ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2021
- Have you ever been told 'Surely you can recover for the sake of your child/ren?'
I have, and in this video I'll be briefly chatting about my response to this question. Please message me on Instagram (below) or in the comments add your thoughts! Maybe we'll even get a part 2 for it.
Instagram: ange_miniarts
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I don't have children and I know this is an old video, but as soon as you mentioned that your anxiety and C-PTSD makes it hard for you to stay recovered, I knew I could relate. I've had an eating disorder for about five years: started as orthorexia for a year, then morphed into anorexia for the next four years, and now I've been in recovery since January (outpatient since April). My healing process has felt extremely slow, and since working with my psychologist (who specialises in trauma and EDs) and my registered dietitian (specialises in EDs and is trauma-informed and holistic), who both use Somatic Experiencing in their practices, I've learned that there are a ton of barriers to me eating enough [even months into recovery], outside of my fear of gaining my body fat back. These barriers are mostly from my complex trauma, but also my depression and ADHD and nicotine addiction (maybe my anxiety disorders, as well). They make me want to invalidate and minimise the progress I've made, like, "I could be intuitively eating by now, instead of still at the beginning of the mechanical eating process*, if only I didn't have all these other illnesses on top of my ED," and makes me feel alone: "everyone else in ED recovery has it so easy, because all they have to recover from is just their ED, while I'm over here stuck with my complex trauma and a ton of other mental shit". I wish my recovery were so simple as only having an ED and nothing else, but the reality is that it isn't simple for me, and that's why I'm still not gaining weight/still losing muscle even though I've already done three months of outpatient treatment. So thank you, Angela, for letting me know that I'm not the only one for whom complex trauma +other things makes recovery especially difficult and complicated!
*my dietitian and I are still focusing on "eating something is better than nothing"...I'm not at the stage where I can think about how many food groups I'm eating in one sitting, yet
It's a road, isn't it?
Well done on leaving hospital and being in recovery! What method are you using for recovery?
I'll be seeing a psychologist for the first time in years. She will be hard a psychologist who is ED informed, I don't have too many issues with my trauma. This seemed to improve so much two years ago when I came out of my coma. I have heard about somatic experiencing, and I do hope you continue to recover and live your life fully. It's an old video but zi have made several new ones and I have just gotten out of 🏥 for the 7th time in my life. I an so pleased to be home, with my daughter and with my parents. I adore being a mother, it was the only thing I ever wanted to do in my life. I am doing my best to keep up with all my meals and snacks, and doing well so far, but full recovetybzi don't yet see as possible for me. I have severe and enduring anorexia and I am chronic, but intend never to get so sick I'm made to go to hospital ever again. Who knows? Maybe that will change, maybe something amazing will happen and I will be able to do it sometime in my life, but if it ever does, I don't see it until I'm a lot older.
Keep up your recovery journey and do the best you can each day. Like I've said before, I believe you can do this and live a thriving life. Xxx
I get it. I have two sons and the guilt I carry is tremendous, and people who don’t get eating disorders just make it worse. If we could make it disappear for them, we would!
Absolutely!
I understand why having a child usually can't be the reason for getting better, without any explanation!
An eating disorder is an illness, you can't control an illness (otherwise you would). If you could get better for the sake of your child, you would!!
The illness takes over rationality, control, and is strong powerful force in the mind. (that you can't control)
I so hope you do manage to back on to the path of recovery, I want you to have your life! :-) All the very best, Helen xx
(wish i could suggest something to help you but I expect you've already heard most of it)
Exactly! I'm still amazed that I have still received these comments, particularly from people who've known me all my life, but actually I do feel like EDs are still perceived in the realms of 'not really an illness' or the 'naughty child' disease 'attention-seeking' etc etc while perceptions about other mental illnesses have moved forward a lot. Probably because EDs like anorexia can have such a strong behavioural component and sometimes a physical manifestation so that's all people see? xxx
@@ababy6074 Thanks for your reply to my comment! I think mental health disorders and how they affect the person is extrememly hard for people to understand, if they don't suffer themselves, so even those that are closest to you have a hard time understanding. But if they care they will try to understand and accept, with patience.
I hate the suffering that mental health disorders impose, often on the nicest people.
I completely agree. I had an eating disorder in my teens. I say "had", but really it has stuck around in my head and creeps back from time to time. But I also have severe clinical depression, severe anxiety, and c-ptsd. I cannot tell you how many times family, friends, acquaintances, and sadly even doctors and nurses have told me to "just smile and you'll feel better", or "think about something other than your anxiety, and you won't have anxiety". But it truly is not that easy. People also think that if you have severe depression, you somehow lost the ability to smile, and then you hear something funny and you smile. Then they tell you, "see I told you you would feel better if you smiled." These mental health disorders are not as cut and dry as people think. You cannot just eat a meal and be cured of an ED. People with depression do have other feelings and are capable of smiling. But to say to us just smile and your depression will go away. Or take your mind off your past or ocd and think about something else , and you'll be fine. There are complex chemical imbalances going on in the brain that even doctors say they don't fully understand. Trust me, I have smiled all day long, but at the end of the day I still have the bottomless pit despair, the headaches, the aches and pains, the slowness and lethargy that all come with having depression. BTY: yes depression is, well depressing, but you may know someone who smiles, jokes with you, and laughs all day long, but they can still have severe depression. My aunt saw me laughing with a friend for just a few minutes, and later said to me, "well you must not be that depressed after all." There needs to be better education about these topics. Thank you ABABY for sharing your life with us.
Hi! Thank you for commenting 😊 You would seriously think that given mental disorders/illnesses overlap in so many ways, particularly with EDs, (which are great behavioural outlets if not the primary problem) - that those kinds of comments wouldn’t still be a thing. I’m sorry to hear you have experienced such trivialisation too. The whole situation is so demeaning and invalidating and it can sometimes just makes us feel unsafe, just driving the mental illness - a vicious circle! I hear you and I do hope you are having a warm and happy day in your heart whatever the weather outside xoxox
Hi Ababy, yes, I think everyone with EDs and other mental illnesses have experiences where they are not heard. If you're not obviously sick (or have an invisible disability, some call it) then some people will say your not sick, or not as sick as you say. So yes its a vicious cycle. As if the vicious cycles of the illnesses themselves aren't enough. I live in AZ USA so the weather here is plenty warm. May you have a wonderful day and sunshine in your heart. 😊
I agree there needs to be so much more education on these topics for treatment teams! But keep up doing your best, even when it's hard and you long to quit. You are so much more than your mental health disorder ❤ xxxx
It’s a sad fact that some people only understand a problem if they have it themselves one day. Empathy is a kind and decent thing to demonstrate to others. Even simply just taking the time to do a bit of research on a health issue or any issue causing another person distress would go a long way towards creating a kinder environment.
A person can no more shake off a mental illness than someone else can shake off migraine (I know!) or arthritis or any other chronic illness.
Great video. Xxx
I agree. Not to say it isn't terribly difficult for people around us and sometimes our kids too, but we need to have some self-compassion too. Thank you for your support and comment!
I'm tired of people telling me I 'should' recover just because I have a child. I know many people who suffer mental disorders who have children, you know? But somehow if it's anorexia it's thought you must just be able to shrug it off otherwise you're 'bad'. At this point my daughter is my only tether.
Hello I’ve just found you after your MPA thread, just letting you know I’m always here if u need support and I love your channel
Aaaww thank you so much! I love you guys because you are so supportive xoxoxo
I hope you can one day feel better and recover from this horrible illness my love, wishing you peace and happiness in your life and your child too.
That is so kind and lovely, thank you! Tell me more about yourself if you feel inclined. XX
@@ababy6074 Not a lot to tell I suffer with depression but nothing like what you are going through , my daughter too suffers and I worry for her as she goes from low weight to heavy weight she is a comfort eater but if she decides to lose weight she goes to the extreme she can’t seem to find a happy medium she is miserable thin as she starves herself and miserable when overweight cos then she hates herself. So I understand your suffering and truly hope you will come out on top, as I keep wishing for my daughter to one day be happy. 💕💕💕 so you take care now. 🕊🕊🕊🕊
Thank you for your voice. I can relate to this as I have two boys. I'm truly sorry that you are going through this. We know you love your daughter, she is lucky to have a mom that loves her ❤ I wish you the best in your life.
Thank you so much!
This is such a brave video ❤️
I’ve also had AN for most of my life (23 years), and have an almost 6yo daughter.
Having a baby is the biggest blessing, but is often accompanied by SO MUCH TRAUMA.
Sending love your way xx
Oh wow! Thank you for sharing. It's so true what you say about having a baby and being a mother. I'd love to hear from you more. Want to message? Instagram: ange_miniarts
So true! I am in recovery from a long term ed and also have cptsd and bipolar. They all affect one another which makes everything so much more complicated. Hospitals and everything related to medical professionals interacting with me are some of my worst cptsd triggers. On top of having a traumatic reaction, I end up in a depressive episode for months and I tend to cope with all of that with the help of ed behaviors. My cptsd reaction is very obvious so I get a lot of questions and the most common one is, "How are you going to have children? You will need to be in hospital a lot. Will you still pass out at the sight of benign things?" Sadly, it's often asked in a mocking tone.
Even though I want children some day, my inability to have them now due to my mental health is the last of my concerns. There are some more urgent issues that come with these diagnoses, you know? And I have enough guilt already, don't need any extra.
I do everything I can to recover. I managed to change the behavioral part of the ed and learned to live with the mental part of it. I found a way to more or less stabilize bipolar and I don't swing as much as I used to unless something happens in my life. I still have episodes though and I learned to navigate through them and accommodate myself. But the cptsd part freaking stinks. I've tried so many things and none of them worked. Besides, I found out that many professionals don't really know how to deal with it. Especially, if there is dissociation involved.
Anyway, I am still looking for new things to try and come back to something I've used in the past but it doesn't mean I am cured. Cptsd is as much of a mental illness as it is a physical one. It affects you as a whole and that's why it sucks. Having children is amazing but recovery is a bit more complex than that:)
Gosh, if I were describing some of my c-PTSD and ED history I could have written your first paragraph! Oh the irony of how doctors and hospital treatment and things purported to ‘help’ us can do the most damage of all sometimes. I’m sad about how your disorders have played this much havoc with your life that you don’t see kids in the future, but t I think it’s important to know your truth inside about it, and in your obvious wisdom you do.
CPTSD is the real bitch for me too. It also triggers the ED really bad for me. These disorders feed off one another like parasites, making the other worse, and repeat! Well done though on being able to have done so much to move forward. No, nothing as simple as becoming a parent can be the answer to these problems, but for me I felt very, very strongly about being a mother.
Welcome back great to see you again.
Thank you! How are you? How is your Mum?
@@ababy6074I have to be ok for my mums sake, i get stressed out alot. She is getting worse with her walking, she confused more. All this was to be expected, do you have an email address?? i can chat to you there if you wish.
@@CarlsVlogs sure message me on Instagram at @ange_miniarts. I can't really leave my personal email just here. Would be happy to talk if you need someone.
I pray things get better:) ♥️🙏
Thank you so much Bria xoxox
It must be scary for her kids, seeing her that way.
How is that comment helpful???
@@jennifermarsh1260 Because it’s honest and it’s true
I'm sorry :(
@@ababy6074 Ange, sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for!!! Someone who has no idea what they are talking about in the comments shouldn't be making you feel bad...hugs😢💓💓💓🙏
@@jennifermarsh1260 maybe she meant scary like worried scary. I lost my sister a year ago, and her kids won't talk about how they feel about it. They keep their feelings deeply buried. But this is so much deeper, you can't just snap out of it, as "easy" as it seems to be for someone who has not experienced it I think for me it boils down to deep horrible sadness and also anger because I lost my sister, and she would never get help. She always said she was fine. We knew otherwise, but we begged and begged her to see someone, a doctor. She was only 53 years old! So young, so funny, so beautiful. I miss her so deeply and will never get to talk to her again. It is a life long struggle. I hope things can get better, bit by bit, step by step. I know it's not easy. Xoxoxo
Will you be my friend?
Of course I will! Are you okay?
Yes I'm doing well
How are you?
I'd love to be your friend. Is there somewhere I can contact you? Xox
@@ababy6074 are you on Instagram ?
@archishme is my account
Hi, are you still around?