Bully Banter: The Habit That Makes People Instantly Like You Less
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ส.ค. 2024
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⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:00 - #1: Bully banter
1:53 - #2: Mocking someone's mistakes
2:51 - #3: The negative Nancy
4:23 - #4: Disrespectful distractions
5:36 - #5: Repeatedly talking over someone
7:32 - #6: Inauthenticity
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That JRE clip is actually insane. Guest opens up about one of the most sensitive and personal things one can share and Joe gives his focus to the MMA clip in the background
I had terrible second hand embarrassment 😶
It shows that even someone with tons of charisma (even being featured on this channel), still makes terrible mistakes when it comes to communicating.
That was painful to watch
It can happen though, we’re human and sometimes we get legit distracted. Even someone like Joe who does this stuff for a living.
Jesus I cringed so hard. Even I wanted to go apologize to him.
Inauthenticity is the source of most problems socializing. People think people won’t like the real them, but unless you’re genuinely rude, people will appreciate what makes you unique.
We are the people so we should know this by default. There is something else at play here. Everyone knows but something(s) push them. We don't need others to test this, we can observe ourselves also...But honestly, who cares. We'll forget about it tomorrow, right?
Even if you´re genuinely rude all the time, at least people would like or respect you more that if you´re genuinely rude but pretend to be nice
I think one thing that holds people back about this is how social media is incredibly vindictive, making people feel they need to act perfect
Disagree to an extent. People with ADHD have more social difficulties and part of is it is being their authentic self will cause them to be distracted and or interupt people. Just be yourself doesn't work.
Roughly, but there are caveats. Be yourself, but _be willing to improve yourself_ . Be humble and straightforward about what you struggle with and get yourself to genuinely care about the other person's experience.
If you have a disability that makes it more difficult to interact with others, be upfront about it, but also promise to do your best. Using your disability as an excuse to interrupt or say inappropriate things won't fly, or if they think that's what's happening.
"I want to see what you just said written on paper." I know that's not something you say to a person, but my goodness, I love that.
I didn't know Ariana Grande could be so savage lol
It's pretty funny, especially coming from someone who seems like they would say the exact same sentence.
She instantly gained respect in my book. Saying that, that quick and smooth, takes a degree of intelligence I admit that I didn't think she had.
Yeah, it was pretty funny. Sometimes, you just have to hit someone with the truth and be damned
It was kind of rude but also very funny
1. Bully banter
2. Mocking others' mistakes
3. Being a negative nancy
4. Disrespectful distractions
5. Repeatedly talking over someone
6. Inauthenticity
7. ???
8. Profit
j/k. listening to music without headphones while in line at the bank, wearing white socks with black shoes, making dad jokes at funerals, am i missing any?
@@HawaiiFoodAndFunwhat's wrong with white socks and black shoes?
@@crackaby7075it makes the socks stand out. usually it looks good when you’re wearing like converse or doc martens, but i think it doesn’t look as good when they are just some all black air force 1’s. it’s all preference but in my opinion and probably the original commenters it looks better with black socks.
@@crackaby7075 I like them because they make me think of the Billie Jean video back in the day
Careful! He’s a hero.
I am autistic and it is incredibly difficult for me to gauge how to friendly tease someone without hurting them.
Real af
He said it in the vid kind of but to play it safe don’t tease them about negative things at all, especially if you’re not close to them, like don’t point out their flaws
be over the top about something that they feel ok to be tease, like being attractive or maybe disorganize
I really admire how careful you are to judge a specific behavior as helpful or less helpful, while asserting a given person is more than a clip or a conversation. That really keeps it classy, and it's very kind and gracious.
To be fair, Neil Degrasse Tyson really is that person.
Exactly! That's what memes are for! LOL
Neil DeGrasse Tyson really was accurately represented in the short clip, he believes that he's smarter than he is and that it gives him the right to talk over and down to others.
This so much
I call him Typhoon Tyson because he's really windy.
Yeah his recent interview with pbd reaaally showed how unintelligent he actually is
That's why Brian Cox is so awesome. He really doesn't mind "dumbing down" for the person he's talking to, and explains everything with the utmost of respect, as he knows not everyone is an astrophysicist.
I was just about to comment, when I saw your perfect summing up of this loudmouth science grifter
"It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you."
That's the quote that went through my head as I watched this. Great episode!
Batman begins?
@@ElectricIguana - yes!
Sooo... the opposite of what this video says?
@@eyescreamcake - watch it again.
@@Minder666 It's the opposite of what the video says. Read it again.
I can't explain to you how much it hurts when ur trying to open up to someone and they keep getting distracted by something that just doesn't matter. And idk what's worse, if they do it on purpose or not.
I recently experienced this. I was trying to reconnect with some folks by sharing a very cute, anecdotal story with the group when I was rudely cut off so one could show the other an app on their phone. I know when you’re cut off like that, the correct thing to do is not allow them to talk over you and come back and finish the story, but I was so pit off by the rudeness that I ended up excusing myself and leaving the situation.
Politely mention it. Or make a vulnerable joke about it. Their response should give you the answer!
It's horrible even if they don't mean to do it
I learnt how annoying i can be to other people. I'll definitely correct my mistakes and be a better person. Thank you fornthis great video!!
It's harder to correct yourself than you might think though! Takes tons of practice.
Awareness + willingness to learn is the first step to change, good luck :)
@harrietcraig6716 It's only too late if you decide it is.
What a great call out at 5:10 by Andrew Schulz regarding someone looking at their phone during a conversation:
"What bothers you right now?"
"Nothing. You looking at your phone while we're doing this interview. And everyone seeming disinterested."
"What do you mean?"
"'Me taking time out of my day to do this and then feeling like I'm forcing you guys to do the podcast."
One of the reasons I love Andrew Schulz - he will tell you what he's thinking.
the guy he's talking to has extreme "it's just a prank bro" energy.
@@joehlloyd He's just a shithead. Got rich and famous young, has things handed to him, no real passion or desire to learn. I've never seen a good clip of him.
I think the power of not saying things is underrated, if you don’t put yourself up it allows others to do that in their own mind
The negative Nancy tip is legit, and it applies as a general rule with social groups as well. You can absolutely vent to your social groups especially with good friends, but you shouldn’t dwell in that mindset for too long and especially let it become what you’re known for. I knew a guy in high school that always had this mindset, no matter what the situation was he was always unhappy about it, always complaining, and worst of all if he didn’t like something he would basically want everyone to feel the same way about it. Then he’d get upset and wonder why nobody invited him to things or wanted him around, and especially why he couldn’t get a girlfriend. People don’t want to be brought down, and even if they don’t dislike you as a person if they expect to feel that way around you they probably won’t be super anxious to have you along.
he propably had some problems but no one cares.. we live in a toxic positivity mindset nowadays.. if ur not a happy winner ur out
@@Rubindy "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone."
@@Rubindy I agree that sometimes there's a toxic positivity mindset, but that has nothing to do with "negative nancys". I find that a lot of these people are so absorbed in their negativity they come out as slightly narcissistic. Like, yeah, you may have some problems, but if that's all you ever talk about, you're basically only ever talking about yourself, if all you feel is bad about yourself, that comes across as self-absorbed. Also, never forget you can't ever expect others to help you with your problems. If they do, that's a bonus, not something you're owed.
@@ric6611 You helped round out this comment thread. Thank you for that.
It's a problem I'm working on myself. Learning to ride the wave of negative emotion rather than tumbling in it is a huge thing for me.
@@FlamingCockatielNice that you're working on yourself. Good luck and take care!
Here I am learning about basic human etiquette as if I am an alien 👽
This is why I just love the Charisma on Command channel. Always dropping gold after gold. Amazing video. Powerful and useful lesson. God bless you.
Neil deGras Tyson explained it perfectly the last time he was on the JRE. He figured out early in his career that he needs to talk in sound bites. He practiced and practiced. I think Now it’s hard for him to have an actual conversation. He’s to concerned about trying to blow peoples minds with little facts that he doesn’t listen to what the other person is saying.
He's incredibly arrogant and often condescending, he has almost no charisma
He understands the universe because his ego fills the universe. When he's on anything, he's the only one in the room. Can't stand that guy
I wanted to hear what he had to say far more than Rogan, who usually has nothing to say at all other than posturing about how macho he is.
@@user-mm8vw1ow1x I love how you resort to insults right away while calling Rogan a meathead anyway. Sounds like you're the one insecure and triggered
@@user-mm8vw1ow1x this exactly most scientist/doctors are really smart and can socialize in any scenario but what separates Tyson from the rest is he constantly talks over people and doesn't listen to anyone but himself
I do agree that you can interrupt people when they are talking. But some people don't let you talk ever, they want to talk alone. So if you want to talk you have to interrupt them!
True
I feel the phone one so hard. I used to DM for my group. 12 years, 8 of it before everyone had phones. Once phones became ubiquitous, I would get so frustrated. I would spend hours planning an adventure and in the middle of the climatic moment, half the table is looking at their phones.
You need a no phones rule. Phone go into the shoebox or bowl at the start of the night, and don't get picked up until the end.
@@KanyeT1306or reward folks for not messing with their phones. Engagement gets extra points, or fun stuff that might help later in game. If a person is really big on certain loot, maybe give them an extra roll foe something they really want if they were consistently not being distracted.
I dont play DnD or anything but I play boardgames and miniature games and I find it hard to even think about my phone. It almost doesn't exist to me to the point where my ex-wife would get frustrated that Im not answering 😂
@@KanyeT1306 if you have to establish that rule, then it makes the setting feel disingenuous. You should surround yourself with people who have the choice to be on their phone, but would rather be invested in YOU and the people around you.
it's horrible. I started to isolate myself, bc why minding to talk to someone, if he is constantly on his phone.
cutting people off when they're talking is probably one of my worst habits. And it is so hard to get rid of because it is just spontaneous, I will usually cut someone and realize what I did a second after and get mad at myself.
Do you acknowledge to the person that you were talking to that you cut them off? Most people are very appreciative if we recognize our rude moment and then give them space to continue with what they were saying.
@@EveryPeachInReach agree with this.
Internalizing it benefits neither of you. Acknowledge it and apologising allows both of you to move on from it.
I do this as well it’s cause I really wanna get what I’m saying out there
Especially slow talkers. You just assume they are done. They stop and ponder before another sentence comes out. For most of its free flowing seemless thoughts to words. Hard to catch and not step on their toes
I do this too in discussion sometimes, just apologize and give them their time it’s okay 😊
That Neil Degrasse Tyson JRE Episode was honestly unlistenable to because of how much he interrupted.
It was unwatchable because Neil is a brainless tool
I like how you fit a clip of rogan being on the other side for once.
Showing even the best make mistakes
he does this type of stuff often unfortunately, among other things.
@@onzbrau2711 why unfortunately?
When I hear someone talking bad about another person it instantly triggers something in me that makes me dislike you and feel something that I should be cautious around you” not trust you”.
To play devils advocate for talking over people, some people lack the ability to stop talking or they talk in circles, repeating themselves. Talking over people is rude, but sometimes people need to be cut off.
When people are nervous they make many of these blunders
You shouldn't really be nervous talking to another person, it's a sign of immaturity and lack of emotional control
So basically "Don't be a jerk" and make other people feel bad.... if only more people understood emotional intelligence 😊
Are you mocking me?
My husband’s uncle (who I’m not close to) decided to get a laugh at my expense in a public setting. He called me fat and ugly at a lunch with MY neighbors. Side note: I bodybuild so not fat but rude anyways… Also pretended to not know my name and dismissively waved his hand calling me Rachel, Rosanna etc… This backfired spectacularly. I walked away from the interaction and his wife cried out in horror. My husband told him “you really effed up” and everyone else was generally disgusted and stunned. Not sure why some people think getting a laugh at someone else’s expense is a good thing. It just makes you look like a jerk.
Normally, I’d say it comes from insecurity. In this case, it sounds to me like he flat out doesn’t like you and lashes out when he can.
I’ll poke fun at myself at myself for a laugh, leaving others out of it. My boss had a go at me in from of an attractive woman a few days ago. I just let the fat old guy go, knowing that he wasn’t gaining any prestige in anyone’s eyes, let alone hers.
Very much on point. I notice a lot of these habits when I talk to people, and I find myself guilty of some of them on occasion. Insecurity is the source of many of these instances; not wanting to reveal who You truly are and how You truly feel.
Imagine Neil DeGrassi doing a talk on how to be charismatic. That’s be hilarious.
I’m an easy going person, but I want to be taken seriously when needed. There are other people that always seem quick to judge or are in a bad mood most of the time. I think it’s funny how people have to adjust the words we use to ask a question or make a statement just to be able to work with people that are hard headed. These people need to adjust how they actively listen to others. Eff them!
It's incredible that even really charismatic people can make such bad blunders in conversation, that can even go as far as alienating their conversation partner.
People think if they look bad it’ll make people like them less when in reality if you show your mistakes and imperfections it makes you relatable as a human and shows you’re secure, realize you don’t need to worry as much about what other people think and if your friends make you feel bad when you make mistakes they’re most likely bad friends, it shows they don’t have your well being in mind. You can always choose your friends
What's the point of those friends making you feel bad when you also show them your mistakes and imperfections which might be the reason why you feel bad? They say as the system is built find a way to optimize.
@@beatsme7420 I’m not entirely sure what you’re saying, I mean when friends pick you apart for everything and make it unenjoyable to be around them, there’s a balance and a line for every individual that they have to find. I personally am fine with lots of sarcasm and teasing but I try not to actually hurt anyone’s feelings or have friends that find fun in hurting people, thats my line. If your friends make fun of your insecurities they may be bad friends or they may not know that whatever it is is an actual insecurity
@@FixItStig Insecurity then exists that's good I get rid of it then I find it fun to make fun of the FRIENDS all is good.
I’m so confused
@@FixItStig I just meant that the bad friends and the good friends are ALL the same. Except you could be worse.
I believe this is your best video to date. More straight forward thorough insight instead of anecdotal snippets to support the narrative. Five stars
These videos are excellent! Articulating intuitive hunches I always felt, but never was able to fully realize.
In Rogan's defense, his podcasts with Niel are pretty much just Niel talking at and over Rogan.
I appreciate that this was pointed out in 6:25. People tend to look at clips and shorts videos of something someone did wrong, and come to a conclusion where that's what they are. Not just celebrities deal with it, but people with a large following always deal with people like that.
What are some challenges one should do and learn to drastically improve?
A weak man is one mistake away from humiliation and disrespect. Minimize your weaknesses,
Don't try to remember everything. Our brain is known to forget ideas. write things down,
Keep track of your time-consuming habits and do more of what's working and less of what's wasting time,
Whenever possible, respond to any challenge, whether you have the strength or not, with civility and gratitude,
When it comes to emotional and mental well-being, never “settle”,
The internet is a tool for learning and making your life better, not for arguing with strangers you'll never meet,
You are most attractive when you don't show neediness, desperation, or a constant need for security. Be safe with yourself,
Everything is 100 times easier when you have a clear vision of where to go,
Learning a scalable skill that will increase your income over time is where the focus should be,
Invest in a hobby outside of work that makes you happy, increases your mental clarity, and leads to a fulfilling life.
Yeah? Well you're a poopu head 😏
W tenets
I was never a big fan of NGT, but after seeing him on JRE, I couldn't stand the guy. His ego is the size of Jupiter. 😅
Great episode. I've become really conscious about the phone cue and I've trying to distance myself from it more.
A side note, if someone likes something that I don't and innocently brings it up, I'll sometimes jab at it with some levity, being receptive to how the other person seems to feel. I'll also often make it clear that it's fine to have varying opinions and I wouldn't be judging them for liking it. Finally, it's good to come up with something that you do admire or appreciate about that thing, too. That way you're not just leaving a subject with a disconnect from the other person, but you're actually connecting with them and possibly learning more about that thing as well as the person you're talking to.
Or Uranus
These videos are so useful in helping me write characters!! Thanks
I could see using bully banter to write characters who are pretending to like each other but who actually have issues with one another. Personally though, I don't think I would use phone addiction to show disinterest in a scene as it is overdone. The use of a distraction is great though. Your character is sharing something personal at a waffle house and their companion is trying one drop of each different syrup in each crispy chamber of their waffle. The character finished with some clever point and the companion looks like they are mulling it over only to push one particular syrup away from them in disgust.
Honestly, I love bad behavior cues and what not to do videos like this because they are so useful in making dynamic and believable encounters.
That Barbara clip on woopie totally floored me! Haha!
Always great content ❤ NGL I kind of lived for that whoopie comment from Barbara 😂 the view bullies everyone so fair game😂
I can't even remember her name...the singer chick who said, "I want to see what you just said written on paper"...I'M DYING HERE!!!! I've never liked her much, but that comment carved out at least a tiny amount of respect. LMAO!!!!
So true. One person who was always trying to show people could not understand why people didin't like them, their whole family was the same.
I struggle with talking over people that one is my biggest down fall. I think i am talking then someone talks after then I remember something else related and i need to say it before i forget so i talk over someone.
Always great content
This video is very underrated in my opion compared to the other videos you post. I sometimes feel I will get more value from a video that has a title along the lines of "things that deter your progress/cause you to lose value" rather than videos titled "how to be better/7 ways to make people like you more". It takes courage and a different mindset to really accept that you might have habits that can be fixed.
Very good advice. I'll be sure to keep it in mind
"Trying hard to look good is what makes you look bad"
😅
Emotionally mature ppl telling immature ones abt their feelings.
I've had my perspective adjusted on a couple of matters. The first is the 'Negative Nancy' label. I tend to think creatively and offer unique viewpoints on various topics, and I'm starting to understand how this might be perceived when I'm simply presenting an alternative angle. The second correction is bully banter. I'm a friendly introvert who loves dark humor, and sometimes I dive into playful banter a bit too eagerly when I'm vibing with a new buddy.
respect people's value, teasing at their strength not too much, and be authentic with taking care of characters you play.
didn't expect this video to be this good. good job CoC.
I’m glad u show when celebrities DO mess up and they’re human jus like the rest of us
These things should be taught in school. And I’m saying that as a schoolteacher.
Snuck is completely acceptable to use. Confidently incorrecting people
Finally, a video I can relate to on this channel.
What a clean transition at 3:58. Props to the editor.
Schulz was on point. But didnt need to go that hard.
Being right is not the same as being kind.
Nah glad he went that hard on Steiny yolo
@@Luke-kp1px it was funny, and maybe true. But he was a bully.
@@atrujillo9311 hes a comedian and that's what comedians do. I feel for Steiny but don't go that hard on a comedian and not expect to get ripped into.
I think he was super annoyed and really wanted to slap him down but in a playful way
@@atrujillo9311 I didi'nt see it as " hard " at all I seen it as a way for that other dude to reflect and realize how bad his actions were. His ego was controlling his mind and actions and put up defenses that didn't work, am surprised at how mature and wise Andrew it though, he saw right through him.
It was good caveat to point out. This isn't to say they're bad people, but moments in time we can learn :)
Great video
I was a big fan of NDT since I am also a researcher and have been into science my whole life, but I made the mistake of watching too many videos of his interviews. Now I skip a video every time I see him.
WONDERFUL VIDEO!
You should analyze the discussion between the social genius Adam Friedland and Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Truly one of the conversations of all time
That roast on Whoopi was the best part haha
Good points.
We live at times of telepathic technology, and its also possible to connect people with negative telepathic feelings.
I hate people who can't make jokes without offending others. You don't necessarily have to make jokes all the time and if you do make sure to keep other people's feelings in consideration.
Another vid that helps me learn how to quickly avoid future contact with people I don't care for.
The number one thing that turns me off to people is when they ask for my help with something then either criticize my effort or expect me to complete their task without their assistance.
There's two guys at my work that take their break together. The sit right next to each other and stare at their phones the entire time. They don't talk or share videos. I can't help but wonder if they're in a long term relationship and have gotten to the point where they are happy just being together.
Does being socially awkard and quiet come across as hostile? I have a lot of trouble starting and maintaining convos at work. I think my colleagues believe I'm unapproachable. I hate that i give off this energy when it's not intentional
Squint your eyes slightly. Works like a charm
as someone who has been through this, sometimes. if you dont believe you are charismatic and confident, you will always feel this way. i try to observe and learn from the mannerisms of the people around me. (it will take time for the confidence to come naturally, so keep persevering!!)
try hyping yourself up before conversations/pretending you are a really charismatic person. start with asking a colleague a question (e.g., 'hows your day been?' during lunch) or starting a conversation about something that intrigued you recently ('do you think...?')
you will have your low days, but dont give up!!!
@@user-ob4vh8yg5d appreciate it. Thanks
Unless you’re incredibly weird or incredibly rude, no one will find you “repulsive”. That’s a very strong word. Don’t be so hard on yourself❤
It depends on a lot of details, including stuff in this video. Being quiet and using your phone as an escape can be disrespectful. But there are things that can work in your favor, such as if you can demonstrate being a good listener.
I know someone who constantly talks over everybody and I can only tolerate them in small doses. Diverting the conversation doesn't work with this person at all.
This all boils down to bad habits that insecure, un-self-aware people do. Work on yourself, be self-aware, learn the social cues of others, and treat people like you want to be treated, and you will never fall foul to these damning social antics... It's cliché, but true!
I mean, just don't tease anyone you don't know. Plain and simple, lol. The examples in the video where the teasing works is when both people already know each other.
Barbra is savage
I can’t stand her… So annoying!
Bully banter also works in an environment where it's to be expected
Specifically places where having thick skin is a prerequisite
Military
You're literally summing up all humor Rotterdam (The Neteherlands) is famous for!
That one guy getting called out for being fake is sooo rough. It's like he doesn't know who he even is.
When I accidentally interrupt someone out of excitement I cover my mouth with my hand and say sorry
That comment Barbara made to Whoopi : "Got dam".
Now we need a video on how to respond to these situations
Great content, you gotta do a Matt Rife charisma breakdown
I didnt realize id laugh so much when i clicked on this vid
When I meet people I always ask questions about them to start the convos. Most of the time it's fine. Once in a while I'll meet someone that when I start asking questions about them they don't take it well. It's like they think I'm the FBI or CIA lol. I ask questions to find common ground and go from there.
All these problems if they exist, roots only to one single problem, the "inability to"listen"..
If the world starts listening for a while and in return with no solutions that would definitely be a great therapy..
I personally feel these days listening is probably the bestest communication ever..
I get to listen to too many friends around me abt their problems, relationships but ig only some of them even know which actor i like the most..
Jai shri krishn
It is snuck into the room
Not sneaked
im guilty of 2 of these. still and often. but i also am so authentic in my insecurity, that people be like "oh well hes f'd up for life anyhow, lets not be mad with him" :P
This is a tough one with young supervisors. It is impossible to train while you are texting. If someone has to ask you four times before you acknowledge a person speaking to you at work there is a problem. I don't want to "narc" about cell phones but in the case of supervisors who are supposed to be supervising it is depressing and feels like you're being shut out/put down. I go on Facebook too, at HOME when I'm done with work. I'm trying to be understanding; but how does one interrupt one's supervisor while they are actively involved in texting and reading tic tocs, without appearing rude, to access information needed from them? Is there a "right way?"
I can see myaelf needing to work on these outside of the phone thing. Im hard of hearing if im in a conversation with someone i have to watch their mouth, so phone is away if i am interacting. I do have a grumpy sarcastic sense of humor, my friends love it but with new people it tends to make people take a few steps back
Got damn that Joe rogan clip got me dying
It's always tricky. Even the "make fun of a strong point" can be...odd, depending on the situation, especially with women. I'll let you connect the dots. Still some good tips and examples here.
brilliant
Love how steiny triggered a whole video, fax
People dislike me before I even open my mouth
When they get to know me, they like me a lot, but I'm one of those "don't like the cut of his jib" people apparently lol
I can honestly say that I’ve never had any complaints about you.
Schultz is one of the most inauthentic comedians there is lol.
I wish I had the luxury to learn in charisma university, but as an alternative can you guys kindly suggest me few resources to boost charisma 🛐
Is Wrong if you do a mistake?
Ok so you say that these clips dont mean that the person is generally unlikeable but that's definitely the case with Neil Degrasse Tyson. I think you know that and thats why hes the thumbnail. It also got me to click the video to hear about how irritating he is so well played.
All down to to you and the other persons sense of humour, rude is simply rude 😊
Hi! Could you maybe do a video about Ava Mercer (Kaleidoscope) and what makes her seem elegant and classy? Thank you
DAMN! Barbara flamed Whoopi 😅