@Blessed By the Best I know you think your making sense but you really are not. If someone is a catch it won't encourage you to think long and hard before leaving? If someone treats you better than you've been treated in your last few relationships you don't think that can make someone desire to hold on to you? If your compatible? If you respect the person? If their sweetness knocks you out? If the person isn't feeling you it's obvious they can leave you much more easily. There are no guarantees in life.
@Blessed By the Best "A man staying has nothing to do with the woman, but all to do with him" You know it's really plain that your not objectively seeing your own statement. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but your statement doesn't make sense unless your in your emotions. It sounds like something a 16 year old would say. I am not head over heels for my wife, but because she is so decent, respectful, hard working and loving to me I stay. I have heard a significant portion of male aquaintances say this. So your statement is a horrendous misstatement of reality as is. Period! Your behavior as a woman DOES matter. It's cluelessly insane that women are in this comment section trying to get other women to believe that men are making decisions about being with women totally on instincts and without reasoning about the merits of the woman in front of them. That's crazy as hell!!
miss K K there is your problem. We don’t do the same things for each other. We can’t. Were two different species. Men have a part to play and women have their part to play. It’s simple math. Mexican women get this. Well most of em do. Black women lack in this area.
@@thejoker2200 so what your saying is men and women can't give to each other? I cook for my man, he fixes my car. We are not doing the same thing however there is still a mutual exchange. So again I say the key word is reciprocity. You don't do the same things as the corporations you buy from, but you give money in exchange for their goods...again reciprocity.
I feel like people don’t understand what a “pick me” woman is. She basically will talk all about how she will do anything for her “man” or future man while bashing other women because they don’t do the same.
All that working cooking and cleaning don't keep a man. Working out weekly jumping through whatever hoops don't keep a man. A man has to want to be there period. These young people have everything so twisted and wrong.(They referred to the younger generation(the pop generation). My comment is in reference to that comment.)
1titans I’m with you my friend. A woman is less likely to keep her man if she doesn’t do these things. Just like a man is less likely to keep his woman if he doesn’t meet her needs. Women need to wake up; men too. Ain’t nothing wrong with a woman taking care of her man. He’ll appreciate you more trust me! If he leave that’s on him. At least you did your part.
What she should say is these are things u shouldn’t do so often JUST to get picked. It’s nothing wrong with spoiling your man especially if it’s reciprocated
I'm not part of the pick me" movement. They can have it. I clean my bathrooms, my kitchen, my house. Single, and I guess I will remain so, because I'm not doing all of this for a man. A man can only be kept if he wants to be. I don't care if you wash his body from head to toe, wait on him hand and foot, it won't keep him. If women want to cater to a man this way, do you, not my style.
Aniko L I actually cook at my boyfriends house, but I cook for myself and he eats what’s left in the pot lol! I also clean because I’m a germaphobe and like clean places. Whatever u do, do it for urself.
Your right Miss lady doing all things will not keep him. I’ve done all those things and still wants what he wants. He tells me I’m his friend after 4 years !!!! I thought we were pass that stage..... I still think he’s wondering!
I'm glad to know there are women who are not desperate for any ole piece of man. A lot of men are looking for a cook, a maid, a sex toy. A cheater is going to cheat because he wants too. De-stress!
In the animal kingdom, men compete for women. A woman should never degrade herself by competing for a man. If a man wants you, there will be no doubt. If he makes you doubt, work on you and rebuild, do NOT chase.
Men don't have this attitude. When a man wants a woman, he betters himself to attract that woman. A woman, on the other hand, doesn't want to better herself to attract the man she wants. This whole, "Take me as I am", isn't getting women the results they truly desire.
@@CornellG men do not better themselves to be with women. Men think that they are entitled. Just read the comments on this post. Black men are like "Yeah he might cheat but just be sure to try to keep him." Most women by nature are caregivers and a lot of women live by themselves and take care of their home, work, cook, clean, etc. The issue comes in when they get married and end up having to do more once they have kids and have to take care of another adult as well instead of having a partnership where they both take care of each other.
@@CornellG He doesn't "better" himself, he conforms to appeal to her shallow standards because he's desperate for female approval. People who are looking for REAL connections want to only attract those who are attracted to the REAL them.
Cornell Ginger It works for most because it gets you someone that’s fits you. Obviously you should better yourself, but you should do so in a way that’s authentic to you. Pick me’s kill themselves to be what they think men want and then become miserable when it doesn’t work out.
#KeepYourMan? How about #KeepYourself! I agree that only a man that wants to be kept will be. We really need to love ourselves better as women and start loving other women as well. We are not enemies.
I have observed that when you do not cater to a man, he will try relentlessly pursue you. When you are not needy and focused on a man, that is when they try to pick you.
peanutjelly no because females outnumber men in all races/ethnicity. & when it comes to reproduction although we carry the child the man has to pick you to give you his seed.
@@peacelovewarrior6312 The "seed" is the most minor part of reproduction. Are you seriously downplaying the egg, uterus and 9 months of carrying a child for something that can be picked up in a sperm bank? If you want to compromise your dignity to act desperate and thirsty for a man to get "chose," go ahead. But if having a child is all you care about, you'll find that it's actually not that hard to get a guy to give you his "seed." There's plenty of guys handing them out for free these days.
My personal problem with the pick me culture (and society at large actually) is that it perpetuates this image that there is NOTHING worse than being a single woman. Being a single woman is still treated as being this horrible illness for which the only cure is monogamy or matrimony. It's so bad that it doesn't even occur to people that you can live a happy, fulfilling and meaningful life and be single at the same time. Single women in movies and TV shows are always depicted as being hoes who "serial date" or just hop in bed with any guy and never get serious with anyone, or they're shown as being bitter and sinister to anyone in a relationship. Women are still taught that no matter what else we may do or accomplish in life, that none of it matters if we're not in a committed relationship, and that it's better to be in a toxic, unhappy, reciprocated relationship than to be in no relationship at all. Our self-worth is still broadcasted as being only as good as the man who finds us worthy of his validation and THAT'S the driving force behind the Pick Me culture. If you want a man, want to be in a serious relationship, get married, etc, there's nothing wrong with that. But some women spend their entire lives with no other goals set in place for themselves and end up settling and I don't care what anyone says: Settling is NOT better than staying single.
All my sister's friends were pick me's always doing the most for male approval whilst my sister minded her own and stayed single. They used to make fun of her for going throughout her twenties not having a man but my good sis was getting her degrees and masters, her own apartment, car, travelling living her best life. The gag is she ended up marrying (a rich man) at 31 and having 4 kids by 35. She has a cook, cleaner, part time nanny etc whilst those pick me's have deadbeat baby fathers. Moral of the story is that "dream man" isn't going for a pick me, it's best for you to just live your best life for yourself and if the man comes along he will. I'm not about to waste my prime years trying to do pick me. Not on my watch
That's cool, but I'm gonna keep it 100 with you: neither path you mentioned there is the way to go. Your sister was lucky, but most women who take that path wind up alone. They don't wind up meeting a rich man and getting married (not that he should have to be rich in the first place) so recommending that is irresponsible. It's also interesting how you mentioned that the man was rich, but not that he was kind, intelligent, a good person, etc, you know, things that are actual real qualities that makes a normal person want to love and marry. Truth is, women need to quit dreaming and get real. Most of you are just average like most men are just average, and you make the mistake of squandering your best years chasing a dream that's way out of your league, then you turn 30 and become bitter never accepting that it was your own choices that you brought you to that point.
@@AllPro777 not even gonna read all that. what matters is that a woman chooses to better herself and not depend on someone else for an idea of identity. in every case, no matter the method advised, a partner can walk away, but if she's worked on herself for herself, she will have a lot more going for her in the end.
I’m tickled by the amount of men who showed up to a video about women just to complain or make this video about them somehow. How...predictable. Hence, pick me culture
@@chayceperusual8485 so leave men out of your pick me convo then and focus on your other female friends who are clearly looking for a pick me from a woman 🙄
@@chayceperusual8485 u sound bitter. and possibly lonely.cant force someone to stay out of anything in a public forum. wtf is wrong wit u? overweight now u mad at the world?
I am sorry, but a man is only my man if I am married to him, anything else is called dating. I never give husband privileges to a men with boyfriend status, nor do I expect him to treat me as his wife.
I considered myself a wife in training when I met my man... we've been together 12 years now and married for 7... if he's someone you want to keep you kinda have to act like a wifey... a wifey is a pre wife... if he's worth it show him he's worth it
@@selendriamuganogo7077 I was his friend and we traveled, took long walks in the park, had long interesting conversations, went out together and enjoyed each other , (Yes in that way). What I did not do was his laundry, make a habit of cookimg for him, move in with him, clean his apartment, have his babies, support him financially, buy him a car. I met my husband in May by December we were married, that was 20 years ago. How many 'wifey" are just being used, and when he find something else he moves on. In the meantime the "wifey" has wasted 3,4,5 years or more of her life and she is left with 1,2,3 or more kids to take care of. It ended well for you, but more times it don't end well for most women. Don't let a man use you up women, You do not have to be his "wifey" to keep him, let him get to know you, if he want to stay he will.
@@2436golden I didn't do any of that stuff for my husband either... you only do enough to let him know what you are all about, and if he wants it he knows what he has to do... I gave him samples of what being married to me would be like... I wasnt doing the most all the time... and I wasn't afraid to lose him... I showed him the type of woman I was and I allowed him to make his decision... my attitude was you wont find a better woman than me, but I never said that to him... There's a way to speak the language of woman and get what you want
@@selendriamuganogo7077 I wish more women understood that this is the right mentality to have to not just "keep a man" but to have a husband. And men are desperately looking for women who have this understanding.
@@2436golden definitely agree... I am a husband's best friend, not his maid. We both work full-time, so we both do things around the house. I may be the primary cook, but he's the primary auto technician LOL... It's a partnership, and he loves me and treats me as his equal, not as his subservient handmaid.
I can’t speak for other religions, but Christianity or the Bible specifically doesn’t teach that women are below men. The word submission in the Bible have been misused and abused because it’s been misunderstood. Some ppl take/have taken it literally and ran with it in a way that pleases them or their situation. Submission in the Bible is not a reflection of inferiority or lesser worth. Since it’s been misinterpreted that way, ppl like to blame Christianity for the way women are treated. The Bible in general have always been misinterpreted so, we have to blame people not the religion.
What about the verse women have to cover their hair with a veil in church and they cant speak unless they ask their husbands? What about the verse that says women are impure and shouldnt be touched during their periods? What about rape victims should marry their rapist? Ya'll dont read the bible, we dont have to interpret something that's written literally, there are metaphors but telling women they're not allowed to speak is certainly not a metaphor
Pick me culture, more like desperate culture. I can't believe some people are willing to give up on everything that makes them special just to keep their man. Indentured servant culture.
Also no "pick me" men, meaning no romance , no paying for dates, no compliments, and absolutely no long term commitment or marriage, we men don't want to seem desperate after all. Women stop trying, men stop trying, no one gets picked.
Jfc the meaning of a pick-me is a person who seeks out validation from one group while the person is putting down their own group. Learn to think, goddamn.
I honestly didn’t know there was a name for this, maybe I should get back on twitter lol But I love that these ladies did not BASH/SHAME other women for what their beliefs are when it comes to “keeping a man” and simply stated…if that’s what YOU wanna do to keep your…do YOU! But I personally think who you are as a single person will play out greatly when you’re in a relationship. If you get dressed up for YOU, if you take YOU out on dates, if you keep YOUR bathroom clean(lol) you will not mind doing this for your man/ significant other when they come along/ you’re in a relationship.
GameChanger00100 throwing shade, yes. Shaming and bashing...no. I took it as them playing off of the name that the internet gave these type of women and stating opinions.
The Thirty Journey Shaming? No. However, these women are being very condescending and manipulative. Calling women “pick me” is like white people who use “reverse racism”. It’s a reverse psychology technique to deflect from the real issue. Women who make valid points about relationships are called “pick me” simply because what they’re saying is deemed favorable to men. Bottom line, what is “favorable” to men is also in favor to family and building. To suggest men just want to be able to rule, abuse, and cheat on their wives is very misleading, extreme, and a bad attempt to tryin’ move the goalpost. People are not getting married. Divorce rates are at an all-time high. People are prolonging having kids or proclaiming not to have any at all. It’s not a coincidence that we also do not have defined gender roles.
If you want to cater to your man, do so. But that won't keep him. Unfortunately, treating some men like a king can build his ego so much that he thinks he deserves everything that pops into his head and if you dont gladly cater to his every whim, in his eyes, you failed as a spouse, giving him carte blanche to step out on you. I knew a woman who was everything. Worked, took care of the kids, kept a nice house, always treated her man well. He had an affair that resulted in a child. Do you know why? She decided to go natural and get healthy and lose weight. He said that she was a good woman, but he liked her with a larger butt and long straight hair and if she couldn't cater to her man in the way she looked, he would find someone who would.
THIS!!! In fact, you must only make a man feel like you are a commodity that he can't take for granted and that way he will cherish you and try to keep YOU instead. Black women need to realize we are the price, not some musty man that barely does anything for you.
Pick Me Ness is rooted in good ole fashioned competition for the attention of men. And as black women we know that the odds are against us. This is what the dating pool today looks like: 105 women in a room fighting over one piece of steak...lol...I don't think women who practice pick me behavior are being intentionally harmful...sometimes the urge to find a man or wanting a relationship turns into DESPERATION. The dating world is a cruel world to navigate...and the cold hard truth is that many of us will not succeed in finding Mr. Right.
Please tell me where this room is, I would like to visit. I think all the black men that visit Africa, Dominican Republic, and Brazil looking for black women would sooner just go to these rooms.
@@bauthentic333 She don't black women have come to realize that playing them victims gets them rewards. Ie welfare. You can always ask them how many men have they rejected vs how many rejected them and then the understand shortage.
Fellas don’t provide for these ladies, don’t protect them and don’t lay it down in the bedroom 😅 you see it in these comments they don’t want to to ANYTHING to keep us fuc em
Omg I absolutely love this! I think about this ALL THE TIME when I see women centering their lives around catching a man! It drives me up the wall! Like relax and stop throwing yourself at people and let them come naturally. I love this post!
@@jasminepearls1047 Well continue to only choose men that come up to you. In this case, you can't complain when a relationship doesn't go well because your only choosing to date men who come up to you. Sometimes, a guy who doesn't come up to you could be good for you also but you will have to be the one to put yourself out there.
I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and if I feel like cooking and cleaning I do. And if I’m tried and don’t feel like then he has to step up otherwise he’ll be going hungry lol. We work well because there is a balance. I can’t be expected to do more than he does. He’s a grown man the same way ima grown woman.
No matter how you slice it, women always do more. Here you are, working a full time job and going to school part time. Is he working a full time job while going to school part time? Even if he is, the nurturing part of us makes us always do more in a relationship; we carry relationships, that’s why when we’re done itz over. No matter how tired you’re you’ll still pick up his dirty clothes off the floor. When you can’t cook, chances are you’ll ask him to get takeout on his way home and stuff like that. So no you’re still doing way more than him but we don’t mind once we’re in a relationship. It’s called emotional labor and women bear the brunt of it.
Notice that all the woman they named are in happy relationships. It seems that the people upset at the “pick-me” culture are the unhappy/bitter women. But I’m a black man so what do I know?
Most yall cooking and cleaning your boyfriends house NOT your husbands house. This is the difference between pick me culture and chosen culture. Dating is about presentation TO BE PICKED. Dont like it? STAY SINGLE.
@@lordoffrog2354 salute to virgins, but the only cards they holding is v cards. Niggas that say they want virgins, don't wanna wait to get married to start fuckin. And since u prolly gone havta teach a virgin at least a lil somethin, u may as well teach that same shit, to a regular broad, who got a lil (or a lot of) experience under her belt.
@The One Are we suppose to believe in what you're saying. So that we only date black males. To be honest. There are also more black men with black women period so what's your point? For the record not all men care if there mother likes you or not. If they really like you that's all that matters to them.
@The One if there were true there would be no black women married to non black men. And when they get married they usually stay married unlike black men and their obese wives
No its actually women who want everything. Women only want equality when it benefits them. When it doesn't benefit them then they want to act traditional.
Calvin Luciano There is nothing wrong with women who cater to their men or vice versa... and there’s also nothing wrong with *not* being that type of person, either. That’s the whole point: cater to your man/woman or don’t, but both sides should stop trashing each other. And to your crass comment about women being “dumb” for *choosing* to be alone rather than side with a man? I’d say the dumb ones are women (or men) who need a relationship badly enough to put up with astonishing levels of bullshit.
6:57!!!! EXACTLY!!!! I would love to be a “traditional housewife” and cater to my man 100 percent BUT... it’s not goin to happen if I gotta bare half his load!!! It’s 50/50 wen it comes to his load then keep that same energy wen it comes to ACTIVELY rearing the kids... cooking... cleaning... keepin the bed room alive and keepin up their physical appearance.
Bottom line is where are your husbands? 20 years from now you'll be having the same conversation with your daughters because you can't change what you want acknowledge men control who gets married women control who gets sex And for most women marriage should be the gold
But wait.. I like how she said it's okay for a woman to talk about how she goes to work and come home and cook and clean but she doesn't have to put other women down in order to receive validation.... BUT!!!! These same will praise a dude for bragging he can pay all of the bills and how many cars he got and put down other men who can't do it...... I mean damn the hypocrisy is amazing
When I stopped caring about men and what they think, I met my husband. He's not Black (or white) either. Black women need to focus on loving ourselves and supporting each other. Open yourselves to men of other races too. When Black men realize you have other options and don't need (or want) them, they will start to chase after and compete for you.
So let me get this straight, While Black women are only getting married at a 26% rate in America, you all are criticizing Black women encouraging other Black women to be kind and cater to their men? Something's amiss here.
Oh my goodness... This video is so needed! Thank you beautiful ladies for putting this out... Black women, once we start valuing ourselves and behaving like we are vulnerable, beautiful prizes, we will not be treated like second-best.
Damn, we are an entitled culture. When survival was important, love faith and family where completely different. Now that we're comfortable, those words hold little meaning. Peace
This is a cute little philosophy when you are 18 to 22. But when you near the end of your 20s to your mid-thirties and you are looking to get married this bullshit goes out the window. I've seen so many black women with this I'm going to be who I am mindset dealing with black men, only to become"pick me" for men of other races in order to get married LOL. So if you want to be a single mother listen to these women, enjoy setting your children up for failure. But if you want to have a strong productive family that can pass on generational wealth, you might want to see what qualities women had in the early 20th century when they were getting married in Mass
HAD A FRIEND WHO DID EVERYTHING RIGHT FOR HER HUSBAND. ALWAYS LOOK GOOD FOR HIM EVERY DAY. HE STILL TURN AROUND AND CHEAT ON HER EVERY CHANCE HE GOT. SO I WILL PICK ME AND NOT A MAN.
The fact that women can't keep a man shows alot. Men are simple, all women have to do is not piss him off by picking pointless fights, know how to cook and don't cheat.
I'm a self-identifyist. I identify with my needs and wants which doesn't fit either side from what I take of this argument. I want a man who will definitely pay all the bills and give me money for shopping or an allowance. However if I choose to work i want him to understand my money is for saving for the kids college fund/investment/retirement. I want a maid service to come in to clean 2 to 3 days a week. We can start out with one day a week. And I want to order take out most times because I'm sure I'll be too busy with other things to cook on a daily basis. I don't fit in either way I suppose! 😒😞
@@tianamiller6820 it can definitely be a reality. We just need to be Vocal about what we, as women, want in our personal dating lives, relationships, marriages etc!
Im a guy and I can honestly say that if you approach a relationship with that much honesty and transparency you might just get what you want. Men are( or at least suppose to be) goal oriented and it sounds like you're bringing a goal to the relationship that the both of you could work towards.
I love this! It only needs to be followed by a panel of mental health professionals speaking on the issues behind both sides of this: attachment trama, rejection and abandonment issues, personality disorders and the tie in of all the above, low self-esteem lingering underneath. It will turn you into a people or a self-centered attention vacuum all the way to a human free sample. The same source of a problem can be expressed many ways. Fix the source, cure the problem. P.S. I love the middle host's hair style! ❤
Women hate the pick me because they actually have to try instead of sitting on their ass, she even said it, the pick me is about performance. This is why women can't keep a man because they expect the guy to put in 99% while they put in 1% and expect to be considered equal. Imagine woman if you had to go up to a picky man who could reject and humiliate you and asking him out. Imagine dating this person and you have to pay for everything while he sits there and gets upset at stupid shit like you not telling him he looks beautiful today. Imagine living in a society in which if your boyfriend act up on public they blame you for not knowing how to treat a man. Imagine getting down on one knee and proposing with a 5K ring you bought only to have him say yes then braking up with you and being able to keep Ring because the Court see it as a gift so now you out of 5K. The amount of things men have to go through in relationships is just insane,
I was told by misogynists that women are the choosers, to make excuses for men’s bad behavior in relationships. So which is it? Are men or women the “choosers”? Lol. This is taking us back to the 50s.
Basically, dont go above and beyond/ take care of someone who isnt doing the same for you. Pick mes end up alone because they think if they’re “perfect” a guy will have no reason but to stay with them. They dont expect the man to reach or even try to reach the same level of “perfection”(which is why it falls apart). Like everyone is saying, a man will be with you if HE wants to be with you! No amount of cooking, cleaning, or wifely attitude will change that! Just like if a man was amazing and constantly catering to you, but you didn’t care enough about him to reciprocate his effort, you would probably bounce! Relationships are 50/50 in love, passion, and EFFORT. Anyone who doesnt put in the effort to make it work, isnt worth working with 💁🏾
All the comments saying that cooking and cleaning and being in shape don’t keep a man are majority women who are single with a kid most likely and overweight 🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️
Social media birthed this pick me culture. Posting selfie's in provocative garment with little to nothing on is where all this comes from. This ain't got shit to do with men.
If a man works a physical job while his woman works at a desk job or a job doesn't require a lot of physical work he would GREATLY appreciate a woman who cooks and cleans. When you work a physical job everyday, then come home and fix the house, cut the grass, rake the leaves, etc your body will need a break.
I don't like pick me women, they come in all shades. I get bashed for being a stay-at-home mom by women with diplomas who don't know how to cook and clean. we just live in a generation with women that like to nitpick and don't know how to mind their business. Bashed for breastfeeding or formula feeding, bashed for career or not having a career, bashed for staying at home and bashed for daycare ect ect......😒 this is why i stay to myself and just focus on my marriage,kids and home! Women are very hard to deal with and its bad enough i have to deal with my own criticism so im not dealing with someone elses.
Speaking as a man, my girl doesn't have to do any of that. Matter of fact, I do the majority cleaning and cooking, lol; I enjoy doing all those things. It's 50/50 people! Love the show!
That mentality is strange. How could you be okay with a woman who doesn't cook or clean? Sorry, but you were raised wrong. Dead wrong. 50/50 is one thing, but having a woman that won't do any of that at all? No way. That's a bum chick, period.
@@AllPro777 I am a grown man. My mother raised me to be self-sufficient, meaning I don't need any one to cook or clean for me. My girl doesn't have to do any of that but she does because she wants to. There's nothing wrong with a female that doesn't fit the stereotype of a "house wife". Some females are better at certain things than others, same with men. If she refuse to do anything, then we'd have a problem. As I said before, I enjoy doing all that, I don't see the problem of a man cooking and taking care of the home. Stop living in the past and God bless.
@@moonknightbliss You don't listen. If you actually read what I wrote and read what you wrote, you can see that you just agreed with my point. I said: "50/50 is one thing, but having a woman that won't do any of that at all? No way." You said: "If she refuse to do anything, then we'd have a problem" It seems you're so interested in showing yourself as a whiteknight for these nothing-to-offer women that you're willing to create arguments to points you actually agree with, lol.
I can’t believe I’m just finding out about this channel and this series...it’s definitely refreshing to hear some real conversation like this...this needs to be on TV ASAP!
As a man I appreciate when a woman behaves normally so I don't get any nasty surprises later when the act gets dropped. Also please, women, stop idealising your relationship or idealising someone elses without knowing the true ins and outs of it.
I'm 45 years old listening to these young women... A man doesn't pick a woman, we aren't fruit! A man discovers a real woman. And discovery takes digging and investigating. Picking is loosely based on outer performance. Check yourself Queens.
What some women don't understand is that men could care less about this or that. We care about whether a woman compliments our life or not. The women who compliments a man's life the most, is the one who will get married. Sex can be great, looks can be great, career can be great, and her family can be nice, but if her persona as an individual is off, she won't get considered for marriage. Dating is a case by case dynamic. You may not compliment this person, but you will the next one. Though you have to be in the right frame of mind to see it.
I heard her say women are expected to go hard at work then come home and work hard too. The reality is, unless your money is required to create stability in your home (which is a reflection of a few personal choices made up until that point), you working hard at your job is not typically an expectation of a man.
Well I’m glad I’m not this type of woman. My own self worth and accomplishments are based upon what I deem acceptable... once I get there for self the men will flock... and love you for who you are. Sounds like a self esteem issue 🤦🏽♀️ sorry sistas.
mikelawry 00000 my whole point was that women shouldn’t feel bad about being single if they’re options of men think this way I don’t understand what YOU don’t understand. Never once have I said EVERY man, you guys need to hone your listening skills
Did everyone watch a completely different video than the one I watched? They didn't say there was anything wrong with doing things for your partner... Just that there was something wrong in basing your self worth on being able to keep a man and shaming other women that don't do the things you do. I don't understand exactly what part of the video bypassed your brains.
If a man wants a house wife he needs to pay all the bills. But if I pay half the bills then bro you’re a room mate. No respect. Don’t get when ur lady becomes masculine 😂
Two kings can not share the same throne at the same time. There have got to be someone who takes the lead in a family if not it will be a chaos. Btw the Bible does not consider women inferior
Social media is so out of control and annoying now. ITs so weird that ppl spend so much time on the internet engaging in bs. #getalife #getoutthehouse #engageinreality
but you commented on a youtube video you likely watched to the end and you probably had a bag of hot cheetos while doing so on your couch at home. everybody else could be doing the same as you, whatever the case. trying to be 'above it' but you're really just like the everyone else, who also think they're special.
@@harumiayame8586 Lol what? I guess you must be offended by my comment because you are one of those weirdos who spend all day on social media. Get a life, loser.
Ladies, most men do not need you to cook or clean for them. We want a partner who complements who we are and we complement who they are. Pick me culture has been and will always be around in some form. The key is to do what’s best for your relationship and happiness. Each person in the relationship should learn what the other’s needs are and determine if they can and want to meet those needs. I’ve watched multiple videos from this channel and in my opinion, Africa exhibits most of the qualities that most men want. Strong yet supportive, reasonable but no push over, and understanding that relationships require effort from both the man and the woman.
The sheer stupidity in the comment section is real.... If a man isn’t paying ALL the bills and at least helping a little bit with chores, then you *SHOULD NOT* be doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. What kind of men are you women picking?
![[Full] 4 ต่อ 4 Celebrity EP.922 | 10 พ.ย. 67 | one31](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zmV5HRIxIBI/mqdefault.jpg)
Moral of the story don't lose yourself in a man. Love yourself
Yes, exact.
@BlackManTravel oh, like your mother? Highly unlikely bitch.
real talk
Your entitled to your own opinions, just keep it peaceful and respectful is all I ask no need to name call y'all. We can agree to disagree.
One Love
Yes..because that's what I did with my first and I'm NEVER letting myself get lost again. Not worth it.
Being in shape, wealthy, college/street educated, cleaning, sewing, birthing children, cooking never kept no one in a relationship man or woman.
Preach!
definitely make me think loooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnng and hard before leaving thats for real
Right
@Blessed By the Best
I know you think your making sense but you really are not. If someone is a catch it won't encourage you to think long and hard before leaving? If someone treats you better than you've been treated in your last few relationships you don't think that can make someone desire to hold on to you? If your compatible? If you respect the person? If their sweetness knocks you out? If the person isn't feeling you it's obvious they can leave you much more easily. There are no guarantees in life.
@Blessed By the Best
"A man staying has nothing to do with the woman, but all to do with him"
You know it's really plain that your not objectively seeing your own statement.
I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but your statement doesn't make sense unless your in your emotions. It sounds like something a 16 year old would say. I am not head over heels for my wife, but because she is so decent, respectful, hard working and loving to me I stay. I have heard a significant portion of male aquaintances say this. So your statement is a horrendous misstatement of reality as is. Period! Your behavior as a woman DOES matter. It's cluelessly insane that women are in this comment section trying to get other women to believe that men are making decisions about being with women totally on instincts and without reasoning about the merits of the woman in front of them. That's crazy as hell!!
The key word is reciprocity, no woman should be looking to do things for a man that ain't willing to do the same for her.
miss K K there is your problem. We don’t do the same things for each other. We can’t. Were two different species. Men have a part to play and women have their part to play. It’s simple math. Mexican women get this. Well most of em do. Black women lack in this area.
@@thejoker2200 so what your saying is men and women can't give to each other? I cook for my man, he fixes my car. We are not doing the same thing however there is still a mutual exchange. So again I say the key word is reciprocity. You don't do the same things as the corporations you buy from, but you give money in exchange for their goods...again reciprocity.
miss K K that my sista, is correct. My bad
#preach
miss K K lol why are people always so quick to down play a black woman's intellect 😂
This is the very reason why I don’t wanna get married. You can’t change all the rules for women, but try to keep all the old school rules for men!
I feel like people don’t understand what a “pick me” woman is. She basically will talk all about how she will do anything for her “man” or future man while bashing other women because they don’t do the same.
Aren’t both sides bashing
Exactly. Women that do this I stay far away from. I dont deal with women.
@@craigsims1189 Yup, they do.
Pickme - Simping for a man
All that working cooking and cleaning don't keep a man. Working out weekly jumping through whatever hoops don't keep a man. A man has to want to be there period. These young people have everything so twisted and wrong.(They referred to the younger generation(the pop generation). My comment is in reference to that comment.)
Speak!!! You cant keepa man who is not interested in being kept.
Not doing any of those things can make a man not want to be there
1titans I’m with you my friend. A woman is less likely to keep her man if she doesn’t do these things. Just like a man is less likely to keep his woman if he doesn’t meet her needs. Women need to wake up; men too. Ain’t nothing wrong with a woman taking care of her man. He’ll appreciate you more trust me! If he leave that’s on him. At least you did your part.
Working out and staying fit, looking your best will definitely keep a man. You have to give him a reason to want to be there.
What she should say is these are things u shouldn’t do so often JUST to get picked. It’s nothing wrong with spoiling your man especially if it’s reciprocated
I'm not part of the pick me" movement. They can have it. I clean my bathrooms, my kitchen, my house. Single, and I guess I will remain so, because I'm not doing all of this for a man. A man can only be kept if he wants to be. I don't care if you wash his body from head to toe, wait on him hand and foot, it won't keep him. If women want to cater to a man this way, do you, not my style.
Aniko L I actually cook at my boyfriends house, but I cook for myself and he eats what’s left in the pot lol! I also clean because I’m a germaphobe and like clean places. Whatever u do, do it for urself.
Your right Miss lady doing all things will not keep him. I’ve done all those things and still wants what he wants. He tells me I’m his friend after 4 years !!!! I thought we were pass that stage..... I still think he’s wondering!
I LOOVE THIS COMMENT🙌 I AGREE
I'm glad to know there are women who are not desperate for any ole piece of man. A lot of men are looking for a cook, a maid, a sex toy. A cheater is going to cheat because he wants too. De-stress!
You're being extreme. Catering doesn't mean hand and foot. When a man caters to you, does that mean he is waiting hand and foot for you?
I agree with Africa. Give yourself a break because if I leave this world tomorrow I'm not going out stressed about anybody.
And noone will stress over you.
@Game Changer butthurt incel spotted
@@skullkid64mm You're right Crimson B Retrograde is a but hurt incel. Good spot.
GameChanger00100
They were talking about you fam 😂
In the animal kingdom, men compete for women. A woman should never degrade herself by competing for a man. If a man wants you, there will be no doubt. If he makes you doubt, work on you and rebuild, do NOT chase.
Be an animal if you crave it. Now lets talk poligamy, dummy.
Depends on what animal..
@Senorita Aurora Most women today are not worth competing for.
AllPro777 and most men are not worth being chased by. What's your point?
@@AllPro777 Leave those animals in peace, bro.
Sleep is the cousin of death... and probably the child of a single mother.
I learn something new everyday... Just be yourself ladies, the right fella will stay.
Men don't have this attitude. When a man wants a woman, he betters himself to attract that woman. A woman, on the other hand, doesn't want to better herself to attract the man she wants. This whole, "Take me as I am", isn't getting women the results they truly desire.
@@CornellG men do not better themselves to be with women. Men think that they are entitled. Just read the comments on this post. Black men are like "Yeah he might cheat but just be sure to try to keep him." Most women by nature are caregivers and a lot of women live by themselves and take care of their home, work, cook, clean, etc. The issue comes in when they get married and end up having to do more once they have kids and have to take care of another adult as well instead of having a partnership where they both take care of each other.
Being yourself also means taking off the heavy make-up and presenting your real face. If he don't like it, fuck em.
@@CornellG He doesn't "better" himself, he conforms to appeal to her shallow standards because he's desperate for female approval. People who are looking for REAL connections want to only attract those who are attracted to the REAL them.
Cornell Ginger
It works for most because it gets you someone that’s fits you. Obviously you should better yourself, but you should do so in a way that’s authentic to you. Pick me’s kill themselves to be what they think men want and then become miserable when it doesn’t work out.
#KeepYourMan? How about #KeepYourself! I agree that only a man that wants to be kept will be. We really need to love ourselves better as women and start loving other women as well. We are not enemies.
Candice Sanders well said sis! Btw I love you as a sista 😘
You sound gay lol
I have observed that when you do not cater to a man, he will try relentlessly pursue you. When you are not needy and focused on a man, that is when they try to pick you.
Royall Waltower 😊😊😊
Lucinda Rimger true sis! Preach!
MAMA CHOUCHOU Amen!
That book men marry bitches is the TRUTH! Been with my hubby for 20 years, I'm an Aquarius so I treat him like I don't give 2 shits if he goes!🤣🤣
AquarianDustbuster yesss i noticed Aquarius women get men that will legit do anything for them!
I hate the term "keep a man." Is there an equivalent for men? Do men share tips and brag about knowing how to "keep a woman?"
peanutjelly no because females outnumber men in all races/ethnicity. & when it comes to reproduction although we carry the child the man has to pick you to give you his seed.
@@peacelovewarrior6312 The "seed" is the most minor part of reproduction. Are you seriously downplaying the egg, uterus and 9 months of carrying a child for something that can be picked up in a sperm bank? If you want to compromise your dignity to act desperate and thirsty for a man to get "chose," go ahead. But if having a child is all you care about, you'll find that it's actually not that hard to get a guy to give you his "seed." There's plenty of guys handing them out for free these days.
Yup, don't cheat and hold a steady job.
@@jeffreyd700 I've never heard the term "pick me" applied to man.
@@peanutjelly727 For men it's called being "thirsty"
My personal problem with the pick me culture (and society at large actually) is that it perpetuates this image that there is NOTHING worse than being a single woman. Being a single woman is still treated as being this horrible illness for which the only cure is monogamy or matrimony. It's so bad that it doesn't even occur to people that you can live a happy, fulfilling and meaningful life and be single at the same time. Single women in movies and TV shows are always depicted as being hoes who "serial date" or just hop in bed with any guy and never get serious with anyone, or they're shown as being bitter and sinister to anyone in a relationship. Women are still taught that no matter what else we may do or accomplish in life, that none of it matters if we're not in a committed relationship, and that it's better to be in a toxic, unhappy, reciprocated relationship than to be in no relationship at all. Our self-worth is still broadcasted as being only as good as the man who finds us worthy of his validation and THAT'S the driving force behind the Pick Me culture. If you want a man, want to be in a serious relationship, get married, etc, there's nothing wrong with that. But some women spend their entire lives with no other goals set in place for themselves and end up settling and I don't care what anyone says: Settling is NOT better than staying single.
All my sister's friends were pick me's always doing the most for male approval whilst my sister minded her own and stayed single. They used to make fun of her for going throughout her twenties not having a man but my good sis was getting her degrees and masters, her own apartment, car, travelling living her best life. The gag is she ended up marrying (a rich man) at 31 and having 4 kids by 35. She has a cook, cleaner, part time nanny etc whilst those pick me's have deadbeat baby fathers. Moral of the story is that "dream man" isn't going for a pick me, it's best for you to just live your best life for yourself and if the man comes along he will. I'm not about to waste my prime years trying to do pick me. Not on my watch
That's cool, but I'm gonna keep it 100 with you: neither path you mentioned there is the way to go. Your sister was lucky, but most women who take that path wind up alone. They don't wind up meeting a rich man and getting married (not that he should have to be rich in the first place) so recommending that is irresponsible. It's also interesting how you mentioned that the man was rich, but not that he was kind, intelligent, a good person, etc, you know, things that are actual real qualities that makes a normal person want to love and marry.
Truth is, women need to quit dreaming and get real. Most of you are just average like most men are just average, and you make the mistake of squandering your best years chasing a dream that's way out of your league, then you turn 30 and become bitter never accepting that it was your own choices that you brought you to that point.
@@AllPro777 not even gonna read all that.
what matters is that a woman chooses to better herself and not depend on someone else for an idea of identity.
in every case, no matter the method advised, a partner can walk away, but if she's worked on herself for herself, she will have a lot more going for her in the end.
@@harumiayame8586 *not even gonna read all that*
It's not even that much, quit acting dramatic. But, nobody asked you to read _any_ of it, so...
Yeah right...how convenient your whole story.
@@harumiayame8586 great comment. I'm happy for your sister. Pick me make is easier for us.
I’m tickled by the amount of men who showed up to a video about women just to complain or make this video about them somehow. How...predictable. Hence, pick me culture
lol but its centered around men's attention to women 🤷🏾♂️
no, it's centered around the impact on women's self-esteem and how we relate to each other. nice try being a smart ass though.
@@chayceperusual8485 so leave men out of your pick me convo then and focus on your other female friends who are clearly looking for a pick me from a woman 🙄
mind your business and stay the hell out of women folks conversations. simple.
@@chayceperusual8485 u sound bitter. and possibly lonely.cant force someone to stay out of anything in a public forum. wtf is wrong wit u? overweight now u mad at the world?
I am sorry, but a man is only my man if I am married to him, anything else is called dating. I never give husband privileges to a men with boyfriend status, nor do I expect him to treat me as his wife.
I considered myself a wife in training when I met my man... we've been together 12 years now and married for 7... if he's someone you want to keep you kinda have to act like a wifey... a wifey is a pre wife... if he's worth it show him he's worth it
@@selendriamuganogo7077 I was his friend and we traveled, took long walks in the park, had long interesting conversations, went out together and enjoyed each other , (Yes in that way). What I did not do was his laundry, make a habit of cookimg for him, move in with him, clean his apartment, have his babies, support him financially, buy him a car. I met my husband in May by December we were married, that was 20 years ago. How many 'wifey" are just being used, and when he find something else he moves on. In the meantime the "wifey" has wasted 3,4,5 years or more of her life and she is left with 1,2,3 or more kids to take care of. It ended well for you, but more times it don't end well for most women. Don't let a man use you up women, You do not have to be his "wifey" to keep him, let him get to know you, if he want to stay he will.
@@2436golden I didn't do any of that stuff for my husband either... you only do enough to let him know what you are all about, and if he wants it he knows what he has to do... I gave him samples of what being married to me would be like... I wasnt doing the most all the time... and I wasn't afraid to lose him... I showed him the type of woman I was and I allowed him to make his decision... my attitude was you wont find a better woman than me, but I never said that to him... There's a way to speak the language of woman and get what you want
@@selendriamuganogo7077 I wish more women understood that this is the right mentality to have to not just "keep a man" but to have a husband. And men are desperately looking for women who have this understanding.
@@2436golden definitely agree... I am a husband's best friend, not his maid. We both work full-time, so we both do things around the house. I may be the primary cook, but he's the primary auto technician LOL... It's a partnership, and he loves me and treats me as his equal, not as his subservient handmaid.
I can’t speak for other religions, but Christianity or the Bible specifically doesn’t teach that women are below men. The word submission in the Bible have been misused and abused because it’s been misunderstood. Some ppl take/have taken it literally and ran with it in a way that pleases them or their situation. Submission in the Bible is not a reflection of inferiority or lesser worth. Since it’s been misinterpreted that way, ppl like to blame Christianity for the way women are treated. The Bible in general have always been misinterpreted so, we have to blame people not the religion.
Exactly, people always forget about the example of how to treat a woman in the bible. Men love your wife as Christ love the church...
What about the verse women have to cover their hair with a veil in church and they cant speak unless they ask their husbands? What about the verse that says women are impure and shouldnt be touched during their periods? What about rape victims should marry their rapist? Ya'll dont read the bible, we dont have to interpret something that's written literally, there are metaphors but telling women they're not allowed to speak is certainly not a metaphor
@@971Cici You also have to take in consideration of who wrote and when it was written. Research is always best
@@ketwannawalker4106 well i'll return you the advice
According to the bible it's the child the woman the man then jesus and lastly god...
Seems to be an order
Pick me culture, more like desperate culture.
I can't believe some people are willing to give up on everything that makes them special just to keep their man.
Indentured servant culture.
What makes them special? Can you give examples?
U single ainna??
I am so happy Black Women are waking up and no longer promoting struggle love & pickme behavior. Bravo Ladies!!!
Pick me is so efffin annoying like life is all about pleasing a man ughhh
It's terrible, these women have no other aspirations in life.
It is, even Beyonce left y'all in the dust singing Single ladies while she went on to get married to Jigga😂😂😂😂
munyah m nobody saves from cheating Beyoncé even got cheated on it depends on the guy not the woman’s actions that’s a mind game that I don’t fall for
Timberly Davis makes it bad for the good ones in not doing it
Phallus rules the world.
Also no "pick me" men, meaning no romance , no paying for dates, no compliments, and absolutely no long term commitment or marriage, we men don't want to seem desperate after all. Women stop trying, men stop trying, no one gets picked.
Jfc the meaning of a pick-me is a person who seeks out validation from one group while the person is putting down their own group. Learn to think, goddamn.
I honestly didn’t know there was a name for this, maybe I should get back on twitter lol But I love that these ladies did not BASH/SHAME other women for what their beliefs are when it comes to “keeping a man” and simply stated…if that’s what YOU wanna do to keep your…do YOU! But I personally think who you are as a single person will play out greatly when you’re in a relationship. If you get dressed up for YOU, if you take YOU out on dates, if you keep YOUR bathroom clean(lol) you will not mind doing this for your man/ significant other when they come along/ you’re in a relationship.
Actually they were, just by calling them pick me implies they are desparate.
GameChanger00100 throwing shade, yes. Shaming and bashing...no. I took it as them playing off of the name that the internet gave these type of women and stating opinions.
The Thirty Journey Shaming? No. However, these women are being very condescending and manipulative. Calling women “pick me” is like white people who use “reverse racism”. It’s a reverse psychology technique to deflect from the real issue. Women who make valid points about relationships are called “pick me” simply because what they’re saying is deemed favorable to men. Bottom line, what is “favorable” to men is also in favor to family and building. To suggest men just want to be able to rule, abuse, and cheat on their wives is very misleading, extreme, and a bad attempt to tryin’ move the goalpost. People are not getting married. Divorce rates are at an all-time high. People are prolonging having kids or proclaiming not to have any at all. It’s not a coincidence that we also do not have defined gender roles.
Agree
@@designschema FACTS bro. Well stated.
If you want to cater to your man, do so. But that won't keep him. Unfortunately, treating some men like a king can build his ego so much that he thinks he deserves everything that pops into his head and if you dont gladly cater to his every whim, in his eyes, you failed as a spouse, giving him carte blanche to step out on you.
I knew a woman who was everything. Worked, took care of the kids, kept a nice house, always treated her man well. He had an affair that resulted in a child. Do you know why? She decided to go natural and get healthy and lose weight.
He said that she was a good woman, but he liked her with a larger butt and long straight hair and if she couldn't cater to her man in the way she looked, he would find someone who would.
THIS!!! In fact, you must only make a man feel like you are a commodity that he can't take for granted and that way he will cherish you and try to keep YOU instead. Black women need to realize we are the price, not some musty man that barely does anything for you.
It sounds like he may have been insecure that other men would be attracted to his wife because she looked good.
@@TNJ-gn2gv - So destroy your marriage because others find your spouse attractive? I'm pretty sure that's not what happened.
@@commonsenseprevails1433
Common sense is not that common.
That guy was an idiot if that’s the real reason 😂
Pick Me Ness is rooted in good ole fashioned competition for the attention of men. And as black women we know that the odds are against us. This is what the dating pool today looks like: 105 women in a room fighting over one piece of steak...lol...I don't think women who practice pick me behavior are being intentionally harmful...sometimes the urge to find a man or wanting a relationship turns into DESPERATION. The dating world is a cruel world to navigate...and the cold hard truth is that many of us will not succeed in finding Mr. Right.
Why do you feel that the odds are against black women ? 🤔
Please tell me where this room is, I would like to visit. I think all the black men that visit Africa, Dominican Republic, and Brazil looking for black women would sooner just go to these rooms.
@@bauthentic333 She don't black women have come to realize that playing them victims gets them rewards. Ie welfare. You can always ask them how many men have they rejected vs how many rejected them and then the understand shortage.
Odd wouldn’t be like this if we started dating interracially at a higher percent
Ira Mickalene
Truer words have not been spoken
Sad these older women are giving terrible advice to young women and will lead them down a lonely road
If I have to do all that to keep a man, I’ll die alone. I came in this world alone, I don’t mind leaving alone. It is never that serious ladies.
Fellas don’t provide for these ladies, don’t protect them and don’t lay it down in the bedroom 😅 you see it in these comments they don’t want to to ANYTHING to keep us fuc em
preach
😔I don't want to be picked no more..because the types that keep picking me are turning out to be psycho.....😔from experience,,,I rather do the picking
little wn yes sis
Men chase women choose
You're absolutely right the men that I'm attracting are absolute trash. I feel your pain
Omg I absolutely love this! I think about this ALL THE TIME when I see women centering their lives around catching a man! It drives me up the wall! Like relax and stop throwing yourself at people and let them come naturally. I love this post!
But what if men have the same mindset of letting things happen naturally? How will both genders end up dating each other?
Spacely Man Well men are the chasers..
@@spacelyman9482 stop comparing men to women. What if men didnt have a job? What if men had periods? We are not the same.
@@chocolatenikki Women can chase men too. Why should men do all the work. It's 2018 and women can go after the men they want too.
@@jasminepearls1047 Well continue to only choose men that come up to you. In this case, you can't complain when a relationship doesn't go well because your only choosing to date men who come up to you. Sometimes, a guy who doesn't come up to you could be good for you also but you will have to be the one to put yourself out there.
I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and if I feel like cooking and cleaning I do. And if I’m tried and don’t feel like then he has to step up otherwise he’ll be going hungry lol. We work well because there is a balance. I can’t be expected to do more than he does. He’s a grown man the same way ima grown woman.
Alanna Hodgson do you work ?
Yes I work a full time job and go to law school part time.
@@AlannaMonet well since you work then that's fine
No matter how you slice it, women always do more. Here you are, working a full time job and going to school part time. Is he working a full time job while going to school part time? Even if he is, the nurturing part of us makes us always do more in a relationship; we carry relationships, that’s why when we’re done itz over. No matter how tired you’re you’ll still pick up his dirty clothes off the floor. When you can’t cook, chances are you’ll ask him to get takeout on his way home and stuff like that. So no you’re still doing way more than him but we don’t mind once we’re in a relationship. It’s called emotional labor and women bear the brunt of it.
Agree!
Notice that all the woman they named are in happy relationships. It seems that the people upset at the “pick-me” culture are the unhappy/bitter women. But I’m a black man so what do I know?
Right. If you are not respected, make a quick exit.
Most yall cooking and cleaning your boyfriends house NOT your husbands house. This is the difference between pick me culture and chosen culture.
Dating is about presentation TO BE PICKED. Dont like it? STAY SINGLE.
You can't keep a man that dont wanna be kept. Period 💁
Women. You hold all of the cards ... why are you jumping through hoops for these tacky men?
More women on this planet than men. So that's a no.
@@lordoffrog2354 Not true. The only grown men who want virgins are men who don't know how to fuck.
@@lordoffrog2354 salute to virgins, but the only cards they holding is v cards. Niggas that say they want virgins, don't wanna wait to get married to start fuckin. And since u prolly gone havta teach a virgin at least a lil somethin, u may as well teach that same shit, to a regular broad, who got a lil (or a lot of) experience under her belt.
Sauce Castillo Yh I agree but any1 our here marrying is a goofy
@@lordoffrog2354 My relationship with my man says different. Where's your woman at?
I think this video is on point but I believe “pick me” culture will continue as long as black women out number black men.
There's other men in the world besides black men
Joss Kei Very true but most people choose to marry their racial counterparts.
We don't just out number them. We also out educate them fact lol! Your not the only males on the earth.
@The One Are we suppose to believe in what you're saying. So that we only date black males. To be honest. There are also more black men with black women period so what's your point? For the record not all men care if there mother likes you or not. If they really like you that's all that matters to them.
@The One if there were true there would be no black women married to non black men. And when they get married they usually stay married unlike black men and their obese wives
😂😂 some men are triggered. Y’all just want to get away with everything
No its actually women who want everything. Women only want equality when it benefits them. When it doesn't benefit them then they want to act traditional.
@@allenreynolds3136 Men are incarcerated at a 93% ratio to women at 7%. We take the fall for all their evil.
Calvin Luciano There is nothing wrong with women who cater to their men or vice versa... and there’s also nothing wrong with *not* being that type of person, either. That’s the whole point: cater to your man/woman or don’t, but both sides should stop trashing each other.
And to your crass comment about women being “dumb” for *choosing* to be alone rather than side with a man? I’d say the dumb ones are women (or men) who need a relationship badly enough to put up with astonishing levels of bullshit.
I focus on picking myself. #selflove
I rather learn to love myself before loving others, so I know what is best.
6:57!!!! EXACTLY!!!! I would love to be a “traditional housewife” and cater to my man 100 percent BUT... it’s not goin to happen if I gotta bare half his load!!! It’s 50/50 wen it comes to his load then keep that same energy wen it comes to ACTIVELY rearing the kids... cooking... cleaning... keepin the bed room alive and keepin up their physical appearance.
the biggest issue is finances,will that be 50 /50 too.That is where couples collide.
Mercy Stacy that’s what I meant by his load.... if we’re speaking from a traditional standpoint his load is the finances.
Jessica B. No worries, women outside of America will do this gladly and with enthusiasm.
@Yoshiyahu Yisrael you are another human being. That means more to cook and more to clean. Wow men these days are absolutely lazyyyy.
@Michelle Appiah yesss! That! Wish I could like your comment a million times
Bottom line is where are your husbands? 20 years from now you'll be having the same conversation with your daughters because you can't change what you want acknowledge men control who gets married women control who gets sex And for most women marriage should be the gold
But wait.. I like how she said it's okay for a woman to talk about how she goes to work and come home and cook and clean but she doesn't have to put other women down in order to receive validation....
BUT!!!!
These same will praise a dude for bragging he can pay all of the bills and how many cars he got and put down other men who can't do it......
I mean damn the hypocrisy is amazing
When I stopped caring about men and what they think, I met my husband. He's not Black (or white) either. Black women need to focus on loving ourselves and supporting each other. Open yourselves to men of other races too. When Black men realize you have other options and don't need (or want) them, they will start to chase after and compete for you.
Nobody should chase anybody. Thats the problem both should be putting in the same amount of energy
A Confident man who loves you will push you to your full potential so you can be the best you can With him not for him.
Christianity is inherently patriarchal at its core.
Black women, please don’t listen to single women on how to get/keep a man.
It’s strange how women who don’t get picked criticize the ones who do?
So let me get this straight, While Black women are only getting married at a 26% rate in America, you all are criticizing Black women encouraging other Black women to be kind and cater to their men? Something's amiss here.
I could watch an hour on this topic! Love that you women brought this topic to this channel.
Elexis Arnold me too, I could literally watch it for hours long
SheraSeven covers a lot of this
Oh my goodness... This video is so needed! Thank you beautiful ladies for putting this out... Black women, once we start valuing ourselves and behaving like we are vulnerable, beautiful prizes, we will not be treated like second-best.
I don't see anything wrong with it. I love to get a pick me. I will damn sure pick her.
Damn, we are an entitled culture. When survival was important, love faith and family where completely different. Now that we're comfortable, those words hold little meaning. Peace
So being in shape to maintain your partners attraction for you is being a pick me, just because she cant put the big macs down.... sad
“Pick YOURSELF” I loved every min of this discussion! Thanks for sharing ladies!!!
I love how the three ladies don't talk OVER each other .Everyone is given a chance to speak their mind.
Single women given advice to keep women single
Notice how neither one of these women are married. Not a single ring on either one of their fingers
These single black women are going to keep more black women single.
Reminds me of that one boondocks episode.
This is a cute little philosophy when you are 18 to 22. But when you near the end of your 20s to your mid-thirties and you are looking to get married this bullshit goes out the window.
I've seen so many black women with this I'm going to be who I am mindset dealing with black men, only to become"pick me" for men of other races in order to get married LOL.
So if you want to be a single mother listen to these women, enjoy setting your children up for failure. But if you want to have a strong productive family that can pass on generational wealth, you might want to see what qualities women had in the early 20th century when they were getting married in Mass
HAD A FRIEND WHO DID EVERYTHING RIGHT FOR HER HUSBAND. ALWAYS LOOK GOOD FOR HIM EVERY DAY. HE STILL TURN AROUND AND CHEAT ON HER EVERY CHANCE HE GOT. SO I WILL PICK ME AND NOT A MAN.
The fact that women can't keep a man shows alot. Men are simple, all women have to do is not piss him off by picking pointless fights, know how to cook and don't cheat.
Ladies The WORST "Advice" You Can Get About Men, Comes From Women Who DONT KNOW SHIT About Men😂😂....These Type Of Women Will Have You SINGLE & ALONE💯😂
I'm a self-identifyist. I identify with my needs and wants which doesn't fit either side from what I take of this argument. I want a man who will definitely pay all the bills and give me money for shopping or an allowance. However if I choose to work i want him to understand my money is for saving for the kids college fund/investment/retirement. I want a maid service to come in to clean 2 to 3 days a week. We can start out with one day a week. And I want to order take out most times because I'm sure I'll be too busy with other things to cook on a daily basis. I don't fit in either way I suppose! 😒😞
Omg i love this. This sounds like a dream!
@@tianamiller6820 it can definitely be a reality. We just need to be Vocal about what we, as women, want in our personal dating lives, relationships, marriages etc!
Im a guy and I can honestly say that if you approach a relationship with that much honesty and transparency you might just get what you want. Men are( or at least suppose to be) goal oriented and it sounds like you're bringing a goal to the relationship that the both of you could work towards.
And this, Ladies and Gentlemen is what happens when little girls watch to much Disney!
Women do you all know we don't have to pick any of you right? it seems like women think there is always a man willing to take you but that's not true
I love this! It only needs to be followed by a panel of mental health professionals speaking on the issues behind both sides of this: attachment trama, rejection and abandonment issues, personality disorders and the tie in of all the above, low self-esteem lingering underneath. It will turn you into a people or a self-centered attention vacuum all the way to a human free sample. The same source of a problem can be expressed many ways. Fix the source, cure the problem.
P.S. I love the middle host's hair style! ❤
Women hate the pick me because they actually have to try instead of sitting on their ass, she even said it, the pick me is about performance. This is why women can't keep a man because they expect the guy to put in 99% while they put in 1% and expect to be considered equal. Imagine woman if you had to go up to a picky man who could reject and humiliate you and asking him out. Imagine dating this person and you have to pay for everything while he sits there and gets upset at stupid shit like you not telling him he looks beautiful today. Imagine living in a society in which if your boyfriend act up on public they blame you for not knowing how to treat a man. Imagine getting down on one knee and proposing with a 5K ring you bought only to have him say yes then braking up with you and being able to keep Ring because the Court see it as a gift so now you out of 5K. The amount of things men have to go through in relationships is just insane,
I was told by misogynists that women are the choosers, to make excuses for men’s bad behavior in relationships. So which is it? Are men or women the “choosers”? Lol. This is taking us back to the 50s.
Let's not conflate the issues here.
This has nothing to do with a man and everything to do with a woman's pride.
Biggest complaint of men in relationships? The lack of Respect. Women throw the L word around and it becomes meaningless.
Basically, dont go above and beyond/ take care of someone who isnt doing the same for you. Pick mes end up alone because they think if they’re “perfect” a guy will have no reason but to stay with them. They dont expect the man to reach or even try to reach the same level of “perfection”(which is why it falls apart). Like everyone is saying, a man will be with you if HE wants to be with you! No amount of cooking, cleaning, or wifely attitude will change that! Just like if a man was amazing and constantly catering to you, but you didn’t care enough about him to reciprocate his effort, you would probably bounce!
Relationships are 50/50 in love, passion, and EFFORT. Anyone who doesnt put in the effort to make it work, isnt worth working with 💁🏾
I just thought this was called desperate. Didn’t even realize this trend had a name lol. Ladies be yourself. Period.
All the comments saying that cooking and cleaning and being in shape don’t keep a man are majority women who are single with a kid most likely and overweight 🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️
This is shaming women. 🤷♂️🤦🏻♂️
Social media birthed this pick me culture. Posting selfie's in provocative garment with little to nothing on is where all this comes from. This ain't got shit to do with men.
He aint picking me. I keep choosing myself when faced with the bs.
The only thing killing women's self esteem is women! Soldier Up!
Truth!
If a man works a physical job while his woman works at a desk job or a job doesn't require a lot of physical work he would GREATLY appreciate a woman who cooks and cleans. When you work a physical job everyday, then come home and fix the house, cut the grass, rake the leaves, etc your body will need a break.
I don't like pick me women, they come in all shades. I get bashed for being a stay-at-home mom by women with diplomas who don't know how to cook and clean. we just live in a generation with women that like to nitpick and don't know how to mind their business. Bashed for breastfeeding or formula feeding, bashed for career or not having a career, bashed for staying at home and bashed for daycare ect ect......😒 this is why i stay to myself and just focus on my marriage,kids and home! Women are very hard to deal with and its bad enough i have to deal with my own criticism so im not dealing with someone elses.
Speaking as a man, my girl doesn't have to do any of that. Matter of fact, I do the majority cleaning and cooking, lol; I enjoy doing all those things. It's 50/50 people! Love the show!
moonknightbliss lucky her.
That mentality is strange. How could you be okay with a woman who doesn't cook or clean? Sorry, but you were raised wrong. Dead wrong. 50/50 is one thing, but having a woman that won't do any of that at all? No way. That's a bum chick, period.
@@AllPro777 I am a grown man. My mother raised me to be self-sufficient, meaning I don't need any one to cook or clean for me. My girl doesn't have to do any of that but she does because she wants to. There's nothing wrong with a female that doesn't fit the stereotype of a "house wife". Some females are better at certain things than others, same with men. If she refuse to do anything, then we'd have a problem. As I said before, I enjoy doing all that, I don't see the problem of a man cooking and taking care of the home. Stop living in the past and God bless.
@@moonknightbliss You don't listen. If you actually read what I wrote and read what you wrote, you can see that you just agreed with my point.
I said: "50/50 is one thing, but having a woman that won't do any of that at all? No way."
You said: "If she refuse to do anything, then we'd have a problem"
It seems you're so interested in showing yourself as a whiteknight for these nothing-to-offer women that you're willing to create arguments to points you actually agree with, lol.
@@moonknightbliss you are another weak black man raised by his mother. Sad
Meanwhile, men are just living their lives..
Amara la Negra is Dominicana.
She naturally cleans..
That's what "MY" women do.
I can’t believe I’m just finding out about this channel and this series...it’s definitely refreshing to hear some real conversation like this...this needs to be on TV ASAP!
As a man I appreciate when a woman behaves normally so I don't get any nasty surprises later when the act gets dropped. Also please, women, stop idealising your relationship or idealising someone elses without knowing the true ins and outs of it.
I don't even want a man or women I'm good with my pillow,cat,dog or turtle.
I'm 45 years old listening to these young women... A man doesn't pick a woman, we aren't fruit! A man discovers a real woman. And discovery takes digging and investigating. Picking is loosely based on outer performance. Check yourself Queens.
Are you married
Ladies, it's damned if you do and damned if you don't. Just do you, and hopefully find someone who loves you for you. Keep it 100
What some women don't understand is that men could care less about this or that. We care about whether a woman compliments our life or not. The women who compliments a man's life the most, is the one who will get married. Sex can be great, looks can be great, career can be great, and her family can be nice, but if her persona as an individual is off, she won't get considered for marriage. Dating is a case by case dynamic. You may not compliment this person, but you will the next one. Though you have to be in the right frame of mind to see it.
I heard her say women are expected to go hard at work then come home and work hard too. The reality is, unless your money is required to create stability in your home (which is a reflection of a few personal choices made up until that point), you working hard at your job is not typically an expectation of a man.
That’s why y’all single. Smh
Well I’m glad I’m not this type of woman. My own self worth and accomplishments are based upon what I deem acceptable... once I get there for self the men will flock... and love you for who you are. Sounds like a self esteem issue 🤦🏽♀️ sorry sistas.
I guess this segment is to make the single women feel good about being single
mikelawry 00000 Hey I mean if you’re only option is to be with someone who will run you to the ground then I think the better option is to be single.
@@TheEjordan01 It's your life, and if you think that every man you meet is going to run you in the ground you should be single
mikelawry 00000 my whole point was that women shouldn’t feel bad about being single if they’re options of men think this way I don’t understand what YOU don’t understand.
Never once have I said EVERY man, you guys need to hone your listening skills
Typical for MadameNoire.
Did everyone watch a completely different video than the one I watched? They didn't say there was anything wrong with doing things for your partner... Just that there was something wrong in basing your self worth on being able to keep a man and shaming other women that don't do the things you do. I don't understand exactly what part of the video bypassed your brains.
I'm glad that Black Women are entering an era of Self-Care.
Good point.
Same old feminist bs but that keiara kelly is stunning
If a man wants a house wife he needs to pay all the bills. But if I pay half the bills then bro you’re a room mate. No respect. Don’t get when ur lady becomes masculine 😂
Suuralayda sanka siman Faransawi garbsaar 💯💯💯💯💯
I literally have no clue what “pick me” culture is and I sure have no clue why ridiculousness popped up on my feed.
The weave sisters are gonna stay single asl …..
Sistas, sistas, sistas, SISTAS!!!!!!! Take off the costumes🙏 pleeease!!
Two kings can not share the same throne at the same time. There have got to be someone who takes the lead in a family if not it will be a chaos. Btw the Bible does not consider women inferior
Social media is so out of control and annoying now. ITs so weird that ppl spend so much time on the internet engaging in bs. #getalife #getoutthehouse #engageinreality
Agreed
but you commented on a youtube video you likely watched to the end and you probably had a bag of hot cheetos while doing so on your couch at home.
everybody else could be doing the same as you, whatever the case.
trying to be 'above it' but you're really just like the everyone else, who also think they're special.
@@harumiayame8586 Lol what? I guess you must be offended by my comment because you are one of those weirdos who spend all day on social media. Get a life, loser.
@@harumiayame8586 I never said I was perfect. Relax. Stop obsessing.
I got a life, I got a man, and I got a job. What do you have? Peace be unto you stalker.
SheRaSeven on TH-cam has been teaching about "Pick-Me's and Dusty's" FOREVER!! That movement has been going on for a long time now!!
Rainy5062002 💯💯💯
Ladies, most men do not need you to cook or clean for them. We want a partner who complements who we are and we complement who they are. Pick me culture has been and will always be around in some form. The key is to do what’s best for your relationship and happiness. Each person in the relationship should learn what the other’s needs are and determine if they can and want to meet those needs.
I’ve watched multiple videos from this channel and in my opinion, Africa exhibits most of the qualities that most men want. Strong yet supportive, reasonable but no push over, and understanding that relationships require effort from both the man and the woman.
The sheer stupidity in the comment section is real....
If a man isn’t paying ALL the bills and at least helping a little bit with chores, then you *SHOULD NOT* be doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing.
What kind of men are you women picking?
Then again, what if she is a control freak? I don't some skank raising my child her way. Look at people today, for christ sake.
“The only man that will be kept is a man that wants to be kept.”
Great segment ladies.