"Did you parents make your mom pregnant, or did you just decide to climb up there and hang out?" Best way to show people blaming the baby how stupid their points of view are.
Blaming someone for what happened to their mother before they were even born is psychotic. I can’t believe the whole family is in on this. How ignorant can people be?
@@erikaallard3820 that's what I was thinking. Whatever health issues OP's mother had gradually gotten worse each pregnancy. The last one was her body saying nope.
@@kdt314 Like she already has 3 kid that can't do anything for themselves so it likely she was up and down a lot. The ah are the parents they should have shut the stupid kids down for this.
And what was with that you should have said something when I told you off. Like what? Op wants to be a good host not a attention seeking witch like her.
"My sister who's getting married said that she wants the most important people at her wedding party and she doesn't consider me one of them for that exact reason and that's why I am not a bridesmaid." Sounds like a good reason to never speak to her again. And anyone who takes her side. You can't help the circumstances and side effect your mother has from being born. But you do have the ability to not suffer assholes. Let them answer awkward questions at the wedding and then set the record straight.
If they are stupid enough to text their crap to OP, she needs to save it then go to the wedding and show the text(s) to anyone that asks why she's not a bridesmaid. Dollars to donuts that if the bride is asked, she will claim that OP was asked but declined. There's no way she'll tell the general public the truth. Out all of the sisters for their crap. Yes, I'm that petty.
@@RudesMom I would skip the wedding but post the texts on social media. Then go NC with sisters and LC with parents. The mom had to have said something. Kids don’t just instigate blaming the baby for the mom getting sick. That’s got to be instigated by the parents.
@@BusArch42 Or other family members. Little pitchers have big ears and adults sometimes forget kids are listening. Still, I can't believe that the parents were truly so clueless about what was going on. Still, I wouldn't recommend launching the first social media missile. That will just make OP look bitter and petty. No problem with her returning fire after one of the sisters starts on social media. That's why I think she should go and then when she's asked (and someone will ask), she can just tell the truth.
I'm sure the bride will lie about the reason OP isn't there. She should conveniently "be out of town" & only answer accusations verbally in person or on the phone. With any text/recorded proof. HOW Ever did the sisters not grow out of a 5year olds reasoning ability?🙄 I mean even if they over heard adults talk, at some point growing up they should have realized it's Not the fault of the Baby!
First story: OP is NTA! How sad to have your family treat you this way. OP didn't ask to be here and is now being blamed for their mom's health issues. How dense is this family?
Mom choose to have OP. OP wasn't her 1st child but one of several. It's unfortunate that she got long term health issues from her final pregnancy but she's the one who decided to have OP. A wedding invitation isn't a summons and if there's fallout on the bride and other sisters for OP not going that's on them. Maybe when these sisters start having their own kids they will realize the sacrifices some women make for their kids and also how sometimes crap happens that's totally unexpected. I have a friend who with her 1st child she was perfectly healthy the entire pregnancy but she had a stroke while giving birth and spent 2 weeks in the ICU afterwards. She had to do rehab for weeks to learn how to walk again.
dense enough to not realize people would be asking questions as to why OP wasn't IN the wedding party if she did go to the wedding. Seems they may share a partial brain between all of them,
@@kdcats4092 Came here to mention the exact same thing 😂😂😂 Also I feel the Mother is to blame for her daughters treating her youngest like crap. While I realize that according to the post the Mother's health issues came to light during her pregnancy, I have to wonder if they were really because of her pregnancy or were only caught because she started seeing a doctor because she was pregnant? Meaning if Mother never got pregnant with OP would she still have ended up with these health issues? Either way Mother should have presented it as such to her family, and so thanked her lucky stars that due to her pregnancy they were caught in enough time to be treated. This way no one would have resented OP. If OP goes to wedding, I would let everyone who asks why she wasn't in the wedding know the truth in loud stage whisper 😉 But I wouldn't fault OP if she chooses not to attend. She should let sisters know that bride was the selfish one for excluding her from wedding party for something so petty and that OP had no control of. That only self centered people would blame a fetus for any illnesses that it's host mother incurs during pregnancy and hold it against that child forever. Then wonder why after decades of petty neglect/abuse that child after finding out the reason, decides to have nothing to do with them these same self centered people have the audacity to again try to pin the blame on that child. (Insert major eye roll here 😂)
Second story - Imagine being so entitled/narcissistic that you insult someone and then blame that same person for not stopping you from saying something insulting. OP, cut this person off. Something is very wrong with her.
Ikr! OP owed them no explanation about their life or past. They put their foot in their mouth by making assumptions, live with the consequences of your folly and don’t be so rude next time. It’s not up to OP to alleviate their shame.
Camilla reminds me of an old college classmate, who was one of those obnoxious-pretentious-"eat the rich/occupy Wall Street"- self proclaimed 'social activist'. People didn't like her, but they tolerated her if she came around. Well, one day, she stuck her foot in her mouth, when she insulted a very nice girl. It was kind of in the way Camilla insulted OP. The girl did come from money. But it was settlement money from a medical malpractice suit that her father filed. Due to a hospital staff's neglience, her mom and unborn brother had died.
Story 1: I'm super irritated with OP's sisters, and I don't blame OP one bit for skipping the wedding altogether. I wouldn't feel comfortable being somewhere where I'm not wanted. Her sisters are true AHs if they think OP is going to suck it up and attend the wedding as a guest and be asked all day by various people how come she's not a bridesmaid or just give her pity looks. If anything, that will cause more tension and drama at the wedding than simply not showing up. NTA of course and I hope OP has some awesome friends to have a blast with on dooms day. SMH
I hope she remembers this and never again does anything for her sisters again. She also should avoid unnecessary contact with them. Once her parents pass she should go NC.
@@Grouchbox I agree. If they can never love her like a sibling then I don't see the point in continuing contact with them. The only one I'll likely keep in contact with is the brother
@@goawayleavemealone2880 I know right? I find it weird that the sidters have these thoughts. I'm wondering how did they even find out or made the connection between OPs birth and their mom's health considering they were all young children when OP was born. 🤔 I agree with one of the commenter that the parents probably made "joking" remarks or comments about it and the sisters basically ran with it
Rude date story: as a woman I ALWAYS carry money for emergencies, no matter if you take turns to pay, the other person can loss the wallet or forget the card or something.
@@MsSamiam2 - The spoiled entitled kind, the way she treated that waitress makes it clear that she's spoiled and entitled. OP is doing some Matrix level bullet dodging.
Doesn’t matter if she had the money or not. Op was responsible for paying the bill. He choose to take that responsibility on beforehand so it was his obligation. If they hadn’t talked about who was paying beforehand then ya she would be the ahole for assuming he would pay. Op walked out on half HIS bill because he agreed to be responsible for the WHOLE bill when they ordered.
I was thinking exactly the same thing, I ALWAYS carry money for emergencies. What if your date was an awful person and had started trying to touch you, for example, or making creepy suggestive comments? I would most definitely want a way to get away from the situation and not rely on them taking me home. The rude date is absolutely TA for all these reasons.
@@tracim3080 I completely agree. He should have "bucked" up, paid, drove her home (in silence) and never spoke to her again. But just leaving her like that makes him look just as bad as her
The Date Story: Since when in this day and age do women go on a date without having to pay for their dinner or having money to take an Uber or taxi home if needed if the date went bad?
Since when do people go places without having money in case of an emergency not even on a date just life is being cruel and shitty. Op wasn't the ass that date was and so are those last 2 commenters.
Seriously!!! Is he dating an 8 year old? What grown woman goes on a date with no payment options? He is not responsible for a grown ass woman! He left her sober and safe, in a well lit, well populated area. He owes her nothing more.
My mom said that my grandma called it get vexed money and to all ways have it even if you're going out with friends because you never know. Edit was talking to my mom about this story and she said it was a guy who gave her this advice. My father to be exact.
@@melodiebroderick6767 And today nearly everyone has a smart phone, you can use Apple or Google wallet, your banks cash app, and Uber or Lyft to get around.
The whole point of equality is giving women THE CHOICE of what they want to do with their life. It's not that they can never be housewives. It's that if they don't want to be housewives, they have that option which they didn't have before.
I remember I told my mom i wanted to be a housewife . She looked at me like i grew 56 heads and laid an egg. In her opinion, a strong woman is a working woman and not one who'd get used by her husband as a trophy wife. I told her to me it sounds like a dream. No bosses, no schedules, no hectic day at work. Just a bit of cleaning, cooking and looking after a kid. Going to do groceries and meeting with friends afterwards for coffee. Sounds amazing! Well, maybe it's because i can't physically work but my mom doesn't really understand it. She knows i can't work yet thinks I've gone coocoos for wanting to be a housewife.
My sister was dying to be a SAHM. She lasted ONE year. Kids don’t raise themselves, there is no recognition of a good job, the hours suck and it can be lonely. It is a woman and paetner’s choice how they want to divide familial responsibilities. We should support women, no matter their choices. I know a SAHD, he loves it. His wife loves it. To each his own.
the people who criticize women who actually want to be a more traditional housewife when its their own choice are just as awful as those who unironically say womens place is in the kitchen. its all about letting people make their own choices.
Yeah it's not ok to dictate what they are allowed and supposed to do but dictating they are not allowed to want that for themselves is just the same thing
@@BrokenDiety1 I am an introvert with a bit social anxiety and dislike of huge crowd. I can, if needed, getting a job and support myself, but I am very much prefer being a homemaker. If I got married, I want to quit my job and being a full time stay at home wife/mother. It´s a job that will make me happy. As for the slave comment, what make you think I will ever accept someone who can´t understand that being ahomemaker is as much a job as go out and receive your paycheck from someone else?
To the dad who let's his daughter "be" whatever she wants. At 3 my daughter wanted to be a princess, a cheerleader and a mommy. It made me cringe but I told her she could be whatever she wanted. At 16, she wanted to be the manager of a movie theater. She's none of those...my job and yours is to encourage our kids to find their way.
Exactly! I would think having OP there and NOT being a bridesmaid would create more questions and tension at the wedding than simply not showing up. If anything, people would probably assume OP is ill or have a work conflict or something
For the commenter that said ESH about the date not paying let's put it another way. If you're at work, scheduled to work a full day and you see your boss doing something so reprehensible you decide to quit on the spot, are you obligated to finish working the rest of the day? No. The date and the relationship ended on the spot. He's no longer required to pay anything to someone he doesn't want any relationship with. It's irresponsible to leave the house without the means to pay for anything. It's so entitled.
If the date had seen the OP do something despicable and had stormed out, that would have been different, because it was not her turn to pay. But the OP had agreed to pay for his date. He broke his word. If a worker quits because he sees his boss do something bad and storms off, the worker does not expect to be paid. But if the boss sees the worker do something bad, and storms off without a word, yes, he would be expected to pay. OP as the one whose turn it was to pay is the boss, not the worker. He stormed off without a word, so he broke his word. He should have paid. Yes, the date was a major AH, but so was OP.
@@beegee1960 are you serious? That twisted analogy does not work. It's not a formal contract. It doesn't matter who agreed to pay. If you do something terrible, don't expect people to stick around. You're not entitled to a meal. Also, don't leave the house with no means of taking care of yourself.
@@beegee1960 He agreed to pay for a date... the date was over and she was no longer a date... so no, he had no obligation at that point. If you act like an ass on a date, then you should be prepared to pay for it. Also who has NO MONEY what-so-ever and no way home? Like... who does that?
@@beegee1960Your reply and everyone who called him the idiot would have all said "You go girl" if the genders were reversed. Don't deny it. I've seen it, and I'm fairly sure based on your writing style you were one of the ones I've seen exhibiting such double standards.
The father is doing just fine. I'm really getting sick of people that clear have no interactions with children in anyway telling the rest of us how to parent
I Agree with the comment about OP being the AH. He should have just said "Thank U for your opinion that I didn't ask for" & shut the door in their faces! They only have an opinion Because they Only saw One of her "jobs"! If they keep an eye on her (so they can call CPS if it continues) they'll see that her "job" changes often. They probably don't have children to compare her to! OP is doing a Great Job! He shouldn't listen to people who have Half of the story!
1st Story - OP’s parents really should have stepped in a LONG time ago to get their kids the counseling for their misplaced anger about their mother’s health. I get how when kids are young they can misplace negative feelings, but it absolutely should not have been allowed to fester all this time. Op is NTA, the sisters need to get help now as adults because they’re absolutely being ridiculous.
My mom's health depleted from her last pregnancy. My brother and I adore our baby sister and we even helped our parents take care of her. I feel so bad for op, she deserves better.
Something tells me OP's sisters are going to find that over the years their friends start to distance themselves from them due to just how amazingly stupid they are. Especially when those friends realize OP is despised for being born and her sister is stupid enough to blame a fetus for that. Either that or they picked the dumbest people they could find to be their friends.
@@piratekit3941 Considering they even have friends as is, and the one getting married has over 10 bridesmaids, I feel like they probably never discuss this (maybe even to the point of pretending they don’t have a younger sister) or they did indeed get friends just as f’d up who think that their behavior is rational and okay.
"How dare you not share your trauma so I can make sure to only make fun of people who I think haven't been through enough >:( " Haha. What a garbage human being xD
Date story: For any younger people/people who've never gone on a date before reading comments right now, always bring backup money when you go out just in case. Or a way to pay from your phone like Apple Pay. Anything could happen at any time, and you don't want to be stranded somewhere without money. Also, if you're going on a date with someone you're just starting to see and you don't know them super well, always drive yourself to the dates if you have a car. If you don't, take a cab there and back. It might not be good for the carbon emissions, but better that than risking that they're not a good person and you end up missing or dead.
Agreed. It pisses me off when these jerks cry about being abandoned and stranded, when they’re in the middle of a busy city filled with their friends and family, and Uber, Lyft, taxis and public transportation exists.
@@lamwen03 I get that and I don't disagree with what OP did, but my point was more so about how idiotic it is for OP's date to not bring any money/an escape plan to a date, especially as a woman. Like if I'd been OP's date, I wouldn't have let him drive me there, I would have brought a card or Apple Pay just in case his card declines for some reason at best or he decides not to pay for some reason at worst or something else happens where I need money. Like I said, anything can happen. It's just basic life advice for people who haven't dated much before or thought about that sort of thing.
Story 1: NTA if i was your mother and i found out that my daughters think like this about their sister, i wouldn't go to the wedding or at least i would tell the girls how stupid their logic is. OP if someone ask, tell them the truth "i'm not there because my sister hates me for being born" simple as that, let other people tell them how stupid and cruel they are.
"So it's ok to be stupid to someone acting stupid?" Yes, absolutely. I hold no sympathy for that girl. She was sucky to the waitstaff and showed her true colors. Also it may be OP's turn to pay but who leaves for a date without their wallet/purse. There have been times i knew for a fact I wasn't paying for the date, but I still took my wallet anyways in case something happened.
The story with the kid in the yellow vest, wanting to be paid after "watching"... That was pretty cute on its own, but hearing XO crack up while saying it made it so much extra awesome. 😊❤️
Story 1: NTA. OP should just cut all those people out of her life and move far away from them Its pretty obvious they will never see her as "family" and OP has zero obligations to pretend they are just to save face.
The snubbed sister just needs to simply say....”It doesn’t matter anymore”.....then walk away from anyone who asks why she didn’t go to the wedding. That way no one can have any evidence against her over what she says. Let the Lord deal with it now.
Third story - OP is a great Dad. So many women love to attack single Dads. Next time, show the neighbors to the door. They are idiots and they spoke before they knew the entire situation.
Someone explain how op in the 3rd story (with the daughter wanting to be a house wife) is TA for having a conversation or letting someone talk? Some ppl just want to be difficult so that will say the dumbest mess and say ESH 🙄
Date story: there’s this thing called an Uber. You pay over an app. And who doesn’t keep at least one card on them, even if someone else is suppose to pay? Good on OP.
I always made sure I had money, even if I was invited out. What if he was the AH and I wanted to leave?! I also made sure someone would be available in case I needed to be rescued/picked up. Date was acting like a "Karen" and maybe OP should have paid for her dinner, dropped her off then told her not to expect any future dates but hindsight is 20/20. At the moment he was so disgusted by her behavior he just wanted to leave and have nothing further to do with that date. So that's what he did in that moment. Easy for everyone to say what he should have done, after the fact, when given time to think things through.
My niece wanted to be a Paw Patrol when she was 3. A week later, she wanted to be Elsa from Frozen. Point is, kids with imagination want to be many things as they grown up, including being a shark or a dump truck. Encouraging dreams and creativity is the best way to foster confidence and curiosity. Dad’s doing a great job.
Camilla should have kept her mouth shut. No matter how well you know someone don’t assume you know everything about them. Especially if it’s some deep dark trauma.
THERE US NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A HOUSEWIFE!!! I am so over people looking at being a housewife as demeaning and opressive. I was a housewife for many years, my children are grown now and I work a part time job to put towards whatever. My husband ALWAYS praised me for my role as a wife and mother because it enabled him to grow his business so he could support us and we wanted our kids to be able to not have to be shipped to and from daycares and babysitters. There is nothing wrong with being a housewife. It is a wonderful thing to do for your family.
A funny thing happened with my life. When I was younger, I loved babies, childcare, and novels and said I wanted to be a housewife who wrote novels in my spare time. But I had really excellent grades - college was a given - and was deterred from pursuing language arts due to academia's lack of respect for traditional values (I didn't want to have to read foul language or sex scenes and even in high school I had to persuade one teacher to let me read an alternate book). I also gained a passion for Latin America. So I gained a STEM degree, became fluent in Spanish, and did quite a bit of traveling. And now? Well, I met a guy, got married, and meant to go back into my career in his city. Due to health problems I've been practically forced into a housewife role and I'm so grateful I was! It took me a couple years to accept it, but now I find this kind of work so much more meaningful. Our first baby is on the way and I'm both terrified and excited! At this point, the only thing a job outside the home would add to our lives is money.
This is going to sound weird, but bear with me: I'm an old role-player. I play tabletop role-playing games rather often, and have done so since 1990. In most of the groups I used to be in, you had the front line combatant who deals out and takes the brunt of damage, ranged people who act as combination support and combatants, and the healer who acts as group support to keep everyone alive. A SAHP is like the healer: they support the family and make certain they have whatever they need to stay healthy/alive, which allows everyone else to do what they need to do (front line/breadwinner can work and earn money for the family, ranged people/children can go to school and learn, etc.). It's a vital role within a family, and should *never* be dismissed or belittled. Hope I didn't roll a natural 1 on that analogy.
@@johnp.2267 excellent analogy. I’ve never understood the need to place things/activities above or below others. The nature of our society depends on people taking on a variety of roles but unfortunately sometimes the vital ones than maintain our standard of living get ignored or looked down upon. I’m always appreciative of the fact that we have regular garbage collectors and cleaners etc without whom life would become pretty awful pretty quickly. We all have varying aptitudes and talents thankfully or else who knows where we would be.
IM STANDING APPLAUDING YOU!!! I was a Housewife for 30 yrs! I volunteered at my child’s Schools, at Church and for the Navy! People who think we have no value make me sick.
No one is judging you for your decision to be a SAHM. We are standing up for the rest of us who are judged for having a career instead of children. Although OP is NTA, and the neighbors made the wrong assumption, the number of Reddit stories where wives, daughters, and daughters-in-law are being treated as lesser-than for wishing to remain child free (by choice or infertility) and having a lucrative career outnumber the criticism of SAHMs ten to one. So, considering that the Supreme Court has to the Country that we are no better than brood mares after 49 years of progress. And that women are still paid less than men at jobs where they are better and have seniority. I am sure you can understand that it isn't a judgement on your life choice, but the desire to prevent furthering the regression of women's rights in this Country.
I would tell everyone and their neighbors why my sisters hate me. Because my mom got sick while pregnant with me and she has problems still. That would show all how totally entitled, ignorant and nasty her sisters are for real. Let them deal with people telling them exactly how stupid they really are. Mom and Dad have big parts in this ignorance , as they did not put a stop to it almost 20 yrs ago and since then.
Oh geez, I wouldn’t go to that sisters wedding for anything. She can fudge right off. I would be totally no contact with any of those sisters. You are to blame for mothers illness? Ridiculous bs.
Op don't just skip the Wedding but skip the entire Family with the exemption of your Brother. Your Parents fed this crap from their comments over heard by your Sisters when young. They didn't do anything to nip it in the bud when you were growing up. You became the scapegoat for everyone. These are just blood relatives, they aren't your family. Go find family and build strong friendships away from these toxic people. Make your dreams come true and live a happy life away from these horrid monsters.
The 'your daughter decided to be a housewife, neighbors think your wrong' - You know what I pretend and thought I wanted? Playing a single mother getting away from a deadbeat ex-husband while finding new love with my baby doll, And *I was seven* Kids are having ideas and see how they can do it, *in a child-like* way of thinking. Now I'm a adult and child-free now.
That second story it hits hard. I'm a very extrovert, bubblely outgoing person and that makes people think I never suffered hardships in life. It's just my way to cope. Not everyone one a meet needs to know the shit I went through bc that's just depressing and I don't want or need people's pity.
I’ve been through a lot of trauma and am considered high risk with my depression, but I still smile a lot and seem happy. You don’t have to be constantly wearing a frown to be upset or traumatised by something. People are so ignorant.
Wait? It took OPS parents 19 years to find out why she was treated like crap by her siblings? And did nothing to address them? I'm suspecting OP was treated a lot worse than she let's on and Parents brushed it under carpet as "but they still love you, because "family". Story 2- just as well OP didn't share her trauma with camilla. Camilla sounds like she would have weaponised that information at some point to make a dig at OP.
Story 1: It wouldn't surprise me if they saw or knew if not contributed but only pushed the issue now because op not being a bridesmaid ruined the illusion that they are a happy family.
Story One: The questions will STILL be there when they see that OP isn't in the wedding party like the REST OF HER SISTERS. The Idea that OP skipping the day altogether SHOULD be seen as a blessing, because as previously mentioned the question of "Why aren't you in the wedding party?" would still be asked & if OP was there they might answer honestly "My sister blames me for the health issues my Mom developed during my birth/ her pregnancy so she's always kind of hated me. If Sis didn't want questions she'd have put her in a bridesmaid dress & played happy family too, now she can make up a fictional last minute emergency for OP to be stranded at. Story Two: How could ANYTHING OP have said made Camilla NOT look terrible? If OP had told the truth Camilla would have looked like an ass for making fun of a girl with an abusive Dad, etc. so what was OP supposed to say? "You're right, I'm a spoiled brat & should kill myself." is THAT what Camilla wanted to hear?
I wonder if they promised the family that op volunteered to keep the younger kids busy a the wedding, if she used her as a last-minute errand boy then I can see them tell people that they can leave the kids with her if they want a break
Story 3: NTA. OP, your doing great. Your Daughter is exploring all her different options for life and by this rate it will change in no time. Someone else is criticizing your parenting style? Welcome to parenthood!
OP is NTA. I think it's great that OP allows his daughter to explore all kinds of avenues. Her imagination is wonderful. OP is allowing her to express herself and teaching her that she is capable of doing anything she wants to do. OP should have told his neighbors to mind their own business. That today she is a housewife, last week she was a doctor, next week she'll probably be a trash collector.... that he'll support her now and in the future because he is a great parent.
And let's be honest, most of us are now a completely different thing than we wanted to be as a child. Once upon a time I wanted to be: a paleothologist, a archiologist, a pilot, a soldier, a military chopper pilot, a marine and a teacher. I am a certified woodworker now.
Dad/neighbor story, You need to tell your neighbors to mind their own business. Your daughter is 5 NOT 15. Please, like some of the commenters said, she's going to change her mind 100s of times before she's 18. Keep encouraging her. Please don't sweat what your neighbor told you. You are doing an amazing job.
The date one, I see what they mean about him being an idiot but I’d want to do the same in that position, don’t know if I would! In my experience the only way TA learns it to be TA to them and embarrass them. Paying for the meal and cab home in my opinion actually gives them the sense they were correct to do or say what they did even if you tell them! I’d call it the Arsehole Tax!
Plus I wonder if it was the other way around and the Op was female would they be saying the same thing? I heard a similar story about a year ago where the Ops date was saying stuff to the waitress and she left him there not one commenter said she should have paid for him and helped him get home( they took an Uber there because they planned to go to the bar after). Also who goes to a restaurant or anywhere without an money just in case?
I don’t necessarily disagree, but even if OP is a justified AH he still is one and my verdict is ESH. For NTA, he should have ensured she has the means to pay the bill and return home safely - even if she doesn’t deserve it.
The neighbours who were lecturing OP that he isn't bringing up his daughter properly are idiots. OP is doing exactly the right thing by allowing his daughter to try out different ideas. while she is so young OP should ignore the neighbours.
"Everyone seems to think it's okay to be an idiot to an idiot"...... umm, yea. That's exactly what everyone is saying. Lol Don't treat people like garbage and then be *shocked puccachu face* when they treat you the same way back. 🤣
If that's a true story ops siblings are psychos and the parents are awful for going along with crazy... Like do ops sisters hate dad too, isn't he more responsible for the pregnancy that made mom get sick?!
I am so laughing my ass off, "Stop being so insecure in your role as a parent!" Is taking me 10 minutes to try to write this because I'm still laughing. But I think you should look into that. Tell those people to kick rocks anyway, the ones who spent an hour trying to dictate how you should raise your child! Still LOL And may your daughter think of a thousand and One things that she wants to be when she grows up. Y'all have a great day!
OP in the first story, your situation is the exact same as mine. Not only did my mom's pregnancy with me ruin my mom's body, but it killed her as well. It has been decades ago, in the early 70's, but my siblings are just starting to try to put the past behind them, have decided to forgive me, and are finally trying to develop relationships with me. It's the funniest, stupidest thing in my life!! And, because I'm not on board with this stupid plan, they are trying to guilt me into it my spreading it around in the family that I hate them. I tell them that I, in fact, don't hate them, tell them that it is wrong for them to decide how I feel without asking me, and for those who do ask, they call me a liar and tell me that they need proof that I don't, and the only proof they are willing to accept is me developing the relationships with them and act like they feel a sister should act. I tell them that they accept my word for how I feel, or not, at this point in time, how they feel doesn't matter in the least. I had to forgive them decades ago without any acts of penance on their part for my own peace of mind, and, when I laid that huge burden down, I was much happier for it. I can truly say that I am at peace about it. I can truly say that space between you and your siblings doesn't matter, but you need to deal with the feelings or it can be a serious downturn in your life, and it can't depend on anything they do or do not do, because the only thing that want is for you to jump through hoops for their love/notice. And, in the end, if they survive, and, if they approach you for reconciliation, they will only be old folk trying to get into heaven.
S1: NTA. If siblings don’t think you’re important enough to share the special day, then I don’t get why they’d care if you show up. Parents suck for allowing this. I’d skip the wedding, go on vacation somewhere, and screw what your siblings think. They don’t care about your feelings, so don’t care about theirs.
I can understand s1 op my brothers hate me for being born with birth defects which made it so for the first few years I got the majority of the attention they think I don't know because they try hard to not show me but I've overheard them
Story 4, I don't get why some women go on dates without any money. What if your date is a creep & you don't even have money for a cab ride home? Op is NTA, I would have done the same thing. But I would have probably told her I was leaving, but I wouldn't pay for the date she ruined by being rude.
If their reasons for hating their sister are so good, then they shouldn't have any problem explaining them at the wedding when anyone wonders why OP isn't there
2. NTI. Camela made herself look like an idiot. No one is under any obligation to tell people their life story and struggles. Almost everyone has some type of struggles, it is a rare human that does not. So it is immediately rude to assume people have had easy lives. I despise people that gate keep "tough times".
NTA. Why isn't Camilla mad at Nate for not speaking up at the party instead of waiting to tell her later?! There by giving her the chance to apologize to OP. 😂😂😂 She should have just called to apologize, not chastise OP.
Lmao, the sisters in story 1 know they’re unreasonable and are about to be called out on it by the guests 😂😂😂 they created this mess, now they have to deal with it
The commentor who said the guy was required to pay for his date's food, even though she was a total witch and deserved to be broken up with is way more of an AH than OP in the story. The guy agreed to pay for food while they were dating. At that point, thet were no longer dating because the girl showed her colors and what a flaming red flad she is all around, so he got the hell out of dodge. Good for him! She deserved to be dumped on the spot and OP isn't required to pay.
The daughter should have been an actress when she grows up. She wanted to portray every job presented to her. An impressionable kid, easy to hypnotize.
What’s wrong with being a homemaker? I’ve been a homemaker and main income earner at different times in my life. Neither are better than the other imp. It still has the same effect… I am tired asf by the end of the day, sleep and next day I do it all over again.
With the third story you're not in the wrong here you're encouraging her to be who she wants to be and you're letting her imagine and think she is that because she's a kid. I think your neighbors are the type of people that believe in women's empowerment to the toxic time. And I think you need to put them in check and say this behavior will not continue any longer and if it does continue I will report you for stalking
Final story amused me from the standpoint that OP needs to learn how to sound as ill as they really are on the phone. I learned that tactic when I was about 12. I also learned about karma by the time I was in my 20s. If I called in sick, but wasn't, amazingly, I'd get sick for real the next day. One day I called in with a flat tire, the very next day I had a flat for real! So I never tempt the universe anymore. Lol
Oops. OP does not have to attend your sister’s wedding to save her face. The complete foolishness of your sisters is beyond absurd. Let them enjoy their lives. Find somewhere else to be. If asked why tell everyone the truth. They hate you because your parents decided have you and your mom had complications. Let them be judged like they judged you
For the sister who’s been left out. When someone asks about why she’s not part of the wedding. My sisters think they are part of the Lannister Clan. Just like Circe hated Tyrion for making their mother sick. My sisters think I made my mother sick when I was born. From now on you should call your sister the Lannister Girls. Buy them the Game of Thrones merchandise
12 Bridesmaids one sister left out. Oh, good grief. Don't go, you won't be able to play nice the longer it drags on. Let them all field the questions why you aren't there, and that would be your only win: She cast you aside, and then her entire wedding becomes about you; and you aren't even there. You have my lamentations: you are out numbered and you are the baby. If you bow out of their lives, they win. You give them exactly what they want. You can't say anthing, or it makes you look petty and bitter. You can't really cut them out, because they've already done that to you. You can't expect your parents to cut them off, because they've done nothing to your parents, and they are grown women, so your parents have no control over them. I am surrounded by hateful, manipulative people, and I cannot find anyway for you to improve your life in that house. So, don't go to that house. My best suggestion, contact a favorite Aunt or Uncle or maybe the family of a close friend; ask if you can be a surrogate daughter for holidays. Your siblings hate you; your parents aren't getting involved and you would rather spend time with folks who don't wish you dead. No, you don't need them to fight your battles with your family. Your sisters have circled the wagons and nothing anyone attempts will change the situation, because EVERY ONE OF YOUR SISTERS HATES YOU. So, it would be helpful to have at least one family who appreciates that I'm human. For Mothers/Fathers Day, Birthdays- go earlier and give them your gift. You have other important dutes on the actual days. When your parents call to invite you for the year end Holidays: I already made other plans. You won't be with your family at the holidays? Correction, mom, I won't ruin my holidays allowing my sisters to treat me like a whipping boy. It's not your fault mom, but I won't do that anymore. It's your house, and you have many kids, so maybe you'll have a much better holidays without me there antagonizing my sisters. It's okay mom, I've accepted the truth, and I'll be spending the holidays with people who enjoy my company. After one holiday with you not there, I'd wager your brother joins you at an Aunt or Uncles house. After an entire year, without you and your brother, THAT might wake your parents up to find a better solution...maybe splitting holidays. The one thing you can not do, under no uncertain terms: you must not dictate to the family what you want. You cannot tell your parents what to do. You are the baby, you are out numbered, and you are BETTER SERVED IF YOU BACK AWAY, AND LET YOUR SISTERS AND PARENTS FIGHT IT OUT. You have to give your parents time to see their kids without the Rose Colored Glasses. They have several girls who are so filled with hate, they are hurting your parent's youngest child. Until they see THAT all on their own, you don't have a leg to stand on in that house. When you are surrounded by hateful people, you must learn to NOT waste time on them; give everything you have to those people who respect and value you.
I know all too well the hurt the first OP feels because I know it firsthand. My mom had a tumor that I hid while she was pregnant with me that almost took her life because it ruptured during my birth and caused her to have a hysterectomy, blood transfusion and spending the first 2 years of my life in and out of the hospital. It's been made abundantly clear how much some feel I intentionally messed my mom up and I've been made to feel like I was a burden and I owe my mom my entire existence even though I didn't ask to exist, I didn't choose any of it. Do you know what kind of damage this does? You feel like nothing more than a burden and so much guilt that should have never been yours in the first place. It's painful honestly.
It sounds like you know it isn't true, I know it won't be easy but true not to let the idiots get to you. Don't let them do more damage than they already have.
The sisters don’t want people asking questions cause they know 100% that people will call them AH for the real reasonings. They know it’s wrong and continue to do it. It’s so crazy how anyone thinks it is okay to blame a child for being born when they didn’t choose to be born. For whatever reasons, mother died in childbirth or in this case the birth wrecked her body. The fact that parents didn’t automatically tell the sisters off for this means they either knew the reasons from before and were hoping for a different answer or feel the same way but don’t want to say it out loud.
I hate when people say "You don't sound sick". You can't always hear/see an illness. Just because you're having a good health day, does that mean you don't have cancer anymore? Does a fever come with alarm bells that sound off as soon as it spikes? Really, the only illness you're going to hear with absolute certainty is a sore throat, if that. I also hate when people say "You were fine yesterday". Okay? That was yesterday. This is today. Getting sick doesn't come with a schedule that caters to your or anyone else's needs.
Her not being a Bridesmaid will cause MORE questions than her not being there. NTA. (ETA) The one who should have given "Camilla" a heads up wasn't OP it was "Nate's" responsibility. NTA. Story # 3: NTA. The one comment on her being young and will change her mind multiple times until she grows up. The way that a man learns how to parent his children is from his father. We don't have enough info about his background, so the ESH comment is way out of line.
3rd story. I'm more worried that he stayed an hour listening to them rant. He needed to slam that door in their face. Hopefully, next time because there will be a next time.
Rude date story: NTA god have mercy in their future boyfriends indeed OP and YES is okay to be an idiot to an idiot, if you are being an horrible person don't be surprised when people are horrible to you, those "hollier than you" ESH coments are so stupid, is not like he left her alone in the middle of nowhere, he left her at the place they were eating.
Everyone has to have housekeeping skills. Everyone male or female. Everyone needs to learn to sweep the floor and mop, do the dishes vacuum and do the laundry. These are skills every adult needs. My mother paid neighbors to teach me little skills my mother didn’t have. Like sewing and embroidery and canning. All of which I used while working nontraditional female jobs, like road construction. Ignore the neighbor
Story 1: the bridal party would probably have enough questions for why OP wasn't included but I'm sure the bride has a cover story for that. However OP not going at all would probably be harder for her to cover up and honestly? She'd deserve every bit of criticism for that. Only one who gets a pass, to an extent, is the brother who doesn't blame the OP for being born.
First story - If OP goes to that wedding, she have no respect for herself. This abuse is unacceptable. The mom CHOSE to have unprotected sex and have a child. Don't get me wrong, it's not the moms fault either. Sometimes life is just unfair (why do some people get cancer and others don't) but if anyone is going to place false blame on this situation, it should be the mom blaming herself!! The parents should have spoken up. I would be ashamed of my child if they acted like this. OP deserves better.
Story 1 OP's siblings are crackpots and OP needs to not attend the wedding as she might pick up this rare crackpot disease from them. Avoid contagion at all cost by staying as far away as possible from your siblings. Their sickness will cause you distress, sorrow, depression, and loss of happiness. Move away from them and go no contact.
She went on a date with no money? I don't care if it's an all expenses paid vacation with spending money, I'm still bringing money just in case something goes wrong.
Rude Dinner Date Story: NTA. The people calling him out for leaving her there are disingenuous at best. If the genders had been reversed, the sisterhood would be hooting and hollering about how savage she was leaving her toxic male date there with surprised Pikachu face and giving a big black eye to the patriarchy. FOH with that.
100% agree with you! Actually, I remember a story where the OP was female and her male date was an obnoxious asshole, very rude to the servers. She pretty much had the same reaction and left him there after telling him off. Nothing but praise for her in the comments. Reddit is extremely biased against men most of the time.
Awesome dad story: WTF, what is with that ESH comment?! This is the most wholesome story I've seen in a while, it's so cute! Please, dad was probably stunned his neighbors would assume so much and since he's still young he can be influenced in his parenting style. He's trying his best, and he's doing great! Lord. Not. The. A-hole! At all. That bitty has the best dad :3
That dude who told Opie to grow a spine and not let the neighbors yell at him. I happen to know a few single fathers that didn't bow down to their neighbors and suddenly they had CPS called on them daily. People especially older people really seem to believe that men are incapable of raising a child alone. And yet those same people were telling him off for letting his daughter want to be a housewife. Hypocrisy thy name is old neighbor
Telling a person infront of people is just as awkward. I had a colleague who said I am too young to have really experienced anything. So I told him and the room got so silent and awkward and it was just awful. I don't make a habit telling colleagues what I've been through. It's personal shit for a reason. People should just accept if they are assholes and not blame other people. They shouldn't be friends. I would drop that one like a hot potato
I said right away, “Today she wants to be a housewive, tomorrow she’ll want to be an astronaut!” Lol. The next paragraph then said that very thing. 😁 The little five year old sound delightful! Her curiosity about things is a wonderful thing.
1st story- Even in 2022 with all the medical technology women still die in child birth and when women give birth it's the closest to dying you can get without actually dying.
1) NTA. Your siblings are. Having a baby is a blessing. It's not your your fault. Don't talk too your sisters unless they apologize and realize that having you was your mother choice.
Having a baby doesn’t change the mothers dna. What your mother is experiencing is what she already is experiencing. If you want to mess with your sisters remind them that your mothers conditions are genetic, which means they can have those same conditions as their mother. Congenital conditions are like that
Story 1: NTA, OP needs to cut out those toxic siblings, the brother who does not buy that crap is cool though, but the rest are all TA. I hop we can get an update to this story, I want to see what happens and if those siblings get called out for their crap.
good lord, my sister's pregnancy with her children were the hardest on her and not once did I blame her or the baby for her health problems as you can't help what genes do! I'm just thankful that the kids are well, my sister is still here, and we have a third baby on the way! we are doting on my sister extra as her last pregnancy caused her to be fully diabetic and her lil one is now 1 1/2 ish old, his like a jaguar and climbing on everything lol This family blaming there younger sister for something out of her control is just crap and the parents need to get there head out of there asses and demand fair treatment to the youngest as pregnancy is hard, you can't know what will happen to your body before/during/afterwards, and for the parents to go are just enabling this complacent behavior is horrible as the victim in all this is the youngest for being denied a loving family and that there anger is something they need to seek therapy for as shifting blame to her is not only unhealthy but there is no way the parents didn't see them treating her differently. I'm sorry, but I feel that op needs to sit her parents down and explain to them that not only is she hurt for how long she's had to endure her siblings emotional and mental abuse for so long that they too are betraying her by not standing with her in calling out her siblings for what they have done to her, what they are doing now to her publicly, and how they are completely in the wrong for ever blaming a completely innocent child for the health of the mother.
"Did you parents make your mom pregnant, or did you just decide to climb up there and hang out?" Best way to show people blaming the baby how stupid their points of view are.
@ShiningamiSparda I started cackling when I read that line 🤣😂🤣
That scene made me laugh so hard specially thinking about wife and our quadruplets lol.
That made me cackle.
That was brilliant!
@@threeducks157 congrats to you and your wife!
Blaming someone for what happened to their mother before they were even born is psychotic. I can’t believe the whole family is in on this. How ignorant can people be?
Sounds like the type who just wanted a reason to ignore OP
The mom prob got the health issues from ALL the pregnancies - parents issue not the child
@@erikaallard3820 that's what I was thinking. Whatever health issues OP's mother had gradually gotten worse each pregnancy. The last one was her body saying nope.
Why not blame the dad for impregnating their mum?
@@kdt314 Like she already has 3 kid that can't do anything for themselves so it likely she was up and down a lot. The ah are the parents they should have shut the stupid kids down for this.
Story 4: NTA. It’s a big red flag when someone is mean to waitstaff. I would have left without paying for her too.
I know right.
Me as well.
Must be nice to go out with zero money on u
Who the hell leaves their house without emergency cash? Or a card? What would they have done if he left his wallet at home or his card declined?
OP doesn't owe Camilla her life story. But even without OPs history, Camilla had no business saying that to op
Plus who talks like that to their host ?
And what was with that you should have said something when I told you off. Like what? Op wants to be a good host not a attention seeking witch like her.
"My sister who's getting married said that she wants the most important people at her wedding party and she doesn't consider me one of them for that exact reason and that's why I am not a bridesmaid." Sounds like a good reason to never speak to her again. And anyone who takes her side. You can't help the circumstances and side effect your mother has from being born. But you do have the ability to not suffer assholes. Let them answer awkward questions at the wedding and then set the record straight.
If they are stupid enough to text their crap to OP, she needs to save it then go to the wedding and show the text(s) to anyone that asks why she's not a bridesmaid. Dollars to donuts that if the bride is asked, she will claim that OP was asked but declined. There's no way she'll tell the general public the truth. Out all of the sisters for their crap. Yes, I'm that petty.
@@RudesMom I would skip the wedding but post the texts on social media. Then go NC with sisters and LC with parents. The mom had to have said something. Kids don’t just instigate blaming the baby for the mom getting sick. That’s got to be instigated by the parents.
@@BusArch42 Or other family members. Little pitchers have big ears and adults sometimes forget kids are listening. Still, I can't believe that the parents were truly so clueless about what was going on.
Still, I wouldn't recommend launching the first social media missile. That will just make OP look bitter and petty. No problem with her returning fire after one of the sisters starts on social media. That's why I think she should go and then when she's asked (and someone will ask), she can just tell the truth.
@@RudesMom good point. She should wait first as the comments will be inevitable
I'm sure the bride will lie about the reason OP isn't there. She should conveniently "be out of town" & only answer accusations verbally in person or on the phone. With any text/recorded proof. HOW Ever did the sisters not grow out of a 5year olds reasoning ability?🙄 I mean even if they over heard adults talk, at some point growing up they should have realized it's Not the fault of the Baby!
First story: OP is NTA! How sad to have your family treat you this way. OP didn't ask to be here and is now being blamed for their mom's health issues. How dense is this family?
Poor op it wasn't her fault that mom is going through health problems nor should you blame it on op ever.
Mom choose to have OP. OP wasn't her 1st child but one of several. It's unfortunate that she got long term health issues from her final pregnancy but she's the one who decided to have OP. A wedding invitation isn't a summons and if there's fallout on the bride and other sisters for OP not going that's on them. Maybe when these sisters start having their own kids they will realize the sacrifices some women make for their kids and also how sometimes crap happens that's totally unexpected. I have a friend who with her 1st child she was perfectly healthy the entire pregnancy but she had a stroke while giving birth and spent 2 weeks in the ICU afterwards. She had to do rehab for weeks to learn how to walk again.
dense enough to not realize people would be asking questions as to why OP wasn't IN the wedding party if she did go to the wedding. Seems they may share a partial brain between all of them,
@@kdcats4092 Came here to mention the exact same thing 😂😂😂 Also I feel the Mother is to blame for her daughters treating her youngest like crap. While I realize that according to the post the Mother's health issues came to light during her pregnancy, I have to wonder if they were really because of her pregnancy or were only caught because she started seeing a doctor because she was pregnant? Meaning if Mother never got pregnant with OP would she still have ended up with these health issues? Either way Mother should have presented it as such to her family, and so thanked her lucky stars that due to her pregnancy they were caught in enough time to be treated. This way no one would have resented OP.
If OP goes to wedding, I would let everyone who asks why she wasn't in the wedding know the truth in loud stage whisper 😉 But I wouldn't fault OP if she chooses not to attend. She should let sisters know that bride was the selfish one for excluding her from wedding party for something so petty and that OP had no control of. That only self centered people would blame a fetus for any illnesses that it's host mother incurs during pregnancy and hold it against that child forever. Then wonder why after decades of petty neglect/abuse that child after finding out the reason, decides to have nothing to do with them these same self centered people have the audacity to again try to pin the blame on that child. (Insert major eye roll here 😂)
Blame Op but not their father for impregnating her?
Second story - Imagine being so entitled/narcissistic that you insult someone and then blame that same person for not stopping you from saying something insulting. OP, cut this person off. Something is very wrong with her.
For real like is she out of her brain wtf?
Ikr! OP owed them no explanation about their life or past. They put their foot in their mouth by making assumptions, live with the consequences of your folly and don’t be so rude next time. It’s not up to OP to alleviate their shame.
With how this is hope the friend dumps her witch a** .
Camilla reminds me of an old college classmate, who was one of those obnoxious-pretentious-"eat the rich/occupy Wall Street"- self proclaimed 'social activist'. People didn't like her, but they tolerated her if she came around.
Well, one day, she stuck her foot in her mouth, when she insulted a very nice girl. It was kind of in the way Camilla insulted OP. The girl did come from money. But it was settlement money from a medical malpractice suit that her father filed. Due to a hospital staff's neglience, her mom and unborn brother had died.
@@rcorn79135 Op was the only female friend. She ' hasn't ' made friends before meeting the boyfriend.
Story 1: I'm super irritated with OP's sisters, and I don't blame OP one bit for skipping the wedding altogether. I wouldn't feel comfortable being somewhere where I'm not wanted. Her sisters are true AHs if they think OP is going to suck it up and attend the wedding as a guest and be asked all day by various people how come she's not a bridesmaid or just give her pity looks. If anything, that will cause more tension and drama at the wedding than simply not showing up. NTA of course and I hope OP has some awesome friends to have a blast with on dooms day. SMH
I hope she remembers this and never again does anything for her sisters again. She also should avoid unnecessary contact with them. Once her parents pass she should go NC.
Indeed... why is it that the brother is the only sane one?
@@Grouchbox I agree. If they can never love her like a sibling then I don't see the point in continuing contact with them. The only one I'll likely keep in contact with is the brother
@@goawayleavemealone2880 I know right? I find it weird that the sidters have these thoughts. I'm wondering how did they even find out or made the connection between OPs birth and their mom's health considering they were all young children when OP was born. 🤔 I agree with one of the commenter that the parents probably made "joking" remarks or comments about it and the sisters basically ran with it
I'm not terribly impressed with the parents either. Upon hearing that load of BS, mom and dad should have boycotted the wedding.
Rude date story: as a woman I ALWAYS carry money for emergencies, no matter if you take turns to pay, the other person can loss the wallet or forget the card or something.
Ok! I was thinking the same thing. What kind of ADULT goes on a date a brings no cash?
@@MsSamiam2 - The spoiled entitled kind, the way she treated that waitress makes it clear that she's spoiled and entitled. OP is doing some Matrix level bullet dodging.
Doesn’t matter if she had the money or not. Op was responsible for paying the bill. He choose to take that responsibility on beforehand so it was his obligation. If they hadn’t talked about who was paying beforehand then ya she would be the ahole for assuming he would pay.
Op walked out on half HIS bill because he agreed to be responsible for the WHOLE bill when they ordered.
I was thinking exactly the same thing, I ALWAYS carry money for emergencies. What if your date was an awful person and had started trying to touch you, for example, or making creepy suggestive comments? I would most definitely want a way to get away from the situation and not rely on them taking me home. The rude date is absolutely TA for all these reasons.
@@tracim3080 I completely agree. He should have "bucked" up, paid, drove her home (in silence) and never spoke to her again. But just leaving her like that makes him look just as bad as her
The Date Story: Since when in this day and age do women go on a date without having to pay for their dinner or having money to take an Uber or taxi home if needed if the date went bad?
Since when do people go places without having money in case of an emergency not even on a date just life is being cruel and shitty. Op wasn't the ass that date was and so are those last 2 commenters.
Seriously!!! Is he dating an 8 year old? What grown woman goes on a date with no payment options? He is not responsible for a grown ass woman! He left her sober and safe, in a well lit, well populated area. He owes her nothing more.
@@goddessmelanisia You my friend are completely right.
My mom said that my grandma called it get vexed money and to all ways have it even if you're going out with friends because you never know. Edit was talking to my mom about this story and she said it was a guy who gave her this advice. My father to be exact.
@@melodiebroderick6767 And today nearly everyone has a smart phone, you can use Apple or Google wallet, your banks cash app, and Uber or Lyft to get around.
The whole point of equality is giving women THE CHOICE of what they want to do with their life. It's not that they can never be housewives. It's that if they don't want to be housewives, they have that option which they didn't have before.
Exactly.
I remember I told my mom i wanted to be a housewife . She looked at me like i grew 56 heads and laid an egg. In her opinion, a strong woman is a working woman and not one who'd get used by her husband as a trophy wife. I told her to me it sounds like a dream. No bosses, no schedules, no hectic day at work. Just a bit of cleaning, cooking and looking after a kid. Going to do groceries and meeting with friends afterwards for coffee. Sounds amazing!
Well, maybe it's because i can't physically work but my mom doesn't really understand it. She knows i can't work yet thinks I've gone coocoos for wanting to be a housewife.
@@lenax9798 "A strong woman is a working woman" is why there are so many miserable shrews in the workplace.
@@black1917 now ask me how many @hole dudes I work with who just want to play video games all day long. Misery knows no gender.
My sister was dying to be a SAHM. She lasted ONE year. Kids don’t raise themselves, there is no recognition of a good job, the hours suck and it can be lonely. It is a woman and paetner’s choice how they want to divide familial responsibilities. We should support women, no matter their choices. I know a SAHD, he loves it. His wife loves it. To each his own.
the people who criticize women who actually want to be a more traditional housewife when its their own choice are just as awful as those who unironically say womens place is in the kitchen. its all about letting people make their own choices.
Yeah it's not ok to dictate what they are allowed and supposed to do but dictating they are not allowed to want that for themselves is just the same thing
It’s a odd choice soemthinf I couldn’t do. Cuz it dose have a lot of down maids. But like you said, everyone has there own choices and reasons.
So being dependent on a provider slave and being jobless is a good thing?
@@BrokenDiety1 I am an introvert with a bit social anxiety and dislike of huge crowd. I can, if needed, getting a job and support myself, but I am very much prefer being a homemaker.
If I got married, I want to quit my job and being a full time stay at home wife/mother. It´s a job that will make me happy.
As for the slave comment, what make you think I will ever accept someone who can´t understand that being ahomemaker is as much a job as go out and receive your paycheck from someone else?
It's great to be a homemaker...But remember...if divorce, death etc...have a back up plan😊
To the dad who let's his daughter "be" whatever she wants. At 3 my daughter wanted to be a princess, a cheerleader and a mommy. It made me cringe but I told her she could be whatever she wanted. At 16, she wanted to be the manager of a movie theater. She's none of those...my job and yours is to encourage our kids to find their way.
1st story: They're concerned about guest asking questions because they know the answer makes them look shitty.
Right. They know they’re wrong.
I agree...hope op stays away and goes nc with all the sisters!
I hope she goes no contact with the whole family as her parents have enabled this nonsense.
Exactly! I would think having OP there and NOT being a bridesmaid would create more questions and tension at the wedding than simply not showing up. If anything, people would probably assume OP is ill or have a work conflict or something
The same question and answer would happen whether OP was there or not.
For the commenter that said ESH about the date not paying let's put it another way. If you're at work, scheduled to work a full day and you see your boss doing something so reprehensible you decide to quit on the spot, are you obligated to finish working the rest of the day? No. The date and the relationship ended on the spot. He's no longer required to pay anything to someone he doesn't want any relationship with. It's irresponsible to leave the house without the means to pay for anything. It's so entitled.
If the date had seen the OP do something despicable and had stormed out, that would have been different, because it was not her turn to pay. But the OP had agreed to pay for his date. He broke his word. If a worker quits because he sees his boss do something bad and storms off, the worker does not expect to be paid. But if the boss sees the worker do something bad, and storms off without a word, yes, he would be expected to pay. OP as the one whose turn it was to pay is the boss, not the worker. He stormed off without a word, so he broke his word. He should have paid. Yes, the date was a major AH, but so was OP.
@@beegee1960 are you serious? That twisted analogy does not work. It's not a formal contract. It doesn't matter who agreed to pay. If you do something terrible, don't expect people to stick around. You're not entitled to a meal. Also, don't leave the house with no means of taking care of yourself.
@@beegee1960 He agreed to pay for a date... the date was over and she was no longer a date... so no, he had no obligation at that point. If you act like an ass on a date, then you should be prepared to pay for it.
Also who has NO MONEY what-so-ever and no way home? Like... who does that?
@@beegee1960 in no way the op was an AH he wasn't the boss.
@@beegee1960Your reply and everyone who called him the idiot would have all said "You go girl" if the genders were reversed. Don't deny it. I've seen it, and I'm fairly sure based on your writing style you were one of the ones I've seen exhibiting such double standards.
The father is doing just fine. I'm really getting sick of people that clear have no interactions with children in anyway telling the rest of us how to parent
I Agree with the comment about OP being the AH. He should have just said "Thank U for your opinion that I didn't ask for" & shut the door in their faces! They only have an opinion Because they Only saw One of her "jobs"! If they keep an eye on her (so they can call CPS if it continues) they'll see that her "job" changes often. They probably don't have children to compare her to! OP is doing a Great Job! He shouldn't listen to people who have Half of the story!
1st Story - OP’s parents really should have stepped in a LONG time ago to get their kids the counseling for their misplaced anger about their mother’s health. I get how when kids are young they can misplace negative feelings, but it absolutely should not have been allowed to fester all this time. Op is NTA, the sisters need to get help now as adults because they’re absolutely being ridiculous.
My mom's health depleted from her last pregnancy. My brother and I adore our baby sister and we even helped our parents take care of her. I feel so bad for op, she deserves better.
Something tells me OP's sisters are going to find that over the years their friends start to distance themselves from them due to just how amazingly stupid they are. Especially when those friends realize OP is despised for being born and her sister is stupid enough to blame a fetus for that. Either that or they picked the dumbest people they could find to be their friends.
@@piratekit3941 Considering they even have friends as is, and the one getting married has over 10 bridesmaids, I feel like they probably never discuss this (maybe even to the point of pretending they don’t have a younger sister) or they did indeed get friends just as f’d up who think that their behavior is rational and okay.
"How dare you not share your trauma so I can make sure to only make fun of people who I think haven't been through enough >:( "
Haha. What a garbage human being xD
Date story: For any younger people/people who've never gone on a date before reading comments right now, always bring backup money when you go out just in case. Or a way to pay from your phone like Apple Pay. Anything could happen at any time, and you don't want to be stranded somewhere without money.
Also, if you're going on a date with someone you're just starting to see and you don't know them super well, always drive yourself to the dates if you have a car. If you don't, take a cab there and back. It might not be good for the carbon emissions, but better that than risking that they're not a good person and you end up missing or dead.
It's not like OP left her in the middle of the Gobi Desert. She had a phone, she had family close. It was a calculated insult and justly done.
Agreed. It pisses me off when these jerks cry about being abandoned and stranded, when they’re in the middle of a busy city filled with their friends and family, and Uber, Lyft, taxis and public transportation exists.
Yeah…what if OP was an actual scum bag and something had happened? And who leaves the house without their wallet??? What a bizarre woman.
@@lamwen03 I get that and I don't disagree with what OP did, but my point was more so about how idiotic it is for OP's date to not bring any money/an escape plan to a date, especially as a woman. Like if I'd been OP's date, I wouldn't have let him drive me there, I would have brought a card or Apple Pay just in case his card declines for some reason at best or he decides not to pay for some reason at worst or something else happens where I need money. Like I said, anything can happen. It's just basic life advice for people who haven't dated much before or thought about that sort of thing.
Right?!? Like she didn't bring anything???
Story 1: NTA if i was your mother and i found out that my daughters think like this about their sister, i wouldn't go to the wedding or at least i would tell the girls how stupid their logic is. OP if someone ask, tell them the truth "i'm not there because my sister hates me for being born" simple as that, let other people tell them how stupid and cruel they are.
"So it's ok to be stupid to someone acting stupid?" Yes, absolutely. I hold no sympathy for that girl. She was sucky to the waitstaff and showed her true colors. Also it may be OP's turn to pay but who leaves for a date without their wallet/purse. There have been times i knew for a fact I wasn't paying for the date, but I still took my wallet anyways in case something happened.
The story with the kid in the yellow vest, wanting to be paid after "watching"... That was pretty cute on its own, but hearing XO crack up while saying it made it so much extra awesome. 😊❤️
Story 1: NTA. OP should just cut all those people out of her life and move far away from them
Its pretty obvious they will never see her as "family" and OP has zero obligations to pretend they are just to save face.
the only time they will see op as 'family' is when they can use her
Op family should know why she didn’t showed up
The snubbed sister just needs to simply say....”It doesn’t matter anymore”.....then walk away from anyone who asks why she didn’t go to the wedding.
That way no one can have any evidence against her over what she says.
Let the Lord deal with it now.
Third story - OP is a great Dad. So many women love to attack single Dads. Next time, show the neighbors to the door. They are idiots and they spoke before they knew the entire situation.
Indeed, a strong and firm "mind your own business" is all thats required here.
Someone explain how op in the 3rd story (with the daughter wanting to be a house wife) is TA for having a conversation or letting someone talk? Some ppl just want to be difficult so that will say the dumbest mess and say ESH 🙄
Date story: there’s this thing called an Uber. You pay over an app. And who doesn’t keep at least one card on them, even if someone else is suppose to pay? Good on OP.
Just this. Who goes out to dinner without their wallet?? Or without money if they don't have a card?
I always made sure I had money, even if I was invited out. What if he was the AH and I wanted to leave?! I also made sure someone would be available in case I needed to be rescued/picked up. Date was acting like a "Karen" and maybe OP should have paid for her dinner, dropped her off then told her not to expect any future dates but hindsight is 20/20. At the moment he was so disgusted by her behavior he just wanted to leave and have nothing further to do with that date. So that's what he did in that moment. Easy for everyone to say what he should have done, after the fact, when given time to think things through.
My niece wanted to be a Paw Patrol when she was 3. A week later, she wanted to be Elsa from Frozen. Point is, kids with imagination want to be many things as they grown up, including being a shark or a dump truck. Encouraging dreams and creativity is the best way to foster confidence and curiosity. Dad’s doing a great job.
Camilla should have kept her mouth shut. No matter how well you know someone don’t assume you know everything about them. Especially if it’s some deep dark trauma.
THERE US NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A HOUSEWIFE!!! I am so over people looking at being a housewife as demeaning and opressive. I was a housewife for many years, my children are grown now and I work a part time job to put towards whatever. My husband ALWAYS praised me for my role as a wife and mother because it enabled him to grow his business so he could support us and we wanted our kids to be able to not have to be shipped to and from daycares and babysitters. There is nothing wrong with being a housewife. It is a wonderful thing to do for your family.
A funny thing happened with my life. When I was younger, I loved babies, childcare, and novels and said I wanted to be a housewife who wrote novels in my spare time.
But I had really excellent grades - college was a given - and was deterred from pursuing language arts due to academia's lack of respect for traditional values (I didn't want to have to read foul language or sex scenes and even in high school I had to persuade one teacher to let me read an alternate book). I also gained a passion for Latin America. So I gained a STEM degree, became fluent in Spanish, and did quite a bit of traveling.
And now? Well, I met a guy, got married, and meant to go back into my career in his city. Due to health problems I've been practically forced into a housewife role and I'm so grateful I was! It took me a couple years to accept it, but now I find this kind of work so much more meaningful. Our first baby is on the way and I'm both terrified and excited! At this point, the only thing a job outside the home would add to our lives is money.
This is going to sound weird, but bear with me:
I'm an old role-player. I play tabletop role-playing games rather often, and have done so since 1990. In most of the groups I used to be in, you had the front line combatant who deals out and takes the brunt of damage, ranged people who act as combination support and combatants, and the healer who acts as group support to keep everyone alive. A SAHP is like the healer: they support the family and make certain they have whatever they need to stay healthy/alive, which allows everyone else to do what they need to do (front line/breadwinner can work and earn money for the family, ranged people/children can go to school and learn, etc.). It's a vital role within a family, and should *never* be dismissed or belittled.
Hope I didn't roll a natural 1 on that analogy.
@@johnp.2267 excellent analogy. I’ve never understood the need to place things/activities above or below others. The nature of our society depends on people taking on a variety of roles but unfortunately sometimes the vital ones than maintain our standard of living get ignored or looked down upon. I’m always appreciative of the fact that we have regular garbage collectors and cleaners etc without whom life would become pretty awful pretty quickly. We all have varying aptitudes and talents thankfully or else who knows where we would be.
IM STANDING APPLAUDING YOU!!! I was a Housewife for 30 yrs! I volunteered at my child’s Schools, at Church and for the Navy!
People who think we have no value make me sick.
No one is judging you for your decision to be a SAHM. We are standing up for the rest of us who are judged for having a career instead of children. Although OP is NTA, and the neighbors made the wrong assumption, the number of Reddit stories where wives, daughters, and daughters-in-law are being treated as lesser-than for wishing to remain child free (by choice or infertility) and having a lucrative career outnumber the criticism of SAHMs ten to one. So, considering that the Supreme Court has to the Country that we are no better than brood mares after 49 years of progress. And that women are still paid less than men at jobs where they are better and have seniority. I am sure you can understand that it isn't a judgement on your life choice, but the desire to prevent furthering the regression of women's rights in this Country.
I would tell everyone and their neighbors why my sisters hate me. Because my mom got sick while pregnant with me and she has problems still. That would show all how totally entitled, ignorant and nasty her sisters are for real. Let them deal with people telling them exactly how stupid they really are. Mom and Dad have big parts in this ignorance , as they did not put a stop to it almost 20 yrs ago and since then.
Oh geez, I wouldn’t go to that sisters wedding for anything. She can fudge right off. I would be totally no contact with any of those sisters. You are to blame for mothers illness? Ridiculous bs.
Op don't just skip the Wedding but skip the entire Family with the exemption of your Brother. Your Parents fed this crap from their comments over heard by your Sisters when young. They didn't do anything to nip it in the bud when you were growing up. You became the scapegoat for everyone.
These are just blood relatives, they aren't your family. Go find family and build strong friendships away from these toxic people. Make your dreams come true and live a happy life away from these horrid monsters.
The 'your daughter decided to be a housewife, neighbors think your wrong' - You know what I pretend and thought I wanted? Playing a single mother getting away from a deadbeat ex-husband while finding new love with my baby doll, And *I was seven*
Kids are having ideas and see how they can do it, *in a child-like* way of thinking.
Now I'm a adult and child-free now.
That second story it hits hard. I'm a very extrovert, bubblely outgoing person and that makes people think I never suffered hardships in life. It's just my way to cope. Not everyone one a meet needs to know the shit I went through bc that's just depressing and I don't want or need people's pity.
Carmilla sounds like a person that if she knew she would go 'yea but none has it as hard op, right op' ? people don't have to know everything from you
I’ve been through a lot of trauma and am considered high risk with my depression, but I still smile a lot and seem happy. You don’t have to be constantly wearing a frown to be upset or traumatised by something. People are so ignorant.
@@itsjustmaddisen I believe there is a thing called 'smilling depression'' but i am not sure if that's the right name.
Wait? It took OPS parents 19 years to find out why she was treated like crap by her siblings? And did nothing to address them? I'm suspecting OP was treated a lot worse than she let's on and Parents brushed it under carpet as "but they still love you, because "family".
Story 2- just as well OP didn't share her trauma with camilla. Camilla sounds like she would have weaponised that information at some point to make a dig at OP.
Story 1: It wouldn't surprise me if they saw or knew if not contributed but only pushed the issue now because op not being a bridesmaid ruined the illusion that they are a happy family.
Story One: The questions will STILL be there when they see that OP isn't in the wedding party like the REST OF HER SISTERS. The Idea that OP skipping the day altogether SHOULD be seen as a blessing, because as previously mentioned the question of "Why aren't you in the wedding party?" would still be asked & if OP was there they might answer honestly "My sister blames me for the health issues my Mom developed during my birth/ her pregnancy so she's always kind of hated me. If Sis didn't want questions she'd have put her in a bridesmaid dress & played happy family too, now she can make up a fictional last minute emergency for OP to be stranded at.
Story Two: How could ANYTHING OP have said made Camilla NOT look terrible? If OP had told the truth Camilla would have looked like an ass for making fun of a girl with an abusive Dad, etc. so what was OP supposed to say? "You're right, I'm a spoiled brat & should kill myself." is THAT what Camilla wanted to hear?
Yes, I'd go to the wedding and let anyone who asks, know the reason why I was excluded from the wedding party.
I wonder if they promised the family that op volunteered to keep the younger kids busy a the wedding, if she used her as a last-minute errand boy then I can see them tell people that they can leave the kids with her if they want a break
It might be vindictive, but OP should share on social media the reason why if she has anyone on the guest list that can read it.
Story 3: NTA. OP, your doing great. Your Daughter is exploring all her different options for life and by this rate it will change in no time. Someone else is criticizing your parenting style? Welcome to parenthood!
god forbid if one of OP's friends is a stripper and the daughter is asking what is her job....
OP is NTA. I think it's great that OP allows his daughter to explore all kinds of avenues. Her imagination is wonderful. OP is allowing her to express herself and teaching her that she is capable of doing anything she wants to do. OP should have told his neighbors to mind their own business. That today she is a housewife, last week she was a doctor, next week she'll probably be a trash collector.... that he'll support her now and in the future because he is a great parent.
I think the esh is wrong, they probably ambushed op and they were not sure how to react
And let's be honest, most of us are now a completely different thing than we wanted to be as a child. Once upon a time I wanted to be: a paleothologist, a archiologist, a pilot, a soldier, a military chopper pilot, a marine and a teacher.
I am a certified woodworker now.
@@velvety2006 he. Op is a man
Dad/neighbor story,
You need to tell your neighbors to mind their own business. Your daughter is 5 NOT 15. Please, like some of the commenters said, she's going to change her mind 100s of times before she's 18. Keep encouraging her. Please don't sweat what your neighbor told you. You are doing an amazing job.
Yeah. I hate that the neighbors made him doubt himself when he is being a good father.
The date one, I see what they mean about him being an idiot but I’d want to do the same in that position, don’t know if I would! In my experience the only way TA learns it to be TA to them and embarrass them. Paying for the meal and cab home in my opinion actually gives them the sense they were correct to do or say what they did even if you tell them! I’d call it the Arsehole Tax!
YES. Why should people get rewarded for their crappy behavior.
"Arsehole tax" equals another way to say karma
Plus I wonder if it was the other way around and the Op was female would they be saying the same thing? I heard a similar story about a year ago where the Ops date was saying stuff to the waitress and she left him there not one commenter said she should have paid for him and helped him get home( they took an Uber there because they planned to go to the bar after). Also who goes to a restaurant or anywhere without an money just in case?
@@beckyh2855 If it was the other way around I'm pretty sure OP would have brought cash with them just to be on the safeside
I don’t necessarily disagree, but even if OP is a justified AH he still is one and my verdict is ESH.
For NTA, he should have ensured she has the means to pay the bill and return home safely - even if she doesn’t deserve it.
The neighbours who were lecturing OP that he isn't bringing up his daughter properly are idiots. OP is doing exactly the right thing by allowing his daughter to try out different ideas. while she is so young OP should ignore the neighbours.
That dad needs to learn the art of putting up a hand (stop) ✋️ and NO.
"Everyone seems to think it's okay to be an idiot to an idiot"...... umm, yea. That's exactly what everyone is saying. Lol Don't treat people like garbage and then be *shocked puccachu face* when they treat you the same way back. 🤣
If that's a true story ops siblings are psychos and the parents are awful for going along with crazy... Like do ops sisters hate dad too, isn't he more responsible for the pregnancy that made mom get sick?!
I am so laughing my ass off,
"Stop being so insecure in your role as a parent!"
Is taking me 10 minutes to try to write this because I'm still laughing. But I think you should look into that. Tell those people to kick rocks anyway, the ones who spent an hour trying to dictate how you should raise your child! Still LOL
And may your daughter think of a thousand and One things that she wants to be when she grows up. Y'all have a great day!
OP in the first story, your situation is the exact same as mine. Not only did my mom's pregnancy with me ruin my mom's body, but it killed her as well. It has been decades ago, in the early 70's, but my siblings are just starting to try to put the past behind them, have decided to forgive me, and are finally trying to develop relationships with me. It's the funniest, stupidest thing in my life!! And, because I'm not on board with this stupid plan, they are trying to guilt me into it my spreading it around in the family that I hate them. I tell them that I, in fact, don't hate them, tell them that it is wrong for them to decide how I feel without asking me, and for those who do ask, they call me a liar and tell me that they need proof that I don't, and the only proof they are willing to accept is me developing the relationships with them and act like they feel a sister should act. I tell them that they accept my word for how I feel, or not, at this point in time, how they feel doesn't matter in the least. I had to forgive them decades ago without any acts of penance on their part for my own peace of mind, and, when I laid that huge burden down, I was much happier for it. I can truly say that I am at peace about it. I can truly say that space between you and your siblings doesn't matter, but you need to deal with the feelings or it can be a serious downturn in your life, and it can't depend on anything they do or do not do, because the only thing that want is for you to jump through hoops for their love/notice. And, in the end, if they survive, and, if they approach you for reconciliation, they will only be old folk trying to get into heaven.
S1: NTA. If siblings don’t think you’re important enough to share the special day, then I don’t get why they’d care if you show up. Parents suck for allowing this. I’d skip the wedding, go on vacation somewhere, and screw what your siblings think. They don’t care about your feelings, so don’t care about theirs.
Re Camila: I picked my foot up off the floor and precisely placed my foot into my own mouth... how dare you not help me pull it out 😑 u -hu
I can understand s1 op my brothers hate me for being born with birth defects which made it so for the first few years I got the majority of the attention they think I don't know because they try hard to not show me but I've overheard them
Story 4, I don't get why some women go on dates without any money. What if your date is a creep & you don't even have money for a cab ride home? Op is NTA, I would have done the same thing. But I would have probably told her I was leaving, but I wouldn't pay for the date she ruined by being rude.
Lol the yta and esh on the bad date one made me laugh, its like "tell me you are a simp, without saying your a simp"
If their reasons for hating their sister are so good, then they shouldn't have any problem explaining them at the wedding when anyone wonders why OP isn't there
Nope they'd just lie, op needs to send cards to other family telling them why she's not there
2. NTI. Camela made herself look like an idiot. No one is under any obligation to tell people their life story and struggles. Almost everyone has some type of struggles, it is a rare human that does not. So it is immediately rude to assume people have had easy lives. I despise people that gate keep "tough times".
NTA. Why isn't Camilla mad at Nate for not speaking up at the party instead of waiting to tell her later?! There by giving her the chance to apologize to OP. 😂😂😂 She should have just called to apologize, not chastise OP.
"... settle for being a housewife"?
The neighbors need to think about their own biases.
The neighbors need to mind their own beeswax!
Thank you for giving me mental escape during my work days, your voice is perfect and goes down like a cool refreshing drink
Lmao, the sisters in story 1 know they’re unreasonable and are about to be called out on it by the guests 😂😂😂 they created this mess, now they have to deal with it
The commentor who said the guy was required to pay for his date's food, even though she was a total witch and deserved to be broken up with is way more of an AH than OP in the story.
The guy agreed to pay for food while they were dating. At that point, thet were no longer dating because the girl showed her colors and what a flaming red flad she is all around, so he got the hell out of dodge.
Good for him! She deserved to be dumped on the spot and OP isn't required to pay.
HELL NO , YOU DONT HAVE 2 APOLOGIES FOR BEING a STRONG SURVIVOR. ESPECIALLY 2 A JEALOUS MEAN GIRL
The daughter should have been an actress when she grows up. She wanted to portray every job presented to her.
An impressionable kid, easy to hypnotize.
What’s wrong with being a homemaker? I’ve been a homemaker and main income earner at different times in my life. Neither are better than the other imp. It still has the same effect… I am tired asf by the end of the day, sleep and next day I do it all over again.
It's "welch" not "Welsh" on an agreement 😂 I got so confused then and thought does my country have a reputation I don't know about 😂😂
Story 1: NTA. Tell them that you didn’t want to give anyone any “diseases”. Besides your not important enough to even be missed apparently.
With the third story you're not in the wrong here you're encouraging her to be who she wants to be and you're letting her imagine and think she is that because she's a kid. I think your neighbors are the type of people that believe in women's empowerment to the toxic time. And I think you need to put them in check and say this behavior will not continue any longer and if it does continue I will report you for stalking
Rabid Feminists P me off, according to them Women should be able to do what ever they want with their lives, as long as it’s not a Housewife.
It also stupid of them to make being a sahp bad when ever parent still has to do something related to being a parent.
She'll change her mind a 100 more times lol
Final story amused me from the standpoint that OP needs to learn how to sound as ill as they really are on the phone. I learned that tactic when I was about 12.
I also learned about karma by the time I was in my 20s. If I called in sick, but wasn't, amazingly, I'd get sick for real the next day. One day I called in with a flat tire, the very next day I had a flat for real!
So I never tempt the universe anymore. Lol
Why do those being selfish & cruel try to deflect and blame the victim?
Oops. OP does not have to attend your sister’s wedding to save her face. The complete foolishness of your sisters is beyond absurd. Let them enjoy their lives. Find somewhere else to be. If asked why tell everyone the truth. They hate you because your parents decided have you and your mom had complications. Let them be judged like they judged you
For the sister who’s been left out. When someone asks about why she’s not part of the wedding. My sisters think they are part of the Lannister Clan. Just like Circe hated Tyrion for making their mother sick. My sisters think I made my mother sick when I was born. From now on you should call your sister the Lannister Girls. Buy them the Game of Thrones merchandise
carmilla is mad at op for not telling her personal things to make her not tease op....
Carmilla I have an idea, next time don't tease people.
Okay so are these sisters going to blame their own kids if they develop pregnancy complications like their mother did? If not then their hypocrites.
Cut out this toxic sister and her stupid notions, OP. Live your best life, be successful, and do whatever gives you happiness and fulfillment.
12 Bridesmaids one sister left out. Oh, good grief. Don't go, you won't be able to play nice the longer it drags on. Let them all field the questions why you aren't there, and that would be your only win: She cast you aside, and then her entire wedding becomes about you; and you aren't even there.
You have my lamentations: you are out numbered and you are the baby. If you bow out of their lives, they win. You give them exactly what they want. You can't say anthing, or it makes you look petty and bitter. You can't really cut them out, because they've already done that to you. You can't expect your parents to cut them off, because they've done nothing to your parents, and they are grown women, so your parents have no control over them. I am surrounded by hateful, manipulative people, and I cannot find anyway for you to improve your life in that house. So, don't go to that house.
My best suggestion, contact a favorite Aunt or Uncle or maybe the family of a close friend; ask if you can be a surrogate daughter for holidays. Your siblings hate you; your parents aren't getting involved and you would rather spend time with folks who don't wish you dead. No, you don't need them to fight your battles with your family. Your sisters have circled the wagons and nothing anyone attempts will change the situation, because EVERY ONE OF YOUR SISTERS HATES YOU. So, it would be helpful to have at least one family who appreciates that I'm human.
For Mothers/Fathers Day, Birthdays- go earlier and give them your gift. You have other important dutes on the actual days.
When your parents call to invite you for the year end Holidays: I already made other plans. You won't be with your family at the holidays? Correction, mom, I won't ruin my holidays allowing my sisters to treat me like a whipping boy. It's not your fault mom, but I won't do that anymore. It's your house, and you have many kids, so maybe you'll have a much better holidays without me there antagonizing my sisters. It's okay mom, I've accepted the truth, and I'll be spending the holidays with people who enjoy my company.
After one holiday with you not there, I'd wager your brother joins you at an Aunt or Uncles house. After an entire year, without you and your brother, THAT might wake your parents up to find a better solution...maybe splitting holidays. The one thing you can not do, under no uncertain terms: you must not dictate to the family what you want. You cannot tell your parents what to do. You are the baby, you are out numbered, and you are BETTER SERVED IF YOU BACK AWAY, AND LET YOUR SISTERS AND PARENTS FIGHT IT OUT. You have to give your parents time to see their kids without the Rose Colored Glasses. They have several girls who are so filled with hate, they are hurting your parent's youngest child. Until they see THAT all on their own, you don't have a leg to stand on in that house.
When you are surrounded by hateful people, you must learn to NOT waste time on them; give everything you have to those people who respect and value you.
Being a housewife is one of the best and most underrated jobs there is
Or house husband. All choices are valid if they are choices.
I know all too well the hurt the first OP feels because I know it firsthand. My mom had a tumor that I hid while she was pregnant with me that almost took her life because it ruptured during my birth and caused her to have a hysterectomy, blood transfusion and spending the first 2 years of my life in and out of the hospital.
It's been made abundantly clear how much some feel I intentionally messed my mom up and I've been made to feel like I was a burden and I owe my mom my entire existence even though I didn't ask to exist, I didn't choose any of it.
Do you know what kind of damage this does? You feel like nothing more than a burden and so much guilt that should have never been yours in the first place.
It's painful honestly.
It sounds like you know it isn't true, I know it won't be easy but true not to let the idiots get to you. Don't let them do more damage than they already have.
The sisters don’t want people asking questions cause they know 100% that people will call them AH for the real reasonings. They know it’s wrong and continue to do it. It’s so crazy how anyone thinks it is okay to blame a child for being born when they didn’t choose to be born. For whatever reasons, mother died in childbirth or in this case the birth wrecked her body. The fact that parents didn’t automatically tell the sisters off for this means they either knew the reasons from before and were hoping for a different answer or feel the same way but don’t want to say it out loud.
I hate when people say "You don't sound sick". You can't always hear/see an illness. Just because you're having a good health day, does that mean you don't have cancer anymore? Does a fever come with alarm bells that sound off as soon as it spikes? Really, the only illness you're going to hear with absolute certainty is a sore throat, if that. I also hate when people say "You were fine yesterday". Okay? That was yesterday. This is today. Getting sick doesn't come with a schedule that caters to your or anyone else's needs.
Her not being a Bridesmaid will cause MORE questions than her not being there. NTA.
(ETA) The one who should have given "Camilla" a heads up wasn't OP it was "Nate's" responsibility. NTA.
Story # 3: NTA. The one comment on her being young and will change her mind multiple times until she grows up. The way that a man learns how to parent his children is from his father. We don't have enough info about his background, so the ESH comment is way out of line.
3rd story. I'm more worried that he stayed an hour listening to them rant. He needed to slam that door in their face. Hopefully, next time because there will be a next time.
Last story : So basically she didn’t care if you made the children sick you were watching? Think long and hard.
Why should OP go to a wedding she isn't really welcome to? I'd go no contact with my siblings if they felt that way towards me
Rude date story: NTA god have mercy in their future boyfriends indeed OP and YES is okay to be an idiot to an idiot, if you are being an horrible person don't be surprised when people are horrible to you, those "hollier than you" ESH coments are so stupid, is not like he left her alone in the middle of nowhere, he left her at the place they were eating.
i guess the OP's sister/sisters doesn't ever plan on having kids because it's a 50/50 chance of a perfect pregnancy,
Everyone has to have housekeeping skills. Everyone male or female. Everyone needs to learn to sweep the floor and mop, do the dishes vacuum and do the laundry. These are skills every adult needs. My mother paid neighbors to teach me little skills my mother didn’t have. Like sewing and embroidery and canning. All of which I used while working nontraditional female jobs, like road construction. Ignore the neighbor
Story 1: the bridal party would probably have enough questions for why OP wasn't included but I'm sure the bride has a cover story for that. However OP not going at all would probably be harder for her to cover up and honestly? She'd deserve every bit of criticism for that. Only one who gets a pass, to an extent, is the brother who doesn't blame the OP for being born.
I'll bet they'd come up with something like OP got sick at the last moment
First story - If OP goes to that wedding, she have no respect for herself. This abuse is unacceptable. The mom CHOSE to have unprotected sex and have a child. Don't get me wrong, it's not the moms fault either. Sometimes life is just unfair (why do some people get cancer and others don't) but if anyone is going to place false blame on this situation, it should be the mom blaming herself!! The parents should have spoken up. I would be ashamed of my child if they acted like this. OP deserves better.
Story 1 OP's siblings are crackpots and OP needs to not attend the wedding as she might pick up this rare crackpot disease from them. Avoid contagion at all cost by staying as far away as possible from your siblings. Their sickness will cause you distress, sorrow, depression, and loss of happiness. Move away from them and go no contact.
Sick sitter: "You didn't sound sick", is she from the telephone diagnosis hospital?
This hit the spot at the perfect time, went into my feed just as I got my lunch break
She went on a date with no money? I don't care if it's an all expenses paid vacation with spending money, I'm still bringing money just in case something goes wrong.
Rude Dinner Date Story: NTA. The people calling him out for leaving her there are disingenuous at best. If the genders had been reversed, the sisterhood would be hooting and hollering about how savage she was leaving her toxic male date there with surprised Pikachu face and giving a big black eye to the patriarchy. FOH with that.
100% agree with you! Actually, I remember a story where the OP was female and her male date was an obnoxious asshole, very rude to the servers. She pretty much had the same reaction and left him there after telling him off. Nothing but praise for her in the comments. Reddit is extremely biased against men most of the time.
Awesome dad story: WTF, what is with that ESH comment?! This is the most wholesome story I've seen in a while, it's so cute! Please, dad was probably stunned his neighbors would assume so much and since he's still young he can be influenced in his parenting style. He's trying his best, and he's doing great! Lord. Not. The. A-hole! At all. That bitty has the best dad :3
That dude who told Opie to grow a spine and not let the neighbors yell at him. I happen to know a few single fathers that didn't bow down to their neighbors and suddenly they had CPS called on them daily. People especially older people really seem to believe that men are incapable of raising a child alone. And yet those same people were telling him off for letting his daughter want to be a housewife. Hypocrisy thy name is old neighbor
Telling a person infront of people is just as awkward. I had a colleague who said I am too young to have really experienced anything. So I told him and the room got so silent and awkward and it was just awful. I don't make a habit telling colleagues what I've been through. It's personal shit for a reason. People should just accept if they are assholes and not blame other people. They shouldn't be friends. I would drop that one like a hot potato
I said right away, “Today she wants to be a housewive, tomorrow she’ll want to be an astronaut!” Lol. The next paragraph then said that very thing. 😁 The little five year old sound delightful! Her curiosity about things is a wonderful thing.
1st story- Even in 2022 with all the medical technology women still die in child birth and when women give birth it's the closest to dying you can get without actually dying.
1) NTA. Your siblings are. Having a baby is a blessing. It's not your your fault. Don't talk too your sisters unless they apologize and realize that having you was your mother choice.
Having a baby doesn’t change the mothers dna. What your mother is experiencing is what she already is experiencing. If you want to mess with your sisters remind them that your mothers conditions are genetic, which means they can have those same conditions as their mother. Congenital conditions are like that
Story 1: NTA, OP needs to cut out those toxic siblings, the brother who does not buy that crap is cool though, but the rest are all TA. I hop we can get an update to this story, I want to see what happens and if those siblings get called out for their crap.
good lord, my sister's pregnancy with her children were the hardest on her and not once did I blame her or the baby for her health problems as you can't help what genes do! I'm just thankful that the kids are well, my sister is still here, and we have a third baby on the way! we are doting on my sister extra as her last pregnancy caused her to be fully diabetic and her lil one is now 1 1/2 ish old, his like a jaguar and climbing on everything lol
This family blaming there younger sister for something out of her control is just crap and the parents need to get there head out of there asses and demand fair treatment to the youngest as pregnancy is hard, you can't know what will happen to your body before/during/afterwards, and for the parents to go are just enabling this complacent behavior is horrible as the victim in all this is the youngest for being denied a loving family and that there anger is something they need to seek therapy for as shifting blame to her is not only unhealthy but there is no way the parents didn't see them treating her differently. I'm sorry, but I feel that op needs to sit her parents down and explain to them that not only is she hurt for how long she's had to endure her siblings emotional and mental abuse for so long that they too are betraying her by not standing with her in calling out her siblings for what they have done to her, what they are doing now to her publicly, and how they are completely in the wrong for ever blaming a completely innocent child for the health of the mother.
Story #1:
They're just angry because they can't snub you if you're not there.
Also let the family talk and find out what Op sisters did, ether they know what they did was wrong or their family will tell them
"oh so you can be an idiot to an idiot????"
Yes.
It’s always the babies fault when things go wrong in someone’s life, right!!!!!