Fantasy Love & Under-Earning = ESCAPE Reactions to Early Trauma
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
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Emotionally immature and neglectful parenting may have left you with a huge developmental gap -- a failure to thrive -- unable to envision or pursue the future you need and deserve.The urge to ESCAPE is a normal response to trauma, and can show up as limerent obsession with someone you can't have, working in low-paying jobs that can never support you, and waiting for someone to come along and put your life on track. In this video I respond to a letter from a young woman who is isolated in a job that doesn't pay the bills, who is longing for someone to scoop her up and help her feel like she's part of a family.
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It is cinderella syndrome, waiting in poverty for someone to love us and save us. Guilty of this :)
It is a fantasy of a child with trauma, the good news is you can save yourself. Really!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It's true, but my generation was brought up this way, young girls were encouraged to believe that when we got married, we would be protected and looked after, some men still are threatened by a woman who has her own home and works to look after herself, so I can see how Cinderella syndrome can happen to anyone.
This hit me hard today. Thank you for the clarity of this comment
The same can be said about religion and people waiting on Jesus to come save them. This is the same exact concept - looking for something or someone outside of ourselves…a savior syndrome / complex.
Felt this❤️
Emotional neglect as a child- “You got really good at imagining live where there is no love”
Wow.. those are powerful words
Ouch, stop calling me out :'D
You just blew my mind! I spent so many years fantasizing about going out into the woods or some remote place where there would be nobody else except me. I thought that this was just because I was a loner. That's just who I was. I was broken in some way so I was incapable (I believed) of ever being accepted as good by anyone.
I never moved permanently to a place like that but I learned to be alone. I spent a lot of time in the wilderness and thought I was good at being alone. However, as time went on and I studied happy people I learned the importance of relationships in life I have tried to let people in with some success and a lot of failure. I had to learn such a critical human skill later in life when it was so much harder to learn.
I can honestly say that the sweetest moments in my life now involve being with people.
Yeah
As an adult I still will put in my head “it never happened” just to move past the trauma
Hmmm
Love where there is no love ?
I read a waitress who said if a business pushes the idea that employees are "family" then run like hell because they're probably going to exploit you financially. So going out looking for this seems like a recipe to be stuck in under-earning
Ex-tech industry employee here, but anyway, after 10+ years of working for small businesses that push the whole "family" thing I treat them like the plague. Never again.
So true. Run like hell. The management is creepy, the clients who want that are creepy, the employees who vibe with that are creepy. No.
@@davidshepherd265I see a tech career often suggested as the answer to people in low paid jobs. Do you mind sharing why you left? I have been considering training for an IT job but I also don't want to get into a field of work that I don't enjoy.
'Life favors people who give it a try' made me smile on the inside
I am convinced today's young people have a harder time of it than we did not an easier one when it comes to all the things they are being encouraged to maybe give a try too someday.
This is very true about the limited resource that anyone who believes in this twin flame has encountered. That belief is a new religion to keep you stuck
Who said, "Chance favors the prepared mind"?
Oh, right, Louis Pasteur!
(*Louis Pasteur's quote "Chance favors the prepared mind" means that the better prepared and more knowledgeable you are, the more you'll be able to take advantage of any chance opportunities or observations.
If you are unaware of things that influence a situation or an event, you are very unlikely to be able to identify any opportunity or learn anything significantly new. By having insight, interest, and aptitude related to the situation, you put yourself in the position to capitalize upon any hidden "nuggets" buried at the moment.)
❤
As children of emotionally immature parents/coming from chaotic homes, we unconsciously repel healthy ppl, work environments, friends etc especially in relationships because the mentally stable person seems “boring” or there’s no “spark”.
we attract people on our same level of dysfunction. You’ll only attract the right person after first giving yourself whatever it was you needed in childhood that was taken from you, unconditional love, safety, stability, support, these are all things we need to first give ourselves in order to meet an emotionally healthy person in the middle, instead of expecting someone else to dive into the void and retrieve us
💯🙌
Well said.
Maybe its a good thing we attract people on our same level of dysfunction. Sometimes those people do give you the best love, but you're both dysfuntional in the end
On a cognitive level this sounds easy peasy. Emotionally, which is what most mental health providers try to bridge together is where I find to be the rate limiting or maybe impossible for some, step.
Perfectly put
I struggled with limerence in my early twenties due to a bad childhood and let me tell you that it’s such a hard cycle to take. But when you really start to love yourself and take care of your mental health life is just so much more beautiful than the fantasy you had in your head to rescue yourself from the problems you were unwilling to face. The person I have now in my life is much better than the idea I had of someone else. Your fantasy is holding you back from so much and it doesn’t protect you from your trauma. It just makes it worse. The best thing I did was seek help for my trauma.
Nobody gets healthy for real and turns back... Wonderful post, fellow human!
@@gabrielbotsford791what do you mean?
I love how you touched on the twin flame issue.. I feel like it’s so dangerous for a person in limerance to believe they are not whole without that person.
twin flames are a scam
Twin flames are not about 2 halves equaling a whole. It is about 2 whole people who share the same soul and it is a healing journey to self and self- love. There’s a whole lot of ignorance on the topic. And a lot of scamming and toxicity surrounding the people claiming to be twins and the surrounding community and definitely some people that prey on others for profit. Through the meeting of this person I have had a spiritual awakening and resulting profound self-love ❤ thanks for this video I do believe low-earning is another reflection of healing we need to do on ourselves and can see that the trauma from the past can cause this. I’m on the journey now for healing this 🙏
@trancera twin flames are not a scam. People create scams off of the ideas and fantasies of twin flames and target vulnerable people.
One great tip for everyone…if someone is destroying you they are not “heaven sent”. Stop believing abuse and pain is magical.
@@RS-xl9tk naw, twin flames play on your obsessions and it's nothing deeper than that. It's an elaborate way to rationalize an obsession. It borrows heavily from the red thread of fate myth which came first.
@Trancera Yes OBSESSION. I have seen people stuck under the weight of this for years upon years.
What struck me, is her desire and ability to give and give and give. I am 70 years old and have painfully learned that giving everything and all of yourself does not ever guarantee the deep connections that we believe. There is a lot of psychology around over giving. There are many different fixations in different personalities and it was shocking to find that over givers are often NOT liked by some folks , who can not help but feel that it is a kind of manipulation. Anyway, take that virtue and give to yourself. People will see it as self love and self respect. My best to you.
Great insight. I’m close to 50 and tried to earn love with giving. Now I’m exhausted and a bit resentful. Living for others is empty. There’s a happy medium out there. Trying to find mine. Best of luck to the letter writer
I'm 22 and have come to this conclusion after experiencing what the “Twin flame” connection.
I’m a recovering giver. Stopped thinking people didn’t like me and how to remedy it through giving. I get anxiety thinking about my withdrawal from giving and kind of just assume no one likes me anymore because I’m not going above and beyond to make sure they like me. It’s disconcerting and I’m wondering how long I’ll have these feelings and if I’ll end up friendless.
@@TheEmaile Giving is such a huge topic. I once heard an interview with a British author who wrote a 1000 page book on giving. When I was completely shattered , lost everything, I was in a new Northern town, and I stopped worrying if I was liked, but I also knew that I could not lay too much on the lovely folks I met. I am liked and folks really expressed their joy upon seeing me. I still gave a lot, but I cut back on gift and food giving. If I was the old me, I would bring 4 desserts, but I woke up to the knowledge that you have to be sensitive to the amount others gave. The ancient book, the I CHING says that all relationships must be 50/50. Folks who conserve their energy, find people who give too much annoying. Be as authentic as you can be. Folks can sense it when you are being real. My Son, also has helped me with some old habits of mine, like talking too much. LOL I guess by the length of this comment, I still have work . Ha ha ha ha ha> Don't give up.
Well, it is. Because they are insecure and try to "earn" something for themselves.
Debtors Anonymous is great. There is also Underearners Anonymous which I like. They bring up that we are hiding because we are scared to be seen or have low self esteem and don’t think we are worth it. It is all tied to trauma.
I think I might join debtors anonymous! This is a great idea!
Underearners Anonymous is a thing?? I wish I had known!
@@Captain_MonsterFart hell, I didn’t know either one of them was a thing! 😂
Thanks for posting. I didn't know there was such a thing as under earners anonymous! I went to my first meeting today! I found out that there are about a dozen meetings available everyday by telephone conference. It was helpful and convenient. I'm in San Diego and I see a few weekly meetings available in person Thank you!!! 😊
There are videos on TH-cam for Debtors Anonymous and Underearners Anonymous. I listen to phone and zoom meetings too.
Just found this channel today!! I’m so happy! To the girl writing this: I was exactly where you were at 25, I came home crying one day and I said: “I have no marketable skills”. I suddenly came out of the fog and thought what is my life? It has taken a real long time and effort for me to figure out who I am and what I want but now at almost 30 I am living a completely different life. I am a software developer, because that is where the money is and it also allows me the flexibility to cook and care for my future family which is my ultimate destination and goal. I wish you all of luck on your journey!!! You can do it❤
You rock!!
This is awesome! You deserve to be proud of your accomplishments
Yay to you!!!! So proud and I hope you are too :) how did you start your journey into software dev? I’m 26 and looking into starting a data analytics course or software dev to build skills and enter the tech industry. I want to build a foundation for myself that will gift me financial stability and comfort (for once in my adult life lmao) and grant me the ability to work from wherever and be able to travel. Would love to hear what your journey looked like and any tips or advice you might have for someone completely new but determined to make a place for themselves in this field. Thank you 🧡
Good on you and thanks for giving this to the world for someone else to try
I went through the same thing, but I never came out of it. I went back to school to study computer science at 30, but couldn't make it so I switched to a business degree, just to have a degree. Now I still have no marketable skill with a mostly useless degree, because most of my important classes were taught by people what felt like unqualified lecturers (2 lecturers taught 8 classes). I really wanted to go in STEM to be valuable, but I couldn't do it. I tried learning to get a certification (A+), I read a whole book and watched a lot of videos, but I don't feel like I'm learning, I can't just memorize things easily. I hate how my moment of recovery ended up in failure as well.
My parents both had good jobs and college degrees, and we're always miserable and lived from crisis to crisis. And yeah lots of neglect and fake love. When you're a creative and artistic person the jobs that bring in money are usually soul crushing, and want lots of commitment that's why dreamer types like temp. or flexible side jobs because they are not committing to a full time "career" It's about the mental energy you can expend.
I had a dysfunctional childhood. Low self Esteem. Anxiety. Overthinking and yes limerance. Till I got entangled with a high functioning narcissist. Who chased me and then humiliated me in the workplace for 5 years. As a result I became immune to my prior romantic illusions and escapism. I was able to surrender my heart to my spiritual journey. To all those like me Longing for love and guidance they never had in their childhood. Please please know that you are not alone. This is not a platitude. Guys please find a way to connect to your higher self. It's a beautiful journey. Slow has ups and downs . But you will find Guidance and lasting wholeness. Sending you all my love.
How did he humiliate you?
@@TheLace he is my boss. He would exclude me from every single team meeting. To the point where people would ask me why the whole team is in a discussion and I'm not invited. Would withhold every piece of information possible, some of it highly critical, so my understanding of every situation stays partial .During customer escalations that were typically his fault he would yell at me in front of the whole floor. Relentless flirting with the other woman on the team . Eventually I was so socially isolated, I was forced to rely only on him for any help . In private he would beg and plead for forgiveness. The real obstacle was that he built a team entirely of toxic people. They all enjoyed the fact that a team member who was so exceptionally gifted was constantly ill treated. I've been told that half the battle is won , when I just walk into a room because I'm so stunning. I've always topped everything academically. But my covert narc alcoholic father took away every shred of self preservation. I was always protecting him even as a child . I don't know what it means to put my needs first. I try but I feel guilty putting myself first.
@@sreddy914 lady- GET AWAY from this monster and the toxic atmosphere workplace he’s created for you! Start documenting everything now, all that he does to you, and get personal contact info for your sympathetic coworkers bc later you may need to obtain testimony or corroborating statements from them later. Nothing good can ever come from this employment arrangement and the risks and torture far outweighs any possible benefit, it’s definitely time to move on. Unfortunately , limerances are basically addictions, and the only way to beat an addiction is cold/Turkey complete withdrawal. Next I’d seriously recommend you going to consult with a labor law attorney for possible litigation against your employer. limerance is death 💀by a thousand emotional cuts, it’s self-torture and a form of escapism. After that, I’d check into therapy, for help healing past childhood trauma and to screen out high-functioning autism which are very susceptible to Limerance due to the dopamine shortage in our brains 🧠. You might have Aspergers Syndrome like me, I suffered a traumatic childhood with a very toxic abusive narcissistic and borderline mom. Stay in touch, I wanna see where this goes. Lastly? Remember that you are a human being with feelings and you deserve to be loved and appreciated reciprocally. Time to free yourself.
@S Reddy people secretly envy + hate the prettiest girl in the room. Beauty is power. Unfortunately your childhood prevented you from harnessing & benefitting from that power. You have *GOT* to put yourself first. Despite all the internalized messages that you are selfish and come last. Every time you listen to those lies you betray yourself. That’s what you’re really feeling guilty about. I’m on this same journey myself. Reclaiming my beauty + intelligence. Reclaiming my power. Until it is embraced and embodied fully we will never be happy. Wishing you the best on your journey! 🙌🏼
@@mft7530 thank you for this message, though I know it was not directed at me, you give me hope. 🤍
You are 100% on point about the twinflame ideology...it is a maladaptive coping mechanism to nourish hope in the hopeless. It's astonishing how much we as humans bend our ideologies to advance what we subconsciously believe to be to be convenient.
Dear David, there’s a difference between the TF ideology (marketing Limerence) and the TF journey of Inner Oneness (the daily spiritual practice). I posted an pretty elaborate comment to explain what the Twin Flame spiritual Lore truly means. 🙏🏼
@@aaloha2902 Agreed. I was agnostic before experiencing this connection, I never heard of this nor would I have believed it which took me on a powerful journey of self healing. It’s sad when I see so many people fall for predatory twin flame content online, it stems from a programming we have in society that we must get married and have babies and find love to compete us. Real twin flames are rare, it’s a divinely spiritual experience but the term itself needs to be replaced or stop being used because it’s contributing to an obsessive programming
@@Golfer411 Congratulations on your powerful journey of self-healing❣️🫶🏼 It’s just sad indeed, that there are too many people commercializing other people’s neglect & trauma. Love deprivation during childhood makes the desire for a true love so strong many will almost do anything to hear what they want to hear 🙏🏼 It’s not in the name though, it’s the Hollywood romanticized storyline on a spiritual journey. Limerence is just not realistic no matter how they call it: TF, The One, Other half. For a healthy relationship everyone still has to put in the inner work 🙏🏼
When you say “hopeless” the first thing that came to my mind was “hopeless romantic”.. I would describe myself this way.
It’s just an internal journey. Not “half” a soul. One soul, two bodies (or meat sacks as I like to call them ;))
It is a spiritual experience, and definitely different than any other thing. I’ve never had any kind of “limerence” experience, and actually was in a “good enough” marriage when I came in contact with my other self. No romance or anything happened. But my spiritual awakening definitely began!
And part of that might indeed mean digging up CPTSD and healing. It does for me. Overall it’s about unity consciousness and self awakening. ❤
I have lived in totally fantasy all my life. Dissociating from my reality and abuse and building a day dream fantasy life was quite literally the only way I could have lived through all the trauma and abuse I suffered starting age two. Waiting for life to start explains how I have felt all my adult life, which started age 17 and began to live on my own. There are no accidents. I am grateful the Universe led me to find you!
And is it any wonder I have two failed marriages. Single. And not a single friend. Fully alone. Age 54! :(
@@redhotpanicgirl you can do this, Tahoe. You are so strong. Even after going through all of those disappointments. YOU are still here.
What helped me with limerance after two years was when I thought of that person I would send them love. Just kept sending them love. And not too long after that they disappeared from my thoughts.
I just want to give the letter writer a hug. She is younger me. Glad she wrote in so Anna could give her advice.
❤
Hi Anna! This vid gave me the feels and I have a suggestion for the sender. She sounds smart, industrious, able to work long hours, and looking for a “family” while getting out of debt - I recommend she look into the yachting industry for a couple of years. Being part of a crew is like joining a makeshift family, living aboard means there are no expenses and if you’re smart with your money, you can easily pay off debt and save for retirement. Plus, you’re always where it’s sunny, meeting people from around the world. I did this for a decade and while I was not yet in a place of healing when I did it and did not end up saving that nest egg, I did walk away with the MOST amazing adventures & experiences, a collection of true friendships (my “framily”) all around the world, including the wonderful people I am about to spend my Easter with. There are courses & certifications involved, but it’s a stop-gap solution and there’s a huge demand for crew right now. Much love - thank you for all you do. 💖
Can you share some resources for this?
I think this is such a wonderful idea for the writer! I’m so happy on her behalf that you posted it.
Can you tell me how to apply for these types of jobs?
I’m not sure why my responses aren’t populating as far as I can see, but the best I can suggest in case sharing links is inappropriate is to Google “how to get into yachting industry with no experience”.
Thank you for giving the letter writer actual advice. I think Anna is awesome, but she didn’t really give any clear direction to the letter writer. Telling people to “get that money thing together” when the letter writer obviously doesn’t know how to navigate the world and has no support is kind of crazy.
Being limerent is not easy, especially if you come into contact with a narcissist.
For anyone who is currently an underpaid nanny, please know that nannying can actually be quite lucrative, especially compared to other job options with similar education requirements. It all depends on who your employer is and sometimes on whether or not you are certified. If you are underpaid but like being a nanny and/or feel you aren't suited to other job options, you don't have to stop being a nanny to be paid fairly. Just thought I should throw that out there.
I second this! Professional nanny’s are well respected, paid well and can get a medical stipend. It can be a very sustainable career path
I have friends and family who nanny… one makes 100k a year with a health insurance and the other makes 160k a year… both found the jobs through agencies. One has been with the family for 16 years… just thought I would share.
Yup, I'm a nanny. I make about 47k. Not lucrative but it's definitely a living. In my city we say don't accept any job less than $20/hr. Idk what Anna is talking about when she says it's notoriously low pay. It is not.
I know two 20 somethings that are nannies, and they spend half the year flying around in private jets. There are some really good nanny gigs out there.
Omg I read this before Anna got to the letter, and I thought "underpaid nanny" was a clever euphemism for the partner of a narcissist! 😂😂
I know everyone is trying to be gentle in giving advice here so I will also say this. It seems to me everything in this person's life revolves around being afraid to be alone. That's why she picks jobs she does, so she gets love from other families. But truth to be told they will never be their family and only be there for her while she works for them. She can be friends with them but they will never truly selflessly love her as her own and no community will ever. And just perhaps she needs to stop seeking love from others as the main source of love. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I as well went through what she is going through, I worked for other families for over a decade. Now I live alone and I love it, it feels so good the quiet and the peace and you are alone with your thoughts, then you find hobbies you love and people through it because finally, you have plenty of time to do things instead of giving your time to others when you are live in caretaker. Perhaps this is the biggest challenge for the person is to forget about living with other and ok to be living on her own.
Her letter makes me cry. I feel her pain. That was my life. You are not alone. ❤
Was?
I hope she doesn't fall prey to a cult or other abusive relationship
Thank you that you mentioned "falling prey".
So important for all that filing lonely.
I am too .. a very dear female friend of mine was murdered by her abusive fiance 9 years ago .. I wish I could have saved her but there was nothing I could do . 😢...
Word that was my first thought when I heard the word commune that’s all I think about when I think of communes
As someone who has felt that their parents are emotionally immature and has struggled to be taken seriously and feel "grown up" in their eyes (and for myself), I'd recommend the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsey C. Gibson. It may offer some insight into how to move on/evolve how you interact with them and how you feel about your own attempts to grow up and come into yourself.
Thank you!!
I agree. It's a wonderful book. As someone in the Amazon reviews for this book said, "The feeling you get after you've read this book is like putting on comfortable jeans for the first time."
Absolutely. I've recommended the book to SO many people
This is the stigma that nannies don't make any money or are uneducated and going nowhere, so they should look for a "better" job.
Nowadays there are many nannies who have masters degrees and make over six figures a year, and have zero debt. It is the matter of looking for the higher wages in right places, and in case you loose the job to have savings until next great job comes, and not be desperate to just work for pennies. That applies to any job though.
I am a career nanny, so I know what I am talking about.
Thank you for saying this! I'm sure the OP didn't intend to be misleading, but it bothered me as I was watching how much she seemed to be dismissing it as a viable career when it absolutely can be. There's so much stigma around jobs where you're directly serving others in any way (nanny, waitress, housecleaner) and it's so sad and misogynistic IMHO.
@@justrachel4496 Definitely, we are being dismissed every step of the way, just because nanny job is seen as an extra income while you are a kid or attending college. That would be a babysitter, but for many people there is no difference really between those two. Although I am not intending to look for an office job that makes me to survive from paycheck to paycheck, just so I can tell people that I work in the office. Some office jobs pay great money, and some pay pennies. The same is with nanny jobs. But whoever you tell that you are a nanny, they immediately want to convince you that you need to look for a "better" job. Well if I make more money as a nanny than you in your "better" job, is that good enough, and can I do whatever I was doing till now?
At some point you start to laugh, but untill you get to that point you feel really discouraged, and doubting if you are on the right path, just because people don't value nanny job, or any other service jobs like you said.
@@babycakes8434 Absolutely! And the perception of nannying as "unskilled labor" or underpaid helps perpetuate nannies continuing to be underpaid without realizing things could be better.
It didn’t sound like the letter writer is a qualified nanny. It sounds as though she’s an au pair- which is less skilled and not so well paid. I think Anna was advising her particular situation. She’s already out of this job and hasn’t yet found herself another. You guys are qualified nannies and probably have savings to tide you over while you find your next family. The letter writer hasn’t, which indicates that it’s probably not the best career for her. Also, because she’s looking to the family to be more more than her employers and they can’t be more, they are your employers and putting any other expectation on them will not end well. I don’t think Anna was denigrating nannying as a whole. I’ve depended on au pairs, when my kid was little. I couldn’t afford qualified nannies but I didn’t need that level of input. Appreciate you guys and Anna. I do hope the letter writer finds her niche. There’s no better feeling. Apart from falling in love with someone who loves you back….. as I’ve heard.
@jewel one does not need certificates to be qualified. It’s about setting boundaries and not picking families on Craigslist. I wrote out a detailed response to one of the top comments with instructions on what to do, like joining an agency for free and having first aid certifications. Just like Anna teaches to make a list for what you want in a partner or life, you have to do the same for your nanny career and not accept less. Given the letter write has at least one nanny job under her belt she can drastically increase her income. Being a “career nanny” is more mindset and boundaries than some degree or certificate.
Hugs to the letter writer. I see a lot of strengths she has despite her struggles. Limerance can be SO powerful. I struggle with in my own life. I definitely have a tendency to fawn and pedestalize and I'm a mental health professional myself. Even reaching out and asking for help is a huge strength. ❤
Thank you for the support to the letter writer. Jack@TeamFairy
I never knew under earning could be a result of trauma. I was a lawyer for 12 years. And broke the whole time. Wow…. My mind is blown.
Did you manage to get paid better eventually ?
@@leeche87 well, sort of. I’m a zipline guide and an actor now. And while I don’t make nearly as much money overall, I’m able to pay my bills now and have more money in my pocket than I ever had when I was practicing law. This always baffled me until I stumbled onto material such as this. The universe works in strange ways. Lol.
@@JohnBradydoesstuff it sounds like you've led an interesting life however, so that's something to be grateful for. I think many people have money but are miserable, so it just depends on perspective.
@@schoolofgrowthhacking I agree wholeheartedly.
@@JohnBradydoesstuff Are you happy? 😊 Congratulations on your new beginnings.👍🏾
I feel genuinely ready to stop waiting for a rescuer. It's taken some time after my dad died, but I am ready
She could have a great future as a small business -gardener, landscaper, or what I did was to become an Arborist. It got me to my house and chickens and my own food forest and a USDA verified farm. I still can't figure out the relationships yet and I'm m almost double her age so thank goodness for the house and property I can depend on.
This is a good suggestion. Congratulations on your success 👏👏
Three months ago your success would have driven me insane. Today, I am happy for you. Why that change happened is complex. But good for you.
@@ir9567 amen. Since we’re going to die let’s just make life a little easier and put away the psychopathologies we have created and let’s not spread them to others. This too shall pass:
how do you become an arborist? Haven't heard of that before...
I agree with this I feel ppl sleep on the great benefits of freelancing and small business owners.
Childhood trauma SUCKS!!!
It really messes with our heads!!!
😢
Learning to truly love myself was the biggest key for me in my healing 🙏☯️🙏
To the woman who wrote to you : Nanny jobs, especially English speaking is sought after and pays well in Switzerland if you are willing to travel :)
Tough advice to hear. I just wrote down three jobs I qualify for that I normally would not apply to because I don't think I'm smart enough. I don't know... maybe I can use my imagination and pretend this is easy and I'm totally confident. I'm a single mom and struggling financially. We are scraping by and that's a horrible feeling. But with a Masters degree, I can't deny I'm playing it small. Yes the economy really sucks right now, but with my credentials, its interesting I only make barely enough. Ugh. I'm terrified to apply, let alone show up at an interview. But, I'm going to see what happens if I try.
Oh Erica, I will keep you in my prayers. I really hear you. I was a single mother in your same position. Masters degree but working entry level jobs for security and too scared and too low in self esteem to interview for higher paying jobs. I am in my 60’s now and I want to tell you that it all really does get better. Please apply for jobs you would love to have. Employers are looking for good employees. The job interview process will give you a lot of good information and the process of interviewing will build your confidence and self esteem whether you get the job or not. You can do this and life gets better. Do whatever you can to repair your self love and self esteem. You are worthy and deserving and keep reaching out to people who authentically know how to encourage others. God bless.
I hope you find a job that reflects your skills and abilities. I’m sure you will. Might have to kiss a few frogs first - metaphorically speaking. But the interview experience will be good. Rooting for you!
Definitely go after it! Push through the fear! You got this!
I can relate to your fear., but we miss 100 % of the shots we don’t take! Even if it takes some failing to finally succeed you will get there, just like you got your degree 😊
You're worth it!
I didn't know the term Limerance, but I was struggling as as single mom of a young son, and I got very attracted to someone in the media. He never knew me, but I followed him on line. I finally had to look at my pining for some one whom I wouldn't meet. And I developed my own mantra to break the rush I got from dreaming of him.
When I was getting that rush, I'd say to myself.
When I become what I admire, I will no longer need the object of my desire.
I said this to myself, over and over, and started doing things that made me feel better about myself.
I had to learn to love myself, especially the alone, and lost parts of myself.
It took a while. But I don't pine for anyone that's an image anyone.
You are DAMN SPOT ON.
Lie flat, giving up on oneself and society are, on one hand about trauma.
On the other, there are serious structural issues with the economy.
Many people are going to have to work till they die.
What if you don't like society because you don't like chasing money being a wage slave or feeling like a robot doing the same thing everyday because you have to not because you want to
@@leahflower9924 yeah, if you don’t like being a robot or slave then modern society is tough. Lots of people conform themselves to it, thinking this is “normal” but it’s anything but. Then we wonder why we have all kinds of social problems...
@@leahflower9924 While being a slave wager (which I dislike as well) try to find a side hussel that your passionate about and see if you can do something with that. Just a thought. Today's work force is underpaid, over worked, and doesn't really bring in meaning into one's life. But hard to get out of. I started a small blog, but to be honest, I am looking into how to make my side hussel a way to make a living. Food for thought.
@@mday3821 smart. Or freelance doing something you enjoy.
It seems to me like this woman is kind of in a space where she is unhappy, really just wants to be happy, but doesn't know how to be happy, or how to start improving. I know how it is. I had to stumble around for years before I started finding a path. Good luck!
This is where I am at 54 - waiting for my life to be real, to start living my life, waiting for permission to start being the real me, in a "career" I hate - and why. My childhood.
Trauma is in the way but we can still move forward.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Good morning. Thank you so much for reaching out. I hope so. I'm looking for yet another therapist.
@@victoriahardin1560 It's never too late to start.
@Julie kabuki Good morning and thank you. I'm trusting GOD. People have done their beat to destroy me, but GOD.
Grown up Mother's Emotional Babysitter here, and you nailed it. I have struggled tremendously to become self sufficient, and just wish someone would take care of me and hold my hand through adult-ing. I'm ashamed to be this way, but with awareness comes the opportunity to grow and change, and that's what I'm striving for. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your videos Anna, and have found so much hope, comfort, compassion, and motivation in them.
I'm SO ready for the "Now what?" seriously busy part of my life. 🦸♀️
Similar story here, a former alcoholic, now handicapped father, and a mentally unstable mother, and a history of neglect and parentification - and collapsing mentally in adulthood, partly because of taking care of my father. I have gotten better through therapy and having good friends and first and foremost a shipload of work, but still suffer from anxiety and depression.
I just want to say there's nothing wrong with wanting someone to hold your hand and support you in your struggles, just keep your eyes open and don't fall for people who aren't good for you. ❤️ And put yourself first, always.
Well, that sounds exhausting as far as childhood goes, and it’s understandable you wish someone would carry you for a while. The shame is other people’s but they gave that to you because they didn’t want to carry it.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel Well put! "The shame is other people's but they gave that to you because they didn't want to carry it." Boom! That's a powerfully true statement! Thank you, it really resonated with me.
💯🔥🎯 ❤️
My mother thought I was her sister.
😳
There’s a lot of great ideas not only from Anna but in the comments section regarding the nanny situation. Strangers sharing their knowledge and skills to help others is always cool and reminds me - no “ man” is an island.
I relate to what the writer has been through. I parented my mother and just now stopped at the age of 22. I thought I met my twin flame but luckily for me, I took the bad with the good. Going through that experience helped me grow and realize that I had serious healing to do. Now, I'm in a much better place but it did not happen overnight.
A quality psychic would never agree to interfere with a persons free will
AMEN!!
Including their own free will not to answer questions based on confirmation of a client’s belief and their desire to give their power away, even though the message is growth & personal empowerment 🙏🏼🌺
Oddly after head injury and taking magnesium l-theoronate as suggested by my physician at that time, an interesting consequence was that my thoughts cleared up so much that I realized the relationship I was in was limerent and ended it. The supplement helped me put all that in the past. ❤
It is absolutely amazing what can happen when your body gets what it needs!
Thanks for the info. :)
Wow! Totally fascinating. How long did it take, for you to notice feeling clearer?
Magnesium threonate is my ultimate go to.
I’ve also taken magnesium (amongst other things) after a head injury and I’ve had a similar experience!
That is strange but I have heard as much as 80% of the population is magnesium deficient and it’s a mineral that affects many body systems so it certainly seems possible. Glad that you seem to be on the mend!
Limerence is my entire existence listening to this. At my age it can’t be undone. I’m too old of a failure to even bother to try.
You're still breathing. You're not too old for recovery. Not saying it would be easy, but it's definitely possible.
For myself, and for clients, I suggest every time they think about the “twin flame“ or whatever they want to call that person that they first turn towards themselves in a loving way and ask themselves what emotions they’re feeling and what needs they have in that moment, and talk lovingly to themselves as they would this “twin flame“, and it’s worked wonders!! It’s as if they’re looking for that person to care for, and love to the nth degree because they need that themselves. It is really effective, and it allows us to not fight ourselves internally,…we’re still giving ourselves a chance to think about that other person, but only after we have connected lovingly to ourselves and given ourselves that interest, compassion and emotional support we would give that other person.
In the late summer of 1999, I realized "I've got to get a job." And that's what I told the family for whom I was doing nannying. And I had thousands of dollars in debt. (coincidences, but I'm not making any of this up.) I had done self-employed journalism, and successfully, while nannying for the household of one of my editors. I brought in ample cash, but nothing in my journalism pay was withheld for taxes -- so I was heading for a debt disaster. By September, I had a job doing surveys in a call center, which turned into a new career doing similar work with a much bigger employer.
Today, I'm approaching retirement with debt all paid off. (The IRS created a debit of my paycheck from about 2004 to 2009. That final debit gave me that wonderful mortgage burning feeling!) I've got a decent retirement annuity lined up and will have Social Security. I'm planning to retire this fall.
It took patience, a willingness to make some modest sacrifices, and the courage to come out of my shell, face my situation, and get with the IRS. My example may not work as well for everyone, but it certainly may. You can improve your situation.
Thank you for offering some inspiration, people with trauma tend to feel hopelessly trapped when it comes to debt.
-Cara@TeamFairy
This one hit me. I'm early 30s, with a Bachelors' degree and good schooling, but have a horrible resume and no career because I'm unskilled (I'm not good at anything but writing), I hate to work (it makes me anxious and stressed and bored) and I have low-needs autism triggers that make it hard to cope in a work environment or with working relationships. Ideally, I'd like and need to work from home or alone, in a very quiet or calm space, but try finding a job like this that pays. Maybe I'll just have to join a convent or something😅
You are literally me😂
Except I'm a college dropout
This is more common than people realize. I work with neurodivergent thinkers, and often stress how companies, systems and traditional jobs are really set up to support one type of human. We’ve been conditioned to believe that there’s one way to provide value and it’s linear and often by overworking. When that is a challenge for us, we tend to underearn. I believe there is individual responsibility that can be taken, but a large part of the problem is systemic.
@@shaunroney414 this is interesting and heartening, thanks for sharing. In terms of individual responsibility, what in your view works most effectively? And is there anything we can do at a grassroots level to catalyse systemic change?
@@pendafen7405 at the individual level radically stepping into awareness of who you are and how you naturally operate. Working with someone, whether a Coach, a therapist, an energy healer/intuitive who can help you to identify blindspots and create new beliefs and neural pathways that better support you. Collectively I think it takes education and awareness. As more of us step into and speak about/share what we need and prefer, it is an invitation to others to break the myth of normal. There’s a book called “Normal Sucks” by Jonathan Mooney that does a really nice job of explaining how we got here. I love a good discussion along these lines.
In a convent, you’d have to learn to interact with the other nuns on a daily basis 🙂
This was fascinating and I have a few thoughts. The young woman was able to get herself out of her negative family situation because of this fantasy love… so it did serve her even if not in a way that she thought. Also she is young, and realizing these emotional problems sooner than some do! The education she got might still serve her… I got an education too and later realized I was going to school from habit and also because our system does funnel young people into college. But there are some skills she got… even if it was only getting a term paper in on time. A degree does sound good to some employers. Also she had this fantasy love, and I’m guessing did not have ‘room’ for the kinds of dead-end situations some people go thru - unwanted pregnancies, repeated broken hearts or disappointment etc etc. So she has saved herself some of the mess that others go thru … so there’s a lot of hope for her… and there are wonderful young guys out there who when it’s time she will come into contact with. Thanks for the insights.
Just found this channel this morning and glued with every word you said. Its time for me to heal coz i know its not too late. I actually prayed for this and your channel stayed open even if i leave it alone for bathroom break. It's the first time it happened and stayed open and became curious, watched and listened. Im glad I'm not alone struggling for many years. Finally i have the words for it "crappy childhood and limerence.
Woah!! I had a therapist asked me once if I’ve ever been called an underachiever. I didn’t know what it meant at the point like 13 years ago. But now I do just reading your post introduction.
I wanna thank you for this content, with you I've learned more than in 4 years in therapy. Lately I've been limerent for a co-worker who is hetero and has a girlfriend, but he still like to flirt with me sometimes. At the same time, there's a single guy who is very nice and he's into me. Normally, I would put all my attention on my co-worker and ignore the single guy, but I've decided (consciously) to chose the nice guy who is into me. He makes me feel that being appreciated it's easy, and despite it's something new (and uncomfortable), it feels good at the end of the day. Also, I'm not thinking of my co-worker as much as before. In conclusion, I feel like I'm having a healthy behaviour for the first time. This is thanks to this channel, finding out limerence is changing my life step by step🙏💗
Never heard this word "limerent" before, nice to finally have a label for it. The algorithm really doing me a solid today.
I'm glad you found the video :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I learned that word recently on this page and once I googled it... I finally realized the scarily powerful emotion I felt for my favorite person in the world... a male best friend... was my deepest love for someone I ever felt and did so... So deeply and allowing it being told to me by him and my sister. Sorry, know how much u "love" him and it hurts, but it's never going to happen. And deep down I knew that and still couldn't stop the feeling of limerence for him. I put him and kept him on such a high pedestal, not actually because he deserved that adoration from me but I absolutely couldn't help it and had no idea that's not love I felt for about 18 yrs for him, it was always limerence. A sad fantasy I made up in my head that eventually if I just got well enough and made more money.... that's when I would get it returned to me. That was clearly delusional feeling and thinking and all imaginary/pretend and I truly believed in it. I luckily broke the constant chain of contact for awhile and it broke the long held, not helpful delusion that's limerence.
I hate the idea of having a man take care of me bc of the power imbalance it can bring, yet I want a provider and protector at the same time. I love the idea of being a power couple where we build each other up. That way I can be independent and have a great man that provides but that has not been my reality. I always end up with controlling men or total losers that want me to take care them like I’m the prince and they’re Cinderella.
I'm curious what constitutes a "proper job," one that supports and allows for savings. I retired early from teaching in alternative educational systems, living on social security that most consider meager, and moved to a unique small artist town where events are created by the people who live here. It is easy to make friends because of all the activities. I also live in a community house on the edge of town and have access to a community car. And while I am not besties with everyone here in the house, there is a mutual respect and consideration for differences. It's a simple life with simple pleasures, making it affordable. Of course at my age, I am content with a slow, quiet life.
Few people can find such a situation. But I agree it's a good path. Do you live in BC?
@@Captain_MonsterFart I live in Southwest Wisconsin
@@poeticposturing3850 as a musician in Wisconsin I have to ask where!
Thanks for this!!! I am one of these people and at this point I don't care who knows it. It is devastating to have parents that you have to parent as a young person and have additional trauma due to another situation - in my case it was a very sick sibling. My mom went on to help run our local crisis center, which left me parenting and without her, as she was helping everyone else in our city. I think your site is right on point and I only wish I had seen it years ago. How can you develop a sense of 'self' when you are serving everyone else? Setting boundaries, taking responsibility for my own life and having a close set of friends who are givers, not takers, and walking the same path has helped me alot. For anyone out there who has or is going through this, hang in there - if I can do it, you can, too.
I was stuck into the whole “twin flame” thing for seven whopping years. Wasted my time obsessing on that person and money on psychics. Then I realized it was a stupid realization and that I was mentally unstable due to moving in a new place all alone and needed someone to complete me. I put a lot of work in healing that part of me and met a wonderful partner who I love dearly.
I still have a lot of healing from my CPTSD and I’m taking it one step at a time.
Really want to thank whoever wrote this letter. It’s been so revealing to my about myself. More than I could have realized alone.
Yep. My life doesn’t feel real. I feel like I’m waiting and waiting for someone (a man) to come and love me and be my partner and help put me back on track. I have under earned my whole life and given and given. I’m exhausted. And now at 50 I’m broke and no where closer to feeling like I have my own life. My son who is 23 loves at home and doesn’t do anything for himself. He breaks apart if I leave for a day.
May god help me get back in track. Limerence. Yep. I get huge crushes on men that don’t respond back. I waste my mental energy fantasizing on love having love.
Don't let your past, steal your future. You deserve more. Never go where u know u aren't wanted. Prayers and hugs 🤗
Your beautiful ❤️
It’s been my experience that phrases like “twin flame” “the one” “soulmate” and so on are expressions of magical thinking encouraged by (perhaps even invented by) abusers.
Exactly.
I'm someone who believes in twin flames but I don't subscribe to a union with twin flames. The point of a twin flame is to wake you back up to the reality of your life & for you (not your twin) to better your life.
I meet my twin & will never be in union with him. He's has narcissist & my experience with him showed me what I need to work on myself. Now I'm single, happy & working towards the job of my dreams, never looking back.
Ridiculous concept
From what I know of these concepts (twin flame, soulmate) what you’re describing sounds more like a karmic relationship. They are usually toxic, meant to wake you up to your worth so you can search for a real connection. A twin flame would never abuse you.
I don’t believe in this stuff anymore, but if you do, please look into karmic relationships so that you aren’t thinking a narcissist is your other half.
I believe in twin flames as well. I think in this video the combination of limerence is the issue.
TF is about Inner Oneness, inner Union of Divine Feminine & Divine Masculine and the daily spiritual practice that goes with it. Many believe a karmic they meet is their TF, bc of a strong resonance they feel.
The TF Lore comes from our journey from a Oneness Consciousness incarnating in a human duality consciousness and doing the spiritual practice to experience Oneness in the human form. There’s a lot of semi-spirituality going around with catchy marketing that has nothing to do with that process. Only few TF stories are true TF’s having a Oneness consciousness relationship as well. 🙏🏼🌺
Focusing on a TF love out of reach blinds people from a really fulfilling Soulmate relationship within reach, just bc of a idealistic label. 🙏🏼🌺
This person showed me what I needed to see in myself through intense pain and suffering. He was a catalyst to my awakening and TF label or not, that’s what meeting him did for me. Was it love, probably not. Love is kind and he definitely wasn’t kind when he ghosted me. I’m thankful for the lessons and growth.
maybe jerry can shift from being a nanny to cleaning homes- it pays way more and not as involved with the family. I started an eco friendly cleaning service 15 years ago and still going strong. Consider asheville for the south and farm living- though it is very expensive to live here. Good Luck and blessings and love.
Sending love to the letter writer! Listen to Anna she has saved my life. The daily practice is amazing!!
Thank you for showing support to the writer. Jack@TeamFairy
Radical Acceptance helped me see & deal with where I was in life, & that I needed to change, without shame. ❤️🙏💞
32:06 I sympathize with this young woman. For most of human evolution, women weren’t the bread winners out there hunting big game and providing for the family. They were doing the work of a caretaker and nurturer and that’s what most of us are still biologically wired for. But in the span of a couple generations we are supposed to magically shift gears and become executives or other high income earners. You can’t just throw a fish at the sky and expect it to grow wings. She clearly has a strong maternal instinct. It’s sad to think about a person like that ending up working in a cubicle at an office.
I love the Darkhorse podcast and those evolutionary biologists often speak about how we are living in such a novel environment which is so different than the one we evolved and adapted to over hundreds of thousands of years.
Yup. She really sounds like she wants to get married and have kids. Create her own family. But a woman should always always *ALWAYS* have her own money. Not to support the family (husbands job) but for herself.
But she needs to be healthy first to pick the right man. Otherwise she’ll end up in a worse position with kids.
This is the issue with modern day feminism. More and more women make it their life’s work to have a great career over a family, when family is what is going to be what nurtures your soul after all.
This entire episode just spoke about me, the difference is that I'm 40 in that mess... Hope one day I'll have enough courage to write and tell you all about it... You keep me going. ❤️
I hope she’s aware that there are lots of predatory people in the homesteading realm, definitely some people that run cults
And those cult leaders are there because they know that vulnerable people like her are attracted to things like homesteading!
I'm 35 and I realised that I've been doing this very thing my entire life in various forms.
I had expectations that others would think the way I do and give away my power and money to others that seldom ever reciprocated.
Just comes to show that not everyone thinks the same. It's selfish and delusional for me to think that another person SHOULD share my values and then get angry and resentful about the results. No more wasting time on this...
I did send a note to Anna about this but thought I would share it here too- do the Daily Practice. Just do it. It helps. It really does. My experience is this - and I want to share it in case anyone else here has a similar situation to me (I know you all are out there!!! 😃 ) So- when I first took the Free course on the Daily Practice- the part about saying "I am resentful at x because I have fear...." That last part made me feel like I was taking responsibility for my abuse! And I was truly justified in my anger- People really did harm me in HUGE ways. And the DELIBERATELY harmed me in huge ways. I was very very justified in my anger at this person. about a year later- actually TWO years later (eeeek!!!!) I was thinking and I realized that my resentment and anger was not harming this person at all. They were getting away with harming myself and many others. Nothing I could do would change that. My anger was only harming ME. So I thought about the DP again- and decided to JUST DO IT. Just do it. And trust the process. So I did add something to my DP- sorry- I had to and it is important for me. I journal a lot. and I really felt like I needed to give my anger some outlet- so my DP looked like this: Do the writing, then meditation, then journal. So my first DP I had planned on doing the DP as written, then journal to give my anger a voice (unsent letters, etc). But something MAGICAL happened. This really is so magical that it seems like a miracle to me. I did the DP for the first time- the writing, the meditation. But when I got to journaling- I didn't feel the anger and resentment. It was as if it was magically taken away. I DO believe in God so I feel like my asking for the fears and resentments to be taken away really was answered. I still journaled- but instead of writing about my anger and giving my anger a voice- instead I wrote about how amazed I felt that just having done the DP for the very first time- I felt SO MUCH BETTER and, in that moment, I didn't feel the resentment and anger. So I want to tell you- no matter what- just do the DP. Just do it. You are NOT taking responsibility for your abuse- and your anger might be very justified (and probably IS) but just do it. As written. It WILL help. You may not get such a complete lift of the anger as I did- but it will help. The anger did return- but it was MUCH less intense and I was able to deflect my thoughts to other things much easier. I am NOT fully "over it" but getting better every day. Any improvement is moving in the right direction. I hope this will help others that might be stuck as I was- and hopefully not leave you stuck for TWO years as I was. Wishing everyone the best in their healing! 😀 Love to all. ❤
Yes, yes, yes. Not sure if I can match your note to this post, but I'd love to use this post (I'd need to edit it shorter) in my book. If you're willing, would you complete a form for me? You could just past this post in it, and then share the info I need: forms.gle/p2UKCdHmmU3TGPp2A. Thank you in advance!
Hallelujah. Thank you for sharing.
love how direct you are. its the kick in the pants that ive needed to keep trying for better jobs instead of settling esp bc im a college grad.
This is embarrassing to admit but I also believed my narcissistic ex was my "twin flame". I remember telling him this and he told me I was delusional. That's about the only time he was honest with me. It snapped me out of the delusion and I started to fully understand how far gone I had been obsessing over an abuser.
For the letter writer (I hope you read this). I was also there. Your dad was neglectful, my mom was a narcissist and refused to allow my father and I to have a relationship. The only ray of love I had in my life was manipulated away from me. Every time my father and I talked my mother would interfere and she would talk bad about my dad to me and vice versa and we lost our bond. It took me recognizing my mother is a narcissist after my father had a stroke to realize that he was not the bad guy. I lived my life to try and just get the smallest bit of approval from her
I was manipulated by men time and time again. The last one told me to go to a country and wait there for him for two weeks and then he will come and we will get married (after being engaged for nine years). It ended with me waiting a year for him and going broke and being in a country where the jobs are super limited as they don't speak English. Not being able to pay the rent and not even having food during the whole pandemic. I went from one job to another, all of them not even paying enough for me to pay rent. So my point is.... I've been where you are, technically speaking I'm still there, but it's getting better.
The lessons I learned in love was: actions speak louder than words. I wasted years of my life on men's words, instead of their actions. What a person is willing to do for you shows you how much they want you in their life, but don't just base it on one action. It's okay to make a person earn your time, the ones who don't want to earn it don't see your value and will just diminish your value.
Bravo for taking the first step! You quit your job, this is the first step to finding your value. I did exactly the same thing last year in August. I wasn't happy in the job and I was tired of earning barely enough to pay rent, not even enough to eat. I quit. I sat in a taxi one morning and realized that I make more money tutoring privately than the job will ever pay me, and they were wasting my time on stuff they don't use or need. I wrote my resignation that same day. I only had one student. A week before my notice period ended they saw my letter and rushed to get as much out of me as they could. I offered them freelancing, on my terms, and they tried to run all over me, so I decided that this is not good for me and I ended the freelance contract. I was so stressed, I had only one student and no idea how I was going to pay my rent. I even skipped a month and told my landlord I will pay him double next month. But then the enquiries started coming, and they didn't stop. I had no confidence and had to take a deep breath before every meeting and then put a fake mask on.
I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but I've gotten quite good at faking it. My rent is paid in advance and I finally bought a bed base for my poor mattress. Started eating and gained weight, had to join a salsa class to start losing the weight (I always wanted to learn to salsa). I'm saving to buy a fridge now. I have been spending quite a bit of money on traveling, but that makes me happy and I have not regretted one trip. And my program is doing well, I love everything that I do. It's not my final plan or my grand passion yet, but it is something I love doing while I figure it out, and it makes me happy. You took the first step, but don't stress too much about the next step, it doesn't need to be your final step, but as long as you take a step. You might have to take a thousand steps before you find the step where you flourish, and some steps might take you out of your comfort zone completely, but each step is a lesson. As long as you are moving forward, for yourself, not for everybody else.
So appreciate this feedback to the writer. Thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Since about age 3...i was became a lil' parent. Diapering the 2 year old. Help raising my 5 younger siblings. Listening to mom, dad's problems. Helping with the household, doing mom's job- because my father was trying to degrade her ability to parent. I became overachiever, perfectionistic, eating disorders, shame. I've done well alone, responsible, accomplished, but once back with family cruelly scapegoated. Parents gone, I am alone, estranged, healing...a peace project work in progress.
This taught me a lot about many of the girls and women I've had in my life who I desperately want to act as a crutch for but never could, because I couldn't make enough money to support myself and so I couldn't create stability for them. I was always confused by their mix of desire to be protected while wholly ignoring the fact that they are leaning nearly their entire weight on me and my parents, and I just accepted it to be a transitionary period in their lives or a desire for security that they would be happier once they met. Or a need to be saved and appreciated in a way they weren't when they were younger, and a desire to somehow be compensated for the lost time and resources and brought back up to speed with their peers.
Now I realize that those desires I was seeing, not that it's my place to diagnose, but perhaps they're unhealthy. And giving everything I have indefinitely to try and stablize the people around me is... maybe enabling.
I've never thought about the perspective of the people who I try to "save" (in order to prop up my own self worth, maybe...) But now that I've had this womans story described to me, I feel whatever is on the other side of that imaginary supportive family-not-family she wants, that's me. And I'm not sure what that is or if it's healthy.
This technique is meant to help get us to what is true: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love how you described men in AA. Very accurate and important.
Excellent. As a long time AA member I especially appreciate the advice to people to go to the appropriate meeting. To go solely in order to improve ones social life is disrespectful of the disease that we are trying to deal with-a day at a time-and against the Principles. As you say, find the Program that fits and work it.
She says she is 'sober' - perhaps she is in recovery?
Where does Tradition 11 come in here?
I used to watch you hoping that my twin flame story was real. Now I understand that I already knew what was going on. I just needed time to deal with the dissapointment. I lost money to psychic, stayed in a bad job, waited for something to happen. Then I spent more time with the guy and I found out what kind of person he truly was. Definitely not the guy i loved. I decided to love him.anyway for who he is, because love is a choice and nobody Perfect. The problem is he treated me as another girl who gives him validation. I learned he has a lot of fun with women.I went through a mental breakdown, needed a psychiatric consultations due to terrible panic attacks. I never had these issues before. Now I partially recovered, went to a better job, focus on only best friends and family it's getting better , I feel disgust when I think of him. It's scary how long it took. 3 years of this sick story. Finding a new purpose a new direction, a plan B is not easy. My dream life shatterred. It was never real. My twin flame guy doesn't exist. It's the damage that new age , modern spirituality does!
I feel for the young lady who wrote the letter. Sounds like she just wants to be loved and having a sense of belonging. It's so understandable to want those things, especially if you were deprived of them as a kid.
I recently came across the idea of a Twin Flame. From what I understood, it's a person you feel a lot of attraction to who will act like a mirror to show you what areas you need to work on within yourself (also the attraction is mutual between the two people).
The real purpose of a Twin Flame is to expose weak areas, so you can go off on your own and work your own personal growth. Whether they stay in your life or not isn't the point. Your own growth is the point, so you can show up in the world whole, happy, and ready to give the world and yourself your best.
Also, if the idea of a Twin Flame doesn't serve you, throw that idea away!! You don't need it to be happy and successful. The idea only helps if it inspires you to put in the very real work of becoming your best self.
Take the advice of the Crappy Childhood Fairy and run with it!
I had a twin flame and had/still have a proper living wage, no thanks to my ex and also my twin, who both tried to block me in my career. The twinflame journey begins romantically bespelled. Then it becomes a whole push and pull, good vs evil, attack & defence & all out warfare cycle against an energy vampire and or his cohorts, playing mostly in an other dimensions, Anyway, after 2/3 years with God's guidance I came out, fully healed from the damage I incurred in the 3d, transformed, with top notch defences, attack skills & strength thanks to my evil twin/energy vampire being relentless. Basically the twinflame journey costs pain, time & energy BUT it is absolutely teaching valuable lessons, for those who do the work and worth it because of the healing & strength you gain.
Wow. So grateful to have found you, Anna. Thank you for all you do! I am a former nanny in my 50’s and incidentally I missed the boat on motherhood, and all the glories that go with it. 💔
This one hit hard on me. I would never imagine that this is how my debt and lack of good relationships were connected. Thank you so much. Way to go, let's heal the world. ❤
I absolutely adore these letter-answering videos!!
I'm so glad!
I have a MBA in Finance and this video was just great 👍 ❤. I have the same issues.
I agree about twin flames I know a lot about it and it pains me to see so many people waiting for the person who just doesn’t give a shit. the truth is that it does trigger limerance a major core wound, they just mirror that what you need to work on that’s all and forget about them coming back. My problem with majority of these twin flame coaches is that they sell their bring them back program using limerance.
TF ideology sells Limerence unfortunately, the TF journey focuses on daily spiritual practice to bring Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine into Union within. That journey is raw and not very romantic ☺️🙏🏼🌺
I can’t even tell you how much your videos are teaching me. My mind is blown. I have a lot of work to do. I do not relate much to the thoughts of the young lady who wrote the letter, but I am twice her age. I applaud her for reaching out to you & seeking help at this stage! I see great things in her figure if she keeps learning & working!
Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna, you always seems to put out a video that is so relevant to exactly what I'm going through. This video was so needed today. I feel exactly like the girl in the letter except I'm 47 now. So much time wasted and now I feel so hopeless...
Dont feel hopeless, I am much older and feel in the limerence trap and learnt about it less than a year ago. You are young. Just be strong a little everyday and never say that you are bad or whatever negative description of yourself. You are learning, we are always learning. Best to you and all those that need love
@@Separo1 thanks for the kind words 🙏
It’s easy to fall into limerence after a disappointment. Don’t feel desperate, you’re much stronger than what you feel at the moment. Having these ground zero moments in life is actually an indication of elevation, but we need to undergo a tough learning period of getting to know our authentic selves first.
@@nejkas9577 thank you for your kind and wise words. I very much appreciate them 🙏❤️
Celebrate Recovery is a 12-step recovery group for people with hurts, hang-ups, and habits and open to all. Usually they take place in churches and are biblically based, but open to all.
This one is one for the books Anna! I found this video of urs especially applicable to me at different ages of my life not just the 25 yr old lady, as I was some time ago. Great presentation too.🎉😅😊
Just yesterday I learned what “limerence” is and I felt like the lights came on, as though everything makes sense now and that I am on the path of freedom! I’m confessing to God that I have given my heart to false idols rather than devoting myself to Him. I’m glad that videos like this are setting people free from sick obsessions, but the solution is to turn to God, who will help us love being the person we’re meant to be in our relationship with him. Self focus has apparent benefits but it’s still separating us from knowing God through faith in Jesus. I want to thank you for this video and all your work for opening my eyes. My previous LO is the last one of my life. I can love him appropriately as a friend and see him like a brother now.
I have worked hard for over 30 years and now i have long covid and can barely do what i used to. i have taken out 401k and applied for disability. I do have ptsd as well after my illnes. i am great at nature photography.
I have worked on getting that together to sell, however i am limited in my ability to do much work as i have chronic fatigue and malasie. i seem to have a threshold of work a few hours a couple times a week. So this is my biggest challenge. I never through I would not have a job. So much i gave to my jobs and based my success in need of approval. I am hoping i get disability, however my life is. not as easy at 52 and not being able to do what i once did with limited ability. I feel stuck.
I love that you're always truthful and direct especially about jobs / working, in this letter,Trauma leaves us living in a fantasy in our heads,reality is hard to grasp Being 25 is the best age to try 32:45 things, take chances you have time and room to make mistakes and accomplishments , I wish this young lady a happy and abundant life
Thank you for your comment and thank you for sharing your kind words for the letter-writer!
Nika@TeamFairy
This is meant for Jerri- the letter writer. I hope she can see this. You can do it!!!! You are young and I am starting over at 56!!!! So you have the advantage that you are discovering that you need healing and working on your healing at 25! I wish CCF and the awareness of CPTSD had been around when I was 25! My life would be very different now. But we all are where we are- we have to start where we are. So do it! You can do it and you are an amazing person who deserves a good life. and you, only you can create it! You go girl! 🥳
Wow, your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment.
-Calista@TeamFairy
This video made me cry.
now i am starting to understand a lot of what I went through is because of my parents especially mother wound ..i went through a lot of pain and suffering .it is so true that these tarot readings target such type of people that went through neglect and some sort of childhood trauma I'm trying to rebuild my life so that my future children can have a better life and to find my own peace🙂🙂
Thank you, I know how hard it can be for you to do this sometimes. It has helpful to me as well. I can see I am on track. Self love is important without it other people have nothing to 💕 love.
Thank you for your support. we are glad to have you here. Jack@TeamFairy
I love your last sentence. 🤯
If I may, I have met a twin flame or soul mate if you will. And i met him when i was in a bad place, scared and alone, fighting to untangle my life from a 7 year relationship with a narcissist, working through my childhood with a narcissistic mother and going through burnout at work ( narcissistic boss). I will describe my experience briefly, in case it will help others.
Meeting your soul mate is not a fight. Somehow you both recognise it rather quickly, if you are authentic and open. In our case he is 12 years younger and in a happy relationship. We only spent 6 days with each other and it was sublime. We remembered the beginning once while kissing. I had a flashback to where it was just the two of us, when we were whole on our own and sublimely whole together. I remembered rustling of leaves and the sound of flowing water...a happiness that stemmed from our being together so overwhelmingly complete... wow. It was much more than this, like a spiritual awakening. I think I remembered... paradise? And I'm an atheist.
We broke the kids and I got up to get something. He was looking at me and he said: you know, I think the first woman and man looked just like this. Like me and you. And then he said to himself: maybe this is where we know each other from.
We truly must have shared the memory, considering how his thoughts matched mine. He doesn't even know about my flashback.
Meeting him was like meeting this amazing person looking just so ordinary... and like watching myself in the mirror and seeing how wonderful I myself am.
I feel no sorrow for us not being together. Neither does he, I'm sure. Meeting each other Was a blessing and a miracle and it has... fed into our hopes for us and ourselves, trust and confidence, looking forward to life and the future. There is no sorrow. I'm so glad to know he exists and I hope we will perhaps meet once in a while, see that we're good, hold each other for a moment. Smile and remind each other how wonderful we are and all is, despite life happening.
If it's not all positive, despite the outcome... its not your soul mate.
Please remember: mutual recognition and lack of expectation. It will make you happy anyway, let go of the outcome.
Much love to you, people. Its probably gonna suck for a while longer. We'll love it. And we'll come through and feel satisfaction with ourselves and joy at life 😊
I'm sorry but I dislike when older people say ppl in their 20s shldnt dp freelancer things when you go through narcissistic abuse and workplace abuse and then you're exhausted from the workforce. It's very invalidating and I am triggered because for some people with trauma working from home or freelance helps. I understand when you are in debt you may need to work for others but that may be hard.
Hi Anna. COVID survivor here (I lost someone not long ago) and we are NOT post pandemic.
Sorry for your loss. 💜
Yes, governments and businesses are claiming it's over because they don't want to be responsible and accountable for it.
Twin Flame = Infatuation. I know a lot about this too. Especially all the dark esotericism that is connected to it. The wisest man in history taught and commanded this one proverb coming from love; Love your neighbor as you love yourself. This is truth. In a healthy relationship love will be there but it’ll be there for themselves individually too. When we don’t have love for ourselves the only other thing that will take over is shame. Ashamed of oneself. And it’s a miserable experience. But love, and discovering the love for yourself will take over that paralyzing self-shame. I speak all this from experience and what greatly helped me was beginning to learn who God really is. And for me, it began with Jesus. From pills to all the therapy I had, the self loathing coming from shame never went away until I found what God’s love really is. If I did not mention the spirituality my journey in healing brought forth, then I’d only be deceiving myself. God bless us all in this heart healing path we are in.
TF is truly not about romance, it’s about the raw & self-disciplined daily spiritual practice for Inner Oneness. The rest is marketing Limerence. 🙏🏼
@Generic Name The twin flame thing also uses terms like "runners" and "chasers", normalizing that one party has to be more infatuated and "chase" the other till they get the desired results, instead of picturing two (or more) people joyfully and consensually reaching out to each other in mutual curiosity and interest. There's just a looot to unpack there.
@@aimee9478 that is just SO icky 🫢
Sending my love to the young lady who wrote this letter! I'm 27 and sometimes I strongly long for love and belonging. Thank you for sharing your story.
2:01 twin flames are absurd. Listening to Megan fox describe herself manifesting MGK at age 5 because she’s 5 years older than him, and he’s exactly her “psychical type” is like and how are you functioning? It’s like…uh okay
As a former "twin flame believer", I couldn't agree more! Never went so far as to give money to a psychic, but I can't judge the letter write too harshly cos I know only too well what this "love addiction" cost me in my life.
That approach to the TF ideology & marketing machine is absurd, the TF journey is about daily spiritual practice for Inner Oneness. Not romance 🙏🏼
Ya, I’m pretty sure even if twin flames were real that it’s supposed to be about healthy relationships. -especially if it’s about enlightenment. Lol
So you’d have to do all the same work anyway.
She’s so weird.. The whole thing was childish.
Doctrines of devils … narcissists love twin flames doctrine
I feel like I don't entirely agree with the notion to "just stop thinking about it" because it's not helpful, and it dismisses your feelings. I think it's worth exploring what function it serves for you - often, people find that they're not happy in their own lives, and it's a form of escapism. It's okay to investigate those thoughts and feel your feelings, accept them and choose to put yourself first by removing yourself from the situation.
Plus, it's simply not realistic in a lot of cases.
For example, It takes a lot to overcome and it's [limerance] not talked about much and still very misunderstood.
There's very little research on it.
My advise towards twin flames: believe in this union, but don t get obsessed over this thing. Everyone has a twinflame! I am selfish, I would like to not exist twinflame, because I feel attractec towards more than just 1 man, so I am gealous than other souls are the twinflames of the people I admire. It hurts me more to think that the men I like are others twinflame than knowing thay are married and with kids, because in this way the soul doesn t belong to their wives, but I am not their twinflame either, so if I can t have them in a spiritual sence of way, either other women can. Perhaps after healing and getting a partner or even my twinflame, I won t ever feel attracted towards other men and wanting to talk to them and know parts of their destiny, soul and hobbies. I feel attracted towards a few men, because I see some parts of myself in them, plus the physical attraction. I am cracked and the new me is on the way, so maybe if I am whole again, I won t cry over others gifted and handsome and kind men, I would be focusing so much on myself and ignore the talents and how lucky are the partners and/ or twinflames of the men in which eyes I see myself
The more I learn about why I am the way I am. I hate my mom. She really messed me up for life and now that she’s older feels like I owe her some sort of deep connected relationship.
Same... its pretty normal to feel like that when healing.
I just want the pain to stop. I just want to stop the thinking of them. I never knew I was afflicted with this malady. V