The Past Was The Worst: Terrible Jobs From Throughout History
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The Blazers have a huge question at the tip of their tongues : did you stop "blazing" upright because it was painful so you have to sit down ?
Peter in Resin
@@ignitionfrn2223 Yeah. That's a question I'd like to know the answer to. Other than that, Great Blaze, FACT BOI.
Video posted 7 hours ago and the offer code has a already expired....
Bro, the long intros are like foreplay. You may think it's unimportant but for some of us, a long intro is like a nice aperitif before the meal of brilliant snark... A subreferential amuse-bouche, if you will. I've learned something in the plethora decades on this planet: If everything is good, don't hassle the talent, son.
Simon: Complains about long introduction
Also Simon: Goes on a 3 Minute tangent every other sentence
Reading this comment mid Simon rant. Priceless
came here to say that
This entire video is just Simon ranting. I have no idea what it's about lol. I love it.
This is a Tangent Blaze Special where its mostly just Simon rambling about unrelated topics.@@OpenLogicEFI
I've noticed Sam's tangent alerts are getting more creative...love it!
*Worst 21st Century Job: Fact Boy Writer*
The job requires you to live in a basement with 20+ other writers and editors. If the smell of too much beard oil doesn't drive you crazy, then being chained to the radiator will break your spirit. The scariest part is the Fact Boy will beat you if the intro is too long--even though 90% of the intro is the Fact Boy's tangents.
But the food they get is fabulous! Magic Spoon dust and mushrooms that grow down there. I think if they are good they get a slice of stale bread.
Can you imagine that, all overlooked by a bald bloke munching fucking cereal.... lol.
Dont forget the used candles for light, and broken typewriters.
This is what Simon classifies as "Good Slavery"
They are fed dead tortises and expected to juice the glands to make a fine perfume.
Congrats on 300k subs on Brain "Business" Blaze. As an OG BB member I can confidently say that you are a certified legend. Together with Danny, ETA and Sam
Oh, and Peter
Didn't it go down? I expect to see 299 shortly...
And Brian the meme accountant
I can only make so many accounts for may cats
R.I.P. ETA
Simon we all love Danny's introductions. We're still waiting on the script about Danny's life
And also North Korea lol
I’m calling you right now: Simon replaced his legs with bionics on his quest to immortality and he just doesn’t wanna show us.
Or he needs a new charger for his bionic ass and his backup charger has no extension wire so he just sits the entire time
I dont know if this might exist where you live Simon, but where I live the animal shelter has what they call a barn cat program. When they have feral cats they've trapped and neutered but are unable to return to the place they were trapped people who have barns, or just homes in the country to warehouses and even sometimes stores will apply to receive one of these cats. The only requirements are that they have a shelter for bad weather and a backup food source as needed if they do their job and chase the mice and rats away.
As these are feral cats they will not usually want to be near humans, they just need a safe place to hunt and live.
If this option exists where you are it would be the perfect rodent control that you barely have to think about.
I was thinking similarly: "Simon, have you heard of a device called a cat? Very useful for rodent control, not to mention being an excellent source of companionship." But your feral cat suggestion is even better. After all, a cat used to humans does not thrive without their attention.
Snakes are also great, and since he doesnt live in Ireland there should be some just a few miles out of the city. Also that's a far better use of stray feral cats than starting a cult where all the members are are stray feral cats.
I worked in a call center for a few weeks. I was selling AOL DSL(that long ago) and got some guy on the other line that accused me of being the guy his wife ran off with in an AOL chat room. He literally threatened to eat my children. I probably would have been disturbed by that if I actually had kids
7:00 - Chapter 1 - Groom of the king's stool
14:25 - Mid roll ads
16:25 - Chapter 2 - A match made in hell
23:55 - Chapter 3 - Whipped scheme
31:15 - Chapter 4 - Ratatatat
❤️
Your stomach sound tangents literally had me laughing out loud, at work where I listen to many of your fine channels as they are often entertaining even without the amazing images included in your videos.
Next "brain blaze" he will have done the same w/o eating... mic strapped to his belly lol 😆
Just got to that part. I haven't laughed this hard in ages! 🤣
Danny doesn't shorten the intro, because we enjoy hearing the stories. It's also the closest we'll get to a biographical of Danny. If you made that video, you could just release it on the brain blaze channel. Thanks Danny!
I love that you genuinely thought that today’s Jack Black, professional goof, was also a famous rat-catcher
"Professional goof"
Abspestos is actually still used in industrial applications, like the brakes on battleships, where there's no reasonable substitution. It's fine if you follow proper protection methods when using it, and you don't toss it into walls as cheap fireproof insulation.
Noted. Will only use in my battleships. Thanks for the heads up.
@@brainblaze6526 I got you. Hit up Pepsi for some battleships. They may have some for some Pepsi points lol
Mate why would a ship have Breaks?the engine only goes in Reverse
@@brainblaze6526 there is a few other applications too ,just as aforementioned has to be handled and insulated properly and disposed of properly.
@@marcbfrankfurt3952 Yes, but you have to stop the propeller shafts first before you can throw them in reverse.
It's kind of fun to be able to determine when the video was recorded based on what news Simon talks about.
MOUSE TRAPS ABSOLUTELY WORK simon. people use the wrong bait like cheese due to the mice like cheese meme. USE PEANUT BUTTER. it has a strong smell, doesn't go bad, and stink like moldy cheese can. it also is impossible for the mouse to pick up and run away like they can solid baits which they can remove carefully. instead they try to grab the sticky stuff, and set the trap off. remove mouse, and just reset if enough Is left
Agreed. My dad once put down glue traps. Fun fact: mice can get stuck in a way in which they can still run, with the trap attached.
We have the fun grey ones in our basement now. I call them tongue traps, because I always thought our old dog might try to get the peanut butter (she never did). My brother likes them because they just pinch open, so easy resetting.
1. Danny, never change unless it's to make scripts longer
2. The ad reads have gotten way less fun from the early days
3 Sam continue to refine your language created entirely from memes
@@Orangehat444 the whole show is less fun since he's stopped pacing and doing cocaine*
*allegedly
Long live the death metal magic spoon ad
Lmao. " the world is all sorts of fu*ked up....but the past was more fu*ked up." Simon you legend
Put that on a t-shirt
@@lastnameever3990 yessss 🍻
..
@@nicks6657 ???
When I was small, we used to have kids books in church and I would read them when I was bored and Sunday school wasn’t on.
I read a book about a girl who worked in the match factory and it was absolutely heartbreaking. It ended with her dying in the snow and “going to heaven”.
..
I remember this book! It was scarring because at the end where she's dying she hallucinates being at a nice Christmas dinner. Still have no idea why that was a book for children.
I believe that she was selling the matches on the street, not making them in a factory
Same! Something about lighting 10 matches until they burn out and hallucinating about something different each time. Barely remember it, but it definitely helped me learn how to count to ten, and why we don't sleep outside at night when it snows. I think it was called The Little Match Girl or something.
It is the basis of a story by H. C. Andersen. Wikipedia says the Enligh name for the fairytale is "the little match girl".
I still love the channel, but since Simon started sitting he's become tame. Unleash the beast Simon!
Just 1 weekly standing Brain Blaze would suffice.
I agree! #standthefuckupsimon. LOL
Agreed. He has more of a Casual Criminalist vibe when sitting. Standing Simon going crazy makes BB so different to his other channels.
Bring back that OG BB energy!
I don't know why he's "fixing" something that isn't broken.
@@midnightrambler8866 it is but it isnt. Its fantastic for those of us who have been here a while but its not doing well at gaining new subscribers.
We love the introductions!!!
The stomach growls are what I'm here for. The usual burps are child's play, that gurgling belly made my day.
Love the channel lol on another note. 15 minutes of Danny's stories and 15 of Simon tangents and 10 facts. Perfect format. 😉
Thank you for not using glue traps for the mice. Those things are awful. :(
The great thing about working in a call centre is you truly get to experience how absolutely stupid people really are. I work in a power company call centre, and we hire extra staff during winter just to field calls from people who don't understand how they use more power when it's really cold and dark than they do when it's warm and sunny.
DANNY NEVER STOP THE LONG INTROS! PLEASE! THE LONGER THE BETTER!
Seconded
I'm late to the party, but I love that we got an episode that's a return to form! Danny intro, long episode, Simon tangents and super fine Sam memes! One of these a week, and you can do whatever experimental format stuff you want with the other episodes factboi!
Pipe down Simon.. It was only 7 minutes.
I LOVE the new "Tangent Incoming" bits, Sam. Keep em up XD
I'm just here for the Evangelion/Simon tangent memes.
I love his intros though because you’re so animated it makes them interesting.
Yes. There was slavery during the Victoria era.
Honestly for a few days I thought we lost the old BB style and thankfully this video proved me wrong! Danny's long into, Simon complaining about the intro then getting lost on what tangents wonder along and Sam with the fire edits/ memes! Legends!
Global punishment is still a thing in the military most places even here in Norway. If a soldier fails to behave as expected, the entire platoon is punished. Sometimes the only one spared punishment is the one who was the perpetrator. The idea is as you say to have the person wracked by guilt. Or the platoon handing out its own punishment by having the perpetrator ostracised and shunned.
President = Chief Executive, in corporations and countries. It's just that even companies that think "Chief Executive Officer" sounds better than "President" don't like the sound of "Vice Chief Executive Officer."
The idea of "Universal Basic Income" makes sense where (and when) a country or society doesn't pay a large portion of the workers a decent livable wage - enough to pay for housing, food, education, etc. I'm pretty sure that most countries these days would fall under that umbrella. In the few countries that have adopted UBI, including the few that have tried it in small sections of their population, that it has been an overwhelming success. The more that people are allowed to actually live their lives as opposed to working themselves to death to just survive the more quickly society as a whole will progress in a forward direction
It's the only way well legally take the money the 1% of the 1% have illegally hoarded without another french revolution(off with their heads). The stupid part is most 1%ers seem to fail at business... If no one can afford your product but a few... It's kind of funny the major precursors of modern capitalism would take every rich person ceot for a few like gates and buffet and hang them in the public square for hoarding(hoarding your money in capitalism is a huuuge no no... Basically they'd burn every investment firm and REIT on principle...
@@bayoubilly5176 ya man. I think modern capitalism is more of a combination of capitalist ideas and the old feudal system where only a very few held almost all the wealth and every one else were peasants. I think that our modern "democracies" function only partially and that the richest are much like the old feudal lords - that's certainly the way the US was designed - all of the well educated rich people made it so they would always be in power so that the "dumb" masses, who couldn't possibly know what's right, wouldn't interfere. I believe the only actual democracy this world has ever known was the ancient Greeks, before Rome took over the continent.
@@ChopBassMan sorry for such a short response but "I agree" heh . Whenever I see gates or buffet or that one billionaire in Cali that pays all his ppl even entry level a very decent salary. I get a little hopeful. Sadly the Koch's aren't as moral heh.
@@bayoubilly5176 ya man. For every philanthropist in the world there are probably dozens of Koch's. Until world society learns that the idea of massive income differences being ok, we don't stand a chance of any kind of true equality. It's really unfortunate that the idea of being selfish and building up huge excesses of material and/or financial things is apparently ingrained in our societies - I would imagine largely because so much of human history has been one of either suffering or being not too far removed from suffering. As the globalization of modern technologies and benefits become more ubiquitous, hopefully we will be able to relax the idea that we're one step away from disaster and the "selfish attitudes" of the world and in particular of the rich to allow incomes to even out some
Simon gets sued by Amazon, not for money, they just own him for a year of "good slavery"
Some rat catchers would breed the more "cute" rats, then sell the offspring as fancy rats to be pets for the fancy folk.
Absolutely Love Brain Blaze!!! Danny’s writing, Simon’s commentary and Sam’s inserts are fantastic!!!
The 22 minute intro Buisiness Blaze video is still the most legendary Buisiness Blaze video, so never change Danny.
Danny about his call centre job - "I was warm, and dry, and safe..."
Me hoping he can finally escape from Simon's cold, damp and dangerous dungeon...
I love the past was the worst videos.. they always make me laugh 🤣
I worked customer service after college.. I learned very early that if I spoke softly enough, the screaming customer would have to stop yelling at me long enough for me to actually find out where to send the call. It seems too simple, but it really works.. definitely saved my ears a lot of shrill screaming
I have an electric car & I love it. It really depends on how charging stations are around you & whether you can do things while your car charges. There’s a bunch of car charges at my local mall, which is really nice since I regularly attend Magic the Gathering events there
17:13 when it’s Simon actually learning something the meme should be edited to say
Fact Boy with
Learning Stuff.
when I worked for America Online back in the late 1990s, I found out that "helping the customer" was the call center euphemism for "get the customer off of the phone as quickly as possible"
Guys! Guys! I am still waiting like come on.
For the Brain Blaze that is just 1h:40m of intro and Simon tangents that then just ends suddenly.
It is a new plateau of comic genius, I have faith that the trinity you are will get there one day.
P.S. To add insult to injury. The topic of the video has to be something that everyone desperately wants to know, but can never be found out (like the algorithm for lotto numbers for instance).
The trinity of actual intro, memes, and tangents? Or the trinity of Sam, Simon, and Danny?
They should do this for April 1. Say that they’re finally going to release the North Korea video, then just do an hour of ranting intro
Danny, please give us all 30 mins of intro, with 5 mins of content and 15 mins of skillfully induced Simon tangents. We will watch it.
Speaking of rats, in my current DnD campaign my party killed a bunch of rats and one of the party members stuffed a literal ton into thier bag of holding. We mostly cooked them for food, but once we were in a sewer system and we found a statue that the rest of the party wanted to steal, but it was in the middle of the water and we didn't have a raft. Well the guy with all the rats decided to make a raft out of their corpses and he managed to roll a nat20 on his survival check that the DM threw at him. So we now have a dead rat raft.
Beast Wars was one of the best TV shows of all time.
Wanted to like it; I loved OG Transformers and the stories seemed interesting, but to this day I still haven't gotten used to too-obviously CGI animation.
too be honest i enjoy danny's raamblings. he has a good knack for getting us in the mood for blazing, and i like it a lot
Asbestos mining in Canada ceased about 10 years ago, and asbestos has now been banned. Strangely though, they are now debating whether to extract magnesium from asbestos waste or not.
Please do a time line and review of all Danny's jobs for one show!!!
Yea, I once couldn't wipe my own ass, it was weird. Never have I once resigned to that fact that someone else.... Was actually right there ready to wipe it for me.
God bless nurses
Oh man never truer. Epileptic and had a seizure on the tolite. Nurse was in there but still the sense of it was like if I only went earlier. Nurses go thru some shit and see some things probably no horror movie could portray.
The English comic actor Tony Robinson serves as nonpareil host to an early '00s show later uploaded here to TH-cam, 'Worst Jobs in History'. It's on the Timeline channel, and comes fiercely recommended -- especially after this content.
I feel like that "the president is never late" line was pulled straight from Princess Diaries where Julie Andrews, as the Queen says "The Queen is never late; everyone else is simply early". I watched that movie a million times as a kid and that was one of my favourite lines.
My number one favorite part of brain blaze is the editor roasting Simon.
Towards the end of the video, even without ETA, script slapping and wondering off screen, this felt like an oldschool BB. GREAT JOB, LOVE IT!
Lol Danny's long openings, Simon's tangents about them, and Sam's memes describing their (not always so-)silent feuds, are the whole reason I love this channel so much!
Back when I was a kid, too small to remember this myself, I was told a huge rat invaded the kitchen one morning. It was sitting on the counter and I was sitting there baby talking to it, calling it Mickey Mouse. My mom came in and nearly had a heart attack.. apparently i was in my walker, more or less than 2ft away from it, just jabbering away as it munched on my crackers, looking at me as if it were listening to everything I said with perfect understanding.
... I always have loved animals, so this rings true. lol
I love how Jen has used sound bytes from Beast Wars in this episode. I listen not watch these while working and I had to pull out my phone to confirm, I had heard Rattrap talking.
I squealed when I saw him!❤️
not even a full minute in, and factboy's already spiraling off into a tangent...bless him
I have so many funny stories about mice in my life. I think I will call a friend and start my own tangent. But, after this video. Can’t miss your videos!
Fun fact about Monopoly, it was originally called The Landlord Game and was meant to point out the problems with capitalism.
Fun fact: "Wh" is not only properly pronounced "Hw", but it used to be written as "Hw". Hwat the hell is even that!?
Daddy, hcill
I want to see a breakdown of the average length of Danny's intros vs time added by Simon's tangents.
For the record, I love both.
Going back through the catalogue of BB videos, just as great as today's BB videos. Loved the use of rat-trap from beast wars in this episode.
You are my hero Danny keep up the good work long introductions are part of the reason that I come here we lost Factboy's blazing I don't want to lose your 15 to 40-minute intros they make my day
Sam, I don't know if you get to see these comments in the basement but I get so much joy when you use Evangelion for the tangents. It's my favorite anime and it would be amazing if you edited a whole video with Evangelion memes. Just a suggestion. Keep up the great work.
That would be amazing but I'm afraid it would require an amazing amount of work for just one video though. Gotta churn other channels too haha. Maybe I'll do it when the 15Th Impact comes ;)
Though Danny's intro was only about 7 minutes it was still nice to have it. I missed the long intros with stories of Danny's life in them. Great with funny moments too.
Danny, never listen to Simon. The long intros are appreciated
Man after threatening to break out the whip, I expected another “NO DONT DO IT!” Sam, you’re slacking mate, slacking.
On the note of inheriting the King's old clothes; I don't think wearing them is the prize. I think that the jewel encrusted part is the prize -- the kind you can sell.
Danny: 2:45 read time
Memeoligist: I get Paid by the Hour Correct?
Simon: 12:15 min. tangents...
total run Time for intro Priceless...
The introduction from danny is the most funny part of this series, i look forward to it every time !
That’s it! A bunch of Blazers chanting with paint on our faces under a full moon “Resin, resin, resin! Dip the plant!!!”
I love the past was the worst videos. They're hilarious, informative, well written (props to Danny), and your commentary is great. I know you're going to talk about excrement shovelers. Do you think the aliens who do anal probes think they have the crappiest jobs? Please keep doing these videos.
I often chuckle at the conundrum of alien abduction. Cuz I love the idea of aliens studying us and ironically if they were doing it. "This" method would work. When you think about what a bear must think as we descend from the sky in a metal beast to tag them... Ironically or non ironically depending on perspective...
We do check every animals bum we study too. Their junk as well. Sometimes taking samples by jacking them off heh...
Suddenly alien abduction isn't so far fetched...
Still "torn" on the subject after living through the "lights over Phoenix" irl. Reading up on shag harbour in Canada. But then yeah (southern trailer accent)
"Dem buggers probed my bum and stole mAH baby juice"...
So maybe not 😆... I'm torn...(perhaps they are too hah...)
(On edit I'm still waiting for the military to explain how flares are giant metal triangles that I still haven't seen in military use after thirty years almost? So there is that).
I love Danny's writing style. The intros are fun and u two fighting indirectly is entertaining 😄 I love the little side stories from all of you.
I love Danny's long introductions. It makes the Blaze seem like storytime!
"Danny, what are you doing?"
He's pleasing the people, Simon!
Danny’s introduction speaks to my 6 years of working for in a call center for canadian and American cellphone companies.
"What are you up to, The Past?"
Simon: What are you up to Danny? Mate.
OGBB: Giving the audience what they want!
From "King's Poop Dude" to Simon's rumbling tummy, this was absolutely hilarious 👍
If I make it to my 80’s, I’m gonna start doing hard drugs and go out like an O.G.
Good damn it, Simon. In America, we just spray our wasps with foamy neurotoxic chemicals like real men.
That last meme legit startled me 😂
Holy BEEP--- I don't recall ever hearing Simon swear so much in a video - it's priceless!! Keep it up FactBoy!!
Yes, it's called living with dignity. We wouldn't force our own pets to live thru pain and constant health issues that can not be fixed. Yet we do it to ourselves everyday
Classic BB!! Way better than the recent “shorts”. Please keep the big intros, the tangents, the burps, the slander, the mice stories. Best of all the Whistler channels! Legend!!
They still use the technique of punishing all for the behaivor of 1 person. It's used to teach "holding each other accountable" and "being your brothers keeper".
This is used in Behavior Modication Facilities which are basicly lockdown group homes for foster kids and people coming out of jail as a transitionary place.
Dannys intros are basically the #1 reason I watch these
Oh crap we now know what happened to Stewie when he grew up!
My boy Sammy again with the Eva memes!
For some reason I instantly went to "Home Improvement" when thinking about a show with a dude you never see.
I remember Danny's bread job from last year. One of the original business blaze videos.
Hey Simon, .......a simple way to get rid of mice if traps aren't working, get one of those large white buckets (5 gallon size) mice come and go from houses all the time, dig a hole near the house, put the bucket in so it's flush with the ground, toss in some bit of cheeze, hamburger etc..and leave it...the mice will go in and won;' be able to get out and they'll die in there from starvation, or drown if it rains...
Love how Simon doesn't understand he IS the call centre boss all along
Please never shorten these intros and tangents they are my favourite things
“A wizard is never late” is the only line I can think of, and iirc you’ve not seen LOTR so it would make sense you might not recognise it from there :P
0:05 And you already elicited a loud chuckle out of me Sam.
31 seconds later and again lol
32:02. What the heck did u even Google?
“Is it cool for (or “should I leave…”) my wife and 3-4 mo baby to stay in a room with mouseys?”
And Google’s like “don’t do that”?
Another good one would be people making mirrors with the colloidal mercury
I hope one day you'll have a dusty mirror just casually laying on the desk next to you that you say nothing about for the whole video.