“You slowly realise that fewer and fewer people can fully relate to the world, and the things, and the experience you have been exposed” I totally understand.
I have three citizenships and have lived and worked in all three and others . I don't feel as though I am just a citizen of one country ( ie not a nationalist ) which can be a problem when talking with folks who feel very strong about their own country ( and often anti other countries ) just a citizen of the rock we live on . And sometimes its best to just keep the mouth zipped when comparing countries !
I've found a similar effect for me as an American, learning multiple languages. The more I learn of these other languages, the more I notice how trapped neighbors and friends are in the program of their native tongue. Languages affect how we are able to think-- learning new languages expand our ability to process the world in other ways, but it does create a sense of loneliness because you find yourself thinking in ways that ostracize you from your community.
@JDoe-gf5oz Did you know that Chinese people don't know how to address other people in Chinese without knowing which of you is older? Because your relative age determines the words for brother/ sister/ uncle/ aunt, etc. A different brain pathway is activated to be able to grammatically express yourself in different languages that have gendered nouns or in Russian, conjugating not just verb tense but by plurality. It is like when you can see a Magic Eye picture but your friend can't. You wish you can share it with them.
Personally I never found that languages do that for me. At 43 years old, I am now working abroad for the first time in my life, and I also find that this does not much broaden my horizon. When you find that such experiences change the way you look at the world what they really do is highlight some fundamental lack in your understanding at that point. A lack of open-mindedness or curiosity, or an upbringing that resulted in you not really thinking much about the world around you.
@Volkbrecht I disagree. You must not be meeting sufficiently different families of language or delving deeply into the differences. For example, did you know that a pictographs allows hundreds of different dialects to coexist while still being able to understand each other in the written language?
This video has clickbait title yet this woman so eloquently describes her struggles and pain that comes with growth and learning. She doesn’t state what happened to her as regret but realizes she is at a new place in her life. Then goes on to say how not only how she’ll cope but how she can move on from where she is now. It was so worthwhile to watch. I’m grateful.😊
I came ready to click "dislike", because of the title. (I only "like" or "dislike" videos when I'm at or near the end, so I proceeded.) Then her introduction didn't help much. Only when Siming explained the loneliness that comes out of not quite belonging either here or there I realized I feel that too. I believe that age and an increasing specialization of our tastes and interests will move us towards that anyway, but there's nothing like immersing oneself in a new language to amplify and accelerate this process. I'm glad I stayed and now I fully forgive her clickbait title. Let's see what else she's got. If the next video I watch here is as perceptive as this, I'll be a new subscriber.
I can completely relate to this. I’m an American living in Taiwan that studies International Relations, and I can speak up five languages. I find find very difficult to talk most of my countrymen about anything in my fields of study, just because most of them don’t travel and usually only speak English. While living abroad everyone sees me as a foreigner, but when I go back home I also feel like I’m in a foreign land.
How many children do you have? Because if you have none, you have zero understanding of basic family life from the perspective of a parent, regardless of the culture. A single person traveling around has a very insular, self-centered view of everything. There are whole world's out there that unless you fully immerse yourself in them, (parenthood is one of them), then you really don't know much. Family is what creates culture, worldwide, whether single people want to admit that or not.
@@TheSwissChalet You make a great point about parenthood and spouse-hood being a culture all themselves. I would add that being a divorced male and an ex-parent is also a culture. Society is gynocentric. Women support women and men support women. No one supports single men. We all need love and friendship. it seems impossible to find. All we can do is keep offering it to others and hope someone decides to reciprocate. but beware of those who pretend to reciprocate, but have an ulterior motive.
I've seen other videos like this where people who have taken the trouble to understand the world, see the big picture, educate themselves, build skills find they have nothing to talk about with people around them either because no-one understands the things they talk about or only have empty bland conversation to give back - no common experiences.
As a New Zealand born Chinese I'm seen as an outsider which I am not but, while in China people fully embrace me as one of them which I find overwhelming. It is like being trapped between two worlds neither of which I fully belong.
I speak Cantonese too and live in Canada. So I resonate with you. We are Chinese because our ancestors gave us the roots. I am proud of it more and more after seeing more and more the truth coming out about the real China.
I've just discovered your channel and oh boy, you eloquently put into words what once I felt in the whole process of leaving my home country (brazil), studying abroad, coming back home after several years and having that dreadful feeling of not being able to connect with my fellow compatriots anymore like it was before. Also your videos about how China is viewed by world, how it views itself and how all that affect/had affected you are just master pieces.
I fully understand your being a Chinese who has been infused with Western exposure, thinking and learning...many are like you when they return to their country and find that the national average mindsets are so different. So, one feels somewhat disconnected and lonely. You are someone who can explain China to the world and you are doing that brilliantly. Thank you.
With my Chinese born wife, we visited Taiwan. We were so impressed with how grounded, and polite, the people are. The difference feels like, they are able to express themselves politically and religiously. While also not having experienced, the trauma of the Mao era.
@@paolocoletti1574Everyone has a limited mindset... Whether they realize it or not...and thanks for tarring all English speakers with the same brush...
@@brettrobinson2901"all English speakers"..is that what you think I did. See? Anyway, there's everyone's natural limited and then there's local minded limited.
I had ones a student like you - excellence in everything, knowing her culture, knowing foreign languages. But she missed meaningfull interactions until she was turning into a very deep crises. She turned into supporting others and understood step by step (it was a long journey) what live means: Meaningfull interactions. The little lonelyness will always stay with you, but over the years the emptiness will fill in with wonderful experiences in Chinese and English - and many other languages. Learning languages always opend for me new worlds, new opportunities. Look for more...
I am a native English speaker, and I learned Spanish to a good level. For me it has been a totally positive experience. I do agree with the idea that when you learn a foreign language, you get a new outlook on the world. Language and culture are intertwined - you inevitably pick up the foreign culture and values. I feel and express myself differently when I am speaking or thinking in Spanish.
I grew up learning Spanish, and after 12 years of it ended up at a near native level. I am exactly the same person whether I am thinking in English or Spanish, other than having a smaller vocabulary in Spanish. On the other hand, when I am thinking in Japanese I am a slightly different person in a way that I can't explain in any language. I wonder if perhaps the difference is that I learned Japanese in my 30s instead of as a small child.
If you're American it doesn't count. Everyone for some reason sees it so favorably and it's ingrained in culture already. If you decided to learn Russian or Greek it might go differently for you since there's virtually zero societal recognition of those languages along with pretty much every other one.
@@channeldoesnotexist hmm. That's not been my experience. Most Americans I know don't speak enough Spanish to have a conversation and could tell you absolutely everything they know about Spanish-speaking cultures in 5 to 10 minutes.
@@Dealanach huh well that's not what I meant. Americans are dumb, just because they know nothing of the culture beyond bachata and tacos doesn't mean they aren't partial to it and the language. That's why you'll be more accepted. There are also truckloads of spanish speakers here, obviously far, far more than any other language. Especially if you're on the east or west coast.
To add a note: I am a retired 85 y.o. surgeon who spent much of his life helping people - sometimes with difficult or impossible problems. I have been retired for 23 years, remarried for 9 and have a small dog. Helping other people out has been among the most gratifying experiences I have had. Even now, no longer practicing medicine, I get the opportunity to recommend treatment protocols or physicians to my neighbors and, on occasion still can intervene to help save a life. Little things, like being kind to a baby bird that fell from the nest, giving it water and bread or kind to our dog or other animals. These are the things I find most special about life.
I could say the same as the doctor. I learned a lot and the more you learn (like a doctor does), you aren’t as close to people who for some reason aren’t on your path. So in the end choose things that are high level like helping others and don’t worry about family and friends you left behind. When I learned French my family didn’t. When I traveled my family didn’t. Each move I made made me less connected to them. The more I learned the less I was part of them. That is what all children face if they are meant to learn things. They have to leave people behind. My mom made fun of books. My sister did too. Her kids too. Their world was not my world. It’s okay. Love them anyway and do nice things for others even if you get called a bot. Life is short. And some people get left behind. They aren’t meant to travel where you are going.
What a beautiful, coherent essay on learning multiple languages, and by extension, cultures. The internet is a dangerous thing these days, but there are still gems like you. Best of luck finding other travelers that can appreciate and share your voyage.
Learning another language helps one to connect to more people, but i feel that this is more about the difficulty in finding kindred spirits rather than learning another language.
I get you! I'm an Indonesian Chinese, with a Malaysian Chinese mother, who grew up in Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, Australia, and now works in Qatar. Very well written, poignant! I am grateful to have ever come across your channel
That loneliness comes when your outlook on life and values change. I feel lonely quite a lot because talking to most people leaves me unfulfilled or misunderstood. But it also makes those rare people you find that think in a similar way to you very special, and it makes you very grateful to have them in your life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts an stories, they are wonderful.
This hits close to home. I know what’s like to engage with family and friends and still feel desperately lonely because they have yet to master empathy and the ability to foresee the consequences of their actions. And some of these people are more than twice my age.
To be fair, empathy is not something that can be mastered. Sure, you can get better at it, but it's a never-ending process, since being empathetic requires understanding what makes other people tick and we are all different. The moment you've thought you've mastered it, is the moment you lose it.
@@Riorozen I think it's the opposite, rationalizing and moral relativism is a lot easier if you allow yourself to lose empathy for those that are different.
Aw. You're such a special person. Becoming so rich and colorful, understanding 2 worlds on opposite ends of the earth, paints you into someone to be appreciated endlessly! You're an inspiration as I move across the globe over the next year. You might feel lonely but you made me feel a connection.
I went through very similar experiences to you and I’m 73 of polish, English and Scottish extraction and a man. What I believe you experienced was your emotional and intellectual growth , sometime a very difficult and lonely place. The more you understand about yourself and the universe the fewer people you can relate to but trust me your going in the right direction . By the way the most intelligent people of our species , regardless whether your Chinese ,Arabic , black , French , Latin will relate to you but you’ll have to wait for the rest ( which is the majority) to catch up with you. ❤️
I think just being local and thinking about your own people will lead the most success and happiness.The wisest amongst us are those who have travelled less and learned only one language for they have embedded themselves firmly in the camp of their immediate reality and have supped from it the mysteries and meaning of life without any layers of detachment. To these humble few, they didn't just reified the things that actually mattered but have lived and participated in it, community, family, friends, etc.
@@ColtraneTaylor nativism isn't regressive, nor is it "right wing" whatever that means, it is just the natural inclination of any person to belong, A person is born with certain traits that is indicative to a certain people, they were taught a tongue that held cultural beliefs, ideas, and histories indicative to a certain people, they were taught traditions and taboos that is indicative to a certain people, their clothes are indicative to a certain people, and where they live and the foods they eat and grew up on are indicative to a certain people, so why wouldn't one come to believe that it is precious and requires cultivation? One then retorts "what good is all of this when it just divides us" but ask your parents that question and they will give you an answer that would probably go the line of "because I don't want you to forget who you are" It is no use to ignore that natural inclination to be part of a considered whole that is your people, to keep ignoring it is just to reject who you are.
@@colinsanders3667 The man who lives in a small community lives in a much larger world. He knows much more of the fierce variety and uncompromising divergences of men…In a large community, we can choose our companions. In a small community, our companions are chosen for us. Thus in all extensive and highly civilized society groups come into existence founded upon sympathy born from clannish attachments, and they keep being civilized by ironically shutting out the rest of the world more sharply than the gates of a monastery. There is nothing really narrow about the clan; the thing which is really narrow is the clique.
I think that at some point, you'll "fall" into the other side. Or it might just click and this current pain you're experiencing may suddenly become inundated with meaning. It gets worse before it gets better.
Thanks for sharing, this is such an open and honest video. I've been fascinated for a while about China and what Chinese people think of themselves and the rest of the world so your channel is a fantastic find. I really enjoy the way you think and perceive the world around you and your place in it. I'm Irish and European a native English speaker but I share your priorities in life and also the beauty in difference. It shows beneath cultural differences we are all truly the same.
Thanks for your well considered perspective. I am returning to China in a couple of weeks to explore possibilities for teaching English. Through my Chinese friends I went to China 4 times in 2018-19. I am fascinated by the culture and history of China as well as the people.I agree, travel to learn about our world is so important. My travels take me to Europe and Bali, Indonesia. I'm looking forward to viewing your videos. Max, Seattle, WA, USA. Keep up the good work!
Interesting and inspiring. Very well put. And understandable. The importance of how language forms your personality is often overlooked. Trying to belong in two cultures is hard, nevertheless what many people experience today. The hollow in between can be scary. Love and friendship, tolerance and empathy may help bridging the gap between cultures.
Lots of people would love to have had the opportunity to live in an English speaking language country and learn the language. You are/were very fortunate.
The pursuit of knowledge is its own reward for better and worse. When someone knows nothing they believe they know everything, and the more you do know, the more you realise how little you really do know.
Great Video! As a Chinese who start studying Chinese at the age of 4, I totally get what you are saying. According to Sapir Whorf's hypothesis, the language you speak heavily influences how you think. One of the things I notice is that I can stop being angry or irritated about something when I switch to thinking in English instead of Chinese for Chinese is in many ways a more emotional language. As for loneliness, I think it's not only being bilingual but also learning from two cultures that are so drastically apart. Again, great video. Thank you!
To me Chinese and English are very similar in grammar and emotionality; people use both languages very similarly for similar expressions. Japanese on the other hand is super detached from the individual and facts-based; which means when a Japanese person gets violently angry with you it comes out of fucking nowhere.
@@samwallaceart288 I have learnt Japanese for one year in my college and I think it's very interesting that despite sharing a lot of elements such as Kanji (Chinese character), the grammar of Chinese actually shares more similarity with English rather than Japanese as you pointed out. As humans, many of our emotions are universal yet how we express them are very much molded by every individual's own culture experience. From my understanding, Japanese culture is very repressed in its public expressions of emotions which could potentially leads to outburst. This culture is somewhat shared in Eastern societies, but Japanese culture is seemingly more repressed than other countries in this sense (and I don't mean this as a criticism but simply as my own observation.)
@@tyrlau9651 Japan is a military culture without a war to unite against or a general to channel them. There are set contexts to let loose, particularly the bar after work; but they aren't like Americans or Chinese who can freestyle in between functions.
Okay, fair enough opinion. I am highly intelligent and without my self awareness, I would not be able to write poetry and short stories of emotional vigor. I am a scientist who is so enamoured of the arts that I can switch between the claimed dichotomy without any trouble. The dichotomy is an imaginary division. The very finest of those from science or the arts would belie these claims. Do not be fooled and allow divisions to be drawn for you, they are false.
@@nitomurray6137 no it doesn't, at my age it only includes genuine humility and not the kind which fishes for favors. I have a worth which I cannot deny while acknowledging that I know less the more I learn. Don't be a smartarse. It is hard to endure.
@@StevenHoman So, to clarify, you belief arrogance = true humility? As so far, you've made grammar mistakes, misused words, all whilst claiming your total superiority. Seems like a total lack of self awareness to be honest. All in a comment who seems to be only about saying how amazing you are. Is that not just as bad as "fishing for compliments". It is also worrying you believe not complimenting yourself is somehow "fishing for compliments". Seems you need to gain some awareness as to why others act this way.
From Italy, border with France, so we're at the margins of all surrounding nations (including Switz and Germany. Sharing a bit of them all, but also seeing yourself different) So as few others around me, I plunged into everything English, British, Anglo-Saxon, Northern-European-global in the end. After a lifetime of dedication, studies, etc., I moved to the UK with a research scholarship... Cambridge. I was still among the luckier ones, no washing dishes in some shabby basement in expensive (and dirty) London. I'd been to Britain many times before and always hung out with native English speakers. Only to find out, through the course of quite some years there, that it's better to be a beggar in your homeland, than a carreer in either Britain or (most of) the US. Not civilized at all, no. Films, music, books etc. sound great - but all the rest doesnt. So, better to enjoy them in another country if you really need to emigrate (instead of having a lower, but nicer, life standard at your place). Was just deceived, ripped off! by the whole "British/American dream" hoax. I hold it a crime against humanity - not even joking. Don't be fooled folks! struggle to stay at home or move to a country where they know how to live decently well and how to share a bit of that wellbeing to others. It's even funny to think their own life was hell, a nightmare, Hunger Games, Blade Runner - not just ours as foreigners. And yes, my English got rusty - thankfully! I'm managing to forget it all, at last! And locals from those countries/cultures flock to Italy any time they can or even move forever here. I was, we were, just naive, blinded, delusioned. We thought the real thing was up to the tale the media gave us. Just like now they're always pushing the youth to emigrate or even go to war anyway. Now i think i'll have a gong fu cha Chinese tea to just think of nicer countries, people, stuff. Cheers
Beautiful expression of the reality of growing into maturity and all that goes with it- good and bad : easy and difficult. All the best to you young lady.
As someone who spent middle and high school in international school in China, I wholeheartedly relate to this. Chinese don't understand the west like I do, and even Chinese Americans don't understand and love China like I do. It makes finding people that I can feel truly at ease with difficult. Thank you for making this.
You are one intelligent, thoughtful and articulate young woman. Your wisdom and empathy is beyond your age. Experience the world and keep expressing yourself. You will discover yourself and your place in this weird but wonderful world someday. Never forget your roots. 🙏
Very nice video. I also relate ... in Colombia we say, "when you leave the country, you no longer belong here or there" ... I think we start belonging to something different. But I wouldn't change this experience for anything ... it's so wonderful to understand another culture and see things from their perspective. Now, I'm into French ... that my next stop.
You are just lovely, Siming and are an inspiration. Appreciate yourself, your people, and all of us who, like you, struggle to find meaning in life. Hopefully, you will find a life partner who is as adventurous and questing as you are.
I think it's a common phenomenon that we can only connect with certain friends over certain shared interests, and then we need other friends to relate to other aspects of ourselves. Our lives are compartmentalized that way and that can create a sense of being alone, in that no one can entirely appreciate us.
I've always been interested in everything, IT, physics, history, geography, politics, economics,, DIY etc, etc, always reading, keeping up with the modern world and have a large number of hobbies that engage me and build skills. However, i look around me and everyone else is barely interested in anything beyond the next meal and not even their work. They have no hobbies or interests, personal skills. Some can talk about football or celebs or their kids but that is it. Even though i also can relate to their lives conversations are simply limited, the overlap of experience is too small.
This is a great point, and I wonder how much the shift from living in communist China where there is a greater focus on the whole adds to the distance Siming speaks of. Moving from a united country to an independent one must have made the distance feel that much greater. We are already unique and divided and adding on the pursuit of philosophical truth just adds another layer onto that separation. From a part of the whole to a grain of sand then a speck in the cosmos.
It is the curse of the traveler, and I suppose those of us who learn more than one culture, to never be at home again. We know the world to be bigger than those who haven’t and hence fewer people can relate to our awareness. But this is what expands our own consciousness.
This phenomenon of estrangement happens to everyone who learns something that their peers don't. They gain a perspective that is completely lost to their friends and family. Your case of becoming familiar and comfortable with a vastly different culture is a bit of an extreme example. It also happened when I read books that my mom wasn't interested in and again when I went through engineering studies while she is surrounded by preschool children all day. And now it is happening again, when I learn Spanish as a second foreign language while she still struggles with English - against her will even because her other daughter has moved to the USA. The result is that I face walls of criticism or outright hostility when I use "complicated" words or when she hears the Duolingo app on my phone speaking. It's moments where I have to shrug it off and ignore her. Because she basically chose to stop learning and broadening her horizon. She is the one choosing to find comfort in her mental space that is shrinking a little bit with every passing day. I will not let her trap me in a similar fate.
That is so true. I have diverse interests which I find, only my children or sisters participate in. I don't have friends who have similar interests because they're illusive. I'm quite happy with the situation though; not lonely.
The problem with English as the dominant force on other language cultures, is that it is an onesided influence. For balance, exposure to more languages is needed.
As a linguaphile & part-time ESL teacher, I almost had a whole rant prepared about the benefits of learning languages & English especially since (like it or not) it's the most prominent & important language in the world, so far as international interaction, commerce, etc. are concerned. Instead, I got a refreshing & agreeable message from a relatable & intelligent perspective. I'll be checking this channel out a little more in the future.
Very eloquently put! I hope you find a balance in all of this. I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head in that people are very different. However you can even get that within a family! You need tolerance to a certain degree and open mindedness too. One way of thinking, in this world, is not going to be the best way that's for sure. Where the balance lies is down to us and knowledge/wisdom. You mention something close to my heart at 3:29 and also is sadly diminishing in many western cultures: thinking of humility, kindness wisdom and balance. Since the pandemic I have noticed selfishness dramatically increase (dangerously increased - esp for anyone driving a car) and lack of thought for anyone but themselves.
Well put! Living a bilingual life can be exhausting, we're neither here nor there, each of us becoming a culture of their own. BTW I found it amusing when you brought up Greek philosophy as something new you learned through English, because even though English isn't my first language either I still grew up in Europe and it was a part of my regular curriculum. It is true that while learning a language we also need to build a bridge over a culture gap, but staying within the same continent makes it so much easier. All the best!
Excellent video. I can so relate to what you say. I spent a lot of my early years alone. (I am now 64). I had friends, and I dated many women, but really close connections were elusive. I realized that I could connect with people as individuals, some better than others, but a real close, loving relationship wasn't happening. I was in my 40's when I finally met the woman who would become my wife (21 years ago). It may have been pure luck, I'm not sure. But somebody had told me to write down the qualities I wanted in my "dream woman." This made me really think about what I really wanted. I had to be very clear in my own mind about this. Once I had done this, as if by magic, there she was. Ours is the happiest relationship I know of. I have given up on the concept of "tribe". In my own "tribe" there are individuals with whom I connect in some ways, but I have also had many conflicts. Since I have come to appreciate and enjoy my connections, and not expect anything from people, I have been much happier. There is only one person with whom I have a really deep connection and understanding - I married that one.
For me it was the other way around. As a westerner I studied Chinese philosofy and wisdom 40 years ago. Really loved it. Lao Tze has accompanied me on my path through live eversince. I think Western thinking and Eastern thinking can be complementary. (And maybe that's even the future.) And yes, it caused some feeling of loneliness sometimes. But "the old man" always had the right thing to say about it. May the fusion of East and West produce many more lovely persons as you are.
I believe your sense of loneliness is more related to your intelligence, your multilingual and multicultural life, and your capacity for deep introspection. . When I listen to you, I am in awe of how you perceive this world and your place in it. Perhaps too many of us are simply too plebeian to relate but in that sense you are truly inspirational.
It takes great strength to step beyond the curtain of our familiar culture and native language. While it usually makes one's life more difficult, we can learn so much from this widened perspective, and even stumble onto our life's work in the process. You are a deeply wise and brave young lady. Keep moving outside your comfort zone. You will likely enhance other's lives while doing so, as well.
Your eloquence, understanding and hard work do you credit. Your ability to communicate and explore mean ultimately you will never be lonely. The foundations you have built for yourself will keep you strong throughout your life and when you fall in love, it is more likely to be to the right person for you. Sending you lots of love from England x
I'm Malaysian of Chinese ancestry. I've had an English education, Malaysia was then an English colony n i don't speak n write Chinese. All thru my growing yrs right till adulthood I've been bombarded with Anglo saxon narratives n perspectives on issues thru their dominance of media platforms. U can say I've been brainwashed over time with such overwhelming exposure to just one set of narrative. Now that I consider myself as having reached a certain maturity level n with d availability of more independent platforms i find myself veering towards more oriental philosophy n wisdom . I'm finding my Chinese roots n am feeling very comfortable with this new found situation.
Good, in a sense, this universalism that we have experienced is a modern western product, brought about by its industrialization. In almost all parts of the world, universalist ideas are often tied heavily to the locality of which these ideas are extolled. Better that the world is a neighborhood of nations than one conglomerate of globalized labor or capital.
Wow, so grown up and wise. Not too common. I can see where it can be a bit lonely connecting with someone else who has such a wide and mature perspective. Thanks for sharing. Good luck to you.
I can relate to your learning Western philosophy through English. I’ve started reading Chinese philosophy (also in English). And I am beginning to see the world through “new eyes”. Thanks for your video.
I’ve studied several languages (that I’ve mostly failed to retain😅) and lived abroad as an English teacher for years (in Korea and elsewhere) and my experience since then is very much like yours. It took me two years after moving back to the USA to be able to have a normal conversation with anybody- our experiences were just too far removed from each other. Wouldn’t trade it for anything, though. The late Czech politician T.G. Masaryk put it perfectly: “How many languages you speak is how many times you are human.”😎
I think that he loneliness you feel - especially that feeling of others not relating to your values of empathy, humility and wisdom - is really just part of being an intelligent human being. The linguistic-cultural connections you wish you could make are definitely painful in their absence; but as a person who is both thinking and feeling, both confident and humble, you will find in time that those connections are simply very rare and precious. Enjoy them while you can! Lovely video.
I am in my sixties, English-speaking from Singapore. My father is from China but he "escaped" to Singapore away from the numerous bandits when he was young. I never knew much about China in the past and so my experience is TOTALLY independent of Lan's... yet they were EXACTLY the same. I grew up lapping up all that was Western, with the attitude that the West represented all that is good and China, all that is pathetic". I discovered in the last twenty years that I was WRONG WRONG WRONG. The Chinese people and the Chinese leaders have really restored China to its glory... like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. I am proud now to be a Chinese!
I spent my first 30 years in China and the other 30 years in USA. I’m glad with the achievements in China. I like what Dr. Wang Gungwu/U. Singapore said about China: in Chinese history the “changing the laws” movements seldom succeeded while Deng’s reform (改革，不是变法) was based on the previous revolutions. Prof. Philip C C Huang/黄宗智 published many books about China’s development in the past 500 years. He has been a professor in Beijing since he retired from UCLA in 2005 and he prefered to be an insider rather than an outsider. As my understanding Chinese culture helps us actively make the positive changes and learn from all kinds of experiences. I feel it doesn’t matter what one‘s personal experience is - learning Chinese culture is the way to get Chinese together. On the other hand I respect the western cultures. But I’m cautious about the mindsets like one-side-story, partial truth, isolation from history, close minded, etc.
@@infei5389 There is much to learn from Western culture. There are good points there. I think people should not be exclusive. I also believe China leaders would rather have the West as top-dog. However, the Western ruling class, a bunch of rather childish school yard bullies, doesn't like it that way. They must be the one who gets everything... only the scraps for others. What an attitude! If they play fair, I bet my bottom dollar that US would be number one... still, but now the world will turn against them
I don't know why this upload was recommended to me but I'm thankful that it was. Hello from Australia, and I was very much touched by your thoughtful and considerate words. I look forward to watching your other content, and following you on IG.
My greatest regret was sending both my daughters to an English medium school instead of the Chinese National Type School. Both my daughters are brilliant scholars , Straight As and both are very successful DOCTORS. They are both different when compare to the Chinese Educated in terms of thinking , socializing and their cultural outlook. I wish they are more CHINESE. I am sure you understand what I am talking about.
It’s the empty space that is so startling when we finally see it, isn’t it? Sincere gratitude for such a vulnerable, yet profoundly powerful personal message with fantastic production. Bravo.
You learned much more than another language along the way (unlike many who just learn another language), and now carry that burden, for better and for worse. Congratulations and good luck.
Learning what I would call core languages (languages from childhood and early youth. ) to a high degree certainly does change you and, in a way, alienates you from members of the societies with whom you strongly identify. I lived in Africa as a child and the Portuguese-speaking African culture has never left my heart, despite having been born in the US , having American parents , and having gone to high school there. My 4 decades of living in the Basque Country and my hard work for the Basque language also left its mark. As a result , there is nobody in the world that I know who can appreciate something from my Angolan, Basque and American experiences. It’s sometimes very sad and lonely but I’m grateful for the variety . Chinese is definitely my non-core language which I love and cherish . I can identify with your feelings in which your overlapping worlds are understood by you and some of your friends and family sometimes in some things, depending on the culture
The deeper and broader your knowledge becomes usually means the less people you will be able to relate too It is for your inner relationship that this knowledge benefits; hopefully it translates to wisdom, a benefit of exponential proportion.
What you're describing is the expat cultural experience or journey. It's so enticing to go and study abroad, have rich intercultural experiences and interactions, broaden your understanding of worldviews and diverse ways of being. But there is a cost - the feeling of loneliness, isolation, not being one or the other culture of either your learnt language or your original one; the distance between you and your family and friends back in your home country. You do find a kind of community among the expat international community, but it's a very transient one where you're constantly saying goodbye to people. It is a price to pay, and for some it does seem to 'ruin' their lives. It's probably why I'm more inclined not to move and try to be as local as possible now, but even so there's no denying my expat past will always make me feel a bit out of place.
My two main languages are Standard American English and a rural-Midwest American dialect, and I've found that even having lived in different parts of the same country and/or knowing people from different parts of the same culture can lead one to a similar "at home everywhere but nowhere" situation. It can be a curse and/or a blessing!
On your latest video I just left a comment asking about what you meant when you said 'China is still a very lonely country.' In this video you have explained what you mean by loneliness.
Yeah, I have had this happen to me since learning German. I once spent so much time putting everything in German and even playing games and chatting with Germans online that I forgot what the accent of the people around me sounded like. I will never forget that moment. Also, I have been influenced by the Eurpeans and I wish more Americans were like them sometimes LOL. ^^
I’m so sure with your spirit, faith and work ethic you will no doubt find everything you dream of and perhaps things you never knew existed but make you happy I wish it all for you, you are so special
Wow. I don't think it ruined your life. I think it gave you the best of both worlds. A solid work ethic and a sense of personal responsibility coupled with a sarcastic sense of humor and adventurous spirit? Sounds like perfect relationship material to me. I have a limited pool of experience, but most of the women I know are either far too self-absorbed in looks and "social credit", or so focused on career that they forget to have fun or get caught up in the "I don't need a man" mentality. Your ability to walk that line and be your own unique self is simply amazing. Be proud.
She said love was hard to find. Hope she does not get caught up in "I need a man". If love were easy to find, it would not be very meaningful. Same goes for the man.
Ironically, I sort of started to feel this way in my Japanese studies. I'm nowhere near to the point where I can just freely speak to others, but there are some types of humor and things that I've really grown to love and I really want to show the people around me and let them enjoy I just how funny it is too, but I can't because it involves language learning and involves Japanese culture and things like that. Like dogon to me is an absolute hilarious hilarious person and the more I learn about Japanese culture and the more I learn about Japanese language, the more I catch his humor and the more he becomes funny to me. So that's just something to do with humor that I don't feel like I can relate to other people in my life with. I can see how if this keeps going and how I keep learning a language then I'll continue to find things that only makes sense to those that are far away.
That was beautifully expressed. My heart goes out to you. As you say, the more deeply and widely well-read you are the smaller the in group becomes who can understand you. The philosophers you quoted are not normal reading for most people. I do appreciate what you have achieved and can understand, based on my own experience, what you are saying. You sound like a wonderful mind and heart to know.
I think a lot of us feel this way, and not only from learning another language. All of us have a unique set of influences and experiences that can sometimes make it hard to relate to others who have not shared those things with us. It's just the human condition. The best we can do is try to be as interested in and empathetic to others as possible.
Thank you for sharing! I would love to hear you talk more about your understanding of "faith." I also identify with you in feeling cut off from others due to having a set of beliefs not commonly held - but personally I believe that what I have achieved by my faith has more than compensated.
I just came across your videos, and this one I can relate strongly to, thank you for sharing these thoughts! I am a Norwegian who have lived in China and as I learn more of Mandarin language and Chinese culture my understanding and appreciation for it makes a bigger and bigger gap to the common belief in the west now to a point where it becomes actually painful. The polical propaganda in Norway and the rest of Europe as well is getting worse and worse, there is no free speech here, everything need to fit a certain narrative. So for me it is not only that I do not have many people to talk to locally that has the same understanding as me, I also have to take all the lies in the news on a daily basis. I can take one example from a couple of days ago, as I was reading a technical magazine I saw a full page advert discussing solar panels where a CSR responsible was saying that they stopped sourcing solar panels from Xinjiang becaused they were made with slave labour, citing some US funded "research report". The fact that you can spread such lies on a full page advert hurting the Uigur businesses and get away with it is very painful to watch. Still, even it is more comfortable just following the flow and be brainwashed, after you have gained a certain level of understanding, there is no way back, you cannot just forget what you have learned. Learning to know another culture also gives me a lot of joy and happy times, so it is still very rewarding.
Your comment resonates with me. I feel the same when buried with some many western mainstream media lies it is so sad and frustrating. And it has also reached a point where I do not have many people to talk to locally because people only buy into the western mainstream media narrative. So I just try to avoid people's conversation and walk away. It is so sad.
It is challenging. ASPI started to use “forced labors” to refer the labors in Fujian from Xinjiang. Later “bloody cottons” or even “slave labors” has been used by others, which seemed a kind of laziness to borrow the terms being described what happened in USA. There were the re-education schools before, and the western MSM made cases from that. Biden started a chip war because of national securities but not likely to start a solar panel war or battery war. China still can do a lot for development. I’m confident that Chinese culture can offer the wisdom to overcome the difficulties. The basic elements for Chinese culture are Confucius, Taoism & Buddhism with a solid structure and open-mind thinking. No doubt China will continue the reform and opening. When you have the developing-mindset you’ll find the ways to solve problems, but you’ll complain when you have the being-developed-mindset(in the developed contries) and blame that everything is somebody else’s fault.
When you lived in China, did you live in Xinjiang? Where did you live? How do you really know if it is or isn't going on? And if you think there is no "free speech" in the West, do you think there is in China? Because there is plenty of hard evidence that the West is far more free in this regard than China. Or have you merely traded one propaganda mindest for another? I don't know if the solar panels were made with slave labour or not, but neither do you. Regardless, China is not a monolith, and it is not the Chinese government. There is far more to China than just what the CCP wants the PRC to become and what it has made it today. Just because there is immense value in Chinese culture and wisdom does not mean the Chinese government is good, and that it should go entirely unchallenged. And of course people should be judged for themselves individually, and Chinese people deserve as much respect and compassion as anyone else. But the CCP is not benign and if we pretend they are people will get hurt. I am not saying the US or any other country is innocent or good either, or that they don't deserve criticism, because they do. Because the PRC has reserved the right to use military force on Taiwan. Because the Xi Jinping is pushing a narrative within China of the need to "reunify". Because the CCP (or CPC, I don't care what you call it) has been militarily aggressive to it's neighbours and hostile in it's diplomacy. The west isn't going to have any effect on what happens inside China, and maybe it shouldn't. But the West and the USA should be willing to provide an alternative to countries threatened by the PRC, if that is what they want, because India isn't in the right weight class to do that atm. Hopefully there won't be a war. But pretending it can't happen won't help if it does.
US started to import the solar panels originally made in Xinjiang. My brother as an EE engineer visited a solar panel factory in Xinjiang and he found the tech was very advanced.
@@infei5389 The problem with mainland china is it has Confucius Taoism & Buddhism but the main thing is communism, if the other side had won the civil war I doubt we would have a conflict between the west and china .
In my perspective, it seems that learning English didn't "ruin" your life, but you learned that life is more complicated than you anticipated and now you realized that close people to you do not share the same mentality than you, which is not necessarily a bad thing imo. In my case, learning English was one of the best things ever, not only because of the job opportunities, but also because I can learn from the knowledge from many English books, movies, websites, youtube videos and communicate with people all around the world. I also have a different mentality than my friends and family due to my exposure to different philosophical ideas and opinions from people of different countries and culture, which has helped me to develop my own opinions and mindset about how to live my own life, even if my family and friends do not understand it, but at least they tolerate it.
"close people to you do not share the same mentality than you, which is not necessarily a bad thing imo" Agree. And that is the journey of life -- no one can truly have the same mentality as a unique individual - and we each become more an more unique with every passing day. As you said, not a bad thing IMO
I have also been going through a process of expanding my horizons and therefore growing away from the people I once felt most connected to, even feeling lonely and isolated at times. But I’ve learned that there is a lot to be said for growing more and more connected to yourself. Often we are significantly alienated from ourselves and don’t even know it. Getting back in touch with yourself can do a lot to alleviate the loneliness, even if you still feel like other people don’t “get you“
I have rarely heard a more empathetic and articulate analysis of how learning can put distance between one and their family and peers. Thank goodness we can now find interesting and like-minded people via the internet and are no longer limited to those who happen to live nearby. Thank you for a thoughtful message.
I may not be Chinese, but I have a similar experience to you as a Romanian man. Growing up I always felt culturally distant from Romania because it had nothing interesting to offer, but there were so many interesting things in English. Because of this as time moved on, in terms of entertainment and information I became culturally distant from Romania, feeling more and more alone and misunderstood. It was and still is hard for me to find a friend here.
@@johnisaacfelipe6357 I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t think so. Romania’s current values and mines are too divergent to find any enjoyable middle ground.
@@RedNeckRed647 Remember that the Chinese languages are not Indo-European. This is important -- it's easier to translate something from Ancient Greek into German, or from French into English, than into Chinese. It's also much easier to understand! Reading can be challenging as it is (depending on the text) so ideally you want to do it in a language that's close to the one it was originally written in. Reading Tolstoy's *War and Peace* can be an arduous task, but I'm willing to bet it's easier in German or Polish (if one knows either or both languages) than in Arabic or Urdu.
You make so much sense and I wish you all the best. You will not always be lonely. I think that if more people held your values true the world would be a better place.
It's been my experience that the more someone learns, the deeper the understanding of life and the human condition, the more it separates that person from ordinary people. That's the price we all pay, those of us who seek knowledge and experience.
maybe think of it this way, the more you learn about others, the less you learn about yourself and those around you. Better to be local than to be worldly.
@@johnisaacfelipe6357 It's important though to indulge one's wanderlust early so that one gains a framework to build upon and fill with more knowledge and experiences. Being multicultural and multilingual can be advantageous because one can see how petty and sometimes hilarious some differences between cultures are. I laugh about these sometimes, *depending upon my companions* , of course. I 'code-switch'. 😂 Is it the right thing to rip several teabags in a row, dump their contents into teacups with lukewarm hot water in them, and ask for a spoon with which to sink the floating tea leaves ? My brother laughed when I told him that. We had shared multicultural experiences so we understood what was happening but I didn't laugh at all when my mother was doing it on the airplane.
@@solconcordia4315 I don't think its worth it, I have lived the life of a worldly person but the world is not outside of your home, your home is your world. the more you detach yourself from who you are , the less life becomes real, the tragedy of a small community is harsher but also of its triumphs and glories are greater because it is closer to you. If I would look back, the greatest peace and time I had experience was living in a small village, amongst my own people, working some job that required my own hands to move.
You put something into words that I feel deeply and constantly. The bittersweet trade of how growth and connection accidentally results in an inability to be held any longer in one explainable jar, with your heart in separate places.
Not knowing Mandarin and traditional Chinese characters has incredibly harmed my marriage; to include my two step-children. Yes, I'm still trying to learn out of respect to my wife and our children.
Certainly a great closing speech. I can empathise with your situation, I often feel my understanding of both worlds gives me insight into both but like you I feel lonely and not understood by many including some of my closest friends.
That does sound rough. Growth is definitely bitter sweet. I've learned so much in my own life and, like you, there is sadness of the loss of naivety but there is a great joy in it as well. I wouldn't want to give up my growth in spite of the pain and sadness because I would be giving up my peach of mind and joy as well.
“You slowly realise that fewer and fewer people can fully relate to the world, and the things, and the experience you have been exposed” I totally understand.
Yes, I think more of us experience this than we realize.
Hey, you said fewer instead of lesser. You're one of the few English speakers that actually speaks English.
@@Mondomeyer I'm not sure I've ever heard a native speaker say "lesser people" in this context.
I have three citizenships and have lived and worked in all three and others . I don't feel as though I am just a citizen of one country ( ie not a nationalist ) which can be a problem when talking with folks who feel very strong about their own country ( and often anti other countries ) just a citizen of the rock we live on . And sometimes its best to just keep the mouth zipped when comparing countries !
@@gsomethingsomething2658 I have. Not necessarily in this exact context but in general.
I've found a similar effect for me as an American, learning multiple languages. The more I learn of these other languages, the more I notice how trapped neighbors and friends are in the program of their native tongue. Languages affect how we are able to think-- learning new languages expand our ability to process the world in other ways, but it does create a sense of loneliness because you find yourself thinking in ways that ostracize you from your community.
❤ Yes
Sounds a little smug honestly. "I learned Spanish and now I'm smarter than everyone else. Peons, tiny worker ants beneath my boot!"
@JDoe-gf5oz Did you know that Chinese people don't know how to address other people in Chinese without knowing which of you is older? Because your relative age determines the words for brother/ sister/ uncle/ aunt, etc. A different brain pathway is activated to be able to grammatically express yourself in different languages that have gendered nouns or in Russian, conjugating not just verb tense but by plurality. It is like when you can see a Magic Eye picture but your friend can't. You wish you can share it with them.
Personally I never found that languages do that for me. At 43 years old, I am now working abroad for the first time in my life, and I also find that this does not much broaden my horizon. When you find that such experiences change the way you look at the world what they really do is highlight some fundamental lack in your understanding at that point. A lack of open-mindedness or curiosity, or an upbringing that resulted in you not really thinking much about the world around you.
@Volkbrecht I disagree. You must not be meeting sufficiently different families of language or delving deeply into the differences. For example, did you know that a pictographs allows hundreds of different dialects to coexist while still being able to understand each other in the written language?
This video has clickbait title yet this woman so eloquently describes her struggles and pain that comes with growth and learning. She doesn’t state what happened to her as regret but realizes she is at a new place in her life. Then goes on to say how not only how she’ll cope but how she can move on from where she is now. It was so worthwhile to watch. I’m grateful.😊
exactly my thoughts.
her clickbait makes one feel duped
@@rosiepsong for me, more of a pleasant surprise that I kind anticipated anyway
I came ready to click "dislike", because of the title. (I only "like" or "dislike" videos when I'm at or near the end, so I proceeded.) Then her introduction didn't help much. Only when Siming explained the loneliness that comes out of not quite belonging either here or there I realized I feel that too.
I believe that age and an increasing specialization of our tastes and interests will move us towards that anyway, but there's nothing like immersing oneself in a new language to amplify and accelerate this process.
I'm glad I stayed and now I fully forgive her clickbait title.
Let's see what else she's got. If the next video I watch here is as perceptive as this, I'll be a new subscriber.
Sad tho, that she hasn't found her Creator - Jesus Christ, yet.
I can completely relate to this. I’m an American living in Taiwan that studies International Relations, and I can speak up five languages. I find find very difficult to talk most of my countrymen about anything in my fields of study, just because most of them don’t travel and usually only speak English. While living abroad everyone sees me as a foreigner, but when I go back home I also feel like I’m in a foreign land.
Yep, I can relate.
How many children do you have? Because if you have none, you have zero understanding of basic family life from the perspective of a parent, regardless of the culture. A single person traveling around has a very insular, self-centered view of everything. There are whole world's out there that unless you fully immerse yourself in them, (parenthood is one of them), then you really don't know much. Family is what creates culture, worldwide, whether single people want to admit that or not.
@@TheSwissChalet You make a great point about parenthood and spouse-hood being a culture all themselves. I would add that being a divorced male and an ex-parent is also a culture. Society is gynocentric. Women support women and men support women. No one supports single men. We all need love and friendship. it seems impossible to find. All we can do is keep offering it to others and hope someone decides to reciprocate. but beware of those who pretend to reciprocate, but have an ulterior motive.
@@wildbill562 try your local church. They often have singles groups.
I've seen other videos like this where people who have taken the trouble to understand the world, see the big picture, educate themselves, build skills find they have nothing to talk about with people around them either because no-one understands the things they talk about or only have empty bland conversation to give back - no common experiences.
As a New Zealand born Chinese I'm seen as an outsider which I am not but, while in China people fully embrace me as one of them which I find overwhelming. It is like being trapped between two worlds neither of which I fully belong.
Do you speak chinese?
@@andia968 Hello Andi, yes I speak Cantonese.
Be Chinese!
@@freedloh9049 Yes, I will.
I speak Cantonese too and live in Canada. So I resonate with you. We are Chinese because our ancestors gave us the roots. I am proud of it more and more after seeing more and more the truth coming out about the real China.
I've just discovered your channel and oh boy, you eloquently put into words what once I felt in the whole process of leaving my home country (brazil), studying abroad, coming back home after several years and having that dreadful feeling of not being able to connect with my fellow compatriots anymore like it was before. Also your videos about how China is viewed by world, how it views itself and how all that affect/had affected you are just master pieces.
I fully understand your being a Chinese who has been infused with Western exposure, thinking and learning...many are like you when they return to their country and find that the national average mindsets are so different. So, one feels somewhat disconnected and lonely. You are someone who can explain China to the world and you are doing that brilliantly. Thank you.
With my Chinese born wife, we visited Taiwan. We were so impressed with how grounded, and polite, the people are. The difference feels like, they are able to express themselves politically and religiously. While also not having experienced, the trauma of the Mao era.
It's the same feeling I get around the limited mindset of most people that can only speak English.
不用講這樣多，屌鳩共產黨就對了，大爺是最反共的新加坡🇸🇬人
@@paolocoletti1574Everyone has a limited mindset... Whether they realize it or not...and thanks for tarring all English speakers with the same brush...
@@brettrobinson2901"all English speakers"..is that what you think I did. See?
Anyway, there's everyone's natural limited and then there's local minded limited.
I had ones a student like you - excellence in everything, knowing her culture, knowing foreign languages. But she missed meaningfull interactions until she was turning into a very deep crises. She turned into supporting others and understood step by step (it was a long journey) what live means: Meaningfull interactions. The little lonelyness will always stay with you, but over the years the emptiness will fill in with wonderful experiences in Chinese and English - and many other languages. Learning languages always opend for me new worlds, new opportunities. Look for more...
It is wonderful to see such a thoughtful and intelligent, in fact intellectual individual. I love the way you express yourself with great wisdom.
I am a native English speaker, and I learned Spanish to a good level. For me it has been a totally positive experience. I do agree with the idea that when you learn a foreign language, you get a new outlook on the world. Language and culture are intertwined - you inevitably pick up the foreign culture and values. I feel and express myself differently when I am speaking or thinking in Spanish.
What do you do when the values and interest do not align with the people around you?
I grew up learning Spanish, and after 12 years of it ended up at a near native level. I am exactly the same person whether I am thinking in English or Spanish, other than having a smaller vocabulary in Spanish. On the other hand, when I am thinking in Japanese I am a slightly different person in a way that I can't explain in any language. I wonder if perhaps the difference is that I learned Japanese in my 30s instead of as a small child.
If you're American it doesn't count. Everyone for some reason sees it so favorably and it's ingrained in culture already. If you decided to learn Russian or Greek it might go differently for you since there's virtually zero societal recognition of those languages along with pretty much every other one.
@@channeldoesnotexist hmm. That's not been my experience. Most Americans I know don't speak enough Spanish to have a conversation and could tell you absolutely everything they know about Spanish-speaking cultures in 5 to 10 minutes.
@@Dealanach huh well that's not what I meant. Americans are dumb, just because they know nothing of the culture beyond bachata and tacos doesn't mean they aren't partial to it and the language. That's why you'll be more accepted. There are also truckloads of spanish speakers here, obviously far, far more than any other language. Especially if you're on the east or west coast.
To add a note: I am a retired 85 y.o. surgeon who spent much of his life helping people - sometimes with difficult or impossible problems. I have been retired for 23 years, remarried for 9 and have a small dog. Helping other people out has been among the most gratifying experiences I have had. Even now, no longer practicing medicine, I get the opportunity to recommend treatment protocols or physicians to my neighbors and, on occasion still can intervene to help save a life. Little things, like being kind to a baby bird that fell from the nest, giving it water and bread or kind to our dog or other animals. These are the things I find most special about life.
@AppleScab (Venturia inaequalis
) Well spotted!
Who give a feathery f#©k?
I could say the same as the doctor. I learned a lot and the more you learn (like a doctor does), you aren’t as close to people who for some reason aren’t on your path. So in the end choose things that are high level like helping others and don’t worry about family and friends you left behind. When I learned French my family didn’t. When I traveled my family didn’t. Each move I made made me less connected to them. The more I learned the less I was part of them. That is what all children face if they are meant to learn things. They have to leave people behind. My mom made fun of books. My sister did too. Her kids too. Their world was not my world. It’s okay. Love them anyway and do nice things for others even if you get called a bot. Life is short. And some people get left behind. They aren’t meant to travel where you are going.
@PseudeaEpimetheus thank you for being part of the circle of life.
@PseudeaEpimetheus pretty soon we'll have AI posting how they were abused in their early years.
What a beautiful, coherent essay on learning multiple languages, and by extension, cultures. The internet is a dangerous thing these days, but there are still gems like you. Best of luck finding other travelers that can appreciate and share your voyage.
Learning another language helps one to connect to more people, but i feel that this is more about the difficulty in finding kindred spirits rather than learning another language.
I get you! I'm an Indonesian Chinese, with a Malaysian Chinese mother, who grew up in Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, Australia, and now works in Qatar. Very well written, poignant! I am grateful to have ever come across your channel
That loneliness comes when your outlook on life and values change. I feel lonely quite a lot because talking to most people leaves me unfulfilled or misunderstood. But it also makes those rare people you find that think in a similar way to you very special, and it makes you very grateful to have them in your life.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts an stories, they are wonderful.
This hits close to home. I know what’s like to engage with family and friends and still feel desperately lonely because they have yet to master empathy and the ability to foresee the consequences of their actions. And some of these people are more than twice my age.
To be fair, empathy is not something that can be mastered. Sure, you can get better at it, but it's a never-ending process, since being empathetic requires understanding what makes other people tick and we are all different. The moment you've thought you've mastered it, is the moment you lose it.
@@jon9103 Strangely that same thing rings true for humility. As soon as you think you've got it, you've lost it.
@@somersetcace1 Agreed.
@@Riorozen I think it's the opposite, rationalizing and moral relativism is a lot easier if you allow yourself to lose empathy for those that are different.
Aw. You're such a special person. Becoming so rich and colorful, understanding 2 worlds on opposite ends of the earth, paints you into someone to be appreciated endlessly! You're an inspiration as I move across the globe over the next year. You might feel lonely but you made me feel a connection.
I went through very similar experiences to you and I’m 73 of polish, English and Scottish extraction and a man. What I believe you experienced was your emotional and intellectual growth , sometime a very difficult and lonely place. The more you understand about yourself and the universe the fewer people you can relate to but trust me your going in the right direction . By the way the most intelligent people of our species , regardless whether your Chinese ,Arabic , black , French , Latin will relate to you but you’ll have to wait for the rest ( which is the majority) to catch up with you. ❤️
My thoughts too. And Nativism is a regressive and very right wing phenomenon. Edit, oh she is a Jordan P fan. That's what this was all about.
I think just being local and thinking about your own people will lead the most success and happiness.The wisest amongst us are those who have travelled less and learned only one language for they have embedded themselves firmly in the camp of their immediate reality and have supped from it the mysteries and meaning of life without any layers of detachment. To these humble few, they didn't just reified the things that actually mattered but have lived and participated in it, community, family, friends, etc.
@@ColtraneTaylor nativism isn't regressive, nor is it "right wing" whatever that means, it is just the natural inclination of any person to belong, A person is born with certain traits that is indicative to a certain people, they were taught a tongue that held cultural beliefs, ideas, and histories indicative to a certain people, they were taught traditions and taboos that is indicative to a certain people, their clothes are indicative to a certain people, and where they live and the foods they eat and grew up on are indicative to a certain people, so why wouldn't one come to believe that it is precious and requires cultivation?
One then retorts "what good is all of this when it just divides us" but ask your parents that question and they will give you an answer that would probably go the line of "because I don't want you to forget who you are" It is no use to ignore that natural inclination to be part of a considered whole that is your people, to keep ignoring it is just to reject who you are.
I don't understand what you are talking about !!
@@colinsanders3667 The man who lives in a small community lives in a much larger world. He knows much more of the fierce variety and uncompromising divergences of men…In a large community, we can choose our companions. In a small community, our companions are chosen for us. Thus in all extensive and highly civilized society groups come into existence founded upon sympathy born from clannish attachments, and they keep being civilized by ironically shutting out the rest of the world more sharply than the gates of a monastery. There is nothing really narrow about the clan; the thing which is really narrow is the clique.
You are an incredible woman. So smart. Keeping working and enjoy life.
Learning English made me able to understand the world. The more you know the worst it gets.
Impressive skills! You have a teeny bit more to go.
I think that at some point, you'll "fall" into the other side. Or it might just click and this current pain you're experiencing may suddenly become inundated with meaning.
It gets worse before it gets better.
LoL 😂 English?
The more one learns the more one gets confused and dizzy 😢
English is like rubbish 😊😅
Found your channel by accident! You are brilliant. Best wishes!
You express yourself so well without engaging in self-absorption and self-promotion.
Thanks for sharing, this is such an open and honest video.
I've been fascinated for a while about China and what Chinese people think of themselves and the rest of the world so your channel is a fantastic find.
I really enjoy the way you think and perceive the world around you and your place in it.
I'm Irish and European a native English speaker but I share your priorities in life and also the beauty in difference. It shows beneath cultural differences we are all truly the same.
Thanks for your well considered perspective. I am returning to China in a couple of weeks to explore possibilities for teaching English. Through my Chinese friends I went to China 4 times in 2018-19. I am fascinated by the culture and history of China as well as the people.I agree, travel to learn about our world is so important. My travels take me to Europe and Bali, Indonesia. I'm looking forward to viewing your videos. Max, Seattle, WA, USA. Keep up the good work!
I really enjoyed this video, and I hope that it helps you find other like-minded thinkers!
Interesting and inspiring. Very well put. And understandable. The importance of how language forms your personality is often overlooked. Trying to belong in two cultures is hard, nevertheless what many people experience today. The hollow in between can be scary. Love and friendship, tolerance and empathy may help bridging the gap between cultures.
It will never help because you can't really be in two camps at once.
Lots of people would love to have had the opportunity to live in an English speaking language country and learn the language. You are/were very fortunate.
The pursuit of knowledge is its own reward for better and worse. When someone knows nothing they believe they know everything, and the more you do know, the more you realise how little you really do know.
Great Video! As a Chinese who start studying Chinese at the age of 4, I totally get what you are saying. According to Sapir Whorf's hypothesis, the language you speak heavily influences how you think. One of the things I notice is that I can stop being angry or irritated about something when I switch to thinking in English instead of Chinese for Chinese is in many ways a more emotional language. As for loneliness, I think it's not only being bilingual but also learning from two cultures that are so drastically apart. Again, great video. Thank you!
To me Chinese and English are very similar in grammar and emotionality; people use both languages very similarly for similar expressions.
Japanese on the other hand is super detached from the individual and facts-based; which means when a Japanese person gets violently angry with you it comes out of fucking nowhere.
@@samwallaceart288 I have learnt Japanese for one year in my college and I think it's very interesting that despite sharing a lot of elements such as Kanji (Chinese character), the grammar of Chinese actually shares more similarity with English rather than Japanese as you pointed out. As humans, many of our emotions are universal yet how we express them are very much molded by every individual's own culture experience. From my understanding, Japanese culture is very repressed in its public expressions of emotions which could potentially leads to outburst. This culture is somewhat shared in Eastern societies, but Japanese culture is seemingly more repressed than other countries in this sense (and I don't mean this as a criticism but simply as my own observation.)
@@tyrlau9651 Japan is a military culture without a war to unite against or a general to channel them. There are set contexts to let loose, particularly the bar after work; but they aren't like Americans or Chinese who can freestyle in between functions.
People this intelligent aren’t usually this self aware. That whole message was a delightful triumph. Blown away.
Okay, fair enough opinion. I am highly intelligent and without my self awareness, I would not be able to write poetry and short stories of emotional vigor. I am a scientist who is so enamoured of the arts that I can switch between the claimed dichotomy without any trouble. The dichotomy is an imaginary division. The very finest of those from science or the arts would belie these claims. Do not be fooled and allow divisions to be drawn for you, they are false.
@@Steven-p4j Does your self awareness include a total lack of humility?
@@nitomurray6137 no it doesn't, at my age it only includes genuine humility and not the kind which fishes for favors.
I have a worth which I cannot deny while acknowledging that I know less the more I learn.
Don't be a smartarse. It is hard to endure.
@@StevenHoman So, to clarify, you belief arrogance = true humility? As so far, you've made grammar mistakes, misused words, all whilst claiming your total superiority.
Seems like a total lack of self awareness to be honest. All in a comment who seems to be only about saying how amazing you are. Is that not just as bad as "fishing for compliments". It is also worrying you believe not complimenting yourself is somehow "fishing for compliments". Seems you need to gain some awareness as to why others act this way.
@@nitomurray6137 boom
From Italy, border with France, so we're at the margins of all surrounding nations (including Switz and Germany. Sharing a bit of them all, but also seeing yourself different)
So as few others around me, I plunged into everything English, British, Anglo-Saxon, Northern-European-global in the end.
After a lifetime of dedication, studies, etc., I moved to the UK with a research scholarship... Cambridge. I was still among the luckier ones, no washing dishes in some shabby basement in expensive (and dirty) London.
I'd been to Britain many times before and always hung out with native English speakers.
Only to find out, through the course of quite some years there, that it's better to be a beggar in your homeland, than a carreer in either Britain or (most of) the US. Not civilized at all, no.
Films, music, books etc. sound great - but all the rest doesnt. So, better to enjoy them in another country if you really need to emigrate (instead of having a lower, but nicer, life standard at your place).
Was just deceived, ripped off! by the whole "British/American dream" hoax.
I hold it a crime against humanity - not even joking.
Don't be fooled folks! struggle to stay at home or move to a country where they know how to live decently well and how to share a bit of that wellbeing to others.
It's even funny to think their own life was hell, a nightmare, Hunger Games, Blade Runner - not just ours as foreigners.
And yes, my English got rusty - thankfully! I'm managing to forget it all, at last!
And locals from those countries/cultures flock to Italy any time they can or even move forever here. I was, we were, just naive, blinded, delusioned. We thought the real thing was up to the tale the media gave us.
Just like now they're always pushing the youth to emigrate or even go to war anyway.
Now i think i'll have a gong fu cha Chinese tea to just think of nicer countries, people, stuff.
Cheers
Beautiful expression of the reality of growing into maturity and all that goes with it- good and bad : easy and difficult. All the best to you young lady.
As someone who spent middle and high school in international school in China, I wholeheartedly relate to this. Chinese don't understand the west like I do, and even Chinese Americans don't understand and love China like I do. It makes finding people that I can feel truly at ease with difficult. Thank you for making this.
You are one intelligent, thoughtful and articulate young woman. Your wisdom and empathy is beyond your age. Experience the world and keep expressing yourself. You will discover yourself and your place in this weird but wonderful world someday. Never forget your roots. 🙏
Very nice video. I also relate ... in Colombia we say, "when you leave the country, you no longer belong here or there" ... I think we start belonging to something different. But I wouldn't change this experience for anything ... it's so wonderful to understand another culture and see things from their perspective. Now, I'm into French ... that my next stop.
You are just lovely, Siming and are an inspiration. Appreciate yourself, your people, and all of us who, like you, struggle to find meaning in life. Hopefully, you will find a life partner who is as adventurous and questing as you are.
I think it's a common phenomenon that we can only connect with certain friends over certain shared interests, and then we need other friends to relate to other aspects of ourselves. Our lives are compartmentalized that way and that can create a sense of being alone, in that no one can entirely appreciate us.
I've always been interested in everything, IT, physics, history, geography, politics, economics,, DIY etc, etc, always reading, keeping up with the modern world and have a large number of hobbies that engage me and build skills. However, i look around me and everyone else is barely interested in anything beyond the next meal and not even their work. They have no hobbies or interests, personal skills. Some can talk about football or celebs or their kids but that is it. Even though i also can relate to their lives conversations are simply limited, the overlap of experience is too small.
This is a great point, and I wonder how much the shift from living in communist China where there is a greater focus on the whole adds to the distance Siming speaks of. Moving from a united country to an independent one must have made the distance feel that much greater. We are already unique and divided and adding on the pursuit of philosophical truth just adds another layer onto that separation. From a part of the whole to a grain of sand then a speck in the cosmos.
Thanks for sharing, it's a very relatable story ❤👍
awh I'm so glad it resonated with you :)
I would say from my own experience that this has more to do with leaving your country then learning new languages.
It is the curse of the traveler, and I suppose those of us who learn more than one culture, to never be at home again. We know the world to be bigger than those who haven’t and hence fewer people can relate to our awareness. But this is what expands our own consciousness.
That's a very thoughtful comment:) thank you for watching, Craig!
This phenomenon of estrangement happens to everyone who learns something that their peers don't. They gain a perspective that is completely lost to their friends and family. Your case of becoming familiar and comfortable with a vastly different culture is a bit of an extreme example. It also happened when I read books that my mom wasn't interested in and again when I went through engineering studies while she is surrounded by preschool children all day. And now it is happening again, when I learn Spanish as a second foreign language while she still struggles with English - against her will even because her other daughter has moved to the USA. The result is that I face walls of criticism or outright hostility when I use "complicated" words or when she hears the Duolingo app on my phone speaking. It's moments where I have to shrug it off and ignore her. Because she basically chose to stop learning and broadening her horizon. She is the one choosing to find comfort in her mental space that is shrinking a little bit with every passing day. I will not let her trap me in a similar fate.
That is so true. I have diverse interests which I find, only my children or sisters participate in. I don't have friends who have similar interests because they're illusive. I'm quite happy with the situation though; not lonely.
The problem with English as the dominant force on other language cultures, is that it is an onesided influence. For balance, exposure to more languages is needed.
You are awesome!!!!!! Im an English teacher in Japan and seeing your bright spirt fluently expressing your love and gratitude is spectacular!
As a linguaphile & part-time ESL teacher, I almost had a whole rant prepared about the benefits of learning languages & English especially since (like it or not) it's the most prominent & important language in the world, so far as international interaction, commerce, etc. are concerned. Instead, I got a refreshing & agreeable message from a relatable & intelligent perspective. I'll be checking this channel out a little more in the future.
And it piss off the French
I'm reality it had nothing to do with English. It's about continual growth.
Good to see that this video taught you the need to be calm, and not prejudge.
@@earlysda Emphasis on "almost". I just thought it sounded really, really weird, partly why I checked it out.
Very eloquently put! I hope you find a balance in all of this. I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head in that people are very different. However you can even get that within a family! You need tolerance to a certain degree and open mindedness too. One way of thinking, in this world, is not going to be the best way that's for sure. Where the balance lies is down to us and knowledge/wisdom. You mention something close to my heart at 3:29 and also is sadly diminishing in many western cultures: thinking of humility, kindness wisdom and balance. Since the pandemic I have noticed selfishness dramatically increase (dangerously increased - esp for anyone driving a car) and lack of thought for anyone but themselves.
Well put! Living a bilingual life can be exhausting, we're neither here nor there, each of us becoming a culture of their own. BTW I found it amusing when you brought up Greek philosophy as something new you learned through English, because even though English isn't my first language either I still grew up in Europe and it was a part of my regular curriculum. It is true that while learning a language we also need to build a bridge over a culture gap, but staying within the same continent makes it so much easier. All the best!
Excellent video. I can so relate to what you say.
I spent a lot of my early years alone. (I am now 64). I had friends, and I dated many women, but really close connections were elusive. I realized that I could connect with people as individuals, some better than others, but a real close, loving relationship wasn't happening. I was in my 40's when I finally met the woman who would become my wife (21 years ago). It may have been pure luck, I'm not sure. But somebody had told me to write down the qualities I wanted in my "dream woman." This made me really think about what I really wanted. I had to be very clear in my own mind about this. Once I had done this, as if by magic, there she was. Ours is the happiest relationship I know of.
I have given up on the concept of "tribe". In my own "tribe" there are individuals with whom I connect in some ways, but I have also had many conflicts. Since I have come to appreciate and enjoy my connections, and not expect anything from people, I have been much happier. There is only one person with whom I have a really deep connection and understanding - I married that one.
For me it was the other way around. As a westerner I studied Chinese philosofy and wisdom 40 years ago. Really loved it. Lao Tze has accompanied me on my path through live eversince. I think Western thinking and Eastern thinking can be complementary. (And maybe that's even the future.)
And yes, it caused some feeling of loneliness sometimes. But "the old man" always had the right thing to say about it.
May the fusion of East and West produce many more lovely persons as you are.
I believe your sense of loneliness is more related to your intelligence, your multilingual and multicultural life, and your capacity for deep introspection. . When I listen to you, I am in awe of how you perceive this world and your place in it. Perhaps too many of us are simply too plebeian to relate but in that sense you are truly inspirational.
It takes great strength to step beyond the curtain of our familiar culture and native language. While it usually makes one's life more difficult, we can learn so much from this widened perspective, and even stumble onto our life's work in the process. You are a deeply wise and brave young lady. Keep moving outside your comfort zone. You will likely enhance other's lives while doing so, as well.
I agree. If only more people would do the same...
Your eloquence, understanding and hard work do you credit. Your ability to communicate and explore mean ultimately you will never be lonely. The foundations you have built for yourself will keep you strong throughout your life and when you fall in love, it is more likely to be to the right person for you. Sending you lots of love from England x
I'm Malaysian of Chinese ancestry. I've had an English education, Malaysia was then an English colony n i don't speak n write Chinese. All thru my growing yrs right till adulthood I've been bombarded with Anglo saxon narratives n perspectives on issues thru their dominance of media platforms. U can say I've been brainwashed over time with such overwhelming exposure to just one set of narrative. Now that I consider myself as having reached a certain maturity level n with d availability of more independent platforms i find myself veering towards more oriental philosophy n wisdom . I'm finding my Chinese roots n am feeling very comfortable with this new found situation.
Good, in a sense, this universalism that we have experienced is a modern western product, brought about by its industrialization. In almost all parts of the world, universalist ideas are often tied heavily to the locality of which these ideas are extolled. Better that the world is a neighborhood of nations than one conglomerate of globalized labor or capital.
Wow, so grown up and wise. Not too common. I can see where it can be a bit lonely connecting with someone else who has such a wide and mature perspective. Thanks for sharing. Good luck to you.
I can relate to your learning Western philosophy through English. I’ve started reading Chinese philosophy (also in English). And I am beginning to see the world through “new eyes”. Thanks for your video.
What an honest and heart warming video. Thanks for sharing. I hope you find the love that you seek somewhere in the world🤞
I’ve studied several languages (that I’ve mostly failed to retain😅) and lived abroad as an English teacher for years (in Korea and elsewhere) and my experience since then is very much like yours. It took me two years after moving back to the USA to be able to have a normal conversation with anybody- our experiences were just too far removed from each other. Wouldn’t trade it for anything, though. The late Czech politician T.G. Masaryk put it perfectly: “How many languages you speak is how many times you are human.”😎
Have an upvote for giving me T.G. Masaryk's thought.
I think that he loneliness you feel - especially that feeling of others not relating to your values of empathy, humility and wisdom - is really just part of being an intelligent human being. The linguistic-cultural connections you wish you could make are definitely painful in their absence; but as a person who is both thinking and feeling, both confident and humble, you will find in time that those connections are simply very rare and precious. Enjoy them while you can! Lovely video.
I am in my sixties, English-speaking from Singapore. My father is from China but he "escaped" to Singapore away from the numerous bandits when he was young. I never knew much about China in the past and so my experience is TOTALLY independent of Lan's... yet they were EXACTLY the same. I grew up lapping up all that was Western, with the attitude that the West represented all that is good and China, all that is pathetic".
I discovered in the last twenty years that I was WRONG WRONG WRONG. The Chinese people and the Chinese leaders have really restored China to its glory... like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. I am proud now to be a Chinese!
I spent my first 30 years in China and the other 30 years in USA. I’m glad with the achievements in China. I like what Dr. Wang Gungwu/U. Singapore said about China: in Chinese history the “changing the laws” movements seldom succeeded while Deng’s reform (改革，不是变法) was based on the previous revolutions. Prof. Philip C C Huang/黄宗智 published many books about China’s development in the past 500 years. He has been a professor in Beijing since he retired from UCLA in 2005 and he prefered to be an insider rather than an outsider. As my understanding Chinese culture helps us actively make the positive changes and learn from all kinds of experiences. I feel it doesn’t matter what one‘s personal experience is - learning Chinese culture is the way to get Chinese together. On the other hand I respect the western cultures. But I’m cautious about the mindsets like one-side-story, partial truth, isolation from history, close minded, etc.
@@infei5389 There is much to learn from Western culture. There are good points there. I think people should not be exclusive. I also believe China leaders would rather have the West as top-dog. However, the Western ruling class, a bunch of rather childish school yard bullies, doesn't like it that way. They must be the one who gets everything... only the scraps for others. What an attitude! If they play fair, I bet my bottom dollar that US would be number one... still, but now the world will turn against them
I don't know why this upload was recommended to me but I'm thankful that it was. Hello from Australia, and I was very much touched by your thoughtful and considerate words. I look forward to watching your other content, and following you on IG.
My greatest regret was sending both my daughters to an English medium school instead of the Chinese National Type School.
Both my daughters are brilliant scholars , Straight As and both are very successful DOCTORS.
They are both different when compare to the Chinese Educated in terms of thinking , socializing and their cultural outlook.
I wish they are more CHINESE.
I am sure you understand what I am talking about.
Yes, I agree with you....but I missed the Chinese-ness in them.
THEY ARE TOO WESTERNIZED.
It’s the empty space that is so startling when we finally see it, isn’t it? Sincere gratitude for such a vulnerable, yet profoundly powerful personal message with fantastic production. Bravo.
You learned much more than another language along the way (unlike many who just learn another language), and now carry that burden, for better and for worse. Congratulations and good luck.
This is my favorite of all your presentations, Siming. Very inspiring, and very beautiful.
Learning what I would call core languages (languages from childhood and early youth. ) to a high degree certainly does change you and, in a way, alienates you from members of the societies with whom you strongly identify. I lived in Africa as a child and the Portuguese-speaking African culture has never left my heart, despite having been born in the US , having American parents , and having gone to high school there. My 4 decades of living in the Basque Country and my hard work for the Basque language also left its mark. As a result , there is nobody in the world that I know who can appreciate something from my Angolan, Basque and American experiences. It’s sometimes very sad and lonely but I’m grateful for the variety . Chinese is definitely my non-core language which I love and cherish . I can identify with your feelings in which your overlapping worlds are understood by you and some of your friends and family sometimes in some things, depending on the culture
The deeper and broader your knowledge becomes usually means the less people you will be able to relate too
It is for your inner relationship that this knowledge benefits; hopefully it translates to wisdom, a benefit of exponential proportion.
What you're describing is the expat cultural experience or journey. It's so enticing to go and study abroad, have rich intercultural experiences and interactions, broaden your understanding of worldviews and diverse ways of being. But there is a cost - the feeling of loneliness, isolation, not being one or the other culture of either your learnt language or your original one; the distance between you and your family and friends back in your home country. You do find a kind of community among the expat international community, but it's a very transient one where you're constantly saying goodbye to people. It is a price to pay, and for some it does seem to 'ruin' their lives. It's probably why I'm more inclined not to move and try to be as local as possible now, but even so there's no denying my expat past will always make me feel a bit out of place.
My two main languages are Standard American English and a rural-Midwest American dialect, and I've found that even having lived in different parts of the same country and/or knowing people from different parts of the same culture can lead one to a similar "at home everywhere but nowhere" situation. It can be a curse and/or a blessing!
On your latest video I just left a comment asking about what you meant when you said 'China is still a very lonely country.' In this video you have explained what you mean by loneliness.
I'm so happy you found this video. cheers :)
I can relate with never being truly understood.
I appreciate how you found a remedy (through turning this disposition into a strength).
Yeah, I have had this happen to me since learning German. I once spent so much time putting everything in German and even playing games and chatting with Germans online that I forgot what the accent of the people around me sounded like. I will never forget that moment. Also, I have been influenced by the Eurpeans and I wish more Americans were like them sometimes LOL. ^^
You should try learning a language of a very different culture. I learn Korean. That difference in ways of thinking becomes a lot more stark...
so do you wish you never learned German?
@@yourmum69_420 No, not at all. Without knowing it I would have never realized how bad the flaws are in English.
I’m so sure with your spirit, faith and work ethic you will no doubt find everything you dream of and perhaps things you never knew existed but make you happy
I wish it all for you, you are so special
It's called waking up. Most of the world in all cultures are still asleep. People like you will bring unity to the world eventually!
Wow that was stunningly beautifully an eloquently expressed both in idea and feeling. *I resonate* .Thank you!
Wow. I don't think it ruined your life. I think it gave you the best of both worlds. A solid work ethic and a sense of personal responsibility coupled with a sarcastic sense of humor and adventurous spirit? Sounds like perfect relationship material to me. I have a limited pool of experience, but most of the women I know are either far too self-absorbed in looks and "social credit", or so focused on career that they forget to have fun or get caught up in the "I don't need a man" mentality. Your ability to walk that line and be your own unique self is simply amazing. Be proud.
It’s TH-cam these folks are so dramatic
She said love was hard to find. Hope she does not get caught up in "I need a man".
If love were easy to find, it would not be very meaningful. Same goes for the man.
Wow, I wasn't expecting to feel so related to you and be touch by this video. Thanks for being so vulnerable and honest.
Ironically, I sort of started to feel this way in my Japanese studies. I'm nowhere near to the point where I can just freely speak to others, but there are some types of humor and things that I've really grown to love and I really want to show the people around me and let them enjoy I just how funny it is too, but I can't because it involves language learning and involves Japanese culture and things like that. Like dogon to me is an absolute hilarious hilarious person and the more I learn about Japanese culture and the more I learn about Japanese language, the more I catch his humor and the more he becomes funny to me. So that's just something to do with humor that I don't feel like I can relate to other people in my life with. I can see how if this keeps going and how I keep learning a language then I'll continue to find things that only makes sense to those that are far away.
That was beautifully expressed. My heart goes out to you. As you say, the more deeply and widely well-read you are the smaller the in group becomes who can understand you. The philosophers you quoted are not normal reading for most people. I do appreciate what you have achieved and can understand, based on my own experience, what you are saying. You sound like a wonderful mind and heart to know.
I think a lot of us feel this way, and not only from learning another language. All of us have a unique set of influences and experiences that can sometimes make it hard to relate to others who have not shared those things with us.
It's just the human condition. The best we can do is try to be as interested in and empathetic to others as possible.
Yes.
Thank you for sharing! I would love to hear you talk more about your understanding of "faith." I also identify with you in feeling cut off from others due to having a set of beliefs not commonly held - but personally I believe that what I have achieved by my faith has more than compensated.
I just came across your videos, and this one I can relate strongly to, thank you for sharing these thoughts! I am a Norwegian who have lived in China and as I learn more of Mandarin language and Chinese culture my understanding and appreciation for it makes a bigger and bigger gap to the common belief in the west now to a point where it becomes actually painful. The polical propaganda in Norway and the rest of Europe as well is getting worse and worse, there is no free speech here, everything need to fit a certain narrative. So for me it is not only that I do not have many people to talk to locally that has the same understanding as me, I also have to take all the lies in the news on a daily basis. I can take one example from a couple of days ago, as I was reading a technical magazine I saw a full page advert discussing solar panels where a CSR responsible was saying that they stopped sourcing solar panels from Xinjiang becaused they were made with slave labour, citing some US funded "research report". The fact that you can spread such lies on a full page advert hurting the Uigur businesses and get away with it is very painful to watch. Still, even it is more comfortable just following the flow and be brainwashed, after you have gained a certain level of understanding, there is no way back, you cannot just forget what you have learned. Learning to know another culture also gives me a lot of joy and happy times, so it is still very rewarding.
Your comment resonates with me. I feel the same when buried with some many western mainstream media lies it is so sad and frustrating. And it has also reached a point where I do not have many people to talk to locally because people only buy into the western mainstream media narrative. So I just try to avoid people's conversation and walk away. It is so sad.
It is challenging. ASPI started to use “forced labors” to refer the labors in Fujian from Xinjiang. Later “bloody cottons” or even “slave labors” has been used by others, which seemed a kind of laziness to borrow the terms being described what happened in USA. There were the re-education schools before, and the western MSM made cases from that. Biden started a chip war because of national securities but not likely to start a solar panel war or battery war. China still can do a lot for development. I’m confident that Chinese culture can offer the wisdom to overcome the difficulties. The basic elements for Chinese culture are Confucius, Taoism & Buddhism with a solid structure and open-mind thinking. No doubt China will continue the reform and opening. When you have the developing-mindset you’ll find the ways to solve problems, but you’ll complain when you have the being-developed-mindset(in the developed contries) and blame that everything is somebody else’s fault.
When you lived in China, did you live in Xinjiang? Where did you live? How do you really know if it is or isn't going on? And if you think there is no "free speech" in the West, do you think there is in China? Because there is plenty of hard evidence that the West is far more free in this regard than China. Or have you merely traded one propaganda mindest for another? I don't know if the solar panels were made with slave labour or not, but neither do you. Regardless, China is not a monolith, and it is not the Chinese government. There is far more to China than just what the CCP wants the PRC to become and what it has made it today. Just because there is immense value in Chinese culture and wisdom does not mean the Chinese government is good, and that it should go entirely unchallenged. And of course people should be judged for themselves individually, and Chinese people deserve as much respect and compassion as anyone else. But the CCP is not benign and if we pretend they are people will get hurt. I am not saying the US or any other country is innocent or good either, or that they don't deserve criticism, because they do. Because the PRC has reserved the right to use military force on Taiwan. Because the Xi Jinping is pushing a narrative within China of the need to "reunify". Because the CCP (or CPC, I don't care what you call it) has been militarily aggressive to it's neighbours and hostile in it's diplomacy. The west isn't going to have any effect on what happens inside China, and maybe it shouldn't. But the West and the USA should be willing to provide an alternative to countries threatened by the PRC, if that is what they want, because India isn't in the right weight class to do that atm. Hopefully there won't be a war. But pretending it can't happen won't help if it does.
US started to import the solar panels originally made in Xinjiang. My brother as an EE engineer visited a solar panel factory in Xinjiang and he found the tech was very advanced.
@@infei5389 The problem with mainland china is it has Confucius Taoism & Buddhism but the main thing is communism, if the other side had won the civil war I doubt we would have a conflict between the west and china .
Just felt this blues just before stumbling onto your vlog. Keep up young lady!!!
In my perspective, it seems that learning English didn't "ruin" your life, but you learned that life is more complicated than you anticipated and now you realized that close people to you do not share the same mentality than you, which is not necessarily a bad thing imo. In my case, learning English was one of the best things ever, not only because of the job opportunities, but also because I can learn from the knowledge from many English books, movies, websites, youtube videos and communicate with people all around the world. I also have a different mentality than my friends and family due to my exposure to different philosophical ideas and opinions from people of different countries and culture, which has helped me to develop my own opinions and mindset about how to live my own life, even if my family and friends do not understand it, but at least they tolerate it.
"close people to you do not share the same mentality than you, which is not necessarily a bad thing imo"
Agree. And that is the journey of life -- no one can truly have the same mentality as a unique individual - and we each become more an more unique with every passing day.
As you said, not a bad thing IMO
I have also been going through a process of expanding my horizons and therefore growing away from the people I once felt most connected to, even feeling lonely and isolated at times. But I’ve learned that there is a lot to be said for growing more and more connected to yourself. Often we are significantly alienated from ourselves and don’t even know it. Getting back in touch with yourself can do a lot to alleviate the loneliness, even if you still feel like other people don’t “get you“
I have rarely heard a more empathetic and articulate analysis of how learning can put distance between one and their family and peers. Thank goodness we can now find interesting and like-minded people via the internet and are no longer limited to those who happen to live nearby. Thank you for a thoughtful message.
I’m so glad I stumbled upon this video. What an insightful and intriguing person you are. You have left me with lots to think about!
I may not be Chinese, but I have a similar experience to you as a Romanian man. Growing up I always felt culturally distant from Romania because it had nothing interesting to offer, but there were so many interesting things in English.
Because of this as time moved on, in terms of entertainment and information I became culturally distant from Romania, feeling more and more alone and misunderstood. It was and still is hard for me to find a friend here.
Sorry to hear about your circumstances
@@iantunmer7987
Thank you.
mayhaps there are things that are very interesting in romania, it is just that you have stopped looking for it.
@@johnisaacfelipe6357
I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t think so. Romania’s current values and mines are too divergent to find any enjoyable middle ground.
@@andreimircea2254 what are you looking for anyways?
Great commentary ☝🏾 very insightful, very transparent - much appreciated 🙏🏾
"Learning English enabled me to discover philosophers who wrote in ancient Greek, French, and German." Fascinating!
Yeah, don’t the Chinese have these books in Chinese?
@@RedNeckRed647 I’ve read the “Little Red Book”.
Chinese? Books Burned during the Great Revolution, *TOFU* *Building* *DUH!*
Don't forget Latin!
@@RedNeckRed647 Remember that the Chinese languages are not Indo-European. This is important -- it's easier to translate something from Ancient Greek into German, or from French into English, than into Chinese. It's also much easier to understand!
Reading can be challenging as it is (depending on the text) so ideally you want to do it in a language that's close to the one it was originally written in. Reading Tolstoy's *War and Peace* can be an arduous task, but I'm willing to bet it's easier in German or Polish (if one knows either or both languages) than in Arabic or Urdu.
You make so much sense and I wish you all the best. You will not always be lonely. I think that if more people held your values true the world would be a better place.
It's been my experience that the more someone learns, the deeper the understanding of life and the human
condition, the more it separates that person from ordinary people. That's the price we all pay, those of
us who seek knowledge and experience.
Additionally, it seems the more I learn, I find there is so much more to learn. That has been daunting.
maybe think of it this way, the more you learn about others, the less you learn about yourself and those around you. Better to be local than to be worldly.
@@johnisaacfelipe6357
It's important though to indulge one's wanderlust early so that one gains a framework to build upon and fill with more knowledge and experiences. Being multicultural and multilingual can be advantageous because one can see how petty and sometimes hilarious some differences between cultures are. I laugh about these sometimes, *depending upon my companions* , of course. I 'code-switch'. 😂
Is it the right thing to rip several teabags in a row, dump their contents into teacups with lukewarm hot water in them, and ask for a spoon with which to sink the floating tea leaves ?
My brother laughed when I told him that. We had shared multicultural experiences so we understood what was happening but I didn't laugh at all when my mother was doing it on the airplane.
@@solconcordia4315 I don't think its worth it, I have lived the life of a worldly person but the world is not outside of your home, your home is your world. the more you detach yourself from who you are , the less life becomes real, the tragedy of a small community is harsher but also of its triumphs and glories are greater because it is closer to you.
If I would look back, the greatest peace and time I had experience was living in a small village, amongst my own people, working some job that required my own hands to move.
You put something into words that I feel deeply and constantly. The bittersweet trade of how growth and connection accidentally results in an inability to be held any longer in one explainable jar, with your heart in separate places.
Not knowing Mandarin and traditional Chinese characters has incredibly harmed my marriage; to include my two step-children.
Yes, I'm still trying to learn out of respect to my wife and our children.
Certainly a great closing speech. I can empathise with your situation, I often feel my understanding of both worlds gives me insight into both but like you I feel lonely and not understood by many including some of my closest friends.
This was one of the most beautiful videos I’ve ever watched ❤ thank you for sharing
Thank you for your eloquence and honesty. You are inspiring.
You're a wonderful, well read woman. Thank you for sharing your insights.
Very cool. I am very glad I found your channel. Keep sharing your thinking please.
Lovely video Siming - thanks for sharing! It makes me think of a famous Sufi story "When the waters were turned".
You go, girl! You have my complete admiration and respect. From a very old western man.
That does sound rough. Growth is definitely bitter sweet. I've learned so much in my own life and, like you, there is sadness of the loss of naivety but there is a great joy in it as well. I wouldn't want to give up my growth in spite of the pain and sadness because I would be giving up my peach of mind and joy as well.
It's nice that you are using TH-cam as a means to connect... very rare approach. I felt your sincerity.. good luck to you.