Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on TH-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on TH-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
This Video explains exactly why I behaved the way I did with this one girl. I ended up getting blocked in the end. I had no idea this emotionally wound was there it sent me into a meltdown I lost full control. It took me 6 months to get out of it and realise “what the fuck was I doing”. I wish I knew about these issues beforehand and none of this would have happened. Tbf I’m 23 and she is the first serious girl I have spoke to and the first one I’ve had feelings for. She wanted to be friends and stupidly I pushed for something else losing my chances completely. One thing I tell you is DO NOT take anti depressants they made everything worse. I wish I was aware of my mental health issues but unfortunately I’m and not perfect so sadly I have to move on knowing if I did this all could have been prevented.
Happens to me too, especially after break ups. I'm shameful to day I get stalkerish. No malicious intent but like social media stalking or excessive messages or even third party contact. I hate it and I don't wanna be that way ever again
Thanks for sharing your reflections. This kind of reflecting is helpful. Many of use can relate with engaging these behaviors after breakups. We can prepare and be proactive around painful experiences like breakups by learning about attachment distress. We can understand how we need to take care of ourselves by learning how we show up or get triggered by attachment distress. Learn more by taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz. Here's the link: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I know the root of my primal panic and I would like to heal it. I’m definitely joining the community. Thank you that’s my goal this year🙏🏻 to work on. I have fearful attachment
After more than 15 years of working on myself, improving everyday, learning how to love and like myself, I still couldn't figure out my deepest wound for which I knew it is somewhere deep inside me and is making me feel crazy and questioning everything about my reasoning and mental state in general. And I just found the answer, finally able to acknowledge it and explore more of it and start to heal this one wouldn which wasn't even uncovered yet. Thank you sooo much!!
Wow, that is great to hear you uncovered some deep insight after watching this video. Sounds like you have a good starting point to explore. Good for you for researching resources and participating in your process.
So many of us can relate. Glad my work brings benefit. Thank you for valuing my effort. If this video is helpful then you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. It goes into the underlying origins of these behaviors. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Glad to hear that. Thanks for valuing my work. Glad it offers benefit. If this video is helpful then you may also like getting in on the conversations on this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
You seem to strike on what might have been why when my daughter kept her children from me. I felt such panic and urgency to contact her. It was like someone had stolen my family and they were in danger. There were reasons that I thought she was in danger from her husband but my extreme stress and urgency to be with her and talk to her made me feel such urgency. I have had a lot of insight from counsels and study on my own. This information has made me feel very anxious. But so eye opening. Thank you so much.
Thanks for the comment. I would assume yes regarding your personal situation and being distanced from your grandchildren. Our attachment system gets triggered and it can feel like life or death or some variation of that urgency. Take care of yourself. Glad you watched the video.
Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins this week. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
for me, i would really like it. so long as the person pointing it out was willing to be with me and help me reconnect in the moment, and isn't pointing it out in a way that's like "please stop doing this around me"
But why does this happen to someone in an abusive relationship? I mean, if you live every day in an unsafe environment, where your physical safety is constantly threatened? Now that you have been separated, IE by the courts, why wouldn't you feel better instead of freaking out?
Thanks for your question. Glad my work speaks to you. This topic comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Hello Debora: Thank you for valuing my videos. I’m glad this one resonates with you. The solution to healing attachment injuries and work with primal panic is to do our healing work. There is not a simple, quick-fix answer. Emotional, Relational, Developmental Healing Work is dynamic and has many chapters depending on our individual needs. The areas of focus I suggest are exploring Attachment Trauma, Emotional Attunement, Family Patterns, Boundaries and Sense of Self, Shame and Self-Worth, Longing and Loneliness, Reality Distortion, Grieving and Grieving Skills. These are the areas that inform the design of the membership community I created, Improve Your Relationships. You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating. The kind of question you asked here is the type of question we explore in the community. frequently. Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on TH-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on TH-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
This Video explains exactly why I behaved the way I did with this one girl. I ended up getting blocked in the end. I had no idea this emotionally wound was there it sent me into a meltdown I lost full control. It took me 6 months to get out of it and realise “what the fuck was I doing”. I wish I knew about these issues beforehand and none of this would have happened. Tbf I’m 23 and she is the first serious girl I have spoke to and the first one I’ve had feelings for. She wanted to be friends and stupidly I pushed for something else losing my chances completely. One thing I tell you is DO NOT take anti depressants they made everything worse.
I wish I was aware of my mental health issues but unfortunately I’m and not perfect so sadly I have to move on knowing if I did this all could have been prevented.
Happens to me too, especially after break ups. I'm shameful to day I get stalkerish. No malicious intent but like social media stalking or excessive messages or even third party contact. I hate it and I don't wanna be that way ever again
Thanks for sharing your reflections. This kind of reflecting is helpful. Many of use can relate with engaging these behaviors after breakups. We can prepare and be proactive around painful experiences like breakups by learning about attachment distress. We can understand how we need to take care of ourselves by learning how we show up or get triggered by attachment distress. Learn more by taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz.
Here's the link:
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thank you so much for this video. It makes me feel better to know that this is not a character defect.
...how did you figure this all out? you are sooo knowledgeable!! most therapists i have seen seem to have no idea on this process.....
Thank you for the kind words and valuing the content in the videos. I appreciate your watching them.
These are the things I do at the START of a relationship! LMAO!!
I know the root of my primal panic and I would like to heal it. I’m definitely joining the community. Thank you that’s my goal this year🙏🏻 to work on. I have fearful attachment
After more than 15 years of working on myself, improving everyday, learning how to love and like myself, I still couldn't figure out my deepest wound for which I knew it is somewhere deep inside me and is making me feel crazy and questioning everything about my reasoning and mental state in general.
And I just found the answer, finally able to acknowledge it and explore more of it and start to heal this one wouldn which wasn't even uncovered yet.
Thank you sooo much!!
Wow, that is great to hear you uncovered some deep insight after watching this video. Sounds like you have a good starting point to explore. Good for you for researching resources and participating in your process.
Thank you. Thank you. I'm right there.
thank you for explaining this!
You're welcome. Thank you for valuing my effort.
Thank you for sharing this, I've gotten so much better but this video really helps me feel less crazy
So many of us can relate. Glad my work brings benefit. Thank you for valuing my effort.
If this video is helpful then you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. It goes into the underlying origins of these behaviors. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
He is the best therapist!! I wish he was in the U. K
I've heard about emotional flashback that is similar to described here primal panic.
Thanks for you comment. It's helpful to hear. I agree that there are similar aspects to emotional flashbacks. Thank you for watching.
very helpful
Glad to hear that. Thanks for valuing my work. Glad it offers benefit.
If this video is helpful then you may also like getting in on the conversations on this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
You seem to strike on what might have been why when my daughter kept her children from me. I felt such panic and urgency to contact her. It was like someone had stolen my family and they were in danger. There were reasons that I thought she was in danger from her husband but my extreme stress and urgency to be with her and talk to her made me feel such urgency. I have had a lot of insight from counsels and study on my own. This information has made me feel very anxious. But so eye opening. Thank you so much.
Thanks for the comment. I would assume yes regarding your personal situation and being distanced from your grandchildren. Our attachment system gets triggered and it can feel like life or death or some variation of that urgency. Take care of yourself. Glad you watched the video.
Thanks explains alot
Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins this week. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan. is there a psycholical component to these neurological miswirings...how can people overcome such dificulties?
I really appreciate this video - thank you! Does this relate to a specific attachment style and if so what is the label? Thanks :)
resonate
Hi Alan, do you think it’s worth pointing out to someone that they have Primal Panic episodes?
for me, i would really like it. so long as the person pointing it out was willing to be with me and help me reconnect in the moment, and isn't pointing it out in a way that's like "please stop doing this around me"
But why does this happen to someone in an abusive relationship? I mean, if you live every day in an unsafe environment, where your physical safety is constantly threatened? Now that you have been separated, IE by the courts, why wouldn't you feel better instead of freaking out?
Do you help people in real world? Cuz I need help regarding this stuff so badly.
Thanks for your question. Glad my work speaks to you.
This topic comes up in conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. I welcome you joining us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Don't just leave it there......how do we help ourselves feel better? I've been in primal panic for 3 years. It's hell
Hello Debora: Thank you for valuing my videos. I’m glad this one resonates with you. The solution to healing attachment injuries and work with primal panic is to do our healing work. There is not a simple, quick-fix answer. Emotional, Relational, Developmental Healing Work is dynamic and has many chapters depending on our individual needs.
The areas of focus I suggest are exploring Attachment Trauma, Emotional Attunement, Family Patterns, Boundaries and Sense of Self, Shame and Self-Worth, Longing and Loneliness, Reality Distortion, Grieving and Grieving Skills.
These are the areas that inform the design of the membership community I created, Improve Your Relationships.
You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating.
The kind of question you asked here is the type of question we explore in the community. frequently.
Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community