"alcohol didn't stick a penis in my face" is probably the best wording for this concept i have ever heard and if people argue with that i have no hope left
Drinking too much should only lead to a hangover. That is normal. Drinking too much should never lead to the trauma of sexual assault. Men, you need to do better.
When a woman is drunk and gets raped, people say "she was drinking, what'd she expect to happen?" But if a guy is drunk and rapes someone, it's "He was drunk, it isn't his fault." Anything to force the blame on the victim.
It's heart wrenching to even hear "some people might ask why you didn't fight, why didn't you fight"? Anybody who's ever been sexually assaulted, molested, raped, abused, etc, knows that paralyzing fear. I was sexually abused for years as a child. And I pretended to be asleep every. Single. Time. I NEVER spoke about it until adulthood and even then it's been twice. Once being in confidential counseling. The other telling my mom while explaining myself as to why this person was NOT allowed around my children. And my own mother telling me "if that was true why wouldn't you have told me?". Because I was TERRIFIED. Because I was disgusted with MYSELF. Because I was SURE it was something I did to cause it. Every single time it happened I was paralyzed in fear. Just wanted it to end. And even 20+ years later talking about it makes me physically sick. Embarrassed. Disgusted. I still blame myself. I still convince myself it had to be something I did.. something I brought on myself. I'm married to the most amazing man and still am triggered by sex, by intimacy. He doesn't know why. He doesn't know what happened to me. Because I can't bring myself to speak about it again. Please... Do not EVER question why somebody stayed quiet. That's a painful slap in the face that we already give ourselves often.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that is to live with. I understand your silence, but I think you should tell your husband (but you know best, it's your life) it could bring you closer and he might understand your triggers
I hate those questions "why didn't you say anything earlier", etc., like if it was easy to tell. Men always do it when you are alone with them, cause they know it's nearly impossible to prove, then you're the one called a liar. Disclorsure is a nightmare.
Even ignoring the pure shock of when something like that happens to you, and it IS paralyzing like a lot of traumatic things are: What she said in the interview about “this person is already willing to rape you, it’s hard to imagine what they won’t do to you” (paraphrasing, not directly quoting her) is so true. Nobody asks people with a gun to their head why they’re not screaming and yelling. If someone is capable of harming you in this (sexual assault) way, in your mind, they’re also capable of beating you, killing you, hurting someone you love, or anything you can imagine. And you’re 100% justified if you’re operating under that assumption and being quiet to keep yourself safe. I don’t know why some people can’t wrap their minds around that. How is yelling and fighting going to work in your favor? Even if you keep a penis from entering you you’ve already been violated, you’re vulnerable and you’ve got a perpetrator right there who has already proven themselves to be violent beyond what you could have imagined.
+Charlotte Fairchild Yes, but who would move your heavy furniture, do your mechanics and while we're on the subject of automobiles, how would you deal with the mass epidemic of female driver car accidents?
Just b/c someone decided to drink probably not knowing their limits doesn't mean anyone gets a green light to do shit to you. Technically you're not able tot consent at this point and the perpetrators are deliberately taking advantage of that situation whether the victim tried to resist or blacked out. You making a bad decision doesn't make you less of a victim. Wtf kind of logic is that? On a side note these guys are pathetic losers.
+ItsMe Cat You don't have to say it directly for it to be true. Saying things like I'll never put myself in that position implies that she sort of had it coming for getting drunk! Not recognizing what you are saying doesn't excuse what you say; that's all.
Tristan Williams Nobody is being dramatic; it's just facts. Getting drunk doesn't mean you want it or gives anyone permission to take it! And if I use your logic then, maybe next time you go across the street somebody should run you over since you decided to cross the street and you know that cars go by on it! Really? Learn to be a man and recognize that thinking is not a big deal to be raped is wrong. So no dramatic anything; just appalled at people that have no idea of reality and think that nothing is a big deal. May it never happens to you or someone you know so you don't have to see the suffering a victim goes true after something like that! Have a good deluded life!
I can't believe I have to say this every time under a rape crime documentary, but it's not hard to not rape someone; it's literally human decency to leave a person unable to consent alone. It doesn't matter if they're so drunk they passed out on the floor, give them a blanket, watch their back, and don't touch them while they cannot give consent! Why is this so hard? "How much did you drink? What were you wearing? Did you scream?" Those are not the right questions. Regardless of how much they drank, or what they wore/ didn't wear, or what they said - nobody. deserves. to. be. raped. It's that simple. We have to stop teaching women to "be vigilant, always on edge, always looking at how you're portrayed" and instead teach offenders to "stop being predatory scum of the earth." Edit: To all the people saying "we shouldn't stop teaching women... it's still dangerous" - yes. That's not the point of my post, but yes. I could have worded it better, so that's my bad, but what I'm saying is education shouldn't SOLEY be based towards women when the ROOT of the problem is that predatory men and people should be held responsible, ridiculed, and punished AND predatory behavior should be sniped at the start.
While I agree with 99% of your comment, I don’t agree with the ‘we have to stop teaching women to be vigilant’. I agree not to teach women or men or circles and squares to always look at how they are portrayed, but we need to teach everyone to be mindful of their environment. Because while in a fairytale like utopia it is possible that no one will want to do any kind of harm to the other, in this life, in this universe there will always be psychopath, sociopaths or just simply evil people who will do anything just to harm you, It goes to everyone - a thin guy alone on the streets (don’t even has to be tipsy or anything) can be jumped by 2 big guys, robbed and killed. And sure as hell in the end it’s never the victims fault, but if they are dead…it’s very little consolation to be able to have a headstone ‘I was right’.. So, I don’t go out alone at night, not because I’m afraid specifically of this type of crime. Because I’m afraid of any type of bodily harm others will be able to do to me more easily as opposed if I’m with others. I watch out for my friends and their belongings, I’m not leaving anyone alone, and if I see a person alone and in a vulnerable state I will ask others to help. This is called being vigilant. And even sometimes being vigilant is not enough. (I’m adding this to make it very very clear: In no way,shape or form I would ever say that they were not vigilant,the victims. my comment is simply regarding the general statement of should not teach people to be vigilant), At least this is my opinion. It may be faulty, but it is what it is.
I agree with what you said, the problem is the scum that will rape aren't going to listen to you. That's why we have to unfortunately be on our guard to protect ourselves. As a parent it's also my job to be on guard to protect my children. ( Both boys and girls) because scum will do it regardless of how much we tell them it's wrong.
Victims have a responsibility to not drink alcohol and to watch their drinks for roofies or whatever they r using. Oh...dont go to parties then if you cant take care of yourself. This is classic millenial thinking "its never my fault" . Growing up entitled.
Victims have a responsibility to use the Buddy System, to know self defense, and be aware. The Buddy System means you don't leave the one you came with and you keep their safety as a priority. The Buddy System is in all the literature for male centered activities (Scuba Diving, Fishing, Hunting, military, law enforcement, Sky diving, etc.)
moon starr If you cannot trust a guy you have known 10 years, then who can you trust? Women need to use the Buddy System with other women or they need to have agreements with the men they have trusted to be caring.
Female supremicist have the other way around Blane for being drunk but not her but what point of Blame any more what happened and what to do about it . And what are escuses reasons and factors. But these Feminist FEM meaning their brains can only think Emotionally
I was raped 1 week ago. I am a 31 year mother, im a good person, I live a drama free life, I don't party, or sleep around ( quite the opposite ) . If all this was the opposite, it wouldn't matter though ( rape is never ok) .... I knew this man. I reported the assult, I did what I thought was right, even though I didnt want to tell. He was arrested that night, and a couple of days later... He was released from jail. The D.A's office dropped charges. The man who made the choice to drop charges ( with the d a's office) , he literally laughed at me. Now, this man walks free and I cry non stop. I dont k ow what to do next. The legal system failed me. I regret not doing what she did ( record him) . I found out, that there are 2 other woman , that he raped ( un reported) ..... I know that there are more , I assume :( . I now know , why people don't tell. The legal system fails us, even calls us liars. I now live in fear. Jim did send him to jail, even if it was only a couple of days. He has a Domestic violence conviction ( previous/ not me) , yet that didnt get the d.a's office to even take a closer look. Words can not explain the way this kind of thing has effected me physically, mentally, emotionally... I am very strong, independent, and I stand up for myself.... This has still controlled me . I can't imagine, this happen g to a younger woman or child. My tough skin has melted away because of him.... I think , that's what he wanted... To strip me of my confidence, to make me feel weak, to k ow, that he was / is in control . Oddly, I also mourn the loss of our relationship . I hate that part, the fact that I suffer from being raped by someone I cared for, but I also hurt, because now I know, that he never cared for me... That he cared so little, that he did this to me on purpose .... That, through my tears, begging, and pain he found comfort .This will forever change me. I now hope, to build myself up from here, and not allow him to continue to make me sink. Im sorry for rambling , but I think I'm only venting or something... If you've be raped , please stay strong. Try not to let it ruin you, because now I know, that is possible .
Honey, I am so so sorry this happened to you. This is the very reason why so many victims never report it. I didn’t. I was repeatedly raped by the man I was having a relationship with and living with when I was a student and a young woman of 22. He was never going to let me go, and I knew reporting it was pointless as no one would believe me: we lived together for petes sake! So eventually I took the only option open to me. I ran. And I ran as far away from him as I could get which was another continent, and started a new life for myself. Years later a good friend who is also a cop told me I was right to run. He said I had no legal leg to stand on in court. Rape is so difficult to prove on any day of the week and I was having a relationship with my rapist. So yes. The legal system does suck. But hopefully in years to come it will change. Until then do NOT let this son of a bitch strip you of your self confidence, and do whatever you can to get the DA to take that closer look. Tell them about his other victims, tell them if they do not take action you WILL go public and make sure the press knows how incompetent they are. Especially now after the whole Me Too movement. And how the protection of women against this type of thing has become more of a priority. And good luck dear. You WILL overcome this. Because not to do so means that SOB wins. And that is not an option
@@andre1987eph well the next time you want to say something Dear, do us all a favor and put your hand up, then cover your mouth. The adults are talking here, go away and play in the traffic. You clearly have no idea how to respond appropriately.
In this case and cases like it... to a degree yes it is. If she was sober than it wouldn't be any degree of it being her fault. Irresponsible drinking to the point that you're passing out at a party or social event is inviting to unwanted consequences. If she was sober or drank responsibly this would never had happened. As for the scum rapist its not the girls fault they are rapist. They are sick and look for drunk (again irresponsible) victims to prey on. Disgusting.
Shut the fuck up. It is NEVER someones fault for being raped. Who cares if they were drinking? they were having fun, they werent drinking expecting to be raped. Instead of teaching girls not to drink, or to drink less. We should teach people not to fucking rape. So no degree to anything, it is the rapist fault 110%. The minute you say that it possibly is the victims fault, you take away everything from them.
+Garbage Bob you're a man. You won't ever understand the shit women go through. Imagine going out by yourself (even during the day) and feeling terrified something might happen. Always having to keep your guard up. Always. You'll never understand that feeling and until you do you have no opinion on women being raped. Get the fuck out of here.
+Ben York yeah, but are we talking about men? No, so don't change the subject. And yes, we do. How would you know? You don't. So take your opinion elsewhere.
This reminds me of the time when my female housemate, who doesn't wear make up, enjoys masculine outfits, and doesn't drink got raped at our own house party when she tried to go to bed early. A lot of people told her it was her fault for being in her own bed and not having a lock on her door.
Maybe someone should put the heavy drinkers at the party in a locked room so they can’t rape anyone. Don’t tempt yourselves gentlemen (or ladies). Let people who are responsible and decent walk around freely- you deserve to be locked away, not us.
@@JadziaMarie Yeah, my point is people don’t think otherwise. I don’t think anyone thinks dressing masculine or not wearing makeup is some foolproof rape prevention method, especially if the rapist is inebriated. Like, no one says, “wow, I can’t believe that girl got raped, she wasn’t even dressed girly!”.
I’ve been a sexual assault victim myself…. So very true. We are treated like crap by police and going thru with prosecution isn’t worth it. I realize why women don’t report it.
Trish Heff, I'm very sorry you were raped and for everything you were put through after you reported it. Do you not feel stronger for surviving all of it? I hope you got counseling.
@@pamelaporter4750 I noticed that she didn’t reply, so I’ll share my experience as being a sexual assault survivor as well. No, it did not make me stronger. It killed a part of me I will never get back. My parents lost their daughter that night. I am traumatized mentally, and have life long physical pain that I have to feel even when I’m willingly making love, because my rapist “tore me up” (in my vagina) too. This did not make me stronger. I wish my rapist had killed me that day, but he did worse. I know that it helps some survivors to share their resilience through the struggle, but I really want to emphasize that rape will never benefit anybody. Assuming that being raped somehow helped the victim become a better person… No. (And btw- yes, I’ve been in counseling. A lifetime of counseling and medication and healing will never change what happened.)
@@Hannah-nh5qj I was 3/4 years old it was my step grandfather - he didn't rape me - but he did other things .. I always blamed myself for not telling my family . I had no idea what he was doing or seen a mans genitellia before. He did it for years next to my sleeping grandmother .. I feel uncomfortable around older men .
I find very VERY disgusting in both stories first thing you do is ask or tell how much alcohol was involved. As if rapers have an excuse if alcohol was involved... makes me SICK.
Actually, alcohol plays a big part in it. It lowers peoples inhibitions. It causes black outs. It impairs peoples memory's. I find it impossible to know what really happened to someone if they've had nearly a dozen shots, their memory of the night's events would just be one big blur. And they lose credibility. Sorry, that's just how it is for men or women who are absolutely obliterated with drunkenness.
Relax buddy it's all scripted. The questions are hand picked to elicit emotional response from viewers and the girls are probably even told how to answer.
Even if the questions are scripted to elicit emotional response as you claim, what point is the emotional response of how these girls are "how to answer'? Rape is a traumatic event. Honestly, if I were going to be on TV, sometimes I think I would love to be given scripted answers so I didn't have to tell people what really had happened. Plus, people watching TV probably don't tune in to hear the horrible story of the details of how a few girls were raped. But it doesn't make it any less significant. I think you have a lot of maturing to do when it comes to respecting other people's right to consume alcohol and maintain social credibility afterwards.
As a victim of child rape from my father for many years.....everybody saying it was her fault for being drunk makes me sick! No matter the victims state the one forcing is the fucked up one! Makes me sick
What kind of animals are doing this and what kind of animals are we raising.. I blame the campuses aswell..they should be standing up for these young women and getting rid of these perpetrators...they value their sports teams more than the lives of young women.
These are adults ... And if these young women expect to be treated as such they need to take responsibility for their own actions instead of blaming everyone else at the party. In all of these instances it was their decision to get intoxicated and it was their decision to have sex, and have you forgotten that the guys are also intoxicated? The moral of this pitiful drama is to not do what you can't handle. If you can't drink responsibly and you can't handle the repercussions of having drunk sex, don't do it. Otherwise don't blame the other person because you made a regretful decision. Just because she regrets doing it afterwards does not mean that he raped her.
Here, I fixed your comment for you: "And if these young MEN expect to be treated as such they need to take responsibility for their own actions instead of blaming everyone else (women) at the party. In all of these instances it was their decision to get intoxicated and it was their decision to have sex (rape). The moral of this pitiful drama is to not do what you can't handle. If you can't drink responsibly (and not rape) and you can't handle the repercussions of having drunk sex (raping), don't do it. Otherwise don't blame the other person because you raped.
owmystomachhurts Nice try, but mine actually made sense. Yours goes right back to playing the victim game ... First of all those men have already taken responsibility for the entire event, whereas the woman decides to play victim and blame the guy for her decision to get intoxicated and have sex. Both decided to get intoxicated and both decided to have drunk sex, only the woman blames everyone else, so who's not taking responsibility? And if it was both their decision how is it considered rape? According to you it's only rape if the guy has drunk sex, whereas the woman is always the victim; and the moral is for guys not to get intoxicated around drunk women, because by agreeing to have sex, he'll get accused of rape. Also how dare they blame the other person by denying that they raped anyone.
How can you do that to someone you have known since the first grade? How can you dehumanise someone who you have been friends with almost your entire life?
@@speakvanholding247etc What? Rape is about power and you have to lack a soul to do it. Sex(actually connecting with another person on an intimate level) have nothing to do with this.
testosterone can make monsters of males. it bypasses the logic centre of the brain, it's essential aggressive, an aggression chemical, that obliterates empathy.
I understand what these beautiful young ladies went through. When I was 11 I was sexually assaulted by my families friend. It went on until I was 14. I'm 15 now but it still seems like yesterday. I finally said something, but nothing was done to the man. I'm not even able to stand to be around me, this has affected my life badly.
I am so sorry you had these horrifying experiences with an adult you should have been able to trust. I hope you’ve had sone good support, and therapy to help you heal ♥️
I was raped on April 25th by a kid in my highschool, he took my virginity at 16. I walked home and cried the entire time, and for 2 consecutive hours after, like I never have before. He stalked me in school, every single day, wrote me notes and would come into classes he wasn't even in and sit behind me- until I dropped out. It changed my life forever and who I was before it happened. Rape is a life sentence for it's victims, perpetrators should receive an equal punishment. Also, if men were raped as often as women are and as easily, rape would be a death sentence already.
I am so sorry this happened to you. So horrible. Thank you for sharing. I will think of you when I send my daughter to high school. I hope only the best for your future. You are brave to speak the truth.
I am sorry this happened to you, I hope you find the help you need and can get the help you need. Sadly sexual assault does happen to men and much more commonly than most people think as men are even less likely than women to report it, it happens to men and boys as well.
So she wasn't prosecuted for recording him? And they were able to use the recording? Because I recorded two local prosecutors here in Montana and it's illegal in Montana to record without all parties permission. I recorded a prosecutor threatening to have my children taken away if I didn't help him send my husband to prison. It was illegal that I recorded him and had to hide the recording. That being said, this is horrific seeing some of these comments. I've been raped and assaulted while drinking and even WITHOUT drinking. Shame on any of you would blame a woman because a man rapes her while drinking. I have had men PROTECT me while we were all drinking. Defend me. The good men who realise I was in a vulnerable state and protected me. THEY didn't rape me. So it's no excuse.
During my younger years I binged drink practically every weekend. I was lucky that the guys I socialised with were decent guys. I have known girls who's trust was betrayed in the worst way possible. It happens too much. Guys know it's a crime when they do it.
I want to hug her so bad :’( my god this woman is SO STRONG. i could never prove my rape and attempted murder, he broke every phone/iPod/computer/any way for me to call for help. May God please be with all of us survivors. Ptsd is life long and horrific. It hurts so much more to have to beg for help when you have no proof other than bruises and your own words. She is SO SMART and I have so much respect and love for her and everyone affected by rape :’(
her hanging out at the party, too drunk to drive, and irresponsible enough not to do the buddy system, call a friend....her consent is in her actions, I don't believe it's a contract.
You should read Missoula for the rest of the story to really understand the damage caused to Allison and others. Allison and Beau were best friends as little children and stayed best friends until he raped her while she was sleeping. He broke her pants zipper so that she had to try to hold her pants together as she is running and desperately trying to use her cell phone to call her mother to come get her while she is fending off Bo running after her. She was having a hard time finding out just exactly where she was to tell her mother. Can you imagine being her mother and getting this phone call in the middle of the night and desperately trying to get to your daughter so you can get her to safety? Can you imagine the desperation of these two women in this moment? When Allison's father found out, he cried out in torment, you spend all your life trying to protect your kids and this happens from a friend. Or something to that effect. You'll have to read the book for the exact quote. She was also physically damaged because of a prior condition. She got a chance for some justice only because she was in a program in which kids were training as police do and one of the officers was impressed with her determination in one of the events especially challenging to a very short person. He's the one that got the official video confession used in court. I don't remember what Bo's sentence was but it was a fairly decent one. Getting a rape prosecuted is extremely rare and it makes sense that women don't go through the torture of reporting what happened because they know it's only going to be worse for themselves. Rape trials are the only kind of trial I know of we are the victim is blamed for what happened to themselves
Are rape prosecutions really that rare? A little look at my local sex offender registry shows tons of dudes with rape convictions and who served time (maybe not enough, but that is another story)
@@katrand5357 Interesting math problem. If 10% of the men in my neighborhood are convicted sex offenders, and 35% of sex offenses go unreported, statistically speaking, what percentage of men have committed a sex offense in my neighborhood regardless of whether it was reported or not?
My hometown had cops with attitudes like this. Because of that, it took me 15 years to finally talk about it. Never let another person or group convince you that anyone violating your body is your fault. That is easier said than done.
People need to focus on educating, warning, and keeping tabs on boys and men, not blaming and warning women about how to avoid rape and act during and after rape.
You're absolutely right. Accountability starts at a young age. My son asked why middle schoolers are still told "keep your hands to yourself." He said it didn't make sense (he's a 6th grader in jr high so apparently he's not a kid anymore lol) because they already know this. I told him because even though he and many other students already know this, there are some students who do not do this. Those students don't respect themselves so, they in turn do not respect anyone else. When any of my 3 kids are playing with each other(14, 11, and 6) or all together, I make sure to remind them if anyone says "stop," that means stop, even if they're playing...especially if they're playing. If they hurt each other in the process, by accident, they still need to be held accountable. (I don't mean discipline) Consent and accountability are crucial and should be taught at a young age...it goes hand in hand.
I am so glad that she got the recorded confession. I also had to take those measures. I had met a guy about a year before I actually allowed him to come over to my apartment. On that night, we had drinks. I felt comfortable at home, and fell asleep. I found out the next day, he had raped me after I fell asleep. I called him back and recorded the conversation. At first, he tried to claim we 'had sex.' All along, I knew I had fallen asleep with all of my clothes on. I recorded his confession to me. Unfortunately though, I never reported the incident. He went to jail last year; and I looked him up. Turns out that when we met, he was already battling a rape case. Also, he had ANOTHER previous rape case, and was convicted of indecent exposure after we broke up. These guys keep getting away with rape because we are shamed out of reporting it too often.
Ok so if anyone ever did this to my daughter there is no question, the police would never be called, I have some special skills he would get to experience. Semper Fidelis
"Do you remember how much you were drinking?" Sure let's perpetuate rape culture. It doesn't effing matter how much she was drinking. Whether she was completely inebriated or not, she didn't do anything wrong. The interviewer seemed a bit aggressive here. Asking her why she didn't shout or fight back.
I've read the book. Jon is a great author and these girls' stories are really moving. I'm going to college in Missoula and majoring in chemistry with a concentration in forensic chemistry. When I see these girls, I see my sisters or my friends(I have very few guy friends and never hang out with the few guy friends I have). It fills me with sadness, anger, and a resolve to pursue forensics
I am a sexual assault survivor and a crisis counselor.Victims of sexual assault are left with an aftermath of emotions that affect them like no other crime. Initially, there is a tidal wave of shame and self-blame which is often reinforced by the rapist, friends, family and too many ignorant police. They feel responsible for what happened because they may have drank too much, flirted too much or worn "sexy" clothing. They feel like they should have fought harder, said "No!" louder or known better than to accept a ride from/been alone with/trusted this guy. They have a hard time realizing that they did NOTHING to cause the crime and that the responsibility lies 100% with the person who raped them. Then there is a hurricane of ANGER......so much anger and outrage that you don't even recognize yourself and star entertaining creative ways that you can destroy or maim the person who hurt you. Unfortunately, most rape victims stuff the anger inside (where it does NOT go away but morphs into seething resentment) or turn their anger back on themselves by drinking or drugging too much, engaging in risky behaviors or becoming suicidal. This level of rage is somewhat terrifying if you are not used to feeling it. It seems like it will destroy you- and everyone around you- if it ever gets out. But it MUST be dealt with, it must be expressed in order to begin healing. Find a friend or counselor or someone who loves you and will hold you when the anger comes out screaming like the devil himself. Go somewhere where you can literally scream your head off and curse and stomp around and beat the shit out of the big bag of old clothes you brought with you. Shred them as you say everything you want to say to the rapist. Stomp them into the dirt! Cry as long and as loud as you need to!! Write scathing letters to him, read them out loud, then burn them! It is OK to be angry, furious, enraged- just channel it in a direction that won't hurt you all over again. You don't deserve to be hurt. It was not your fault. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! There IS life after trauma, and you are NOT alone. There are so many survivors out here who will be glad you help you thru the process of recovery. You do not have to press charges....but know that if you don't speak up, other women will be raped later; and guys will continue to believe that "no means yes and yes means anal" and feel like it's good fun to "do" a woman when she is passed out and then give her to their buddies to do the same- all while they are taking pics and video of the event to send and celebrate with their other buddies so they can "Hi-5" each other in the locker room. This whole "alpha male" attitude HAS to STOP- ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! Only when women come forward to prosecute these bastards will they start getting a clue that girls are not placed on the earth to be their private playthings. I help young women learn to honor their bodies and themselves, teaching them to be aware, exercise self-control and to insist on respect because they deserve it. Men pick up their cues of how to treat you FROM YOU. Honor yourself and they will honor you. Don't put up with trashy talk, out of control drinking, sex without love and commitment and they will get the message that your are different, a Lady who deserves RESPECT. Watch out for one another! Be strong! And if someone has sexually assaulted you in ANY way- touching without permission is assault!- please get some help. Don't do HIM a favor by staying silent. It's time to get LOUD.
Keep teaching women to never take responsibility and let me know how that works. I'm not saying it's their fault but that doesn't mean they didn't do anything stupid. If I walk around in a dangerous neighborhood showing my wallet full of cash in the air and I get robbed it's not my fault but I'm definitely an irresponsible idiot. The two can coexist you know.
This articulates a divergence of realities most people don’t get about rape. That, for the victim, it is a life-threatening situation. Most folks think of it as about sex or even about power. Maybe both are also true, but for the victim, it’s life or death and they’re fighting for their lives.
This is exactly correct. I attempted to fight back once, and what I got was head to toe bruises, bites, lacerations, and cigarette burns. So, the next two times I clearly said no, I pleaded, and then I dissociated for survival and allowed it to happen. I didn’t want to die.
If I'm ever raped by a man/woman I'm going to the cops as soon as possible no matter how well I know the predator. The purpose being there are consequences that need to be implemented and the predator needs to be reported before they move on to do it again.
Women always have the same excuses. "ohh I was scared and ashamed" and then when people have their doubts against the womens accusations because they took so long to report it, they attack you for not just taking their word. Always report rape as soon as possible. Forget about how you feel or what people will think. The sooner, the better for you and for the case to be solved and the person to be caught.
not everyone has the courage. especially if the rapist happens to be a relative or close friend as its usually is. so unless you've ever been in this situation, don't talk about what you would do.
NewAgeGod I understand but at the same time, you should also understand that EVERY person reacts differently in certain situations. Man or not, it's difficult for each individual regardless.
Skye Carl some us thankfully are brave enough. but me, I wasn't. My uncle violated me when I was 5. he said not to tell anyone. I was a child. what did I know? years later I realized what he did was wrong but how could I say something years later? who would believe me. his wife, my dad's sister, was always so sweet and nice To me & his daughters treated me like a little sister. to this day I haven't said a word because for one, I'm now 26 & 2. I just don't even know how I would go about it. I feel shame, guilt, regret. I should of could of would of, but I didnt. I didn't want to break up their family. I wish I could have had the courage or someones guidance but I didn't. now, as far as grown teens & women go..there's many different scenarios and reasons as to why girls don't speak up more. most of the time, rape or sexual assault charges aren't taken seriously. the perverted some of a bitch usually gets off the hook way too easy. other girls see this and get discouraged. or they're scared of what people might think. of course we would love to prevent other people from being a victim but I swear, the fear and despair some of us have is far way worse than a lot of people realize. especially for teenagers. if they were out drinking, they don't wanna say because of their parents. maybe they sneaked out and know they'll be in super trouble if their parents find out. Or even worse, people will assume SHE asked for it. her skirt was too short. her boobs were out. she was blacked out drunk. those are all the excuses cops use. and that's completely wrong on so many levels. women should be able to wear whatever the fuck they want and not worry about some psycho with dark thoughts attacking her. parents need to teach both girls and boys to respect EVERY ONE no matter what they wear or look like. I could go on & on. sorry. I just feel really passionate about this topic. I hope this never ever happens to you or anyone, and if it does...I pray that you do in fact have the balls to say something. the balls that some of us don't have. sorry if any typos
As a victim, when it’s someone you knew or were friends with, it’s so much harder. They try to pull everything “we had a secret relationship” “she just regretted it, we had a thing” “she didn’t want to be found out she cheated”. It’s so much harder because people will assume she’s lying. In my case I provided every message ever exchanged for the 6 month friendship, not a single flirt etc in sight. Recorded him admitting it, texts where I told him to leave me alone detailing what he did and him admitting saying he wouldn’t try contacting me again, but always did. A bartender witness, video of how tipsy I was leaving the bar, friends who I reached out to right after, when distrust that helped me, proof of that. He was someone I thought was my friend, a college in my department, did HW and met my friends and partner as well as hung out with us a lot. Sadly some act like a trustworthy person and the second they see an opportunity to do it alone, they pounce. That’s the hardest part, a stranger can’t pull that. But someone who was seen as a friend will twist anything to be innocent and twist those in your life as well. I told no one outside my family and friends but he did, male dominated field and after I reported because he didn’t leave me alone a month after, got treated different and looks of hate from people in my classes. It’s been a year, still going through it, never spent a night in jail and still in that program. Even though I got an IPO doesn’t matter. I had a rape kit done the next day and even got pictures of the bruising. It’s a nightmare, I went to classes online but thankfully found a job I love remote so I just avoid that campus now. One I loved for several years and had a previous degree from with good memories and friends who were staff or educators. The dean told me even once charged and found guilty he is still allowed to attend that school and program even while I am as long as he’s 500 ft away from me at all times. I basically just gave up on that program. Could take 6 months-3 years before he’s charged anything. Wish the other girl in the program I found out he did this to also the semester before he was friends with would want to speak up, but she’s young and embarrssed, I understand do won’t push her. Embarrassing something I don’t want people to know and something that greatly destroyed my mental state for awhile as well as relationship. I wish no one go through this nightmare, the amount of work and toll on a victim just to try and do anything about it sucks so much. Just to know they might only get a few months locked up and probation time. It’s worth it if they are on a list and I can help scare them to stop or not hurt anyone else. If they do at least they will see my case so I can help that victim as much as I can. Worst part he’s wanting a career in the military as well, no one is going to report against someone in the military in my opinion. I have a lot of friends enlisted and they are enraged and don’t want him in. Such s nightmare. And I know many love to pull the “you drank game”. He knew I was depressed and suggested we go, it was someone I was friends with and trusted for several months and hung out with many times. I had no idea what they’d do just because they thought they could get away with it. Oh and my partner at the time, we lived together, been together over two years, and a million times more attractive, let’s see how that goes in court. I wish more than anything my partner hadn’t ever gone to third shift, it’s not his fault, but after that spending nights alone, I was terrified. Lights cut out once and PTSD episode triggered thinking he came back to hurt me again. It’s embarrassing people knowing that happened, and takes so much of your life anxious and always doing something for years even with so much proof just for any justice to happen.
How do even 80% of rapes are under reported if by definition. See lot of party Girls lot jumping on guys Crush grabbing Striping anymale that pass's by and don't remember what they. Often the rapist. And i have Actual examples of this instead of making stuff up and saying it's under reported. .
Chances are, they took advantage of drunk girls in their past too. Also, good ol boys club. They always look out for other guys. Women are subservient. Doesn’t matter if you’re white, black, blue, purple or yellow.
Sad what happened to these young women, and how difficult the system makes it for them to come forward. And the police asking them how much they had to drink, as if that negates their innocence or that they are victims. This should not be happening in this day and age. I hope they can go on to have a bright and normal future without any stigma being attached to them.
There is no excuse for rape. Personally, I had an experience similar to this. I had been talking with an African American guy who seemed nice, he invited me to a house party. I was hesitant as I didn't know him very well. He told me that there would be at least 7 other women there, to make me feel more comfortable. I was still hesitant, then he pulled the race card, saying that I didn't want to go to his party because I would be the only "whitey" there. That wasn't why, at all. I had to drive an hour to get to the place where the party was. I was moderating my drinking, Every time my cup was half way, someone would pour more into it. At one point, I dumped what was in my cup down the drain, I was already too drunk to drive home. I talked to one of the women, there, asked her if I could go into a room that had a lock on the door, to sleep it off because I knew I was too drunk to drive. The woman was fine with it. She told me that there were 2 keys to the door, it locked from the inside. She said she would give me both keys if it wuld make me feel safe. I took the keys, went into the room laid down on the bed. The next thing I remembered was loud noises, cursing & laughing outside the door to the room. I felt safe with the door locked, I fell back asleep. When I woke up again, 5 guys from the party including the one I thought was decent, had broken the knob and lock to the door, had come into the room. I was still too drunk to fight them off, I just kept saying NO, STOP! They only laughed, taking turns at me. The wmen were standing in the doorway, watching. I begged them to help me, they just stood there, watching. The next day, I left while everyone else was sleeping. I located the closest police station, I walked in, told the person in the front that I had been gang raped, wanted to file a report. The cop told me to have a seat, that someone would talk with me, soon. I sat there, smelling like semen, sweat & alcohol. After 20 minutes I talked to the person at the front desk who told me I could sit down & shut up or leave. I was feeling worse as time passed by. After 1 hour of waiting, I couldn't stand my own stench. I left, drove the 1 hour drive home. I was so terrified when I didn't get my period for a few months. I thought about what I would do if I was pregnant. It would be financially difficult, yet, the child would be my child to love, to raise, to teach. When I had completely resigned myself to having a baby to take care of, I got my period 2 weeks later. Although it was stupid of me to drive an hour to the party, it was stupid to drink with people I didn't know. I felt that I had done the right things by not driving & by going in a room then locking the door. Nothing justifies what those men AND women did to me, what they had allowed to happen. To this day, I may have just 1 glass of wine in a restaurant, no more than that even if prodded to have "just one more". If I am going to drink any more than that, I do it in my home, alone. It's my respnsibility to keep myself safe, no one elses.
I'm just now reading this comment a month later but just know I'm keeping you in my prayers! You are a strong woman for still trying and going in that station. I pray you get justice if you still have not gotten it already🙏
Sorry for what happened to you... Why didn't you go to the hospital and have them call the police.... Good decision to drink less but why don't you do just like me ... DO NOT DRINK AT ALL... a lot can happen when someone loses their judgement especially if they are already corrupt, their real self appears when they lose their ability to act like kind beings... Not blaming the victims at all but I believe women should stay away from such parties because some of these men are ugly creatures and they are only after your body when they get drunk they become worse, their reason goes down and animal desire goes up. Iam a man who has been married for 25 years, never drank or smoked and had a happy life with my wife.. I am a Muslim and thank God for making me so and drinking is prohibited in Islam. In fact, the Messenger Muhammad peace be upon him said that drinking is the mother of all evils . That being said these ugly creatures can't use drinking as an excuse and should be punished severely for preying on innocent women.
@@peace-mercy After such a terrible experience, I felt so beaten down, so demoralized I just wanted to go home, take a shower, go to bed. Even at that time, I didn't usually drink in public at all. I was in a locked room which the group of African American men had to break down the door to get to me. Did you even read that???? I don't know what country you live in or if you are part of any ethnic group. A person of any gender, any ethnic group can be safe as long as the other people are not breaking any laws or breaking a door down. Actually, you are victim blaming, saying that a man cannot be blamed for being a man. Your religious stance is a stance not believed or practiced widely in the USA which is a mostly Christian country.
@@FreeSpirit47 Of course I sympathize with you and I am not putting the blame on you and I said clearly that these are ugly creatures who don't even deserve to be called human beings. Had I been there, I would have definitely defended you because that's how I was brought up and that's what my religion teaches me. I am sorry you misunderstood my message. Again these ugly creatures who did that to you must be punished severely. My message was clear. I wish you the best of luck and pray that God give you the energy to deal the aftermath of what you went through.
@@peace-mercy you are victim blaming. why is the narrative always “women need to stop going to parties and/or drinking” instead of “men need to stop raping.” it’s disgusting. Women can’t have fun partying with friends because who knows when a rapist will strike? why don’t we tell men to stop rape, why don’t rapists have consequences? you’re putting all the responsibility on the victims and that is fucked up.
This is why I never go to a party without my boyfriend of 3 years. He is a good man and knows what no means! Even if I'm just not feeling like having sex, he knows that means no and doesn't guilt me or try to push me. That's the type of partner you need to search for and always makes sure you're with someone at parties, etc. have a friend or a partner and stay together. People are dangerous these days and it's scary.
It is great that you found someone so dependable, that is a good rule to follow. However, the girl said that she knew her rapist since 1st grade. Sometimes people that we know well are wearing a mask. They are just waiting for the opportunity to hurt us.
My close male friend came over to do homework a year ago in college. It was his birthday, so we had a few drinks together to celebrate. I don't drink often, so it didn't take long for me to be gone. I told him I was tired and headed to bed. I told him it was OK to sleep on my bed because it's pretty big and growing up I was used to sharing a bed with siblings & friends. Never in my life did I think one of my closest friends could do something like this to me, so obviously the thought didn't even cross my mind. I passed out pretty instantaneously. A few hours later, I woke up to him sexually assaulting me. I completely froze, every atom inside of me wanted to scream and tell him to F off, but I physically couldn't. Fortunately for me, he sent a text the next day apologizing for what he'd done, so the report of the case was pretty clear-cut. I hate what he did, I now have a no-contact order on him, and he walked away with a slap on the wrist, but I do hope he finds serious help and becomes a better person and never does this to anyone ever again.
It doesn't matter how much a person had to drink. Rape is wrong. Just plain wrong. And police officers should arrest the one's that raped her. If they didn't. Then maybe the police should face consequences and be indefinitely terminated.
I remember one thing my mother-in-law told me when I confessed abt my r that I had been holding in for a couple of years then, that I felt like it was my fault bc alcohol was involved in my situation and she told me “when we get drunk here with the family, do we try to do that stuff to you? When you get drunk with your partner or friends, do they do that stuff to you? They don’t.” And it fully changed my perspective on it all.
Aww, I love this ❤ Sometimes the comments are so vile and disheartening, but yours was so refreshing, thanks for sharing that! I'm so glad that your mum was supportive of you. I'm going to remember your mum's wise words. 🙏
If they had not recorded him confessing, you'd see her on fox News, claiming she is just asking for it, or she was lying. This is disgusting, and it really is shameful that our society treats women like this. I have two daughters and I would likely go back to prison for life is some scummy teenager put their hands on my little girls .
Always imagine if the same thing were to happen to your mother, girlfriend or sister....this is a really serious issue that should not be taken lightheartedly. It causes serious traumatic disorders, and if your a good guy please make sure you watch out for situations like this..especially at parties
It did happen to my mother. My father came home stinking drunk and beat her half to death, and then held a broken bottle to her neck and raped her repeatedly for the rest of night. I was born nine months later and he gave me his name to carry for the rest of my life. When you are born in hell, the only direction you can go is up.
I’m not sure if this is just a US thing (I’m Canadian), but it astounds me that colleges/universities have their own campus police, and basically use that to prevent victims reporting incidents to the ACTUAL police. If you ask me, that’s a huge part of the problem. If these rapes and assaults were reported to the actual police, and prosecuted, maybe they would happen less. From what I’ve heard, a lot of the rapes and assaults are serial attacks from the same people because perpetrators aren’t facing consequences. Institutions need to stop being allowed to get in the way…
That is why the have the campus police to silence the victims especially if it’s an athlete, they never report it to the actual police and they isolate the victim so she usually ends up,leaving the school. And the school never report the stats because the want ppl to attend. I remember when it happened to a friend of mine the campus police tried to force us to us to go there and I told her they are not the real police and we should go off campus and get real law enforcement involved. I was like we are not giving u any info and when the police comes to see u will get a copy of their official report. They tried to do all kinds of stuff. But I told them my dad was in the FBI and if they tried to stop me they would see how that would play out, wasn’t true was my cousin. But they backed off really quickly. She ended up,dropping out for about 5 yrs, then finished at another school.
not everyone can react fast and "fight back" ... if you wake up and someone rapes you... you are traumatized. maybe you cant move ... you want it all to be over . dont judge quickly , always try to think like them
The saddest thing about school rape is that it happens on all college campuses. I d as Ted a girl that was raped and she kept blaming herself for it. It's a terrible epidemic in colleges.
There is something seriously wrong with a person who can look at another person who is passed out, and think that’s the perfect time to have sex……idk how much psychological help would be needed to cure that mentality but it would be a LOT
Of course rape is not the victim's fault. However, when no evidence can be found you can't just convict someone... I know it sucks, but it's the law. I also think it is very important not to assume that the alleged suspect is guilty.
This comment section is beyond sick. No wonder situations like this happen so often, bc there are still people who would rather put a significant amount of blame on the person who was violated as opposed to who *committed the crime* in the first place
For centuries women have suffered this injustice to their bodies and souls. When is enough is enough! Very smart young woman, record everything, never think anyone is your friend. Always protect yourself no matter what. Prayers for the victims of this senseless crime against women.
Do they have to say 'alleged?' ...this is really angering me... They keep emphasizing how much the girls were drinking too. It still has this seedy underlying air of blame to it
This story is why I love the movie “Promising Young Woman”. I would wish God to strike down every rapist or someone about to rape DEAD INSTANTLY! If men knew that they would die if they did this crime, I’m guessing it would stop or at least get rid of horrid rapists instantly. They deserve a painful death.
@@maysal2801 They have to say "alleged" for legal reasons. The reason is that if they don't preface the claim with that word, and it turns out that the allegation is a hoax, the defendant has grounds to sue for slander. Even if it was unintended, it biases the audience against the accused person's reputation. By saying "alleged", you are prefacing the sentence with a term whose full meaning is "according to the allegation".
Some people may ask why she didn’t scream or fight back but I am interested in why they are asking that. It’s a very manipulative way for the media to get the best story regardless of how it further traumatizes rape victims.
Omg thank you for saying “alcohol wasn’t the one who stuck a pen*s in my face a person did that.” 💯 facts. This is heartbreaking 💔 I feel angry and emotional for these women 😡. Stay strong you are a survivor , a fighter.
This happened to my daughter when she was 17. It was a boy she had started dating a few months before. He invited her over to spend the night having some drinks. And of course she told me she was at another friends. She told no one for a year. During that year she started acting out, cutting school. Then one night she broke down and told me. She thinks he drugged her. The cops of course pressed no charges and she ended up quitting school, because he had so many friends there bullying her, for nearly ruining his life and career chances. The worst that happened to him is he went on a list of accused rape suspects and if he ever did anything like that again, he would be destroyed. She lost a lot of friends too. The reason she finally spoke up was because even though he had graduated, he was still going around the school to see his friends and they would walk home behind her and say nasty things. She felt stalked. Again treated like it was her fault for going to his house to drink. She remembered one drink.
Does it sound like your daughter was respectable of drinking at 17 years old. Did you ever think that maybe women and men should not be having sex until they're ready to be married. That's the more moral thought. But I'm just saying.
Why is the reporter asking the typical victim blaming questions? Was she drunk? Why didn't she fight him off? Did they think she was consenting? These questions are irrelevant and asking them perpetuates the notion that these women are in part responsible for the crimes committed upon them. Disgraceful, unprofessional, harmful reporting.
+xoxBelllaDonnaxox They are relevant moron... if a girl and a guy are drunk, and she consents because her judgment is impaired... that absolutely changes everything. That means, the guy thought he had permission. He remembers making-out with her, and she denies it on the basis of not remembering... so she doesn't remember if she did or did not willingly make-out with him, or if she did or did not give signals that could be misinterpreted as consent... especially to someone who is also impaired. There is a *_HUGE_* difference if there was no malicious intent... it is the difference between a mistake... a misunderstanding... and a person that is evil. Furthermore... asking the question is seeking the *_truth_*... there are plenty of cases where a man is intentionally falsely accused of rape... that is why we don't presume guilt over innocence. There are stories of girls being drunk and having consensual sex, and then regretting it, so they lie about what happened. There are stories where girls weren't drunk and still consented, but regretted it later, so they lie... There are stories about girls who've had sex with a boyfriend and didn't want her family to know about it, so accused another guy of rape to cover it up. There are stories of girls who accuse men of rape out of revenge... and use rape accusations as a weapon against men. etc. etc. etc.
***** If these men were on trial and this woman was testifying against them these questions would be relevant. The questions are irrelevant because these men have already confessed and plead guilty.This girl isn't giving evidence, there is no burden of proof. They have been convicted. Asking these questions at this point perpetuates the idea that the victim always somewhat at fault for the sexual assault because there was something they could have done to stop it. It is actually quite rare for victims to falsely accuse rape at 2-3 % according to studies. www.google.ie/#q=false+reports+of+rape
xoxBelllaDonnaxox "The questions are irrelevant because these men have already confessed and plead guilty." "They have been convicted. " Those are lies... they never went to trial, nor were convicted. "This girl isn't giving evidence, there is no burden of proof. " Of course she is... she is making an assertion... presenting her case... so is required to prove it to convince her audience. Just because she isn't doing that in court, does not mean the rules of logic and reasoning are just thrown out the window. She has a motive to convince... so it is her responsibility to present a valid case to those she is attempting to convince... and if she doesn't then she won't achieve her goal. Because rational people won't just take her word for it and presume guilt... that basis in the court system was founded on legitimate principles outside of court. "It is actually quite rare ..." I guess you ignored the 22% and 31%... and some even claim 40%... but either way... here is an article explaining why your figures are nonsense anyway. www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2014-09-19/how-many-rape-reports-are-false The point is, they happen, and there are false or mistaken accusations about pretty much any crime... that is why in a *_civilized_* society we don't presume guilt. "... for victims to falsely accuse rape ..." If the accusation is false... then they aren't victims... now are they? The victims are those that they accuse.
@@blastingoff It sounded more like he was just trying to get sympathy to keep them from ratting him out. As they said, he didn't adhere to their agreement, if he had remorse he would have.
Don’t become a victim. Know your limits and watch your surroundings. Nobody deserves to be raped but we don’t have control over what others do out here, we are responsible for ourselves. Take responsibility for your actions and hold others accountable for theirs. There is no excuse , not drinking, not mental illness, nothing for someone to rape another.
If you treat children like demigods just because they're good at sports, you can't expect them not to develop behavioral issues. College is meant to be about academic achievement. Stop giving kids an easy ride through high-school, a free ticket to college, and a bloated sense of self-importance. They might actually start to develop empathy, a sense of responsibility, and a conscience.
You don't yell you don't scream, because many times you realize you want to live and doing either of those things will trigger the rapist. If they think they can get away with "taking advantage" it's less trouble for them. The goal is to get out of the situation alive, not piss the rapist off! It's about survival.
This is just an idiot statement. Can people stop blaming foreign subjects instead of the only huge problem here? The RAPIST? I drink alcohol at parties. Am I asking for it? Hell no. This is just a stupid comment.
Inês Carrola its called being responsible. I was raped once and you know had I not been where I was it wouldn't have happened. I moved on from it. Strength got me through it. Alone by myself with no help.
The unfortunate reality is that rape will never go away… we need to look out for ourselves more and for others. Let’s be careful not to put ourselves in situations where we can’t defend ourselves properly. Let’s be strong together.
I was sexually assaulted by my own father for months. I called my older sibling who I was supposed to be raised by.. she had sent me to live with him (found out later she knew he was a rapist). She tole me to quit lying. That I live there now and I'm not coming home. I never told anyone again until his girlfriends daughter told her teacher he was raping her. I was then told, by her mother, it was MY fault she was raped because I didn't say anything. This man had threatened to hurt my mother and brother (I witnessed him beating him). I was also a scared 12 year old child. Please, people, I beg of you.. if someone comes to you saying they were abused.. believe them.
This story did not age well....sexual assaults "fueled by binge drinking". Fueled by rapists. The reporter asking how much the victims had to drink. How shotty and disgusting of reporting.
Theres a good reason people are asked about alcohol usage. Its silly for people to be complaining here about that. Sometimes people do stupid shit they don't remember when they are drunk. While she may of been raped, it is also possible that she was too drunk to remember consenting. Don't drink at parties. Fucked up people exist, and life isn't fair.
***** I don't know what state you live in. But Alcohol isn't an excuse in most of them, no matter how drunk you are. If you don't want to fuck people you don't know, don't drink to the point that you will.
***** As it stands right now there is no law on how sober you have to be to give consent. Consent is consent whether you believe that person is too drunk or not is irrelevant. The law doesn't care about how you FEEL. If you would like a law to be passed, write one and try.
Too bad. Any reasonable man would know when a girl is drunk, regardless of whether she says yes or no, he won't do it to her. Period. There is and should be absolutely no excuse for rape. If you're going to excuse a man taking advantage of a woman, without being fully sober, then you're a fucking pig
"alcohol didn't stick a penis in my face" is probably the best wording for this concept i have ever heard and if people argue with that i have no hope left
Alcohol didn't drink itself is better wording.
@@mr.reality8069 no it sure didn't and also alcohol wasn't the pig who raped a woman.
Mr Reality just used alcohol as an excuse for rape which technically means you would do it yourself
@@hannahfountain6819 no harm was done
Drinking too much should only lead to a hangover. That is normal. Drinking too much should never lead to the trauma of sexual assault.
Men, you need to do better.
When a woman is drunk and gets raped, people say "she was drinking, what'd she expect to happen?" But if a guy is drunk and rapes someone, it's "He was drunk, it isn't his fault." Anything to force the blame on the victim.
True
guyy who raped her only got 8 years and he has already broke his parole rules
Laws would change if guys were getting raped. The sentences would increase.
Sure, some people think the way you're describing, but most don't. At least I'd like to think so.
So true
It's heart wrenching to even hear "some people might ask why you didn't fight, why didn't you fight"? Anybody who's ever been sexually assaulted, molested, raped, abused, etc, knows that paralyzing fear. I was sexually abused for years as a child. And I pretended to be asleep every. Single. Time. I NEVER spoke about it until adulthood and even then it's been twice. Once being in confidential counseling. The other telling my mom while explaining myself as to why this person was NOT allowed around my children. And my own mother telling me "if that was true why wouldn't you have told me?". Because I was TERRIFIED. Because I was disgusted with MYSELF. Because I was SURE it was something I did to cause it. Every single time it happened I was paralyzed in fear. Just wanted it to end. And even 20+ years later talking about it makes me physically sick. Embarrassed. Disgusted. I still blame myself. I still convince myself it had to be something I did.. something I brought on myself. I'm married to the most amazing man and still am triggered by sex, by intimacy. He doesn't know why. He doesn't know what happened to me. Because I can't bring myself to speak about it again. Please... Do not EVER question why somebody stayed quiet. That's a painful slap in the face that we already give ourselves often.
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that is to live with. I understand your silence, but I think you should tell your husband (but you know best, it's your life) it could bring you closer and he might understand your triggers
I hate those questions "why didn't you say anything earlier", etc., like if it was easy to tell. Men always do it when you are alone with them, cause they know it's nearly impossible to prove, then you're the one called a liar. Disclorsure is a nightmare.
Even ignoring the pure shock of when something like that happens to you, and it IS paralyzing like a lot of traumatic things are: What she said in the interview about “this person is already willing to rape you, it’s hard to imagine what they won’t do to you” (paraphrasing, not directly quoting her) is so true. Nobody asks people with a gun to their head why they’re not screaming and yelling. If someone is capable of harming you in this (sexual assault) way, in your mind, they’re also capable of beating you, killing you, hurting someone you love, or anything you can imagine. And you’re 100% justified if you’re operating under that assumption and being quiet to keep yourself safe. I don’t know why some people can’t wrap their minds around that. How is yelling and fighting going to work in your favor? Even if you keep a penis from entering you you’ve already been violated, you’re vulnerable and you’ve got a perpetrator right there who has already proven themselves to be violent beyond what you could have imagined.
I hope you have really and truly accepted that you did NOTHING wrong. You were a child VICTIM and deserve comfort and acceptance not judgement.
i wish all the best for you, stay strong
Intoxicated or not, nobody deserves to be raped!
TripleMRocks 100% agree.
+TripleMRocks I know that poor guy raped by that female
+Charlotte Fairchild Yes, but who would move your heavy furniture, do your mechanics and while we're on the subject of automobiles, how would you deal with the mass epidemic of female driver car accidents?
+Charlotte Fairchild Majority of male serial killers are the product of sexual abuse committed by women.
+Alex Valdez Lie. bmiatlanta.com/therapists.html 97% of sexual abuse is by males.
Just b/c someone decided to drink probably not knowing their limits doesn't mean anyone gets a green light to do shit to you. Technically you're not able tot consent at this point and the perpetrators are deliberately taking advantage of that situation whether the victim tried to resist or blacked out. You making a bad decision doesn't make you less of a victim. Wtf kind of logic is that? On a side note these guys are pathetic losers.
Chrissi, Well said! 👏
+ItsMe Cat You don't have to say it directly for it to be true. Saying things like I'll never put myself in that position implies that she sort of had it coming for getting drunk! Not recognizing what you are saying doesn't excuse what you say; that's all.
Tristan Williams Nobody is being dramatic; it's just facts. Getting drunk doesn't mean you want it or gives anyone permission to take it! And if I use your logic then, maybe next time you go across the street somebody should run you over since you decided to cross the street and you know that cars go by on it! Really? Learn to be a man and recognize that thinking is not a big deal to be raped is wrong. So no dramatic anything; just appalled at people that have no idea of reality and think that nothing is a big deal. May it never happens to you or someone you know so you don't have to see the suffering a victim goes true after something like that! Have a good deluded life!
+Tristan Williams Please refer to last reply and go on with your life!
Tristan Williams you are disgusting and need help
I can't believe I have to say this every time under a rape crime documentary, but it's not hard to not rape someone; it's literally human decency to leave a person unable to consent alone. It doesn't matter if they're so drunk they passed out on the floor, give them a blanket, watch their back, and don't touch them while they cannot give consent! Why is this so hard? "How much did you drink? What were you wearing? Did you scream?" Those are not the right questions. Regardless of how much they drank, or what they wore/ didn't wear, or what they said - nobody. deserves. to. be. raped. It's that simple. We have to stop teaching women to "be vigilant, always on edge, always looking at how you're portrayed" and instead teach offenders to "stop being predatory scum of the earth."
Edit: To all the people saying "we shouldn't stop teaching women... it's still dangerous" - yes. That's not the point of my post, but yes. I could have worded it better, so that's my bad, but what I'm saying is education shouldn't SOLEY be based towards women when the ROOT of the problem is that predatory men and people should be held responsible, ridiculed, and punished AND predatory behavior should be sniped at the start.
Thank you! This interviewer is awful. I feel like she is so judgemental.
THANK YOU
While I agree with 99% of your comment, I don’t agree with the ‘we have to stop teaching women to be vigilant’. I agree not to teach women or men or circles and squares to always look at how they are portrayed, but we need to teach everyone to be mindful of their environment. Because while in a fairytale like utopia it is possible that no one will want to do any kind of harm to the other, in this life, in this universe there will always be psychopath, sociopaths or just simply evil people who will do anything just to harm you, It goes to everyone - a thin guy alone on the streets (don’t even has to be tipsy or anything) can be jumped by 2 big guys, robbed and killed. And sure as hell in the end it’s never the victims fault, but if they are dead…it’s very little consolation to be able to have a headstone ‘I was right’..
So, I don’t go out alone at night, not because I’m afraid specifically of this type of crime. Because I’m afraid of any type of bodily harm others will be able to do to me more easily as opposed if I’m with others. I watch out for my friends and their belongings, I’m not leaving anyone alone, and if I see a person alone and in a vulnerable state I will ask others to help. This is called being vigilant. And even sometimes being vigilant is not enough. (I’m adding this to make it very very clear: In no way,shape or form I would ever say that they were not vigilant,the victims. my comment is simply regarding the general statement of should not teach people to be vigilant), At least this is my opinion. It may be faulty, but it is what it is.
I agree with what you said, the problem is the scum that will rape aren't going to listen to you. That's why we have to unfortunately be on our guard to protect ourselves. As a parent it's also my job to be on guard to protect my children. ( Both boys and girls) because scum will do it regardless of how much we tell them it's wrong.
Unfortunately, it's a cruel and fallen world, and us women do have to be vigilant and protect ourselves from being a victim if we can. Sad, but true.
Disappointing that the majority of the men and even some of the women here seem to be blaming the victims. Sad how so much ignorance still exists.
Fantazomi Where is the prevention? What kind of Buddy System training to women get?
Victims have a responsibility to not drink alcohol and to watch their drinks for roofies or whatever they r using. Oh...dont go to parties then if you cant take care of yourself. This is classic millenial thinking "its never my fault" . Growing up entitled.
moon starr No, entitled is thinking that you are allowed to do what you want with someone else's body without their permission.
Victims have a responsibility to use the Buddy System, to know self defense, and be aware. The Buddy System means you don't leave the one you came with and you keep their safety as a priority. The Buddy System is in all the literature for male centered activities (Scuba Diving, Fishing, Hunting, military, law enforcement, Sky diving, etc.)
moon starr
If you cannot trust a guy you have known 10 years, then who can you trust? Women need to use the Buddy System with other women or they need to have agreements with the men they have trusted to be caring.
when they blame you for being drunk but excuse them for being drunk...
Female supremicist have the other way around Blane for being drunk but not her but what point of Blame any more what happened and what to do about it . And what are escuses reasons and factors. But these Feminist FEM meaning their brains can only think Emotionally
Not his fault. It's the girls fault
That’s what he said
I was raped 1 week ago. I am a 31 year mother, im a good person, I live a drama free life, I don't party, or sleep around ( quite the opposite ) . If all this was the opposite, it wouldn't matter though ( rape is never ok) .... I knew this man. I reported the assult, I did what I thought was right, even though I didnt want to tell. He was arrested that night, and a couple of days later... He was released from jail. The D.A's office dropped charges. The man who made the choice to drop charges ( with the d a's office) , he literally laughed at me. Now, this man walks free and I cry non stop. I dont k ow what to do next. The legal system failed me. I regret not doing what she did ( record him) . I found out, that there are 2 other woman , that he raped ( un reported) ..... I know that there are more , I assume :( . I now know , why people don't tell. The legal system fails us, even calls us liars. I now live in fear. Jim did send him to jail, even if it was only a couple of days. He has a Domestic violence conviction ( previous/ not me) , yet that didnt get the d.a's office to even take a closer look. Words can not explain the way this kind of thing has effected me physically, mentally, emotionally... I am very strong, independent, and I stand up for myself.... This has still controlled me . I can't imagine, this happen g to a younger woman or child. My tough skin has melted away because of him.... I think , that's what he wanted... To strip me of my confidence, to make me feel weak, to k ow, that he was / is in control . Oddly, I also mourn the loss of our relationship . I hate that part, the fact that I suffer from being raped by someone I cared for, but I also hurt, because now I know, that he never cared for me... That he cared so little, that he did this to me on purpose .... That, through my tears, begging, and pain he found comfort .This will forever change me. I now hope, to build myself up from here, and not allow him to continue to make me sink. Im sorry for rambling , but I think I'm only venting or something... If you've be raped , please stay strong. Try not to let it ruin you, because now I know, that is possible .
Had he been caught selling pot, he'd never see daylight agaim. The Justice system sucks 😒
Honey, I am so so sorry this happened to you. This is the very reason why so many victims never report it. I didn’t. I was repeatedly raped by the man I was having a relationship with and living with when I was a student and a young woman of 22. He was never going to let me go, and I knew reporting it was pointless as no one would believe me: we lived together for petes sake! So eventually I took the only option open to me. I ran. And I ran as far away from him as I could get which was another continent, and started a new life for myself. Years later a good friend who is also a cop told me I was right to run. He said I had no legal leg to stand on in court. Rape is so difficult to prove on any day of the week and I was having a relationship with my rapist. So yes. The legal system does suck. But hopefully in years to come it will change. Until then do NOT let this son of a bitch strip you of your self confidence, and do whatever you can to get the DA to take that closer look. Tell them about his other victims, tell them if they do not take action you WILL go public and make sure the press knows how incompetent they are. Especially now after the whole Me Too movement. And how the protection of women against this type of thing has become more of a priority. And good luck dear. You WILL overcome this. Because not to do so means that SOB wins. And that is not an option
So he didn't call you the next morning. Get over yourself.
@@andre1987eph well the next time you want to say something Dear, do us all a favor and put your hand up, then cover your mouth. The adults are talking here, go away and play in the traffic. You clearly have no idea how to respond appropriately.
@Travelling Stoner what? Buy pepper spray? Rape axe?
Girls, it's never your fault.
In this case and cases like it... to a degree yes it is. If she was sober than it wouldn't be any degree of it being her fault. Irresponsible drinking to the point that you're passing out at a party or social event is inviting to unwanted consequences. If she was sober or drank responsibly this would never had happened. As for the scum rapist its not the girls fault they are rapist. They are sick and look for drunk (again irresponsible) victims to prey on. Disgusting.
Shut the fuck up. It is NEVER someones fault for being raped. Who cares if they were drinking? they were having fun, they werent drinking expecting to be raped. Instead of teaching girls not to drink, or to drink less. We should teach people not to fucking rape. So no degree to anything, it is the rapist fault 110%. The minute you say that it possibly is the victims fault, you take away everything from them.
+Garbage Bob you're a man. You won't ever understand the shit women go through. Imagine going out by yourself (even during the day) and feeling terrified something might happen. Always having to keep your guard up. Always. You'll never understand that feeling and until you do you have no opinion on women being raped. Get the fuck out of here.
Oh and I doubt every single women out there
Has to keep their guard up.Always.
+Ben York yeah, but are we talking about men? No, so don't change the subject. And yes, we do. How would you know? You don't. So take your opinion elsewhere.
This reminds me of the time when my female housemate, who doesn't wear make up, enjoys masculine outfits, and doesn't drink got raped at our own house party when she tried to go to bed early. A lot of people told her it was her fault for being in her own bed and not having a lock on her door.
Maybe someone should put the heavy drinkers at the party in a locked room so they can’t rape anyone. Don’t tempt yourselves gentlemen (or ladies). Let people who are responsible and decent walk around freely- you deserve to be locked away, not us.
Her not wearing makeup and dressing masculine doesn’t matter. She’s still a woman. She still has a vagina. That’s all the guy is gonna care about it.
@@BijinMCMXC that’s his/her point I’m pretty sure. It doesn’t matter how girly you look or how revealing you dress and it still happened
@@JadziaMarie Yeah, my point is people don’t think otherwise. I don’t think anyone thinks dressing masculine or not wearing makeup is some foolproof rape prevention method, especially if the rapist is inebriated. Like, no one says, “wow, I can’t believe that girl got raped, she wasn’t even dressed girly!”.
What!😱😱😱😱
I’ve been a sexual assault victim myself…. So very true. We are treated like crap by police and going thru with prosecution isn’t worth it. I realize why women don’t report it.
Trish Heff, I'm very sorry you were raped and for everything you were put through after you reported it. Do you not feel stronger for surviving all of it? I hope you got counseling.
@@pamelaporter4750 I noticed that she didn’t reply, so I’ll share my experience as being a sexual assault survivor as well. No, it did not make me stronger. It killed a part of me I will never get back. My parents lost their daughter that night. I am traumatized mentally, and have life long physical pain that I have to feel even when I’m willingly making love, because my rapist “tore me up” (in my vagina) too. This did not make me stronger. I wish my rapist had killed me that day, but he did worse.
I know that it helps some survivors to share their resilience through the struggle, but I really want to emphasize that rape will never benefit anybody. Assuming that being raped somehow helped the victim become a better person… No.
(And btw- yes, I’ve been in counseling. A lifetime of counseling and medication and healing will never change what happened.)
whre
@@Hannah-nh5qj I was 3/4 years old it was my step grandfather - he didn't rape me - but he did other things .. I always blamed myself for not telling my family . I had no idea what he was doing or seen a mans genitellia before. He did it for years next to my sleeping grandmother .. I feel uncomfortable around older men .
I didn't report mine.
"I'm not a mind reader did they know what I was thinking?" I love how these victims turn the stupid questions around.
I find very VERY disgusting in both stories first thing you do is ask or tell how much alcohol was involved. As if rapers have an excuse if alcohol was involved... makes me SICK.
Actually, alcohol plays a big part in it. It lowers peoples inhibitions. It causes black outs. It impairs peoples memory's. I find it impossible to know what really happened to someone if they've had nearly a dozen shots, their memory of the night's events would just be one big blur. And they lose credibility. Sorry, that's just how it is for men or women who are absolutely obliterated with drunkenness.
well she wasn't fucking while drunk. She was being RAPED. BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG diference dude.
Relax buddy it's all scripted. The questions are hand picked to elicit emotional response from viewers and the girls are probably even told how to answer.
Lau J
Please expand on what the difference is.
Even if the questions are scripted to elicit emotional response as you claim, what point is the emotional response of how these girls are "how to answer'? Rape is a traumatic event. Honestly, if I were going to be on TV, sometimes I think I would love to be given scripted answers so I didn't have to tell people what really had happened. Plus, people watching TV probably don't tune in to hear the horrible story of the details of how a few girls were raped. But it doesn't make it any less significant. I think you have a lot of maturing to do when it comes to respecting other people's right to consume alcohol and maintain social credibility afterwards.
As a victim of child rape from my father for many years.....everybody saying it was her fault for being drunk makes me sick! No matter the victims state the one forcing is the fucked up one! Makes me sick
I hope he does in jail
He dies
Agreed
What kind of animals are doing this and what kind of animals are we raising.. I blame the campuses aswell..they should be standing up for these young women and getting rid of these perpetrators...they value their sports teams more than the lives of young women.
These are adults ...
And if these young women expect to be treated as such they need to take responsibility for their own actions instead of blaming everyone else at the party. In all of these instances it was their decision to get intoxicated and it was their decision to have sex, and have you forgotten that the guys are also intoxicated? The moral of this pitiful drama is to not do what you can't handle. If you can't drink responsibly and you can't handle the repercussions of having drunk sex, don't do it. Otherwise don't blame the other person because you made a regretful decision. Just because she regrets doing it afterwards does not mean that he raped her.
Here, I fixed your comment for you: "And if these young MEN expect to be treated as such they need to take responsibility for their own actions instead of blaming everyone else (women) at the party. In all of these instances it was their decision to get intoxicated and it was their decision to have sex (rape). The moral of this pitiful drama is to not do what you can't handle. If you can't drink responsibly (and not rape) and you can't handle the repercussions of having drunk sex (raping), don't do it. Otherwise don't blame the other person because you raped.
owmystomachhurts Nice try, but mine actually made sense.
Yours goes right back to playing the victim game ... First of all those men have already taken responsibility for the entire event, whereas the woman decides to play victim and blame the guy for her decision to get intoxicated and have sex. Both decided to get intoxicated and both decided to have drunk sex, only the woman blames everyone else, so who's not taking responsibility? And if it was both their decision how is it considered rape? According to you it's only rape if the guy has drunk sex, whereas the woman is always the victim; and the moral is for guys not to get intoxicated around drunk women, because by agreeing to have sex, he'll get accused of rape. Also how dare they blame the other person by denying that they raped anyone.
+The man who calls your phone (And doesn't say anything)
so if you get too drunk and a man has his way with you, you will be ok with that.
Emma Mato If I agreed to it, I would have only myself to blame.
Part 2 - abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/inside-missoula-campus-rape-investigations-part-30519257
thank you so much!
Brandi Fortelny THANK YOU!!!
When that poor girls mother said "you tore her up inside" that brought tears to my eyes. This is horribly awful
How can you do that to someone you have known since the first grade? How can you dehumanise someone who you have been friends with almost your entire life?
Sex got people, really fucked up.
@@speakvanholding247etc What?
Rape is about power and you have to lack a soul to do it.
Sex(actually connecting with another person on an intimate level) have nothing to do with this.
testosterone can make monsters of males. it bypasses the logic centre of the brain, it's essential aggressive, an aggression chemical, that obliterates empathy.
I understand what these beautiful young ladies went through. When I was 11 I was sexually assaulted by my families friend. It went on until I was 14. I'm 15 now but it still seems like yesterday. I finally said something, but nothing was done to the man. I'm not even able to stand to be around me, this has affected my life badly.
I hope life is better . At 15 , 14 would seem like yesterday .
I am so sorry you had these horrifying experiences with an adult you should have been able to trust. I hope you’ve had sone good support, and therapy to help you heal ♥️
I truly hope you get the courage to find a person you trust and depend on then tell your story and get the justice you need.
Please, please, please try to find counselor to talk to. Help you get through. Godbless!
It doesnt say much for your mother when she does nothing , F#&k that
I was raped on April 25th by a kid in my highschool, he took my virginity at 16. I walked home and cried the entire time, and for 2 consecutive hours after, like I never have before. He stalked me in school, every single day, wrote me notes and would come into classes he wasn't even in and sit behind me- until I dropped out. It changed my life forever and who I was before it happened. Rape is a life sentence for it's victims, perpetrators should receive an equal punishment. Also, if men were raped as often as women are and as easily, rape would be a death sentence already.
Sending you positive vibes. 💖Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone.
I am so sorry this happened to you. So horrible. Thank you for sharing. I will think of you when I send my daughter to high school. I hope only the best for your future. You are brave to speak the truth.
I am sorry this happened to you, I hope you find the help you need and can get the help you need. Sadly sexual assault does happen to men and much more commonly than most people think as men are even less likely than women to report it, it happens to men and boys as well.
i would take something of his, no matter how long it took.
@@mudnarchist disgusting question
So she wasn't prosecuted for recording him? And they were able to use the recording? Because I recorded two local prosecutors here in Montana and it's illegal in Montana to record without all parties permission. I recorded a prosecutor threatening to have my children taken away if I didn't help him send my husband to prison. It was illegal that I recorded him and had to hide the recording. That being said, this is horrific seeing some of these comments. I've been raped and assaulted while drinking and even WITHOUT drinking. Shame on any of you would blame a woman because a man rapes her while drinking. I have had men PROTECT me while we were all drinking. Defend me. The good men who realise I was in a vulnerable state and protected me. THEY didn't rape me. So it's no excuse.
Right, never accept responsibility for being drunk and acting immaturely, life is so much easier that way.
+Francis M. God bless you.
+CanHSoccer1827 I did hear them say that...
She recorded it at her place.
Which is why its legal.
Its her property so she can record whatever she wants.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
During my younger years I binged drink practically every weekend. I was lucky that the guys I socialised with were decent guys. I have known girls who's trust was betrayed in the worst way possible. It happens too much. Guys know it's a crime when they do it.
Maybe because you were.....
@@nick3319 were what?...
@@nick3319 they need to stop getting drunk & releasing their inner s l u t
I was lucky too! Nothing ever happened to me! Most of the time, I was surrounded by my female friends and we took care of each other!
@@NAT-turners-Revenge If only your mother stopped.
I want to hug her so bad :’( my god this woman is SO STRONG. i could never prove my rape and attempted murder, he broke every phone/iPod/computer/any way for me to call for help. May God please be with all of us survivors. Ptsd is life long and horrific. It hurts so much more to have to beg for help when you have no proof other than bruises and your own words. She is SO SMART and I have so much respect and love for her and everyone affected by rape :’(
❤️❤️❤️
People say she consented and regretted it the next day...but there is no evidence that she ever consented.
+whosMental That is true. Rapists don't even get long sentences either
these people swear everything is consent. IF there is no VERBAL agreement, there is NO CONSENT.
her hanging out at the party, too drunk to drive, and irresponsible enough not to do the buddy system, call a friend....her consent is in her actions, I don't believe it's a contract.
The reality is that there is NOT a campus rape crisis, regardless of what happened to this particular girl or girls.
So...Mute people who have sex are not consenting?
You should read Missoula for the rest of the story to really understand the damage caused to Allison and others. Allison and Beau were best friends as little children and stayed best friends until he raped her while she was sleeping. He broke her pants zipper so that she had to try to hold her pants together as she is running and desperately trying to use her cell phone to call her mother to come get her while she is fending off Bo running after her. She was having a hard time finding out just exactly where she was to tell her mother. Can you imagine being her mother and getting this phone call in the middle of the night and desperately trying to get to your daughter so you can get her to safety? Can you imagine the desperation of these two women in this moment? When Allison's father found out, he cried out in torment, you spend all your life trying to protect your kids and this happens from a friend. Or something to that effect. You'll have to read the book for the exact quote. She was also physically damaged because of a prior condition. She got a chance for some justice only because she was in a program in which kids were training as police do and one of the officers was impressed with her determination in one of the events especially challenging to a very short person. He's the one that got the official video confession used in court. I don't remember what Bo's sentence was but it was a fairly decent one. Getting a rape prosecuted is extremely rare and it makes sense that women don't go through the torture of reporting what happened because they know it's only going to be worse for themselves. Rape trials are the only kind of trial I know of we are the victim is blamed for what happened to themselves
Don't forget, Even SELF DEFENSE against CRIMINALS, They look at you like you're the bad person even though in reality you're the victim.
Are rape prosecutions really that rare? A little look at my local sex offender registry shows tons of dudes with rape convictions and who served time (maybe not enough, but that is another story)
@@mike48084 and consider that only about 35% rapes are reported. Factor that into how many sex offenders you see listed
@@katrand5357 Interesting math problem. If 10% of the men in my neighborhood are convicted sex offenders, and 35% of sex offenses go unreported, statistically speaking, what percentage of men have committed a sex offense in my neighborhood regardless of whether it was reported or not?
@@mike48084 Add more parameters: Fewer than 6% of reported rapes end in arrest, and
My hometown had cops with attitudes like this. Because of that, it took me 15 years to finally talk about it. Never let another person or group convince you that anyone violating your body is your fault. That is easier said than done.
Male privilege exists in some men's minds. Unfortunately it exists under law in some countries.
I'm very proud of both of these girls coming forward. It is so unfair and insane how society will make it seem like it was the girls fault
Yes, fight fight fight
People need to focus on educating, warning, and keeping tabs on boys and men, not blaming and warning women about how to avoid rape and act during and after rape.
You're absolutely right. Accountability starts at a young age. My son asked why middle schoolers are still told "keep your hands to yourself." He said it didn't make sense (he's a 6th grader in jr high so apparently he's not a kid anymore lol) because they already know this. I told him because even though he and many other students already know this, there are some students who do not do this. Those students don't respect themselves so, they in turn do not respect anyone else. When any of my 3 kids are playing with each other(14, 11, and 6) or all together, I make sure to remind them if anyone says "stop," that means stop, even if they're playing...especially if they're playing. If they hurt each other in the process, by accident, they still need to be held accountable. (I don't mean discipline) Consent and accountability are crucial and should be taught at a young age...it goes hand in hand.
Zan psimer I don't think you knew put woman can also be pedos and boys/men can get rapped. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
I am so glad that she got the recorded confession. I also had to take those measures.
I had met a guy about a year before I actually allowed him to come over to my apartment. On that night, we had drinks. I felt comfortable at home, and fell asleep. I found out the next day, he had raped me after I fell asleep. I called him back and recorded the conversation. At first, he tried to claim we 'had sex.' All along, I knew I had fallen asleep with all of my clothes on. I recorded his confession to me. Unfortunately though, I never reported the incident. He went to jail last year; and I looked him up. Turns out that when we met, he was already battling a rape case. Also, he had ANOTHER previous rape case, and was convicted of indecent exposure after we broke up.
These guys keep getting away with rape because we are shamed out of reporting it too often.
My heart goes out to all of the survivors, it is so disgusting what these men do
Woman/girls can also do the same thing. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
@@bluehead310 men playing victim here too 😅
@@bluehead310 it was men in this story that committed the act you 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
@@bluehead310 women rape cases don’t even come close to the men ones
Ok so if anyone ever did this to my daughter there is no question, the police would never be called, I have some special skills he would get to experience. Semper Fidelis
"Do you remember how much you were drinking?" Sure let's perpetuate rape culture. It doesn't effing matter how much she was drinking. Whether she was completely inebriated or not, she didn't do anything wrong. The interviewer seemed a bit aggressive here. Asking her why she didn't shout or fight back.
these poor women. bless their souls i hope they have the brightest future from here on out
Ur cringe
I love how she made sure identify him on the tape recorder. Called him by his first name repeatedly and said "you're a griz football player." Bam!
So smart.
An alcoholic’s last plea to undo stupidity is always the suicide card.
I've read the book. Jon is a great author and these girls' stories are really moving. I'm going to college in Missoula and majoring in chemistry with a concentration in forensic chemistry. When I see these girls, I see my sisters or my friends(I have very few guy friends and never hang out with the few guy friends I have). It fills me with sadness, anger, and a resolve to pursue forensics
I am a sexual assault survivor and a crisis counselor.Victims of sexual assault are left with an aftermath of emotions that affect them like no other crime. Initially, there is a tidal wave of shame and self-blame which is often reinforced by the rapist, friends, family and too many ignorant police. They feel responsible for what happened because they may have drank too much, flirted too much or worn "sexy" clothing. They feel like they should have fought harder, said "No!" louder or known better than to accept a ride from/been alone with/trusted this guy. They have a hard time realizing that they did NOTHING to cause the crime and that the responsibility lies 100% with the person who raped them. Then there is a hurricane of ANGER......so much anger and outrage that you don't even recognize yourself and star entertaining creative ways that you can destroy or maim the person who hurt you. Unfortunately, most rape victims stuff the anger inside (where it does NOT go away but morphs into seething resentment) or turn their anger back on themselves by drinking or drugging too much, engaging in risky behaviors or becoming suicidal. This level of rage is somewhat terrifying if you are not used to feeling it. It seems like it will destroy you- and everyone around you- if it ever gets out. But it MUST be dealt with, it must be expressed in order to begin healing. Find a friend or counselor or someone who loves you and will hold you when the anger comes out screaming like the devil himself. Go somewhere where you can literally scream your head off and curse and stomp around and beat the shit out of the big bag of old clothes you brought with you. Shred them as you say everything you want to say to the rapist. Stomp them into the dirt! Cry as long and as loud as you need to!! Write scathing letters to him, read them out loud, then burn them! It is OK to be angry, furious, enraged- just channel it in a direction that won't hurt you all over again. You don't deserve to be hurt. It was not your fault. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! There IS life after trauma, and you are NOT alone. There are so many survivors out here who will be glad you help you thru the process of recovery. You do not have to press charges....but know that if you don't speak up, other women will be raped later; and guys will continue to believe that "no means yes and yes means anal" and feel like it's good fun to "do" a woman when she is passed out and then give her to their buddies to do the same- all while they are taking pics and video of the event to send and celebrate with their other buddies so they can "Hi-5" each other in the locker room. This whole "alpha male" attitude HAS to STOP- ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! Only when women come forward to prosecute these bastards will they start getting a clue that girls are not placed on the earth to be their private playthings. I help young women learn to honor their bodies and themselves, teaching them to be aware, exercise self-control and to insist on respect because they deserve it. Men pick up their cues of how to treat you FROM YOU. Honor yourself and they will honor you. Don't put up with trashy talk, out of control drinking, sex without love and commitment and they will get the message that your are different, a Lady who deserves RESPECT. Watch out for one another! Be strong! And if someone has sexually assaulted you in ANY way- touching without permission is assault!- please get some help. Don't do HIM a favor by staying silent. It's time to get LOUD.
Keep teaching women to never take responsibility and let me know how that works. I'm not saying it's their fault but that doesn't mean they didn't do anything stupid. If I walk around in a dangerous neighborhood showing my wallet full of cash in the air and I get robbed it's not my fault but I'm definitely an irresponsible idiot. The two can coexist you know.
This articulates a divergence of realities most people don’t get about rape. That, for the victim, it is a life-threatening situation.
Most folks think of it as about sex or even about power. Maybe both are also true, but for the victim, it’s life or death and they’re fighting for their lives.
This is exactly correct. I attempted to fight back once, and what I got was head to toe bruises, bites, lacerations, and cigarette burns. So, the next two times I clearly said no, I pleaded, and then I dissociated for survival and allowed it to happen. I didn’t want to die.
Yes, because women are frequently murdered after being raped!
If I'm ever raped by a man/woman I'm going to the cops as soon as possible no matter how well I know the predator. The purpose being there are consequences that need to be implemented and the predator needs to be reported before they move on to do it again.
Women always have the same excuses. "ohh I was scared and ashamed" and then when people have their doubts against the womens accusations because they took so long to report it, they attack you for not just taking their word.
Always report rape as soon as possible. Forget about how you feel or what people will think. The sooner, the better for you and for the case to be solved and the person to be caught.
not everyone has the courage. especially if the rapist happens to be a relative or close friend as its usually is. so unless you've ever been in this situation, don't talk about what you would do.
***** I have been in that situation twice. And Im a man. Its a million times harder for a man to come forward than it is for a woman.
NewAgeGod I understand but at the same time, you should also understand that EVERY person reacts differently in certain situations. Man or not, it's difficult for each individual regardless.
Skye Carl some us thankfully are brave enough. but me, I wasn't. My uncle violated me when I was 5. he said not to tell anyone. I was a child. what did I know? years later I realized what he did was wrong but how could I say something years later? who would believe me. his wife, my dad's sister, was always so sweet and nice To me & his daughters treated me like a little sister. to this day I haven't said a word because for one, I'm now 26 & 2. I just don't even know how I would go about it. I feel shame, guilt, regret. I should of could of would of, but I didnt. I didn't want to break up their family. I wish I could have had the courage or someones guidance but I didn't. now, as far as grown teens & women go..there's many different scenarios and reasons as to why girls don't speak up more. most of the time, rape or sexual assault charges aren't taken seriously. the perverted some of a bitch usually gets off the hook way too easy. other girls see this and get discouraged. or they're scared of what people might think. of course we would love to prevent other people from being a victim but I swear, the fear and despair some of us have is far way worse than a lot of people realize. especially for teenagers. if they were out drinking, they don't wanna say because of their parents. maybe they sneaked out and know they'll be in super trouble if their parents find out. Or even worse, people will assume SHE asked for it. her skirt was too short. her boobs were out. she was blacked out drunk. those are all the excuses cops use. and that's completely wrong on so many levels. women should be able to wear whatever the fuck they want and not worry about some psycho with dark thoughts attacking her. parents need to teach both girls and boys to respect EVERY ONE no matter what they wear or look like. I could go on & on. sorry. I just feel really passionate about this topic. I hope this never ever happens to you or anyone, and if it does...I pray that you do in fact have the balls to say something. the balls that some of us don't have. sorry if any typos
The scary thing about rape compared to other crimes, to me, is that there are often no indications that the rapist is a monster.
The boys were drinking. The girls were drinking. Yes. The people did do that. Let’s all be responsible for our choices, our actions.
There was a huge problem here. Police and prosecutor should be terminated
Ain't it awful that the men you have to worry about the most are the ones you love and trust the most?
Women can't trust them, full stop.
70% of the woman that are murdered, are murdered by someone who told them they loved them. Wrap your mind around that...
@@vikuly8 exactly
Yes. And I’ve learned to trust absolutely no one. Everyone in my life has hurt and lied to me. The only 1 who has not is God.
As a victim, when it’s someone you knew or were friends with, it’s so much harder. They try to pull everything “we had a secret relationship” “she just regretted it, we had a thing” “she didn’t want to be found out she cheated”. It’s so much harder because people will assume she’s lying. In my case I provided every message ever exchanged for the 6 month friendship, not a single flirt etc in sight. Recorded him admitting it, texts where I told him to leave me alone detailing what he did and him admitting saying he wouldn’t try contacting me again, but always did. A bartender witness, video of how tipsy I was leaving the bar, friends who I reached out to right after, when distrust that helped me, proof of that. He was someone I thought was my friend, a college in my department, did HW and met my friends and partner as well as hung out with us a lot. Sadly some act like a trustworthy person and the second they see an opportunity to do it alone, they pounce. That’s the hardest part, a stranger can’t pull that. But someone who was seen as a friend will twist anything to be innocent and twist those in your life as well. I told no one outside my family and friends but he did, male dominated field and after I reported because he didn’t leave me alone a month after, got treated different and looks of hate from people in my classes. It’s been a year, still going through it, never spent a night in jail and still in that program. Even though I got an IPO doesn’t matter. I had a rape kit done the next day and even got pictures of the bruising. It’s a nightmare, I went to classes online but thankfully found a job I love remote so I just avoid that campus now. One I loved for several years and had a previous degree from with good memories and friends who were staff or educators. The dean told me even once charged and found guilty he is still allowed to attend that school and program even while I am as long as he’s 500 ft away from me at all times. I basically just gave up on that program. Could take 6 months-3 years before he’s charged anything. Wish the other girl in the program I found out he did this to also the semester before he was friends with would want to speak up, but she’s young and embarrssed, I understand do won’t push her. Embarrassing something I don’t want people to know and something that greatly destroyed my mental state for awhile as well as relationship. I wish no one go through this nightmare, the amount of work and toll on a victim just to try and do anything about it sucks so much. Just to know they might only get a few months locked up and probation time. It’s worth it if they are on a list and I can help scare them to stop or not hurt anyone else. If they do at least they will see my case so I can help that victim as much as I can. Worst part he’s wanting a career in the military as well, no one is going to report against someone in the military in my opinion. I have a lot of friends enlisted and they are enraged and don’t want him in. Such s nightmare. And I know many love to pull the “you drank game”. He knew I was depressed and suggested we go, it was someone I was friends with and trusted for several months and hung out with many times. I had no idea what they’d do just because they thought they could get away with it. Oh and my partner at the time, we lived together, been together over two years, and a million times more attractive, let’s see how that goes in court. I wish more than anything my partner hadn’t ever gone to third shift, it’s not his fault, but after that spending nights alone, I was terrified. Lights cut out once and PTSD episode triggered thinking he came back to hurt me again. It’s embarrassing people knowing that happened, and takes so much of your life anxious and always doing something for years even with so much proof just for any justice to happen.
Some people are just rotten. Hope you are doing better.
@@averyjudgementalsoldier8303 thank you
It is very telling and disappointing that victims of rape are consistently referred to as 'alleged' victims throughout this report.
"Do you know how much you drank that night?" Lol does it matter....
How do even 80% of rapes are under reported if by definition. See lot of party Girls lot jumping on guys Crush grabbing Striping anymale that pass's by and don't remember what they. Often the rapist. And i have Actual examples of this instead of making stuff up and saying it's under reported. .
Chances are, they took advantage of drunk girls in their past too. Also, good ol boys club. They always look out for other guys. Women are subservient. Doesn’t matter if you’re white, black, blue, purple or yellow.
I hate when a victim is asked, “Did you scream? Did you fight?” No one asks victims of other types of crimes these questions.
Sad what happened to these young women, and how difficult the system makes it for them to come forward. And the police asking them how much they had to drink, as if that negates their innocence or that they are victims. This should not be happening in this day and age. I hope they can go on to have a bright and normal future without any stigma being attached to them.
There is no excuse for rape. Personally, I had an experience similar to this. I had been talking with an African American guy who seemed nice, he invited me to a house party. I was hesitant as I didn't know him very well. He told me that there would be at least 7 other women there, to make me feel more comfortable. I was still hesitant, then he pulled the race card, saying that I didn't want to go to his party because I would be the only "whitey" there. That wasn't why, at all.
I had to drive an hour to get to the place where the party was. I was moderating my drinking, Every time my cup was half way, someone would pour more into it. At one point, I dumped what was in my cup down the drain, I was already too drunk to drive home.
I talked to one of the women, there, asked her if I could go into a room that had a lock on the door, to sleep it off because I knew I was too drunk to drive.
The woman was fine with it. She told me that there were 2 keys to the door, it locked from the inside. She said she would give me both keys if it wuld make me feel safe. I took the keys, went into the room laid down on the bed. The next thing I remembered was loud noises, cursing & laughing outside the door to the room. I felt safe with the door locked, I fell back asleep.
When I woke up again, 5 guys from the party including the one I thought was decent, had broken the knob and lock to the door, had come into the room. I was still too drunk to fight them off, I just kept saying NO, STOP! They only laughed, taking turns at me. The wmen were standing in the doorway, watching. I begged them to help me, they just stood there, watching.
The next day, I left while everyone else was sleeping. I located the closest police station, I walked in, told the person in the front that I had been gang raped, wanted to file a report. The cop told me to have a seat, that someone would talk with me, soon.
I sat there, smelling like semen, sweat & alcohol. After 20 minutes I talked to the person at the front desk who told me I could sit down & shut up or leave. I was feeling worse as time passed by. After 1 hour of waiting, I couldn't stand my own stench.
I left, drove the 1 hour drive home. I was so terrified when I didn't get my period for a few months. I thought about what I would do if I was pregnant. It would be financially difficult, yet, the child would be my child to love, to raise, to teach.
When I had completely resigned myself to having a baby to take care of, I got my period 2 weeks later.
Although it was stupid of me to drive an hour to the party, it was stupid to drink with people I didn't know. I felt that I had done the right things by not driving & by going in a room then locking the door. Nothing justifies what those men AND women did to me, what they had allowed to happen.
To this day, I may have just 1 glass of wine in a restaurant, no more than that even if prodded to have "just one more". If I am going to drink any more than that, I do it in my home, alone. It's my respnsibility to keep myself safe, no one elses.
I'm just now reading this comment a month later but just know I'm keeping you in my prayers! You are a strong woman for still trying and going in that station. I pray you get justice if you still have not gotten it already🙏
Sorry for what happened to you... Why didn't you go to the hospital and have them call the police.... Good decision to drink less but why don't you do just like me ... DO NOT DRINK AT ALL... a lot can happen when someone loses their judgement especially if they are already corrupt, their real self appears when they lose their ability to act like kind beings... Not blaming the victims at all but I believe women should stay away from such parties because some of these men are ugly creatures and they are only after your body when they get drunk they become worse, their reason goes down and animal desire goes up. Iam a man who has been married for 25 years, never drank or smoked and had a happy life with my wife.. I am a Muslim and thank God for making me so and drinking is prohibited in Islam. In fact, the Messenger Muhammad peace be upon him said that drinking is the mother of all evils . That being said these ugly creatures can't use drinking as an excuse and should be punished severely for preying on innocent women.
@@peace-mercy After such a terrible experience, I felt so beaten down, so demoralized I just wanted to go home, take a shower, go to bed.
Even at that time, I didn't usually drink in public at all. I was in a locked room which the group of African American men had to break down the door to get to me. Did you even read that????
I don't know what country you live in or if you are part of any ethnic group. A person of any gender, any ethnic group can be safe as long as the other people are not breaking any laws or breaking a door down.
Actually, you are victim blaming, saying that a man cannot be blamed for being a man.
Your religious stance is a stance not believed or practiced widely in the USA which is a mostly Christian country.
@@FreeSpirit47 Of course I sympathize with you and I am not putting the blame on you and I said clearly that these are ugly creatures who don't even deserve to be called human beings. Had I been there, I would have definitely defended you because that's how I was brought up and that's what my religion teaches me. I am sorry you misunderstood my message. Again these ugly creatures who did that to you must be punished severely. My message was clear. I wish you the best of luck and pray that God give you the energy to deal the aftermath of what you went through.
@@peace-mercy you are victim blaming. why is the narrative always “women need to stop going to parties and/or drinking” instead of “men need to stop raping.” it’s disgusting. Women can’t have fun partying with friends because who knows when a rapist will strike? why don’t we tell men to stop rape, why don’t rapists have consequences? you’re putting all the responsibility on the victims and that is fucked up.
“I almost killed myself that night…You have no idea.”
Uh, yeah dude. She has every idea. Because of you.
This is why I never go to a party without my boyfriend of 3 years. He is a good man and knows what no means! Even if I'm just not feeling like having sex, he knows that means no and doesn't guilt me or try to push me. That's the type of partner you need to search for and always makes sure you're with someone at parties, etc. have a friend or a partner and stay together. People are dangerous these days and it's scary.
You can't trust anyone that much. I was molested by my uncles. People that I didn't even question trusting.
It is great that you found someone so dependable, that is a good rule to follow. However, the girl said that she knew her rapist since 1st grade. Sometimes people that we know well are wearing a mask. They are just waiting for the opportunity to hurt us.
@@purplepheasant4776 sadly, you are correct
My close male friend came over to do homework a year ago in college. It was his birthday, so we had a few drinks together to celebrate. I don't drink often, so it didn't take long for me to be gone. I told him I was tired and headed to bed. I told him it was OK to sleep on my bed because it's pretty big and growing up I was used to sharing a bed with siblings & friends. Never in my life did I think one of my closest friends could do something like this to me, so obviously the thought didn't even cross my mind. I passed out pretty instantaneously. A few hours later, I woke up to him sexually assaulting me. I completely froze, every atom inside of me wanted to scream and tell him to F off, but I physically couldn't. Fortunately for me, he sent a text the next day apologizing for what he'd done, so the report of the case was pretty clear-cut. I hate what he did, I now have a no-contact order on him, and he walked away with a slap on the wrist, but I do hope he finds serious help and becomes a better person and never does this to anyone ever again.
Oh... that's awful.
It doesn't matter how much a person had to drink. Rape is wrong. Just plain wrong. And police officers should arrest the one's that raped her. If they didn't. Then maybe the police should face consequences and be indefinitely terminated.
I remember one thing my mother-in-law told me when I confessed abt my r that I had been holding in for a couple of years then, that I felt like it was my fault bc alcohol was involved in my situation and she told me “when we get drunk here with the family, do we try to do that stuff to you? When you get drunk with your partner or friends, do they do that stuff to you? They don’t.” And it fully changed my perspective on it all.
Aww, I love this ❤ Sometimes the comments are so vile and disheartening, but yours was so refreshing, thanks for sharing that! I'm so glad that your mum was supportive of you. I'm going to remember your mum's wise words. 🙏
If they had not recorded him confessing, you'd see her on fox News, claiming she is just asking for it, or she was lying. This is disgusting, and it really is shameful that our society treats women like this. I have two daughters and I would likely go back to prison for life is some scummy teenager put their hands on my little girls .
I guess women don’t have the right to drink alcohol in public around the opposite sex. Smfh...
People so often are like "why didn't they report it" I know why , I would not want to get involved with police and courts and feel like a spectacle.
Always imagine if the same thing were to happen to your mother, girlfriend or sister....this is a really serious issue that should not be taken lightheartedly. It causes serious traumatic disorders, and if your a good guy please make sure you watch out for situations like this..especially at parties
there is usually no shame they just figure out better way to justify it
It did happen to my mother. My father came home stinking drunk and beat her half to death, and then held a broken bottle to her neck and raped her repeatedly for the rest of night. I was born nine months later and he gave me his name to carry for the rest of my life. When you are born in hell, the only direction you can go is up.
Even grizzly bears would feel ashamed at being associated with these animals, the rapists and the misogynistic policemen.
I’m not sure if this is just a US thing (I’m Canadian), but it astounds me that colleges/universities have their own campus police, and basically use that to prevent victims reporting incidents to the ACTUAL police. If you ask me, that’s a huge part of the problem. If these rapes and assaults were reported to the actual police, and prosecuted, maybe they would happen less.
From what I’ve heard, a lot of the rapes and assaults are serial attacks from the same people because perpetrators aren’t facing consequences.
Institutions need to stop being allowed to get in the way…
That is why the have the campus police to silence the victims especially if it’s an athlete, they never report it to the actual police and they isolate the victim so she usually ends up,leaving the school. And the school never report the stats because the want ppl to attend. I remember when it happened to a friend of mine the campus police tried to force us to us to go there and I told her they are not the real police and we should go off campus and get real law enforcement involved. I was like we are not giving u any info and when the police comes to see u will get a copy of their official report. They tried to do all kinds of stuff. But I told them my dad was in the FBI and if they tried to stop me they would see how that would play out, wasn’t true was my cousin. But they backed off really quickly. She ended up,dropping out for about 5 yrs, then finished at another school.
not everyone can react fast and "fight back" ... if you wake up and someone rapes you... you are traumatized. maybe you cant move ... you want it all to be over . dont judge quickly , always try to think like them
The saddest thing about school rape is that it happens on all college campuses. I d as Ted a girl that was raped and she kept blaming herself for it. It's a terrible epidemic in colleges.
I can't believe she had the strength to have him come over to talk with her and her mother. I could only imagine what he was thinking.
The law must absolutely also be applied to those women who FALSELY accuse men of rape. False accusations of such are NOT rare!!
Paid troll.
Unfortunately he's speaking facts.
They are absolutely very rare
There is something seriously wrong with a person who can look at another person who is passed out, and think that’s the perfect time to have sex……idk how much psychological help would be needed to cure that mentality but it would be a LOT
Of course rape is not the victim's fault. However, when no evidence can be found you can't just convict someone... I know it sucks, but it's the law. I also think it is very important not to assume that the alleged suspect is guilty.
Well, since about 92% of rape reports are not fabricated, I think it is safe to assume to suspect is guilty about 92% of the time. Idiot
he IS fucking guilty tho, get a grip. there's plenty of evidence. your argument is totally invalad.
not sure which story you're going by but the first one they recorded him confessing...thats why they could make a decision so quickly.
Shani Whelan I'm saying in a case where there's no evidence. Not these ones of course! :)
Katie B I'm positive those stats are wrong.
Alcohol didnt stick a p******* in my face. It was the people that did that. Thank God for your strength
how do they know 80% if they are not reported? how many false rapes are not reported?
sucks that we live in a world like this
'alcohol didn't stick a penis in my face. it was people who did that'.
This sentence is really the case closing factor.
How about doing a report on the fake rape claims that ruins a man's life and the female just walks
All parties were extremely irresponsible and engaged in extremely risky behavior! Sad situation!
This comment section is beyond sick. No wonder situations like this happen so often, bc there are still people who would rather put a significant amount of blame on the person who was violated as opposed to who *committed the crime* in the first place
“Do you think they thought you were consenting?” That annoyed me
For centuries women have suffered this injustice to their bodies and souls. When is enough is enough! Very smart young woman, record everything, never think anyone is your friend. Always protect yourself no matter what. Prayers for the victims of this senseless crime against women.
He bout killed himself not for what he did to her but what would have happened to his life is she had told.
The solution shouldn’t be teaching girls how to avoid rapists, it should be teaching people not to be rapists
Rape is fucking rape..OMG..poor girls.
Do they have to say 'alleged?' ...this is really angering me... They keep emphasizing how much the girls were drinking too. It still has this seedy underlying air of blame to it
Would you think the same if this happened to you stupid?
This story is why I love the movie “Promising Young Woman”. I would wish God to strike down every rapist or someone about to rape DEAD INSTANTLY! If men knew that they would die if they did this crime, I’m guessing it would stop or at least get rid of horrid rapists instantly. They deserve a painful death.
These comments saying that they were stupid to drink and to get over a serious crime makes me sick.
Calling it "alleged" rape is part of the problem of victims not being believed.
slideshowgurl ''alleged'' is something journalist have to use, Im not sure why
Yes innocent until proven guilty. Thats a good thing.
@@maysal2801 They have to say "alleged" for legal reasons. The reason is that if they don't preface the claim with that word, and it turns out that the allegation is a hoax, the defendant has grounds to sue for slander. Even if it was unintended, it biases the audience against the accused person's reputation.
By saying "alleged", you are prefacing the sentence with a term whose full meaning is "according to the allegation".
Some people may ask why she didn’t scream or fight back but I am interested in why they are asking that. It’s a very manipulative way for the media to get the best story regardless of how it further traumatizes rape victims.
She did the right thing. She really gave him so much opportunity to get help and he blew his chance!
Omg thank you for saying “alcohol wasn’t the one who stuck a pen*s in my face a person did that.” 💯 facts. This is heartbreaking 💔 I feel angry and emotional for these women 😡. Stay strong you are a survivor , a fighter.
This happened to my daughter when she was 17. It was a boy she had started dating a few months before. He invited her over to spend the night having some drinks. And of course she told me she was at another friends. She told no one for a year. During that year she started acting out, cutting school. Then one night she broke down and told me. She thinks he drugged her. The cops of course pressed no charges and she ended up quitting school, because he had so many friends there bullying her, for nearly ruining his life and career chances. The worst that happened to him is he went on a list of accused rape suspects and if he ever did anything like that again, he would be destroyed. She lost a lot of friends too. The reason she finally spoke up was because even though he had graduated, he was still going around the school to see his friends and they would walk home behind her and say nasty things. She felt stalked. Again treated like it was her fault for going to his house to drink. She remembered one drink.
Does it sound like your daughter was respectable of drinking at 17 years old. Did you ever think that maybe women and men should not be having sex until they're ready to be married. That's the more moral thought. But I'm just saying.
@@jeffouellette9946 Do you ever think before making non-sequiturs?
Why is the reporter asking the typical victim blaming questions? Was she drunk? Why didn't she fight him off? Did they think she was consenting? These questions are irrelevant and asking them perpetuates the notion that these women are in part responsible for the crimes committed upon them. Disgraceful, unprofessional, harmful reporting.
+xoxBelllaDonnaxox Reporters can be stupid but they have that script to keep their job. They aren't Barbara Walters for sure!
+xoxBelllaDonnaxox
They are relevant moron... if a girl and a guy are drunk, and she consents because her judgment is impaired... that absolutely changes everything. That means, the guy thought he had permission. He remembers making-out with her, and she denies it on the basis of not remembering... so she doesn't remember if she did or did not willingly make-out with him, or if she did or did not give signals that could be misinterpreted as consent... especially to someone who is also impaired. There is a *_HUGE_* difference if there was no malicious intent... it is the difference between a mistake... a misunderstanding... and a person that is evil.
Furthermore... asking the question is seeking the *_truth_*... there are plenty of cases where a man is intentionally falsely accused of rape... that is why we don't presume guilt over innocence. There are stories of girls being drunk and having consensual sex, and then regretting it, so they lie about what happened. There are stories where girls weren't drunk and still consented, but regretted it later, so they lie... There are stories about girls who've had sex with a boyfriend and didn't want her family to know about it, so accused another guy of rape to cover it up. There are stories of girls who accuse men of rape out of revenge... and use rape accusations as a weapon against men. etc. etc. etc.
+xoxBelllaDonnaxox As a reporter she has to because the reporter knows the audience at home is going to be wondering and asking those same questions.
***** If these men were on trial and this woman was testifying against them these questions would be relevant. The questions are irrelevant because these men have already confessed and plead guilty.This girl isn't giving evidence, there is no burden of proof. They have been convicted. Asking these questions at this point perpetuates the idea that the victim always somewhat at fault for the sexual assault because there was something they could have done to stop it.
It is actually quite rare for victims to falsely accuse rape at 2-3 % according to studies. www.google.ie/#q=false+reports+of+rape
xoxBelllaDonnaxox
"The questions are irrelevant because these men have already confessed and plead guilty."
"They have been convicted. "
Those are lies... they never went to trial, nor were convicted.
"This girl isn't giving evidence, there is no burden of proof. "
Of course she is... she is making an assertion... presenting her case... so is required to prove it to convince her audience. Just because she isn't doing that in court, does not mean the rules of logic and reasoning are just thrown out the window. She has a motive to convince... so it is her responsibility to present a valid case to those she is attempting to convince... and if she doesn't then she won't achieve her goal. Because rational people won't just take her word for it and presume guilt... that basis in the court system was founded on legitimate principles outside of court.
"It is actually quite rare ..."
I guess you ignored the 22% and 31%... and some even claim 40%... but either way... here is an article explaining why your figures are nonsense anyway.
www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2014-09-19/how-many-rape-reports-are-false
The point is, they happen, and there are false or mistaken accusations about pretty much any crime... that is why in a *_civilized_* society we don't presume guilt.
"... for victims to falsely accuse rape ..."
If the accusation is false... then they aren't victims... now are they? The victims are those that they accuse.
Haha Beau thinks he's the victim.
There was nothing in the video that implied that.
In fact it seemed he felt horrible about what he did.
Not that he felt like a victim.
he felt horrible he got caught that time.
If you're drunk, you're a victim. Have you learned nothing from this interview people 😂
@@blastingoff It sounded more like he was just trying to get sympathy to keep them from ratting him out. As they said, he didn't adhere to their agreement, if he had remorse he would have.
@@blastingoff he doesn’t feel horrible cos he did it, he feels horrible cos he got caught
Don’t become a victim. Know your limits and watch your surroundings. Nobody deserves to be raped but we don’t have control over what others do out here, we are responsible for ourselves. Take responsibility for your actions and hold others accountable for theirs. There is no excuse , not drinking, not mental illness, nothing for someone to rape another.
If you treat children like demigods just because they're good at sports, you can't expect them not to develop behavioral issues.
College is meant to be about academic achievement. Stop giving kids an easy ride through high-school, a free ticket to college, and a bloated sense of self-importance.
They might actually start to develop empathy, a sense of responsibility, and a conscience.
"Alcohol didn't stick a penis in my face..."
I know this is a serious topic and video... but I definitely laughed out loud at that comment...
Why? It's a retarded quote. Alcohol didn't drink itself and alcohol didn't make her say it's okay to put a penis in her face; she did.
You don't yell you don't scream, because many times you realize you want to live and doing either of those things will trigger the rapist. If they think they can get away with "taking advantage" it's less trouble for them. The goal is to get out of the situation alive, not piss the rapist off! It's about survival.
if I'm going to a party I'm not getting drunk. nope hell no.
It's not alcohol that's the problem
Celine Charlebois When you get drunk you lose control of yourself. Everything is effected. That's why they say don't drink and drive.
This is just an idiot statement. Can people stop blaming foreign subjects instead of the only huge problem here? The RAPIST? I drink alcohol at parties. Am I asking for it? Hell no. This is just a stupid comment.
Inês Carrola its called being responsible. I was raped once and you know had I not been where I was it wouldn't have happened. I moved on from it. Strength got me through it. Alone by myself with no help.
How about groups of men shouldn't get wasted when they're in the company of women, you know in case they might feel the urge to rape someone??
The unfortunate reality is that rape will never go away… we need to look out for ourselves more and for others. Let’s be careful not to put ourselves in situations where we can’t defend ourselves properly. Let’s be strong together.
"Let's be careful not to put ourselves in situations where we can't defend ourselves properly"
What the victim-blaming it that???
I was sexually assaulted by my own father for months. I called my older sibling who I was supposed to be raised by.. she had sent me to live with him (found out later she knew he was a rapist). She tole me to quit lying. That I live there now and I'm not coming home. I never told anyone again until his girlfriends daughter told her teacher he was raping her. I was then told, by her mother, it was MY fault she was raped because I didn't say anything. This man had threatened to hurt my mother and brother (I witnessed him beating him). I was also a scared 12 year old child. Please, people, I beg of you.. if someone comes to you saying they were abused.. believe them.
Who gives someone else the right to do this to another human? Keep your hands to yourself.
"Missoula is not the rape capital of the country. I wish it was"
I don't think that came out quite right...
This story did not age well....sexual assaults "fueled by binge drinking". Fueled by rapists. The reporter asking how much the victims had to drink. How shotty and disgusting of reporting.
Theres a good reason people are asked about alcohol usage. Its silly for people to be complaining here about that. Sometimes people do stupid shit they don't remember when they are drunk. While she may of been raped, it is also possible that she was too drunk to remember consenting. Don't drink at parties. Fucked up people exist, and life isn't fair.
***** I don't know what state you live in. But Alcohol isn't an excuse in most of them, no matter how drunk you are. If you don't want to fuck people you don't know, don't drink to the point that you will.
***** Yeah the difference is there is a law for that. There isn't for sex.
***** As it stands right now there is no law on how sober you have to be to give consent. Consent is consent whether you believe that person is too drunk or not is irrelevant. The law doesn't care about how you FEEL. If you would like a law to be passed, write one and try.
***** Irrelevant. We are talking about the law. There is no law about alcohol usage and consent.
Too bad. Any reasonable man would know when a girl is drunk, regardless of whether she says yes or no, he won't do it to her. Period. There is and should be absolutely no excuse for rape. If you're going to excuse a man taking advantage of a woman, without being fully sober, then you're a fucking pig