You have no idea how this resonates and how you have given me the power to walk away. I cannot thank you enough. Thank you for all your videos, you are an angel.
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Yes, the emotional cheating hurts even more, because the person is doing it right there in your home, and sometimes right in front of you. When you think that person needs their space and you find out what they’re doing instead. They supposedly don’t have the mental and emotional energy for you but they have it for other people. Yeah, I did think it was me and that I wasn’t pretty enough or something, and I’m also older. However, I thought about it and I realized that might not be true. He might have just wanted more than one person and all of them were pretty enough. He just wanted a harem.
Ive always thought the way you see things now (litterwlly) and my narcissist ex sees it the way you saw it before. Its amazing how you managed to do that switch and now being aware of all the details of why your previous view/actions were problematic.
At this point, I don't care... it's taken me 2yrs. And alot of examining, and listening to you and others myself to get where i am at this point. I wasn't aware of what narcissism was, let alone what the symptoms and red flags were. Thank you for enlightening me and all of us.
Yes, mine refused all forms of connection, affection and sex. He would watch porn and about 3 times a year he would expect sex, but not intercourse. It left me so depleted that I finally was like forget it, it’s not worth it. Well…found out he’s been cheating and it’s my fault because I told him no.
Excellent explanation. I have the unfortunate added twist that he likes to coerce me to talk during sex about how I’ve been so “bad”, and naughty, and he wants me to tell him about some supposedly believable salacious sexual escapade I had. He needs to fantasize about me with someone else in order to enjoy sex. Very troubling, and I keep asking him to stop doing this and it just creeps back. I’m at the point that I wish he had another woman to keep his mind occupied.
Ben you are a treasure with this information. If more men were honest and truly wanted change you are a great place to start. Without any type of help or treatment the narc person won’t even come close to change. It’s unfortunate to the partner who thought they had a chance.
Of course in a marriage you want to be vulnerable with your spouse to share intimacy. My husband would use those in a judgemental way. One example is I was telling him about being abused by my stepfather when I was very young. He interrupted me and said, “don’t act like you didn’t have anything to do with it!” He’s very mean and hurtful.
Narcissists are insensitive, callous people they have shocking double-standards, they don't want you doing to them what they do to you. Covert narcissists in particular have such a mean tongue that it can cut you to the heart.💔
This was EXACTLY how I felt & still feel sometimes. I couldn’t have said it better! I passed this along to him because he is working on his issues w/ a therapist. I think that this will help him understand my behaviors at times (triggered) & also why I struggle w/ certain issues at times. THANK YOU! This was also painful to listen to as it was so accurate.
Great that you are an honest man now Ben🙏🏻 I had a sad feeling many times as I was focussed on my toxic Partner. Every time that I caught him "running away emotionally" from our relationship I was honest to him and told him I realized he was lying or craving for other emotional supply...then he answered with: "you have a problem, because you are just jealous" and I started questioning myself until I tried to trust him once again although I really felt that I was right. He was very shallow in all his relationships and I wanted to dive deeper but I was trapped.
My ex husband would compare me to his ex girlfriend. He would say " o my ex girlfriend did this.....my ex girlfriend did such and such in the bedroom. He would leave photos of them both on his computer and around the house. When I whent to my in law's they would put her photos out .
My ex narcissist girlfriend openly admitted to being on tinder while we were together. Almost 4 months out of the fog, I knew when we finally reached the end it would be because I left. She discarded me so many times in 2.5 years I lost count Endless ghosting episodes, silent treatments, punishments devaluation, treated me like crap from the moment of our first kiss. Looking back I wish I could give myself a hug. She was a monster. I know her next person is never going to be enough. No one will ever be enough. She will spend the rest of her sad life finding flaws, faults and mistakes in everyone but herself. 😢it's just such an awful way to live life. I'm thankful to be out. Honestly, I never thought I would get to this stage I am today. She's stalking me, but just shows how unstable she is. Probably with someone else, and stalking me. Ugh. Good luck 🤞
Worst thing you can do in a relationship is cheat on your significant other. It hurts so much. When i realized my ex had cheated on me multiple times that was all i needed to walk away. Never expected a 48 year old to be the way she is but glad i found out earlier than later. She would approach guys right in front of me and act like she was just being friendly at the time as im very outgoing myself i let it go. Shes seeing the guy she approached at a pizza shop after we went hiking.
I’m sorry, that sucks. That would have been a slap in the face for me to do that to him because of everything he did for me as far as security goes. But then again I have morals.
I see it the same way (betrayal by giving other people outside the relationship what is not given inside the relatiobship) but the narc of course doesnt see it that way. And it's common knowledge that even if the partner doesn't know, it affects them and the relationship. It's just betrayal by sceaming you behind your back and you dont have a choice, because you dobt know. I always said: if youre in a relationship and you dont like sth or there conflict, if you care about the other oersin and rhe relationship, you should be open and open the topic up in the relationship ibstead of running away.
This video reminded me the narcissist in my life. He approached me without revealing he was in a 10-year relationship, as a friend in the beginning and started love-bombing me. But nothing ever happened because (even though I haven't discovered yet that he was a narcissist back at that time) something in the air was not feeling right, I could feel that he lacked intimacy, that he was pretending, that he was still in a relationship with his ex and that I would end up being a trophy for him. So, he moved on to another woman admitting that "he was respecting me too much and he didn't want to hurt me if we entered and affair" (aka I was to hard to manipulate and accept his bullsh_it). Yet, he kept returning to my life despite me going no contact and blocking him, trying to establish something like and "emotional/mental affair" telling me I was his soulmate and that his new girlfriend turned out not to be the "love of his life". Of course I didn't "bite" and fall for his lies. But he is still trying to have access to me life, he uses my name to triangulate me with his new girlfriend despite my absence and of course his new girlfriend is extremely jealous on me creating problems to my life. I guess I will never have an answer why he tried to establish this "mental affair with me" after he discarded me and despite me going no contact, but I wish they would both disappear from my life...
Emotional cheating with “so many girls it got overwhelming bc I couldn’t keep track of them all.” I found messages between him and so many others where they connected emotionally as I could see he was using the emotional manipulation to get them to get sexual… he put me down, which were lies to get pity from them. I don’t have words when he handed me his phone (that I never checked or asked for ever) but he thought he deleted everything but didn’t and only time he got a look of like he wanted to kill me when I wouldn’t give his phone back as I read the messages out loud crying. The silent treatment was his only choice of punishment and lasted for years. God, it’s over and I can’t stop thinking about him!!!! What is wrong with me!
My wife taking three separate holidays (a week at a time - including one with our children) with her new “girlfriend”, as well as taking her to a “conference” - “there’s nothing going on - it’s just an intense friendship”, she insists……. If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck - it’s a duck as far as I am concerned
Love sometimes does not last forever. Normal people fall out of love too. I think it would be horrible staying with a person you no longer love,just so their feelings don’t get hurt.
I really wish he'd work on varying his pronouns. Because he universally paints the narcissist as a male, and my experience has been almost exclusively female narcissists, even as friends.
You have no idea how this resonates and how you have given me the power to walk away. I cannot thank you enough. Thank you for all your videos, you are an angel.
We're here to support you on your healing journey. Take the first step by joining our free masterclass, where you'll learn how to break free from toxic relationships and much more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
Absolutely no man or woman in a relationship should be on any form of dating sites. Humans are truly despicable these days.
Yes, the emotional cheating hurts even more, because the person is doing it right there in your home, and sometimes right in front of you. When you think that person needs their space and you find out what they’re doing instead. They supposedly don’t have the mental and emotional energy for you but they have it for other people. Yeah, I did think it was me and that I wasn’t pretty enough or something, and I’m also older. However, I thought about it and I realized that might not be true. He might have just wanted more than one person and all of them were pretty enough. He just wanted a harem.
If someone is giving their energy and attention to someone else like that, then they're not giving it to you
Ive always thought the way you see things now (litterwlly) and my narcissist ex sees it the way you saw it before.
Its amazing how you managed to do that switch and now being aware of all the details of why your previous view/actions were problematic.
At this point, I don't care... it's taken me 2yrs. And alot of examining, and listening to you and others myself to get where i am at this point.
I wasn't aware of what narcissism was, let alone what the symptoms and red flags were. Thank you for enlightening me and all of us.
Yes, mine refused all forms of connection, affection and sex. He would watch porn and about 3 times a year he would expect sex, but not intercourse. It left me so depleted that I finally was like forget it, it’s not worth it. Well…found out he’s been cheating and it’s my fault because I told him no.
Excellent explanation. I have the unfortunate added twist that he likes to coerce me to talk during sex about how I’ve been so “bad”, and naughty, and he wants me to tell him about some supposedly believable salacious sexual escapade I had. He needs to fantasize about me with someone else in order to enjoy sex. Very troubling, and I keep asking him to stop doing this and it just creeps back. I’m at the point that I wish he had another woman to keep his mind occupied.
Yes, that's what happened in my 49 year marriage.
Ben you are a treasure with this information. If more men were honest and truly wanted change you are a great place to start. Without any type of help or treatment the narc person won’t even come close to change. It’s unfortunate to the partner who thought they had a chance.
Of course in a marriage you want to be vulnerable with your spouse to share intimacy. My husband would use those in a judgemental way. One example is I was telling him about being abused by my stepfather when I was very young. He interrupted me and said, “don’t act like you didn’t have anything to do with it!” He’s very mean and hurtful.
Inexcusable ❤️🩹 plz go no contact with him! He’s not on your side
Narcissists are insensitive, callous people they have shocking double-standards, they don't want you doing to them what they do to you. Covert narcissists in particular have such a mean tongue that it can cut you to the heart.💔
Thats heart breaking 😳
This was EXACTLY how I felt & still feel sometimes. I couldn’t have said it better! I passed this along to him because he is working on his issues w/ a therapist. I think that this will help him understand my behaviors at times (triggered) & also why I struggle w/ certain issues at times. THANK YOU! This was also painful to listen to as it was so accurate.
Great that you are an honest man now Ben🙏🏻 I had a sad feeling many times as I was focussed on my toxic Partner. Every time that I caught him "running away emotionally" from our relationship I was honest to him and told him I realized he was lying or craving for other emotional supply...then he answered with: "you have a problem, because you are just jealous" and I started questioning myself until I tried to trust him once again although I really felt that I was right. He was very shallow in all his relationships and I wanted to dive deeper but I was trapped.
Thank you! Keep them coming , your helping so many, including myself ♥️
Multiple people is way better and I think healthier
My ex husband would compare me to his ex girlfriend. He would say " o my ex girlfriend did this.....my ex girlfriend did such and such in the bedroom. He would leave photos of them both on his computer and around the house. When I whent to my in law's they would put her photos out .
My ex narcissist girlfriend openly admitted to being on tinder while we were together.
Almost 4 months out of the fog, I knew when we finally reached the end it would be because I left.
She discarded me so many times in 2.5 years I lost count
Endless ghosting episodes, silent treatments, punishments devaluation, treated me like crap from the moment of our first kiss. Looking back I wish I could give myself a hug.
She was a monster.
I know her next person is never going to be enough.
No one will ever be enough. She will spend the rest of her sad life finding flaws, faults and mistakes in everyone but herself.
😢it's just such an awful way to live life. I'm thankful to be out. Honestly, I never thought I would get to this stage I am today.
She's stalking me, but just shows how unstable she is.
Probably with someone else, and stalking me.
Ugh. Good luck 🤞
Living & learning 👌. Way to go Ben & always thank you . Greatness & goodness in the growing 😊
Worst thing you can do in a relationship is cheat on your significant other. It hurts so much. When i realized my ex had cheated on me multiple times that was all i needed to walk away. Never expected a 48 year old to be the way she is but glad i found out earlier than later.
She would approach guys right in front of me and act like she was just being friendly at the time as im very outgoing myself i let it go.
Shes seeing the guy she approached at a pizza shop after we went hiking.
I’m sorry, that sucks. That would have been a slap in the face for me to do that to him because of everything he did for me as far as security goes. But then again I have morals.
I see it the same way (betrayal by giving other people outside the relationship what is not given inside the relatiobship) but the narc of course doesnt see it that way.
And it's common knowledge that even if the partner doesn't know, it affects them and the relationship.
It's just betrayal by sceaming you behind your back and you dont have a choice, because you dobt know.
I always said: if youre in a relationship and you dont like sth or there conflict, if you care about the other oersin and rhe relationship, you should be open and open the topic up in the relationship ibstead of running away.
This video reminded me the narcissist in my life. He approached me without revealing he was in a 10-year relationship, as a friend in the beginning and started love-bombing me. But nothing ever happened because (even though I haven't discovered yet that he was a narcissist back at that time) something in the air was not feeling right, I could feel that he lacked intimacy, that he was pretending, that he was still in a relationship with his ex and that I would end up being a trophy for him. So, he moved on to another woman admitting that "he was respecting me too much and he didn't want to hurt me if we entered and affair" (aka I was to hard to manipulate and accept his bullsh_it). Yet, he kept returning to my life despite me going no contact and blocking him, trying to establish something like and "emotional/mental affair" telling me I was his soulmate and that his new girlfriend turned out not to be the "love of his life". Of course I didn't "bite" and fall for his lies. But he is still trying to have access to me life, he uses my name to triangulate me with his new girlfriend despite my absence and of course his new girlfriend is extremely jealous on me creating problems to my life. I guess I will never have an answer why he tried to establish this "mental affair with me" after he discarded me and despite me going no contact, but I wish they would both disappear from my life...
Focus on your well being , you deserve true love and the one that treats you with respect. Escape the toxic, join the 7 day challenge!
Good morning from Melbourne 🇭🇲
Porn addiction. That's cheating enough for me. Can you do a whole segment on porn. Ty!
Emotional cheating with “so many girls it got overwhelming bc I couldn’t keep track of them all.” I found messages between him and so many others where they connected emotionally as I could see he was using the emotional manipulation to get them to get sexual… he put me down, which were lies to get pity from them. I don’t have words when he handed me his phone (that I never checked or asked for ever) but he thought he deleted everything but didn’t and only time he got a look of like he wanted to kill me when I wouldn’t give his phone back as I read the messages out loud crying. The silent treatment was his only choice of punishment and lasted for years. God, it’s over and I can’t stop thinking about him!!!! What is wrong with me!
It was my fault.
My wife taking three separate holidays (a week at a time - including one with our children) with her new “girlfriend”, as well as taking her to a “conference” - “there’s nothing going on - it’s just an intense friendship”, she insists……. If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck - it’s a duck as far as I am concerned
Love sometimes does not last forever. Normal people fall out of love too. I think it would be horrible staying with a person you no longer love,just so their feelings don’t get hurt.
I really wish he'd work on varying his pronouns. Because he universally paints the narcissist as a male, and my experience has been almost exclusively female narcissists, even as friends.
You use He alot
This describes female aswell
I was married to one for 22 yrs I know
Just put her there when you listen. It applies to both sexes.
Well most men do lie and watch porn behind their girlfriends/wives backs.