Janie had always found it much easier to talk to plants than people. People were confusing, they never said what they really meant, she was always expected to read between the lines. It was exhausting and she wasn’t really any good at it. Plants, now they were easy, nice to look at and wanted only three things: water, sunshine, and a kind word.
My beta thankfully points out various points how the character feels about this. Even when I thought I did. Good video, as such obvious points can get easily overlooked.
ive recently been thinking about doing a "serious" fantasy animation and ive found i'm gonna have to write the novella version of it first, then the teleplay version, and this topic is why. In a full written story, i'm going to be able to have my characters interior thoughts on full display, so that when it comes time to make it visual, its all already there - and i just have to SHOW it visually, through expression and acting.
Not sure if these are what you’re talking about. I’m still working on editing my first draft: 1) She hoped this wouldn’t be the last time she saw him, but also knew the likelihood of her ever coming back was nonexistent. She felt that longing feeling again and hated it. She longed to pop into one of her friends’ places knowing that she’d be safe for a while and comfortable. She longed to be able to stay with Cole and get to know him a bit better. And she longed for, more than anything, to go home to her parents, wherever that was. It was sad, she thought, that even with the ability to go anywhere you could still feel so stuck. 2) X rolled her eyes and Cole added, “It’s okay to move on. Not that you need it, but you have my blessing.” Those kind words felt like a blow to her insides. She half heartedly raised her eyebrows and scrunched her nose. She didn’t want Cole to want her to move on, like he had.
How do you raise your eyebrows and scrunch your nose? Also, what did Cole say that she rolled her eyes at? It might help to do first-person POV here, it feels too telly when it mentions her not wanting Cole to want her to move on. Have her struggle with her thoughts over why that is. Why doesn't she want him to want her to move on?
I think it becomes too much when it is a character waxing over every little thing that happens, there will be reaction times (after action) where characters will be able to and expected to process what just happened even if it is only for a few sentences.
I mostly write short stories, so I don't have much room to operate to develop the character interiority. One way to do it quickly and indirectly, in my opinion, is through the dialogs. The way the person talks says much about what the person thinks and feels. Solk shrugged. "We've been notified that we must provide assistance. We will. What do you need? I'm warning you, we're a little short on transportation. It's the bad season. Most of the skimmers are being repaired, and the ones we have are needed here." Who would think they had a good season, too? Of course, I didn't say that out loud. I didn't want to poke Solk in the eye with a fork when he already had a big thorn like me stuck there. "I have my own transportation," I said. "I'll make do. But I'd like to have a word with this Sheriff Ditch of yours. Is there any way to make it happen?" Solk had stopped pretending, and I could tell by the look on his face that he'd rather have something else happen to me; something with a bad ending. But the hypergrams had confused him, and he didn't dare to say what he thought of all the Federation freaks sneaking around on his frozen planet. "Now," I said, not waiting for him to mumble something about tomorrow, next week, or next century. Solk hesitated. He looked at me like he was about to throw a punch, so I grabbed the handle of the massive mug, just in case. The other bar patrons pretended they weren't there, but I knew they were listening intently, afraid to miss a sound.
I would love to see a follow-up deep dive on free indirect narraration in close 3rd person. Is it ok for the character's thoughts to be in 1at person in that instance? Do those thoughts have to be italicized?
Alyssa, at first I though this video was going to be on deep point of view, which I'm still trying to learn. I had a (now former) critique partner tell me I couldn't write because I couldn't write in deep POV. Well, I'm still writing and learning. Thank you for all your wonderful, informative videos.
This is helpful. For years i guess i didnt quote understand the difference between close 3rd person and omniscient 3rd person, because i was using omniscient, but a friend read my manuscript and understood it as close, and she was asking why i didn't describe my pov character's thoughts more. So now im trying to incorporate her internal thoughts and had needed some guidance on how to do that in 3rd person.
So funny you posted this, I was just reading some of my older work the other day and realized the lack of interiority is what makes it seem amateurish when compared to my current WIP.
@@AlyssaMatesic For sure, I think it's what ultimately makes it possible for one to get lost in a story. And as you alluded to, that's what sets novels apart from other works of art.
Thanks for this. This is the problem I have on my first book. I tried to edit to correct but was just very bad at it. Felt redundant to the "show don't tell"
Character interriority is also character development which I am using a great deal in my story. ex: the character is sharing his/her personal experience as to why they are in a certain predicament in relation to the overall theme of my novel which gives it depth. Thanks again Alyssa for your insight into story building.
this is where I struggle a lot. I feel like I'm more of a screenwriter than a novelist because I consume more TV shows and movies than books. This is so helpful😭
I have always done this but i watch one tough guys writing videos saying that internal narrative was a form of telling and was mostly bad i laid out a scenario of a boy dropping a plate but if you only sew the action you wouldn't know it was his mom's favorite plate and she had died his dad would get made if he cried so there would be no outward signs of his turmoil
I used to never do this. Contrary to the conventional "wisdom" it was not because I was more interested in screen than prose, although I was, it was because I was afraid I couldn't do justice to the complexities of a person's inner character, isn't their outward behavior complex enough? A lot of people don't really process their feelings until later anyway, especially if the event is a trauma. It was only after some arguments about the purpose of "show don't tell" that I realized what I was missing was immediacy. I know it seems comically simple, but I was thinking of a character's internal thoughts as on another plane of existence. I wasn't thinking about how thoughts, and experiences, and feelings are the interwoven tapestry of existence itself. An external pain may not be an internal thought, in the truest sense, but it's drawn from the same well. It's all of the mind.
@@NC-dw1ir That's not really what that means. Even if it was, it'd be one thing to say "I can't think of a lot of ways to convey that." But if you can't think of even one, that's kinda sad.
I feel like new writers put too little interiority in their manuscripts for two reasons: 1. Too many novel writers look on youtube for writing advice and apply advice meant for screenwriters. 2. People really misunderstand what show not tell means, and avoid interiority because they believe it's "telling" the reader what the character is thinking. The result of these two in concert is a draft that feels like someone describing a scene from a movie or TV show, solely focusing on description of action and dialogue, and not focalizing the narrative through the POV character(s) at all. We don't need a "camera with legs." We can watch a movie if we want to see camerawork.
Yup. I was aware of your first point early on and successfully navigated those screenwriting kids, but it took a while before I realized I was falling victim to your second point. It's still something I need to consciously push in my writing.
I have to say, I'm shocked. Usually when people say the first thing they sort of embarrassingly mean the second thing. I would still push back on the idea that we need to gatekeep sylistic preference with regards "cinematic" vs. "introverted" writing, yet I do feel that the "show" in "show don't tell" is intextricably linked to some level of interiority, fundamentally. We have to feel like we're there. Baseline Interiority is just the simplest way to do that. We have to be inside the character's head. Even if we're not inside the character's head.
Inner monologue is a tricky thing. Dan Brown cannot do it to save his life, he literally ends up repeating reams and reams of exposition, to the point where I threw The Da Vinci Code across the room in disgust.
Great video, Alyssa! Here's an excerpt from the novel I'm working on "Deadly Blood Ties": Casey proceeded over to the double doors and carefully observed the desolate parking lot. It was nearly dark now. She started to feel a bit uneasy and subtly checked her pocket for the pepper spray on her keychain, just in case. She scrunched her face at the dark sedan. The headlight on the driver’s end was shattered above a large dent on the bumper. They must have run somebody over, she thought, jokingly. She did her best to avoid staring at the vehicle, or at least tried not to make it obvious. But every so often, as she searched for her father, she managed to steal a few side glances. She felt the prickling sensation of eyes on her and she knew without knowing that there was somebody inside the sedan watching her. Well, not watching her intentionally, at least that’s what she hoped. They have to be just waiting for someone to come out. And I just happen to be in the way. Right? She tried to rationalize her mindset, as most people may do when things don’t make sense or come off as more than a bit weird. But Casey felt as though she had been rationalizing every little thing lately. Perhaps as a subconscious attempt to avoid paranoia after what happened earlier that month in her dorm room. She thought of moving away from the door. But didn’t want it to be so obvious that she was uncomfortable with whomever was watching her. There I go doing it again! Casey was about to step away when a chubby woman with short blonde hair came into view on the sidewalk. She stopped abruptly before entering the parking lot and watched the black sedan, her hands gripping the strap over the shoulder of her long sky-blue sundress. Casey followed the woman’s gaze to the sedan. Her heartbeat quickened when the vehicle started up, sped from the parking lot, and made a sharp turn onto the curb. The woman jumped as a tall man emerged from the backseat and stood facing her. His dirty blue coveralls lay baggy on his slender body. With frightened unmoving eyes, Casey attempted to make out the woman’s words as the two began conversing. She stood with frozen terror, unable to look away despite the instincts ordering her to do so. Something wasn’t right here, was it? Or was she just looking too deep at a ‘little thing’ again? Casey leaned in closer, her breath fogging up the glass. Although their demeanor seemed calm, Casey felt the heavy tension between the two. Suddenly, the man advanced on the woman, then grabbed her waist and forced her into the vehicle. She made several attempts to pull free, but her efforts proved futile as a second man jumped from the back seat and snatched her inside.
So Casey doesn't call the police or get the license plate or do anything to help? There's also no mention of why she was suspicious of the sedan in the first place. why would the blonde woman see a man coming out of a car at her at night and not immediately leave? like, who would entertain a conversation with a strange man at night?
@@NC-dw1ir I appreciate your comment! But this is just an excerpt of my novel so what I chose to share is not going to include all the details of the story. However, in the next chapter, Casey does notify someone of what she saw. And her suspicions of the sedan is addressed on an earlier page that I did not post here. And as for your questions regarding the blonde woman, that is addressed later in the story when it's being told from her perspective. Thanks for your questions! You sound intrigued so I must be doing something right!!
What I’m struggling a bit with are techniques for communicating character interiority (and hence internal character development) for major non-PoV characters in a single point of view, close third person narrative. I’ve been trying to explore ways to communicate sometimes-subtle, nonverbal emotion cues descriptively as well as using verbal subtext to try to communicate interior emotional conflict through dialogue and action (as observed by my main). In plotting, I’ve given 5 primary characters (main, deuteragonist, tritagonist, primary antagonist, secondary antagonist) internal character arcs. I’m just hoping they come through, while still letting me tell the story from my main character’s point of view (told from a close third person viewpoint).
(My Paragraph. It's the begining of Delfinah's first chapter because I wanted my paragraph to also contain context.) At 10 am Delfinah stood on the deck of the yellow trailer at the end of the row holding her favorite make-up case which she crafted. It was wooden, painted lavender with white accents and glitter. She wore a navy-blue shirt with a white ribbon that laced her collar and puffy sleeves with navy jean shorts. Mama towered over her. Since Delfinah was little, her mama told her that no matter how big she was, she could always dress well. While the advice seemed wise when she was a little girl, lately she wondered if that was enough for a tall, thick, black fifteen-year-old in Minnesota.
It's best to start as close to the inciting incident as possible. I like the idea of Delfinah being good at woodworking, but, what does what her mom told her have to do with anything? Was she a poor dresser before to where she 'embarrassed' her mom? Was she a tomboy and her mom wanted her to dress more 'ladylike'? I feel we are still missing context.
Excerpt from DARLOWE'S DESTINY: “Hurry up, slow poke!” Mary Alice McKenzie disliked taking orders, but had no trouble giving them. “Come on, Dusty!” Stanley whined. “You're wasting too much time!” Weighed down with metal pails, tackle boxes, and fishing poles, I could barely walk ... much less run. You’d think the older kids could have given me a hand. But no such luck. “Don’t call me Dusty!” I replied indignantly. “My name is Destiny.” I never liked my name much and often wished it was something more conventional like Patty, Susan, or Emily. However, my mom was a huge fan of daytime dramas and one of her favorites was "Desire and Destiny" which explains why, through no fault of my own, I ended up with the name of a soap opera heroine.
We have two characters essentially saying the same thing. which character is going to be important later? that one can stay, the other can be cut. If she doesn't like her name, why not go by her middle one or something else? It's a fair assumption that most of us are named through 'no fault of our own'. I like that she complains that they wouldn't help her, nice use of character interiority there. I hope this is helpful.
Excerpt from Chapter 3: Graduation Day of Into The Forest (book 1) of my Mythical University series: After giving each of them a hug we walked towards the exit. We made our way outside when five graduating students ran up to me and thanked me for the speech I made. Even though they were all about four years older than me, they all said they felt the same way as I did and that no one really paid attention to them either. They were sort of outcasts themselves. The only one I somewhat knew was Allie and that’s because we were on the debate team together. Even at that, I really didn’t know her. I knew of the others by name and looks only. I do have to admit that I did have a crush on one of them considering how cute he is. We talked briefly about our plans for after high school and they all said they were still weighing their options. A few of them wanted to go to college, but just not quite sure where. We spoke a bit longer before I let them know that my family and I were going on a trip, but I would contact them when we returned in about a week. I figured that now was as good a time as any and that I should make an attempt to get to know them...even if I wasn’t going to be seeing them again after heading off to college. I figured that we still had the rest of the summer, and maybe I could make a friend or two...plus, like I said, one was really cute. I had them each put their name and number in my cell phone and promised I would call them or text them after I returned to set up a time when we could all get together and hang out. I even made it a point to put one of those heart emojis next to one of the names. We’ll get to him later.
You know, I do this too and my sister gave me good advice that I'm going to share with you now: Turn these paragraphs into dialogue. Don't summarize or skip events that could be an opportunity for interesting dialogue and character development.
Excerpt from my new novel: C’s eyes began to glow softly, but M wrenched her hand from his. “No, thank you, I must do this without any assistance. Only myself, and my wits.” “If you insist.” C frowned, the glow fading away. “It appears the time has come…” M shivered. C smiled. “You will prevail. You must.” She walked toward the ring with apprehension. _He smiled like that when he was hiding his true feelings. She imagined he was almost as scared as she was, though as a dutiful husband, he did his best to allay her fear. Perhaps she should have taken his calming blessing to clear her head._ A rousing, rhythmic chant rose in anticipation of the event that was about to occur. _Deep breaths, she reminded herself. One hit from that hammer would shatter bone, if not end her outright, and she was certain this 'Garn' would show no mercy_
Is there a way to show and not tell that Garin is not a merciful guy? Also, the dialogue seems a bit off. A bit dramatic but maybe that's because it's only a piece but it doesn't feel natural. Also, why must she prevail? what's at stake if she doesn't? And saying she must not accept assistance is fine but adding 'only myself and my wits' is redundant. I do like your prose, it has good narrative flow, I've helped edit stories for a lot of people and if you'd like, I could help you too.
@@NC-dw1ir I do thank you for your honest and fair critique. Most of your questions are answered in the rest of the text of my chapter, but this excerpt I posted only for the 'inner dialogue' request in the video. I have edited this text to add italics, hoping to make things less confusing in that way as well, if that helps? I do see your problem with the external dialogue, and I think perhaps I've included too many dialogue tags as a start...too much 'she shivered he did something' type stuff. 'M' is stating her need to do it herself as much for her own benefit, as it is to explain to her husband why she is rejecting his help and not hurt his feelings. She needs to prove this to herself to grow and evolve. Does that make more sense? I greatly appreciate your taking the time to read my words! I will definitely keep you in mind when the time comes. :D
Anamaiya did not want to kill her childhood friend, but she didn’t know of any other option. In truth, she wasn’t sure if killing Saylis was even possible. They stood facing each other in the eerily silent forest. The forest should have been teeming with life, but any creatures sentient enough to sense danger had all fled. No crickets chirped. No birds sang. She could barely hold back her tears when she looked into his cold eyes. Eyes that she could remember as innocent, full of life and wonder, not so long ago. Now, they were filled with icy fury and hate that he held tightly under control. That, at least, was comforting. When he let that anger out, there were usually bodies left behind.
This sounds like a good blurb for the book, though a bit redundant with 'eerily silent', 'should have teemed with life', 'no birds sang or crickets chirped', 'all sentient creatures fled'. You only need one of these. preferably, the forest should have teemed with life but there wasn't a chirp or song to be heard.
Here Arienne is referring to her father and the frustration that comes with him working late nights: "Without it, I wouldn't get to live the way I do, so I suppose I can't complain. Although I do understand the frustration this can cause." I stopped myself there, because I knew they likely wouldn't be interested in hearing much about my familial relationships, at least not on the first day. In my mind, I continued the conversation, rehearsing what I might have said just in case it came up later.
From: The End of Humanity: The Time of the Fallen by Tambra Nicole Kendall Genre: Christian Thriller Romantic Suspense **Thank you, Alyssa!** All day long, a wary feeling held Ashla in a grip as tight as Wonder Woman's costume. Yet, there was something different about this uneasiness. This was sharp-edged. Dark. Evil. Her stomach tightened, the warning tinge of bile. Tears burned and blurred her vision. Blinking them away, she knew she couldn't stay any longer. Urgency pushed her like a pair of invisible hands. Reaching into her purse, she grabbed her keys, causing a discordant jingle.
"I really don’t want to talk about this with any one, why did she have to be in here just then." Just so happens its from the last chapter I finished, but I definitely don't have enough in my writing as a whole.
I may not even finish this one. From a short story I started. All the more reason to share due to how relevant it is. She held her phone over her head, no, down slightly. It had fallen out of her hand onto her face once. She didn't want *that* to happen again. _How do you write? _*_What_*_ do you write?_ Mitzy was unsure. She could google it. _I don't feel like it._ Out of habit she touched her way to the camera. _Maybe a few sexy selfies?_ The front camera activated first. Through the pallid pixeled window she saw herself laying; dry, split hairs splayed out, woven across flesh, that was pressed up in rolls by pillow and mattress, like the Michelin Man. _Ew!_ Horrendous. _Not today._ With a lilt of her elbow and flit of her wrist the phone dropped and flopped.
Excerpt from "HART'S DESIRE": As Sid walked across the large room his mind was a whirlwind, "Maybe she'll ride up to Balcones Ridge with me in my '57 Chevy convertible - custom white leather seats - the latest hi-fi FM radio - how could she resist? It's obvious she appreciates beauty, and I'll assure her that I'll be glad to drive her all the way home - if she's in the mood...
'It obvious she...' sounds a little rigid for thought. Maybe 'She obviously...' or simply 'She likes ___ huh? Well, maybe I'll...' Obviously 😉 put it in your characters own words. I would also consider doing what was mentioned in the video Tip #3. Let the narration take on the inner voice of the protagonist. That way there is less 'thought' brakes and every line of narration can be used to reinforce who the protagonist is: his personality, desires, background, knowledge. Free Indirect Discourse really allows you to create a 3rd Person Close POV that helps the reader really get into the head of the POV character and understand who they are.
A quote of interiority from my novel? Sure: "A breeze further swayed the capsules. An unsettling high-pitched creak resonated across the potential impact zone. Faint whirs hummed from the base of the ride, as if the motor continued to prompt the Ferris Wheel along, to no avail. With bated breath, Roxie waited. With clenched fists, she chastised herself for arguing with Austin. If he left the outskirts because of their fight, and if tragedy struck Autumnsville a second time since the Murphys’ auto accident last spring, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself, let alone look at him again." Some context, Austin is a superhero who could save the day, but due to a recent fight he had with his romantic partner, he fled before disaster struck. ALSO: I think many writers fear interiority because we're taught to show not tell, and internalizing a character's thoughts might feel like telling. So I think tackling "interiority" in a video is solid advice to new writers. Thanks as always for the content, Alyssa.
From my WIP: "His insistence that he continue with the culinary standards fed to him at boot camp was the one thing about her husband that Cindy detested. She wondered if he even really liked his food that way. It was as if his years of suffering through a nearly inedible meal prevented him from improving on it, and Cindy thought it hid a secret resentment of the military and toward his father who demanded he go into the service."
A quote from my WIP where I use character interiority: "When I see the place were I so often have met Atle, I become painfully reminded of my brother and cry a drop."
It’s my dream to become a author and I’m almost done with my first novel but I can’t decide if it would be better for me to publish with kindle direct publishing or to traditional publish because I’ve heard that you make less money traditionally publishing and that it could take up to two years to traditionally publish but I’ve also heard it Is very difficult to get your book popular with Kdp and I have like zero marketing skill so I would really appreciate if someone could give me their opinion if i should traditionally publish or publish with kdp
Hi there - if you haven't seen it already, I have another video that goes over some of the factors to consider when you're trying to decide between traditional and self-publishing: th-cam.com/video/yJiwM2AZZyo/w-d-xo.html I hope it's helpful! Good luck with whatever path you choose!
Ftr the term character interiority sounds like a clinical renaming for overt specificity at the cost of clarity People were pathetic. It was an easy conclusion to come to when you’re an outsider, to be cast aside as a freak and forced to watch from the sidelines as people would group up to attack those who were different. It was cowardly, but given time and experience Aryan couldn’t blame them for it. They had been driven by the need to belong and not be alone. However, while they were driven to form groups and exert themselves by causing harm to others, he had been driven by something else. Deep down, there had been a strong push in his mind, it had driven him away from others and to a dangerous and forbidden knowledge. One that had opened his mind farther than he had thought possible Peace
from my fan fic: "Please don't leave..." He's clingy again. Ugh! I decided to make out with him and he gives me this 'please don't leave me 'crap. How pathetic. I felt his breath on my neck and the stickiness on his skin. Then I'm reminded how turned on by him right now. I might as well play into his expectations.
Interesting. I won’t mention the channel but it’s all about show don’t tell. How can you have character interiority at anything more than a superficial level if you only Show. Seems impossible. Do what the successful writer do period.
Interiority. New word. I like Google's examples: "The interiority of a person is their quality of being focused on their own inner nature or musings. Certain things are so personal that they carry their own sense of interiority - think of the emotion of love or the faith of a religious believer." Good content, but too much blatant self-promotion for my taste.
Whoever is now editing these videos is trying to be way too fancy. Too much b-roll, too many jump cuts and bell sounds, and almost every font preset from Da Vinci Resolve. It's actually distracting from Alyssa's nice information, and comes off as a copy of other channel's who have very different tone. Sorry to be so harsh about it, but it's diluting what makes this channel different and honest. Thanks for the topic!
Hm. Not sure I like this. I've always thought the writer needed to "Show, not tell". Readers should infer their characters' motivations from what they do, and to a lesser degree what they say. I was really quite confused by the video until the examples... then I was only somewhat confused. My 65 YO white man POV is that this is teenage girl stuff! (Sorry, just simplifying.). And, more critical to the plot, if you get a peek into the character like this, directly, without the possibility of error, you can never be surprised. Poof! No more acts of redemption. Poof! No more surprising bits or heroism or altruism. Poof! Nothing at all out-of-character as we already have a perfect understanding of that character. OTOH, it can be quite useful when dealing with a complex character... and its hard to write brilliant Shakepearean monologues where the character fleshes out his thoughts.
People overcomplicate "show don't tell." Like with many _words_ and some phrases in the English language it means many things depending on context, and then people conflate them, because sometimes it makes sense that a word or phrase is saying two things at once, for nuance, but it can be hard to parse when that's valuable. To me "show don't tell" can be as basic as "He took out his phone. Four o'clock, 'Damn' he said." When you really examine it, I never said he checked his phone for the time. But you know in ten words that he checked his cell phone for the time, the time said four o'clock, and for some reason four is bad. It can be valuable to let a characters actions speak for themselves, and frankly you can still do that with their thoughts in mind. To me the most important definition of "show don't tell" is just "paint me a picture with your words - make me feel like I'm there." Imagine your significant other said "Show me that you love me." If it's a particularly tense situation holding up a physical sign or symbol, like a card, or a heart, or the written words "I love you." Could be seen as not taking the request seriously. It does a disservice to us as writers to intepret "show" as meaning only the things that in theory could be physically placed, or observed in front of us, in reality. Metaphor and poetic language would not be a powerful tool if that were the case.
Janie had always found it much easier to talk to plants than people. People were confusing, they never said what they really meant, she was always expected to read between the lines. It was exhausting and she wasn’t really any good at it. Plants, now they were easy, nice to look at and wanted only three things: water, sunshine, and a kind word.
Janie has Aspergers and smokes pot?
My beta thankfully points out various points how the character feels about this. Even when I thought I did. Good video, as such obvious points can get easily overlooked.
I would love a video about direct and indirect dialogue and how to use them. 🌺
ive recently been thinking about doing a "serious" fantasy animation and ive found i'm gonna have to write the novella version of it first, then the teleplay version, and this topic is why. In a full written story, i'm going to be able to have my characters interior thoughts on full display, so that when it comes time to make it visual, its all already there - and i just have to SHOW it visually, through expression and acting.
Your advice is truly stand out in a crowded space. Thank you!
Not sure if these are what you’re talking about. I’m still working on editing my first draft:
1) She hoped this wouldn’t be the last time she saw him, but also knew the likelihood of her ever coming back was nonexistent.
She felt that longing feeling again and hated it. She longed to pop into one of her friends’ places knowing that she’d be safe for a while and comfortable. She longed to be able to stay with Cole and get to know him a bit better. And she longed for, more than anything, to go home to her parents, wherever that was.
It was sad, she thought, that even with the ability to go anywhere you could still feel so stuck.
2) X rolled her eyes and Cole added, “It’s okay to move on. Not that you need it, but you have my blessing.”
Those kind words felt like a blow to her insides. She half heartedly raised her eyebrows and scrunched her nose. She didn’t want Cole to want her to move on, like he had.
I think interiority refers not to the character's insides, but to the character's mind.
How do you raise your eyebrows and scrunch your nose? Also, what did Cole say that she rolled her eyes at? It might help to do first-person POV here, it feels too telly when it mentions her not wanting Cole to want her to move on. Have her struggle with her thoughts over why that is. Why doesn't she want him to want her to move on?
Love this! I love using interiority. I would love a video on how much to use, like what's too much or not enough? Thank you!
I think it becomes too much when it is a character waxing over every little thing that happens, there will be reaction times (after action) where characters will be able to and expected to process what just happened even if it is only for a few sentences.
I mostly write short stories, so I don't have much room to operate to develop the character interiority. One way to do it quickly and indirectly, in my opinion, is through the dialogs. The way the person talks says much about what the person thinks and feels.
Solk shrugged.
"We've been notified that we must provide assistance. We will. What do you need? I'm warning you, we're a little short on transportation. It's the bad season. Most of the skimmers are being repaired, and the ones we have are needed here."
Who would think they had a good season, too? Of course, I didn't say that out loud. I didn't want to poke Solk in the eye with a fork when he already had a big thorn like me stuck there.
"I have my own transportation," I said. "I'll make do. But I'd like to have a word with this Sheriff Ditch of yours. Is there any way to make it happen?"
Solk had stopped pretending, and I could tell by the look on his face that he'd rather have something else happen to me; something with a bad ending. But the hypergrams had confused him, and he didn't dare to say what he thought of all the Federation freaks sneaking around on his frozen planet.
"Now," I said, not waiting for him to mumble something about tomorrow, next week, or next century.
Solk hesitated. He looked at me like he was about to throw a punch, so I grabbed the handle of the massive mug, just in case.
The other bar patrons pretended they weren't there, but I knew they were listening intently, afraid to miss a sound.
I would love to see a follow-up deep dive on free indirect narraration in close 3rd person. Is it ok for the character's thoughts to be in 1at person in that instance? Do those thoughts have to be italicized?
Alyssa, at first I though this video was going to be on deep point of view, which I'm still trying to learn. I had a (now former) critique partner tell me I couldn't write because I couldn't write in deep POV. Well, I'm still writing and learning. Thank you for all your wonderful, informative videos.
"You need more gooder words."
“Better words” would work better, right?
@@Rosabella.Thorne7 I might work gooder.
This is helpful. For years i guess i didnt quote understand the difference between close 3rd person and omniscient 3rd person, because i was using omniscient, but a friend read my manuscript and understood it as close, and she was asking why i didn't describe my pov character's thoughts more. So now im trying to incorporate her internal thoughts and had needed some guidance on how to do that in 3rd person.
So funny you posted this, I was just reading some of my older work the other day and realized the lack of interiority is what makes it seem amateurish when compared to my current WIP.
It's amazing what a huge difference it can make, isn't it?
@@AlyssaMatesic For sure, I think it's what ultimately makes it possible for one to get lost in a story. And as you alluded to, that's what sets novels apart from other works of art.
Thanks for this. This is the problem I have on my first book. I tried to edit to correct but was just very bad at it. Felt redundant to the "show don't tell"
You're showing the experience, not the objective reality.
Character interriority is also character development which I am using a great deal in my story. ex: the character is sharing his/her personal experience as to why they are in a certain predicament in relation to the overall theme of my novel which gives it depth. Thanks again Alyssa for your insight into story building.
Thank you so much, again, Alyssa. Very helpful. And, I must say I appreciate your older videos WITHOUT all the dings and bells.
I just found a wonderful video you made 3 years ago and noted it for your editor's services and I'm now very happy to find this more recent vid!
this is where I struggle a lot. I feel like I'm more of a screenwriter than a novelist because I consume more TV shows and movies than books. This is so helpful😭
My head pounded while Lou lectured me. I’m sure it was less painful leaving his lips than enter my ears.
I have always done this but i watch one tough guys writing videos saying that internal narrative was a form of telling and was mostly bad i laid out a scenario of a boy dropping a plate but if you only sew the action you wouldn't know it was his mom's favorite plate and she had died his dad would get made if he cried so there would be no outward signs of his turmoil
I used to never do this. Contrary to the conventional "wisdom" it was not because I was more interested in screen than prose, although I was, it was because I was afraid I couldn't do justice to the complexities of a person's inner character, isn't their outward behavior complex enough? A lot of people don't really process their feelings until later anyway, especially if the event is a trauma. It was only after some arguments about the purpose of "show don't tell" that I realized what I was missing was immediacy. I know it seems comically simple, but I was thinking of a character's internal thoughts as on another plane of existence. I wasn't thinking about how thoughts, and experiences, and feelings are the interwoven tapestry of existence itself. An external pain may not be an internal thought, in the truest sense, but it's drawn from the same well. It's all of the mind.
good point. some things do need to be 'told' or 'explained' to the reader. not sure how you would 'show' someone having a favorite plate.
@@NC-dw1ir That's not really what that means. Even if it was, it'd be one thing to say "I can't think of a lot of ways to convey that." But if you can't think of even one, that's kinda sad.
Thank you for the advice on writing characters.
This was THE MOST HELPFUL CRITIQUE you gave in your feedback~! It's completely helped me with my rewrite of my draft!!!
I feel like new writers put too little interiority in their manuscripts for two reasons:
1. Too many novel writers look on youtube for writing advice and apply advice meant for screenwriters.
2. People really misunderstand what show not tell means, and avoid interiority because they believe it's "telling" the reader what the character is thinking.
The result of these two in concert is a draft that feels like someone describing a scene from a movie or TV show, solely focusing on description of action and dialogue, and not focalizing the narrative through the POV character(s) at all.
We don't need a "camera with legs." We can watch a movie if we want to see camerawork.
Yes. It took me years to figure my way out of the trap of show don't tell. Especially since this advice is dished out without any qualifier.
THIS helps me a great deal. The first thing I thought was which overrides the other. I know exactly what to fix now.
A beautiful, explanation by a true Grand Master. James Petrie
Yup. I was aware of your first point early on and successfully navigated those screenwriting kids, but it took a while before I realized I was falling victim to your second point. It's still something I need to consciously push in my writing.
I have to say, I'm shocked. Usually when people say the first thing they sort of embarrassingly mean the second thing. I would still push back on the idea that we need to gatekeep sylistic preference with regards "cinematic" vs. "introverted" writing, yet I do feel that the "show" in "show don't tell" is intextricably linked to some level of interiority, fundamentally. We have to feel like we're there. Baseline Interiority is just the simplest way to do that. We have to be inside the character's head. Even if we're not inside the character's head.
Inner monologue is a tricky thing. Dan Brown cannot do it to save his life, he literally ends up repeating reams and reams of exposition, to the point where I threw The Da Vinci Code across the room in disgust.
Great video, Alyssa! Here's an excerpt from the novel I'm working on "Deadly Blood Ties": Casey proceeded over to the double doors and carefully observed the desolate parking lot. It was nearly dark now. She started to feel a bit uneasy and subtly checked her pocket for the pepper spray on her keychain, just in case.
She scrunched her face at the dark sedan. The headlight on the driver’s end was shattered above a large dent on the bumper.
They must have run somebody over, she thought, jokingly. She did her best to avoid staring at the vehicle, or at least tried not to make it obvious. But every so often, as she searched for her father, she managed to steal a few side glances.
She felt the prickling sensation of eyes on her and she knew without knowing that there was somebody inside the sedan watching her. Well, not watching her intentionally, at least that’s what she hoped. They have to be just waiting for someone to come out. And I just happen to be in the way. Right? She tried to rationalize her mindset, as most people may do when things don’t make sense or come off as more than a bit weird. But Casey felt as though she had been rationalizing every little thing lately. Perhaps as a subconscious attempt to avoid paranoia after what happened earlier that month in her dorm room.
She thought of moving away from the door. But didn’t want it to be so obvious that she was uncomfortable with whomever was watching her. There I go doing it again!
Casey was about to step away when a chubby woman with short blonde hair came into view on the sidewalk. She stopped abruptly before entering the parking lot and watched the black sedan, her hands gripping the strap over the shoulder of her long sky-blue sundress.
Casey followed the woman’s gaze to the sedan. Her heartbeat quickened when the vehicle started up, sped from the parking lot, and made a sharp turn onto the curb.
The woman jumped as a tall man emerged from the backseat and stood facing her. His dirty blue coveralls lay baggy on his slender body.
With frightened unmoving eyes, Casey attempted to make out the woman’s words as the two began conversing. She stood with frozen terror, unable to look away despite the instincts ordering her to do so.
Something wasn’t right here, was it? Or was she just looking too deep at a ‘little thing’ again?
Casey leaned in closer, her breath fogging up the glass. Although their demeanor seemed calm, Casey felt the heavy tension between the two.
Suddenly, the man advanced on the woman, then grabbed her waist and forced her into the vehicle. She made several attempts to pull free, but her efforts proved futile as a second man jumped from the back seat and snatched her inside.
So Casey doesn't call the police or get the license plate or do anything to help? There's also no mention of why she was suspicious of the sedan in the first place. why would the blonde woman see a man coming out of a car at her at night and not immediately leave? like, who would entertain a conversation with a strange man at night?
@@NC-dw1ir I appreciate your comment! But this is just an excerpt of my novel so what I chose to share is not going to include all the details of the story. However, in the next chapter, Casey does notify someone of what she saw. And her suspicions of the sedan is addressed on an earlier page that I did not post here. And as for your questions regarding the blonde woman, that is addressed later in the story when it's being told from her perspective. Thanks for your questions! You sound intrigued so I must be doing something right!!
so thats why i ugly cry when reading the hunger games
What I’m struggling a bit with are techniques for communicating character interiority (and hence internal character development) for major non-PoV characters in a single point of view, close third person narrative. I’ve been trying to explore ways to communicate sometimes-subtle, nonverbal emotion cues descriptively as well as using verbal subtext to try to communicate interior emotional conflict through dialogue and action (as observed by my main). In plotting, I’ve given 5 primary characters (main, deuteragonist, tritagonist, primary antagonist, secondary antagonist) internal character arcs. I’m just hoping they come through, while still letting me tell the story from my main character’s point of view (told from a close third person viewpoint).
I don't know. Maybe you actually _don't_ want close third person, if you consider this to be a problem.
Seeing your first example, it seems obvious that Ist person is made for interiority. Definitely impossible without it.😊
(My Paragraph. It's the begining of Delfinah's first chapter because I wanted my paragraph to also contain context.) At 10 am Delfinah stood on the deck of the yellow trailer at the end of the row holding her favorite make-up case which she crafted. It was wooden, painted lavender with white accents and glitter. She wore a navy-blue shirt with a white ribbon that laced her collar and puffy sleeves with navy jean shorts. Mama towered over her. Since Delfinah was little, her mama told her that no matter how big she was, she could always dress well. While the advice seemed wise when she was a little girl, lately she wondered if that was enough for a tall, thick, black fifteen-year-old in Minnesota.
It's best to start as close to the inciting incident as possible. I like the idea of Delfinah being good at woodworking, but, what does what her mom told her have to do with anything? Was she a poor dresser before to where she 'embarrassed' her mom? Was she a tomboy and her mom wanted her to dress more 'ladylike'? I feel we are still missing context.
Excerpt from DARLOWE'S DESTINY:
“Hurry up, slow poke!” Mary Alice McKenzie disliked taking orders, but had no trouble giving them.
“Come on, Dusty!” Stanley whined. “You're wasting too much time!”
Weighed down with metal pails, tackle boxes, and fishing poles, I could barely walk ... much less run. You’d think the older kids could have given me a hand. But no such luck.
“Don’t call me Dusty!” I replied indignantly. “My name is Destiny.” I never liked my name much and often wished it was something more conventional like Patty, Susan, or Emily. However, my mom was a huge fan of daytime dramas and one of her favorites was "Desire and Destiny" which explains why, through no fault of my own, I ended up with the name of a soap opera heroine.
We have two characters essentially saying the same thing. which character is going to be important later? that one can stay, the other can be cut. If she doesn't like her name, why not go by her middle one or something else? It's a fair assumption that most of us are named through 'no fault of our own'. I like that she complains that they wouldn't help her, nice use of character interiority there. I hope this is helpful.
A video game & book are similar in a way as we are put directly into the main characters POV, life and story plot.
Excerpt from Chapter 3: Graduation Day of Into The Forest (book 1) of my Mythical University series:
After giving each of them a hug we walked towards the exit. We made our way outside when five graduating students ran up to me and thanked me for the speech I made. Even though they were all about four years older than me, they all said they felt the same way as I did and that no one really paid attention to them either. They were sort of outcasts themselves. The only one I somewhat knew was Allie and that’s because we were on the debate team together. Even at that, I really didn’t know her. I knew of the others by name and looks only. I do have to admit that I did have a crush on one of them considering how cute he is.
We talked briefly about our plans for after high school and they all said they were still weighing their options. A few of them wanted to go to college, but just not quite sure where.
We spoke a bit longer before I let them know that my family and I were going on a trip, but I would contact them when we returned in about a week. I figured that now was as good a time as any and that I should make an attempt to get to know them...even if I wasn’t going to be seeing them again after heading off to college. I figured that we still had the rest of the summer, and maybe I could make a friend or two...plus, like I said, one was really cute.
I had them each put their name and number in my cell phone and promised I would call them or text them after I returned to set up a time when we could all get together and hang out. I even made it a point to put one of those heart emojis next to one of the names. We’ll get to him later.
You know, I do this too and my sister gave me good advice that I'm going to share with you now: Turn these paragraphs into dialogue. Don't summarize or skip events that could be an opportunity for interesting dialogue and character development.
I probably do too much of that, but how do I do that Without head hopping?
Excerpt from my new novel:
C’s eyes began to glow softly, but M wrenched her hand from his. “No, thank you, I must do this without any assistance. Only myself, and my wits.”
“If you insist.” C frowned, the glow fading away.
“It appears the time has come…” M shivered.
C smiled. “You will prevail. You must.”
She walked toward the ring with apprehension. _He smiled like that when he was hiding his true feelings. She imagined he was almost as scared as she was, though as a dutiful husband, he did his best to allay her fear. Perhaps she should have taken his calming blessing to clear her head._
A rousing, rhythmic chant rose in anticipation of the event that was about to occur. _Deep breaths, she reminded herself. One hit from that hammer would shatter bone, if not end her outright, and she was certain this 'Garn' would show no mercy_
Is there a way to show and not tell that Garin is not a merciful guy? Also, the dialogue seems a bit off. A bit dramatic but maybe that's because it's only a piece but it doesn't feel natural. Also, why must she prevail? what's at stake if she doesn't? And saying she must not accept assistance is fine but adding 'only myself and my wits' is redundant. I do like your prose, it has good narrative flow, I've helped edit stories for a lot of people and if you'd like, I could help you too.
@@NC-dw1ir I do thank you for your honest and fair critique. Most of your questions are answered in the rest of the text of my chapter, but this excerpt I posted only for the 'inner dialogue' request in the video. I have edited this text to add italics, hoping to make things less confusing in that way as well, if that helps? I do see your problem with the external dialogue, and I think perhaps I've included too many dialogue tags as a start...too much 'she shivered he did something' type stuff. 'M' is stating her need to do it herself as much for her own benefit, as it is to explain to her husband why she is rejecting his help and not hurt his feelings. She needs to prove this to herself to grow and evolve. Does that make more sense? I greatly appreciate your taking the time to read my words! I will definitely keep you in mind when the time comes. :D
Hi Alyssa, big fan of your channel! I signed up for the story assessment but never got it. Can you help?
Hi there - please send me an email at hello@alyssamatesic.com and I will resend!
Anamaiya did not want to kill her childhood friend, but she didn’t know of any other option. In truth, she wasn’t sure if killing Saylis was even possible. They stood facing each other in the eerily silent forest. The forest should have been teeming with life, but any creatures sentient enough to sense danger had all fled. No crickets chirped. No birds sang.
She could barely hold back her tears when she looked into his cold eyes. Eyes that she could remember as innocent, full of life and wonder, not so long ago. Now, they were filled with icy fury and hate that he held tightly under control. That, at least, was comforting. When he let that anger out, there were usually bodies left behind.
This sounds like a good blurb for the book, though a bit redundant with 'eerily silent', 'should have teemed with life', 'no birds sang or crickets chirped', 'all sentient creatures fled'. You only need one of these. preferably, the forest should have teemed with life but there wasn't a chirp or song to be heard.
2:48 - Jump cut....okay! Getting fancy.
Here Arienne is referring to her father and the frustration that comes with him working late nights:
"Without it, I wouldn't get to live the way I do, so I suppose I can't complain. Although I do understand the frustration this can cause."
I stopped myself there, because I knew they likely wouldn't be interested in hearing much about my familial relationships, at least not on the first day. In my mind, I continued the conversation, rehearsing what I might have said just in case it came up later.
From: The End of Humanity: The Time of the Fallen by Tambra Nicole Kendall
Genre: Christian Thriller Romantic Suspense
**Thank you, Alyssa!**
All day long, a wary feeling held Ashla in a grip as tight as Wonder Woman's costume. Yet, there was something different about this uneasiness. This was sharp-edged. Dark. Evil. Her stomach tightened, the warning tinge of bile. Tears burned and blurred her vision. Blinking them away, she knew she couldn't stay any longer. Urgency pushed her like a pair of invisible hands. Reaching into her purse, she grabbed her keys, causing a discordant jingle.
Nice, very good visuals. not sure about mentioning WW's costume, seems a bit like 'shaming' to me. WW lives with only women, you know.
"I really don’t want to talk about this with any one, why did she have to be in here just then." Just so happens its from the last chapter I finished, but I definitely don't have enough in my writing as a whole.
I may not even finish this one. From a short story I started. All the more reason to share due to how relevant it is.
She held her phone over her head, no, down slightly. It had fallen out of her hand onto her face once. She didn't want *that* to happen again. _How do you write? _*_What_*_ do you write?_ Mitzy was unsure. She could google it. _I don't feel like it._ Out of habit she touched her way to the camera. _Maybe a few sexy selfies?_ The front camera activated first. Through the pallid pixeled window she saw herself laying; dry, split hairs splayed out, woven across flesh, that was pressed up in rolls by pillow and mattress, like the Michelin Man. _Ew!_ Horrendous. _Not today._ With a lilt of her elbow and flit of her wrist the phone dropped and flopped.
Excerpt from "HART'S DESIRE": As Sid walked across the large room his mind was a whirlwind, "Maybe she'll ride up to Balcones Ridge with me in my '57 Chevy convertible - custom white leather seats - the latest hi-fi FM radio - how could she resist? It's obvious she appreciates beauty, and I'll assure her that I'll be glad to drive her all the way home - if she's in the mood...
'It obvious she...' sounds a little rigid for thought. Maybe 'She obviously...' or simply 'She likes ___ huh? Well, maybe I'll...' Obviously 😉 put it in your characters own words.
I would also consider doing what was mentioned in the video Tip #3. Let the narration take on the inner voice of the protagonist. That way there is less 'thought' brakes and every line of narration can be used to reinforce who the protagonist is: his personality, desires, background, knowledge. Free Indirect Discourse really allows you to create a 3rd Person Close POV that helps the reader really get into the head of the POV character and understand who they are.
A quote of interiority from my novel? Sure:
"A breeze further swayed the capsules. An unsettling high-pitched creak resonated across the potential impact zone. Faint whirs hummed from the base of the ride, as if the motor continued to prompt the Ferris Wheel along, to no avail.
With bated breath, Roxie waited. With clenched fists, she chastised herself for arguing with Austin. If he left the outskirts because of their fight, and if tragedy struck Autumnsville a second time since the Murphys’ auto accident last spring, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself, let alone look at him again."
Some context, Austin is a superhero who could save the day, but due to a recent fight he had with his romantic partner, he fled before disaster struck.
ALSO: I think many writers fear interiority because we're taught to show not tell, and internalizing a character's thoughts might feel like telling.
So I think tackling "interiority" in a video is solid advice to new writers. Thanks as always for the content, Alyssa.
Is that a spelling error, that reads 'Hundred-story towers...'? Or is intended? I've not read the novel, so, I don't know the storey 😆.
From my WIP: "His insistence that he continue with the culinary standards fed to him at boot camp was the one thing about her husband that Cindy detested. She wondered if he even really liked his food that way. It was as if his years of suffering through a nearly inedible meal prevented him from improving on it, and Cindy thought it hid a secret resentment of the military and toward his father who demanded he go into the service."
A quote from my WIP where I use character interiority: "When I see the place were I so often have met Atle, I become painfully reminded of my brother and cry a drop."
It’s my dream to become a author and I’m almost done with my first novel but I can’t decide if it would be better for me to publish with kindle direct publishing or to traditional publish because I’ve heard that you make less money traditionally publishing and that it could take up to two years to traditionally publish but I’ve also heard it Is very difficult to get your book popular with Kdp and I have like zero marketing skill so I would really appreciate if someone could give me their opinion if i should traditionally publish or publish with kdp
Hi there - if you haven't seen it already, I have another video that goes over some of the factors to consider when you're trying to decide between traditional and self-publishing: th-cam.com/video/yJiwM2AZZyo/w-d-xo.html I hope it's helpful! Good luck with whatever path you choose!
@@AlyssaMatesicI’ll definitely check out that video, thank you so much for your help
Ftr the term character interiority sounds like a clinical renaming for overt specificity at the cost of clarity
People were pathetic. It was an easy conclusion to come to
when you’re an outsider, to be cast aside as a freak and forced
to watch from the sidelines as people would group up to attack
those who were different. It was cowardly, but given time and
experience Aryan couldn’t blame them for it.
They had been driven by the need to belong and not be alone.
However, while they were driven to form groups and exert
themselves by causing harm to others, he had been driven by
something else. Deep down, there had been a strong push in his
mind, it had driven him away from others and to a dangerous
and forbidden knowledge. One that had opened his mind
farther than he had thought possible
Peace
from my fan fic:
"Please don't leave..." He's clingy again. Ugh! I decided to make out with him and he gives me this 'please don't leave me 'crap. How pathetic. I felt his breath on my neck and the stickiness on his skin. Then I'm reminded how turned on by him right now. I might as well play into his expectations.
You mean to say that The Maltese Falcon is not a 'well-written book'? 🤔🤔🤔
Interesting. I won’t mention the channel but it’s all about show don’t tell. How can you have character interiority at anything more than a superficial level if you only Show.
Seems impossible. Do what the successful writer do period.
Ah ha!
Interiority. New word.
I like Google's examples:
"The interiority of a person is their quality of being focused on their own inner nature or musings. Certain things are so personal that they carry their own sense of interiority - think of the emotion of love or the faith of a religious believer."
Good content, but too much blatant self-promotion for my taste.
Create your account
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Whoever is now editing these videos is trying to be way too fancy. Too much b-roll, too many jump cuts and bell sounds, and almost every font preset from Da Vinci Resolve. It's actually distracting from Alyssa's nice information, and comes off as a copy of other channel's who have very different tone.
Sorry to be so harsh about it, but it's diluting what makes this channel different and honest.
Thanks for the topic!
Hm. Not sure I like this. I've always thought the writer needed to "Show, not tell". Readers should infer their characters' motivations from what they do, and to a lesser degree what they say. I was really quite confused by the video until the examples... then I was only somewhat confused. My 65 YO white man POV is that this is teenage girl stuff! (Sorry, just simplifying.). And, more critical to the plot, if you get a peek into the character like this, directly, without the possibility of error, you can never be surprised. Poof! No more acts of redemption. Poof! No more surprising bits or heroism or altruism. Poof! Nothing at all out-of-character as we already have a perfect understanding of that character.
OTOH, it can be quite useful when dealing with a complex character... and its hard to write brilliant Shakepearean monologues where the character fleshes out his thoughts.
People overcomplicate "show don't tell." Like with many _words_ and some phrases in the English language it means many things depending on context, and then people conflate them, because sometimes it makes sense that a word or phrase is saying two things at once, for nuance, but it can be hard to parse when that's valuable. To me "show don't tell" can be as basic as "He took out his phone. Four o'clock, 'Damn' he said." When you really examine it, I never said he checked his phone for the time. But you know in ten words that he checked his cell phone for the time, the time said four o'clock, and for some reason four is bad.
It can be valuable to let a characters actions speak for themselves, and frankly you can still do that with their thoughts in mind. To me the most important definition of "show don't tell" is just "paint me a picture with your words - make me feel like I'm there."
Imagine your significant other said "Show me that you love me." If it's a particularly tense situation holding up a physical sign or symbol, like a card, or a heart, or the written words "I love you." Could be seen as not taking the request seriously. It does a disservice to us as writers to intepret "show" as meaning only the things that in theory could be physically placed, or observed in front of us, in reality. Metaphor and poetic language would not be a powerful tool if that were the case.