Wow. That hit me. My ex used to do that. Headaches, sore back, and minor injuries while doing renovations (splinter, paper cuts, etc). He would act like his pain was the worst ever experienced by any individual. I have stage 4 cancer and went through chemo, mastectomy,radiation, and then four more surgeries…and I am still on oral,chemo. Through all of that I never missed one day of work and was the one who cooked all the food, cleaned the house, etc. Unreal. Hard to unpack all of this :(.
@@FuneraryGirl oh 🤗🤗🤗🤗 I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone w such a crappy person , you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for , trophy 🏆 for you hanging in there despite the odds !!!
Omg Nailed It! I finally started treating him the way he treats me and he doesn't like it. Tough shit! After 30 years of his abuse I'm finally filing for divorce. Oh Happy Day🙂🌻
My husband is a narcissist, and I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. When he was told, he said, I guess I have no choice but to stay with you. And then he started pushing me, and I would fall. Occasionally, I began to fear for my health and life. And my family helped me leave.
3:41 - The narcissist may act sicker than you. 4:49 - May try to shame you for it. Imply that you're weak. It's your fault. 5:28 - They may completely ignore you. Like you're not even there. It doesn't occur to them to think about someone else. 7:26 - Like your sickness is an attack on them. You being sick bothers them. Like you're pretending to be sick. Purposefully destroying their day. 8:56 - They can't be bothered. It's your problem. They leave. They'll come back when they think you're better and well enough to focus on them again. Essentially, they can't handle not having your supply.
#6 Any attempt for you to rest and take care of yourself so that you get better is unreasonable and you're just being lazy and you should be ashamed of yourself. My narc spouse has literally said that to me. What an ass.
All of the above! Luckily during the pandemic, I lived alone. They'd Rage if they had to quarantine with me. After the narcs did #4, encouraged me to give up (trigger), I joined pro-life groups.
@@rdnugent1 That was my father towards my mother. And she passed away. Not even in the hospital he cared about her. Narcissism is litteraly being or having demons that want to take your life energy. She was way younger and aged way faster. I’m so angry til this day.
The hardest part is having to find out the hard way who they are. They hide their bad side as long as they can while reeling you in. It takes a bad experience like this to see it come out.
I was diagbosed with a rare eye disease an started to lose my vision. I needed to get shots in my eye (52) all together. I broke down one day and crawled in his lap and told him how scared I was to lose more vision and get a seeing eye dog. I sat there for 20 minutes crying. About an hour later, he said "Oh by the way, you telling me about your fears and all, yea, "I AM NOT YOUR THERAPIST". ugh. yes... I went to everu doc appt by myself every shot, by myself. Taught muyself how to drive with my vision loss and then went to school and became a holistic nutrtionist and then a Functional Medicine Practioner. I have not had a shot in 6yrs and my vision is stable. whoo hoo!
I'm proud of you. Good for you and I admire how strong you are, Charlyn. They are evil devils but we can beat them. Self love and self respect. Praying for you.
@@maddyL1234 mine refused to take me to Dr with a torn placenta and then when I got mastitis after baby was born. He never cooked, cleaned or helped at all, just yelled at me. I torn the ligments around my knee and was waiting for surgery. He yelled at me to do men's work on the farm and kept telling at me to "bend z knees" whilst struggling to lift heavy posts I would try to explain I simply couldn't bend my knees but he didn't care. Got a lot worse before I left him, I got measles and so did my next baby, when she was 3 weeks old. He was angry because I could hardly move, except to attend my baby...and I managed to cook. He didn't take me to Dr. I developed tropical ulcers afterwards, very very painful. I stole the car (I wasn't allowed to drive) and went to Dr. I will never forget the look of horror on his face when he saw the abuse I had been going through. My ex would not even bathe or place dressing on my poor back which had 16 tropical ulcers on it. My older daughter did this for me. What a pig of a man
I had the flu and I asked him to please make me some soup. He's a cook so he knew how to prepare soup. Instead of showing compassion as I have shown him when he's been sick - he had a temper tantrum from my asking him to do something for me. I had to get up, get dressed and go buy myself something to eat. He complained about that too...that I didn't bring back any food for him. There was no winning with him. He's gone now. Good Riddance -
Sunny Daye last year I got sick of my stomach (I never get sick) so I asked my husband to please help me with the kids (5 & 3) because I literally was on the floor throwing up and he told me that I was faking it so he will not help me. Now when he gets sick I treat him like shit. I’m getting my life together so I can divorce him, he is destroying me..
I had undiagnosed Chrones disease in the 80s I was 26 yrs old had 2 sons of 6 and 8 yrs old,I had to sit by the loo all the time or be near the bathroom, I was using the loo 30 /40 times in 24 hrs vomitting and ended up going from 9.10 to 4 stone I looked like a walking skeleton, my husband who I married at 17 yr old, told me to get up off your fat arse and did you get my dry cleaning, he moved out shortly after leaving me and the boys alone.I went through a year of surgery and recovery now 66 yrs old I look back rarely because it's such a sad time 😥😥😥😥
@@BabyHannah05 dont let him win,you sre stronger than you know you will get through it/nice your giving back what he done to you but dont let it consume you anger resentment will pull you down/ negative vibe etc good luck
Heck yes u nailed it. And if they must care for u or small children and cannot top ur illness, say for example you need emergency surgury, then they r super angry at u for getting sick or injured and pissed to have to care for you and child then they dump them.back on u way before u r physically able, like bleeding out on floor they dont give a shit. Even if they work from home and r their own boss, they will decline to help and prefer to go in to office that day, even when not needed. I ripped out stitches from appendix removal. And they almost let u DIE before finally allowing u to go to ER hospital. Im fact they let their first wife die bc they didnt want to leave a party to take their spouse to hospital. So they prob hoped id die too if they waited long enough. On more than one occasion they let me know i should leave them if they ever developed cancer or was handicapped bc he would for sure leave me. Horrible spouses, care takers and prob parents. :( only think of themselves. So sad thinking how i let him ruin my life. Id be willing to guess hes still hoping i die and making efforts to push me in that direction without getting caught or exposed. Fairly certain of it actually and weve been divorced 8 years
If you have the flu, they have pneumonia. If you broke your arm, they broke their pelvis. If you cut your hand, they have a sucking chest wound. If you had double bypass surgery, they had quadruple bypass surgery.
More tired than you. You didn't sleep last night??!! Well they haven't slept in last TWENTY YEARS!!! So you couldn't possibly even know the meaning of the word "tired" "you've never been tired a day in your life, faker" only the Narc knows how it truly feels to be tired.
Spot on. Let’s not forget that to a narc, the only thing that matters to them while you’re sick is how it affects them. And you can be damn sure that they’re complaining about you to others behind your back.
@Stanley Burgess this is about people who lack empathy for others. It is different from what you describe. For instance: I slipped 2 discs in my back. I lay on the floor unable to move all day. My husband came home and was immediately angered to see me "lazing around". He made himself something to eat but not for me. When I begged for a glass of water he acted very put out... grudgingly got me one and left the house. I did not dare to ask him for something to eat. Because he could not SEE my pain, for him it did not exist. He has 0 empathy for anyone.
The XN treated me with impatience, inconvenience, martyrdom, how it benefited him (FMLA, financial compensation, etc), expectation of friends/family to maintain his image, to return me to work to maintain his financial status; plus with me down, it gave him more free reign to cheat with the new supply. Eye servant was my label to him and I cursed him saying "I PRAY you are never down (sick)....you will need me, and I PRAY to have forgiven you enough to not treat you as you treated me". Not my worry now....he has a new slave to throw away her life for this disorder person. Another point you made, it had been two years since my discard, and I am STILL amazed of the BS that I am remembering was done to me. I am more amazed how normalized his narcissistic behavior became to me.🤯🤯
I just can’t believe how brainwashed I’ve been that I thought it really was too much to ask for him to care when I was sick or going through something. Wow.
@@sfnerd2023yes, that would be the logical way of thinking but narcs have a way of making you feel like you and your illness is a burden to them. They make you feel like you're just being a big cry baby and that you should just be quiet and deal with it by yourself bc your an adult, not a child.
I was raised by a narc /sociopath and unfortunately ended up married to narcs. Two C sections and my meds have been taken. At 39 I'm finally just now putting all the peices together and its sickening to see how much I've repeatedly gone back to the same abuse with a different face.
All iv ever been w is narc. Something wrong w my mom n my mil. N so on. I live by myself n it will stay that way. I know the signs now no matter how sweet they r. In other words suspicious of every one. I can spot it a mile away after yrs of putting it together. Shame
OMG! Wouldn't that be WONDERFUL!? To have them come with a warning label would make the world a much better place! That would mean we would have like maybe two politicians left in the entire country...but that would be a good thing! No more annoying "elect me" ads on TV or no more "elect me" signage pollution on street corners and lawns!
My ex would always fight with me when I needed him most. Fought with me during labor, fought with me after surgery because I was “being a bitch” because I was coming out of a bad anesthesia experience. Each time it broke a little bit of my attachment to him. Very eye opening. I always say “if you make my dark times darker, what’s the point?”
The narcissist was very irritable and verbally abusive after I had surgery - acted like I was a huge inconvenience. However, they always expect you to be there for them.
When I was in labor having his baby and and recovering from birthing his baby and my C-section he would leave me at the hospital alone only one person was aloud at the hospital due to covid and he would get upset if I would call him that he would never come back
omg im so sorry. my baby's dad, i truly think he wanted me to kill myself because i had severe postpartum anxiety & depression & he was the only one who knew. & he...i dont wanna go into details but im sure you know that he did all he could do to perpetuate my problem. im so sorry, this comment broke my heart cuz it's this whole new level of abandonment when kids are involved at whatever stage. hugs to you.
Perhaps some are but my n twin sister did not change her behaviour depending on the company, she simply denied the shock she elicited in others. Perhaps she is more on the end of the scale towards sociopathy? I don't know.
Absolutely! It's that projection of a false greater self that really raises that flag. It's what the outer world thinks and what their impressions are that matters most, being genuine and honest to self plays no role in a narcissist mind.
I literally had a narcissistic friend say once “I just don’t do empathy well. I think most people bring things on themselves.” And honestly, I should have gotten out there because I remember the chills I got from her saying that.
Dude that’s like my dad and brother. They often talk about and make jokes about not having much empathy and they even shame people who have empathy saying they are too dramatic and too feeling. It’s so damn annoying for me.
Two weeks before he left, I had severe toothache. He was sleeping downstairs. He came upstairs, hands on hips, and said I have been listening to you screaming for 45;minutes, see you have shut up since I came upstairs...I will take you to the hospital, if you really want me to. He said this really angrily..covert narc...
Chew on raw garlic when you get a toothache... don't swallow...yet....hang in there......just let the garlic oil soak the aching area for an hour ....the infection will be gone in a few hours...usually.... Parsley mitigates garlic smell if your worried about that..... Protocol: rinse with warm water n salt every day.... Avoid white poison sugars. Peroxide weekly..... 🌻
He's going to call and try to sweet talk you into coming back. He'll tell you how much he always loved you and pour on the charm. If you go back he'll treat you twice as bad as before.
I had a sobering experience, when I broke my left hand and no one came to help me when I desperately needed it, not my boyfriend, (who kindof caused the accident with his carelessness), not my parents, not my sister. No one I thought I could depend on. I wonder how many narcs have influenced my life throughout and I'm not surprised I'm happiest when I'm just hanging out with my dog.
Been there with a broken arm and broken leg and farm animals to care for. No one came to help. My mother is retired and had the time to come. She said she had to take care of the two family dogs! It made me reflect at the amount of people who are narcissists in my life , too, and the reality check was a hard pill to swallow.
Hi Jody.....I lost my home through catastrophe......was in the hospital with a broken arm, homeless in a hotel with my cat....ptsd.......boyfriend, family, no one helped me.....had to put my beautiful soul cat down in the hotel.....and leave my neighborhood of soul animals......I am alone now and create artworks of mainly pets......I miss them so......people can be so horrible.....when I get to heaven. I want to be with my pets and animal souls.....and maybe a few people......
CC B I’m so very sorry to read the contents of your post, you’re better off without him. My ex Narc broke my hip, but he stuck around and helped me because he was afraid I’d tell on him. After 2 1/2 years of no contact I’m finally free of him.
Omg that sounds so aweful! I am so sorry that you had to endure that alone :( When you are at your lowest or weakest, you get to see who is true and who actually cares for you!
So true. They seem personally offended and confused with the fact that you get sick. People, trust your feelings. Don't settle on being contemptuously treated as a half-person. It's unbelievable at first. Might feel as you're exagerating or making it up yourself. FALSE! Your gut and your heart tells you the truth. They're poisoning you! RUN! If you don't have kids you can make a clean cut and find someone who appreciates you.
Reminds me of when I suffered from covid 19. My ex was surviving on takeaways and I had to wake up and prepare food for myself and do everything myself. So unbelievable!
Same thing happened to me when I had Covid! He even expected me to clean the litter boxes and feed our cats and chickens. I was so weak, I could hardly stand. He had no compassion! All I wanted to do was be alone in the guest room, keep myself hydrated and sleep as much as I could.
Well my current bf caught covid I took care of him , and I caught it from him that same week, he booked flights to leave the country to visit his parents for Christmas while he left me all by myself to fend for my myself… and I’m watching this video because I’m sick and I think it’s happening again
Exactly! At least a stranger would treat you like they would want to be treated... AND they wouldn't expect anything back in return.. My EX wanted his "payback" through sex! ALL THE TIME. Abusers are mentally and physically draining!
This is the last 6 weeks of my life. 3rd degree sprained ankle. He broke me down, devalued, attacked me, left me alone, called me a junkie for taking my pain killers, told me I didn’t deserve respect because I don’t respect myself. Omg. This is so accurate. He even had the nerve to tell me he doesn’t live like this, the house is so dirty. I couldn’t walk, how the hell was I supposed to clean.
It was the fact you needed him. Not supposed to. He needed your energy to feel better about himself. His EGO was under attack. This was the time he actually had to be a human. They have no empathy.
@@DaughterofaKing1 I got sick 7 months ago and couldn't walk due to my hips going out on me. He had to wait on me and do everything for me. Sometimes he was kind and sometimes evil. His core is evil. I see right through him and he knows it. He throwing things away. He makes me so sick. I was working and had a plan to leave him until one day this mystery illness struck me and left me like this. I can now walk again but I'm not 100%yet..
@@pamelaard1166, You are truly a beautiful and strong woman 😊. Sometimes life isn’t fair and sometimes it’s good. I can’t imagine having to depend on someone that’s hot/cold. This can be stressful. You say he throwing things away. Hum. Sounds like he’s trying to release anger in a nonviolent way. Don’t focus on him so much. Focus on yourself get better. Give all that energy to yourself. So you can RUN AWAY FROM HIM 💨😊
I cared for my sick wife for 4 years and 3 months. It cost me way over $60,000. I suspect that if it was I who was sick, my wife would leave me in less than a month. If she had doubts, her family would have convinced her for sure. This is why God made her sick, not me. :)
I’ve been taking care of my wife during her illness for the last 6 years, taking care of all of her needs. I noticed when I had a serious injury (loss of a digit), not only did she not help me, but she became even more needy, and I still had to take care of her every need, while I was healing.
Stay true to yourselves ladies, you are authentic and lovable! I have hated myself for the last decade because of the treatment I got when I was weakened, don't let them change you x
I had depression and the spiteful anger I received confused me. I had looked after her in her illnesses(hypochondria)for years. The real her emerged little by little, my love died, I divorced her. Happy now.
Yes, mine told me to kill myself While he ate a sandwich and said he wanted to Watch or hear me do it so it 'got done right ' while I was haveing clinical level depression which I know now was probably actually narcissistic abuse syndrome/cpsd.. Yeah, they are from Hell, please don't let anything they said be taken as a true assessment of you it is only a reflection of how sick and deranged they truly are. Love yourself and be Free
My dad wouldn't help my mom to bathroom without bitching at her why can't u do it yourself u can't be that weak when she had kidney problems and she losted all her toes and she had heart and breathing problems too
Lol, my husband did help me with that. The next week he went out telling people how good he is that he is not only living with a sick woman who struggles using bathroom but helps her when she fails to manage things on her own.
I had a stroke,had to learn to walk and talk again. Full year of physical therapy. He refuses to acknowledge the severity of my stroke. He was NOT worried about what I couldn't do for myself. He was worried about what I couldn't do for him.
He acted like I wasn't even there. It was a very deliberate go out of the way to ignore me. Through a tough pregnancy, through sicknesses..after the death of our son and planning his funeral I got sick with a stomach bug and he ignored me and would not help at all. It was cruel.
100% experienced this behavior for my 30yrs of marriage. What a relief to no longer be with him. The vows of in sickness and health was NEVER remotely even followed. What also really hurt is how they treat your sick children.
They have this blankstare ...as if there is nothing inside...the scariest part is that sometimes they do show you compassion and then switch it off whenever they want to... I wish I had never gotten any compassion at all...
@Richard Wilson yessss the first time my ex told me she loved me I was SUPER confused.... and now looking back I realize it is because when she said it the way she said it and expressed seemed like she was straining to tell a lie... and it was traumatic for me.
@Richard Wilson yes mine too!!!!!!!! What I also found strange was when I met my exes parents it seemed she was putting on a show even for family...and I guess I assumed she would be different with them...like closer in some way...but it seemed like the show never stopped...must be exhausting. Theres a part of me that gets sad at what I put myself through for 2 years but then I hear about people doing this for 30 years and I thank the universe that I had enough self esteem.
Yeah that confusion is a demonic trait that they have...it’s that shape shifting reptilian nature that they have,they like to toy with you...evil evil evil from the pit of hell..the demon in them tries to torment you...they try to change us to be evil like them..they are soul destroyers.
Self-centeredness + lack of empathy = You'd better not get sick!!! Don't expect time, attention, food, drink/hot tea, rides to doctors/ER/surgeries, etc. Meanwhile, all of his friends and family will have heard about how much work your being sick is costing HIM!!! You may be lying in your own blood, and he'll make it about HIM!!!
So true. They become a victim. And what’s worse is the people you hope will support you often take the narcs side. They minimize your pain and act like you deserve to suffer. It hurts my heart even now.
I gave birth to our daughter in the late afternoon and she was taken immediately to NICU because of a serious issue. I didn’t know she had been taken there or even that there was a problem. I just thought she was being cleaned up and having the routine lab tests done before they brought her to me. I didn’t realize there was anything wrong and my husband didn’t tell me. He left the hospital shortly after her birth and it wasn’t until the doctor came in to see me on his evening rounds when I learned our child may not survive. The doctor told me my husband didn’t want me to know. I was devastated couldn’t understand why my husband wasn’t there with me at that frightening time. I was wheeled in to see her during that night, all alone and I was so scared. When he showed up the next day at the hospital he told me he had gone to a New Year’s Eve Party the night before even though he didn’t know whether she’d make it or not. I knew he wasn’t human from that day forward.
Inhumane. Many years ago, my daughter was premature and was sent home from the hospital after a long stay, on a heart monitor, at 4 pounds. It was extremely cold in the house and the narc prevented me from turning on the heat--I think he wanted her to get sick and die. He didn't care. He was a wicked monster! I left him soon thereafter.
I am literally watching this in tears.... over the past 5 years I’ve been in hospital 3 times... I actually began to think it was normal not to have any help after the procedures. I know it was only minor, but on my way home after an injection for a frozen shoulder, I texted the ex and I got the reply.. “glad it went well... keep me posted”. As I said, it was a minor procedure but boy is it painful. That was my tipping point....and when I was making dinner one handed, I knew I had to leave. I have never looked back. I feel happier and healthier... Thankyou for your posts! I really appreciate them on this recovery journey.
I hear you. Anytime I had surgeries, he just dropped me off at hospital door, wouldn’t come in with me b/c he didn’t want to pay for parking. Never came to see me, never brought me home from hosp, my SIL did. Never looked after me when I got home, particularly after a full hysterectomy - I had to make my own food, look after myself & he was junk yard dog mean to me. I finally drove 6 hrs to my parents when I wasn’t supposed to be driving to get away from him & have someone look after me.
At least yours sent you a message, asking how it went, mine : was like oh why u didnt go to work, whats wrong, when actually I was crying and sick in bed for days. And the fact that I have to cook and clean even tho Im sick
Unfortunately I did get red flags before we got married but ignored them when children arrive that is when they get jealous and show their true selves Anen and Amen
I ecperienced it more than six months ago. Sadly. He was ashamed of me, trued to pretend that he care and when at certain moment he could not pretend any more, just walked away when I was afther surgery.Completely broken, physically and emotionally.One of the profoundest life experiences for me.The sadest one but the best lesson ever.To recognise better for the future with whom not to deal with at any cost.
This video is hitting me really hard. That’s exactly what happened in my marriage. I had cancer in 2001, and then developed disabling chronic pain in 2006. He didn’t leave, and was outwardly supportive. My disability ruined our lives, according to him, He constantly made me feel guilty, and eventually was living a double life with a co-worker. God forbid I ever asked him to door or get something for me. He’d make food for himself and completely ignore me. He eventually left once our son graduated high school, and it was crystal clear that I was never going to get better. I’m still recovering from all of this. These videos are so helpful.
We were on vacation when I got sick and he acted mad, like I was ruining the vacation. Which made me feel 10x worse. Never offered any assistance at all and hardly talked to me at all. They don't know they do it because they only care about themselves.
Had the same thing happen to me with ex-hubs. We went on a cruise for his birthday/our anniversary and I came down with full-body hives (found out I had Celiac Disease). He told me that I ruined our trip and why couldn't I just deal with it? I was literally covered in hives and he wouldn't even take me to the ER for 3 days! I was secretly very happy when he finally left me, even though I had to end up getting a bankruptcy because of being abandoned without enough income to make ends meet.
Mine did the same thing. I got sick on vacation, my stomach because I had eaten food that I wasn't used to. He said I was traumatizing him and ruining our vacation. He said it was my fault because I'm on medications.
Thank you. I really feel, that Im overly sensitive now to any little negativity from others. It seems I cant be around anything negative anymore. I cant handle it.
Yes! Spot on! Sick and no food, death in the family, car trouble stranded on the road? Narcissist will never offer to assist or help because they just don't care about you. They will ignore your needs or that it ever happened. UNLESS: It is someone they are trying to impress or they are they think is important and they want to look like they care or to look like a good person. I asked a narc about his Aunt because he was doing home health care for her after she had a stroke. I wanted to see what he would say. I asked "So what made you want to take on the responsibility of caring for your Aunt?" He said "Well, I wanted her to THINK that I cared." ......Blew me away! Plus he had to live with her and didn't have to pay rent by doing this home health care on the side. It was more about pretending to care so he could stay rent free in her house that she paid for through her hard work. Sick F#!$#
When my mom died.and my dad later my ex. wouldnt even go to hosp or funeral with me or comfort me . or anything . he jus acted like. everything was normal. Never even asked me if I was ok
Amen, sista! My ex-husband told me to my face that he would put me in a nursing home if I ever got that kind of sick and I know that he meant it. 14 years divorced! Oh happy day!
I have endometriosis. During the last weeks of our relationship, I knew I was leaving and just didn't care anymore, so instead of toughing it out like I had done for 15 years, when my period hit I just went to bed and refused to get up to look after anyone else... which meant he had to cook. He was in full rage mode, broke 2 bowls and a glass by 'accident' and went from snapping to shouting... because I was done ignoring my pain to feed a grown man who had 2 arms 2 legs and presumably a heart beat. 2 weeks later he got a nail through his knee while resting at the other end of his run (truck driver) and the hospital there wanted to do day surgery to check for bone fragments. He refused, got in the truck and drove 13 hours back here, drove from the truck depot back to our house, and then called me while I was AT WORK to come take him to the hospital for the exact operation he should have accepted the day before.... I told him to catch a cab and hung up on him. He spent the next two weeks love bombing me and then wrote me a love letter about his fear that we may be drifting apart and how deeply he loved me.... I brought my exit plans forward and left the next day. No regrets. I don't even want to think about it. Twice I have almost died because he convinced me I wasn't sick. His DAUGHTER had an anaphylactic reaction and I took her to the hospital in a rush... he wouldn't even drive 15 minutes to bring me my phone charger so I would be able to let him know if his child survived or not... because he was tired. His daughter was in emergency with an out of control allergic reaction, and he went to sleep because, and I quote, 'why should I have to deal with it, she's your daughter' (yes, she is biologically his and we had been together all 11 years of her life) and I just.... I don't know how or why I stayed so long. I really, really don't
Why do we stay so long? First we are brainwashed, then, we have invested so much into them. We think that they will eventually behave like a normal person. But guess what? They never do.
Really relieved that you left him as many people don't and it is utterly tragic. It is a million times better being alone than to be with a narcissist. Hope you and your daughter are much better now and surrounded by love and kindness.
I remember opening up to my ex that am struggling with depression and was suicidal,her reaction was that she also has her own issue to deal with and that I should man up and deal with my issue also. With my depression getting worse and worse I was eventually discarded when I needed her most
Been there. Done that. NOT comforting or NOT being someones ROCK while they're sick or down is just unimaginable. Although this has been done to me, I could never see myself doing this to someone else. We ARE here to take care of each other. Period! Especially those that are close to us. We MUST nurture, protect, and take care of those who are unable. Whether it be temporary sickness, or permanent disability. I've looked after my 35 year old nephew who is mentally challenged since birth. He's lived with me forever and I love taking care of him. He brings me so much joy. I am grateful for the opportunity to cook, clean, and take him to doctor's visits. It is an honor before God, the Father Almighty. Thanks Christina. God bless you and yours.☺🙏👍
Heavy Joe Chipman what a joyful posting ! I took care of my mom during her last five years that coincided with my painful divorce . Those were great years . And she gave me encouragement . We became buddies and I was so grateful I didn’t have to place her in a facility . I still miss her . She took care of me and I was lucky my ex paid alimony for four years and I could afford to take off, from work. My ex divorced me for the OW AND MY HEART was broken .
@@lisabuckner243 I'm writing this just after taking my 73 year old, disabled mother(who abused me my entire childhood-and then some) to the bathroom. She's been a narcissistic mother, favoring my golden-child, narcissist brother, our whole lives, yet I, the blacksheep/scapegoat am the one of two sons, who is now taking care of her. I don't do any of it for her or me. I do it for Father God almighty. Lisa, I wish for you NOT to leave the world yet. I wish better for you dear. Am gonna include you in my prayers a while. You watch and see, God will intervene and improve your life very soon. We can count on HIM....ALWAYS. Wishing you all of God's love, peace, and blessings from Texas.💜🙏☺👍
Bc HE is the SELFISH ONE! You should have sneezed on him !! 🤣 Then tell him the Same when HE got YOUR flu! Lol. My bad! I dont feel sorry for NARCS or selfish ppl in general!
After a serious “accident’ (that I still question- 5 broken ribs and two brain bleeds in intensive care, but that’s another story), my narc ex spent an inordinate amount of time buying a used hospital tray table while I was in intensive care ALONE. He sent photos of the hospital table to family and friends, to show what a “good husband” he was. A table that I did NOT NEED. He had no clue nor did he care what I really needed. It was all about HIM. “Oh, what a good boy am I.” Made himself the center of attention. Applause, applause was what he needed. And he got it. As I struggled for weeks to recover. Alone.Left him soon thereafter.
It’s just bizarre how lonely you can feel when you’re with a narc. I’ve never felt more alone in my life than when I was with my narc ex. I’m so happy you’re away from your ex narc!!
My mom would always get angry at me when I was sick as a child. And now I keep finding partners who argue with me when I’m sick and don’t do anything to look after me. They’re everywhere 🤢
Be careful on the beginning..lovebombing. Tell them to slow down. They don't like it and they change . They will pull back. Leave them - they try to make you addicted that attention. Leave. Also Learn to love yourself. Put your needs and wants first. Learn psychology. Became whole. Then- everything else will follow.🙂😍 Good luck 🤗
Same. My mother would get mad when I was sick as a child. Even as a young child, I could sense it. Like it was a burden on her. As I got older, she would make comments more.
So very true. I learned this when I was pregnant. I get terrible “morning” sickness (hyperemesis gravidarium) and would throw up multiple times a day and couldn’t eat on top of it due to nausea. When I would talk about it he would say that he never saw me sick and would criticize me for having negative energy even though it was just me agonizing in pain. 😕
When I had post natal depression after having twins at twenty years old and asked for help he told the nurse that there was nothing wrong with me and I should get on with it. The nurse told me off for wasting her time. The care I gave them was not good enough because this.
I should have known my new gf was a narcissist when I was laid out in bed sick for three days and she said to me, as if I were making it up, " you don't look sick". Things like this have taught me that how a person treats me tells me who they are. And as Maya Angelou said "When people show you who they are, believe them".
That had me done ✔️ I recently wAs diagnosed with Covid 19 do you know I had to argue with him .. to just to go to the hospital because he said I didn’t look sick 😷 or because I didn’t have a fever even though I knew something wasn’t right because I hardly ever get sick my immune system is pretty strong !!! Such a mind fuck
Oh my gosh, my ex would always accuse me of pretending. When I miscarried and was still sad a week later, he accused me of MAKING MYSELF SAD! Cutting him loose was the best move I could have made. He felt child support was a personal attack on him and he took off, leaving me with two small children. We struggled and went without for a long time. But I was honestly grateful that he was not around.
All the things my narcissistic mother put me through and her flying monkeys eventually will come back to them, everything you said is so on point, thank you for educating others on this hidden abuse that is so hard for others to believe.
This is spot on! I have seen all those situations so many times, incredible and heartbreaking. You are dealing with cold blooded people. So devastating. Thank you.
This reminds me though they see your accomplishments in the same way... like it's a nuisance to them... like you are trying to destroy them by being good at something..
Just diagnosed with a 1 in a million rare muscle disease that rips muscles and can break bone, my mother, "If you didn't complain so much, people would WANT to help you!" This video helped me so much, she leaves the room whenever I have attacks and can't reach my meds, or my oxygen crashes. Now I know why. 0% Empathy. Thank goodness for my sons and husband!
i was diagnosed with an autoimmune illness many years ago. When my mother found out, she called and left a voice mail: She is sick too and even MORE sick than me !!! SO WHAT !!! YOU don't have cancer !!! (it was a long message...these were the main points in the message) I never complain to her, as she sees it as a "competition" : yes you are sick, but im even more sick !! She really does not make a good mother. She tries to "one up" people in everything.
Yes. Heaven forbid you are not able or willing to cater to their every whim when you’re having a tough time. They will not bother to offer to be a support to you. It’s like they won’t bother with you until you can be useful to them again. This is so painful especially when dealing with family who’s supposed to care. 😢
There's also them "faking" taking good care of you while they cheat on you, lie to you and and steal from you. I had that happen. Narky seemed one caring way but was actually a diabolical nother.
Hi Richard, exactly. My ex narcissist was like that. Everyone thought he was great, but he was awful at home. Took me a long time to get rid of him, as I was sort of brainwashed and thought I couldn't manage on my own, but I have done sooo! much in the years since leaving. Best wishes.
The night I conceived by daughter my husband wanted to spend the evening with friends camping..late planning I know. Later I found out a woman went with them and my hubby was kissing her. I only found this out many years later. He was always flirting and sleeping around. A week after my son was born he went 300 miles away to a spiritual retreat!! I was supposed to understand how important this was to him. I had a birth injury and was on my own with a baby who cried and never slept and a 3 year old. He did this all the time. I could never count on him. Yet I was supposed to understand how important 3 weeks of being away with no contact was because it was a "spiritual event". Lots of girls there too for him. Man was I ever stupid to stay so long..25 years.
I have severe endometriosis during my periods and occasionally after intercourse it can be super discomforting and arresting. In the middle of the night, that person very well knows of my health situation, I gently tried to wake the narc I was dealing with to ask for painkillers bc I wasn’t at my house. He kept saying “it’s sleepy time” and then in the morning when I lightheartedly told him how he acted (I thought in my head it was only unusual and maybe even funny at the time) he told me to “toughen up” joked about how it’s a “made up chick disease do I just want more sympathy” and that he “didn’t even know what I was saying” when he dismissed me in his sleep RED FLAG!
mine told me in his sleep, “I’ll do it later.”. He knew to future fake me in his sleep! I’m chronically ill and doing much better w out him. He of course made up all these fake illnesses I have that disable me from being a good mom in the court filings. The sad thing is chronically ill people are perfect targets for abusers.
My mom was the you're sick to spite me and I don't want to deal with you narcissist. I either had to suffer in my room by myself with no exposure to anyone and no one bringing me care, be out with my mom criticizing me and making sure I know I'm unwelcome, or learn how to look and behave as if nothing is wrong. My first boyfriend and his family taught me what it was like to be loved and cared for when sick or suffering from a period. I'm so grateful. It was like heaven touched me for the first time.
I LOVE that you covered this. It only reinforces what I am/have experienced. I have thought about this subject often through my marriage. I took total care and pampered my wife when she even had just a cold. When she had complications post-birth of my youngest daughter, I was there by her side until she healed. Any comfort she needed. Waited on her hand and foot. Because that is love. When I just get the flu, she would just get irritated because she felt I was being lazy. About a year ago, I did some remodeling work for an elderly lady who was taking care of her husband who had advanced Alzheimer's. She was patient and kind with him while I was there, even though he struggled just doing everyday things. It made a huge impression on me as to what true love really is. I contrasted that with how uncaring my wife is to me when I have a cold or flu. This really made me think of what my life would look life if something unfortunate would happen to me. I brought it up to her, and said that if I couldn't take care of myself, that she would probably just dump me in the cheapest nursing home she could find. She responded: "Don't worry... [our middle daughter] would take care of you." And was only half-joking. Being married to a Narcissist is heart and soul crushing. Especially who was raised with a traditional, work-it-out idea of love and relationships.
So true! I was in the hospital with our infant son who had stopped breathing and he couldn’t be bothered. 2 years later I was in the hospital on oxygen and even after a week of being in the hospital on oxygen he acted like I was pretending to have the asthma attack that got me there. My health deteriorated when we were together. But the second we started the divorce process, which btw happened when he filed while I was in the hospital... I got so much healthier. My advice for someone in these situations who struggles with health issues.... leave and don’t look back!
I was really sick during the car ride home from a trip with my ex narc. He told me I was boring and wasn’t giving him attention. I couldn’t believe my ears. He didn’t even care I was feeling so ill. Major red flag.
Adeline Tyler that is sick! I’m sorry 😐. I remember my mom finding me crying hysterically at 15 years old at the kitchen table. I had just read in the paper a friend of mine was hit by a train and died. I knew him since the 4th grade and was in hS with him. Not close, but talked on occasion. It was devastating. She literally yelled, “ what is wrong with you?!!!” I told her and she yelled, “ I never even heard of this boy before!!” Like that even mattered. Not one bit of consoling me. I was a nuisance to bother her with such a thing and it turned about her because she didn’t know him. These videos sure bring back plenty of bad memories. 😢
Just got diagnosed with malignant Cancer . Narc Wife said , "Stop playing the victim ,its not a big deal ,other people deal with it so deal with it ". She then left the house and went drinking with her friends .So horrible . I'm finally filing for divorce and have gone complete grey rock and / no contact as much as possible while still in the same house . Toxic hurtful abusive behavior that I will never tolerate .
Same. Always knew if I got sick or ran out of energy she would be out the door in a heart beat. Happened just like that. Took 6 months to recover, but was a great lesson.
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist Have you ever gotten sick around a narcissist? If so, I'm sorry you had to deal with that! What has your experience been like?
Common Ego And I agree about tactics I was specifically told “What do you want? Find somewhere else then others need this more than you!” “I wish I had that I need that!” “Oh I was told you wanted to be called Bro.. “ Just trying to hurt me or at least antagonize so badly. I just thought to reach out to you to show groups of people who have stigma including “homeless” happens because of people who feel entitled (Narcissism, etc) to have control over resources overly and we can bridge gaps by harmonizing hearts one beat at a time about this awareness Ninjas! Speak with our hands!! 😋 Lack of resources isn’t the issue. Accessibility is! I had 1876 dollars for that month when I entered in there and I could have went about my way and got WiFi at a hotel and reestablished myself (from being resilient alongside resourceful) but I was lied to to sign whichever and I’m smart when I sign I ask and take pictures of any discrepancies and was told I have two weeks upon inspection and a discussion if the area is working out for me Long story short no move in inspection happened which was a breach though was led on with some story a week then another week then used for babysitting until they found one for their facility because I’m a kid whisperer apparently an babysat over 1,000 hours and not paid Well yeah I’ll save it for the video just you see the narcissist empty promise thing going on right? Well I acted on those promises where my life is and has been threatened and it’s enforceable by legal standard and well.. Thank you for providing videos for me to choose to watch and stay grounded Seriously, stay great! ❤️ Psst.. *whispers* My birthday is Monday! Shout out to meeee lol No money needed Common Ego = Pricele$$ !! 🤓
Common Ego Oh! Before I head off like maybe you can do a video of the same question but like getting sick around a narcissist from their energy.. If that makes sense. I’ve experienced all that before too. You deserve better as well That’s why the community! We got you! ❤️ I’ll be around (Dream sweet!)
I knew within the first 3 months but still stayed for five years not knowing his disorder. He's always sicker than me and I am always last on his priority list. I finally started talking to other people to start dating again. I thank God that you have made these clips to help me and others avoid another bad relationship.
I think they know full well that they are hurting us, they act oblivious but they want you to feel abandoned and distraught. It is yummy delicious supply to see that pain. They are so vile and wretched . Escape away if you can.
Wow, really brings back the time in 2002 when I was in a car accident (massive trauma, ended up in a coma for 12 hours and in a wheelchair for 6 weeks at 20 years old), and when I got home from the hospital....my mom demanded I stop thinking of myself and look at how this has affected HER. That she was scared, traumatized, having to take care of me, etc, etc. I was blown away by the harshness of it all...the silliness of making a 20 year old girl, who was trying her hardest not to be a burden already, having to then also show no emotions like pain, anger, or frustration. Instead, I had to focus on not "overburdening" my mother emotionally. I am so glad I watched this video. I have known for a long time that my mom had "signs" of narcissistic behavior, but this video showed to me just how blatant and terrible the abuse really is. Now the question is, how to figure out my escape. Since the car accident, I haven't really been able to make ends meet on my own, and I am still living with her. Mostly, she has worked to convince me over all this time that I am still disabled (and constantly tries to get me to apply for disability, even though I am not disabled and have been rejected 4 times by SSI because I can still physically and mentally work). She is elderly and that's why I felt like it is good that I'm around, but I am coming to realize that it is time for one of my 3 siblings to take on the job for awhile, so I can get out of this environment.
Sometimes you're circumstances are very difficult to describe and express, due to the level of gaslighting and the narcissist making you doubt yourself all the time. These clever therapists are exceptionally helpful and amazing in helping you recognise your truth & reality Thank you so much!
Phoebe Nero, I wish my ex-wife had merely left me alone when sick. That would at least have been tolerable. I can take care of myself. But ex-wife used to get pissed off when I was sick and force me to do laundry, dishes, and chores.
Phoebe Nero yup mine just took off when I was sick yet never left my house when HE was sick..he didnt like being alone and vulnerable, but when I got sick he literally told me he didnt want to get sick and just took off. This made me feel so horrible.! It’s so cruel and hurts so much😢
Excellent teaching! When I was deathly ill the N in my life literally packed up and moved to another town within 3 weeks. Literally did not care if I lived or died - I was suddenly of no use to them. I was shocked; i was left broken financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. ... that was 5 years ago. Ha! The best thing that ever happened to me!!!! I recovered over the past 5 yrs and am now better than ever. Yahoo. ❤ .... PS I learned what a narcissist is, how I was used, verbally abused, and received "the big discard" . It was a real eye opener and learning experience. Now I have honed my radar and am on the lookout for their kind. They are everywhere: work, church, family. Some are overt N , but the most dangerous are the covert N like mine. Covert N fools most people most if the time, and often you cannot detect the "real" them until you are up close and personal, or behind closed doors!!! Very scary to realize many people are deceivers and not who they appear: they are like academy award winning actors & actresses. Creepy.
Jeanette Redden, Yes, they are creepy and deceptive. Unfortunately, I have come to believe that upon meeting a new person, it's a good idea to have a few tests in your toolkit, and regularly use these tests to be certain who you're dealing with. Then if they are okay, you can stop the tests. A very old and wise woman once said to me, "If you are thinking of getting married, try to make sure that you experience this person's behavior under as many different circumstances as possible before saying "I do".
@Katrina M, You might only have to use a test if a person you just met seems to be wanting to create a power imbalance. For myself, I've had to try not to be paranoid and think everyone is out to exploit my tendency to give others the benefit of the doubt when they overstep, or take liberties that I didn't offer them. Such as borrowing without asking, and saying, "I knew you wouldn't mind." I've learned that it's important to say, "Actually, it's not that I mind you using it, but next time, ASK me first, and don't make assumptions like that!" Being too passive is what always got me into hot water. I resented being pressed into the position of having to be the one to draw a line. I'm not confrontational, but you see, they love that! One of them even said to me, "I'll press on as long as I'm not stopped. With you, I never know if there's a limit." I was dumbfounded, because I thought to myself, doesn't she have any breeding? Did she ever learn any manners? The answer was, she knew manners, but they weren't important to her if using them stood in her way of getting what she wanted. Beware of people who want to pull you into their life and all their interests, but won't come into YOUR world. That's an easy, and non confrontational test. Invite them to go with you to your favorite restaurant. Or get involved in your club or charity. Or anything that's about you and not them. Beware of an older person who wants to put themselves in the position of being your mentor if you haven't asked them to. If a person offers you their cast offs, return the favor and offer them YOUR cast offs of a similar "value", and see if they're willing to accept them. So, in general, I would just say, be willing to turn the tables when you need to test out whether or not they're trying to impose a power imbalance. It's an art that takes time to learn, because you also don't want to unfairly accuse someone in your mind, if they do only one of these things that could be innocent. It can take some time before you should give too much trust, and just watch out for patterns of troublesome behavior. Don't be afraid to distance yourself before you become too enmeshed, because they can be persistent if they think they can dominate you, manipulate you and use you to their benefit. I hope this helps. Stay safe out there!
When I was diagnosed with aggressive stage 3b lung cancer my partner initially suggested I was making it up for sympathy or attention. Next he rambled on and on about his friend's poor girlfriend who had coincidentally been diagnosed with MS the same day and could die at any moment. She is still quite healthy and vibrant 2 years later. Yet, he minimized my illness. Then it became all about him. What would he do "when" I died. Who would take care of him? I refused to see him after that because I simply didnt have the strength to deal with his insecurities and jealousy or be around his negativity while I was literally fighting for my life. I had to face surgery and my own mortality alone.
This really breaks my heart I'm about to go through the same thing several surgeries my hemoglobin was 6.4 had to have three blood transfusions now I'm having to go through several surgeries I'm terrified friend always Wendy I understand if anyone else in the world don't I do it really saddens me to the point I am about to cry
Good bless you!! Congrats on moving on while dealing with so much I hope this finds you healthy and happy!!? I am in same mode ...to dick weak an broke to make the break.....my husband sounds exactly as you described yours, def sucks. Blessings to you.... and all dealing with this insane struggle!!🙏❤🌸
Being accused of getting sick to get some attention... I Heard that One Bulls..t too. Psycologic manipulation has ni end. Until you LEAVE. Thats the only solution. Save your own...
Happened to me not when I'm sick but abnormally crazily busy while griefing and need his support. This is totally on point! He does not have empathy at all and not only ignored and distanced himself from me. I mean, not even emotional support, or even verbal affection! Instead, he went completely disappeared then came back like normal again when he thought of me again. So cold that I suspected he is not human...
The one in my life always denied that I was sick, always took it as a fake. Even when doctors have diagnosed serious illness, they considered it as me just trying to get out of work.
The narcissistic family in my life completely abandoned me when I had experienced profound grief...I am adopted and my biological mother had died, and two of my three adoptive siblings (they're all biological children of my adoptive parents) almost completely ignored it. That's when I realized that they had never so much as asked for my mailing address in all the twelve years we've lived apart. Never. No exaggeration. Despite all the cards and gifts I'd sent the family, especially the children (my nieces and nephews). They don't notice. It's not them, not their grief, not their sorrow. Now, I want them out of my life. They won't notice this, either. That's okay. I have learned this lesson.
Im so sorry Holly...people..no matter who can let you down...I always rely on the Lord to "never leave me nor foresake me". Knowing this has definately been my saving grace. I thank him in my prayers for this promise because I have also experienced many similarities as you. It's heartbreaking I know. Stay strong Holly.
I had a major similar experience while I was expected to die of cancer AND all were told I would never walk out of the hospital. I was very very sick. I walked out of the hospital yay BUT everyone bailed on me. I tried to never ever act a burden I was fortunate I had an aid and a visiting nurse our Creator but it also took a wonderful Good Samaritan. Or I would not have managed to get somewhat stable. But after a number of years I am very sick again. I had just gone on without my support system of everyone I loved so much. I am guessing I had some nerve to have gotten so sick. I went to all treatments for years all alone. I managed but it was so traumatizing coming to the realization that family and spiritual family just wished you had never been born never mind just walking out of the hospital. I could go into detail but just cannot. I had always all of my life tried so damn hard but then finally found out it was never ever to be good enough.
I got sick, really sick, and realized quickly that my so and most of the people in my life (besides my mom and my kids) were narcs. I don’t have value anymore and they disappeared.
YESSS! Your 4th point is what I have encountered the most too!! Narcs feeling inconvenienced when you are struggling (with illness or in life) AND them determining you are malingering illness for attention. Appalling lack of empathy and self-serving behaviour.
It's kind of a relief to hear this. I am not alone. Whenever I got sick my mother would have a tantrum, accusing me of faking and threatening to have me committed...🤦🏻♀
My mother brought me to a psychiatric hospital when I needed gallbladder surgery.( Later, I found out that I had an extreme amount of inflammation to the point that it made the surgery incredibly difficult, as well.) No history of psychiatric illness hospitalization or disability. I was having trouble eating and I was doubled over in pain but she insisted that it was mental despite that medical tests proved I had a lot of gallstones. She then impersonated me and unenrolled me in my primary care physician so I didn't receive any of my usual medication which made me dangerously ill. I was transferred to the medical ward soon after they abruptly discontinued them causing a painful, debilitating and potentially fatal condition called Akathisia. I went no contact after years of suffering but I didn't get an order of protection (because I was so sick and weak) which was a huge mistake. I was also too ill to sue the hospital. Their unethical & criminal behavior almost killed me and I am still suffering to this day. 😞 Beware. Some of these toxic people purposely make people extremely sick in order to control you and/or because of their sadistic nature.
My mom on the other hand she "welcomes non life threatening sickness" on us and on herself because our sickness and her sickness will bring her the "supplies" she needs. She will call her narcissist people play victim, brag or depending saying that we are all sick or how sick she is. Now if she's sick herself. Oh wow she will be using her victim card 300% more and she loves to "prolong" her illness. You see everybody will recover but not her. She will say sick and ill. She refuse to take medicine and ONLY drinking her herbal roots or herbal leafs which does not work.
One of the major things that finally made me realize I was in a bad relationship was when my health went downhill a little. After so much time taking care of HIM, I had to start taking care of myself. And he hated it. He said I was blowing things all out of proportion, and my restrictive new diet was just SO inconvenient for him. It wasn't the only thing, but that was a serious wake up call.
RoseThePhoenix I used to be really fit. Later on in our relationship I started to gain weight due to the massive stress and the birth of our 2 children. When I tried to get back to the gym, he would not let me leave the babies. I could only leave the kids to go to work to make money but he would have a fit about the gym. When the kids were older, I tried to get back to the gym and when I’d come home he’d sabotage by being mean to the kids and they’d beg me not to go to the gym. So i started to diet and he would complain about buying healthy food and bring home Dairy Queen to sabotage. When I lost 22 lbs by sticking to my diet, he ignored me and would only grunt at me when I excitedly reported my weight loss along the way. He punished me by refusing to sleep with me to the point that he moved into the spare room and never came back to our martial bed (1.5yrs). I was done! When I asked for a divorce, he acted surprised and quickly became the victim to anyone who’d listen. What a looser.
@@CommonEgo Call me naive...but would an empathic person do that? They're true to their nature, and would do the 'right' thing for their partner. We do truly love our narc partners, and since we're ALWAYS in 'proving it' mode, take the very best care of them we possibly can...it's what we do. Maybe I should frame this statement in 'past tense', since we all know better now, and stay away from narcs. ;-P Detect early, and detect often. LoL
Yep, this is totally my parents. I recently found out I likely had pneumonia when I was 8 because of the scarring on my lungs, but my parents at the time totally ignored I was sick and refused to take me to the doctor even though we had insurance. At my lowest point in life, I was so sick/disabled for several months and I couldn't work. They refused to help me buy food even when I begged and had nothing. I will never forget that. They also will act as though I'm faking and rediculous and convince other people in the family that I am over reacting about a condition and don't have it even when it is proven I have a condition by specialists.
My family did the same thing to me never lifted a finger when I was kid living at home if I got sick that was just tough on me. I remember once I fainted while I was ironing my clothes for school and the iron tip hit me in the forehead and my mother kicked me and said I was just faking it to get out of going to school with blood gushing all over the place. When I was older and I had pneumonia back in the 1980’s when Dr still made house calls my mother made me take out my checkbook and pay the Dr and I literally spent my last dollar on it. Also at 13 I had to go to work and buy my clothes and even pay for all my own food in the house. You know what ???? I’m very empathetic and I like to think I’m kind and truly what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Of course I married a narcissist,,, you just can’t make this stuff up.
This is all so fascinating. You are so on point it feels like you've been a fly in the room watching everything transpire. The example you gave about being ill and the narc going out to get a burger and not considering his/her partner was exactly my experience. He even came back to our hotel room after eating his burger and talked about his meal while I still lay there sick and hungry, then got into bed and went to sleep.
I was diagnosed with a potentially very deadly cancer. My narcissistic family member tried to claim I was less ill than them and that they had more complex medical needs than myself which was demonstrably untrue. It's when I realised that they were covert narcissists who would never be able to care for me in a complex way. It was very traumatic to lose my sense of family that way but it also set me free from feeling ashamed for not showing up more for them because I was so ill.
You really nailed this one. Almost everything you said, he did, while I was bedridden for six long weeks. I started to restrict water because I couldn’t get out of bed on my own to use the bathroom. He spent hours outside mowing the large yard, front and back, and who knows what else out there. I could hear him come in to get a drink of water or a quick snack, then right outside again. It’s like he wished I’d just disappear because I was too much of a bother. He looked in on me when HE was ready, not when I needed him to, even when I asked he check in more often. Narcs are sooooooo self centered. Years earlier, after some abdominal surgery, he helped me onto the toilet, then promptly forgot I was in there. Sheesh.
I experienced raging, excruciating eye infection in the middle of the night and ask him to drive me to the emergency room. He said no, I have to work tomorrow. My vision was impaired and was forced to drive myself.
My ex left me alone to have skin cancer removed from my face the day after Christmas. I asked him to please come with me and he said he had to visit his dad (in another state). I was devastated. Thank God for my friends
So many narcs ! Our society is more and more full of people who don't care about others. It is the way kids are educated, to not get involved, to not ask "are you ok" ? when they see ppl in distress, and covid boosted this narcissism, we were forced to avoid sick people!!!!
I fell down a steep flight of stairs when I was 6 months pregnant. I landed on my coccyx and couldn’t get up. He was about 10 steps away on the couch and wouldn’t come help me. He said he had “back pain” and needed to relax. My 4 and 7year old had to come help me crawl up the stairs to lay down and call my dr.
Being actually sick and being all alone is 10000% times better than dealing with a narc who pretends to get " headaches " to compete.
🙏🙏🙏
Wow. That hit me. My ex used to do that. Headaches, sore back, and minor injuries while doing renovations (splinter, paper cuts, etc). He would act like his pain was the worst ever experienced by any individual. I have stage 4 cancer and went through chemo, mastectomy,radiation, and then four more surgeries…and I am still on oral,chemo. Through all of that I never missed one day of work and was the one who cooked all the food, cleaned the house, etc. Unreal. Hard to unpack all of this :(.
@@FuneraryGirl oh 🤗🤗🤗🤗 I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone w such a crappy person , you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for , trophy 🏆 for you hanging in there despite the odds !!!
I feel for you its soooo hard
Hope your doing better now.
When I broke up with mine she said im going to destroy you
@@randomrob3889 omg I'm so sorry how awful, thank you for your kind words 🙏 You will get through this and come out strong !!💪
Omg Nailed It! I finally started treating him the way he treats me and he doesn't like it. Tough shit! After 30 years of his abuse I'm finally filing for divorce. Oh Happy Day🙂🌻
Good for you. Stick to your guns 💪🏻.
@TerrBear Yeah!! Good for you! Make sure you've got your finances right and a good lawyer before court, and NEVER give in to his bullshit! 🙋
TerrBear good for you so many don’t have the ability or the guts to leave praying for your happiness💕
Don't get a woman lawyer, they don't give a crap and charge you for every second. My divorce cost me $16,000. She was a horrible witch.
@@wendycook2524 Thank you. I got a really good male attorney. 👍😊
My husband is a narcissist, and I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. When he was told, he said, I guess I have no choice but to stay with you. And then he started pushing me, and I would fall. Occasionally, I began to fear for my health and life. And my family helped me leave.
That is so cruel. I hope you found peace and love within your family. You are certainly better off without him.
Disgusting, I’m so sorry. Grateful u have support!
This is heartbreaking 😞. I am so sorry.
3:41 - The narcissist may act sicker than you.
4:49 - May try to shame you for it. Imply that you're weak. It's your fault.
5:28 - They may completely ignore you. Like you're not even there. It doesn't occur to them to think about someone else.
7:26 - Like your sickness is an attack on them. You being sick bothers them. Like you're pretending to be sick. Purposefully destroying their day.
8:56 - They can't be bothered. It's your problem. They leave. They'll come back when they think you're better and well enough to focus on them again.
Essentially, they can't handle not having your supply.
That’s a good synopsis.
Yep!!!
#6 Any attempt for you to rest and take care of yourself so that you get better is unreasonable and you're just being lazy and you should be ashamed of yourself. My narc spouse has literally said that to me. What an ass.
All of the above! Luckily during the pandemic, I lived alone. They'd Rage if they had to quarantine with me. After the narcs did #4, encouraged me to give up (trigger), I joined pro-life groups.
@@rdnugent1 That was my father towards my mother. And she passed away. Not even in the hospital he cared about her. Narcissism is litteraly being or having demons that want to take your life energy. She was way younger and aged way faster.
I’m so angry til this day.
The hardest part is having to find out the hard way who they are. They hide their bad side as long as they can while reeling you in. It takes a bad experience like this to see it come out.
I was diagbosed with a rare eye disease an started to lose my vision. I needed to get shots in my eye (52) all together. I broke down one day and crawled in his lap and told him how scared I was to lose more vision and get a seeing eye dog. I sat there for 20 minutes crying. About an hour later, he said "Oh by the way, you telling me about your fears and all, yea, "I AM NOT YOUR THERAPIST". ugh. yes... I went to everu doc appt by myself every shot, by myself. Taught muyself how to drive with my vision loss and then went to school and became a holistic nutrtionist and then a Functional Medicine Practioner. I have not had a shot in 6yrs and my vision is stable. whoo hoo!
That's what I like to hear! So happy for you.
I'm proud of you. Good for you and I admire how strong you are, Charlyn. They are evil devils but we can beat them. Self love and self respect. Praying for you.
Was it. Wet macular degeneration?
@@dianamary6170 Thank you!
@@wendycook2524 xo
They hate that you're not useful to them.
My husband refused point blank NOT to take me to the hospital! Once with a broken toe and 2x with hectic pneumonia.
Perfect condensed statement👍
@@maddyL1234 mine refused to take me to Dr with a torn placenta and then when I got mastitis after baby was born. He never cooked, cleaned or helped at all, just yelled at me. I torn the ligments around my knee and was waiting for surgery. He yelled at me to do men's work on the farm and kept telling at me to "bend z knees" whilst struggling to lift heavy posts I would try to explain I simply couldn't bend my knees but he didn't care. Got a lot worse before I left him, I got measles and so did my next baby, when she was 3 weeks old. He was angry because I could hardly move, except to attend my baby...and I managed to cook. He didn't take me to Dr. I developed tropical ulcers afterwards, very very painful. I stole the car (I wasn't allowed to drive) and went to Dr. I will never forget the look of horror on his face when he saw the abuse I had been going through. My ex would not even bathe or place dressing on my poor back which had 16 tropical ulcers on it. My older daughter did this for me. What a pig of a man
Or that the attention isn't on them
Im sorry for all you wonderful ladies and what you have suffered.
I had the flu and I asked him to please make me some soup. He's a cook so he knew how to prepare soup. Instead of showing compassion as I have shown him when he's been sick - he had a temper tantrum from my asking him to do something for me. I had to get up, get dressed and go buy myself something to eat. He complained about that too...that I didn't bring back any food for him. There was no winning with him. He's gone now. Good Riddance -
I’m glad you got rid of him. Good riddance for sure.
same happened to me, and I only wanted a cup of tea
That’s horrible!! Same experience here 🙁🙁🙁
They show their true colors any time any reasonable demand is made of them. Human trash they are.
I used to be a cook too !! And always took care of my ex narrsasist wife and her 4 kids. God has tremendously blessed me for that.
when my mother passed away, the narc I was with got enraged from seeing me cry. I ended up crying in the shower.... and realized I needed to leave.
narcissists hate seeing others resting
My mum can't let you sit for 5 mins,yet she's permanently on her arse..being ill...
Spot on
This is insanely true
They say you are faking, when its what they do. Projection.
Sunny Daye last year I got sick of my stomach (I never get sick) so I asked my husband to please help me with the kids (5 & 3) because I literally was on the floor throwing up and he told me that I was faking it so he will not help me. Now when he gets sick I treat him like shit.
I’m getting my life together so I can divorce him, he is destroying me..
I had undiagnosed Chrones disease in the 80s I was 26 yrs old had 2 sons of 6 and 8 yrs old,I had to sit by the loo all the time or be near the bathroom, I was using the loo 30 /40 times in 24 hrs vomitting and ended up going from 9.10 to 4 stone I looked like a walking skeleton, my husband who I married at 17 yr old, told me to get up off your fat arse and did you get my dry cleaning, he moved out shortly after leaving me and the boys alone.I went through a year of surgery and recovery now 66 yrs old I look back rarely because it's such a sad time 😥😥😥😥
Yes gaslighting the living daylights out of you
@@BabyHannah05 dont let him win,you sre stronger than you know you will get through it/nice your giving back what he done to you but dont let it consume you anger resentment will pull you down/ negative vibe etc good luck
Oh yes, projection is their favorite!
Sicker than you, angrier than you, more upset than you, the list goes on....
Playing the I can always top that game? It's not supposed to be a game of competition!
Heck yes u nailed it. And if they must care for u or small children and cannot top ur illness, say for example you need emergency surgury, then they r super angry at u for getting sick or injured and pissed to have to care for you and child then they dump them.back on u way before u r physically able, like bleeding out on floor they dont give a shit. Even if they work from home and r their own boss, they will decline to help and prefer to go in to office that day, even when not needed. I ripped out stitches from appendix removal. And they almost let u DIE before finally allowing u to go to ER hospital. Im fact they let their first wife die bc they didnt want to leave a party to take their spouse to hospital. So they prob hoped id die too if they waited long enough. On more than one occasion they let me know i should leave them if they ever developed cancer or was handicapped bc he would for sure leave me. Horrible spouses, care takers and prob parents. :( only think of themselves. So sad thinking how i let him ruin my life. Id be willing to guess hes still hoping i die and making efforts to push me in that direction without getting caught or exposed. Fairly certain of it actually and weve been divorced 8 years
If you have the flu, they have pneumonia. If you broke your arm, they broke their pelvis. If you cut your hand, they have a sucking chest wound. If you had double bypass surgery, they had quadruple bypass surgery.
Yep
More tired than you. You didn't sleep last night??!! Well they haven't slept in last TWENTY YEARS!!! So you couldn't possibly even know the meaning of the word "tired" "you've never been tired a day in your life, faker" only the Narc knows how it truly feels to be tired.
Spot on. Let’s not forget that to a narc, the only thing that matters to them while you’re sick is how it affects them. And you can be damn sure that they’re complaining about you to others behind your back.
Plus he found out he could get paid he got excited til God stepped in made him for get to add me to his New insurance 😇
@Stanley Burgess yeah right....the XN was scared about how it would affect THEM.
@Stanley Burgess this is about people who lack empathy for others. It is different from what you describe. For instance: I slipped 2 discs in my back. I lay on the floor unable to move all day. My husband came home and was immediately angered to see me "lazing around". He made himself something to eat but not for me. When I begged for a glass of water he acted very put out... grudgingly got me one and left the house. I did not dare to ask him for something to eat. Because he could not SEE my pain, for him it did not exist. He has 0 empathy for anyone.
The XN treated me with impatience, inconvenience, martyrdom, how it benefited him (FMLA, financial compensation, etc), expectation of friends/family to maintain his image, to return me to work to maintain his financial status; plus with me down, it gave him more free reign to cheat with the new supply. Eye servant was my label to him and I cursed him saying "I PRAY you are never down (sick)....you will need me, and I PRAY to have forgiven you enough to not treat you as you treated me".
Not my worry now....he has a new slave to throw away her life for this disorder person.
Another point you made, it had been two years since my discard, and I am STILL amazed of the BS that I am remembering was done to me. I am more amazed how normalized his narcissistic behavior became to me.🤯🤯
@@indiahindiah7295 he didn't forget to add you...☹ (he didn't add you on purpose) but gotta love Karma😊
I just can’t believe how brainwashed I’ve been that I thought it really was too much to ask for him to care when I was sick or going through something. Wow.
Remember that!
Same here. Divorced his ass 2 years ago
It is never too much to ask your loved one to care for you, when you’re sick and even when you’re healthy. Remember that ❤
@@sfnerd2023yes, that would be the logical way of thinking but narcs have a way of making you feel like you and your illness is a burden to them. They make you feel like you're just being a big cry baby and that you should just be quiet and deal with it by yourself bc your an adult, not a child.
Going through that right now. I’m out. Enough is enough…
I was raised by a narc /sociopath and unfortunately ended up married to narcs. Two C sections and my meds have been taken. At 39 I'm finally just now putting all the peices together and its sickening to see how much I've repeatedly gone back to the same abuse with a different face.
You are not alone 💝
Me2
All iv ever been w is narc. Something wrong w my mom n my mil. N so on. I live by myself n it will stay that way. I know the signs now no matter how sweet they r. In other words suspicious of every one. I can spot it a mile away after yrs of putting it together. Shame
❤🙏💕🌈🙏💕💕💕
I'm 54 and just seeing 👀 the light in the last few years
I'm so sick of narcissists. We should screen and tag them.
If only we could tattoo an N on their forehead.
How about quarantine these femons.
@MsBizzyGurl no just everyone ignore them, then they'll shoot themselves.
OMG! Wouldn't that be WONDERFUL!? To have them come with a warning label would make the world a much better place! That would mean we would have like maybe two politicians left in the entire country...but that would be a good thing! No more annoying "elect me" ads on TV or no more "elect me" signage pollution on street corners and lawns!
@@brandonvanlieshout7303 Unfortunately, they don't.
My ex would always fight with me when I needed him most. Fought with me during labor, fought with me after surgery because I was “being a bitch” because I was coming out of a bad anesthesia experience. Each time it broke a little bit of my attachment to him. Very eye opening. I always say “if you make my dark times darker, what’s the point?”
What is the point indeed
They seem to wait for you to be at your weakest moments and then they go on the attack for all the things they deem that you have done wrong.
The narcissist was very irritable and verbally abusive after I had surgery - acted like I was a huge inconvenience. However, they always expect you to be there for them.
When I was in labor having his baby and and recovering from birthing his baby and my C-section he would leave me at the hospital alone only one person was aloud at the hospital due to covid and he would get upset if I would call him that he would never come back
omg im so sorry. my baby's dad, i truly think he wanted me to kill myself because i had severe postpartum anxiety & depression & he was the only one who knew. & he...i dont wanna go into details but im sure you know that he did all he could do to perpetuate my problem. im so sorry, this comment broke my heart cuz it's this whole new level of abandonment when kids are involved at whatever stage. hugs to you.
They absolutely know that they're doing it tho because when other ppl r around they change their behavior. They are very aware of it.
Without a single doubt they know
Oh yes so true
Perhaps some are but my n twin sister did not change her behaviour depending on the company, she simply denied the shock she elicited in others. Perhaps she is more on the end of the scale towards sociopathy? I don't know.
Absolutely! It's that projection of a false greater self that really raises that flag. It's what the outer world thinks and what their impressions are that matters most, being genuine and honest to self plays no role in a narcissist mind.
Yep, true words 🥺
This is so true! The narcissist just doesn’t care! They completely lack empathy.
I literally had a narcissistic friend say once “I just don’t do empathy well. I think most people bring things on themselves.” And honestly, I should have gotten out there because I remember the chills I got from her saying that.
Dude that’s like my dad and brother. They often talk about and make jokes about not having much empathy and they even shame people who have empathy saying they are too dramatic and too feeling. It’s so damn annoying for me.
Yes out of ignorant that's why we should help one another from committing some acts like gossiping or how to plan for murder
Narc said these exact words to me b4
My mom in a nutshell: “you failed because you weren’t magically prepared for everything in life, literal small child. Also I hate you”
@@TheBiggestMoronYouKnow She didn’t rationalize at all that you came from her huh.
During the love bombing stage, I've never been so taken care of. After the love bombing stage I was a nuisance
That makes perfect sense ❤🙏
Two weeks before he left, I had severe toothache. He was sleeping downstairs. He came upstairs, hands on hips, and said I have been listening to you screaming for 45;minutes, see you have shut up since I came upstairs...I will take you to the hospital, if you really want me to. He said this really angrily..covert narc...
Chew on raw garlic when you get a toothache... don't swallow...yet....hang in there......just let the garlic oil soak the aching area for an hour ....the infection will be gone in a few hours...usually....
Parsley mitigates garlic smell if your worried about that.....
Protocol: rinse with warm water n salt every day....
Avoid white poison sugars.
Peroxide weekly..... 🌻
Spot on.
Yes! Exactly! PArt of what made me think he was so great in the beginning!🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️😣
Ten years of this horrible treatment!!! He's moving out Saturday.
Be sure to go no contact b/c if you take a narc back it will be 10 times worse.
@Kristina's Diary ~ *Change Your Lock and have him hand in every key*
He's going to call and try to sweet talk you into coming back. He'll tell you how much he always loved you and pour on the charm. If you go back he'll treat you twice as bad as before.
Good for you girl.
Hang in there!
I had a sobering experience, when I broke my left hand and no one came to help me when I desperately needed it, not my boyfriend, (who kindof caused the accident with his carelessness), not my parents, not my sister. No one I thought I could depend on. I wonder how many narcs have influenced my life throughout and I'm not surprised I'm happiest when I'm just hanging out with my dog.
Been there with a broken arm and broken leg and farm animals to care for. No one came to help. My mother is retired and had the time to come. She said she had to take care of the two family dogs! It made me reflect at the amount of people who are narcissists in my life , too, and the reality check was a hard pill to swallow.
Hi Jody.....I lost my home through catastrophe......was in the hospital with a broken arm, homeless in a hotel with my cat....ptsd.......boyfriend, family, no one helped me.....had to put my beautiful soul cat down in the hotel.....and leave my neighborhood of soul animals......I am alone now and create artworks of mainly pets......I miss them so......people can be so horrible.....when I get to heaven. I want to be with my pets and animal souls.....and maybe a few people......
CC B I’m so very sorry to read the contents of your post, you’re better off without him. My ex Narc broke my hip, but he stuck around and helped me because he was afraid I’d tell on him. After 2 1/2 years of no contact I’m finally free of him.
Jody Similar experience here. Realizing I’ve been around them all my life too. It sucks when it’s family. Sending good energy 🌞
Omg that sounds so aweful! I am so sorry that you had to endure that alone :( When you are at your lowest or weakest, you get to see who is true and who actually cares for you!
So true. They seem personally offended and confused with the fact that you get sick. People, trust your feelings. Don't settle on being contemptuously treated as a half-person. It's unbelievable at first. Might feel as you're exagerating or making it up yourself. FALSE! Your gut and your heart tells you the truth. They're poisoning you! RUN! If you don't have kids you can make a clean cut and find someone who appreciates you.
Reminds me of when I suffered from covid 19. My ex was surviving on takeaways and I had to wake up and prepare food for myself and do everything myself. So unbelievable!
That sounds like something my ex would do... 💔♥️
Same thing happened to me when I had Covid! He even expected me to clean the litter boxes and feed our cats and chickens. I was so weak, I could hardly stand. He had no compassion! All I wanted to do was be alone in the guest room, keep myself hydrated and sleep as much as I could.
Well my current bf caught covid I took care of him , and I caught it from him that same week, he booked flights to leave the country to visit his parents for Christmas while he left me all by myself to fend for my myself… and I’m watching this video because I’m sick and I think it’s happening again
You were absolutely right about how they think that we are pretending to be sick in order to ruin their day.
I been there and it is both scary and extremely hurtful
Omfg that's so true 😢
I’d rather have a stranger take care of me
I've actually said "I would rather a robot take care of me because at least I wouldn't expect it to act like a human being."
Oh man, absolutely! So sad but I must admit it.
RIGHT ON SISSTA!!!!
Exactly! At least a stranger would treat you like they would want to be treated... AND they wouldn't expect anything back in return..
My EX wanted his "payback" through sex! ALL THE TIME. Abusers are mentally and physically draining!
👌
Narcs kick 🦵 you when you are down.
Yes, absolutely
Exactly! U said my words! just happened recently with me by schizophrenic and narcissistic mother ,still in the kicking phase
Yeah
Absolutely always
They also play extremely arrogant queer people bullshit as well
This is the last 6 weeks of my life. 3rd degree sprained ankle. He broke me down, devalued, attacked me, left me alone, called me a junkie for taking my pain killers, told me I didn’t deserve respect because I don’t respect myself. Omg. This is so accurate. He even had the nerve to tell me he doesn’t live like this, the house is so dirty. I couldn’t walk, how the hell was I supposed to clean.
It was the fact you needed him. Not supposed to. He needed your energy to feel better about himself. His EGO was under attack. This was the time he actually had to be a human. They have no empathy.
@@DaughterofaKing1 I got sick 7 months ago and couldn't walk due to my hips going out on me. He had to wait on me and do everything for me. Sometimes he was kind and sometimes evil. His core is evil. I see right through him and he knows it. He throwing things away. He makes me so sick. I was working and had a plan to leave him until one day this mystery illness struck me and left me like this. I can now walk again but I'm not 100%yet..
@@pamelaard1166, You are truly a beautiful and strong woman 😊. Sometimes life isn’t fair and sometimes it’s good. I can’t imagine having to depend on someone that’s hot/cold. This can be stressful. You say he throwing things away. Hum. Sounds like he’s trying to release anger in a nonviolent way.
Don’t focus on him so much. Focus on yourself get better. Give all that energy to yourself. So you can RUN AWAY FROM HIM 💨😊
I cared for my sick wife for 4 years and 3 months. It cost me way over $60,000. I suspect that if it was I who was sick, my wife would leave me in less than a month. If she had doubts, her family would have convinced her for sure. This is why God made her sick, not me. :)
Honey. My X took
Crutches of me..cos. he didn't want to paye for hospital hire fee. .returned them.
I’ve been taking care of my wife during her illness for the last 6 years, taking care of all of her needs. I noticed when I had a serious injury (loss of a digit), not only did she not help me, but she became even more needy, and I still had to take care of her every need, while I was healing.
I had a mental breakdown, and the absolute rage that blasted at me during such a confusing and scary time was INCREDIBLY damaging.
I relate completely!!!
Stay true to yourselves ladies, you are authentic and lovable! I have hated myself for the last decade because of the treatment I got when I was weakened, don't let them change you x
I had depression and the spiteful anger I received confused me. I had looked after her in her illnesses(hypochondria)for years. The real her emerged little by little, my love died, I divorced her. Happy now.
Yes, mine told me to kill myself While he ate a sandwich and said he wanted to Watch or hear me do it so it 'got done right ' while I was haveing clinical level depression which I know now was probably actually narcissistic abuse syndrome/cpsd.. Yeah, they are from Hell, please don't let anything they said be taken as a true assessment of you it is only a reflection of how sick and deranged they truly are. Love yourself and be Free
I can believe it. I hope you are feeling better than that horrible time.
If they won’t carry you to the bathroom when you’re sick they are not the one!
😆 love it!!
I would hold my ex's hair when she puked. Yet when I got sick it was, man up, etc. Glad she's gone.
@@gmoney6595 50%? What world do you live in?
My dad wouldn't help my mom to bathroom without bitching at her why can't u do it yourself u can't be that weak when she had kidney problems and she losted all her toes and she had heart and breathing problems too
Lol, my husband did help me with that. The next week he went out telling people how good he is that he is not only living with a sick woman who struggles using bathroom but helps her when she fails to manage things on her own.
I had a stroke,had to learn to walk and talk again. Full year of physical therapy. He refuses to acknowledge the severity of my stroke. He was NOT worried about what I couldn't do for myself. He was worried about what I couldn't do for him.
D Young my experience. Coming with a severe injuries from a home invasion robbery.
Char Minsky Narcs are evil
D Young dump him
Josee Gendron Currently in the process of divorcing him. Keep me in your prayers. Thanks
I can so relate I had a stroke and following the. Vows but when he had a seizure. I just let him flap like a fish on the floor.
He acted like I wasn't even there. It was a very deliberate go out of the way to ignore me. Through a tough pregnancy, through sicknesses..after the death of our son and planning his funeral I got sick with a stomach bug and he ignored me and would not help at all. It was cruel.
100% experienced this behavior for my 30yrs of marriage. What a relief to no longer be with him. The vows of in sickness and health was NEVER remotely even followed. What also really hurt is how they treat your sick children.
They have this blankstare ...as if there is nothing inside...the scariest part is that sometimes they do show you compassion and then switch it off whenever they want to... I wish I had never gotten any compassion at all...
@Richard Wilson yessss the first time my ex told me she loved me I was SUPER confused.... and now looking back I realize it is because when she said it the way she said it and expressed seemed like she was straining to tell a lie... and it was traumatic for me.
@Richard Wilson yes mine too!!!!!!!! What I also found strange was when I met my exes parents it seemed she was putting on a show even for family...and I guess I assumed she would be different with them...like closer in some way...but it seemed like the show never stopped...must be exhausting. Theres a part of me that gets sad at what I put myself through for 2 years but then I hear about people doing this for 30 years and I thank the universe that I had enough self esteem.
Yeah that confusion is a demonic trait that they have...it’s that shape shifting reptilian nature that they have,they like to toy with you...evil evil evil from the pit of hell..the demon in them tries to torment you...they try to change us to be evil like them..they are soul destroyers.
Self-centeredness + lack of empathy = You'd better not get sick!!! Don't expect time, attention, food, drink/hot tea, rides to doctors/ER/surgeries, etc. Meanwhile, all of his friends and family will have heard about how much work your being sick is costing HIM!!! You may be lying in your own blood, and he'll make it about HIM!!!
Christelle Maginot omfg yes!!!
Christelle Maginot yes exactly
So true. They become a victim. And what’s worse is the people you hope will support you often take the narcs side. They minimize your pain and act like you deserve to suffer. It hurts my heart even now.
Exactly!
Karen Siebenaler yes that’s so true
I gave birth to our daughter in the late afternoon and she was taken immediately to NICU because of a serious issue. I didn’t know she had been taken there or even that there was a problem. I just thought she was being cleaned up and having the routine lab tests done before they brought her to me. I didn’t realize there was anything wrong and my husband didn’t tell me. He left the hospital shortly after her birth and it wasn’t until the doctor came in to see me on his evening rounds when I learned our child may not survive. The doctor told me my husband didn’t want me to know. I was devastated couldn’t understand why my husband wasn’t there with me at that frightening time. I was wheeled in to see her during that night, all alone and I was so scared. When he showed up the next day at the hospital he told me he had gone to a New Year’s Eve Party the night before even though he didn’t know whether she’d make it or not.
I knew he wasn’t human from that day forward.
Lost for words.
Is he still your husband?
Wow sweetie, I’m so sorry that happened. You do win the award for being married to the biggest asshole narc of all! Hope you’re free, xo
OMG! I hope you left him that was horrible! I am so sorry!😢
Inhumane. Many years ago, my daughter was premature and was sent home from the hospital after a long stay, on a heart monitor, at 4 pounds. It was extremely cold in the house and the narc prevented me from turning on the heat--I think he wanted her to get sick and die. He didn't care. He was a wicked monster! I left him soon thereafter.
I am literally watching this in tears.... over the past 5 years I’ve been in hospital 3 times... I actually began to think it was normal not to have any help after the procedures. I know it was only minor, but on my way home after an injection for a frozen shoulder, I texted the ex and I got the reply.. “glad it went well... keep me posted”. As I said, it was a minor procedure but boy is it painful. That was my tipping point....and when I was making dinner one handed, I knew I had to leave. I have never looked back. I feel happier and healthier... Thankyou for your posts! I really appreciate them on this recovery journey.
I hear you. Anytime I had surgeries, he just dropped me off at hospital door, wouldn’t come in with me b/c he didn’t want to pay for parking. Never came to see me, never brought me home from hosp, my SIL did. Never looked after me when I got home, particularly after a full hysterectomy - I had to make my own food, look after myself & he was junk yard dog mean to me. I finally drove 6 hrs to my parents when I wasn’t supposed to be driving to get away from him & have someone look after me.
At least yours sent you a message, asking how it went, mine : was like oh why u didnt go to work, whats wrong, when actually I was crying and sick in bed for days. And the fact that I have to cook and clean even tho Im sick
Thank you! This is what I'm living with, and I'm tired of it. I've been married to one for 46 years.
I was married to one 45years .All narcs should be given there own medicine or they should be blown up by a bomb.
I get you. Did you not get any bad feeling of it before the wedding?Do they hide it , or is being in love blinding to reality?
Unfortunately I did get red flags before we got married but ignored them when children arrive that is when they get jealous and show their true selves Anen and Amen
Just got out of a 7 year marriage to one. I cant imagine 46 years with this person. GET OUT!
I experienced this, in the hospital for a week and heard him tell our kids I was using the emergency surgery as an excuse to be lazy.
Oh no. I'm sorry you went through that, and at the same time, it sounds like a typical narc response 😔
I ecperienced it more than six months ago. Sadly. He was ashamed of me, trued to pretend that he care and when at certain moment he could not pretend any more, just walked away when I was afther surgery.Completely broken, physically and emotionally.One of the profoundest life experiences for me.The sadest one but the best lesson ever.To recognise better for the future with whom not to deal with at any cost.
Wow! What a brute!
I had a torn placenta at 36 weeks, the agony was excusiating. He told me distainfully that I had no resistance to pain
Dawns Delights Art Me too, me too. You didn’t deserve that.
This video is hitting me really hard. That’s exactly what happened in my marriage. I had cancer in 2001, and then developed disabling chronic pain in 2006. He didn’t leave, and was outwardly supportive. My disability ruined our lives, according to him, He constantly made me feel guilty, and eventually was living a double life with a co-worker. God forbid I ever asked him to door or get something for me. He’d make food for himself and completely ignore me. He eventually left once our son graduated high school, and it was crystal clear that I was never going to get better. I’m still recovering from all of this. These videos are so helpful.
We were on vacation when I got sick and he acted mad, like I was ruining the vacation. Which made me feel 10x worse. Never offered any assistance at all and hardly talked to me at all. They don't know they do it because they only care about themselves.
Had the same thing happen to me with ex-hubs. We went on a cruise for his birthday/our anniversary and I came down with full-body hives (found out I had Celiac Disease). He told me that I ruined our trip and why couldn't I just deal with it? I was literally covered in hives and he wouldn't even take me to the ER for 3 days! I was secretly very happy when he finally left me, even though I had to end up getting a bankruptcy because of being abandoned without enough income to make ends meet.
Mine did the same thing. I got sick on vacation, my stomach because I had eaten food that I wasn't used to. He said I was traumatizing him and ruining our vacation. He said it was my fault because I'm on medications.
I had the same happen to me. He was complaining to doctors I was ruining his vacation
WOW. I’m speechless. You NAILED IT.
Thank you. I really feel, that Im overly sensitive now to any little negativity from others. It seems I cant be around anything negative anymore. I cant handle it.
Yes! Spot on! Sick and no food, death in the family, car trouble stranded on the road? Narcissist will never offer to assist or help because they just don't care about you. They will ignore your needs or that it ever happened. UNLESS: It is someone they are trying to impress or they are they think is important and they want to look like they care or to look like a good person. I asked a narc about his Aunt because he was doing home health care for her after she had a stroke. I wanted to see what he would say. I asked "So what made you want to take on the responsibility of caring for your Aunt?" He said "Well, I wanted her to THINK that I cared." ......Blew me away! Plus he had to live with her and didn't have to pay rent by doing this home health care on the side. It was more about pretending to care so he could stay rent free in her house that she paid for through her hard work. Sick F#!$#
Madame Tia wow omg
When my mom died.and my dad later my ex. wouldnt even go to hosp or funeral with me or comfort me . or anything . he jus acted like. everything was normal. Never even asked me if I was ok
Dealt with severe illness for many decades and my brother never there for me. Realized he is a narc and nothing to do with me.
Mine would actually get angry, not annoyed, angry. He would yell, cuss and glare at me like I had no right to be an ordinary human being.
Girl, I can relate. (Long gone, thankfully)
Amen, sista! My ex-husband told me to my face that he would put me in a nursing home if I ever got that kind of sick and I know that he meant it. 14 years divorced! Oh happy day!
I have endometriosis. During the last weeks of our relationship, I knew I was leaving and just didn't care anymore, so instead of toughing it out like I had done for 15 years, when my period hit I just went to bed and refused to get up to look after anyone else... which meant he had to cook. He was in full rage mode, broke 2 bowls and a glass by 'accident' and went from snapping to shouting... because I was done ignoring my pain to feed a grown man who had 2 arms 2 legs and presumably a heart beat.
2 weeks later he got a nail through his knee while resting at the other end of his run (truck driver) and the hospital there wanted to do day surgery to check for bone fragments. He refused, got in the truck and drove 13 hours back here, drove from the truck depot back to our house, and then called me while I was AT WORK to come take him to the hospital for the exact operation he should have accepted the day before.... I told him to catch a cab and hung up on him. He spent the next two weeks love bombing me and then wrote me a love letter about his fear that we may be drifting apart and how deeply he loved me.... I brought my exit plans forward and left the next day. No regrets.
I don't even want to think about it. Twice I have almost died because he convinced me I wasn't sick. His DAUGHTER had an anaphylactic reaction and I took her to the hospital in a rush... he wouldn't even drive 15 minutes to bring me my phone charger so I would be able to let him know if his child survived or not... because he was tired. His daughter was in emergency with an out of control allergic reaction, and he went to sleep because, and I quote, 'why should I have to deal with it, she's your daughter' (yes, she is biologically his and we had been together all 11 years of her life) and I just.... I don't know how or why I stayed so long. I really, really don't
Why do we stay so long? First we are brainwashed, then, we have invested so much into them. We think that they will eventually behave like a normal person. But guess what? They never do.
Really relieved that you left him as many people don't and it is utterly tragic. It is a million times better being alone than to be with a narcissist.
Hope you and your daughter are much better now and surrounded by love and kindness.
Good for you! You did what needed to be done for you and your daughter and got the heck out of there
I remember opening up to my ex that am struggling with depression and was suicidal,her reaction was that she also has her own issue to deal with and that I should man up and deal with my issue also.
With my depression getting worse and worse I was eventually discarded when I needed her most
She is totally heartless. I hope you're in a better place 💛
Just awfull 😢
Been there. Done that. NOT comforting or NOT being someones ROCK while they're sick or down is just unimaginable. Although this has been done to me, I could never see myself doing this to someone else. We ARE here to take care of each other. Period! Especially those that are close to us. We MUST nurture, protect, and take care of those who are unable. Whether it be temporary sickness, or permanent disability. I've looked after my 35 year old nephew who is mentally challenged since birth. He's lived with me forever and I love taking care of him. He brings me so much joy. I am grateful for the opportunity to cook, clean, and take him to doctor's visits. It is an honor before God, the Father Almighty. Thanks Christina. God bless you and yours.☺🙏👍
Hey dude another guitar playing you tuber fallen victim to a narc here bro X.
Heavy Joe Chipman what a joyful posting ! I took care of my mom during her last five years that coincided with my painful divorce . Those were great years . And she gave me encouragement . We became buddies and I was so grateful I didn’t have to place her in a facility . I still miss her . She took care of me and I was lucky my ex paid alimony for four years and I could afford to take off, from work. My ex divorced me for the OW AND MY HEART was broken .
I WISH you were my mom! I'm a disabled adult and she uses that as a power move. If I don't get well soon, I will be leaving this evil world!
@@lisabuckner243 I'm writing this just after taking my 73 year old, disabled mother(who abused me my entire childhood-and then some) to the bathroom. She's been a narcissistic mother, favoring my golden-child, narcissist brother, our whole lives, yet I, the blacksheep/scapegoat am the one of two sons, who is now taking care of her. I don't do any of it for her or me. I do it for Father God almighty. Lisa, I wish for you NOT to leave the world yet. I wish better for you dear. Am gonna include you in my prayers a while. You watch and see, God will intervene and improve your life very soon. We can count on HIM....ALWAYS. Wishing you all of God's love, peace, and blessings from Texas.💜🙏☺👍
I'm still trying to figure out exactly how me catching the flu was just me being selfish.
Steve Rey Don’t try. You can’t understand crazy.
Steve.... don’t even try to work it out. Please don’t even waste your time. You can’t work out the logic in illogical!
And I was beaten up
Broken ribs ?
Bc HE is the SELFISH ONE!
You should have sneezed on him !! 🤣 Then tell him the Same when HE got YOUR flu! Lol. My bad! I dont feel sorry for NARCS or selfish ppl in general!
@@bougiefever
Absolutely! And you can't FIX crazy either! 🤷♀️
After a serious “accident’ (that I still question- 5 broken ribs and two brain bleeds in intensive care, but that’s another story), my narc ex spent an inordinate amount of time buying a used hospital tray table while I was in intensive care ALONE. He sent photos of the hospital table to family and friends, to show what a “good husband” he was. A table that I did NOT NEED. He had no clue nor did he care what I really needed. It was all about HIM. “Oh, what a good boy am I.” Made himself the center of attention. Applause, applause was what he needed. And he got it. As I struggled for weeks to recover. Alone.Left him soon thereafter.
Zippy Doo Yes, every gift was pointed out, LOOK WHAT I GOT HER!
Oof. Sorry to hear your story. You deserve someone who will love and care for you.
It’s just bizarre how lonely you can feel when you’re with a narc. I’ve never felt more alone in my life than when I was with my narc ex. I’m so happy you’re away from your ex narc!!
I know someone who has autism and is inadvertently narcissistic who behaves like this
My mom would always get angry at me when I was sick as a child. And now I keep finding partners who argue with me when I’m sick and don’t do anything to look after me. They’re everywhere 🤢
Be careful on the beginning..lovebombing. Tell them to slow down. They don't like it and they change . They will pull back. Leave them - they try to make you addicted that attention. Leave. Also Learn to love yourself. Put your needs and wants first. Learn psychology. Became whole. Then- everything else will follow.🙂😍 Good luck 🤗
Same. My mother would get mad when I was sick as a child. Even as a young child, I could sense it. Like it was a burden on her. As I got older, she would make comments more.
So very true. I learned this when I was pregnant. I get terrible “morning” sickness (hyperemesis gravidarium) and would throw up multiple times a day and couldn’t eat on top of it due to nausea. When I would talk about it he would say that he never saw me sick and would criticize me for having negative energy even though it was just me agonizing in pain. 😕
When I had post natal depression after having twins at twenty years old and asked for help he told the nurse that there was nothing wrong with me and I should get on with it.
The nurse told me off for wasting her time. The care I gave them was not good enough because this.
Hope you booted the b......d out
@@arlenemichael3298I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope that you’ve gotten help and know that it was never your fault 🙏🏽🥰
It's interesting. It sounds like they're threatened with the possibility that they have to show empathy and that's not a place they can go.
I should have known my new gf was a narcissist when I was laid out in bed sick for three days and she said to me, as if I were making it up, " you don't look sick". Things like this have taught me that how a person treats me tells me who they are. And as Maya Angelou said "When people show you who they are, believe them".
Well said!
That had me done ✔️ I recently wAs diagnosed with Covid 19 do you know I had to argue with him .. to just to go to the hospital because he said I didn’t look sick 😷 or because I didn’t have a fever even though I knew something wasn’t right because I hardly ever get sick my immune system is pretty strong !!! Such a mind fuck
Can relate to this my ex alluded that I was faking my depression and even laughed it off ..That left me broken and suicidal
@@RobinsonKambi 💙🙏
Oh my gosh, my ex would always accuse me of pretending. When I miscarried and was still sad a week later, he accused me of MAKING MYSELF SAD! Cutting him loose was the best move I could have made. He felt child support was a personal attack on him and he took off, leaving me with two small children. We struggled and went without for a long time. But I was honestly grateful that he was not around.
All the things my narcissistic mother put me through and her flying monkeys eventually will come back to them, everything you said is so on point, thank you for educating others on this hidden abuse that is so hard for others to believe.
I'm sorry that it happened to you. When I get sick, my family will get angry with me. I will struggle to get myself back up every day.
This is spot on! I have seen all those situations so many times, incredible and heartbreaking. You are dealing with cold blooded people. So devastating. Thank you.
My mother and my ex used to do all of this. What an awful thing to do to someone.
This reminds me though they see your accomplishments in the same way... like it's a nuisance to them... like you are trying to destroy them by being good at something..
Just diagnosed with a 1 in a million rare muscle disease that rips muscles and can break bone, my mother, "If you didn't complain so much, people would WANT to help you!" This video helped me so much, she leaves the room whenever I have attacks and can't reach my meds, or my oxygen crashes. Now I know why.
0% Empathy. Thank goodness for my sons and husband!
im sorry. That’s wrong for a Mother. Truly wrong
Omg 🫂 I just got diagnosed with lupus. My mom said "your not dying for f@#£s sake'.
I feel you! Ughh just learning! It’s my mother as well!
i was diagnosed with an autoimmune illness many years ago. When my mother found out, she called and left a voice mail: She is sick too and even MORE sick than me !!! SO WHAT !!! YOU don't have cancer !!! (it was a long message...these were the main points in the message) I never complain to her, as she sees it as a "competition" : yes you are sick, but im even more sick !! She really does not make a good mother. She tries to "one up" people in everything.
My mother criticized my sister when she was complaining of stomach pain. She was in final stages of stomach cancer.
Yes. Heaven forbid you are not able or willing to cater to their every whim when you’re having a tough time. They will not bother to offer to be a support to you. It’s like they won’t bother with you until you can be useful to them again. This is so painful especially when dealing with family who’s supposed to care. 😢
So well said " empathy is one of the things that make us human...."
There's also them "faking" taking good care of you while they cheat on you, lie to you and and steal from you. I had that happen. Narky seemed one caring way but was actually a diabolical nother.
Richard Wilson oh, they know. They just think it’s perfectly normal and you’re being inconvenient
Hi Richard, exactly. My ex narcissist was like that. Everyone thought he was great, but he was awful at home. Took me a long time to get rid of him, as I was sort of brainwashed and thought I couldn't manage on my own, but I have done sooo! much in the years since leaving. Best wishes.
The night I conceived by daughter my husband wanted to spend the evening with friends camping..late planning I know. Later I found out a woman went with them and my hubby was kissing her. I only found this out many years later. He was always flirting and sleeping around. A week after my son was born he went 300 miles away to a spiritual retreat!! I was supposed to understand how important this was to him. I had a birth injury and was on my own with a baby who cried and never slept and a 3 year old. He did this all the time. I could never count on him. Yet I was supposed to understand how important 3 weeks of being away with no contact was because it was a "spiritual event". Lots of girls there too for him. Man was I ever stupid to stay so long..25 years.
I have severe endometriosis during my periods and occasionally after intercourse it can be super discomforting and arresting. In the middle of the night, that person very well knows of my health situation, I gently tried to wake the narc I was dealing with to ask for painkillers bc I wasn’t at my house. He kept saying
“it’s sleepy time” and then in the morning when I lightheartedly told him how he acted (I thought in my head it was only unusual and maybe even funny at the time) he told me to “toughen up” joked about how it’s a “made up chick disease do I just want more sympathy” and that he “didn’t even know what I was saying” when he dismissed me in his sleep
RED FLAG!
"Made-up chick disease?" Please. If he had a condition instead, i doubt that he'd appreciate the same type of comment.
Wow!!! I’m reading these comments and wow. Dealing with them is hard.
mine told me in his sleep, “I’ll do it later.”. He knew to future fake me in his sleep! I’m chronically ill and doing much better w out him. He of course made up all these fake illnesses I have that disable me from being a good mom in the court filings. The sad thing is chronically ill people are perfect targets for abusers.
I have the same problem with my periods.... Deff. Not made up... What an a**hole.
My mom was the you're sick to spite me and I don't want to deal with you narcissist. I either had to suffer in my room by myself with no exposure to anyone and no one bringing me care, be out with my mom criticizing me and making sure I know I'm unwelcome, or learn how to look and behave as if nothing is wrong. My first boyfriend and his family taught me what it was like to be loved and cared for when sick or suffering from a period. I'm so grateful. It was like heaven touched me for the first time.
Sending you a big hug.
I LOVE that you covered this. It only reinforces what I am/have experienced.
I have thought about this subject often through my marriage. I took total care and pampered my wife when she even had just a cold. When she had complications post-birth of my youngest daughter, I was there by her side until she healed. Any comfort she needed. Waited on her hand and foot. Because that is love.
When I just get the flu, she would just get irritated because she felt I was being lazy.
About a year ago, I did some remodeling work for an elderly lady who was taking care of her husband who had advanced Alzheimer's. She was patient and kind with him while I was there, even though he struggled just doing everyday things. It made a huge impression on me as to what true love really is.
I contrasted that with how uncaring my wife is to me when I have a cold or flu.
This really made me think of what my life would look life if something unfortunate would happen to me.
I brought it up to her, and said that if I couldn't take care of myself, that she would probably just dump me in the cheapest nursing home she could find.
She responded: "Don't worry... [our middle daughter] would take care of you." And was only half-joking.
Being married to a Narcissist is heart and soul crushing. Especially who was raised with a traditional, work-it-out idea of love and relationships.
You are so right. They have zero empathy.
So true! I was in the hospital with our infant son who had stopped breathing and he couldn’t be bothered. 2 years later I was in the hospital on oxygen and even after a week of being in the hospital on oxygen he acted like I was pretending to have the asthma attack that got me there. My health deteriorated when we were together. But the second we started the divorce process, which btw happened when he filed while I was in the hospital... I got so much healthier. My advice for someone in these situations who struggles with health issues.... leave and don’t look back!
I was really sick during the car ride home from a trip with my ex narc. He told me I was boring and wasn’t giving him attention. I couldn’t believe my ears. He didn’t even care I was feeling so ill. Major red flag.
Adeline Tyler that is sick! I’m sorry 😐. I remember my mom finding me crying hysterically at 15 years old at the kitchen table. I had just read in the paper a friend of mine was hit by a train and died. I knew him since the 4th grade and was in hS with him. Not close, but talked on occasion. It was devastating. She literally yelled, “ what is wrong with you?!!!” I told her and she yelled, “ I never even heard of this boy before!!” Like that even mattered. Not one bit of consoling me. I was a nuisance to bother her with such a thing and it turned about her because she didn’t know him. These videos sure bring back plenty of bad memories. 😢
My Narc dropped me off at the front door of the emergency room door, and left. He didn’t want to waste his day off.
He sounds like a real Prince. I guess he thinks you should be lucky he even took time out of his busy day to drop you off.
Did he even come to a full stop, or did he just slow down?
I have a similar story. My "best friend" offered to have her husband drop me off and pick me up when I had to have an outpatient D&C.
@@merebrillante Wow! Must be twins with Kimberly Bradshaw's narcissist. Another Prince in Training. Woohoo.
Kimberley Bradshaw wow hope he’s gone!
I am scared of this. Thank you for this video. I just got breast cancer, and I'm scared I will see this after surgery tomorrow. I'm saving this video.
Just got diagnosed with malignant Cancer . Narc Wife said , "Stop playing the victim ,its not a big deal ,other people deal with it so deal with it ". She then left the house and went drinking with her friends .So horrible . I'm finally filing for divorce and have gone complete grey rock and / no contact as much as possible while still in the same house . Toxic hurtful abusive behavior that I will never tolerate .
Same. Always knew if I got sick or ran out of energy she would be out the door in a heart beat. Happened just like that. Took 6 months to recover, but was a great lesson.
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
Have you ever gotten sick around a narcissist? If so, I'm sorry you had to deal with that! What has your experience been like?
Common Ego And I agree about tactics I was specifically told “What do you want? Find somewhere else then others need this more than you!” “I wish I had that I need that!” “Oh I was told you wanted to be called Bro.. “
Just trying to hurt me or at least antagonize so badly.
I just thought to reach out to you to show groups of people who have stigma including “homeless” happens because of people who feel entitled (Narcissism, etc) to have control over resources overly and we can bridge gaps by harmonizing hearts one beat at a time about this awareness
Ninjas! Speak with our hands!! 😋
Lack of resources isn’t the issue. Accessibility is! I had 1876 dollars for that month when I entered in there and I could have went about my way and got WiFi at a hotel and reestablished myself (from being resilient alongside resourceful) but I was lied to to sign whichever and I’m smart when I sign
I ask and take pictures of any discrepancies and was told I have two weeks upon inspection and a discussion if the area is working out for me
Long story short no move in inspection happened which was a breach though was led on with some story a week then another week then used for babysitting until they found one for their facility because I’m a kid whisperer apparently an babysat over 1,000 hours and not paid
Well yeah I’ll save it for the video just you see the narcissist empty promise thing going on right?
Well I acted on those promises where my life is and has been threatened and it’s enforceable by legal standard and well..
Thank you for providing videos for me to choose to watch and stay grounded
Seriously, stay great! ❤️
Psst.. *whispers* My birthday is Monday! Shout out to meeee lol No money needed
Common Ego = Pricele$$ !! 🤓
(And yes I was sick from no hot water and taking cold showers) 🍫 That works as well you owe me chocolate lol
In my experience they became sicker then you immediately.
Common Ego Oh! Before I head off like maybe you can do a video of the same question but like getting sick around a narcissist from their energy..
If that makes sense. I’ve experienced all that before too. You deserve better as well
That’s why the community! We got you! ❤️
I’ll be around (Dream sweet!)
I knew within the first 3 months but still stayed for five years not knowing his disorder. He's always sicker than me and I am always last on his priority list. I finally started talking to other people to start dating again. I thank God that you have made these clips to help me and others avoid another bad relationship.
I think they know full well that they are hurting us, they act oblivious but they want you to feel abandoned and distraught. It is yummy delicious supply to see that pain. They are so vile and wretched . Escape away if you can.
Wow, really brings back the time in 2002 when I was in a car accident (massive trauma, ended up in a coma for 12 hours and in a wheelchair for 6 weeks at 20 years old), and when I got home from the hospital....my mom demanded I stop thinking of myself and look at how this has affected HER. That she was scared, traumatized, having to take care of me, etc, etc. I was blown away by the harshness of it all...the silliness of making a 20 year old girl, who was trying her hardest not to be a burden already, having to then also show no emotions like pain, anger, or frustration. Instead, I had to focus on not "overburdening" my mother emotionally.
I am so glad I watched this video. I have known for a long time that my mom had "signs" of narcissistic behavior, but this video showed to me just how blatant and terrible the abuse really is. Now the question is, how to figure out my escape. Since the car accident, I haven't really been able to make ends meet on my own, and I am still living with her. Mostly, she has worked to convince me over all this time that I am still disabled (and constantly tries to get me to apply for disability, even though I am not disabled and have been rejected 4 times by SSI because I can still physically and mentally work). She is elderly and that's why I felt like it is good that I'm around, but I am coming to realize that it is time for one of my 3 siblings to take on the job for awhile, so I can get out of this environment.
None of your siblings should have to be in that situation either
Sometimes you're circumstances are very difficult to describe and express, due to the level of gaslighting and the narcissist making you doubt yourself all the time. These clever therapists are exceptionally helpful and amazing in helping you recognise your truth & reality
Thank you so much!
My ex would text a one liner "feel better" and would ghost me for days
No empathy at all smh
Phoebe Nero, I wish my ex-wife had merely left me alone when sick. That would at least have been tolerable. I can take care of myself. But ex-wife used to get pissed off when I was sick and force me to do laundry, dishes, and chores.
Phoebe Nero sounds about right....x
Yep me too
Phoebe Nero yup mine just took off when I was sick yet never left my house when HE was sick..he didnt like being alone and vulnerable, but when I got sick he literally told me he didnt want to get sick and just took off. This made me feel so horrible.! It’s so cruel and hurts so much😢
Yes
Excellent teaching! When I was deathly ill the N in my life literally packed up and moved to another town within 3 weeks. Literally did not care if I lived or died - I was suddenly of no use to them. I was shocked; i was left broken financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. ... that was 5 years ago. Ha! The best thing that ever happened to me!!!! I recovered over the past 5 yrs and am now better than ever. Yahoo. ❤ .... PS I learned what a narcissist is, how I was used, verbally abused, and received "the big discard" . It was a real eye opener and learning experience. Now I have honed my radar and am on the lookout for their kind. They are everywhere: work, church, family. Some are overt N , but the most dangerous are the covert N like mine. Covert N fools most people most if the time, and often you cannot detect the "real" them until you are up close and personal, or behind closed doors!!! Very scary to realize many people are deceivers and not who they appear: they are like academy award winning actors & actresses. Creepy.
Jeanette Redden, Yes, they are creepy and deceptive. Unfortunately, I have come to believe that upon meeting a new person, it's a good idea to have a few tests in your toolkit, and regularly use these tests to be certain who you're dealing with. Then if they are okay, you can stop the tests. A very old and wise woman once said to me, "If you are thinking of getting married, try to make sure that you experience this person's behavior under as many different circumstances as possible before saying "I do".
@Katrina M, You might only have to use a test if a person you just met seems to be wanting to create a power imbalance. For myself, I've had to try not to be paranoid and think everyone is out to exploit my tendency to give others the benefit of the doubt when they overstep, or take liberties that I didn't offer them. Such as borrowing without asking, and saying, "I knew you wouldn't mind." I've learned that it's important to say, "Actually, it's not that I mind you using it, but next time, ASK me first, and don't make assumptions like that!" Being too passive is what always got me into hot water. I resented being pressed into the position of having to be the one to draw a line. I'm not confrontational, but you see, they love that! One of them even said to me, "I'll press on as long as I'm not stopped. With you, I never know if there's a limit." I was dumbfounded, because I thought to myself, doesn't she have any breeding? Did she ever learn any manners? The answer was, she knew manners, but they weren't important to her if using them stood in her way of getting what she wanted. Beware of people who want to pull you into their life and all their interests, but won't come into YOUR world. That's an easy, and non confrontational test. Invite them to go with you to your favorite restaurant. Or get involved in your club or charity. Or anything that's about you and not them. Beware of an older person who wants to put themselves in the position of being your mentor if you haven't asked them to. If a person offers you their cast offs, return the favor and offer them YOUR cast offs of a similar "value", and see if they're willing to accept them. So, in general, I would just say, be willing to turn the tables when you need to test out whether or not they're trying to impose a power imbalance. It's an art that takes time to learn, because you also don't want to unfairly accuse someone in your mind, if they do only one of these things that could be innocent. It can take some time before you should give too much trust, and just watch out for patterns of troublesome behavior. Don't be afraid to distance yourself before you become too enmeshed, because they can be persistent if they think they can dominate you, manipulate you and use you to their benefit. I hope this helps. Stay safe out there!
When I was diagnosed with aggressive stage 3b lung cancer my partner initially suggested I was making it up for sympathy or attention. Next he rambled on and on about his friend's poor girlfriend who had coincidentally been diagnosed with MS the same day and could die at any moment. She is still quite healthy and vibrant 2 years later. Yet, he minimized my illness. Then it became all about him. What would he do "when" I died. Who would take care of him? I refused to see him after that because I simply didnt have the strength to deal with his insecurities and jealousy or be around his negativity while I was literally fighting for my life. I had to face surgery and my own mortality alone.
This really breaks my heart I'm about to go through the same thing several surgeries my hemoglobin was 6.4 had to have three blood transfusions now I'm having to go through several surgeries I'm terrified friend always Wendy I understand if anyone else in the world don't I do it really saddens me to the point I am about to cry
It's terrible! But oh so familiar!
Good bless you!! Congrats on moving on while dealing with so much I hope this finds you healthy and happy!!?
I am in same mode ...to dick weak an broke to make the break.....my husband sounds exactly as you described yours, def sucks. Blessings to you.... and all dealing with this insane struggle!!🙏❤🌸
Being accused of getting sick to get some attention... I Heard that One Bulls..t too. Psycologic manipulation has ni end. Until you LEAVE. Thats the only solution. Save your own...
Happened to me not when I'm sick but abnormally crazily busy while griefing and need his support. This is totally on point! He does not have empathy at all and not only ignored and distanced himself from me. I mean, not even emotional support, or even verbal affection! Instead, he went completely disappeared then came back like normal again when he thought of me again. So cold that I suspected he is not human...
The one in my life always denied that I was sick, always took it as a fake. Even when doctors have diagnosed serious illness, they considered it as me just trying to get out of work.
The narcissistic family in my life completely abandoned me when I had experienced profound grief...I am adopted and my biological mother had died, and two of my three adoptive siblings (they're all biological children of my adoptive parents) almost completely ignored it. That's when I realized that they had never so much as asked for my mailing address in all the twelve years we've lived apart. Never. No exaggeration. Despite all the cards and gifts I'd sent the family, especially the children (my nieces and nephews).
They don't notice. It's not them, not their grief, not their sorrow.
Now, I want them out of my life. They won't notice this, either. That's okay. I have learned this lesson.
Im so sorry Holly...people..no matter who can let you down...I always rely on the Lord to "never leave me nor foresake me". Knowing this has definately been my saving grace. I thank him in my prayers for this promise because I have also experienced many similarities as you. It's heartbreaking I know. Stay strong Holly.
I had a major similar experience while I was expected to die of cancer AND all were told I would never walk out of the hospital. I was very very sick. I walked out of the hospital yay BUT everyone bailed on me. I tried to never ever act a burden I was fortunate I had an aid and a visiting nurse our Creator but it also took a wonderful Good Samaritan. Or I would not have managed to get somewhat stable. But after a number of years I am very sick again. I had just gone on without my support system of everyone I loved so much. I am guessing I had some nerve to have gotten so sick. I went to all treatments for years all alone. I managed but it was so traumatizing coming to the realization that family and spiritual family just wished you had never been born never mind just walking out of the hospital. I could go into detail but just cannot. I had always all of my life tried so damn hard but then finally found out it was never ever to be good enough.
I got sick, really sick, and realized quickly that my so and most of the people in my life (besides my mom and my kids) were narcs. I don’t have value anymore and they disappeared.
I have noticed these things. Like it's a competition. So weird.
Farr that’s some crazy sh!+ isn’t it,everything’s a competition with these demons.
YESSS! Your 4th point is what I have encountered the most too!! Narcs feeling inconvenienced when you are struggling (with illness or in life) AND them determining you are malingering illness for attention. Appalling lack of empathy and self-serving behaviour.
It's kind of a relief to hear this. I am not alone. Whenever I got sick my mother would have a tantrum, accusing me of faking and threatening to have me committed...🤦🏻♀
My mother brought me to a psychiatric hospital when I needed gallbladder surgery.( Later, I found out that I had an extreme amount of inflammation to the point that it made the surgery incredibly difficult, as well.) No history of psychiatric illness hospitalization or disability. I was having trouble eating and I was doubled over in pain but she insisted that it was mental despite that medical tests proved I had a lot of gallstones. She then impersonated me and unenrolled me in my primary care physician so I didn't receive any of my usual medication which made me dangerously ill. I was transferred to the medical ward soon after they abruptly discontinued them causing a painful, debilitating and potentially fatal condition called Akathisia. I
went no contact after years of suffering but I didn't get an order of protection (because I was so sick and weak) which was a huge mistake. I was also too ill to sue the hospital. Their unethical & criminal behavior almost killed me and I am still suffering to this day. 😞
Beware. Some of these toxic people purposely make people extremely sick in order to control you and/or because of their sadistic nature.
My mom on the other hand she "welcomes non life threatening sickness" on us and on herself because our sickness and her sickness will bring her the "supplies" she needs. She will call her narcissist people play victim, brag or depending saying that we are all sick or how sick she is. Now if she's sick herself. Oh wow she will be using her victim card 300% more and she loves to "prolong" her illness. You see everybody will recover but not her. She will say sick and ill. She refuse to take medicine and ONLY drinking her herbal roots or herbal leafs which does not work.
One of the major things that finally made me realize I was in a bad relationship was when my health went downhill a little. After so much time taking care of HIM, I had to start taking care of myself. And he hated it. He said I was blowing things all out of proportion, and my restrictive new diet was just SO inconvenient for him. It wasn't the only thing, but that was a serious wake up call.
RoseThePhoenix I used to be really fit. Later on in our relationship I started to gain weight due to the massive stress and the birth of our 2 children. When I tried to get back to the gym, he would not let me leave the babies. I could only leave the kids to go to work to make money but he would have a fit about the gym. When the kids were older, I tried to get back to the gym and when I’d come home he’d sabotage by being mean to the kids and they’d beg me not to go to the gym. So i started to diet and he would complain about buying healthy food and bring home Dairy Queen to sabotage. When I lost 22 lbs by sticking to my diet, he ignored me and would only grunt at me when I excitedly reported my weight loss along the way. He punished me by refusing to sleep with me to the point that he moved into the spare room and never came back to our martial bed (1.5yrs). I was done! When I asked for a divorce, he acted surprised and quickly became the victim to anyone who’d listen. What a looser.
Yes,6 months ago for me..words were like a slap.Half through exit plan..so excited.Its gonna be $ tough but better than this shit.I love me more.
Wait til they get sick and need you though, totally flipped around then.
Exactly! ❤🙏
@@CommonEgo Call me naive...but would an empathic person do that? They're true to their nature, and would do the 'right' thing for their partner. We do truly love our narc partners, and since we're ALWAYS in 'proving it' mode, take the very best care of them we possibly can...it's what we do.
Maybe I should frame this statement in 'past tense', since we all know better now, and stay away from narcs. ;-P Detect early, and detect often. LoL
How about show them a little taste of their own medicine...we cannot waste our empathy with callousness.
@@ThangNguyen-kk1wh Then the discarding comes right after that since they no longer see you as their supply.
I think a better thing is to leave. What is the difference between you and a narc if you behave exactly like them?
Yep, this is totally my parents. I recently found out I likely had pneumonia when I was 8 because of the scarring on my lungs, but my parents at the time totally ignored I was sick and refused to take me to the doctor even though we had insurance. At my lowest point in life, I was so sick/disabled for several months and I couldn't work. They refused to help me buy food even when I begged and had nothing. I will never forget that.
They also will act as though I'm faking and rediculous and convince other people in the family that I am over reacting about a condition and don't have it even when it is proven I have a condition by specialists.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
Seriously very sick they are😤🙄
So sorry I really feel for you.
Your family did that to you... Seriously🙁
My family did the same thing to me never lifted a finger when I was kid living at home if I got sick that was just tough on me. I remember once I fainted while I was ironing my clothes for school and the iron tip hit me in the forehead and my mother kicked me and said I was just faking it to get out of going to school with blood gushing all over the place. When I was older and I had pneumonia back in the 1980’s when Dr still made house calls my mother made me take out my checkbook and pay the
Dr and I literally spent my last dollar on it. Also at 13 I had to go to work and buy my clothes and even pay for all my own food in the house. You know what ???? I’m very empathetic and I like to think I’m kind and truly what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Of course I married a narcissist,,, you just can’t make this stuff up.
This is all so fascinating. You are so on point it feels like you've been a fly in the room watching everything transpire. The example you gave about being ill and the narc going out to get a burger and not considering his/her partner was exactly my experience. He even came back to our hotel room after eating his burger and talked about his meal while I still lay there sick and hungry, then got into bed and went to sleep.
I was diagnosed with a potentially very deadly cancer. My narcissistic family member tried to claim I was less ill than them and that they had more complex medical needs than myself which was demonstrably untrue. It's when I realised that they were covert narcissists who would never be able to care for me in a complex way. It was very traumatic to lose my sense of family that way but it also set me free from feeling ashamed for not showing up more for them because I was so ill.
You really nailed this one. Almost everything you said, he did, while I was bedridden for six long weeks. I started to restrict water because I couldn’t get out of bed on my own to use the bathroom. He spent hours outside mowing the large yard, front and back, and who knows what else out there. I could hear him come in to get a drink of water or a quick snack, then right outside again. It’s like he wished I’d just disappear because I was too much of a bother. He looked in on me when HE was ready, not when I needed him to, even when I asked he check in more often. Narcs are sooooooo self centered.
Years earlier, after some abdominal surgery, he helped me onto the toilet, then promptly forgot I was in there. Sheesh.
Renee C are you still with him?
I experienced raging, excruciating eye infection in the middle of the night and ask him to drive me to the emergency room. He said no, I have to work tomorrow. My vision was impaired and was forced to drive myself.
So sorry that happened to you
😡
My ex left me alone to have skin cancer removed from my face the day after Christmas. I asked him to please come with me and he said he had to visit his dad (in another state). I was devastated. Thank God for my friends
I hope you let him go! You are worth so much more!
@@madametia5379Thank you, I did! Two years ago.
So many narcs ! Our society is more and more full of people who don't care about others. It is the way kids are educated, to not get involved, to not ask "are you ok" ? when they see ppl in distress, and covid boosted this narcissism, we were forced to avoid sick people!!!!
I fell down a steep flight of stairs when I was 6 months pregnant. I landed on my coccyx and couldn’t get up. He was about 10 steps away on the couch and wouldn’t come help me. He said he had “back pain” and needed to relax. My 4 and 7year old had to come help me crawl up the stairs to lay down and call my dr.