The thing is.. if you just act like you stop chasing to get them to chase you, they know and it wont work. And if you truly no longer care, it works but you don't want it to. Either way, its pointless. Accept that you've fallen for an ephemeral idealisation of a person that never existed. Lick your wounds, learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them, forgive yourself for staying too long, forgive them for being shitty partners (they can't act differently), rebuild your life and happiness and move on to a better future. Seriously.. they aren't worth the trouble. You deserve more than the breadcrumbs you got.
Im at the point where im so tired of the avoidant and so exhausted that i just don’t care anymore. I’ve started speaking to another guy and im starting to just not feel bothered anymore.
i kinda compare the chasing/repelling dynamic to if you chase after your dog, it runs away from you. if you run in the opposite direction, it chases you. i guess it’s basic animal behavior.
Child chasing parent, who's walking away and not listening or paying attention to the child, just gets in the car and leaves. Or parent drinks gets told they have to stop or they'll die soon...they don't stop and they die. Child left behind unable to understand how their parent chose to drink themselves to death, and not live them. There you go I made it less Disney and more real for you and the masses.
@@marguskiis7711wrong answer traumatised women and men show little behavioural differences. This is shown from studies on adult children of addicts. A male rape victim has the same sort of trauma responses as a woman raped. This division of the sexes is getting a bit ridiculous, and at this point it's actually going to harm us. Because clowns can't help but say ridiculous things as you have. When you're dealing with a subject that deals with people with trauma.
This video has helped me so much. I just spent 4 months chasing a woman whom I hit it off with in a way that has never happened before. She just wanted to keep things casual so we've been in no contact mode for 6 weeks. I'm committed to not chasing anymore. Thank you. I truly do feel that I AM worthy of love and don't need to avoid my feelings of insecurity by chasing someone. I'm coming home and doing the work on myself that needs to be done.
Your relatability is off the charts! It’s like getting advise from your best friend over 🥃 while propping your feet up around a campfire. Thank you for that!!!
My DA started pulling away and I chased a little bit and saw she pulled away more then i stopped chasing and pulled my affection and now we are close again. She reminds me of a cat.... they only want love and afection on their terms..... lol
Havent chased my Avoidant ex gf, 2 months later here we are. All done & dusted but dont feel a heap better, still miss her & still cant believe it ended like it did.
@@marguskiis7711 hopefully won't take me that long, but yes have a few people telling me just to move & get over it without fully understanding the situation.
Hi Corri! Each year, instead of making new year's resolutions; I pick one word to sort of guide me or live by. This year I'm chosing the word "ENOUGH" - as in enough with this heartbreak, enough chasing, enough settling, enough youtubing (lol!) I am enough, i am good enough, etc. This perfect video is going on my special list ive saved labeled "enough". I will listen when I have moments when I forget that I can have anything I want. ❤ Thank you! You're the bee's knees. 😘
I now realise my ex was a DA and see men through different eyes ie as master manipulators. Whenever a guy gives me his pitch I instantly think: “What do you want from me?” I now play them at their own game!!
Your wisdom is the best Christmas gift I could have asked for. I’m really looking forward to my 70th year on this fabulous planet in 2025. Thank you Corri. ❤
You’re incredible thank you! I’ve been watching your videos since Sept esp when SP left me on read and I felt like a fool for constantly messaging and caring. I needed to realize this, “Why am I always trying? Why do I fear losing someone or why do I have to feel like if I don’t put in the effort they’ll never see me?” It was very uncomfortable but I’m slowly appreciating the NC and if he comes back I’ll love it and if he doesn’t, sure I’ll always love him, but I deserve the relationship I want.
Great video! This was so helpful! I’m approaching 2 months no contact after 6 years on/off with a DA/player/social climber type. I know there’s no future there but have been super depressed since it ended. I feel stronger after watching this 💜 Thank you
That sweater looks so good on you. Need this as my ex DA who I’ve been in no contact with for six weeks is hitting me up because I’m in town (we have been long distance for years) and this is so hard - love addiction is no different from crack. I’ve done years of healing around this and am very healthy in so many ways but this is my kryptonite. I’m staying strong but it’s not easy.
@@ceciliamac4283 Thank you! So far, so good. I have plans tonight anyway so won't have time to let the oxytocin addiction sway me and then I have plans tomorrow and leaving Monday - just have to white knuckle it and with your support, I will stay strong! I can't let down the team which is why I shared it--accountability.
brilliant thank you. I am enough. i am healing from the depths of my heart and soul....tough 2024, yet GOD is my strength and comfort. I no longer chase, no longer keep people close who refuse to change and grow....my village is changing....I want to cheer lead personal growth and vision and be encouraged as well. 2025 is a new year of firsts.....get ready friends!!! :)
One more comment to share. I hope I have the fortitude to not chase or fix. This pattern has been for 3 years. It’s an old b/f that came back into my life. He was not an avoidant in our prior relationship but grew into one. We loved each other. He missed me. My brain tells me he’s the same guy from the past and sadly he is not.
Thank you for this! I’ve just found that after years of chasing overtly and calling him out, being blocked, lots of back and forth, we fell out of contact and the relationship and connection completely broke. He’s now more open to speaking but it feels as though that connection between us has vanished and I keep trying to get it back, because in my head, he doesn’t see me as a safe person anymore, and I have to demonstrate that I can have conversations without anxious behaviour e.g blaming, complaining about his avoidance. HOWEVER, I’m finding that I’m having thoughts like “I just need to make him feel safe and enjoy talking to me again” and that’s resulting in chasing behaviour like sending multiple messages, keeping going with conversation despite very little in return, I feel beggy. After a long time of not recognising how anxious I was being and the dynamic, how do I build the connection back up to a point where he wants to talk to me, if I’m not “chasing”? Not sure if that makes sense
Thank you, this one really hit home. I can see my behaviour but have been stuck on how to stop chasing. ‘ Turning the light off’ just clicked! (Like a light switch!😂)
I've watched a few of your videos now and seen the plethora of comments posted across them and the biggest question of all is , "What is so wrong in modern society that so many people develop avoidant behaviour patterns " ? Sadly it would appear that avoidance is just one of many unhealthy personality traits that is on the rise, narcissism, probably mainly driven by various forms of social media, is definitely another. Something is driving this rise in mental heath conditions and it needs to be addressed.
It find it interesting. I thought about never messaging sp again intill they show up better. But i knew that is not how i prefer to approach things. So i choose to express myself even more. Simply because it feels good to do. I can feel such healing, stabilizing, and purifing energy every time in my body. It feels very healing with no discord in my mind and heart when i express myself. I feel the poweful impact in my heartfelt words i speak. Truly a freeing feeling. This approach feels best to me. Regardless if I message or not. I know they will show up for me eventually. Overall I feel at peace about all this.
TLDR (self rant) I’m sick and tired of this ping pong in my head. I strongly suspect (but don’t know), that after 6 years my SP is single, and a few months ago, after her texting me after 8 months, saying she was thinking about me, I asked her if she’d like to meet up, or that safety phrase to not sound creepy ‘catch-up’. She was all for meeting up sooner, but I suggested after her 3 month school placement (university student teacher). I indicated that she should get back to me if she wanted to, thinking that if she wanted to she would. 3 months passed, and her last day was 6th Dec. No text. Ghosted. I think maybe she was just saying she was up for getting together because that’s what she FELT like AT THE TIME, but not now. I feel like we are both in parallel universes where once in a while our paths cross, then wires get crossed. I think she KNOWS how I feel, because I told her (when she h as a boyfriend (I know, pathetic)), but i don’t understand why it seems to be that ‘the GUY should chase’ is in universal disharmony with ‘the power of MANIFESTATION’??? 😩 Every time I succeed in not giving a cra*, there she is again, and I just wish she’d either shi* or get off the pot. A lot of the time I’m just so sick and tired of thinking about her, and wish she would get the heck out of my head!
Sh* or get off the pot. Love that expression! :) Same feeling here. I guess that asking for clarity/intentions when she contacts you would give her no choice than to do just that: sh* (ask for some kind of relationship), or get off (say no or ghost, ghosting to a question is also a no)
I love the cover of your e-book which I will purchase soon after I finish this video - a Greek island background is simply awesome :) ( I am Greek so I am biased lol )
Can I just quote an amazing words from this video: “When you break this pattern you become actually stronger, more worthy”…Oh…I did this mistake, I chased. But I forgive myself for that. And that’s is absolutely brilliant life experience. Never jeopardize your worth for anybody, no matter how strongly you’re in love and how deep your feelings are. Walk away and let them lose you. You’re not losing yourself, that’s the most important! ❤️
Seriously, what’s the future of mankind if this behaviour doesn’t stop? Men hunt you down because they want you; when they’ve got you and you set up home together they feel ‘tied down’ and start looking for ways to escape! Women just can’t win. I’m building a life for myself - men may come and go but my happiness is always assured.
When I see your videos Im very discouraged by the comments ….. everyone is kinda mad and say RUN from avoidants , and I really don’t know what to believe , my psychologist told me the same , this relationship Will never work because I anxious and is avoidant …. What are you thoughts on the negative comments ?
I don’t think the comments are negative, but probably quite confronting. Lots of people are probably fed up with being in this dynamic and often do get to a point where they have had enough of trying to be the one to figure it out. This is all part of the journey. Relationships have to be two people both willing to do the work. Things can of course change, but you lead the way as to what you’re willing to accept and now. This is how we manifest change x
What happens after 4 years of on/off, discard after discard, me - the recipient of said abuse, finally tells aka texts, the avoidant to 'jog-on' never contact me again, stay away from me and to leave me in my peace. These words have never been uttered by me before. What happens to the avoidant when the door is firmly and finally slammed in their face?
The thing is.. if you just act like you stop chasing to get them to chase you, they know and it wont work. And if you truly no longer care, it works but you don't want it to. Either way, its pointless.
Accept that you've fallen for an ephemeral idealisation of a person that never existed. Lick your wounds, learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them, forgive yourself for staying too long, forgive them for being shitty partners (they can't act differently), rebuild your life and happiness and move on to a better future. Seriously.. they aren't worth the trouble. You deserve more than the breadcrumbs you got.
Im at the point where im so tired of the avoidant and so exhausted that i just don’t care anymore. I’ve started speaking to another guy and im starting to just not feel bothered anymore.
I feel you
Please make sure you heal your core wounds first in order not to attract another.
Ditto.
i kinda compare the chasing/repelling dynamic to if you chase after your dog, it runs away from you. if you run in the opposite direction, it chases you. i guess it’s basic animal behavior.
And we should love as animals do
Wrong answer. Avoidant women do not chase any man.
he is a dog tbh so makes sense
Child chasing parent, who's walking away and not listening or paying attention to the child, just gets in the car and leaves. Or parent drinks gets told they have to stop or they'll die soon...they don't stop and they die. Child left behind unable to understand how their parent chose to drink themselves to death, and not live them.
There you go I made it less Disney and more real for you and the masses.
@@marguskiis7711wrong answer traumatised women and men show little behavioural differences. This is shown from studies on adult children of addicts. A male rape victim has the same sort of trauma responses as a woman raped.
This division of the sexes is getting a bit ridiculous, and at this point it's actually going to harm us. Because clowns can't help but say ridiculous things as you have. When you're dealing with a subject that deals with people with trauma.
This video has helped me so much. I just spent 4 months chasing a woman whom I hit it off with in a way that has never happened before. She just wanted to keep things casual so we've been in no contact mode for 6 weeks. I'm committed to not chasing anymore. Thank you. I truly do feel that I AM worthy of love and don't need to avoid my feelings of insecurity by chasing someone. I'm coming home and doing the work on myself that needs to be done.
Your relatability is off the charts! It’s like getting advise from your best friend over 🥃 while propping your feet up around a campfire. Thank you for that!!!
Haha I felt it too😂
"Chasing is avoidance" 👍
Your husband is the luckiest dude in the world. 🤘🏼
My DA started pulling away and I chased a little bit and saw she pulled away more then i stopped chasing and pulled my affection and now we are close again.
She reminds me of a cat.... they only want love and afection on their terms..... lol
Havent chased my Avoidant ex gf, 2 months later here we are. All done & dusted but dont feel a heap better, still miss her & still cant believe it ended like it did.
Exactly. It is so hard to get over an avoidant. It takes more than a year. Do whatever you do. And everybody says you are an idiot.
Im sorry I know how it feels. I know better days are ahead 🤍🍀
@@marguskiis7711 hopefully won't take me that long, but yes have a few people telling me just to move & get over it without fully understanding the situation.
Eventually, it will get better. But it might take much longer than you think.
best video ever to understand anxious attachment style
Hi Corri! Each year, instead of making new year's resolutions; I pick one word to sort of guide me or live by. This year I'm chosing the word "ENOUGH" - as in enough with this heartbreak, enough chasing, enough settling, enough youtubing (lol!) I am enough, i am good enough, etc. This perfect video is going on my special list ive saved labeled "enough". I will listen when I have moments when I forget that I can have anything I want. ❤ Thank you! You're the bee's knees. 😘
I now realise my ex was a DA and see men through different eyes ie as master manipulators. Whenever a guy gives me his pitch I instantly think: “What do you want from me?” I now play them at their own game!!
I love the idea how chasing is a symptom of avoidance. Thank you❤
Love your demeanor, insights, positivity, light and warmth.
You see it, get it, and teach the right path.
10K is just the beginning.
Your wisdom is the best Christmas gift I could have asked for. I’m really looking forward to my 70th year on this fabulous planet in 2025. Thank you Corri. ❤
🩷🩷🩷
I’m adding this to my other 2 videos from you that I listen to every day in the car! Thank you Corri - you’re a gift! 🤗
You’re incredible thank you! I’ve been watching your videos since Sept esp when SP left me on read and I felt like a fool for constantly messaging and caring. I needed to realize this, “Why am I always trying? Why do I fear losing someone or why do I have to feel like if I don’t put in the effort they’ll never see me?” It was very uncomfortable but I’m slowly appreciating the NC and if he comes back I’ll love it and if he doesn’t, sure I’ll always love him, but I deserve the relationship I want.
Great video! This was so helpful! I’m approaching 2 months no contact after 6 years on/off with a DA/player/social climber type. I know there’s no future there but have been super depressed since it ended. I feel stronger after watching this 💜 Thank you
This gave me a smile 🤍
That sweater looks so good on you. Need this as my ex DA who I’ve been in no contact with for six weeks is hitting me up because I’m in town (we have been long distance for years) and this is so hard - love addiction is no different from crack. I’ve done years of healing around this and am very healthy in so many ways but this is my kryptonite. I’m staying strong but it’s not easy.
You got this !!!!
@@ceciliamac4283 Thank you! So far, so good. I have plans tonight anyway so won't have time to let the oxytocin addiction sway me and then I have plans tomorrow and leaving Monday - just have to white knuckle it and with your support, I will stay strong! I can't let down the team which is why I shared it--accountability.
brilliant thank you. I am enough. i am healing from the depths of my heart and soul....tough 2024, yet GOD is my strength and comfort. I no longer chase, no longer keep people close who refuse to change and grow....my village is changing....I want to cheer lead personal growth and vision and be encouraged as well. 2025 is a new year of firsts.....get ready friends!!! :)
dream on
This video is now on repeat for me. Thank you and happy holidays😊
One more comment to share. I hope I have the fortitude to not chase or fix. This pattern has been for 3 years. It’s an old b/f that came back into my life. He was not an avoidant in our prior relationship but grew into one. We loved each other. He missed me. My brain tells me he’s the same guy from the past and sadly he is not.
So on point.
Thank you so much for this. I feel like this video just gave me a lot of healing and light ❤
Thank you for this! I’ve just found that after years of chasing overtly and calling him out, being blocked, lots of back and forth, we fell out of contact and the relationship and connection completely broke. He’s now more open to speaking but it feels as though that connection between us has vanished and I keep trying to get it back, because in my head, he doesn’t see me as a safe person anymore, and I have to demonstrate that I can have conversations without anxious behaviour e.g blaming, complaining about his avoidance.
HOWEVER, I’m finding that I’m having thoughts like “I just need to make him feel safe and enjoy talking to me again” and that’s resulting in chasing behaviour like sending multiple messages, keeping going with conversation despite very little in return, I feel beggy.
After a long time of not recognising how anxious I was being and the dynamic, how do I build the connection back up to a point where he wants to talk to me, if I’m not “chasing”?
Not sure if that makes sense
What did you mean by « he is now more open to speaking » ?
This was soooo encouraging and I feel so seen. Thank you 🙏🏻
Just bumped on your channel Corri and I gotta say your video was really inspiring and useful. I like your presentation style too. Thank you🙏🏼
I don't have anyone to do this with. Honestly. I have my God and his beloved Son. ❤️
Thank you, this one really hit home. I can see my behaviour but have been stuck on how to stop chasing. ‘ Turning the light off’ just clicked! (Like a light switch!😂)
You my friend are brilliant! I just lived this and it’s taken 8 to 9 months but IT does happen!!💪❤
After 9 months SP came back?
? What happened ?
I've watched a few of your videos now and seen the plethora of comments posted across them and the biggest question of all is , "What is so wrong in modern society that so many people develop avoidant behaviour patterns " ? Sadly it would appear that avoidance is just one of many unhealthy personality traits that is on the rise, narcissism, probably mainly driven by various forms of social media, is definitely another. Something is driving this rise in mental heath conditions and it needs to be addressed.
Childhood trauma
It find it interesting. I thought about never messaging sp again intill they show up better. But i knew that is not how i prefer to approach things. So i choose to express myself even more. Simply because it feels good to do. I can feel such healing, stabilizing, and purifing energy every time in my body. It feels very healing with no discord in my mind and heart when i express myself. I feel the poweful impact in my heartfelt words i speak. Truly a freeing feeling. This approach feels best to me. Regardless if I message or not. I know they will show up for me eventually. Overall I feel at peace about all this.
This is great content! Thank you 👌🏽🙏🏽
TLDR (self rant)
I’m sick and tired of this ping pong in my head. I strongly suspect (but don’t know), that after 6 years my SP is single, and a few months ago, after her texting me after 8 months, saying she was thinking about me, I asked her if she’d like to meet up, or that safety phrase to not sound creepy ‘catch-up’. She was all for meeting up sooner, but I suggested after her 3 month school placement (university student teacher).
I indicated that she should get back to me if she wanted to, thinking that if she wanted to she would. 3 months passed, and her last day was 6th Dec.
No text.
Ghosted.
I think maybe she was just saying she was up for getting together because that’s what she FELT like AT THE TIME, but not now.
I feel like we are both in parallel universes where once in a while our paths cross, then wires get crossed.
I think she KNOWS how I feel, because I told her (when she h as a boyfriend (I know, pathetic)), but i don’t understand why it seems to be that ‘the GUY should chase’ is in universal disharmony with ‘the power of MANIFESTATION’??? 😩
Every time I succeed in not giving a cra*, there she is again, and I just wish she’d either shi* or get off the pot.
A lot of the time I’m just so sick and tired of thinking about her, and wish she would get the heck out of my head!
Sh* or get off the pot. Love that expression! :) Same feeling here. I guess that asking for clarity/intentions when she contacts you would give her no choice than to do just that: sh* (ask for some kind of relationship), or get off (say no or ghost, ghosting to a question is also a no)
Chasing is avoidance - thank you for that insight.
Thank you for your videos. Very informative and helpful. I must say, your voice is lovely to listen to. Very pleasant and soothing. 😊
I love the cover of your e-book which I will purchase soon after I finish this video - a Greek island background is simply awesome :) ( I am Greek so I am biased lol )
Nuff love for your different approach to this topic....❤
Thanks 🙏🏽
Can I just quote an amazing words from this video: “When you break this pattern you become actually stronger, more worthy”…Oh…I did this mistake, I chased. But I forgive myself for that. And that’s is absolutely brilliant life experience. Never jeopardize your worth for anybody, no matter how strongly you’re in love and how deep your feelings are. Walk away and let them lose you. You’re not losing yourself, that’s the most important! ❤️
So so true!! I lived it, it’s very painful but eventually the wound scabs over..
@@mjc21706 ❤️🙏🏼 Let our future be 10x times more brighter than the past! We deserved that!
🤯🤯🤯 chasing is avoidant 😮holy shit I love that and felt it fully. Omg. Will not forget that
you explained it wonderfully. voted and subscribed.
Awesome video, thank you kindly 🙏
Seriously, what’s the future of mankind if this behaviour doesn’t stop? Men hunt you down because they want you; when they’ve got you and you set up home together they feel ‘tied down’ and start looking for ways to escape! Women just can’t win. I’m building a life for myself - men may come and go but my happiness is always assured.
Good video. Thanks.⚡️
Thanks for your videos
The right answer -- nothing happens. I did it.
Thank you.
Ty 💗
When I see your videos Im very discouraged by the comments ….. everyone is kinda mad and say RUN from avoidants , and I really don’t know what to believe , my psychologist told me the same , this relationship Will never work because I anxious and is avoidant …. What are you thoughts on the negative comments ?
I don’t think the comments are negative, but probably quite confronting. Lots of people are probably fed up with being in this dynamic and often do get to a point where they have had enough of trying to be the one to figure it out. This is all part of the journey. Relationships have to be two people both willing to do the work. Things can of course change, but you lead the way as to what you’re willing to accept and now. This is how we manifest change x
What happens after 4 years of on/off, discard after discard, me - the recipient of said abuse, finally tells aka texts, the avoidant to 'jog-on' never contact me again, stay away from me and to leave me in my peace. These words have never been uttered by me before. What happens to the avoidant when the door is firmly and finally slammed in their face?
Most important is what happens to you. After a few months, you get peace and balance.
What about if you work closely with the person and you cannot avoid conversations
Strictly talk about work