. She stresses me the hell out. I had to cut her off. And also cut my losses. She ignores me when trying to reach out. Then accuse me of reaping havoc when she disrespectful as hell. And never see her wrong. But I am made out to be the villain.
Sounds just like my daughter
Yup sounds exactly like my daughter
It's what they do....ALL of them !!!
My son same exactly!!! I can’t even go to my local grocery anymore without being stared at and whisper whisper!!! He works in Deli and has lots of gossip about what a horrible mom I have been how bad I hurt him!! I’m left scratching my head,,,
Welcome to our hell.
I feel compelled to interject. I'm not sure if you're saying that the child becomes a narcissist because they "identify" with the narcissistic parent, meaning narcissists are developed through nurture. My 30-year-old daughter is mimicing her narcissistic/psychopath father who left when she was 3 months old. I am 100% convinced that her narcissism is genetically inherited. She mimics him down to the change in her pupils when she's "cycling" or "loosing it" or what ever you want to call it when she's going manic. She did not grow up around him. He was out of the picture, and, yet, she's mimicing his behavior in many ways. I wish she would get an EEG to see what her brain map looks like and if there is anything that can be done to correct this. There are grandchildren involved, and this situation is the absolute pits. She controls everyone around her and uses the grand kids as trump cards. She is totally out of control. In my daughter's case, it's genetic.
That is exactly my experience, except that my daughter never saw her father after 11 months old. She is 30, and has 2 beautiful boys, 8 and 3, and uses them as her "ace in the hole," or "meal ticket." Setting boundaries is difficult, at best. I stand my ground, but she will say I am keeping them from having good experiences by not allowing her to use my car for personal things. She is out till 2 am almost every night, and sends the little one to his dad every other 3-3 1/2 months. She spends no time with them, and then accuses me for being kind to them. Agh. There is a drug and alcohol element, as she smokes daily, and I don't allow it in my house or car. I am struggling to provide safety for them when she threatens suicide. She wouldn't do it, she's very proud of her ability to manipulate people and have them dance around her. Her biofather was a drug addict, is a registered sex offender (not then) and was very handsome and con-man/schemer. She has all his traits. There has to be a DNA connection.
I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I feel for ya. These situations are so unnecessary and are emotionally painful. It's not fair that the kids have to go through this. I wish there was some real help. All the best to you.
Just remember, Diademglo, your child is not well in the head. What he said is a lie, and he has no idea what he says. What they say has no grounding in reality. You know what you've done for your kid. You were a good parent, not a perfect one. And that's the best any of us can be. Chin up, my dear. He'll be back.
Tina Huston sometimes we have to do the most painful thing. Our grandchildren are the victims. That's what we're going to have to do. It will be enormously painful, but we cannot live happily and well. Our lives are just too short
Tina Huston
I've always thought there was a genetic predisposition but now you really have me convinced. Of course my 29 year old son has had a lot of example to follow but still . And it makes me feel a little better to know that there was nothing that I could have done about it. Thank you
I feel so rejected by my daughter, I’m in tears. She’s 22 going on 16. I hear you say that I need to chose me over my relationship with my daughter. I never imagined that I would have to choose to not have a relationship with my only child. The truth is, like Einstein said, I can’t keep on doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results.
I understand what you are saying. I'm sorry for you.
Keep educating yourself on narcissism and learn how to deal with them.
Raging-don’t react and simply walk away.
Love bombing-your being set up to be used.
Gaslighting-they’re trying to make you believe a different version of events.
This is a really good opportunity for you and me to be emotionally stable and strong. I’ve decided to look at it as a psychology project. We have the upper hand with knowledge because narcissists are so predictable. Try not to take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. They’re mentally ill and don’t know how to deal with it.
They’ll never be able to reciprocate love back to you. They don’t love anyone, not even themselves.
My boy. My only son whom I love so painful . I am am codependent, empath, HSP to the extreme. A curse to myself and now the realization damaging to one's children. The incredible intense pain I feel from the hatred, the disdain and the psychological repeated beat down abuse from my 26-year-old son is unbearable. I don't know what it feels like to lose a child but I can't help but wonder if this isn't worse. I actually wish that I lacked the empathy to smother how painful and devastating this is.
Thank you so very much for all of your time and effort helping myself and so many other people understand and come to realizations or radical acceptance. I so hope that he will get help and it's not too late.
Regards, Joseph J Watson Wixom Michigan
Hello ladies who have commented here and have gone through this. I'm so sorry to hear this. I know only too well because I have/am going through it too. People tell you to move on... it's kind of hard to 'move on' from your own child. This is not the life I envisioned with my adult child who used physical and other forms of gaslighting to 'try to' drive me mad. The realisation of that alone was enough to shock the hell out of me. I have no idea how all this will play out in the future and I don't want to go into the details as I'm sure many of you here will understand immediately if I use the words, lies, manipulation, rage, silent treatment, playing the victim, issuing guilt and blame, taking his father's side and glorifying him and 'dumping me' etc. I pray a lot and sometimes I'm still very angry because my world view was/is that love should conquer all and that mothers and sons should have a mutually loving and healthy realtionship. Nothing else ever entered my mind. Yet, this experience radicially shifted my views on love. I know now it doesn't always work out the way it usually works between mother and sons/daughters (within a normative context and taking into account the usual ups and downs etc). Sometimes God or whoever gives us this BIG cross to carry and this is a major LIFE challenge/lesson. I'm still trying to figure out where to go from here and what to do. At the moment I'm a work in progress, but I had to set boundaries and ask him to leave our home and that alone has been
so difficult. I won't tolerate abuse from anyone. Blessings and love to you all. Miriam xxx
Miriam Cassar I am so thankful for your very eloquent, truthful, caring words. because your words could be mine, I fully yes fully understand. there has had to be so much confusion and pain to come to this conclusion on your part. I have suffered Decades of the same. when you talk about what you thought love was supposed to be, I thought the exact same thing and have seen it in this world for decades. when you talk about the confusion when it turned out to be different with your own offspring, I know that feeling. it honestly felt like an asteroid had hit my world and knocked it completely off axis. how could the children that I loved and adored so many years, Gone without so much on my part to give to them turn and treat me like they have? the sadness of it all is enough to take anybody out. but I've got to say, the shock of finally seeing the truth made me look at all of life differently, and the pain of that truth is more then one thinks a human can bear. as I read your words, I see somebody that has made it. you have made it through the most ungodly part of it with a sane mind. I believe we need to take the rest of our life loving self, looking and finding Joy in everything we can. I also believe that there are other people out there that love and believe healthy. I wish you much happiness the rest of your days as I wish it for me. thank you so much for sharing.
Thanks 🙏🏽 was kind of you to write . I’m going through such pain at this time from my old son . I’m always copping some put down or insult from h and his wife and I can’t allow my baby granddaughter to grow up witnessing the disrespect he dishes out when he can’t cope . Pray for all the patents who get abused by their own adult kids .
yes, we have to move on even if it is our children, I guess it means accepting the situation, what other choice do we have, none so go and have a good life in spite of it, that is what I am doing.
You are all not alone. Much love, not just for them. Know your worth.
I am choosing to go no contact with my 28 yr old son who identifies and with lives with his narcissistic father. My son only contacts me when he wants something. During his last visit he mocked me, criticized me acting and treating me exactly like his father did. It is heartbreaking...I left my abusive Narc husband 7 years ago after 30 years of marriage. I wished I left sooner and possibly saved my son from becoming like his father. The last part of video was right on. I am so thankful that someone out there knows and understands. Blessings and prayers of healing to all. God is good I have a wonderful and beautiful new life with a new husband who treats me like gold and his family have welcomed me into their wonderful family and love me as their own.
So great to see this happy ending.
My daughter, age 41, is a narcissistic abuser. I have been so damaged by her and her father, I still feel like I may have a nervous breakdown. It's been hell!
Read, read all you can. Sam Vaknin on Stockholm syndrome, and victim PTSS. It's real.
Carol Klimaitis - so sorry!! I found the best thing I could have ever done was make myself first!! I’ve started my own hobbies & work out, meditate, & that was best thing I could have ever done is work on myself & make myself strong!! My daughter 32 is really just attack’s me & I realized this is her journey & I have mine. Bummer is I have 5 grandkids I go hang out over there a lot. She loves to say horrible things about me in front of them & anyone, she sums me up in several ugly sentences ( yikes!!) 😳like she has me all figured out& lately I’ve learned to say...your entitled to your opinion no matter how it doesn’t resonate with who I truly am! Anything along those lines!! They don’t like us or let us have a voice! At least they try!! Blessings to you & I hope you rise above it🙏🏼❣️
Same here. I have a new husband now who is quite normal and a joy to be around.
Oh. How i wish my son would go away. He's emotionally abused his parents in OUR HOME, for four years. He's been arrested, homeless and sadly my spouse takes him back every time. The next time he is arrested he will go to prison for six months. I'm detached emotionally and have absolutely no respect for him. I'm tired of the threats. Tired of being held hostage. Locking bedroom doors and feeling afraid. I anticipate his next arrest. We have no life. And my wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer! I'm wondering if we can survive. I guess we're guilty of enabling, but I cannot wait to put this chapter behind us
I have a 28 year old daughter. The last 10 years have been terrible. I feel like I have viewed or been in a war zone. Was your son's behavior drug related? My daughters is. And I wonder if it's the same. Even if it's drugs that made her this way, should I just say enough is enough and close the book?
Thank for these words, you just reinforced my decision to change my phone number. So tired of text messages of how horrible a person I am, as well as my husband. After twenty two years of them being married, receiving off and on signals, taken away from grandsons, cut off from everything, apologizing never in the right way, it is time to stop the madness. We are going to live our remaining life,in PEACE and LOVE with each other. Please anyone out there listen, to this beautiful dear lady 🙏
You can block their number on your phone.
This helped me SO MUCH! My 28 year old son barely speaks to me since I stopped manipulating me for money (not working, doing drugs and expecting me to support him 100%.) He has completely cut me off, refusing to speak to me. The few times he does call me. it's only to break my heart and tell me how horrible of a mom I was...and our entire family is "toxic". He blames everything on me and the family for his inability to have any friends, relationships, or the ability to work and be self sufficient. I have allowed him to do this to me due to my poor boundaries...but I now see how I have to maintain my own sanity. I wish he would get help, but i know I can't make him. Having your child break your heart is THE HARDEST thing in the world, but you just have to make the choice to take care of yourself. Thank you for making it okay for me to take care of me.
Wow, this is a mirror image of my life with my 35 year old daughter
They don't change. They don't see anything wrong with themselves. So don't tell people they may change.
You will never see a narcissist going to therapy.
That is not true, not all of these people are full blown narcissists - I did acted in a similar way to my mom when I was in my 20s, and since have realized that what my son is doing to me is very similar to how I blamed my mom. It was different because my Mom abused me in every way, even as an adult, and instead of setting boundaries when I was a young adult, I sometimes reacted to her abuse by projecting and blaming. My son seen me, as he was growing up, not stick up for myself and make healthy boundaries, and he learned how to behave from me, so he hates that so much about himself, that he blames me, wrongly, as he is an adult, and should not blame me for his behavior - he does not yet realize that he does not have to allow others to control his behavior, and that he should not allow others to control his behavior. But I was acting like my mother, and did have some of her bpd traits, but seen through it when I researched andn learned about it - so there is hope for some people, depending on how narcissistic they are and if they have bpd, depending on the severity.
This video really hit home for me. I'm desperately trying to keep the lines of communication open with my 35 year old daughter yet lay down boundaries but those boundaries are ignored. She feels guilty about her behavior toward me yet blames me for her guilt. I repel any of her vicious accusations because I know I have been a loving and supportive mother to her and her brother. It was hard when I realized that both my kids treat me with the same level of disrespect that their father did (he had an alcoholic mother). I divorced that behavior when they were small and it was so hurtful to realize that my kids had his tendencies. My son's behavior toward me is more dismissive than anything but the vicious verbal attacks from my daughter are something else. I hope I can continue to stand strong in my effort to hold my boundaries. It is so hard when it is your own child.
Awe so sorry Denise. You don't deserve this and from two of your children...so sad, so disheartening, so heartbreaking. Set boundaries and protect yourself. Abuse is abuse no matter the source. This is their choice, not yours. It's their path, not yours. You must stay on your own path and keep going. Sad for them, but 100% mandatory for you. Sending you a big hug and prayers for your continued strength and protection to keep toxicity out of your life. Focus on finding mutual peace, caring, love and respect in God, through God, in others, or from within yourself. Do not ever allow abuse. Big hug❤
My daughter is 35, at this point I know I have to distant her from my life. Thank you for your video.
I understand & I am tired of this ride. I realize I must let go for my own sanity.
I will no longer entertain foolishness & you shouldn't either. 🌹
I am dealing with narcissistic behavior in two of my adult children. I am hoping it is fleas and that as I heal, they will, as well, but I know that what Meredith is saying on this video is correct. I must take care of myself. Thank you, Meredith, for strengthening me once again with your clarity and the power of truth. Awakening to the narcissism of my mother and siblings and husband was heartbreaking, but the thought of losing my children is degrees worse. It is devastating. Accepting that it could be a life path and really ceasing to blame myself is transforming my life. Thank you for your marvelous work, Meredith.
I'm dealing with the same... I'm allowing myself time to heal from my awakening of my family of origin...narc mother narc sister...romantic partners from the past...now two adult kids... I'm done with abuse I've made myself clear...no contact with both my Son and Daughter... my grandson's were pawns to abuse me for years...but I'm choosing myself and allowing God to handle the rest...freedom from emotional abuse is liberating...
Great video!!
We definitely need a support group!!!!
Same here Sylvie . Thanks for sharing . I too hope the same as you and i've been told that as we heal they can too so i hold that hope out for all of us and our children and grandchildren also . Hugs and much love xx
Realladi 228 i agree with you that a support group would be so good for us . Have you started one or know of one for this ?
You know, just this week, I saw how the shifts in myself have changed one relationship for the better. I saw real evidence of empathy and a desire for change in one of my problematic children. I am taking that one off the worry list. Unfortunately, the other went No Contact with me a year ago. I will keep working on myself. I have hope for that one, too.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I wish everyone the best. Hugs.
Donnell Allan Thank you for sharing such encouraging news and well done you ! I too can share the very same as my eldest son is on board with me now too along with his partner of 12 years . I now feel much more enthusiastic in regard to my other two adult children and have immense faith and trust for a brighter more harmonious future here now. Regards , best wishes and hugs . Donna. .
I feel like you were talking to me.....I have a son who has chosen this path....though he is clearly miserable. I hope he awakens, in the meantime I have and am searching for a better life.
jb maruca you’re not alone; I have an only child;son who is 19; facing the judicial system due to choices he made after 18; I raised him and told him with actions; chooses come consequences; it hurts my heart deeply; I know God is in control: he loves us all; and knew us before we were even born; with my faith so weak at times I try holding my head up and smiling while hurting deeply inside
I have come to the realization that my 23-year old daughter is most certainly a narcissist. I am a former Social Worker and student of psychology. I realized when she was very young (4 or 5) that she identified with her father. She has spent her entire life in counseling and therapy, including a year-long inpatient treatment facility when she was 13. She has moved back in with me for the second time. Even though she agreed to attend weekly family counseling with me, two months into this move, the honeymoon is over. She had a total and nearly explosive meltdown in two of the 4 sessions we had. I told the Therapist, I am fine with terminating the weekly sessions because this is not for me and I will not waste her time or mine.
I realized long ago that I had done all I could to assist her in developing into a healthy and well functioning adult. Now I am taking steps to remove my daughter from my healthy and well-functioning space.
Thank you for the video and the empathy you expressed.
Nicollo Pebbles how do you cope?
STAY STRONG, this is so DIS- HEARTING! I WISH U ALL THE BEST! I WILL CONTINUE 2 PRAY 4 U & your daughter!
Third sentence in was like getting slapped with a wet towel!!!!!!!
Wow!!!!
My Life!!
It helped me understand these issues when I learned about parental alienation.
It is more than devastating. Mine went so far as too help my ex by lying about me in family court which cost me my other younger daughter, my home and all in it. I became homeless. She campaigned against me with family and friends.
8 years later. im isolated.
I very much understand.
me too
this is so sad and reminds me strongly of my situation. Heartbreaking.♥
Damn. You must start again. Best wishes.
I want you to know I believe you. They will not get the last word, you learn to take the best possible care of yourself that you can. I am doing the same.
having a daughter as a narc is extremely painful. I love my grandkids. but I have to have no contact. she will continue abusing me using the kids as a pawn.
I've got the same thing going, Lisa Talluto. No Contact with my 28 year old daughter because my heart was getting hurt too many times with my granddaughter being used as her tool to control me, all the confusion and craziness of silent treatment and verbal abuse. It has been 1 1/2 years since she had a manic-like episode and I ended up with post traumatic stress syndrome. My mother in law is JUST LIKE HER! They are two peas in a pod... both left handers...they think alike and are evil, have no empathy, odd people, act like kids in adult bodies, are bullies, liars, etc. I was in a terrible fog and very depressed. I am better now. I miss the daughter I used to have. She has gone nuts and married a controller and crazy doctor who thinks he is God. So glad I realized what was going on. However, she acts like she's the victim. I have so many stories I could share! Even regarding my Narc mother in law. All the cray cray's that used to be in my life.... God Be With Them! I pray for them
Lisa Talluto PatheticPeople use children. in same boat
I have the same problem. It is very painful but worth it I think. They just keep playing games and if you do get to see the grand kids then they withhold them when you are so attached; blaming you for doing something wrong...... which is really just some lame excuse they made up to toy with you. I think its genetic. My daughter was raised lovingly in our family but my ex, (her Dad) became a cruel nightmare in the last 9 years of our 35 year marriage .....he was raised by 2 alcoholic parents. I always felt so sorry for him; but in the end........he turned it all on me. Heartbreaking.
This is such a hard thing to deal with and you don't hear much about it when your adult child is a narcissist or psychopath this makes things so much harder this can ruin someone's life I'm so glad this video is about this very subject. This subject I know all too well
Something else that's really important I've realized, is that you're actually doing the other person a service when you set a boundary. Meaning, you're teaching them a valuable lesson that maybe they've never learned before. What if they've only been around abusive types or people who succumb to their whims and outbursts, but when you set a boundary and hold to it they learn the lesson of what it's like to respect someone and what a person with self-respect looks like. And imagine if everyone vocalized their needs and boundaries and held to them in front of these people? Then they would have to change to fit into this world. They'd learn lessons all around, but most people don't want to confront anything and just hope they "go away" so they learn bad boundaries all the time :/ Anyways, just don't forget you do yourself a favor and you do them one too. You might be the first example of a healthy person in their life, maybe you are part of their actualization journey. Who knows, and not yours to dwell on either ;) just set the boundary, hold the boundary, and let go with gratitude ✌️😎
Yes, YES, YES, this is very important - I'm glad you brought that up, very good, Thank You! I wish I would've had the opportunity to do that many years ago, but at that time, my son was younger, and he was not abusive to me, but he DID see how I tolerated abuse from my parents and from my ex, so now, in his 30s, he is using me as narc supply, too, but, it is still good for him to see me finally take care of myself, maybe he will learn from it, maybe he won't, but it IS a good example for him, as he will end up like me, possibly, when his son grows up. When he was young, I thought I was "shielding" him from it, but he still seen that I had no boundaries and allowed people to verbally, emotionally, and physcially abuse me, which made him grow up being the same way - except I think he is PROJECTING, where he is projecting what he hates about himself onto me, and he is definitely BLAMING ME for how he feels, even though I am not abusive in any way.
My grandfather was abusive to his kids and wife, and when his kids grew up, most of them ended up treating their mother exactly like he did, even though they say they are disgusted at how he treated her, they blamed her, because they learned to be like her, because at the time, she did not know how to make a good example for them, and would not have been able to, as when she tried to leave him once, he took all the money out of the bank - this was back in the 60s, my grandmother had 5 kids, did not work, and did not drive, but still tried to leave him by walking to the bus station in the snow, but he beat her to the bank.
Extremely wise words. Bless you ❤
People treat you how you let them.
An adult child narcissist has got to be the worst relationship to deal with.
I've decided to remove my toxic children from my life...done with that scene
WOW!!! Amazing!!! Good for you!!!
Sounds to me that you're the narcissist. Narcissists always reckon that others are the toxic ones. Narcissi children get it from their parents. They're not born with it
Hugh Lennon: Exactly how do you know that "funky winkerbeans" is a narc? Sometimes it's normal and healthy to recognize that someone in your life is toxic, and the next healthy thing to do is remove them from your life.
Hugh Lennon their father is the narssitic parent.
Hugh Lennon: W R O N G !!!! Educate your self, please!!
omg . i cant believe i have found this ! thank you thank you
sadly, nearly all narcs would avoid the years of therapy that it would take in order to be able to build relationships with them. Part of being a narc is not believing that you are the problem thus no reason for therapy. A very high percentage of the time a narc will be that way for life.
I just recently stood up to my guilt tripping daughter. I received a very hateful text saying that since I don't have much going on in my life I owe it to her to help her out more. Why can't I be like her mother-in-law? Why can't I be like her friends mother-in-law? Truth is - I help her all the time - every single time she asks. So I just told her that maybe her mother-in-law can help her out. =) I notice she never misses gym time or having facials or nails done. I like myself too much to put up with her ugliness. I go through my day thinking kind thoughts toward her; I am proud of her and love her very much - only to find out she doesn't have warm fuzzy thoughts toward me at all. She calls me daily to tell me all her problems and whines about people who don't treat her the way she thinks she should be treated but the second I mention something I'm going through she's instantly bored. She used to play with her phone constantly when we went to do things together until I started doing it too. I could tell she thought it was really rude for me to do that and saw it slowly dawn on her that maybe it's rude when she does it too. I tried to break the ice after a few days but she still wants to be mad and is giving me the cold shoulder and this time I'm not giving in first. It's heart breaking because I had to go no contact with my own mom - there were years that we had nothing to do with each other. She was angry because she couldn't control me - and now I have the same crap with my daughter.
onokona girl stay strong. You're going to live one time. create joy for self :-)
my narc daughter does the same thing, in that she TRIANGULATES by comparing me to all her friends' moms and tries to incessantly guilt me, shame me, make me question my value as a mom and parent. meanwhile, NEVER does she look to compliment me, praise me, or worry about what might be bothering ME- when all i do is worry about her and yet "not give" enough. it's all TAKE on her end, all GIVE on my end. i agree, enough is enough. she gives me the silent treatment or STONEWALLS me lately. not sure what i "did" to deserve it, but that's her problem: if i'm below her so much she can't even communicate why she is mad/angry/sad, then i shouldn't care! plus, it's all a method of CONTROL. so i'm taking the advice i once read: what to do when someone gives you the SILENCE treatment? ENJOY THE SILENCE! hahahaha. yes, it's heartbreaking, but it is EMOTIONAL abuse she is inflicting on me, and i do NOT deserve it. she only gets away with it because she's my child. believe me, if she were a stranger, she would NOT be allowed in my house, or in my life! someday.... i'll find peace with this. until then, i'll learn all i can about how to manage disrespectful narcissistic children!
You’re doing great momma 😅
What's sad is when they weaponize you're grandchildren aginst you and won't let you see them 😭😭😭
I have custody and she's trying to get me upset by petition me to court. They're dumb cuz i have soooo much evidence against her and het drug use it's insane
My adult son who is disabled is possibly a narcissist. He is self absorbed but tries to instill guilt. Accuses me of not loving him if he doesn't get my money. Hurts me as he criticizes me and praises anyone else as an example.
I have seen this before in handicapped adult children of a friend. So sad.
I am paying his rent and he texts me daily to die
Barefoot Prof I pray that you block him it is so not good for you to keep hearing that. please don't abuse yourself anymore by allowing that
I am in a similar situation. It is not realistic to go no contact when he depends on me for support, but he grows increasingly violent and controlling. I have asked my ex, his narc father for help, but now they have teamed up to bash me and I am at a loss as to what to do next.
I'm in the same situation he trashed me till no end , still is emotionally he is 40 yr old injured spine , paralyzed from chest down in hospital 8 months .. every visit he makes me feel bad. I'm so sorry you all are going through this too . Sending love to each of you
At last! someone who understands my terrible grief in having an adult child (my only one) who needs to devalue me, point out my frailties, twist the truth to make me look bad, re-write history wherein I am the villain, use my grandchildren as leverage to manipulate me, etc. etc. The pain has been excruciating as I've tried over and over to connect with her in a good way but ultimately being slammed for some perceived slight. Guess what I discovered about this dynamic?! The better parent I was/am, the harsher was her treatment of me. Q: After all, if she couldn't target me, who else could she blame??? A: she would have to examine her own behavior and take responsibility for it. Would a narcissist ever do this? I think not.
You have to let the grandchildren go too meaning not being manipulated with them.
If we have the attitude “I can live with or without” they’ll not be able to control us. This may mean less visits because if they can’t use us then we hold no value in their eyes.
If I had known that the child I tried to protect would turn into the abuser after I divorced his father?? I would have gone underground and gave up the worthless child support and visitations that I was forced to allow.
My lawyer told me to do that and I ignored his advice. :(
It is genetic. It wouldn't have helped.
even three months ago I would not have said what I'm about to say. I'm into my sixties and I have tried so hard for so long. if I had it to do over, they would not have been born.
Yep! Exact same thing for me!
Same 😢
I completely identify with this. I've gone over and over inside my head trying to work out what went wrong. It's torture. However I am convinced it's learned behaviour. My mother, sister and ex husbands were Narc's too. This pattern appeared in childhood and I allowed it to continue, hoping things would improve. They don't. I have walked away. There really is no other choice. I have lost my grand- daughter. Sadly I know my daughter will never be happy but I can't help her. This is one of the best explanations and support videos online.
My Ex and My adult son are both narcissist. My Ex is also an recovering alcoholic,, it was suggested I go to al-anon and I can't speak highly enough of how much it helped me with setting boundaries and taking my power back. over time instead over being powerless of alcohol, today I just say I'm powerless over narcissistic behavior. God Bless
Kim H thank you I needed to hear that :-)
yes, I have an Nex, Ndaugher,Nson, I am going to Alanon, very helpful, we are powerless over N's but we are not helpless! Setting those boundaries!
My son didn't learn this from his parents. However, it seems to be genetic. My dad and one brother were disordered. This breaks my heart, and I don't know what to do anymore.
I agree its genetic.
Yes, there is more and more research surfacing on the genetic component.What was I thinking to have a baby when my family and him and his family were so dysfunctional? Back then I though all you need is love LOL
@@Doriesep6622 Oh My,you sound like me 33yrs ago.Haha all you need is love right?Its not our fault .Who wouldve guessed that we were giving birth to the enemy??Not me.I wish you Peace girl!
Lmaooo.narcissists are MADE, not born. Take some accountability for your terrible parenting
I am so thankful after weeks of searching for information on this topic, I finally found this video and all of you folks, who are sadly suffering with this. My 29 year old son has been gaslighting, using me, and telling lies to me and about me for so long, and I just kept going back thinking this is my son, I am his mom, he should love me. Now after finally standing up to him and telling him I have value, I am not able to see my beautiful granddaughter. His wife (no big shock) is an empath like me. She has been fooled by him just like so many others. And only God knows what line of crap he has filled her head with about me. I have been reading all of your post and although my hearts breaks for all of you, it has made me see, I am not crazy, this does happen. Sadly it appears to be an epidemic. I will say a prayer for all of you. If I may suggest I started going to a CR group and it has really helped me deal with a lot of my feelings. One day at a time for us. Remember you have value.
What is a CR group?
Jackie W please add me into your group prayers
The only way to get away from narcissism is to be completely alone!
What you say is true.
Science is saying there is a genetic link,I realize my 1 St husband was a narcissist constantly fighting me in court to get child support reduce & got away with paying none.Let them go,as an empathic person I have realized they can keep their kids , I've raised 5 ,last 25 years alone ,the grandchildren will one day wonder why .. if they are so self absorbed I don't want the toxicity now in my 60+ years.
sad
again I second that XXX
There are good people. Most of them are Christians. I am not going to say all Christians are for real either though.
You have helped heal me. Thank you, as tears swell in my eyes as I type. I have lost 2 daughters and a granddaughter. They are in there 20's now and I see no point of return. My eldest is getting married in 3 weeks and I am not even invited to her wedding. You have shown me alot in this video and have helped save my relationship with my 10-year-old son who is still with me. We have a Mother-Son relationship that is beautiful but he is in the Tug-Of-War with his eldest sisters and Father as they are a united force. But he has a great step-dad and I believe we will make it through and you have helped with this video. Thankyou
I'm going throught that right now I said no to him I'm not giving you any money he thinks by not talking to me he is punishing me it's not it's a break from him
Lucky! LOL
My narcissist daughter has abused me for at least 2 years. She stood me up, made me wait long hours. She tries to put me on guilt trips when ever I would discipline her for disrespecting me and never following the house rules. All while expect us to take care of her while she has a full time job and spending alot of money on herself and boyfriend. She blames us for things she did wrong. She has smeared me on Facebook and with friends. She has skipped school repeatedly after standing me to spend all night with her boyfriend. I am going through all this and she is 18. She has sad some mean things also to me and yet says I am always mean. My daughter ghosted me repeatedly because I refuse to take her abuse. I chose my insanity and let this recent ghost remain. She ghosted me and her father and just walked out to live with her boyfriend and cut alot of the communication down to zero, from being cold to stonewalling. So I decided to let it be. I pray for a Wake up call for her. She is living with a family of narcs. I am going through this with her while just losing my mother and she knows how much I cared for my mom.
Thank you for telling i didn't fail as a mom. Everyone tells me I am such a good mom. I ALWAYS put her first. I didn't ever want to put her last since I knew how she felt since my biological put me last my whole life.
My daughter has constantly abused my boundaries. She would turn cold in front of her friends then say I over reacted if I pointed it out. She was super kind to everyone but me. She acted like my mother and my boss. I realize she chose the path. Thank you for this video
Stay strong. Big hug❤
Looks like my two daughters have narcissistic qualities supported by their father to keep me in my wifely servant position too. Loving them through healthy boundaries and letting them make their own mistakes.
I agree. I am going through this with my daughter. I don't even know how to cope. It's heartbreaking to say the least.
Same here. 4 years after the discard. Now she's cyber stalking me after slandering me on social media with awful lies about me and my business. It's heartbreaking.
Knowledge of this personality disorder is key. You won’t be in shock when they gaslight, deflect, rage, manipulate, love bomb, hoover, ghost, smear campaign, etc.
And please don’t take it personal. I’ve been working very hard on this part and it’s working.
We have to give up the dream of what it was suppose to be and radically accept this new reality. The sooner the better.
Go live a great life without them. I am. I’m even looking to mentor a young woman with children through Community Bible Study.
Crying so much listening to you my 30 yr old son does this to me .I love him so much and just want to be a good Mum . more than that I want him healthy.
My first husband was a narsasist and abused my daughter. She is now 48. She chose to be around her dad when of age. He's her stepfather. She cast me from her life. I've grieved for years. I'm now 67.
OMG Arline, I feel your pain. My daughter left me to live with her father because he's a damn narcissist and played Mr. Nice Guy so she'd go live with him, and to get at me. She didn't talk to me for years, and when I did see her, she was completely rude and snide. Fast forward, I try and discuss things with her, like her hitting me, etc, and it's a no win argument. It's never her fault, and she's justified with everything she's done and I'm "crazy". We do grieve, but one thing that can save us is being around the people that do respect us.
Arline, so sorry for your heartbreak. I understand. I relate. Its hard to fathom that your own blood would not want to know your side of the story. Mine jumped on the bandwagon that has the most money. I believe it has much to do with it.
I believe that daughters who chose to be with the abusive step parent may have a ongoing sexual relationship with the stepfather this is something I can never understand this happened with my daughter and her real father and she chose to keep the relationship going with him after he sexually abused her all of her life and she will not listen to anything against him now that he is dead she keep a shrine to his name.
I needed to hear this. She has fooled many for years as my mother did, as my exes, her dad and step-dad did. My boundaries have made her so angry she snares me in and then treats me like garbage. The last incident was the worst and after I kindly bought her glasses. She's mad because she has to "fund" her own life which isn't entirely true, but she is paying for her college and rent while doing co-ops off campus and none of her friends have to. I told her she's learning to be independent. I can do nothing right, she always looks for the way to bring me down. Now I'm being given the silent treatment again. She texted me only to ask for a picture of her now dead father as the anniversary of his death was coming up. No apology for her terrible treatment of me. No how are you. I had sent her a letter to apologize for every thing she believes I did to ruin her life - by staying with these awful men one after the other, even though I saw no way out. She probably threw it out. I told her to let me know when she's read the letter. If she doesn't, I really don't know that I need to send her a picture, one out of many I offered her at least two times in two years to take with her and she refused. His family is in her life now and blamed me for preventing them from visiting with her while growing up. The courts made me have a permanent restraining order on him, yet the pro se manic depressive was allowed to drag me to court every holiday of her growing up life. They supported him and the courts therefore would not allow them to see her because they knew they'd take her to see him and that was not allowed. They lied to her.
I have to let her go as painful as it is. She was so sweet when very little. If she texts again, I have to not answer, i have to stop jumping because she expects me to. Maybe she'll have an epiphany. In the meantime, I have to stay strong.
Your explanation was brilliant! My daughter also identified with her narc mom and now is an adult narcissist doing all kinds of manipulations and there's nothing I can do to change that. We are no contact now, I even lost track of her completely.
You’re being spared a lot of misery.
I’ve joined a Women’s Bible Study to hopefully mentor a young mother. Hopefully, it will help with the pain of knowing my own daughter will never be able to reciprocate my love.
My daughter is a narcissist. Her whole life she abused the family members. She's a thief, liar, con, bully... It's horrible the damage she has caused. After 38 years of drama, I went no contact with her and gave up talking to another family who stayed in touch with her. I moved and changed my phone number. It's been 9 months and I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Best decision and most difficult. It's good to hear from others going through similar situations. My advice... Run!
thank you Meredith. this helped me this moment. I just got off the phone with my daughter who does not see how very hurtful being in a room with her dad and the woman he cheated with. we were married for 20 years. the divorce was final 2 years ago. her dad quickly married that woman. my daughter sided with her dad in the divorce. it crushed me. I barely made it through our daughter's graduation last year. they expected me to go to dinner with them!
My heart goes out to you, Levin. Mother to mother, I send you my love.
Thank you so much for letting me know you are sending me those nice thoughts! it helps!
No way!
Levin Praeyur beyond sick.pray to God for strength and surround yourself with good people. Dont be afraid to taje chances. Its devastating and mindblowing but you now have the tools of discernment.life is too short and your mental and physical health need not be destroyed.
Stay strong.
Don't let them see you sweat! The best revenge is a life well lived.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Thank you for all your work and your love for humanity.
Thank you so much for doing this video. There's very little online for parents. Very helpful, for the incredibly pain I'm going through with my daughter. Thank you.
Yeah, parents tend to get demonized like we caused the disorder through bad parenting. I've seen little to no consideration given to the fact that there is a genetic component. For some the genetic component may be greater than for others and environment is said to play a role as well. Environment doesn't necessarily mean poor parenting but could mean a trauma (due to an accident/witnessing violence etc.) or other influences such as peers (bullying), illness/death/absence of a parent etc. These are things that happen in life and are no-one's fault it's just that negative environmental influences are thought to have more of an impact on children born with these genetics than on those who are not. Then, if parents suspect something's not right they tend to get dismissed (unless the child's behavior is extreme from a very young age) so detecting the disorder early on in order to get help to correct it can be tricky. It's just laziness to blame everything on parents. It ends up ostracizing us when we need all the support we can get because these are not easy kids to raise or have any sort of relationship with once they reach adulthood.
Yes, you are correct. When it is your child, it is a living hell. This particular video is MY LIFE to a T. There is a small amount of solace in knowing that someone at least understands what happened and is not blaming me outright. There were other people involved.
my daughter is so overwhelming and I just wanna run away.she guilt trips me all the time .anything she sees upsets me she does all the time .you are speaking exactly about my daughters
Stop feeling guilty. Stop believing her nonsense. You know the truth. Don’t be reactive. Respond with calm and cool. Your the boss.
It’s hell on Earth and the judicial system doesn’t recognize NPD! It’s horrendous here in Canada and causing huge problems in the family courts!🇨🇦
To me I'm so glad this video keeps going because this is something no one ever talks about, so there's really no one that you think understands, but apparently there are people who understand. This is a great comfort. I am torn between feeling guilty and knowing that I have to protect myself or I will just disappear so do I sacrifice for my son who's almost 30 or do I take care of myself and cut him loose completely but my heart breaks because he's in a halfway house right now and he's having trouble and will be around soon I guess that's what the problem is too. And my awful narcissist husband and I fight constantly over him it's getting to the breaking point.
Only help him with stuff he can't do himself.
Dump your husband?
I told my adult narc daughter at one point that I would not rescue her or take responsibility for her now that she's an adult. If she wants to destroy her life (drugs, jail etc) that's her choice but I was having no part of it. She was shocked and accused me of being the most vile, evil cold hearted monster not worthy of being called mother (in fact she doesn't call me mother or mom any more). If I'm honest there are times when I feel cruel but I have to slap myself back to reality as I know that she would destroy me in a heartbeat if she could. I left her narc dad when she was a baby so he's never been in the picture so it's been a blessing I've not had to deal with him as well. However, she recently looked him up and they are now in touch. I told her I wanted nothing to do with it. If she chooses to identify with him and join forces against me I'm gone for good. It's heartbreaking because my daughter has been my whole life and I love her so much. There are times I sorely miss her but have to keep reminding myself of the destruction she leaves in her wake.
Susanne, protect yourself at all costs. Abuse should never be tolerated no matter the source and as horrifically painful that it's coming from your child. They are responsible for their own choices. It's the path they chose and not yours. Stay on your own path and know with certainty that you deserve peace, happiness, respect and love. It's incredibly sad it won't come from your own child, but you can and must seek it elsewhere. Stay strong. Big hug ❤
Good content. Thank you. I have a teen daughter from a covert narc ex. Daughter has ghosted me 3 yrs now after decade of abuse, physical, mental and reactive. Honestly I’d like to keep things light as I go into my 60s she’s so manipulated and lost. I’ve set my boundaries and my health and friendships are blooming. Wanting to help others in same circumstance. 😊
Thank You so much. I don't have a relationship with my 18 yr old Son. I set my boundaries a few years ago. Each time I enforced them he would call my much older daughter who in return would tell me to STOP. He lives with her now and she's constantly calling begging to make him stop. She fed the Monster. He has Zero respect for me and everytime I see him I tell him how much I Love him and try to see how he's doing. I Love him but I can't save him.
you are wise
keep up the good work. look for joy. Create Joy for self
I have realized my youngest son is an enabler to the abuse of his father's abuse.
Hes seen the bruises, hes heard the verbal abuse, hes seen it all.
Now he doesn't talk to me at all and still lives with the abuser, hes 26 years old, still living like a adolescent.
yes yes my son, 19 yrs old, went with the identity of his narc father!!!! It's soooo sadd!!!!!! He is trying to destroy my reputation, intregrity and my character. I want him to move out to not be destroyed by him. He even told me I was my husband's abuser when the opposite is true. I was a codependent empath who endured more than 2 decades of emotional and verbal abuse. It's so heartbreaking. My son is very covert, but I have learned enough about personality disorders to see what's really going on. But I am totally putting myself first at this time. I still have a 7 yr old to raise and won't give up on her. I took him to a therapist and he was given an acessment test, and the therapist said he scored as having a mood disorder and a personality disorder :(
My husband starting breaking down in the last 9 years of our 35 year marriage; he did the same thing.....provoke me and when I got angry started saying I was abusive, turning others against me. Its such a horrible place to be in because you know the truth; but you know that others are fooled by him. I console myself with trying to believe its only the really stupid ones who are fooled by such lies. I hope you and your 7 year old can get away from your 19 year old so that he doesn't destroy you, it sounds like there is no help for him.
So, throw the 19 year old out--it's time for him to be on his own. Save yourself and your 7 yr old.
theway oh, this is my story! But he doesn't want to go to therapy with me! I just want him to move out, I can't do this anymore 😢
You probably has saved my life as I think about suicide because I cant go through another struggle with my daughter. She put me through hell when she was 16 and I ended up in a mental hospital with depression. It took until a couple of years ago to have a relationship again but now she ( now 24) has bullied me again trying to manipulate me and I just dont know what to do thank you for sharing everyone it has given me the courage and wording I need to be able to tell her it is not ok.... good luck to all of you.
Lauren Newell My daughter is also 24- my oldest and I had recently let her come home to live for a while. I had no is a what I was in store for. She destroyed my life in every imaginable way. I am currently trying to recover from the long ordeal and at times I have thought I wasn't going to make it through. She had no remorse whatsoever and actually was getting joy from the pain and mental anguish she was inflicting. She also drained me of my money and destroyed my house. It breaks my heart because I grew up with a narc mother and sister and after years of torment finally got away from them. To see my daughter follow in their footsteps is devastating. I wanted to tell you this because I know how hopeless it all feels but it can be overcome. I have had to cut any contact with my daughter in order to salvage what's left of me. I hope things are getting better for you.
at almost 63 I had to go no contact. I pray others don't wait that long.
If I even try to interact . It's him guilt tripping me. Manipulating. It is draining,heartbreaking. It bothers me for days. Yep figured out a name for this. Narcisem .
Boundaries are in place for me... But they the narc call it " controlling"... I don't think we have a chance or ever be right again once the adult kid starts being a narcissist...
That’s exactly what he told my kids, I’m “SELFISH” I won’t tolerate the abuse and cheating!
I look back at my relationship with my parents and Im thankful it was a good one on both sides. I miss them both dearly as they died too soon. I now look at the relationship with my children and constantly wonder Where I went wrong. My adult children grieve my heart terribly
It’s a whole different ball game for this generation who’ve been trained to seek popularity on social media and create fake lives.
i recently have discovered th is about my 27 yo daughter. She is our adopted daughter because she was as abused at age 1 mo old by her birth parents.She got a moderate TBI with cognitive impairment.
She is recently home from NM To NY bcause she was in a marriage with a HIGHLY Narcissistic man. She was kicked out with no money etc and had to come home without her baby.
Now I am her whipping boy, her scapegoat. I am also her advocate so letting her go has been really hard. Today, I officially set boundries. She told me she wants me out of her life, so Im here...but not here
My child is the Narc in my life. I had to stop talking to my daughter. It breaks my heart, but she was so toxic to me
OMG! Thank you for this video! You have just saved me from many hours of beating myself up. THANK YOU! Many many of these things have happened to me with the person I am dealing with. He pushed, and pushed and pushed. The minute I said no, I was told that I was the WORST person ever to be born. It is SO difficult for me because now I have not seen him or heard from him for over 2 years. I work and sleeep, and other than that I am barely alive. This helps though. I truly hope to see my son again. I have placed him on the missing person's list for the 2nd time this year. Yes, I do believe that it was TRULY CRUCIAL for me to set boundaries, however, I am very grief stricken at this time. Thank you for the video.
Thank you for your words and empathy Meredith! 💕
I really needed to hear this because it absolutely breaks my heart that my 29 year old son treats me the way he does I'm happy to see that I'm not alone cuz you really feel like where did I go wrong what did I do to cause this and the reality of the situation he will be 30 in August it absolutely breaks my heart and I wish and pray that there was something I could do different to change it
Thank you for this video as usual on time ! I get to the piling onion ,one by one I recognize the narcs ! Tears and pain , denied narc will not change ! So painful to admit... I don't try to hurt them but to serve them and they ,family hurts me ! I get more educated and pray to God ❤️truly thankful for the people sharing the knowledge 💜
Phoenix D AMEN
I feel like my life has been highjacked by my highly narcisstic adult daughter. I'm devastated emotionally, physically and financially. She lives with us and refuses to move out of our home. My husband is in denial and is also abused by our daughter. I need help and hope.
I can relate. I dont understand how our children are this way. As a christian i pray about this. I just had to give them to God. He is the only one that can fix this. He can heal our broken hearts. We are dealing with a spirit that has taken a hold of our children. Look up jezebel spirit. It explains what we are dealing with. Just trust God. They were His before they were ours. If we pray and believe npthing is impossible to God. Much love and prayers Granny B in Texas
Betty Wood thank you. yes we need to free ourselves up to love self as much as we can now. Bless you.
I agree. All things are possible with God.
I’m totally I upset about my adult son and his abuse . He uses guilt and shaming every thing I’ve ever done . His wife and him push to make out I’m crazy and wants to know about my will and they want to use my home as their investment property and now seems that I’ve done nothing right ever . Now with a baby it feels like now that’s another pawn to use to make me do what they want . The insults went too far last time and I haven’t spoken to him since . I’m lost and haven’t been able to even speak to him since he hung up on me for no reason . I feel bad for not talking to him but I don’t feel it will change unless I do all the. Change. I have to change my speech how I talk I can’t say anything without it be turned into an insult on how bad a mother I am . Anyone else out there in the same position ? This is a much needed topic 🙏🏽
would anyone like to actually talk on the phone for emotional support ?
they dont see the light..they dont change..its all a game with these deep dark heartless souls.
moonlightontheriver I would very much love that. I'm just too scared to give my phone number out.
Yes I would it’s awful to accept this is even happening
Especially when they are with a soul thieving narcissist partner
What about talking on Facebook messenger?
@@valeriansteele I'd love to have someone to talk to about this. It's a lonely road when nobody in your life understands