I’ll never forget standing on my back deck thinking, “This relationship is too good to be true”! Sure enough, she was a covert narc. Everything was textbook to what you mentioned in this video.
The damage they do in the end is awful. I am in the middle of divorcing a sociopathic covert Narcissist. It has been the worst year of my entire life. The lengths they go to, to destroy you is beyond most people's imagining.
@@sylviaking8866 Totally relate to you. It will take work to heal from this. It’s been two and a Half months and sometimes still pops into my head and feels awful. Realizing how vulnerable we can be to such monsters. She first try to put my friend against me and make her one of the flying monkeys (She was the one introducing us) now, she is attacking my friend with all the psychological weapons she has. They are not human.
@@joeybreezedad I agree. People who have not experience it firsthand think we are making it all up. I am very lucky to have a twin sister and she literally saved my life from this mad man. Yes, they try and turn everyone against you and those who won't then become targets as well. I was lucky all my close friends saw him for what he was. The only ones who don't know what he is are his own immediate family. Anyway, best of luck for your future. I hope you find happiness, love and fulfillment with a nice lady who does not take you for granted. Thanks for your comment. I also eat low carb. lol
Many many many men fall victims to these very dangerous predators .... Sadly some men in the end take their own lives bec they loose everything that is precious to them especially their kids and home and everything they worked so hard for. Men are particularly exposed to been abused covertly bec they are always considered the problem when in fact many men esp "good men" try to fight back and try to address the imbalances.
33yr marriage. Discarded me like she had just met me and moved in with the new supply the next day. 3yrs out now & I finally know what she was because of videos like this.
Your better off now, I know you went thru alot of hurt. I felt the same way when I discovered videos like this, when she says "you can't put your finger on it" that really struck a cord with me.
I’ve read a lot of stuff and watched a lot of stuff on this exact subject over the last 18 months but yours is the perfect short summary of what happened to me.
I said to my ex narcissistic girlfriend one night that i just wanted me time to chill and watch a movie and just have some alone time... NOPE she constantly hit up my phone and in the end drove over and texted "I'm outside babe" with an emoji smiley face like she surprised me and i should be glad and grateful.... They're crazy absolutely crazy.
My ex bestfriend was like this. Word for word. Was the bestest friend, I literally would've gotten her tattooed on me that's how much I loved her. And she would smirk whenever I was sad or being humiliated by someone. She tried to destroy my life. Smearing my name, flying monkeys. Crazy
The thing I hate the most about narcs (other than the pain and incredible stress) is how their deep deceptive behaviors demand a certain amount of deception in return, in order to protect oneself.
You need to show them how happy and fulfilled you are on your own. It is worth faking this if sometimes you don’t actually feel it! It is the best “revenge.” They cannot feel good and generate their own real happiness. 😇
Spot on! I won't go into details but I spent 10 years with a classic covert female narcissist, it's been 7 years no contact and at this point I look back on the experience with gratitude because she was the catalyst to helping me realize the impact of my dysfunctional upbringing and doing the self-work to come to grips with it and be a strong real man. If anyone needs to know we empaths can overcome our shortcomings via self-love, here's a story for you. Last year I met a woman, a widow, a grandma actively involved with a local church. She seemed like a good candidate but after four months her triangulation with a supposedly abusive ex gave me all the reasons I needed to bail. It's been three months since I walked and blocked and I will never look back, she is once again just another person out there in the world doing her thing with nothing to do with me. "We're strangers, let's enjoy that," as Tom Waits once said. My point is I developed the self-love, self-worth and boundaries to unceremoniously dump her 4 months into the interaction. Her triangulation, along with other red flags, were laughably transparent. No doubt her false persona as the "churchly widow grandma" is nothing less than a facade, a veneer, a wall protecting herself from her own sense of unworthiness (she, like all narcissists, came from a broken, chaotic and dysfunctional upbringing). I want a good love and partner in my life -- mind you I don't *need* it, I want it -- and in order to find it I need to give people reasonable chances. Sometimes they'll drop their masks after a few weeks but mostly it takes 3-4 months. For me remaining curious in those first few months of dating is key to being objective and noticing red flag behaviors and acting on them. I spent 10 years in a narcissistic cycle of abuse; 4 or 5 months feeling out a potential new relationship is nothing. Stay strong ya'll and remember your value.
Your first paragraph hit me so hard. I used those exact words to myself, the catalyst to examine my upbringing and become a stronger man. I hope you are doing a lot better now.
This is one of the best videos I've seen on the covert narcissist female. They really are very dangerous people and master manipulators. Its deeply shocking to watch these people after years pretending to be someone else and then become someone horrible and completely different in what seems like an instant. There really does need to be much more done around the male as victim/survivor of narcissistic abuse by a woman...there is such a huge gap not just on TH-cam but in books and other writing as well. I like the accuracy and clarity of your communication style and you directness about the issues. I hope you step into filling the gap. Thank you very much!
One thing i noticed about my covert narcissist ex-girlfriend, and the whole ending of things. I usually can walk away from a unhealthy relationship. But with this situation, it was like she had me under Anesthesia Like i just awakened and im looking around wondering what the hell just happened. its been a year of no contact, and i want to keep it that way. Im amazed how spot on you are about every aspect of who she is.
I lived thru one of these. 12 years, 13 days this woman is 100% correct in her description. I beat her at her games. I got custody of kids. 11 years later an 2 more husbands for her, I still get crazy voicemails and after 10 years of a no contact order, she e-stalked the teenage daughter to tear me down and scapegoat the other child. If you are hear watching this, you already know… plan and get away fast.
Lol I’m completely over dating, I’m content with being single for life because honestly I’m not trying to spend time vetting a woman anymore especially in todays era, even the ones that aren’t narcissistic are ACTING like narcissists and I’m just tired of potentially putting myself in dangerous situations it doesn’t make any sense to me. 😂
Oh, I DEFINITELY experienced the 'narcissistic smirk'! I was dating a woman last year and I said something she didn't like ONCE. She then ghosted me. When I complained that she was never around and that it feels like we're not together anymore, she smirked at my pain and gas-lighted me! She said I was making everything up in my own head. I'd experienced that exact kind of gas-lighting before. I didn't want to believe I had found another narc. But, she did it again and again - always with the smirk when I would show her I was hurt. Finally, after a month and a half of it, I walked away permanently.
@@alal792 Understatement of the year! Find a Narc in your life? Leave. If you can't leave, then deal with them as little as possible. And, like as it was said with Hannibal Lecter in 'Silence Of The Lambs', share NOTHING personal with them. You don't want them inside your head - or your life.
Smirk? Yep! B4 I saw any of this, I called it the "side eye". She'd make a comment purposely meant to get a reaction and out the corner of my eye I'd see her peer back towards me to see what kind of response she'd elicited. Foul heifer is putting it nicely!
Damn it, this is so on point. Luckily it was just under a year of horror. no kids involved, didnt shared a home and i discarded her. I was laying next to her and told myself " why the f. is she hating me this much" and went to the kitchen to smoke a cigarette. Took out my phone and boom, there it was, an add about female narcissim ( at this point i knew nothing about narcissim) poped up and i clicked on it. The rest is history. I think youtube and people like you saved my life. Im so thankful!
You just described what I went through with 100% accuracy. It’s mind blowing. I was cheated on, lied to repeatedly about EVERYTHING - even minor nonsensical things - then ghosted and discarded once new supply was secured. She love bombed my two boys and myself to give weight to our relationship in the beginning when I had serious doubts. She faked a friendship with my ex wife whom I am best friends with to further embed herself into my life (and I later realized to see if my ex’s employer would hire her as she was in between jobs). All of this while grooming some unsuspecting random guy on the side who she would later cheat on me with and overlap into a new relationship. I have never and will never experience anything like this again IN MY LIFE.
I'm only 11 minutes in and everything you're saying is what I experienced. I'm too scared to listen to the rest..lol.. but onwards we must.. thank you for this extensive and clarifying confirmation of so Many of our experience.. I hope karma doesn't miss her and she is shown to be who she truly is... yuk!
7:57 "Once you see that mask drop"... This is so true. It was after 27 years of marriage she began dropping her mask. Our kids were grown and gone at that time and I was telling them; "Your mom's not acting like herself." Even though most of our marrge I had felt like I was chasing her around trying to figure her out and trying to get to know who she really was inside.; It wasn't until after I got discarded did I begin to think I knew much more of who she really was.
This. Same here. When our second and last child moved out I thought we would find a new dynamic; get closer to one another. It was just the opposite! Which led to my discoveries via channels like this. This channel is really beginning to make the light come in to my darkened mind. Thanks Kat ❤🔥 & all helpful commenters 🌠
Mine caught me fresh out of a divorce from a sociopath wife ....straight into the arms of a narc ......talk about bad luck . Two cluster B 's back to back .......never again but there good at what they do very covert
Where was this info when I got married to this " sweet" women in 1981 ? A female narcissist with the backing of family court is so powerful the man is left homeless, broke, unable to see children, no retirement and must pay alimony, lawyer bills and child support. Educate young people..... if they will listen.
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
@@alexagaba284 Same. I've caught the duper delight multiple times with my Covert narcassist mom, and a former Malignant narcassist male coworker who harassed me at my job . They highly calculated demonic preditors. Pure evil filled with the Jezebel spirit.
I made the mistake of letting her know I saw her duping delight every time she was lying. She didn't stop lying, but the smirk became very hard to see. 15 years and I am finally discarding her.
Yes, good video. The goalposts will always move. You cannot fill the emptiness. It is hard to walk away, but it is the only thing you can do. Sweet, childlike and robotic are also spot on descriptions. Everyone else thinks she is sooo nice.
It's the sweet child like that got me hooked. And she was hot AF. Tiny little single mom with an apparent low body count and little money but surviving. God fearing cutie with no tattoos and no social media. Absolutely stunning and absolutely crushed me for 6 years. But damn it if I didn't get out and won the game without getting married and without buying her fake breasts 😂
With a lot of the channels, they refer to people like Sam Vaknin, etc. who believe that nearly all narcissists are men. They get their info from old data and so the other channels follow the leader. That leaves us men - who have suffered greatly from female narcissists - left behind and not believed when we tell about our experiences. Plus, most of the people in the comment sections are female. So, they play to their audience.
I'm a female I've dealt with both male and female narcs equally. There's only a few difference, but for the most part they both operate the same. I was briefly stalked and hoovered by a female narc, crazy chick. Honestly narcissism is genderless, alot of them will swing both ways just to get supply. One female narc I dealt with does, claims she bisexual. I think she's so needy for attention that she will sleep with man or woman to get fuel. She tried the doo doo test on me, that's when her mask slipped, with the narc smirk. I discarded her immediately after, and she started following me around everywhere. Lol she was a pathetic piece of shit smh.
Vaknin does not think they are all men. He talks extensively about how females narcissism is on the rise. On a psychodynamic level men have traditionally been narcissists as women usually become Borderline. (Borderline personality disorder).
It is even. The system however favors the female as privileged by court systems and child custody. A culvert no matter what sex is capable of doing anyting including murder if the opportunity presents.
Coach Kat. I really wanted to thank you for this video especially!! This video really hit home and made me reflect on the relationship, damn I was blind!!. It was the first relationship I have ever been in with a narcissist. I was devastated and been devastated from her discarding me with no closure whatsoever!! I was nothing but good to this woman and fell in love with her a lot faster than I ever have with any of my exes. "Too good to be true". There I was thinking this is the one!! SMH. Thank you , thank you thank you for this video. this will help me with healing from the breakup and give me more awareness for the next relationship I get into. Fellow men out there, I know exactly what you are feeling, stay strong!!
WOW I am so relieved to the point of tears that my relationship with her for 34 years has fallen apart is not all my fault. you have described her in every way I have been treated for the last 34 years. I just gave up on trying to please her started treating her how I was being treated. so the bad mouthing to my family and children has begun they wont talk to me. She has started divorce proceedings oops I mean discard proceedings. I was told to just be silent. very hard to do when everything you love dearly is taken from your life in an instant. Saw it coming but did not believe it.
You know exactly what I went through. She was 51 when I met her. My ex narc was Stephany (with a Y) and a naturopathic Doctor. Major love bombing, ridicule, intermittent hovering, discarding and hovering. Always had to be at center of attention. Last to leave any event she arranged. Always had to work the room. Everyone would say “she’s amazing.” Called her out on cheating. Would meet with her old bfriends. She always lied, but I had the proof. She kept pursuing her former female lover too. Everyone loved her as she was covert. I thought I was the f up. You covered it all. Now Its 5 years out and I still don’t trust I’m sorry to say.
thank her and FORGIVE HER (obviously silently of coarse ), this immediately flips the script...also she will come back, so learn how to use neuro linguistic programming so that you can program her in the similar way to how she did you...however you are doing it for your own safety, she was doing it for your harm (energy suck)...until you get GOOD with NLP, just use silence, it's the next best thing...avoid saying YES or NO to anything they suggest in the hoover...they FEED off that stuff, be aware, and best of luck in all these things to you!
It's still amazing that all the boys and girl narcs play the same game. I refused to see what everybody else saw. The exterior exhibited haughtiness but charm. Behind a closed doors or car rides simping up for her, a narcopathic, manipulation driven lack demanding to be validated by making you emotionally distressed. Then there was the colleagues saying run now, cause you will soon. There was no boundary narcowitch wouldn't cross. Times up ! A devaluation dopamine fix is needed...bad. The interior was a stone cold sociopath with every interaction a reaction seeking extortion of your soul. No one can ever tell me you cant be controlled, at least for a while, by a master manipulator with years of experience. Once you wake up, your embarrassed, angry, yet soooooo glad your out. Only no contact provides that clarity. One hoover attempt. Classic saying she changed. It was time for round three punishment. Yea...never gonna happen. A demon that must consume souls or die from decompensation. One question to any new supply she may have ? Does this country club designer everything pedestal princess.....still eat like pig ?
Amazing how all stories are the same. Car rides and behind closed doors says it all. Oh the car rides, she criticized my driving constantly, and I’d have her put an address in my phone for directions for wherever we were going, then criticize the app for having wrong directions. She says I know a better way, take this turn, then we wind up an hour out of the way. Then I get yelled at for not knowing my way around a city I’ve never been to. Ugh
@@briankwiatkowski1733 Brian it is the legacy of misery they sow. The driving in a unfamiliar area thinking you have a co-pilot but only is more anxiety. Through the roof worse with them in the car. Its like they want the dopamine rush of an accident...in your car ofcourse. The flashback to this only reinforces an already solid to never endeavor into one of these she devils again. The worse time you could meet up with this, looking for some solid ground, is in a emotional state of vulnerability. Been a couple years. Enough information consumed. Everybody rescues themselves in zero, nada, zip, no contact. All the best in no contact life...oh so good.
@@bradmcewen You got that right. Sometimes I think she wanted an accident. She'd criticize me to step on the gas and get around all the slow cars. Where's the fire? I'm driving a new Ram 1500, I'm going to drive safely for our safety and everyone else, and keep the truck intact. When I was in her Jeep, all hell broke loose. It was like the Indy 500. The best was during love-bombing phase, which lasted 7 months. I built her a new lawn during this time (2 acres). Brought in my skid steer, 6 tri-axles of top soil, graded it all off perfectly, planted grass, and lawn came in beautifully. She criticized me for cutting it too short, she wanted 5" grass. I kept telling her 5" looks unkept, the township will eventually take notice of unmanicured grass. Didn't matter to her. During devalue, I wasn't allowed to cut the grass. At discard, she was sleeping with her ex for 6 months prior during silent treatments. I eventually left her. 12 hours later the ex, the new supply, was moved in and cutting her grass ... short lol. You can't make this crap up.
@@briankwiatkowski1733 lol no you can't make this up. I mean everything you said I have seen too.. holy shit...I have learned not to volunteer to do things just because I know how. My bad. Thats why I think a narc is a complete education into giving without reciprocity. Hell sounds like we both would have settled for a normal drive while doing something for them. And that is also pitiful. Know your worth, not what someone else assigns you.
I was with a covert narc and sometimes when i am reading these things...i think omg maybe I am the CN?!...but this video cleared a lot of things up. I feel so much better. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for talking about the schizophrenic, paranoia as they change clothes, behaviors, likes to mirror new supply and the creepy smirk when they contact them. So weird! And their Machiavellian plotting with which they manage to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes is so disturbingly sick.
Mine lasted a year, a real whirlwind. Jumped in thinking it was the most amazing experience. Engaged after 7 months, then only another 5 months to devalue and discard. A terrible experience and so confusing. the moods, the entitlement, the dismissiveness, depression and on and on. Trying to help this woman thinking you’re doing the right thing whilst all the time they’re lying, cheating and just using. Heart breaking shit, a month out trying to get my life back together and she’s already in a happy relationship.....I honestly feel confused and totally and completely lost with a lot of anxiety and depression, the difference in myself over a year is shocking. I wish I’d of known about covert narcissism before this. Just trying to put things back together but I’ve got a feeling it’ll take a while.....
Take time out heal and get counseling you need to figure why you fell for this person and deal with those issues so that your next relationship is a healthy one
Narcs can triangulate with anyone or anything. Even animals. I grew up with 2 narc parents. 1 of the things they agreed on was not letting us have a dog or cat for a pet. But once half my siblings already moved out/left, for whatever reason, my narc mom aloud my younger sister (golden child) to have a cat. I was about 16 y/o already and younger sister was about 14. And my narc dad who never allowed pets ALL OF A SUDDEN took a great liking to the cat. Literally told us never to feed the cat or clean out the litter box because he was gunna always do it. So we listened and let him do it. Than ANY time he wanted to bitch about something, he would always bring up that we NEVER do ANYTHING for the cat. And that he always has to do it because we don’t care about the cat. And we told him “you told us not to?!” And he would just storm off and walk away.
I've been watching most of the NARC videos and ur the first to identify and analyze the female covert narcissistic. It seems most NARC videos tend to shy away from talking about the female covert NARC. I'm glad you talk about the female NARC. 👍👍👍
Your explanation was emotionelle and I hit me very correct ,im strong today ,but I the night suddenly she was in my Dreams after watching your video ,it was a littel tough but now I shower and wash all the pain away 🙂🤗
Coach KAT, I was in a 15.5 year dating relationship with my now EX Toxic Narcissist Girlfriend that is mouth full since I did not ever play attention to what Female Narcissistic person was like. Until I finally woke up out the Nightmare Coma that I was living in. I walked Away from her and Dumped her before she did it to me Cold Heartily because they are brutal with no remorse or feelings what so ever. I'm pretty sure she was getting ready to Monkey Branch on me. If she didn't already have someone in the Wings. I was her A 1 Supply that much I know. The new Supply will never do what I was doing for her. 4 Months NC I'm not on Social Media I Ghosted myself. She was treating me like Shit for the past 2.5 years. I thought it was all my fault not doing enough but that's wrong I gave my all while gave little breadcrumbs. with a Smirk on her face. I just wanted to let you know that I just found your Videos, the Knowledge and the Educational value is truly amazing. I can't believe how spot on they are. thank you very much for bring them to the Table. You described the DEVILS DAUGHTER TO A T. my EX. I didn't have a name for Selfishness, her Jealously the Insecurities, Anxicity Issues. the daily MOOD SWINGS never happy. Thank GOD I was able to escape her. I'm still picking myself up off the floor this girl just fed you lies and what other Bull Shit she thought you needed to hear to keep you quite . No empathy for anyone this girl was cold on the inside. Hates her life along with her Job. her failed Marriage. a 29 year old Live in Son who has Autism Asperger's She had Breast Cancer. And I would have stayed with her But I couldn't wait any longer for her to become a loving person. Sorry she became the DEVILS DAUGHTER. She said to me your gonna Miss Me. She is a Narcissist.
They hate what we are. They have a harem closet of Men. They seem to all be the same. Like they went to the same University of Narcology. Learning the lesson is hard, but you never have to repeat it. Now you can spot it when the next pretty privileged comes you can deal with the Narc quick
She's quite right! 👏 Cov narc women make things only about themselves, act like a victim, give silent treatments and all this in a very stealthy way. As in we might look back and feel "she never abused me or threatened me directly "!
It’s sadistic! My ex would FaceTime me just to see the pain she caused in my face. Then say her phone was going dead and hang up so that I would respond thru text and she would screenshot my reaction to make me look like I was verbally abusive. It’s difficult because she’s pregnant with my son but moved 2 hours away. Won’t let me attend doctors appointments. And she told me she’s sleeping with someone else while pregnant with my son and he was going to sign the birth certificate as the father. Then hung up so yeah. What did she think I was gonna do . Give her my best wishes. I mean that’s just a example of the 50 things she’s done in the last 2 1/2 months. I don’t know what to do?
Good video I was with my covert narc girlfriend for 6 and half years. We split 8 months ago on parting her face contorted and the mask fell and I saw the spirit of jezabel evil it was full of hate I could feel it. The first 3 years there were arguments that started over nothing . When I moved in with her the gas lighting really started. She had a drink problem but that went up a gear has well along with the gas lighting. Boy that was really something else. Her grand children broke my nose they kicked me will playing with them. Blood every were. The narc just said it was my fault. If I took a photo she would sooner argue than have a photo. She would often say we will head out somewhere nice tomorrow . The next day she would change her mind. She worked in a fuel garage so there was plenty of supply coming through. Everybody she went with even exes. Nobody new one another they were all well vetted from different areas this his all done on purpose so nobody finds out and starts talking about her. She had a 26 year old daughter living with her and in the last 6 months they would gang up on me to make me made they wanted me out. Talk about they have no feelings or morals . I had a heart attack just after my mother’s funeral . While I was in hospital she would leave early and shag her new supply and she walked shortley afterwards . I told her I loved her but she walked like I didn’t exist. She text 2 weeks after leaving and she said. I would have looked after you. I replied you’ve been abusing me. She replied there are many forms of abuse. I text back you’ve been sleeping with other men she replied there’s no one in me rite now. She then text me and said I’m special . I replied ok jezabel. I wanted to committe suicide . The Holy Spirit spoke and said what does darkness and lite have in common. And I’ve set you free from the snare of the fouler . Satan s devices” he then said you must fight this spirit jezabel” it will kill you . Suicide”.good luck in your battle to recover . It’s the worst thing that will ever happen to you. I loved my narc I didn’t realise she wanted to destroy me . Godbless you mick
Thanks for posting this, it's spot on point! You touched on every trait of the CN I've been involved with for the last year. The mirroring is how it started. Initially I just enjoyed hanging out with her because I thought we had so much in common and I wanted us to be friends first. Little did I know I was being groomed. Then one day she had a psychosis when she experienced hearing voices. Would often accuse me and others of insulting her. Then I did some research and found out she suffered from schizophrenia, as a result of childhood trama. After that episode she vanished for about a week, then reappeared. I offered her help and support for her condition by offering her rides since she had no transportation But she always denied it ever even happened and declined to talk about it. Then during the pandemic lockdown, she needed a place to stay and asked if could move in. I was missing her so bad, I moved her in. The first week it was amazing and eventually we started getting very intimate which also led to having amazing sex. Then she would have more episodes of paranoia and accuse me of Doing things with her email account on her phone. This along with the verbal abuse was something I couldn't tolerate,so I ended up asking her to find somewhere else to stay, because she was being disrespectful. This went on for weeks at a time, break up to make up about 3 different times, me always letting her back in. Very needy. She always was on constant contact with all her ex's, which I didn't mean much to me at the time. I just took it as maybe she's just letting them know she's okay with her mental illness and all. Then she told me that every time she left she had sex with multiple partners, two or three of them where the very ex's she maintained contact with. I finally had enough, I went no contact with her two days ago after she tried to Hoover me in. I have been in NPD relationships before, but unlike this one because of the other dynamics I missed a lot of the signals. After blocking her, she left me a voicemail saying we need to talk. When I ignored her, she included me two group texts to try to Hoover me again. They know every trick in the Hoover manual, and you're right could care a less about boundaries. Ungrateful, I've even heard it from others who know her.
I know the smirk. It happened to me over 20 years ago and i can picture it perfectly. She knew i was devastated and she liked it. Now her health is going to shit or she’s faking for attention and financing. Yet i still am here questioning her being a narcissist.
Couch KAT, I love this VIDEO you really kicked the doors in with this Knowledge and Understanding Its like you knew who I have have dealing with for a very long time. hopefully I can sleep better tonight knowing that the Narcissistic traits that I have experienced since leaving her it wasn't all in my Head. These people really need to go back down that pit of Hell where they came from. Thank You KAT .
It’s important to remember that there’s a scale of value to the supply that is provided by people so as you comply with everything they want your supplies value goes down. This is why you can’t win. You will devalue no matter what because you become common and routine. You are setup for failure.
I wish that someone close to me would understand that I can be right for once. Maybe my family is narcissistic. They have their achievements on social media. If I explain that they need to understand that they have potential to hurt. Can someone buy stuff for someone be narcissistic? It could be making me feel guilty
We cannot possibly know everything about life that you never have experienced before. The thing is, this experience exponentially raises your attention to not automatically assume normal human decent interaction. So in calm awareness we see between the lines.
You're not an idiot. I spent my entire career and my entire personal life reading people very well. A good female covert narcissist has extraordinarily elegant manipulation techniques. Dastardly good. If you got out, you won the game.
Good stuff. Definitely a need to differentiate between covert and overt narcissists. As you are learning into this subject it can be quite confusing the common traits both have versus the very distinct differences.
mine went as far as a long distance thing without even discussing it with me. moving a thousand miles away cuz it was a temporary 6 month work assignment.😉 18 months later. it'll make it easier just to ditch out on this whole fake thing.sneaky conniving behavior from someone in their early forties is pretty pathetic!👎
My ex-wife is a narcissist I just wish i had known then what i know now. One thing for certain she is the most deceptive and cold hearted, evil minded individual i have ever met. Always playing the victim,she chase away my friends, family, this woman destroyed my life i had to leave i am in the process of healing and rebuilding i still hurt but i know i must forgive and let it go and move forward
When u figure it out its like u have to go on a huge detective type rabbit holes etc, but evil n wasn't even a lover but she mirrored my like literal life story it was so bizarre Theyre definitely that super special individual !!! Omgsh u get it
14:35 “bone chilling”. So on the money there. After 20 years together and I was just told that I would lose the house. The unnatural look of sick glee on her face. I will never forget it. They are pure evil.
I am an empath Man and former co dependent who was in a relationship with a female covert narcissist. i got out, I am healing, but I wouldn't consider myself a victim. I am however suffering from cptsd. it is slowly getting better, emphisis on the slowly. I try to talk to people about it sometimes and no one is ever very supportive so I stopped talking about it. Just wanted to say thank you for acknowedging that some men are experiencing trama as a result of dealing with these covert female narcissist. And great video this one and the last had alot of very well put together information that is helping me on my journy of healing.
Wow excellent video that really described my ex-fiance in certain ways that I haven't heard before and I have spent a fair bit of time learning about these things over the last couple of years. I finally did the discard about 3 months ago but she let me walk. Her techniques were so subtle. Her devaluation pace was so slow you couldn't even tell it was happening. I'm curious to know how you're so familiar with the female covert narcissist in particular knowing after listening to you that you were dealing with a male covert narcissist. Anyhow excellent content thank you for this.
I walked away from a long distance relationship 6 months ago with a lady who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and emotional unstable personality disorder but i feel she was also comorbid covert narcissist because when we would meet up she was so lovely but when we were apart she would be so cold distant and heartless towards me trying to gaslight me being manipulative and repeatedly ghosting me plus i caught her cheating on dating apps and the cheeky bugger said to me YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU SEE ME ON THE DATING APPS as if it's my fault she's a cheating arsehole so i told her she's a dirty cheating narcissist and to get out of my life so she blocked me and recently over the past few days she's unblocked me on social media but has not said hello to me coz she's trying to hoover me back but I'm blanking her now so she knows wot it's like to be ignored ie silent treatment...
I get the mirroring thing, but can you explain how on several occasions How they can seem to think what you are thinking and synchronize the words that come out of your mouth!
Demons and dark spirits are very real and very cunning around these people .... so many synchronised things will start to occur and manifest.... done in such a way you think you have found a soul mate (cell mate) !!! Look up "familiar spirits"....
Funny how you said, about cheating. She was planning with her ex -boyfriend soul mate (when she was 15 years old) to come over and go for a swim with our kids and his kids. Never had I met him?? We had been married for 13 years.She decided to do that. Not long after the separation (2 weeks ) she had a guy in my face ,just laughing at me. You wonder why children go to therapy to deal with this stuff.. I introduced my girls to my girlfriend after 1 year and 10 months. One parent, co-parents the other has a toxic parenting skills.
I never knew there was such a thing. That is until I spent 5 years with one. Shes also a K9 cop @ U. Penn. What a job she did on me. But her ex-husband really got worked over. Looking back, as Im getting over it, it was so obvious
Mine was super subtle. I ghosted her at 4 months when she started to devalue. She said shit like-i feel like your loosin interest because my job wouldn't allow me to give her attention 24/7 like I gave her at the beginning. Silent treatment one time and I called her out for it. The subtle game, her-you don't call enough, so I made an effort but only for her to not pick up the phone. She would call back hrs later saying she was asleep. Nope your a liar trying to control communication. Or telling me call at a certain time- straight to voicemail, oh I fell asleep, lmao na bitch your trying to trigger me because it boosts your self esteem. The smearing of her exes was laughable too. The very first convo we had she asks - have you ever dated a narc, my last two were narcs-Red Flag!
Wow...I dealt with the same shit from a female narcissist. I just walked away finally. It's the best thing I did. This was the most craziness I've ever known in my life! I did feel pain.....I'm healing now doing better.
Engaged to one and unfortunately didn't know what the problem was. Well, this is eye opening. I'd like to see what types of support groups you're involved with because these cover narcs (Female) are certainly a big issue to unsuspecting males.
Can honestly say my ex Covert Narc was nothing like this atall lol..She was nomadic , literally all her possessions were transient, she was also very hippy chick and boho..She also had a great sense of humour and was the life and soul of the party..Your right about them not being kind though lol..Def plays the victim, damsel in distress to perfection..A constant string of men in the background..
In my experience, a lot of behaviors and attitudes listed and described here are very true. They don't consider other people very much, so much in fact, that if a person is close to the covert narc, like a relative, they would probably wonder, why does she act like that? Person feels as though they are being treated rudely, feels like the narc is inconsiderate, etc., long before they ever even know that there is such a thing as npd. They may feel very run over in general. They lie, they don't have a tendency to reciprocate, they are cold, partners probably start to feel really empty and hungry for emotional connection. Yeah...
This hurts. I couldn't watch ,listen any longer... these people refuse to develop a better inner world, refuse to develop a better understanding of others.
I am an empath with chronic fatigue and 2 of my long term female support worker engaged in the crazy-making stage within 3 weeks of one another. I was familiar with grandiose narcissists, and BDP for whom I feel sorry for but had never come across a covert narcissist. I cut ties with both immediately as I knew I was being played, but I cannot say it did not hurt, as I was totally fooled and thought they were friends. I feel sorry for those with NPD as well, what an horrific life they endure. Its the system that does not give damn and those with NPD run riot
I’ll never forget standing on my back deck thinking, “This relationship is too good to be true”! Sure enough, she was a covert narc. Everything was textbook to what you mentioned in this video.
Brother! Those are my same words; it was so amazing that I couldn’t believe it! Is being just two weeks she discarded me and still is inside my mind!
The damage they do in the end is awful. I am in the middle of divorcing a sociopathic covert Narcissist. It has been the worst year of my entire life. The lengths they go to, to destroy you is beyond most people's imagining.
@@sylviaking8866 Totally relate to you. It will take work to heal from this. It’s been two and a Half months and sometimes still pops into my head and feels awful. Realizing how vulnerable we can be to such monsters. She first try to put my friend against me and make her one of the flying monkeys (She was the one introducing us) now, she is attacking my friend with all the psychological weapons she has. They are not human.
@@joeybreezedad I agree. People who have not experience it firsthand think we are making it all up. I am very lucky to have a twin sister and she literally saved my life from this mad man. Yes, they try and turn everyone against you and those who won't then become targets as well. I was lucky all my close friends saw him for what he was. The only ones who don't know what he is are his own immediate family. Anyway, best of luck for your future. I hope you find happiness, love and fulfillment with a nice lady who does not take you for granted. Thanks for your comment. I also eat low carb. lol
Yes, mine also text book as in this video. 🧟♀️
Many many many men fall victims to these very dangerous predators ....
Sadly some men in the end take their own lives bec they loose everything that is precious to them especially their kids and home and everything they worked so hard for.
Men are particularly exposed to been abused covertly bec they are always considered the problem when in fact many men esp "good men" try to fight back and try to address the imbalances.
It sounds like financial abuse.
See my comment
Geesh you nailed it
My narc mom deatroyed our family and my dads career and jas left a 50 year run of toxicity and chaos😂
33yr marriage. Discarded me like she had just met me and moved in with the new supply the next day. 3yrs out now & I finally know what she was because of videos like this.
Sorry to hear that buddy. You will be fine.
Your better off now, I know you went thru alot of hurt. I felt the same way when I discovered videos like this, when she says "you can't put your finger on it" that really struck a cord with me.
@@kelblank4105 Once the fog cleared it all made sense. What I thought were “personality quirks” has been spelled out now.
Wow I was 33 years together with mine too 4 children 7 grandkids , she ruined my relationships with my kids took me 3 years to heal
@@randystephens1002 I hope you can someday have a part in your kids lives.
She was my best friend. Then she tried to ruin my life.
Yeah that's what they do. They live in Karma. they should all get there's .
Narc Females don't come with a warning label. The Narc comes with a Negative Agenda.
Damn. I can relate. You are a 👑
I’ve read a lot of stuff and watched a lot of stuff on this exact subject over the last 18 months but yours is the perfect short summary of what happened to me.
I said to my ex narcissistic girlfriend one night that i just wanted me time to chill and watch a movie and just have some alone time... NOPE she constantly hit up my phone and in the end drove over and texted "I'm outside babe" with an emoji smiley face like she surprised me and i should be glad and grateful.... They're crazy absolutely crazy.
My ex bestfriend was like this. Word for word. Was the bestest friend, I literally would've gotten her tattooed on me that's how much I loved her. And she would smirk whenever I was sad or being humiliated by someone. She tried to destroy my life. Smearing my name, flying monkeys. Crazy
The thing I hate the most about narcs (other than the pain and incredible stress) is how their deep deceptive behaviors demand a certain amount of deception in return, in order to protect oneself.
You need to show them how happy and fulfilled you are on your own. It is worth faking this if sometimes you don’t actually feel it! It is the best “revenge.” They cannot feel good and generate their own real happiness. 😇
Facts with gender
Spot on! I won't go into details but I spent 10 years with a classic covert female narcissist, it's been 7 years no contact and at this point I look back on the experience with gratitude because she was the catalyst to helping me realize the impact of my dysfunctional upbringing and doing the self-work to come to grips with it and be a strong real man.
If anyone needs to know we empaths can overcome our shortcomings via self-love, here's a story for you.
Last year I met a woman, a widow, a grandma actively involved with a local church. She seemed like a good candidate but after four months her triangulation with a supposedly abusive ex gave me all the reasons I needed to bail. It's been three months since I walked and blocked and I will never look back, she is once again just another person out there in the world doing her thing with nothing to do with me. "We're strangers, let's enjoy that," as Tom Waits once said.
My point is I developed the self-love, self-worth and boundaries to unceremoniously dump her 4 months into the interaction. Her triangulation, along with other red flags, were laughably transparent. No doubt her false persona as the "churchly widow grandma" is nothing less than a facade, a veneer, a wall protecting herself from her own sense of unworthiness (she, like all narcissists, came from a broken, chaotic and dysfunctional upbringing).
I want a good love and partner in my life -- mind you I don't *need* it, I want it -- and in order to find it I need to give people reasonable chances. Sometimes they'll drop their masks after a few weeks but mostly it takes 3-4 months. For me remaining curious in those first few months of dating is key to being objective and noticing red flag behaviors and acting on them.
I spent 10 years in a narcissistic cycle of abuse; 4 or 5 months feeling out a potential new relationship is nothing.
Stay strong ya'll and remember your value.
Your first paragraph hit me so hard. I used those exact words to myself, the catalyst to examine my upbringing and become a stronger man. I hope you are doing a lot better now.
This is one of the best videos I've seen on the covert narcissist female. They really are very dangerous people and master manipulators. Its deeply shocking to watch these people after years pretending to be someone else and then become someone horrible and completely different in what seems like an instant. There really does need to be much more done around the male as victim/survivor of narcissistic abuse by a woman...there is such a huge gap not just on TH-cam but in books and other writing as well. I like the accuracy and clarity of your communication style and you directness about the issues. I hope you step into filling the gap. Thank you very much!
Agreed. They're manipulation is so elegant. She describes some of the aspects of this techniques very well here.
One thing i noticed about my covert narcissist ex-girlfriend, and the whole ending of things. I usually can walk away from a unhealthy relationship. But with this situation, it was like she had me under Anesthesia Like i just awakened and im looking around wondering what the hell just happened. its been a year of no contact, and i want to keep it that way. Im amazed how spot on you are about every aspect of who she is.
Dude, right on the very 1st day of the breakup, I dreamt of waking up from anaesthesia. 110% accurate.
wow yes I am attempting to break free now and this mind warping trauma bond is deeper than I ever thought possible its quite insidious.
I lived thru one of these. 12 years, 13 days this woman is 100% correct in her description. I beat her at her games. I got custody of kids. 11 years later an 2 more husbands for her, I still get crazy voicemails and after 10 years of a no contact order, she e-stalked the teenage daughter to tear me down and scapegoat the other child. If you are hear watching this, you already know… plan and get away fast.
I reckon you, like I was, trauma bonded 😵💫
Accurate.. it hits different and leaves you confused as fck
Lol I’m completely over dating, I’m content with being single for life because honestly I’m not trying to spend time vetting a woman anymore especially in todays era, even the ones that aren’t narcissistic are ACTING like narcissists and I’m just tired of potentially putting myself in dangerous situations it doesn’t make any sense to me. 😂
Oh, I DEFINITELY experienced the 'narcissistic smirk'! I was dating a woman last year and I said something she didn't like ONCE. She then ghosted me. When I complained that she was never around and that it feels like we're not together anymore, she smirked at my pain and gas-lighted me! She said I was making everything up in my own head. I'd experienced that exact kind of gas-lighting before. I didn't want to believe I had found another narc. But, she did it again and again - always with the smirk when I would show her I was hurt. Finally, after a month and a half of it, I walked away permanently.
Ah yeah that smirk..Never forget that..
GOSO (get out stay out) bro :)
@@alal792 Understatement of the year! Find a Narc in your life? Leave. If you can't leave, then deal with them as little as possible. And, like as it was said with Hannibal Lecter in 'Silence Of The Lambs', share NOTHING personal with them. You don't want them inside your head - or your life.
Smirk? Yep! B4 I saw any of this, I called it the "side eye". She'd make a comment purposely meant to get a reaction and out the corner of my eye I'd see her peer back towards me to see what kind of response she'd elicited. Foul heifer is putting it nicely!
Got the smirk during sex. Weirdest thing
the smirk.
her 'air of conviction'. she told me 'I swear on my dead sister's grave!'
Damn it, this is so on point. Luckily it was just under a year of horror. no kids involved, didnt shared a home and i discarded her. I was laying next to her and told myself " why the f. is she hating me this much" and went to the kitchen to smoke a cigarette. Took out my phone and boom, there it was, an add about female narcissim ( at this point i knew nothing about narcissim) poped up and i clicked on it. The rest is history. I think youtube and people like you saved my life. Im so thankful!
That was God, bro
@@schwiftycats yeah i know this now! Thanks for the reminder brother.
God showed you!!! Yes!!!
You just described what I went through with 100% accuracy. It’s mind blowing. I was cheated on, lied to repeatedly about EVERYTHING - even minor nonsensical things - then ghosted and discarded once new supply was secured. She love bombed my two boys and myself to give weight to our relationship in the beginning when I had serious doubts. She faked a friendship with my ex wife whom I am best friends with to further embed herself into my life (and I later realized to see if my ex’s employer would hire her as she was in between jobs). All of this while grooming some unsuspecting random guy on the side who she would later cheat on me with and overlap into a new relationship. I have never and will never experience anything like this again IN MY LIFE.
I'm only 11 minutes in and everything you're saying is what I experienced. I'm too scared to listen to the rest..lol.. but onwards we must.. thank you for this extensive and clarifying confirmation of so Many of our experience.. I hope karma doesn't miss her and she is shown to be who she truly is... yuk!
7:57 "Once you see that mask drop"... This is so true. It was after 27 years of marriage she began dropping her mask. Our kids were grown and gone at that time and I was telling them; "Your mom's not acting like herself."
Even though most of our marrge I had felt like I was chasing her around trying to figure her out and trying to get to know who she really was inside.; It wasn't until after I got discarded did I begin to think I knew much more of who she really was.
This. Same here. When our second and last child moved out I thought we would find a new dynamic; get closer to one another. It was just the opposite! Which led to my discoveries via channels like this. This channel is really beginning to make the light come in to my darkened mind. Thanks Kat ❤🔥 & all helpful commenters 🌠
Mine caught me fresh out of a divorce from a sociopath wife ....straight into the arms of a narc ......talk about bad luck . Two cluster B 's back to back .......never again but there good at what they do very covert
Been there done that also. At least now we know. Have a name to put to it
Where was this info when I got married to this " sweet" women in 1981 ? A female narcissist with the backing of family court is so powerful the man is left homeless, broke, unable to see children, no retirement and must pay alimony, lawyer bills and child support. Educate young people..... if they will listen.
Yes, the narc smirk can be brutal...love to see them try it again tho...would work in total reverse as I am so evolved & aware now!
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
...I left a person like that year’s ago...living ( even by yourself ) is wonderful! Those people will make you sick!
She is a maneater!
A child eater too
Narc smirk = duper’s delight. Very evil.
Caught it from the corner of my eye...
Will never forget it..
@@alexagaba284 Same. I've caught the duper delight multiple times with my Covert narcassist mom, and a former Malignant narcassist male coworker who harassed me at my job . They highly calculated demonic preditors. Pure evil filled with the Jezebel spirit.
I made the mistake of letting her know I saw her duping delight every time she was lying. She didn't stop lying, but the smirk became very hard to see. 15 years and I am finally discarding her.
Devoid of empathy spot on 🙏
100 percent correct they are doing this over and over on every one
Yes, good video. The goalposts will always move. You cannot fill the emptiness. It is hard to walk away, but it is the only thing you can do.
Sweet, childlike and robotic are also spot on descriptions. Everyone else thinks she is sooo nice.
It's the sweet child like that got me hooked. And she was hot AF. Tiny little single mom with an apparent low body count and little money but surviving. God fearing cutie with no tattoos and no social media. Absolutely stunning and absolutely crushed me for 6 years. But damn it if I didn't get out and won the game without getting married and without buying her fake breasts 😂
Outwardly charming inwardly fenimous
I'm sure its 50/50... the ladies are going under the radar.
Excellent opening comments on acknowledging men as victims, great stuff👌🏽
Not only are these covert narcissist full of crap, they are always way too full of themselves.
Same thing
I sure appreciate your sessions. My wife is a narcissist, it helps knowing that someone else sees this to. Thanks Rocky
With a lot of the channels, they refer to people like Sam Vaknin, etc. who believe that nearly all narcissists are men. They get their info from old data and so the other channels follow the leader. That leaves us men - who have suffered greatly from female narcissists - left behind and not believed when we tell about our experiences. Plus, most of the people in the comment sections are female. So, they play to their audience.
I'm a female I've dealt with both male and female narcs equally. There's only a few difference, but for the most part they both operate the same. I was briefly stalked and hoovered by a female narc, crazy chick. Honestly narcissism is genderless, alot of them will swing both ways just to get supply. One female narc I dealt with does, claims she bisexual. I think she's so needy for attention that she will sleep with man or woman to get fuel. She tried the doo doo test on me, that's when her mask slipped, with the narc smirk. I discarded her immediately after, and she started following me around everywhere. Lol she was a pathetic piece of shit smh.
I dont agree with this I've seen a lot of videos on the female Narc tbh..
Vaknin does not think they are all men. He talks extensively about how females narcissism is on the rise. On a psychodynamic level men have traditionally been narcissists as women usually become Borderline. (Borderline personality disorder).
It is even. The system however favors the female as privileged by court systems and child custody.
A culvert no matter what sex is capable of doing anyting including murder if the opportunity presents.
Super. So true based of my experience with two narcs for 34 years
I feel a friend of mine is . And it's hard to Pinpoint because we are not always around eachother , I get a bad feeling about her-
It took me 7 years to realise one of my friends is a covert narcissist
Coach Kat. I really wanted to thank you for this video especially!! This video really hit home and made me reflect on the relationship, damn I was blind!!. It was the first relationship I have ever been in with a narcissist. I was devastated and been devastated from her discarding me with no closure whatsoever!! I was nothing but good to this woman and fell in love with her a lot faster than I ever have with any of my exes. "Too good to be true". There I was thinking this is the one!! SMH. Thank you , thank you thank you for this video. this will help me with healing from the breakup and give me more awareness for the next relationship I get into. Fellow men out there, I know exactly what you are feeling, stay strong!!
Great video!! Dead on point!! Yes there are female Narcissists!! I lived it!
WOW I am so relieved to the point of tears that my relationship with her for 34 years has fallen apart is not all my fault. you have described her in every way I have been treated for the last 34 years. I just gave up on trying to please her started treating her how I was being treated. so the bad mouthing to my family and children has begun they wont talk to me. She has started divorce proceedings oops I mean discard proceedings. I was told to just be silent. very hard to do when everything you love dearly is taken from your life in an instant. Saw it coming but did not believe it.
You know exactly what I went through. She was 51 when I met her. My ex narc was Stephany (with a Y) and a naturopathic Doctor. Major love bombing, ridicule, intermittent hovering, discarding and hovering. Always had to be at center of attention. Last to leave any event she arranged. Always had to work the room. Everyone would say “she’s amazing.” Called her out on cheating. Would meet with her old bfriends. She always lied, but I had the proof. She kept pursuing her former female lover too. Everyone loved her as she was covert. I thought I was the f up. You covered it all. Now Its 5 years out and I still don’t trust I’m sorry to say.
thank her and FORGIVE HER (obviously silently of coarse ), this immediately flips the script...also she will come back, so learn how to use neuro linguistic programming so that you can program her in the similar way to how she did you...however you are doing it for your own safety, she was doing it for your harm (energy suck)...until you get GOOD with NLP, just use silence, it's the next best thing...avoid saying YES or NO to anything they suggest in the hoover...they FEED off that stuff, be aware, and best of luck in all these things to you!
Like she could DIE first, yet in lieu of that, they ALWAYS come back eventually.
It's still amazing that all the boys and girl narcs play the same game. I refused to see what everybody else saw. The exterior exhibited haughtiness but charm. Behind a closed doors or car rides simping up for her, a narcopathic, manipulation driven lack demanding to be validated by making you emotionally distressed. Then there was the colleagues saying run now, cause you will soon. There was no boundary narcowitch wouldn't cross. Times up ! A devaluation dopamine fix is needed...bad. The interior was a stone cold sociopath with every interaction a reaction seeking extortion of your soul. No one can ever tell me you cant be controlled, at least for a while, by a master manipulator with years of experience. Once you wake up, your embarrassed, angry, yet soooooo glad your out. Only no contact provides that clarity. One hoover attempt. Classic saying she changed. It was time for round three punishment. Yea...never gonna happen. A demon that must consume souls or die from decompensation. One question to any new supply she may have ? Does this country club designer everything pedestal princess.....still eat like pig ?
Excellent insight...they have to b controlled demons...only a demon can know all the spots to push the tact in...
Amazing how all stories are the same. Car rides and behind closed doors says it all. Oh the car rides, she criticized my driving constantly, and I’d have her put an address in my phone for directions for wherever we were going, then criticize the app for having wrong directions. She says I know a better way, take this turn, then we wind up an hour out of the way. Then I get yelled at for not knowing my way around a city I’ve never been to. Ugh
@@briankwiatkowski1733 Brian it is the legacy of misery they sow. The driving in a unfamiliar area thinking you have a co-pilot but only is more anxiety. Through the roof worse with them in the car. Its like they want the dopamine rush of an accident...in your car ofcourse. The flashback to this only reinforces an already solid to never endeavor into one of these she devils again. The worse time you could meet up with this, looking for some solid ground, is in a emotional state of vulnerability. Been a couple years. Enough information consumed. Everybody rescues themselves in zero, nada, zip, no contact. All the best in no contact life...oh so good.
@@bradmcewen You got that right. Sometimes I think she wanted an accident. She'd criticize me to step on the gas and get around all the slow cars. Where's the fire? I'm driving a new Ram 1500, I'm going to drive safely for our safety and everyone else, and keep the truck intact. When I was in her Jeep, all hell broke loose. It was like the Indy 500. The best was during love-bombing phase, which lasted 7 months. I built her a new lawn during this time (2 acres). Brought in my skid steer, 6 tri-axles of top soil, graded it all off perfectly, planted grass, and lawn came in beautifully. She criticized me for cutting it too short, she wanted 5" grass. I kept telling her 5" looks unkept, the township will eventually take notice of unmanicured grass. Didn't matter to her. During devalue, I wasn't allowed to cut the grass. At discard, she was sleeping with her ex for 6 months prior during silent treatments. I eventually left her. 12 hours later the ex, the new supply, was moved in and cutting her grass ... short lol. You can't make this crap up.
@@briankwiatkowski1733 lol no you can't make this up. I mean everything you said I have seen too.. holy shit...I have learned not to volunteer to do things just because I know how. My bad. Thats why I think a narc is a complete education into giving without reciprocity. Hell sounds like we both would have settled for a normal drive while doing something for them. And that is also pitiful. Know your worth, not what someone else assigns you.
Omg everything is falling into place now!!!!
I was with a covert narc and sometimes when i am reading these things...i think omg maybe I am the CN?!...but this video cleared a lot of things up. I feel so much better. Thank you so much for sharing.
Great video, thank you!! I watch your videos all the time. I thought I was going crazy, not anymore.
Thank you for talking about the schizophrenic, paranoia as they change clothes, behaviors, likes to mirror new supply and the creepy smirk when they contact them. So weird! And their Machiavellian plotting with which they manage to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes is so disturbingly sick.
Mine lasted a year, a real whirlwind. Jumped in thinking it was the most amazing experience. Engaged after 7 months, then only another 5 months to devalue and discard. A terrible experience and so confusing. the moods, the entitlement, the dismissiveness, depression and on and on. Trying to help this woman thinking you’re doing the right thing whilst all the time they’re lying, cheating and just using. Heart breaking shit, a month out trying to get my life back together and she’s already in a happy relationship.....I honestly feel confused and totally and completely lost with a lot of anxiety and depression, the difference in myself over a year is shocking. I wish I’d of known about covert narcissism before this. Just trying to put things back together but I’ve got a feeling it’ll take a while.....
Take time out heal and get counseling you need to figure why you fell for this person and deal with those issues so that your next relationship is a healthy one
There needs to be laws on this shit. It literally destroys lives
I have seen hundreds of videos, know all about it. This video I had to pause as it hit me. Very well said.
Narcs can triangulate with anyone or anything. Even animals.
I grew up with 2 narc parents. 1 of the things they agreed on was not letting us have a dog or cat for a pet. But once half my siblings already moved out/left,
for whatever reason, my narc mom aloud my younger sister (golden child) to have a cat. I was about 16 y/o already and younger sister was about 14. And my narc dad who never allowed pets ALL OF A SUDDEN took a great liking to the cat. Literally told us never to feed the cat or clean out the litter box because he was gunna always do it.
So we listened and let him do it.
Than ANY time he wanted to bitch about something, he would always bring up that we NEVER do ANYTHING for the cat. And that he always has to do it because we don’t care about the cat. And we told him “you told us not to?!”
And he would just storm off and walk away.
I've been watching most of the NARC videos and ur the first to identify and analyze the female covert narcissistic.
It seems most NARC videos tend to shy away from talking about the female covert NARC.
I'm glad you talk about the female NARC. 👍👍👍
Funston Whiteman let me know if you think of other topics you want me to cover or more details on the female covert narcissist. Glad it was helpful.
I'm watching ur video right now. Finally someone talking and pin pointing the female covert narc
can I get ur email? I wanna tell you my experience etc.
I love your explanation, waw you hit exatly the nail with a huge hammer .👍👍👍
Your explanation was emotionelle and I hit me very correct ,im strong today ,but I the night suddenly she was in my Dreams after watching your video ,it was a littel tough but now I shower and wash all the pain away 🙂🤗
Coach KAT,
I was in a 15.5 year dating relationship with my now EX Toxic Narcissist Girlfriend that is mouth full since I did not ever play attention to what Female Narcissistic person was like. Until I finally woke up out the Nightmare Coma that I was living in. I walked Away from her and Dumped her before she did it to me Cold Heartily because they are brutal with no remorse or feelings what so ever. I'm pretty sure she was getting ready to Monkey Branch on me.
If she didn't already have someone in the Wings. I was her A 1 Supply that much I know. The new Supply will never do what I was doing for her. 4 Months NC I'm not on Social Media I Ghosted myself. She was treating me like Shit for the past 2.5 years. I thought it was all my fault not doing enough but that's wrong I gave my all while gave little breadcrumbs. with a Smirk on her face.
I just wanted to let you know that I just found your Videos, the Knowledge and the Educational value is truly amazing. I can't believe how spot on they are. thank you very much for bring them to the Table. You described the DEVILS DAUGHTER TO A T. my EX. I didn't have a name for Selfishness, her Jealously the Insecurities, Anxicity Issues. the daily MOOD SWINGS never happy. Thank GOD I was able to escape her. I'm still picking myself up off the floor this girl just fed you lies and what other Bull Shit she thought you needed to hear to keep you quite . No empathy for anyone this girl was cold on the inside. Hates her life along with her Job. her failed Marriage. a 29 year old Live in Son who has Autism Asperger's She had Breast Cancer. And I would have stayed with her But I couldn't wait any longer for her to become a loving person. Sorry she became the DEVILS DAUGHTER. She said to me your gonna Miss Me. She is a Narcissist.
They hate what we are. They have a harem closet of Men. They seem to all be the same. Like they went to the same University of Narcology. Learning the lesson is hard, but you never have to repeat it. Now you can spot it when the next pretty privileged comes you can deal with the Narc quick
@@kevinowens6010 Agreed There LOSS we move on to something we HOPE. Kevin.
so so an accurate & true description ! So Gifted a Teacher! Thxs lots for ur sacrifice & care ! Greetings from🇲🇾 🙏
She's quite right! 👏
Cov narc women make things only about themselves, act like a victim, give silent treatments and all this in a very stealthy way.
As in we might look back and feel "she never abused me or threatened me directly "!
It’s sadistic! My ex would FaceTime me just to see the pain she caused in my face. Then say her phone was going dead and hang up so that I would respond thru text and she would screenshot my reaction to make me look like I was verbally abusive. It’s difficult because she’s pregnant with my son but moved 2 hours away. Won’t let me attend doctors appointments. And she told me she’s sleeping with someone else while pregnant with my son and he was going to sign the birth certificate as the father. Then hung up so yeah. What did she think I was gonna do . Give her my best wishes. I mean that’s just a example of the 50 things she’s done in the last 2 1/2 months. I don’t know what to do?
Good video I was with my covert narc girlfriend for 6 and half years. We split 8 months ago on parting her face contorted and the mask fell and I saw the spirit of jezabel evil it was full of hate I could feel it. The first 3 years there were arguments that started over nothing . When I moved in with her the gas lighting really started. She had a drink problem but that went up a gear has well along with the gas lighting. Boy that was really something else. Her grand children broke my nose they kicked me will playing with them. Blood every were. The narc just said it was my fault. If I took a photo she would sooner argue than have a photo. She would often say we will head out somewhere nice tomorrow . The next day she would change her mind. She worked in a fuel garage so there was plenty of supply coming through. Everybody she went with even exes. Nobody new one another they were all well vetted from different areas this his all done on purpose so nobody finds out and starts talking about her. She had a 26 year old daughter living with her and in the last 6 months they would gang up on me to make me made they wanted me out. Talk about they have no feelings or morals . I had a heart attack just after my mother’s funeral . While I was in hospital she would leave early and shag her new supply and she walked shortley afterwards . I told her I loved her but she walked like I didn’t exist. She text 2 weeks after leaving and she said. I would have looked after you. I replied you’ve been abusing me. She replied there are many forms of abuse. I text back you’ve been sleeping with other men she replied there’s no one in me rite now. She then text me and said I’m special . I replied ok jezabel. I wanted to committe suicide . The Holy Spirit spoke and said what does darkness and lite have in common. And I’ve set you free from the snare of the fouler . Satan s devices” he then said you must fight this spirit jezabel” it will kill you . Suicide”.good luck in your battle to recover . It’s the worst thing that will ever happen to you. I loved my narc I didn’t realise she wanted to destroy me . Godbless you mick
Absolutely brilliant video. This is almost my relationship with my covert narcissist wife to a tee.
You described my life from October 2018-October 2021. Straight up evil woman.
Great video Kat - thank you! Spot on.
Thanks for posting this, it's spot on point! You touched on every trait of the CN I've been involved with for the last year. The mirroring is how it started. Initially I just enjoyed hanging out with her because I thought we had so much in common and I wanted us to be friends first. Little did I know I was being groomed. Then one day she had a psychosis when she experienced hearing voices. Would often accuse me and others of insulting her. Then I did some research and found out she suffered from schizophrenia, as a result of childhood trama. After that episode she vanished for about a week, then reappeared. I offered her help and support for her condition by offering her rides since she had no transportation
But she always denied it ever even happened and declined to talk about it. Then during the pandemic lockdown, she needed a place to stay and asked if could move in. I was missing her so bad, I moved her in. The first week it was amazing and eventually we started getting very intimate which also led to having amazing sex. Then she would have more episodes of paranoia and accuse me of Doing things with her email account on her phone. This along with the verbal abuse was something I couldn't tolerate,so I ended up asking her to find somewhere else to stay, because she was being disrespectful. This went on for weeks at a time, break up to make up about 3 different times, me always letting her back in. Very needy. She always was on constant contact with all her ex's, which I didn't mean much to me at the time. I just took it as maybe she's just letting them know she's okay with her mental illness and all. Then she told me that every time she left she had sex with multiple partners, two or three of them where the very ex's she maintained contact with. I finally had enough, I went no contact with her two days ago after she tried to Hoover me in. I have been in NPD relationships before, but unlike this one because of the other dynamics I missed a lot of the signals. After blocking her, she left me a voicemail saying we need to talk. When I ignored her, she included me two group texts to try to Hoover me again. They know every trick in the Hoover manual, and you're right could care a less about boundaries. Ungrateful, I've even heard it from others who know her.
Maybe she has bpd
Spot on! The danger is competing with these demons. Then you feel twice as crap. X
I know the smirk. It happened to me over 20 years ago and i can picture it perfectly. She knew i was devastated and she liked it. Now her health is going to shit or she’s faking for attention and financing. Yet i still am here questioning her being a narcissist.
Completely and perfectly on spot. One of the best videos around on the covert female narcissist (NPD)
Couch KAT, I love this VIDEO you really kicked the doors in with this Knowledge and Understanding Its like you knew who I have have dealing with for a very long time. hopefully I can sleep better tonight knowing that the Narcissistic traits that I have experienced since leaving her it wasn't all in my Head. These people really need to go back down that pit of Hell where they came from. Thank You KAT .
Real talk!!!!! Its like they do it on purpose so youll be super shocked when the real them comes out!!!!
I, I, I...that's all I ever heard. Either that or "It's not about you Lisa"
superbly done . how accurate is that. all that you explained extremely similar with things that happened to me
It’s important to remember that there’s a scale of value to the supply that is provided by people so as you comply with everything they want your supplies value goes down. This is why you can’t win. You will devalue no matter what because you become common and routine. You are setup for failure.
I wish that someone close to me would understand that I can be right for once. Maybe my family is narcissistic. They have their achievements on social media. If I explain that they need to understand that they have potential to hurt. Can someone buy stuff for someone be narcissistic? It could be making me feel guilty
Wow,,, 10000% right ...I feel like such an idiot ..
They fool everyone. Just inform yourself with the information out there. It's everywhere now. Don't forget the share it with everyone🌟
We cannot possibly know everything about life that you never have experienced before. The thing is, this experience exponentially raises your attention to not automatically assume normal human decent interaction. So in calm awareness we see between the lines.
You're not an idiot. I spent my entire career and my entire personal life reading people very well. A good female covert narcissist has extraordinarily elegant manipulation techniques. Dastardly good. If you got out, you won the game.
Good stuff. Definitely a need to differentiate between covert and overt narcissists. As you are learning into this subject it can be quite confusing the common traits both have versus the very distinct differences.
One of the best videos on the topic, this is the kind of video I'd love to see re-done from time to time just to see the newest set of behaviors
mine went as far as a long distance thing without even discussing it with me. moving a thousand miles away cuz it was a temporary 6 month work assignment.😉 18 months later. it'll make it easier just to ditch out on this whole fake thing.sneaky conniving behavior from someone in their early forties is pretty pathetic!👎
My ex-wife is a narcissist I just wish i had known then what i know now. One thing for certain she is the most deceptive and cold hearted, evil minded individual i have ever met. Always playing the victim,she chase away my friends, family, this woman destroyed my life i had to leave i am in the process of healing and rebuilding i still hurt but i know i must forgive and let it go and move forward
When u figure it out its like u have to go on a huge detective type rabbit holes etc, but evil n wasn't even a lover but she mirrored my like literal life story it was so bizarre
Theyre definitely that super special individual !!! Omgsh u get it
Truth
Spot on video. Especially when they mirror the new supply.
Thanks 🙏 if addressing Manipulative Female Narcissist
14:35 “bone chilling”. So on the money there. After 20 years together and I was just told that I would lose the house. The unnatural look of sick glee on her face. I will never forget it. They are pure evil.
I am an empath Man and former co dependent who was in a relationship with a female covert narcissist. i got out, I am healing, but I wouldn't consider myself a victim. I am however suffering from cptsd. it is slowly getting better, emphisis on the slowly. I try to talk to people about it sometimes and no one is ever very supportive so I stopped talking about it. Just wanted to say thank you for acknowedging that some men are experiencing trama as a result of dealing with these covert female narcissist. And great video this one and the last had alot of very well put together information that is helping me on my journy of healing.
Narcissists have "God Sized Holes" that can never be filled..LuLz I had to laugh while listening.
Coach Kat, I can't thank you enough for this exposition. My wife of 10 years is 100% your description.
Wow excellent video that really described my ex-fiance in certain ways that I haven't heard before and I have spent a fair bit of time learning about these things over the last couple of years. I finally did the discard about 3 months ago but she let me walk. Her techniques were so subtle. Her devaluation pace was so slow you couldn't even tell it was happening. I'm curious to know how you're so familiar with the female covert narcissist in particular knowing after listening to you that you were dealing with a male covert narcissist. Anyhow excellent content thank you for this.
I walked away from a long distance relationship 6 months ago with a lady who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and emotional unstable personality disorder but i feel she was also comorbid covert narcissist because when we would meet up she was so lovely but when we were apart she would be so cold distant and heartless towards me trying to gaslight me being manipulative and repeatedly ghosting me plus i caught her cheating on dating apps and the cheeky bugger said to me YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU SEE ME ON THE DATING APPS as if it's my fault she's a cheating arsehole so i told her she's a dirty cheating narcissist and to get out of my life so she blocked me and recently over the past few days she's unblocked me on social media but has not said hello to me coz she's trying to hoover me back but I'm blanking her now so she knows wot it's like to be ignored ie silent treatment...
I get the mirroring thing, but can you explain how on several occasions
How they can seem to think what you are thinking and synchronize the words that come out of your mouth!
Demons and dark spirits are very real and very cunning around these people .... so many synchronised things will start to occur and manifest.... done in such a way you think you have found a soul mate (cell mate) !!!
Look up "familiar spirits"....
Just Piercingly Accurate.... You have such a beautiful gift! Thank you for making such a difference....
Funny how you said, about cheating.
She was planning with her ex -boyfriend soul mate (when she was 15 years old) to come over and go for a swim with our kids and his kids. Never had I met him??
We had been married for 13 years.She decided to do that.
Not long after the separation (2 weeks ) she had a guy in my face ,just laughing at me.
You wonder why children go to therapy to deal with this stuff..
I introduced my girls to my girlfriend after 1 year and 10 months.
One parent, co-parents the other has a toxic parenting skills.
Dang you have described sister in-law perfectly
Men hurt just as much as women.
But the topic is about covert women in a relationship/marriage?
No, more, much more. That's why we have broader shoulders.
Thank you for supporting men! You're rare... sadly.
I never knew there was such a thing. That is until I spent 5 years with one. Shes also a K9 cop @ U. Penn. What a job she did on me. But her ex-husband really got worked over. Looking back, as Im getting over it, it was so obvious
Due to response comment I have watched again. Amazing what missed detail you pick up in a evolved state from before.
Just gained a New subscriber. You head on. Spot on. On female narcissist. True story. You heard.
Please write a book about your knowledge. A real big one.
Mine was super subtle. I ghosted her at 4 months when she started to devalue. She said shit like-i feel like your loosin interest because my job wouldn't allow me to give her attention 24/7 like I gave her at the beginning. Silent treatment one time and I called her out for it. The subtle game, her-you don't call enough, so I made an effort but only for her to not pick up the phone. She would call back hrs later saying she was asleep. Nope your a liar trying to control communication. Or telling me call at a certain time- straight to voicemail, oh I fell asleep, lmao na bitch your trying to trigger me because it boosts your self esteem. The smearing of her exes was laughable too. The very first convo we had she asks - have you ever dated a narc, my last two were narcs-Red Flag!
Wow...I dealt with the same shit from a female narcissist. I just walked away finally. It's the best thing I did. This was the most craziness I've ever known in my life!
I did feel pain.....I'm healing now doing better.
Engaged to one and unfortunately didn't know what the problem was. Well, this is eye opening. I'd like to see what types of support groups you're involved with because these cover narcs (Female) are certainly a big issue to unsuspecting males.
Can honestly say my ex Covert Narc was nothing like this atall lol..She was nomadic , literally all her possessions were transient, she was also very hippy chick and boho..She also had a great sense of humour and was the life and soul of the party..Your right about them not being kind though lol..Def plays the victim, damsel in distress to perfection..A constant string of men in the background..
Congrats on getting sober! It was a game changer 5 yrs sober
Very wonderful and mind-blowing explanation mam❤❤❤
Does anyone feel like all of a sudden (after the shock/grieving &anger) that your energy levels increase?
In my experience, a lot of behaviors and attitudes listed and described here are very true. They don't consider other people very much, so much in fact, that if a person is close to the covert narc, like a relative, they would probably wonder, why does she act like that? Person feels as though they are being treated rudely, feels like the narc is inconsiderate, etc., long before they ever even know that there is such a thing as npd. They may feel very run over in general. They lie, they don't have a tendency to reciprocate, they are cold, partners probably start to feel really empty and hungry for emotional connection. Yeah...
I’m so glad I found you! Holy shit
This hurts. I couldn't watch ,listen any longer... these people refuse to develop a better inner world, refuse to develop a better understanding of others.
I am an empath with chronic fatigue and 2 of my long term female support worker engaged in the crazy-making stage within 3 weeks of one another. I was familiar with grandiose narcissists, and BDP for whom I feel sorry for but had never come across a covert narcissist. I cut ties with both immediately as I knew I was being played, but I cannot say it did not hurt, as I was totally fooled and thought they were friends. I feel sorry for those with NPD as well, what an horrific life they endure. Its the system that does not give damn and those with NPD run riot