Hi all! I'm back with another catch-up, sharing about my NDE and then wakingupand lastlywhat I feel about death now. I hope you all enjoy it, and I will be back again really soon. xxx
I am so sorry to hear about your Dr. Thank you for sharing your experience with us all. Your message at the end about how it's ok, really gave me comfort ❤
I'm so pleased it gave you some comfort. Again, this is what I experienced. Others may differ, but like I also said, my kind of experience is what I've heard most others say, or something to a similar effect. .
@@ababy6074 I am so proud of you. Ive read your posts over the years on mpa and I know how traumatic hospital admissions are you for. So for you to talk about this one, I can only imagine the depths of it. I know it was much dark for you than it comes across in this video so I just wanted to acknowledge that. You are brave and you are strong. I hope you know that Hun ❤️
Big hugs from me 🤗 I am so glad you are okay and still here. Are you back to 100% yet? Or do you have a lot of residual effects still? Can you paint okay? I can't believe how much you have been through! I am glad the doctors and treatment at the hospital were good. Do you feel the near death experience has changed your outlook on life for the better? Are you happier or sadder now? All the best.☺
Definitely the NDE changed my life for the better. No residual effects anymore, though they did last a while. I'm still painting, and yes, I have done a couple more portraits and working on another and the ones I've done I'm happy with. Thank you for your comment! Anything you'd like me to chat about in upcoming videos? Xxx
Hi there, Please do not think im being mean - I'm m concerned for other people who may be impressioanble and stumble across your videos. I'm scared to say anything in case it validates your disorder, so I'm very sorry if this sounds harsh. I want to be kind to the real you❤ I don't think what youre doing on TH-cam is okay. Ive been following you for around 3 years, and if i can be really honest am not seeing you fight at all. What is your purpose with this channel? Is it to be inspiring and actually fight your disorder, or are you showing off how skinny you are, and hoping you will find validation to keep restricting and suffering? I was like you too for many years. I hated it - it was hell for me and everyone I loved. I didn’t believe when people told me it would get better, but the fears of weight gain truly go away and life is brighter again ❤ I know you can find this freedom, too. But please don't intentionally trigger others, because it may mean they live in the same hell you're living in at this moment. I send you lots of love and strength. You can do it. Watch Tabitha Farrar again, and I can give you any advice if you want 😊
Well I'm sorry you feel that way. And no, I'm not recovered and no I, I'm not here seeking validation for my eating disorder. The problem I face is that I have tried, many, many times, to recover and I have experienced nothing but trauma, which has affected me badly. I haven't even gone into how this trauma affected me both physically and mentally. So no, I wouldn't say I am actively fighting this at this point, but I've always been honest about where I'm at. I am not 'showing off how skinny I am' . I don't sit here showing off what I look like, what my body looks like, for the validation you talk of (unlike some in particular I could mention, but I'm sure you know who I mean) I haven't done anything like this before, so I'm not sure where this comes from. I never photograph or video my body. I showed a picture in my very first video when I was trying to recover from a very low BMI so one could see the huge uphill battle I faced. And a huge uphill battle it was, and one I never made it all the way through. I am pleased for you that you recovered. Well done! It's not easy I know that for a fact. But the treatment trauma and other traumas I have suffered have ended up being much, much greater than my ability to recover and be a totally normal human being with no issues anymore. And to be very honest, I have NEVER ONCE tried to 'intentionally trigger others.' Just the fact that you say that I have intentionally done this just says clearly to me that I think you don't know me nearly as well as you think you do. I don't care if you have watched me for 3 years, you do not know me very well at all if that is what you think I've ever tried to do. And Tabitha Farrar, actually I have watched many of her videos and to be honest I don't find her helpful whatsoever. Sorry. And lastly, I am quite happy with how my life is going. I am not 'living in hell' at all. I don't know where you even got that idea. I'm fact I'm actually quite happy and if you had watched even just the last couple of my videos you would have heard me talk about all the things I'm doing in my life and I have never once indicated in any way that I was hating my life. I have a guiding force in my life and have many goals and plans for the future. Yes, I am considering the future of this channel and currently deciding what to include and what not, because I am thinking of things that my audience might find helpful or relatable. These are not to do with restricting or any types of ED behaviours. My channel never has been about any of that, which you would know if you knew me as well as you seem to think you do. I am actually quite well physically these days, much more so than I was at the start of this channel or 2 years ago before my last hospital admission. While yes, I am still a low weight, I am physically very well. I don't want to be mean to you either, I wouldn't want to be like that with anyone, so I hope you don't take this the wrong way either, but your comment was quite hurtful and entirely untrue, especially coming from someone who says they have followed me for 3 years. If you don't like me or my channel, or you think I'm 'intentionally triggering people' because I'm not recovered and I still dare to have a TH-cam channel, then I am not asking you to stay here. That is up to you. You have some very mistaken assumptions about me and I'm very sorry you think I'm some kind of bad influence, but you are wrong about who I am and my intentions. I'm sorry you feel this way about my content and my channel.
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Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you're ok now.
Thank you! Xxx
Hi Ababy, its so nice to see you back. And your look beautiful as always, hows your daughter??? xx
She's really well! Going well with her homeschooling and enjoying her gymnastics and praying at the park, learning a language, playing her piano.
I am so sorry to hear about your Dr. Thank you for sharing your experience with us all. Your message at the end about how it's ok, really gave me comfort ❤
I'm so pleased it gave you some comfort. Again, this is what I experienced. Others may differ, but like I also said, my kind of experience is what I've heard most others say, or something to a similar effect.
.
@@ababy6074 I am so proud of you. Ive read your posts over the years on mpa and I know how traumatic hospital admissions are you for. So for you to talk about this one, I can only imagine the depths of it. I know it was much dark for you than it comes across in this video so I just wanted to acknowledge that. You are brave and you are strong. I hope you know that Hun ❤️
Big hugs from me 🤗 I am so glad you are okay and still here. Are you back to 100% yet? Or do you have a lot of residual effects still? Can you paint okay? I can't believe how much you have been through! I am glad the doctors and treatment at the hospital were good. Do you feel the near death experience has changed your outlook on life for the better? Are you happier or sadder now? All the best.☺
Definitely the NDE changed my life for the better. No residual effects anymore, though they did last a while. I'm still painting, and yes, I have done a couple more portraits and working on another and the ones I've done I'm happy with. Thank you for your comment! Anything you'd like me to chat about in upcoming videos? Xxx
@@ababy6074 I would love to see some of your newer paintings and maybe talk about your New Zealand trip? You mentioned you visited recently, right?
@@deannag4581 Sure I will! Xxx
Hi there,
Please do not think im being mean - I'm m concerned for other people who may be impressioanble and stumble across your videos. I'm scared to say anything in case it validates your disorder, so I'm very sorry if this sounds harsh. I want to be kind to the real you❤
I don't think what youre doing on TH-cam is okay. Ive been following you for around 3 years, and if i can be really honest am not seeing you fight at all.
What is your purpose with this channel? Is it to be inspiring and actually fight your disorder, or are you showing off how skinny you are, and hoping you will find validation to keep restricting and suffering?
I was like you too for many years. I hated it - it was hell for me and everyone I loved. I didn’t believe when people told me it would get better, but the fears of weight gain truly go away and life is brighter again ❤
I know you can find this freedom, too. But please don't intentionally trigger others, because it may mean they live in the same hell you're living in at this moment.
I send you lots of love and strength. You can do it. Watch Tabitha Farrar again, and I can give you any advice if you want 😊
Well I'm sorry you feel that way. And no, I'm not recovered and no I, I'm not here seeking validation for my eating disorder. The problem I face is that I have tried, many, many times, to recover and I have experienced nothing but trauma, which has affected me badly. I haven't even gone into how this trauma affected me both physically and mentally. So no, I wouldn't say I am actively fighting this at this point, but I've always been honest about where I'm at. I am not 'showing off how skinny I am' . I don't sit here showing off what I look like, what my body looks like, for the validation you talk of (unlike some in particular I could mention, but I'm sure you know who I mean) I haven't done anything like this before, so I'm not sure where this comes from. I never photograph or video my body. I showed a picture in my very first video when I was trying to recover from a very low BMI so one could see the huge uphill battle I faced. And a huge uphill battle it was, and one I never made it all the way through.
I am pleased for you that you recovered. Well done! It's not easy I know that for a fact. But the treatment trauma and other traumas I have suffered have ended up being much, much greater than my ability to recover and be a totally normal human being with no issues anymore.
And to be very honest, I have NEVER ONCE tried to 'intentionally trigger others.' Just the fact that you say that I have intentionally done this just says clearly to me that I think you don't know me nearly as well as you think you do. I don't care if you have watched me for 3 years, you do not know me very well at all if that is what you think I've ever tried to do.
And Tabitha Farrar, actually I have watched many of her videos and to be honest I don't find her helpful whatsoever. Sorry.
And lastly, I am quite happy with how my life is going. I am not 'living in hell' at all. I don't know where you even got that idea. I'm fact I'm actually quite happy and if you had watched even just the last couple of my videos you would have heard me talk about all the things I'm doing in my life and I have never once indicated in any way that I was hating my life. I have a guiding force in my life and have many goals and plans for the future.
Yes, I am considering the future of this channel and currently deciding what to include and what not, because I am thinking of things that my audience might find helpful or relatable. These are not to do with restricting or any types of ED behaviours. My channel never has been about any of that, which you would know if you knew me as well as you seem to think you do.
I am actually quite well physically these days, much more so than I was at the start of this channel or 2 years ago before my last hospital admission. While yes, I am still a low weight, I am physically very well.
I don't want to be mean to you either, I wouldn't want to be like that with anyone, so I hope you don't take this the wrong way either, but your comment was quite hurtful and entirely untrue, especially coming from someone who says they have followed me for 3 years.
If you don't like me or my channel, or you think I'm 'intentionally triggering people' because I'm not recovered and I still dare to have a TH-cam channel, then I am not asking you to stay here. That is up to you. You have some very mistaken assumptions about me and I'm very sorry you think I'm some kind of bad influence, but you are wrong about who I am and my intentions. I'm sorry you feel this way about my content and my channel.