All I want to do now since I left him in my free time is sleep. 17+ years of never getting enough and being drained of my energy eventually caught up. He once even told me the reason I never felt good was because I would sleep in a few extra hours on my only day off. He said sleep makes you sick. Meanwhile, I’d come home in the middle of a work day to grab something and he’d be sleeping instead of working. 🙄
@@AM-.. More like if he was awake in the daytime I should be too whether he was there or not. Never mind him sitting on the sofa falling asleep when he was watching tv while I was still up till 10 p.m. doing chores.
@@AM-..constantly pulling the duvet over their side causing a draught & “accidentally”all night kicking you in the bed pretending they’re trying to get comfy
My narc husband would work late and when I was sleeping soundly , he would wake me up to tell me some irrelevant news or to chew me out. It ruined my sleep for the rest of the night.
If he wasn't working , he was sleeping..... "I work hard, now I'm tired!!! You wouldn't understand because you aren't very smart!" Then, when I was done the very long day of a working mother, house duties etc. he would wake to watch porn etc. He would stomp around so I was constantly woken up.... It truly was a living hell. I was NEVER as alone as when I was married.
Same here! The porn use and other addictions go deep. The excessive sleep is mind boggling. The weed and sugar consumption...anything for them to check out and numb themselves
@d0v3Tai1 that's a great explanation as to why they seek certain vices and do what they do. It's a sad life for them to always be running away from their pain, numbing it and bringing others down with them in the process instead of dealing w their stuff. It's hard for me not to have compassion for their underlying pain... But that same compassion has kept me stuck in abusive relationships for way too long.
Yes they do these things for two reasons. You probably told them at some point that your parents might have stomped when you were a child and it upset you. That's why they do it. Now, they are bored all the time and they HAVE to have something to do because if they were alone with their own thoughts, it would drive them crazy as they are so empty and have so much shame and guilt.
Mine will be so damn loud in the morning because he thinks if he’s up then so should everyone else! Bang around in the kitchen, leaving with all the lights on, slamming the doors shut! Then the weekends you think since he’s off everyone could sleep in? No NOPE! He wakes everyone up and then wants everyone to be quiet shortly after so he can lay down and nap all day!
My Narc as well, every word you just said. In fact weekends would be even earlier wake up's and he also woke every 3 hours through the night to pee and check his phone!
Also blaring the TV/or music at a crazy level. You're about to go to sleep or already asleep. Ask them to trun it down a notch, you'll get the look and response like it's an inconvenience to them.😟😵💫
Yes, so true! When you ask them to please turn down the TV while they are having a conversation with you and you can't hear them over the TV...they go into a rage!!!! Absolutely demonic!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My narc husband used to bang the doors and swear and curse and call me terrible names late into night deliberately to disturb our sleep. When the children left, I started doing the same to him, kicking and banging the door just when he had fallen asleep telling him that this is a taste of his own medicine. Exhausted, he asked me "Are you going to do this all night?!" And I replied "Yes! " He used to sleep every weekend till 11 am, while I had to do all the shopping, breakfast for the kids, lunch, dinner, cleaning, washing etc. When he finally came down, he would complain bitterly that he was bored to death. " I have never stayed at home like this! " was his regular comment. They are so jealous and dissatisfied that they don't even like other people sleeping peacefully for a few hours 😱
I will never forget 13 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a shock. I was very young. My son was just about to turn one. I remember that night I couldn't sleep. I was so scared. I kept praying that I would live until my son was old enough to remember me. Luckily, I did recover. But I'll never forget that first night when I had just found out. I didn't have a prognosis yet. he was lying next to me fast asleep. I remember looking at him. I saw him as a person outside of myself. I realized I was an independent person and I remember thinking that was a good thing. That I could see us as two separate people. That seemed healthy. I thought of waking him but I said no - I should be strong. This is hard for him. But he also fell asleep on me when my friend died suddenly and tragically, when my beloved pet died, when I was sick, countless times. He used to say he had no control over sleeping - that he had a sleep disorder. I believed him. I spent so many nights alone at such difficult moments. And he never cared. Then, like you said, he'd be up all night and wake me all the time by dropping things off the bed or waking me for some little thing. He had energy for everyone but me. As soon as he came home from work he would say he was exhausted. Then he'd get a phone call and run off talking loudly with plenty of energy. I can't believe the lies I fell for. He never loved me. I will never know what it feels like to be loved. I thought all this was normal
@lexbest. Read this and wanted to say that you ARE loved and appreciated, on all levels, by everyone you interact with as you've gone through life. Your post will have resonated and touched loads of people, just like you; gentle and intelligent and selfless. I've met others just like this and they make all the difference in life. People like your husband, (and mine, EXACTLY!) drain all the joy and energy out of life. ❤️
My ex was exactly the same. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, he told me that I was 'using' my cancer diagnosis for attention. These people are evil.
My 52-year-old niece isn't speaking to me ever again, because I asked her to stop calling me at 5:15 in the morning, and she doesn't like being told what to do or not do. She said she calls everyone at that time, and "no one else has a problem with it". I am twenty years older than she is, and had covid when she called me at that hour and woke me up, and she KNEW that I had covid and didn't feel well, as I had written her an email telling her how sick I was. She had just had four days where she could have called me during the day, but didn't, as she said that that's time she spends with her husband. She does everything according to HER schedule, and doesn't care at all whether it is convenient or not for other people. She lives several states away from me, and I am very glad that she never wants to speak to me again, because now I don't have to worry about my phone ringing at five a.m., also I no longer have to read twenty-page emails telling me all the things that she claims she does for other people, how busy she is, and bragging about all the money she makes. She has that black and white thinking. I also don't have to listen to her irritating, high-pitched voice telling me how amazing she thought I was, and the over-done "I love you soooooooo much!" with seventeen exclamation marks afterwards. I especially cringed when I heard, "Hi my beautiful auntie!" All of that seemed so phoney. She means it when she gets mad at people and tells them she will never speak to them again, as she got mad at her sister thirty years ago, hasn't spoken to her since, and is just as adamant now, about never speaking to her sister again. She said her sister did something horrible to her, but I know the truth, and I know that SHE is the one who did the horrible thing to her sister. She just didn't like it when she got caught (there was an investigation). These narcs don't like it when they get caught, they deny everything, and they tell the whole world that the OTHER person is the bad one. Anyway, I am now FREE, and life is much easier now that I know I don't have to hear from her again. Sometimes, relatives and family are the worst. Take care, everyone. ❤
I had it out with my 53 year old sister last July at a family gathering. When my little sister said big sis said she will never talk to me again- I laughed out loud and said “thank god!!!”
Oooo girl. You call me @ 5:00a it better be a damn GOOD emergency! 😂😂 You’re definitely better off without that self serving, fake “family member”. You said something about her high pitched voice…omg when my mother answers or talks on the phone…it’s like “Who are you!?”That’s not the person I was talking to not 5 minutes ago… They’re like spoiled 5 year olds that never got told “No” or “Don’t do that it’s not nice!” Smh. Can’t wait to leave from here so I can have my life back. I came back here when i began to heal my childhood. “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.”
Yes, oddly convenient weaponized sleep is totally a thing. One of my exes, who was usually kind of a night owl, never in bed before eleven, midnight or even 1am, suddenly felt sooo veeery tired at something like 8:30pm when I wanted to talk about the imbalance in how much I did for him and how little gratefulness or reciprocity I got from him. He kept saying he was so tired and we would talk about it another time, and as I was insisting that it was important and made me question our relationship, he just quietly lied down, pulled the blanket over himself turning his back on me, and started pretending to sleep as I was still in the middle of my sentence. I hadn't computed most red flags up to then and was still talking to him like a reasonable person I could have back and forth with, but this particular behaviour is part of what made me realize he was in fact completely disrespecting me to my face, all that time. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt, but at this point, clearly it wasn't just a communication issue or a misunderstanding. It was pretty much like plugging his ears and going "lalala" while I was telling him I was distressed, and somehow he thought he still had plausible deniability, because when I tried to call him out, he suddenly acted like I was a maniac torturing him by depriving him of sleep (again, it was very early, I knew his night owl habits all too well, he was in perfect health, he had done nothing all day or the day before that could have justified such an intense and sudden fatigue, and it hadn't been 30 seconds that he had lied down when I """"woke him back up""""). Worry not, that was ten years ago, I have long left him and I'm perfectly fine now, but he was such a textbook case in hindsight that I had to mention it.
Thanks for taking the time to share your experience, and I learned a lot as I read from your perspective. The way you were so detailed in writing your comment drew me in even more to want to read to the end. I think you have amazing storytelling skills and should definitely be writing books on this topic. Have a blessed and beautiful 2024 filled with good vibes and much positive energy!
you described that point of realisation so well and the comment before about still talking to them like a reasonable person; that shift is so powerful and i remember it well. eery
There is nothing quite so gut wrenching as bringing up a topic (quite calmly) that is very important to you regarding your relation only to have the other person immediately start snoring, be it 10 AM on the weekend, and you had already given them the heads up that you wanted to talk about something important to you, but tried to wait for the best time…only to realize there would never be a best time.
My mother did this. “Brush my hair, 100 strokes a day. Oh that feels good. Now I have to lay down.” Boom, asleep like she was switched off. Wake up an hour or two later, “find my glasses”. Never asked how was my school, never brushed my hair in my childhood. Except for when I was under 6, and she needed me to look presentable. Then she Ripped through it yelling when I would cry. Once, when I was adult, I asked her why I had no clothes when I was a child. She laughed and said, because I wanted them all. I couldn’t believe she would even admit it. Quite a shock.
My mom did the hair combing thing, as well. Once I became old enough for basic grooming, she basically could care less about my needs. She is now resentful of my father's needs and I cannot ignore how self focused she is.
Wow, 😮 simlarly, mom never brushed my hair when I was kid! She and my father cut my hair very short, so I was sometimes misten for a boy also because clothing they gave me. I hated the weird hair my father always cut for me 😢 I think it was for their convenience, so that neighter, my mom had to maintain my hair. My grandma had always my mom dressed up and kept pretty. I’ve been ashtonished of the old photos of her as a child. She was kept so much more presentsble and nice. My self asteem was crushed in childhood because I was always the weird girl in everywhere, because odly dressed and odd unprofessionally cut hair. I was always so ashamed of myself! It made me recluse, because I though I cannot talk to people looking tha hideous.
@LoveBeliefTruth Same, so very much the same. The short-haired cut, the inquiries about my gender, the old hand me down dresses that were handed down before I got them. It does do a number on one's self-esteem. I am sorry that we had to accept the bare minimum of provisions. Be kind to yourself, and don't give up on hope. You deserved better.
I used to lock myself in my room with my books ( study and literature ones) with the double result of avoiding my narc mother and getting top scores in exams! 😅
I recently stopped being polite or considerate during his pretend sleep. Bedroom TV volume stays loud as I want, and I brew only enough coffee for myself in the morning. Then I jump on the exercise bike or treadmill and blast favorite music. He's learned to stop faking sleep and get out of bed to brew his own coffee. 😊
He kept me awake all night hitting me in his sleep and snoring loudly. I was so sleep deprived. When I'd say I'm going to have an afternoon sleep he'd announce HE needed a nap and would sleep all afternoon. I ended up developing an auto immune disease.
Always changing sleeping patterns (times). Always have the curtains drawn, blinds down, only small lamps on. TV is always on but it’s always crime drama, cop shows, murder, rape. Sleeps in long naps.
I was 7 or 8 years old when I tell my mom I'm going to bed...she said to me You can't go to bed I'm not tired. All my life I've been around people who I would love to know where they go to sleep when they aren't around me or what drugs they're taking to stay awake.
I started sleeping with my daughter because i became afraid of the narc. I would wake up to the sound of him jiggling her door nob...unlockong it ..without saying a word...use physical force to move the chair or the couch i had lodged there between the door and the wall and he would reveal himself within the 3-4 inches he had pryed open...with a bright blue eyed smile...full suit, tie , dress shoes..jelled hair..cologne..he would announce that hes going to work! Every morning during the week!....as if he did not just pry the door open. He was the head manager of a large furniture store... I knew he had other supply for his narcissm.....but he HAD to physically disturb our sleep to show us how he was more stronger than us and bettee than me and show me how " well put together" he was while me the looser is sleeping. But i knew that him physically moving the furniture from the door would give me enough time to wake up to protect me from any violent attack he might have conjured up that night while staying up playing video games.. Chatting with random people etc
I work nights, and my narc ex would constantly ask me to come over after work when all I wanted to do was get to bed. Coming over always guaranteed I'd only be getting 3-4 hours sleep maximum before I'd have to be up for work again. Yet she was baffled that I didn't want to do this more than once a week during the workweek. She worked from home and set her own hours, so she'd get all the sleep she wanted during the day and while I was at work, yet I was being a baby for wanting to get a full night's rest before and after working my fairly physical job. She told me numerous times about how really successful people barely ever sleep. Like sleep was weakness, even though she slept more than her share when I wasn't around. She would also have videos playing loudly on her phone all through the night, and have to have a light on while she slept. Not a small nightlight, but a regular lamp. So those 3-4 hours of sleep I could get at her place, I only got through an eyemask and earplugs, which I found disruptive to my rest, but were better than the alternative. It really does feel like torture. There were several times when I just could not get to sleep at all and ended up laying there all night/morning awake hearing episodes of whatever reality show was playing on her phone. Hellish.
Anyone reading this, work on self love, having boundaries, pray, mediate, ascend, vibrate higher until you have more spiritual immunity...and don't ever give up, eventually practice the art of “ detachment” letting go to be free bad happy. All the love and peace we ever needed it is inside. Rise and the narc will fall. It's spiritual warfare
Wow, I can't believe how accurately this describes my covert narcissist mom. She was in bed most of the time, sleeping all day and awake in bed all night. She paid people to drive me to my christian school because she didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. I think she still does this for the most part. I thank God that I work 3 nights in a row and that I can sleep at night on my nights off, while doing stuff during the day. Yes, I do think it is spiritual or demonic. John 3:19-21 KJV: And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.
Yes, demons wake when it's dark, always sitting in the dark, and yes, make their appearances when they KNOW thersgoing to be someone watching...my Lord, you nailed this one **my experiences with the narc**
My narc mom would stage her diabetic reactions late at night or in the pre dawn hours of the morning. She has done this evet since I was 9 years old and I'm 44 now. She would scream, wail and thrash around her bedroom while we were trying to get a sugary soda into her so we could raise her blood sugar to the right level. After several hours of effort, she would wake up and then I'd have to be her therapist for a feq hours longer. She started doing this to me when I was just 9 years old. She would typically stage between 1-3 of these episodes per week. I never rested.
We did that. We'd have sugary sodas and candy by her bedside, but she would never help herself. She would just let herself go into a diabetic reaction/coma so we would have to cater to her violent tantrums for hours on end before being able to set her blood sugar right. We also begged her to get an insulin pump, which would automatically correct her low blood sugars, but she would just smirk and say "No." She wasn't happy unless her family was suffereing.@@jbrown2908
I slept alot bc the demonic narc sucked my energy while destroying his marriage and children while always appearing as an angel of light🐺🐍🐷he was satan in the flesh.
Wow! I never noticed it. It was his favorite past time. He was always too tired to do anything because of his part time Blue collar job. “I don’t understand because I’m a white collar worker!” I apparently don’t work hard. Meanwhile working full time, paying all the bills, doing all the housework and taking care of any other responsibilities.
Wow. You talk about things that aren’t usual topics but they are so on point. I have never seen anyone take so many naps. I wasn’t allowed to talk to him when he was tired.. which was all the time. Yet he stayed up getting drunk and then waking me up with the aftermath of drinking. He slept constantly and I was exhausted.
Same here. And we had to hold our breath and walk around on tiptoes to avoid disturbing her Royal Highness's sleep! This habit became so engrained into my life, I still walk like a cat scaring the life out of everyone!
i am glad you spoke of this. my narcissistic husband would sleep for 3 days straight, and when i finally fell asleep, he would wake me up at 3 am in the morning arguing about something many years ago
My father did the same thing when i was growing up. He was always mad and argumentative with me as a young child. He was always claiming to be working so hard at his job. Who knows what the truth was even to this day. I heard the company moved, and he didn't move with it. You tell the truth. He puts on with the neighbors like he likes them to their faces and calls them names to their backs and talks like he knows them soo well. He is a real put on artist.
Oh, interesting. You just described the pattern as the cracks started showing. If it wasn't sleeping, it was loud TV, loud computer games, or secretive social media and porn. Lots of time for leaving and 'hanging out with friends.' But totally one sided. I remember a revealing moment. X complained I spent too long doing whatever I was doing outside the house. Said sweetly, 'I want you here.' I asked why. Repeated 'I just want you here.'
Yeah, I have experienced this. The only person who I have ever known that just sleeps all day. But when I want to sleep he does things to keep me awake because he wanted me awake when he was. I became so sleep deprived that I had a mental break down. He would do things like knee me in side, fake a muscle spasm in the arm that is near me; when we were in bed while pretending to be asleep. This was followed by him saying to me when I started sleeping on the floor, "You can't get mad at me for what I do in my sleep." And it is very lonely when all they do is sleep. Then they have the nerve to complain to you about how lonely they are when you are busy working.
OMG!! You hit it! Its demonic and vampire sure sounds right. More than his laziness, he would not let me sleep for 48 years. His buddy alcohol finally took him out!!
Regardless of the technique, the idea is the same: Mess up with your brain. Feed the illusion. Be unavailable physically or emotionally. Be unaccountable. Do nothing. Make you responsible for everything (while making you believe you don't do enough). In my experience, however, it's the victim who ends up with fatigue, insomnia, etc.
This is a very precise description of my last relationship. After spending a weekend or holiday with him I would feel totally exhausted on mondays, unable to take care of my job and responsibilities. So happy I got out!!
Narcissist do to others what they will never accept being done to them. My father was typically like what the video explains, if he didn't want to talk to you don't dare insist nor wake him up but he will not hesitate one bit doing it to you. One day, my mother was sleeping and my father had no shame violently waking her up by shaking her and slapping her in the butt. My mother woke up in shock and he ordered her to meet him in the living room. By meeting him, it usually means, shutting our mouth and endure his constant blames and criticism for several minutes but dare refuse to see him and you will face a narcissistic rage. So my mother, despite being tired run to the living and endure one hour of pure nonsense of him condemning her and saying how a bad wife she was. I am happy she divorced. Another least red flag... They try to control you by pretending they are helping you and most of the time they are really helping.
Oh my gosh! Yes-that makes SO much sense. I have had sleep issues since I was a child, so when I CAN sleep, I really NEED to sleep,. But the person plaguing me ALWAYS decides that if I am finally sleeping, THAT is the perfect time to do some LOUD chore that’s been avoided for MONTHS. Then, once I’m thoroughly awake, w/ no hope of getting back to sleep, it’s time for them to crash & do nothing (whether their chore is finished or not.)
For years, yes, he would stay awake late into the night only to be unavailable for the entire next day-- I would say even from very early on of being married. In the time leading up to when I left 15 years later, he would turn on the lights, play loud music on his phone and hold it close to my ear-- knowing that I had to wake up very early with our kids (5:20 am) to get to school on time which was an hour away because he moved us away from the center of our community. He was definitely using sleep as a way to try to control me (making me exhausted) and removing himself from responsibilities (such as on the weekend when we should have been doing things with our family or generally spending time with us for the good of the household.)
I was just thinking this same thing. My Narc loves to wake me up. He goes to bed late, wakes up every 3 hours, then officially up at dawn. As soon as I get up from frustration, he sleeps. Then there is the 2-3 hour day naps while I work! So maddening!! I'm so sleep deprived and he loves it 😢
oh, i had one just like this. always snoozing. another was chronically awake and talked at me for 14 hours in a row and would keep me up all night. nightmare. my parents do not sleep during the day (well thinking about it my dad can sleep anywhere! So there is that!) but my mum keeps his behind whipped and they are busy busy busy all the time. If they did not busy themselves, they would have to deal with themselves and each other. and fall out big time would occur! ha! great videos Danish.
My ex husband would sit in his “easy chair” all day long, sometimes for 12 hours saying he had to “send emails” but he was playing video games and chatting with girls much younger than him online as well as gambling. I ran my own business and did all of the care of our children as well as cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the home. I would have to stay up so late every night to get my work done and he never ever helped! He would even have the audacity to say he was tired every night around 9:30 after sitting in the chair doing nothing all day. He wouldn’t even pick the kids up from school that was a 3 minute drive from our house to help me out. I never got to sleep past 6:30am even if I was sick. I would normally finish working at 2am just to get my work done for my business because he had me working so hard during the day cracking the whip. No way to live
My ex would suddenly get sick every Friday night for years and spent it in bed throughout the weekend thus having family time was up to me to arrange activities, she made miraculous recoveries in time for work on mondays
I can relate to this. God has set me free and i m recovering from the past trauma. The sad thing is the narc is like a self detonating bomb. The injuries they cause to others is also self inflicted. I pray to God to release them from that demonic influence and self harming behaviour
My dad... Whenever my mom try to talk to him... This is what he did... His acting along with snoring nailed My 1st ex did the same 2nd one acting like a reader and watching TV.
Thank you for making these videos and I appreciate the content but I have to make a slight correction on this one. You're saying that the narcissist sleeps all day and stays up all night playing video games, smoking weed and drinking alcohol. Well I'm pretty confident in saying that I am not the narcissist in this relationship, it is my mother. I have been working through this in therapy for over 10 years so I say this with great confidence. However, these very behaviors that you're describing are behaviors that I do. She wakes up bright and early and always wants to get on tasks. She drains me of my energy so all I want to do is sleep. I stay up all night and sleep all day so I avoid her as much as possible, spending as few hours around her as possible. I smoke a ton of weed to combat the anxiety that I've been dealing with my entire life. I don't drink alcohol but I've just never really liked it. I've always been a stoner. That said, it's a little hard for me to hear that you're saying that these are narcissistic behaviors but I'm the one that's doing them in response to the abuse that I've been taking. Just another way to look at this.
OMG this is definitely my middle son! Upside down days/nights. The roaming around making noise at night keeps everyone else from being able to be rested. Seems like a covert supply & passive /aggressive. My Narc. mother used to sleep all the time. You would think depression maybe, but she was a classic narcissist. Always it was "don't wake me up!!!" But sleeping in the middle of the afternoon when kids are at home playing, like how can you not possibly make any noise? If we woke her from a nap for any reason, even if the reason was because you were getting hurt by your sibling or hurt yourself somehow - - there was hell to pay. I mean an unnatural situation to put children in, is to make them be super quiet during the time of the day when they should be playing, and then literally to beat them with a belt and cuss them out if they wake you up. smh. Narcissists!!! I understand where you are coming from with the spiritual reference, but a LOT of these narcissists are 9-5 workers and that would be impossible for them to stay up all night making you miserable. They will find other ways. But their demons seep out even while they are sleeping, because you will feel it. You will have night terrors, and uneasiness, wake up and see shadows looming at the ceiling. You will notice it in other ways.
spot-on, danish! as early as before year 2000, without diagnosis, i thought my husband was an emotional vampire. he had the same nasty habits as u described in ur video. it was only 3 years ago that his new psychiatrist told me my husband has NPD.
I’m not quite sure if the recent past guy I was with was a full blown narc, but he would do this staying up very late playing video games and when I’m sleeping he is disturbing my rest talking loud and talking to me while I’m trying to rest. Staying drinking caffeine cokes back to back and sugary ice cream. Now the sleeping on me would be if I’m talking to him he would pretend to not listen and mocking me and just being very disrespectful 🤷🏽♀️, communicating with him was nonexistent and when I left for good I was a sourpuss doesn’t want to have fun, I was non caring and didn’t love him, but I was driving over two hours to see him, cooking doing his laundry and the whole time I’m there visiting we had to watch him play “his” games and watch “his” movies and the whole time he constantly talks talks talk…..I left and for three days I called off work and just slept in bed for three days straight…..I was very depressed and drained
You are highlighted an interesting, mostly reasoning, tactic, Dr. Bashir it's actually a mindful deflection of outside stimulus done by the Narcissist. The general mindset of the average Narcissist; is one of control, so this fits right in. There does exist a natural penalty; instore for the Narcissist for using this rotating mental block, of course, but it's not necessary to discuss that. The objective of this red flag behavior, done by the Narcissist, is to Reduce The Power Of Others; while building walls.
Seriously this hits the mark. When I was married, my husband woke me up all the time at night to “talk about the relationship.” But then he seemed, paradoxically, asleep during the day.
Yes with me it was work work and then go to the pub when he finished come home when he was ready to do it sometimes 2 to 4am if he came home early he would eat his dinner and then fall asleep in the chair and 11pm wake up and go to bed. Great video.
They would get up at 4-5am especially if they were angry or in conflict . as loud as could making excuses . Also , I''d wake to them standing over me. when I asked why they told me they were just making sure I was breathing . I didn't want them in the same room after this stared.. They use sounds and vocalizations to intimidate like if I'm not moving fast enough they will make a sound and repeat it constantly .. React to their voice all the time , I simply can't stand to hear anything that comes out of their mouth
I've thought about all the narcissists I've ever dealt with. I can't remember ever running into this particular issue. I'll read the comments & see what others have to say about this.
My narcissistic mom was just like this, but she took it a step further. She was addicted to drugs and she would take some to the point where it was impossible to wake her up. I ended up raising my brother because of this (dad passed when I was young). Then whenever she was awake it was ‘do you have any idea how awful it is to deal with you? You should be grateful I am kind enough to tolerate you!’ Also, I absolutely agree with that last part. So many times in my life I have found myself wondering whether she had even the tiniest shred of humanity inside her. Thank you for your channel sir, not only does it help me understand what I’m healing from, but it gives me the strength to do the healing I need to. Thank you for that
I have insomniac & am a survivor of narcissistic abuse . I am currently abused by family & a semi ex who I still see & call . Aholes . But I do appreciate this podcast .
In the wee hours of the night she made tiny noises in the kitchen causing small breaks in the gas line connected to the stove! In the morning I called the gas man who turned off the gas outside. My kitchen was filled with gas!
Thank you Danish! My N did take naps, keeping the mask on is exhausting... but when it slipped, pure evil poured out, black eyes and all. The evil eyes were meant for me but others have now told me they saw it too. They ate monsters but we need the education like you and others provide!!! His domination and control is unbelievable. I'm not in the usa anymore but honduras is helpful to women... Bless you!!!
Though I have decades long insomnia, I had one ex that woke me up as soon as I fell asleep at last and kept doing it through out the night every night. He was furious when he didn't get the results he wanted. I left soon after. There are times I'm glad I've insomnia, I think it saved me.
I was never allowed to take a nap, but he always took naps. I remember coming home after working a 12 at the hospital; sick as a dog. I talked to my kids for a minute and then went to shower. I sat on the bed after my shower and woke up to him slamming the door open and screaming at me because I fell asleep. I hadn’t even gotten dressed after my shower. I was just trying to catch my breath from drying off and crashed from exhaustion.
I love your videos. I have to say that in my multiple experiences with narcissists was that they were not sleepers. They were more likely to be overworking or doing something that they did alone and would get angry if they were interrupted. I was also with a narcissist that wanted to talk all the time about the relationship. Where was I at with it? What did I think about it? But that was just a manipulation as well, mining for information.
Yes some people need sleep. But when it’s either sleep or out it’s as you said abandonment- you said it -- biggest celebrity or businessman. Very interesting.
Remember my dad tortured me when i was kid by wake me up everytime i felt to sleep because i made too much noise in the morning while playing with my toys so he had to take revenge as a mature adult or dad or call it how u want lol ...when i was teenager it was more like he was making the most noise before he sleep and when he wakes up so u understand the right time to be quit ...he is a complete control freak who wasnt allowed me to have minimum intimity ,he is like a jelous immature kid when i explain it to my mom at around 16-18 year old she always took his back like (he loves you he just dont know how to show it ...) 10 years later i started to realize that she is a covert narcissic herself wich is in my opinion almost worst because at least with my dad i was able to realize he is evil at young age so i strated to separate myslef . Theses people are real vampires , its amazing how accurate this channel is on theses types of people
There is always something new that I learn about narcissists in your videos. Truly educating. Thank you, Mr. Bashir and to people who share their experiences here. May you find the peace you all deserve.
Victims/survivors also sleep a lot to heal…
I am so tired....
Complex PTSD gave me a weird sleep schedule. I like being up late bc that's when others are asleep and I'm free to be myself.
All I want to do now since I left him in my free time is sleep. 17+ years of never getting enough and being drained of my energy eventually caught up. He once even told me the reason I never felt good was because I would sleep in a few extra hours on my only day off. He said sleep makes you sick. Meanwhile, I’d come home in the middle of a work day to grab something and he’d be sleeping instead of working. 🙄
Exactly. I am like hard wired in while the sun is up and only able to rest and relax when its down. @@amberfuchs398
@ekdaufin1485…..’When’ we can.
Me needing a nap was always mocked or complained about 'You're ALWAYS sleeping!'
I was anemic and get tired in the daytime would take a nap and he hated that. Like I was committing a cardinal sin.
@@oklahomaisok because it means “your focus is not at all on him or about him”
@@AM-.. More like if he was awake in the daytime I should be too whether he was there or not. Never mind him sitting on the sofa falling asleep when he was watching tv while I was still up till 10 p.m. doing chores.
@@AM-..constantly pulling the duvet over their side causing a draught & “accidentally”all night kicking you in the bed pretending they’re trying to get comfy
Yep if I napped, somethings wrong with it
My narc husband would work late and when I was sleeping soundly , he would wake me up to tell me some irrelevant news or to chew me out. It ruined my sleep for the rest of the night.
If he wasn't working , he was sleeping..... "I work hard, now I'm tired!!! You wouldn't understand because you aren't very smart!" Then, when I was done the very long day of a working mother, house duties etc. he would wake to watch porn etc. He would stomp around so I was constantly woken up.... It truly was a living hell. I was NEVER as alone as when I was married.
Same here! The porn use and other addictions go deep. The excessive sleep is mind boggling. The weed and sugar consumption...anything for them to check out and numb themselves
Oh yeah....same demon rules them all. They invited him in. They love entertainment their demons. They dont easily give them up. Usually never ...😈😈😈
@d0v3Tai1 that's a great explanation as to why they seek certain vices and do what they do. It's a sad life for them to always be running away from their pain, numbing it and bringing others down with them in the process instead of dealing w their stuff. It's hard for me not to have compassion for their underlying pain... But that same compassion has kept me stuck in abusive relationships for way too long.
Well said.
Yes they do these things for two reasons. You probably told them at some point that your parents might have stomped when you were a child and it upset you. That's why they do it.
Now, they are bored all the time and they HAVE to have something to do because if they were alone with their own thoughts, it would drive them crazy as they are so empty and have so much shame and guilt.
They sleep so they don’t have to do any chores in the home, they wake you up so you’ll be sleep deprived and become unwell.
Mine will be so damn loud in the morning because he thinks if he’s up then so should everyone else! Bang around in the kitchen, leaving with all the lights on, slamming the doors shut! Then the weekends you think since he’s off everyone could sleep in? No NOPE! He wakes everyone up and then wants everyone to be quiet shortly after so he can lay down and nap all day!
My Narc as well, every word you just said. In fact weekends would be even earlier wake up's and he also woke every 3 hours through the night to pee and check his phone!
@@Merbella They check their phones all the time because they are usually texting other women.
Sounds just like my ex!!!
Absolutely true. They will be awake for every thing to do when they want but never available for you.
😂😂
Also blaring the TV/or music at a crazy level. You're about to go to sleep or already asleep. Ask them to trun it down a notch, you'll get the look and response like it's an inconvenience to them.😟😵💫
Yes, so true! When you ask them to please turn down the TV while they are having a conversation with you and you can't hear them over the TV...they go into a rage!!!! Absolutely demonic!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They lack purpose.
My narc husband used to bang the doors and swear and curse and call me terrible names late into night deliberately to disturb our sleep. When the children left, I started doing the same to him, kicking and banging the door just when he had fallen asleep telling him that this is a taste of his own medicine. Exhausted, he asked me "Are you going to do this all night?!"
And I replied "Yes! "
He used to sleep every weekend till 11 am, while I had to do all the shopping, breakfast for the kids, lunch, dinner, cleaning, washing etc. When he finally came down, he would complain bitterly that he was bored to death. " I have never stayed at home like this! " was his regular comment.
They are so jealous and dissatisfied that they don't even like other people sleeping peacefully for a few hours 😱
I will never forget 13 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a shock. I was very young. My son was just about to turn one. I remember that night I couldn't sleep. I was so scared. I kept praying that I would live until my son was old enough to remember me. Luckily, I did recover. But I'll never forget that first night when I had just found out. I didn't have a prognosis yet. he was lying next to me fast asleep. I remember looking at him. I saw him as a person outside of myself. I realized I was an independent person and I remember thinking that was a good thing. That I could see us as two separate people. That seemed healthy. I thought of waking him but I said no - I should be strong. This is hard for him. But he also fell asleep on me when my friend died suddenly and tragically, when my beloved pet died, when I was sick, countless times. He used to say he had no control over sleeping - that he had a sleep disorder. I believed him. I spent so many nights alone at such difficult moments. And he never cared. Then, like you said, he'd be up all night and wake me all the time by dropping things off the bed or waking me for some little thing. He had energy for everyone but me. As soon as he came home from work he would say he was exhausted. Then he'd get a phone call and run off talking loudly with plenty of energy. I can't believe the lies I fell for. He never loved me. I will never know what it feels like to be loved. I thought all this was normal
@lexbest. Read this and wanted to say that you ARE loved and appreciated, on all levels, by everyone you interact with as you've gone through life. Your post will have resonated and touched loads of people, just like you; gentle and intelligent and selfless. I've met others just like this and they make all the difference in life. People like your husband, (and mine, EXACTLY!) drain all the joy and energy out of life. ❤️
My ex was exactly the same. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, he told me that I was 'using' my cancer diagnosis for attention. These people are evil.
Me too I never knew what it's like to beloved. I now realise they can not.love because they have no empathy.
@@lennie1703 thank you so much for your kind words. They mean more to me today than you can imagine. Peace and healing to you 💜
@@Anna-Jade I'm so sorry you had to suffer those words from him. It is evil. I hope that your cancer treatments went or are going well ❤️🩹
My 52-year-old niece isn't speaking to me ever again, because I asked her to stop calling me at 5:15 in the morning, and she doesn't like being told what to do or not do. She said she calls everyone at that time, and "no one else has a problem with it". I am twenty years older than she is, and had covid when she called me at that hour and woke me up, and she KNEW that I had covid and didn't feel well, as I had written her an email telling her how sick I was. She had just had four days where she could have called me during the day, but didn't, as she said that that's time she spends with her husband.
She does everything according to HER schedule, and doesn't care at all whether it is convenient or not for other people.
She lives several states away from me, and I am very glad that she never wants to speak to me again, because now I don't have to worry about my phone ringing at five a.m., also I no longer have to read twenty-page emails telling me all the things that she claims she does for other people, how busy she is, and bragging about all the money she makes.
She has that black and white thinking.
I also don't have to listen to her irritating, high-pitched voice telling me how amazing she thought I was, and the over-done "I love you soooooooo much!" with seventeen exclamation marks afterwards. I especially cringed when I heard, "Hi my beautiful auntie!" All of that seemed so phoney.
She means it when she gets mad at people and tells them she will never speak to them again, as she got mad at her sister thirty years ago, hasn't spoken to her since, and is just as adamant now, about never speaking to her sister again. She said her sister did something horrible to her, but I know the truth, and I know that SHE is the one who did the horrible thing to her sister. She just didn't like it when she got caught (there was an investigation).
These narcs don't like it when they get caught, they deny everything, and they tell the whole world that the OTHER person is the bad one.
Anyway, I am now FREE, and life is much easier now that I know I don't have to hear from her again.
Sometimes, relatives and family are the worst.
Take care, everyone.
❤
Absolutely, keep your peace and don't give it up for ANYONE! ❤❤
I had it out with my 53 year old sister last July at a family gathering. When my little sister said big sis said she will never talk to me again- I laughed out loud and said “thank god!!!”
Sadly, you are 100% accurate.
Put the phone on do not disturb during certain hours. Solves everything!
Oooo girl. You call me @ 5:00a it better be a damn GOOD emergency! 😂😂 You’re definitely better off without that self serving, fake “family member”. You said something about her high pitched voice…omg when my mother answers or talks on the phone…it’s like “Who are you!?”That’s not the person I was talking to not 5 minutes ago… They’re like spoiled 5 year olds that never got told “No” or “Don’t do that it’s not nice!” Smh. Can’t wait to leave from here so I can have my life back. I came back here when i began to heal my childhood. “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.”
Yes, oddly convenient weaponized sleep is totally a thing. One of my exes, who was usually kind of a night owl, never in bed before eleven, midnight or even 1am, suddenly felt sooo veeery tired at something like 8:30pm when I wanted to talk about the imbalance in how much I did for him and how little gratefulness or reciprocity I got from him. He kept saying he was so tired and we would talk about it another time, and as I was insisting that it was important and made me question our relationship, he just quietly lied down, pulled the blanket over himself turning his back on me, and started pretending to sleep as I was still in the middle of my sentence. I hadn't computed most red flags up to then and was still talking to him like a reasonable person I could have back and forth with, but this particular behaviour is part of what made me realize he was in fact completely disrespecting me to my face, all that time. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt, but at this point, clearly it wasn't just a communication issue or a misunderstanding. It was pretty much like plugging his ears and going "lalala" while I was telling him I was distressed, and somehow he thought he still had plausible deniability, because when I tried to call him out, he suddenly acted like I was a maniac torturing him by depriving him of sleep (again, it was very early, I knew his night owl habits all too well, he was in perfect health, he had done nothing all day or the day before that could have justified such an intense and sudden fatigue, and it hadn't been 30 seconds that he had lied down when I """"woke him back up""""). Worry not, that was ten years ago, I have long left him and I'm perfectly fine now, but he was such a textbook case in hindsight that I had to mention it.
Thanks for taking the time to share your experience, and I learned a lot as I read from your perspective. The way you were so detailed in writing your comment drew me in even more to want to read to the end.
I think you have amazing storytelling skills and should definitely be writing books on this topic. Have a blessed and beautiful 2024 filled with good vibes and much positive energy!
My narc actually does plug his ears then go running away from me saying lalala. 😢
Thank God you’re out of that.
@@76482And he’s 40.
you described that point of realisation so well and the comment before about still talking to them like a reasonable person; that shift is so powerful and i remember it well. eery
There is nothing quite so gut wrenching as bringing up a topic (quite calmly) that is very important to you regarding your relation only to have the other person immediately start snoring, be it 10 AM on the weekend, and you had already given them the heads up that you wanted to talk about something important to you, but tried to wait for the best time…only to realize there would never be a best time.
Never rest. They sleep, but you’re supposed to be awake when they awake all by a sudden
OMG! Same here. 🤔
Totally! I'm so sleep deprived. I don't know how I'm alive!!
@@Merbella😂❤
💯
Yep!
My mother did this. “Brush my hair, 100 strokes a day. Oh that feels good. Now I have to lay down.” Boom, asleep like she was switched off. Wake up an hour or two later, “find my glasses”. Never asked how was my school, never brushed my hair in my childhood. Except for when I was under 6, and she needed me to look presentable. Then she Ripped through it yelling when I would cry. Once, when I was adult, I asked her why I had no clothes when I was a child. She laughed and said, because I wanted them all. I couldn’t believe she would even admit it. Quite a shock.
My mom did the hair combing thing, as well. Once I became old enough for basic grooming, she basically could care less about my needs. She is now resentful of my father's needs and I cannot ignore how self focused she is.
Wow, 😮 simlarly, mom never brushed my hair when I was kid! She and my father cut my hair very short, so I was sometimes misten for a boy also because clothing they gave me. I hated the weird hair my father always cut for me 😢 I think it was for their convenience, so that neighter, my mom had to maintain my hair.
My grandma had always my mom dressed up and kept pretty. I’ve been ashtonished of the old photos of her as a child. She was kept so much more presentsble and nice.
My self asteem was crushed in childhood because I was always the weird girl in everywhere, because odly dressed and odd unprofessionally cut hair. I was always so ashamed of myself! It made me recluse, because I though I cannot talk to people looking tha hideous.
@LoveBeliefTruth Same, so very much the same. The short-haired cut, the inquiries about my gender, the old hand me down dresses that were handed down before I got them. It does do a number on one's self-esteem.
I am sorry that we had to accept the bare minimum of provisions. Be kind to yourself, and don't give up on hope. You deserved better.
As a kid of narc family, I often faked being sleep to avoid confrontation 😣
I used to lock myself in my room with my books ( study and literature ones) with the double result of avoiding my narc mother and getting top scores in exams! 😅
I recently stopped being polite or considerate during his pretend sleep. Bedroom TV volume stays loud as I want, and I brew only enough coffee for myself in the morning. Then I jump on the exercise bike or treadmill and blast favorite music. He's learned to stop faking sleep and get out of bed to brew his own coffee. 😊
He kept me awake all night hitting me in his sleep and snoring loudly. I was so sleep deprived. When I'd say I'm going to have an afternoon sleep he'd announce HE needed a nap and would sleep all afternoon. I ended up developing an auto immune disease.
Always changing sleeping patterns (times). Always have the curtains drawn, blinds down, only small lamps on. TV is always on but it’s always crime drama, cop shows, murder, rape. Sleeps in long naps.
I was 7 or 8 years old when I tell my mom I'm going to bed...she said to me You can't go to bed I'm not tired. All my life I've been around people who I would love to know where they go to sleep when they aren't around me or what drugs they're taking to stay awake.
I started sleeping with my daughter because i became afraid of the narc. I would wake up to the sound of him jiggling her door nob...unlockong it ..without saying a word...use physical force to move the chair or the couch i had lodged there between the door and the wall and he would reveal himself within the 3-4 inches he had pryed open...with a bright blue eyed smile...full suit, tie , dress shoes..jelled hair..cologne..he would announce that hes going to work! Every morning during the week!....as if he did not just pry the door open. He was the head manager of a large furniture store... I knew he had other supply for his narcissm.....but he HAD to physically disturb our sleep to show us how he was more stronger than us and bettee than me and show me how " well put together" he was while me the looser is sleeping. But i knew that him physically moving the furniture from the door would give me enough time to wake up to protect me from any violent attack he might have conjured up that night while staying up playing video games.. Chatting with random people etc
I work nights, and my narc ex would constantly ask me to come over after work when all I wanted to do was get to bed. Coming over always guaranteed I'd only be getting 3-4 hours sleep maximum before I'd have to be up for work again. Yet she was baffled that I didn't want to do this more than once a week during the workweek. She worked from home and set her own hours, so she'd get all the sleep she wanted during the day and while I was at work, yet I was being a baby for wanting to get a full night's rest before and after working my fairly physical job. She told me numerous times about how really successful people barely ever sleep. Like sleep was weakness, even though she slept more than her share when I wasn't around.
She would also have videos playing loudly on her phone all through the night, and have to have a light on while she slept. Not a small nightlight, but a regular lamp. So those 3-4 hours of sleep I could get at her place, I only got through an eyemask and earplugs, which I found disruptive to my rest, but were better than the alternative. It really does feel like torture. There were several times when I just could not get to sleep at all and ended up laying there all night/morning awake hearing episodes of whatever reality show was playing on her phone. Hellish.
I never knew this but have experienced it
Anyone reading this, work on self love, having boundaries, pray, mediate, ascend, vibrate higher until you have more spiritual immunity...and don't ever give up, eventually practice the art of “ detachment” letting go to be free bad happy. All the love and peace we ever needed it is inside. Rise and the narc will fall. It's spiritual warfare
Wow, I can't believe how accurately this describes my covert narcissist mom. She was in bed most of the time, sleeping all day and awake in bed all night. She paid people to drive me to my christian school because she didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. I think she still does this for the most part. I thank God that I work 3 nights in a row and that I can sleep at night on my nights off, while doing stuff during the day.
Yes, I do think it is spiritual or demonic. John 3:19-21 KJV: And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.
Yes, demons wake when it's dark, always sitting in the dark, and yes, make their appearances when they KNOW thersgoing to be someone watching...my Lord, you nailed this one **my experiences with the narc**
This is it i sleep a lot after this abuse even avaoiding my family
My narc mom would stage her diabetic reactions late at night or in the pre dawn hours of the morning. She has done this evet since I was 9 years old and I'm 44 now. She would scream, wail and thrash around her bedroom while we were trying to get a sugary soda into her so we could raise her blood sugar to the right level. After several hours of effort, she would wake up and then I'd have to be her therapist for a feq hours longer. She started doing this to me when I was just 9 years old. She would typically stage between 1-3 of these episodes per week. I never rested.
We did that. We'd have sugary sodas and candy by her bedside, but she would never help herself. She would just let herself go into a diabetic reaction/coma so we would have to cater to her violent tantrums for hours on end before being able to set her blood sugar right. We also begged her to get an insulin pump, which would automatically correct her low blood sugars, but she would just smirk and say "No." She wasn't happy unless her family was suffereing.@@jbrown2908
Both my father and my ex, I believe, were psychopathic narcissists. They don't sleep. And when they do, they're out in 2 minutes.
I slept alot bc the demonic narc sucked my energy while destroying his marriage and children while always appearing as an angel of light🐺🐍🐷he was satan in the flesh.
Spot on.
Fall asleep after dinner. Wake up at 0300 and wants to talk. No.
Yes, the sleeping narcissist, been there
Yes it's true he is sleeping while I'm busy working or when I'm sad
Wow! I never noticed it. It was his favorite past time. He was always too tired to do anything because of his part time Blue collar job. “I don’t understand because I’m a white collar worker!” I apparently don’t work hard.
Meanwhile working full time, paying all the bills, doing all the housework and taking care of any other responsibilities.
Yes absolutely he would always sleep but when I wanted and needed to rest he would complain
They’ve already got a grip on you already! 😂 That makes sense now!
Wow. You talk about things that aren’t usual topics but they are so on point. I have never seen anyone take so many naps. I wasn’t allowed to talk to him when he was tired.. which was all the time. Yet he stayed up getting drunk and then waking me up with the aftermath of drinking. He slept constantly and I was exhausted.
My narc mum slept a lot during my childhood. I suspect it was to energise herself for her next verbal attack.
Same here. And we had to hold our breath and walk around on tiptoes to avoid disturbing her Royal Highness's sleep! This habit became so engrained into my life, I still walk like a cat scaring the life out of everyone!
Same here. If we woke her up we'd be cussed out and beaten with a belt.
Yes! Omg. This is part of narcissism too? I thought he was a particularly tired narcissist!
i am glad you spoke of this. my narcissistic husband would sleep for 3 days straight, and when i finally fell asleep, he would wake me up at 3 am in the morning arguing about something many years ago
So so true...its hideous when u have to feel guilty for going to sleep if they r awake!
My father did the same thing when i was growing up. He was always mad and argumentative with me as a young child. He was always claiming to be working so hard at his job. Who knows what the truth was even to this day. I heard the company moved, and he didn't move with it. You tell the truth. He puts on with the neighbors like he likes them to their faces and calls them names to their backs and talks like he knows them soo well. He is a real put on artist.
Oh, interesting. You just described the pattern as the cracks started showing. If it wasn't sleeping, it was loud TV, loud computer games, or secretive social media and porn. Lots of time for leaving and 'hanging out with friends.' But totally one sided. I remember a revealing moment. X complained I spent too long doing whatever I was doing outside the house. Said sweetly, 'I want you here.' I asked why. Repeated 'I just want you here.'
Yeah, I have experienced this. The only person who I have ever known that just sleeps all day. But when I want to sleep he does things to keep me awake because he wanted me awake when he was. I became so sleep deprived that I had a mental break down. He would do things like knee me in side, fake a muscle spasm in the arm that is near me; when we were in bed while pretending to be asleep. This was followed by him saying to me when I started sleeping on the floor, "You can't get mad at me for what I do in my sleep."
And it is very lonely when all they do is sleep. Then they have the nerve to complain to you about how lonely they are when you are busy working.
Yes yes u are so rite 😢 he always use to do that n whenever I talk about this he used to say u are nothing to me don't interrupt in my life 😢
Been there seen that.
It was mind boggling.
OMG!! You hit it! Its demonic and vampire sure sounds right. More than his laziness, he would not let me sleep for 48 years. His buddy alcohol finally took him out!!
Living in this is soul destroying for me as a loving empath.
Regardless of the technique, the idea is the same: Mess up with your brain. Feed the illusion. Be unavailable physically or emotionally. Be unaccountable. Do nothing. Make you responsible for everything (while making you believe you don't do enough).
In my experience, however, it's the victim who ends up with fatigue, insomnia, etc.
I began to be the one sleeping when he is awake to avoid his merciless onslaught.
This is a very precise description of my last relationship. After spending a weekend or holiday with him I would feel totally exhausted on mondays, unable to take care of my job and responsibilities.
So happy I got out!!
Narcissist do to others what they will never accept being done to them. My father was typically like what the video explains, if he didn't want to talk to you don't dare insist nor wake him up but he will not hesitate one bit doing it to you. One day, my mother was sleeping and my father had no shame violently waking her up by shaking her and slapping her in the butt. My mother woke up in shock and he ordered her to meet him in the living room. By meeting him, it usually means, shutting our mouth and endure his constant blames and criticism for several minutes but dare refuse to see him and you will face a narcissistic rage. So my mother, despite being tired run to the living and endure one hour of pure nonsense of him condemning her and saying how a bad wife she was. I am happy she divorced. Another least red flag... They try to control you by pretending they are helping you and most of the time they are really helping.
The night in and of itself is not bad or evil and, yes is a natural (work schedule allowed) time for rest, prayer, meditation…other dimension work.
Oh my gosh! Yes-that makes SO much sense. I have had sleep issues since I was a child, so when I CAN sleep, I really NEED to sleep,. But the person plaguing me ALWAYS decides that if I am finally sleeping, THAT is the perfect time to do some LOUD chore that’s been avoided for MONTHS. Then, once I’m thoroughly awake, w/ no hope of getting back to sleep, it’s time for them to crash & do nothing (whether their chore is finished or not.)
For years, yes, he would stay awake late into the night only to be unavailable for the entire next day-- I would say even from very early on of being married. In the time leading up to when I left 15 years later, he would turn on the lights, play loud music on his phone and hold it close to my ear-- knowing that I had to wake up very early with our kids (5:20 am) to get to school on time which was an hour away because he moved us away from the center of our community. He was definitely using sleep as a way to try to control me (making me exhausted) and removing himself from responsibilities (such as on the weekend when we should have been doing things with our family or generally spending time with us for the good of the household.)
Asleep or bringing people down…😂
Exactly.. they hate light.. they escape from it.. as if they fear it??
It is because they have demons inside them......and demons hate light.
I was just thinking this same thing. My Narc loves to wake me up. He goes to bed late, wakes up every 3 hours, then officially up at dawn. As soon as I get up from frustration, he sleeps. Then there is the 2-3 hour day naps while I work! So maddening!! I'm so sleep deprived and he loves it 😢
I didn't realize this I got woken up last week 3 am and I couldn't get back to sleep Thank you for letting me know that
And the vampirism overlap is absolute, i should add. Jesus. Its like you never miss
oh, i had one just like this. always snoozing. another was chronically awake and talked at me for 14 hours in a row and would keep me up all night. nightmare. my parents do not sleep during the day (well thinking about it my dad can sleep anywhere! So there is that!) but my mum keeps his behind whipped and they are busy busy busy all the time. If they did not busy themselves, they would have to deal with themselves and each other. and fall out big time would occur! ha! great videos Danish.
Oh yeah ! Never available .. they find zillion ways to avoid talking and spending time
Totally yes. I went and struggled for 25yrs through this hellll
My ex was disdainful of people who were not early risers, but he’d also pass out for six hours on the couch in the middle of the day.
My ex husband would sit in his “easy chair” all day long, sometimes for 12 hours saying he had to “send emails” but he was playing video games and chatting with girls much younger than him online as well as gambling. I ran my own business and did all of the care of our children as well as cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the home. I would have to stay up so late every night to get my work done and he never ever helped! He would even have the audacity to say he was tired every night around 9:30 after sitting in the chair doing nothing all day. He wouldn’t even pick the kids up from school that was a 3 minute drive from our house to help me out. I never got to sleep past 6:30am even if I was sick. I would normally finish working at 2am just to get my work done for my business because he had me working so hard during the day cracking the whip. No way to live
another one is they blame you for not waking them up when they have to go somewhere
My ex would suddenly get sick every Friday night for years and spent it in bed throughout the weekend thus having family time was up to me to arrange activities, she made miraculous recoveries in time for work on mondays
Ah, you mention the big context difference. Thank you.
I can relate to this. God has set me free and i m recovering from the past trauma. The sad thing is the narc is like a self detonating bomb. The injuries they cause to others is also self inflicted. I pray to God to release them from that demonic influence and self harming behaviour
yep....falling asleep during conversations i got tired of it. he wasnt really sleeping....he was bored of me. i finally let him go.
My dad... Whenever my mom try to talk to him... This is what he did... His acting along with snoring nailed
My 1st ex did the same 2nd one acting like a reader and watching TV.
Thank you for making these videos and I appreciate the content but I have to make a slight correction on this one. You're saying that the narcissist sleeps all day and stays up all night playing video games, smoking weed and drinking alcohol. Well I'm pretty confident in saying that I am not the narcissist in this relationship, it is my mother. I have been working through this in therapy for over 10 years so I say this with great confidence. However, these very behaviors that you're describing are behaviors that I do. She wakes up bright and early and always wants to get on tasks. She drains me of my energy so all I want to do is sleep. I stay up all night and sleep all day so I avoid her as much as possible, spending as few hours around her as possible. I smoke a ton of weed to combat the anxiety that I've been dealing with my entire life. I don't drink alcohol but I've just never really liked it. I've always been a stoner. That said, it's a little hard for me to hear that you're saying that these are narcissistic behaviors but I'm the one that's doing them in response to the abuse that I've been taking. Just another way to look at this.
OMG this is definitely my middle son! Upside down days/nights. The roaming around making noise at night keeps everyone else from being able to be rested. Seems like a covert supply & passive /aggressive. My Narc. mother used to sleep all the time. You would think depression maybe, but she was a classic narcissist. Always it was "don't wake me up!!!" But sleeping in the middle of the afternoon when kids are at home playing, like how can you not possibly make any noise? If we woke her from a nap for any reason, even if the reason was because you were getting hurt by your sibling or hurt yourself somehow - - there was hell to pay. I mean an unnatural situation to put children in, is to make them be super quiet during the time of the day when they should be playing, and then literally to beat them with a belt and cuss them out if they wake you up. smh. Narcissists!!!
I understand where you are coming from with the spiritual reference, but a LOT of these narcissists are 9-5 workers and that would be impossible for them to stay up all night making you miserable. They will find other ways. But their demons seep out even while they are sleeping, because you will feel it. You will have night terrors, and uneasiness, wake up and see shadows looming at the ceiling. You will notice it in other ways.
spot-on, danish! as early as before year 2000, without diagnosis, i thought my husband was an emotional vampire. he had the same nasty habits as u described in ur video. it was only 3 years ago that his new psychiatrist told me my husband has NPD.
I experienced this from more than one of them.
I’m not quite sure if the recent past guy I was with was a full blown narc, but he would do this staying up very late playing video games and when I’m sleeping he is disturbing my rest talking loud and talking to me while I’m trying to rest. Staying drinking caffeine cokes back to back and sugary ice cream. Now the sleeping on me would be if I’m talking to him he would pretend to not listen and mocking me and just being very disrespectful 🤷🏽♀️, communicating with him was nonexistent and when I left for good I was a sourpuss doesn’t want to have fun, I was non caring and didn’t love him, but I was driving over two hours to see him, cooking doing his laundry and the whole time I’m there visiting we had to watch him play “his” games and watch “his” movies and the whole time he constantly talks talks talk…..I left and for three days I called off work and just slept in bed for three days straight…..I was very depressed and drained
Please read the book “why men love b*tches” by Sherry Argov.
You deserve better next time
Yes, my narcissist would eat supper and go to sleep while still daylight
You are highlighted an interesting, mostly reasoning, tactic, Dr. Bashir it's actually a mindful deflection of outside stimulus done by the Narcissist. The general mindset of the average Narcissist; is one of control, so this fits right in. There does exist a natural penalty; instore for the Narcissist for using this rotating mental block, of course, but it's not necessary to discuss that. The objective of this red flag behavior, done by the Narcissist, is to Reduce The Power Of Others; while building walls.
Seriously this hits the mark. When I was married, my husband woke me up all the time at night to “talk about the relationship.” But then he seemed, paradoxically, asleep during the day.
Our marriage therapist said, “you must leave, this is torture and this is what they do to men in Guantanamo.”
How are you always spot on!!!??????😮🙏God bless you❤
Exactly, they sleeps all the time and escape from giving any justifications to their actions
Yes with me it was work work and then go to the pub when he finished come home when he was ready to do it sometimes 2 to 4am if he came home early he would eat his dinner and then fall asleep in the chair and 11pm wake up and go to bed. Great video.
They would get up at 4-5am especially if they were angry or in conflict . as loud as could making excuses .
Also , I''d wake to them standing over me. when I asked why they told me they were just making sure I was breathing . I didn't want them in the same room after this stared..
They use sounds and vocalizations to intimidate like if I'm not moving fast enough they will make a sound and repeat it constantly .. React to their voice all the time , I simply can't stand to hear anything that comes out of their mouth
I've thought about all the narcissists I've ever dealt with. I can't remember ever running into this particular issue. I'll read the comments & see what others have to say about this.
My narcissistic mom was just like this, but she took it a step further. She was addicted to drugs and she would take some to the point where it was impossible to wake her up. I ended up raising my brother because of this (dad passed when I was young). Then whenever she was awake it was ‘do you have any idea how awful it is to deal with you? You should be grateful I am kind enough to tolerate you!’ Also, I absolutely agree with that last part. So many times in my life I have found myself wondering whether she had even the tiniest shred of humanity inside her. Thank you for your channel sir, not only does it help me understand what I’m healing from, but it gives me the strength to do the healing I need to. Thank you for that
It can also happen that a person living with a narcissist turns into a night owl so they can get some work done in peace.
I have insomniac & am a survivor of narcissistic abuse . I am currently abused by family & a semi ex who I still see & call . Aholes . But I do appreciate this podcast .
OMG YES! I have noticed this in a few I’ve known.
Thank you, Danish
In the wee hours of the night she made tiny noises in the kitchen causing small breaks in the gas line connected to the stove! In the morning I called the gas man who turned off the gas outside. My kitchen was filled with gas!
Thank you Danish! My N did take naps, keeping the mask on is exhausting... but when it slipped, pure evil poured out, black eyes and all. The evil eyes were meant for me but others have now told me they saw it too. They ate monsters but we need the education like you and others provide!!! His domination and control is unbelievable. I'm not in the usa anymore but honduras is helpful to women... Bless you!!!
Though I have decades long insomnia, I had one ex that woke me up as soon as I fell asleep at last and kept doing it through out the night every night. He was furious when he didn't get the results he wanted. I left soon after. There are times I'm glad I've insomnia, I think it saved me.
I was never allowed to take a nap, but he always took naps. I remember coming home after working a 12 at the hospital; sick as a dog. I talked to my kids for a minute and then went to shower. I sat on the bed after my shower and woke up to him slamming the door open and screaming at me because I fell asleep. I hadn’t even gotten dressed after my shower. I was just trying to catch my breath from drying off and crashed from exhaustion.
Nailed it ! I was so sleep deprived. I couldn’t figure out why he was a night owl sitting all night long generating and sending hate energy my way.
100% correct once again. It literally made me crazy. 30 days later I'm sleeping like a baby. The black circles are GONE!!!
I love your videos. I have to say that in my multiple experiences with narcissists was that they were not sleepers. They were more likely to be overworking or doing something that they did alone and would get angry if they were interrupted. I was also with a narcissist that wanted to talk all the time about the relationship. Where was I at with it? What did I think about it? But that was just a manipulation as well, mining for information.
Yes some people need sleep. But when it’s either sleep or out it’s as you said abandonment- you said it -- biggest celebrity or businessman. Very interesting.
Remember my dad tortured me when i was kid by wake me up everytime i felt to sleep because i made too much noise in the morning while playing with my toys so he had to take revenge as a mature adult or dad or call it how u want lol ...when i was teenager it was more like he was making the most noise before he sleep and when he wakes up so u understand the right time to be quit ...he is a complete control freak who wasnt allowed me to have minimum intimity ,he is like a jelous immature kid when i explain it to my mom at around 16-18 year old she always took his back like (he loves you he just dont know how to show it ...) 10 years later i started to realize that she is a covert narcissic herself wich is in my opinion almost worst because at least with my dad i was able to realize he is evil at young age so i strated to separate myslef . Theses people are real vampires , its amazing how accurate this channel is on theses types of people
There is always something new that I learn about narcissists in your videos. Truly educating. Thank you, Mr. Bashir and to people who share their experiences here. May you find the peace you all deserve.
My Nex was always tired and was up in nights. Spot on even this.