I took my kids to meet their teachers today. There was an old lady who kept giving me a dirty look. As if I didn't belong there. None of of the other adults or kids gave me a second look. It definitely has gotten better over the years.
That's a victory! Everyone else has long had that level of intolerance bred out of them! More to go but this definitely gets a check for a solid victory.
I always tone down the whole look when I have to do something at my daughter's school. We live in small town Ohio about ten minutes from my hometown where, in the 90's and early 2000's I was genuinely despised for being Goth and outspoken and... myself. That's always in the back of my mind and I don't give a damn how someone looks at me or treats me for being the way I am but I am afraid that someone might say something to my daughter because of it. Somehow, my child is very outgoing and "normal" and it would kill me if she was made fun of or judged because of me. She's not used to it and I hope she never has a reason to get used to that. So I tone it down a little... but even toned down, I stick out like a sore thumb and I am ok with that. 😂
@@lestatsluv317 I grew up in rural Alaska. Everyone is a bit odd there. It's very much a live and let live kind of place. But us alt kids definitely had to deal with nasty people who looked down on us when we went into the bigger towns.
@@aniE1869 Here in Ohio it's usually the opposite. If you go into the city (usually Columbus for me), no one gives you a second look but in the small towns you will feel like a freak everywhere you go in town. I moved to Columbus at twenty one and I was in a neighborhood that had a lot of crime and we were all really poor but everyone accepted all of the different things about one another and I got no shit for being me for the first time in my life. I lived there a decade until the landlords started hiking up the rent to gentrify and I could not afford to live in Columbus anymore. So I am back in a small town and I had forgotten what that was like to be stared at and get dirty looks all the time but this place reminded me real quick. 😂 It's definitely better than it was back in the day, though, for sure. The idea that Goth looks are sort of becoming popular with teenagers right now proves that. Could you imagine that in the 90's or early 2000's? And it's incredible because these kids can find all of the music right here on TH-cam. No hunting down Goth CDs if you were lucky enough to have Goth friends that would even tell you the names of the bands. I think that will help, having easy access to the music. I love seeing the kids trying to carry on Goth. There were years where I felt like a damn relic of an ancient time. 😂😂😂
@@lestatsluv317 people often go to small towns in Alaska to be left alone. So they're not likely to get into other people's business. I usually had to settle for whatever the crappy little thrift store that was about two hours away had. It was about another hour drive to a bigger town that had actual clothing stores. Not that they would have had much alt in the 90s.
I love it. So many influencers try to demote goth to a style of dress and ignore the rest of the culture, and the people who are goth. They want to hide it all from those seeking it. They hide the music, the literature, the social values, the community, the experiences, everything. I personally value the look and "fashion" and do think it's important, but it's only a part and without the rest, it's meaningless. It doesn't signify anything or express anything. On another note Angela I have something for you to consider. Lealith, the one who introduced me to the subculture, an original Goth in England from the late seventies once said something to me about the subculture. "Before we can make the changes we want to in this world, we must first change the culture." This isn't goth 101 and is a pretty bold statement and of course, she's just one Goth original, but what's your take on that? It's food for thought.
I definitely agree, A lot of influencers that claim goth really just want to shrink it down to nothing more than a fashion movement. That does my head in because you and I both know as well as every other damn golf out there that it's so much more than that. As far as the quote, that's pretty powerful stuff. When I think about changing the culture the first thing that comes to mind may seem to many like the evolution. I would want to bring it back to basics. Bring people back into the real world, disconnect from the internet and meet face-to-face and have adventures offline. But I myself am guilty of always having that phone in my hand. Either checking my email, googling things, taking pictures or videos. But I feel like to change the culture would be to force people to come face to face with not only each other but themselves. There has to be a happy medium there.
@@angelabenedict There is a happy medium I think. We expect each other to respond immediately, we willingly put our lives on hold for text messages and posts, and interrupt real life with photo ops to share online. If we simply answered once or twice a day, and only took photos when we needed a picture, we might find that happy medium. But our culture doesn't allow for that. Our culture is that phones take precedence and demand immediate attention so we put real life on hold rather than restricting it to a more balanced place. That is one modern example to be certain. Now consider that Lealith said that in 1982. To normalize non conformity, to normalize us opening up ourselves instead of hiding and painting over ourselves with laid out expectations is something that we still do today . We have made incredible strides to be certain, but if someone is depressed, employers can and do shun them and even find ways of getting rid of them.People still look at other people with trauma in their past and avoid them. Transgender people still face an incredible uphill battle, and there are many such examples. Goth, to this day can be used to normalize many of these things leading to change for the better. It changes the culture not by demanding compliance but by simply existing, by simply accepting on a level no one else will. In short, sadness really is rebellion, but I would modify Lebanon Hanovers assertion that it's resistance, instead it's something that pushes forward and goes on the offensive in subtle and nonviolent ways. In Lealith's view, that was part of the larger picture. I want to remind everyone that not all Goths agree over this or view the subculture in this way. We are definitely in the realm of opinion and debate, although I will say that she wasn't alone in this. By the way Angela, I just arrived in New Jersey with hopes of finding a place in Brooklyn soon. It finally happened.
This weekend I was helping my mom to clear up our garage, and found my old high school notes - sadly, mice destroyed them, but I realized, how hard I fought to be goth in Hungary (Eastern EU), a small city, as a teenager. My off looking DIYs (Rose buttons I made from baking clay), my box of saved black and colored lace trims, and my huge amount of cut-out pictures. I was collaging pictures for my notebooks, and painting them in black with ink. I found one of my dresses that I DIYd up to be wereable - my LEGO bat earrings were not found, but my high school photos yes, while I was wearing them. They were a very emotional few hours to me, for seeing my effort, my old CDs with my hand-drawn covers, my selected box of items will wait for me to pick up and travel with me next time - This time I took the candle holder with roses that my grandpa gave to me, and brought it into in my apartment. Slowly adding my old memories to my living place is really energetic, and help me to cooperate with my life, and my past self. 🖤🖤
What a time capsule! Do you find that you still resonate with a younger version of yourself? Keepsakes, letters, art, DIY, music - Goth has this great way of making us feel comfortable reaching inside ourselves and seeing what's there. Being comfortable expressing yourself through creative means. I'm so glad you were able to salvage your box of memories 🖤
@@angelabenedict Sadly the old, tacky music box had to stay for a while (It has an extremely demonic voice now, so a maintenance check is needed), my little collages were very inspiring, so I'm planning to recreate a picture I made from lace and paper with fiber arts. Around 15 I attended a jewelry making class with my best friend and we made medals - mine has a light shadow in it, like a captured little pixie/fairy. This could be a cool project to recreate too- among old fabrics and clothing. I bought a candle holder to clean and repaint and a 100-year old DIY photo frame. I hope everyone gets a chance to find old treasures and make them remember where did they come from. 🖤🖤 Do you keep a trinket box as well (no photos, only weird little objects)?
People also tend to forget that the whole “It’s not Halloween” “slam” when it wasnt spooky season came from this time period in the 90’s because the ONLY time we could get black lipstick or black nail polish was spooky season. (In addition to it being aesthetically more skewed to Halloween-like)
Yeah, that's when I used to stock up for a lot of that stuff.Because you would never , ever find it any other time. Revlon had started to have grunted stuff with the street where collection.But that kind of bordered the edge of what I liked.
I remember the first time someone had said that to me, I was 15 years old and it was a full grown man. My friends and I really wanted to go see KMFDM but they were playing in the city. Seeing as we were all between 14 and 16 are parents didn't trust us to navigate trains yet so they all put their money together and hired a limo which was incredibly embarrassing so we made the limo drop us off to blocks away from the venue. When we got out of the limo I remember a man in a suit with a briefcase, clearly just coming from work. He looked at me since I was the first one out of the limo and I kind of stood there waiting for everyone else to assemble - but as he passed he said 'fucking freaks, it's not Halloween'.
@@mermaliade6631 I remember when Urban Decay became THE thing for anyone of us that didn't want pink, blue, or neutral colors for makeup and OPI for colors outside the usuals. Now it's all eh...
@angelabenedict most people now have child out about it, but every once and a while someone would say that, I usually retort with, "well being an asshole is year round huh?" 😂
I grew up in Germany and I was a young skater kid (now skater adult 😄). My friends were goth and punk although I had no idea what that meant. I loved the "older" high school goth girls! I truly miss sitting in the town square in the evening and just hang around them. They would talk about books, music, art, traveling, society and just life. I learned so much from them. Wherever they are I hope they are doing well. Thanks Angela for sharing ur life, stories and music with us!
@@ronniesan9805 It's amazing how much we can learn about ourselves by listening to other people. Just interfacing and mingling with our peers, literally a single conversation could stick with you for the rest of your life.
40:00 I knew goth kids who were institutionalized because of what they liked. By their parents. How dare they think differently? I was constantly chastised for liking what I liked…so I had to literally put dye on the second layer of my hair to hide it from “straights” or preppies. I would buy white Cure or Bauhaus shirts…I got by because Bauhaus is an art movement and many teachers though it was referencing that. Also, many teachers would recommend beat poets and writers to me. I was an arty kid, an artfag as they called us. Yup, completely horrible stuff.
Omg, That's terrible! People were so pressed about staying within the confines of societal norms that the slightest deviation could have people essentially traumatizing their kids for simply expressing themselves. I remember on a talk show, it's here on TH-cam and I believe it was Phil Donahue. They had a panel of punks on the stage, it was in the '80s and an old woman stood up from the crowd to offer her commentary and said I would much rather my daughter be addicted to drugs than look like any of them.
@@scorpionic-night I was one scolded at a job interview for Burger King back in 1995 because I had blue nail polish off and the interviewer found it vile.
@@angelabenedict i remember you saying that in a video. i didn't know it was a burger king ...of all places...they shouldnt care what you're wearing lmao wowww that is wild. i was one year old in 1995, and thankfully clueless to the ways of some burger king managers
There are a fair few Satanists now who, when they were kids in the 80s or 90s were repeatedly told that the thing like liked was Satanic by some weird Christian. Like Goth is satanic, heavy metal is satanic, D&D is satanic, reading horror fiction is satanic, bleh ble-blehh. Many of us were like "Huh. Everything I like is Satanic? Guess I'm a Satanist then." and went & found out about it.
@@scorpionic-nightNo place would hire you in the 80s if you had dyed hair, wore mostly black, had heavy goth makeup or even a visible tattoo. I mean, you might be able to work hard labor or at a factory, but nothing that involved talking to people.
I’m so jealous of your teen hood. I didn’t have any alt people in my area so I ended up just being an odd ball in my own group. Thank goth for the internet being around for me because that was the only way I could have discovered myself.
I hear that quite a lot. Sometimes people feel a bit like a lonely Island because they don't have others around them into the same things so the internet becomes their doorway to the world. We used to make new goths. I know that sounds utterly ridiculous, but it's something that specifically me and I used to get made fun of for it but I used to take The normal kids from my school to goth clubs with me. I'd show them the music, dress them up and a lot of them stayed that way! They loved it.
This reminds me of my mom, who was a metal head/alt teen in the 90s. She still remembers her dad calling her evil for her black nail polish 😂. She raised me to love metal but I also love goth and I wish I could have been there to see it all 🖤
The bar was set so low back then. They basically had zero tolerance for anything that deviated from the norm. It drew audible gasps and shameless stares. More and more tho, people are getting their old vhs tapes converted to digital and were seeing a lot of the alternative stuff from the 80s and 90s online.
When you started talking about "ethnicity" I really felt that. Thankfully my parents and grandparents raised me on all kinds of music, so my getting into goth, punk and heavy metal was a no brainer. Unfortunately the pressure to not be ME caused a lot of bullying in junior high and high school, but I refused to give in. My folks were supportive, some of their ex-friends were not, lol.
I'm glad you are brought up and such a open-minded environment to where your family supported you on your musical and lifestyle journeys. Families like that are true treasure. I hear a lot of stories from people who unfortunately didn't have that and it really stifles you later in life. It definitely sucks that you encountered friends that turned out not to be true friends in the end but people like that who can't appreciate you for you, you dodged a bullet. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are.
Why am I getting so emotional over a TH-cam video??? I loved this Angela! I’m not a baby bat anymore, but I am a very young goth and like most young goths nowadays I cry over not being able to go to clubs or meet more young goth people. But I do have a few great alternative friends and we share common ground on a lot of bands. I’ve been considering throwing what you’ve talked about before-a goth dance party-at my house for my birthday. And I’m going to a sisters of mercy concert in October!!! Thanks for the uplifting videos, they really help me out :)
I can relate to that. When I was a young goth in the early 2000s I had no way to go to anything as a little sixteen year old. However now as an adult I go to two goth nights every month. I hope you enjoy yourself!😊 Seeing Sisters sounds awesome.
Oh no! I'm sorry! I kind of like hitting that rewind button and reminding us where we all came from. We all grow up in different parts of the world but somehow, if it was around that time there are a lot of similarities between our experiences and how we chose to live our lives and interact with our friends in the world.
I can't believe I managed to say it without gagging! It was a huge loogie, I made him wash off in the hose outside, I didn't want that thing in my house.
I was on TikTok the other day and a random gen z girl called me a poser. I just laughed and blocked her but it’s sad that we live in a time where 15-16 year olds think they can even call someone who’s 20 years older than them a poser. I have spent years figuring out who I am and I’m glad I did and I’ve been true to myself ever sense. I love hearing your stories about the 90s goth/alternative scene. My big sister who is 5 years older than me was a punk as a teenager . I always looked up to her but I do remember other people not understanding her style. Things have definitely changed a lot.
The TikTok 'goth' crowd really does my head in. And I use the word goth in quotes because the majority of them, are not. They are simply sanctimonious, entitled little snots who are enraged by the concept of music-based subcultures because they can't quantify the existence of something that's not going to allow them free rein and free entry simply because they want to so they demand it and will police others based on terms they outline. The crazy thing is, it's not like goth has crazy rules or anything like that, it's nothing more than a music-based subculture, that's it. You like the music, you listen to the music, is it your primary genre of music that you listen to? That's it, it's all it takes. But one thing that sticks out in my mind is I legitimately have someone to argue with me that they were goth because of their Victorian spoon collection.
@@angelabenedict I feel like I’m living in a twilight zone episode. I only identify as goth because of the music I listen to. Sure, I have black hair and black clothes but I also don’t limit myself to what I can wear. Maybe these kids don’t understand that. It makes me upset because like you said before it’s way easier for them to assume what goth is based on internet searches or on TikTok they don’t even really have to search it’s just a literal trend with the hashtag #goth . There’s music I had no idea was popular among the gen z kids circulating on there which I’m not gatekeeping I just get surprised every single time. I’m just like wait, every single band I have been listening to for years now are mainstream? It makes it hard to enjoy things . I’ve never been called a poser up til this point though so I guess that’s not that bad haha
My 51 year old Highschool GF gets that all the time on the street in Seattle and online, just from "punkers" more than Goths. I tried to turn h3r back then, lol...but she is very much a punk chic.
Hey Angela, Unfortunately, I've never commented on you before, but I watch your videos more often and feel incredibly at home with you. I think you're a very deep, thoughtful person and for me your content is a safe space in this highly superficial world of social media (even if I don't like that term that much). I feel much calmer and more composed after your videos, instead of excited or emotionally agitated like I do after all the other crap that people throw at me on various platforms. I thank you very much for that. I am a goth girl from Germany and have been since the early 2000s. I was about 15 years old when I came into the scene and have just turned 30. I don't even remember how exactly it started - I think it started with Type O Negative, Sisters Of Mercy, but also Marilyn Manson and The 69 Eyes. Since I carry a lot of darkness and abyss within myself, I have always felt very at home in the scene. Above all, I have always had a preference for aesthetics and romanticism, until today. Unfortunately, I also encountered granite in my very conservative family when it came to my Gothic existence. They would have wanted a different daughter, one who studied, who was perfect, who had "perfect" values and morals. Since I had great difficulty coming to terms with my father's death at the time, it hit me doubly and they sent me away when I was 17 I have to emphasize, however, that this is absolutely not common in Germany (at least not because of its affiliation with the scene; any psychiatrist here would laugh at a parent if they argued with this in relation to their child) and, among other things, because of it because of my depression, childhood trauma and suicide attempts. I also view the decline of gothic culture as such through TikTok and social media in general with great sadness and often frustration. Gothic, like everything in the advancing turbo-capitalism, has been degraded to a pure brand, a fashion aesthetic. Here, very young girls who have nothing to do with the scene think they are Wednesday Addams (Netflix). There are Barbie TH-camrs who promote Wednesday perfume and all kinds of Wednesday cosmetics on social media and bring them to the drugstore. Or even to the clothing stores. In addition, Gothic is becoming more and more sexualized - also through OnlyFans. And it's not just girls and women who are sexualized in the scene, men are also victims of this fetish. I have a very strong and perhaps controversial opinion on this. In Germany, the Gothic scene was always considered very open and tolerant. But I think that, given today's times, she didn't do herself any favors. Back then, as a "Babybat", I also had a hard time among the old goths, who often considered themselves very elitist - but from today's perspective, I understand these people very well. They don't know everything that only says "Gothic". Gothic in it will dilute the scene, as is happening now. The gothic scene has always been a safe place for those who are misunderstood, excluded and shunned by society. This safe place is now being taken away from them by all the "Goths" on social media who act like this is just a clothing brand or a fetish. I used to laugh with my "Babybats" at the older Goths running around and acted as if they alone knew what being a Goth meant - but back then it was different. Today I think that we need this kind of elite again to differentiate ourselves from all those who want to stigmatize us as a fetish, a fashion brand or a trend. The problem is also, at least here in Germany, that the Gothic scene has become very politicized - that was also a no-go in the past. In the past it didn't matter what political views the person you were talking to had; politics simply didn't interest anyone in the Goth scene. We focused more on what connects us and what holds us together - the music, the darkness, the love of dark romance, the outsiderness, the view of the world. Today in the Goth scene here in germany, a different view of society than your counterpart might have makes you an outsider and you are canceled. You will also be canceled if you think that too many "normal people" who go around at gothic festivals just to watch a kind of "freak show" are destroying the scene. In my opinion, we need more elitism to create a safe retreat where only we are at home. And this time it will be harder, because this time we are not pulling it between us and the "bourgeois" society, but rather we are pulling it between ourselves and the progressive, now highly harmful progress. All the best for you, jasmine PS: Sorry for my English. :3
36:00 Goths went to cafes because they are the only thing open at night that underage kids could go to. Or the Denny’s. Remember Meijer had a 50s themed cafe upstairs. This is when they were open 24 hours. We shopped for boots at 3 am. :) They also had super saver cassettes of the Velvet Underground, Iggy Pop and the like. Proto goth stuff.
I graduated in 91 in Florida, never heard the term fluff, we called them preppy but terms changed quickly. I am so jealous, my parents wouldn't buy me Docs!!
Regional slang is crazy. When I lived in Florida I remember the term 'tap' being used to describe something crazy or outlandish. Like 'Wow, that's tap!' or 'Straight' used to define a sort of prude, I remember specifically it meant never been kissed. This was from ages 10-14 so at the time they were used among friends.
Your life would make a great book or animated series! I love being immersed in your stories, it honestly makes me nostalgic for a time I wasn't even part of.
@@angelabenedict I definitely think it would make teens/young adults want to have more real life experiences and might even bring back goth clubs! 🤷🏻♀️
@@zoe2354 I feel a little bit spoiled being where I am because in New York, New Jersey, PA and Boston there are goth clubs and concerts. Sometimes I forget that in other parts of the US and the world don't necessarily have goth clubs.
@@angelabenedict I agree, your experience is so unique because of the location which is why I feel it would make a great book! please do consider writing one 🙏🏻 Thanks for sharing your stories.
What was interesting to me was hearing about your early goth/alternative days and listening to other alternative genres of music (grunge/riot grrl/industrial/etc) and I did the same thing (despite being almost 20 years younger/experiencing this discovery more via the internet/not purely in person) it's funny that alternative people tend to branch out and dabble in all kinds of genres of alternative music when they're young before they find their niche.
love how you were having all these ah ha moments at 14 that im still hoping to have in my thirties, whilst you are still saying it took you so long to get there 😂
I know, right? It was like that for all of us all kids during that period. I remember when I made this video I needed to make sure that I was able to mention Mike's full name and we had a conversation about just growing up in that time with our group and it genuinely was a magical experience.
I feel like every goth has been a lil bit toxic especially first starting out but luckily/hopefully we learn and grow out of it. And also some of us spooky bbies didnt have internet when we were lowkey toxic or cringe.
I know I certainly did! I (thankfully) grew out of my toxic behavior when I realized it’s not that deep and that I didn’t need to wear my whole personality. My music and clothing taste have evolved but not changed entirely, but I’ve become the goth mommy who takes baby bats under her wing and teaches them to fly instead of gatekeeping and being upset with them for being new and not knowing their way around. It doesn’t need to be brutal and unforgiving. We can be welcoming and helpful too and we lose nothing. Next time you see a struggling baby bat, help them out. Don’t be a douche lol
I remember going to a Winter Metal Festival about five or six years ago(pre pandemic) so it was too cold to wear the band t shirts(I didnt have any long sleeved at the time) so I turn up in a long sleeved dark grey top(plain), black jeans with the pyramid studded belt, black trainers, ankh pendant, no leather jacket, my coat is in the cloakroom, and these black metallers standing behind me, watch me go up to the merch stand and I can hear them laughing: Did that guy bring his sister or something? She is so outta place here. She wont know a thing. Then they heard me asking the vendor if they had anything by Blood Ceremony, Electric Wizard, Nocturnal Depression, Darkthrone(really extreme metal and doom bands), they hear the guy talking animatedly bringing out this literal BOX of CDS which I picked three out then turned towards them so they could see what I had bought. I wont go into details but basically the guys' mouths dropped open, I'm like: don't judge a female Metalhead by what she's wearing. Then I asked one of them, who had a Darkthrone t shirt on, so what's your favourite song by them and they couldn't answer me. Posers both of them. Looked the part, didn't have a clue about the music. Sometimes the Metal world shares the same problems as the Goth world. We have a lot of pretenders too.
Wow! See, it's always the ones that are the most insecure with the most to hide that are the most hypocritical. It's kind of like, they want to put you on the defensive so that you're too distracted to realize that they're phony. I love how you showed them up. After I got involved in the goth subculture, it was there I found that people cared more about musical knowledge than they did about appearances. I'm told that there are a lot of similarities between the metal and the goth subcultures so I'd imagine especially by the way that you described it that it's very much the same.
i'm only 15 minutes in to this video, but you are SPOT ON regarding these experiences! I'm a lot older than you, but you're bringing me back, and it's an awesome memory. I found my place when New Wave hit in the early 80's. Never had more fun at the clubs than when this music arrived. Gotta get back to the video!!! Bye!! Peace!! 😎
@@angelabenedict Rock was getting old and stale. We were in our early 30s and wanted something new and sonically different. We wanted to be more sophisticated. Our favorite club let us smoke expensive cigars while we sipped on imported liqueur. Your channel brings me joy! Thank you! Cheers!
@@wildmarjoramdieselpunk6396 The music holds up so well! I listen all the time and play these songs on my guitar daily. When it's this good, it never gets old.
Love your story - I'm a german goth, same age as sou are, and although I basically was the only goth - or let's say, goth in forming stage back then in the 90s in my super small franconian town, there's still a lot I can relate to from your story, that it made me smile. I had a bunch of good friends that weren't relly goth or alternative as well, but we all were the unpopular kids, and we managed to get along so good that we still are in contact to this day. And I am super happy about that. You are so right when you say that it's not necessarily the "big" stuff, like being able to visit clubs or concerts as teenagers, but these small moments together, that in retrospective, aren't really that small, but were important and so valuable for us as the people we are today. I also remember that over here, being different was a lot harder than it is today, but I have to admit that I was shocked to hear that so many kids from your place were on medication for behaving "different" - I honestly didn't know it was that big of a thing - I don't remember that it was common in Germany, not even in my sleepy conservative town. I was called names, bullied and all that stuff and even my teachers took part in it - yes, but getting treatment for that, let alone medication was not really a thing ... I can only imagine that this might have done more damage than it helped, especially in the long term ...
I love the fact that the things that in theory sound the most mundane are in reality the most life-affirming and memorable. Sure we've been to hundreds of clubs and shows but it's those moments sitting up all night talking to your friends until dawn is what you remember. Unfortunately, satanic panic here was quite real and did a lot of damage. Some lost their lives, others were wrongfully accused of crimes, many were in many ways excommunicated from their own families and society simply for being alternative. As we got into the '90s a lot of what I witnessed were a lot of my friends being forcefully sent to psychiatric facilities to undergo evaluations and many of which being medicated Just because they didn't want to cheerlead or join the football team. It was pretty crazy.
Sounds pretty scary. I only know stories like that from the former GDR - East Germany during the cold war period. They had facilities to "treat" children and teens that behaved out of the norm, and that shit destroyed a lot of young lives. I'm from West Germany, there's a lot of stories from teens that were Goth in the 80s, in former GDR, and how the "Stasi" ("National Security" in the GDR) had an eye on them - including what music they listened to and the clothes they wore. Everything that was from the West or imitated western culture was suspicious ... There also was a exhibition on the topic at WGT, and I think also a talk on that, but I missed that one ... I grew up in what was "West Germany" during that time, although the Berlin wall already had fallen when I was a teenager and got into the subculture. In retrospective, I'd say that the Satanic Panic did have an impact over here as well, but nowhere near as bad as in the US. I once did dive a bit deeper into the topic, so I know a bit about what went on. Most of the time, the kids that didn't conform in one way or another got ridiculed, mostly. By the other kids as well as adults - and we were told that, if we didn't dress "normal" we would never get a good job - stuff like that. But Goths had a reputation to be Satanists over here as well, and I remember that my parents also were concerned that I could end up in a cult - it wasn't much a fear of a literal devil or other nonsense, but the fear of bad people that would abuse young people. They soon lost their concerns when they met my friends from the subculture - and learned what it all really was about. And I was also lucky that my parents let me wear what I wanted, if someone didn't like my style it was mostly the normie kids and my teachers ... I remember you talked about wearing blue nail polish during a job interview - I have a similar story. Almost - I wasn't allowed to wear my blue, green or black nail polish to school any more after my teachers complained about it to my parents - who also thought it was ridiculous but - to keep the peace, you know ...
This resonates with me so hard, it was an interesting time, haha. And the diner! Yes, exactly like described down to the coffee. We had a special server that would spot us and bring us a giant bowl of sugar and anothe of creamer. We tipped very well
Always with the sugar! I don't know what it was, I always thought maybe it was something just intrinsic to our group but if there was coffee there was a mountain of sugar and milk. My mother used to say that we drink our coffee like chocolate milk.
17:00 The thing was that in the late 80s, a lot of goth bands were college popular and played on college radio and their videos shown on MTV. Bands like the Cure, Love and Rockets/Bauhaus, Siouxsie, The Cult, Sisters, Mission UK, Depeche Mode, New Order/Joy Division, Flesh For Lulu…even ASF and Virgin Prunes/Gavin Friday. So, to me, a lot of music I first enjoyed before exploring goth on my own, was popular music to me, filling venues etc. Maybe grunge in 1990 eclipsed all of that and NIN too since Pretty Hate Machine was just coming up when I graduated. I remember my favorite recording my senior year was Peter Murphy album Deep. Or yeah and Pixies. Loved Pixies. Many 4AD bands were popular too…Cocteau Twins, Lush, Dead Can Dance, etc. Wax Trax was just becoming popular too…Ministry, 242, etc.
I absolutely love these stories! Finding your people and just going on a simple walk or congregate in a field or park at night just in their presence was the most impactful in my life. It’s amazing to know that it’s a universal experience because it’s truly priceless. And just as you said you adapt the traits of people you learn to care about and they also bring out the best in you that you knew was there but needed that confidence to express. Wonderful video as always and thank you for giving me a bit of reflection down memory lane. 🖤
Those moments are truly irreplaceable. Some parties I've been to at peoples houses were far more memorable and fun than some clubs or shows I've been to. Dancing in someones backyard, playing some silly made up game, staying up all night talking and then deciding since it's morning, going to the diner for some french toast and talking some more. You learned so much about other people and yourself it was almost like leveling up.
@@angelabenedict the late night food runs were amazing too! Even if it was just for the carb loading or craving some ice cream. Shows are still fun but there is something so inexplainable about how special those more low key hang outs were.
18:46 THIS💯 When I found Goth (back in the early 2000s) over spring break I didn't have much money so I just wore all the black clothes I had and bought an actual dog collar from Walmart lmao chokechain hanging from my collar and dog chains around the belt loop of my jeans. Being able to express yourself is so liberating! When I had cash I was able to buy a Souixsie And The Banshees band tee and The Cure band tee. That meant so much especially as a black Goth kid who wanted to be seen as himself.🖤🦇🦇
I love how Well goths can improvise through scarcity. The fact that we went to things like Walmart and pet stores for jewelry and made it work is a mood in itself. I love that energy. That's why I really try to help people remember those aspects so they can instill it in the younger generations so they don't miss out on all the good stuff. I love the story about when you were able to find your band T-shirts and felt complete. It's honestly probably the most basic thing on paper but when put into practice is this self-identifying moments.
Hi Bex! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I will forever marvel at how even on different sides of the globe, somehow are experiences seem to align with one another's. I wonder if school uniforms in the UK had to deal with the lack of social groups. Some parents spent thousands at the end of the summer buying back to school clothes. I remember a lot of the girls making sure not to repeat the same outfit twice in a month. I hope that this generation in the ones moving forward don't lose out on that magic. Finding adventure in simplicity and what you bring to the situation. I don't think many of us would have been the people that we are today without those moments. Like you said not many over 40 aren't! 🖤🖤🖤
@@angelabenedict I think the uniforms may well play a part in it. There are obviously the sporty types and there will always be more nerdy, more typically attractive "popular" ones, or more arty kids, but there was definitely more of a mixture of types who would have different groups of people they sat with for certain classes. Plus where I lived it was such a small town that everyone knew everyone else, our parents knew each other and you really couldn't avoid seeing one another at some point. Although, once I hit my rebellious streak and decided to become every bit the bad_girl_bex I got my nickname because of, my friend group became much more insular and set apart from other people. But that was more intentional on my part. Uniforms are a great leveller, but there will always be ways in which students choose certain bags, pencil cases, jewellery, accessories etc, that reflect their interests and even their family's income, but it's a lot easier for parents to find money for a uniform (especially when they were sold in places where the trousers, shirts, skirts etc could be purchased really cheaply and only the jumper or blazer and tie had school emblems on them. It kind of prepares students for the notion of wearing certain clothing in the working world too, which is something that isn't expressly "taught" but is absorbed subconsciously just by dint of understanding that there are clothes for school and work, and clothes for the rest of your life. For all my alternative ideas and other opinions I have a lot of traditional values too and like the idea of uniforms for school, the work-uniforms that we wear to jobs and then express ourselves however we wish on our own time. It depends on the job of course (working in bars I wasn't held to the same standards of dress as I was in the financial sector, but that makes sense because of the more casual environment in a pub) but life is also just a lot easier when you don't have to put any thought into what you're going to wear to work; just make sure that your work clothes are clean and then no effort really has to go into the outfit, other than being clean. (Maybe my own indecisiveness just loves having the decision taken out of my hands, lol.) Take care Bex
Absolutely love you and your channel, you're such a wonderful, peaceful, and supportive representative of someone of the goth community. What would you say could help someone gain confidence in wanting to have a gothic style? I love the music and style but get very self conscious and judged when wanting to express and explore my own style
Thank you so much!! Gain confidence? I would say first and foremost, find your sound. Fav bands, tracks and really get into the mindset. Dance and let it inspire you.
i love what angela said. so inspiring and fun. people will judge you but other people (people like me) will look at you and think "wow i love their style, they look so cool and awesome, i want to talk to them"
I remember when I was around 7 in the 90s seeing a news report about a girl getting suspended from school for wearing black lipstick. I’m from the south so my mom was shocked lol I remember thinking I wanted to be like her when I grew up 😂
thank you so much for this video, it made me a little emotional. i'm only 27 but a lot of this really spoke to me. i tried so hard to fit in and be 'normal' it made me miserable until i found friends who were openly 'weird' and it helped me really embrace my true self and shaped me into the person i am today :)
6:00 You didn’t have to do much to be alternative. Just wear some black or grey, dark lipstick and a rosary with boots. I knew many goths who wore a goth band shirt with blue jeans and boots. That was it. So, the Nu metal white face makeup and tons of accessories even now seems like too much work, though bands like Specimen did the full makeup. I used to use talc powder and red lipstick a la Robert Smith with a white baggy Cure shirt and people would think I was freaky because I wore a black bra under it.
@@angelabenedict also I recently discovered your channel while doom scrolling and working in my print shop. Coincidentally an order of merchandise for the goth club Bar Sinister as a result of becoming immersed into the Gothic culture through my business.
I love hearing these stories. I went through a lot of the same things you did, and I'm only a few years older. I lived in Sacramento during the 90s and never met my tribe the way you did. I just thought I had to pretend to be like everyone else until the internet came along. So I love hearing about the experiences you had that I missed, for the most part.
I graduated from high school in 1990 and I have to say that every single thing that you talked about brought back memories of my friends and I going through and doing the same exact stuff. 🖤
I so much love watching your content. I would dearly have loved to experience the goth subculture when I was much younger (I'm 48 now and didn't even become aware of it until I was 32), as I don't think I've ever found a group so aligned to me. I was one of those kids who was pretty messed up, bullied, etc, and had terrible social anxiety for a very long time. And I've spent far too much of my life trying to be normal, and really I've never een normal (whatever that is). Only rediscovering it again now after a long break and falling into a very dark place. Thank you!
I'm really sorry you had such a tough time. I know what you mean when you say you've never really been normal. It's very natural to use that term but when you say it out loud it kind of sounds a bit melodramatic but it does make sense. Normal as in, what society as a whole conforms to and expects if everyone else and nothing outside that box. I really wish you could have found it sooner as well but, better late than never. You're here now and that's what counts! Finding your people can be the best combination of both world opening and closure because there's this sense of completion there.
@@angelabenedict Apologies, didn't mean to sound melodramatic! It can be hard finding the right words at times. Non-conforming sounds much better. But yeah, really glad to be reconnecting. Thank you again!
So true how low the bar was for alternative in the 80s & 90s. Ultimately, alternative (despite there being so few of us) won the day, cos what was alternative then is normal now. I don't know how to feel about that! It was a win, but it also meant something was lost.
They really had zero tolerance for anything even slightly out of the norm. You could wear a black T-shirt and draw audible gasps as you walk into a room.
Great video! Love hearing stories from the 90s goth scene. When I lived in rural NC, everyone thought I was odd. I always did my best to wear all black whenever I could, and I had a fascination with the macabre. There were no goth kids in school, but there were metal kids and other outcasts so I hung out with them. It was a revelation to discover KMFDM and Thrill Kill Kult, even got my friends into industrial music. Didn't find goth music until my senior year when I just happened to pick up a cd, Faith and the Muse- Evidence of Heaven. Listened to that album over and over. Didn't join the scene until I was out of high school and met my best friend who was beloved in the triad goth scene. One of his friends started a new dance night in the city and he took me there. I met a lot of great people who I'd call eldergoths for they introduced me to a lot of music and information about the local scene. Never not considered myself a goth since then, even 20+ years later.
Hi Angela. I don't know if you remember me (Jan, i.e. my comments) from a few years back. I LOVED learning about your fashion tips, and ideas. For example, I have shown SO many people the DIY shredding and weaving. I did it with my best friend, and I'll always remember how it was her favorite black, summer party shirt. We were going to make a dress together, but she died two years ago. I didn't get the shirt, but I'll always remember her wearing it. Your make-up and skin care tips were/are great. You always looked lovely, (especially in your fashion videos) and you've made me smile many times when I've been sad. Baby bats, or any kids need to to physically socialize. I just entered my 60's, and many of those memories of the 1980's get me through the day. Kids (and older kids) you need to dance, talk, have fun and form friendships for life. And above all, get into and enjoy the music.
Thanks for sharing! My family is also from long island but I have lived in florida all my life, it's good to hear what's goes on over there. Now I'm curious to ask my family if they know or been to the areas you mentioned. :]
You are so welcome! It's weird how long islanders for years have been ending up in Florida. My sister just moved back from there and said they have bumper stickers that say 'Don't New York My Florida'.
Love your story. I discovered goth and metal and all manner of alternative stuff in about 2000 and was instantly in love. I wasn’t allowed to dress in all black but I got as close as I could and eventually started making my own clothes, which just so happened to be all black lol What you said about becoming a local urban explorer is very true. Some of the best times we ever had were going exploring in the caves at the beach and doing things we -absolutely- probably shouldn’t have been doing. Things I definitely don’t condone especially at that age. Or just laying under a tree being idle together with someone’s music blaring out of their headphones in the middle of the circle. It really was that feeling of what family should feel like but none of us got at home. You don’t need to do anything big or special to find comfort in found family, which if it’s done right is really the community at its best.
I had a pretty different experience because I was totally alone in my high school. We had skater kids/metal heads/grunge kids during that period but there was zero connection to the goth subculture. I started clubbing in nyc when I was 15, which at the time was the bank. What you describe about finding your place is how I felt in finding the bank. Kinda swan diving into goth musically before I really knew anything about it. So glad that I did. I really miss NYCs 90s scene.
I miss the bank. I really, truly miss the bank. That place was truly eye-opening and transformative. It's like, listening to the music and being immersed in your own sort of goth world in your bedroom is one thing but walking into that space - it's kind of affirming. I wish I could have transported you to my school so you could drive around with us having Taco Bell and listening to skinny puppy. It makes me sad that you were alone like that but happy we're able to have that aha moment (No pun intended) walking into the bank.
@angelabenedict I did have "normal" friends who accepted me in high school, so I wasn't necessarily lonely. I just didn't have anyone that meshed with me musically and esthetically. Luckily, I found my place in the tristate area club scene, and I made tons of friends within the scene. It's such a different world now, and it makes me sad that new goths don't have the opportunity to experience clubs like we did during the 90s. We had so many! We all need to do our part to not alienate those who want to get into the scene and help them without being condescending. I think your presence is a positive one, so thank you for doing what you do.
Great upload and story , reminded me of a few things from that time , one being the band you mentioned, Violent femmes , well regarding the song add it up , when in a club we would observe who jumped up and danced the most energetically with the most enthusiasm to it , we thought that identified who wanted to find some kind of romance for want of a better word the most desperately , it was so funny to us at the time 🤣🤣, best wishes 🖤🖤🦇🦇
I love the way you tell stories. It really transports me there, and it's really cool to learn about what goths were doing for fun in the 90's and the quirks of your town. I was never adventurous as a teen, and am still not as much now, so it's fun for me to hear the tales of your excursions and experience them vicariously, in a way. I never get tired of your stories, and honestly, I would totally listen to you talk for an hour and a half XD. Looking forward to the next one!
You did a good job painting the scene. With that skill, you’d make a great writer… also, it’s cool you still talk to people from all those decades ago. Most kids forget about their old friends once they move or graduate.
Thank you! I always thought it would be kind of interesting to write my experiences into a story. Kind of similar to the show my so-called Life. I can't believe that shit only went for one season!
I was home schooled so missed out on a lot of experiences but I still managed to have a lot of experiences with other alternative kids where I lived and also exploring the woods and abandoned cabins etc It was all so fun and even though your journey started when I was born, I can easily follow your stories and relate to certain feelings. I adore your storytelling, thank you for sharing🖤
I'm so glad the story resonated! It's great that even though you were homeschooled you were still able to make the same connections with your peers and have adventures 🖤
She was taller than me. Amazing dancer and definitely the life of the party however I am 5'2 tall so being taller than me is kind of not that hard. I say she's about 5'6
Thank you for sharing all of the lore that us Long Island goths grew up with! 🖤 My dad was one of the first customers at Record Stop EVER, if not *the first customer there. He ordered a John Coltrane album (“My Favorite Things”) because the owner had a very minimal stock of albums. He hung out there throughout his youth since its opening. Later, he took me there to get my first album, which was Aqua’s “Aquarium”. “Barbie Girl” was life-changing for me because it turned me on to the techno sound. Record Stop was a huge part of my growth as a music lover, so I’m glad to see that Record Stop was a good place for goths and finding goth music in the 90s. I am also really happy that you mentioned The Smithaven Mall. Being a goth at the mall in the 90s and 2000s was a remarkable experience. I didn’t start dressing in dark clothing, wearing black lipstick (which began with my first shade, very dark purple), and veering into alternative territory until 2001. The mall was always poppin’ on the weekends - The presence of Hot Topic, Spencer’s, and community space seemed to draw a lot of us in. Full disclosure: I hung out in front of Spencer’s. I would talk to my friends in front of Hot Topic and go into the store with them. However, I wouldn’t gather with my friends in front of there and chill because it was considered cooler and edgier to hang out in front of Spencer’s. 😹😹😹 I know that Spencer’s sold more controversial merch, but aside from that, there wasn’t THAT much of a difference between them. I hope kids today realize the futility of playing pointless ego games like that. Have a lovely day/night! 🥀🦇
So true about the most mundane things with the right people that become memorable. Lately my friends and i (mid-late 30s) have pretty stretched schedules, so the thing I recommend most is bringing a friend along for your errands. Farmer's market, grocery store, hardware store, pet food run, and obviously the garden centre! It always becomes fun with the right company!
We share the same memories and maybe even experiences, Angela. You're bringing me back to the days when I was first introduced to The Shoppe. It changed my world as well. I went thru the same musical tastes/scenes. I used to go to raves, but loved Grunge and then I met The Cure through a gothy skater kid I had a crush on. I wonder how he is doing these days. I also remember getting a grip on who I was---wierd. This all resonates with me. Thank you for that trip down memory lane. By the way, your statement about taking photos and the one time snapshot (red eyes or not) really makes me feel so old LOL How our technology has evolved to where cameras are a standard component, and the is unbelievable to me! Reminiscing on those days, being a teen was tough but, so much fun. We'd take pictures but, the focus was on enjoying the moments, our friends, the music, the scene. I don't believe that happens anymore with the 14 year olds of today. I think there is an epidemic of struggling young men and women affected by the filtered beauty marketed through the internet by way of their phones. It's very sad to me....
You remember him?! I asked about him in The Ronkonkoma Historical Society and his daughter told his story. I can copy/paste it for you if you're interested.
@angelabenedict after you mentioned him and all of your other mentions! It took me back! I also remember the "Mall Monster". You could find him down the hallway next to the movie theater in the mall! I would love to hear the sign guys' backstory!
I guess in a way I had a similar experience of feeling like I didn't fit in. My area doesn't really have a goth scene so I've never been to clubs or anything or met any real goths.I always had an interest in “gothic” themes and styles, I remember coming across a video back in the day explaining that goth was linked to music. I went down a rabbit hole of looking into if I could be goth, found out bands and songs to listen to and of goth and goth adjacent bands. I ended up getting into goth through post punk music. I was always friends with the alt and nerdy kids though. I also always masked and suppressed my true self as a kid and teen. I have always felt like I didn't fit in and that I couldn't express myself. It wasn't till my later teens and early 20's once I truly de-masked and wasn't afraid to be myself. I finally felt comfortable wearing alt styles once I learned truly who I am, before I just wore basic styles like jeans and whatever top. It took me realizing that I am neurodivergent to recognize that yes I'm actually not normal but there are so many others who relate to me and my existence. The goth friends I have met online seem to also be on the spectrum and or have ADHD as well. I hope one day I have the chance to make some irl goth friends and can go to some events and concerts or music festivals.
I grew up in a shitty small town in Ohio and, like you, there was just something about me even going back to pre-school that made me "different". I realized by kindergarten that I just didn't fit in but I was ok being alone so I was just resigned to that. I never tried to be like the other kids although I probably should have. Lol I went everywhere with a book and did my best to ignore the constant bullying. As I got older, I got along well with older kids so that's who I hung out with...older kids and the kids my age that no one else wanted to be friends with. I was always more on the alternative side but in 1998, when I was eleven, a few things happened that ended with me becoming completely Goth. Although it really didn't matter what particular alternative scene you belonged to because there were not many of us in general (most of them were metal heads ... nearly all of my older friends were metal heads, actually) so we all hung out together. I was one of four Goths in town. I was cool with two of them and despised the third. They were the sort of Goths that would play you the best fucking band you ever heard and then refuse to tell you the name of the band or the song and because of the way we had to get Goth music (we had to go to the only CD store in town and the very kind guy who worked there would let us order the CD's from the giant catalog he had to order music for the store... usually he only charged us shipping and the cost of the CD but nothing extra for ordering it for us but shipping could be quite pricey because of how many Goth bands were signed to small labels in the UK and had to be imported...but still, it was kind of him to do that for us...Life before internet shopping or TH-cam was rough, man 😂😂😂) so if you didn't have the band's name or the name of the song, you could not get the music. It was really a very shitty thing to do. The ultimate in gatekeeping, for sure. I think it's because of that that I am always up for answering the questions of baby bats and recommend bands. But no matter what sort of alternative you were, in the 90's and early 2000's, the rest of the town hated you. Goths just got it a little worse thanks to Satanic Panic and Columbine. But we went through hell together for sure. 💜🖤💜🖤 I love your stories. You had a much better local scene than I had. Lol Edit: The whole local explorer thing? For us it was respectfully breaking in to old abandoned houses and buildings. We didn't mess anything up or party in them (especially not the old houses...some of them were so beautiful, it would have ended friendships if the people I was with tried to tear them up...). We just hung out.
Oh wild! My high school experience was miserable lol. I grew up in a VERY small town (literally just like a small supermarket and a post office were the only stores) I got into alternative music as a teenager but didn’t even know how to meet other alt people because my school had a crazy strict uniform policy. I honestly have no clue what I would’ve done without the internet
Wow! I don't know why but when you described your town and how you grow up it made me think of The movie Footloose. I'm glad you are finally able to branch out. The internet is honestly an amazing tool, it really sucks that for many people It's an only resource. I'm glad you were able to make it work for you so that you are able to find others like yourself. It's all about finding your people!
I wonder if “fluff” was regional. I’m only a couple years younger but grew up in TX and never heard that term. 🤔 Also, Nowhere and Doom Generation were formative. I keep going back and forth with those bangs!
Love listen to your stories Angela. And wish more people was like you. Would love hanging with you for sure! We also hanged together, all alternative kids, where I grew up. So I totally recognize that. Even if I am a bit older (generation X), we still have much in common. Thanks for a great video filled by memories from the past. Stay safe beautiful 🦇🖤🖤🖤🖤🦇
I'm so glad! We're all out there, some of us are just a little bit louder than others 🤣 I love that even though there's little countries between us - our youths are so parallel to one another's.
Oh, the "fluff clothes" rings so true. I had to attend high school in blue jeans and T-shirts, despite my preference for androgynous, goth looks. My parents just would not have it. My school also had their rules too. Ah yes, behavioral meds. We wonder why it seems an entire generation is messed up. They tried to do that to me...but failed, I quickly learned how to "mask" and run under the radar. You are so very fortunate to be able to retain these memories. For me those days are quite blurry, with lots of moments of boredom. Oh my I remember being alone, together...that is something I miss so much. From a young age I was involved in aviation and had aspirations of becoming a pilot. The problem with aviation back then is it was VERY conservative, so I had to put a strong line between my non aviation side, and my "real" self. Unfortunately my home was about as conservative. I honestly did not really get to spread my alternative wings until I graduated high school, and even then it was limited. Rocky Horror was my pathway into the goth scene despite really not having much to do with the scene.
So entertaining to hear, you can easily feel all that! It corresponds pretty much with my experience, only I was older at that point, we didn't have much going on in terms of alternative people and events for a bit longer than other countries I guess. Also throughout my life I did comebacks to trying to be normal a few times, all of them for obvious reasons have failed, but those comebacks were present due to lack of proper alternative scene sadly . But who else can we be other than ourselves?
A woman drew her long black hair out tight And fiddled whisper music on those strings And bats with baby faces in the violet light Whistled, and beat their wings And crawled head downward down a blackened wall And upside down in air were towers Tolling reminiscent bells, that kept the hours And voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells. The Wasteland; V. What the Thunder Said. -T. S. Eliot, 1922
I adore your stories because it lets me know how it was before. When i was younger i never had alternative friends or belonged into any subculture so i just dont know. I love how you teach us how to make old-style diy or different terms used to describing something
Making friends is a lot easier when you're younger but that doesn't mean it wasn't still hard. It really was. Especially now. I'm sorry that you didn't find your crowd back when you were younger but it sounds like from what I understand you seem to have a really good grasp of who you are and that is amazing.
Sounds like a great time and a great time of life. This one brought back a lot of memories. I wasn't in the "freak" crowd, I was a bit too shy for that, but I realized early on that they were in fact the real people and loyal to those that treated them right. So I can identify with a lot of what you said. I was one of those that fit in with most groups mostly because I just didn't care what anyone said and because it didn't bother me I could just be. Our secret ticket place was in the back corner of the Montgomery Wards. I forgot about that until you mentioned yours.
Nope, no docks! If you can, check out the old timey photos of Lake Ronkonkoma. Back in the early 1900s it was a retreat for people who lived in Manhattan. They had slides, food and amusements.
Anoutha outstanding video And I kind went through the same thing I was a normal boring goodie 2 shoes kid but as soon as I found the goth sub. As an adult it changed my life and I’m o so glad it did again loved the video mom!!!!🦇🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤🦇🦇
Sometimes our own reality and identities don't really kick in right away. Sometimes there are things that get in the way of that. Life, responsibilities, stress whatever it may be. Sometimes it just takes one thing to draw it all out of you and make you realize who you are. After that, no turning back!
I am so glad that I found your channel. I am now 45 but when I was in my late teens I was a goth leaning punk( repressed because I was in a private christian high school in the late 90's) . After high school I was starting to expand my style. In the early 2000's my dad died, and I lost my job... I had to move back in with my mother to have a roof over my head and I had to help my mother with the house. As the years ticked on... I slowly started to lose my identity. I finally feel free enough to let the old me come out again. I still have some aspect of my punk days like my jacket with the spikes and my attitude. How would you recommend I go about bringing the darkness that I miss so much.
It was a weird high school mentality thing. Bearing in mind these are all kids between 14 and 16. If you didn't show up already I'll alternative and they saw you before the transition, poseur. Always the way it was.
Oh my God, let's keep it going for generations! It was so random the way that it happened as well, I never actually meant to say it but back in those days for some reason when we would greet people, we would say their full name - At least in my group. For some bizarre reason since her last name rhymed with pretzel, that's what came out of my mouth and she literally hated me the whole 4 years of high school because of that one moment 🤣
I don’t like pastels even now because of preppies and being told that is what a girl dresses in. Even in the hot summer, I wear dresses in goth adjacent colors like purple and red…sometimes a steampunk sepia or Cottagecore green. But wearing preppie white or pastels…I just can’t do it. I used to wear almost completely black and grey…but do wear certain colors now but I am very picky.
Oh, the complexities of navigating society lol. I was thinking about making a video showcasing looks and how to shop as a goth who needs to keep it casual for certain situations without fully abandoning their entire personality and feeling as you said, like an alien.
I took my kids to meet their teachers today. There was an old lady who kept giving me a dirty look. As if I didn't belong there. None of of the other adults or kids gave me a second look. It definitely has gotten better over the years.
That's a victory! Everyone else has long had that level of intolerance bred out of them! More to go but this definitely gets a check for a solid victory.
I always tone down the whole look when I have to do something at my daughter's school. We live in small town Ohio about ten minutes from my hometown where, in the 90's and early 2000's I was genuinely despised for being Goth and outspoken and... myself. That's always in the back of my mind and I don't give a damn how someone looks at me or treats me for being the way I am but I am afraid that someone might say something to my daughter because of it. Somehow, my child is very outgoing and "normal" and it would kill me if she was made fun of or judged because of me. She's not used to it and I hope she never has a reason to get used to that. So I tone it down a little... but even toned down, I stick out like a sore thumb and I am ok with that. 😂
@@lestatsluv317 I grew up in rural Alaska. Everyone is a bit odd there. It's very much a live and let live kind of place. But us alt kids definitely had to deal with nasty people who looked down on us when we went into the bigger towns.
@@aniE1869 Here in Ohio it's usually the opposite. If you go into the city (usually Columbus for me), no one gives you a second look but in the small towns you will feel like a freak everywhere you go in town. I moved to Columbus at twenty one and I was in a neighborhood that had a lot of crime and we were all really poor but everyone accepted all of the different things about one another and I got no shit for being me for the first time in my life. I lived there a decade until the landlords started hiking up the rent to gentrify and I could not afford to live in Columbus anymore. So I am back in a small town and I had forgotten what that was like to be stared at and get dirty looks all the time but this place reminded me real quick. 😂 It's definitely better than it was back in the day, though, for sure. The idea that Goth looks are sort of becoming popular with teenagers right now proves that. Could you imagine that in the 90's or early 2000's? And it's incredible because these kids can find all of the music right here on TH-cam. No hunting down Goth CDs if you were lucky enough to have Goth friends that would even tell you the names of the bands. I think that will help, having easy access to the music. I love seeing the kids trying to carry on Goth. There were years where I felt like a damn relic of an ancient time. 😂😂😂
@@lestatsluv317 people often go to small towns in Alaska to be left alone. So they're not likely to get into other people's business.
I usually had to settle for whatever the crappy little thrift store that was about two hours away had. It was about another hour drive to a bigger town that had actual clothing stores. Not that they would have had much alt in the 90s.
I love it.
So many influencers try to demote goth to a style of dress and ignore the rest of the culture, and the people who are goth.
They want to hide it all from those seeking it.
They hide the music, the literature, the social values, the community, the experiences, everything.
I personally value the look and "fashion" and do think it's important, but it's only a part and without the rest, it's meaningless. It doesn't signify anything or express anything.
On another note Angela I have something for you to consider.
Lealith, the one who introduced me to the subculture, an original Goth in England from the late seventies once said something to me about the subculture. "Before we can make the changes we want to in this world, we must first change the culture."
This isn't goth 101 and is a pretty bold statement and of course, she's just one Goth original, but what's your take on that? It's food for thought.
I definitely agree, A lot of influencers that claim goth really just want to shrink it down to nothing more than a fashion movement. That does my head in because you and I both know as well as every other damn golf out there that it's so much more than that. As far as the quote, that's pretty powerful stuff. When I think about changing the culture the first thing that comes to mind may seem to many like the evolution. I would want to bring it back to basics. Bring people back into the real world, disconnect from the internet and meet face-to-face and have adventures offline. But I myself am guilty of always having that phone in my hand. Either checking my email, googling things, taking pictures or videos. But I feel like to change the culture would be to force people to come face to face with not only each other but themselves. There has to be a happy medium there.
@@angelabenedict There is a happy medium I think. We expect each other to respond immediately, we willingly put our lives on hold for text messages and posts, and interrupt real life with photo ops to share online. If we simply answered once or twice a day, and only took photos when we needed a picture, we might find that happy medium.
But our culture doesn't allow for that. Our culture is that phones take precedence and demand immediate attention so we put real life on hold rather than restricting it to a more balanced place.
That is one modern example to be certain.
Now consider that Lealith said that in 1982. To normalize non conformity, to normalize us opening up ourselves instead of hiding and painting over ourselves with laid out expectations is something that we still do today . We have made incredible strides to be certain, but if someone is depressed, employers can and do shun them and even find ways of getting rid of them.People still look at other people with trauma in their past and avoid them. Transgender people still face an incredible uphill battle, and there are many such examples.
Goth, to this day can be used to normalize many of these things leading to change for the better.
It changes the culture not by demanding compliance but by simply existing, by simply accepting on a level no one else will. In short, sadness really is rebellion, but I would modify Lebanon Hanovers assertion that it's resistance, instead it's something that pushes forward and goes on the offensive in subtle and nonviolent ways.
In Lealith's view, that was part of the larger picture. I want to remind everyone that not all Goths agree over this or view the subculture in this way.
We are definitely in the realm of opinion and debate, although I will say that she wasn't alone in this.
By the way Angela, I just arrived in New Jersey with hopes of finding a place in Brooklyn soon. It finally happened.
This weekend I was helping my mom to clear up our garage, and found my old high school notes - sadly, mice destroyed them, but I realized, how hard I fought to be goth in Hungary (Eastern EU), a small city, as a teenager. My off looking DIYs (Rose buttons I made from baking clay), my box of saved black and colored lace trims, and my huge amount of cut-out pictures. I was collaging pictures for my notebooks, and painting them in black with ink. I found one of my dresses that I DIYd up to be wereable - my LEGO bat earrings were not found, but my high school photos yes, while I was wearing them.
They were a very emotional few hours to me, for seeing my effort, my old CDs with my hand-drawn covers, my selected box of items will wait for me to pick up and travel with me next time - This time I took the candle holder with roses that my grandpa gave to me, and brought it into in my apartment. Slowly adding my old memories to my living place is really energetic, and help me to cooperate with my life, and my past self. 🖤🖤
What a time capsule! Do you find that you still resonate with a younger version of yourself? Keepsakes, letters, art, DIY, music - Goth has this great way of making us feel comfortable reaching inside ourselves and seeing what's there. Being comfortable expressing yourself through creative means. I'm so glad you were able to salvage your box of memories 🖤
@@angelabenedict Sadly the old, tacky music box had to stay for a while (It has an extremely demonic voice now, so a maintenance check is needed), my little collages were very inspiring, so I'm planning to recreate a picture I made from lace and paper with fiber arts. Around 15 I attended a jewelry making class with my best friend and we made medals - mine has a light shadow in it, like a captured little pixie/fairy. This could be a cool project to recreate too- among old fabrics and clothing. I bought a candle holder to clean and repaint and a 100-year old DIY photo frame. I hope everyone gets a chance to find old treasures and make them remember where did they come from. 🖤🖤 Do you keep a trinket box as well (no photos, only weird little objects)?
People also tend to forget that the whole “It’s not Halloween” “slam” when it wasnt spooky season came from this time period in the 90’s because the ONLY time we could get black lipstick or black nail polish was spooky season. (In addition to it being aesthetically more skewed to Halloween-like)
Yeah, that's when I used to stock up for a lot of that stuff.Because you would never , ever find it any other time. Revlon had started to have grunted stuff with the street where collection.But that kind of bordered the edge of what I liked.
I remember the first time someone had said that to me, I was 15 years old and it was a full grown man. My friends and I really wanted to go see KMFDM but they were playing in the city. Seeing as we were all between 14 and 16 are parents didn't trust us to navigate trains yet so they all put their money together and hired a limo which was incredibly embarrassing so we made the limo drop us off to blocks away from the venue. When we got out of the limo I remember a man in a suit with a briefcase, clearly just coming from work. He looked at me since I was the first one out of the limo and I kind of stood there waiting for everyone else to assemble - but as he passed he said 'fucking freaks, it's not Halloween'.
@@mermaliade6631 I remember when Urban Decay became THE thing for anyone of us that didn't want pink, blue, or neutral colors for makeup and OPI for colors outside the usuals. Now it's all eh...
@@angelabenedict I don't remember first time it was said to me but it was probably in school.
@angelabenedict most people now have child out about it, but every once and a while someone would say that, I usually retort with, "well being an asshole is year round huh?" 😂
I grew up in Germany and I was a young skater kid (now skater adult 😄). My friends were goth and punk although I had no idea what that meant. I loved the "older" high school goth girls! I truly miss sitting in the town square in the evening and just hang around them. They would talk about books, music, art, traveling, society and just life. I learned so much from them. Wherever they are I hope they are doing well. Thanks Angela for sharing ur life, stories and music with us!
he was a sk8er boi
@@ronniesan9805 It's amazing how much we can learn about ourselves by listening to other people. Just interfacing and mingling with our peers, literally a single conversation could stick with you for the rest of your life.
40:00 I knew goth kids who were institutionalized because of what they liked. By their parents. How dare they think differently? I was constantly chastised for liking what I liked…so I had to literally put dye on the second layer of my hair to hide it from “straights” or preppies. I would buy white Cure or Bauhaus shirts…I got by because Bauhaus is an art movement and many teachers though it was referencing that. Also, many teachers would recommend beat poets and writers to me. I was an arty kid, an artfag as they called us. Yup, completely horrible stuff.
Omg, That's terrible! People were so pressed about staying within the confines of societal norms that the slightest deviation could have people essentially traumatizing their kids for simply expressing themselves. I remember on a talk show, it's here on TH-cam and I believe it was Phil Donahue. They had a panel of punks on the stage, it was in the '80s and an old woman stood up from the crowd to offer her commentary and said I would much rather my daughter be addicted to drugs than look like any of them.
I discovered "Goth" when I was 19 and my whole self fell into place. I had felt lost as a teen and then I suddenly knew who I was & what I loved.
I also discovered Goth at age 19 when I heard Switchblade Symphony and The Cure for the first time.
people in the 80s and 90s be like "oh she's a satanist" "how do ya know?" "THE BLACK NAIL POLISH DUH" shhsjfhdshbfjdb
@@scorpionic-night I was one scolded at a job interview for Burger King back in 1995 because I had blue nail polish off and the interviewer found it vile.
@@angelabenedict i remember you saying that in a video. i didn't know it was a burger king ...of all places...they shouldnt care what you're wearing lmao wowww that is wild. i was one year old in 1995, and thankfully clueless to the ways of some burger king managers
There are a fair few Satanists now who, when they were kids in the 80s or 90s were repeatedly told that the thing like liked was Satanic by some weird Christian. Like Goth is satanic, heavy metal is satanic, D&D is satanic, reading horror fiction is satanic, bleh ble-blehh. Many of us were like "Huh. Everything I like is Satanic? Guess I'm a Satanist then." and went & found out about it.
@@scorpionic-nightNo place would hire you in the 80s if you had dyed hair, wore mostly black, had heavy goth makeup or even a visible tattoo. I mean, you might be able to work hard labor or at a factory, but nothing that involved talking to people.
Even the slightest sign of nonconformity was punished cruelly. We can't have anything that makes the sheep nervous lol
I’m so jealous of your teen hood. I didn’t have any alt people in my area so I ended up just being an odd ball in my own group. Thank goth for the internet being around for me because that was the only way I could have discovered myself.
I hear that quite a lot. Sometimes people feel a bit like a lonely Island because they don't have others around them into the same things so the internet becomes their doorway to the world. We used to make new goths. I know that sounds utterly ridiculous, but it's something that specifically me and I used to get made fun of for it but I used to take The normal kids from my school to goth clubs with me. I'd show them the music, dress them up and a lot of them stayed that way! They loved it.
@@angelabenedict omg high school years would’ve been so much funner with a older sister goth like you ❤️
This reminds me of my mom, who was a metal head/alt teen in the 90s. She still remembers her dad calling her evil for her black nail polish 😂. She raised me to love metal but I also love goth and I wish I could have been there to see it all 🖤
The bar was set so low back then. They basically had zero tolerance for anything that deviated from the norm. It drew audible gasps and shameless stares. More and more tho, people are getting their old vhs tapes converted to digital and were seeing a lot of the alternative stuff from the 80s and 90s online.
When you started talking about "ethnicity" I really felt that. Thankfully my parents and grandparents raised me on all kinds of music, so my getting into goth, punk and heavy metal was a no brainer. Unfortunately the pressure to not be ME caused a lot of bullying in junior high and high school, but I refused to give in. My folks were supportive, some of their ex-friends were not, lol.
I'm glad you are brought up and such a open-minded environment to where your family supported you on your musical and lifestyle journeys. Families like that are true treasure. I hear a lot of stories from people who unfortunately didn't have that and it really stifles you later in life. It definitely sucks that you encountered friends that turned out not to be true friends in the end but people like that who can't appreciate you for you, you dodged a bullet. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are.
Why am I getting so emotional over a TH-cam video??? I loved this Angela! I’m not a baby bat anymore, but I am a very young goth and like most young goths nowadays I cry over not being able to go to clubs or meet more young goth people. But I do have a few great alternative friends and we share common ground on a lot of bands.
I’ve been considering throwing what you’ve talked about before-a goth dance party-at my house for my birthday. And I’m going to a sisters of mercy concert in October!!! Thanks for the uplifting videos, they really help me out :)
I'm seeing Sisters of Mercy in Dallas in October!!
Me too!! I’m so excited. Turns out they’re coming to my city on my birthday so i got a ticket for myself haha
I can relate to that. When I was a young goth in the early 2000s I had no way to go to anything as a little sixteen year old. However now as an adult I go to two goth nights every month. I hope you enjoy yourself!😊 Seeing Sisters sounds awesome.
Everyone in these replies are so nice! Wishing you all the best and i hope we all have a good time seeing sisters of mercy!!!!
Oh no! I'm sorry! I kind of like hitting that rewind button and reminding us where we all came from. We all grow up in different parts of the world but somehow, if it was around that time there are a lot of similarities between our experiences and how we chose to live our lives and interact with our friends in the world.
"Had a big green mohwak... He spit in Drew's mohawk." Dear god, please tell us more stories, they're so funny. 🤣
I can't believe I managed to say it without gagging! It was a huge loogie, I made him wash off in the hose outside, I didn't want that thing in my house.
I was on TikTok the other day and a random gen z girl called me a poser. I just laughed and blocked her but it’s sad that we live in a time where 15-16 year olds think they can even call someone who’s 20 years older than them a poser. I have spent years figuring out who I am and I’m glad I did and I’ve been true to myself ever sense. I love hearing your stories about the 90s goth/alternative scene. My big sister who is 5 years older than me was a punk as a teenager . I always looked up to her but I do remember other people not understanding her style. Things have definitely changed a lot.
The TikTok 'goth' crowd really does my head in. And I use the word goth in quotes because the majority of them, are not. They are simply sanctimonious, entitled little snots who are enraged by the concept of music-based subcultures because they can't quantify the existence of something that's not going to allow them free rein and free entry simply because they want to so they demand it and will police others based on terms they outline. The crazy thing is, it's not like goth has crazy rules or anything like that, it's nothing more than a music-based subculture, that's it. You like the music, you listen to the music, is it your primary genre of music that you listen to? That's it, it's all it takes. But one thing that sticks out in my mind is I legitimately have someone to argue with me that they were goth because of their Victorian spoon collection.
@@angelabenedict I feel like I’m living in a twilight zone episode. I only identify as goth because of the music I listen to. Sure, I have black hair and black clothes but I also don’t limit myself to what I can wear. Maybe these kids don’t understand that. It makes me upset because like you said before it’s way easier for them to assume what goth is based on internet searches or on TikTok they don’t even really have to search it’s just a literal trend with the hashtag #goth . There’s music I had no idea was popular among the gen z kids circulating on there which I’m not gatekeeping I just get surprised every single time. I’m just like wait, every single band I have been listening to for years now are mainstream? It makes it hard to enjoy things . I’ve never been called a poser up til this point though so I guess that’s not that bad haha
My 51 year old Highschool GF gets that all the time on the street in Seattle and online, just from "punkers" more than Goths. I tried to turn h3r back then, lol...but she is very much a punk chic.
Hey Angela,
Unfortunately, I've never commented on you before, but I watch your videos more often and feel incredibly at home with you. I think you're a very deep, thoughtful person and for me your content is a safe space in this highly superficial world of social media (even if I don't like that term that much). I feel much calmer and more composed after your videos, instead of excited or emotionally agitated like I do after all the other crap that people throw at me on various platforms. I thank you very much for that.
I am a goth girl from Germany and have been since the early 2000s. I was about 15 years old when I came into the scene and have just turned 30. I don't even remember how exactly it started - I think it started with Type O Negative, Sisters Of Mercy, but also Marilyn Manson and The 69 Eyes. Since I carry a lot of darkness and abyss within myself, I have always felt very at home in the scene. Above all, I have always had a preference for aesthetics and romanticism, until today. Unfortunately, I also encountered granite in my very conservative family when it came to my Gothic existence. They would have wanted a different daughter, one who studied, who was perfect, who had "perfect" values and morals. Since I had great difficulty coming to terms with my father's death at the time, it hit me doubly and they sent me away when I was 17 I have to emphasize, however, that this is absolutely not common in Germany (at least not because of its affiliation with the scene; any psychiatrist here would laugh at a parent if they argued with this in relation to their child) and, among other things, because of it because of my depression, childhood trauma and suicide attempts.
I also view the decline of gothic culture as such through TikTok and social media in general with great sadness and often frustration. Gothic, like everything in the advancing turbo-capitalism, has been degraded to a pure brand, a fashion aesthetic. Here, very young girls who have nothing to do with the scene think they are Wednesday Addams (Netflix). There are Barbie TH-camrs who promote Wednesday perfume and all kinds of Wednesday cosmetics on social media and bring them to the drugstore. Or even to the clothing stores. In addition, Gothic is becoming more and more sexualized - also through OnlyFans. And it's not just girls and women who are sexualized in the scene, men are also victims of this fetish. I have a very strong and perhaps controversial opinion on this.
In Germany, the Gothic scene was always considered very open and tolerant. But I think that, given today's times, she didn't do herself any favors. Back then, as a "Babybat", I also had a hard time among the old goths, who often considered themselves very elitist - but from today's perspective, I understand these people very well. They don't know everything that only says "Gothic". Gothic in it will dilute the scene, as is happening now. The gothic scene has always been a safe place for those who are misunderstood, excluded and shunned by society. This safe place is now being taken away from them by all the "Goths" on social media who act like this is just a clothing brand or a fetish. I used to laugh with my "Babybats" at the older Goths running around and acted as if they alone knew what being a Goth meant - but back then it was different. Today I think that we need this kind of elite again to differentiate ourselves from all those who want to stigmatize us as a fetish, a fashion brand or a trend.
The problem is also, at least here in Germany, that the Gothic scene has become very politicized - that was also a no-go in the past. In the past it didn't matter what political views the person you were talking to had; politics simply didn't interest anyone in the Goth scene. We focused more on what connects us and what holds us together - the music, the darkness, the love of dark romance, the outsiderness, the view of the world. Today in the Goth scene here in germany, a different view of society than your counterpart might have makes you an outsider and you are canceled. You will also be canceled if you think that too many "normal people" who go around at gothic festivals just to watch a kind of "freak show" are destroying the scene.
In my opinion, we need more elitism to create a safe retreat where only we are at home. And this time it will be harder, because this time we are not pulling it between us and the "bourgeois" society, but rather we are pulling it between ourselves and the progressive, now highly harmful progress.
All the best for you,
jasmine
PS: Sorry for my English. :3
36:00 Goths went to cafes because they are the only thing open at night that underage kids could go to. Or the Denny’s. Remember Meijer had a 50s themed cafe upstairs. This is when they were open 24 hours. We shopped for boots at 3 am. :) They also had super saver cassettes of the Velvet Underground, Iggy Pop and the like. Proto goth stuff.
I graduated in 91 in Florida, never heard the term fluff, we called them preppy but terms changed quickly. I am so jealous, my parents wouldn't buy me Docs!!
Regional slang is crazy. When I lived in Florida I remember the term 'tap' being used to describe something crazy or outlandish. Like 'Wow, that's tap!' or 'Straight' used to define a sort of prude, I remember specifically it meant never been kissed. This was from ages 10-14 so at the time they were used among friends.
@@angelabenedict I remember straight! Also straight edge, those were the punks and skin heads who didn't do drugs or drink.
Your life would make a great book or animated series! I love being immersed in your stories, it honestly makes me nostalgic for a time I wasn't even part of.
I wonder if that would get people inspired to recreate some of the memories. Stranger Things caused a major resurgence in arcades, it's possible!
@@angelabenedict I definitely think it would make teens/young adults want to have more real life experiences and might even bring back goth clubs! 🤷🏻♀️
@@zoe2354 I feel a little bit spoiled being where I am because in New York, New Jersey, PA and Boston there are goth clubs and concerts. Sometimes I forget that in other parts of the US and the world don't necessarily have goth clubs.
@@angelabenedict I agree, your experience is so unique because of the location which is why I feel it would make a great book! please do consider writing one 🙏🏻 Thanks for sharing your stories.
What was interesting to me was hearing about your early goth/alternative days and listening to other alternative genres of music (grunge/riot grrl/industrial/etc) and I did the same thing (despite being almost 20 years younger/experiencing this discovery more via the internet/not purely in person) it's funny that alternative people tend to branch out and dabble in all kinds of genres of alternative music when they're young before they find their niche.
love how you were having all these ah ha moments at 14 that im still hoping to have in my thirties, whilst you are still saying it took you so long to get there 😂
I know, right? It was like that for all of us all kids during that period. I remember when I made this video I needed to make sure that I was able to mention Mike's full name and we had a conversation about just growing up in that time with our group and it genuinely was a magical experience.
I feel like every goth has been a lil bit toxic especially first starting out but luckily/hopefully we learn and grow out of it. And also some of us spooky bbies didnt have internet when we were lowkey toxic or cringe.
Everyone has their moments! The important thing to know is when to peace out.
I know I certainly did! I (thankfully) grew out of my toxic behavior when I realized it’s not that deep and that I didn’t need to wear my whole personality. My music and clothing taste have evolved but not changed entirely, but I’ve become the goth mommy who takes baby bats under her wing and teaches them to fly instead of gatekeeping and being upset with them for being new and not knowing their way around. It doesn’t need to be brutal and unforgiving. We can be welcoming and helpful too and we lose nothing.
Next time you see a struggling baby bat, help them out. Don’t be a douche lol
I remember going to a Winter Metal Festival about five or six years ago(pre pandemic) so it was too cold to wear the band t shirts(I didnt have any long sleeved at the time) so I turn up in a long sleeved dark grey top(plain), black jeans with the pyramid studded belt, black trainers, ankh pendant, no leather jacket, my coat is in the cloakroom, and these black metallers standing behind me, watch me go up to the merch stand and I can hear them laughing: Did that guy bring his sister or something? She is so outta place here. She wont know a thing. Then they heard me asking the vendor if they had anything by Blood Ceremony, Electric Wizard, Nocturnal Depression, Darkthrone(really extreme metal and doom bands), they hear the guy talking animatedly bringing out this literal BOX of CDS which I picked three out then turned towards them so they could see what I had bought. I wont go into details but basically the guys' mouths dropped open, I'm like: don't judge a female Metalhead by what she's wearing. Then I asked one of them, who had a Darkthrone t shirt on, so what's your favourite song by them and they couldn't answer me. Posers both of them. Looked the part, didn't have a clue about the music. Sometimes the Metal world shares the same problems as the Goth world. We have a lot of pretenders too.
Wow! See, it's always the ones that are the most insecure with the most to hide that are the most hypocritical. It's kind of like, they want to put you on the defensive so that you're too distracted to realize that they're phony. I love how you showed them up. After I got involved in the goth subculture, it was there I found that people cared more about musical knowledge than they did about appearances. I'm told that there are a lot of similarities between the metal and the goth subcultures so I'd imagine especially by the way that you described it that it's very much the same.
i'm only 15 minutes in to this video, but you are SPOT ON regarding these experiences! I'm a lot older than you, but you're bringing me back, and it's an awesome memory. I found my place when New Wave hit in the early 80's. Never had more fun at the clubs than when this music arrived. Gotta get back to the video!!! Bye!! Peace!! 😎
I'm so happy to hear that! You experienced something I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for. Some good New Wave fun.
@@angelabenedict Rock was getting old and stale. We were in our early 30s and wanted something new and sonically different. We wanted to be more sophisticated. Our favorite club let us smoke expensive cigars while we sipped on imported liqueur. Your channel brings me joy! Thank you! Cheers!
Post punk and new wave were the best. So much creativity.
@@wildmarjoramdieselpunk6396 The music holds up so well! I listen all the time and play these songs on my guitar daily. When it's this good, it never gets old.
Love your story - I'm a german goth, same age as sou are, and although I basically was the only goth - or let's say, goth in forming stage back then in the 90s in my super small franconian town, there's still a lot I can relate to from your story, that it made me smile.
I had a bunch of good friends that weren't relly goth or alternative as well, but we all were the unpopular kids, and we managed to get along so good that we still are in contact to this day. And I am super happy about that.
You are so right when you say that it's not necessarily the "big" stuff, like being able to visit clubs or concerts as teenagers, but these small moments together, that in retrospective, aren't really that small, but were important and so valuable for us as the people we are today.
I also remember that over here, being different was a lot harder than it is today, but I have to admit that I was shocked to hear that so many kids from your place were on medication for behaving "different" - I honestly didn't know it was that big of a thing - I don't remember that it was common in Germany, not even in my sleepy conservative town.
I was called names, bullied and all that stuff and even my teachers took part in it - yes, but getting treatment for that, let alone medication was not really a thing ... I can only imagine that this might have done more damage than it helped, especially in the long term ...
I love the fact that the things that in theory sound the most mundane are in reality the most life-affirming and memorable. Sure we've been to hundreds of clubs and shows but it's those moments sitting up all night talking to your friends until dawn is what you remember.
Unfortunately, satanic panic here was quite real and did a lot of damage. Some lost their lives, others were wrongfully accused of crimes, many were in many ways excommunicated from their own families and society simply for being alternative. As we got into the '90s a lot of what I witnessed were a lot of my friends being forcefully sent to psychiatric facilities to undergo evaluations and many of which being medicated Just because they didn't want to cheerlead or join the football team. It was pretty crazy.
Sounds pretty scary. I only know stories like that from the former GDR - East Germany during the cold war period. They had facilities to "treat" children and teens that behaved out of the norm, and that shit destroyed a lot of young lives.
I'm from West Germany, there's a lot of stories from teens that were Goth in the 80s, in former GDR, and how the "Stasi" ("National Security" in the GDR) had an eye on them - including what music they listened to and the clothes they wore. Everything that was from the West or imitated western culture was suspicious ...
There also was a exhibition on the topic at WGT, and I think also a talk on that, but I missed that one ...
I grew up in what was "West Germany" during that time, although the Berlin wall already had fallen when I was a teenager and got into the subculture. In retrospective, I'd say that the Satanic Panic did have an impact over here as well, but nowhere near as bad as in the US. I once did dive a bit deeper into the topic, so I know a bit about what went on.
Most of the time, the kids that didn't conform in one way or another got ridiculed, mostly. By the other kids as well as adults - and we were told that, if we didn't dress "normal" we would never get a good job - stuff like that. But Goths had a reputation to be Satanists over here as well, and I remember that my parents also were concerned that I could end up in a cult - it wasn't much a fear of a literal devil or other nonsense, but the fear of bad people that would abuse young people. They soon lost their concerns when they met my friends from the subculture - and learned what it all really was about.
And I was also lucky that my parents let me wear what I wanted, if someone didn't like my style it was mostly the normie kids and my teachers ... I remember you talked about wearing blue nail polish during a job interview - I have a similar story. Almost - I wasn't allowed to wear my blue, green or black nail polish to school any more after my teachers complained about it to my parents - who also thought it was ridiculous but - to keep the peace, you know ...
This resonates with me so hard, it was an interesting time, haha. And the diner! Yes, exactly like described down to the coffee. We had a special server that would spot us and bring us a giant bowl of sugar and anothe of creamer. We tipped very well
Always with the sugar! I don't know what it was, I always thought maybe it was something just intrinsic to our group but if there was coffee there was a mountain of sugar and milk. My mother used to say that we drink our coffee like chocolate milk.
17:00 The thing was that in the late 80s, a lot of goth bands were college popular and played on college radio and their videos shown on MTV. Bands like the Cure, Love and Rockets/Bauhaus, Siouxsie, The Cult, Sisters, Mission UK, Depeche Mode, New Order/Joy Division, Flesh For Lulu…even ASF and Virgin Prunes/Gavin Friday. So, to me, a lot of music I first enjoyed before exploring goth on my own, was popular music to me, filling venues etc. Maybe grunge in 1990 eclipsed all of that and NIN too since Pretty Hate Machine was just coming up when I graduated. I remember my favorite recording my senior year was Peter Murphy album Deep. Or yeah and Pixies. Loved Pixies. Many 4AD bands were popular too…Cocteau Twins, Lush, Dead Can Dance, etc. Wax Trax was just becoming popular too…Ministry, 242, etc.
I absolutely love these stories! Finding your people and just going on a simple walk or congregate in a field or park at night just in their presence was the most impactful in my life. It’s amazing to know that it’s a universal experience because it’s truly priceless. And just as you said you adapt the traits of people you learn to care about and they also bring out the best in you that you knew was there but needed that confidence to express. Wonderful video as always and thank you for giving me a bit of reflection down memory lane. 🖤
Those moments are truly irreplaceable. Some parties I've been to at peoples houses were far more memorable and fun than some clubs or shows I've been to. Dancing in someones backyard, playing some silly made up game, staying up all night talking and then deciding since it's morning, going to the diner for some french toast and talking some more. You learned so much about other people and yourself it was almost like leveling up.
@@angelabenedict the late night food runs were amazing too! Even if it was just for the carb loading or craving some ice cream. Shows are still fun but there is something so inexplainable about how special those more low key hang outs were.
18:46 THIS💯 When I found Goth (back in the early 2000s) over spring break I didn't have much money so I just wore all the black clothes I had and bought an actual dog collar from Walmart lmao chokechain hanging from my collar and dog chains around the belt loop of my jeans.
Being able to express yourself is so liberating! When I had cash I was able to buy a Souixsie And The Banshees band tee and The Cure band tee. That meant so much especially as a black Goth kid who wanted to be seen as himself.🖤🦇🦇
I love how Well goths can improvise through scarcity. The fact that we went to things like Walmart and pet stores for jewelry and made it work is a mood in itself. I love that energy. That's why I really try to help people remember those aspects so they can instill it in the younger generations so they don't miss out on all the good stuff. I love the story about when you were able to find your band T-shirts and felt complete. It's honestly probably the most basic thing on paper but when put into practice is this self-identifying moments.
That is a solid outfit, and sounds cool to me!
You are a diary of many stories and memories.
A Mr. Rogers sweater and chain wallet could get you a free drink at the club?
This was before the 'clubbing clubbing' days. I don't think I ever got a single drink at The Shoppe.
this comment stopped me dead.
@@nubius I over or under think it sometimes..
_"Sometimes it's the most mundane things, if you include the right people, which become the most memorable of things."_
Hi Bex! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I will forever marvel at how even on different sides of the globe, somehow are experiences seem to align with one another's. I wonder if school uniforms in the UK had to deal with the lack of social groups. Some parents spent thousands at the end of the summer buying back to school clothes. I remember a lot of the girls making sure not to repeat the same outfit twice in a month.
I hope that this generation in the ones moving forward don't lose out on that magic. Finding adventure in simplicity and what you bring to the situation. I don't think many of us would have been the people that we are today without those moments. Like you said not many over 40 aren't! 🖤🖤🖤
@@angelabenedict I think the uniforms may well play a part in it. There are obviously the sporty types and there will always be more nerdy, more typically attractive "popular" ones, or more arty kids, but there was definitely more of a mixture of types who would have different groups of people they sat with for certain classes. Plus where I lived it was such a small town that everyone knew everyone else, our parents knew each other and you really couldn't avoid seeing one another at some point.
Although, once I hit my rebellious streak and decided to become every bit the bad_girl_bex I got my nickname because of, my friend group became much more insular and set apart from other people. But that was more intentional on my part.
Uniforms are a great leveller, but there will always be ways in which students choose certain bags, pencil cases, jewellery, accessories etc, that reflect their interests and even their family's income, but it's a lot easier for parents to find money for a uniform (especially when they were sold in places where the trousers, shirts, skirts etc could be purchased really cheaply and only the jumper or blazer and tie had school emblems on them. It kind of prepares students for the notion of wearing certain clothing in the working world too, which is something that isn't expressly "taught" but is absorbed subconsciously just by dint of understanding that there are clothes for school and work, and clothes for the rest of your life.
For all my alternative ideas and other opinions I have a lot of traditional values too and like the idea of uniforms for school, the work-uniforms that we wear to jobs and then express ourselves however we wish on our own time. It depends on the job of course (working in bars I wasn't held to the same standards of dress as I was in the financial sector, but that makes sense because of the more casual environment in a pub) but life is also just a lot easier when you don't have to put any thought into what you're going to wear to work; just make sure that your work clothes are clean and then no effort really has to go into the outfit, other than being clean. (Maybe my own indecisiveness just loves having the decision taken out of my hands, lol.)
Take care
Bex
I love videos like this, Angela. You're a treasure.
I'm so glad, thank you 🖤🖤🖤
🥰
Absolutely love you and your channel, you're such a wonderful, peaceful, and supportive representative of someone of the goth community. What would you say could help someone gain confidence in wanting to have a gothic style? I love the music and style but get very self conscious and judged when wanting to express and explore my own style
Thank you so much!! Gain confidence? I would say first and foremost, find your sound. Fav bands, tracks and really get into the mindset. Dance and let it inspire you.
i love what angela said. so inspiring and fun. people will judge you but other people (people like me) will look at you and think "wow i love their style, they look so cool and awesome, i want to talk to them"
I am not a goth but i love goths they never bullied me and always gave me scalp massages at parties love you guys.
I remember when I was around 7 in the 90s seeing a news report about a girl getting suspended from school for wearing black lipstick. I’m from the south so my mom was shocked lol I remember thinking I wanted to be like her when I grew up 😂
thank you so much for this video, it made me a little emotional. i'm only 27 but a lot of this really spoke to me. i tried so hard to fit in and be 'normal' it made me miserable until i found friends who were openly 'weird' and it helped me really embrace my true self and shaped me into the person i am today :)
6:00 You didn’t have to do much to be alternative. Just wear some black or grey, dark lipstick and a rosary with boots. I knew many goths who wore a goth band shirt with blue jeans and boots. That was it. So, the Nu metal white face makeup and tons of accessories even now seems like too much work, though bands like Specimen did the full makeup. I used to use talc powder and red lipstick a la Robert Smith with a white baggy Cure shirt and people would think I was freaky because I wore a black bra under it.
I do a very subdued Goth look with not much makeup, though my hair is dyed black. The music is what matters.
California metalhead Xennial here, your videos regarding music and culture, and the 90s totally resonate.
I'm glad to hear it! 🖤
@@angelabenedict also I recently discovered your channel while doom scrolling and working in my print shop. Coincidentally an order of merchandise for the goth club Bar Sinister as a result of becoming immersed into the Gothic culture through my business.
Rabies is the best. Next. LOL
I love hearing these stories. I went through a lot of the same things you did, and I'm only a few years older. I lived in Sacramento during the 90s and never met my tribe the way you did. I just thought I had to pretend to be like everyone else until the internet came along. So I love hearing about the experiences you had that I missed, for the most part.
It's hard to get that mask off but once it's off, life opens up so much!
@@angelabenedict So true. I'm happier and more relaxed than I've ever been.
I graduated from high school in 1990 and I have to say that every single thing that you talked about brought back memories of my friends and I going through and doing the same exact stuff. 🖤
Same. But I feel being in high school in the late 80s was a bit difference than the 90s.
I so much love watching your content. I would dearly have loved to experience the goth subculture when I was much younger (I'm 48 now and didn't even become aware of it until I was 32), as I don't think I've ever found a group so aligned to me. I was one of those kids who was pretty messed up, bullied, etc, and had terrible social anxiety for a very long time. And I've spent far too much of my life trying to be normal, and really I've never een normal (whatever that is). Only rediscovering it again now after a long break and falling into a very dark place. Thank you!
I'm really sorry you had such a tough time. I know what you mean when you say you've never really been normal. It's very natural to use that term but when you say it out loud it kind of sounds a bit melodramatic but it does make sense. Normal as in, what society as a whole conforms to and expects if everyone else and nothing outside that box. I really wish you could have found it sooner as well but, better late than never. You're here now and that's what counts! Finding your people can be the best combination of both world opening and closure because there's this sense of completion there.
@@angelabenedict Apologies, didn't mean to sound melodramatic! It can be hard finding the right words at times. Non-conforming sounds much better. But yeah, really glad to be reconnecting. Thank you again!
It's been a while since I've been able to sit down and watch one of your videos. It's great to be back ☺️
Welcome back! 🖤🖤🖤
I remember the sparkly tops, I always had to make sure I checked the fabric first because some of them would make me break out in spots.
They were pretty but itchy!
90s goth memory lane is beautiful 😅🙌🏽
I had a clear mini backpack from payless shoes.
The mini plastic backpack, it was everything 🖤🖤🖤
i adore hearing your stories as I go about my house doing random shit : )
So true how low the bar was for alternative in the 80s & 90s. Ultimately, alternative (despite there being so few of us) won the day, cos what was alternative then is normal now. I don't know how to feel about that! It was a win, but it also meant something was lost.
They really had zero tolerance for anything even slightly out of the norm. You could wear a black T-shirt and draw audible gasps as you walk into a room.
Great video! Love hearing stories from the 90s goth scene. When I lived in rural NC, everyone thought I was odd. I always did my best to wear all black whenever I could, and I had a fascination with the macabre. There were no goth kids in school, but there were metal kids and other outcasts so I hung out with them. It was a revelation to discover KMFDM and Thrill Kill Kult, even got my friends into industrial music. Didn't find goth music until my senior year when I just happened to pick up a cd, Faith and the Muse- Evidence of Heaven. Listened to that album over and over. Didn't join the scene until I was out of high school and met my best friend who was beloved in the triad goth scene. One of his friends started a new dance night in the city and he took me there. I met a lot of great people who I'd call eldergoths for they introduced me to a lot of music and information about the local scene. Never not considered myself a goth since then, even 20+ years later.
Hi Angela. I don't know if you remember me (Jan, i.e. my comments) from a few years back. I LOVED learning about your fashion tips, and ideas. For example, I have shown SO many people the DIY shredding and weaving. I did it with my best friend, and I'll always remember how it was her favorite black, summer party shirt. We were going to make a dress together, but she died two years ago. I didn't get the shirt, but I'll always remember her wearing it. Your make-up and skin care tips were/are great. You always looked lovely, (especially in your fashion videos) and you've made me smile many times when I've been sad. Baby bats, or any kids need to to physically socialize. I just entered my 60's, and many of those memories of the 1980's get me through the day. Kids (and older kids) you need to dance, talk, have fun and form friendships for life. And above all, get into and enjoy the music.
Thanks for sharing! My family is also from long island but I have lived in florida all my life, it's good to hear what's goes on over there. Now I'm curious to ask my family if they know or been to the areas you mentioned. :]
You are so welcome! It's weird how long islanders for years have been ending up in Florida. My sister just moved back from there and said they have bumper stickers that say 'Don't New York My Florida'.
Love your story. I discovered goth and metal and all manner of alternative stuff in about 2000 and was instantly in love. I wasn’t allowed to dress in all black but I got as close as I could and eventually started making my own clothes, which just so happened to be all black lol
What you said about becoming a local urban explorer is very true. Some of the best times we ever had were going exploring in the caves at the beach and doing things we -absolutely- probably shouldn’t have been doing. Things I definitely don’t condone especially at that age. Or just laying under a tree being idle together with someone’s music blaring out of their headphones in the middle of the circle. It really was that feeling of what family should feel like but none of us got at home. You don’t need to do anything big or special to find comfort in found family, which if it’s done right is really the community at its best.
22:00 The word “fluff” was never used at my school. It was more jock or preppie. But this was late 80s not early 90s.
I had a pretty different experience because I was totally alone in my high school. We had skater kids/metal heads/grunge kids during that period but there was zero connection to the goth subculture. I started clubbing in nyc when I was 15, which at the time was the bank. What you describe about finding your place is how I felt in finding the bank. Kinda swan diving into goth musically before I really knew anything about it. So glad that I did. I really miss NYCs 90s scene.
I miss the bank. I really, truly miss the bank. That place was truly eye-opening and transformative. It's like, listening to the music and being immersed in your own sort of goth world in your bedroom is one thing but walking into that space - it's kind of affirming. I wish I could have transported you to my school so you could drive around with us having Taco Bell and listening to skinny puppy. It makes me sad that you were alone like that but happy we're able to have that aha moment (No pun intended) walking into the bank.
@angelabenedict I did have "normal" friends who accepted me in high school, so I wasn't necessarily lonely. I just didn't have anyone that meshed with me musically and esthetically. Luckily, I found my place in the tristate area club scene, and I made tons of friends within the scene. It's such a different world now, and it makes me sad that new goths don't have the opportunity to experience clubs like we did during the 90s. We had so many! We all need to do our part to not alienate those who want to get into the scene and help them without being condescending. I think your presence is a positive one, so thank you for doing what you do.
Thanks for another great video Angela! Hope life is great!
You're very welcome! Doing well, thank you - How about you?
Wow, your description takes me back in time. It was crazy back then in a good way.
Great upload and story , reminded me of a few things from that time , one being the band you mentioned, Violent femmes , well regarding the song add it up , when in a club we would observe who jumped up and danced the most energetically with the most enthusiasm to it , we thought that identified who wanted to find some kind of romance for want of a better word the most desperately , it was so funny to us at the time 🤣🤣, best wishes 🖤🖤🦇🦇
I love that! Using music and people's reaction to it as a way to gauge their temperament and intentions. Music is powerful 🖤
I love the way you tell stories. It really transports me there, and it's really cool to learn about what goths were doing for fun in the 90's and the quirks of your town. I was never adventurous as a teen, and am still not as much now, so it's fun for me to hear the tales of your excursions and experience them vicariously, in a way. I never get tired of your stories, and honestly, I would totally listen to you talk for an hour and a half XD. Looking forward to the next one!
You did a good job painting the scene. With that skill, you’d make a great writer… also, it’s cool you still talk to people from all those decades ago. Most kids forget about their old friends once they move or graduate.
Thank you! I always thought it would be kind of interesting to write my experiences into a story. Kind of similar to the show my so-called Life. I can't believe that shit only went for one season!
@@angelabenedictonly one??? Wow
My skin crawled from the description of the texture 😭 the memories 😭😭😭
The donut or shirt?
I was home schooled so missed out on a lot of experiences but I still managed to have a lot of experiences with other alternative kids where I lived and also exploring the woods and abandoned cabins etc It was all so fun and even though your journey started when I was born, I can easily follow your stories and relate to certain feelings. I adore your storytelling, thank you for sharing🖤
I'm so glad the story resonated! It's great that even though you were homeschooled you were still able to make the same connections with your peers and have adventures 🖤
It is better to be alternative than mainstream. Normies in Mainstream are narrow minded.
They are also very boring.
@@IndigoRaven-zx8hp I agree with your comment.
Poor Karyn, I laughed at her haircut at the shop story and how her mom made her wear hats 🤣 What a memory! 💜
To be fair, only when she was with her mom. That hat was off everywhere else and she looked epic!
@@angelabenedict I imagine her as a short little woman, always dancing and being the life of the party.
She was taller than me. Amazing dancer and definitely the life of the party however I am 5'2 tall so being taller than me is kind of not that hard. I say she's about 5'6
Thank you for sharing all of the lore that us Long Island goths grew up with! 🖤 My dad was one of the first customers at Record Stop EVER, if not *the first customer there. He ordered a John Coltrane album (“My Favorite Things”) because the owner had a very minimal stock of albums. He hung out there throughout his youth since its opening. Later, he took me there to get my first album, which was Aqua’s “Aquarium”. “Barbie Girl” was life-changing for me because it turned me on to the techno sound.
Record Stop was a huge part of my growth as a music lover, so I’m glad to see that Record Stop was a good place for goths and finding goth music in the 90s.
I am also really happy that you mentioned The Smithaven Mall. Being a goth at the mall in the 90s and 2000s was a remarkable experience. I didn’t start dressing in dark clothing, wearing black lipstick (which began with my first shade, very dark purple), and veering into alternative territory until 2001. The mall was always poppin’ on the weekends - The presence of Hot Topic, Spencer’s, and community space seemed to draw a lot of us in.
Full disclosure: I hung out in front of Spencer’s. I would talk to my friends in front of Hot Topic and go into the store with them. However, I wouldn’t gather with my friends in front of there and chill because it was considered cooler and edgier to hang out in front of Spencer’s. 😹😹😹 I know that Spencer’s sold more controversial merch, but aside from that, there wasn’t THAT much of a difference between them. I hope kids today realize the futility of playing pointless ego games like that.
Have a lovely day/night! 🥀🦇
So true about the most mundane things with the right people that become memorable. Lately my friends and i (mid-late 30s) have pretty stretched schedules, so the thing I recommend most is bringing a friend along for your errands. Farmer's market, grocery store, hardware store, pet food run, and obviously the garden centre! It always becomes fun with the right company!
We share the same memories and maybe even experiences, Angela. You're bringing me back to the days when I was first introduced to The Shoppe. It changed my world as well. I went thru the same musical tastes/scenes. I used to go to raves, but loved Grunge and then I met The Cure through a gothy skater kid I had a crush on. I wonder how he is doing these days. I also remember getting a grip on who I was---wierd. This all resonates with me.
Thank you for that trip down memory lane. By the way, your statement about taking photos and the one time snapshot (red eyes or not) really makes me feel so old LOL How our technology has evolved to where cameras are a standard component, and the is unbelievable to me! Reminiscing on those days, being a teen was tough but, so much fun. We'd take pictures but, the focus was on enjoying the moments, our friends, the music, the scene. I don't believe that happens anymore with the 14 year olds of today. I think there is an epidemic of struggling young men and women affected by the filtered beauty marketed through the internet by way of their phones. It's very sad to me....
These were the best times! I completely forgot about the guy with all of the signs!
You remember him?! I asked about him in The Ronkonkoma Historical Society and his daughter told his story. I can copy/paste it for you if you're interested.
@angelabenedict after you mentioned him and all of your other mentions! It took me back! I also remember the "Mall Monster". You could find him down the hallway next to the movie theater in the mall! I would love to hear the sign guys' backstory!
I guess in a way I had a similar experience of feeling like I didn't fit in. My area doesn't really have a goth scene so I've never been to clubs or anything or met any real goths.I always had an interest in “gothic” themes and styles, I remember coming across a video back in the day explaining that goth was linked to music. I went down a rabbit hole of looking into if I could be goth, found out bands and songs to listen to and of goth and goth adjacent bands. I ended up getting into goth through post punk music. I was always friends with the alt and nerdy kids though. I also always masked and suppressed my true self as a kid and teen. I have always felt like I didn't fit in and that I couldn't express myself. It wasn't till my later teens and early 20's once I truly de-masked and wasn't afraid to be myself. I finally felt comfortable wearing alt styles once I learned truly who I am, before I just wore basic styles like jeans and whatever top. It took me realizing that I am neurodivergent to recognize that yes I'm actually not normal but there are so many others who relate to me and my existence. The goth friends I have met online seem to also be on the spectrum and or have ADHD as well. I hope one day I have the chance to make some irl goth friends and can go to some events and concerts or music festivals.
If your life was a coming of age teen novel, I'd read the fuck outta it.
This was so good, i love your stories, they take me back to my youth as we are the same age but i am form the u.k, i miss those times so much. x
I'm glad you like it! I love how we can be from such different places but still have parallel experiences.
I grew up in a shitty small town in Ohio and, like you, there was just something about me even going back to pre-school that made me "different". I realized by kindergarten that I just didn't fit in but I was ok being alone so I was just resigned to that. I never tried to be like the other kids although I probably should have. Lol I went everywhere with a book and did my best to ignore the constant bullying. As I got older, I got along well with older kids so that's who I hung out with...older kids and the kids my age that no one else wanted to be friends with. I was always more on the alternative side but in 1998, when I was eleven, a few things happened that ended with me becoming completely Goth. Although it really didn't matter what particular alternative scene you belonged to because there were not many of us in general (most of them were metal heads ... nearly all of my older friends were metal heads, actually) so we all hung out together. I was one of four Goths in town. I was cool with two of them and despised the third. They were the sort of Goths that would play you the best fucking band you ever heard and then refuse to tell you the name of the band or the song and because of the way we had to get Goth music (we had to go to the only CD store in town and the very kind guy who worked there would let us order the CD's from the giant catalog he had to order music for the store... usually he only charged us shipping and the cost of the CD but nothing extra for ordering it for us but shipping could be quite pricey because of how many Goth bands were signed to small labels in the UK and had to be imported...but still, it was kind of him to do that for us...Life before internet shopping or TH-cam was rough, man 😂😂😂) so if you didn't have the band's name or the name of the song, you could not get the music. It was really a very shitty thing to do. The ultimate in gatekeeping, for sure. I think it's because of that that I am always up for answering the questions of baby bats and recommend bands. But no matter what sort of alternative you were, in the 90's and early 2000's, the rest of the town hated you. Goths just got it a little worse thanks to Satanic Panic and Columbine. But we went through hell together for sure. 💜🖤💜🖤
I love your stories. You had a much better local scene than I had. Lol
Edit: The whole local explorer thing? For us it was respectfully breaking in to old abandoned houses and buildings. We didn't mess anything up or party in them (especially not the old houses...some of them were so beautiful, it would have ended friendships if the people I was with tried to tear them up...). We just hung out.
3:30 Same, except we got an art group my senior year that I could be myself at.
Oh wild! My high school experience was miserable lol. I grew up in a VERY small town (literally just like a small supermarket and a post office were the only stores) I got into alternative music as a teenager but didn’t even know how to meet other alt people because my school had a crazy strict uniform policy. I honestly have no clue what I would’ve done without the internet
Wow! I don't know why but when you described your town and how you grow up it made me think of The movie Footloose. I'm glad you are finally able to branch out. The internet is honestly an amazing tool, it really sucks that for many people It's an only resource. I'm glad you were able to make it work for you so that you are able to find others like yourself. It's all about finding your people!
@@angelabenedict haha, at least they haven't made dancing illegal... yet
That's so real! I never got to be myself as a teen or even in my 20s! It's only now in my 30s that I've gotten the chance to become a real person!
I wonder if “fluff” was regional. I’m only a couple years younger but grew up in TX and never heard that term. 🤔
Also, Nowhere and Doom Generation were formative. I keep going back and forth with those bangs!
Definitely! I remember living in Florida for those brief for years and there was a notable difference in slang terms.
Love listen to your stories Angela. And wish more people was like you.
Would love hanging with you for sure!
We also hanged together, all alternative kids, where I grew up. So I totally recognize that. Even if I am a bit older (generation X), we still have much in common.
Thanks for a great video filled by memories from the past.
Stay safe beautiful 🦇🖤🖤🖤🖤🦇
I'm so glad! We're all out there, some of us are just a little bit louder than others 🤣 I love that even though there's little countries between us - our youths are so parallel to one another's.
I got into the alternative scene in 1986
50:35 maybe the real "goth" was the friends we made along the way 🤔(couldn't resist lol)
That's ok, you seized the moment!
Oh, the "fluff clothes" rings so true. I had to attend high school in blue jeans and T-shirts, despite my preference for androgynous, goth looks. My parents just would not have it. My school also had their rules too. Ah yes, behavioral meds. We wonder why it seems an entire generation is messed up. They tried to do that to me...but failed, I quickly learned how to "mask" and run under the radar. You are so very fortunate to be able to retain these memories. For me those days are quite blurry, with lots of moments of boredom. Oh my I remember being alone, together...that is something I miss so much. From a young age I was involved in aviation and had aspirations of becoming a pilot. The problem with aviation back then is it was VERY conservative, so I had to put a strong line between my non aviation side, and my "real" self. Unfortunately my home was about as conservative. I honestly did not really get to spread my alternative wings until I graduated high school, and even then it was limited. Rocky Horror was my pathway into the goth scene despite really not having much to do with the scene.
Im glad i found this channelml. You are absolutely GORGEOUS. And seem like a great person. ❤❤❤
So entertaining to hear, you can easily feel all that! It corresponds pretty much with my experience, only I was older at that point, we didn't have much going on in terms of alternative people and events for a bit longer than other countries I guess. Also throughout my life I did comebacks to trying to be normal a few times, all of them for obvious reasons have failed, but those comebacks were present due to lack of proper alternative scene sadly . But who else can we be other than ourselves?
A woman drew her long black hair out tight
And fiddled whisper music on those strings
And bats with baby faces in the violet light
Whistled, and beat their wings
And crawled head downward down a blackened wall
And upside down in air were towers
Tolling reminiscent bells, that kept the hours
And voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.
The Wasteland; V. What the Thunder Said. -T. S. Eliot, 1922
I adore your stories because it lets me know how it was before. When i was younger i never had alternative friends or belonged into any subculture so i just dont know. I love how you teach us how to make old-style diy or different terms used to describing something
Making friends is a lot easier when you're younger but that doesn't mean it wasn't still hard. It really was. Especially now. I'm sorry that you didn't find your crowd back when you were younger but it sounds like from what I understand you seem to have a really good grasp of who you are and that is amazing.
I love this story, and it reminded me of my own teenage years. The best parts of it!
I'm glad you liked it! A little stroll down memory lane is always in order.
Sounds like a great time and a great time of life. This one brought back a lot of memories. I wasn't in the "freak" crowd, I was a bit too shy for that, but I realized early on that they were in fact the real people and loyal to those that treated them right. So I can identify with a lot of what you said. I was one of those that fit in with most groups mostly because I just didn't care what anyone said and because it didn't bother me I could just be.
Our secret ticket place was in the back corner of the Montgomery Wards. I forgot about that until you mentioned yours.
Thank you for this video. Very relatable and wish I could interview you about it.
So I looked up Lake Ronkonkoma, and just wow.... not a single dock on that thing, plenty of homes, no docks.....
Nope, no docks! If you can, check out the old timey photos of Lake Ronkonkoma. Back in the early 1900s it was a retreat for people who lived in Manhattan. They had slides, food and amusements.
I so love your storytime. So many incredible memories
I'm glad you liked it!!
@angelabenedict I watched the whole thing while on my treadmill. Just so you know, watching your vids can inspire health & fitness. Haha
I love this! I plan to go to school to be a dietitian so this definitely is in line with that level of inspiration.
as sosmeone whos austisitic this was awesome to hear. for me it was harcore
I'm so glad!
Love the video love the feeling
I'm so glad!
Ah yes, the undiagnosed neurodivergent to goth pipeline 😂🖤
CPTSD and ADHD, here.
Anoutha outstanding video And I kind went through the same thing I was a normal boring goodie 2 shoes kid but as soon as I found the goth sub. As an adult it changed my life and I’m o so glad it did again loved the video mom!!!!🦇🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤🦇🦇
Sometimes our own reality and identities don't really kick in right away. Sometimes there are things that get in the way of that. Life, responsibilities, stress whatever it may be. Sometimes it just takes one thing to draw it all out of you and make you realize who you are. After that, no turning back!
@@angelabenedict That’s very very true and I didn’t really realize it till you just pointed it out heheh
I'm starting to think that everyone had a "Naked Viking Guy" ours even had a big old claymore sword...
people act very strange towards others that don't fit the mainstream at all its sad
I am so glad that I found your channel. I am now 45 but when I was in my late teens I was a goth leaning punk( repressed because I was in a private christian high school in the late 90's) . After high school I was starting to expand my style. In the early 2000's my dad died, and I lost my job... I had to move back in with my mother to have a roof over my head and I had to help my mother with the house. As the years ticked on... I slowly started to lose my identity. I finally feel free enough to let the old me come out again. I still have some aspect of my punk days like my jacket with the spikes and my attitude. How would you recommend I go about bringing the darkness that I miss so much.
Hate because they saw you turn? Every goth had a point where they turned.
It was a weird high school mentality thing. Bearing in mind these are all kids between 14 and 16. If you didn't show up already I'll alternative and they saw you before the transition, poseur. Always the way it was.
I am 51, and there were Elders in my day judging...I quit caring pretty quick.
Thank you! All I know is that you're lovely! 😊🖤💖
This video is just full of awesome stories. Really enjoyed the teen fun stories !!!
From this day on I shall use the name "Kelli Pretzel" as a code name for certain people when I talk to friends.
Thank you.
Oh my God, let's keep it going for generations! It was so random the way that it happened as well, I never actually meant to say it but back in those days for some reason when we would greet people, we would say their full name - At least in my group. For some bizarre reason since her last name rhymed with pretzel, that's what came out of my mouth and she literally hated me the whole 4 years of high school because of that one moment 🤣
@@angelabenedict The name Kelli Pretzel will echo throughout Louisville.
@@bobm.172 🤣🤣🤣 I'm dying!
I don't like normal clothes either but there are situations that pretty much demand it and i feel like an alien lol
I don’t like pastels even now because of preppies and being told that is what a girl dresses in. Even in the hot summer, I wear dresses in goth adjacent colors like purple and red…sometimes a steampunk sepia or Cottagecore green. But wearing preppie white or pastels…I just can’t do it. I used to wear almost completely black and grey…but do wear certain colors now but I am very picky.
Oh, the complexities of navigating society lol. I was thinking about making a video showcasing looks and how to shop as a goth who needs to keep it casual for certain situations without fully abandoning their entire personality and feeling as you said, like an alien.
@@angelabenedict I find boots help in just about any situation. Or a black bra/underwear combo.
Started off punk then by 88 I was leaning more goth/ dark wave.
I started off Goth and am starting to get into more Punk, but Goth is still my favorite genre.
Thank you so much for this video🖤🖤🖤
Any time!
I wish I found a video like this when I was in high school. I am now a little too old to have formative memories like these.