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Similar experience, my gut was always right and I think that is why we do not experience peace in these relationships because we are going against our own internal GPS. The narcissist uses DARVO, "Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender" and over time you lose your will power. The toxicity is real and does manifest in a lot of mental and physical anguish. It is very refreshing to be free of all the chaos and out of the fog :-).
The internal GPS is a good way to put it. It's strange how we can be conditioned to ignore it gradually over time, but it comes back quickly I've found. No more fog!
Absolutely right. 99.9% of the time I was right. But I would question myself. Am I being fair. Maybe they are having a bad day etc. But the bottom line is I was raised in a gaslighting home. I was the scapegoat. I was taught not to trust me and now I am learning to question this. I am learning to have faith in my instincts. I am learning to focus on the things that bring me joy and not rely on social media or others outside me to fulfil my joy and my life. Thank you!
That's covert narcissism, subtle, insidious and pervasive. One has to have intimate relationship with a covert to know. The outside world can never really understand and grasp the "underworld" with a covert, sometimes not even the children. But what is clear is it's a very highly self-centered world. The core of narcs are the same but the behaviors are extremely different between the overt and covert although they oscillate from one to the other depending on the circumstance. Yes, it's exhausting to be with these people to the point that i felt that maybe he wants me to crawl in front of him to serve him or to entertain him to show him attention. He was highly neurotic. He went to seek treatment for depression, came home saying the doctor does not know anything, practically an idiot. I googled for autism, then discovered narcissism. Hallelujah! I'm still trying to overcome my 30 yr traumatic experience. I pray that i will at least reach your point of recovery. I pray for everyone's complete recovery. 🌈
It's a strange moment when you stumble upon the condition that explains all the behaviour that you've struggled to understand for a long time. In a way, it's enlightening as you have an explanation that validates something you knew was wrong. On the other hand, it usually spells the beginning of the end. Good luck with your journey. Stay strong, disciplined, and you will get through it.
My last serious relationship was with a covert narcissist. I'll give you an example of how he used to gaslight me. He was the type of person whom had to carry his cell phone everywhere. That in itself didn't bother me. What bothered me was that we would be out to dinner and he would take his phone with him to the bathroom. He would be in the restroom for as long as 10 to 15 minutes. The bill was paid and I'm ready to leave waiting on him. This behavior was common of him. I would ask him "why is it taking you so long to use the bathroom and why do you need to bring your phone with you everytime you go to the bathroom constantly?" His response was "I was looking at sports scores. Why are you so jealous all of the time?" I started to think that he was right and that I was too jealous and insecure. This was far from the truth. I never had a "jealousy" problem with my relationships prior to him. His behavior made me feel very insecure as my gut was telling me that he was cheating on me. I was gaslighted into believing that I was just jealous. The truth came out and I found out that he was cheating on me and he had gotten the other woman pregnant. I was very angry at the time (2015) but after it was over, I was happy that the truth came out and that he became someone else's problem. It's a relief to not only be rid of him but to feel safe and secure within my own self knowing that my feelings were correct and that I wasn't jealous. He was gaslighting me into believing that I was crazy and insecure. This is what happens when you are dealing with a narcissist. I'm very happy 😊. Thank God the narcissist is gone!
I think it's useful to make a note of (write down) what you feel too. Because you become so fatigued & addled, you forget things. You think you won't, but you really do. When you can physically SEE a list forming, it's validating! It also helps you to face reality & begin to hold yourself accountable to yourself. Thanks for describing how you're feeling from the "other side". I'm happy for you... shine on! =)
That makes a lot of sense. It would certainly help give clarity on how repetetive certain things are as well, as it can be so confusing (by design) during the bad times. Thank you for the good wishes. I hope if you aren't on the 'other side' yet, you will soon be joining those of us who've made it.
I have had not been through the pain of being in a long relationship to a narc. However much I found the covert narc at work very attractive, when she decided to love bomb me, my guts where screaming at me that something was very off. Trust your feelings. If your body advises you to flee then do so!
Appreciate your vulnerability and sincerity. I am triggered a lot lately by the company I have a business relationship with. This is relatable to me the gut feeling that the red flags with the company . 8 months ago my gut told me that there was something wrong. I just couldn’t point the finger. Fast forward 4 months later the company announced major restructuring and fast forward last week they announced bankruptcy. There is intelligence we don’t see and our spiritual senses do.
Totally understand the feeling of not wanting to have a relationship again And yes the peace safety and sanity that ensues after getting out is priceless
Very insightful. I think you say something very important, a normal life isn't that dramatic. It's not about that anxiety you feel when you can't trust the person closest to you. It's not about big ups and downs. It's not about the uncomfortable feeling when you simply don't know what the other person are doing. We want challenges in life, but love must mean peace and trust.
It's very strange when that person has left your life, how much simpler and normal things become. There are still challenges, but just normal life challenges.
Healing from Narcissistic abuse is a journey till the end of life. No matter how much I am sure and grateful I am for getting out of one, the conditioning that I have gone through will take forever to get out of my system. I am still learning new strategies everyday :)
I agree, I'm a couple of years out now and still have daily challenges, although they tend to be fairly minor in nature. Keep going though, it gets easier every day.
I only recently came across your videos Ian. Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story with such truth & integrity. Your videos have helped me enormously to understand NPD 🙏🏻
Very true. it makes one aware and beware of people who one can sense who are slightly off. Better not to interact with them at all if you have the slightest inkling that they are not really what they say or portray or try to show up as. Once bitten twice shy and more on guard.🙏
Thank you for this. Your videos have been very helpful to regulate my thoughts, making it so I know I am not crazy nor wrong for having the gut instinct that I should have believed years ago. I am slowly healing but deeply hurt. I hope to come out of this being able to trust another person again.
Thank you for this.. I am now seeing the truths that have confirmed my gut-feeling. For two years I have given my heart and soul, coming to another country and going through the most horrendous shit. For 2 years I have betrayed myself, but this time I acted and found the truth myself. She still lies and denies and turns it right back around on me as always. I now trust my gut 100% and have to find away back to England. I have given everything.. literally.
Glad it's helped. It might not seem like it now, but two years is a small amount of time and will disappear into your memories very quickly if you do focus on yourself.
Thank you so much ❤ I resonated with every word. The reason I looked this video up is excatly that... I had a gut feeling... yet a stayed calm, loving, doing my chores....The " narc" came and started talking... I listened..eventually he slippen.. His story was not adding up... like my gut instics told me..... After a while, while I know they would never admit, I became courageous, I did ask him some questions...The only thing I got as an answer was ... What do you think? SO YOU ARE BLAIMING ME? Im here left feeling extremely quilty.. But at the end I just asked questions, to which I never got the answers, he went to bed wanting to be left alone, because he just wanted a loving relationship and I am accusssinng him and he is tired.... SO he left me feeling guilty, but objectively I did not get my questionens answered...... So confusing.... At the end.. My gut feeling told me, after his talking .. My gut feeling seemed to be on point... and yet ... somehow.. they seem to manage to leave you apologizing for asking questions......like you would... in every normal relationship... The sad part is, as you mentioned is that.. eventually you dont even know what a normal relationship looks like, because of the conditioning... So he is sleeping like a baby, while Im here wondering what I did wrong...I do believe ( I didnt for a long time) that I am allloowed at least to say what I think and what bothers me... He could have said ... Oh honey, come here... or at the verrrrry leaat try to make me feel better, but instead he saw it as an attack .....😮
I know you wrote your comment 2 months ago on a 3 year old video but I just had to reach out to tell you thank you for writing it. Every word is so exact to one of the many things I dealt with in my 16 year marriage to a narcissist. If I didn't know it wasn't me writing it I would think I wrote it. One of the few ways I had to be sure I had not gone insane during my imprisonment was to compare other people's experiences with mine. There were so many times he almost had me fooled into believing I was the problem. Then, I would see other people going through the same situation in a relationship with a narcissist. Your comment was my reality as well, even down to him appearing to be just fine emotionally, able to eat, sleep, work, breath after accusing and screaming at me of attacking him for simply asking an innocent question because my gut was telling me something is not making sense. Then there I am crying my eyes out curled up in a ball all night asking myself what did I do wrong. One day it dawned on me as I watch him sleep, he's sleeping like he just got what he wanted and all is right in his world. Anyway, thank you taking the time to write your comment. I send healing and love to you, whoever, wherever you are.
She constantly attacked me for affairs ,completely projection .I gave up and would not question her behaviour .I put my head in the sand ,very unhealthy .
I agree with you but there’s some danger here where someone can make something out of nothing based on flawed perceptions so I think it’s important to know what happened in the relationship if your using it as the exampl for us and the non-learned to distinguish to the bad from good.
Listen, you can’t have content like this and then stop producing… jk.. seriously, your content and the amount of ah ha moments that you give is something special. You should definitely put out more content even if it’s not on this topic. You’re really soothing to listen to and my brain eats up the way you put things like candy. Please, hoping this is supposed to be a part of your journey so we can hear more from you.
Thank you for the kind words. I keep saying I'll make some more videos soon, but have had a really busy year. I also don't want to make videos for the sake of it. I think there are a few things that might be useful that I'd like to get down though.
My genuine recommendations would be to reflect on yourself, work on any issues that you know of, and be very selective and cautious when entering relationships.
Be like a scientist.Observe using cameras,hidden to find the truth.No one is a mind reader.Cut your losses.Use medical tests to save your health. Any cruel talks is a sign.Lack of kindness is a sign,just leave.
Thanks Middle Life Meltdown. Men are softer than women for they are coached to hide it. Any form of ill-will should be noted and just put a 📷 in the car &at home. Any evidence is a sign to move state and change identity Otherwise death is inevitable
Found this useful?
Subscribe to the channel: th-cam.com/channels/08b9iP-5KhbWOndNEeVZSw.html
Have questions? A topic you'd like me to cover?
email me: themidlifemeltdown@gmail.com
So so true...I think that is the biggest thing that makes you sick. Your own betrayal. Great advice.
Similar experience, my gut was always right and I think that is why we do not experience peace in these relationships because we are going against our own internal GPS. The narcissist uses DARVO, "Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender" and over time you lose your will power. The toxicity is real and does manifest in a lot of mental and physical anguish. It is very refreshing to be free of all the chaos and out of the fog :-).
The internal GPS is a good way to put it. It's strange how we can be conditioned to ignore it gradually over time, but it comes back quickly I've found. No more fog!
@Cathy K - You are so correct. Gradually I went against my own GPS and sort of lost myself in the chaos.🙏
Absolutely right. 99.9% of the time I was right. But I would question myself. Am I being fair. Maybe they are having a bad day etc. But the bottom line is I was raised in a gaslighting home. I was the scapegoat. I was taught not to trust me and now I am learning to question this. I am learning to have faith in my instincts. I am learning to focus on the things that bring me joy and not rely on social media or others outside me to fulfil my joy and my life. Thank you!
Brain fog that's precisely what gradually happened to me. Periods of doubt, self doubt, believing the negatives and condemning your own self.🙏
Exhausting so very exhausting.
That's covert narcissism, subtle, insidious and pervasive. One has to have intimate relationship with a covert to know. The outside world can never really understand and grasp the "underworld" with a covert, sometimes not even the children. But what is clear is it's a very highly self-centered world. The core of narcs are the same but the behaviors are extremely different between the overt and covert although they oscillate from one to the other depending on the circumstance. Yes, it's exhausting to be with these people to the point that i felt that maybe he wants me to crawl in front of him to serve him or to entertain him to show him attention. He was highly neurotic. He went to seek treatment for depression, came home saying the doctor does not know anything, practically an idiot. I googled for autism, then discovered narcissism. Hallelujah!
I'm still trying to overcome my 30 yr traumatic experience. I pray that i will at least reach your point of recovery. I pray for everyone's complete recovery. 🌈
It's a strange moment when you stumble upon the condition that explains all the behaviour that you've struggled to understand for a long time. In a way, it's enlightening as you have an explanation that validates something you knew was wrong. On the other hand, it usually spells the beginning of the end. Good luck with your journey. Stay strong, disciplined, and you will get through it.
My last serious relationship was with a covert narcissist. I'll give you an example of how he used to gaslight me. He was the type of person whom had to carry his cell phone everywhere. That in itself didn't bother me. What bothered me was that we would be out to dinner and he would take his phone with him to the bathroom. He would be in the restroom for as long as 10 to 15 minutes. The bill was paid and I'm ready to leave waiting on him. This behavior was common of him. I would ask him "why is it taking you so long to use the bathroom and why do you need to bring your phone with you everytime you go to the bathroom constantly?" His response was "I was looking at sports scores. Why are you so jealous all of the time?" I started to think that he was right and that I was too jealous and insecure.
This was far from the truth. I never had a "jealousy" problem with my relationships prior to him. His behavior made me feel very insecure as my gut was telling me that he was cheating on me. I was gaslighted into believing that I was just jealous. The truth came out and I found out that he was cheating on me and he had gotten the other woman pregnant. I was very angry at the time (2015) but after it was over, I was happy that the truth came out and that he became someone else's problem. It's a relief to not only be rid of him but to feel safe and secure within my own self knowing that my feelings were correct and that I wasn't jealous. He was gaslighting me into believing that I was crazy and insecure. This is what happens when you are dealing with a narcissist.
I'm very happy 😊.
Thank God the narcissist is gone!
This is a so helpful story. Me too. I developed great insecurty. This gaslighting made me ill. nobody see this.
I think it's useful to make a note of (write down) what you feel too. Because you become so fatigued & addled, you forget things. You think you won't, but you really do. When you can physically SEE a list forming, it's validating! It also helps you to face reality & begin to hold yourself accountable to yourself. Thanks for describing how you're feeling from the "other side". I'm happy for you... shine on! =)
That makes a lot of sense. It would certainly help give clarity on how repetetive certain things are as well, as it can be so confusing (by design) during the bad times. Thank you for the good wishes. I hope if you aren't on the 'other side' yet, you will soon be joining those of us who've made it.
@@midlifemeltdown9028 Thanks! I'm getting there ;)
that is what saved me
Excellent video and so true.
Just a couple of minutes into this. You explain this feeling 10/10. 👍🙏
The amount of pain and damage was truly immeasurable. Great video as usual. Thank you.
Thank you Amy.
Just found your channel.... it resonates. 27 years together. Only learnt of covert narcissism 6 months ago and it explains everything.
I have had not been through the pain of being in a long relationship to a narc. However much I found the covert narc at work very attractive, when she decided to love bomb me, my guts where screaming at me that something was very off. Trust your feelings. If your body advises you to flee then do so!
Appreciate your vulnerability and sincerity. I am triggered a lot lately by the company I have a business relationship with. This is relatable to me the gut feeling that the red flags with the company . 8 months ago my gut told me that there was something wrong. I just couldn’t point the finger. Fast forward 4 months later the company announced major restructuring and fast forward last week they announced bankruptcy. There is intelligence we don’t see and our spiritual senses do.
Totally understand the feeling of not wanting to have a relationship again
And yes the peace safety and sanity that ensues after getting out is priceless
Very insightful. I think you say something very important, a normal life isn't that dramatic. It's not about that anxiety you feel when you can't trust the person closest to you. It's not about big ups and downs. It's not about the uncomfortable feeling when you simply don't know what the other person are doing. We want challenges in life, but love must mean peace and trust.
It's very strange when that person has left your life, how much simpler and normal things become. There are still challenges, but just normal life challenges.
@@midlifemeltdown9028 Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences.
Healing from Narcissistic abuse is a journey till the end of life. No matter how much I am sure and grateful I am for getting out of one, the conditioning that I have gone through will take forever to get out of my system. I am still learning new strategies everyday :)
I agree, I'm a couple of years out now and still have daily challenges, although they tend to be fairly minor in nature. Keep going though, it gets easier every day.
Ian your looking better with every video!! Very inspiring...🌈🌞
Thank you, I feel much better for sure. Although, I could use more sleep:)
Thank You for your videos.
I only recently came across your videos Ian. Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story with such truth & integrity. Your videos have helped me enormously to understand NPD 🙏🏻
Glad to hear they have been helpful.
Very true. it makes one aware and beware of people who one can sense who are slightly off. Better not to interact with them at all if you have the slightest inkling that they are not really what they say or portray or try to show up as. Once bitten twice shy and more on guard.🙏
Thank you for this. Your videos have been very helpful to regulate my thoughts, making it so I know I am not crazy nor wrong for having the gut instinct that I should have believed years ago. I am slowly healing but deeply hurt. I hope to come out of this being able to trust another person again.
I think you will, but it does have it's challenges. I'll make another video soon about some of the issues I've faced since which may help.
I overwrited my instincts. Now I found the Courage to overthink many years. Instincts come back.
Thank you for this.. I am now seeing the truths that have confirmed my gut-feeling. For two years I have given my heart and soul, coming to another country and going through the most horrendous shit. For 2 years I have betrayed myself, but this time I acted and found the truth myself. She still lies and denies and turns it right back around on me as always. I now trust my gut 100% and have to find away back to England. I have given everything.. literally.
Glad it's helped. It might not seem like it now, but two years is a small amount of time and will disappear into your memories very quickly if you do focus on yourself.
Thank you so much ❤ I resonated with every word. The reason I looked this video up is excatly that... I had a gut feeling... yet a stayed calm, loving, doing my chores....The " narc" came and started talking... I listened..eventually he slippen.. His story was not adding up... like my gut instics told me..... After a while, while I know they would never admit, I became courageous, I did ask him some questions...The only thing I got as an answer was ... What do you think? SO YOU ARE BLAIMING ME? Im here left feeling extremely quilty.. But at the end I just asked questions, to which I never got the answers, he went to bed wanting to be left alone, because he just wanted a loving relationship and I am accusssinng him and he is tired.... SO he left me feeling guilty, but objectively I did not get my questionens answered...... So confusing.... At the end.. My gut feeling told me, after his talking .. My gut feeling seemed to be on point... and yet ... somehow.. they seem to manage to leave you apologizing for asking questions......like you would... in every normal relationship... The sad part is, as you mentioned is that.. eventually you dont even know what a normal relationship looks like, because of the conditioning... So he is sleeping like a baby, while Im here wondering what I did wrong...I do believe ( I didnt for a long time) that I am allloowed at least to say what I think and what bothers me... He could have said ... Oh honey, come here... or at the verrrrry leaat try to make me feel better, but instead he saw it as an attack .....😮
I know you wrote your comment 2 months ago on a 3 year old video but I just had to reach out to tell you thank you for writing it. Every word is so exact to one of the many things I dealt with in my 16 year marriage to a narcissist. If I didn't know it wasn't me writing it I would think I wrote it. One of the few ways I had to be sure I had not gone insane during my imprisonment was to compare other people's experiences with mine. There were so many times he almost had me fooled into believing I was the problem. Then, I would see other people going through the same situation in a relationship with a narcissist. Your comment was my reality as well, even down to him appearing to be just fine emotionally, able to eat, sleep, work, breath after accusing and screaming at me of attacking him for simply asking an innocent question because my gut was telling me something is not making sense. Then there I am crying my eyes out curled up in a ball all night asking myself what did I do wrong. One day it dawned on me as I watch him sleep, he's sleeping like he just got what he wanted and all is right in his world. Anyway, thank you taking the time to write your comment. I send healing and love to you, whoever, wherever you are.
I just discovered your channel-i love how articulate you are and your calm voice-BRILLIANT
Thanks for sharing
The slow death of your identity by a thousand concessions..
This is a great share bro 🤝
Thank you for your insights.
Correct 💯👌
Amen and amen
She constantly attacked me for affairs ,completely projection .I gave up and would not question her behaviour .I put my head in the sand ,very unhealthy .
I agree with you but there’s some danger here where someone can make something out of nothing based on flawed perceptions so I think it’s important to know what happened in the relationship if your using it as the exampl for us and the non-learned to distinguish to the bad from good.
Listen, you can’t have content like this and then stop producing… jk.. seriously, your content and the amount of ah ha moments that you give is something special. You should definitely put out more content even if it’s not on this topic. You’re really soothing to listen to and my brain eats up the way you put things like candy. Please, hoping this is supposed to be a part of your journey so we can hear more from you.
Thank you for the kind words. I keep saying I'll make some more videos soon, but have had a really busy year. I also don't want to make videos for the sake of it. I think there are a few things that might be useful that I'd like to get down though.
It’s sad the amount of damage these people do to you
What do you do when all relationships are exhausting?
My genuine recommendations would be to reflect on yourself, work on any issues that you know of, and be very selective and cautious when entering relationships.
Mate, you kinda resemble Marshall Mathers😆😆 Ever been told that?
I'm sure someone's commented.something similar before. Was it you? I look nothing like him😂
@@midlifemeltdown9028 It's not a bad thing, bro. Good vids btw 👍 This realization has brought a ton of peace to my life as well.
@@ExtravertmE Glad to hear it. Hope all is ok
Always trust ur guy... no
Hillary Clinton discribed 100% here ,
Be like a scientist.Observe using cameras,hidden to find the truth.No one is a mind reader.Cut your losses.Use medical tests to save your health. Any cruel talks is a sign.Lack of kindness is a sign,just leave.
Thanks Middle Life Meltdown. Men are softer than women for they are coached to hide it. Any form of ill-will should be noted and just put a 📷 in the car &at home. Any evidence is a sign to move state and change identity Otherwise death is inevitable
Adam to *GOD*
No! That's not what happened! It was the woman that YOU PUT HERE! The woman YOU GAVE ME! SHE GAVE ME the fruit.
*GOD*
wait..
what..