Kumail Nanjiani - Hogwarts Should Have Taught Math
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ต.ค. 2017
- #KumailNanjiani on the Freddy vs Jason movie, nature documentaries, and his problem with Harry Potter.
Kumail Nanjiani stand up from the Just For Laughs Festival in 2011.
#KumailNanjianiJFL #KumailNanjianiStandup
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there are 3 of us.... oh wait, the door just opened. brilliant.
joe bob 47 oHHHHHHHH I just got the joke now ty
Just heard that one. Brilliant!
I'm sorry, I don't get the joke, can you explain it for me?
@@nken8844 math
@@epanecka hm?
When you can kill but the crowd is already dead
But it wasn't that funny bro...the crowd was responding well
He’s not that funny
I am the crew
Don’t they speak French in Montreal? That might have been the case. They get excited when he mentions movie and game titles though!
seriously, what the hell was that? montreal doesn't get comedy I guess.
Legit, I feel like I'm watching the pilot of The Twilight Zone (2019); he gives these smart jokes, but no one reacts, he gives one hashtag relatable joke and the crowd loves it.
Diego Morones-Castillo well yeah people are retarded
He was actually in the first episode of the new twilight zone and that was the plot of it. "The second amendment starts the words with 'a well regulated'"
Oswen yes, he was referencing that
eew. that doesn't sound like something I want to watch.
What smart jokes are you talking about? I didn't hear any...
Square Root joke was gold XD
Great joke, clever set-up, but it's the completely nonchalant and unpredictable delivery that really sells the punch line. I love jokes like that!
666th like
@@dontaskdude682 I can verify this
But how did they know the number 3 and not 9?
Alf BlackandRed i thought that too, not many people probably noticed that detail though
Whew.... That crowd suuuucked
There wasn't much to react to
@Tala Habern Yes, telling someone to google a language is next level subtle.
They laughed the appropriate amount for how funny his jokes were. Enough to get some noise, not hilarious.
@Tala Habern no, they just weren't very good...
The crowd sucked? I love stand up comedy and this video came suggested so I'm like, yeah, let's try a new one. It started, it finished, nothing happened and I didn't even chuckle. I'm sorry, but with this act, if it were longer he was 5 minutes away from bombing. He wasn't funny really, most of the jokes were not very well thought out, no good punchlines, he himself didn't have any energy in him, he didn't seem genuine. Simply said, a pretty weak performance for a comedian.
He was great on SNL. He seems like one of those people who are just likeable, smart but not cruel, like that one friend everybody has that you always hope will be at the party
That's just your white guilt talking.
Blazed and Confused that’s just your racism responding 😘
They had to work really hard to make him hateable in Silicon Valley, and it still _only just barely worked_
Omg you gotta watch silicon valley
@Gmoney3nt "derp"
The audience blows, that's why he keeps telling them they're great
he was sarcastic
Uh
That's what I was thinking as well
@Who let the virus out? Woof woof woofhan cringe
"He doesn't have the strength of twenty men. He has the _sadness_ of twenty men." oh noooooo 😂
"But good thing movies are fake, right?
No, this one is real. *Good Night* "
"This game took 3 years to make... all they had to do was google 'Pakistan language.'"
What a roast. ❤
This guy is freaking hilarious, Why's the crowd so reserved?
MazMazda3 cus he's not funny...
because they are Canadian
Aman sharma cus ur indian
cuz he's not at all hilarious. "the three of us" was the only thing that made my facial muscles move
Montreal ya know its french
That crowd didn't deserve him. He was hilarious.
I like the way he sets up his jokes. Its almost like they're not going to be funny and then bam, you're laughing.
the size of the venue
The reason no doors were locked with maths is because the teachers don't know maths either. They went to the same school with no maths
In Harry Potter they studied history of magic and hermione studied arithmancy but yeah they didn’t do basic maths - that’s for muggles lol
also history of magic :)
But Harry & Hermoine were also going to a Muggle School for 6 years. Cause Dursleys Muggles he HAD TO GET AN EDUCATION DUE TO Dumbledore saying 'raise him as your own.' And Hermoine well Parents were probably expecting a Dentist not a Witch.
Katie Arbuckle I agree luckily they got a better education at Hogwarts ☺️
That’s why they were still living in the Dark Ages.
Furyan Auror that’s true. I guess they prob just did a spell to be good at math or something lol.
CoD logic. "All brown people speak Arabic right?"
that's their goal!
Kairu Hakubi oh hell no...
Fuck outta here, we still speak bastardized Urdu in Karachi, Arabic is only spoken by a VERY small population, like smaller than Pushto.
Hell no ! Watch Hasan Minhaj
That's true.
lol, zero audience reaction until he mentions Harry Potter (3:41)
Thank you for the timestamp :D
"I love Harry Potter!"
[crowd suddenly breaks their silence.]
Ugh.
what do you mean ugh HP is the goat!
socksockslotsofsocks cringe
Harry Potter is literally the best lol
Melanie Chok “literally”
Fuck Harry Potter
"Oh somebody left the light bulb on
Aaaaaaa…''
Hilarious
that was dumb
@@iliketuna9326 how old are you?
@@BertleMcGertlewtf does that have to do with anything? I didn't think the joke was funny, just like a lot of the audience didn't laugh either. Deal with it like an adult instead of this childish "how old are you" nonsense
@@iliketuna9326 hahaha very mature of you
@@BertleMcGertle care to explain what is so mature about you asking how old I am for not thinking a joke is funny? Go ahead man I'll wait..
" 3 of us, we should split up...wait the door just opened" genius.
This was so painful wtf is wrong with the audience. I think he's one of the funniest and he doesn't deserve a half assed crowd like this. Did they even know that he was performing? I feel like they don't even know who he is
jason sumburg
Maybe they don't laugh because he is not funny to them.... but they are laughing all the time
so if they knew who he is they would laugh more? wtf is that for celeb worshiping cuntism?
I think it's a dry bar
It's almost as if humor is subjective and different people have different taste.
Audience laughed more than I did. Ie: at all
"good thing movies aren't real"
"oh this one is"
Jokes were good but the transitions weren't, that might be why the crowd was off
Well he did have a limited amount of time to get through all of them sooooo........
It's seems like a specific "It's for Nerds" theme and he had 7 minutes so that was probably the best any one of us could do with that theme and time frame
It's not about the time frame, the bad transitions mean he didn't practice enough. If he did he'd find ways to slide in from topic to topic, heck I did it while watching
@@humeyramine The bad transitions didn't ruin it for me, I laughed so mission accomplished
@@jamesdaniels8007 well lucky you then
All they had to do was google Pakistan language 😂
I enjoyed the joke, but the sad thing is that most of the time the way that kind of thing happens is someone does it the right way the first time (or at least notices and tries to correct it) only to be overruled by a bean counter (who thinks being in charge of the pursestrings of the project means he should be making creative decisions) who insists on talking down to the audience.
Most of the _rest_ of the time is said bean counter overworking the whole department such that small, repetitive jobs like street signs get pushed off onto an intern who has to do way too many of them to have time pay attention to more than the exact guidelines given (such as: here's an arabic font and list of street names. Make sure all the streetsigns for all the maps are labeled by lunch without reusing names or having the same street labeled more than 1 way)
Trust me, not even Indians know the difference. I live in UAE and people constantly ask me if my daughter is learning Urdu. It is supposed to be Arabic.
As a matter of fact, Urdu was developed in India under the sultanate invasion and rule which is a mix of Farsi and Hindi, that’s why Pakistan speaks Urdu.
@@RTAV108 Yes, As more matter of fact, Both Hindi & Urdu is derived from Hindustani Language in the northern part of the subcontinent and both have developed in the same time. As Hindi is the lingua franca of India and makes 41% of the population as native speaker 1L, Urdu is the lingua franca of Pakistan and the first language for 8% of the population. Still modern Urdu and Hindi speakers have the ability to understand each other the only difference is the influence of Persian words on Urdu (Urdu in Persian means Camp) and heavier Sanskrit words on Hindi and the writing system as Hindi is written in Devanagari and Urdu is written in Persian based Nastaʿlīq.
I think because they use Arabic letters
That Harry Potter joke was too much for me😂😂🤣
Wow tough crowd
They seemed to enjoy it.
Theyre nerds
wow bad jokes
@@cryptonian7706 your Indian and you missed some jokes
@@owaismuhammad2116 are you bringing India vs Pakistan comments in here 😁
Im a simple dork I see Hogwarts I click.
Me too
Exactly, I wouldn't have clicked it it weren't for Hogwarts
I clicked to argue that hogwarts had arithmancy which i think is mathematics
@@seekouttruth They also have history of magic which teaches history but from their perspective.
@@lorettajacobs8256 yes history of magic it is
This is awesome!! It's clean and genuinely hilarious!!
omg that whole set was amazing. but especially the elephant man bit
"All they had to do was google: Pakistan language"
America: believes everyone in the world will consume everything it makes
Also America: thinks no one will notice if they use the wrong language
@@JohnM-sw4sc Yes, a lot of American stuff is consumed around the world. But still, Americans tend to overestimate just how much and at the same time, despite believing that the entire world is watching them, many never feel the slightest need to take it into consideration :)
It doesn't matter to America, their content is gonna be consumed anyway, I mean, here we are.
@Josh D "many", "a lot" "tend to". Pity to the fools who cannot understand their own language ;)
@Josh D That's a meme you dummy :D You're pulling a "you can't generalise" argument on a joke :D But if you really want to be serious about it, fine. Putting an entire nation into one category doesn't necessarily mean believing something is true for every single individual. I'm simply allowing a democratic country to be represented by its majority. What I'm talking about here is a very very common attitude that every non-American citizen of the world has to put up with. And this time when I say "every" I definitely mean it. Everyone who came in touch with American culture experienced it. If you happen to be American you may not believe me, that's fine. But I'll be happy if you could consider the possibility that I might know what I'm talking about :)
@Josh D I used a meme to comment a comedy act :) Then someone felt like addressing the issue in a more serious tone and I answered accordingly. If you did not understand that my first comment was a joke, I understand it might have been confusing, but now you know and if you insist on getting out of your way to feel offended over something so petty despite my explanation, I can only apologise for hurting your feelings unintentionally and leave because we won't be able to communicate beyond this. If you understand, we can continue discussing it seriously, it's a broad and interesting topic and many mutually enlightening things can be said when both sides are calm.
Ravenclaw entrance needs riddles instead of passwords. So it's covered
ayyy little mark little audio sample at the end what a treat
I lost the ability to smell rain had me crying laughing
Just for laughs is considered a prestigious comedy show, yet every clip I’ve seen for JFL. The crowd is lifeless
"oh wait the door just opened" 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
the elephant man jokes were so funny, the crowd didnt get it :(
uh they got it the jokes just sucked. oh hohohohoho elephant man is a super hero GET IT? HE HAS A NAME LIKE BATMAN OR SPIDERMAN! The sadness of 20 men HAHAHAHA GET IT? IT'S A REALLY SAD STORY!
yea i was sad too, I also love that film. it’s both heartfelt and heartbreaking
there are 3 of us,, oh wait the door just opened hahahahahah
That square route joke was clever as hell
I just love his accent.
His voice is just pleasing in general.
When he started talking about movies that traumatized him when he was a kid, I thought to myself, "Ah, the Elephant Man at age 8. That's why I'm like this." And then he says the Elephant Man! I wonder how many children can no longer enjoy the scent of rain thanks to that movie.
Ms. Struggle so many movies I should not have seen as a child had to f me up for awhile. "Hey I know you're 10, but here's the Crow. Try NOT to be an ackward goth through your teen years now!"
@@davidphetteplace4769 Haha, yes! My parents also let me watch Jurassic Park when I was about 6, ending my childhood fascination with dinosaurs. I could have been a paleontologist by now.
@Who let the virus out? Woof woof woofhan It is a reference to a Cody Ko video. I hope someone's username isn't enough to make you depressed; it's only a joke.
It was some peanut butter movie that messed me up
I just thought Hogwarts should teach math when I was reading HP to my kid the other day!!
Of course Kumail thought it first, lol, love this!
Hahahaha, I’ve never thought about the fact that they don’t learn normal academics at Hogworts!
Haha My friends and I would all joke about that. But they do teach Arithmancy, and we always assumed normal Maths and things were taught at home... such a plot hole, though. XD
@@naerwyn239 Yeah, there had to be some stuff that was taught at home. I mean, the kids start wizarding school at age 11 and they get in already knowing how to read and write. Plus, what's expected of the kids is also fairly rigorous-they would be given long essays to write for homework-nothing that someone just starting to learn would be able to do. So it is assumed that they got some education before starting Hogwarts (or whichever wizarding school). Kids born in wizarding families were probably home-schooled, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some smaller schools that offered some elementary education to non-muggle born kids. It's highly unlikely that all magical parents would be able to home-school their kids.
@@naerwyn239 arithmancy's an elective for nerds, though, harry and ron don't wind up taking it, and presumably a bunch of other non-terrible students don't either. you'd almost think this were set in america where lots of high schoolers graduate without necessarily having a firm grasp on algebra....
you feel like they'd need to be good at math with how their money is set up but maybe there's just a calculator spell so they don't need to know how to do basic arithmetic. like ppl have calculators on their phones now.
they do get taught history of course. terribly, but that's not weird either....
Imagine just chillin in the time cube with Prismo
That square root joke was gold
The freddy Kruger joke has long been a fave of mine🤣🤣
“Here’s the first time I remember crying”
“Crying harder than I ever had before”
Just watched MIB International...can’t help imagining Pawny speaking in place of Kumail!
😂😂😂
Good set.
Kumail you have nailed it.
Great.
All I hear is Prismo from Adventure Time, omg, I loved his role in the show!
I can listen to him forever
Just brilliant!
You can tell he's a little nervous but a decent performance none the less.
The one doesn't preclude the other.
was he?
He kinda stuttered a bit, which means he's a bit nervous
Your mum gave a decent performance.
This Venue is the worst. Why don’t Canadians laugh????
It’s just the size of the room, it’s hard to get a consistent reaction with that many people
That joke about Call of Duty hit home for me
"You guys are wonderful"
the call of duty language thing is so real. this is why i thought it was so cool in far cry 4 when they actually had people speaking in tamil in one of the indian cities. not even hindi but tamil. super cool
Imagine your hometown being a C.O.D map. Thats insane
I really like internet. There can be some really interesting moments when you can meet people around the world "Hey! I'm a vet from Afganistan, I hear you are too. I served in Marines. Where did you serve?" "the taleban.." -oh...
that 9 and 3 joke was brilliant.
Haha what a clever wit
hogwarts taught Arithmancy which was wizard maths
Living The Drama but we never see anyone but Hermione take it
As an elective.
Arithman is actually about calculating odds
Ashley Wu which is math
Also taught courses like Muggle studies which would have some history from a Wizards perspective. There were several courses that were sadly not seen in the movies but were in the books.
Good Joke though.
i feel you man, one time i was watching a series and from some reason one of the character wanted to go to my country and help (third world country), but when they came "here" there was one animal that we don't have in this country but it is famous as national animal in another country near by, and i was like, ok they clearly didn't even google my country and just pointed at some place in the map and said lets go there, how hard can it possible be to just research a little bit?
I cant stop looking at his side burns tho, so mesmerizing
i really want a 10 hour cut of him saying “ugly duckling” for me to fall asleep to
I’m really proud of him. Like he’s in a marvel movie. A frickin marvel movie. Good for you man. I honestly didn’t expect it but I can’t wait to see what he does because I’m sure it’s gonna be great.
I’m obsessed with his voice and accent. So fricking cute omg.
Square root of nine! Omg that killed me! Lol love HP! Very clever joke! Well done Sir!
Kumail is one of my favorite comedians.
So refreshing to see someone who can be funny without talking about sex or making dirty jokes. If u can still be funny the you are a true comedian.
He's not that funny doing stand up he's really only funny in movies
You give me faith that I can make it too
"Your hometown is now a battlefield" xD fucking gold
Bro😭🤣🤣🤣🤣”We can hide here”
I'm starting to wonder if comedians on the verge of blowing up are intentionally given lifeless crowds. I feel sorry for the dude. He's funny as shit. in all fairness tho, his delivery and transitions were terribly off here tho.
they don't do a good job at recording the crowds audio sometimes
He's shit alright but not funny. Don't recall when I last heard an original joke. Also, American crowds are high on sugar and just hyper for no reason. Rest of the world doesn't get excited that easily.
It's because it's a shortened 7 minute set. He has to shorten his bits to work in the short time while he usually takes longer with them. You see the same thing happen with comedians on late night shows. Ghats why they seem a bit off a lot of the time. Escpecially when they have more of a storytelling style
@@dx315 Pretty much. US is an economic experiment of sorts. You have agencies like the FDA which are run by the same people that worked/will work for the food companies. It's all about making money, safety is quite irrelevant.
I too think he's hilarious but I also do agree that America is sugared tf up and they are on edge allllll theee timeeeeeee!
That call of duty thing makes me so mad. Lazy, ignorant fools on that development team 😑
I enjoyed the joke, but the sad thing is that most of the time the way that kind of thing happens is someone does it the right way the first time (or at least notices and tries to correct it) only to be overruled by a bean counter (who thinks being in charge of the pursestrings of the project means he should be making creative decisions) who insists on talking down to the audience.
Most of the _rest_ of the time is said bean counter overworking the whole department such that small, repetitive jobs like street signs get pushed off onto an intern who has to do way too many of them to have time pay attention to more than the exact guidelines given (such as: here's an arabic font and list of street names. Make sure all the streetsigns for all the maps are labeled by lunch without reusing names or having the same street labeled more than 1 way)
kumail delivering ice cold takes straight from 2003
*SUBSCRIBED!!!*
Arithmacy was like Math, I guess
Abby Hellman I think So Too, and they do study history of magic 🤷🏽♀️
is ancient runes wizard slang for math?
@@haleydunning3819 No ancient runes is a pre-English/Latin language of UK specifically, Ireland.
HHAHAHAHA HAHAH!!
*Math ceases to exist.*
Thats sopperbly hillarious
I watched The Elephant Man around the same age and it shook me too bro. 😂😂😂
if you have seen his episode of twilight zone 2019 then you know how many people he killed with these jokes
All they had to do was google lol
0:41 Freddy knew what he was doing.
Love me some math jokes! "Oh, wait, the door just opened." Square roots are so much fun!
I'm not here to watch the video, I'm just here to *Hogwarts
😂😂😂😂😂 I laughed so hard.
At your pic
I love this guy. XD
I was not disappointed.
My first reaction was omg he’s an off brand Elvis
Who's here after he got super buff for Eternals?😂
Good set, there are kids in the crowd. I can dig it.
This is hilarious!
That last bit about Call of Duty is funny. At the same time it is a subtle reminder that computer games are often still based on military simulations, and it is an industry with subtle and not so subtle links to American militarism.
History they do. Professor Bins
History of Magic- so wizarding history, so the history of Goblin Wars but not World Wars.
They DO get history!
Transitions are jarring but he did a super great job. I love Kumail!
I always wondered about the mathematics in hogwarts too
There's arithmancy though. I forget what the subject actually is about, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with numbers. Granted there's nothing with basic mathematics
Damn Montreal audience😂, y'all really dropped the ball
It's his eyebrows man, it makes his jokes funnier.
His eyebrows though 😂😂