Confidence: How to put yourself out there
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.ย. 2024
- I was walking out of the Ferry building in San Francisco in the last week of October last year when someone shouted, "Happy Hallowe'en!"
A few weeks later, I was buying groceries when someone said, "Have you been out carolling?"
Every day in England strangers in the street exclaim, "Oh! Mary Poppins!"
I think there is a misconception that "historybounders" like Bernadette Banner, Zack Pinsent, Constance MacKenzie and myself just stepped out confidently with maximum panache one day in a fully-formed style all their own.
Actually it doesn't happen that way at all.
You do it one piece at a time, evolving little by little until you find a constellation of elements that you love, and feel confident wearing.
But how do you put yourself out there in the first place?
Instead of my usual pre-recorded video this week, Bernadette, Zack, Constance and myself will be talking LIVE on the TH-cams about CONFIDENCE and how to put yourself out there.
It'll be at 7am Pacific/10am Eastern/3pm London/4pm CET on Friday, my usual video release day.
Yes, it will be available afterwards as a recording, but if you want us to see your live comments in the chat box, you'll need to be there in person.
Bernadette Banner: / @bernadettebanner
@bernadettebanner
Zack Pinsent: / @pinsenttailoring
@pinsent_tailoring
Constance MacKenzie: / @stanceymackenzie
@stanceymackenzie
Join my mailing list and ask your own question:
eepurl.com/ciT6hT
You can also follow me and see my own sewing on Instagram:
/ cathy.hay
Your letters and cards are welcome at Mr Worth's old place.
7 Rue de la Paix
Paris 75002
France
Please don't send parcels to Paris - import fees are expensive! You are far too generous. But if you really want to send something larger, or you're in the UK like me, I also have an address here:
1 Northumberland Avenue
Trafalgar Square
London
WC2N 5BW
United Kingdom
Thank you, thank you, to everyone who has sent something to me. It is deeply valuable to read your words in your own handwriting and hold them in my hands. It helps me to connect to who you really are, and what you really need from me. I read, enjoy and treasure every one. Thank you.
![[UNCUT] The Loyal Pin ปิ่นภักดิ์ EP.6 (2/4)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/GgeGQOP10RQ/mqdefault.jpg)
"No costume college" is turning out to be a real blessing for those unable to attend . 👍
Very true
Truly! I'd never be able to afford to go, so it's great that in a way, it can come to me, lol!
Watching this from Russia. You can’t imagine how much I needed this.
I’m actually going to prove that not everyone loves everything, because I’m not actually all that fond of chocolate. And it is so difficult to find sweets that don’t have chocolate in it. And as such I appreciate all the odds and ends and experiments. I’m so grateful for all the content this makeshift Costume College has brought us. Thank you all so much for sharing!
@@alexandraaikonika same, but from Poland. It would just cost a lifetime (not even mentioning I'm 15) And it's more comfortable to listen to the lessons while sewing/drawing 😄
Two takeaways from this discussion:
1. The costuming community is filled with the loveliest people.
2. We need to organize a music video in historical costume to a classic rock anthem.
Bohemian Rhapsody would be amazing for this
Do you know about the video of Thunder struck being played on the cello?
@@samit2658 Yes! It's awesome.
@@samit2658 Exactly what I was going to comment... see 2Cellos version of the ACDC classic Thunder Struck.
Piano guys are an outstanding group I would say perfect for this effect! 💖🏰🌻
I have to say my 7 year old daughter just came up to the computer and asked if Mr. Pinsent was a prince. Best reaction ever lol.
How did you answer?
Constance, I told her no. I told her that those are his everyday clothes. She looked confused so I told her those are the kinds of clothes he enjoys just like she enjoys wearing dresses and heels everyday. She accepted this answer and went on with her day. I hope that was a good way to handle her question.... 😣
@@pikers1 As someone who has a lot of memories from her early years, I wish I would have been introduced to "weird" people this way. When I was around her age, I started getting fascinated with darkly inclined clothing and alternative styles, and the most readily available example of people like that was LA Ink. I remember thinking that Kat Von D was so cool, and pretty, and then my parents walked into the room, and started mocking her, saying she'd have been pretty if she would've looked like nothing as she did. I dress in a very alternative way now (Yohji Yamamoto-esque black only minimalism with gothic elements), and I catch little kids, or even alternative teenagers who seem to be starting out with building their own style just looking at me with a lot of confusion, oftentimes awe. Sometimes their parents don't say them the most sensitive explanations. So... thank you. Thank you for telling her that there are "weirdos" naturally appearing in the real world, and that they are okay.
@@pikers1 I think it was a brilliant response.
Mr. Pinsent is a definite Prince among men!!
The things that make you weird as a kid are what make you interesting as adults.
A little bit louder for the people in the back, please! I had a conversation with a friend the other day about calling certain interests "childish" is just a stealthy way to say we don't like children and we should want to be as unlike them as possible. I let myself like soft pink and unicorns for the first time since 3rd grade, and the amount of weirded out faces I got when I started jumping around the house when my black and pink unicorn washi tape has arrived was unbelieveable.
There really is this transition between middle school / highschool and college where you realize that people just don't give a shit anymore, or even actually appreciate seeing originality
There's something about how every person goes "oh I couldn't dress like that" but no one sees Zack or Bernadette or Cathy or Constance on the street and goes "hey they look funny." that doesnt happen! most often the stories we hear are "oh, Mary Poppins!" or "that's cool" or people rationalising it by way of "oh it must be a costume for a show" etc etc and no one ever thinks "oh they're wearing historical clothing, they look dumb."
"I'm an adult. I don't need permission!" Zac, you are my hero!
True story. I’m 63 now. As a 14 year old I was taunted by my classmates. The only person I felt safe talking to was my mother and grandmother. One day I was complaining about how the kids talked about me. It wasn’t a secretive thing, they were very open about it, and usually it was a group effort. Anyway, on this day my mother looked at me and said, “You must be pretty important if all they have to do is with all about you.” The following day when they started in on me I straightened myself up in my chair, head held high. Then the girl taunting me asked what I was doing. I told her I must be important if talking about me is all you have to do! Episode ended! The other thing is, I always felt that it was because I was a good student that bugged them, but a few years ago I went to a wedding and saw an old acquaintance. On recognizing me she blurted out, “Joanne the body! You had the body everybody wanted. The boys and the girls.” Being me I was TOTALLY oblivious to any physical attributes that contributed to the tormenting.Yes I am still an odd ball. Recently someone told me they couldn’t fathom what I looked like without a hat on. I took up hat wearing 20 years ago as a substitute for quitting smoking. I also have a thing for 40 and 50s clothing. Thanks to the internet I finally found the place I fit into! Lol!
Love your story. As a former smoker, so curious how wearing a hat helped you quit?
My seventh-grade history teacher actually wore her wedding dress regularly. It was also a two-piece so she would also just wear the skirt on a random Tuesday just because she liked it. That is what I aspire to be.
it sounds so lovely, but what if you want to pass it on to your children etc? but then they may not want it and you've saved it for nothing lol
@@katyb2793 don't do that. My mom insists I take her dress for my wedding but I like nothing about it and have been wracking my brain on how to incorporate it and it's just ruining my time. Let them choose what they want and if they want it then they'll take it as given.
@@katyb2793 Children may have very different body shapes/sizes from their parents. If the child even likes the old wedding dress (big if imho) it may neither be flattering on them or even fit. My mother looked great in this specific dress she wore all the time. When I put it on, I looked like I was wearing (American) football pads and then put on a formal dress. Needless to say it was not attractive at all on me.
@@SciFiFreak185 haha true true. Oh well!
@@availanila Perhaps you can put it on display somewhere at your wedding and have a little sign or something explaining its importance to your family. This way it's still included in your wedding but you're not wearing a dress you don't like.
My Pinterest wardrobe aesthetic appears to be “Dramatic AF Throughout the Ages”
My response to people asking why I dress the way I do will now always be "Because I'm an adult, and I can just buy cake." 😂
Hearing Cathy say at 1:30:20 "Its okay, this too shall pass" and seeing Bernadette, Constance and Zack all nod and agree at the same time in response was something I needed and also felt so deeply.
Bernadette's point about an hour in about overcoming the weirdness of "new and different" is real. I never dressed the way I liked in high school, but I realized when I went off to college I could just be "the girl in the the long skirt" and if I did it from the beginning it would just be "me" and no one would think it was weird, so that's exactly what I did! And now they think it's weird if they see me in pants! I love it.
I think ppl accept us if we accept ourselves period. We shouldn’t have to ask permission to express who we are..
Going to school as a Victorian Undertaker is literally the greatest thing ever!
I really appreciate Cathy asking Constance to contribute when she is quiet for a while
also I can't believe High School Bernadette was a Hot Topic girl like wow - but she rocked that outfit in the picture she showed us
Please please PLEASE have this video online for as long as possible! I think there are a lot of people who will need this in the future!
I heard they're deleting because of the perils of copyright.
@@minamesparkletits6714 No this one can stay up, it was the images in the Worth class that I'm worried about (and I want to make a proper documentary version of that class)
@@CathyHay thank you for keeping at least this one up! As a young person in the hobby of historical dress, it's very nice to hear similar stories to mine from like-minded people.
@@CathyHay Oh, I am looking forward to that! The end bit of the stream with the sons and grandsons of Worth was fascinating!
Cathy Hay oh, excellent. I need to watch this but seriously don’t have time this week. Thank you!
I just had to laugh at part of Cathy's story where she wore all white to an event where everyone was in all black. I remember going to a Marilyn Manson concert dressed in a flowy white dress with silver and white ribbons in my hair (think Sarah's ball gown from Labyrinth, but more hippie-ish). Everyone else, including my friends were in dark jeans and black band t-shirts. I just had to be contrary, and I may have even brought with me a bottle of glitter just in case.
As a veteran goth this was pretty relatable. To anyone out there: if you wear your clothes like it's no big deal, very few people will give you shit for it.
PS: I would have totally worn a t-shirt that says 'If you are not someone who would have been burned by the church, are you really living your life?' on it. But frankly the 'I should have it printed on a t-shirt I will never wear' was just too brilliant for anyone to wear that shirt now.
But. I do kind of want it on a cross stitch. Maybe stealthily in a sampler
@@christinapotter4631 yes!! I love embroidering weird phrases; I have a little wall hanging with a tree and bare field that says, "BEHOLD! The field where I grow my fucks; lay thine eyes upon it, and see that it is barren."
@@horseenthusiast1250 I'm wondering if we ask shitpostsampler on tumblr very nicely, they might consider it? I could get the text sketched up on a pattern but the decoration is tricky
I have made tea towels embroidered with weird random quotes. I need to make another one with this quote. All my friends always have to have a look in the kitchen and read whatever towel is hanging there at the moment ❤ "I swear by my pretty floral bonnett" is my favorite 😉
You'd love East African culture; we have leso/kanga culture where we have them made with sayings/slogans/disses/advice/jokes/etc on them that we buy and wear with the words fully displayed.
For mother's Day in my late teens I bought myself a kanga and made a dress on it, my mom was all cynical about it until she read the message and it was just me bragging my mom is better and I wore it *everywhere* and wherever she went people would remark on her parentage and how much her daughter loves her and on. I wore that dress for years and she still insists it was the best mother's day gift she'd ever received that had greatly disappointed her for the first two days or so.
Plus the lesos are worn for feuding or flirting and stuff and the tea is just 👀💅 refreshing!
I had the hardest time understanding that society is man-made. I think that bullies generally feel threatened by anything "out of the ordinary" because there's this idea built into society that the way we are as people now is right and good and perfect, and as long as people "follow the unspoken rules" of our society than the people are supposed to succeed will, and everyone else will be taken care of. A lot of the popular people feel like they are the ones chosen by society to succeed, and a lot of the bullies know it's their lot in life to be the victim of the system. Maybe the reason they hate us oddballs so much is because we always act in ways that completely de-legitimize their world view. Just by existing we show that the system is imperfect, that the talented don't always succeed, that the victims of the system don't have to rebel in stupid ways that may or may not eventually lead down a path to prison.
For anyone still in school or in any sort of similar hostile environment. The people who don't like you because you're different are going to hate you and target you no matter what you're wearing, because you accept that their world view isn't always right. It's easier for them to demonize you than to face reality and shift their moral philosophy, so they'll continue as they are making your life miserable for the sin of proving them wrong with your existence. Well since they're going to hate you anyway, and there's nothing you can do about it, why not dress the way you want? it might make the bullying worse, but dressing the way they want won't make the bullying any less. So don't run away, instead of cowing to the whims of insecure jerks who aren't strong enough to see their own truth let alone the truth of reality, face them down wearing the clothes that make you happy. Let the clothes you want to wear become the armor that protects you from their words, because when you dress the way you want, you ALWAYS look amazing, and they can't take that away from you unless you decide they're right.
Underrated comment
"Oh this? This is a disguise." ok I'm sold on Constance when does she go on tour next lol
"If you're not someone that the church would have burned 500 years ago, are you really living your life?" Can I get a tattoo of this? Maybe it deserves embroidery, at least.
Mary Mangan that should totally be embroidered on a linen sampler. Or, on pillowcase shams. Instead of the Good Morning/Good Night pillowcases. 🌹
This was not the takeaway I expected to get from this, but here is what I learned: When I was 14 a school psykologist I went to for loneliness and bullying told me "maybe they would like you more if you were a bit more like them". That was a big lie and this is the first time I fully realised there is no truth in those words. Nowadays I have found friends that like me for my autentic self and I know they would support me however I dress. And therefor I dress in the clothes I like. Or more: I am on a journey to find those clothes, still not sure but getting there. The point is, I got bullied even more because I tried to fit in for a time in my teens, and the only way to actually feel good about yourself is to find who you really are and want to be. Never try to be someone else. There comes no good from that.
what a horrible psychologist!
Oh no....
my Jr. High school counselor told me something similar along those lines.... the experience turned much worse when one of the kids threw me down the stairs from the 3rd floor. Oh my God! I will never forget it! They ruined beautiful new top, and my left arm broke so bad!
*I'm so happy I'm an adult today. Because of my many experiences I know how not to treat people or judge others. Love everyone for their uniqueness.* 😊
What I’ve learned in my explorations on historical dress TH-cam: polyester is evil and gross 😂😂
Same. I dont even buy modern clothing unless its linen or cotton.
*and sleeves are hell
For soooo many reasons, yes!
Also if you wear a corset without something underneath, you’re going to hell
For good reason too
To children it's magical isn't it? I will always remember the last time I went to a cosplay convention in Puerto Rico. I was dressed as Alice in Wonderland and I didn't have any clothes to change into. so when we stopped to get something to eat, a little girl just ran right up to me and gave me a hug and asked how was wonderland... It was so moving. Also when Mr. Pinsent said you need to give yourself permission, I had tears in my eyes. that really resonated with me. It's okay that I want to be a crochet designer and blogger. I just need to give myself permission to achieve it. Thank you for organizing this.
As another person who can barely remember her childhood, and can't really form too many linear narratives as a result(it's mostly an ADHD thing for me), it was really nice to hear Bernadette exhibit the same sorts of "pulling together" that I have to do. It makes me feel less alone, that there's other people who just don't have that access to memory, for whatever reason.
Katie E wait can that be an adhd thing? Because my brain kinda does that too...
@@idasvenning3892 It can! But it's not, like, a defining feature. For me, it's related to the timeblindness aspect of ADHD. I have a decent long-term memory, but episodic memory can certainly be affected, particularly if you struggle with moving things from your working/short term memory to long term memory.
@@sol.oriens I'm exactly the same way! I've looked into studies, and it's definitely an ADHD/ Asperger's thing
I thought this was unusual, and then I realized that I don't have memories of raising my children, except for the most tiny fragments (they are in their mid 20s now). Is this normal? It breaks my heart.
@@aksez2u It's normal for ADHD/ASD neurology: if you have noticed a tendency to hoarding tons of little "mementos" - that's how our brains manage, i.e. by keeping material reminders of past events as prompts. I've come up with that theory after listening to lectures on ADHD neurology - without visual prompts the past feels to us like a big black hole. Memories come back though, when an object serves as a spark plug of sorts; digital images, smells, or other people's words work, too btw.
I’m almost 60. I’ve sewn since I was 10. It wasn’t until after my 50th birthday that I basically said screw it I’m gonna do what I want. I threw out the limits of others and followed my rules. Only my boundaries guide me.
Zack Pinsent saying "YYYAAAASSSS" is the best thing ever
I'm really glad I stuck up till the end to hear this : if you don't act as your true authentic self, you're an easier target to cancel culture, because you're creating a character, a fiction, and people are keener to attack something they don"t relate to & have no compassion for than a real, imperfect human being
There will always be bullies.
They will still bully if you try to conform to their idea - trust me, they don't go away.
Maybe it's better to be yourself and order champagne at the "pretentious table". The best revenge is to be happy.
Thank you so much for this video. It made me cry but I feel inspired to finally dress the way that I want.
As someone who can’t attended costume collage because there isn’t a version of it where I live I’m loving that you guys are doing this
So enjoying these videos! And 100% yes to Zach's point! Modern mens fashion is so mindnumbingly boring. My partner is non-binary and not very confident when it comes to clothing. They are usually read as male by other people. What they and I try to figure out now is to make clothes for them that fit and play with the cuts and silhouettes which are traditionally more seen as feminine. We tried to find non-binary or gender nonconforming clothing but what we found were mostly button down shirts and that isn't really what we're looking for. Also, I woudn't say button downs are genderneutral.
Definitely need to show them this video, because I think it would help them feeling more confident wearing the clothes that make them happy. Finding your style and loving the things you wear changes everything for me. It just makes me feel more comfortable with myself and more confident moving through the world. Thank you all for this video! Xx
In Britain you can spot the mens department in a department store. Its where all the drab dingy clothing is!
The shift from ostentatious to understated in men's fashion is a really interesting story. 99 Percent Invisible's Articles of Interest series did a great episode on the development of the modern suit. Give it a listen: 99percentinvisible.org/episode/suits-articles-of-interest-10/.
Randomly coming across Bernadette’s channel is what started it for me!!!
I really appreciate Bernadette admitting she doesn't remember, I dont remember a lot past the most recent few years and I always feel bad not being able to give some detailed, dramatic backstory for all my interests
I confused people because one day I looked like a gondolier, the next I was in black leather, and the next in a flowing skirt. It's very hard for people to pigeon hole you when you are in historical dress.
(one day I will stop commenting multiple different things on the same video but today is not that day)
the sheer joy I feel from Cathy playing along with the little kid and going "I need money for a new hat" and BEING a child's real-life Mary Poppins Just Because is so good and wholesome
what a lovely conversation, and Cathy is glowing as usual!
I do re-enactment (currently hibernating due to the plague). In the past, my group was still allowed to make fires on the ground (now in a super fancy iron fire "box" that is way above our portrayed status).
Two visitors came to mind: "Is this real fire?". The second, I kid you not, ran over the fire with her (plastic!) buggy and her kid in it. She got angry because she tought the fire wasn't real.
Now that there is sort of a baby boom going on, we are now getting questions about "is that baby real?".
There are indeed stupid questions.
(I did found my love for linnen due to this. I now want all the linnen underthings.)
Cathy's emotion at talking about the memory of that rack of clothing almost brought me to tears.
Thank you all so much for sharing your journey. You are all so wonderful to let us see this part of your lives.
I didn't realize I needed this video as much as I do! I'm a teenager on that weird pinnacle of wanting to dress more historically, but lacking the confidence to do so, and not really knowing where to even begin, but you all gave me the push I needed. Thank you very very much for taking the time to share your experiences and thoughts. And now apparently I need to go to Who Is Sylvia, as I don't live far from Vermont!
I feel you there I'm not going to be completely vintage because I like dying my hair a myriad of colors and I like a lot of modern fashion, but I'm kinda newbie to sewing (I took a basic sewing class in highschool that didn't cover hand sewing or finishing) and I'm trying to learn through the content Bernadette and Cathy makes and the sources they pull from.
Really, go for it :) Best decision in my life. I am in my first year at uni, and (as a man) I decided to wear more than just the dress shirts and leather shoes I felt myself comfortable to wear in high school, started to wear tweed jackets, waistcoats and others 20's inspired men's garments. I am still not completly vintage, haven't trusted myself to wear hats or to always have neckwear but as so beautifully said in the video, it is a journey. Weird at the beginning, but in the long run it feels so good :)
This was really helpful!
I've been having Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) recently and one of the things that has come out of it was that I was dressing and acting in a way that was making me invisible. I do this to stop me being a target for the bullies that I've had to deal with for most of my life. But I'm sick of it! I hate being invisible!
I'm currently trying to re-order my thought processes and challenge myself to be more like the me that I actually am rather than the one who people think I am. Because people think I'm shy and they don't understand that I'm a quiet introvert! And they don't understand that there is a difference! In fact my closest friends laugh at the very idea that I'm shy!
Some of the challenges I've decided to take on are that I've started writing again (I gave up a few years ago when I was going through a rough time), I've made a tentative small steps towards, one day, maybe, starting a TH-cam channel and I've decided that I kinda hate most of my clothes and want to wear things I'm excited about and not just things that everyone else wears.
I was really excited about this panel when I hear about it and it has been wonderful to listen to all of you talking about how to have confidence in how you dress and how you have to do it for yourself and not anyone else. And also how it is a form of expressing who you are. I've not been doing that but I'm really excited to get started!
Thank you!
WoW! So much wisdom that applies not only to the historical costumers/historybounders, but, to society in general. Wish there had been an internet when I was 13 years old way back in 1964. I didn't know anyone else at the time that shared the same interest in historical costuming as I did. Thanks so much for your insights! :)
If there had been internet back then, my parents copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica would not look as battered as it does today.
@@jirup Encyclopedia Americana at our home; and, yep, it's battered! :)
Stay strong in your belief, you are right.
Birdy
"You need to give yourself permission rather than seeking permission from someone else because YOU know yourself better." Wise words, Zack!
It is the "weird" ones who go on to make a difference in this world with their creativity, inspiration, and innovation. Those who bullied lacked imagination, empathy, and insight into themselves, much less anyone else. Their lack of originality guarantees a dull existence. School was something to endure and get through so that I could get on with my real life. Some people peaked in high school and count that as the best days of their lives. But we're just getting started. ;-) THANK YOU Cathy, Bernadette, Constance, and Zack!
P.S. "Oh, hey! I can eat cake whenever I want!" AWESOME realization!
I hope Zack got his cake
Thank you so much for bringing together this fantastic quartet of people for a thoroughly engaging conversation. I'm old enough to be his father but I have to admit to being a Zack fan boy. His sense of self and confidence is truly inspiring. Once a year I get to feel "me" when costuming up for the Abbey Medieval Fair, regrettably cancelled this year.
I am 67 and listening to you has made my life turn around. I am going out tomorrow to buy fabric and make myself something Edwardian.... Thank you, you have validated me for the first time in my life!
Cathy you have just basically described one little girl I once met.
I was in my wheelchair when this little girl of 3 or 4 came over to me. She said, "Didn't your Mummy teach you to walk?". Me: " I knew there was something she forgot ". Delightful little girl: "My Mummy will teach you.". Over came one embarrassed Mum, highly apologetic. To her surprise, I was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. It was lovely to meet a young child with such a healthy attitude, no fear to ask, just wondering why I wasn't walking. Her Mum couldn't get over that in my eyes she was doing just fine as a Mum. I told her it was lovely to have an encounter with a Mum and child where the Mum doesn't pull the child away or hush him or her.
I gave my old wedding dress to the daycare for dress up, the young boys loved it. Especially with my old heels!
I wonder if there's a way of reclaiming control of a powerless situation (i.e. bullying, exclusion) by choosing to wear something different. Because then, rather than it coming unawares, you know there's potential for it. You reclaim your uniqueness from people who try to use it as a weapon.
My son was bullied at school for being different, it was his impetus to go full on Goth. His reasoning was - they are going to bully me anyway so I might as well dress the way I want. He believes that it helped to build his confidence because he wasn't trying to conform any more.
Occasionally Mum has commented that people might think I'm weird, like Mum, come on, they only have to talk to me for 0.2 seconds before they know for sure that I'm weird, so I may as well advertise!
@@expatpiskie Me too. I was 13 and was bullied in school because I was plus size. I went full Goth and I never looked back. The sub culture and the clothing gave me so much confidence and the bullies stopped because they lostinterest in someone who was not phased by their idiotic behaviour. .
@@sc0ttishlass My son found so many good friends in the sub-culture, friends that he is still in contact today. The confidence he gained stood him in good stead. He went to Germany for a year to work, learning German as he worked. He hitched around the South & South-West USA for 6 months & today he is teaching English in Hungary - he only knew a few phrases of Hungarian before he left the UK. At night he performs his music. He spends much of his free time exploring the forests He has really had the last laugh on his bullies because he would never had the courage to do what he has were it not for being someone who overcame being bullied.
@@expatpiskie Oh good for him and HUngary is a wonderful country even if the government is not. I am glad he is living his life. Germany still has a huge active Gothic community.
Your stories reminded me when I transitioned, since it's basically like that. I wanted to buy a whole new closet but it took me years to buy some stuff, and my style transitioned with me. At the beginning I threw away almost all female-presenting clothes but now I wear my skirts do happily. I still feel weary over some pieces that hug my figure in certain ways, constantly wondering if people will think I'm a girl or boy... Do I look masculine with this? Is this masculine enough?. It has been such a journey, and I'm still evolving
also I've now heard Cathy Hay swear and I need a minute to process
"this is a disguise" love that :D
Reminds me of that clip in Miranda Tv show where she (wearing jeans and a denim jacket), goes up to people in the street and says "Do you like what you are wearing? Do you mind that other people may not like what you're wearing? Okay, wear that then! " --- Also, this was such a good video, Mum and I are catching up on it now! Hello Cathy, Bernadette, Constance and Zach!
Miranda's a legend.
@@trs3343 I know! Apparently, at school, people noticed that I made quite a lot of references to the tv show! For example, if the answer to a question about dates was 'Tuesday', then we used to say 'Tuuuuesday' from theChristmas episode and it still remains a joke with one of my close friends to this day!
That was the best - I loved that moment. Miranda is awesome.
Being bullied is painful but in the long run can be a blessing.
I love this! I started to sew at the beginning of the pandemic, and by doing that discovered this world of historical dress, and was in love! I always dressed as a modern Edwardian, and then when I discovered I could sew my own clothes I immediately made myself an entire wardrobe 🤣 and now I dress as an Edwardian every day and love it so so much!! I have only had really lovely comments!
Pretty much the story of my life...
I've always been a weirdo, never dressed fashionably because whenever I tried, my attempts ended in kind of a mismatched disaster and I never felt comfortable anyway. I also loved to dress up and still do. However, I still wore at least kind of 'normal' clothes just with a twist until about five years back when I've had it. Whom was I kidding? This wasn't me. Not really. It was the turning point. I started making my own clothes and while most of them aren't historically accurate dresses, they mainly have a late Victorian silhouette, though I've lately added some medieval inspired gowns. Anyway, finally, I felt comfortable.
There was just one downside when my son got picked on at school due to the way I dress. Worst of all, this didn't come so much from the children, but other parents who assumed I belonged to some weird sect or something (no idea, seeing that I don't know them beyond having met them at school) and basically infiltrated their children's minds that we're a family to stay away from. Of course, from then on I wore denims and a T-shirt whenever I had to deal with that lot and will continue to do so. Better be uncomfortable for a few hours than have my child suffer for no actual reason whatsoever.
With that said, my son prefers me wearing my dresses, my husband supports me 100%, actually all my family and friends do. But they know me and accept me just as I am.
That out of the way, I also had very positive encounters with complete strangers, so I'm not at all discouraged, only a little more careful whom I show my real self to.
But really, I wonder who is the weirdo in the end: those who run after every trend no matter how hideous it is or how unflattering or uncomfortable, or the likes such as myself, who wear what suits them, fits them well and makes them feel comfortable - oh, and is better for the environment?
Thank you to whoever thought of CoCovid. Your videos have introduced me to so many other costumers I never knew were out there and I've subscribed to several of their channels. I'm not someone who would ever have gone to Costume College but I love the inspiration that all these videos have wrought. I've also been able to find other historical interest channels that I couldn't find before, historical embrodiery, knitting etc. A big THANK YOU!
If these are the weird people, I definitely want to be one of them 🥰
The more y’all talk, the better I like you. I always knew I was odd and fit my own category and not the usual ones. It is happy to hear others express similar experiences of uniqueness. Always thought I’d start with a corset, but ordered from American Duchess so the shoes are changing first. LOL!
an absolut dreamboat of joy and inspiration! I too have a youth as victorian-goth lol loved every second of this, will definitely rewatch!
The most Fab Four ever!!!
Thank you all for your courage and grace, you give those of us with fear on our hearts the strength to do it.
" Everyday above ground is a great day so I am Celebrating LIFE" is my usual answer
As someone who's been Victorian goth since about 1984 and spent most of 1985-1995 wearing frocks coats, top hats and poet shirts, I SO enjoyed this chat. I think Zak might be my spirit animal because hell yes you need a waistcoat and bow tie for a wedding. At least! {continues sewing Edwardian walking skirt à la Mlle Banner.}
This was a fantastic zoom meeting. I learned some valuable stuff. thanks so much for sharing!
The power of the mind to convince us of anything, and then it becomes our reality.
when I got bullied in high school, not because of any particular reason, one day I had to do an errand with one of the bullies just the two of us. so I plucked up the courage to tell him "hey, what you`re doing is hurting me, please stop". and he was really surprised, cause apperently he didn`t think of namecalling as bullying. he was like "but we do that to the other (popular) girls as well and they never have a problem with it". so I told him "I don`t know about them, but it`s hurtful to me, please stop and tell the others to stop as well". later I saw him telling the other boys to cut it out.
so what I`ve learned from that is that perception plays a big part in bullying. I was so selfconcious, I always felt like a victim and didn`t see that I wasn`t being singled out or anything and that the other kids mostly didn`t realize how their words were affecting me. For example one day a boy was making fun of me for wearing the same trousers every day. I went home crying to my mum and she took me shopping for new trousers. Now looking back it`s so stupid. The boy probably forgot about the whole thing in 10 minutes, but it affected me because I was selfcouncsious about not having money or that I`ve always had a pear figure and therefore could never find trousers that would fit me properly.
people don`t realize what`s going on in your head. I don`t agree that they bully you cause they`re afraid of your expression or something. I think most of the time they just aren`t thinking at all. About what their words or actions will cause.
I admire Cathy and Bernadette. Most of the reason for that admiration, is that they are always authentic with who they are and their beliefs and that they are unapologetically themselves. They don't apologise for taking up space and they work towards their ambitions. These are all traits I wish to gain and am working towards. So, thank you ladies, for helping me start to become the best me I can be
This made me finally pull the trigger on buying a skirt and blouse I've wanted for a while. I remember when I was younger, I loved skirts and dressing up. As an adult, it's hard to feel inspired to dress up and it's rare to find something I like in a shop. I do know how to sew, I just have to decide to make my clothes.
It's not easy, but so worth it! You got this!
"If you have a strong enough why" you'll have enough confidence.
Loved watching and listening to this wonderful group of individuals. I have always loved clothes from long ago. I wanted to wear my Gunni Sax
Dresses forever!! I recently dyed my hair purple at 52 just because it was on my bucket list. It was fun! So many people said why??? Because I wanted to .. and also would say “I wish I had the courage to do that!”
Very much appreciate the videos and posts from all of you!
"Would you care for some champagne at the pretentious table" is just the best sentence ever
This was a therapy session I didn’t know I needed. Thank you all :)
"I've always been odd..." Yes, that would just about sum up my life. Not at all a bad thing.
"You can wear a Cake!"
What a beautiful thought
Thank you for your interesting, kind and funny words! In high school, I used to dress with the hippie-ish clothes my mom had in her dresser. It was different, but I didn't feel bullied. Either I wasn't, which is great, or I was and it totally went over my head, which is possible. Then I went into a comfort phase of t-shirts and jeans because there was too much happening inside to pay attention to the outside. Now I'm a mom and it's t-shirts and sweatpants and I feel SO identityless... This past year and a half, CosTube inspired me to go for it and begin making my own clothes, like I'd wanted for so many years. Just finished my mockup for my first Victorian-inspired skirt and even this ugly mockup made with an old bed sheet looks better on me than any skirt I ever bought did. Thank you to this community ❤
I left school and uniform behind and started wearing clothes I chose and wanted to wear ! I called my look Victorian gothic, I wasn't a "goth" but I wore a long black walking skirt, laceup boots, random coloured top and black velvet military coat. Usually hair in 2 plaits knotted together in a bun. And nobody cared :) it was fantastic!! Then work happened and I went back to 'normal' clothes... I really want to go back but I want to loose my baby weight :( you guys are amazing!
OK, I know I'm late to the party, but thank you so much for this folks!
You have given me so much food for thought, and Zach's (sorry if it's spelled wrong) comment about being burned by the church really made me laugh. I wish I had been able to listen to this "lecture" when I was at school, it would have helped me so much.
Much love to you all xx
I spent a hughe lot of money on my historicish wardrobe just a moment before cause it always was my dream to look like this an you also give me the courage to not only wear this clothes but also to spend this much money on my dream...at the end nobody should hang up his or her dreams because of it's price but most times it's difficult to talk with other about this high price dressing and you especially with the peecock dress give me the courage to just do it-so a big thank you-I also really love Bernadette videos about her work but your so honesr videos about your feelings and about how hard things sometimes are give me so much for my life and for that another big big thank you
Cheap clothing costs a LOT in the long run, is built on the work of poor people in factories, and will break within a few years at best
@@SteppingStonevlogs I think it's totally worthy to spend hundreds of euros or what ever into "only on gown" especially if it's from for example people on Etsy you can really talk to and clothes are so important to most of us so the person made the clothes should obviously be important to us too and nobody should look down on people doin' something for our daily lifes please don't understand me wrong at this point
the cost of these clothes will be worth it, but always remember to not let your love for your hobby, the clothes etc. distress you financially. That's all I wanted to add and I wish you lots of joy from your new wardrobe!
I loves this so much. Back when I was in school I loved to dress fairly professionally because I felt comfortable in it. I would wear dresses, pencil skirts, and heels a few days a week. I would have students tell me I look like a librarian and I would happily thank them, I would also have people ask me if I had something special going on and I would just say "No, just a Tuesday". It always seemed to help disarm them
In my experience, if you wear a crazy amazing hat or outfit when you go out, it tends to act as a people filter. People that you don't want to deal with will be to scared to approach or talk to you, and those that are really cool will smile or come up and say nice things or totally geek out with you.
Edit: It can also a great way to get over a bad day!
YES!!!! People will either be confident enough to walk up to you and compliment you, or the complete opposite. It's a great catcall deterrent too.
Wow I've been watching this stream countless times now, Thank you, dear Constance, Cathy, Zack and Bernadette
Thank you!!! I adore you all so much and especially right now it is so comforting to be listening to your wholesome chat
Around 2:15, Bernadette and Zacks identical hand wave of excitement when Constance was introduced was precious and wonderful
This is an amazing discussion! I have always been plus sized and broke, so I took up sewing and thrift shopping to find clothes that fit and were fashionable. I became so disappointed in my sewing skills and the lack of clothes available that I ended up buying black knit pants and various colored t-shirts. Now I am the mom of a teenager and she wants to wear history bounding clothes. Thankfully she has many more choices and is completely adorable. She does have a friend who can't believe she is dressing "like that", but I am happy to have a young lady who is willing to wear modest clothes!
I was wearing a tartan skirt, a boned black velvet top and my long blue velveteen cape one day. Normal clothes. A woman said she thought I was in a play.
Lovely! Laughed out loud at things Zak said throughout this 💕 it's taken me 30 years to get to a point where I'm confident enough not to worry so much about people liking me
"You're an adult. You don't need permission." man, often times I have to remind myself this, that I can buy/make whatever I want.
I actually never cared how I looked and just recently found what I would love to wear, so it's all new to me. As a matter of fact I started with doing my hair up and it does the trick - I got lots of compliments for it :)
Thank you for the video
I am so exited to have Zack on TH-cam, the little content he put out til now is already great. Whatever he decides to do next I am sure it will be useful for young and or experienced tailors, you never stop learning
"Buy the cake" is the new "Just do it." I love that!
I love this conversation...thankyou...lovely when you dont get to talk in a group now much and live alone
Zack's answer to the High Schooler's question made me think a lot of the Glee song "Loser like me" and (I mean this in the BEST possible way) he kinda embodies perfectly what I wanted future!Kurt to become.
This complete talk was so inspiring and comforting
I didn't think I would watch the video with full attention until the very end, but here I am finishing the whole video and understanding a lot of stuff about myself and the whole matter of finding your own style, why problems in school occured. The best reasoning"They feel threatend by you because you enjoy being yourself, so they try to bring you down."
Thank you all. Enjoyed this immensely.
We continue to play! I think it’s more the fact that people forget the game in this life, and only see the competition part of it. Playing in life is doing things in love, either it’s for yourself or for others. That’s true reason for life
I will be keeping this video for my daughter when she is a little older. Because I didn't have this video when I was younger, and I feel life would have been different if I had. Cathy, you said the bullying made you stronger. Sadly, I let it ruin me. So thank you to you all for discussing your lives and what 'you' really means.
I bought a tweed waistcoat from a thrift store years ago that I loved but didn’t have the right accessories to pair it with or the courage to wear it in public. Just recently I bought a linen shirt and decided to take it to the store where I work and all my coworkers loved it so the point is, just wear it. Buy statement pieces AND basic tops and bottoms to pair them with.
Sorry I missed the live event - great vid thanks for doing this!
I think these four might be my dream dinner guests. What a delightful discussion, and Mr. Pinsent is looking so dashing...
I was always the weird kid at school ... but have always loved to dressed up , and wear what ever I felt like , I love to make people smile , and will stop off at neighbours before going to a fancy dress party (best one was a Goat before going to a sing a long Sound of music) ... always get lovely comments from strangers especially going to the Super Market before or after an Event with my Steampunk Tribe ..and love to swoop around our little streets in Witchy outfits or Steampunk ensembles ... was fun working in a Costume hire place for 5 years and really let loose ..when the Horse Flu hit I dressed as a Victorian Nurse but added a Horses tail and would flick it about on the train home .... put on Halloween gatherings at our house and the Children absolutley loved coming here dressed up ...the parents even started dressing up too over the 10 years .. if they did not have anything I would always have lots of things on hand for them to put on ... I adore HATS!!! and our house looks like a hire place hahahah YOU ARE MY PEOPLE !!! So blessed my Darling is into it as much and the first party we went to was an Addams Family reunion ... just have to make sure he gets enough time in front of the mirror before I need to hahaha I slide between Witchy/Gypsy/Steampunk/Alice
It’s funny how we all get here differently!! In middle school I got into hoarding photos of historical dress, which I pasted into word documents, because I couldn’t imagine living in a different time, but couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wanted to be a time traveler!! This obsession with understanding previous world views has kept me hooked...on history and historical dress though I’m somewhat lacking in comparison to these greats!