I listen to your stories. I mean, I really listen to every word and sentence. I've been told I can write. And this is where it all goes south, in a big hurry. Alex isn't a girl or female. Men do not think like that and do not express their emotions like that. A "wayward strand of hair" Isn't "tucked behind his ear" even if the man has long hair. A man has rows and columns like a spread sheet in the way he processes thoughts, and there really is a box at the 0,0 coordinates. It is the nothing box and men use that box to think about nothing, stilling their thoughts. So everything a man doesn't want to think about right now, fear, insecurity, isolation, homesickness etc. gets put in the nothing box. When that box gets full then a man who is otherwise normal develops ptsd. Despite the misrepresentation in TV and Movies, ptsd is the inability to forget about a traumatic experience that won't fit into the nothing box. Women don't have a nothing box and can't shut off their minds or emotions the way a man can. Your character is a man and not a woman or a gender blended entity without a sex. So write accordingly. If you let a social trend influence your writing you will be remembered as a failure, an also ran, an obscure author who rode the current events for a time, and nothing more. My advice is to stick to the universals that all people know through experiencing them. After you have gotten to the point where you are a best selling author there will be all the time in the world for you to get up on your soap box and preach your ideals to whomever listens. The reversal of the natural order ruined the story. and before you object to save your ego, "just because you can doesn't mean you should" Understand? Now for the part that is the best criticism and probably the part you didn't want to hear. Your writing screams "woman author who imagines herself as a character in her story" until it comes to emotions. When you are writing about human emotions you go all mechanical as if an AI wrote it. A computer program can't understand human emotions. It could use the words and describe the feeling in a general way, but not in a way that touches your audience. Not in a way that draws them into the story and has them feeling what the character feels. Being able to do that is the difference between a writer and a great writer. You write about an artist who uses her talent and authenticity to win a contest, but your story needs a stronger connection with your readers and authenticity. It's not about you, it's all about your audience; the reader. At this point I have commented more than enough. I hope you can use what I told you and you can use it in a good way to improve your writing.
Back in 1992 when i create an love story between an alien female and human male, with love and passion i wrote scenario's about an beautiful exotic powerful female as she transform overtime 1000 centuries from darker to light, a story that will shiver with excitement and dangerous
I wrote a comment to the author of the story and in 20 words or less it is, "Write from experience and the reader needs to have common ground with your characters" You could read that comment and it might help you. You are not merely imagining a story, instead you are using words to get the reader to imagine the story as closely as possible to what you saw in your mind when you imagined it.
I listen to your stories. I mean, I really listen to every word and sentence. I've been told I can write. And this is where it all goes south, in a big hurry. Alex isn't a girl or female. Men do not think like that and do not express their emotions like that. A "wayward strand of hair" Isn't "tucked behind his ear" even if the man has long hair.
A man has rows and columns like a spread sheet in the way he processes thoughts, and there really is a box at the 0,0 coordinates. It is the nothing box and men use that box to think about nothing, stilling their thoughts. So everything a man doesn't want to think about right now, fear, insecurity, isolation, homesickness etc. gets put in the nothing box. When that box gets full then a man who is otherwise normal develops ptsd. Despite the misrepresentation in TV and Movies, ptsd is the inability to forget about a traumatic experience that won't fit into the nothing box. Women don't have a nothing box and can't shut off their minds or emotions the way a man can. Your character is a man and not a woman or a gender blended entity without a sex. So write accordingly. If you let a social trend influence your writing you will be remembered as a failure, an also ran, an obscure author who rode the current events for a time, and nothing more.
My advice is to stick to the universals that all people know through experiencing them. After you have gotten to the point where you are a best selling author there will be all the time in the world for you to get up on your soap box and preach your ideals to whomever listens.
The reversal of the natural order ruined the story. and before you object to save your ego, "just because you can doesn't mean you should" Understand?
Now for the part that is the best criticism and probably the part you didn't want to hear. Your writing screams "woman author who imagines herself as a character in her story" until it comes to emotions. When you are writing about human emotions you go all mechanical as if an AI wrote it. A computer program can't understand human emotions. It could use the words and describe the feeling in a general way, but not in a way that touches your audience. Not in a way that draws them into the story and has them feeling what the character feels. Being able to do that is the difference between a writer and a great writer. You write about an artist who uses her talent and authenticity to win a contest, but your story needs a stronger connection with your readers and authenticity. It's not about you, it's all about your audience; the reader.
At this point I have commented more than enough. I hope you can use what I told you and you can use it in a good way to improve your writing.
Thank you :) Your comments are valuable and we will work on improving our stories
Good story ! One request : more illustrations that follow the story line .
Good story, love wins!
'What is that between your legs' in reference to his legs makes absolutely no sense.
Back in 1992 when i create an love story between an alien female and human male, with love and passion i wrote scenario's about an beautiful exotic powerful female as she transform overtime 1000 centuries from darker to light, a story that will shiver with excitement and dangerous
I would like to improve my writing skills. Any suggestions?
I wrote a comment to the author of the story and in 20 words or less it is, "Write from experience and the reader needs to have common ground with your characters" You could read that comment and it might help you. You are not merely imagining a story, instead you are using words to get the reader to imagine the story as closely as possible to what you saw in your mind when you imagined it.
Would she consider herself an alien?
What has the the title do with the storyline?
Then they had five babies.
More badly written fanporn.