Divorce Lawyer Exposes The Lies We Tell About Love & Marriage (James Sexton Interview)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 มิ.ย. 2024
- James Sexton is a divorce lawyer in high-conflict cases. He wrote the book How To Stay In Love based on his nearly 3 decades of inside access to the explosive end of relationships
We chat about why people grow to hate the ones they love, why marriage is a broken technology, how to craft the perfect prenup to avoid financial ruin, and the most important rule for not having your relationship end in a divorce.
Thanks for listening!
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⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
00:00 - Intro
00:24 Divorce And Death
06:28 The Inevitability of Mortality
08:12 The Significance of Your Choice
10:22 The Role of Marriage
17:00 What's Worth Holding On To?
22:54 The Anti-Cheating Factor
28:20 How Sex Drives Successful Relationships
30:40 The Perfect Prenup: Yours, Mine, Ours
39:16 Men and Marriage
48:38 Winning an Unjust Court Case
58:20 Wealth's Influence on Justice
1:00:04 Child Support: Legal Obligations Explained
1:04:01 Making the Uncomfortable Your Ally
1:07:52 Relationship Advice: Disappoint Your Partner
1:11:43 The Threat of Inner Insecurities
1:13:48 Core Needs
1:18:00 Where James Learned Charisma
1:25:01 How Conflict is Good For Couples
1:27:21 Arguments
1:34:37 Learn More About James Sexton
Watch the last episode here:
• 5 Personality Patterns...
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This lawyer needs his own talk show on TV.
OMG that would make great TV.
Maybe 10 years ago. But now TH-cam average view podcast gets 10 times as many views as cable talk shows.
@@Lizestechreviews facts
Indeed!!!!!!
No. Tv networks will taint and restrict his message. He only needs to do what he is doing in his own way.
Honestly, a divorce lawyer was the last person I would expect to have a healthy outlook on life and relationships. I could listen to this guy talk for days, everything he said resonated incredibly deeply with me, and the interviewer did a great job asking excellent questions as well. Great stuff all around!
Omg I had the exact same thought! This man is a beautiful soul!!
I thought the same. And he chose to be a divorce attorney. I have never met an attorney who actually meant to practice that. It's usually begrudgingly from lawyers I've met.
He has some good views however many of his ideas were not healthy to be honest. Many of the comparisons he brings up are unrealistic (the cars example for instance, headphones example, etc.. to me he's certainly not comparing apples to apples).
Everyone has their own way of looking at things in life in the end.
The happiest human beings are the ones who can be completely happy when they are alone. Undoubtably, it is a rare skill. And IT IS a skill. Not many people can truthfully say that they can live a completely happy and fulfilling life alone, without the NEED to share it with one other particular person.
I am happier alone. People are draining. Another person just wants to take more of my energy. For empaths being alone allows you to recover from all the energy vampires.
Being an only child helps, especially when both your parents were busy working professionals during those years when you wanted to share stuff with them the most. I have learned to enjoy books and quiet contemplation out of sheer necessity, oh and all my imaginary friends are great listeners :)
@@MsWinterlife Books are an awesome way to occupy alone time. I absolutely love books and have gone on so many adventures with my literary friends during times when I was completely and utterly alone for years. Books were as close to food as any alternative nutrition can possibly be. I have read, likely, over a thousand books. I don't read as much now, but I never forget my favorite authors. Thank you for sharing. I'm likely going to read some of my ebook tonight. Thank for the reminder.
This honestly seems contrary to the human condition. We wouldn't be able to be alone and happy if it wasn't for the work of humans together, forming tribes with common goals and ideals, to allow us now to be "happy and alone". Go live alone on a deserted island and see how quickly the desire for human interaction sets in. Yes, people are draining especially when we have an idealized version of how people should act in our minds
Dogs are loyal.
I love the logic of this man. Its refreshing and highlights the importance of both emotion and logic in relationships.
His logic is great, however, the two sleeves of tattoos is a turn off. Talk about a midlife crisis lol.
@@bicgohill8756Why does it matter? Tattoos have been around since 3370 BC. Such a close-minded way of thinking
@@leahdavis1641 Having a personal preference doesn't necessarily mean someone is closed minded.
@@FreeSpirit47 calling it a “midlife crisis” does
@@leahdavis1641 I’ll take my professionals sleeveless and weaveless ,thank you very much.
"To love anything is a form of insanity!"
-- James Sexton (one of the greatest quotes ever!)
But what a ‘safe’, cold, shallow life you’ll live if you interpret that quote to mean that you shouldn’t love anything.
Sexton himself naturally and intentionally embraces love.
Hey just a friendly FYI/fun fact.... He was paraphrasing a famous saying when he said that.
Plato in ancient Greece is first credited for this concept of love / insanity.
"In Phaedrus, a very famous dialogue written by Plato, Socrates explains that “love is a madness.” At the same time, he also expresses that love is one of the greatest gifts that humankind could receive. "
@@Irishprice1 But counselor Sexton did not meant the quote to be utilized as the Greek philosophers used it! The counselor is pointing out that it takes way much more than just love in order to have a successful, long lasting marriage! That was the point of what counselor Sexton was referring to. And he is 100% correct!!
And yet love is most healing energy. However, I am not referring to romantic love at all. Far too fleeting and ephemeral for many of us. Healthy love for family, friends, and oneself is key to healing in this chaotic polarized world.
He didn't dismiss a practical arrangement, though.
"What problem will marriage solve for you?" is such a great question. In reality I'd say most people get married because its 'what you do' and we're programmed to believe that if you don't get married by a certain age you have failed at the game of life. The programming is so deep that we've accepted that introducing the government in our relationship and spending 30K on a one-night party is a life milestone, and few people question it.
The goals I had for my life could not be achieved by one person. I wanted a family, I wanted challenge, I wanted to work. We’ve taken turns supporting each other and our kids have constant support because we’re both there. I stayed home with them while he got into his career, now he works remotely while I’m working on mine and there’s always someone around after school. We’ve done amazing things together we’d never have done alone. I wonder if people who are married but hate it couldn’t go farther if they tried to understand what they could only do with a partner that they’re not doing. People have families-but they trust a bad system to either leave one partner at home alone (and so lonely) with no ambition or to just let daycares and Nannie’s raise their kids. With a little team work and ingenuity there are much better solutions.
We also have traveled the world and taken risks we never would alone prechildren-so I am not making this exclusive to families. We lived in the Middle East and set up our lives for the long haul making money we couldn’t hear. He could not have been respected there without a wife (single men are treated as predators and are banned from many public places without their wife, I’m not kidding) and I would not have been as safe without him. We made our fortune and played a game of chicken over life. Anytime one of us got scared the other would start egging the other on. People just have no idea how to leverage marriage for what it is. They just think it’s a party and a tax break. (Our wedding was very cheap, and I’ve never cared about the tax break or government recognition. In fact, I’d rather live without it. More people should have cake and punch and call it a day, or just elope).
Exactly.
Eggggggsactly @fathuman
That is so well said. I can't believe I signed up for it and having a kid. It all backfired spectacularly. If I had a time machine I would never have married and would be childfree. I love my son more than life itself, but he's profoundly disabled and needs 24/7 care with no chance for a normal life. I couldn't cure him and it is greatest sadness of my life. He deserved better than these disabilities that rob him of the ability to have a normal life. Yeah, just do your own thing. If you want to be parents folks, please know it's a gamble and you better be prepared for that. Marriage is a bad bet and my generation was sold on it. It's a terrible institution to force on people because "that is what you do."
I got married the first time because I thought I couldn’t live without her. I wanted children and thought we shared the same goals. He is definitely right that people change…or perhaps it was just show and I was too stupid to see it.
James has an incredible mind and is a masterful communicator of ideas.
He so good that he says "ahchother" for the easily distracted. To spice things up... and likely to entertain himself by confusing the easily distracted 😆 🤣 .. jokes aside he's good
He’s brilliant.
I like the idea of challenging men and women to learn how to argue/disagree/debate fairly and in good faith. I think our personal and private discourse has far too often erroded to personal attacks.
Aptly said.
People are hypocrites. They’ll use the traditional angle when it benefits them. They’ll use the progressive angle the same way.
@@sponkmcdonk3898 yep feminism and traditionalism is weaponized by both men and women.
nobody wants to solve the problem. it is all about being right. It isn't about being right. It is about getting what you want and understanding compromise is necessary.
@@sponkmcdonk3898 Life is complex, consistency in logic but also reasonableness matter.
When this man said "I'm 35 now ..." I was completely floored 😳
0:18: 📚 Jim Sexton, a divorce lawyer, discusses his book and the reasons why people grow to hate the ones they love.
8:14: 💔 The speaker discusses how Western marriage is often viewed as eternal, but it is actually ending either in divorce or death for one of the partners, and there is a sense of obligation in love.
15:50: 👰 The speaker questions the necessity of government involvement and legal documents in marriage, highlighting the importance of personal autonomy and agency in relationships.
23:13: 🔥 The speaker discusses the importance of maintaining excitement and spark in a long-term relationship.
30:52: 📝 The speaker believes that a Yours Mine and Ours prenup type agreement should be the default conversation when discussing marriage.
38:03: 🤔 The speaker questions the logic behind the timeframes for owing things in a relationship and highlights the inconsistencies in the law.
46:14: 💡 The speaker discusses the importance of examining the choices and trades we make in our lives.
53:16: 😔 A lawyer reflects on a case where a poor woman lost because she couldn't afford a good lawyer.
1:01:09: 😔 Having another child to save a marriage often leads to a higher child support payment.
1:09:26: ! The speaker is having a rough day and wants to talk honestly about their feelings.
1:16:49: ! The goal of a relationship should be to help each other become the most authentic and fulfilled versions of themselves.
1:24:36: 🤼 The speaker loves Brazilian Jiu Jitsu because it creates a bond through conflict and resolution.
1:32:18: ! The speaker emphasizes the importance of being open to change and learning from others in order to know oneself better.
Recap by Tammy AI
1.5 hours worth of my time reduced to just minutes. Thank you Tammy AI!
Thank you!!
Thank you for your time 🙏🏻
❤thx
When you process more than 50 divorce cases, your views starts to change
Real, true, genuine love begins when the butterflies end.
Everything else is infatuation.
Here's my advice to the men out there. Make sure you spend time on your own figuring out your goals and what you want out of life. Once you have these in place and created a plan to achieve these goals, only then can you make the decision on whether you want a partner or not. I've seen too many guys get sucked into the relationship cycle and get burned in a divorce b/c they had no sense of self prior to getting into a relationship. You need to figure this out first and then find a woman that fits into your frame. If she's not willing to fit into your frame you must let her go and keep searching. Trust me, it makes life a lot easier...
@@jakebailey9884 I tell so many women that they must have higher goals that getting married & getting saddled with so many babies. After the honeymoon phase, the guy will either be looking around for a woman whose body looked like hers before having babies, or he will beat her or try to beat her or both.
Today's males past the age of minor's siphon most of their ambition into video games. Little boys in the body of a man.
Not worth all that women invest in a marriage & the babies they give birth to, to form a family.
They lose the little that they do have in the divorce because they were not adequate providers to begin with lol. Men are so ridiculous. I can't even imagine where they get the guts from. To trap a woman into a marriage for several years where she's likely misrable because he's not an adequate provider and he doesn't make enough money, enpregnant's the woman (and in a lot of instances more than once), then thinks he should be able to get up and leave Scott free whenever he wants to with every little thing that he came into the relationship with. Make it make sense please lol!!
Women have caught on, most choosing to be single because men just make no sense!😂 "Frame or no frame," if you're not ready to take care of the woman, especially if it doesn't work out, and you think you should just walk away scot-free please do us women all a favor and don't date women. Go date other men (because you are in your feminine energy) or stay single. Thank you LOL
The same advice to women. Don't rush due to external pressures.
@@tdr.220 Good advice. I have told my 3 daughters as well as my son that it would be wise to live alone on their own for at least 4 years, being self-supporting so that if they had to live like that, they wouldn't fear it so much.
I give the same advice to people who ask me.
Many people are afraid to live alone, to be alone.
The world often judges people who live alone whether dating another person in separate domiciles or not. People will often wonder if there is something wrong with someone if they are not married by a certain age or if they remain single for several months or years at a time.
And, I say the same to women.😅
I can't believe I just listened to the whole of this interview, dumping my law study for it. This is awesome. Enough study for today with this.
How does this not have more views. This is a fantastic conversation
Well for one, the thumbnail absolutely sucks imo.
It is indeed a fantastic convo.
This guy is really unknown, plus the thumbnail indeed sucks a fair amount of ass ^^ 👍❤️
Most people are listening to Jordan Peterson or Andrew Huberman.
This guy blew up on soft white underbelly
@@FreeSpirit47I can't stand Peterson. I'm also a psychologist and if I met him I would raise counter arguments for everything he says. Professionally of course. Just really don't love his negative powerful influence. I find his views to be superficially veiled misogyny. Disturbing.
I could listen to this guy all day. Never heard anyone communicate the way he does.
Great interview! I might be on the right track. I started ending every in person visit, video call or phone call, telling the person I love them when I was a teenager.
People reacted in different ways. Sometimes they would ask me if I was okay, if I was dying or knew something that they didn't know. I just said, "No, just want you to know that I love you."
My view of marriage has changed a lot. I was married once; he took me to the cleaners in the divorce.
When I became a free woman, I embraced it, loved it, went to work rebuilding my life. Loving being single so much, I doubt I will ever marry again. Things got a bit serious with a few guys. I felt so terrible that I hurt them when I stuck to what I had said in the beginning when we first met.
I don't want to get married. I felt bad that they were hurt.
So, I stopped dating at all.
I love men, I love my freedom more. Life is good.
Very interesting. The question “why do you want to get married?” is a good one but a tricky one because ppl view it as self-evident. I really love this guy’s spirit.
That's right, and it's not at all obvious or self-evident, it's a social construct that flies under the radar in the depths of our subconscious mind.
Most men get married because they think it's a legal right to sex. 5 years later, they find out the sex stops and he is 100% responsible for her bills. She has no responsibility for his legally.
The best future for our future children. Not much reason to get married if kids arent involved.
@@iPervythat's untrue. If you have the mindset that there's "not much reason to get married except if kids are involved" then you need to stay single. Or you need to date other men because you're very much still in your feminine energy. The last thing me or any woman should do is be a "girlfriend" (slaving and working for free for the man) for more than a year to a year-and-a-half MAX. During which talks of marriage should already be happening otherwise waste of time. The woman still contributes to taking care of the home, or even if they don't live together she's spending time with him and probably sleeping with him, giving her emotional and physical resources, and making it easier for him to be able to redirect otherwise used/wasted energy to making more money or being more successful but then she ends up with nothing because she didn't get government paperwork to protect herself with. PASS, BLOCKED , DELETED, NEXT PLEASE. Make it make sense! Lol
@@IndependentPrettyGirlis You must not like kids.
Working with Hospice patients at the age of 20 when he had so little life experience himself? This man is an old soul.
I love this guy. So brutally honest.
It's too late for me, 40 years married, because back in my day that's what you did if you wanted to have children. Now it would cost way too much to undo it all with an unwilling participant. I 100% wholeheartedly agree that marriage does not solve any problem. If a young person were to ask my advice on marriage, I would say it's NOT REQUIRED to have a loving fulfilling relationship, with or without children. As Mr. Sexton says, marriage is a lifetime contract. Who wants that?
when I read "Who wants that"? I smiled, so true..... life sure is long now and people are living to be over 80 ...lol
I want life time contract with the right person.
You should do a conversation with a marriage counselor (a good one) and a pastor or someone who does premarital counseling and marriages a lot. This guy has a cool perspective, but a self-selecting one. All them at the same time would be fire.
Pastors and pre marital counselors don’t help at all
What aspects do you think he is self-selecting? The ones that don't fit your opinion?
No, he’s a divorce lawyer. If all you have is a hammer everything is a nail. His perspective is valuable but biased just like everyone else’s. If you ask a cancer specialist how many people he has in his life with cancer-it’s going to be higher than most people you know. Ask a divorce lawyer how many successful marriages he’s seen it’s not going to be a lot. I’m a marriage and family counselor. I value his opinion incredibly as a warning and a set of data I don’t naturally run into-but I work with the other side. People who want to save their marriages and work on them which is again different than someone like my father who regularly performs weddings for young couples. My perspective is more skeptical than my Dad’s and the divorce lawyer is just going to be more skeptical than me. But we all learn from each other. I’m talking about realistic calibration for the perspective your’e hearing, that’s all. The man literally makes his living on people’s marriage’s failing. He has real important things to say, but he’s not actually the best source for how to have a good marriage. All he can tell you is what bad ones look like. @@patrickananas1999
I never wanted marriage because I could never see myself living with some other person day in and day out. There just isn’t enough privacy in any aspect of life. No privacy to your own home, no privacy in terms of your own bed etc. I don’t mind sharing things but when I feel like it on my terms. When I want to get a good nights rest the last thing I want is another person next to me. People don’t think about the small stuff.
There are ways,old ways
Separate bedrooms,bathrooms meeting in the living room,dining room.....enough space to be on your own ,while sharing life,home together.just imagination of mine😊❤
Not to mention your own study,sort of library ,office room.
Your own,just your own space in home that you share with partner😊
I never get tired of listening to James, I rrrrreally would love to have him in a friend's gathering talking.
Lawyer James Sexton earns my respect as he is so transparent with his knowledge in this field since others just want to secure the bags.
I love this guest. Such a personality. I wish I could listen to him all day.
10 min. in...As someone who lost my spouse in my twenties, I learned these lessons early. However he articulated these great lessons in a way that I think ppl who haven't learned these lessons yet will easily remember.
His orating skills are unparalleled I really like how human he feels
people are so frightened of death. we can’t talk about it.
This man has the best rationale. I could listen and learn from him all day! Great guest!
Your “conflict and resolution” and Esther Perel’s “security and freedom”….Parallels in relationship intelligence. Love it! We all could benefit so well from these lessons.
Esther said something about fight and repair.
That it all falls under 3 categories.
I love that concept.
Helps you see the bigger picture.
Helps one psychotherapy their partner.
Analyze them better.
This is the best lawyer - the kind people hire. Kudos for having him on.
I've seen this guy interviewed a couple of times. First time in a while I've hung onto every word. Outstanding IMHO.
Impermanence, indifference, certainties and uncertainties, changes, open mindedness and letting Go if only people know this . Living on Earth is so easy.
“Weaponized intimacy is cruel and tells character” thank you!
Thank you so much for this conversation - by far one of the best I have heard in a long time. I really appreciate what you do.
This is one of the best up-and-coming Convo channels.
Some absolute gems 💎 keep on appearing here. 🏆❤️
I'm amazed by this guy. I too was a sensitive kid, he gives me hope.
Dogs won't break you like humans can and the pain of loosing them is real but the love they give makes it all worth it. There are plenty of abandoned cats and dogs who need homes.
😺 🐶
dogs are a different category.
Can't talk to dogs about politics and religion.
Humans is wonderful.
Especially the opposite sex.
It's a surrogate but better than no contact wit any living thing.
James Saxton has such an outlook on relationships. He is a breath of fresh air. I feel that couples need to do a good long set of classes before getting married or in to deep into a relationship.
I wish i had this info when i was my younger self. My trajectory would be so different.
Thank you James for your wisdom and insight.
❤
This is a hard topic to talk about and also a hard topic for clicks. But it's extremely true and enduring. Thank you.
Both of you are amazing. Thanks for the conversation.
There's is a lot of great practical wisdom in James' talk! We may disagree on some things like the fairness of a justice system, or whether quality health care should be reserved to those who can afford it (living in Europe gives me a sense that those things can be social services), but in general it's spot on! People need to talk about difficult stuff, including what happens when it ends, and live (and love) like there's no tomorrow.
I love this guy. Really. So true as someone who has worked end of life for years and going through a divorce
I absolutely love listening to this guy I think he's one of the most interesting men I've ever (not) known. So much life experience wisdom and intriguing stories.. I could listen to him forever
Incredible from start to finish! This man is a gem
This guy is such an incredible guy ! I can’t stop listening to what he has to say 😊
As a divorced mom of 2, I would love to hear you guys give advice to your daughters. I really enjoyed this podcast.
Marry Rich !
@@cubiczirconiabeard5366 Earn your own money for yourself. Don't depend on a man or a woman or anyone. Educate yourself. work hard, it will mean so much more to you.
Don't marry for love_ marry for money. It's the current trend right?? Women marry for business. Men marry for Love.....LoL. But men are slowly going against that trend...so...it's complicated!
Learn how to be an Esther... not a Vashti. Vashti is on trend these days, tho
@@cubiczirconiabeard5366 My mother is almost 70. Its wild to hear her basically admit she shouldve been looking more at wealth and less at love.
Mr Sexton is an incredible speaker and guest. Wow… so many details and “ah-ha” moments here. Wish I had heard this and gotten this clarity years ago! Just brilliant
He’s just bluntly honest and logical 100%…… I relate to him and all he says anytime
Jim Sexton is one of those guys you wish you knew.
Could listen to the guy for days.
So many great stories and life advice.
Type in his name and there’s a feast of interviews all over TH-cam and they’re a joy.
Great interview here, man 👌🏼
I just found your podcast. Big fan of your Charisma on Command channel. This was a lovely conversation and a very different and personable version of James Sexton that I’ve seen so far.
This is a very informative and interesting video - I love the energy in this too! Thanks - I will take this information to help me with my own life and my clients xxx
Love the way he says…..”Each other”
Every young man should watch this it should be mandatory.
and WOMEN!
It should be for women. Marriage and children statistically is a terrible idea for women. Men live longer and have statistically happier lives being married because traditionally they have a partner who does disproportionately more of the work. Women are happier single and childfree. There are notable differences of course, but marriage is a terrible idea for women. And so is concept of parenthood.
@annmarieknapp idk where you get your information but I don't think any of it is true lol not a single thing you said? Like we can sit here and point out niche examples of the minority but in general no I don't think so.
Intelligent and practical, and a wise way to move about life
bro is saving lives
Remaining single may have been a blessing in disguise. 50, never married, no kids. These videos make me feel better.
30 years ago a real nice guy at the gym told me how his high school sweetheart kicked him out of the home he paid for & divorced him for nothing more than working too hard. 2 years later that nice man died when a jealous BF of one of his girlfriend's beat him to death with a baseball bat. He left behind two kids that he loved dearly & missed so much because the courts only let him see them every other weekend.
It takes developed maturity, integrity, and an honest person (well two people) to make a marriage work.
and mutual tangible benefit. so love doesn't count, don't be dumb
@@SuperSaverPlays love is a mutual benefit
And also it takes one person to ruin.
Just found your channel man. You are such a great interviewer… thank you so much for such a great conversation with James. Subscribed. All the best! 👏🏻
Absolutely amazing podcast. James talks so much sense. Great questions by the interviewer too 👏👏 This is a top 3 podcast ever 👌
The depth of this conversation was paramount. Thank you both for making it quite a memorable one. Great insight and conversation
I love this guy! I can listen to him all day
You are a remarkable interviewer. This is the best interview I have seen done to James Sexton.
james , thank you for sharing your experience , and your resolute on in is so accurate.
What a wise man Mr. Sexton is ... thanks for his thoughts.
I just randomly found this interview and I absolutely enjoyed it.
4 key questions to ask yourself and your partner before you commit:
1. How do you want to and actually play?
2. How do you want to and actually fight?
3. By what purposes/problems-to-solve will this relationship be structured?
4. How should we deal with failure?
No
Loved the honesty and the delivery.
I just enjoy listening to James Sexton on his expertise in strengthening marraige and preparing for a divorce.
I EFFIN LOVE this guy!!! Caught him 1st on "Soft White Underbelly", then on Lex Fridman & now here!!! If LAW don't work out for him, I would ABSOLUTELY suggest he become a pre-marital counselor!!!
Great video!!!
This guy is so inspiring, and full of much needed information/knowledge.
👍🎩👌
A lawyer with passion. Not the norm, but very appealing !
great discussion again!
James spits pure gold.
To each their own ways... His theories about marriages and sex do not work for believers like me. Where I am from only 1/100 couple divorce. Marriage is like a project or a business, you got to give it all you have and make it work. Both partners need to understand that a successful marriage is highly beneficial to everyone! People who stay together are not necessarily unhappy, most of the couples I know they become like good friends, they genuinely miss each other after a day apart. Each one of them learns how to please their partner, you find a man saying " nop, my wife prefers this to that" and a wife does the same. So because divorce isn't common, they both work hard on finding a formula that works for them. The first years might be a bit challenging (like in any startup business) but after a while you find a way to make it good for both of you!
one adjusts and does what the other person wants, you end up being one person. oh not sure about that prospect.
Exceptional thought leadership!
I wish I had this info when I was younger, I’ve done so many of the things they talk about.
Dude this convo is fire
34 year old male here. I’ve only met 2 happily married couples in my entire life. Rest have been divorced or are unhappy and borderline miserable.
Unofficial poll: How many happily married couples have you met in your life?
Most of the married people I've known are happy and even those who didn't work out were better off and happier than single people. The research says the same.
Similar age as you, only 1 happily married couple. Rest divorced or 1 partner has a foot out the door 😅 Not feeling so bad about being unmarried when I think of that 😂
Opposite experience here: majority of married couples I’ve met are happy, and only one or two I can think of who are noticeably (keyword) unhappy. Can count the number of divorces of people I’ve known on one hand and would still have fingers left.
Assuming you have only one life that you are aware of, you want to live if according to what the statistics tell you is 'most common', because you want the most effortless life, or why? This sounds really sad to me.
Only recently in history have we married for happiness, love, etc.
Wanna know something funny? Arranged marriages used to report higher rates of satisfaction as well as fewer divorce rates than unarranged marriages. What changed? Liberalism and romanticism started to become the norm
Such a great interview. Thanks gents
Lesson: Be open and brutally honest with yourself and the other person about everything. Thats it. Thats all. Simple.
But-
Definitely not simple lol
No need to be brutally honest. There's definitely a way to be compassionately honest.
He is terrific. So interesting to listen to
5:29 - Bob Saget did the same thing. He told everyone that was close to him that he loved them very much and all the time. That too was one of his life philosophies.
I’m a nurse and i always think about the brevity of our life and those we love
Bro, i can't WAIT to get married and feel the "boring" moments. i don't stand exciting flings anymore (34)
1:32:45 That’s a great point!
He should give lectures. I can listen to him for hours.
I think the best person who could give you advice about how to stay married is a divorce lawyer. Of course, there are situations where divorce is absolutely necessary - domestic violence, an addicted spouse who refuses treatment or you find out they're doing criminal acts that they have yet to be caught for. James takes out the emotional aspects of deciding to get married and goes straight to the practical reasons and realities of what that decision entails. He definitely should have his own talk show. He could save a lot of people some serious heartache and probably money too.
This guy needs a platform somebody get him a platform
This guy is spot on!!!
Lucky are those who are loved or even experience love!
Great conversation! Side note: first time I've heard someone pronounce "each other" as "itch other"
I caught that as well
Fabulous Real Talk 100%
29:00 I would agree in 95%+ case it to be true. But my last relationship ended even though the sex was absolute fire till the end (the only glue holding a Jenga tower of blocks falling apart, lol)
Were you married though? He is talking about divorcing or divorced. I believe that could be because you wont choose to marry a person for sex only, you look at other traits.
But once in marriage, the sex may contribute to the breakdown in the sense that, if the partner is not treating you well then add horrible sex or lack of sex on to that. There is nothing left to stick it out for.
loving something thatll fall apart isnt what hurts very much...
He IS right about this.We need to talk and argue better
I’d like to see him and Jordan Peterson have a conversation…
Yes that would be very interesting
That would be AMAZING!
By his own wording ; marriage is ultimately pointless - what’s the point if it’s a dissolvable partnership like any other?? Why sign a contract one party is rewarded for breaking while you get dragged?? “Oh but prenup” - yeah but we can see those mean nothing in court, they can get around them quite easily.
TBF, he is a divorce lawyer, he's got to keep the business coming. Pre-nups aren't bad b/c they get thrown out, they are bad b/c the cost of defending it is absurd. Even if your pre-nup holds up as valid, you are going to spend $100ks defending it from your ex, whose lawyer you have to pay for.
He’s a good proponent for Free Speech and debate! Something that’s being Crushed by the Upcoming HATE SPEECH LAWS here in Ireland 🇮🇪