Good Boundaries and Goodbyes with Lysa TerKeurst
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
- Boundaries can feel impossible sometimes, especially if you have lived your life without them. How do you begin to draw the line when it comes to what you are willing to accept in a relationship? How do you know when it is beyond the point of healing and time to let go of a toxic relationship?
Author, speaker and Bible teacher Lysa TerKeurst never dreamed that her life would look the way it does now. After finding out about her husband's infidelity, Lysa was committed to healing and restoration of her marriage. But as time went by, Lysa endured the most difficult season of her life and had to face the most difficult decision. Ultimately, her marriage ended and she was left to pick up the pieces. As she has walked the journey of healing, she has begun to see how her own inability to set boundaries contributed to the chaos in her relationship.
In this episode, Lysa talks to Aubrey about how boundaries are not just a good thing but also a God thing, how to determine the amount of access someone should have in our lives and why boundaries can keep the best of who we are front and center.
If you find yourself putting clear boundaries up, especially in relationships that need them most, this conversation will give you the courage to live in a way that will help you and those you love flourish.
Website: lysaterkeurst....
Instagram: / lysaterkeurst
Facebook: / officiallysa
Twitter: / proverbs31org
Book: Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are
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My story is so similar to Lysa in the sense that because my Christian psychotherapist told me about boundaries and I never thought it was biblical. That is the moment, I realized my partner wasn’t respecting them at all. He was being disrespectful in so many ways. And God gave me the courage to leave him. I realized my worth, I am a daughter of God, and he doesn’t tolerate abuse or adultry. ❤ thank you Jesus ❤
Thank you for the wisdom. I’m burned out by overextending myself to work,friends,and family. I lost a lot of energy,time,and resources. People are being unreasonable when I have an injury on my back. I started saying no. People got angry and upset.
The wisdom of which Lysa speaks from is from the Holy Spirit. She is a class act and such an inspiration.
26:50 😮 28:22
Excellent. Lysa is so open and vulnerable in sharing her truth. Her strong biblical approach is refreshing and helpful in applying these principals to real life. Thank you Lysa! God bless you!
I just love this because I’m so codependent I’m always trying to make everyone else happy if they ain’t happy I’m not happy and it drains me literally so I just pray God can help me to set healthy boundaries
Your message and your book are so good, thank you Lysa.
I also misapplied verses like "Honour your father and mother", "Forgive 70x7", "Don't grow weary of welldoing", "Die to self", "Love covers a multitude of sins", "Return kindness for unkindness," etc, and stayed in an unhealthy relationship with my mother, hoping it would change.
Yeshua/Jesus Himself did not answer those who had made up their minds against Him. He did not try to please them or beg them to reconsider. He did not defend Himself when falsely accused by people determined to destroy Him.
"We must not confuse the good command to love with the bad realities of enabling behaviour we should never tolerate." Well said.
Love this.
This is such a good podcast for anyone who struggles with setting boundaries. I especially love how Lysa uses scripture to demonstrate how God set boundaries in the book of Genesis. Thank you for an encouraging message.
I experienced a very similar journey. I fought so hard for my marriage, but my ex husband continued to cheat. I did everything i could and changed everything I could, but ultimately he changed literally nothing. I kept giving him full access thinking it was my duty as a wife, but in it all ive learned boundaries as well. I wasn't allowed to have boundaries growing up under the thumb of a covert narcissist so the whole journey was important for me because in it I grew up and was able to take up my own space.
You are not responsible for your ex cheating. That's on him. We can't fix addicts.
I thank God for leading me to this video! This is exactly what God has been speaking to me about personally!!
11:23 - THISSSS!! WOW!!!
Story of all my failed relationships. I'm still learning and trusting that God can heal me and bring something wonderful into my life down the road!
Thank you for the clear explanation. It took me many years to realize that I wasn’t truly loving my husband by covering up his sin and “suffering through it”.
I love the bit of reduce the access given to the other person if he is not garging up the same level of responsibility instead of trying hard to push and force them change.
Access level has to equal the responsibility or capability for that access! That’s a WoW! Word of Wisdom
I could have listened for 3 hoursm guys this is so healing please more of that!!! thanks a lot this was amaing!!!
I really appreciate that Lysa talked about boundaries and how they were good as well is what you’re meant for. I know in my own life pain can be a big motivator to change, cause I definitely wanna get out of it . I know God uses pain because of our mistakes in listening to him. I have seen what I did right and what I did wrong that caused my own marriage to fail. I’m praying about all the Lord has in store for me in the future.
Boundaries and access. I love the idea. God gave more access to those who had more responsibility. I should do the same!
Thank you for sharing your experiences and your victories, by living in Godly principles.
This is so much where I am at lately.....
This is a huge blessing, thank you so much for sharing all of this important and biblical knowledge. I need it right now, here where I am. God is good. Thank you for sharing it and being obedient to share it
Came at a good time. Praise God
What an awesome word! Thank you
Thank you! Thank you! Jesus knew I needed to hear this today.
WOW!!! This is SO good!! 😭😭😭
WOW 😮 the power of words that truly have the power to deliverances! 😢thank you for this podcast amen 🙏
@user-bi1xp5yo5i Wow, wow indeed. @RepDanCrenshaw @TraciWest-MYBODYMYMINDMYLIFE @StateDept @JoeBiden @CanadianPM @unitednations
Lisa love your hair, the color suits you ❤
What Lysa has been through is unimaginable. Lysa, Thank you so much for sharing this valuable information with all of us. You were willing to work on your marriage. You literally remarried the man. You've learned so much about yourself.
"We are limited in our capacity"
Wow, and how many of us try to give when we can't? How many of us keep pushing ourselves when we need to stop? How many of us put on that fake smile when we really need to be resting and being honest with ourselves......😢
Like Lysa said, "Where there is no trust the relationship will not survive". Been there done that and I could write a book on it. 🙏😓
12:21 1) trying to change others is manipulation. It is not of God.
2) BOUNDARIES are for OUR OWN SELF NOT FOR OTHERS.
(Edit. CAPS for emphasizing not yelling 🗣️)
I believe a lot of this woman’s teachings are unbiblical. I believe she needs to be entirely honest on to the level of abuse that warrants this type of behavior.
I am the product of a wife who is claiming abuse that is not there so that she can justify leaving.
I feel like Lysa is describing me. Just downloaded her book and looking forward to what God has in store.
My marriage ended sadly also, but he says he still loves me and will always help me. We were married for only 6 years. But I thought he was the love of my life. As a Christian I kept trying to prove my love and kept praying for him. All the while he was moving on behind the scenes.
He still wants to be involved with my son who is not his, and to financially help me but this keeps me tangled up with him. Do you just completely cut off?
No access at all
Healthy people respect heathy boundaries. So good!!
Thank you for sharing this, Lysa. I particularly enjoyed, "...boundaries are not just a good thing but also a God thing..." @RepDanCrenshaw @StateDept @JoeBiden @CanadianPM @unitednations
I am very seriously asking. My wife and I have been struggling for a year in our marriage. And I have been very confused.
We are both believers, and I believe that she is unhealthily, placing some blame on to me and using your teachings to justify it.
I have listened to your book and podcasts to better understand how she is feeling. I don’t agree with everything that you say, but I believe your heart is in the right place.
What would you say to a man who has a wife who is using your teachings wrongly to justify a divorce?
Very insightful interview. Loved it.
It is the deepest hurt and a death that is so unexplainable
@marilynwakaluk4975 Thank you for sharing. @TraciWest-MYBODYMYMINDMYLIFE @RepDanCrenshaw @StateDept @JoeBiden @CanadianPM @unitednations
Dead silence/non-reaction scares narcissists, haters, people who don't respect your boundaries, and people who are jealous/envious of you.
Jealousy can mean a lot of things: rumors, competition, lies. They look down on you. They don’t miss any detail of how you are dressed or how you act, etc. They are always hanging on what others are doing or saying. They are often critical and judgmental. They often reveal things to others. They never have enough of anything; they are never satisfied. They always believe that other people are more fortunate and get everything.
Often they are not creative. In fact, it is common for them to copy others. And they are happy when others fail. There will always be jealous people around you. You will come across them in your friend groups, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, and even in your family. Don’t let yourself be susceptible to this negativity, nor let it bring you down.
Thank you for sharing 🎉
I am totaly mentaly bankrupt in this marriage. Im so tired, been dealing with this for 19 yrs
If you have daughters, teach them to include the in-laws as Grandparents and let them have their own relationships. Don't be so insecure yourself that you can not share or teach your daughter to share. It is safe to say that there are many broken hearts among the husband's parents. A child can't be loved by too many people.
I couldn't agree more with this. Hubby and I are THE in-laws. We have 3 active grandsons and jump at the chance to spend every minute when given the chance...
Wow! This makes so much sense.
This was too good, thank you both!
I really like this!
My husband is a binge drinking alcoholic. He does not and I feel "does not want" to limit or reform his alcoholism. We've had several conversations about amending this cycle, but we seem to get back to the same situation with no admission or responsibility on his end. Just excuses and my shirt comings that are tied to his actions. I am not trying to change him, I absolutely hate this, and do not want to live with a binge drinker. We have only been married a short time, and before we were married we had goals to improve our health, finances, and excessive drinking. I'm 48 and he's 54. I don't think we gotten anywhere except, and I've said to him, that we have different goals now.
I'm not sure how to go about boundaries in this situation. It's killing me and I can't take it anymore. I don't wantva divorce, but I refuse to live like this. I told him that it was his decision on what he wanted to do and that I couldn't control him, but that it is my life, too, and that I don't want to live like this.
I feel like every agreement we come to, is a set up for me to fail, so it's on me, and back to his behavior. I need guidance and counseling, but am lost at finding support and answers. I pray continuously asking God for answers.
When is it a boundary to walk away, or Wisdom to stay?
Time to walk. Actions are a behavior. What is he saying?
Pain is unavoidable Suffering is a choice. Choose peace.
Good if you have relationships that need to end. A therapist told me to buy after my husband died, that was wasted money and time.
This is so good
Cycle of hurt and hope
Cycle of the other person be ok so you can be ok
❤ it I learned so much ty
This...Boundaries are not just a good idea, they're God's idea 💡
❤❤❤
Amen
I need a script!
"I had struggled with codependency."
god tier
❤️
10:08
11:21
Well boono
Boring from the start....
Way over your head?
God still hates divorce. He made it available only due to our hardened hearts, and Moses pleading for that option bc the Israelites demanded it. Separation is very biblical. Divorce will always be against Gods will, no matter the circumstances. I hope this book isn’t giving couples more justification for divorce.
God does hate divorce but it's not the end of the world. There have been women that have taken their own lives due to being told they were bound to the abusing spouse. If someone is hurting you they need help and you don't have to stay and accept it. If they are repentant and you can reconcile ok but if not let the chips fall where they may.
No adultery is a valid reason for divorce even in the New Testament
I totally agree with your sentiment, but what about when these teachings are being used falsely for women who are claiming “abuse” that isn’t considered abuse?
What about child abuse esp sexual? No way to stay when a child is in danger.
1. Codependency
2. Unhealthy defunction
3. Healthy boundaries needed
4. Lack biblical knowledge about healthy boundaries
5. Healthy seperation/boundaries
6. Boundaries for freedom (to be protective)
After 42 years of marriage, my husband discarded me two years ago. I don’t know why. I am grieving the death of this marriage and our family. I am almost 70 and not in the best of health. Lisa is right. The emotional pain I am experiencing right now is worse than any pain I have ever had.
God is with you and will carry you threw this difficult time. Clearly this was not a person who was committed to you and relationahip. Read your Bible and believe God has better things for you ❤🙏
@jp5419 Without God I wouldn't have made it this far. He is a narcissist and very selfish. I put him through seven years of seminary. Yes, we were in the ministry for a few years. I have heard so many stories like Lysa and mine. It is so sad to see Christians breaking their marriage vows as if it was not sacred. Just a piece of paper. I see now that God is protecting me by removing my ex husband from my life. What is most painful is my relationship with my son. It has affected him terribly even though he is almost 40. The actions pf a selfish man has destroyed my family. I am trusting God to help me through this but my heart is broken.
I had to establish a boundary with my toxic daughter. It was incredibly painful but I'm beginning to heal, slowly but on the right path away from a toxic relationship.
Me too, with all three of my children, which brought me to freedom when I accepted that they were entitled to their own feelings and choices with respect to their relationship with me, in spite of the devastation I suffered at their hand. This made a margin for me to establish my own, in Love and Peace with greater Joy.
@@michekids Thank you for sharing this. So glad you have found joy and peace.
You should switch the way you label your daughter from toxic daughter to my daughter exhibits toxic behaviors
@@mrs.meowgi4879 Good idea!! Thank you
Why is your daughter toxic? Did you create that?
Powerful! Lysa, you are a gift!
This book is GOLD! So excited to listen to this.
Yes agree i love it
Indeed, I have been blessed before by Lysa's How to Forgive What You Can't Forget, as well as her teachings in Israel
Above all else, guard your heart, for evvvverything you do flows from it! Proverbs 4:23 ❤
@lisagailey4570 Thank you for sharing this. @RepDanCrenshaw @StateDept @JoeBiden @CanadianPM @unitednations
I like that Lysa has reinforced "not giving everyone access to your bank account" on most of her videos. I'm learning how critical doing this is to be the best version of myself. I needed to hear this more than once for it to receive the message loud and clear.
This is so good and very well explained!
Thank you Lysa God bless you.
My Supervisor shared this video with me and I promise you this video is the answer to my prayers and I can't wait to order the book! There is soooooo much I've gleaned from.... overwhelmed with words!!! How powerful!
I would like more examples of boundaries in a relationship. Not examples of boundaries outside of the relationship. Because that’s where most people need to set those boundaries is in a marriage. Yes we need to set boundaries with friendships but the marriage is going to be a place where boundaries need to be set the most, I have not yet heard what is a healthy boundary in a marriage and what is not a healthy boundary in a marriage.
I had to forgive myself, forgive my children, forgive my so-called friends, and set my boundaries
I know about all this thanks anyway Lisa
Great truth sharing! Less verbal reaction from the interviewer would be great! Umm, yah wow.😂
This is so helpful you described what I also went through similar my longest grief and biggest gain of finding myself through Jesus
Where can I find the other two episodes with Lysa? #38 and episode #168
If you NEED boundaries with your spouse, is that a bad sign?
What if they can't conceive of one's highest good?
You are so beautiful amazing and my life is yours
soooo so good!
Great interview… ❤