I was unhealthy for a while keeping people in my life that didn't belong there or made me feel differently about myself nowadays whenever I have someone in my life that makes me feel different about myself I destroy our relationship immediately. you're right wenzes thank you and I love you for making this video
Yeah I agree on the martyr syndrome. I've been there before! Perfectionism, not setting boundaries, avoiding conflict at all costs are other things I think infj struggle with.
I become unhealthy when I become too attached to people or ideas. Even when it is positive at first, I have a tendency to take it to extremes. I'm trying to learn to look at advice as guidelines instead of rules, and to let my mentors serve me as I pay it forward, instead feeling like I owe a life debt to everyone who inspires me.
Thank you for addressing my main concern with this notion of "unhealthy/healthy" [insert mbti personality here]. Let's get real - these are labels. General characterizations people use to categorize others as a or b (summing to good or bad). When is it ever that simple? Are you going to label yourself "unhealthy?" And if you choose to do that, what purpose does that serve you? Little. Instead, take a step back and analyze your stress levels, habits, and relationship styles. If your stress load is too high, cut some stressors out of your life. No need to label them healthy or unhealthy. Just reduce your exposure to them. One of my first exposures to MBTI was in the context of change management. Different personalities have different needs at different phases of change. I learned later that the same applies to conflict. Just because you don't like it, does not mean the other person is "unhealthy." There may simply be a conflict in needs. But if you don't like it, reassess how much exposure you have to endure. If you feel compelled to label someone as unhealthy, you would do the other person a favor by walking away. Noone is going to appreciate your informing them they are on the whole unhealthy. Now if you want to address specific behaviors, more power to you: "When you do this, I feel this way." That's a valuable skill to have in maintaining a healthy relationship, assuming each person is respecting the other's boundaries.
Cameron Dias, THAT'S Who Wenzes kinda Reminds me of, She looks like a Multi-Ethnic Version of Cameron Dias...I'm an ENTJ, so that was Really Bothering me, but, I figured it out!!! 😇
Self examination is a good idea when it comes to this topic, and you make a lot of good points in this video about it. ( I've watched it twice and will probably watch it again). But I think the most important point you make is it at the end when you point out that we all are are the centers of our own particular life's universe, and when everything is said and done, each of is has to make our own decisions.
Thanks for this great video. I'm an INFP but have a new friend who i strongly suspect is an INFJ. Unfortunately, his constant unsolicited advice toward me as well as his not being able to fulfill a very small yet meaningful request to me from 8-9 months ago (meanwhile, I have helped him a lot.. because i operated from a stance that I'm his friend and i could do 'xyz' to help him upon his request), but his actions, behavior and words do not line align, so i have arrived at the conclusion that he has his own agenda and he operates on what he believes is right and will disregard others even if it means ignoring them in a self-serving way. It makes me feel bad, because likely he *means* well but he doesn't realize he needs to stop categorizing people and/or trying to save them/me, and instead could be a loving friend. Too bad. Not sure how to end a friendship with him.
I love your old stuff, Wenzes... These old videos just seem so refreshingly genuine... Unfortunately, for some reason, I can't say the same for your recent stuff... I can't put my finger on it... But great content either way!
To be honest... I need to take days as they come... I stay away from conflict although I give straight and honest factual comments ... but it takes a lot if energy from me... people really exhaust me.
What if you have no choice, due to your surroundings and the people around you. I moved down here to help mom. Her group of friends aren't mine, yet they're always around me. I bought a house down here and let her move in with me, and now can't escape these people.
Love it Wenzes, your spot on, for anyone to compare themselves, they limit themselves & put a label on whether they're unhealthy & healthy, rather then focusing on themselves with self love & finding a balance if they feel unhealthy, mindfulness positive affirmations & working on any weakness within them helps, developing boundaries also helps, the mayrta complex can be helped by simply understanding that it's wise to help those who request your help, allowing them to be them as your perception & there's may differ, anything positive they could learn from you in terms of your healthy positive wave they will, without feeling pressured or controlled, worse case scenario to push your will on someone could end up in someone being seriously hurt, toxic people, are what they are so if they're unhealthy they just are, if they want to become healthy that's entirely up to them, so healthy INFJs pave the way & shine a light & torch for many to learn from, we are all teachers/pupils... 🙏
Wenzes, can you make a video about INFJs and personality disorders? It might be controversial and truth might hurt, but many INFJs are likely to suffer from boarderline or paranoid personality disorder. Just an idea.
@Naivegedanke I am more like your friend. But if you are being self-destructive i suggest you raise some Pride and screw everyone. Better this way, not that it's the best but still... Mach keine naive Gedanke (i guess you are germanic) =p. Nonetheless I believe Paranoia Personality Disorder is close to Borderline with avoidant and narcissistic elements. I don't see this as a real illness. However if it goes beyond a limit, then it becomes a clear mental illness and it is better to see a specialist. What I mean to say is that "Disorder" does not necessarily imply illness unless it goes beyond a limit. I am not a specialist though.
Most of the INFJs I have met have anxiety challenges. One is diagnosed Borderline. I am not in favour of diagnoses I see that as limiting and puts a person in a box. I read something yesterday that mentioned INTJs being prone to schizoid and antisocial tendencies. Makes me wonder about how combinations of functions take each of us to internal realms that could be challenging.
Linkin Park - One More Light. Should've stayed. Were there signs I ignored? Can I help you not to hurt anymore? We saw brilliance when the world was asleep There are things that we can have but can't keep If they say Who cares if one more light goes out In the sky of a million stars? It flickers, flickers Who cares when someone's time runs out If a moment is all we are? Or quicker, quicker Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do The reminders pull the floor from your feet In the kitchen one more chair than you need Oh And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there If they say Who cares if one more light goes out In the sky of a million stars? It flickers, flickers Who cares when someone's time runs out If a moment is all we are? Or quicker, quicker Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do Who cares if one more light goes out In the sky of a million stars? It flickers, flickers Who cares when someone's time runs out If a moment is all we are? Or quicker, quicker Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do Well, I do
I'm not seeing any useful answer to the question here, I'm seeing a lot of diversion, a lot of fog some words salad but really no straight up answers here. A vegan infj is is an unhealthy infj, deficient in fat soluble vitamins and minerals, unstable blood sugars and low in hormone production. With that said ill describe a few answers to the question that ive discovered in 3 different ways: An unhealthy infj is an infj who creates an echo chamber in order to avoid being critically challenged. They will deceive themselves, manipulate the people around them, use there social and emotional intelligence 2 extract attention and abuse those who give the attention they are afraid of which would be criticism & holding them to high standard. The infj will effectively self deceive in such a way where they have no idea they're doing these things , due to lack of self-reflection true critical analysis and first principles reasoning. I've met a lot of INFJs, a few of them very unhealthy. The word I would use to describe the way they make me feel is toxic, it's a very good word, they're like gooey toxic slime. That's the imagery they provoke at the extremes of unhealthy, also the imagery I have of myself in my teens, an Adept manipulator and emotional abuser capable of incredible acts of self-deception and blindness. Really the biggest most common pattern I see among unhealthy INFJs is their phobia to criticism and especially when it challenges belief systems. An infj who does not react well criticism is unhealthy. I think this whole I am who I am and you are who you are attitude **can** be unhealthy, tho its correct, thats exactly why it works so well for self deception. if I'm doing something wrong and I'm an unhealthy infj I'll say something like I am who I am this is my world and I can do what I want. I used to say that to kind of prime myself to avoid really going in and challenging my belief systems. I'll say it a thousand times listening to the voices coming from the shadow be it from your own or from others is critical in growth for any type. For example years ago when I wanted everybody else to be vegan as well and I had severe emotional pain when people criticize my vegan lifestyle, I pushed them away and went into denial, found whatever way I could to avoid facing the reality that it was not good for my health to go against a million years of evolution. It was only until I got Adept with philosophical critical thought aimed back at myself that I realized I had to listen to everybody and not just those who reinforced my belief system. I realized how much I was in myself, how many incredibly clever ways I was capable of pulling the blinds over my own eyes. As a result of this painful process of reevaluation on my beliefs/axiomatic framework i was convinced 2 go back on a primarily meat-based diet eating vegetables only while they are fermented did my health reach a level where I can do things like run Mountain Marathons and work 90 hours per week with no burnout, no fatigue no tiredness, both physical and emotional. This is only one example of the ways my life and productivity were improved through self-criticism and listening closely to those criticizing me. I like finding people who make me feel like I'm not good enough, it may be painful sometimes though the more I expose myself the less pain occurs but it forces me to be better and strive higher. it also challenges me to refine my understandings or throw them away if they don't stand up 2 criticism. But there is a difference between someone who makes you feel lesser by virtue of their accomplishments and well thought-out criticisms versus a person who makes you feel lesser through emotional manipulation and projection. there is a distinction to be had there in being able to spot an abusive criticizer versus a non abusive criticizer is very important. With that said heres my criticism. I really don't think this video answers the question: "how do you spot an unhealthy infj?" I'll list some more concrete signs of unhealthy infj. Procrastination, criticism avoidance, attention-seeking, binge eating, lack of impulse control, lack of consideration for the future, constantly projecting negativity & long term isolation. These behaviours are commonly associated with an unhealthy infj. I hope this post answers the question.
Hi guys, thanks for watching! What do you consider unhealthy behavior for INFJ? Share and exchange ideas with each other
I was unhealthy for a while keeping people in my life that didn't belong there or made me feel differently about myself nowadays whenever I have someone in my life that makes me feel different about myself I destroy our relationship immediately. you're right wenzes thank you and I love you for making this video
Being overly accommodating of others including toxic narcs. Doormat.
When you beat the living crap 💩 out of a narcissist.
Yeah I agree on the martyr syndrome. I've been there before! Perfectionism, not setting boundaries, avoiding conflict at all costs are other things I think infj struggle with.
You just waiting for a explosion 💥 of setting things straight.
So true
I become unhealthy when I become too attached to people or ideas. Even when it is positive at first, I have a tendency to take it to extremes. I'm trying to learn to look at advice as guidelines instead of rules, and to let my mentors serve me as I pay it forward, instead feeling like I owe a life debt to everyone who inspires me.
I'm almost 44 and after a life full of torture, I'm finally maybe figuring out what may be going on.
Thank you for addressing my main concern with this notion of "unhealthy/healthy" [insert mbti personality here]. Let's get real - these are labels. General characterizations people use to categorize others as a or b (summing to good or bad). When is it ever that simple? Are you going to label yourself "unhealthy?" And if you choose to do that, what purpose does that serve you? Little. Instead, take a step back and analyze your stress levels, habits, and relationship styles. If your stress load is too high, cut some stressors out of your life. No need to label them healthy or unhealthy. Just reduce your exposure to them. One of my first exposures to MBTI was in the context of change management. Different personalities have different needs at different phases of change. I learned later that the same applies to conflict. Just because you don't like it, does not mean the other person is "unhealthy." There may simply be a conflict in needs. But if you don't like it, reassess how much exposure you have to endure. If you feel compelled to label someone as unhealthy, you would do the other person a favor by walking away. Noone is going to appreciate your informing them they are on the whole unhealthy. Now if you want to address specific behaviors, more power to you: "When you do this, I feel this way." That's a valuable skill to have in maintaining a healthy relationship, assuming each person is respecting the other's boundaries.
Cameron Dias, THAT'S Who Wenzes kinda Reminds me of, She looks like a Multi-Ethnic Version of Cameron Dias...I'm an ENTJ, so that was Really Bothering me, but, I figured it out!!! 😇
;)
Self examination is a good idea when it comes to this topic, and you make a lot of good points in this video about it. ( I've watched it twice and will probably watch it again). But I think the most important point you make is it at the end when you point out that we all are are the centers of our own particular life's universe, and when everything is said and done, each of is has to make our own decisions.
👍😊
I need help. I can't continue like this, otherwise my life is doomed.
Thanks for this great video. I'm an INFP but have a new friend who i strongly suspect is an INFJ. Unfortunately, his constant unsolicited advice toward me as well as his not being able to fulfill a very small yet meaningful request to me from 8-9 months ago (meanwhile, I have helped him a lot.. because i operated from a stance that I'm his friend and i could do 'xyz' to help him upon his request), but his actions, behavior and words do not line align, so i have arrived at the conclusion that he has his own agenda and he operates on what he believes is right and will disregard others even if it means ignoring them in a self-serving way. It makes me feel bad, because likely he *means* well but he doesn't realize he needs to stop categorizing people and/or trying to save them/me, and instead could be a loving friend. Too bad. Not sure how to end a friendship with him.
I love your old stuff, Wenzes... These old videos just seem so refreshingly genuine... Unfortunately, for some reason, I can't say the same for your recent stuff... I can't put my finger on it... But great content either way!
To be honest... I need to take days as they come... I stay away from conflict although I give straight and honest factual comments ... but it takes a lot if energy from me... people really exhaust me.
That’s totally true. Our need to be kind makes US want to look within.
What if you have no choice, due to your surroundings and the people around you.
I moved down here to help mom. Her group of friends aren't mine, yet they're always around me.
I bought a house down here and let her move in with me, and now can't escape these people.
Love it Wenzes, your spot on, for anyone to compare themselves, they limit themselves & put a label on whether they're unhealthy & healthy, rather then focusing on themselves with self love & finding a balance if they feel unhealthy, mindfulness positive affirmations & working on any weakness within them helps, developing boundaries also helps, the mayrta complex can be helped by simply understanding that it's wise to help those who request your help, allowing them to be them as your perception & there's may differ, anything positive they could learn from you in terms of your healthy positive wave they will, without feeling pressured or controlled, worse case scenario to push your will on someone could end up in someone being seriously hurt, toxic people, are what they are so if they're unhealthy they just are, if they want to become healthy that's entirely up to them, so healthy INFJs pave the way & shine a light & torch for many to learn from, we are all teachers/pupils... 🙏
I think veganism was the worst example, placing ideology before people?
Diplomatic approach 💕 we all have our timing...theory meets practical application.
Wenzes, can you make a video about INFJs and personality disorders? It might be controversial and truth might hurt, but many INFJs are likely to suffer from boarderline or paranoid personality disorder. Just an idea.
@Naivegedanke Funny thing is that our paranoid and borderline traits are what make us leader types. We use paranoia to manipulate sometimes haha
I think it's a great idea but I don't have much experience with this - so I would know what advice to give there or how it actually looks like
@@Wenzes Oh you were lucky then.. Haha
@Naivegedanke I am more like your friend. But if you are being self-destructive i suggest you raise some Pride and screw everyone. Better this way, not that it's the best but still... Mach keine naive Gedanke (i guess you are germanic) =p. Nonetheless I believe Paranoia Personality Disorder is close to Borderline with avoidant and narcissistic elements. I don't see this as a real illness. However if it goes beyond a limit, then it becomes a clear mental illness and it is better to see a specialist. What I mean to say is that "Disorder" does not necessarily imply illness unless it goes beyond a limit. I am not a specialist though.
Most of the INFJs I have met have anxiety challenges. One is diagnosed Borderline. I am not in favour of diagnoses I see that as limiting and puts a person in a box.
I read something yesterday that mentioned INTJs being prone to schizoid and antisocial tendencies. Makes me wonder about how combinations of functions take each of us to internal realms that could be challenging.
Thanks, this stuff is really helpfull. I have Bulgarian coworkers by the way. Very nice people.
Linkin Park - One More Light. Should've stayed. Were there signs I ignored?
Can I help you not to hurt anymore?
We saw brilliance when the world was asleep
There are things that we can have but can't keep
If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out
In the sky of a million stars?
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out
If a moment is all we are?
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well, I do
The reminders pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen one more chair than you need
Oh
And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair
Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there
If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out
In the sky of a million stars?
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out
If a moment is all we are?
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well, I do
Who cares if one more light goes out
In the sky of a million stars?
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out
If a moment is all we are?
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well, I do
Well, I do
I needed this so muchhhhhhh ahhhh ,Thank youuuu!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 no joke, I clicked this video bc I wanted to check myself 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I want God’s will done.❤️✝️❤️🙏
I'm not seeing any useful answer to the question here, I'm seeing a lot of diversion, a lot of fog some words salad but really no straight up answers here.
A vegan infj is is an unhealthy infj, deficient in fat soluble vitamins and minerals, unstable blood sugars and low in hormone production. With that said ill describe a few answers to the question that ive discovered in 3 different ways:
An unhealthy infj is an infj who creates an echo chamber in order to avoid being critically challenged. They will deceive themselves, manipulate the people around them, use there social and emotional intelligence 2 extract attention and abuse those who give the attention they are afraid of which would be criticism & holding them to high standard. The infj will effectively self deceive in such a way where they have no idea they're doing these things , due to lack of self-reflection true critical analysis and first principles reasoning.
I've met a lot of INFJs, a few of them very unhealthy. The word I would use to describe the way they make me feel is toxic, it's a very good word, they're like gooey toxic slime. That's the imagery they provoke at the extremes of unhealthy, also the imagery I have of myself in my teens, an Adept manipulator and emotional abuser capable of incredible acts of self-deception and blindness. Really the biggest most common pattern I see among unhealthy INFJs is their phobia to criticism and especially when it challenges belief systems. An infj who does not react well criticism is unhealthy.
I think this whole I am who I am and you are who you are attitude **can** be unhealthy, tho its correct, thats exactly why it works so well for self deception. if I'm doing something wrong and I'm an unhealthy infj I'll say something like I am who I am this is my world and I can do what I want. I used to say that to kind of prime myself to avoid really going in and challenging my belief systems. I'll say it a thousand times listening to the voices coming from the shadow be it from your own or from others is critical in growth for any type. For example years ago when I wanted everybody else to be vegan as well and I had severe emotional pain when people criticize my vegan lifestyle, I pushed them away and went into denial, found whatever way I could to avoid facing the reality that it was not good for my health to go against a million years of evolution. It was only until I got Adept with philosophical critical thought aimed back at myself that I realized I had to listen to everybody and not just those who reinforced my belief system. I realized how much I was in myself, how many incredibly clever ways I was capable of pulling the blinds over my own eyes. As a result of this painful process of reevaluation on my beliefs/axiomatic framework i was convinced 2 go back on a primarily meat-based diet eating vegetables only while they are fermented did my health reach a level where I can do things like run Mountain Marathons and work 90 hours per week with no burnout, no fatigue no tiredness, both physical and emotional. This is only one example of the ways my life and productivity were improved through self-criticism and listening closely to those criticizing me.
I like finding people who make me feel like I'm not good enough, it may be painful sometimes though the more I expose myself the less pain occurs but it forces me to be better and strive higher. it also challenges me to refine my understandings or throw them away if they don't stand up 2 criticism. But there is a difference between someone who makes you feel lesser by virtue of their accomplishments and well thought-out criticisms versus a person who makes you feel lesser through emotional manipulation and projection. there is a distinction to be had there in being able to spot an abusive criticizer versus a non abusive criticizer is very important.
With that said heres my criticism. I really don't think this video answers the question: "how do you spot an unhealthy infj?" I'll list some more concrete signs of unhealthy infj.
Procrastination, criticism avoidance, attention-seeking, binge eating, lack of impulse control, lack of consideration for the future, constantly projecting negativity & long term isolation.
These behaviours are commonly associated with an unhealthy infj. I hope this post answers the question.
🎯