Hiwassee Needle 6.17.24 Some Work / Some Carnage

I went out today with the very specific intent of teaching myself how to "peel out". I say that; I have had countless people it seems, 'teach' me 'how' in the past 10 months or so since I started this.
What they didn't realize though at the time, was that while I may have 'heard' (and filed away) what they were saying, I was definitely not listening.
Don't ask me why - I do not have a good explanation why that particular skill - more than any other - has scared me (scared isn't really the right word, but I don't know what is, so it will have to do), and why it's been so hard to figure out.
I can more or less 'fake' it and have many times before.... and... where most people would use the skill, I have developed my own strategies for getting into flow, that don't involve switching edges.
It really does not make any logical sense, as I've become decently adept at catching hot eddies ... and peeling out is the exact same series of movements in reverse. But then, I don't know that I have ever really made any sense.
Funny enough, I went out there for that, but ended up realizing that my roll - that I have been so supremely confident in recently - has some serious flaws when only the slightest current is introduced .... and then with just a touch of doubt introduced to the mix, it gets really hairy & ugly.
If you watch this long and boring video all the way through, you'll be treated to some moments of sheer idiocy on my part, where I am genuinely retarded. Most of the juicy stuff is the latter half if you want to skip past all the him hawing and tomfoolery.
I do believe I know what I am doing when my roll is an utter failure, but I can't claim I know exactly why ... my paddle is slicing straight down with zero purchase on the power face.
I really really really need to learn to just skull my paddle under water, and hip snap off of that - and I have got to figure out how to roll in current more consistently - boy do I wish I could afford some lessons with EJ!
Oh - and for some reason I decided to take up cussing again today. I am not editing this at all ... so please forgive my language when it rears its ugly head. It is unlike me these days, and I think I may have let the frustration leak out into my language; not a good excuse of course.