I noticed this as a potential addiction ( for us women) and especially young girls. All of these fantasy books these women are reading can damage their view on how other people function (which isn't always charismatic and fun). I've seen many girls become addicted to these books and I'm concerned for them as a fellow sister who has fallen into this trap in other ways. It's certainly harder to put things in perspective when you don't have the Holy Spirit to provide discernment and conviction. So I definitely agree with your statements.
I started this in high school, fell into daydreaming addiction which has been a fight to overcome. I had to fast for 3 days without food for deliverance.Now I avoid any and all romantic content because of tendencies to daydream
@@janewambui2065 That's amazing I'm so proud of you 🫶🏼! I fell into something similar. Earlier in middle school I would try and dream I was in a fictional world where I'm a better version of myself. I would imagine a prettier, bolder, older version of myself 💀. Oh my gosh it was a problem. I was also very insecure about my body and it would get so bad that I'd compare myself to other girls I'd see randomly and use their appearance for my imaginary world. All glory to God for delivering me from that delusion 🙏🏼.
As a Christian guy, I think we would love to yearn but it may most likely be seen as desperate and embarrassing and end with us feeling rejected and belittled after being so vulnerable. This Fantasy isn’t bound to happen much bc men base their approach based off of what women respond best to.. Unfortunately it’s not received well in these times when a guy yearns
I think you’re right, I have noticed among my female social circles that most of them do like that sort of approach but only by those who they want so basically by specific men who in most cases are a small percentage based on the fictional characteristics they describe. Personally I like vibing with a guy and if it leads to something romantic so be it, but some things are too bookish in my opinion.
Yep yall two nailed it. I often get told by my women friends, whom are all in relationships already, either married or have a boyfriend, that I'm like a romantic guy straight out of a movie, and at times it even scares them. I personally find joy in the saying, "Happiness is only real when shared. And I live by that. I had a friend that I was a shoulder to cry on when she was going through rough times with her now ex husband, and when the divorce finalized and happened, I was still there for her, and I always had feelings for her, and several days later I took my shot. She was still heart broken over her divorce, and cried often. So, doing what I already do to random women at times because it's a cultural tradition for me, especially on valentines day, I would buy em lots and lots of expensive gourmet chocolates, and usually with a teddy bear. However, with her, it was the gourmet chocolates, three of the boxes were already nearly $200 and with that, I got her a 3.5k necklace. However, i didn't just hand em over like i would with random women. With her, i made it into a follow the sticky notes, play along and see where it leads to. Long story short, she said that it was very sweet of me to do so, but she doesn't see me that way. I respected it, and she wanted to return the necklace, but I told her to keep it, and that I simply wanted to make her day. And I believe I did. Haven't seen her smile the way she did in a long time. However, several days later, and maybe it was God's doing. Broke my heart. I got done with a grocery run, and saw a guy on a sport spike in the parking lot. I told him that I liked his bike, and he said thanks. Seconds later, she pulled up next to him, and we noticed each other, and greeted each other, and..... the guy was with her. Her boyfriend. It broke me, and i kept it to myself, but eventually her sister caught on, and we talked, and she said she will pray for me and that God has someone better for me. And I joked and asked if it was her, and she laughed it off and said that I already know that she's in a serious relationship with her boyfriend, but if she wasnt then yes. She already knows I like em both, but can't because she is already in a relationship, and her sister, divorced, but got a new guy already, and her sister did say that she doesnt see me like that. Literally all the women I've approached and shown interest in, either married, or have a boyfriend already. Literally. Either God says no, or He cursed me. Perhaps He wants me to lower my standards because He knows that I have a heart of gold, and maybe He wants me to humble myself even more and give those men passed on a chance. But if that is the case, I would rather die. Those that are usually single and have either approached me, and have shown interest, are always the "big" kind. I don't know how else to describe them, so apologies. But even they, like I said, it's a cultural tradition. I go out my way, and like I said, even to strangers, i walk up to em, give em expensive gifts, chat for a bit, and then we part ways. When it comes to just giving in general, I refuse to go cheap unless its for myself. Things for myself are either budget, or cheap. When it comes to others, even strangers, i like to go expensive for them. Either way, I do it from the goodness of my heart because as Paul in Corinthians said. Without love we are nothing, for love is patient, love is kind. Love hopes all things, love bears all things and love endures all things. When everything else disappears, hope, faith and love remain. If they see it as weird, that's on them for thinking it's weird. I walk away with my head up high and to God be the glory. I'm nearly 40, and at this point in life, my hopes and faith are zero to none with my love life. And as Jordan Peterson once said, the "Lies, typical, clichés, and bs." In my case in regards to love, advice and even prayer, being told all the clichés like, once you stop looking for it, it will find you, God's timing is best, trust and pray without cease, God has someone for you and etc. Hearing things like that hurts me more than it helps at this point. I turned 32 just 3 days ago. Time isn't on my side. And time will continue to fly. All I can say is, it's not getting any better, I'll tell yall that. My guy friends often say I'm too feminine, to which I tell em, glove up, hop in the cage/ring and I'll bust yo ass, and they refuse. My point is, I'm fit, always been, I'm average height, head full of hair like Titanic Leonardo, sure I'm feminine, but in no way am I lacking masculinity. And I have God. God has my heart without a doubt. I clothed the naked. Fed the poor, gave Him my life 9 years ago, willingly sought Him out because I wanted to unalive myself then, but here i am still struggling with everything I guess. Besides materialistic wise. I do charity. Meals on wheels. I have a nice car to which many compliment. I'm employed. Well groomed. Average height. Jack from titanic hairstyle, yet.... whatever. 5am. Gotta get some shut eye. I stumbled upon this after literally sitting down in my living room in complete darkness while talking to God. Maybe I was talking to myself because it seems I fall on deaf ears. Anyway, apologies for the terms and conditions yall. Freaking essay of mine. Like I said. I found this right after a heavy conversation with our Father God in heaven. Am I saying the Lord led me here? An honest no. I'm just so done, tired, and needed to vent. Night yall, and happy Friday. Live simple. Life by default is a living hell. Oh ya, and shout out to 1975. Love that song!
@@haunted2024 You definitely need to try throwing yourself into new experiences and territories. I noticed a good quality of people when i left my country and went somewhere else for college. But concerning the age thing, i think it’s just a limitation we create in our minds. My mom’s friend just got engaged at 48 to a christian man who is foreign. Give yourself hope and don’t limit yourself based on social stigmas and conditions. Life is mysterious enough so let’s not pretend we are all supposed to fit in one box.
As advice from a sister in Christ haha - I’d say if you are „courting“ a woman/ in a exclusive relationship the yearning has more of a safe space/ opportunity. As long as it doesn’t lead to sin of course.
i think it also stems from low self-esteem. when girls feel like they aren't good enough for a man, they'll imagine a world where they'll feel worthy and valued from a man. this is where maladaptive daydreaming comes in.
Also the biggest problem is the idolization of having a relationship or partner like that. God tells us we shouldn’t have idols. We should worship Him and not these things. So it’s important to analyze ourselves and to not do that. Idolization of anything that isn’t God is not good 😅
You are right, but lets be wary. God gave us the world to enjoy it while seeking him. Limiting good joy is never god’s intention. God should be first though. So once your joy from your partner increases. You love of god should increase much more because of it. Knowing god gave you that joy will make you love god more
@@mayavi93 John 17: 13- 16 And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves. I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
@@s.k.vi4life832 i would be very careful in interpreting the bible verses. It doesn’t mean literal world. This verse “by world” means the evil ways of the world. God created the world and everything and said its Good. The satan wants us to hate the world. Thus he uses the bible verses to confuse us. We are not from the evil ways of the world just like jesus wasn’t. Because we are born again.
@@s.k.vi4life832 the world in the john verse means “the evil ways of the world” not the literal world. God created the world and said its good. There are good joys in the world. God wants us to seek them. We seek goodness because we seek God. The enemy wants us to hate the world so we don’t involve ourselves in the world and always depressed. The kingdom of God is already here after jesus resurrection. Seek the kingdom of god first and you will be given more. Seeking Kingdom of God is also seeking his goodness in this world.
I remember seeing a comment by young girls about how they don't know what love is, and I also think people may be confused about it generally. You discussed clearly how biblical romantic love should look according to Songs of Solomon. Another thing I want to add is how people have turned the media into their Bible in understanding the wholeness of love. A truth about love not talked about much is that love is painful too. It's not all so glam, but it's about choosing to love that person even when they don't deserve it because God is love, and He does for us every day.
What a BEAUTIFUL comment, thank you for sharing this! Love IS pain! Real love is comprehending ephemerality, accepting constant loss, and giving anyway. Real love is making value from nothing for it to one day be no longer perceptible! By you that is! Real love is the ultimate act of selflessness and service!!!
The end of the movie The Graduate is famous for capturing that post-romance clarity. After a sweeping romantic gesture, the reality sets in, "now what?"
I've met a lot (a lot to emphasize) Christian girls (15y to 25y) who have NO IDEA what is a man. Only the idealistic vision of a man. And I've seen many good men being dumped because they aren't what this idealism teaches and shows for these girls. Dating and marrying and today's culture is almost impossible without a great deal of suffering and maybe "trauma" for both parties May God help us all
I think it's a double-edged sword. Romance and yearning do have their place, but it's not all you should search for in a relationship. It's very easy to be charming and say sweet words to a woman, but that doesn't mean that the man doing those things is a good man. At the same time, i think with the era of "nonchalance" where everyone wants to act like they don't really care so they can have the upper hand in a relationship, it does make sense that there are girls who desire a yearner. I think its just an overcorrection of the issues with modern dating.
I like romance movies, but I think a lot of them are more about lust/feelings/passion rather than real love. I especially don't like how cheating is romanticised like in the notebook
I think the idea of yearning is something that the older generations grew up around. Back then things were more family oriented and men respected women in a different way and vice versa. Where did that love and want to yearn come from though that we see in older films? From the love of Jesus that western society was built on. But I agree with what you said about how it can easily become lust and that's where it went in Hollywood the term "sex sells" comes to mind movies and tv shows never use to be so focused on topics like that. Without God in these circles and ideas thrown around things got out of hand and did head towards lust. We need to get back to going after Jesus first if we want love to be restored in our relationships and in our culture because nobody or anything else can do it that's for sure.
I think it's also important to note that relationships are not for us they are for God especially romantic and marriage it's not all about love and passion and sex it's long standing and sacrificial more than about having solely out own needs met (often from trauma from childhood, or idolization from society of men/marriage
I once heard a pastor refer to Rom-Coms and Novels as emotional pornography for women. He then talked about Prov 4:23 and said it’s really hard to guard a goopy heart (speaking about young single women)
Emotional pornography is a great way to put it. Girls are falling in love with their book crushes and basing their whole standard for men off of fictional characters written by women 😫
It's so nice to hear a values-based take on this! Most video essays I see online are good intentioned but self-centered (like if it doesn't feel good, leave). Definitely earned a subscriber :).
I feel like women that enjoy this kind of fantasy aren't looking for the actual "resolution" to the fantasy (the guy himself) but simply want to perpetuate the process of feeling/experiencing the fantasy. I've yearned for women that very explicitly communicated they were into me, and they expressed enjoying dating me (not the world's idea of dating, I mean going to movies or out to coffee just to get to know each other, not engaging in sin), and then when I wanted to commit to an actual relationship with them they seem to lose interest. It's like playing a video game for them I think, once you beat the game and it's over...you don't want to play anymore. The ideal state is playing towards beating the game and never actually getting there, I think that's what a lot of women are chasing. And yearning as a man, or at least for me, has been absolutely exhausting. You doubt your feelings at first because you don't want to get invested in a woman that doesn't actually like you, and then she confirms that she likes you and your excitement peaks but you try to stay calm so you don't scare her away with the intensity of your emotional response, so you take your time building up to a point where you can share the true magnitude of your feelings for her...and then she yanks the rug out from under you, and you walk away feeling embarrassed for being so emotionally naked and vulnerable and angry at yourself for thinking that this time would be different. I've yearned for women I literally met in church, and have drawn clear boundaries in terms of being physical at all before marriage, and I've tried to demonstrate the attributes of a true spiritual leader...and they just don't want it. They always bail when the train is about to leave the station, even if they spent money on a ticket and all that time packing for the trip. And I'm 6'2", caramel skinned, keep my hair and beard manicured and my face clear of any blemishes, I'm ripped like a DBZ character, I'm open with my emotions and a clear and honest communicator, I'm a professional illustrator, I can sing, I play multiple instruments by ear, I used to be a gymnast, I can cook better than at least 50% of American mothers (including my own), and I fear no individual, power, or principality except God. And I'm not bragging (God has blessed me immensely), I just know someone reading this is wondering if I'm some short King with a dad bod and a balding spot (nothing against the men that fit that description, if it's any consolation bro...women don't want me either and I possess most of the traits they say they're looking for). I've concluded that I'll just love God and focus on my relationship with Jesus, and if He allows me to meet someone who will actually take the leap with me then praise God. If He keeps me from ever finding a mate, despite this intense yearning in my heart for companionship and a family and children and being able to pass on my legacy...then praise God. It's clearly not up to me or within my control, as earnest as I am. If I don't have anyone else, at least I'll still have Jesus.
I'd like to come to the same realisation, that Jesus is enough. But idolising relationships is something I struggle with, sometimes I just yearn so strongly to have someone with me, so I can love and be loved by, and I'm not much of a crier really but sometimes I do, it can hurt so much, and it's so so desperate and empty. But it's a case of feelings, isn't it 🤷🏼♀. You've got to love them. We're wired to struggle, whether it be to a partner or food and shelter. There will always be something. Gosh but it's a slow process really accepting that all I have is my present, just got to be okay with it. I think God is really humbling us all to Him, so when it's His perfect timing things run smoothly. Such a difficult thing the commitment to surrender to Him, such a difficult thing. But I have no doubt it's the most worthwhile thing we have. I'm praying for you, thank you for sharing, it has helped me accept my own feelings a bit more, too.
And also, that feeling of emptiness is just so so so so so so inconceivably sad. The most painful thing I've ever felt. But it really can't be sadder than not having faith, can it, it can't be more painful than distrust of God? It's got to be part of the preparations, the pain. Not avoidable in any case, there is nothing under the sun or moon that can be done about that! Again, sending you love, and thanks again for sharing 🤍
Oh yeah and you hit the nail on the head, everyone likes attention, it's an easy distraction from the work we each have to do in our own relationship with Jesus, hence entertaining people to no purpose really. I don't know I suppose it rounds us out..? Well it is a bit daft isn't it. Some people take it to quite some levels, but in any case there are people out there that would match, there's a lot of love out there, really, real love, and potential everywhere, but along the lines of what you wrote at the end there, you've heard the quote I'm sure about running as fast as you can towards Jesus and at some point you become aware someone's running next to you?
I’m very sorry for your struggles and frustrations. You make an excellent point. Desiring something and having something are two vastly different things, and everyone - even people who desire the exact same thing - will have different responses to getting what they want. For example, some people have gotten so used to thinking of their emotional needs as fantasies never to be fulfilled, that when they are given a chance to fulfill their emotional needs in a relationship, they withdraw, thinking it must be a trick because the need is impossible to fulfill. Not all women who do this are trying to play you; most are probably just as frustrated with themselves as you are. Many men I’ve met in real life and online seem to think that women are master manipulators that use their feminine beauty to trick men into doing whatever they want, but it’s simply not true. Yes, there are women like that, but manipulation and selfishness are not gendered. There are just as many men who treat women like a video game. Another thing to remember are the specifics of the female fantasy. The women saying “bring back men who yearn” enjoy the fantasy of a man yearning over them, specifically, for who they are. Most women, especially beautiful women, are used to men wanting them for what they are: a woman, a sex object, a companion, a life-giver, a homemaker, a potential mother of their children. To be desired in this way feels less important because that desire can be satisfied by any woman. But to be desired for who you are, your personality and your very soul? That is very precious. So, ask yourself, in your past relationships, did you yearn for a woman because of who she was, or did you yearn for a wife and felt the woman would be suitable in that role? I’m not accusing you of anything; I don’t doubt you were undervalued in those past relationships. But remember that when it comes to yearning, the how, when, who, and why are important. I don’t think the female fantasy of being desired is bad, but I think it has been overemphasized to the detriment of relationships, and it sounds like you’ve had to deal with the effects.
I think that young women have been sold the idea that romance is the only thing to look for in a relationship. Searching for romance is searching for a very *specific* feeling, and guess what-feelings fade. Love will not always feel euphoric and magical, in fact many healthy relationships would be seen as “boring” by the standards of romance. Boring is okay, not every day is made to be an adventure. Stability and compatibility as well as putting God first should be our priority as Christians who desire a relationship (and marriage).
I don’t think romance movies/books are bad though. They’re fine in moderation, but here’s the truth: if you compare real men to men in romance media, real men cannot compare (because it’s a fantasy!)
I would say a godly man pursues with clear goals and a tender heart; in turn a godly woman prayerfully considers whether the man's direction and his heart is one she wants to follow. Playing hard-to-get games leads to insecure men, prideful women, and really unhealthy relationship standards that we wouldn't even tolerate in a friendship. Life has enough stresses of its own: men need a suitable helper, women need a secure leader. We should encourage one another but also have grace for each other- because if we don't, we can crush someone we say we love with the weight of our expectations. Christ is our best example- he told the disciple "follow me" and yet washed their feet.
man written by woman is really a problem... I'm struggling with this and God told me to stop watching romances bc it just made me crave so much for this kind of love that I was a little bit needy
she never said it wasn’t. she was talking about “man written by woman” why do you constantly feel attacked that you need to comment that on her testimony
I truly agree with your take on this. Something i learned pretty recently is that theres so many different types of relationships (in terms of what makes a romantic relationship different from others) , and it's truly a gift from the Lord, but it goes wrong is when we want what others have and think that if we dont have what they do our partner doesnt love us. It soso stems from fear. Any connection is bound to clash. We are only able to make something work is if we learn from the only unclashable relationship we will ever form. Which is with the Lord who made us and knows what's good for us.
Plenty of saints in the Bible clashed with God. Ever read the Book of Job? And often times, God welcomes the honesty we give Him about the clashing (as was the case with Job). The key is, rather, to allow God to show you a relationship that is not susceptible to dying because of clashing.
@KMANelPADRINO , you aren't wrong. However, in terms of clashing, i mean both sides bringing something that can "negatively" impact the relationship. We never had to forgive the Lord for his wrongdoing at all because he's perfect.
Yearn for Christ only. Your relationship with whoever is never supposed to be the fulfillment of love we are incapable of loving one another perfectly. Be so in love with Jesus you don't need any validation from anyone.
Love this take! A really great reminder for us to remember Christ must be at the center of the relationship, and the relationship must reflect our Father's heart and desires for us🤍🤍
I agree with almost everything you say in this video, except the idea that that kind of romance is unattainable It's not true that this is unattainable. You can absolutely create romance and engage in intentional romance and be good at it and witty about it. And you can continue to do that throughout your relationship. In fact, the Bible talks about husbands being intoxicated with love for their wives. It is not the norm and it is not average and if you're holding out for it, you don't have a very good chance of finding it in a guy, but it absolutely is possible and you can learn how to do it. It won't always be perfect and you won't always be perfect because you are human and you are living life but it is something that you can strive to keep in your relationship. Im actually working towards writing a book about it, which I've been planning ever since I looked up the definitions of hopeless and hopeful romantic and realized they are just as depressing as each other.
While I agree that many stories based around romance are unrealistic/unhealthy as far as the situational circumstances that many characters in the genre may run into and the level of intimacy portrayed that speaks of no more than lust, I do believe that by and by art mimics life. Yearning, as you mentioned with Song of Songs is real, biblical, and does happen, especially in Christian marriages. Rather than deeming movies like Pride and Prejudiced as unrealistic or unattainable, I would actually say this is a moving-picture example of proper courtship and realistic expectations for what love looks like in real relationships that last. I have seen yearning and I have seen romance in the letters my parents wrote to each other (still married 26 years now). It is not completely inaccurate. And even they can tell you that for sure back in the day people took love and marriage seriously. I think the problem is not the movies but rather the audience. The way we intake these films and our view of romance is flawed. It's hard to capture the sober emotion that true love produces for an audience that projects their perfervid feeling of butterflies onto these characters because they themselves have never felt that calm, comfortable, secure feeling. When I watch the Sound of Music, for example, I see in Maria a woman of maturity and holy reverence who doesn't succumb easily to the passion she undoubtedly feels for Baron Von Trapp, and who trusted the Lord to lead her on her path; a path which led right to marriage. I also see in her, the fear that many Christian women have today at the thought of choosing to love someone because they think it somehow means they are displeasing the one who gifted them with that choice, Christ/God. We are not supposed to live our lives shying away from what God deemed as good. We can pray for clarity and discernment to better grasp what romantic love should be, but that is different from throwing out romance altogether. Fortunately, we live in an age where romance in relationships is more attainable than before, if only we carried the sobriety of former centuries, perhaps we would not cast our pearls of love before unworthy swine or expect men to be more than the flawed beings they are. That being said, we aren't barred from loving someone flawed unconditionally because God loves us. If I am capable of loving someone without condition, then I can reasonably set a standard for men and say that it is possible for a man to love me in the same way.
I totally agree that you usually see what you know, and it's hard to understand the peace of trust if it's a foreign feeling! And then you know what you see. I believe that, with today's mass of media and its various types and outlets, much of the industry capitalises on portraying life not so much realistically as to really portray a significantly heightened emotional experience. Any emotional rollercoaster, the more pertaining to the flight of fancy, the better. It's no longer just rose-tints, and The Sound of Music certainly is a fine work, but in general now art shows a lot of raunch, soul-wrenching yearning, on the other end all kinds of gruesome content, horror, AI effects, airbrushing all round, just displays of intense desire and loss, primal stimuli, generally triggering stuff - as with anything all indeed thought-provoking, but disabling to a world that is increasingly exposed to the concept of relationships through screens. Art has either lost any relevance to reality to become supply to a demand or reality is changing. I'm glad Elys brought the topic up, it's a very important one to discuss!
Also, thank you for bringing up your point about fear of displeasing God in choosing someone. We are not supposed to live our lives shying away from what God deemed as good is SUCH a freeing thing to read, really thank you so much for sharing that thought!!! Mmm, you're right we shouldn't throw out romance altogether, no no no, learning to love is probably the most beautiful part of the human experience!!! Yes, now many of us do really have choice over who we marry - Hallelujah! Hahaha I like the casting of pearls and unworthy swine imagery a lot! Yes we are all flawed, can't be expecting more, gosh that lights a fire under me, why not get on with it, right? Mmm, I'll be interested to find out how I feel about your sentence about not being barred from loving someone flawed unconditionally because God loves us. I hear relationships aren't easy, and it's often heavily implied that there's condition in that love, but have seen couples who seem so calm and comfortable together they could be one, it looks entirely natural, not like a contracted agreement, they look like they are selfless with each other, and I do wonder whether they feel a love that is without condition for each other. And some people say they love their children more than their spouse, and if one can even compare those two different types of love then how interesting... so perhaps they feel an unconditional love towards their children, but not one another.
@zzzozozo I agree as well that it's good to hear someone talking about this. I feel, however, that if Elys had mentioned a more relevant example such as the mind-rotting show that is Bridgerton her argument would have made more sense to me. And I'm glad you appreciate my perspective! Much love!
@zzzozozo And to clear up confusion about the conditional way that humans tend to love each other, again this is why we need to understand love biblically and maturely. It is a fact that most people don't marry the love of their lives and half of those who marry get a divorce. Most people have superficial criteria for marriage, and love has very little to do with it. As much as we think we may know or love someone, there is a lack of discernment that comes with removing God from the equation. Or, in the case of Christian couples, a pious disposition may lead someone to marry regardless of what they want because they mistakenly believe being equally yoked on a religious level is all there is to it. Whatever the reason, when I say we are not barred from loving flawed beings, I simply mean that if you seek perfection, you'll only find that in Christ, and in that case you could be blocking yourself off from the prospect of marriage. This is the reason so many Christian youth are still single. I believe that in today's time we need more marriage not less, but suddenly so many of us are being discouraged by spiritual leaders from seeking such a thing. Suddenly, everyone thinks they need to be like Paul and pursue a path of singleness. Let's be honest, very few of us have that calling. It was God's original plan for man to procreate. I believe marriage is the greatest ministry because it affects all of us and because it best represents God's covenant with the church. Everyone is affected by whether or not they grew up in a two-parent household and saw examples of parents who love each other. Too many Christian men and women are worried about becoming evangelists or missionaries and not enough about becoming wives and husbands, fathers and mothers. We focus heavily on spreading platonic Christian love and not enough on the only relationship God actually ordained on earth. I we brought up our children to dream of having simpler lives where they build and nuture a little church of their own (a family), I wonder how much of a difference that would make in society.
I think it's so captivating because the good desire for human companionship is compounded with the innate desire to fill the heart's God shaped hole. Jesus yearns for you to share your heart with him. These romances often encroach on that holy heart ground.
Finally 1 agree 100% on this, dating became mind play because of this movies. Emotion is importante don’t get me wrong but I feel like they insert their desire play on us to make us feel more that there is.
Psalm 46:1-2 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth be removed and carried into the midst of the sea Amen.🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🌸💗💝🌹⛪🌹🌹🌹🌹🦋🦋🦋🍩🍩🍩🍩🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍩🍨🍩
Wow, thank you for this video, Elys, thank you for talking about this, it was really encouraging for me to hear. I wholeheartedly agree with you. What a video and a friend to girls and boys you are 😍! Thank you 🥰🥰
This stemmed down from eve. God cursed woman to yearn for a husband and that he'd rule over her. So, to be desired by man is hard-wired into every woman. It's kindve annoying. But God says "cleave unto me" and "seek my kingdom first" and "He is a jealous God". And "trust the Lord'. Focus on Him!! It's that simple. Dont settle for anything that He didn't ordain for you. God says "trust no man" and "God is not a man that he shall lie". You'll only break your own heart because of impatience. Stop reading hopeless romantic books and pick Gods word, thats the ultimate Book about love.
I used to yearn until i learned, learning to yearn will not earn, but only earn a cold stern, from whoever you yearn to earn. Since now ive learned it only brings back 0 investment on your returns.
@@datanotfound4556I agree with him, I’m not going to yearn anymore. I think living my life day by day and putting the dream aside and putting God first. It makes you mature but it also makes you see the consequences.
The distinction between the men who ‘yearns’ and the men who obsess is that the men who yearn are considered more attractive… 😂 the thing is a men like that don’t really have to yearn.
It depends on whether or not the woman in question returns the feelings of the man who yearns. If she does then she can find it beautiful, touching, and captivating.
I always thought it was a problem and a lie that people would operate like those clips you shown. But also back in the day growing up watching sitcoms and tv shows especially the teen shows or movies and romance got involved. Its all a fantasy and facade because we should all know that most if not all of it is unrealistic and not how it works EVER. Thats why i believe so many have problems especially now with finding someone and love because those things they watched listen to in music or read have given them false expectations of what it is and should be. So when it doesn't happen like that they think something is wrong with the other person and they need to look for someone else who fits that perfect vision they been falsely conditioned or maybe indoctrinated by. If im being too deep about it then tell me how this isn't one of the big reasons why we see so many troubled relationships and break ups and failed marriages because people have a false view and unrealistic standards and vision of love relationships and marriages?
Yes and so many opportunities to not work on the relationship by escaping and getting needs met some other way, giving attention to anything but the issue. Fickle, though it is, because the problem remains.
Great video. Liked and subscribed. It's not good to have a woman direct the relationship via expressing wants like these- sisters need to be careful what they ask for. Love is Logos, of course there's space for emotion, being swept off one's feet, spontaneity etc- But dear ladies, be careful about a guy who chases like this- he is most likely trying to find his purpose in you rather than the God-given task of daily self-sacrifice . "if he need you, he can't lead you."
Men can show yearning, but it has to be after showing decisiveness, independent thinking, dedication to goals and he has to have a thread of 'threat' in him. Your yearning can only be appreciated, in real life, when it's clear that it is not the only thing you live for. Let her know you're capable of walking away from her and then your want of her becomes much more valuable in her mind. Women know they are full of b.s. and if she sees you bowing to that she'll be turned off. Prove me wrong.
I noticed this as a potential addiction ( for us women) and especially young girls. All of these fantasy books these women are reading can damage their view on how other people function (which isn't always charismatic and fun). I've seen many girls become addicted to these books and I'm concerned for them as a fellow sister who has fallen into this trap in other ways. It's certainly harder to put things in perspective when you don't have the Holy Spirit to provide discernment and conviction. So I definitely agree with your statements.
I feel like we should also actualize these men are written by women in those books and movies
You couldn't have said this better!!! It's not a potential addiction; its already an addiction.
I started this in high school, fell into daydreaming addiction which has been a fight to overcome. I had to fast for 3 days without food for deliverance.Now I avoid any and all romantic content because of tendencies to daydream
@@olliestale864 Very true‼️
@@janewambui2065 That's amazing I'm so proud of you 🫶🏼! I fell into something similar. Earlier in middle school I would try and dream I was in a fictional world where I'm a better version of myself. I would imagine a prettier, bolder, older version of myself 💀. Oh my gosh it was a problem. I was also very insecure about my body and it would get so bad that I'd compare myself to other girls I'd see randomly and use their appearance for my imaginary world. All glory to God for delivering me from that delusion 🙏🏼.
As a Christian guy, I think we would love to yearn but it may most likely be seen as desperate and embarrassing and end with us feeling rejected and belittled after being so vulnerable. This Fantasy isn’t bound to happen much bc men base their approach based off of what women respond best to.. Unfortunately it’s not received well in these times when a guy yearns
I think you’re right, I have noticed among my female social circles that most of them do like that sort of approach but only by those who they want so basically by specific men who in most cases are a small percentage based on the fictional characteristics they describe. Personally I like vibing with a guy and if it leads to something romantic so be it, but some things are too bookish in my opinion.
Yep yall two nailed it. I often get told by my women friends, whom are all in relationships already, either married or have a boyfriend, that I'm like a romantic guy straight out of a movie, and at times it even scares them. I personally find joy in the saying, "Happiness is only real when shared. And I live by that. I had a friend that I was a shoulder to cry on when she was going through rough times with her now ex husband, and when the divorce finalized and happened, I was still there for her, and I always had feelings for her, and several days later I took my shot. She was still heart broken over her divorce, and cried often. So, doing what I already do to random women at times because it's a cultural tradition for me, especially on valentines day, I would buy em lots and lots of expensive gourmet chocolates, and usually with a teddy bear. However, with her, it was the gourmet chocolates, three of the boxes were already nearly $200 and with that, I got her a 3.5k necklace. However, i didn't just hand em over like i would with random women. With her, i made it into a follow the sticky notes, play along and see where it leads to. Long story short, she said that it was very sweet of me to do so, but she doesn't see me that way. I respected it, and she wanted to return the necklace, but I told her to keep it, and that I simply wanted to make her day. And I believe I did. Haven't seen her smile the way she did in a long time. However, several days later, and maybe it was God's doing. Broke my heart. I got done with a grocery run, and saw a guy on a sport spike in the parking lot. I told him that I liked his bike, and he said thanks. Seconds later, she pulled up next to him, and we noticed each other, and greeted each other, and..... the guy was with her. Her boyfriend. It broke me, and i kept it to myself, but eventually her sister caught on, and we talked, and she said she will pray for me and that God has someone better for me. And I joked and asked if it was her, and she laughed it off and said that I already know that she's in a serious relationship with her boyfriend, but if she wasnt then yes. She already knows I like em both, but can't because she is already in a relationship, and her sister, divorced, but got a new guy already, and her sister did say that she doesnt see me like that.
Literally all the women I've approached and shown interest in, either married, or have a boyfriend already. Literally. Either God says no, or He cursed me. Perhaps He wants me to lower my standards because He knows that I have a heart of gold, and maybe He wants me to humble myself even more and give those men passed on a chance. But if that is the case, I would rather die. Those that are usually single and have either approached me, and have shown interest, are always the "big" kind. I don't know how else to describe them, so apologies. But even they, like I said, it's a cultural tradition. I go out my way, and like I said, even to strangers, i walk up to em, give em expensive gifts, chat for a bit, and then we part ways. When it comes to just giving in general, I refuse to go cheap unless its for myself. Things for myself are either budget, or cheap. When it comes to others, even strangers, i like to go expensive for them. Either way, I do it from the goodness of my heart because as Paul in Corinthians said. Without love we are nothing, for love is patient, love is kind. Love hopes all things, love bears all things and love endures all things. When everything else disappears, hope, faith and love remain. If they see it as weird, that's on them for thinking it's weird. I walk away with my head up high and to God be the glory.
I'm nearly 40, and at this point in life, my hopes and faith are zero to none with my love life. And as Jordan Peterson once said, the "Lies, typical, clichés, and bs." In my case in regards to love, advice and even prayer, being told all the clichés like, once you stop looking for it, it will find you, God's timing is best, trust and pray without cease, God has someone for you and etc. Hearing things like that hurts me more than it helps at this point. I turned 32 just 3 days ago. Time isn't on my side. And time will continue to fly. All I can say is, it's not getting any better, I'll tell yall that.
My guy friends often say I'm too feminine, to which I tell em, glove up, hop in the cage/ring and I'll bust yo ass, and they refuse. My point is, I'm fit, always been, I'm average height, head full of hair like Titanic Leonardo, sure I'm feminine, but in no way am I lacking masculinity. And I have God. God has my heart without a doubt. I clothed the naked. Fed the poor, gave Him my life 9 years ago, willingly sought Him out because I wanted to unalive myself then, but here i am still struggling with everything I guess. Besides materialistic wise. I do charity. Meals on wheels. I have a nice car to which many compliment. I'm employed. Well groomed. Average height. Jack from titanic hairstyle, yet.... whatever. 5am. Gotta get some shut eye. I stumbled upon this after literally sitting down in my living room in complete darkness while talking to God. Maybe I was talking to myself because it seems I fall on deaf ears.
Anyway, apologies for the terms and conditions yall. Freaking essay of mine. Like I said. I found this right after a heavy conversation with our Father God in heaven. Am I saying the Lord led me here? An honest no. I'm just so done, tired, and needed to vent. Night yall, and happy Friday. Live simple. Life by default is a living hell.
Oh ya, and shout out to 1975. Love that song!
@@haunted2024 You definitely need to try throwing yourself into new experiences and territories. I noticed a good quality of people when i left my country and went somewhere else for college. But concerning the age thing, i think it’s just a limitation we create in our minds. My mom’s friend just got engaged at 48 to a christian man who is foreign. Give yourself hope and don’t limit yourself based on social stigmas and conditions. Life is mysterious enough so let’s not pretend we are all supposed to fit in one box.
As advice from a sister in Christ haha - I’d say if you are „courting“ a woman/ in a exclusive relationship the yearning has more of a safe space/ opportunity. As long as it doesn’t lead to sin of course.
@@haunted2024 Thanks for sharing!
i think it also stems from low self-esteem. when girls feel like they aren't good enough for a man, they'll imagine a world where they'll feel worthy and valued from a man. this is where maladaptive daydreaming comes in.
Or it stems from entitlement that you deserve someone fawning over you in dramatic fashion because you're so worthy
Also the biggest problem is the idolization of having a relationship or partner like that. God tells us we shouldn’t have idols. We should worship Him and not these things. So it’s important to analyze ourselves and to not do that. Idolization of anything that isn’t God is not good 😅
Is it wrong to idolise Christ-like characteristics?
You are right, but lets be wary. God gave us the world to enjoy it while seeking him. Limiting good joy is never god’s intention. God should be first though. So once your joy from your partner increases. You love of god should increase much more because of it. Knowing god gave you that joy will make you love god more
@@mayavi93 John 17: 13- 16 And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves. I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.
@@s.k.vi4life832 i would be very careful in interpreting the bible verses. It doesn’t mean literal world. This verse “by world” means the evil ways of the world. God created the world and everything and said its Good. The satan wants us to hate the world. Thus he uses the bible verses to confuse us. We are not from the evil ways of the world just like jesus wasn’t. Because we are born again.
@@s.k.vi4life832 the world in the john verse means “the evil ways of the world” not the literal world. God created the world and said its good. There are good joys in the world. God wants us to seek them. We seek goodness because we seek God.
The enemy wants us to hate the world so we don’t involve ourselves in the world and always depressed. The kingdom of God is already here after jesus resurrection. Seek the kingdom of god first and you will be given more. Seeking Kingdom of God is also seeking his goodness in this world.
I remember seeing a comment by young girls about how they don't know what love is, and I also think people may be confused about it generally. You discussed clearly how biblical romantic love should look according to Songs of Solomon. Another thing I want to add is how people have turned the media into their Bible in understanding the wholeness of love. A truth about love not talked about much is that love is painful too. It's not all so glam, but it's about choosing to love that person even when they don't deserve it because God is love, and He does for us every day.
You worded this so perfectly
What a BEAUTIFUL comment, thank you for sharing this! Love IS pain! Real love is comprehending ephemerality, accepting constant loss, and giving anyway. Real love is making value from nothing for it to one day be no longer perceptible! By you that is! Real love is the ultimate act of selflessness and service!!!
The end of the movie The Graduate is famous for capturing that post-romance clarity. After a sweeping romantic gesture, the reality sets in, "now what?"
I've met a lot (a lot to emphasize) Christian girls (15y to 25y) who have NO IDEA what is a man. Only the idealistic vision of a man. And I've seen many good men being dumped because they aren't what this idealism teaches and shows for these girls. Dating and marrying and today's culture is almost impossible without a great deal of suffering and maybe "trauma" for both parties
May God help us all
Typically this is the result of a lack of good, sound parenting.
I think it's a double-edged sword. Romance and yearning do have their place, but it's not all you should search for in a relationship. It's very easy to be charming and say sweet words to a woman, but that doesn't mean that the man doing those things is a good man.
At the same time, i think with the era of "nonchalance" where everyone wants to act like they don't really care so they can have the upper hand in a relationship, it does make sense that there are girls who desire a yearner. I think its just an overcorrection of the issues with modern dating.
I like romance movies, but I think a lot of them are more about lust/feelings/passion rather than real love. I especially don't like how cheating is romanticised like in the notebook
I think the idea of yearning is something that the older generations grew up around. Back then things were more family oriented and men respected women in a different way and vice versa. Where did that love and want to yearn come from though that we see in older films? From the love of Jesus that western society was built on. But I agree with what you said about how it can easily become lust and that's where it went in Hollywood the term "sex sells" comes to mind movies and tv shows never use to be so focused on topics like that. Without God in these circles and ideas thrown around things got out of hand and did head towards lust. We need to get back to going after Jesus first if we want love to be restored in our relationships and in our culture because nobody or anything else can do it that's for sure.
Agreed! Just reading that term you quote there is nauseating. We need Jesus!
I think it's also important to note that relationships are not for us they are for God especially romantic and marriage it's not all about love and passion and sex it's long standing and sacrificial more than about having solely out own needs met (often from trauma from childhood, or idolization from society of men/marriage
I once heard a pastor refer to Rom-Coms and Novels as emotional pornography for women. He then talked about Prov 4:23 and said it’s really hard to guard a goopy heart (speaking about young single women)
Facts, they play our mind so well
@ Look up Doug Wilson Dear Darla (the whole series is good). The vid is called “On Guarding your Heart”
Emotional pornography is a great way to put it. Girls are falling in love with their book crushes and basing their whole standard for men off of fictional characters written by women 😫
@@GabbyTeAmaIt's No Different than Men comparing Women to OnlyFans and Instagram Baddies!
It's so nice to hear a values-based take on this! Most video essays I see online are good intentioned but self-centered (like if it doesn't feel good, leave). Definitely earned a subscriber :).
I feel like women that enjoy this kind of fantasy aren't looking for the actual "resolution" to the fantasy (the guy himself) but simply want to perpetuate the process of feeling/experiencing the fantasy. I've yearned for women that very explicitly communicated they were into me, and they expressed enjoying dating me (not the world's idea of dating, I mean going to movies or out to coffee just to get to know each other, not engaging in sin), and then when I wanted to commit to an actual relationship with them they seem to lose interest. It's like playing a video game for them I think, once you beat the game and it's over...you don't want to play anymore. The ideal state is playing towards beating the game and never actually getting there, I think that's what a lot of women are chasing. And yearning as a man, or at least for me, has been absolutely exhausting. You doubt your feelings at first because you don't want to get invested in a woman that doesn't actually like you, and then she confirms that she likes you and your excitement peaks but you try to stay calm so you don't scare her away with the intensity of your emotional response, so you take your time building up to a point where you can share the true magnitude of your feelings for her...and then she yanks the rug out from under you, and you walk away feeling embarrassed for being so emotionally naked and vulnerable and angry at yourself for thinking that this time would be different. I've yearned for women I literally met in church, and have drawn clear boundaries in terms of being physical at all before marriage, and I've tried to demonstrate the attributes of a true spiritual leader...and they just don't want it. They always bail when the train is about to leave the station, even if they spent money on a ticket and all that time packing for the trip. And I'm 6'2", caramel skinned, keep my hair and beard manicured and my face clear of any blemishes, I'm ripped like a DBZ character, I'm open with my emotions and a clear and honest communicator, I'm a professional illustrator, I can sing, I play multiple instruments by ear, I used to be a gymnast, I can cook better than at least 50% of American mothers (including my own), and I fear no individual, power, or principality except God. And I'm not bragging (God has blessed me immensely), I just know someone reading this is wondering if I'm some short King with a dad bod and a balding spot (nothing against the men that fit that description, if it's any consolation bro...women don't want me either and I possess most of the traits they say they're looking for).
I've concluded that I'll just love God and focus on my relationship with Jesus, and if He allows me to meet someone who will actually take the leap with me then praise God. If He keeps me from ever finding a mate, despite this intense yearning in my heart for companionship and a family and children and being able to pass on my legacy...then praise God. It's clearly not up to me or within my control, as earnest as I am. If I don't have anyone else, at least I'll still have Jesus.
I can cook better than at least 50% of American mothers 😂 well you have humour too!
I'd like to come to the same realisation, that Jesus is enough. But idolising relationships is something I struggle with, sometimes I just yearn so strongly to have someone with me, so I can love and be loved by, and I'm not much of a crier really but sometimes I do, it can hurt so much, and it's so so desperate and empty. But it's a case of feelings, isn't it 🤷🏼♀. You've got to love them. We're wired to struggle, whether it be to a partner or food and shelter. There will always be something. Gosh but it's a slow process really accepting that all I have is my present, just got to be okay with it. I think God is really humbling us all to Him, so when it's His perfect timing things run smoothly. Such a difficult thing the commitment to surrender to Him, such a difficult thing. But I have no doubt it's the most worthwhile thing we have. I'm praying for you, thank you for sharing, it has helped me accept my own feelings a bit more, too.
And also, that feeling of emptiness is just so so so so so so inconceivably sad. The most painful thing I've ever felt. But it really can't be sadder than not having faith, can it, it can't be more painful than distrust of God? It's got to be part of the preparations, the pain. Not avoidable in any case, there is nothing under the sun or moon that can be done about that! Again, sending you love, and thanks again for sharing 🤍
Oh yeah and you hit the nail on the head, everyone likes attention, it's an easy distraction from the work we each have to do in our own relationship with Jesus, hence entertaining people to no purpose really. I don't know I suppose it rounds us out..? Well it is a bit daft isn't it. Some people take it to quite some levels, but in any case there are people out there that would match, there's a lot of love out there, really, real love, and potential everywhere, but along the lines of what you wrote at the end there, you've heard the quote I'm sure about running as fast as you can towards Jesus and at some point you become aware someone's running next to you?
I’m very sorry for your struggles and frustrations. You make an excellent point. Desiring something and having something are two vastly different things, and everyone - even people who desire the exact same thing - will have different responses to getting what they want. For example, some people have gotten so used to thinking of their emotional needs as fantasies never to be fulfilled, that when they are given a chance to fulfill their emotional needs in a relationship, they withdraw, thinking it must be a trick because the need is impossible to fulfill. Not all women who do this are trying to play you; most are probably just as frustrated with themselves as you are. Many men I’ve met in real life and online seem to think that women are master manipulators that use their feminine beauty to trick men into doing whatever they want, but it’s simply not true. Yes, there are women like that, but manipulation and selfishness are not gendered. There are just as many men who treat women like a video game. Another thing to remember are the specifics of the female fantasy. The women saying “bring back men who yearn” enjoy the fantasy of a man yearning over them, specifically, for who they are. Most women, especially beautiful women, are used to men wanting them for what they are: a woman, a sex object, a companion, a life-giver, a homemaker, a potential mother of their children. To be desired in this way feels less important because that desire can be satisfied by any woman. But to be desired for who you are, your personality and your very soul? That is very precious. So, ask yourself, in your past relationships, did you yearn for a woman because of who she was, or did you yearn for a wife and felt the woman would be suitable in that role? I’m not accusing you of anything; I don’t doubt you were undervalued in those past relationships. But remember that when it comes to yearning, the how, when, who, and why are important. I don’t think the female fantasy of being desired is bad, but I think it has been overemphasized to the detriment of relationships, and it sounds like you’ve had to deal with the effects.
I think that young women have been sold the idea that romance is the only thing to look for in a relationship. Searching for romance is searching for a very *specific* feeling, and guess what-feelings fade. Love will not always feel euphoric and magical, in fact many healthy relationships would be seen as “boring” by the standards of romance. Boring is okay, not every day is made to be an adventure. Stability and compatibility as well as putting God first should be our priority as Christians who desire a relationship (and marriage).
I don’t think romance movies/books are bad though. They’re fine in moderation, but here’s the truth: if you compare real men to men in romance media, real men cannot compare (because it’s a fantasy!)
Yass this!!
I would say a godly man pursues with clear goals and a tender heart; in turn a godly woman prayerfully considers whether the man's direction and his heart is one she wants to follow. Playing hard-to-get games leads to insecure men, prideful women, and really unhealthy relationship standards that we wouldn't even tolerate in a friendship. Life has enough stresses of its own: men need a suitable helper, women need a secure leader. We should encourage one another but also have grace for each other- because if we don't, we can crush someone we say we love with the weight of our expectations. Christ is our best example- he told the disciple "follow me" and yet washed their feet.
Thank you for sharing this, this is beautiful ❤
Love this!! Thanks
This is extremely well said.
man written by woman is really a problem... I'm struggling with this and God told me to stop watching romances bc it just made me crave so much for this kind of love that I was a little bit needy
girl what the fxck are you saying
and so is woman written by a man...
she never said it wasn’t. she was talking about “man written by woman” why do you constantly feel attacked that you need to comment that on her testimony
Jayneminm are you single? 😅
@sosoian2092 im sorry, did you answer the right comment?....
I truly agree with your take on this. Something i learned pretty recently is that theres so many different types of relationships (in terms of what makes a romantic relationship different from others) , and it's truly a gift from the Lord, but it goes wrong is when we want what others have and think that if we dont have what they do our partner doesnt love us. It soso stems from fear. Any connection is bound to clash. We are only able to make something work is if we learn from the only unclashable relationship we will ever form. Which is with the Lord who made us and knows what's good for us.
Plenty of saints in the Bible clashed with God. Ever read the Book of Job? And often times, God welcomes the honesty we give Him about the clashing (as was the case with Job).
The key is, rather, to allow God to show you a relationship that is not susceptible to dying because of clashing.
@KMANelPADRINO , you aren't wrong. However, in terms of clashing, i mean both sides bringing something that can "negatively" impact the relationship.
We never had to forgive the Lord for his wrongdoing at all because he's perfect.
Yes, we must have the Lord centred in our relationships! Only He will be able to dispel that fear!
Yearn for Christ only. Your relationship with whoever is never supposed to be the fulfillment of love we are incapable of loving one another perfectly. Be so in love with Jesus you don't need any validation from anyone.
Love this take! A really great reminder for us to remember Christ must be at the center of the relationship, and the relationship must reflect our Father's heart and desires for us🤍🤍
Amen!!!
I agree with almost everything you say in this video, except the idea that that kind of romance is unattainable It's not true that this is unattainable. You can absolutely create romance and engage in intentional romance and be good at it and witty about it. And you can continue to do that throughout your relationship. In fact, the Bible talks about husbands being intoxicated with love for their wives.
It is not the norm and it is not average and if you're holding out for it, you don't have a very good chance of finding it in a guy, but it absolutely is possible and you can learn how to do it. It won't always be perfect and you won't always be perfect because you are human and you are living life but it is something that you can strive to keep in your relationship.
Im actually working towards writing a book about it, which I've been planning ever since I looked up the definitions of hopeless and hopeful romantic and realized they are just as depressing as each other.
Ooh please come back and share if you publish it, I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts!
While I agree that many stories based around romance are unrealistic/unhealthy as far as the situational circumstances that many characters in the genre may run into and the level of intimacy portrayed that speaks of no more than lust, I do believe that by and by art mimics life. Yearning, as you mentioned with Song of Songs is real, biblical, and does happen, especially in Christian marriages. Rather than deeming movies like Pride and Prejudiced as unrealistic or unattainable, I would actually say this is a moving-picture example of proper courtship and realistic expectations for what love looks like in real relationships that last. I have seen yearning and I have seen romance in the letters my parents wrote to each other (still married 26 years now). It is not completely inaccurate. And even they can tell you that for sure back in the day people took love and marriage seriously. I think the problem is not the movies but rather the audience. The way we intake these films and our view of romance is flawed. It's hard to capture the sober emotion that true love produces for an audience that projects their perfervid feeling of butterflies onto these characters because they themselves have never felt that calm, comfortable, secure feeling. When I watch the Sound of Music, for example, I see in Maria a woman of maturity and holy reverence who doesn't succumb easily to the passion she undoubtedly feels for Baron Von Trapp, and who trusted the Lord to lead her on her path; a path which led right to marriage. I also see in her, the fear that many Christian women have today at the thought of choosing to love someone because they think it somehow means they are displeasing the one who gifted them with that choice, Christ/God. We are not supposed to live our lives shying away from what God deemed as good. We can pray for clarity and discernment to better grasp what romantic love should be, but that is different from throwing out romance altogether. Fortunately, we live in an age where romance in relationships is more attainable than before, if only we carried the sobriety of former centuries, perhaps we would not cast our pearls of love before unworthy swine or expect men to be more than the flawed beings they are. That being said, we aren't barred from loving someone flawed unconditionally because God loves us. If I am capable of loving someone without condition, then I can reasonably set a standard for men and say that it is possible for a man to love me in the same way.
Perfervid, what a word!
I totally agree that you usually see what you know, and it's hard to understand the peace of trust if it's a foreign feeling! And then you know what you see. I believe that, with today's mass of media and its various types and outlets, much of the industry capitalises on portraying life not so much realistically as to really portray a significantly heightened emotional experience. Any emotional rollercoaster, the more pertaining to the flight of fancy, the better. It's no longer just rose-tints, and The Sound of Music certainly is a fine work, but in general now art shows a lot of raunch, soul-wrenching yearning, on the other end all kinds of gruesome content, horror, AI effects, airbrushing all round, just displays of intense desire and loss, primal stimuli, generally triggering stuff - as with anything all indeed thought-provoking, but disabling to a world that is increasingly exposed to the concept of relationships through screens. Art has either lost any relevance to reality to become supply to a demand or reality is changing. I'm glad Elys brought the topic up, it's a very important one to discuss!
Also, thank you for bringing up your point about fear of displeasing God in choosing someone. We are not supposed to live our lives shying away from what God deemed as good is SUCH a freeing thing to read, really thank you so much for sharing that thought!!! Mmm, you're right we shouldn't throw out romance altogether, no no no, learning to love is probably the most beautiful part of the human experience!!! Yes, now many of us do really have choice over who we marry - Hallelujah! Hahaha I like the casting of pearls and unworthy swine imagery a lot! Yes we are all flawed, can't be expecting more, gosh that lights a fire under me, why not get on with it, right? Mmm, I'll be interested to find out how I feel about your sentence about not being barred from loving someone flawed unconditionally because God loves us. I hear relationships aren't easy, and it's often heavily implied that there's condition in that love, but have seen couples who seem so calm and comfortable together they could be one, it looks entirely natural, not like a contracted agreement, they look like they are selfless with each other, and I do wonder whether they feel a love that is without condition for each other. And some people say they love their children more than their spouse, and if one can even compare those two different types of love then how interesting... so perhaps they feel an unconditional love towards their children, but not one another.
@zzzozozo I agree as well that it's good to hear someone talking about this. I feel, however, that if Elys had mentioned a more relevant example such as the mind-rotting show that is Bridgerton her argument would have made more sense to me. And I'm glad you appreciate my perspective! Much love!
@zzzozozo And to clear up confusion about the conditional way that humans tend to love each other, again this is why we need to understand love biblically and maturely. It is a fact that most people don't marry the love of their lives and half of those who marry get a divorce. Most people have superficial criteria for marriage, and love has very little to do with it. As much as we think we may know or love someone, there is a lack of discernment that comes with removing God from the equation. Or, in the case of Christian couples, a pious disposition may lead someone to marry regardless of what they want because they mistakenly believe being equally yoked on a religious level is all there is to it. Whatever the reason, when I say we are not barred from loving flawed beings, I simply mean that if you seek perfection, you'll only find that in Christ, and in that case you could be blocking yourself off from the prospect of marriage. This is the reason so many Christian youth are still single. I believe that in today's time we need more marriage not less, but suddenly so many of us are being discouraged by spiritual leaders from seeking such a thing. Suddenly, everyone thinks they need to be like Paul and pursue a path of singleness. Let's be honest, very few of us have that calling. It was God's original plan for man to procreate. I believe marriage is the greatest ministry because it affects all of us and because it best represents God's covenant with the church. Everyone is affected by whether or not they grew up in a two-parent household and saw examples of parents who love each other. Too many Christian men and women are worried about becoming evangelists or missionaries and not enough about becoming wives and husbands, fathers and mothers. We focus heavily on spreading platonic Christian love and not enough on the only relationship God actually ordained on earth. I we brought up our children to dream of having simpler lives where they build and nuture a little church of their own (a family), I wonder how much of a difference that would make in society.
girlllll this is so good... called me up. thank you for this!! just subscribed!!!! you're killing it
this is such a great video!! side note: your eyebrows look great!!
“George… do you ever yearn?”
“No… but I crave. I crave a lot”
Lmao Seinfeld was so on point sometimes
I honestly loved this video! thanks, girl ❤ God bless you
xoxo from Brazzzzzzzil
Finally 1 agree 100% on this, dating became mind play because of this movies
*men who yearn are written by women most of the time*
I think it's so captivating because the good desire for human companionship is compounded with the innate desire to fill the heart's God shaped hole. Jesus yearns for you to share your heart with him. These romances often encroach on that holy heart ground.
We need to learn to have balls of the two! LOVE GOD WITH ALL YOUR BEING AND ALSO DESIRE A PARTNER AS WELL( IT'S A GOD GIVING DESIRE)!!
Finally 1 agree 100% on this, dating became mind play because of this movies. Emotion is importante don’t get me wrong but I feel like they insert their desire play on us to make us feel more that there is.
Psalm 46:1-2 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth be removed and carried into the midst of the sea Amen.🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🌸💗💝🌹⛪🌹🌹🌹🌹🦋🦋🦋🍩🍩🍩🍩🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍩🍨🍩
Wow, thank you for this video, Elys, thank you for talking about this, it was really encouraging for me to hear. I wholeheartedly agree with you. What a video and a friend to girls and boys you are 😍! Thank you 🥰🥰
9:19 this is what i said !!!!!!! Hollywood promotes this thing of worshipping your partner 😮
Worshiping women*
@@NathanaelNaused and men
This stemmed down from eve. God cursed woman to yearn for a husband and that he'd rule over her. So, to be desired by man is hard-wired into every woman. It's kindve annoying.
But God says "cleave unto me" and "seek my kingdom first" and "He is a jealous God". And "trust the Lord'. Focus on Him!! It's that simple. Dont settle for anything that He didn't ordain for you. God says "trust no man" and "God is not a man that he shall lie". You'll only break your own heart because of impatience. Stop reading hopeless romantic books and pick Gods word, thats the ultimate Book about love.
Too much sugar love is giving me diabetes
I used to yearn until i learned, learning to yearn will not earn, but only earn a cold stern, from whoever you yearn to earn. Since now ive learned it only brings back 0 investment on your returns.
This comment makes my stomach churn
@@datanotfound4556 Could be heart burn that makes your stomach turn, better go puke that stomach churn heart burn in an inconspicuous ivy fern.
@@datanotfound4556I agree with him, I’m not going to yearn anymore. I think living my life day by day and putting the dream aside and putting God first. It makes you mature but it also makes you see the consequences.
This comment made my brain burn
@@Swiftninjatrev oh no someone will not chase desperately to people who do not care. I won’t yearn either what’s the point honestly? It’s a fantasy
The distinction between the men who ‘yearns’ and the men who obsess is that the men who yearn are considered more attractive… 😂 the thing is a men like that don’t really have to yearn.
I feel like I’m being gaslit. Women hate that, it’s needy
It depends on whether or not the woman in question returns the feelings of the man who yearns. If she does then she can find it beautiful, touching, and captivating.
Bring back women worth yearning for
I always thought it was a problem and a lie that people would operate like those clips you shown. But also back in the day growing up watching sitcoms and tv shows especially the teen shows or movies and romance got involved. Its all a fantasy and facade because we should all know that most if not all of it is unrealistic and not how it works EVER. Thats why i believe so many have problems especially now with finding someone and love because those things they watched listen to in music or read have given them false expectations of what it is and should be. So when it doesn't happen like that they think something is wrong with the other person and they need to look for someone else who fits that perfect vision they been falsely conditioned or maybe indoctrinated by. If im being too deep about it then tell me how this isn't one of the big reasons why we see so many troubled relationships and break ups and failed marriages because people have a false view and unrealistic standards and vision of love relationships and marriages?
Yes and so many opportunities to not work on the relationship by escaping and getting needs met some other way, giving attention to anything but the issue. Fickle, though it is, because the problem remains.
Great video. Liked and subscribed.
It's not good to have a woman direct the relationship via expressing wants like these- sisters need to be careful what they ask for.
Love is Logos, of course there's space for emotion, being swept off one's feet, spontaneity etc-
But dear ladies, be careful about a guy who chases like this- he is most likely trying to find his purpose in you rather than the God-given task of daily self-sacrifice .
"if he need you, he can't lead you."
Bring back women worth yearning for
FACTS BRO!!!!!
Bring back Strong Men worth submitting to!
i think this is all true, and some dudes be doing this too, more ina way of depression sorta thing tho, hopeless love way
Men can show yearning, but it has to be after showing decisiveness, independent thinking, dedication to goals and he has to have a thread of 'threat' in him. Your yearning can only be appreciated, in real life, when it's clear that it is not the only thing you live for. Let her know you're capable of walking away from her and then your want of her becomes much more valuable in her mind. Women know they are full of b.s. and if she sees you bowing to that she'll be turned off. Prove me wrong.
@Elys Hi Elys😅👋🏻❤️ How are you doing yourself?😕 everything is so empty, TikTok also, weird... Who is that character that was under the word *swoon*?
I love this comment section
I'm a former male yearner. Yearning doesn't work. Maybe if the women making these Tiktoks went outside it would but alas, they do not.
This stuff is fun but it doesn’t last and lacks substance
how is the camera turning without you moving it ? Really wished you engaged in your comments more
Has it never occurred to these women that these men are still around, they just don’t yearn for these women? Maybe rightfully so.
Just sayin’
good teachings
imagine for a moment a relationship with the living messiah such as this Mark 12:30
I gave up. I am now a zombie.
I do like some enemies to lovers couples 🙃
Nice❤
I like this sorta topic but your video has little sense of direction and more like rambling. Hope you take it constructively.
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THIS
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🥰❤️🔥🙇🏻
girl this video was unecessarly long... but i get your point tho