so I had a conversation very recently with a friend of both of ours, regarding interaction between cis men and each other, cis women and each other and the way in which trans guys specifically interact or rather how we learn to interact. I work with alot of cis men I watch them when in groups quite alot, the way they stand, sit, their mannerisms, they way they react to each other during conversation and what they talk about, my immediate coworkers (those that sit next to me an around me) are all cis men, some younger some older, some the same age, they each behave so differently, firstly some know about my transition and some don't, I get treated the same as any other cis man, which is good, so the group consists of guys who are very touchy feely, they pat me on the back if they walk behind me, one of em squeezes my shoulders, one of them hugs me if I see him up town (he's not gay but he is very flamboyant he's a good guy who is friends with everyone I'm sure you know the type) some shake my hand when out and some simply say "y'all right Tony?" typically I converse similarly with all of them, one of them loves cars, classic cars, so he often nudges me to look at a picture on his computer screen and we have a brief conversation about that make n model of vehicle, he also likes TV shows from the 80's and 90's, like star trek or red dwarf so again I can converse with him about this easily, however not all the other guys can and often I'm told they find it hard to have a conversation with him. there's a guy who has studied at university about script and playwriting, which is cool I can listen and ask relevant questions, usually however with him we end up having deep conversations about subjects that he has no knowledge about and here is where I will see that thing that I've heard so much about "a man speaks and everyone listens without interruption" I first noticed this in a meeting where there was 4 cis women and me..it's an odd experience when it first happens but it does. there's a guy who I consider a buddy..one of those punch on the arm type chaps who is always up for a laugh and this will most definitely include a sexual reference I enjoy his company we turn into little boys giggling about the most daft things. there's a chap who like me loves the gym so of course we hit it off and often discuss the best practice for certain exercise and nutrition. the only time I feel that I can't converse or join in really is when they all talk about football, granted it's not all of them but I make them aware that it's dull and I don't know what they are on about, but obviously it's said with humour. meeting strangers is far easier for me now, for instance a man knocked on my front door the other day..my instant reaction was "stranger danger" I opened the front door with my most masculine posture, chest out shoulders back head up, he was taken a back by my presence ( I still need to work on this) anyway he asked to borrow a tool to change his tyre as he broke down on the road outside, I lent him a tool, and ten minutes later I thought I should go out to him as he had been a while, I went out to him as he finished he approached me with his hand out we shook hands he thanked me and we parted company, I feel far more comfortable with cis men than I ever have, the need for words is not really that needed, I find men are often more comfortable only saying just enough, they don't tend to elaborate, they say what they want and move on. now then cis women to interact with on the flip side, so I always felt uneasy around them, like I didn't quite fit in or understand them half the time, now however I have such a good relationship with cis women, I don't have to understand them or Try to fit in, I have many good female friends who I now can have a more interactive relationship with, I have the confidence to tell them they look beautiful today or to just laugh at nonsense or sing daft songs with them, throw fake money at them to make them dance, my relationship since starting my transition with women has vastly improved, I'm a cheeky guy but I get away with it..so far no trips to the HR department anyway. observation has helped me, but everyone is different some cis guys are feminine and some are masculine and everything in between. I do enjoy the fact that now I can control the way a conversation goes, and also contribute to any conversation that may be going on. I do think that as we get older we naturally become more confident in ourselves, able to talk to people better no matter the gender, purely because the older we get the more practice we have. a good topic my friend.
so I had a conversation very recently with a friend of both of ours, regarding interaction between cis men and each other, cis women and each other and the way in which trans guys specifically interact or rather how we learn to interact.
I work with alot of cis men I watch them when in groups quite alot, the way they stand, sit, their mannerisms, they way they react to each other during conversation and what they talk about, my immediate coworkers (those that sit next to me an around me) are all cis men, some younger some older, some the same age, they each behave so differently, firstly some know about my transition and some don't, I get treated the same as any other cis man, which is good, so the group consists of guys who are very touchy feely, they pat me on the back if they walk behind me, one of em squeezes my shoulders, one of them hugs me if I see him up town (he's not gay but he is very flamboyant he's a good guy who is friends with everyone I'm sure you know the type) some shake my hand when out and some simply say "y'all right Tony?"
typically I converse similarly with all of them, one of them loves cars, classic cars, so he often nudges me to look at a picture on his computer screen and we have a brief conversation about that make n model of vehicle, he also likes TV shows from the 80's and 90's, like star trek or red dwarf so again I can converse with him about this easily, however not all the other guys can and often I'm told they find it hard to have a conversation with him.
there's a guy who has studied at university about script and playwriting, which is cool I can listen and ask relevant questions, usually however with him we end up having deep conversations about subjects that he has no knowledge about and here is where I will see that thing that I've heard so much about "a man speaks and everyone listens without interruption" I first noticed this in a meeting where there was 4 cis women and me..it's an odd experience when it first happens but it does.
there's a guy who I consider a buddy..one of those punch on the arm type chaps who is always up for a laugh and this will most definitely include a sexual reference I enjoy his company we turn into little boys giggling about the most daft things.
there's a chap who like me loves the gym so of course we hit it off and often discuss the best practice for certain exercise and nutrition.
the only time I feel that I can't converse or join in really is when they all talk about football, granted it's not all of them but I make them aware that it's dull and I don't know what they are on about, but obviously it's said with humour.
meeting strangers is far easier for me now, for instance a man knocked on my front door the other day..my instant reaction was "stranger danger" I opened the front door with my most masculine posture, chest out shoulders back head up, he was taken a back by my presence ( I still need to work on this) anyway he asked to borrow a tool to change his tyre as he broke down on the road outside, I lent him a tool, and ten minutes later I thought I should go out to him as he had been a while, I went out to him as he finished he approached me with his hand out we shook hands he thanked me and we parted company, I feel far more comfortable with cis men than I ever have, the need for words is not really that needed, I find men are often more comfortable only saying just enough, they don't tend to elaborate, they say what they want and move on.
now then cis women to interact with on the flip side, so I always felt uneasy around them, like I didn't quite fit in or understand them half the time, now however I have such a good relationship with cis women, I don't have to understand them or Try to fit in, I have many good female friends who I now can have a more interactive relationship with, I have the confidence to tell them they look beautiful today or to just laugh at nonsense or sing daft songs with them, throw fake money at them to make them dance, my relationship since starting my transition with women has vastly improved, I'm a cheeky guy but I get away with it..so far no trips to the HR department anyway.
observation has helped me, but everyone is different some cis guys are feminine and some are masculine and everything in between. I do enjoy the fact that now I can control the way a conversation goes, and also contribute to any conversation that may be going on. I do think that as we get older we naturally become more confident in ourselves, able to talk to people better no matter the gender, purely because the older we get the more practice we have.
a good topic my friend.
all humans are animals.. mammals actually.. often a cruel selfish and destructive species
Tominator at what point did I suggest they were? Lmao
they are probably referring to the way I said I observe in groups mate, but if we don't watch and observe we don't learn, don't worry about it Tristan
Tristan James
"Some thoughts on interacting with Cis men"
tony boi
I said wild animals baka