From my own experience childhood trauma has created a world of hyper vigilance and the need to create safety and predictability. Constantly worrying about what might happen, trying to control the outcome causes stress, anxiety and body malfunction. Feeling you can’t cope when ‘bad stuff’ happens, feelings of responsibility for every single event. Well done Hayley you are stronger than you think
Thank you for sharing your experience ren278 ❤. It just helps me to not feel so alone - but i am so sorry that you went through that too, but yeah i totally understand where you are coming from . Thank you so much - we are stronger than we think - both of us . thank you x x i send you love x
"Am I doing something constructive, or am I just aggravating my nervous system?" That's a very good thought. It would make me pause (finally). Thank you both for doing this.
Thank you both ! This is so helpful, I identify so much with you Haley. I too was being God for other people slowly learning how to let go of taking responsibility for others, it was making me ill. This episode has really helped, looking forward to watching more. Thank you for being so honest and brave ❤
Thank you Hayley for being so brave and for allowing us to share your therapeutic journey with Alex. These sessions are extremely helpful to those of us that are watching too as they help us identify patterns that may be going on in our own lives and ones that we were not previously aware of. Wishing you every success in your healing journey and I hope that Alex’s work goes some way in helping you to live the happy life that you truly deserve.
So interesting to hear about Alex’s balanced personal boundaries, so very different from those of us with maladapted patterns. I feel your struggle Hayley. Keep going- you’re so worth it❤
I don't think all people even try to do the best they can do.. some will just never care about others (and we must know it consciously). One of the best way to see all these childhood-parent-family foundational layer (and all the mind-patterns related to them) is travelling far. Somewhere where the culture has so different patterns, that we must jump out of it. And we get separated at that moment. Any learning or healing process is based on a healthy caring and reflective relationship between two people. This is so beautiful to see from the outside... and again I learnt a lot. Gratitudes :)
Hayley, I so admire your strength, not just in doing this on film but the strength to try and deal with it in the first place. I can relate to aspects of what you have said. It’s not an easy journey but it is worth it. When it gets tough, be extra kind to yourself xx
Thank you both. Hayley I admire your honesty and openness. You have strength and an inner commitment to life. I have blurred boundaries with people in my life and understand how looking into this can cause unease but ultimately I believe I can feel safe in my body and with myself. I hope you get to this point and further.
Thank you Rachel ! Yes its an interesting one with boundaries isnt it . I’m going to be working on mine for a while i think 🤦♀ . Wishing you luck and strength with yours 😊 x
The feeling of safety being dependent on external conditions which are out of our control is an existential dilemma. It is a rare individual who can feel safe in all conditions
Thank you Hayley and thank you Alex. My life situation is quite different to yours Hayley but the underlying struggles I have about having to fix everyone and make everything right for everyone else is SO similar to yours. I really appreciate all that you have shared, and the strategies and questions Alex shared. Thanks for being so brave Hayley. It isn't an easy road to growth and healing but it is SO WORTH IT!
Thanks for your comment SJ . Yes its difficult isn’t it . Thank you for your encouragement . So pleased to hear you say its worth it ! Thank you . Keep very well 😊
Hi Hayley and Alex thank you for sharing this week's session. I can relate to you so much having your happiness tied to others. Since doing the reset programme it has opened my eyes to this and its helping me deal with situations. Keep strong big hug.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It has really hit home for me. Whilst watching this on my phone I recieved 5 texts of people wanting something from me. I look forward to seeing more episodes. Thank you.
Just caught up on the second episode. I love how much psych education you give her. I can see she is gonna come out on top already.. she has it in her. ❤
Thank you Kristen ❤ . so sorry for my late reply . i think i answered a while ago , but some of my comments go missing . so sorry . thank you for your encouragement ❤😊
I’ve come recently except that we can’t be everything to someone , group or family . It’s impossible without losing myself . It’s a difficult lesson to learn as to come to this conclusion much mental and emotional pressure being put on myself and create a false persona .
You are so amazing Hayley and so courageous! Your journey resonates so much with my own experience (I developed cfs). You are an inspiration. Much love ❤️x
aww thank you . I am so sorry i’m late in replying to you …i only just noticed . sorry . thank you for your encouragement and i wish you well in your journey ❤❤ x
the way that being too tied up to others for both happiness and misery take away your life energy - you wonder how time passes so quickly, how you forgot personal goals or find no time to do things for yourself but from outside, you look like you have all the time in the world. Sometimes, our mental and emotional state are overloaded because of people around us due to lack of boundaries, and we carry that around, even reading a simple book is hard, forget other goals and relaxing.
It’s interesting . 🙂 . Is that a trait most humans possess Lindsay ? Or do you just associate it with autism ? I think most of the people i know feel all of those things - maybe a common part of being human ? Have you only noticed it with autism ? 🙂 It’s very interesting . thank you
But the issue is that she doesn’t want to let anyone down because she has been so let down herself. The very fact of letting those people down takes away all significance of her life. Her journey. Imagine that you believe your life is a failure. But imagine that the one thing you can pass on is not to make people feel how you were made to feel. It’s a case of too much empathy and all the talking I’m the world makes it impossible to turn off. It is obviously uniquely female and perhaps in this instance, misplaced materialism. Yet that in itself is kinda hard wired.
Thanks Kate . Very interesting ! Yeah …i don't want anyone else to feel for one micro second how i felt most of my life ! I wish i could find a switch for the empathy button to turn it off . But its right through me , even with strangers i have not met , or in circumstances where i shouldn’t be defending or empathising maybe ? Not sure what the materialism bit meant in your comment …but deffo right about too much empathy . Thank you :)
@@hayley1473 it’s v hard to feel like you have too much empathy for others and I’ve suffered with it too all my life and it’s extremely painful. At certain times of my life I just used to feel like I wanted to cut my heart out as I felt so much pain for the all the suffering of others. However once you learn to extend that same kindness and empathy towards your own self without guilt then honestly there’s a massive shift. It’s not that you don’t then feel empathy towards others but there’s more of a balance somehow and you learn to implement boundaries in order to be just as kind to yourself also . It’s not your responsibility to take on everyone else’s stuff and to take the whole world onto your shoulders. You can’t be empathic either when you’re worn out and burdened and it can sometimes turn into resentment. It takes a bit of hard work but it’s worth it and I’d rather have empathy (with a bit of hard work) than none honesty xx
@@debwhite6228 ahh its very interesting thanks . Yeah i’m doing some counselling training at the mo and i know , just where i am right now , i couldn't hold the space for someone else , as inside i’m in bits for them . I dont think i have enough years left in me to get my stuff together 😆. But it has been a massive , huge help working with Alex and his team ! Such a difference ! Still a work in progress at the mo . But i have really changed over the past few months thanks to Alex ! Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement x x
@@hayley1473 it’s totally fine and thank you. You’re doing amazing by the way and I love watching you and seeing the progress you are making with Alex. Well done and keep going xx
Excellent series. Vulnerable Haley is so enduring. However, although I am a native English speaker, I find Haley very difficult to understand most of her responses. Can you add subtitles please.
![ตีสิบเดย์ [FULL] | เปิดใจ "อาจารย์ เบียร์ ฅนตื่นธรรม" นักสนทนาธรรมสายดุดัน!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vqaBI_mnoDk/mqdefault.jpg)
From my own experience childhood trauma has created a world of hyper vigilance and the need to create safety and predictability. Constantly worrying about what might happen, trying to control the outcome causes stress, anxiety and body malfunction. Feeling you can’t cope when ‘bad stuff’ happens, feelings of responsibility for every single event. Well done Hayley you are stronger than you think
Thank you for sharing your experience ren278 ❤. It just helps me to not feel so alone - but i am so sorry that you went through that too, but yeah i totally understand where you are coming from . Thank you so much - we are stronger than we think - both of us . thank you x x i send you love x
Hayley is such a sweet soul, I'm proud of her for going on this healing journey. We're all rooting for you Hayley!! Much love to you
Aww what a lovely thing to say . Thank you so much . Thank you . So appreciated ❤
What a beautiful, brave soul you are Hayley. Sending you a huge hug from Canada. ❤️🙏🤗🇨🇦
thank you so much for your lovely encouraging words ❤. I am sorry its taken me so long to reply ! Sending you a huge hug back . thank you ❤🙂 x x
"Am I doing something constructive, or am I just aggravating my nervous system?" That's a very good thought. It would make me pause (finally). Thank you both for doing this.
thank you 😊 . Keep well !
Thank you both ! This is so helpful, I identify so much with you Haley. I too was being God for other people slowly learning how to let go of taking responsibility for others, it was making me ill. This episode has really helped, looking forward to watching more. Thank you for being so honest and brave ❤
thank you so much . Sending ❤ x x
Thank you Hayley for being so brave and for allowing us to share your therapeutic journey with Alex. These sessions are extremely helpful to those of us that are watching too as they help us identify patterns that may be going on in our own lives and ones that we were not previously aware of.
Wishing you every success in your healing journey and I hope that Alex’s work goes some way in helping you to live the happy life that you truly deserve.
Thank you Deb 🙂
Aww thank you Deb . Very kind of you ! Yes , I have watched some of the previous ones from Alex and found them so helpful . x thank you x
So interesting to hear about Alex’s balanced personal boundaries, so very different from those of us with maladapted patterns. I feel your struggle Hayley. Keep going- you’re so worth it❤
thank you so much Lorraine ! Appreciated x
I don't think all people even try to do the best they can do.. some will just never care about others (and we must know it consciously). One of the best way to see all these childhood-parent-family foundational layer (and all the mind-patterns related to them) is travelling far. Somewhere where the culture has so different patterns, that we must jump out of it. And we get separated at that moment.
Any learning or healing process is based on a healthy caring and reflective relationship between two people. This is so beautiful to see from the outside... and again I learnt a lot. Gratitudes :)
Thank you Alex for so clearly stating healthy boundaries of responsibility, both as a parent and as a friend, professional and family member. 🙂
Agreed …its just something that certainly never occurred to me . Even though i’m 52 ! Literally never occurred to me !
@@hayley1473 I'm learning too! if we were never taught them or had them modelled to us when we were growing up, it's a revelation!
@@thescapegoatclub so true x
ALEX YOU ARE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN 💜
I'm so touched... Thank you Hayley, I'm chearing you on!!! Thank you Alex!
thank you ❤. Thank you so much for your lovely encouragement x x
oh my god - this is how I operate in the world. Thank you so much for posting this. Its like a light just turned on for me.
Aww bless you Nancy . ❤ sending you love x x
Hayley, I so admire your strength, not just in doing this on film but the strength to try and deal with it in the first place.
I can relate to aspects of what you have said. It’s not an easy journey but it is worth it. When it gets tough, be extra kind to yourself xx
aww thank you so much . Sorry its taken me a while to reply . thank you ❤
Thank you both. Hayley I admire your honesty and openness. You have strength and an inner commitment to life.
I have blurred boundaries with people in my life and understand how looking into this can cause unease but ultimately I believe I can feel safe in my body and with myself. I hope you get to this point and further.
Thank you Rachel!
Thank you Rachel ! Yes its an interesting one with boundaries isnt it . I’m going to be working on mine for a while i think 🤦♀ . Wishing you luck and strength with yours 😊 x
I like your comment about being safe in our body 😊
The feeling of safety being dependent on external conditions which are out of our control is an existential dilemma. It is a rare individual who can feel safe in all conditions
ahh so true ! Its really interesting isnt it ! thank you 🙂
Thank you Hayley and thank you Alex. My life situation is quite different to yours Hayley but the underlying struggles I have about having to fix everyone and make everything right for everyone else is SO similar to yours. I really appreciate all that you have shared, and the strategies and questions Alex shared. Thanks for being so brave Hayley. It isn't an easy road to growth and healing but it is SO WORTH IT!
Thanks for your comment SJ . Yes its difficult isn’t it . Thank you for your encouragement . So pleased to hear you say its worth it ! Thank you . Keep very well 😊
What a brave brave lady to share her journey which will help so many others too.
Thankyou hayley ♡
Thank you Kerry . Incredibly kind of you to say . thank you :)
Hi Hayley and Alex thank you for sharing this week's session. I can relate to you so much having your happiness tied to others. Since doing the reset programme it has opened my eyes to this and its helping me deal with situations. Keep strong big hug.
This is so wonderfully presented! Much appreciation to both of you for your knowledge and bravery in sharing this journey. 🤗
So glad its helpful ;-)
thank you Bridget . Sending you strength and hugs back x
@@apriljonquil5519 Thanks April . Yes the team are great at pulling it all together ! I’m going to miss them ! 🙂
Oooh thank you Alex and Haily. This is so helpful.
Thank you . 😊
Haley you're amazing!! Keep going, I can't wait to see your whole journey. Brave lady 👏
thank you so much Victoria ! Thank you for your encouragement x
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It has really hit home for me. Whilst watching this on my phone I recieved 5 texts of people wanting something from me. I look forward to seeing more episodes. Thank you.
Aww Suzy . 5 Texts ! Look after precious you in the midst of all of it ! Sending you love and strength x thank you x
Just caught up on the second episode. I love how much psych education you give her. I can see she is gonna come out on top already.. she has it in her. ❤
Thank you Kristen ❤ . so sorry for my late reply . i think i answered a while ago , but some of my comments go missing . so sorry . thank you for your encouragement ❤😊
I’ve come recently except that we can’t be everything to someone , group or family . It’s impossible without losing myself . It’s a difficult lesson to learn as to come to this conclusion much mental and emotional pressure being put on myself and create a false persona .
Hi Richard . Yeah i know what you mean . Hoping you find freedom , happiness and just get to be exactly who you want to be for you ❤
I like your style of working Alex!
❤
You are so amazing Hayley and so courageous! Your journey resonates so much with my own experience (I developed cfs). You are an inspiration. Much love ❤️x
aww thank you . I am so sorry i’m late in replying to you …i only just noticed . sorry . thank you for your encouragement and i wish you well in your journey ❤❤ x
Thank you. Hayley thank you for sharing your story.
And the camera guys are doing a great job!
Glad you found helpful 🙂
@@apriljonquil5519 They sure do!
thank you Jill ❤ .
@@apriljonquil5519 They are such nice guys ! Going to really miss them . Doing a great job as you say 😊❤
the way that being too tied up to others for both happiness and misery take away your life energy - you wonder how time passes so quickly, how you forgot personal goals or find no time to do things for yourself but from outside, you look like you have all the time in the world. Sometimes, our mental and emotional state are overloaded because of people around us due to lack of boundaries, and we carry that around, even reading a simple book is hard, forget other goals and relaxing.
i so know what you mean here …. i hope you find some time for you and your dreams and goals… i really know what you mean . i send you love x
Three more things I associate with autism are the love of animals and the strong desire to protect loved ones. Fear of failure is also common.
It’s interesting . 🙂 . Is that a trait most humans possess Lindsay ? Or do you just associate it with autism ? I think most of the people i know feel all of those things - maybe a common part of being human ? Have you only noticed it with autism ? 🙂 It’s very interesting . thank you
But the issue is that she doesn’t want to let anyone down because she has been so let down herself. The very fact of letting those people down takes away all significance of her life. Her journey. Imagine that you believe your life is a failure. But imagine that the one thing you can pass on is not to make people feel how you were made to feel. It’s a case of too much empathy and all the talking I’m the world makes it impossible to turn off. It is obviously uniquely female and perhaps in this instance, misplaced materialism. Yet that in itself is kinda hard wired.
Thanks Kate . Very interesting ! Yeah …i don't want anyone else to feel for one micro second how i felt most of my life ! I wish i could find a switch for the empathy button to turn it off . But its right through me , even with strangers i have not met , or in circumstances where i shouldn’t be defending or empathising maybe ? Not sure what the materialism bit meant in your comment …but deffo right about too much empathy . Thank you :)
@@hayley1473 it’s v hard to feel like you have too much empathy for others and I’ve suffered with it too all my life and it’s extremely painful. At certain times of my life I just used to feel like I wanted to cut my heart out as I felt so much pain for the all the suffering of others. However once you learn to extend that same kindness and empathy towards your own self without guilt then honestly there’s a massive shift. It’s not that you don’t then feel empathy towards others but there’s more of a balance somehow and you learn to implement boundaries in order to be just as kind to yourself also . It’s not your responsibility to take on everyone else’s stuff and to take the whole world onto your shoulders. You can’t be empathic either when you’re worn out and burdened and it can sometimes turn into resentment. It takes a bit of hard work but it’s worth it and I’d rather have empathy (with a bit of hard work) than none honesty xx
@@debwhite6228 ahh its very interesting thanks . Yeah i’m doing some counselling training at the mo and i know , just where i am right now , i couldn't hold the space for someone else , as inside i’m in bits for them . I dont think i have enough years left in me to get my stuff together 😆. But it has been a massive , huge help working with Alex and his team ! Such a difference ! Still a work in progress at the mo . But i have really changed over the past few months thanks to Alex ! Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement x x
@@debwhite6228 not sure how i missed this comment Deb . I am so sorry ! its really useful . Thank you so much for your help here xx
@@hayley1473 it’s totally fine and thank you. You’re doing amazing by the way and I love watching you and seeing the progress you are making with Alex. Well done and keep going xx
Excellent series. Vulnerable Haley is so enduring. However, although I am a native English speaker, I find Haley very difficult to understand most of her responses. Can you add subtitles please.
aww sorry about that . Its my accent where i come from 🤦♀😊 . I didn’t realise i was mumbling at the time . Sorry . Take care 🙂
You should be able to add the auto English subtitles yourself in the settings.