This is how to understand Japanese culture perfectly : Eye contact
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 พ.ย. 2020
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■About Santi
- Founder, One Day Japan Inc.
- TH-camr: Japanese man Santi's Radio, Tokyo Class
- Trinity College Dublin MBA
- Business Consultant (Cross-cultural communication)
- Lecturer for Corporations and Universities
Santi has served as a business consultant and corporate lecturer for major companies. His area of expertise lies in cross-cultural communication between Japanese individuals and foreigners. His primary clients include Japanese expatriates preparing to live overseas and foreign workers employed at Japanese corporations.
#japaneseculture #japaneselanguage #japaneselanguageschool - บันเทิง
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2024 Latest Santi's Video →Santi's Seminar #2 : How to Understand Japanese men and women th-cam.com/video/n6Gkz7PqXiA/w-d-xo.html
Americans also say "huh" a lot when we don't understand something, if someone calls our name, or if we learn something new like, "Huh, I never thought of that before." Or even to agree "Uh huh" can be heard repeatedly in phone conversations. But from what I understand, that noise is wildly offensive to Japanese people. So many possible landmines lol.
so true👍
It’s hard not to look...when you’re so HANDSOME SANTI SAN! 😍😍😍
As someone from a western culture, trying to communicate with someone from a high context culture sounds stressful AF. I'd always be worried that I wasn't making my point clear, or coming on too strong.
My mother always tells me to look into other people's eyes so you look confident not like shy and you really like to be in the conversation... its really cool to know that if my mother is Japanese i won't be scold.
So overthinking as an American is thinking too much but overthinking as a Japanese is thinking just enough
そやな
When Santi-san makes more eye contact than me while talking about his background and I'm not even japanese lololol
Loooooool! This got me laughing so bad 🤣
Talking with Japanese people constantly makes me feel like I'm a psychologist
そう、それが日本文化だぜ
It’s quite shocking looking and acknowledging the actual change in your attitude while talking in English and Japanese. 😲 You look like two completely different people.
Great point Mary san. if you are truely bilingual, you do change your mindset and behavior. (yes im sayin I AM🤣)
@@japaneseman Yes, you do the Western eye contact correctly when looking at the camera (You could even look a little bit less and still be perfect).
so lucky to have heard this one, santi san.
been confused about my japanese co-teacher lately and I needed this piece of advice to build a smoother working relationship with her.
more to come.
Im glad to hear that DA san👍 good luck!
100% accurate. I am a hafu, Singaporean-Japanese, and I understand all that you said perfectly.
There are a few similarities in Singapore too. We don't maintain strong eye contact but we gauge the atmosphere. Not as high context as Japanese but a little similar.
Thank you for this video.
This is a awesome video!! Helps me understand
Thank you very much for this video! It left me thinking about empathy and the way it can be transmitted via culture you're raised in, it's a wonderful thing.
This is such great insight. I have seen this mildness in movies and even in anime but I never realised. Thank you, Santi-san!
i used to work in japanese company. Once , i talked to one japanese colleague for the first time. He kept looking down and avoiding looking at my eyes during conversation. So i wondered what i did wrong ...i convinced myself that he was just so shy... Now everything makes sense. Thanks! 😄... but i only met this kind of situation 1 time. Other japanese people whom i met and worked with before seemed to be comfortable when i made eye contact with them for very long time due to my talking habit... so i guess that depends on each person.
なるほど、よかったぜ😌 ま、状況によるだろうけども、比較的ビデオのような傾向があるってことで、計算式のようにきれいに分けられるわけではないからね🤔 とりあえずこの知識知ってるほうが自分の柔軟性はあがるよな
Woow. Santi san. This video was so interesting. I didn’t know there is so much meaning in eye contact in Japan. I have never heard this this before in any other TH-cam video. This etiquette lesson is so useful. Looking forward to see more. Thanks for your work Santi san.
Thank you Santi san for the advice and information. Keep up the good work !!
My pleasure!
Thank you for this video and great explanation. This topic is fascinating
This is really interesting, thanks for the great explanation!
Great, great content. Thanks a lot 🙏🏽
ありがとうね！
Konnichiwa Santi San.
I have watched a few of your videos, and I find it very informative.
At times I find it funny and I do enjoy it.
Now, I understand why my Japanese hairstylist, sometimes doesn’t look at me when he’s talking
I thought that he’s shy.. hehehe
Thank you for taking the time to explain to us about the Japanese culture.
Appreciate your hard work.
いいコメント！ありがとね、そして返事が遅れてごめんよ👍
Really useful thank you
Thank you for your videos! I really learn a lot!
My pleasure!
5:32 I love this guy hahaha, "that sigh, that was bad. What the fuck was that?"
On point. Intense explanation there!!! Found you hilarious though 😂😂😂😂
I wish I knew this when I spent some time working in Japan… TH-cam didn’t exist then though.
So when a Japanese takes long to answer or hesitates to give a straight answer, then it means NO.
そや！
いや、そうではないかも？他になにか言いたいことがあるかも、だな
I like this video, very informative. Oh genke desu! ? Yes? lol, I am taking Business Communications in college, your video was recommended by our instructor for the Communicating Across Cultures chapter💯
元気よ！元気かな？ そうなのね、大学時代は最高に楽しいよな、enjoy!
Thank you for the informative and funny video!!!! 😄😄
いえいえ😁
Great video!
ありがとうよ！
This video is yeah. Thank you!
よかったぜ
You are very amazing teacher for giving us knowledge about this.
Love from the Philippines❤💙
My pleasure!
I definitely think like this 24/7 I read body language eye contact etc. I felt Better watching this video so when I go to japan and I worry about messing up I can think to know others do care but just trying to read my body language etc and I would do the same! Your videos are really helpful!
いいコメ！あざっす！
This is great thank you
Glad you liked it!
That reminds a bit of Germans. They are very direct, not hesitating to tell you their opinion and only say yes or no if they really mean it but pay a lot of attention to how someone behaves as well. So you are usually not impolite by words but by your behaviour.
This is a good example for a low context culture but still paying a lot of attention to the behaviour - like making sounds, body posture, how you dress, how much attention you pay to the other person, if you come late or not, etc.
Give freedom to the eyes without cultural prejudices and we will understand and communicate more with them.
同意！
@@japaneseman Sometimes, while we look at the other person's eyes, we are not even "staring" or trying to scrutinize the other person, we may be thinking on what we or the other person say. It's a custome, so we know when to receive eye information and when to think while we look.
In our culture, if someone usually fails to make eye contact, they can be considered as insincere, trying to hide something because our eyes reveal much of our motivation, feelings and purposes. There is a saying that says, "The eyes are the mirror of the soul"
Thank you so much for the content ( i will be direct ) Roxani from Greece
In Brazil we do the clicking thing when we are pissed or angry too
同じだな😌
In my country eye contact means confidence it is very important in my country. N if u r in school n if u do an eye contact to your teacher that means u know the answer i am from india btw
Yes, you are right
ありがとう
Arigato gozaimas ❤️ You Japanese socially very sensitive people where contextual communication play pivotal role. In western we focus on content of words. Emotions play second role. So times we express our selves uncocilosly so permanent content clarification is essential in western cultures.
So interesting. I communicate direkt and i try to understand our japanese Piano teacher. But i often don't understand what she ist trying so say even she live a long time in Germany and her German ist good. But the way she communicates is not easy to get. Thank you for explain the differnces. I'll try harder
Now I understand why my Japanese friends NEVER look at my eyes while talking to me. After a few weeks in Japan, I've started developing the same habit...
話す言語に合わせるべきだと、俺は思うぜ
Eye contact won't be a big deal for me
But here in the Philippines, during Job Interview I had to have an eye contact with the person interviewing me
But I never talk to a Japanese person yet in person
I appreciated this video. Thank you.
いえいえ
sss..................sssshhhh........STRONG EFFECT!!
I think East and Southeast Asians are generally indirect too and can read small nuances to associate meanings. But here in the Philippines, college graduates are being trained to be direct to the point, insensitive, opinionated and vocally expressive because most of the times, we have a boss who has Western communication style. As to the eye contact, in the Philippines it is fine as long as you smile and no raising of eyebrows.
My co-worker is a Philippine lady and when she is pissed off at someone and is about to unload you can see her eyebrows raise really high and her mouth is a bit open, literally ready to incinerate you with whatever she says next lol
What's the raised eyebrows indicative of?
@@BitznPiecezit indicate a challenge to fight
Santi to tell you the truth I used to manage in some company, I have some people do that gesture, I take away their "hours" work I hate lazy ones.specially after telling them I have work to do and still act like don't wanna move.
Hey Santi! My first thought is that what you were saying was painfully obvious, but perhaps my perspective is awfully skewed. Since I have to deal with Japanese teachers daily. So now I’m curious about my mixed communication style.
Its true, we asians are like that we read into a lot of things and my American friend always thinks im overthinking when im not. Its also applied in text messages. For example one time i texted my friend if he want to go at a certain restaurant. Usually if its something we both like he texts me “I’m down” which means (yes!). But one time i text him “oh lets go ________ restaurant” he text me back saying “what is that?” I tell him “oh its ________ food”. And then he texted me back saying “oh, ok”. And then THERE i read “oh ok” and im thinking 🤔. “Hmmm maybe he doesn’t like it.” So i texted him “it sounds like ur not excited or you dont want to go” then he texted me “no its ok lets go.” Lol
なるほどね！
Eye contact.. everytime I walk at shibuya street going in and out of the train station.. I tend to look or stare at girls/woman eyes when I found that they have a pretty eyes.. and then I will just notice that they also staring at me.
"Sorry I'll not gonna do anything bad or malicious, I'm just admiring your pretty eyes" saying on my thoughts😅😅
I like the way you say"Apollon"😅
アポロン？
Where do you look when someone is speaking to you? Does this same percentage rule still apply?
I think I'm going to start using your videos to help my team understand acceptable behaviour with Japanese people. You explain it so well and give a lot of good perspective! You also make me reflect on certain interactions I've had with some people. I thought I was overthinking things or maybe they're just チャラい 😂 But maybe not
lastheaven, Im glad to hear that my videos help you and might support your team. If your team has question, let me know too :)) and youve met チャラいpeople? lol tell me more. I want to know. lol
@@japaneseman Will do! We write articles and do interviews with people about Japanese pop culture but sometimes I have to explain that their ideas or approach will make business contacts in the industry (Japan) look at us badly. So your videos are useful in helping understand some of those aspects!
Hahaha oh man. 😂 Okay, so, for Valentine’s earlier this year, I gave 友チョコ to a guy musician friend and he knows I have a bf. When I gave it to him, he said to me, “これはlike or love?” 🤦🏻♀️ That’s one example. I’m not sure about him because before that, when he first saw my bf and I hold hands when we were with our group of friends, he asked what our relationship was but we didn’t answer. Then he asked again at the end of the night when everyone else went home.
Also one time we were hanging out in Shibuya for drinks and a studio session, I saw a poster of Download Festival and was looking at the bands performing. I pointed out the ones I like, and he said he likes them too, then said to me I should come back to Japan the following month so we can go to the music festival together (this was just before corona happened).
I don’t trust bandmen and think they’re usually just チャラい for attention 😂
🤣🤣 thank you for sharing lol interesting😌
ok, now I want to talk about this musician people 😁 I will make a vid!
@@japaneseman hahaha you’re welcome! Maybe you can have the bit about 3Bはダメ 😂 バンドマン、バーテンダー、美容師
In formal circumstances like in bussiness or talking to a stranger is high context.what about in family settings among siblings for example ,still use iniderct or high context communication?
いい視点！家族間では親はガッツリみるわな、子供はぎゃくでガッツリアイコンタクトしてたらなにか反抗したいのかって捉えられかねない。ここは微妙なラインだな
I stare directly into the eyes of the person I speak to so they know that I'm being direct and serious about what I'm saying. If you speak to me I will also do it as a sign of respect to let that person know they have my full attention. Not staring straight to someone's eyes wile that person is talking where I'm from is considered rude it means you don't care or aren't paying attention to what's being said.
なるほど
Hmmm.. 🤔 reading the environment is great and I think this applies to many cultures and not just Japan. The only difference is Japan is taking it to the next level than most other cultures. 😂 I honestly think that there is so much unnecessary overthinking involved in the conversation that was used as an example. In my opinion, it’s a little bit inefficient because there is a lot of assumptions instead of focus on the actual message being conveyed. Drawing conclusions from assumptions can lead to avoidable miscommunication. However, I have to respect this culture and will do accordingly when I go to Japan or when I meet Japanese people. ☺️ Thanks for the info Santi! 🙏
Stephanie san, I totally agree with you. The culture, reading the atmosphere or environment goes too much sometimes. And I do think it creates so many conflicts among people and stressful days. I hope people relax and go easy sometimes.. :(
@@japaneseman Reading the atmosphere can either be good or bad. In the other example you said about service, it is good if a staff or employee reads the atmosphere in order to be proactive. ☺️ However, when it comes to the other example you gave about a conversation between 2 coworkers, it involved too much overthinking that may create unnecessary misunderstanding. 😅 I hope I will not have this kind of problem when I encounter Japanese people. I’ll do my best to retain a good eye contact ratio when talking to someone. ✌️
"read between the lines" kind of comminication for japanese.
いつもそうよ
Japanese men in Tokyo don't even follow their own rules but expect foreigners to be perfect angels
どゆことなん？
So will the listner be looking at the speaker while they are listening to them speak or are they also keeping low eye contact?
I also notice at the end of your video when you're speaking in Japanese that you're nodding your head a LOT. Is that a way to show you are a positive person and that you agree with what you're saying? Or want to show the listener that you're upbeat?
What does it mean when Japanese female makes eye contact?
so Santi, what eye contact percentage do you use when talking to people, and does that change from knowing someone well or some one you have just met....and the clicking your tongue , i have become suddenly aware that i do that....so i will work on that lol.....thanks for the info
Melody san,
About me, when I speak Japanese, I maybe have eye contact 30%~40%? but when I speak English, 70-80%. It definitely changes in my case.
and it doesnt matter whether I just met or long time friend for me.
About clicking tongue, definitely they mind, or think "What was that for?" so, if you talk with Japanese people, I say be careful. even though they speak English. (if their mindset is changed to western one or at least not japanese one, then it would be a problem. ex if i talk to you, i wouldnt mind.)
So only look in the eyes when emphasizing something and do some minor glances only. 85% look on other angles. So it is like person is shy when talking in a foreigner’s view. That’s why the Japanese I met wasn’t looking at me when we were talking. He kept looking somewhere. I thought he was being rude or not interested in talking. I kept looking at him when we were having lunch and talking. I didn’t know it was not good to look when talking in Japan.😅In my country and other countries they will think it’s rude and person is hiding something or disinterested if not looking when talking. Another helpful video. Thanks Santi san.
As a foreigner, how should we say good bye to a Japanese person after hanging out? I remember the Japanese man I met turned red when I shook his hand as we parted ways after having lunch. I told him before that it was nice meeting him and shook his hands. May we know how to properly say bye? For example after a date.
lol great topic. I wana make a vid 👍😉
😊 thank you!
Other sources have said shaking hands, as well as hugging even a close friend, is rare. I'm not surprised that he blushed
@@meribor a handshake?!!! 😯
@@BitznPiecez That's what I've heard. I think most people just bow in Japanese culture, but I'd guess that handshaking is more common in industries that interact with western companies
Indians also give preference to eye contact
You would fit perfect in Chicago.
By the way you are explaining most of time related to body language in overall, not sticking to specifically the "Eye Contact".
This is so interesting. I am from a Western culture, and I've always felt like I have to communicate this way. Because Western culture values extroversion, confidence, assertiveness. Even though I like to read books and don't like to speak to random strangers who I have no interest in, when I am in a necessary conversation I find that I need to be direct. A huge difference is though, my family never accepted this style of communication, because children are supposed to be subordinate to their elders. Younger siblings, subrodinate to older siblings, etc. Vietnamese culture is much more hierarchical. We bow to show respect, and we always greet the older family members, and it is much more Confucian and much less individualistic than Western culture. Expressing disagreement assertively would be considered rude to elders in Vietnam, and we always call elders by their honorific pronoun, such as sir, or mrs. I feel like Vietnamese culture that I grew up with is much closer to Japanese than Australian. With the subtlety, subordination, politeness, rudeness, family harmony, filial piety.
Even if my Dad is slightly more westernised that other Vietnamese diaspora, the people around him may be more conservative in their social interactions and that collective identity is reinforced. So even with liberal parents, their friends my be more social. (Not politically, just in regards to culture and social interaction.)
I feel much more adapted to Western Culture though. I just say it as it is, much more direct. I really want to learn how to adapt to Japanese culture for a short period, I am really curious what its like to be in a harmonious society, being polite, and bowing, and showing subtle facial expressions, not doing the eye contact thing. I kind of like that agreeableness, introversion and harmoniousness.
興味深いね🤔
How about when you are listening to someone speak? Where should you look?
eye 60%, not eye 40%😁
Thanks for the explanation, i learned a lot today. But i have to say i really dont like that style of communicating. You need to know the ins and outs and small little details how to correctly "gesture" things which only leads to miscommunications.
Im off the opinion that one should be as direct as possible, i say what i think and you can take me by my word, there is simply no way off misunderstanding.
Not having to guess what the other person might gesture or think exactly. But thats only my opinion.
Have a nice day
I feel like you are attributing and confusing a lot of things to high context language but in fact they are part of every language in the world xD For example that sigh example in the workplace, any culture would catch that up. It's called body language, it's a part of every culture.
Is it normal for japanese men to give you their social media account? Pls answer
場合によるけども、最近は嫌がるよな、特別な理由がない限り
12:30 I laughted at that because in other countries if you are looking at someone's breast instead of eyes, many people find that wildly offensive too xD
i thought that happens in every part of the world? i figured it might be auto reflex in men, mostly with no special meaning. i found the experience men are better at hiding it. Men are more visual than women.
I hope you all understand that I was joking in a vid lol
@@japaneseman I know lol
@@TrojanPiece same:)
I would feel rewlly comfortable,talking amd not making eye contact.One of the western things I find difficult,although I grew up here.
I experienced the oppositr when I was in Japan.People kept making eye contact,to the point I kind of felt uncomfortable.Can you explain,please?
なるほど、会話中？
I realized as an American, eye contact is so important but I am really bad at it. I usually don't give too much eye contact unless someone is talking about something serious. It makes me uncomfortable to look too long so usually, when I'm talking I look all around me. I used to try and work on eye contact more and being more aware of when to do it but I think this issue may be helpful for me when I go to Japan. :)
だな！
Santi-san…. What if I caught my Japanese senpai staring at me during a meeting? 😅
Our boss kept calling his name but he wasn’t responding so when I looked at him, I saw him staring at me and so I gestured “Senpai, it’s your turn..” and he got flustered!! is that a good sign? 😂
Definitely👍😌
IT's hard to get along with the japanese beacause of that behavior . But there's nothing we can do for that , that is what they are. IT's like youre using your ESP, you should know how to read their movement , their facial expression, So you have to be sensitive.
hahaha "look somewhere else, maybe here, your nose or your mouth or your breast"
I admit I'm guilty of this last part without the intention of really doing it.
I don't like when people look directly In my eyes too... I always look at their neck or forehead instead...
I wouldn’t survive a day in Japan. I’m too simple and straightforward. Doesn’t help that I mostly just hit weights and play basketball so I’m basically a complete meathead
なるほどね
In japan all your social fears are true
fearか、そう捉えるのね🤔
What about when japanese look into each others eyes and say "aishiteru"? Can they do it? Opposite sex of course.
They do! in bed!
@@japaneseman i was thinking of the aishteru game mostly kids play
@@japaneseman you are very intelligent and confident!
Would work for same sex just as well
In islam God forbid us to tell our parents "ouffff" please find reference :
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا
Politeness and Pigs behaviour on humans (decency) savages or gangster behaviour won't care about this, its not really uncommon specially on mammals if a dog or a cat stare at each other it means there is going to be trouble, don't forget that humans are mammals too, so always read body language and facial gesture, action speaks louder than words, applies to all humans and mammals 😃😂🤣 I hope cats and dog can read, the moral of the story is don't stare unless you meant it, remember your parents staring at you for being a bad kid, it has meaning without a word, even nursery schooler understand this. 😎👌.
That is a fair statement to say don't stare at Japanese people. But what about Japanese people stare at others? Is that OK. I have seen that happens countless number of times. They stare at gaijin san like they have just escape from the zoo
ん？てことはあなたとその日本人が見つめ合ってるってこと？会話中？どこで？それは非常に珍しいとおもうぜ
I like some things from Asian culture, especially the conservative values that we are losing in the West. But regarding eye contact (I've seen videos from S. Korea on this topic) I do not like to not hold eye contact whenever I want to do it. I agree that gestures, the tone of voice, the form of breathing, etc. are great ways of communication, but I also believe that we perceive and communicate a lot through the eyes. So for me, eye contact should be free in any situation and with any person never minding their age, social status, etc.
Eye contact can mean a strong feeling (negative or positive) depending on the way we look at the other persons' eyes, but NOT merely for looking directly at the eyes.
If I will talk with an Asian person I will have to let them know that I practice much eye contact because I communicate and understand much with the eyes, that I would feel uncomfortable not to do that, and that that does not mean any disrespect at all, but it means attention, respect, possibly even appreciation of that other person. So, they can feel free to do likewise with me too.
なるほど！
Yes, It's hard to adjust to the bizarre attitude or behavior of the japanese espcially men . They don't express or show who really she or he is .
大変ですね
せやな
the way you seat in your chair while talking to your audience is some how disrespectful and may be understood as arrogance in some cultures, i really like your topics but if u care add more audience make a sense of respect in your body language, thank u
in which culture? tell us
@@japaneseman Arabs respect japan much and i send you my regards , best wishes