Bully banter is exactly what I struggle with at work. Being the youngest of the old trades, everyone targets you. And when you call them out they say "it's only banter" but when you're the only target in the group, it doesn't feel like "banter"..
Calling out banter as bullying is the absolute worse thing you could do. If your lucky they will learn that you can't take it and will not talk to you anymore and treat you like a baby if your not lucky they will rib you even harder until you can take it or quit. You need to banter back with them. You said they are old. Just use that. That's what I did. Constantly lol. If you can work as hard as these guys and laugh at yourself (including your mistakes, you will make them and they know it) and laugh at them as well (everyone makes mistakes) I promise you trades guys are the most loyal friends you will find on the worksite. *** some guys are just jerks best way to tell that is if they dish out the banter but can't take it from you. Good luck buddy.
We have a guy like that at my work. I can 100% say it's his fault. He's not even the youngest or least experienced. He refuses to change any of the negatives we banter about. Going on 2 years of banter and we're pretty sure he finally married his fiancé of 10 years just to make us stop teasing about dragging her along. Everything else is his own deficiency that he refuses to change. And it'd be easy to change too. Like actually trying to solve a problem before asking everyone in the office. Or being on time. Or more organized.
That JRE clip is actually insane. Guest opens up about one of the most sensitive and personal things one can share and Joe gives his focus to the MMA clip in the background
I can't explain to you how much it hurts when ur trying to open up to someone and they keep getting distracted by something that just doesn't matter. And idk what's worse, if they do it on purpose or not.
I recently experienced this. I was trying to reconnect with some folks by sharing a very cute, anecdotal story with the group when I was rudely cut off so one could show the other an app on their phone. I know when you’re cut off like that, the correct thing to do is not allow them to talk over you and come back and finish the story, but I was so pit off by the rudeness that I ended up excusing myself and leaving the situation.
Inauthenticity is the source of most problems socializing. People think people won’t like the real them, but unless you’re genuinely rude, people will appreciate what makes you unique.
We are the people so we should know this by default. There is something else at play here. Everyone knows but something(s) push them. We don't need others to test this, we can observe ourselves also...But honestly, who cares. We'll forget about it tomorrow, right?
Disagree to an extent. People with ADHD have more social difficulties and part of is it is being their authentic self will cause them to be distracted and or interupt people. Just be yourself doesn't work.
Roughly, but there are caveats. Be yourself, but _be willing to improve yourself_ . Be humble and straightforward about what you struggle with and get yourself to genuinely care about the other person's experience. If you have a disability that makes it more difficult to interact with others, be upfront about it, but also promise to do your best. Using your disability as an excuse to interrupt or say inappropriate things won't fly, or if they think that's what's happening.
Golden rule of banter: it needs to go both ways. People are much more receptive to banter the more you demonstrate that you don’t take yourself seriously. Jokes about yourself is a good way to gauge how ok they are with banter. If they follow through with your jokes then oftentimes they are ok with being teased themselves
At my work, within the small clique I work with direcetly, we sorta go at each other all day and It's all in good fun. Now and again someone goes too far, there's a conversation and an apology then we move past it. If you're not up for the banter that day, you just say so and you'll be left alone. I trust those guys to have my back when it matters. it has helped me be more laid back and accepting of my own flaws, and theirs too...because It's all in good fun. I know It's probably not for everyone, but It's often the best part of my day.
@@fartinator1I think that’s a healthy way of doing it, the willingness to apologize and have conversations if someone doesn’t want to to deal with it makes it all very consensual and keeps it a safe space, while also giving room for boundaries to be pushed within reason. that sounds like a lovely friend group even if it’s prbly not my style :):)
7. ??? 8. Profit j/k. listening to music without headphones while in line at the bank, wearing white socks with black shoes, making dad jokes at funerals, am i missing any?
@@crackaby7075it makes the socks stand out. usually it looks good when you’re wearing like converse or doc martens, but i think it doesn’t look as good when they are just some all black air force 1’s. it’s all preference but in my opinion and probably the original commenters it looks better with black socks.
I really admire how careful you are to judge a specific behavior as helpful or less helpful, while asserting a given person is more than a clip or a conversation. That really keeps it classy, and it's very kind and gracious.
I do agree that you can interrupt people when they are talking. But some people don't let you talk ever, they want to talk alone. So if you want to talk you have to interrupt them!
My husband’s uncle (who I’m not close to) decided to get a laugh at my expense in a public setting. He called me fat and ugly at a lunch with MY neighbors. Side note: I bodybuild so not fat but rude anyways… Also pretended to not know my name and dismissively waved his hand calling me Rachel, Rosanna etc… This backfired spectacularly. I walked away from the interaction and his wife cried out in horror. My husband told him “you really effed up” and everyone else was generally disgusted and stunned. Not sure why some people think getting a laugh at someone else’s expense is a good thing. It just makes you look like a jerk.
Normally, I’d say it comes from insecurity. In this case, it sounds to me like he flat out doesn’t like you and lashes out when he can. I’ll poke fun at myself at myself for a laugh, leaving others out of it. My boss had a go at me in from of an attractive woman a few days ago. I just let the fat old guy go, knowing that he wasn’t gaining any prestige in anyone’s eyes, let alone hers.
It can be fine in very specific situations, like if everyone involved knows each other very well or you're siblings. That's just what I've noticed though. I'm not sociable at all.
@@yipflaptheexecutioner6519 When it is fine like that it's because those people do know each other really well, so they know what does or doesn't cross the line for that person
When I hear someone talking bad about another person it instantly triggers something in me that makes me dislike you and feel something that I should be cautious around you” not trust you”.
If all someone ever seem to do in conversation is rag on other people or diminish their achievements, it gets old fast, especially when you make the effort with them to listen, because that's exactly how they come across, untrustworthy, or at best incredibly insecure.
@@matthewtartt9422 nah, it's definitely a them (the talking bad person) problem. People who talk badly about people to you are also talking badly about you to others. It's normal to be careful around people like that. They breed negativity.
To play devils advocate for talking over people, some people lack the ability to stop talking or they talk in circles, repeating themselves. Talking over people is rude, but sometimes people need to be cut off.
It’s totally fine to talk over people, you just need to be careful when you jump in because you don’t accidentally want to cut off something that’s interesting or important. Some people just really like to talk. They are self aware of it and don’t mind people talking them to get a word or 2 in.
@@108wee It's not fine in my culture, we let people speak before taking our own turn to speak. Of course if someone is talking and talking then it's different and with friends it's not that strict but as a general rule we don't talk over people.
I've experimentally tried just letting certain people talk and going out of my way to not interrupt, they NEVER stop. Often the way they speak seems specifically structured so there is never a clear endpoint or conclusion for you to reply to - just an endless stream of vague run-on sentences.
I appreciate that this was pointed out in 6:25. People tend to look at clips and shorts videos of something someone did wrong, and come to a conclusion where that's what they are. Not just celebrities deal with it, but people with a large following always deal with people like that.
@@AirLancerto be fair when you’re being by recorded on a podcast for the whole world to see getting called out like that would be like a flashbang. It would become nearly impossible to actually open up after openly doubling down so many times
I'm a high-masking autistic and before I got diagnosed, a friend of a guy I was dating at the time came right to my face and accused me of being fake. I started questioning my entire identity.
cutting people off when they're talking is probably one of my worst habits. And it is so hard to get rid of because it is just spontaneous, I will usually cut someone and realize what I did a second after and get mad at myself.
Do you acknowledge to the person that you were talking to that you cut them off? Most people are very appreciative if we recognize our rude moment and then give them space to continue with what they were saying.
Especially slow talkers. You just assume they are done. They stop and ponder before another sentence comes out. For most of its free flowing seemless thoughts to words. Hard to catch and not step on their toes
He said it in the vid kind of but to play it safe don’t tease them about negative things at all, especially if you’re not close to them, like don’t point out their flaws
Here is one way that can be helpful to think about it: Make fun of them for something that clearly is not true. Don’t call someone loser if they’re not very popular or just normal. However, if someone is very popular and has a lot of friends, then joking that they’re a loser with a clear facial expression and tone that is completely a joke is fine. The joke is that you both know they’re not a loser. However, usually it’s best not to joke around about attributes like that. Instead, calling them a loner (a choice) rather than a loser (an issue), would go over much better. If someone is average looking or even slightly good looking, or even if they are attractive, but they seem to focus a lot on worrying about their appearance, don’t joke around about them not looking nice. However, when they’re clearly confident, the bell of the ball, walking around with people constantly complementing them, then calling them ugly might work. However, again, it would be better to say something like, “you’re showing up looking like a slob, as usual” (clearly a choice, and clearly not true) is better than a personal trait or characteristic (ugly, their fashion sense). Also, make fun of them for something that - even if it isn’t true - is not a bad thing. For example, joking about how they’re constantly having to decline dates from people, or how their social calendar is always full, or how their work is always the best, won’t really offend anyone. However, don’t say those kinds of things in comparison to yourself if it makes you look lesser. Saying their work is better than yours, when your work isn’t very good, and it sounds like your self-conscious about it, isn’t funny. It feels awkward, and it seems like you’re fishing for a compliments. However, if you both have straight As, talking about how their work is always better than yours is totally fine. So say things like, “this is the guy that kills it with the ladies!” Just think about Trevor Noah’s skit on how a lot of people in the black community put people at ease immediately by saying things like, “is that you? It’s you, isn’t it! Hey, everyone, it’s him!” It’s not actually communicating anything other than a positive attitude towards the other person. So just having a positive and light emotion when you’re saying, this stuff makes a huge difference. A little enthusiasm, a huge smile, no touch of anything aggressive or malicious, but only bright and positive.
Idk if this is helpful, but the most important thing is that they have to know that you like them despite or even because of the thing that you're teasing them about. That has as much to do with how close and healthy the relationship is as it does to do with body language.
The negative Nancy tip is legit, and it applies as a general rule with social groups as well. You can absolutely vent to your social groups especially with good friends, but you shouldn’t dwell in that mindset for too long and especially let it become what you’re known for. I knew a guy in high school that always had this mindset, no matter what the situation was he was always unhappy about it, always complaining, and worst of all if he didn’t like something he would basically want everyone to feel the same way about it. Then he’d get upset and wonder why nobody invited him to things or wanted him around, and especially why he couldn’t get a girlfriend. People don’t want to be brought down, and even if they don’t dislike you as a person if they expect to feel that way around you they probably won’t be super anxious to have you along.
@@Rubindy I agree that sometimes there's a toxic positivity mindset, but that has nothing to do with "negative nancys". I find that a lot of these people are so absorbed in their negativity they come out as slightly narcissistic. Like, yeah, you may have some problems, but if that's all you ever talk about, you're basically only ever talking about yourself, if all you feel is bad about yourself, that comes across as self-absorbed. Also, never forget you can't ever expect others to help you with your problems. If they do, that's a bonus, not something you're owed.
@@ric6611 You helped round out this comment thread. Thank you for that. It's a problem I'm working on myself. Learning to ride the wave of negative emotion rather than tumbling in it is a huge thing for me.
Your section on phones reminded me of a happy memory. At a dinner out with family, my _much_ younger brother was looking at his phone. The current conversation wasn't really something he could engage with, so I don't think anyone cared, but they my elementary school aged daughter tried to get his attention. He immediately put his phone face down and crossed both of his hands on top of it, before making direct eye contact with her and giving her his full attention. It was just such crystal-clear intent to take her seriously and make sure she knew he care about what she had say. It made me smile.
I feel the phone one so hard. I used to DM for my group. 12 years, 8 of it before everyone had phones. Once phones became ubiquitous, I would get so frustrated. I would spend hours planning an adventure and in the middle of the climatic moment, half the table is looking at their phones.
@@KanyeT1306or reward folks for not messing with their phones. Engagement gets extra points, or fun stuff that might help later in game. If a person is really big on certain loot, maybe give them an extra roll foe something they really want if they were consistently not being distracted.
I dont play DnD or anything but I play boardgames and miniature games and I find it hard to even think about my phone. It almost doesn't exist to me to the point where my ex-wife would get frustrated that Im not answering 😂
@@KanyeT1306 if you have to establish that rule, then it makes the setting feel disingenuous. You should surround yourself with people who have the choice to be on their phone, but would rather be invested in YOU and the people around you.
The mocking someone’s mistakes one really hits home. I try to be open about my mistakes and when I mess up in front of people I admit it. Lots of times it’s just little things like admitting I forgot to do something or didn’t understand something on a test. Unfortunately lots of people will immediately choose to sink their teeth into you as a “joke” and honestly it’s just annoying and sometimes hurtful. It can be done in a funny way but there is a certain tone people take where it’s very obvious they are just being mean and talking down to you.
What a great call out at 5:10 by Andrew Schulz regarding someone looking at their phone during a conversation: "What bothers you right now?" "Nothing. You looking at your phone while we're doing this interview. And everyone seeming disinterested." "What do you mean?" "'Me taking time out of my day to do this and then feeling like I'm forcing you guys to do the podcast."
@@joehlloyd He's just a shithead. Got rich and famous young, has things handed to him, no real passion or desire to learn. I've never seen a good clip of him.
My old housemate used to always do that. I'd be in the middle of a story, just the two of us in the room, and he'd whip out his phone and start texting. It'd make me feel completely worthless every time. Then he'd ask questions which showed he hadn't listened to me and I'd have to repeat parts. Whenever I called him out on it he'd freak at me and say it's not a big deal. Eventually I started doing this thing of just stopping talking as soon as he looked at his phone and refusing to finish my point rather than repeat it or wait for him. I think that was eventually the thing that got him to break the habit
@@leob4403very helpful, ‘you should not do that because it means you are immature’ will surely instantly fix it. Of course you shouldn’t be nervous when talking to someone, but what advice do you have for someone not te be other than putting them down for something they are already insecure about? Imagine watching this video, then leaving a comment that makes you utterly dislikable.
People think if they look bad it’ll make people like them less when in reality if you show your mistakes and imperfections it makes you relatable as a human and shows you’re secure, realize you don’t need to worry as much about what other people think and if your friends make you feel bad when you make mistakes they’re most likely bad friends, it shows they don’t have your well being in mind. You can always choose your friends
What's the point of those friends making you feel bad when you also show them your mistakes and imperfections which might be the reason why you feel bad? They say as the system is built find a way to optimize.
@@beatsme7420 I’m not entirely sure what you’re saying, I mean when friends pick you apart for everything and make it unenjoyable to be around them, there’s a balance and a line for every individual that they have to find. I personally am fine with lots of sarcasm and teasing but I try not to actually hurt anyone’s feelings or have friends that find fun in hurting people, thats my line. If your friends make fun of your insecurities they may be bad friends or they may not know that whatever it is is an actual insecurity
Neil DeGrasse Tyson really was accurately represented in the short clip, he believes that he's smarter than he is and that it gives him the right to talk over and down to others.
That's why Brian Cox is so awesome. He really doesn't mind "dumbing down" for the person he's talking to, and explains everything with the utmost of respect, as he knows not everyone is an astrophysicist.
Neil deGras Tyson explained it perfectly the last time he was on the JRE. He figured out early in his career that he needs to talk in sound bites. He practiced and practiced. I think Now it’s hard for him to have an actual conversation. He’s to concerned about trying to blow peoples minds with little facts that he doesn’t listen to what the other person is saying.
@@X9523-z3v this exactly most scientist/doctors are really smart and can socialize in any scenario but what separates Tyson from the rest is he constantly talks over people and doesn't listen to anyone but himself
Very much on point. I notice a lot of these habits when I talk to people, and I find myself guilty of some of them on occasion. Insecurity is the source of many of these instances; not wanting to reveal who You truly are and how You truly feel.
I know someone who is a major example of the final point; inauthentic to the core, always talking themselves up, quick to attack others doing things they dislike so as to try to make themselves seem better... Its shocking that someone can be so socially inept as to not understand that it makes everyone else think you're pathetic. It does the exact opposite of what you want it to do.
The number one thing that turns me off to people is when they ask for my help with something then either criticize my effort or expect me to complete their task without their assistance.
I struggle with talking over people that one is my biggest down fall. I think i am talking then someone talks after then I remember something else related and i need to say it before i forget so i talk over someone.
It's incredible that even really charismatic people can make such bad blunders in conversation, that can even go as far as alienating their conversation partner.
I recently cut it off with some long-time friends because they were essentially performing these behaviors almost every time we interacted, but over time, the frequency of bully banter far outweighed any sense of connection.
There’s nothing more annoying than having a friend who regularly banters with you by jokingly insulting you or your interests, which you can laugh about. But once you do it back, they get defensive and offended. Like, maybe don’t dish to others what you can’t take yourself??
I remember people constantly doing this throughout middle school and highschool. I think it is part of the reason people in gen z have trust issues and struggle to tell when someone is being serious or not. It just makes everyone feel disillusioned.
I’m an easy going person, but I want to be taken seriously when needed. There are other people that always seem quick to judge or are in a bad mood most of the time. I think it’s funny how people have to adjust the words we use to ask a question or make a statement just to be able to work with people that are hard headed. These people need to adjust how they actively listen to others. Eff them!
This video is very insightful. I moderate an online group for women named Karen. I'm fortunate in that I haven't faced bully banter myself, but many in the group of 2,000 have had loads of it -- run-ins with people who think the first thing you should do when you meet a woman named Karen is make a crack about her name. Often those people do it to make other people laugh at Karen's expense (e.g. introducing her to a group with "This is Karen, but I promise she's not a Karen!" and everyone laughs -- except Karen, who feels ashamed as all these new acquaintances get the underlying message "When you hear her name, you should immediately be reminded of the crude, nasty jokes on the internet"). People try to pass it all off as just bantering humor, but non-bullying humor requires turn-taking -- first Sandy makes a Karen joke, then Karen makes a Mike joke, then Mike makes a Sandy joke, etc. When it's "First everyone laughs at Karen, then everyone laughs at Karen, then everyone laughs at Karen," that's bullying, not banter. And just as the video says, the people who do it aren't liked by the targets -- a lot of women named Karen have cut ties with "friends" who used them as the butt of ridicule.
Watching Adam instantly acknowledge his rudeness and heartfelt apologize , then Rogan accepting and moving forward is great way to deal with things like this.
Most of this is great stuff, but some of it is wrong. Just little things. For example, the talking over people because they're excited thing. Sure that's the reason sometimes, but it's a lot more complicated than that. Some people are worried the conversation will move on and their opportunity to respond will pass, or they simply are worried about forgetting their point while taking in the rest of the statement. It's much more nuanced. Still good advice on the topic, but it helps to address the reasons better.
I find you get better at this the older you get. For whatever reason you really stop caring what people think of you as you get older. Not caring what people think just let's you be yourself. I remember being young and trying and failing at being what I thought people wanted and just feeling exhausted at the end of the day. Looking back I know I was just annoying and seemed like an attention seeker. In reality I was just insecure. People would avoid me, I had no friends. Years later, just being myself people often approach me to just talk. Why? Because I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. Like me hate me it's really not going to change my life any. Ironically this makes me more likable lol.
I hate people who can't make jokes without offending others. You don't necessarily have to make jokes all the time and if you do make sure to keep other people's feelings in consideration.
In my experience if you call these people out, they'll just double down and say you're too sensitive. In a lot of these cases people will stop hanging out with them and they won't know why.
What they're actually doing is using joke as an excuse to their bad behavior. They're mocking other people but when they're called out they use "just a joke" to make their behavior acceptable. It's important to spot when someone does this, don't fall for their tricks. You can make a joke without mocking others, they are two separate things.
You know what’s funny? People don’t like me for trying to stay positive and being so open when those people who criticize do literally everything in this video! When I tell them it’s rude and how it makes me feel, they get unbelievably angry.
I basically work with someone who thinks giving someone a hard time all the time is top tier comedy They are the most exhausting people to interact with Of course if you dont laugh or say its not really funny then youre accused of being a prude or cant take a joke etc. Jokes are great, constant nagging disguised as joking is not
Despite being an empathetic person who does a lot of the positives here already, but only mentioning to say I found this video extremely well made and very informative regardless of what you already know! Very sincerely and intentionally made video on helpful subject matter! All the praise possible! You handled this tactfully and empathetically even when pointing out mistakes! Exceptional video!
Does being socially awkard or quiet come across as hostile? I have a lot of trouble starting and maintaining convos at work. I think my colleagues believe I'm unapproachable. I hate that i give off this energy when it's not intentional
as someone who has been through this, sometimes. if you dont believe you are charismatic and confident, you will always feel this way. i try to observe and learn from the mannerisms of the people around me. (it will take time for the confidence to come naturally, so keep persevering!!) try hyping yourself up before conversations/pretending you are a really charismatic person. start with asking a colleague a question (e.g., 'hows your day been?' during lunch) or starting a conversation about something that intrigued you recently ('do you think...?') you will have your low days, but dont give up!!!
It depends on a lot of details, including stuff in this video. Being quiet and using your phone as an escape can be disrespectful. But there are things that can work in your favor, such as if you can demonstrate being a good listener.
The argument should be grammar and not if something is a word. Anything can be a word, any word gets added to the dictionary if a culture uses it enough. In a paper I can see an argument for grammar. Yet people don’t speak with proper grammar so what is the purpose of policing it in conversation? 😩
The weird thing about this interaction is that it's so extremely appealing to so many nerdy guys out there who practically come in their pants watching Conan getting the chance to best a woman is who is both more physically attractive and less intelligent than himself. It's weird to me, I feel like there are all these dorky guys out there who love Conan way too much because they can see themselves in him despite the fact that he's much more talented than they'll ever be, and who also resent beautiful women who would never want to be with them. It's gross.
@@balthasardenner5216 for you to even think about it in that way makes you the weird one. I can’t speak for anyone else but for me it’s just chick tried to show how smart she was and Conan rebutted in a humorous manner. If she was fat and ugly it would be just as funny.
@@balthasardenner5216 @Oogidahboogidah I think the bit would still be funny regardless of the type of person. It's just funny to see someone who thought they were being smart being proven wrong. Edit: dang, i cant tag multiple people.
the thing i always make sure to do is make fun of myself more then others, making yourself vounerable and ''the silly one'' often makes people more comfortable in my experience
I could see using bully banter to write characters who are pretending to like each other but who actually have issues with one another. Personally though, I don't think I would use phone addiction to show disinterest in a scene as it is overdone. The use of a distraction is great though. Your character is sharing something personal at a waffle house and their companion is trying one drop of each different syrup in each crispy chamber of their waffle. The character finished with some clever point and the companion looks like they are mulling it over only to push one particular syrup away from them in disgust. Honestly, I love bad behavior cues and what not to do videos like this because they are so useful in making dynamic and believable encounters.
That writing style you mentioned was the SOLE writing trick in the arsenal of Joss Whedon and got that obnoxious nepo baby a two decade too long career before people saw it as the bully banter that it was AFTER he got exposed for ACTUALLY BULLYING nearly everybody he worked with.
@@robkino6137 what I mentioned above is not a writing style. It's a technique to write a scene. Often, I use videos on personality to help differentiate the characters. If everyone uses bully banter then they all feel like the same character. A better technique would be to create characters with different personalities and then write them with these aspects. As for Joss Whedon, script writing is a bit different than novel writing. Writers can create a script and it can be tweaked and altered a dozen times by different people before hitting the screen. Some changes are good and others are bad. A good edit can turn a bad script into gold. For novel writing, it only gets hit by a few different people and the author retains control of the story. Beta readers help an author improve content and editors helps improve form.
I was a big fan of NDT since I am also a researcher and have been into science my whole life, but I made the mistake of watching too many videos of his interviews. Now I skip a video every time I see him.
Emotional intelligence? You can't make anyone feel any way. When you think you know something it closes off your mind to truth, cuz u think u already found it. A very dangerous mistake to make depending what it is. At best its a burden on ppl around you and it spreads.
I always do disrespectful distractions unintentionally cus i get distracted very easily. I'm not sure if this is the correct way to make it up to the person talking but I always ask "you were saying? (Insert last topic they said)" because i feel really bad about it
I was never a big fan of NGT, but after seeing him on JRE, I couldn't stand the guy. His ego is the size of Jupiter. 😅 Great episode. I've become really conscious about the phone cue and I've trying to distance myself from it more. A side note, if someone likes something that I don't and innocently brings it up, I'll sometimes jab at it with some levity, being receptive to how the other person seems to feel. I'll also often make it clear that it's fine to have varying opinions and I wouldn't be judging them for liking it. Finally, it's good to come up with something that you do admire or appreciate about that thing, too. That way you're not just leaving a subject with a disconnect from the other person, but you're actually connecting with them and possibly learning more about that thing as well as the person you're talking to.
I've had my perspective adjusted on a couple of matters. The first is the 'Negative Nancy' label. I tend to think creatively and offer unique viewpoints on various topics, and I'm starting to understand how this might be perceived when I'm simply presenting an alternative angle. The second correction is bully banter. I'm a friendly introvert who loves dark humor, and sometimes I dive into playful banter a bit too eagerly when I'm vibing with a new buddy.
ya i have a coworker that loves to tell me all about her life and I give her my full attention but when i start to talk about my life she stares at her phone and doesnt even reply back! so rude!
The Conan Garner thing worked out for both of them ok, but just because of Conan, he made every aspect of it seem playful. If he didn't go over the top about it then it wouldn't have worked. Maybe Garner was just aware that he could deal with it tho.
I mean, just don't tease anyone you don't know. Plain and simple, lol. The examples in the video where the teasing works is when both people already know each other.
I know someone who constantly talks over everybody and I can only tolerate them in small doses. Diverting the conversation doesn't work with this person at all.
I'm just grateful to run into a video like this, I think I've watched this one before but man, I know I interrupt people, maybe not constantly, and I do whatever I can to not look anywhere else when people are talking to me especially if they're opening up. It's just a good reminder all the time, and it's easy to be inspired when Walmart Chris Pine on that podcast can't get it together with Schulz...That guy is the epitome of negative reinforcement to me.
This all boils down to bad habits that insecure, un-self-aware people do. Work on yourself, be self-aware, learn the social cues of others, and treat people like you want to be treated, and you will never fall foul to these damning social antics... It's cliché, but true!
Bully banter is exactly what I struggle with at work. Being the youngest of the old trades, everyone targets you. And when you call them out they say "it's only banter" but when you're the only target in the group, it doesn't feel like "banter"..
Yeah, that's just bullying. More accurately, it's hazing. It's a test of your mettle. Keep cool and intelligent and you will gain their respect.
You need to banter back but don't overdo it. And keep cool, just like Mitch said. If they break you down then you're not one of the boys.
Calling out banter as bullying is the absolute worse thing you could do. If your lucky they will learn that you can't take it and will not talk to you anymore and treat you like a baby if your not lucky they will rib you even harder until you can take it or quit. You need to banter back with them. You said they are old. Just use that. That's what I did. Constantly lol. If you can work as hard as these guys and laugh at yourself (including your mistakes, you will make them and they know it) and laugh at them as well (everyone makes mistakes) I promise you trades guys are the most loyal friends you will find on the worksite. *** some guys are just jerks best way to tell that is if they dish out the banter but can't take it from you. Good luck buddy.
We have a guy like that at my work. I can 100% say it's his fault. He's not even the youngest or least experienced.
He refuses to change any of the negatives we banter about. Going on 2 years of banter and we're pretty sure he finally married his fiancé of 10 years just to make us stop teasing about dragging her along.
Everything else is his own deficiency that he refuses to change. And it'd be easy to change too.
Like actually trying to solve a problem before asking everyone in the office.
Or being on time.
Or more organized.
just give them the same energy they do to you, if they cry about it. than make fun of them for not being able to handle things they put out
That JRE clip is actually insane. Guest opens up about one of the most sensitive and personal things one can share and Joe gives his focus to the MMA clip in the background
I had terrible second hand embarrassment 😶
It shows that even someone with tons of charisma (even being featured on this channel), still makes terrible mistakes when it comes to communicating.
That was painful to watch
It can happen though, we’re human and sometimes we get legit distracted. Even someone like Joe who does this stuff for a living.
Jesus I cringed so hard. Even I wanted to go apologize to him.
I can't explain to you how much it hurts when ur trying to open up to someone and they keep getting distracted by something that just doesn't matter. And idk what's worse, if they do it on purpose or not.
I recently experienced this. I was trying to reconnect with some folks by sharing a very cute, anecdotal story with the group when I was rudely cut off so one could show the other an app on their phone. I know when you’re cut off like that, the correct thing to do is not allow them to talk over you and come back and finish the story, but I was so pit off by the rudeness that I ended up excusing myself and leaving the situation.
Politely mention it. Or make a vulnerable joke about it. Their response should give you the answer!
It's horrible even if they don't mean to do it
I recently ended a friendship for this very reason.
Read the room and realize they're not interested. Stop trying to force yourself on people who don't want it.
Inauthenticity is the source of most problems socializing. People think people won’t like the real them, but unless you’re genuinely rude, people will appreciate what makes you unique.
We are the people so we should know this by default. There is something else at play here. Everyone knows but something(s) push them. We don't need others to test this, we can observe ourselves also...But honestly, who cares. We'll forget about it tomorrow, right?
Even if you´re genuinely rude all the time, at least people would like or respect you more that if you´re genuinely rude but pretend to be nice
I think one thing that holds people back about this is how social media is incredibly vindictive, making people feel they need to act perfect
Disagree to an extent. People with ADHD have more social difficulties and part of is it is being their authentic self will cause them to be distracted and or interupt people. Just be yourself doesn't work.
Roughly, but there are caveats. Be yourself, but _be willing to improve yourself_ . Be humble and straightforward about what you struggle with and get yourself to genuinely care about the other person's experience.
If you have a disability that makes it more difficult to interact with others, be upfront about it, but also promise to do your best. Using your disability as an excuse to interrupt or say inappropriate things won't fly, or if they think that's what's happening.
Golden rule of banter: it needs to go both ways. People are much more receptive to banter the more you demonstrate that you don’t take yourself seriously. Jokes about yourself is a good way to gauge how ok they are with banter. If they follow through with your jokes then oftentimes they are ok with being teased themselves
I workshop the joke if it's a 1v1 setting if the person is unsure to show them that the act itself is more comedic than personal.
At my work, within the small clique I work with direcetly, we sorta go at each other all day and It's all in good fun. Now and again someone goes too far, there's a conversation and an apology then we move past it. If you're not up for the banter that day, you just say so and you'll be left alone. I trust those guys to have my back when it matters. it has helped me be more laid back and accepting of my own flaws, and theirs too...because It's all in good fun.
I know It's probably not for everyone, but It's often the best part of my day.
@@fartinator1I think that’s a healthy way of doing it, the willingness to apologize and have conversations if someone doesn’t want to to deal with it makes it all very consensual and keeps it a safe space, while also giving room for boundaries to be pushed within reason. that sounds like a lovely friend group even if it’s prbly not my style :):)
Unless there's that one friend of the group that knows how to start banter but takes themselves too seriously to take banter
1. Bully banter
2. Mocking others' mistakes
3. Being a negative nancy
4. Disrespectful distractions
5. Repeatedly talking over someone
6. Inauthenticity
7. ???
8. Profit
j/k. listening to music without headphones while in line at the bank, wearing white socks with black shoes, making dad jokes at funerals, am i missing any?
@@HawaiiFoodAndFunwhat's wrong with white socks and black shoes?
@@crackaby7075it makes the socks stand out. usually it looks good when you’re wearing like converse or doc martens, but i think it doesn’t look as good when they are just some all black air force 1’s. it’s all preference but in my opinion and probably the original commenters it looks better with black socks.
@@crackaby7075 I like them because they make me think of the Billie Jean video back in the day
Careful! He’s a hero.
I really admire how careful you are to judge a specific behavior as helpful or less helpful, while asserting a given person is more than a clip or a conversation. That really keeps it classy, and it's very kind and gracious.
To be fair, Neil Degrasse Tyson really is that person.
Exactly! That's what memes are for! LOL
I do agree that you can interrupt people when they are talking. But some people don't let you talk ever, they want to talk alone. So if you want to talk you have to interrupt them!
True
Your long term friend of 5 years is opening up about his father’s death and you sigh, rolling your eyes “get to the point, I want to talk about legos”
@@soymilkman That's when you just say nothing and hug them 🙂
Yeah i have to do this with my mom sometimes
My husband’s uncle (who I’m not close to) decided to get a laugh at my expense in a public setting. He called me fat and ugly at a lunch with MY neighbors. Side note: I bodybuild so not fat but rude anyways… Also pretended to not know my name and dismissively waved his hand calling me Rachel, Rosanna etc… This backfired spectacularly. I walked away from the interaction and his wife cried out in horror. My husband told him “you really effed up” and everyone else was generally disgusted and stunned. Not sure why some people think getting a laugh at someone else’s expense is a good thing. It just makes you look like a jerk.
Normally, I’d say it comes from insecurity. In this case, it sounds to me like he flat out doesn’t like you and lashes out when he can.
I’ll poke fun at myself at myself for a laugh, leaving others out of it. My boss had a go at me in from of an attractive woman a few days ago. I just let the fat old guy go, knowing that he wasn’t gaining any prestige in anyone’s eyes, let alone hers.
You seem to look fantastic
It can be fine in very specific situations, like if everyone involved knows each other very well or you're siblings.
That's just what I've noticed though. I'm not sociable at all.
@@yipflaptheexecutioner6519 When it is fine like that it's because those people do know each other really well, so they know what does or doesn't cross the line for that person
Did you beat him in armwrestling or does he just wake up in jerk mode?
"It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you."
That's the quote that went through my head as I watched this. Great episode!
Batman begins?
@@ElectricIguana - yes!
Sooo... the opposite of what this video says?
@@eyescreamcake - watch it again.
@@Minder777 It's the opposite of what the video says. Read it again.
"I want to see what you just said written on paper." I know that's not something you say to a person, but my goodness, I love that.
I didn't know Ariana Grande could be so savage lol
It's pretty funny, especially coming from someone who seems like they would say the exact same sentence.
She instantly gained respect in my book. Saying that, that quick and smooth, takes a degree of intelligence I admit that I didn't think she had.
Yeah, it was pretty funny. Sometimes, you just have to hit someone with the truth and be damned
It was kind of rude but also very funny
I think the power of not saying things is underrated, if you don’t put yourself up it allows others to do that in their own mind
When I hear someone talking bad about another person it instantly triggers something in me that makes me dislike you and feel something that I should be cautious around you” not trust you”.
Is it okay if the person is bad?
If all someone ever seem to do in conversation is rag on other people or diminish their achievements, it gets old fast, especially when you make the effort with them to listen, because that's exactly how they come across, untrustworthy, or at best incredibly insecure.
Sounds like a you problem
@@matthewtartt9422 what does?
@@matthewtartt9422 nah, it's definitely a them (the talking bad person) problem. People who talk badly about people to you are also talking badly about you to others. It's normal to be careful around people like that. They breed negativity.
To play devils advocate for talking over people, some people lack the ability to stop talking or they talk in circles, repeating themselves. Talking over people is rude, but sometimes people need to be cut off.
It’s totally fine to talk over people, you just need to be careful when you jump in because you don’t accidentally want to cut off something that’s interesting or important. Some people just really like to talk. They are self aware of it and don’t mind people talking them to get a word or 2 in.
That's my boss. He just talks and talks and talks. An explanation that could take 1 sentence takes him at least 20
@@108wee It's not fine in my culture, we let people speak before taking our own turn to speak. Of course if someone is talking and talking then it's different and with friends it's not that strict but as a general rule we don't talk over people.
That's so true. My father talks in circles and if you don't interrupt him, you'll never speak.
I've experimentally tried just letting certain people talk and going out of my way to not interrupt, they NEVER stop. Often the way they speak seems specifically structured so there is never a clear endpoint or conclusion for you to reply to - just an endless stream of vague run-on sentences.
I appreciate that this was pointed out in 6:25. People tend to look at clips and shorts videos of something someone did wrong, and come to a conclusion where that's what they are. Not just celebrities deal with it, but people with a large following always deal with people like that.
That one guy getting called out for being fake is sooo rough. It's like he doesn't know who he even is.
"I'm genuine, but it's actually all just a joke, but really my feelings are hurt, but nah you shouldn't take me serious cause I'm just kidding."
@@AirLancerto be fair when you’re being by recorded on a podcast for the whole world to see getting called out like that would be like a flashbang. It would become nearly impossible to actually open up after openly doubling down so many times
Yes but Schultz is a clown too so it’s funny that they both were having a back and fourth with each other
I'm a high-masking autistic and before I got diagnosed, a friend of a guy I was dating at the time came right to my face and accused me of being fake. I started questioning my entire identity.
@laurazaetz9505
Wow, and what was his reason for saying that?
I learnt how annoying i can be to other people. I'll definitely correct my mistakes and be a better person. Thank you fornthis great video!!
It's harder to correct yourself than you might think though! Takes tons of practice.
Awareness + willingness to learn is the first step to change, good luck :)
Way too late for me 😟
@@harrietcraig6716 It's only too late if you decide it is.
Yes! Force yourself to be a better person. But, most importantly, ALWAYS be authentic.
cutting people off when they're talking is probably one of my worst habits. And it is so hard to get rid of because it is just spontaneous, I will usually cut someone and realize what I did a second after and get mad at myself.
Do you acknowledge to the person that you were talking to that you cut them off? Most people are very appreciative if we recognize our rude moment and then give them space to continue with what they were saying.
@@EveryPeachInReach agree with this.
Internalizing it benefits neither of you. Acknowledge it and apologising allows both of you to move on from it.
I do this as well it’s cause I really wanna get what I’m saying out there
Especially slow talkers. You just assume they are done. They stop and ponder before another sentence comes out. For most of its free flowing seemless thoughts to words. Hard to catch and not step on their toes
I do this too in discussion sometimes, just apologize and give them their time it’s okay 😊
Here I am learning about basic human etiquette as if I am an alien 👽
I hope your not learning it from this guy he essentially labels social dynamics he doesn't understand as bad
@@MrJpc1234I mean there are some good tips in here but nothing should be taken as an absolute lol. Pretty much everything goes on a case by case basis
@henryibeleme6626 I hope you're not learning grammar and punctuation from @MrJpc1234. 😆
INTP Aspies be like
Autism, brother
I am autistic and it is incredibly difficult for me to gauge how to friendly tease someone without hurting them.
Real af
He said it in the vid kind of but to play it safe don’t tease them about negative things at all, especially if you’re not close to them, like don’t point out their flaws
be over the top about something that they feel ok to be tease, like being attractive or maybe disorganize
Here is one way that can be helpful to think about it: Make fun of them for something that clearly is not true.
Don’t call someone loser if they’re not very popular or just normal. However, if someone is very popular and has a lot of friends, then joking that they’re a loser with a clear facial expression and tone that is completely a joke is fine. The joke is that you both know they’re not a loser. However, usually it’s best not to joke around about attributes like that. Instead, calling them a loner (a choice) rather than a loser (an issue), would go over much better.
If someone is average looking or even slightly good looking, or even if they are attractive, but they seem to focus a lot on worrying about their appearance, don’t joke around about them not looking nice. However, when they’re clearly confident, the bell of the ball, walking around with people constantly complementing them, then calling them ugly might work. However, again, it would be better to say something like, “you’re showing up looking like a slob, as usual” (clearly a choice, and clearly not true) is better than a personal trait or characteristic (ugly, their fashion sense).
Also, make fun of them for something that - even if it isn’t true - is not a bad thing. For example, joking about how they’re constantly having to decline dates from people, or how their social calendar is always full, or how their work is always the best, won’t really offend anyone. However, don’t say those kinds of things in comparison to yourself if it makes you look lesser. Saying their work is better than yours, when your work isn’t very good, and it sounds like your self-conscious about it, isn’t funny. It feels awkward, and it seems like you’re fishing for a compliments. However, if you both have straight As, talking about how their work is always better than yours is totally fine. So say things like, “this is the guy that kills it with the ladies!”
Just think about Trevor Noah’s skit on how a lot of people in the black community put people at ease immediately by saying things like, “is that you? It’s you, isn’t it! Hey, everyone, it’s him!” It’s not actually communicating anything other than a positive attitude towards the other person. So just having a positive and light emotion when you’re saying, this stuff makes a huge difference. A little enthusiasm, a huge smile, no touch of anything aggressive or malicious, but only bright and positive.
Idk if this is helpful, but the most important thing is that they have to know that you like them despite or even because of the thing that you're teasing them about. That has as much to do with how close and healthy the relationship is as it does to do with body language.
The negative Nancy tip is legit, and it applies as a general rule with social groups as well. You can absolutely vent to your social groups especially with good friends, but you shouldn’t dwell in that mindset for too long and especially let it become what you’re known for. I knew a guy in high school that always had this mindset, no matter what the situation was he was always unhappy about it, always complaining, and worst of all if he didn’t like something he would basically want everyone to feel the same way about it. Then he’d get upset and wonder why nobody invited him to things or wanted him around, and especially why he couldn’t get a girlfriend. People don’t want to be brought down, and even if they don’t dislike you as a person if they expect to feel that way around you they probably won’t be super anxious to have you along.
he propably had some problems but no one cares.. we live in a toxic positivity mindset nowadays.. if ur not a happy winner ur out
@@Rubindy "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone."
@@Rubindy I agree that sometimes there's a toxic positivity mindset, but that has nothing to do with "negative nancys". I find that a lot of these people are so absorbed in their negativity they come out as slightly narcissistic. Like, yeah, you may have some problems, but if that's all you ever talk about, you're basically only ever talking about yourself, if all you feel is bad about yourself, that comes across as self-absorbed. Also, never forget you can't ever expect others to help you with your problems. If they do, that's a bonus, not something you're owed.
@@ric6611 You helped round out this comment thread. Thank you for that.
It's a problem I'm working on myself. Learning to ride the wave of negative emotion rather than tumbling in it is a huge thing for me.
@@FlamingCockatielNice that you're working on yourself. Good luck and take care!
Your section on phones reminded me of a happy memory. At a dinner out with family, my _much_ younger brother was looking at his phone. The current conversation wasn't really something he could engage with, so I don't think anyone cared, but they my elementary school aged daughter tried to get his attention. He immediately put his phone face down and crossed both of his hands on top of it, before making direct eye contact with her and giving her his full attention. It was just such crystal-clear intent to take her seriously and make sure she knew he care about what she had say. It made me smile.
I feel the phone one so hard. I used to DM for my group. 12 years, 8 of it before everyone had phones. Once phones became ubiquitous, I would get so frustrated. I would spend hours planning an adventure and in the middle of the climatic moment, half the table is looking at their phones.
You need a no phones rule. Phone go into the shoebox or bowl at the start of the night, and don't get picked up until the end.
@@KanyeT1306or reward folks for not messing with their phones. Engagement gets extra points, or fun stuff that might help later in game. If a person is really big on certain loot, maybe give them an extra roll foe something they really want if they were consistently not being distracted.
I dont play DnD or anything but I play boardgames and miniature games and I find it hard to even think about my phone. It almost doesn't exist to me to the point where my ex-wife would get frustrated that Im not answering 😂
@@KanyeT1306 if you have to establish that rule, then it makes the setting feel disingenuous. You should surround yourself with people who have the choice to be on their phone, but would rather be invested in YOU and the people around you.
it's horrible. I started to isolate myself, bc why minding to talk to someone, if he is constantly on his phone.
The mocking someone’s mistakes one really hits home. I try to be open about my mistakes and when I mess up in front of people I admit it. Lots of times it’s just little things like admitting I forgot to do something or didn’t understand something on a test. Unfortunately lots of people will immediately choose to sink their teeth into you as a “joke” and honestly it’s just annoying and sometimes hurtful. It can be done in a funny way but there is a certain tone people take where it’s very obvious they are just being mean and talking down to you.
What a great call out at 5:10 by Andrew Schulz regarding someone looking at their phone during a conversation:
"What bothers you right now?"
"Nothing. You looking at your phone while we're doing this interview. And everyone seeming disinterested."
"What do you mean?"
"'Me taking time out of my day to do this and then feeling like I'm forcing you guys to do the podcast."
One of the reasons I love Andrew Schulz - he will tell you what he's thinking.
the guy he's talking to has extreme "it's just a prank bro" energy.
@@joehlloyd He's just a shithead. Got rich and famous young, has things handed to him, no real passion or desire to learn. I've never seen a good clip of him.
Yeah that guy seemed like such a jerk.
My old housemate used to always do that. I'd be in the middle of a story, just the two of us in the room, and he'd whip out his phone and start texting. It'd make me feel completely worthless every time. Then he'd ask questions which showed he hadn't listened to me and I'd have to repeat parts. Whenever I called him out on it he'd freak at me and say it's not a big deal. Eventually I started doing this thing of just stopping talking as soon as he looked at his phone and refusing to finish my point rather than repeat it or wait for him. I think that was eventually the thing that got him to break the habit
When people are nervous they make many of these blunders
You shouldn't really be nervous talking to another person, it's a sign of immaturity and lack of emotional control
@leob4403 Or anxiety....?
@@leob4403very helpful, ‘you should not do that because it means you are immature’ will surely instantly fix it. Of course you shouldn’t be nervous when talking to someone, but what advice do you have for someone not te be other than putting them down for something they are already insecure about? Imagine watching this video, then leaving a comment that makes you utterly dislikable.
@@cheesecake7274 I would say mental health starts with physical health, exercise, nutrition, sleep, sobriety etc
@@leob4403 Speaking of ways to get people to dislike you immediately...
This is why I just love the Charisma on Command channel. Always dropping gold after gold. Amazing video. Powerful and useful lesson. God bless you.
People think if they look bad it’ll make people like them less when in reality if you show your mistakes and imperfections it makes you relatable as a human and shows you’re secure, realize you don’t need to worry as much about what other people think and if your friends make you feel bad when you make mistakes they’re most likely bad friends, it shows they don’t have your well being in mind. You can always choose your friends
What's the point of those friends making you feel bad when you also show them your mistakes and imperfections which might be the reason why you feel bad? They say as the system is built find a way to optimize.
@@beatsme7420 I’m not entirely sure what you’re saying, I mean when friends pick you apart for everything and make it unenjoyable to be around them, there’s a balance and a line for every individual that they have to find. I personally am fine with lots of sarcasm and teasing but I try not to actually hurt anyone’s feelings or have friends that find fun in hurting people, thats my line. If your friends make fun of your insecurities they may be bad friends or they may not know that whatever it is is an actual insecurity
@@FixItStig Insecurity then exists that's good I get rid of it then I find it fun to make fun of the FRIENDS all is good.
I’m so confused
@@FixItStig I just meant that the bad friends and the good friends are ALL the same. Except you could be worse.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson really was accurately represented in the short clip, he believes that he's smarter than he is and that it gives him the right to talk over and down to others.
This so much
I call him Typhoon Tyson because he's really windy.
Yeah his recent interview with pbd reaaally showed how unintelligent he actually is
That's why Brian Cox is so awesome. He really doesn't mind "dumbing down" for the person he's talking to, and explains everything with the utmost of respect, as he knows not everyone is an astrophysicist.
I was just about to comment, when I saw your perfect summing up of this loudmouth science grifter
Neil deGras Tyson explained it perfectly the last time he was on the JRE. He figured out early in his career that he needs to talk in sound bites. He practiced and practiced. I think Now it’s hard for him to have an actual conversation. He’s to concerned about trying to blow peoples minds with little facts that he doesn’t listen to what the other person is saying.
He's incredibly arrogant and often condescending, he has almost no charisma
He understands the universe because his ego fills the universe. When he's on anything, he's the only one in the room. Can't stand that guy
I wanted to hear what he had to say far more than Rogan, who usually has nothing to say at all other than posturing about how macho he is.
@@X9523-z3v I love how you resort to insults right away while calling Rogan a meathead anyway. Sounds like you're the one insecure and triggered
@@X9523-z3v this exactly most scientist/doctors are really smart and can socialize in any scenario but what separates Tyson from the rest is he constantly talks over people and doesn't listen to anyone but himself
Very much on point. I notice a lot of these habits when I talk to people, and I find myself guilty of some of them on occasion. Insecurity is the source of many of these instances; not wanting to reveal who You truly are and how You truly feel.
I know someone who is a major example of the final point; inauthentic to the core, always talking themselves up, quick to attack others doing things they dislike so as to try to make themselves seem better... Its shocking that someone can be so socially inept as to not understand that it makes everyone else think you're pathetic. It does the exact opposite of what you want it to do.
Snuck is completely acceptable to use. Confidently incorrecting people
I believe this is your best video to date. More straight forward thorough insight instead of anecdotal snippets to support the narrative. Five stars
The number one thing that turns me off to people is when they ask for my help with something then either criticize my effort or expect me to complete their task without their assistance.
0:51 Burt Reynolds' "comeback" was great lol
I struggle with talking over people that one is my biggest down fall. I think i am talking then someone talks after then I remember something else related and i need to say it before i forget so i talk over someone.
2:20 "snuck" IS a word.
2:45 GOD AM I RELIEVED
It's incredible that even really charismatic people can make such bad blunders in conversation, that can even go as far as alienating their conversation partner.
I recently cut it off with some long-time friends because they were essentially performing these behaviors almost every time we interacted, but over time, the frequency of bully banter far outweighed any sense of connection.
There’s nothing more annoying than having a friend who regularly banters with you by jokingly insulting you or your interests, which you can laugh about.
But once you do it back, they get defensive and offended. Like, maybe don’t dish to others what you can’t take yourself??
I remember people constantly doing this throughout middle school and highschool. I think it is part of the reason people in gen z have trust issues and struggle to tell when someone is being serious or not. It just makes everyone feel disillusioned.
I’m an easy going person, but I want to be taken seriously when needed. There are other people that always seem quick to judge or are in a bad mood most of the time. I think it’s funny how people have to adjust the words we use to ask a question or make a statement just to be able to work with people that are hard headed. These people need to adjust how they actively listen to others. Eff them!
This video is very insightful. I moderate an online group for women named Karen. I'm fortunate in that I haven't faced bully banter myself, but many in the group of 2,000 have had loads of it -- run-ins with people who think the first thing you should do when you meet a woman named Karen is make a crack about her name. Often those people do it to make other people laugh at Karen's expense (e.g. introducing her to a group with "This is Karen, but I promise she's not a Karen!" and everyone laughs -- except Karen, who feels ashamed as all these new acquaintances get the underlying message "When you hear her name, you should immediately be reminded of the crude, nasty jokes on the internet"). People try to pass it all off as just bantering humor, but non-bullying humor requires turn-taking -- first Sandy makes a Karen joke, then Karen makes a Mike joke, then Mike makes a Sandy joke, etc. When it's "First everyone laughs at Karen, then everyone laughs at Karen, then everyone laughs at Karen," that's bullying, not banter. And just as the video says, the people who do it aren't liked by the targets -- a lot of women named Karen have cut ties with "friends" who used them as the butt of ridicule.
2:25 not even a mistake bc that’s a word
2:40 she got humbled, it seems like it might be staged tho bc why would he just so happen to have a dictionary
@@juliasimone974assistant handed it to him
@@juliasimone974His response was later on in the show, he didn't just happen to have a dictionary
Watching Adam instantly acknowledge his rudeness and heartfelt apologize , then Rogan accepting and moving forward is great way to deal with things like this.
Most of this is great stuff, but some of it is wrong.
Just little things. For example, the talking over people because they're excited thing. Sure that's the reason sometimes, but it's a lot more complicated than that. Some people are worried the conversation will move on and their opportunity to respond will pass, or they simply are worried about forgetting their point while taking in the rest of the statement. It's much more nuanced. Still good advice on the topic, but it helps to address the reasons better.
I find you get better at this the older you get. For whatever reason you really stop caring what people think of you as you get older. Not caring what people think just let's you be yourself. I remember being young and trying and failing at being what I thought people wanted and just feeling exhausted at the end of the day. Looking back I know I was just annoying and seemed like an attention seeker. In reality I was just insecure. People would avoid me, I had no friends. Years later, just being myself people often approach me to just talk. Why? Because I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. Like me hate me it's really not going to change my life any. Ironically this makes me more likable lol.
I hate people who can't make jokes without offending others. You don't necessarily have to make jokes all the time and if you do make sure to keep other people's feelings in consideration.
In my experience if you call these people out, they'll just double down and say you're too sensitive. In a lot of these cases people will stop hanging out with them and they won't know why.
@@christopherherr7561 same here. They're like "you can't take a joke" I can but what you're doing is not joking, you're just being rude
@christopherherr7561 or worse, when you joke back at them and they get offended, the “can dish it out but can’t take it” type
What they're actually doing is using joke as an excuse to their bad behavior. They're mocking other people but when they're called out they use "just a joke" to make their behavior acceptable. It's important to spot when someone does this, don't fall for their tricks. You can make a joke without mocking others, they are two separate things.
Offence is always taken, never given, you son of a silly person
I like how you fit a clip of rogan being on the other side for once.
Showing even the best make mistakes
he does this type of stuff often unfortunately, among other things.
@@onzbrau2711 why unfortunately?
The best 😂
Imagine Neil DeGrassi doing a talk on how to be charismatic. That’s be hilarious.
These videos are excellent! Articulating intuitive hunches I always felt, but never was able to fully realize.
"Trying hard to look good is what makes you look bad"
😅
Emotionally mature ppl telling immature ones abt their feelings.
You know what’s funny? People don’t like me for trying to stay positive and being so open when those people who criticize do literally everything in this video! When I tell them it’s rude and how it makes me feel, they get unbelievably angry.
These things should be taught in school. And I’m saying that as a schoolteacher.
I basically work with someone who thinks giving someone a hard time all the time is top tier comedy
They are the most exhausting people to interact with
Of course if you dont laugh or say its not really funny then youre accused of being a prude or cant take a joke etc.
Jokes are great, constant nagging disguised as joking is not
Despite being an empathetic person who does a lot of the positives here already, but only mentioning to say I found this video extremely well made and very informative regardless of what you already know! Very sincerely and intentionally made video on helpful subject matter! All the praise possible! You handled this tactfully and empathetically even when pointing out mistakes! Exceptional video!
What a clean transition at 3:58. Props to the editor.
Making someone laugh after an insult doesn't mean they are okay with it. It just means they are professional.
All of this makes sense. But so many social rules and skills kinda seem overwhelming at times. A lot to keep track of.
You’ll learn by seeing how people react
That Neil Degrasse Tyson JRE Episode was honestly unlistenable to because of how much he interrupted.
It was unwatchable because Neil is a brainless tool
Does being socially awkard or quiet come across as hostile? I have a lot of trouble starting and maintaining convos at work. I think my colleagues believe I'm unapproachable. I hate that i give off this energy when it's not intentional
Squint your eyes slightly. Works like a charm
as someone who has been through this, sometimes. if you dont believe you are charismatic and confident, you will always feel this way. i try to observe and learn from the mannerisms of the people around me. (it will take time for the confidence to come naturally, so keep persevering!!)
try hyping yourself up before conversations/pretending you are a really charismatic person. start with asking a colleague a question (e.g., 'hows your day been?' during lunch) or starting a conversation about something that intrigued you recently ('do you think...?')
you will have your low days, but dont give up!!!
@@user-ob4vh8yg5d appreciate it. Thanks
Unless you’re incredibly weird or incredibly rude, no one will find you “repulsive”. That’s a very strong word. Don’t be so hard on yourself❤
It depends on a lot of details, including stuff in this video. Being quiet and using your phone as an escape can be disrespectful. But there are things that can work in your favor, such as if you can demonstrate being a good listener.
Always great content ❤ NGL I kind of lived for that whoopie comment from Barbara 😂 the view bullies everyone so fair game😂
Gotta say, the clip of Grande saying I wanna see what you just said written down is hilarious.
So true. One person who was always trying to show people could not understand why people didin't like them, their whole family was the same.
2:24 the best part came after when Conan pulled a dictionary out and showed that it was a word and made a fool out of Miss Dunning-Kruger
The argument should be grammar and not if something is a word. Anything can be a word, any word gets added to the dictionary if a culture uses it enough. In a paper I can see an argument for grammar. Yet people don’t speak with proper grammar so what is the purpose of policing it in conversation? 😩
The weird thing about this interaction is that it's so extremely appealing to so many nerdy guys out there who practically come in their pants watching Conan getting the chance to best a woman is who is both more physically attractive and less intelligent than himself. It's weird to me, I feel like there are all these dorky guys out there who love Conan way too much because they can see themselves in him despite the fact that he's much more talented than they'll ever be, and who also resent beautiful women who would never want to be with them. It's gross.
@@balthasardenner5216 for you to even think about it in that way makes you the weird one. I can’t speak for anyone else but for me it’s just chick tried to show how smart she was and Conan rebutted in a humorous manner. If she was fat and ugly it would be just as funny.
@@balthasardenner5216 @Oogidahboogidah I think the bit would still be funny regardless of the type of person. It's just funny to see someone who thought they were being smart being proven wrong.
Edit: dang, i cant tag multiple people.
Not sure what her deal was.
These videos are so useful in helping me write characters!! Thanks
4:35 is brutal...Rogan shoulda known better.
i was about to comment this
the thing i always make sure to do is make fun of myself more then others, making yourself vounerable and ''the silly one'' often makes people more comfortable in my experience
In Rogan's defense, his podcasts with Niel are pretty much just Niel talking at and over Rogan.
Kevin and Dwayne’s friendship is so cute
2:15 I feel like this has to be a joke, because ‘snuck’ has been used as the past tense of sneak since the 19th century 😅
Edit: lmao!! 🤣
2:18 and its continuation... MAAHHH GOOODNNESSS MAH FAVOURITE PART OF ALL THINGS
I could see using bully banter to write characters who are pretending to like each other but who actually have issues with one another. Personally though, I don't think I would use phone addiction to show disinterest in a scene as it is overdone. The use of a distraction is great though. Your character is sharing something personal at a waffle house and their companion is trying one drop of each different syrup in each crispy chamber of their waffle. The character finished with some clever point and the companion looks like they are mulling it over only to push one particular syrup away from them in disgust.
Honestly, I love bad behavior cues and what not to do videos like this because they are so useful in making dynamic and believable encounters.
That writing style you mentioned was the SOLE writing trick in the arsenal of Joss Whedon and got that obnoxious nepo baby a two decade too long career before people saw it as the bully banter that it was AFTER he got exposed for ACTUALLY BULLYING nearly everybody he worked with.
@@robkino6137 what I mentioned above is not a writing style. It's a technique to write a scene. Often, I use videos on personality to help differentiate the characters. If everyone uses bully banter then they all feel like the same character.
A better technique would be to create characters with different personalities and then write them with these aspects. As for Joss Whedon, script writing is a bit different than novel writing. Writers can create a script and it can be tweaked and altered a dozen times by different people before hitting the screen. Some changes are good and others are bad. A good edit can turn a bad script into gold.
For novel writing, it only gets hit by a few different people and the author retains control of the story. Beta readers help an author improve content and editors helps improve form.
That Barbara clip on woopie totally floored me! Haha!
I was a big fan of NDT since I am also a researcher and have been into science my whole life, but I made the mistake of watching too many videos of his interviews. Now I skip a video every time I see him.
Conan O'brien pulling out that dictionary had me cackling like him.
So basically "Don't be a jerk" and make other people feel bad.... if only more people understood emotional intelligence 😊
Are you mocking me?
Well ain't this comment ironic...
Emotional intelligence? You can't make anyone feel any way. When you think you know something it closes off your mind to truth, cuz u think u already found it. A very dangerous mistake to make depending what it is. At best its a burden on ppl around you and it spreads.
6:30 bro roasted😂😂😂😂
One conversation with a lot of these moments😂😂😂😂😂 oh god
It is snuck into the room
Not sneaked
I always do disrespectful distractions unintentionally cus i get distracted very easily. I'm not sure if this is the correct way to make it up to the person talking but I always ask "you were saying? (Insert last topic they said)" because i feel really bad about it
2:40 Im not english speaker but i even knew it.
Thats why you should never trust teachers. I been multiple times in that situation cuz teacher have been caping
I’m glad u show when celebrities DO mess up and they’re human jus like the rest of us
I was never a big fan of NGT, but after seeing him on JRE, I couldn't stand the guy. His ego is the size of Jupiter. 😅
Great episode. I've become really conscious about the phone cue and I've trying to distance myself from it more.
A side note, if someone likes something that I don't and innocently brings it up, I'll sometimes jab at it with some levity, being receptive to how the other person seems to feel. I'll also often make it clear that it's fine to have varying opinions and I wouldn't be judging them for liking it. Finally, it's good to come up with something that you do admire or appreciate about that thing, too. That way you're not just leaving a subject with a disconnect from the other person, but you're actually connecting with them and possibly learning more about that thing as well as the person you're talking to.
Or Uranus
didn't expect this video to be this good. good job CoC.
2:18 In case you were wondering, this was a bit, things lined up a bit too well to not be staged 😂
Ok but Ariana’s “I wanna see what you just said written on paper” killed me.
I've had my perspective adjusted on a couple of matters. The first is the 'Negative Nancy' label. I tend to think creatively and offer unique viewpoints on various topics, and I'm starting to understand how this might be perceived when I'm simply presenting an alternative angle. The second correction is bully banter. I'm a friendly introvert who loves dark humor, and sometimes I dive into playful banter a bit too eagerly when I'm vibing with a new buddy.
When I accidentally interrupt someone out of excitement I cover my mouth with my hand and say sorry
You should analyze the discussion between the social genius Adam Friedland and Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Truly one of the conversations of all time
respect people's value, teasing at their strength not too much, and be authentic with taking care of characters you play.
ya i have a coworker that loves to tell me all about her life and I give her my full attention but when i start to talk about my life she stares at her phone and doesnt even reply back! so rude!
People like that need to be igbored
When I tease someone of their insecurities I always say something about mine aswell so everybody always laughs.
The Conan Garner thing worked out for both of them ok, but just because of Conan, he made every aspect of it seem playful. If he didn't go over the top about it then it wouldn't have worked. Maybe Garner was just aware that he could deal with it tho.
I love this video, it's very eye opener and useful, thank you very much for your tips and advices!
I mean, just don't tease anyone you don't know. Plain and simple, lol. The examples in the video where the teasing works is when both people already know each other.
I know someone who constantly talks over everybody and I can only tolerate them in small doses. Diverting the conversation doesn't work with this person at all.
I have gladly lost friends that confuse
“banter” with “bullying”
Be careful you run out of friends then.
@@juanmanuelmoramontes3883 It’s better to be excluded for who you include, rather than included for who you exclude
I'm just grateful to run into a video like this, I think I've watched this one before but man, I know I interrupt people, maybe not constantly, and I do whatever I can to not look anywhere else when people are talking to me especially if they're opening up. It's just a good reminder all the time, and it's easy to be inspired when Walmart Chris Pine on that podcast can't get it together with Schulz...That guy is the epitome of negative reinforcement to me.
This all boils down to bad habits that insecure, un-self-aware people do. Work on yourself, be self-aware, learn the social cues of others, and treat people like you want to be treated, and you will never fall foul to these damning social antics... It's cliché, but true!
Not everything is because they’re insecure or lack self awareness
@@matthewtartt9422 Except, that, it is...
Solid advice
@@v4v819 Solid retort. You sure convinced me. 🙄
@@matthewtartt9422 Cyber bully detected... My comments point, proven... THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!