Yes, and I only started to piece together what was going on a few years ago. It always baffled me how she could go from one state to another, like flipping a light switch.
That's the jackal and hyde dynamic, these people are something else, you can't deal with the irrational and illogical moods regardless of what causes it, give it some fancy psychological definition but miserable is miserable either way!
This is my life with my stbx narc spouse. I've even tried to talk with him about this behavior because it causes so many problems between us. He often escalates conversations into arguments because he is intolerant of differing viewpoints and he frequently misinterprets things I say. He absolutely refuses to recognize that this is what he does, and he will quickly turn on me and start attacking my character. Then I get blamed for being an instigator and told that it's my fault that he gets angry. It's all so nonsensical and maddening, and it has played a huge role in the destruction of our marriage.
I always wondered about this & didn’t get it. “Where did all that love go?” Didn’t realize there was a term for it. Thank you!! Excellent way to understand this.
I always believed that over time in a relationship you developed some kind of credibility with your partner so they know that you're good for them even when you say something stupid or mess up. But with my ex i said one thing and it wiped away our entire relationship. He no longer viewed me as someone he loved even though i was once the person who hung the moon in his eyes. It hurt so much to see him switch like that and he was cruel when i reached out expressing my hurt feelings and desire to work things out. Now i understand that he was most likely a narcissist and he had forgotten our love and the moments we shared.
@@solicitedadvice1771 thank you for your concern... I got into therapy got on depression and anxiety meds because I had a lot going on internally as well and he exploited it. I'm doing better..... So much better. It's funny cause he messed my mental state up so much that I found help to deal with not only what he did but all my past trauma. Looking back I don't think our relationship would have lasted had I been mentally stable.
Daily!!!!! He knows everything! Or if you point out his rude behavior towards anyone (wait staff) he proceeds to throw a fit saying how I never support him!!! WTH???
My ex fiance is a narcissist/sociopath/phycopath. His rage was insane. I would fawn just to protect myself constantly. He beat me one night and then drove our jeep off a bridge into a dam. After that instead of trying to fix things he cheated because I got out of the house and wasn't around. Obviously there's much more to this story and many details. But he is very high on the spectrum and will never change, he just turned 50. He is already with his new 20 year old gf and is an online predator. He always needs constant attention.
I can’t even tell you how much this helped me! Thank you! I have never seen a video on this and this explained a huge question mark I had about my ex’s behavior!!! I was either the best ever or I was the worst ever. I didn’t understand it because people always talk about love bombing and discarding but I didn’t know if this back and forth thing was a narcissistic tendency. Thank you so much!!!!!!! This brought out every codependency within me which was probably good because I needed to take a hard look at my people pleasing. Thanks again!!!
I thought that was idealizing devaluing and splitting and lack of remorse. This is common in both bpd and npd. I do agree with the object constancy in the state of manchild who sees new shiny toy :in that moment they forget about you and everything that they have learned to love about you they "forget" due to wanting that instant gratification And then when they realize new shiny toy doesn't want them they attempt to hoover and come crawling back
This is my soon to be ex .. 1 mins he was so in love w me and 10 mins later I was number 1 public enemy… and I couldn’t figure it out it’s like why can I love u still …and u hate me over a fight .. and every time we got had a disagreement it was divorce for sure for him and it was for me to work it out
What advice would you have for the narcissist, should they isolate themselves? What kind of life is left for the narcissist if their brain is not developed enough to maintain object permanence and so they are unable to hold an integrated version of loved ones? I feel like this is the same thing that occurs in BPD and CPTSD, I understand advising others to avoid emotional damage to themselves, but also surely this is a mental disability that those with the disorder are suffering from and an extremely painful existence for them as they cannot hold integrated versions of themselves and others?
I have asked this question and have done some extensive research, I haven't found anything very positive, just slight to very mild behaviour changes (often not noticable) with therapy that is extremely unlikely as narcissists usually don't go to therapy, their narcissism won't allow them to know and understand that they have a problem and need help, their disorder is designed perfectly to block out the very things they need to understand in order to get help and make meaningful changes, unfortunately it's a highly treatment resistant disorder, only thing you can do is either leave or radical acceptance and management of expectations to limit the damage but any changes will have to come from you because they aren't going to change.
It would be with everyone. However, how much they do this with any one person will depend on how much it benefits them. The object constancy is part of being a narcissist though and can't be "turned off".
1;50+ "it still exists" !!! LOL I love your program yeaaaa yes!! hahahhahhahah abusers are unhinged they 'forget' but it is based on my guess you will say next on the puppet they invent of you!! then comes the crimes yeaaaa!!!
“You become the enemy in that moment”... wow. Right on.
Yes, and I only started to piece together what was going on a few years ago. It always baffled me how she could go from one state to another, like flipping a light switch.
That's the jackal and hyde dynamic, these people are something else, you can't deal with the irrational and illogical moods regardless of what causes it, give it some fancy psychological definition but miserable is miserable either way!
This is my life with my stbx narc spouse. I've even tried to talk with him about this behavior because it causes so many problems between us. He often escalates conversations into arguments because he is intolerant of differing viewpoints and he frequently misinterprets things I say. He absolutely refuses to recognize that this is what he does, and he will quickly turn on me and start attacking my character. Then I get blamed for being an instigator and told that it's my fault that he gets angry. It's all so nonsensical and maddening, and it has played a huge role in the destruction of our marriage.
I always wondered about this & didn’t get it. “Where did all that love go?” Didn’t realize there was a term for it. Thank you!! Excellent way to understand this.
You are welcome! Thank you for sharing and welcome to the Mindset Therapy Family.
This is why I'm disowning my so-called parents at 51-yrs old
I always believed that over time in a relationship you developed some kind of credibility with your partner so they know that you're good for them even when you say something stupid or mess up. But with my ex i said one thing and it wiped away our entire relationship. He no longer viewed me as someone he loved even though i was once the person who hung the moon in his eyes. It hurt so much to see him switch like that and he was cruel when i reached out expressing my hurt feelings and desire to work things out. Now i understand that he was most likely a narcissist and he had forgotten our love and the moments we shared.
That must have been just brutal, I hope you're doing better now.
@@solicitedadvice1771 thank you for your concern... I got into therapy got on depression and anxiety meds because I had a lot going on internally as well and he exploited it. I'm doing better..... So much better. It's funny cause he messed my mental state up so much that I found help to deal with not only what he did but all my past trauma.
Looking back I don't think our relationship would have lasted had I been mentally stable.
Your specific insight is so helpful to me and in my life!
So happy to hear it’s helpful!
@DrEmilyMayfield Can you do a video on adult and parent enmeshment and/or the connection of that to personality disorders?
Daily!!!!! He knows everything! Or if you point out his rude behavior towards anyone (wait staff) he proceeds to throw a fit saying how I never support him!!! WTH???
My ex fiance is a narcissist/sociopath/phycopath. His rage was insane. I would fawn just to protect myself constantly. He beat me one night and then drove our jeep off a bridge into a dam. After that instead of trying to fix things he cheated because I got out of the house and wasn't around. Obviously there's much more to this story and many details. But he is very high on the spectrum and will never change, he just turned 50. He is already with his new 20 year old gf and is an online predator. He always needs constant attention.
You need a new vocabulary because you do not provide enough details to show that dude is a narc...LEARN ENGLISH or something like that!
I’m so glad I found your channel!! 💫
Thank you so much! I appreciate your support and happy I can provide information that might help you.
I can’t even tell you how much this helped me! Thank you! I have never seen a video on this and this explained a huge question mark I had about my ex’s behavior!!! I was either the best ever or I was the worst ever. I didn’t understand it because people always talk about love bombing and discarding but I didn’t know if this back and forth thing was a narcissistic tendency. Thank you so much!!!!!!! This brought out every codependency within me which was probably good because I needed to take a hard look at my people pleasing. Thanks again!!!
So happy to hear it was helpful for you!
I thought that was idealizing devaluing and splitting and lack of remorse.
This is common in both bpd and npd.
I do agree with the object constancy in the state of manchild who sees new shiny toy :in that moment they forget about you and everything that they have learned to love about you they "forget" due to wanting that instant gratification
And then when they realize new shiny toy doesn't want them they attempt to hoover and come crawling back
My ex is always so angry... He's so demonic
So very well explained! Thank you
My aunt thinks I have all day to wait for her because she is brimful of object constancy.
From personal experience they are spoiled brats who refuse to grow TF up
So in this marriage
Thank you so much. That explained a lot
Glad it was helpful!
Hi Doc.
Oh, my! That is me! Quick to be enraged and reject: women, employers…
Wow it’s good that you can see it
Yeah, sure, whatever! I see some weirdo pushing feminist agenda
I just found your channel. Very helpful. Good information in short time of videos.
This is my soon to be ex .. 1 mins he was so in love w me and 10 mins later I was number 1 public enemy… and I couldn’t figure it out it’s like why can I love u still …and u hate me over a fight .. and every time we got had a disagreement it was divorce for sure for him and it was for me to work it out
What advice would you have for the narcissist, should they isolate themselves? What kind of life is left for the narcissist if their brain is not developed enough to maintain object permanence and so they are unable to hold an integrated version of loved ones? I feel like this is the same thing that occurs in BPD and CPTSD, I understand advising others to avoid emotional damage to themselves, but also surely this is a mental disability that those with the disorder are suffering from and an extremely painful existence for them as they cannot hold integrated versions of themselves and others?
This is a good question. I'd also like to know what would happen..
I have asked this question and have done some extensive research, I haven't found anything very positive, just slight to very mild behaviour changes (often not noticable) with therapy that is extremely unlikely as narcissists usually don't go to therapy, their narcissism won't allow them to know and understand that they have a problem and need help, their disorder is designed perfectly to block out the very things they need to understand in order to get help and make meaningful changes, unfortunately it's a highly treatment resistant disorder, only thing you can do is either leave or radical acceptance and management of expectations to limit the damage but any changes will have to come from you because they aren't going to change.
My question. Do they do this with everyone. Like family , friends or co workers. Or just their intimate partner ?
It would be with everyone. However, how much they do this with any one person will depend on how much it benefits them. The object constancy is part of being a narcissist though and can't be "turned off".
@@DrEmilyMayfield here is my story th-cam.com/video/BW9oi1585kY/w-d-xo.html
TY
Is this related to final discard also ?
Yes. Yes. Spot on.
Super. TY
They are monsters, they scream just to hurt other persons ego 😢they think I live in their home and I am their slave 😢
What
1;50+ "it still exists" !!! LOL I love your program yeaaaa yes!! hahahhahhahah abusers are unhinged they 'forget' but it is based on my guess you will say next on the puppet they invent of you!! then comes the crimes yeaaaa!!!
So no one played with them? Or beat them as infant?