Story #1: Bad Apple. First, he was wearing underwear so at the very least his private parts are covered. But what gets me more is that the OP was sitting there until 11pm talking about her fight with her husband with her 8 year old in the room!! Don’t 👏vent 👏 about 👏 your 👏 spouse 👏 in front 👏 of your 👏 kids!! Imagine how traumatic that is for your kid to hear about. She could have gotten her kid to read a book in another room or sleep on a couch even, but she’s right there! Why?
YES! I was literally about to say that first part-- he WAS wearing "pants" because he had his privates covered! "Put on some pants" is manipulative language to imply her daughter saw parts of his body she wouldn't expect to see on a clothed person
Story #4: when I was in grade school, I got bullied for being a different race and for being neurodivergent. If kids nowadays are saying someone is "weird" for making a misogynistic comment about girls, I'm proud of this next generation for sticking up for the people who are being targeted rather than targeting them themselves. It feels especially good because when I was in fifth grade, the same comment was made towards me: "you're just a girl. You don't know how to do science." and when I looked to my other group members to back me up, they said I was being too sensitive and to just let it go. That was 2015. So yeah, good apple.
Story 1: I don't see the issue? I thought OP meant that he wasn't wearing underwear at all, but he has his stuff covered! I agree with OP's mother, and also, it's not OP's house. Bad Apple. Story 2: Good Apple. I think OP's reaction was a tad rude, but they're not wrong for how they feel. Story 3: Good apple! Obviously. Story 4: Good apple. Sexism shouldn't be tolerated. If you don't stamp it out whilst they're young, young boys grow into incels and violent men.
Agreed. It’s one thing when a teenager makes jokes like, “Oh, girls are so dumb,” or, “Oh, boys are so gross,” but don’t really mean it. It’s another thing to be serious and keep going on about it to the point that even another teenager notices them being an idiot.
@charlielittlechild I thought she meant he had nothing on either. And even if he didn't, it's not her home..its his,he's sick its almost 11 pm...go home.
Story 1 kinda made me uncomfortable, just because of how much op tried to make it all about her; basically disregarding the trauma her step-nephew went through that she POINTED OUT HERSELF earlier on.
Story 3: I understand your point that there was a better way to deal with the situation, but at the same time, it all took place during the work day. She was a preschool teacher, she was probably busy and tired and not thinking straight and just wanted the situation over with. She also probably didn't have time to take a good look at the photo.
That first mom is just ten kinds of entitled. Good grief, go home and deal with whatever your issue with your husband is and leave the poor kid alone! I can only imagine how stressed those parents had to be in that moment.
For story #4, in all honesty the first thing that popped into my head was that Neville was being bullied for being named after a Harry Potter character and the OP was going to say it was the mom’s fault because she chose the names and then it registered that they probably changed the names for privacy lol. But definitely good apple, glad those kids are teaching Neville a lesson that his parents refuse to. Glad his big bro is also holding him accountable.
@@fayrozwael1592what do you mean? Just curious because I believe that the daughter is at fault due to her poor choices but I’m intrigued to hear what you think 💭 😊
Story 2. Just a question where are the dads? Like they could be helping out. I think these children should go to a home where they can be given a good life
Story 4 having been an aunt years before being a mom I can honestly say it is well with in the realm of being an aunt or uncle to stop family from saying hateful or bullying behavior. It goes right along with needing a village to raise a child. Kids need to see from other sources what is acceptable and party of that is being told what isn't acceptable.
Exactly. If I ever heard my nephews saying those things when they're older, I would speak up. Also helps that I'm a teacher so I'm used to it and my sister is cool with helping them be good human beings because she knows I love them.
Small thing about story one before I hear Mrs Rogers opinion: It’s almost 11 PM. You have an 8 year old child. I know you have to rough with your husband. But why is your daughter still awake this late? It better be a weekend the next day, cause that girl is going to need to sleep in if she just wants her normal hours. Pour girl, and now she has to deal with her mom being like this.
Exactly, unless your child will be in danger from your husband, which it doesn't sound like she is otherwise sister wouldn't be telling them to go home, that little girl needs to be at home in bed.
Omg ..story number 1... she's definitely the entitled bad apple!!! No wonder she's fighting w her husband...i can only imagine what that's over...🙄 I love how the sister told her to straight up go home!! I cant even see how she cld think she's right...bad...badddd apple!😡👎
Story 2: I have three children myself and know how much work they are. I completely understand OP's mother's view and think they are 100% justified to see things that way. The baby's father wasn't mentioned at all in the post, so it's unclear what role he will be playing in the baby's life. It's safe to assume, that OP will not be moving out or making any steps towards a more independent life with her children. Since this is not the case, it will mean much more work for OPs parents looking after / raising two grandchildren and I completely understand that they are not happy about that. Children are so much work and I am very lucky to have the support of both sets of grandparents. I would never expect them to do more than they are comfortable with and am extremely grateful for all the help they give me.
Story number four: definitely not defending the OP here, but there is absolutely a culture, especially in the deep south of it being completely verboten and forbidden to do anything involving parenting another person's child. The possibility of saying something might not have even crossed her mind.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. It may be ok in some cases for an aunt or uncle to correct that, but if the parents are there, in my family, it's their responsibility. I've been talked to by my sister before about stepping over that line too. So, I'm giving op the benefit of the doubt that it's a situation where they can't call the nephew out.
Wasn't till we moved to the south till my aunt and uncle. Where way to into my business. To the point I stopped wanting to be around them. But my uncle up north is cool and only got mad when I said Uncle name instead of just his name. At least in NC where Rebecca is also from. It's very common for aunt's and uncles to be in your business just because they're adults. Although here yes stepping in is good even though I framed it from my bad experience. So it's all super regional I think.
For apple number 4. I agree 100% that she is good apple. As an aunt to my older siblings children, who didnt have my own children, i would not correct my nieces and nephews when their parents are around either. I would definitely point out inappropriate behaviour to their parents but would leave it up to them to resolve the issue. If i am looking after my nieces and nephews i absolutely have no problem addressing their behaviour and then discuss with parents later what happened and how i responded. However addressing their behaviour with their parent present, who is also witnessing it, is not my place. My assumption would be that if my sibling didnt do something immediately that they intend to have a long discussion about it privately later and not cause more of a scene in a public place. Im guessing Bracken didnt see any consequences for his brothers actions and so spoke to his friends about how he wasnt punished and it snowballed from there.
I was smart, friendly and outgoing and still got bullied. Because I was an "easy" target. I am not very friendly or outgoing anymore, except at work as I work in Hospitality.
Story 2… I realize the parents thought they were doing her a service by taking on parenting responsibility of the first child so she could finish school, but I truly believe they shouldn’t have taken on full parenting responsibility. She would have struggled, but it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have finished school, just maybe later than she had planned on. Making her be a parent to her first child probably would have impressed on her consequences of her actions (good and bad). While I do believe the parents intentions came from a good place, they kind of taught her that they will swoop in and rescue her instead of making her responsible for her decisions. They definitely can help her because we all need grace, she just should have been made the responsible parent from the start. Daughter is definitely entitled and doesn’t get it, now she’s going to have a rude awakening.
First story: OP needs to take note from sister's parenting book. Her son was asleep at a good time, her son knows that he is loved and sees his parents work well together. Where the 8 year old is sitting there late at night, listening to her mom complain and talk bad about her father. What truly made me mad though is that she just openly threw his personal business out there and let the world know that he had accidents and had to wear night time underwear. I know reddit is "anonymous" but there's been many times that people find out who it's about. Story two: OP has ever right to not be excited and really be downright mad. I hope she can talk her into birth control or something after this one is born. Story three: I agree she should've given the other teacher a chance to right the misunderstanding, but ultimately she did nothing wrong. Now story four: Buckle up, Buttercup. I'm passionate about this one as a mom of three boys. I ever hear my son's say anything even remotely sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, anything that is said to oppress a group of people, that will be handled right then and there. I will make a scene if it is a continuous thing. If my neices ever makes comments like that, my brothers can get mad at me all they want. I will not put up with that. If it's a random kid, I'll just look at them and their parents with a face of disgust and tell them that their child is going to grow up gross. I don't care. And I hope that someone will so the same for my boys if I'm not around for some reason.
Omg story 1…I hadn’t even thought about the kid on the couch! Why isn’t she watching TV in another room or something?? She shouldn’t have to listen to her mother vent about her own father
2nd story: Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? Mom and Dad, you did great helping her stand on her own. Pregnancy does happen unexpectedly. I graduated, from high school six and a half months pregnant. Tomorrow my daughter will be 32. In three entire decades, she has no siblings to speak of. Why? Because I had to put every drop of blood, seat and tears into giving her the best life I could. Having a second baby is the most selfish move the daughter could make.
Something I noticed is that you never mentioned the autism part. I personally have autism and I know sensory things. He might not of felt comfortable with wearing pants. And he made sure to wheat a long shirt to cover up that. He took an extra step, and it’s likely because u where there. And like you said, he also stayed up in his room
The autism didn't matter. The point was that he was in bed, had a problem and shouldn't be expected to have to dress for company in his own house when very likely he didn't even realize they were still there. If you stay in someone's home that late and refuse to go home, that's on you.
For the first story I’m going with bad apple because it’s not like he went anywhere but his HOME without pants and it’s not like he was flashing anyone, he was wearing at least something that wasn’t pants, and she did also act that she came before a child that just threw up and has a lot of trauma and she just did kind of throw an adult tantrum that she didn’t get her way and made her daughter suffer too
I have three grandchildren, a 3 year old, and two 1 year olds (cousins born 3 days apart). I absolutely love them and like to babysit so my kids can go on dates with their spouses. But taking care of even one of the children is very tiring, and more than one for a few hours wipes me out. You just don't have the same stamina and energy as a grandparent as you did when you were younger. I can just imagine the exhaustion that grandma feels just thinking about having to help with another child her daughter is not in a position to take care of, though I know her heart is full of love for those sweet innocents. Her daughter needs to figure something out.
It's not the wanting to wear pants that makes you the bad apple. It's literally everything else that makes you the bad apple. Also, it's 11 at night, even if you had a fight with your husband, if your child is not in danger, your child needs to be at home in bed.
The pants thing does make them a bad apple. They're talking shiz about a child to their face because she's arguing with her husband. She could have just kept running her mouth about her poor daughters father right in front of her or she could have went home and talked to the only person she should be talking to when it comes to arguments with her man.
@@hippychick420 pretty mean to do in front of a sick kid with trauma in his own house. She could’ve just left. Instead of showing concern for her nephew, she complains about him in front of his face.
Wanting your host to behave a specific way while you're a guest IS already making you a bad apple. You don't go to a nudist house as a guest and demand that everyone put on clothes. You leave if you're uncomfortable. The entire context just solidifies the bad apple status but they're already at a faux pas even from the onset.
also i feel so bad for the 8 year old little girl BC I KNOW bc of her mother she will be subjected to so much scrutiny at way too young BC OF HER MOTHER'S VIEWPOINTS
Apple 1: I completely agree with you Rebecca. I really don't see anything you missed. I feel so bad for that teenage boy. I understand you don't want your eight year old daughter near a teenage boy with no pants, but like Rebbeca said you've twisted this into a victim mentality. Bad apple for sure. Apple 2: I defiantly don't like how she was a bit harsh with her but, her parents are looking after you! Your parents shouldn't have the responsibility of looking after YOUR child. When my sister had her first daughter she was in a bad spot. But she stayed with my parents for the month she gave birth but then she got into a better spot. She is now in a very good spot and is taking good care of her two children. This mother should support her children. You need to become more responsible. Your parents have to take care of you, just because your not responsible. Disclaimer: I have no children just three dogs. Good apple. Apple 3: I really just agree with Rebecca I don't know anything about this and it has never happened to me. So I just really agree with Rebecca. Good apple. Apple 4: That kid needs to learn to speak better. As a women who worked in STEM in most of highschool. Yeah that makes me mad. I definitely think those parents need to tell their son what is right. He is saying a whole gender is dumb. I had a kid who always bullied for being "a dumb girl" when is was a kid. They OP should have said something to him. That kid needs to learn that thats wrong and the parents need to tell them. I agree with what you said Rebecca so I'm gonna go with good apple. That kid is the bully not the one being bullied. Like I said I agree with Rebecca. And Bracken telling his friends kids tell their friends things their sibling do. Good apple. (the writing for this one all over the place I was multi-tasking) I also just baked brownies yesterday so enjoy yours! ❤ ❤
For the forth story: as an afab at birth…. I was bullied by 12 boys in my class about not being able to dance AND almost kicked out of the girls bathroom because I have short hair, which I was mildly made fun of for… the teachers did nothing and when I stood up for myself and said “shut the f up” except with the actual curse I got in trouble(this was elementary school) it mostly stopped in middle school except for a few rumors and times they still picked on me but I didn’t share any classes with them. Then in high school a shared a class with them and they and a few other people would make homophobic jokes when the teacher left the room, yell things like “that’s a sport for gay people” clearly had very sexist and homophobic ideas that they projected loudly and it made me really uncomfortable and mad to be in the room with them but they bullied me before so I just swallowed all of it and ignored them. The OP was definitely not in the wrong and I think more parents need to stop their kids when they are young because it’s damaging to the people around them… I also love science and math and STEM and I’m much better at science and math than any other subject so😂
For the first story: bad apple. Your sister clearly needs her nights off so she can help her son especially knowing he has bed wetting issues. Your sister was being nice by telling you to leave when she said it's getting late. It's not like the nephews junk was out. It was covered. Bad apple! And second story good apple. She was just stating her disappointment at the moment. She is being stretched thin with childcare, working a full time job and having her own life too, plus being a mom. The daughter should have been grateful for all the help and support and done her best to get out of her situation. And how does she thank them by giving them another grandchild to look after. I'm sure the news was unexpected. Daughter needs to buckle down and get her life together.
Exactly! My sister had this happen, but she's been so responible and lives on her own now, but super appreciated the help my family and I gave her until she was okay again.
op is bad apple for the 1st story BUT SISTER/PARENT OF THE SON IS THE BEST APPLE she really stood up for her son like no its night and this is HIS house too he deserves to be comfortable no matter who's over i wish my parent would stand up for me like that😭
Here’s how I see the situation, as an Uncle I won’t correct one of my nieces or nephews in the presence of their parents or older siblings. It is not my responsibility unless neither their mom and dad or older sibling does nothing about it. In this case Nevil’s older brother told him to knock it off and keep his mouth shut. Had that not happened then OP would be the one who should have said something EDIT: to clarify unless I’m left in charge by the parents I will not correct their kid’s behavior unless it’s apparent they or someone else won’t.
I would not put it on the older sibling either. It is not their responsibility to parent their siblings. If the parents do not correct the behavior then I would correct it at once. If my sibling did not like it then I would explain that they should have handled it in the first place. Raining a child who thinks an entire gender is incapable of doing any career! That would be the same as saying only girls are good at artistic careers, umm no! No no no!!
@@shadowfang269 no I would not correct my own sibling I would correct their child if they failed to do so. I would not do it in a rude way or cause a scene but I would let them know that what they were saying was inappropriate and that I would speak with their parents about it. It is not an older sibling’s job to correct the behaviors of a younger sibling. Period. That is poor and lazy parenting.
#1 if that isn't a troll post I feel sorry for that 8yr old little girl, massive bad apple. #2 good apple, I agree with your comments. #3 good apple, she was trying to connect the damager to the one damaged. #4 I think crab apple for not asking for clarification at the time, less wrong than the mother but still should have said something.
Story 1: how does that woman think it's okay to be out and about with an 8 year old at 11 pm anyways? 😮 she shouldnt worry about the teenager in underwear but why she thinks it's okay to keep her daughter from going to bed, because she has a fight with her husband. Thats seriously messed up.
For story 4: I was tempted to go crab apple, but after consideration I ultimately went good. My rational was that like others have mentioned: in those situations where you have children of your siblings around you, sometimes it can be difficult to try to not cross that line where you're parenting someone else's kid, I think someone mentioned that in the South it's culture to where if it isn't your child you just don't do that. I also thought of maybe OP being so shocked by what Neville said that their fight or flight kicked in. Like they were so shocked by what he said that their body and brain just locked up and they couldn't say anything because their body's physiology wouldn't let them.
I'd love to see a podcast with the one and only Mrs. Faith Bench! I love her so much and she's such a nice person! She also has a very interesting life story and I'd love to learn more. Great AITBA episode as always Mrs. Rogers! ♥
For anyone this could help x Am I the bad apple for wanting my nephew to wear pants 1:07 Am I the bad apple for saying I’m not happy for my daughters pregnancy 8:40 Am I the bad apple for giving my co-worker the phone number of the girl who crashed her car 14:35 Am I the apple for telling my sister is her fault her son is getting bullied 19:41
Story 2: As a parent totally justified response. I know there are parents that think you are always a parent and you should always be there for your kid and that is true. However you are not obligated to supplement your kids lives. It is awful when children use their children to exploit the grandparents.
Oh boy story four. I had a good friend in middle school, who was, and still is, the smartest person I know. Every subject was a bries to her. And when she struggled, she had amazing techniques for dealing with it. Her favourite subjects was physics and chemistry, and she had so many fun facts, she could tell at the most random time. Another thing that made her smart, was her insults. She didn’t bully people, cause she isn’t trash. But when people would try to start BS with her or anyone she was friends with. Boy, you might as well go write your will and buy a tombstone, cause you ain’t making it through. She would tell you exactly what she thinks of you, and didn’t care if it hurt, cause you hurt people first. (She also very specifically doesn’t curse. But that didn’t stop her insults for being both creative and colourful.) This also didn’t happen often. Out of our 3 years of being school friends, it happened only 4 times. And I remember each vividly, cause I was impressed and scared at the same time. That story reminded me of her, and how she would have torn that boy to shreds. Not only with colourful descriptions of her opinion on him, an his misogynistic BS, but also by just showing a single report card, or feedback on an assignment. I think I was friends with a fanfic protagonist.
Apple number 2 you are absolutely valid because that’s exactly how my grandparents reacted when my mother was pregnant with my sister and they were correct that they would be the ones stepping in again because of her irresponsible behaviors. They’re not wrong to be frustrated and they do love my sister but they’re also valid in feeling frustrated and disappointed in my mother for her poor choices once again. My husband has been wonderful in helping me with taking my sister out on weekends to give my grandparents a break and helping make awesome memories with my sister so she has a solid foundation to be better than those before her 💚💜
For the 2nd story I’m a nanny for a 3 year old and a 1 year old and I’m so exhausted after 8 hours with them. To have that and having to pay for it instead of being paid is ridiculous
apple 1 definitly the bad apple, as someone who has autism themself who has some slight difficulties, it would be really mean if my aunt was there with her 8 year old daughter telling me to put on some underwear when im at the toilet half asleep literally throwing up IN MY OWN HOUSE. Like it's 11pm what is their 8 year old daughter doing up? no wonder shes having problems with her husband! and on top of his autism he had years of extreme abuse. I totaly agree with you
My son, high functioning autistic, was ten when we had to take him out of school to home educated him (home schooling for none UK people). The bullying got so bad that he was being kept in at every break and lunch time time, so he didn't get hurt. When I rather loudly asked why the teachers weren't punishing the bullies, I was told, "He'd be fine if he wasn't so weird."
Story 2: the parents are good apples, but on the verge of crab for me because they should have talked with her about having a plan for her to move out. They should have said we will help you temporarily, but not long term and we are not the solution to your problems. Their lack of communication led to this happening again!
#2 very strongly opinionated about kids: i have 2, not having anymore bc it is all around consuming (time, energy, finacially etc) if you want kids, be prepared to put whatever youve personally got going on, on hold for however long it takes to circle around
Story 1 : OP Bad Apple 100 % Story 2 : I see both sides. Daughter is irresponsible if you can’t raise one don’t bring another into the world. But it sounds like the grandparents wanted to provide childcare because THEY wanted her to finish college. It’s not their responsibility to OFFER to babysit. We don’t know if she even asked if could help raise them. I say Crab Apple.
I don't think *why* he threw up is relevant in this context. It *might* have mattered if OP's concern about the boy being in the room with her daughter was the risk that he might have a contagious stomach bug...but the solution would be to take her daughter home in that case too.
Story one: bad apple. The OP was so selfish and rude. The sister had tried to warn her that hey, you should probably get going because she knew that her son was gonna come to her without pants on. The OP didn’t listen, and then decided to complain that the nephew should wear pants. Plus, the nephew has autism and so yelling at your sister, isn’t helping his trauma at all, overall a bad situation.
Story #1: Bad apple 100% as someone with sensory issues, I always wore long T-shirts around the house. I physically could not go to sleep in anything else. Plus IT IS NOT THEIR HOUSE.
Apple 1- my English brain thought pants meant underwear which would be more of an issue but again literally no one is making u stay there just leave??? Also the kid has autism a long tshirt is probably more sensory friendly for him. Also why is she still out with her 8 year old at 11pm surely she should be home and in bed by then/ready to go to bed at that time. Op seems incredibly selfish to me. They seem to be placing their argument over this child's trauma and illness causing him even more emotional distress after already mentioning that nights are difficult for him.
Grandparent here. For letter #2: Our daughter moved in for 8 months with my 2 year old grandson when she was going through a divorce. It was an enormous upheaval and took a lot of energy from us. And our daughter paid for day car as she was in a better place financially than the letterwriter’s daughter. She also did a lot of the housework. So she was as mature and responsible as possible and it was hard. Letter writer has every right to be upset. As now there will be two children needing stability, I’m sure she will step in, but she needs to govern some firm rules to the daughter. If she’s working, she needs to either pay for day care while not paying rent. Mom and dad might want to require her to pay rent that they can then sock away to help her with the moving expenses when she gets a place. We don’t have any idea if the first child’s father is involved, but he should be paying support to help make this living arrangement easier, I.e.childcare costs. And maybe the second child’s father will be involved. If so, and he and the daughter should be making their own life with the children. But the daughter needs to take on much more of the responsibility here
Apple 2: I was in a very similar situation with my sister and I agree the mom is a good apple. It also impacts the child and it’s better for everyone if she had been more responsible. Parents good apples
Story 1: Bad apple. He was ill and he needed support, I'd argue that support comes before putting on some trousers, if his autism causes him sensory issues he might not feel comfortable wearing trousers to bed so why would he put on the trousers so he can go downstairs for comfort and then go back upstairs to bed once it's clean only to tak them off again?
Anytime I hear one of theses stories where people are clearly setting boundaries for themselves, but someone else in the family comes in with “but, they are your family! Why can’t you support them, it’s not that hard”. I WISH they would say,” ok! if it’s SOOOOO easy and it’s no inconvenience what so ever, I’ll have (whom ever) reach out to you and you can chip in as well! I’m sure they will be SO excited that you are willing to give up your free time to help us all out!” See how fast that attitude changes
In story number 4, it’s a tough line. Some parents will get really ticked if another adult, even if it’s family members, tries to correct their child while they’re around. I do agree that OP was a good apple.
Story #3: I say good apple. I am going through the same exact thing. Someone backed into my car this past Friday while I was at work. I had to go searching for a pho e number bc she didn't provide any info on the note she left on my car... but if I were the teacher and realized that it was my assistant's car, I would 100% give them the contact info! I wish someone would have told me what happened and given me the contact info.
Story #2 : I am now living the sequel to this story. Im not the OP but ny story is similiar. My stepson had a kid at 17. Hes now 30 and my wife has taken care of every single child he has had. The first FOUR are now living in another state due to the mother taking them to live with another guy. They are doing amazing. He then had THREE others and we adopted tbem after the mother had them taken away. Now he just had another and asked us if he could move back in with just the baby. This makes EIGHT total and hes 30. No job, and mother lives with her parents and her other 2 kids which the other grandparents raise. I put my foot down and said no way. The other grandparents are now raising this baby. We told him we are no longer supporting or encouraging his irresponsible behavior after seeing the damage it has done to our grandbabies so far. All 7 are in therapy and the 3 here have learning problems due to drug use and neglect. My wife backed this and i am so relieved even as i am sad about this next poor baby. I feel awful but we just cant anymore and he keeps yelling that we have to help because we did with the first ones. We have enough with 5 kids total already, and my wife has diabetes and is in poor health. This kind of behavior that is being exhibited by the OPs daughter is dangerous and leads to worse. Its a good thing to want to help your kids. But there is a fine line between help and enabling. And believe me, you do not want to be making hard decisions this late in the game. I wish the OP all the best and please dont think you are bad for it. One day the children will thank you for doing the right thing.
First one, bad apple. I am an aunt, I would NEVER act like her because my siblings and their families matter more to me than me. It really is no different if a boy is wearing an oversized T-shirt. If things are covered, what does it matter? 2nd- I'll go with yours, good apple. For the same reason. I don't have kids 3rd - only bad apple is the other teacher who hit a car
I'm going to say this with nothing but love and as a fellow childless Southerner (and funnily enough someone who graduated with a teaching degree), but don't ever say what you said you'd say to a child spewing misogynistic or racist stuff. I fear for your life if you do because parents who teach their children that stupidity tend to really take correcting their kid as a gross offense, and a lot of them skew very, very, very crazy. Should someone correct the ignorant child? Absolutely. Is it safe to do so in the South? Nope. Your best outcome after you do that is getting most of the other parents turned against and treated extremely coldly until everyone graduates. Assume most Southerners are crazy (again, lifelong Southerner here) until they prove differently. It's better for your health. And always leave their kids alone. They don't want to parent them or intentionally teach them horrible things? Let them because you butting in is bad for your health and sanity.
Also the kid in the first story had a diaper on… so like he wasn’t fully exposed. By 8 yrs old the daughter should’ve know that her cousin had metal problems and maybe was a little different
"Specific people in general" 😅 Story 4: I agree with you, except in that I'm not sure we can say for certain that the distaste for the comment of his classmates didn't evolve into bullying. Whatever it was has Clearly gone on long enough and to a degree that the boy is significantly upset by it. So it's possible he really is being bullied or at least outcast for the comments. If that's the case, not sure I agree that it's ok, even if the bullies are right.
Story 2: I think it depends on whether or not the parents had a conversation with her about it. She might've thought they were happy to help out. If this came out of nowhere, crab apple. But if there have been conversations about it, good apple.
Woooow! #1. As a mom with an adopted autistic son in a very similar situation, I am baffled. People have no idea. That blew my mind. How is she so out of touch with her nephews needs. Messed up.
This comment is for story number 2. I can actually speak on this one bc I have 2 children that their grandparents do almost everything for. I support them finically as well as see them on a regular basis with weekends but I work anywhere from 40-50 hours a week and have been saving to get my own place, which I have gotten just a few days ago but before my ex and I split up , I was a stay at home mom. So, I understand the mother’s point of view and said to myself, “imagine getting pregnant again and having a 3rd child to give to my family to take care of when they should be thinking about retirement” babies and toddlers are hard to take care of and it’s a whole lot of worrying about all kinds of things, babies are new to the world and are subject to all kinds of things like germs, getting sick, SIDS, etc and then you have toddlers who are just batshit crazy sometimes and they make you want to rip your hair out. It’s A LOT. I agree, it’s incredibly selfish and irresponsible on the daughter’s part to get pregnant again knowing she won’t be able to support this baby too. I think the mother is the good apple 🍎 Also, if the mother would have said “congratulations, I’m happy for you” who knows how many more kids the daughter would put off on her mom. I’m not trying to say the daughter intentionally got pregnant but she also did the deed with no protection so that wasn’t very smart. But, I do hope the baby is healthy though and I also hope the daughter can find a job that is going to support her and her children and that the grandparents can enjoy the rest of their lives together ❤
#1 and 2: I totally agree with you. #3 Yeah, I mostly agree. OP should have done more of "warm transfer." OP should have kept her assistant beside her and call the person who thought she'd hit her car. "Yeah, you didn't hit my car, you hit my assistant's car. Since you gave all that info to me willingly, let me pass it on to my assistant. I just wanted to let you know so you don't get a n unexpected call." Although, to back up even further, I would have asked them how they knew it was my car. If I already knew my assistant had a blue car, I'd involve them in the conversation earlier. Possibly what happened was that the driver hit another car, then went into the office and asked who had a blue car, and was told OP's room number. Or the driver had seen someone (on another occasion) exit the blue car and go to your room. They assumed it was OP instead of the assistant. On another note, "it was the end of a long day" is a great excuse for making typos or jumbling a food order, but not for dealing with cars and insurance. It sucks, but OP should have pulled herself together a wee bit more. Mostly good, maybe a little crab-apple.
Here’s how I feel on these: Story #1: Bad Apple definitely. Her sister was right. It’s her house not OP’s. If OP had left when her sister asked her to, she and her daughter would have never seen their nephew/cousin pantsless. And at 11pm, her 8 year-old daughter should have been home in bed. I think grandma (OP’s mother) is right too. She wore out her welcome. Story #2: OP is a Good Apple. What I’m wondering is, where is the father of these children? Is he the father of both of them? Why can’t she live with him? What is his situation? If she wasn’t planning to have him/them in the picture, then OP has every right to be frustrated. If you can’t afford to raise a child on your own, DON’T HAVE ONE!! And if you can’t afford one, you definitely can’t afford two! Story #3: Good Apple. The one thing I would have done differently, and it sounds like Rebecca would agree with me, was to give the victim’s number to the assailant(maybe that’s too harsh of a term, but you know what I mean) and say “you hit her car, not mine. You should talk to her about exchanging information.” Now if the assailant refused to do so and the victim wanted to know who hit her car, then I would give her the assailant’s number. Story #4: I’m going with Good Apple mainly because I don’t see that OP did anything wrong. I think the rest of the family are bad apples though. Nevill(I’m not sure how it’s spelled) for making sexist comments in the first place, Bracken(one again I’m not sure how it’s spelled) for telling his friends causing his brother to get bullied, and the parents for allowing Nevill to make the sexist comments. You(Rebecca) mentioned that OP didn’t say anything to Nevill, and she should have, but with the sexist attitude he was portraying I don’t think he would have listened to her even if she had. Rebecca It looks like we agree on all 4! You didn’t say anything this week about submitting our stories, but I hope you eventually read mine. If you’re not sure which one I submitted, or need some clarification, feel free to PM me, or even reply to this comment. See you next week!
Story 1: As long as he was wearing underwear at least I don't see the issue? Also OP outstayed their welcome. Their own daughter was 8 and still out and awake at 11pm? OP sounds incredibly immature and entitle. Bad Apple, Very Bad Apple. Story 2: NTA. Accidents happen but a second time isn't really an accident, Where are the fathers? Gparents are awesome for helping with first kid and that's commendable, but they did that to help their daughter get in a better position to help herself and her child. Good Apple Story 3: Undecided for me Story 4: Crab Apple.
Yea you can't dress code someone in their own home. But sis should have given mom an "Hey, we're getting ready to go to bed in an hour" instead of expecting mom to read her mind lmao
Some siblings won't let them help parent if they need help so I understand why they didn't step up in the 4th one but they still should have done something like not let him enter the raffle and he doesn't deserve a phone or to play a sport or club until he knows how to behave
For the forth story: As an afab at birth…. I was bullied by 12 boys in my class about not being able to dance AND almost kicked out of the girls bathroom because I have short hair, which I was mildly made fun of for… the teachers did nothing and when I stood up for myself and said “shut the f up” except with the actual curse I got in trouble(this was elementary school) it mostly stopped in middle school except for a few rumors and times they still picked on me but I didn’t share any classes with them. Then in high school a shared a class with them and they and a few other people would make homophobic jokes when the teacher left the room, yell things like “that’s a sport for gay people” clearly had very sexist and homophobic ideas that they projected loudly and it made me really uncomfortable and mad to be in the room with them but they bullied me before so I just swallowed all of it and ignored them. The OP was definitely not in the wrong and I think more parents need to stop their kids when they are young because it’s damaging to the people around them…
It's worth the curse to give #4 a crabapple. I've always heard that in the South they have a more "It takes a Village" attitude to raising kids, so I'm surprised that everyone's saying there it's a lot more taboo, and change doesn't happen unless people speak up. Discouraging speaking up = encouraging being a bystander.
I agree, the sister was choosing to put her issues on her sister, and then she gets mad because a child/teenager who has trauma, and autism who gets sick, is in a long shirt and a pull up. OK well my step daughter was in pull ups at night until she was 13. She walked around our home in her pull ups and long shirt (that went to her knees) nothing was visible. Now when we had adult men over we made her wear shorts. But any other time she wore what was comfortable, in our home. That was her sisters house, her sisters child and yes No eight year old should have been made aware of her parents arguments and out at 11 o'clock at night. My child at age eight was in bed at 7:30. And I think the mother of the eight year old is the bad apple not only for the fact she demanded, and argued in front of both children, something neither of them needed to see or hear. The eight year old wouldn't even noticed the cousin most likely until her mom pointed it out. And she infuriates me for causing unneeded stress to a child who has had a traumatic life and is on the autism spectrum.. To act so entitled makes me sick!! I feel bad for both the children. What kind of mother includes her EIGHT YEAR OLD DAUGHTER to hear her problems with her husband and to be out so late for such a young child. That mother is an absolute loser, and her sister was absolutely right how she felt about the whole situation.
Apple 2: my only complaint is that the parents/grandparents think that a (presumably) single mother and new grad is going to be well enough off to leave within the year, but it’s clear the newly pregnant mom is taking advantage of her parents kindness. I also don’t think grandparents should be providing a 100% of childcare if they don’t want to.
1)bad apple at first she was fine to ask if he could but where she went wrong was arguing with the owner of the house instead of kindly removing herself from the situation 2) this one is a doozy but I agree that she made a mistake and she should’ve learned from the first time My parents input on 2) let’s start off with saying the grandparents reaction to it was completely fine but they also probably will help take care of that child anyways because that is what a good parent is willing to do, supporting your child no matter what is always the right thing to do even if you don’t completely agree (unless they are doing something wrong) 3)
I mean I wouldn't call them bad parents if they chose not to support her. At some point you're just enabling. What if she continues this getting knocked up and pushing it on her parents thing because I see a lot of people do this. If they were to tell her you have a this amount of time to get your life together or you gotta leave because I'm not raising your children I wouldn't call them bad grandparents
In relation to the 4th story if me or my sibs were out with my aunt and uncle and ever said something out of pocket, they would shut that down imediately and correct that behavior. As an adult in a child's life it is your responsibility to help correct wrong behavior like that, especially if you are super close to that child. I often have to correct my little siblings language and cousins too as i should.
The title was my childhood. I'm autistic and was severely bullied for it. Whenever I told my mom that someone picked on me or if she got a call, she said it was my fault and that I must've done something wrong and that she didn't want to hear about it. And yet, she claims she's an expert on autistic children. Yes, Mother, ignoring your child and forcing them to be perfect is grounds for expertise on ASD.
Story #1: Bad Apple. First, he was wearing underwear so at the very least his private parts are covered. But what gets me more is that the OP was sitting there until 11pm talking about her fight with her husband with her 8 year old in the room!! Don’t 👏vent 👏 about 👏 your 👏 spouse 👏 in front 👏 of your 👏 kids!! Imagine how traumatic that is for your kid to hear about. She could have gotten her kid to read a book in another room or sleep on a couch even, but she’s right there! Why?
yes!! and as someone who has autism, pants are a big sensory issue for me. i have to wear skirts or dresses instead
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Yeah I have way more issue with the 8yo being up and at someone else's house that late 😅
YES! I was literally about to say that first part-- he WAS wearing "pants" because he had his privates covered! "Put on some pants" is manipulative language to imply her daughter saw parts of his body she wouldn't expect to see on a clothed person
Story #4: when I was in grade school, I got bullied for being a different race and for being neurodivergent. If kids nowadays are saying someone is "weird" for making a misogynistic comment about girls, I'm proud of this next generation for sticking up for the people who are being targeted rather than targeting them themselves. It feels especially good because when I was in fifth grade, the same comment was made towards me: "you're just a girl. You don't know how to do science." and when I looked to my other group members to back me up, they said I was being too sensitive and to just let it go. That was 2015. So yeah, good apple.
I'm sorry that happened, but at least they are being defended now 👍🏻😊
Story 1: I don't see the issue? I thought OP meant that he wasn't wearing underwear at all, but he has his stuff covered! I agree with OP's mother, and also, it's not OP's house. Bad Apple.
Story 2: Good Apple. I think OP's reaction was a tad rude, but they're not wrong for how they feel.
Story 3: Good apple! Obviously.
Story 4: Good apple. Sexism shouldn't be tolerated. If you don't stamp it out whilst they're young, young boys grow into incels and violent men.
I completely agree
@@Sup.hyfer1 Me as well
Agreed. It’s one thing when a teenager makes jokes like, “Oh, girls are so dumb,” or, “Oh, boys are so gross,” but don’t really mean it. It’s another thing to be serious and keep going on about it to the point that even another teenager notices them being an idiot.
@charlielittlechild I thought she meant he had nothing on either. And even if he didn't, it's not her home..its his,he's sick its almost 11 pm...go home.
@@daniellelukis8216 literally though
Story 1 kinda made me uncomfortable, just because of how much op tried to make it all about her; basically disregarding the trauma her step-nephew went through that she POINTED OUT HERSELF earlier on.
It's giving.....
Entitled Karen
That's not a step nephew.
It feels like she feels like she doesn’t seem to see him as family and because she’s blood related so she should come before her “adopted son”.
It’s just nephew no need to say step
Story 3: I understand your point that there was a better way to deal with the situation, but at the same time, it all took place during the work day. She was a preschool teacher, she was probably busy and tired and not thinking straight and just wanted the situation over with. She also probably didn't have time to take a good look at the photo.
That first mom is just ten kinds of entitled. Good grief, go home and deal with whatever your issue with your husband is and leave the poor kid alone! I can only imagine how stressed those parents had to be in that moment.
For story #4, in all honesty the first thing that popped into my head was that Neville was being bullied for being named after a Harry Potter character and the OP was going to say it was the mom’s fault because she chose the names and then it registered that they probably changed the names for privacy lol. But definitely good apple, glad those kids are teaching Neville a lesson that his parents refuse to. Glad his big bro is also holding him accountable.
Story #2: how did she even have enough time to make a second kid? She’s definitely taking full advantage of her parents.
Lmao yeah
They need to make her stand on her own and stop bailing her out. Birth control isn't that hard.
#2: It’s not her fault!
@@fayrozwael1592what do you mean? Just curious because I believe that the daughter is at fault due to her poor choices but I’m intrigued to hear what you think 💭 😊
Story 2. Just a question where are the dads? Like they could be helping out.
I think these children should go to a home where they can be given a good life
Story 4 having been an aunt years before being a mom I can honestly say it is well with in the realm of being an aunt or uncle to stop family from saying hateful or bullying behavior. It goes right along with needing a village to raise a child. Kids need to see from other sources what is acceptable and party of that is being told what isn't acceptable.
Exactly. If I ever heard my nephews saying those things when they're older, I would speak up. Also helps that I'm a teacher so I'm used to it and my sister is cool with helping them be good human beings because she knows I love them.
And since the family didn’t say anything, the rest of the village’s children did
Small thing about story one before I hear Mrs Rogers opinion:
It’s almost 11 PM. You have an 8 year old child. I know you have to rough with your husband. But why is your daughter still awake this late? It better be a weekend the next day, cause that girl is going to need to sleep in if she just wants her normal hours. Pour girl, and now she has to deal with her mom being like this.
This!!! So much this!
Exactly, unless your child will be in danger from your husband, which it doesn't sound like she is otherwise sister wouldn't be telling them to go home, that little girl needs to be at home in bed.
Omg ..story number 1... she's definitely the entitled bad apple!!! No wonder she's fighting w her husband...i can only imagine what that's over...🙄 I love how the sister told her to straight up go home!! I cant even see how she cld think she's right...bad...badddd apple!😡👎
It really bothered me that she was doing this venting in front of her 8 year old.
@@beckiadriaanse6312 yeah…. That is a little weird to me as well…
Story 2: I have three children myself and know how much work they are. I completely understand OP's mother's view and think they are 100% justified to see things that way. The baby's father wasn't mentioned at all in the post, so it's unclear what role he will be playing in the baby's life. It's safe to assume, that OP will not be moving out or making any steps towards a more independent life with her children. Since this is not the case, it will mean much more work for OPs parents looking after / raising two grandchildren and I completely understand that they are not happy about that. Children are so much work and I am very lucky to have the support of both sets of grandparents. I would never expect them to do more than they are comfortable with and am extremely grateful for all the help they give me.
Story number four: definitely not defending the OP here, but there is absolutely a culture, especially in the deep south of it being completely verboten and forbidden to do anything involving parenting another person's child. The possibility of saying something might not have even crossed her mind.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. It may be ok in some cases for an aunt or uncle to correct that, but if the parents are there, in my family, it's their responsibility. I've been talked to by my sister before about stepping over that line too. So, I'm giving op the benefit of the doubt that it's a situation where they can't call the nephew out.
Wasn't till we moved to the south till my aunt and uncle. Where way to into my business. To the point I stopped wanting to be around them. But my uncle up north is cool and only got mad when I said Uncle name instead of just his name. At least in NC where Rebecca is also from. It's very common for aunt's and uncles to be in your business just because they're adults.
Although here yes stepping in is good even though I framed it from my bad experience.
So it's all super regional I think.
Yeah, I think region definitely plays into it, but there's some variation beyond that too. I figure personalities play into it as well
For apple number 4. I agree 100% that she is good apple. As an aunt to my older siblings children, who didnt have my own children, i would not correct my nieces and nephews when their parents are around either. I would definitely point out inappropriate behaviour to their parents but would leave it up to them to resolve the issue. If i am looking after my nieces and nephews i absolutely have no problem addressing their behaviour and then discuss with parents later what happened and how i responded. However addressing their behaviour with their parent present, who is also witnessing it, is not my place. My assumption would be that if my sibling didnt do something immediately that they intend to have a long discussion about it privately later and not cause more of a scene in a public place. Im guessing Bracken didnt see any consequences for his brothers actions and so spoke to his friends about how he wasnt punished and it snowballed from there.
I was smart, friendly and outgoing and still got bullied. Because I was an "easy" target. I am not very friendly or outgoing anymore, except at work as I work in Hospitality.
Story 2… I realize the parents thought they were doing her a service by taking on parenting responsibility of the first child so she could finish school, but I truly believe they shouldn’t have taken on full parenting responsibility. She would have struggled, but it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have finished school, just maybe later than she had planned on. Making her be a parent to her first child probably would have impressed on her consequences of her actions (good and bad). While I do believe the parents intentions came from a good place, they kind of taught her that they will swoop in and rescue her instead of making her responsible for her decisions. They definitely can help her because we all need grace, she just should have been made the responsible parent from the start. Daughter is definitely entitled and doesn’t get it, now she’s going to have a rude awakening.
First story: OP needs to take note from sister's parenting book. Her son was asleep at a good time, her son knows that he is loved and sees his parents work well together. Where the 8 year old is sitting there late at night, listening to her mom complain and talk bad about her father. What truly made me mad though is that she just openly threw his personal business out there and let the world know that he had accidents and had to wear night time underwear. I know reddit is "anonymous" but there's been many times that people find out who it's about.
Story two: OP has ever right to not be excited and really be downright mad. I hope she can talk her into birth control or something after this one is born.
Story three: I agree she should've given the other teacher a chance to right the misunderstanding, but ultimately she did nothing wrong.
Now story four: Buckle up, Buttercup. I'm passionate about this one as a mom of three boys. I ever hear my son's say anything even remotely sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, anything that is said to oppress a group of people, that will be handled right then and there. I will make a scene if it is a continuous thing. If my neices ever makes comments like that, my brothers can get mad at me all they want. I will not put up with that. If it's a random kid, I'll just look at them and their parents with a face of disgust and tell them that their child is going to grow up gross. I don't care. And I hope that someone will so the same for my boys if I'm not around for some reason.
Omg story 1…I hadn’t even thought about the kid on the couch! Why isn’t she watching TV in another room or something?? She shouldn’t have to listen to her mother vent about her own father
2nd story: Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? Mom and Dad, you did great helping her stand on her own. Pregnancy does happen unexpectedly. I graduated, from high school six and a half months pregnant. Tomorrow my daughter will be 32. In three entire decades, she has no siblings to speak of. Why? Because I had to put every drop of blood, seat and tears into giving her the best life I could. Having a second baby is the most selfish move the daughter could make.
Apple picking day on Mean Girls day it's like a dream come true
OMFG HOW TF DID I FORGET THAT!? I JUST LISTENED TO THE MUSICAL TODAY-
@@richkarter1916 happy to remind you lol
Something I noticed is that you never mentioned the autism part. I personally have autism and I know sensory things. He might not of felt comfortable with wearing pants. And he made sure to wheat a long shirt to cover up that. He took an extra step, and it’s likely because u where there. And like you said, he also stayed up in his room
It also sounds like he was in bed clothes.
I mean even if he didn't have autism this would be just as bad
The autism didn't matter. The point was that he was in bed, had a problem and shouldn't be expected to have to dress for company in his own house when very likely he didn't even realize they were still there. If you stay in someone's home that late and refuse to go home, that's on you.
For the first story I’m going with bad apple because it’s not like he went anywhere but his HOME without pants and it’s not like he was flashing anyone, he was wearing at least something that wasn’t pants, and she did also act that she came before a child that just threw up and has a lot of trauma and she just did kind of throw an adult tantrum that she didn’t get her way and made her daughter suffer too
I have three grandchildren, a 3 year old, and two 1 year olds (cousins born 3 days apart). I absolutely love them and like to babysit so my kids can go on dates with their spouses. But taking care of even one of the children is very tiring, and more than one for a few hours wipes me out. You just don't have the same stamina and energy as a grandparent as you did when you were younger. I can just imagine the exhaustion that grandma feels just thinking about having to help with another child her daughter is not in a position to take care of, though I know her heart is full of love for those sweet innocents. Her daughter needs to figure something out.
It's not the wanting to wear pants that makes you the bad apple. It's literally everything else that makes you the bad apple.
Also, it's 11 at night, even if you had a fight with your husband, if your child is not in danger, your child needs to be at home in bed.
The pants thing does make them a bad apple. They're talking shiz about a child to their face because she's arguing with her husband. She could have just kept running her mouth about her poor daughters father right in front of her or she could have went home and talked to the only person she should be talking to when it comes to arguments with her man.
@@hippychick420 pretty mean to do in front of a sick kid with trauma in his own house. She could’ve just left. Instead of showing concern for her nephew, she complains about him in front of his face.
Wanting your host to behave a specific way while you're a guest IS already making you a bad apple. You don't go to a nudist house as a guest and demand that everyone put on clothes. You leave if you're uncomfortable. The entire context just solidifies the bad apple status but they're already at a faux pas even from the onset.
How are you going to overstay your welcome in someone else's house and then demand they change their nightly routine for you?
also i feel so bad for the 8 year old little girl BC I KNOW bc of her mother she will be subjected to so much scrutiny at way too young BC OF HER MOTHER'S VIEWPOINTS
Its not even like the teen was naked, there was still a diaper
Girl i dont wear pants in my own house either in general but especially for bed. Yea if you gotta problem get out 😂😂😂😂
Apple 1:
I completely agree with you Rebecca. I really don't see anything you missed. I feel so bad for that teenage boy. I understand you don't want your eight year old daughter near a teenage boy with no pants, but like Rebbeca said you've twisted this into a victim mentality. Bad apple for sure.
Apple 2:
I defiantly don't like how she was a bit harsh with her but, her parents are looking after you! Your parents shouldn't have the responsibility of looking after YOUR child. When my sister had her first daughter she was in a bad spot. But she stayed with my parents for the month she gave birth but then she got into a better spot. She is now in a very good spot and is taking good care of her two children. This mother should support her children. You need to become more responsible. Your parents have to take care of you, just because your not responsible. Disclaimer: I have no children just three dogs. Good apple.
Apple 3:
I really just agree with Rebecca I don't know anything about this and it has never happened to me. So I just really agree with Rebecca. Good apple.
Apple 4:
That kid needs to learn to speak better. As a women who worked in STEM in most of highschool. Yeah that makes me mad. I definitely think those parents need to tell their son what is right. He is saying a whole gender is dumb. I had a kid who always bullied for being "a dumb girl" when is was a kid. They OP should have said something to him. That kid needs to learn that thats wrong and the parents need to tell them. I agree with what you said Rebecca so I'm gonna go with good apple. That kid is the bully not the one being bullied. Like I said I agree with Rebecca. And Bracken telling his friends kids tell their friends things their sibling do. Good apple. (the writing for this one all over the place I was multi-tasking)
I also just baked brownies yesterday so enjoy yours! ❤ ❤
For the forth story: as an afab at birth…. I was bullied by 12 boys in my class about not being able to dance AND almost kicked out of the girls bathroom because I have short hair, which I was mildly made fun of for… the teachers did nothing and when I stood up for myself and said “shut the f up” except with the actual curse I got in trouble(this was elementary school) it mostly stopped in middle school except for a few rumors and times they still picked on me but I didn’t share any classes with them. Then in high school a shared a class with them and they and a few other people would make homophobic jokes when the teacher left the room, yell things like “that’s a sport for gay people” clearly had very sexist and homophobic ideas that they projected loudly and it made me really uncomfortable and mad to be in the room with them but they bullied me before so I just swallowed all of it and ignored them. The OP was definitely not in the wrong and I think more parents need to stop their kids when they are young because it’s damaging to the people around them… I also love science and math and STEM and I’m much better at science and math than any other subject so😂
"If the ice cream machine is working"😂
Oh wow I forgot it was apple picking day
I recently found this series, and im ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED! I cant wait for the next video! Keep up the great work rebecca.❤
For the first story: bad apple. Your sister clearly needs her nights off so she can help her son especially knowing he has bed wetting issues. Your sister was being nice by telling you to leave when she said it's getting late. It's not like the nephews junk was out. It was covered. Bad apple! And second story good apple. She was just stating her disappointment at the moment. She is being stretched thin with childcare, working a full time job and having her own life too, plus being a mom. The daughter should have been grateful for all the help and support and done her best to get out of her situation. And how does she thank them by giving them another grandchild to look after. I'm sure the news was unexpected. Daughter needs to buckle down and get her life together.
Exactly! My sister had this happen, but she's been so responible and lives on her own now, but super appreciated the help my family and I gave her until she was okay again.
I love ur series! Just got home from school and seeing you uploaded has been the best part if my day!
op is bad apple for the 1st story BUT SISTER/PARENT OF THE SON IS THE BEST APPLE she really stood up for her son like no its night and this is HIS house too he deserves to be comfortable no matter who's over i wish my parent would stand up for me like that😭
Here’s how I see the situation, as an Uncle I won’t correct one of my nieces or nephews in the presence of their parents or older siblings. It is not my responsibility unless neither their mom and dad or older sibling does nothing about it. In this case Nevil’s older brother told him to knock it off and keep his mouth shut. Had that not happened then OP would be the one who should have said something
EDIT: to clarify unless I’m left in charge by the parents I will not correct their kid’s behavior unless it’s apparent they or someone else won’t.
I would not put it on the older sibling either. It is not their responsibility to parent their siblings. If the parents do not correct the behavior then I would correct it at once. If my sibling did not like it then I would explain that they should have handled it in the first place. Raining a child who thinks an entire gender is incapable of doing any career! That would be the same as saying only girls are good at artistic careers, umm no! No no no!!
@@bobertforher so you wouldn’t put it on the older sibling but would correct your own sibling? Seems contradictory
@@shadowfang269 no I would not correct my own sibling I would correct their child if they failed to do so. I would not do it in a rude way or cause a scene but I would let them know that what they were saying was inappropriate and that I would speak with their parents about it. It is not an older sibling’s job to correct the behaviors of a younger sibling. Period. That is poor and lazy parenting.
#1 if that isn't a troll post I feel sorry for that 8yr old little girl, massive bad apple. #2 good apple, I agree with your comments. #3 good apple, she was trying to connect the damager to the one damaged. #4 I think crab apple for not asking for clarification at the time, less wrong than the mother but still should have said something.
Story 1: how does that woman think it's okay to be out and about with an 8 year old at 11 pm anyways? 😮 she shouldnt worry about the teenager in underwear but why she thinks it's okay to keep her daughter from going to bed, because she has a fight with her husband. Thats seriously messed up.
Story 1: the boy was covered, what's the problem?
Story 4: oh no, the consequences of my actions.
For story 4: I was tempted to go crab apple, but after consideration I ultimately went good. My rational was that like others have mentioned: in those situations where you have children of your siblings around you, sometimes it can be difficult to try to not cross that line where you're parenting someone else's kid, I think someone mentioned that in the South it's culture to where if it isn't your child you just don't do that.
I also thought of maybe OP being so shocked by what Neville said that their fight or flight kicked in. Like they were so shocked by what he said that their body and brain just locked up and they couldn't say anything because their body's physiology wouldn't let them.
I love your series! Who else
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MEEE
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I'd love to see a podcast with the one and only Mrs. Faith Bench! I love her so much and she's such a nice person! She also has a very interesting life story and I'd love to learn more. Great AITBA episode as always Mrs. Rogers! ♥
For anyone this could help x
Am I the bad apple for wanting my nephew to wear pants 1:07
Am I the bad apple for saying I’m not happy for my daughters pregnancy 8:40
Am I the bad apple for giving my co-worker the phone number of the girl who crashed her car 14:35
Am I the apple for telling my sister is her fault her son is getting bullied 19:41
Story 2: As a parent totally justified response. I know there are parents that think you are always a parent and you should always be there for your kid and that is true. However you are not obligated to supplement your kids lives. It is awful when children use their children to exploit the grandparents.
I love this series!! You’re awesome!
Oh boy story four.
I had a good friend in middle school, who was, and still is, the smartest person I know. Every subject was a bries to her. And when she struggled, she had amazing techniques for dealing with it. Her favourite subjects was physics and chemistry, and she had so many fun facts, she could tell at the most random time.
Another thing that made her smart, was her insults. She didn’t bully people, cause she isn’t trash. But when people would try to start BS with her or anyone she was friends with. Boy, you might as well go write your will and buy a tombstone, cause you ain’t making it through. She would tell you exactly what she thinks of you, and didn’t care if it hurt, cause you hurt people first. (She also very specifically doesn’t curse. But that didn’t stop her insults for being both creative and colourful.) This also didn’t happen often. Out of our 3 years of being school friends, it happened only 4 times. And I remember each vividly, cause I was impressed and scared at the same time.
That story reminded me of her, and how she would have torn that boy to shreds. Not only with colourful descriptions of her opinion on him, an his misogynistic BS, but also by just showing a single report card, or feedback on an assignment.
I think I was friends with a fanfic protagonist.
Apple number 2 you are absolutely valid because that’s exactly how my grandparents reacted when my mother was pregnant with my sister and they were correct that they would be the ones stepping in again because of her irresponsible behaviors. They’re not wrong to be frustrated and they do love my sister but they’re also valid in feeling frustrated and disappointed in my mother for her poor choices once again. My husband has been wonderful in helping me with taking my sister out on weekends to give my grandparents a break and helping make awesome memories with my sister so she has a solid foundation to be better than those before her 💚💜
Side context my sister is 16 and a half years younger than me
Tuesday is a special day for this channel
For the 2nd story I’m a nanny for a 3 year old and a 1 year old and I’m so exhausted after 8 hours with them. To have that and having to pay for it instead of being paid is ridiculous
apple 1 definitly the bad apple, as someone who has autism themself who has some slight difficulties, it would be really mean if my aunt was there with her 8 year old daughter telling me to put on some underwear when im at the toilet half asleep literally throwing up IN MY OWN HOUSE. Like it's 11pm what is their 8 year old daughter doing up? no wonder shes having problems with her husband! and on top of his autism he had years of extreme abuse. I totaly agree with you
My son, high functioning autistic, was ten when we had to take him out of school to home educated him (home schooling for none UK people). The bullying got so bad that he was being kept in at every break and lunch time time, so he didn't get hurt. When I rather loudly asked why the teachers weren't punishing the bullies, I was told, "He'd be fine if he wasn't so weird."
Story 2: the parents are good apples, but on the verge of crab for me because they should have talked with her about having a plan for her to move out. They should have said we will help you temporarily, but not long term and we are not the solution to your problems. Their lack of communication led to this happening again!
#2 very strongly opinionated about kids: i have 2, not having anymore bc it is all around consuming (time, energy, finacially etc) if you want kids, be prepared to put whatever youve personally got going on, on hold for however long it takes to circle around
Story 1 : OP Bad Apple 100 %
Story 2 : I see both sides. Daughter is irresponsible if you can’t raise one don’t bring another into the world. But it sounds like the grandparents wanted to provide childcare because THEY wanted her to finish college. It’s not their responsibility to OFFER to babysit. We don’t know if she even asked if could help raise them. I say Crab Apple.
In story #2: where is the father or fathers? They need to be paying child support! It shouldn't be falling all on the unwed mom and her family.
The first story made me SOOOO ANGRY
1.bad apple 2.good apple 3. Good apple 4. Good apple
I’m not saying that she wasn’t a bad apple but in the first story, it was never specified that he was sick. He could’ve just threw up out of trauma.
I don't think that makes OP better at all - if anything it makes her actions worse
@@abieggleton7045EXACTLY
So you're trying to give an excuse. This woman is a guess at the house she has no ruling in that house
@@stevengrvp no, I agree she still a bad apple but I’m saying about to throw up the reasoning could be wrong. Could be out of trauma.
I don't think *why* he threw up is relevant in this context. It *might* have mattered if OP's concern about the boy being in the room with her daughter was the risk that he might have a contagious stomach bug...but the solution would be to take her daughter home in that case too.
Story one: bad apple. The OP was so selfish and rude. The sister had tried to warn her that hey, you should probably get going because she knew that her son was gonna come to her without pants on. The OP didn’t listen, and then decided to complain that the nephew should wear pants. Plus, the nephew has autism and so yelling at your sister, isn’t helping his trauma at all, overall a bad situation.
Story #1: Bad apple 100% as someone with sensory issues, I always wore long T-shirts around the house. I physically could not go to sleep in anything else. Plus IT IS NOT THEIR HOUSE.
The first one was making my blood boil even and you didn't even get 10 seconds into it.
Woow apple 1 was such a bad apple she acts like she owns her sisters house
The first apple needs to get a hotel room if she doesn’t want to hang out with her husband
Apple 1- my English brain thought pants meant underwear which would be more of an issue but again literally no one is making u stay there just leave??? Also the kid has autism a long tshirt is probably more sensory friendly for him. Also why is she still out with her 8 year old at 11pm surely she should be home and in bed by then/ready to go to bed at that time. Op seems incredibly selfish to me. They seem to be placing their argument over this child's trauma and illness causing him even more emotional distress after already mentioning that nights are difficult for him.
I love this series! Also, now I have a craving for fresh brownies all of a sudden. Lol.
Grandparent here. For letter #2: Our daughter moved in for 8 months with my 2 year old grandson when she was going through a divorce. It was an enormous upheaval and took a lot of energy from us. And our daughter paid for day car as she was in a better place financially than the letterwriter’s daughter. She also did a lot of the housework. So she was as mature and responsible as possible and it was hard. Letter writer has every right to be upset. As now there will be two children needing stability, I’m sure she will step in, but she needs to govern some firm rules to the daughter. If she’s working, she needs to either pay for day care while not paying rent. Mom and dad might want to require her to pay rent that they can then sock away to help her with the moving expenses when she gets a place. We don’t have any idea if the first child’s father is involved, but he should be paying support to help make this living arrangement easier, I.e.childcare costs. And maybe the second child’s father will be involved. If so, and he and the daughter should be making their own life with the children. But the daughter needs to take on much more of the responsibility here
Apple 2: I was in a very similar situation with my sister and I agree the mom is a good apple. It also impacts the child and it’s better for everyone if she had been more responsible. Parents good apples
Story 1: Bad apple. He was ill and he needed support, I'd argue that support comes before putting on some trousers, if his autism causes him sensory issues he might not feel comfortable wearing trousers to bed so why would he put on the trousers so he can go downstairs for comfort and then go back upstairs to bed once it's clean only to tak them off again?
Anytime I hear one of theses stories where people are clearly setting boundaries for themselves, but someone else in the family comes in with “but, they are your family! Why can’t you support them, it’s not that hard”. I WISH they would say,” ok! if it’s SOOOOO easy and it’s no inconvenience what so ever, I’ll have (whom ever) reach out to you and you can chip in as well! I’m sure they will be SO excited that you are willing to give up your free time to help us all out!” See how fast that attitude changes
In story number 4, it’s a tough line. Some parents will get really ticked if another adult, even if it’s family members, tries to correct their child while they’re around. I do agree that OP was a good apple.
Story #3: I say good apple. I am going through the same exact thing. Someone backed into my car this past Friday while I was at work. I had to go searching for a pho e number bc she didn't provide any info on the note she left on my car... but if I were the teacher and realized that it was my assistant's car, I would 100% give them the contact info! I wish someone would have told me what happened and given me the contact info.
Story #2 : I am now living the sequel to this story. Im not the OP but ny story is similiar. My stepson had a kid at 17. Hes now 30 and my wife has taken care of every single child he has had. The first FOUR are now living in another state due to the mother taking them to live with another guy. They are doing amazing. He then had THREE others and we adopted tbem after the mother had them taken away. Now he just had another and asked us if he could move back in with just the baby. This makes EIGHT total and hes 30. No job, and mother lives with her parents and her other 2 kids which the other grandparents raise. I put my foot down and said no way. The other grandparents are now raising this baby. We told him we are no longer supporting or encouraging his irresponsible behavior after seeing the damage it has done to our grandbabies so far. All 7 are in therapy and the 3 here have learning problems due to drug use and neglect. My wife backed this and i am so relieved even as i am sad about this next poor baby. I feel awful but we just cant anymore and he keeps yelling that we have to help because we did with the first ones. We have enough with 5 kids total already, and my wife has diabetes and is in poor health. This kind of behavior that is being exhibited by the OPs daughter is dangerous and leads to worse. Its a good thing to want to help your kids. But there is a fine line between help and enabling. And believe me, you do not want to be making hard decisions this late in the game. I wish the OP all the best and please dont think you are bad for it. One day the children will thank you for doing the right thing.
First one, bad apple. I am an aunt, I would NEVER act like her because my siblings and their families matter more to me than me. It really is no different if a boy is wearing an oversized T-shirt. If things are covered, what does it matter?
2nd- I'll go with yours, good apple. For the same reason. I don't have kids
3rd - only bad apple is the other teacher who hit a car
Well, with #3, we don't know if it was an accident.
@@zaeemnasarullah yea, but that teacher went off the handle really. I think it could have been handled better on both sides
YES Cookout is the best at 1 am 😂
Story 1: Bad apple
Story 2: Good apple
Story 3: Good apple
Story 4: Good apple
I'm going to say this with nothing but love and as a fellow childless Southerner (and funnily enough someone who graduated with a teaching degree), but don't ever say what you said you'd say to a child spewing misogynistic or racist stuff. I fear for your life if you do because parents who teach their children that stupidity tend to really take correcting their kid as a gross offense, and a lot of them skew very, very, very crazy. Should someone correct the ignorant child? Absolutely. Is it safe to do so in the South? Nope.
Your best outcome after you do that is getting most of the other parents turned against and treated extremely coldly until everyone graduates. Assume most Southerners are crazy (again, lifelong Southerner here) until they prove differently. It's better for your health. And always leave their kids alone. They don't want to parent them or intentionally teach them horrible things? Let them because you butting in is bad for your health and sanity.
when you decide to watch a aitba while baking brownies and Rebecca wishes you off with “i hope you get your hands oh some brownies”
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Also the kid in the first story had a diaper on… so like he wasn’t fully exposed. By 8 yrs old the daughter should’ve know that her cousin had metal problems and maybe was a little different
"Specific people in general" 😅
Story 4: I agree with you, except in that I'm not sure we can say for certain that the distaste for the comment of his classmates didn't evolve into bullying. Whatever it was has Clearly gone on long enough and to a degree that the boy is significantly upset by it. So it's possible he really is being bullied or at least outcast for the comments. If that's the case, not sure I agree that it's ok, even if the bullies are right.
Story 2: I think it depends on whether or not the parents had a conversation with her about it. She might've thought they were happy to help out. If this came out of nowhere, crab apple. But if there have been conversations about it, good apple.
At that first apple I was like if you say good apple I would have fainted 😂
Woooow! #1. As a mom with an adopted autistic son in a very similar situation, I am baffled. People have no idea. That blew my mind. How is she so out of touch with her nephews needs. Messed up.
Me when apple picking day :))
This comment is for story number 2.
I can actually speak on this one bc I have 2 children that their grandparents do almost everything for. I support them finically as well as see them on a regular basis with weekends but I work anywhere from 40-50 hours a week and have been saving to get my own place, which I have gotten just a few days ago but before my ex and I split up , I was a stay at home mom. So, I understand the mother’s point of view and said to myself, “imagine getting pregnant again and having a 3rd child to give to my family to take care of when they should be thinking about retirement” babies and toddlers are hard to take care of and it’s a whole lot of worrying about all kinds of things, babies are new to the world and are subject to all kinds of things like germs, getting sick, SIDS, etc and then you have toddlers who are just batshit crazy sometimes and they make you want to rip your hair out. It’s A LOT. I agree, it’s incredibly selfish and irresponsible on the daughter’s part to get pregnant again knowing she won’t be able to support this baby too. I think the mother is the good apple 🍎
Also, if the mother would have said “congratulations, I’m happy for you” who knows how many more kids the daughter would put off on her mom. I’m not trying to say the daughter intentionally got pregnant but she also did the deed with no protection so that wasn’t very smart. But, I do hope the baby is healthy though and I also hope the daughter can find a job that is going to support her and her children and that the grandparents can enjoy the rest of their lives together ❤
I love the effects Rebecca added to the apples
#1 and 2: I totally agree with you.
#3 Yeah, I mostly agree. OP should have done more of "warm transfer." OP should have kept her assistant beside her and call the person who thought she'd hit her car. "Yeah, you didn't hit my car, you hit my assistant's car. Since you gave all that info to me willingly, let me pass it on to my assistant. I just wanted to let you know so you don't get a n unexpected call." Although, to back up even further, I would have asked them how they knew it was my car. If I already knew my assistant had a blue car, I'd involve them in the conversation earlier. Possibly what happened was that the driver hit another car, then went into the office and asked who had a blue car, and was told OP's room number. Or the driver had seen someone (on another occasion) exit the blue car and go to your room. They assumed it was OP instead of the assistant. On another note, "it was the end of a long day" is a great excuse for making typos or jumbling a food order, but not for dealing with cars and insurance. It sucks, but OP should have pulled herself together a wee bit more. Mostly good, maybe a little crab-apple.
First: YES GOOD APPLE
Second: BAD APPLE you need to support your kids no matter what!
Here’s how I feel on these:
Story #1: Bad Apple definitely. Her sister was right. It’s her house not OP’s. If OP had left when her sister asked her to, she and her daughter would have never seen their nephew/cousin pantsless. And at 11pm, her 8 year-old daughter should have been home in bed. I think grandma (OP’s mother) is right too. She wore out her welcome.
Story #2: OP is a Good Apple. What I’m wondering is, where is the father of these children? Is he the father of both of them? Why can’t she live with him? What is his situation? If she wasn’t planning to have him/them in the picture, then OP has every right to be frustrated. If you can’t afford to raise a child on your own, DON’T HAVE ONE!! And if you can’t afford one, you definitely can’t afford two!
Story #3: Good Apple. The one thing I would have done differently, and it sounds like Rebecca would agree with me, was to give the victim’s number to the assailant(maybe that’s too harsh of a term, but you know what I mean) and say “you hit her car, not mine. You should talk to her about exchanging information.” Now if the assailant refused to do so and the victim wanted to know who hit her car, then I would give her the assailant’s number.
Story #4: I’m going with Good Apple mainly because I don’t see that OP did anything wrong. I think the rest of the family are bad apples though. Nevill(I’m not sure how it’s spelled) for making sexist comments in the first place, Bracken(one again I’m not sure how it’s spelled) for telling his friends causing his brother to get bullied, and the parents for allowing Nevill to make the sexist comments. You(Rebecca) mentioned that OP didn’t say anything to Nevill, and she should have, but with the sexist attitude he was portraying I don’t think he would have listened to her even if she had.
Rebecca It looks like we agree on all 4! You didn’t say anything this week about submitting our stories, but I hope you eventually read mine. If you’re not sure which one I submitted, or need some clarification, feel free to PM me, or even reply to this comment. See you next week!
Story 1: As long as he was wearing underwear at least I don't see the issue? Also OP outstayed their welcome. Their own daughter was 8 and still out and awake at 11pm? OP sounds incredibly immature and entitle. Bad Apple, Very Bad Apple.
Story 2: NTA. Accidents happen but a second time isn't really an accident, Where are the fathers? Gparents are awesome for helping with first kid and that's commendable, but they did that to help their daughter get in a better position to help herself and her child. Good Apple
Story 3: Undecided for me
Story 4: Crab Apple.
Yea you can't dress code someone in their own home.
But sis should have given mom an "Hey, we're getting ready to go to bed in an hour" instead of expecting mom to read her mind lmao
I felt you gave your actual opinion in this video, loved
The first one is definitely a bad apple
Some siblings won't let them help parent if they need help so I understand why they didn't step up in the 4th one but they still should have done something like not let him enter the raffle and he doesn't deserve a phone or to play a sport or club until he knows how to behave
For the forth story: As an afab at birth…. I was bullied by 12 boys in my class about not being able to dance AND almost kicked out of the girls bathroom because I have short hair, which I was mildly made fun of for… the teachers did nothing and when I stood up for myself and said “shut the f up” except with the actual curse I got in trouble(this was elementary school) it mostly stopped in middle school except for a few rumors and times they still picked on me but I didn’t share any classes with them. Then in high school a shared a class with them and they and a few other people would make homophobic jokes when the teacher left the room, yell things like “that’s a sport for gay people” clearly had very sexist and homophobic ideas that they projected loudly and it made me really uncomfortable and mad to be in the room with them but they bullied me before so I just swallowed all of it and ignored them. The OP was definitely not in the wrong and I think more parents need to stop their kids when they are young because it’s damaging to the people around them…
It's worth the curse to give #4 a crabapple. I've always heard that in the South they have a more "It takes a Village" attitude to raising kids, so I'm surprised that everyone's saying there it's a lot more taboo, and change doesn't happen unless people speak up. Discouraging speaking up = encouraging being a bystander.
It takes a village to bring up a child, as long as you go to the correct church and worship my god, you mean.
@@joosyjulienope. That's not true. My parents had 8 kids. We had a village without religion involved.
Cook Out Shakes FTW!
I agree, the sister was choosing to put her issues on her sister, and then she gets mad because a child/teenager who has trauma, and autism who gets sick, is in a long shirt and a pull up. OK well my step daughter was in pull ups at night until she was 13. She walked around our home in her pull ups and long shirt (that went to her knees) nothing was visible. Now when we had adult men over we made her wear shorts. But any other time she wore what was comfortable, in our home. That was her sisters house, her sisters child and yes No eight year old should have been made aware of her parents arguments and out at 11 o'clock at night. My child at age eight was in bed at 7:30. And I think the mother of the eight year old is the bad apple not only for the fact she demanded, and argued in front of both children, something neither of them needed to see or hear. The eight year old wouldn't even noticed the cousin most likely until her mom pointed it out. And she infuriates me for causing unneeded stress to a child who has had a traumatic life and is on the autism spectrum.. To act so entitled makes me sick!! I feel bad for both the children. What kind of mother includes her EIGHT YEAR OLD DAUGHTER to hear her problems with her husband and to be out so late for such a young child. That mother is an absolute loser, and her sister was absolutely right how she felt about the whole situation.
Apple 2: my only complaint is that the parents/grandparents think that a (presumably) single mother and new grad is going to be well enough off to leave within the year, but it’s clear the newly pregnant mom is taking advantage of her parents kindness. I also don’t think grandparents should be providing a 100% of childcare if they don’t want to.
I am watching this rather then homework lol.
1)bad apple at first she was fine to ask if he could but where she went wrong was arguing with the owner of the house instead of kindly removing herself from the situation
2) this one is a doozy but I agree that she made a mistake and she should’ve learned from the first time
My parents input on 2) let’s start off with saying the grandparents reaction to it was completely fine but they also probably will help take care of that child anyways because that is what a good parent is willing to do, supporting your child no matter what is always the right thing to do even if you don’t completely agree (unless they are doing something wrong)
3)
I mean I wouldn't call them bad parents if they chose not to support her. At some point you're just enabling. What if she continues this getting knocked up and pushing it on her parents thing because I see a lot of people do this. If they were to tell her you have a this amount of time to get your life together or you gotta leave because I'm not raising your children I wouldn't call them bad grandparents
In relation to the 4th story if me or my sibs were out with my aunt and uncle and ever said something out of pocket, they would shut that down imediately and correct that behavior. As an adult in a child's life it is your responsibility to help correct wrong behavior like that, especially if you are super close to that child. I often have to correct my little siblings language and cousins too as i should.
The title was my childhood. I'm autistic and was severely bullied for it. Whenever I told my mom that someone picked on me or if she got a call, she said it was my fault and that I must've done something wrong and that she didn't want to hear about it. And yet, she claims she's an expert on autistic children. Yes, Mother, ignoring your child and forcing them to be perfect is grounds for expertise on ASD.