@Cory Alaric if you feel the need to do that firstly you should probably not be together you must be insecure or summit bro... and secondly it’s not cool to encourage other people to do that too and thirdly.... we’re here for kermodes epic rant so.... keep your weird shit to yourself ya?
Whenever a day starts to get a little grey, I pop on a Kermode Transformers review. So maybe, in a roundabout way, the Transformers movies did do some good.
This is, without doubt, my favourite Kermode review. I try to explain to people what is wrong with Transformers and any other pointlessly graphic action films, and I just send them this link.
You know whenever I had a bad day or low morale I open up this clip and listen Kermode's pure gold classic rant about Michael Bay. It always brightens me...
What a wonderful rant =) I agree with everything except digital projection, its better for the environment and it makes it easier for indies to distribute their films, don't get me wrong I love a good 35mm print as much as the next filmgeek but wouldn't you agree mr Mark Kermode, that thas is also true?
With reference to the 60mins battle sequence, it worked with Seven Samurai although that was well spread out with impeccable timing. I can't see it working in a Transformers film.
Probably my favourite Kermode rant. Maybe even favourite Kermode moment. I just wish I didn't love 'Armageddon' so much. I can watch it over and over. I despise the Transformers movies but 'Bad Boys' and 'The Rock' were two of the great 90's Action Blockbusters in my opinion..and I don't recall either of them being particularly pervy.
He had openly expressed that he liked The Avengers, Spider-man, Men In Black, Prince of Persia, Harry Potter, Twilight Saga ('Tis I dissent) and other blockbusters (of Transformers' mold). He also changed his mind about some directors or some films.
He's a film critic and journalist. With a PhD and everything. So yes, he's well-read, well-researched and well-versed in talking about movies - his job. Also his rant is completely justifiable, and, incidentally, more thrilling and entertaining than any of Bay's Transformer movies. Have you got that pen and paper ready for your apology, yet? ;)
Great Mark. I love it. You get paid to see these films and still demand you should get your money back. You're a national treasure. That said, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to see the thing anyway, but the cost of making it was justified by your eloquent rant.
@ShingoEX He was comparing Transformer's use of endless action scenes to the porn industry's use of the word, so the origin of the actual word doesn't quite matter. The fact that Transformers is a children's franchise kind of suggests that it's in some way a children's film, if not then children will go to see it anyway. Michael Bay has produced all of the live-action Transformers films to date, so it's fair to say he oversees the script.
I was looking at this film's IMDb page a while back and on the section where they have a single user review, the review that was used gave TF3 ten stars and called it things like "The next Lord of the Rings!" and "Michael Bay's Masterpiece". And the basis for this user saying these things was "I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane." And that's literally it. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
"No editor in their right mind would say that a battle sequence should go on for 60 minutes." Well, someone hasn't heard of the film Gettysburg. Of course, in that film, the battle was kind of the point...
I work at a cinema now and all I do is push a button and wind back the curtains then turn the sound up (It's more than most corporate cinemas do!). I to don't like the fact it's become completely digital and something about film is fantastic. It feels very real where as digital not only takes jobs but it makes you feel brain dead when something goes wrong and you can't sort it yourself but have to phone up a special engineer..
@DrJohannFaust Gaiking is going to be a japanese film made by the same people who made the space battle ship yammamoto film. And yes I agree with you I absoloutly adore the Rebuild of Evangelion films I just wish they actualy got a theatrical relese over here (I understand wy they didnt though).
I heard this from a dubbing editor that worked on the Mexican dub of all Transformers movies, "Michael Bay makes the worst movies to work with" He constantly changes edits, and thus, some of the material has to be redubbed. To avoid piracy, the video material is sent with everything blacked out except for the mouths, which is a nightmare for the dubbing. I can say from what I've seen that Michael Bay really is an overtly succesful bad filmmaker.
@sulijoo I was locked in a mental paradox- so much action was going on and yet I was so bloody bored. Michael Bay also seems to share George Lucas' view that ordinary human beings in films are there to contribute screams to the background noise and flying limbs to the debris.
@Goosterooo Your comment reminds me of my thoughts on part 2. A couple who's dating while miles away from each other and doing the whole "tell me you love me, come on tell me, no you say it". WTF a desert? " You said you loved me, well you said it first". THE END.
I've been saying 3D is a flash in the pan for years...we've been here before, it will come and 'save' the industry but then they never work out what to do with it other than spectacle - ie. help tell a story, really include the medium - and then it goes away again for another 20 years.
@yammaster2007 i do agree that he compares blockbusters way too often with 2001 and other great classics. nevertheless, these movies he's criticizing are the highest grossing movies ever and reflect the awful direction this industry has been taken (especially fora kid's toys franchise in this case). i think what he's trying to convey is that a blockbuster can still be interesting, well directed/scripted/acted and intellectually stimulating; which is why he has such a hard on for inception
@insignia0 In regard to 13 Assassins, while yes, they're was indeed a long battle sequence, but, within all the chaos, the director continued to develop both the characters and the story within the parameters of this setting. As opposed to just seeing stuff, hitting stuff, which in turn, hits others stuff, for an entire hour.
@lordvore agreed to an extent, but I think his point is just that there is no amount of content that should go on for as long as this. i.e if Kubrick can cover so much and still make such a masterpiece then there is no excuse for Bay dragging this drivel on for over 2.5 hours. Not necessarily that the films themselves are comparable.
Demonisation? Self-appointed guardian of good cinema? Well, one sees what one wants to see. To others, that video is an apt description of the suffering some had endured while watching Bay's Transformers. And he is not alone in thinking that Bay's Transformers (not just T3) films are "a sexualisation of a kids toy," if you cared to browse other reviews. Good thing Megan Fox left. I'd like to see her becoming a real actress than a mere "boy's toys" in Bay's hands.
I'm caught in a TH-cam hole of only watching Kermode review movies I know he'll hate, it's marvelous.
I hear you bro.
Me too, we must discuss this problem to people
Something good that came out of COVID finally
@Cory Alaric if you feel the need to do that firstly you should probably not be together you must be insecure or summit bro... and secondly it’s not cool to encourage other people to do that too and thirdly.... we’re here for kermodes epic rant so.... keep your weird shit to yourself ya?
I’m here from a Letterboxd list of his best rants lmao
Whenever a day starts to get a little grey, I pop on a Kermode Transformers review. So maybe, in a roundabout way, the Transformers movies did do some good.
I'd rather watch Kermode rant about the movie than the movie itself.
An adult swin style animation to mark kermode's review would be great
Watch cats review haha
"Shall we hear a clip"
"No, let's not."
That summarises it nicely I think.
he's too traumatized
"PHWOAR! EH! PHWOAR! EH!" - Mark needs to do this impression all the time!
"Well, that bottom called the director Hitler.." Greatest line in the whole review
It really is. I also love his "no" after "would a text be enough".
This review is more thrilling than the film.
Michael bays number one fan
5:18-5:30 is probably the most hilariously true thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
I completely concur!!
Rosie Huntington WHRROOAHH
It’s 2019. I still chuckle when I hear “completely inexplicable fluids.”
This review is ten times more exciting than the actual film
5:13 - Literally the only time I've ever seen Mayo laugh at one of Kermode's jokes.
I just watch this review from time to time when I'm in a bad mood and it always cheers me up immensely.
I...I think he liked it.
Agreed. Opinions are so black and white these days, it’s nice to have a measured and balanced review for a change. Thanks Mark.
WWWore ay! WWWore ay! WWWore ay!!!! Lol classic kermode!!!
I love kermode’s impression of people complaining about critics 😂
"You remember the bottom we had from the first two movies? Unfortunately that bottom called the director 'Hitler' - but here's another one!"
LOL
That part about projectionists losing there jobs did actually happen, they had to rehire the projectionists as "Technicians" at our cinema, poor guys.
This is, without doubt, my favourite Kermode review. I try to explain to people what is wrong with Transformers and any other pointlessly graphic action films, and I just send them this link.
"Would a text be enough?"
"... No."
😂
9:42
As a big fan of the original children's toy I agree fully with what Kermode says. Michael Bay's Transformers Movies are a hideous disgrace.
I love how Mark compares every film that's too long to 2001.
"Cluster fruitcake is a word that has two meanings"
Definitely going to be quoting that out of context.
a proper british critique.
I love how bonkers he goes on this one. Off the hook!
Perfect
8 years later you have a podcast with him. Pretty amazing. Congrats. ❤️
i feel like giving this video a standing ovation.
Love how there's a tab to buy this film to the right of the video.
Holy crap, I must have watched this review five times in a row, SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!
You know whenever I had a bad day or low morale I open up this clip and listen Kermode's pure gold classic rant about Michael Bay. It always brightens me...
What a wonderful rant =) I agree with everything except digital projection, its better for the environment and it makes it easier for indies to distribute their films, don't get me wrong I love a good 35mm print as much as the next filmgeek but wouldn't you agree mr Mark Kermode, that thas is also true?
‘Megan Fox PHWOAR EH PHWOAR EH PHWOAR!’
How am I only seeing this now? Absolutely incredible
Waah-eh?-waah-eh?-waah-eh?
It's spelled "Whoar!", FYI.
W-H-o?
With reference to the 60mins battle sequence, it worked with Seven Samurai although that was well spread out with impeccable timing. I can't see it working in a Transformers film.
This was epic, right up there with Mark losing it over SATC 2. Love your passion for cinema Mr. Kermode, you're a good egg!
i'm bingeing this till the end of time
Haha, brilliant review! Michael Bay should be given Life in prison with no parole for what he did (and still doing) to the Cinema!
This review is actually thrilling.
this review is 1000X better than the the movie
The most anticipated movie review of the year DELIVERS. This is a rant for the ages.
I needed to watch this again. Thanks Mark.
This is the best thing about Transformers 3.
Probably my favourite Kermode rant. Maybe even favourite Kermode moment.
I just wish I didn't love 'Armageddon' so much. I can watch it over and over.
I despise the Transformers movies but 'Bad Boys' and 'The Rock' were two of the great 90's Action Blockbusters in my opinion..and I don't recall either of them being particularly pervy.
The Rock is good because of Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery.
Congratulations, you've come up with the perfect description of Michael Bay. Keep up the good work.
Fabulous rant, mainly due to the fact that Mark is correct.
I love that rant!
He had openly expressed that he liked The Avengers, Spider-man, Men In Black, Prince of Persia, Harry Potter, Twilight Saga ('Tis I dissent) and other blockbusters (of Transformers' mold). He also changed his mind about some directors or some films.
I've watched this review countless of times. Love it.
He's a film critic and journalist. With a PhD and everything. So yes, he's well-read, well-researched and well-versed in talking about movies - his job. Also his rant is completely justifiable, and, incidentally, more thrilling and entertaining than any of Bay's Transformer movies.
Have you got that pen and paper ready for your apology, yet? ;)
"13 assassins" was a good film with a 60 minutes battle sequence, great review though
*great
Great Mark. I love it. You get paid to see these films and still demand you should get your money back. You're a national treasure.
That said, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to see the thing anyway, but the cost of making it was justified by your eloquent rant.
Wow what an awesome review/rant
This Is Precisely Why I Love Kermode.
The very definition of optimism - TH-cam are offering that I "Buy or Rent" this movie on the right hand side of the screen.
I've never heard this one before, Mark does make me chuckle.
@ShingoEX He was comparing Transformer's use of endless action scenes to the porn industry's use of the word, so the origin of the actual word doesn't quite matter. The fact that Transformers is a children's franchise kind of suggests that it's in some way a children's film, if not then children will go to see it anyway. Michael Bay has produced all of the live-action Transformers films to date, so it's fair to say he oversees the script.
Pure 21st Century Gold. LOVE your passion Mr. Kermode
EPIC rant....x1000 times better to watch than the film
'When are we going to hear the clip?'
'No, let's not do that...'
this is going down in history as one of best, most coherent rants of all time
"he's not making avatar" and "the ship has sunk" wow 2 james cameron references I'm impressed
Still never gets old 💝
"Would a text be alright?" ".........no"
Great rant Mark! Kermode is spot on.. because Michael Bay is one of the reasons for cinema going down the pan.
So I'm guessing Mark didn't like TRANSFORMERS 3?
Cluster "fruitcake" in a kids' film? What happened to "fiasco" or "disaster" as acceptable terms?
I was looking at this film's IMDb page a while back and on the section where they have a single user review, the review that was used gave TF3 ten stars and called it things like "The next Lord of the Rings!" and "Michael Bay's Masterpiece". And the basis for this user saying these things was "I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane." And that's literally it.
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
I actually liked this film for some reason
Did Mark ever get his letter?
One of Marks Best Rants Ever!!
God, I love when he rants!
"As far as the rest of the acting is concerned, there basically isn't any"
"No editor in their right mind would say that a battle sequence should go on for 60 minutes."
Well, someone hasn't heard of the film Gettysburg. Of course, in that film, the battle was kind of the point...
OK, that's legitimately awesome. Thank you Mark Kermode!
I work at a cinema now and all I do is push a button and wind back the curtains then turn the sound up (It's more than most corporate cinemas do!). I to don't like the fact it's become completely digital and something about film is fantastic. It feels very real where as digital not only takes jobs but it makes you feel brain dead when something goes wrong and you can't sort it yourself but have to phone up a special engineer..
This is by far the greatest rant by the Doctor.
@DrJohannFaust
Gaiking is going to be a japanese film made by the same people who made the space battle ship yammamoto film.
And yes I agree with you I absoloutly adore the Rebuild of Evangelion films I just wish they actualy got a theatrical relese over here (I understand wy they didnt though).
I heard this from a dubbing editor that worked on the Mexican dub of all Transformers movies, "Michael Bay makes the worst movies to work with"
He constantly changes edits, and thus, some of the material has to be redubbed. To avoid piracy, the video material is sent with everything blacked out except for the mouths, which is a nightmare for the dubbing.
I can say from what I've seen that Michael Bay really is an overtly succesful bad filmmaker.
@sulijoo I was locked in a mental paradox- so much action was going on and yet I was so bloody bored. Michael Bay also seems to share George Lucas' view that ordinary human beings in films are there to contribute screams to the background noise and flying limbs to the debris.
Mark Kermode tells it like it is, he's on my wavelength.
@Goosterooo Your comment reminds me of my thoughts on part 2. A couple who's dating while miles away from each other and doing the whole "tell me you love me, come on tell me, no you say it". WTF a desert? " You said you loved me, well you said it first". THE END.
I've been saying 3D is a flash in the pan for years...we've been here before, it will come and 'save' the industry but then they never work out what to do with it other than spectacle - ie. help tell a story, really include the medium - and then it goes away again for another 20 years.
@yammaster2007 i do agree that he compares blockbusters way too often with 2001 and other great classics. nevertheless, these movies he's criticizing are the highest grossing movies ever and reflect the awful direction this industry has been taken (especially fora kid's toys franchise in this case). i think what he's trying to convey is that a blockbuster can still be interesting, well directed/scripted/acted and intellectually stimulating; which is why he has such a hard on for inception
Takashi Miike did a good job of an hour-long battle scene in '13 Assassins'.
@insignia0 In regard to 13 Assassins, while yes, they're was indeed a long battle sequence, but, within all the chaos, the director continued to develop both the characters and the story within the parameters of this setting. As opposed to just seeing stuff, hitting stuff, which in turn, hits others stuff, for an entire hour.
Top 3 Kermode Rants
1. Entourage
2. Sex And The City 2
3. Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Have I missed anything?😂😂😂😂😂
Pirates 3
FRED: The Movie
And we can now add Avatar 2: The Way Of Water to this hallowed list. And perhaps also Moonfall.
one of the very best from Kermode
That's how you review Transformers. Well done Mark
I wonder if Mark is looking forward to Transformers 4.
The animated movie was a masterpiece. The modern films are a crime against humanity.
@noowhoo Actually as I recall Kermode seriously questioned whether Dark Knight should have been a 12A in his review of that film.
Haha! I love it how he always tries to contain himself, but then it's like a nuclear reactor going into meltdown, then finally it explodes.
Transformers 3 is a total clusterfruitcake! Hopefully one day a good director will come along and make a proper Transformers film.
best review ever, best listener responce ever too
Another lovely rant. I only saw the first "Transformers" movie. It was more than enough of the franchise for me....
@lordvore agreed to an extent, but I think his point is just that there is no amount of content that should go on for as long as this. i.e if Kubrick can cover so much and still make such a masterpiece then there is no excuse for Bay dragging this drivel on for over 2.5 hours. Not necessarily that the films themselves are comparable.
Um... No film should have a 60minute fight? Wait, how long was the final chase in the Road Warrior?
Demonisation? Self-appointed guardian of good cinema? Well, one sees what one wants to see.
To others, that video is an apt description of the suffering some had endured while watching Bay's Transformers. And he is not alone in thinking that Bay's Transformers (not just T3) films are "a sexualisation of a kids toy," if you cared to browse other reviews. Good thing Megan Fox left. I'd like to see her becoming a real actress than a mere "boy's toys" in Bay's hands.
“Phwoar! Eh!”
“Phwoar! Eh!”
“Phwoar! Now!”