People Without Children Have NO IDEA What It's Like! | Michael McIntyre
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- When you have children you’ll never leave the house, go out for dinner, drive or sleep the same way ever again!
Website: www.michaelmci...
Facebook: / themichaelmcintyre
Twitter: @McInTweet
#MichaelMcIntyre #Parenting #ComedyRoadshow
My father mastered a very important skill. He learned to handle the steering wheel with one hand, while he reached down and removed a shoe with the other hand. Then, while keeping his eyes on the road, he was able to reach back with the shoe and smack the two quarreling kids in the backseat. This is mastery level fatherhood. He had been a pilot for the Canadian Navy, flying sub killers on and off of aircraft carriers. So he had jet pilot trained reflexes. Don't attempt this maneuver unless you've passed flight school.
(Helplessly ROTFLing here) Simply hitting the "Like" button is soooo inadequate for your comment. You richly deserve a lifetime membership of the internet.
Why I find this comment very funny? 😆😆
That's awesome! I can barely change the radio station without veering into oncoming traffic.
Jakub Gdaniec you’re a douche
But how do flying skills help with removing your shoe to hit your kids? Do they teach you that at the Navy??
His bangs frantically shaking over his forehead explains everything
Hehe are you american?
@@BrianLloyd1991 lol what's made you think she's american?
@@ordainedhughes1388 just the use of the words bangs, im aware americans use that term
@@BrianLloyd1991 ah
In the UK we use the term fringe.
I love this man's humor, he describes my children as if he has met them and experienced their terror lol
Nah, I think he's been emailing with my parents... 😂😂😂
Ditto! Lol
That's more horrifying than funny
Lady Grey, 9 months later, please share with us..boy or girl?❤
Love his work 😂😂😂😂😂
As long as they're small enough, if they aren't going out the door, scoop them up over the shoulder or American football style under the arm.
LOL......That doesn't always work.....because usually if you do that, they get REALLY mad and start throwing a fit, and refuse to sit in their car seat....they literally stiffen their little bodies into a straight line, so there's no way to actually buckle them in .....so sometimes it a choice a fight to get out the door, or a fight to sit and get buckled into the carseat.....aw....the joys of Parenthood :):)
@@freehappy6019 I know kids. I'm aware. Getting out the door is the hard part, after that it's just a matter of gently pushing the back of their knees with your fingers and then they bend long enough for you to clip them in. It takes practice, but it's possible.
"American football style "😂😂😂😂😂
@@mikeylikesit525gently pushing the backs of the knees........ Stop giving away secrets 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
YUP.
"Where's Ozzy?"
"He's by the front door."
"He's never been there in his life!"
I didn't even know who Michael was until recently (I'm in Australia) but I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Another line I lost it over was the good night, good luck lol lmao
🤣🤣🤣
@@CovidConQuitTheCensorship same I'm also live in Australia and didn't know who he was
@Lucy time - yeah so where have we been, under a rock? 😂
😂😂
Lmao, I’m 21 and I’m the second eldest out of 6 children. My eldest sister (27) has gone on to have her third child now and the youngest of my siblings is 4, second youngest is 8 and then 13 and 14. At one point, we were all living together, including my aunt and her two kids and I was stuck looking after kids every single day.
I now have my own QUIET PEACEFUL home all to myself.
I do not want another child near me again.
Ruu Darling oh man, that sounds annoying xD. I hope you get your peace someday.
Free atlast!
just a few years
@@user-wq9mw2xz3j you're wrong indeed.
Ruu Darling best of luck to you
People who don’t have children know EXACTLY what it’s like... which is why they don’t have them!
Amen
😂😂😂
I’m one of them . Love life without this burden
Most are barren but pretend they dnt want them..we all know.
@@0121-x2j You're clearly "barren" of any common decency.
I've literally laughed my tears out. And then, the laughter is gone. Tears left. Still... having kids is the most amazing thing in the world. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
The longer I'm a parent of two littles, the more this makes me laugh 😆 Oh, you can tell he definitely has kids! HE KNOWS!
But why... seriously why... are people still having children if all this is so true. I don't have children and I most probably do have no real idea what it's like to be a parent (most my friends with kids say it's worse than I can imagine, and then sugarcoat it by saying how lovely their kids can also be...). So again why are people doing that to themselves. I'm not too fond of myself as a person, but I would not torture myself like that by bringing some innocent energy sucking demon into the world.
Human race living another generation? 😁
He's NEVER BEEN THERE IN HiS LIFE! 😆
A.k.a front door 😂😂😂😂
IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING YOU IDIOT GO BACK TO SLEEP!!!!
🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Yessss😂😂😂😂😂
As the eldest daughter and second mom I know all this pain. This is why I am childfree. My mom has it bad. No thank you.
I remember watching this in my 20s, laughing at the prospect of parents .... now I have a 3 year old & these things do happen, it's hilarious! The seatbelt bit killed me 😂
His description of parenthood is so accurate which is why it’s so funny. Having said that people without kids see things like this and think we parents are miserable but the thought of a life without my kids is absolutely horrifying.
@Hollywood T egoism at its finest.
Well, good for you if you love kids and have them....
Agreed 💯.
6:35 That woman that laughed and pointed her finger : Story of her life. LOL
Child free and proud!!!
The "wheel on the bus part.".... ...dejavu....
I have a damaged jaw and I’m not supposed to smile or laugh to reduce pain but this video is so worth the pain. I also feel bad for my cat because I keep exploding into laughter scaring the crap out of him
not gonna lie, this scares the shit outta me.
Love Michael so much he’s my favourite comedian and he’s inspired me to be one myself x
You could do so much better!
“We’re gonna leave Ozzy behind he gonna stay here! I hate him I HATE HIM.” Lmao me and ALL my sisters growing up.
🤣🤣me and my little brother
Michael is a legend. Explaining parenting in a Mere few minutes. Indeed; they have no idea… 😄
One day driving on a very busy road, very slow traffic, with my young Autistic son in the back, I turned around to see if he was OK, safe and behaving I almost had an accident........
He was wearing nothing but his seat belt!!!!!!!!!!! No, clothe, NOTHING but his seat belt.
Try and imagen that. Imagen having to stop my car and get in the back so I could put his clothes on him before getting into trouble. Of course, other drivers were not aware of my situation so in a way I did get into trouble. Just imagen yourself in a situation like that!!!
He went through a time that he would take his clothes off!!
The joy of having children :)
YES!, So relateable!.. They do things for themselves just at the wrong time.😲😁
I’m sooo happy I’m not the only person who’s life is like this
Alternate title for myself,
"more reasons to not have children"
AS IF WE *NEED* MORE REASONS?????😜
@@kimraudenbush615 hahaha!! Right!!!!
You sad sack
@@vailingshadow5030 *wipes tears away with all my money*
@@vailingshadow5030 oh no! Whatever shall I do, with all this money?!? And free time?? Such a sad life I shall live, truely.
They should make this video part of the education system.
Meanwhile my wife and I are a childless couple .. and LOVING IT !! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Amazing. Had me in stitches. Such an accurate description its unreal.
Funny, but irritating! People who have kids insist on telling everyone else how much hard work it is, and how people without kids will never understand. Well yes, we do understand, that's why we've made the conscious (and sensible) decision not to put ourselves through that misery!
No you dont understand really. You can try to imagine what it's like. But that's all.
Your parents had you though....
@@JohnFekoloid I know, and I'm sure they regret it every day! :)
😂
Right? 😂 😂 😂 and they even have the audacity to question your life choices at family gatherings!..... hypocrites!
I’ve loved Micheal McIntyre for 9 years now
One of his best jokes!
The wheels on the bus go round and round!!!😂😂😂😂again!!! Again!!! LMFAO
This is the one that introduced me to his brilliance.
Lol so true! Had me in stitches! 👍
Howling and crying soo hard. This is all soo relatable. 🤣🤣🤣
Wow..!! Well done man...!! Reality explained in such a funny way..!! Great job..!!😅😂🤣😭
😂I never get tired of this. Just sent it to my neighbour, who has cute as, identical twin boys aged 4. I used to ease the radio on slowly, after taking off in the car. Volume up reallllly slowly. But my kids would notice,& demand the wiggles cd,again. Then one day, hallelujah; they’re too big for hi5 & wiggles cds 😅. They decide the cutoff date. 😀👍
I drove a standard transmission car, ate, talked on a cell phone, and answered my kids 1 million questions coming like bullets from the back seat.
my first daughter used to wake up every 20 minutes for 3 years until my son was born and waked up every 2-3 hours for 4 years ,my second daughter ,after 3 months slept almost a full 6 hour night.After 20 years ,i am slowly getting back to normal,and I miss those days very much ,and I'm waiting for grand children.
As a new mum, I can already relate so much!
My wife once asked our 6 year old son to put his school shoes in the downstairs toilet, and when she went in there an hour later, he'd actually put them in the toilet 😂
That "bye bye" has been stuck in my head for hours...I couldn't remember where it was from. So glad I figured it out 🤣
Love all of his videos !!
Love this guy😄
Nailed it.
setup and payoff was perfect, love it
5:55 good luck!!🤣🤣🤣
I know exactly what he means ...
yes. on point. my landlord says how could you possible have anxiety? but that zipper bit explains it all.
Yes, Michael, we childless people DO understand what it's like. That's why we're childless.
Yeah It’s gr8 being free,
My soul needed this. Thank you.
Totally agree you have no idea man! But this is why you have to put a level of fear into your kids. If I ask once ok play the fool, second time you’re taking the piss, third time I put that aggressive base in my voice n show teeth and believe me my kids are waiting at the car door waiting to get in!!!😂 I don’t play that shit. Forget the ok we are leaving you bye bye bulshit. That was when they are toddlers. The game gets deeper when they get over the ages of 6! Get tough people! 👊🏼 Stay strong all my fellow parents, we will make it don’t you worry!lol
I relate to this so much, even tho I’m a babysitter. It’s why I’ve decided that dealing with children max 3-4 days a week is enough for me
I'm an aunt and I have no kids. My sisters have kids and I see what they go thru. I then decided to not have kids. Ion need that stress in my life 🤣
Every parent in the world understands all of this
A comedic explanation of what to avoid at all costs!
I really just don't want kids. I can't possibly imagine enjoying giving constant attention to a toddler, buying food that I certainly won't eat and having no idea if they'll ever finish it before it goes bad, getting them up early to get to school, paying millions of dollars for them, worrying about college for them, and worrying in general really.
That doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.
AvixenK might change ur mind one day
@@domosmuggler12 Of course. But if so I'd much rather adopt a teenager.
AvixenK You are SO lucky that your parents didn't think the same as you! Or are you???????????
@@wendyryder2708 I'm the lucky one. My parents are not
Yesss same 🙌🏾👏🏾 exactly how I feel
I think people who assume that others should be having kids think that we're missing something. Lonely. Selfish. I know people who have kids because they get lonely and I find they're filling their esteem up.
This is still one of the best skits I have seen on this topic. I saw it after having my first child when she was still a baby and I laughed hard. Now I have 3 small children and I still laugh, but I cry a little bit too because IT'S ALL TRUE! GAH! We are amidst the whole Covid 19 lockdown and I swear, my life with these kids has been almost no different to this lockdown - we hardly ever get out of the house, except when I've had enough and I dump the kids on my husband so I can run down the street by myself and pretend I am free (even if it's only for 15 mins).. ha ha Parenthood of small children is certainly intense. We have yet to survive them as teenagers... Wish me luck. Lol (and I look forward to the skit from you on parenting teenagers ;)
well done - so funny!
"sleep well"
"I will"
😂😂😂
2:12 OOOOOOOHHHHH YUSSSSSSSS DADDDYYY
This is my favorite clip by far 😂😂😂
"i wanna go to school" 😂
My mum always used to break my coat zipper bc we was always in a rush 😩 I can relate to these so much
He got it bang on. Lol😂🤣🤣🤣
This isn’t just a joke...this is a call for help...
I was literally crying while watching 😂🤣🤣🤣👌🏼
I’m the middle child of 6 kids and I can tell you what a pain in the ass but the best they are. I always babysat my 3 youngest siblings and I learned to make them go to the bathroom before we leave the house. If you don’t literally 10 minutes into the drive one or all three of them need to pee
Love this one laugh out loud every ltime
I do know thank you, because you show it to us all the time 🙄
Damn straight I think about my free life😏
So true 😂
This story is so true that I'm not even laughing.
Well, bless me then!!!..
I love my single free life.
So true
The “go to sleep” part rings so very true for us right now. Our toddler is going through a phase of being absolutely shattered but refusing to sleep, she fights it all the way. By the time she KO’s I’m about as much use as a chocolate fire guard and am lucky to see ten minutes of whatever TV I sit down to before nodding off. 😂
Hahahahaha story of my life!
Kids are for people who want to make their life more challenging, it is like having an exotic pet but worse and more demanding. If you already struggle with life, kids are a bad idea.
This is wisdom
And this is why I'm terrified of small children.
“And then you just glid up don’t you?!”
Omg I’m dying 😂😂🤣🤣🤣
When I was kid we always waited for our mother in the car for 20 minutes.
I knew a lot…but , honestly the reality, hardly any assistance from hubby…was really a downer..
me:crying beacause im laughfing to hard
mt mum:why u crying
me:i aint crying
I sure am happy to be an empty nest ( been there done That!) don’t want to ever do it again!!
This sounds about right getting ready for school in the morning is like asking to do things 100 plus time, child complaining I made eye contact how dare I! So far an hour on getting dressed and brushing teeth still haven't gotten hair done! 🙃 This why we get up early!
I give it to all those parents out there raising kids and it probably isn’t an easy job sometimes, though personally I don’t want to have kids when my older sister does hopefully I can be a cool aunt!
My six yrold would say
mommy i wanna tell u something
Mommy mommy mommy i wanna tell u something
Every single time literally every single time he wants to tell me something , and imagine me stuck in a traffic with him at the backseat throwing questions at me one after another .
Oh jesus my head goes crazy ...
Let ur kids fend and do for themselves very early. You wont regret it.
So TRUE!!!!
Oldest siblings understand I am 15 and I have a 3 year old sister
Respect
People really need to stop believing the delusion that having kids is something magical, especially since there's comedians who have kids and tell about their lives like this. Why would anyone want this!? I don't understand!
This should just win everything 😂
So truuuuueeeeee 😂
I know exactly, that's why I never ever wanted kids!! 🤷🏻♀️🤣
I know this may not be the best forum to have this comment but here goes. This comment is for people who have made a conscious decision NOT to have children and not for people who would like to have children but cant.
Let me first explain that if you have never had a child you simply will never in your life ever experience the strongest form of love a person can ever experience. There is no love in the world that is stronger than a parent has for a child. Having a niece and / or nephew is NOT the same as having a child. It simply doesnt come close. Not by a long shot. You cant simply understand what it means to have a child until you actually have one. You may watch the video above and think "Well thank goodness I am not Michael McIntyre and I get to enjoy my freedom" but if you were to ask Michael what he really thinks about being a parent he would tell you that he wouldnt trade it for anything else in the world and he loves his kids more than anything else in the world.
Second, far too many people when thinking about having children think about whats its like to have little kids and how difficult it will be. Why bother they think. Well it just so happens to be that children will be adults for most of their lives. Kids grow up super fast. Yeah its annoying when you need to wake up to deal with babies and you barely get to sleep or when your three your old has a tantrum in the middle of a shopping mall. These things can drive you crazy but its not forever. My daughter used to have tantrums when she was three and it was terrible but she's 18 now and serving her country. I couldnt be any prouder.
Third, when you are single the best things that happen in your life are things that happen to you. Same with the worse things in life. When you have a child the best things and experiences that you have in your life will be the things that happen NOT to you but to and with your child. And the worse things that you experience in your life will be the things that happen to your child.
Now let me tell you a story about someone very close to me who made a conscious decision not to get married and have children. When he was in his early 20s he was out partying every thurs, friday, sat night like many college kids. Nothing could be better or more fun. Meanwhile two of his closest friends found their soul mates, fell in love and got married early in their twenties. While they were busy with their married lives he was partying and having a good time. As the years went on they had child after child while he went from his twenties on to his thirties then forties still single and partying. The difference, his friends lives had real meaning. They had kids. They had families. Now this person is in his 50s and the days of partying are in the past. He still lives in the same apartment in Manhattan he had when he was in his 20s and he is still single. His friends have since married off a few of their children and are already enjoying grandchildren. He has now faced the harsh reality that he may never have kids and will never have anyone to take care of him or look after him when he is old and sick.
Life moves fast people. Dont get so caught up in the present that you fail to plan properly for the future. Having kids is the most wonderful and rewarding experience life has to offer. Dont wait until its too late.
Hmmm..nope!
But that's just how you feel about your kids and the idea of having them. Other people may not share that same feeling. I know a couple of people who say although they love their children, had they known what they know now, they would have taken a different path in life. There are also mothers and father's who abuse their children and even abandon them. So, Parenthood isn't for everyone. If it makes you happy, then that's great. But there are people who genuinely enjoy their single life and I think it's wrong to assume that their lives are empty and purposeless.
Why would my parents have five kids...?
good night ----> have a nice weekend :)
Kids do grow!!😂😂