I was in an abusive relationship, yes I'm a guy. I was a young medic and 100% should have known better. Even now I continue a lot of that denial. I have never opened up about any of this. It wasn't physically abusive, but she did grab my steering wheel several times. We had the police called on us a few times. Problem was, I worked with them and it was too easy for me to say everything was fine. She would scream at the top of her lungs for hours, she would hurt herself and blame me. Its disgusting how people can manipulate you and I'm still ashamed about it to this day some 30 years later. I was lucky to get away and it was not easy. I literally had to abandon her and run away leaving the town I worked in the middle of the night during a shift I work; sneaking away because she was stalking where I worked. Thank God for the people I was working with that helped cover for me. This case hit me pretty hard, especially hearing the defenses expert witness today. Still processing it to be honest.
@@rotorfib8719 I’m so sorry you went through this. Thank god you had a support circle that was able to aid in your ability to leave the situation. Please make sure to be extra gentle with yourself while processing today’s trial. I hope you are living a healthy happy life. You deserve it 💜
@@rotorfib8719 I’m so sorry you had to learn about the prevalence of DV by way of living through it 💜 You sir, are a SURVIVOR and I will pray for your continued healing 🙏 You deserved so much better in life, we all did. I am so thankful you were able to get away and that you found support to achieve so during your time of need. The world needs more folks like that and I firmly believe that, if us fellow survivors can become those people who help another victim during their time of need, then perhaps some real and desperately needed change can happen. The Good Lord knows there are sooo many of us in number that we have the potential to bring our voices together so loud they cannot be ignored and will be heard. That can enable us to educate and impact a great number of sufferer’s out there by way of causing change in govt/laws surrounding DV as well as bringing understanding and awareness to the general public. I feel that must be done first before we can ever hope to make significant progress due to the fact the current laws are so clearly in favor of the abuser, as witnessed in this trial, that it only strengthens abusers and forces silence upon the victims due to retribution from the abuser and the uneducated justice system. It’s so convoluted and disheartening that nothing short of a massive movement will change it, I fear. 😞 Stay strong, have faith and keep moving forward sir, I applaud you! 💜🙏
I’m sorry you had to go through that abuse. I agree that she is definitely telling the truth. The type abuser he was in this case, he would never show his true colors in front of the public. People like him, I believe, are Narcissists and know how to manipulate everybody.
@@FloatingInSpace5702 thank you! I'm still a medic and I'm doing well! There is so much more to that story, i have a daughter and now a grand daughter.. will probably never be close to any of them tho.. i did fight to be with my daughter back than.. forced mom to have dna test and fought for visitation.. even more drama..drama right in the face of court appointed officials.. like omg i can't even begin.. but in the end her family had the bucks and the fancy lawyer. Now I'm just grateful I at least see updates on FB from my daughter.
There was a situation in Hinesville Ga less than a month ago where the female EMT followed or stalked her medic boyfriend by getting a job wherever he was working moved if he moved. She ended up kidnapping him with a gun and killing him and herself. She threatened suicide several times for her sympathy. He tried getting away from her for months until she ended it all.
She's describing my 10-year relationship almost exactly as I experienced it. Hearing her testimony is almost triggering because her experiences are so close to mine. Because of that I can't help but believe her. And for those asking why she stayed, why she invited him to join them for dinner or whatever why this why that, clearly those people have never experienced an abusive relationship, fortunately for them. There are lots of reasons why we do these things. And one of the biggest ones is to try to keep them happy, try to never make them upset, try to always keep them in a good mood. You never know what's going to happen if something triggers their rage. I finally worked up the courage to leave. The things I experienced the day I told him I was leaving almost scared me into staying. He promised me he was going to destroy my life and 2 years later he kidnapped our son. My fear of him doing that is the answer to the question of why we stay. That was my biggest fear, that or that he would kill me and sure enough, he made me pay for leaving just like he promised he would. And that is why so many of us stay. It's been 10 years since I left and he still makes my life hell. I have my son back, and in spite of having a permanent protective order, my son and I still live in fear of him and constantly have to try to make him happy and never upset him. And that's the reality for so many of us that leave. And it's also the reason why so many of us stay. Unless you've survived an abusive relationship, don't ask why. It's just really unfair and hurtful.
So glad you got out 💜 The thing I think these people are missing, is the power that fear has. I have (thankfully) never been in this situation, but know many women who have, and because of my personality, I was originally one of those "why" women. After seeing these relationships, I can see just what bone-chilling fear can do. There are those of us that can plow through the fear and GTFO, but there are others who cannot, and we don't have the right to judge those who can't. Men like that, don't find the women who ask the "why" questions, they prey on the ones who give people the benefit of the doubt, are people-pleasers, and do everything they can to make things work. THAT'S why. Your good nature was taken advantage of, and you didn't deserve any of what you went through. I just hope you and your son stay safe, and that karma comes hard for your ex.
Same...triggering me every whichway. In the end my ex is alive but he fucked me out of All my retirement after he kept his because I kept the real estate he kept his retirement. He filed bk making me lose all I worked for all my life
I might have put up with abuse, regardless of how subtle, but I never would have subjected my children to abuse. She did this by putting her through medical examinations! imo Hugs 🙃b
@@sashagabor76 I cried for hours. It just came flooding back all at once. What a nightmare. Prosecutor to persecutor, horrible to abuse someone while you’re accusing them of not being abused. Traumatized Ashley all over again. I’m ashamed of O’Donnell. I hope her family doesn’t suffer at her vile mouth. 😢
If a guy shot into the ceiling, punched my dog, etc, I would 100% be fearful for my own life and that of my unborn child. That's threatening behaviour. It's scary.
Context, my dear. This man was a grieving older widower when this manipulative, narcissistic, over-dramatic, pathologically-lying user and abuser came into his life. He made the same mistake many men in his position make, only this time, it cost him his life. He was always honest. She is the liar. She is the abuser.
You don't know, until you know! Before I found myself 9 years into an abusive relationship, I NEVER thought I would allow myself to endure abuse even 1 time.
He was a jerk but I believe Eva, who Ashley bullied and victimized, an orphan now. They left out everything that happened during their marriage, which was a huge mistake. What she did to Eva and the dancers who got stuck here & their lives ruined b/c she didn’t feel like doing it after all - she’s cruel and just as abusive. She wanted his money, and that’s it. He wanted a young, beautiful wife, and that’s it. They both are the worst!!! But I wouldn’t expect any less from people who met at a rally and fell “in love” bc they both loved fire arms and Trp. 🤢
His texts alone are huge red flags!! The terminology he used, over spiritualizing things, and violent language he used in texts …big red flags! And the fact he admitted to abusing animals and shooting gun in ceiling and throwing gun at her….all I needed to know to believe her!!
He didn't "over spiritualize" things. You never overheard their conversations and he was obviously referring to things she had told him. In addition, an abuser isolates their victim. Doug Benefield dropped Ashley off at her mother’s house per her request and she lived with her mother for almost a year before HE filed for divorce. He agreed to live separately even when she agreed to reconcile. He never physically beat her. His daughter testified she constantly complained to him but he never yelled at her. They exchanged over 250 friendly text messages in the two weeks prior to her killing him where she never expressed fear. His text messages routinely included Bible verses about love and the Lord and doing good being a good person etc. She kept his name even though she put her grandfather's maiden name on her daughter's birth certificate and never listed him as the father. She dragged him through family court with FIVE attempts at accusing him of domestic violence but not one judge found ANY accusations valid. When he was granted joint custody she decided to move to Maryland to a different jurisdiction to try there. It takes discernment and simple common sense to recognize that Ashley is a cunning manipulator, a pathological liar, a narcissistic user, and most likely a sociopath. She gunned down an innocent man who had the same issues as many older widowers who lose a beloved wife after many years, and Doug Benefield wanted to be part of his child’s life -- rightfully so -- even agreeing to move states and live separately. Nothing was ever enough for Ashley because she wanted complete control. She is a FIRST DEGREE murderer -- not a victim -- this execution was evidently planned well in advance as verified by the guns planted around the house. Why send Mommy and daughter out for a walk if you're afraid for your life of a man?
@@josephkerrigan733 There is so much information that has not been brought to light, and I don't understand why. I don't know if their hands are tied or what the issue is......But I am honestly concerned for Doug's daughter and family. Many (actually, most) social media commenters see through Ashley's charade, ao we can only hope that the jury will see her for what she truly is, too.
DV survivor here as well. My daughter's bio dad was SO manipulative! At one point, he had EVERYONE convinced I was the liar. Shame on LE for not taking her seriously- some of the blood is on their hands for not intervening before things escalated to this point!
LE constantly don't believe victims. I know of one lady that ended up murdered because the cops banned her and her family from calling the cops anymore on her boyfriend, and convicted them of being a 'nuisance'.
I was blown away by the victim shaming I witnessed in the chats today. The parallels between her story and mine 12 years ago with my ex husband is remarkable. I’m still healing from the traumatic, insidious effects of the Domestic Violence I suffered.
It's not victim shaming to share opinions that we don't believe her story. As a victim myself, this is just a way to claim that other POVs are victim blaming to make yourself feel better.
As someone who has not directly, I still laughed aloud at the comment that this is the appropriate time to call 911. Time moves differently with adrenaline and fear. Hindsight is 20/20. A phone is an immediate escalation, which she couldn't afford. There are so many reasons why the perfect moment to call 911 is only perfect because we're dissecting the event.
Remember that she was 24yr old girl and he was a 54yr old man.... She was imo def abused... Controlled... She was in fear... As she said constantly walking on egg shells.... I mean come on.. Even his own daughter admitted he shot his gun into the celling of the kitchen because he lost his temper in a rage... Then punched a hole in the wall... Then punched the dog in the face so hard he knocked the dog out... I mean holy shit that is terrifying... Imagine her being your own daughter alone in a house with a man acting that way.... are you really telling me that you wouldn't be in fear for your daughters life every damn minute they were together? She moved to another state to get away from him.... He followed her... Stalked her... Puts a tracker on her car without her permission..... Then he snaps once again while alone with just her... And finally goes even farther and hits her.... Corners her in the house... She runs into her room... He follows.... So she does what she has to do to survive. I believe her 100%
I called the cops once saying I was being abused he had pulled me in front of a huge book shelf then tipped it on me… he was over 6 feet I’m just over 5 feet tall.. the cops came and he said My Dad Was A Cop… and the camaraderie began.. they were ready to take me in not him.. I made them leave and told them to give him a ride home and locked my doors… he sabotaged my vehicle.. flattened all my tires that night when I thought they were all gone.. got educated and won’t have another in my life.. (but it took 2 narcissists to educate myself!!)
@@SandyKnauerMorganno but if you look at ppl's experiences the patterns emerge. Harassing, stalking - which comes down to not respecting boundaries. She didn't want him getting in touch, neither of them she said, and he says he's confused about that (through his lawyer) and mails her something anyway before it officially goes through. Look, if she's the crazy psycho liar ppl are saying, then give that b some space! Fight her in the courts, try to have contact and custody of your kid. I've not contacted family cuz they've made it clear they don't want to talk with me, there was no court order needed. But for ppl who believe they have a right to you, your body, control over how you dress and present yourself and who you interact with they show repeated patterns of behavior including tracking, stalking, slashing tires. It's like there is a manual somewhere they all read from.
As someone who has been repeatedly dismissed as manipulative and a faker while having genuine emotional reactions, I know just how confidently wrong the, "Just look at her, how could anybody fall for that," crowd can be. If I'm about to cry, my first panicked thought is about how to try to keep anybody from thinking I'm doing it on purpose, which just makes it worse. Crying for real gets me accused of faking, so I have to try to alter my behavior somehow in an attempt to avoid criticism. At this point, I prefer to hide if I can't stop myself from crying because I'm too afraid my reaction will be held against me.
That's so awful! I hate how some people think they can unilaterally declare the level of authenticity of other people's feelings! It's completely insane and unfair.
That's awful! I hate how some people think they can unilaterally declare the level of authenticity of other people's feelings! It's completely insane and unfair.
I work in EMS. It can take cops and us in the ambulance up to 10-15 mins sometimes to get to you depending on many factors. Dispatch will always ask if you can try and get away on your own because at best it will be 2 mins until a cop gets there and someone can do ALOT to you in 2 mins including k*ll you. 911 is there to aid you in your safety but not the sole thing that keeps you safe. YOU have to keep YOU SAFE whatever way you can!
As someone who grew up around DV, I'm very shocked by some of the comments made by the livestream chat. Why would anyone think that recording video/audio or calling the police when someone who just knocked you in the head and could easily kill might murder you in the next few seconds?? It is the most terrifying thing in the world to have someone who you think loves you turn on you like that you would 1000% go into survival mode. I believe her.
There is not usually evdence @ballen787 I had one photo of my bloody bitten nose..with cops in house and eggs thrown at my head dried yolks in my hair dishes and utensils all over floor, 1 of 3 cops believed me.. my bf is 17 yrs older. Acted like an elderly person and told cops I was a drunk.. they only had him leave for the night..I had to apologize and placate him after
I’ve changed my mind after seeing the defendant testify, her testimony was real, I felt her pain. Bless her for getting the courage to testify and confront her situation. Thx for covering this case Peter. I wanted to add one more thing-that the prosecutor treated her horribly by making her relive the event that she had to go through.
I give her credit for doing her job(hard one) to convict her, BUT the prosecutors attitude towards the way Ashley was speaking to her on cross. The prosecutor was condescending.
@@SunshineluverAs she should be. The prosecutor knows more than anyone what happened. Including the evidence that is inadmissible. So if the prosecutor knows in her heart who this person is, why shouldn’t she be condescending?
When my husband drank a lot, he would body check me. He would push me. He pushed me down after i had pelvic surgery. He's 6'5 I'm 5'3, just raising his voice, was terrifying. I did go to the authorities just to make a statement on record that things were escalating. It opened up a world of problems w CPS. But, it woke him up, and he stopped. One time we were arguing, he said, "Why don't you call the authorities?" All sarcastic... I said. .. "put your hands on me like that again, and i will." I have not had to again. Thank God . But, I can tell you this. Its easy to say, why didn't you leave? Why try to co parent? Its easy to stand outside and look in and say those things. When you're in it, you explain things away. You're overreacting. He was drinking. He was upset. Work is stressing him out, he doesn't mean it. Especially when they apologize after. AND These people (because women do this as much as men) see and can sense when we are forgiving, easy to intimidate and easy to persuade and they use it. They prey and play on us. And they are good at convincing us it won't happen again.
@@scrantonstrangler8301 he never apparently abused his first child correct? She went out of her way to get pregnant when he abused the animals and her correct? But then she immediately wanted to stop any right he has to the child before its born? She wanted a baby at any cost and her BPD mind wouldn't not share custody. She planned it no matter what kind of person he was, she's worse
One in 5 DV victims are men although few report due to the fear & shame. This documentary is very well done- a horrific case. th-cam.com/video/jz9CVFKRK6s/w-d-xo.html&si=Nlxm7xiNjyepXM94
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad you were able to have positive changes. I think ppl don't realize that ppl who let their emotions control them and be abusive look for those partners that will allow their boundaries to be crossed and accept apologies and come back. And so much of all this is subconscious. My parent is a narcissist (or at the least has many tendencies) and I easily lean towards using those strategies and techniques with my partner and kids but an learning and growing it's not the appropriate response just cuz my brain wants to do it. The silent treatment and leaving is my big problem go to. My other parent is the abused and through hearing about their parent I realize my grand parent was a narcissist so from birth my parent was exposed to that behavior and I think you either fight it and maybe have their traits or learn to submit to go along and make peace. So when my abusive parent found partners that wouldn't put up with such behaviors, they were called crazy or difficult. That parent broke up with my other parent to really see if that was the right person, pretty sure there was some sleeping around with other ppl during that time. Then cuz they kept thinking about my abused parent they came back and the abused parent took them back and married them. Every year they were told, ugh, I'm not sure we should be married. Finally that parent said ok, then leave. The talk of leaving stopped then. They are still together, things got real bad for a while and some of my siblings still don't talk to me. There was counseling and there has been some improvement, I think mostly through that abused parent living with me in a peaceful non toxic environment where they could be themselves and not called stupid, irrational, emotional, and felt invalidated. They know they always have a place here and we're both ready for that parent to live with me when old age and dementia makes them living together impossible again. I never saw physical abuse to a person, but walls and chairs and the explosive anger and fights and silent treatments and the emotional abuse was there. The abused parent will never divorce and they only left cuz they were forced out. I can't understand it in my being cuz I'm the opposite, but I understand it's their reality and reaction and even getting them to leave when it was bad to just visit me for a month was the hardest thing. Only being forced out did that parent work with me to get vehicles and bank accounts in their own name. And they understand and see the manipulation more. But I'm sure of a handful or more of ppl who have no clue about any of this and only know the outside perception of my parents and would say everything was fine and they didn't have problems and would be shocked to hear the truth and probably wouldn't believe me.
As a DV survivor, I understand her wanting to appease him and de-escalate things, pretend it’s ok and get herself settled. I took thousands of dollars in parking/tolls fines that weren’t mine from my ex, amongst other wild things in order not to aggravate him. When she talks about how he criticised how she looked etc, it all tracks with how they attempt to break you down and make you feel so small that you only rely on them. It all tracks for me. Statistics say that the most dangerous time for a DV victim in this situation is when you finally decide to leave, this often creates the largest escalation (it did in my case and with other women I connected with) and if you don’t have support around you it can become deadly. Very sad case for all involved.
First, he's complimenting you constantly and is obsessed with how hot he thinks you are, but once he has you, he starts demanding to know why you're dressing so slutty (in the same clothes you've always worn) and who you're making yourself up for because you should only want to attract him. He loves showing you off as his possession while simultaneously blaming you for attracting other men. Watching this and remembering what's out there is making me appreciate my husband even more than usual.
@@Jaci_G Yes yes yes.The memories come back.As you say..if you look good they love it but if any other man looks at you it's your fault and I was bashed on the way home.So sad to remember. At the time so traumatic.
I was in an abusive relationship for over 8 years and no one knew. During those 8 years, everyone would have thought that we were happy and he was caring and thoughtful. So so far from the truth. I finally left but he escalated at the end. Her testimony is so real to me.
I’m a survivor of a very unhealthy relationship. with similar instances. There are so many moving emotional turns and twists, and I appreciate your kindness and compassion.
I recently witnessed a woman who was trapped in a moving vehicle with her bf jump out to her death - he would not let her out and she was so in fear for her safety she made an extreme choice to save herself with a terrible outcome. That’s on my mind as I watch Ashley Benefield’s testimony.
@@bobbic9868 I thought Mount Lemmon too. Can’t believe you witnessed that. It sounds terrifying. Feel horrific for that poor woman. And you for seeing it.
As a survivor of DV, anyone that suggests alternatives of what she should have done simply can’t understand what that kind of fear does to you. When you are looking to survive you aren’t thinking about recording it and if you can’t run options to survive are limited. I don’t know the truth here but not crying well enough or not surviving the way you think you would is not a reason to say she is lying. Please consider how many victims are killed in the same exact scenario. If there is a chance this is true it is important to seriously consider it.
Wtf is she surviving from? The man never touched or ever even threatened her. As an actual survivor - how the hell could you say her experience qualifies as abuse!!!!!!!
One in 5 DV victims are men although few report due to the fear & shame. This documentary is very well done- a horrific case. th-cam.com/video/jz9CVFKRK6s/w-d-xo.html&si=Nlxm7xiNjyepXM94
@@ciecie16emotional abuse and manipulation is a big component. As a person growing up in that kind of household, my one parent still cannot think of leaving cuz it's the world they know. And they were told if they had problems in their marriage they were stuck with it, don't come crawling back to my grandparents. So they felt completely alone and dependent on the abusive parent. Who was physically abusive once, I learned a few years ago, so instead of hitting when the anger was so much, that parent took off for days and we had no clue where or when they would return. Then silent treatment when they returned and we walked on eggshells until we had been punished enough. It was never discussed and the fights started as small things but then everything that was a problem got piled on. There are still ppl we know/relatives who have no clue and would be shocked to learn the truth and think it's all my abused parents fault. What I see is that two ppl have to put in the work, accept ownership, communicate, and feel safe to be open and honest about problems. My worldview growing up was my one parent was logical and not driven by emotions and the other was irrational, illogical, overly emotional and the reason for all the problems and my other parents lack of being able to control themselves in anger cuz they were so unreasonable! The ownership of how we act out our emotions was not there for the one parent. And my one sibling has turned into that parent in adulthood and with their kids. I see it repeating. I see it in friend and their custody battles. One friend's child was forced to hold a knife to their parents chest and told to push it in if they weren't going to visit anymore. No marks from that, no one was hit. Is that not abuse? She only has the kids' word against the parent - no proof. Do we not believe her until the bruises or cuts are there? And if there are marks or scratches we say they aren't enough? When we learn about the patterns and look for them, they are here. They are backed up by police reports, calls to CPS, testimony from Eva, text messages. Are we to wait until we see actual video of a girlfriend being beat up in an elevator until we believe what the woman is claiming? If we look for the patterns, I'll bet we see that in relationships before it resorts to such violence or loss of life. And learning and educating others, especially the young ppl what to look for in abusive/controlling relationships whether it is emotional, physical, sexual etc is only going to help instead of dismissing it because it doesn't match what we think it have experienced.
Omg please watch ANY of the many TH-cam deep dives that respected creators have done on this case. SHE IS NO NICOLE SIMPSON. She abused his daughter!!!! She ruined the lives of foreign dancers stuck now in the us because of her!!!!!! She accused everyone of poisoning her & tried to ruin everyone around her!!!This woman is evil. For what it’s worth, Doug was trash, too. Eva was already an orphan, and she took her dad after abusing her. It’s the fault of the prosecution, but I wish for the love of all that is holy that all y’all would do your research on this case!
Instead of her being a gold-digger who took his money, think about this: He was 30 years older than her. She was young and inexperienced. He love bombed her, pretended he loved the ballet because she loved it, etc. He married her quickly and promised her a lot. She danced the ballet, but she didn’t know how to run a company. He should have known better. He was a bad businessman but it was something he could hold over her. She probably did want a child in the beginning, but after he started showing his abusive behavior, she didn’t. However, she did get pregnant and after seeing him abuse her defenseless pets, what could he do to a defenseless child? She was smart to not let that happen and tried to get away. Narcissistic abusers are charming and convincing to people on the outside. The system was failing her, but she was going to protect her daughter. He wanted to use the child as another means of control. She knew he would escalate so she was trying to appease him. I feel like she was walking a tightrope to protect herself and her daughter. I’ve seen how these operators work. I think she is a smart woman who recognized her situation pretty quickly and did her best to get out and hold her ground. Even though the legal system wasn’t helpful.
I was in an abusive relationship for years when I was young. It finally became clear that he was escalating, and one day he was going to hit me. So I broke up with him, and I was right. That night, he put his hands on me in anger and threw me into the car in my parents driveway while he screamed into my face. He eventually followed me into another state. Luckily he didn't do anything else because I was living with someone by then. Ladies, always trust your instincts! Whatever he's promising you isn't worth it. If he's not capable of being the man you deserve now, why would he be capable of it in the future?
I agree. When you realize you are with an abusive person but you already said you wanted kids with them, how are you supposed to approach the conversation of not having kids anymore? In the next video they talk about that and in my opinion I think that she was surprised because you often hear that it takes a while of trying to get pregnant before it actually happens. I think that she thought she had more time to figure out how to secretly get birth control and she wasn’t ready to get pregnant. Once it happened everything changed for her because she had to think about what happens with the baby now. That’s why she did so much with the courts and the police. That’s why she tried to not let him have parental rights. This case is so sad. I really hope the best for her.
I was in several terrible relationships beginning with my mother (alcoholic abusive and occasionally violent). Then a marriage to someone like her and a relationship. The more I listen to her I recall that in my marriage I began to see the progression of the abuse and left before I could get pregnant. The third relationship was a different kind of crazy, with a deeply narcissistic man, someone who lied, cheated and demanded loyalty from me despite his disloyalty to me. He would follow always with enotional abuse. Incredibly I stayed far too long before I ended it. As she speaks I can understand her wanting to slip away without him. And I can also see with the abuse she was living with...how she finally snapped. Nothing she tried to get away had worked.
As a DV Survivor, the most common question I get is why didn’t you leave after X. How much worse were you willing to take. You become constantly under this delusion and after profuse apologies and promises that things are going to be different and you will have the happy ending you thought you signed up for. I consider myself an intelligent person. I’m a lawyer myself. But the type of things that happened where I went back -and they do include stuff like driving in a scary way and punching walls and not letting me leave the house -these are not comprehendible to a person not in the situation. Your self-esteem is solo you think by this point you’ll never find anyone else who will love you. I was so delusional that one big reason I stayed was because I didn’t wanna lose face at my law firm and have to go and tell everyone that my marriage didn’t work out even though I was literally in a living hell. There is no logic to these things. It’s pure insanity. So for me personally, it really irks me when the prosecutor kept saying why didn’t you leave after that? Obviously she doesn’t get it, regardless of whether the actual culminating event was legally self-defense at least the fact that women leave at least seven times before they are finally able to get out should be recognized. That is a UN statistic. I left three or four times before the last time I left. Ironically, when I told my husband that I wanted to move out and end the relationship, he started being really nice to me, and that really loved me into a sense of false security. But then when he knew it was really happening got really nasty and started leaving me all these really scary messages and emails and I basically had to flee the country to get away from him. I think no matter the outcome of this case or who is telling the truth because we will never actually know the truth that are larger issues around domestic violence that we as a society really need to be confronting because it constantly gets swept under the rug and victims are left to fend for themselves with very little help from the judicial system, and if they do turn to self-help themselves, the possibility of going to jail for very long time. Another example - my husband started attacking me and hitting me and I fought back. He called the cops and told them that I was the aggressor and they believed him. sorry for the long comment but I can see this is really awakening some deep pain and a lot of people and I hope that everyone in this situation or having dealt with the situation can find peace. You deserve better.
One in 5 DV victims are men although few report due to the fear & shame. This documentary is very well done- a horrific case. th-cam.com/video/jz9CVFKRK6s/w-d-xo.html&si=Nlxm7xiNjyepXM94
Agreed from seeing this with family - they feel they have nowhere to go and can't survive without the partner even when they are miserable and living in hell. Or they stay for children or grandchildren cuz they don't want to leave them in such a toxic environment alone. They don't have access or enough finances to survive without having to go back to the abuser. My relative learned they are entitled to half in a divorce and that boosted their feeling of control. They don't want divorce, but if spouse tried to back out of promises they knew they could have that as a last resort. Their self esteem is still so low, they think they are stupid, too emotional, and irrational. Add to that some neurodiversity they are always berated for. Only through learning about the differences in our brains working so we get some boost in well, that's just how my processing system works and can't do much about that. I'm not an idiot, my brain just short circuits (which I think is from living under narcissistic abuse their whole life).
This case is not about domestic violence, it is about weather or not the unaliving of this man is justified. That's the part that most people are not understanding. A lot of DV in here, how many did murder their abuser?
@@claudiakenworthy6050to be fair though, there's a reason they're called DV SURVIVORS. How many people were in dangerous situations with their abusers and aren't here to share their experience now?
@@Stucklike-Chuck in my opinion with all the respect, she had plenty of opportunity to end the relationship as a matter of fact she was away in FL without him for a long time. My advice would be to get to know your partner for life a bit longer than 13 days
She didn’t live with him for 3 years, she invited him over & she was telling him they were reconciling but telling counselors they weren’t, her abvse allegations were not proven.
She is at her most vulnerable and he being present is about control. He could be in the waiting room or when she comes home instead if he cared about her wellbeing and comfort level.
@@annm9589Partners who want complete control will use systems to force their agenda. It feels like you can’t win ever. Very, very frustrating and frightening
I've never been a victim of DV but my mom was with a very emotional abusive man for a lot of my teenage years. He never hit her, and when I'd try to talk to her about abuse, that was a sticking point - he lied, manipulated, CHEATED, but he never hit her. Finally, AFTER THEY BROKE UP he saw her at a bar hanging out with some men she knew and he beat the hell out of her. The RCMP took a report, filed a restraining order on her behalf and never pressed charges. When he would show up where she was, she would call the number the RCMP gave her to ask what could be done re: the restraining order and all they would say is she had to leave. He would appear at all her usual places (coffee shops, restaurants,etc). She had to completely change her lifestyle with absolutely no support from law enforcement. I don't know any details beyond what Peter has covered but I think it is wholly possible for there to be no prior record of abuse and this still happens.
@@amandamacabre For what it's worth, women are murdered all the time by men who never laid a hand on them before. His own admissions (firing the gun, hitting the dog, throwing the cat) are all on the lethality risk assessment.
The RCMP are unbelievable. As a RN I had a four year old victim of SA. They came took my report, spoke with the child(the officer obviously had zero training or experience) and eventually allowed her to return to that exact situation. Canada’s version of DCF called to check in days later. I moved from Florida where that child would never be sent back to that home. DCF would be there within the hour, an the abuser would be investigated/arrested.
I really admire the compassionate stance you consistently take. Even your commentary on cases featuring universally disliked clients like Sarah Boone, for example, you are always compassionate. It's refreshing.
This is such a big trigger! My dad was abusive and my mom didn’t have the courage to divorce him. It was my sister and I told my mom she needed to leave. One of the hardest part is that relatives didn’t believe us that our dad was abusive because his public persona was so different. He would be so charismatic and loving to everyone but us. My mom finally left and his second wife was nearly killed. He should have gone to prison because what he did to me for 10 years was a heinous crime! Anyway, God bless her for saving her and her baby’s life!
@@vickiaverett2744 you've never met a cunning cluster B woman, all your seeing is what she's talked about. She planned it. She did not want to share custody. That poor child is outside the court w a sign. Only a sick twisted woman would allow that
It makes me sad. She is showing so many of the signs I had. Saying Sorry so quickly and often, lack of eye contact, panic attack. Hopefully you'll never have to walk in her shoes.
most here spouting against her when they have no clue… none ! IS SHE INNOCENT? i have no clue , for sure and none of us will ever know for sure- that’s why the Jury shouldn’t convict - there’s a lot of red flags here - that man was not innocent ! IF you weren’t there , you can’t know how afraid this woman was -
Hearing this woman triggered me so badly when I was trapped with my abusive husband that I broke down & had to speak to my adult children about being abused & not to Ever put up with it but that is easier said than done. It took me many many years.
I was in DV too…luckily we didn’t have children yet. He was a drunk and gambler. He beat me at the slightest thing from what I wore, to how my hair was cut. The night he bashed my head against the bathroom tiles wall I thought he was going to kill me. I decided that night it was time to get away. I planned it, got our unit sold. I packed my stuff separately took a few months, but I just let him drink to his hearts content and stayed away from him. Went to work with him one day, I turned around and left, met up with mum & we moved my stuff back home. Then he stalked me for over a year. I had never told anyone until just at the end. It was a nightmare, and I rarely ever talk about it, I would prefer to forget that 4 years of marriage I wasted. DV was never talked about it was pushed under the table. I’m sorry you had to endure that with your children. It’s so difficult to get away, people don’t realise if they haven’t been there. ❤
I felt triggered as well. All the sudden, previous issues raised sounded plausible. They become desperate and will say anything to try to keep you from leaving. It’s all manipulation. Perhaps that’s what all those sweet text messages and offers to pick up breakfast, etc. They DO NOT accept boundaries. I can see him feeling “disrespected” and therefore become violent. Moreover, if he physically harmed an animal he is an ABUSER based on my personal experience. Reasonable doubt after hearing her testimony. ⚖️
I can still tell the folks that have never felt PTSD from living thru this type of marriages. The fear that comes when one senses that switch gets turned to to the actions experienced many times before.
DV survivor here: before the trial I thought she was a liar, controlling and guilty. Since the trial and especially after her testimony, I believe her. People who haven't been in these situations fail to realize how quick domestics can escalate and how reactive victims become. Edited to add: my ex would grab my hair and punch me in the head (not face) because as he said, "it won't leave any marks".
Maybe watch the cross examination before you believe her. She’s not even crying real tears. She’s playing the roll of a a victim - I don’t get how people can’t read right through that. As a genuine survivor myself, I’m sure you can relate that there would be SOOO much evidence you could point to. If this person gets away with this defence, this a literally a free pass for people to kill their ex and claim self defence. Please explain how it’s “self defence” when he did not utter a threat or lay a finger on her? wtf.
My ex would throw things (including knives,) but never hit me. He was mostly fear-based (his anger/yelling/beating on my car windows when I was leaving for work or trying to get away from the situation) and mentally/emotionally abusive. My friend since childhood's ex-husband would punch her feet and leave the most hideous bruises...anywhere - in his words - "that wouldn't be easily visible or people would believe it was abuse."
@@ciecie16 I did and I still 100% believe her. When I pressed charges against my ex husband, after 16 years of marriage, everyone was shocked. I kept my abuse, which was mostly verbal and emotional and coercive, a secret from everyone in my world. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until my ex finally started to get physical (at the very end of our marriage, when he started to lose his control over me) that I actually realized I was in danger and had been a victim of abuse, all these years. Had I had to kill my ex during a fit of his rage, I wouldn't have any proof. It would have been my word against whatever. Even when he became physical, he was smart enough to hit me in the head or drag me by my hair so that there would be no bruises or marks. I could have very well have been Ashley. Abuse is different for everyone
The chat was out of control today. There needs to be stronger boundaries. I have always loved the open-minded unbiased approach that welcomes healthy debate from opposing sides, but people were making cruel jokes about a DV survivor and making it so unsafe that people with trauma were leaving in droves leaving behind a cesspool of trolls. I love that you are open to hearing people out and challenge people to use actual reasoning but when it becomes triggering for people to even be here because of the level of cruelty tolerated we’ve lost the plot. Where were the mods?
I missed the live and after hearing this I’m glad I missed it. I find her credible and I totally believe her and the man with the wheel. Being prepared in case something happens is not the same as planning to kill someone. I carry a gun because I have been a victim of DV and because I am a woman. It doesn’t mean I plan to kill anyone. Thank you for speaking up and supporting this traumatized woman. I don’t believe every woman who claims this but I believe her.
@@Por2ugal Because she was snarky, unprofessional and completely unlikable. Whether you think Ashley was justified or not, most people can agree that Doug was abusive and possessive to SOME degree, and that's not how an intelligent attorney handles a victim. She thought she could get away with it because she's a woman, but she came off as a smug bully and made Ashley look even more sympathetic. It was stupid and ineffective at best.
An abuser isolates their victim. Doug Benefield dropped Ashley off at her mother’s house per her request and she lived with her mother for almost a year before HE filed for divorce. He agreed to live separately even when she agreed to reconcile. He never physically beat her. His daughter testified she constantly complained to him but he never yelled at her. They exchanged over 250 friendly text messages in the two weeks prior to her killing him where she never expressed fear. His text messages routinely included Bible verses about love and the Lord and doing good being a good person etc. She kept his name even though she put her grandfather's maiden name on her daughter's birth certificate and never listed him as the father. She dragged him through family court with FIVE attempts at accusing him of domestic violence but not one judge found ANY accusations valid. When he was granted joint custody she decided to move to Maryland to a different jurisdiction to try there. This ex-ballerina "black swan" or whater-you-want-to-call-her is the abuser, not Doug. Ashley is a cunning manipulator, a pathological liar, a narcissistic user, and most likely a sociopath. She gunned down an innocent man who had the same issues as many older widowers who lose a beloved wife after many years, and Doug Benefield wanted to be part of his child’s life -- rightfully so -- even agreeing to move states and live separately. Nothing was ever enough for Ashley because she wanted complete control. She is a FIRST DEGREE murderer -- not a victim -- this execution was evidently planned well in advance as verified by the guns planted around the house. Why send Mommy and daughter out for a walk if you're afraid for your life of a man? Use common sense, people. This woman is NOT a domestic violence victim, Doug is the victim. Ashley is the perpetrator.
Thank you for your kind, compassionate, and open minded approach to this case. Too many tried and convicted Ashley Benefield in the press before she ever came to court. Sadly, too many people don’t understand coercive control and how invisible it can be unless you are the one being controlled. You would do anything to save your child from ever experiencing what you are. If that means smiling and trying to get along, that’s what you do to try to keep things calm. Unfortunately, coercive control always escalates unless you get out and even then it often turns to stalking and a never ending cycle of abuse. For those of us who have experienced it in one way or another, we see all the signs of an abused woman and one who was backed into a corner with nowhere to go to escape except to save her life and likely the life of her child.
I stayed with an emotional abuser for 24 years before it got so bad I had to leave. And even then he followed me to the town I moved to. He charmed most people and they thought I was crazy.
Abusers are usually very charming. My ex was extremely abusive mentally and later physically but would win people over in a snap. Family and friends who met him one time constantly gushed over him and wanted to be his friend. It was so hard because that was the part of him I loved too. It really leveled up the mental torture and the validation of his treatment to me in my unhealthy mental state from years of abuse
when people ask why she didn't get away or why would she continue to be around him. It is hard to explain, but when you were controlled and beat down as a person and they have destroyed your self-esteem, you don't think you can get away from them.
And when you know he'll never let go, it's almost better to try to maintain some kind of a relationship than to have no idea what he's up to and live in constant fear of what might be coming. It makes you feel a little more in control. You just want to try to keep things on an even keel and pray he'll find someone else and move on.
Peter, I was a dv survivor of 25 years before I finally had the courage to leave. I stayed for a couple of reasons. I had 3 kids and a church that didn't believe in divorce. I completely identify with Ashley just trying to get along. To keep the abuser happy any way I could! Constantly pretending so he wouldn't get mad. I was always walking on eggshells. You get so emotionally and mentally beat down that you don't feel anything for the abuser. I wanted out so desperately but I was so afraid to leave bc of his threats of violence if I ever tried to leave. Once my kids were grown and out of the house the abuse continued but I no longer cared about what he would do to me but I was leaving! What the prosecutor did to Ashley on cross was disgusting and cruel! She should be ashamed. My heart goes out to Ashley and I hope the jury recognizes why she did the things she did. It's a sad situation for both families! Ashley's and Doug's. There are no winners. Thanks for covering this case. I appreciate all you do to help us understand the law. You're the best!
Exactly! I just wrote a comment saying almost the same things. For those asking why we don't leave, well here's one reason. I got the courage to leave and in order to punish me he kidnapped my son and it took me 5 years to get him back. And that was why I was afraid to leave and that's why I stayed. It's just so unfair for those who haven't experienced it to ask why we don't leave.
Watching this testimony today was SO HARD and I’m not a DV victim. I totally believe her. The documented stuff corroborates, she doesn’t embellish, admits good things, doesn’t overdramatize. I had to turn it off because I was getting so anxious.
@@DrofJustice I see it the opposite. Don’t believe much of anything she says. And the dry nose blowing was hilarious to me. That performance might be normal the second and third day after. Four years? Maybe silent tears flow in the retelling. This is so over the top that I am surprised anyone is buying it. (Mine was charged with attempted murder so I was hurt much worse than he was. Both still alive.)
Never heard of this case until watching the trial proceedings here with Peter. So far, I've heard nothing to tell me that she is lying. This case reminds me of a similar situation my best friend went through with her ex husband. He also never touched her, but would slam his fist into the wall next to her head, throw things at her, or near her and if that didn't work, he'd threaten to unalive himself. For seven years, she would come and sit at my kitchen table and cry and cry, but she was terrified of leaving him, becaue he would threaten to take their kids away. He would manipulate her and gaslight her to make her believe it was all in her head. It got so bad that she would sleep on the floor in the kids' room, because she was afraid of what he would do to then. I won't even begin to say what he did to the dog. I finally managed to convince her to go with me to Woman's Aid to talk to someone and it was only then she found the courage to leave him. The thing is... This guy is extremely charasnatic and can wrap you around his little finger. No one believed her either. Two months after their divorce came through, he married another woman and did the same and worse to her. She is now ex wife number 2. He is still making my friend's life miserable because they have to co parent. Suffice it to say that it is a good thing that having a gun is illegal in this country, or he might have ended up the same way this guy did.
An abuser isolates their victim. Doug Benefield dropped Ashley off at her mother’s house per her request and she lived with her mother for almost a year before HE filed for divorce. He agreed to live separately even when she agreed to reconcile. He never physically beat her. His daughter testified she constantly complained to him but he never yelled at her. They exchanged over 250 friendly text messages in the two weeks prior to her killing him where she never expressed fear. His text messages routinely included Bible verses about love and the Lord and doing good being a good person etc. She kept his name even though she put her grandfather's maiden name on her daughter's birth certificate and never listed him as the father. She dragged him through family court with FIVE attempts at accusing him of domestic violence but not one judge found ANY accusations valid. When he was granted joint custody she decided to move to Maryland to a different jurisdiction to try there. This ex-ballerina "black swan" or whater-you-want-to-call-her is the abuser, not Doug. Ashley is a cunning manipulator, a pathological liar, a narcissistic user, and most likely a sociopath. She gunned down an innocent man who had the same issues as many older widowers who lose a beloved wife after many years, and Doug Benefield wanted to be part of his child’s life -- rightfully so -- even agreeing to move states and live separately. Nothing was ever enough for Ashley because she wanted complete control. She is a FIRST DEGREE murderer -- not a victim -- this execution was evidently planned well in advance as verified by the guns planted around the house. Why send Mommy and daughter out for a walk if you're afraid for your life of a man? Use common sense, people. This woman is NOT a domestic violence victim.
@Truth17John17 As I've said, I don't know anything about this case outside of what is being shown in the court proceedings. I haven't seen any media/true crime docs, nothing. So far, she is believable to me. Doesn't mean I can't change my mind when prosecution brings the rebuttal case. I guess we will wait and see. If she is as you describe her to be, she needs to be nominated for best actress ever, because that is some good acting.
@@isabellajones84 Your reply interests and concerns me because if you find her believable by only watcing the trial, then the prosecution may not be doing a thorough enough job. If that's the case, what does that mean for the jury? Fortunately, most commenters (at least on other true crime channels) claim her acting is terrible, and I agree. Peter works to present both sides and I think he's going overboard for ole' Ashley. Until she herself (who has never been in jail and has never so much as given a stetement to police) learned about some of the comments over lunch break about her lack of real tears, she altered her acting by continually, deliberately wiping her eyes with tissues. It was plainly obvious. Besides, that sobbing when she didn't want to answer any more of the prosecution's questions because she knew she did a terrible job with the re-enactment, was telling. People normally don't forget vital details of such a traumatic event, and all the times she answered the prosecutors with "I don't remember" or "I don't recall" after she's had years to prepare for this trial, makes it obvious she is lying. For example, she can't recall when her mother and daughter left the house (which was planned, so she could execute the man she wanted out of her lilfe now that she was finished using him to take them out for meals and use his pool), They were packing to move, yet the police found three pistols situated strategically around the house..... If you are interested in a non-biased presentation of all the facts of this case, may I suggest: "She Pretended to Love Him: The Murder of Doug Benefield" by True Thought Lounge. He does an excellent job of presenting all of the facts of this case without bias. In the end, the only thing that truly matters is: Did she shot him in self defense or not? The facts are: (1) He had no weapon, and (2) he was shot in the back because he was moving away from her....This was a deliberate, planned execution. Watch her re-enactment scene again and note the way she is holding the gun, pointing it towards the ground. VERY telling.....
@Truth17John17 you obviously know a lot more than I do about this case. Thanks, I will definitely give it a watch. But, yeah, if I was on that jury, I wouldn't be able to say that the prosecution has proven their point beyond reasonable doubt. Of course, I haven't watched today's proceedings yet, so who knows how my perception will change.
Absolutely! I hate how some people think they can unilaterally declare the level of authenticity of other people's feelings! It's completely insane and unfair.
I've spent a couple hours watching this having to pause to do other things a few times. I wanted to come back and say that abuse is not always obvious. To this day people that were friends and even some family denied that my dad was abusive. He wasn't always abusive but there were times from the time I was very young that i had bruises, i was terrified, i was humiliated, but no one saw that. They saw the great guy with a great smile. Even now, i love and miss him. He's been gone for many years, cancer, and we made peace with each other in the end, but it was in many ways a relief to me. The mental and emotional abuse continued into my adulthood. I'm releived that things ended on good terms and that i no longer have to live through the roller coaster if that relationship.
Abusers are often very charming or they play the goofy/naive/fun guy or girl. But the people closest to the abuser get all the aggression. And then those closest seem crazy if they try to tell others about it who don't live in the home and don't see the abuser that way .
This man was toxic, so was she, it was a classic BPD and NPD relationship. She never feared him, and she killed him strictly because she would not share custody w him. That child was "her property".
@@littlebear67that’s your perspective but it doesn’t mean it’s the truth. She’s definitely been on the receiving end of the abuse & is very believable. She’s going to be found not guilty.
@littlebear67 while it may be true, that is entirely your lay person's opinion. No psychiatrist or psychologist has testified that either Doug or Ashley was diagnosed with those mental disorders.
I disagree. I think "The Lawyer We Know" believes he can sway people to NOT think logically. He is trying to sway people towards her innocence when this woman is obviously and clearly a liar and a manipulator.
@@littlebear67I’m not saying she is or isn’t faking emotions. You’re probably picking up on mannerisms that seem like they aren’t 100% genuine, which can result from all the stress, nervousness, being cautious about how she words things, or actually stretching the truth. But you can’t know for a fact if someone is lying based on your assumptions of how fake emotions are portrayed.
Thank you Peter!!! I went through 4 custody lawyers because they told me “PASTDomestic Violence did not matter!!!!” Because they wouldn’t acknowledge me as a victim.,,,I got a great attorney who said the past does count! Because the judge did not believe me …he put my children in danger several times and me in jail for refusing him visitation unsupervised when he pulled up in his truck drunk!!! But THANK YOU PETER FOR SAYING THE PAST EVIDENCE MATTERS!!!’🙏🙏❤️🙏🙏
The idea that past dv wouldn’t matter is insane to me! The best predictive of future behavior IS past behavior, for anything! Anyone who says assault on the dog and cat, gun violence in the house, punching walls, vehicle trackers is not DV, I fear for the type of existence people who think she was not abused live in because that is straight up abuse. Do they really think his behavior was normal and acceptable? And I feel like that DV detective was getting off on abusing her more, he was taking everything so personal and enjoyed punishing her.
Question "If this was done to a Cop, Teacher, Your child, would punching holes in walls, body checks, throwing objects, swearing, ABUSING ANIMALS, dangerous driving, throwing chairs, LOADED GUN, stalking & trapping someone be ok? NO NO NO ONE deserves that. Even PSYCHOLOGICAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE (withOUT physical abuse) can break a person down. Hate to see abuse minimized.
Remember that she was 24yr old girl and he was a 54yr old man.... She was imo def abused... Controlled... She was in fear... As she said constantly walking on egg shells.... I mean come on.. Even his own daughter admitted he shot his gun into the celling of the kitchen because he lost his temper in a rage... Then punched a hole in the wall... Then punched the dog in the face so hard he knocked the dog out... I mean holy shit that is terrifying... Imagine her being your own daughter alone in a house with a man acting that way.... are you really telling me that you wouldn't be in fear for your daughters life every damn minute they were together? She moved to another state to get away from him.... He followed her... Stalked her... Puts a tracker on her car without her permission..... Then he snaps once again while alone with just her... And finally goes even farther and hits her.... Corners her in the house... She runs into her room... He follows.... So she does what she has to do to survive. I believe her 100% .
I too suffered DV and I SEE the pain and TRUTH in her face😢 I see other posters, saying what they would do if that happened to them and I assure you, they do not know what they would do because they've never been there. if I had a gun the last time I saw my abuser the exact same thing would've happened that is happening to Ashley. I watch crime shows all the time and she is the first one I have seen on the stand as an abused woman telling the truth. Thank you for your coverage. when she describes his eyes being black and his veins popping out of his neck that is a CLASSIC description of the abuser coming at you.
I believe her!!!! Omg, prior to her testimony and after his daughter testified, i was almost convinced of ger guilt. But knowing how someone can turn into a monster, her testimony rings very true to me. She is not guilty!
Remember that she was 24yr old girl and he was a 54yr old man.... She was imo def abused... Controlled... She was in fear... As she said constantly walking on egg shells.... I mean come on.. Even his own daughter admitted he shot his gun into the celling of the kitchen because he lost his temper in a rage... Then punched a hole in the wall... Then punched the dog in the face so hard he knocked the dog out... I mean holy shit that is terrifying... Imagine her being your own daughter alone in a house with a man acting that way.... are you really telling me that you wouldn't be in fear for your daughters life every damn minute they were together? She moved to another state to get away from him.... He followed her... Stalked her... Puts a tracker on her car without her permission..... Then he snaps once again while alone with just her... And finally goes even farther and hits her.... Corners her in the house... She runs into her room... He follows.... So she does what she has to do to survive. I believe her 100% !
@@notbornagainbornright5046you should educate yourself on DV. This is heartbreaking because she has so much remorse. I don’t doubt Ashley would have met the same fate as his ex wife
Absolutely telling the truth. I came here 100% sure she was lying. She went through something horrible. Her eyes don’t lie. Sorry these closed off people “who never went through this DV” can’t feel or see her pain. 😞!
Oh I believe her. I was married to a monster like this guy. And I retell my many stories in the same manner she does…eyes downcast, on the verge of tears, terror just below the surface. And ironically, his name is Doug! NG!
Everything Ashley testified to resonates with the experiences common to that of a DV victim. His texts to her while she was on vacation cruise were terrifying. The intimidation, physical violence within their home, abuse against animals, verbal threats, domination, jealousy, attempts to isolate her, possessiveness, explosive temperament, physical abuse, unpredictability, impulsivity, shooting firearms inside the house, hostility, escalation of aggression, emotional abuse and torment.. what, if any, of these behaviors isn't consistent with Domestic Violence? He had a documented history of abuse -- I have no question as to whether she's being truthful. His history tells the story. 100% NOT GUILTY --
@@EvelynSantos2222 I wasn't. But I listened closely to her testimony and her description of events. Many of those behavior patterns are typical of domestic violence offenders. He had a long standing pattern of abusive behavior. I've also counseled hundreds of DV victims over the course of my career; so I'm able to capture the behavioral descriptors, or clinical terminology used in Mental Healthcare/Psychiatry. I also worked with felony probationers (as a PO) with DV convictions. I could almost pick an abuser out of a crowd based on certain behavioral traits common to DV offenders.
She went from being upset to being calm and having a controlled behavior while on trial. Her emotions have to be swirling knowing she could be spending her life in prison!
"Sometimes the first time is lethal". Is so true. And that's even with proof of his prior violent history, punching the dog and throwing the cat, shooting the gun in the ceiling. The list goes on but that's enough to prove it for me
If you have never been in a severely abusive relationship, it is easy to ask why you don't just leave? And a bunch of other questions. I've been there. But when you are in that relationship you realize that all those options are, in reality, not available. You move into a keep the peace mode, because you realize there is nothing you can do. It is a scary place to be. And often, others don't believe you because when he is around other people he is wonderful. I've been there too.
I this case she left in the first year of the marriage. It was 3 yrs later she invited him to over to help her move and shot him to death. He was willing to get a divorce - she talked him into trying to reconcile.
I have been in a severely abusive relationship. I documented things-even when I didn’t call the police. I told my husband I was leaving him in therapy session so there was a witness to my decision and statement.
I agree. I find it veeerry worrisome that in people attempting to voice how they disbelieve Ashley is a DV victim (which is valid - were in a trial), they also go onto share that they hold inherently vile beliefs toward DV victims. Sentiments such as "Why didn't she just leave?" demonstrate a lack of understanding and empathy for actual DV victims who are not Ashley.
Asking why DV victims don’t leave is vile? Can you answer why they don’t leave? Can you see at all why someone who has not been in an abusive relationship would ask that? Just explain it instead of calling people vile.
As someone who has been with an abuser, I learned that the last call id make is 911. He always made it my fault and the cops always believed him. The cops became his enablers and I was scared to death of them being called. He’d abuse me and they’d threaten me with being kicked out of my home. No one will ever understand what you go through with an abuse partner unless you have been through it yourself.
From a friend's experience as well.. abusers are clever, they get out of things, you aren't safe, sometimes the police don't keep them/ arrest them and they are back before you know it.
As a survivor, there isn't anyone I have met that has lived in a DV relationship, where the abusers behavior doesn't perfectly line up. When they rage the eyes turn black. Color just disappears from their eyes. They can rage over asking simple questions, if you try to leave, that is where you are in a very dangerous situation. Police will tell you not to be alone with them, make sure to have someone with you at all times. But it is hard to do. They also have the side that you trust. This is self defense!
I was recently abused by my sister (escalated so far beyond and above what it ever had before)and from that experience, listening to this womans testimony, it rings absolutely true to me. The only thing i cannot understand is, how shw didnt insist on never being alone in his presence.
Don't forget about the messages Doug sent her when she was on the cruise with her mom. He created a scenario in his mind about her being "f'd and choked" and repeatedly said he would kill. He was psychopathic in those texts!
As a DV survivor, I am appalled at the people in the chat and in these comments who are totally convinced she is guilty. How do you explain the Google searches she did months before? She searched about how to coparent with an abusive ex. People are so quick to judge others even though they have no personal knowledge of the situation. Why can’t we be kinder to each other? I don’t have an opinion because I wasn’t there and I know nothing of what really went on. And, guess what? I don’t have to have an opinion.
As someone who was raised in an DV household and watch my mom try to pacify my dad every time out of fear he would unalive her I believe this woman was afraid and this was done out of self defence. I had no opinion till I saw her body contort on stage from ptsd of having to relive this day smh
Yes. She was obviously thrown by his sudden switch to hitting her and then getting into a fight stance. He can kill her with one knockout and she knew it. If she had shot once, that’d be better for her case, but none of us can know how we would react.
Taking out your phone escalates everything. If you're claiming to be someone that's been in a physically violent altercation, with emotions running high- u know its 100% ending with your phone in pieces. Its an instinctual feeling in the moment that if u reach for the phone, everything pops off. If u haven't been in that position, I can see how u wouldn't understand. Even if u have, every situation is different.
Thank you the lawyer you know. You unlike a lot of your other TH-cam counterparts have not made victims of DV feel like crap. If you have never been through a DV situation you have NO place to judge. God bless you and yours for being real and compassionate ❤
I dont know if she’s telling the truth or lieing….. I do know that in my youth I didn’t understand why my friends would stay with someone that was mean and abusive. I criticized them for being weak and refused to listen to them complaining about the treatment if they were going to stay in the relationship. I am currently 41 years old and have personally been in an abusive relationship of my own. There is nothing simple about a DV situation and if you haven’t been there yourself you have no idea what you’re talking about.
@@PhillyBirdGang1I’ve been engaged in 3 days of conversation about Ashley and abuse .She reached out to try and get help and nobody seemed to want to help her .All the signs and behaviours of Doug being an abuser are there .I hope she walks free as far as I’m concerned she was defending herself
I don’t understand why people expect her to do things differently (I. E. Moving, spending time, etc.) when she had no legal recourse. If the court doesn’t believe her, then he gets to be a part of the child’s life. Even if they DID believe her a lot of courts would still preserve his parental rights. So what is she (or someone else in the situation) to do? Continuing to fight might threaten her parental rights. You’ll hear people in this situation say that if they “are around then [they] can protect the children”. “That there is nothing [they] can do when child is out of [their] sight.” So they placate, try to keep the peace and hope the other parent eventually focuses their attention elsewhere. It’s so sad. But without a better cultural understanding of these complex relationship dynamics and the scaffolding that comes with it, then placating is really the only option.
@@Answer4242 First, I didn’t mention divorce petitions. But you bring up a good point. If she did want to stay married it could be for lots of reasons good or bad. It could have been pure desire to stay together or fear or for a tactical advantage or an attempt to manipulate. Idk! But no matter what the reason was it doesn’t mean it wasn’t an abusive relationship. period. Abusive relationships are complex, intricate and can change from one moment to the next. Victims aren’t always likable or free from fault. Sometimes they actively participate in the abuse too. Again, it’s complex. Not every action is an attempt at placation. However, when I look at everything in its totality instead of each act as a stand-alone event, I do see a lot of necessary placating here including the actions I mentioned previously. If you look at everything in their totality too but see something different then we’ll just have to agree to disagree. I would love to understand your perspective more though if you’re open to sharing!
She’s convinced me that this was self defence. His past behaviour with guns, the dog and holes in the walls prove that he was capable of physical violence. I need to add the MOST dangerous time for violence to happen is when the victim tries to leave for good.
They were moving together what are you talking about, she murdered him in cold blood , that act on the stand was a horrible performance and nobody including the jury doesn't buy it!!
@@jamiebourgault4481you didn't watch the trial then. Not one person has ever came out calling her manipulative or anything close. His LATE wife's text said "why did you kick me so hard" so that tells everyone that he abused his previous wife. Did you miss that or does that not fit your misogynistic narrative.
@@jamiebourgault4481 She lead him to believe that things were copacetic, and that they'd be together because she HAD to. It was a survival tactic. A DV victim will go to extreme lengths to 'keep peace' with their abuser until they're able to safely escape. She was also protecting her child from imminent harm. How many murder-suicides have we read about in the news? It seems to occur quite frequently.
My husband worked in family court for 30 years doing evaluations and custody evaluations . Lot of works with abused spouses, he finds her credible from what he sees..
@@storii4172 why isnt she believable to you? I'm personally torn. I think he definitely created an atmosphere of fear and control, so she may have been scared to get beat but maybe not in imminent fear of death. Do you think someone is supposed to wait until they're beaten or can they act on the fear of it? THere are other survivors of DV that 100 percent believe her. I watched my mom go through it with my dad and luckily we left alive. She did not act similarly, but its not a 1 size fits all equation sometimes. My mom just ended up raging on me instead haha
For the record - reporters in courtroom - said there were actual tears - also gave info that after jury left was shaking - didn’t think would make back to seat - afraid was going to fall. For what it worth - some inside courtroom info
The sheer number of people that think this is an act, that she’s lying, she’s a gold digger… is insane to me. Her ‘performance’ today was entirely truthful. She was visibly scared, shaking, crying. I truly hope every person that accuses her of lying never finds themselves on the victim end of DV with no one to believe you.
Agreed! I hate how some people think they can unilaterally declare the level of authenticity of other people's feelings! It's completely insane and unfair. Disgusting when people don't give the benefit of the doubt, as the constitution requires. Those people are the reason we can never trust juries - and the reason The Innocence Project has had to free 300+ innocent people who were wrongfully convicted from prison.
This girl is not acting or lying,,, what has to happen before she is freed of him,,,,death?? Do we never learn?,,,,,,It was her or him, she killed him before he killed her,,,
For everyone here if you watch Melanie Little’s live trial and then Peter’s recaps, they pair excellent! Chats are virtually free if vitriol and coverages are intelligent and educated. I watch both everyday, Melanie then Peter. I’m a victim and am triggered by this but also interested in learning more. It’s been a great experience.
I agree Laura! I literally unsubscribed to grizzly true crime because of the hate and disbelief of Ashley as a victim in chat. Sad as Gisela has been abused.
I have to disagree, Melanie is very if you don’t agree with me you can go watch somewhere else! It’s about allowing people to have a difference in opinion, not brow beating someone because you don’t agree with them!! She’s very passive aggressive! Peter is very even Kiel in his streams and doesn’t get down on people for their opinions like Melanie does!!! Also, I’m a victim of DV!!
Yes, I 💯 % agree too @laurajreicher good comment, I too love watching Melanie Little & Peter! Great coverage on both channels! I’m so sorry you have experienced what you unfortunately went through and this definitely can be triggering at times. But you’re interested in learning more, as I too, feel the same way! Much ❤ my friend. ❤
Those of us that have never been in a relationship like this don't understand. All I can say is I truly feel for anyone that has been through this horrible stuff. Bless you all. I would never judge a woman who's in, or has been through this.
When the case started, I thought guilty. What changed this for me was the harm done to the animals, and I don't want to go into that as this was a massive trigger to me. Many years ago, I had been in an abusive relationship, I didn't even go to police because I was afraid, and then when I did try, I wasn't believed, and I suppressed memories of that. I had real physical harm and was severely emotionally abused. Which brings me to why my mind changed - the strange religious undertoned text messages and some of what Doug did and said to Ashley, which were proven, were near exact copies of experiences I had. This made me realize how hard it must have been for Ashley. I see actions I took, reasons I stayed, and yes, I did not own a gun, and I was blessed to get away. This case brought on my PTSD. And why I am writing this is my plea for people to realize PTSD changes how you act and react. It changes your senses your experiences. Why is it that we realize abusers exist and we have come so far as a society that we still do not realize? Emotional psychological abuse leaves deep scars that change the core being of a victim. What we also as a society don't remember - not only does abuse from one abuser escalate as they destroy your boundaries, but people who tend to end up in relationships like this usually are wounded and struggle with C-PTSD and to children that grew up with abuse in any form - to them/us these insane situations are normalized. My reason for saying all this - it is easy to miss the little details when you have experienced dv. If you have not, all I ask is to look at as much evidence as possible. Follow patterns we as society have learned. No one deserves die, and no victim is truly alive while in an active abuse situation. No one wins the case, she will still have to explain this to her daughter and work hard to prevent history from repeating - if you have a parent that was abused the odds of history repeating is higher. Im not saying this to try change anyone's opinion but merely share some of my experiences to help fill in some gaps.
I saw some comments below stating the case is about a life being lost in an overkill. This case is about how DV lead to an incident that was preventable. What I will also say Reactive abuse is a bitter and painful thing. And no two victims are the same. No two stories are. Only through compassion and understanding can we start working on preventing this from happening to anyone again.
Verbal threats are as bad as assault. Do you want her black and blue first? Have we learned nothing from Gabby Petito? He hurt animaks, kicked his ex-wife, shot a hole in the ceiling, and had a protective order. Did she have to die to be believed?
Or Nicole? The night my husband stood over me w/fist & arm drawn back said "you want me to punch you out like oj did to nicole?" He didn't that nite. But I started my way out plan w/kids.
You need to understand this woman has BPD, it's a completely different dynamic than a regular person being a narcissistic abuser. She antagonized him, she used him, she got off on it. They were both creeps. She killed him only because she didn't want to share custody
Attempting to record him or the situation will just make him more mad. He'd most likely try to stop her. Also, calling police could easilly have the same effect.
After 20 years, I’m still being gaslit and told I’m being “dramatic” and lying, enough that I had to get my medical records to prove to just myself I wasn’t somehow making it up in my head, even then I never said I had them because I knew it would only cause issues and more gaslighting. So absolutely agree with you. It’s also people like Heard who selectively record things and make people doubt even video evidence. The thing people forget is gender, relation, age and even mental illness don’t make the abuse any less valid. 20 years later, I still have to consciously make an effort to objectively evaluate my responses to assure myself they match my subjective thoughts.
@cj-jr7iz did you watch the trial?? He ADMITTED to all of his behavior in deposition and other situations. Ppl SAW him trying to look through her windows. He sent her a "gift" when under an injunction not to contact her. What about her story are you doubting?
Some people here claim to be survivors of DV. I am too. I would never judge another victim because she didn’t do what others might have done or reacted the same way. Please stop judging other victims.
Her unfounded claims in prior court docs, her claims that he hurt the kid but suddenly wanted to get back w him when the child allegations didn't hold water, conversation w the cop when she kept calling and asking for him to be arrested so then she could have her kid, interviews w her ballet company dancers etc., make her out to have extreme trouble telling the truth especially when she wants her way.
Compare it to the Chad Daybell case. Remember Charles, Lori’s husband reported to the police many times that he was in fear for his life and they didn’t believe him. He ended up being killed by her in the end.
I believe her based on his prior violence, shooting at the ceiling, punching holes in the walls, texting about hurting anyone who messed with her, punching the dog unconscious, volatile arguments, possessiveness, etc.
Same. I believe her with the corroborating evidence. But I also felt like if I were relying just on her testimony, I didn’t feel like I saw actual tears. So wasn’t sure what to make of her until I heard the other messages and evidence that lay a clear abusive foundation.
@@lynmarie1786and the gun shot in the ceiling and holes punched in the wall…..she’s actually the daughter from his 2nd marriage…..Ashley was his 3rd wife
@@leahchase3699I saw tears on my tv screen. Maybe you just gotta upgrade your phone or tv, whichever device you used to watch it, and upgrade your internet too so you can watch in hd
That women was a prosecutor and under proffer the judge deemed she could not testify- she took the original complaint about mailing the birthday present
The lack of compassion expressed by some in here is very upsetting but not surprising given the wave of apathy for others running rampant in the world these days. Once you’ve been through it yourself you know what dv looks like and this is it. Anyone who thinks otherwise, lucky for you, hasn’t been through it to this degree. Not everyone is AH.
Heard was one of the most public example of what happens daily and why so many in abusive relationships don’t say anything. It’s the downside to internet things like the #metoo movement that ended up causing so much harm instead of awareness. It’s a lose lose situation.
DV victims are often forced to continue to interact with their abuser because they share a child. This behavior that a lot of people find suspect happens every day for many DV victims.
I am sick to my stomach how some chats were talking about her . She’s believable and real. We need to do better for DV victims . Educate yourselves please. Great coverage Peter ! 🎉
I agree 💯. Some comments are so vile its clear these people have never been in, or know anyone who has been in a DV situation. I have and I believe her.
DV survivor and I believe that he was totally obsessed with her. How often obsession turns to violence. Fear can be crippling and you just don't know what to do. You take it until you just can't any more. In my opinion. Sometimes the emotional abuse is so bad but no one else can see it. Bruises can fade but the emotional harm is ongoing. I am now 70 years old and some of the things she is saying is so triggering to me. I am sitting here watching this with tears running down my face.
@@Por2ugal to be fair, if he created an atmosphere of dread and fear, I might also believe he was poisoning me too. I used to think my mom was poisoning me as a child and I needed to trick her into taking a bite of my food before I ate it for a short period of time. She used to beat the shit out of me and tell me awful things, a rage-aholic. Sometimes your mind creates little stories as a defense mechanism to tell you to get away from a person or place now. Playing devil's advocate here, she may have genuinely believed it?
I was in an abusive relationship, yes I'm a guy. I was a young medic and 100% should have known better. Even now I continue a lot of that denial. I have never opened up about any of this. It wasn't physically abusive, but she did grab my steering wheel several times. We had the police called on us a few times. Problem was, I worked with them and it was too easy for me to say everything was fine. She would scream at the top of her lungs for hours, she would hurt herself and blame me. Its disgusting how people can manipulate you and I'm still ashamed about it to this day some 30 years later. I was lucky to get away and it was not easy. I literally had to abandon her and run away leaving the town I worked in the middle of the night during a shift I work; sneaking away because she was stalking where I worked. Thank God for the people I was working with that helped cover for me. This case hit me pretty hard, especially hearing the defenses expert witness today. Still processing it to be honest.
@@rotorfib8719 I’m so sorry you went through this. Thank god you had a support circle that was able to aid in your ability to leave the situation. Please make sure to be extra gentle with yourself while processing today’s trial. I hope you are living a healthy happy life. You deserve it 💜
@@rotorfib8719 I’m so sorry you had to learn about the prevalence of DV by way of living through it 💜 You sir, are a SURVIVOR and I will pray for your continued healing 🙏 You deserved so much better in life, we all did. I am so thankful you were able to get away and that you found support to achieve so during your time of need. The world needs more folks like that and I firmly believe that, if us fellow survivors can become those people who help another victim during their time of need, then perhaps some real and desperately needed change can happen. The Good Lord knows there are sooo many of us in number that we have the potential to bring our voices together so loud they cannot be ignored and will be heard. That can enable us to educate and impact a great number of sufferer’s out there by way of causing change in govt/laws surrounding DV as well as bringing understanding and awareness to the general public. I feel that must be done first before we can ever hope to make significant progress due to the fact the current laws are so clearly in favor of the abuser, as witnessed in this trial, that it only strengthens abusers and forces silence upon the victims due to retribution from the abuser and the uneducated justice system. It’s so convoluted and disheartening that nothing short of a massive movement will change it, I fear. 😞
Stay strong, have faith and keep moving forward sir, I applaud you! 💜🙏
I’m sorry you had to go through that abuse. I agree that she is definitely telling the truth. The type abuser he was in this case, he would never show his true colors in front of the public. People like him, I believe, are Narcissists and know how to manipulate everybody.
@@FloatingInSpace5702 thank you! I'm still a medic and I'm doing well! There is so much more to that story, i have a daughter and now a grand daughter.. will probably never be close to any of them tho.. i did fight to be with my daughter back than.. forced mom to have dna test and fought for visitation.. even more drama..drama right in the face of court appointed officials.. like omg i can't even begin.. but in the end her family had the bucks and the fancy lawyer. Now I'm just grateful I at least see updates on FB from my daughter.
There was a situation in Hinesville Ga less than a month ago where the female EMT followed or stalked her medic boyfriend by getting a job wherever he was working moved if he moved. She ended up kidnapping him with a gun and killing him and herself. She threatened suicide several times for her sympathy. He tried getting away from her for months until she ended it all.
She's describing my 10-year relationship almost exactly as I experienced it. Hearing her testimony is almost triggering because her experiences are so close to mine. Because of that I can't help but believe her. And for those asking why she stayed, why she invited him to join them for dinner or whatever why this why that, clearly those people have never experienced an abusive relationship, fortunately for them. There are lots of reasons why we do these things. And one of the biggest ones is to try to keep them happy, try to never make them upset, try to always keep them in a good mood. You never know what's going to happen if something triggers their rage.
I finally worked up the courage to leave. The things I experienced the day I told him I was leaving almost scared me into staying. He promised me he was going to destroy my life and 2 years later he kidnapped our son. My fear of him doing that is the answer to the question of why we stay. That was my biggest fear, that or that he would kill me and sure enough, he made me pay for leaving just like he promised he would. And that is why so many of us stay.
It's been 10 years since I left and he still makes my life hell. I have my son back, and in spite of having a permanent protective order, my son and I still live in fear of him and constantly have to try to make him happy and never upset him.
And that's the reality for so many of us that leave. And it's also the reason why so many of us stay. Unless you've survived an abusive relationship, don't ask why. It's just really unfair and hurtful.
So well shared!
So glad you got out 💜 The thing I think these people are missing, is the power that fear has. I have (thankfully) never been in this situation, but know many women who have, and because of my personality, I was originally one of those "why" women. After seeing these relationships, I can see just what bone-chilling fear can do. There are those of us that can plow through the fear and GTFO, but there are others who cannot, and we don't have the right to judge those who can't. Men like that, don't find the women who ask the "why" questions, they prey on the ones who give people the benefit of the doubt, are people-pleasers, and do everything they can to make things work. THAT'S why. Your good nature was taken advantage of, and you didn't deserve any of what you went through. I just hope you and your son stay safe, and that karma comes hard for your ex.
Same...triggering me every whichway. In the end my ex is alive but he fucked me out of All my retirement after he kept his because I kept the real estate he kept his retirement. He filed bk making me lose all I worked for all my life
I might have put up with abuse, regardless of how subtle, but I never would have subjected my children to abuse. She did this by putting her through medical examinations! imo
Hugs
🙃b
@@sashagabor76 I cried for hours. It just came flooding back all at once. What a nightmare. Prosecutor to persecutor, horrible to abuse someone while you’re accusing them of not being abused. Traumatized Ashley all over again. I’m ashamed of O’Donnell. I hope her family doesn’t suffer at her vile mouth. 😢
If a guy shot into the ceiling, punched my dog, etc, I would 100% be fearful for my own life and that of my unborn child. That's threatening behaviour. It's scary.
Context, my dear. This man was a grieving older widower when this manipulative, narcissistic, over-dramatic, pathologically-lying user and abuser came into his life. He made the same mistake many men in his position make, only this time, it cost him his life. He was always honest. She is the liar. She is the abuser.
But after all that, why not file for divorce right away?
You don't know, until you know! Before I found myself 9 years into an abusive relationship, I NEVER thought I would allow myself to endure abuse even 1 time.
8 years for me. So true and so thankful to be out and be safe. Her testimony feels so real.
1million% same!!!
But I bet you didn't kill him!
@@J.P100 And?
He was a jerk but I believe Eva, who Ashley bullied and victimized, an orphan now. They left out everything that happened during their marriage, which was a huge mistake. What she did to Eva and the dancers who got stuck here & their lives ruined b/c she didn’t feel like doing it after all - she’s cruel and just as abusive. She wanted his money, and that’s it. He wanted a young, beautiful wife, and that’s it. They both are the worst!!! But I wouldn’t expect any less from people who met at a rally and fell “in love” bc they both loved fire arms and Trp. 🤢
His texts alone are huge red flags!! The terminology he used, over spiritualizing things, and violent language he used in texts …big red flags! And the fact he admitted to abusing animals and shooting gun in ceiling and throwing gun at her….all I needed to know to believe her!!
He didn't "over spiritualize" things. You never overheard their conversations and he was obviously referring to things she had told him. In addition, an abuser isolates their victim. Doug Benefield dropped Ashley off at her mother’s house per her request and she lived with her mother for almost a year before HE filed for divorce. He agreed to live separately even when she agreed to reconcile. He never physically beat her. His daughter testified she constantly complained to him but he never yelled at her. They exchanged over 250 friendly text messages in the two weeks prior to her killing him where she never expressed fear. His text messages routinely included Bible verses about love and the Lord and doing good being a good person etc. She kept his name even though she put her grandfather's maiden name on her daughter's birth certificate and never listed him as the father. She dragged him through family court with FIVE attempts at accusing him of domestic violence but not one judge found ANY accusations valid. When he was granted joint custody she decided to move to Maryland to a different jurisdiction to try there. It takes discernment and simple common sense to recognize that Ashley is a cunning manipulator, a pathological liar, a narcissistic user, and most likely a sociopath. She gunned down an innocent man who had the same issues as many older widowers who lose a beloved wife after many years, and Doug Benefield wanted to be part of his child’s life -- rightfully so -- even agreeing to move states and live separately. Nothing was ever enough for Ashley because she wanted complete control. She is a FIRST DEGREE murderer -- not a victim -- this execution was evidently planned well in advance as verified by the guns planted around the house. Why send Mommy and daughter out for a walk if you're afraid for your life of a man?
Yes, confessing to VERY scary behaviour at the same time blaming her somehow for "making him mad'.
@@Truth17John17 Do you think the State have proven their case beyond a reasonable doubt?
@@josephkerrigan733 There is so much information that has not been brought to light, and I don't understand why. I don't know if their hands are tied or what the issue is......But I am honestly concerned for Doug's daughter and family. Many (actually, most) social media commenters see through Ashley's charade, ao we can only hope that the jury will see her for what she truly is, too.
@@Truth17John17 Do you think from what the State has presented at trial only, have they proven their case beyond a reasonable doubt?
DV survivor here as well. My daughter's bio dad was SO manipulative! At one point, he had EVERYONE convinced I was the liar. Shame on LE for not taking her seriously- some of the blood is on their hands for not intervening before things escalated to this point!
Seems like that's why they have to prosecute her. If they didn't they'd have to admit they failed her.
LE constantly don't believe victims. I know of one lady that ended up murdered because the cops banned her and her family from calling the cops anymore on her boyfriend, and convicted them of being a 'nuisance'.
Don’t u think she could be doing the same to DB? Blaming her victim, now & back then?
Absolutely agree.
@@MayaGTK He admitted to DV in a prior deposition so no one is lying about that. I'll take Doug's own word on it.
I was blown away by the victim shaming I witnessed in the chats today. The parallels between her story and mine 12 years ago with my ex husband is remarkable.
I’m still healing from the traumatic, insidious effects of the Domestic Violence I suffered.
It's not victim shaming to share opinions that we don't believe her story. As a victim myself, this is just a way to claim that other POVs are victim blaming to make yourself feel better.
@@mikusheadphonesI agree it is not victim shaming to share opinions that you don’t believe her story. That’s not what I was talking about.
TOTALLY!!! I am so sorry!!! 💔
It's definitely scary to read them too especially by other women.
Not to put you on the spot, but how many patches did your walls have?
If anyone has ever been in this situation, you know that calling 9/11, or taking out a phone will not stop someone who is enraged and abusive.
Yes your spot on! I called police several times and he kept
Breaking in my house
As someone who has not directly, I still laughed aloud at the comment that this is the appropriate time to call 911. Time moves differently with adrenaline and fear. Hindsight is 20/20. A phone is an immediate escalation, which she couldn't afford. There are so many reasons why the perfect moment to call 911 is only perfect because we're dissecting the event.
Remember that she was 24yr old girl and he was a 54yr old man.... She was imo def abused... Controlled... She was in fear... As she said constantly walking on egg shells.... I mean come on.. Even his own daughter admitted he shot his gun into the celling of the kitchen because he lost his temper in a rage... Then punched a hole in the wall... Then punched the dog in the face so hard he knocked the dog out... I mean holy shit that is terrifying... Imagine her being your own daughter alone in a house with a man acting that way.... are you really telling me that you wouldn't be in fear for your daughters life every damn minute they were together? She moved to another state to get away from him.... He followed her... Stalked her... Puts a tracker on her car without her permission..... Then he snaps once again while alone with just her... And finally goes even farther and hits her.... Corners her in the house... She runs into her room... He follows.... So she does what she has to do to survive. I believe her 100%
I was always told, "go ahead call you're the one that will get in trouble". So I never called.
@@horrormoviereactions absolutely agree!!
I called the cops once saying I was being abused he had pulled me in front of a huge book shelf then tipped it on me… he was over 6 feet I’m just over 5 feet tall.. the cops came and he said My Dad Was A Cop… and the camaraderie began.. they were ready to take me in not him.. I made them leave and told them to give him a ride home and locked my doors… he sabotaged my vehicle.. flattened all my tires that night when I thought they were all gone.. got educated and won’t have another in my life.. (but it took 2 narcissists to educate myself!!)
My ex father in law was a cop and my ex played that card every time I tried to get help.
@@mimielliott8052 Wow, sounds so similar to my story, thank you for sharing.
Blessings on your journey 🫶
@@mimielliott8052 but that didn’t happen here
@@SandyKnauerMorganno but if you look at ppl's experiences the patterns emerge. Harassing, stalking - which comes down to not respecting boundaries. She didn't want him getting in touch, neither of them she said, and he says he's confused about that (through his lawyer) and mails her something anyway before it officially goes through. Look, if she's the crazy psycho liar ppl are saying, then give that b some space! Fight her in the courts, try to have contact and custody of your kid. I've not contacted family cuz they've made it clear they don't want to talk with me, there was no court order needed. But for ppl who believe they have a right to you, your body, control over how you dress and present yourself and who you interact with they show repeated patterns of behavior including tracking, stalking, slashing tires. It's like there is a manual somewhere they all read from.
@@origamikiddo2625 she was his wife and he sent her a birthday present. 🙄
As someone who has been repeatedly dismissed as manipulative and a faker while having genuine emotional reactions, I know just how confidently wrong the, "Just look at her, how could anybody fall for that," crowd can be. If I'm about to cry, my first panicked thought is about how to try to keep anybody from thinking I'm doing it on purpose, which just makes it worse. Crying for real gets me accused of faking, so I have to try to alter my behavior somehow in an attempt to avoid criticism. At this point, I prefer to hide if I can't stop myself from crying because I'm too afraid my reaction will be held against me.
That's so awful! I hate how some people think they can unilaterally declare the level of authenticity of other people's feelings! It's completely insane and unfair.
That's awful! I hate how some people think they can unilaterally declare the level of authenticity of other people's feelings! It's completely insane and unfair.
💜
@@corvinredacted this is so true and so powerful and I share this sentiment now too. Thank you for sharing ♡
People in the live chat were absolutely disgusting and miserable with their lives
I work in EMS. It can take cops and us in the ambulance up to 10-15 mins sometimes to get to you depending on many factors. Dispatch will always ask if you can try and get away on your own because at best it will be 2 mins until a cop gets there and someone can do ALOT to you in 2 mins including k*ll you. 911 is there to aid you in your safety but not the sole thing that keeps you safe. YOU have to keep YOU SAFE whatever way you can!
“Men shouldn’t give their wives the opportunity to even argue they’re in fear for their life” THANK YOU!!!!
what
As someone who grew up around DV, I'm very shocked by some of the comments made by the livestream chat. Why would anyone think that recording video/audio or calling the police when someone who just knocked you in the head and could easily kill might murder you in the next few seconds?? It is the most terrifying thing in the world to have someone who you think loves you turn on you like that you would 1000% go into survival mode. I believe her.
@@mrbroadwaydork thank you! 10000% agree. Some of the questions just had me feeling so frustrated.
Completely agree! Some of these comments have me losing faith in humanity.
I believe her, but i think she coached and it threw me off at times.
@@ballen787 doug admitted the abuse and they have a text from his 2nd wife about his abuse of her. Much better evidence than telling a friend.
There is not usually evdence @ballen787 I had one photo of my bloody bitten nose..with cops in house and eggs thrown at my head dried yolks in my hair dishes and utensils all over floor, 1 of 3 cops believed me.. my bf is 17 yrs older. Acted like an elderly person and told cops I was a drunk.. they only had him leave for the night..I had to apologize and placate him after
I’ve changed my mind after seeing the defendant testify, her testimony was real, I felt her pain. Bless her for getting the courage to testify and confront her situation. Thx for covering this case Peter.
I wanted to add one more thing-that the prosecutor treated her horribly by making her relive the event that she had to go through.
Agree
I give her credit for doing her job(hard one) to convict her, BUT the prosecutors attitude towards the way Ashley was speaking to her on cross. The prosecutor was condescending.
@@SunshineluverAs she should be. The prosecutor knows more than anyone what happened. Including the evidence that is inadmissible. So if the prosecutor knows in her heart who this person is, why shouldn’t she be condescending?
@@yb7270the inadmissible evidence seems to all be exculpatory
@@yb7270because it's not professional. And remember, there was inadmissible evidence on both sides
When my husband drank a lot, he would body check me. He would push me. He pushed me down after i had pelvic surgery. He's 6'5 I'm 5'3, just raising his voice, was terrifying. I did go to the authorities just to make a statement on record that things were escalating. It opened up a world of problems w CPS. But, it woke him up, and he stopped. One time we were arguing, he said, "Why don't you call the authorities?" All sarcastic... I said. .. "put your hands on me like that again, and i will."
I have not had to again. Thank God .
But, I can tell you this. Its easy to say, why didn't you leave? Why try to co parent? Its easy to stand outside and look in and say those things.
When you're in it, you explain things away. You're overreacting. He was drinking. He was upset. Work is stressing him out, he doesn't mean it.
Especially when they apologize after. AND
These people (because women do this as much as men) see and can sense when we are forgiving, easy to intimidate and easy to persuade and they use it. They prey and play on us. And they are good at convincing us it won't happen again.
@@scrantonstrangler8301 he never apparently abused his first child correct? She went out of her way to get pregnant when he abused the animals and her correct? But then she immediately wanted to stop any right he has to the child before its born? She wanted a baby at any cost and her BPD mind wouldn't not share custody. She planned it no matter what kind of person he was, she's worse
One in 5 DV victims are men although few report due to the fear & shame. This documentary is very well done- a horrific case.
th-cam.com/video/jz9CVFKRK6s/w-d-xo.html&si=Nlxm7xiNjyepXM94
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad you were able to have positive changes. I think ppl don't realize that ppl who let their emotions control them and be abusive look for those partners that will allow their boundaries to be crossed and accept apologies and come back. And so much of all this is subconscious. My parent is a narcissist (or at the least has many tendencies) and I easily lean towards using those strategies and techniques with my partner and kids but an learning and growing it's not the appropriate response just cuz my brain wants to do it. The silent treatment and leaving is my big problem go to. My other parent is the abused and through hearing about their parent I realize my grand parent was a narcissist so from birth my parent was exposed to that behavior and I think you either fight it and maybe have their traits or learn to submit to go along and make peace. So when my abusive parent found partners that wouldn't put up with such behaviors, they were called crazy or difficult. That parent broke up with my other parent to really see if that was the right person, pretty sure there was some sleeping around with other ppl during that time. Then cuz they kept thinking about my abused parent they came back and the abused parent took them back and married them. Every year they were told, ugh, I'm not sure we should be married. Finally that parent said ok, then leave. The talk of leaving stopped then. They are still together, things got real bad for a while and some of my siblings still don't talk to me. There was counseling and there has been some improvement, I think mostly through that abused parent living with me in a peaceful non toxic environment where they could be themselves and not called stupid, irrational, emotional, and felt invalidated. They know they always have a place here and we're both ready for that parent to live with me when old age and dementia makes them living together impossible again. I never saw physical abuse to a person, but walls and chairs and the explosive anger and fights and silent treatments and the emotional abuse was there. The abused parent will never divorce and they only left cuz they were forced out. I can't understand it in my being cuz I'm the opposite, but I understand it's their reality and reaction and even getting them to leave when it was bad to just visit me for a month was the hardest thing. Only being forced out did that parent work with me to get vehicles and bank accounts in their own name. And they understand and see the manipulation more. But I'm sure of a handful or more of ppl who have no clue about any of this and only know the outside perception of my parents and would say everything was fine and they didn't have problems and would be shocked to hear the truth and probably wouldn't believe me.
As a DV survivor, I understand her wanting to appease him and de-escalate things, pretend it’s ok and get herself settled. I took thousands of dollars in parking/tolls fines that weren’t mine from my ex, amongst other wild things in order not to aggravate him. When she talks about how he criticised how she looked etc, it all tracks with how they attempt to break you down and make you feel so small that you only rely on them. It all tracks for me.
Statistics say that the most dangerous time for a DV victim in this situation is when you finally decide to leave, this often creates the largest escalation (it did in my case and with other women I connected with) and if you don’t have support around you it can become deadly.
Very sad case for all involved.
She was terrified of him. He was obsessed with her and thought he owned her.
First, he's complimenting you constantly and is obsessed with how hot he thinks you are, but once he has you, he starts demanding to know why you're dressing so slutty (in the same clothes you've always worn) and who you're making yourself up for because you should only want to attract him. He loves showing you off as his possession while simultaneously blaming you for attracting other men. Watching this and remembering what's out there is making me appreciate my husband even more than usual.
Exactly. Keeping the peace is often your only defense
@@Jaci_G Yes yes yes.The memories come back.As you say..if you look good they love it but if any other man looks at you it's your fault and I was bashed on the way home.So sad to remember. At the time so traumatic.
@@WomanofSteele👍
I was in an abusive relationship for over 8 years and no one knew. During those 8 years, everyone would have thought that we were happy and he was caring and thoughtful. So so far from the truth. I finally left but he escalated at the end. Her testimony is so real to me.
Same. Glad you got out ❤
So much of this is exactly like my experiences with my ex husband. Its hard to hear. I believe her. I’m glad you and I both got out!!!
Same. Very much the same.
Same mine was 9 years
Me too!!! 💔 Mine lasted 22 years. It’s easy to beat myself up. As I age I have compassion for my younger self. 😔
I completely think she is being truthful and was absolutely fearful of her life.
I’m a survivor of a very unhealthy relationship. with similar instances. There are so many moving emotional turns and twists, and I appreciate your kindness and compassion.
God bless you 🙏
I recently witnessed a woman who was trapped in a moving vehicle with her bf jump out to her death - he would not let her out and she was so in fear for her safety she made an extreme choice to save herself with a terrible outcome. That’s on my mind as I watch Ashley Benefield’s testimony.
Mt. Lemmon?
Witness means live or in TV?
@@bobbic9868 I thought Mount Lemmon too. Can’t believe you witnessed that. It sounds terrifying. Feel horrific for that poor woman. And you for seeing it.
I was on that position recently with my 18yo son. I was terrified of how he was driving and being him do pull over, and he wouldn't let me out.
😢
As a survivor of DV, anyone that suggests alternatives of what she should have done simply can’t understand what that kind of fear does to you. When you are looking to survive you aren’t thinking about recording it and if you can’t run options to survive are limited. I don’t know the truth here but not crying well enough or not surviving the way you think you would is not a reason to say she is lying. Please consider how many victims are killed in the same exact scenario. If there is a chance this is true it is important to seriously consider it.
Wtf is she surviving from? The man never touched or ever even threatened her. As an actual survivor - how the hell could you say her experience qualifies as abuse!!!!!!!
One in 5 DV victims are men although few report due to the fear & shame. This documentary is very well done- a horrific case.
th-cam.com/video/jz9CVFKRK6s/w-d-xo.html&si=Nlxm7xiNjyepXM94
@@ciecie16emotional abuse and manipulation is a big component. As a person growing up in that kind of household, my one parent still cannot think of leaving cuz it's the world they know. And they were told if they had problems in their marriage they were stuck with it, don't come crawling back to my grandparents. So they felt completely alone and dependent on the abusive parent. Who was physically abusive once, I learned a few years ago, so instead of hitting when the anger was so much, that parent took off for days and we had no clue where or when they would return. Then silent treatment when they returned and we walked on eggshells until we had been punished enough. It was never discussed and the fights started as small things but then everything that was a problem got piled on. There are still ppl we know/relatives who have no clue and would be shocked to learn the truth and think it's all my abused parents fault. What I see is that two ppl have to put in the work, accept ownership, communicate, and feel safe to be open and honest about problems. My worldview growing up was my one parent was logical and not driven by emotions and the other was irrational, illogical, overly emotional and the reason for all the problems and my other parents lack of being able to control themselves in anger cuz they were so unreasonable! The ownership of how we act out our emotions was not there for the one parent. And my one sibling has turned into that parent in adulthood and with their kids. I see it repeating. I see it in friend and their custody battles. One friend's child was forced to hold a knife to their parents chest and told to push it in if they weren't going to visit anymore. No marks from that, no one was hit. Is that not abuse? She only has the kids' word against the parent - no proof. Do we not believe her until the bruises or cuts are there? And if there are marks or scratches we say they aren't enough? When we learn about the patterns and look for them, they are here. They are backed up by police reports, calls to CPS, testimony from Eva, text messages. Are we to wait until we see actual video of a girlfriend being beat up in an elevator until we believe what the woman is claiming? If we look for the patterns, I'll bet we see that in relationships before it resorts to such violence or loss of life. And learning and educating others, especially the young ppl what to look for in abusive/controlling relationships whether it is emotional, physical, sexual etc is only going to help instead of dismissing it because it doesn't match what we think it have experienced.
Nicole Simpson called 911 over 8 times for help and look what happened to her…
Yes…OJ’s fame and bs charmed the police! Don’t think thus guy had that!
Yep and the public will say oh so sad, the system failed her and simultaneously talk crap about Ashley and say she’s a liar. Impossible to fathom.
I was shocked that she had to call the police multiple times
@@ImUrHuckleberry33 this case isn’t about Nicole Simpson. It’s about Ashley killing Doug.
Omg please watch ANY of the many TH-cam deep dives that respected creators have done on this case. SHE IS NO NICOLE SIMPSON. She abused his daughter!!!! She ruined the lives of foreign dancers stuck now in the us because of her!!!!!! She accused everyone of poisoning her & tried to ruin everyone around her!!!This woman is evil. For what it’s worth, Doug was trash, too. Eva was already an orphan, and she took her dad after abusing her. It’s the fault of the prosecution, but I wish for the love of all that is holy that all y’all would do your research on this case!
Instead of her being a gold-digger who took his money, think about this: He was 30 years older than her. She was young and inexperienced. He love bombed her, pretended he loved the ballet because she loved it, etc. He married her quickly and promised her a lot. She danced the ballet, but she didn’t know how to run a company. He should have known better. He was a bad businessman but it was something he could hold over her. She probably did want a child in the beginning, but after he started showing his abusive behavior, she didn’t. However, she did get pregnant and after seeing him abuse her defenseless pets, what could he do to a defenseless child? She was smart to not let that happen and tried to get away. Narcissistic abusers are charming and convincing to people on the outside. The system was failing her, but she was going to protect her daughter. He wanted to use the child as another means of control. She knew he would escalate so she was trying to appease him. I feel like she was walking a tightrope to protect herself and her daughter. I’ve seen how these operators work. I think she is a smart woman who recognized her situation pretty quickly and did her best to get out and hold her ground. Even though the legal system wasn’t helpful.
Do you believe her accusations regarding their child?
@@thecanrights9184 agree
I was in an abusive relationship for years when I was young. It finally became clear that he was escalating, and one day he was going to hit me. So I broke up with him, and I was right. That night, he put his hands on me in anger and threw me into the car in my parents driveway while he screamed into my face.
He eventually followed me into another state. Luckily he didn't do anything else because I was living with someone by then.
Ladies, always trust your instincts! Whatever he's promising you isn't worth it. If he's not capable of being the man you deserve now, why would he be capable of it in the future?
I agree. When you realize you are with an abusive person but you already said you wanted kids with them, how are you supposed to approach the conversation of not having kids anymore? In the next video they talk about that and in my opinion I think that she was surprised because you often hear that it takes a while of trying to get pregnant before it actually happens. I think that she thought she had more time to figure out how to secretly get birth control and she wasn’t ready to get pregnant. Once it happened everything changed for her because she had to think about what happens with the baby now. That’s why she did so much with the courts and the police. That’s why she tried to not let him have parental rights. This case is so sad. I really hope the best for her.
I was in several terrible relationships beginning with my mother (alcoholic abusive and occasionally violent). Then a marriage to someone like her and a relationship. The more I listen to her I recall that in my marriage I began to see the progression of the abuse and left before I could get pregnant.
The third relationship was a different kind of crazy, with a deeply narcissistic man, someone who lied, cheated and demanded loyalty from me despite his disloyalty to me. He would follow always with enotional abuse. Incredibly I stayed far too long before I ended it.
As she speaks I can understand her wanting to slip away without him. And I can also see with the abuse she was living with...how she finally snapped. Nothing she tried to get away had worked.
As a DV Survivor, the most common question I get is why didn’t you leave after X. How much worse were you willing to take. You become constantly under this delusion and after profuse apologies and promises that things are going to be different and you will have the happy ending you thought you signed up for. I consider myself an intelligent person. I’m a lawyer myself. But the type of things that happened where I went back -and they do include stuff like driving in a scary way and punching walls and not letting me leave the house -these are not comprehendible to a person not in the situation. Your self-esteem is solo you think by this point you’ll never find anyone else who will love you. I was so delusional that one big reason I stayed was because I didn’t wanna lose face at my law firm and have to go and tell everyone that my marriage didn’t work out even though I was literally in a living hell. There is no logic to these things. It’s pure insanity. So for me personally, it really irks me when the prosecutor kept saying why didn’t you leave after that? Obviously she doesn’t get it, regardless of whether the actual culminating event was legally self-defense at least the fact that women leave at least seven times before they are finally able to get out should be recognized. That is a UN statistic. I left three or four times before the last time I left. Ironically, when I told my husband that I wanted to move out and end the relationship, he started being really nice to me, and that really loved me into a sense of false security. But then when he knew it was really happening got really nasty and started leaving me all these really scary messages and emails and I basically had to flee the country to get away from him. I think no matter the outcome of this case or who is telling the truth because we will never actually know the truth that are larger issues around domestic violence that we as a society really need to be confronting because it constantly gets swept under the rug and victims are left to fend for themselves with very little help from the judicial system, and if they do turn to self-help themselves, the possibility of going to jail for very long time. Another example - my husband started attacking me and hitting me and I fought back. He called the cops and told them that I was the aggressor and they believed him. sorry for the long comment but I can see this is really awakening some deep pain and a lot of people and I hope that everyone in this situation or having dealt with the situation can find peace. You deserve better.
One in 5 DV victims are men although few report due to the fear & shame. This documentary is very well done- a horrific case.
th-cam.com/video/jz9CVFKRK6s/w-d-xo.html&si=Nlxm7xiNjyepXM94
Agreed from seeing this with family - they feel they have nowhere to go and can't survive without the partner even when they are miserable and living in hell. Or they stay for children or grandchildren cuz they don't want to leave them in such a toxic environment alone. They don't have access or enough finances to survive without having to go back to the abuser. My relative learned they are entitled to half in a divorce and that boosted their feeling of control. They don't want divorce, but if spouse tried to back out of promises they knew they could have that as a last resort. Their self esteem is still so low, they think they are stupid, too emotional, and irrational. Add to that some neurodiversity they are always berated for. Only through learning about the differences in our brains working so we get some boost in well, that's just how my processing system works and can't do much about that. I'm not an idiot, my brain just short circuits (which I think is from living under narcissistic abuse their whole life).
It is very sad to me that so many people do not understand domestic violence
This case is not about domestic violence, it is about weather or not the unaliving of this man is justified. That's the part that most people are not understanding. A lot of DV in here, how many did murder their abuser?
@@claudiakenworthy6050to be fair though, there's a reason they're called DV SURVIVORS. How many people were in dangerous situations with their abusers and aren't here to share their experience now?
@@claudiakenworthy6050 if she was in fear of her life it was justified….how many women didn’t get out and their abusers are in prison?
@@Stucklike-Chuck in my opinion with all the respect, she had plenty of opportunity to end the relationship as a matter of fact she was away in FL without him for a long time. My advice would be to get to know your partner for life a bit longer than 13 days
She didn’t live with him for 3 years, she invited him over & she was telling him they were reconciling but telling counselors they weren’t, her abvse allegations were not proven.
The “why” is coercive control. His petitioning the court to be in the delivery room made my skin crawl.
Why was your skin crawling? What point are you trying to make?
She is at her most vulnerable and he being present is about control. He could be in the waiting room or when she comes home instead if he cared about her wellbeing and comfort level.
@@annm9589Partners who want complete control will use systems to force their agenda. It feels like you can’t win ever. Very, very frustrating and frightening
@@Truth17John17my experience with an abusive relationship and my experience giving birth
@@revkate1296 I was also in an abusive relationship. In this case, SHE is the abuser, not HE.
I've never been a victim of DV but my mom was with a very emotional abusive man for a lot of my teenage years. He never hit her, and when I'd try to talk to her about abuse, that was a sticking point - he lied, manipulated, CHEATED, but he never hit her.
Finally, AFTER THEY BROKE UP he saw her at a bar hanging out with some men she knew and he beat the hell out of her. The RCMP took a report, filed a restraining order on her behalf and never pressed charges.
When he would show up where she was, she would call the number the RCMP gave her to ask what could be done re: the restraining order and all they would say is she had to leave. He would appear at all her usual places (coffee shops, restaurants,etc). She had to completely change her lifestyle with absolutely no support from law enforcement.
I don't know any details beyond what Peter has covered but I think it is wholly possible for there to be no prior record of abuse and this still happens.
@@amandamacabre For what it's worth, women are murdered all the time by men who never laid a hand on them before. His own admissions (firing the gun, hitting the dog, throwing the cat) are all on the lethality risk assessment.
Was this Kelowna or Regina? Both cities have terrible RCMP responses to DV
Wtf!! They make HER leave!? I'm so sick of men getting away with unacceptable behavior!!! We need a real life Dexter, boondock saint etc.
The RCMP are unbelievable. As a RN I had a four year old victim of SA. They came took my report, spoke with the child(the officer obviously had zero training or experience) and eventually allowed her to return to that exact situation. Canada’s version of DCF called to check in days later. I moved from Florida where that child would never be sent back to that home. DCF would be there within the hour, an the abuser would be investigated/arrested.
I really admire the compassionate stance you consistently take. Even your commentary on cases featuring universally disliked clients like Sarah Boone, for example, you are always compassionate. It's refreshing.
This is such a big trigger! My dad was abusive and my mom didn’t have the courage to divorce him. It was my sister and I told my mom she needed to leave. One of the hardest part is that relatives didn’t believe us that our dad was abusive because his public persona was so different. He would be so charismatic and loving to everyone but us. My mom finally left and his second wife was nearly killed. He should have gone to prison because what he did to me for 10 years was a heinous crime!
Anyway, God bless her for saving her and her baby’s life!
@@vickiaverett2744 you've never met a cunning cluster B woman, all your seeing is what she's talked about. She planned it. She did not want to share custody. That poor child is outside the court w a sign. Only a sick twisted woman would allow that
It makes me sad. She is showing so many of the signs I had. Saying Sorry so quickly and often, lack of eye contact, panic attack. Hopefully you'll never have to walk in her shoes.
most here spouting against her when they have no clue… none ! IS SHE INNOCENT? i have no clue , for sure and none of us will ever know for sure- that’s why the Jury shouldn’t convict - there’s a lot of red flags here - that man was not innocent ! IF you weren’t there , you can’t know how afraid this woman was -
Hearing this woman triggered me so badly when I was trapped with my abusive husband that I broke down & had to speak to my adult children about being abused & not to Ever put up with it but that is easier said than done. It took me many many years.
Me too. I was in tears watching her testimony. I absolutely believe her, as I have lived this story. Not guilty.
So sorry! This whole testimony is triggering to those who have witnessed or have been victims of DV.
I was in DV too…luckily we didn’t have children yet. He was a drunk and gambler. He beat me at the slightest thing from what I wore, to how my hair was cut. The night he bashed my head against the bathroom tiles wall I thought he was going to kill me. I decided that night it was time to get away. I planned it, got our unit sold. I packed my stuff separately took a few months, but I just let him drink to his hearts content and stayed away from him. Went to work with him one day, I turned around and left, met up with mum & we moved my stuff back home. Then he stalked me for over a year. I had never told anyone until just at the end. It was a nightmare, and I rarely ever talk about it, I would prefer to forget that 4 years of marriage I wasted. DV was never talked about it was pushed under the table. I’m sorry you had to endure that with your children. It’s so difficult to get away, people don’t realise if they haven’t been there. ❤
I felt triggered as well. All the sudden, previous issues raised sounded plausible. They become desperate and will say anything to try to keep you from leaving. It’s all manipulation. Perhaps that’s what all those sweet text messages and offers to pick up breakfast, etc. They DO NOT accept boundaries. I can see him feeling “disrespected” and therefore become violent. Moreover, if he physically harmed an animal he is an ABUSER based on my personal experience. Reasonable doubt after hearing her testimony. ⚖️
❤❤❤
I can still tell the folks that have never felt PTSD from living thru this type of marriages. The fear that comes when one senses that switch gets turned to to the actions experienced many times before.
DV survivor here: before the trial I thought she was a liar, controlling and guilty. Since the trial and especially after her testimony, I believe her. People who haven't been in these situations fail to realize how quick domestics can escalate and how reactive victims become.
Edited to add: my ex would grab my hair and punch me in the head (not face) because as he said, "it won't leave any marks".
Maybe watch the cross examination before you believe her. She’s not even crying real tears. She’s playing the roll of
a a victim - I don’t get how people can’t read right through that. As a genuine survivor myself, I’m sure you can relate that there would be SOOO much evidence you could point to. If this person gets away with this defence, this a literally a free pass for people to kill their ex and claim self defence. Please explain how it’s “self defence” when he did not utter a threat or lay a finger on her? wtf.
My ex would throw things (including knives,) but never hit me. He was mostly fear-based (his anger/yelling/beating on my car windows when I was leaving for work or trying to get away from the situation) and mentally/emotionally abusive. My friend since childhood's ex-husband would punch her feet and leave the most hideous bruises...anywhere - in his words - "that wouldn't be easily visible or people would believe it was abuse."
@@ciecie16 I did and I still 100% believe her. When I pressed charges against my ex husband, after 16 years of marriage, everyone was shocked. I kept my abuse, which was mostly verbal and emotional and coercive, a secret from everyone in my world. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until my ex finally started to get physical (at the very end of our marriage, when he started to lose his control over me) that I actually realized I was in danger and had been a victim of abuse, all these years. Had I had to kill my ex during a fit of his rage, I wouldn't have any proof. It would have been my word against whatever. Even when he became physical, he was smart enough to hit me in the head or drag me by my hair so that there would be no bruises or marks. I could have very well have been Ashley. Abuse is different for everyone
The chat was out of control today. There needs to be stronger boundaries. I have always loved the open-minded unbiased approach that welcomes healthy debate from opposing sides, but people were making cruel jokes about a DV survivor and making it so unsafe that people with trauma were leaving in droves leaving behind a cesspool of trolls. I love that you are open to hearing people out and challenge people to use actual reasoning but when it becomes triggering for people to even be here because of the level of cruelty tolerated we’ve lost the plot. Where were the mods?
Try Melanie Little. That kinda talk gets the boot! Very safe chat.
I missed the live and after hearing this I’m glad I missed it. I find her credible and I totally believe her and the man with the wheel. Being prepared in case something happens is not the same as planning to kill someone. I carry a gun because I have been a victim of DV and because I am a woman. It doesn’t mean I plan to kill anyone. Thank you for speaking up and supporting this traumatized woman. I don’t believe every woman who claims this but I believe her.
@@shadoejones3288 totally agree!
I agree 💯. I don't think LYK has mods.
@@jessicanasuti9952 MODS are needed.
Ashley was the warrior today. The roughest prosecution questioning I've ever heard of!
Why? Because she was crying? That’s a prosecutors job!
@@Por2ugalbecause it’s very hard to get up on the stand and tell people what happened.
This is not a case that should have been prosecuted. Everything she says resonates with me. Peter, you dont understand.
@@Por2ugalNo, because she is telling the truth. I’ve been there.
@@Por2ugal Because she was snarky, unprofessional and completely unlikable. Whether you think Ashley was justified or not, most people can agree that Doug was abusive and possessive to SOME degree, and that's not how an intelligent attorney handles a victim. She thought she could get away with it because she's a woman, but she came off as a smug bully and made Ashley look even more sympathetic. It was stupid and ineffective at best.
If you’ve been in an abusive relationship, you’ve seen the eyes going black. It is sooo REAL.
one thing is for sure Doug resorted to grabbing his gun pretty quickly when angry which made him dangerous
Yeah. Scary.
He demonstrated he lacked self control in past. Not a stretch for one to think he doesn’t have any self control in the present.
Fearing an abusive person is not always rational but it is absolutely real. In that moment you truly fear for your life.
Men are just physically so much stronger than us that the fear is rational to me, especially when they are being agressive
I agree.
An abuser isolates their victim. Doug Benefield dropped Ashley off at her mother’s house per her request and she lived with her mother for almost a year before HE filed for divorce. He agreed to live separately even when she agreed to reconcile. He never physically beat her. His daughter testified she constantly complained to him but he never yelled at her. They exchanged over 250 friendly text messages in the two weeks prior to her killing him where she never expressed fear. His text messages routinely included Bible verses about love and the Lord and doing good being a good person etc. She kept his name even though she put her grandfather's maiden name on her daughter's birth certificate and never listed him as the father. She dragged him through family court with FIVE attempts at accusing him of domestic violence but not one judge found ANY accusations valid. When he was granted joint custody she decided to move to Maryland to a different jurisdiction to try there. This ex-ballerina "black swan" or whater-you-want-to-call-her is the abuser, not Doug. Ashley is a cunning manipulator, a pathological liar, a narcissistic user, and most likely a sociopath. She gunned down an innocent man who had the same issues as many older widowers who lose a beloved wife after many years, and Doug Benefield wanted to be part of his child’s life -- rightfully so -- even agreeing to move states and live separately. Nothing was ever enough for Ashley because she wanted complete control. She is a FIRST DEGREE murderer -- not a victim -- this execution was evidently planned well in advance as verified by the guns planted around the house. Why send Mommy and daughter out for a walk if you're afraid for your life of a man? Use common sense, people. This woman is NOT a domestic violence victim, Doug is the victim. Ashley is the perpetrator.
@@Truth17John17 not always. He was an abuser plain and simple
@@kmm1691 You're entitled to your opinion. She IS the abuser. GUILTY!
Thank you for your kind, compassionate, and open minded approach to this case. Too many tried and convicted Ashley Benefield in the press before she ever came to court. Sadly, too many people don’t understand coercive control and how invisible it can be unless you are the one being controlled.
You would do anything to save your child from ever experiencing what you are. If that means smiling and trying to get along, that’s what you do to try to keep things calm. Unfortunately, coercive control always escalates unless you get out and even then it often turns to stalking and a never ending cycle of abuse.
For those of us who have experienced it in one way or another, we see all the signs of an abused woman and one who was backed into a corner with nowhere to go to escape except to save her life and likely the life of her child.
I stayed with an emotional abuser for 24 years before it got so bad I had to leave. And even then he followed me to the town I moved to. He charmed most people and they thought I was crazy.
I was married to an abuser too for 11 years.
and him moving to where YOU were wasn't a sign that he was the crazy one?
Abusers are usually very charming. My ex was extremely abusive mentally and later physically but would win people over in a snap. Family and friends who met him one time constantly gushed over him and wanted to be his friend. It was so hard because that was the part of him I loved too. It really leveled up the mental torture and the validation of his treatment to me in my unhealthy mental state from years of abuse
Same here. Everyone loved my ex. They were shocked when they finally heard the truth. ❤
Thank you for bravely sharing..
when people ask why she didn't get away or why would she continue to be around him. It is hard to explain, but when you were controlled and beat down as a person and they have destroyed your self-esteem, you don't think you can get away from them.
And when you know he'll never let go, it's almost better to try to maintain some kind of a relationship than to have no idea what he's up to and live in constant fear of what might be coming. It makes you feel a little more in control. You just want to try to keep things on an even keel and pray he'll find someone else and move on.
@@paulaelkins7618 really? Cause she went out of her way to get pregnant by the man after he already abused their pets. She's mental
I 100% believe her. Emotional abuse is so twisted and it makes the victim question EVERYTHING.
Peter, I was a dv survivor of 25 years before I finally had the courage to leave. I stayed for a couple of reasons. I had 3 kids and a church that didn't believe in divorce. I completely identify with Ashley just trying to get along. To keep the abuser happy any way I could! Constantly pretending so he wouldn't get mad. I was always walking on eggshells. You get so emotionally and mentally beat down that you don't feel anything for the abuser. I wanted out so desperately but I was so afraid to leave bc of his threats of violence if I ever tried to leave. Once my kids were grown and out of the house the abuse continued but I no longer cared about what he would do to me but I was leaving! What the prosecutor did to Ashley on cross was disgusting and cruel! She should be ashamed. My heart goes out to Ashley and I hope the jury recognizes why she did the things she did. It's a sad situation for both families! Ashley's and Doug's. There are no winners. Thanks for covering this case. I appreciate all you do to help us understand the law. You're the best!
Hmm
God bless and try to keep safe. 💜
Totally agree about the cross. It was infuriating!!!
Thank you for sharing. As a victim of DV I am appalled by the victim shaming by some people. Are they trolls?
Exactly! I just wrote a comment saying almost the same things. For those asking why we don't leave, well here's one reason. I got the courage to leave and in order to punish me he kidnapped my son and it took me 5 years to get him back. And that was why I was afraid to leave and that's why I stayed. It's just so unfair for those who haven't experienced it to ask why we don't leave.
Watching this testimony today was SO HARD and I’m not a DV victim. I totally believe her. The documented stuff corroborates, she doesn’t embellish, admits good things, doesn’t overdramatize. I had to turn it off because I was getting so anxious.
I am a victim. I believe her.Who is to say what a terrified victim in fight to flight will do? Even the ex wife text demonstrated abuse.
@@DrofJustice I see it the opposite. Don’t believe much of anything she says. And the dry nose blowing was hilarious to me. That performance might be normal the second and third day after. Four years? Maybe silent tears flow in the retelling. This is so over the top that I am surprised anyone is buying it. (Mine was charged with attempted murder so I was hurt much worse than he was. Both still alive.)
@@DrofJustice Great points
@@SandyKnauerMorgan People present at court say they saw tears, we just couldn’t on TV.
I really don’t know yet I’m on the fence
Never heard of this case until watching the trial proceedings here with Peter. So far, I've heard nothing to tell me that she is lying. This case reminds me of a similar situation my best friend went through with her ex husband. He also never touched her, but would slam his fist into the wall next to her head, throw things at her, or near her and if that didn't work, he'd threaten to unalive himself. For seven years, she would come and sit at my kitchen table and cry and cry, but she was terrified of leaving him, becaue he would threaten to take their kids away. He would manipulate her and gaslight her to make her believe it was all in her head. It got so bad that she would sleep on the floor in the kids' room, because she was afraid of what he would do to then. I won't even begin to say what he did to the dog. I finally managed to convince her to go with me to Woman's Aid to talk to someone and it was only then she found the courage to leave him. The thing is... This guy is extremely charasnatic and can wrap you around his little finger. No one believed her either. Two months after their divorce came through, he married another woman and did the same and worse to her. She is now ex wife number 2. He is still making my friend's life miserable because they have to co parent. Suffice it to say that it is a good thing that having a gun is illegal in this country, or he might have ended up the same way this guy did.
That's 100!!! Not all abusers are the same.
An abuser isolates their victim. Doug Benefield dropped Ashley off at her mother’s house per her request and she lived with her mother for almost a year before HE filed for divorce. He agreed to live separately even when she agreed to reconcile. He never physically beat her. His daughter testified she constantly complained to him but he never yelled at her. They exchanged over 250 friendly text messages in the two weeks prior to her killing him where she never expressed fear. His text messages routinely included Bible verses about love and the Lord and doing good being a good person etc. She kept his name even though she put her grandfather's maiden name on her daughter's birth certificate and never listed him as the father. She dragged him through family court with FIVE attempts at accusing him of domestic violence but not one judge found ANY accusations valid. When he was granted joint custody she decided to move to Maryland to a different jurisdiction to try there. This ex-ballerina "black swan" or whater-you-want-to-call-her is the abuser, not Doug. Ashley is a cunning manipulator, a pathological liar, a narcissistic user, and most likely a sociopath. She gunned down an innocent man who had the same issues as many older widowers who lose a beloved wife after many years, and Doug Benefield wanted to be part of his child’s life -- rightfully so -- even agreeing to move states and live separately. Nothing was ever enough for Ashley because she wanted complete control. She is a FIRST DEGREE murderer -- not a victim -- this execution was evidently planned well in advance as verified by the guns planted around the house. Why send Mommy and daughter out for a walk if you're afraid for your life of a man? Use common sense, people. This woman is NOT a domestic violence victim.
@Truth17John17 As I've said, I don't know anything about this case outside of what is being shown in the court proceedings. I haven't seen any media/true crime docs, nothing. So far, she is believable to me. Doesn't mean I can't change my mind when prosecution brings the rebuttal case. I guess we will wait and see. If she is as you describe her to be, she needs to be nominated for best actress ever, because that is some good acting.
@@isabellajones84 Your reply interests and concerns me because if you find her believable by only watcing the trial, then the prosecution may not be doing a thorough enough job. If that's the case, what does that mean for the jury? Fortunately, most commenters (at least on other true crime channels) claim her acting is terrible, and I agree. Peter works to present both sides and I think he's going overboard for ole' Ashley. Until she herself (who has never been in jail and has never so much as given a stetement to police) learned about some of the comments over lunch break about her lack of real tears, she altered her acting by continually, deliberately wiping her eyes with tissues. It was plainly obvious. Besides, that sobbing when she didn't want to answer any more of the prosecution's questions because she knew she did a terrible job with the re-enactment, was telling. People normally don't forget vital details of such a traumatic event, and all the times she answered the prosecutors with "I don't remember" or "I don't recall" after she's had years to prepare for this trial, makes it obvious she is lying. For example, she can't recall when her mother and daughter left the house (which was planned, so she could execute the man she wanted out of her lilfe now that she was finished using him to take them out for meals and use his pool), They were packing to move, yet the police found three pistols situated strategically around the house.....
If you are interested in a non-biased presentation of all the facts of this case, may I suggest: "She Pretended to Love Him: The Murder of Doug Benefield" by True Thought Lounge. He does an excellent job of presenting all of the facts of this case without bias.
In the end, the only thing that truly matters is: Did she shot him in self defense or not? The facts are: (1) He had no weapon, and (2) he was shot in the back because he was moving away from her....This was a deliberate, planned execution. Watch her re-enactment scene again and note the way she is holding the gun, pointing it towards the ground. VERY telling.....
@Truth17John17 you obviously know a lot more than I do about this case. Thanks, I will definitely give it a watch. But, yeah, if I was on that jury, I wouldn't be able to say that the prosecution has proven their point beyond reasonable doubt. Of course, I haven't watched today's proceedings yet, so who knows how my perception will change.
I didn’t receive the survey, but I think she’s VERY CREDIBLE.
Absolutely! I hate how some people think they can unilaterally declare the level of authenticity of other people's feelings! It's completely insane and unfair.
I've spent a couple hours watching this having to pause to do other things a few times. I wanted to come back and say that abuse is not always obvious. To this day people that were friends and even some family denied that my dad was abusive. He wasn't always abusive but there were times from the time I was very young that i had bruises, i was terrified, i was humiliated, but no one saw that. They saw the great guy with a great smile. Even now, i love and miss him. He's been gone for many years, cancer, and we made peace with each other in the end, but it was in many ways a relief to me. The mental and emotional abuse continued into my adulthood. I'm releived that things ended on good terms and that i no longer have to live through the roller coaster if that relationship.
Abusers are often very charming or they play the goofy/naive/fun guy or girl. But the people closest to the abuser get all the aggression. And then those closest seem crazy if they try to tell others about it who don't live in the home and don't see the abuser that way .
This man was toxic, so was she, it was a classic BPD and NPD relationship. She never feared him, and she killed him strictly because she would not share custody w him. That child was "her property".
@@littlebear67that’s your perspective but it doesn’t mean it’s the truth. She’s definitely been on the receiving end of the abuse & is very believable. She’s going to be found not guilty.
@@dudemorris7769 ehh it's facts. I've witnessed this first hand. She did everything from the BPD playbook for alienating a parent
@littlebear67 while it may be true, that is entirely your lay person's opinion. No psychiatrist or psychologist has testified that either Doug or Ashley was diagnosed with those mental disorders.
You are literally teaching people how to think logically . Thank you.
I disagree. I think "The Lawyer We Know" believes he can sway people to NOT think logically. He is trying to sway people towards her innocence when this woman is obviously and clearly a liar and a manipulator.
No one knows how they themselves would look on the stand, telling personal trauma to strangers.
I know how a liar looks on the stand faking emotions😅
@@littlebear67I’m not saying she is or isn’t faking emotions. You’re probably picking up on mannerisms that seem like they aren’t 100% genuine, which can result from all the stress, nervousness, being cautious about how she words things, or actually stretching the truth. But you can’t know for a fact if someone is lying based on your assumptions of how fake emotions are portrayed.
@@maryeller335 when ya know ya know. And I know. He was a creep. And she is a calculated murderer
Thank you Peter!!! I went through 4 custody lawyers because they told me “PASTDomestic Violence did not matter!!!!” Because they wouldn’t acknowledge me as a victim.,,,I got a great attorney who said the past does count! Because the judge did not believe me …he put my children in danger several times and me in jail for refusing him visitation unsupervised when he pulled up in his truck drunk!!! But THANK YOU PETER FOR SAYING THE PAST EVIDENCE MATTERS!!!’🙏🙏❤️🙏🙏
The idea that past dv wouldn’t matter is insane to me! The best predictive of future behavior IS past behavior, for anything! Anyone who says assault on the dog and cat, gun violence in the house, punching walls, vehicle trackers is not DV, I fear for the type of existence people who think she was not abused live in because that is straight up abuse. Do they really think his behavior was normal and acceptable? And I feel like that DV detective was getting off on abusing her more, he was taking everything so personal and enjoyed punishing her.
Having been an abused wife ... if you have experienced their past violence , you become hyper-focused on their movement intentions.
EXACTLY!
Yes! Those who have never experienced it don't understand.
Question "If this was done to a Cop, Teacher, Your child, would punching holes in walls, body checks, throwing objects, swearing, ABUSING ANIMALS, dangerous driving, throwing chairs, LOADED GUN, stalking & trapping someone be ok? NO NO NO ONE deserves that. Even PSYCHOLOGICAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE (withOUT physical abuse) can break a person down. Hate to see abuse minimized.
I cannot forgive his abusing the dog. That doesn’t make her ng.
Where's the proof? There are also plenty of crazy liars out there
Remember that she was 24yr old girl and he was a 54yr old man.... She was imo def abused... Controlled... She was in fear... As she said constantly walking on egg shells.... I mean come on.. Even his own daughter admitted he shot his gun into the celling of the kitchen because he lost his temper in a rage... Then punched a hole in the wall... Then punched the dog in the face so hard he knocked the dog out... I mean holy shit that is terrifying... Imagine her being your own daughter alone in a house with a man acting that way.... are you really telling me that you wouldn't be in fear for your daughters life every damn minute they were together? She moved to another state to get away from him.... He followed her... Stalked her... Puts a tracker on her car without her permission..... Then he snaps once again while alone with just her... And finally goes even farther and hits her.... Corners her in the house... She runs into her room... He follows.... So she does what she has to do to survive. I believe her 100% .
@@edrathephoenix and the prosecution didn’t prove her guilty either. 🤷♀️
I understand you have your perspective, too.
I’m so glad Peter sets the tone to have an open discourse in the chat without being judgmental.
I too suffered DV and I SEE the pain and TRUTH in her face😢 I see other posters, saying what they would do if that happened to them and I assure you, they do not know what they would do because they've never been there. if I had a gun the last time I saw my abuser the exact same thing would've happened that is happening to Ashley. I watch crime shows all the time and she is the first one I have seen on the stand as an abused woman telling the truth. Thank you for your coverage. when she describes his eyes being black and his veins popping out of his neck that is a CLASSIC description of the abuser coming at you.
I believe her!!!! Omg, prior to her testimony and after his daughter testified, i was almost convinced of ger guilt. But knowing how someone can turn into a monster, her testimony rings very true to me. She is not guilty!
Abuse isn't always physical and doesn't have to be for someone to be afraid for their life.
I agree. I'm wondering if this is the one time he was going to fulfill his threats?
@@katieharlow6019 omg ! Watch the cross examination. SHES A COLD HEARTED MURDERER
@@basicallyno1722 YEAH RIGHT !!! SHES A DISGUSTING KILLER
You’re right. His daughter Eva was emotionally abused horrifically by Ashley and neglected by her dad.
Remember that she was 24yr old girl and he was a 54yr old man.... She was imo def abused... Controlled... She was in fear... As she said constantly walking on egg shells.... I mean come on.. Even his own daughter admitted he shot his gun into the celling of the kitchen because he lost his temper in a rage... Then punched a hole in the wall... Then punched the dog in the face so hard he knocked the dog out... I mean holy shit that is terrifying... Imagine her being your own daughter alone in a house with a man acting that way.... are you really telling me that you wouldn't be in fear for your daughters life every damn minute they were together? She moved to another state to get away from him.... He followed her... Stalked her... Puts a tracker on her car without her permission..... Then he snaps once again while alone with just her... And finally goes even farther and hits her.... Corners her in the house... She runs into her room... He follows.... So she does what she has to do to survive. I believe her 100% !
My blood runs cold. Any victim of DV recognizes the truth. I feel her.
Facts. This trial is triggering.
COLD BLOODED KILLER
clp, yep me too. She's absolutely telling the truth...her whole body screams that.
@@notbornagainbornright5046you should educate yourself on DV. This is heartbreaking because she has so much remorse. I don’t doubt Ashley would have met the same fate as his ex wife
Absolutely telling the truth. I came here 100% sure she was lying. She went through something horrible. Her eyes don’t lie. Sorry these closed off people “who never went through this DV” can’t feel or see her pain. 😞!
Oh I believe her. I was married to a monster like this guy. And I retell my many stories in the same manner she does…eyes downcast, on the verge of tears, terror just below the surface. And ironically, his name is Doug! NG!
Everything Ashley testified to resonates with the experiences common to that of a DV victim. His texts to her while she was on vacation cruise were terrifying. The intimidation, physical violence within their home, abuse against animals, verbal threats, domination, jealousy, attempts to isolate her, possessiveness, explosive temperament, physical abuse, unpredictability, impulsivity, shooting firearms inside the house, hostility, escalation of aggression, emotional abuse and torment.. what, if any, of these behaviors isn't consistent with Domestic Violence? He had a documented history of abuse -- I have no question as to whether she's being truthful. His history tells the story. 100% NOT GUILTY --
The way you describe him seems like you were there with them!
@@EvelynSantos2222 I wasn't. But I listened closely to her testimony and her description of events. Many of those behavior patterns are typical of domestic violence offenders. He had a long standing pattern of abusive behavior. I've also counseled hundreds of DV victims over the course of my career; so I'm able to capture the behavioral descriptors, or clinical terminology used in Mental Healthcare/Psychiatry. I also worked with felony probationers (as a PO) with DV convictions. I could almost pick an abuser out of a crowd based on certain behavioral traits common to DV offenders.
Her demeanor had been so consistent throughout the entire trial.
You just can’t fake this all this time.
I believed she was in fear
She had lots of time to rehearse, that's what I saw. She's a scoundrel..
She went from being upset to being calm and having a controlled behavior while on trial. Her emotions have to be swirling knowing she could be spending her life in prison!
She is also terrified this whole entire time - she is facing murder charges and prison. that is consistent and not faked.
"Sometimes the first time is lethal". Is so true. And that's even with proof of his prior violent history, punching the dog and throwing the cat, shooting the gun in the ceiling. The list goes on but that's enough to prove it for me
The most dangerous time is when they are truly leaving or have just left.
True. Although she had already left for months and nothing happened in that time period.
@@veronicalass5350 But this would have been more definitive. Maybe he thought prior he still had a chance.
@@veronicalass5350 exactly!
If you have never been in a severely abusive relationship, it is easy to ask why you don't just leave? And a bunch of other questions. I've been there. But when you are in that relationship you realize that all those options are, in reality, not available. You move into a keep the peace mode, because you realize there is nothing you can do. It is a scary place to be. And often, others don't believe you because when he is around other people he is wonderful. I've been there too.
I agree 1000%.
I this case she left in the first year of the marriage. It was 3 yrs later she invited him to over to help her move and shot him to death. He was willing to get a divorce - she talked him into trying to reconcile.
I have been in a severely abusive relationship. I documented things-even when I didn’t call the police. I told my husband I was leaving him in therapy session so there was a witness to my decision and statement.
I agree. I find it veeerry worrisome that in people attempting to voice how they disbelieve Ashley is a DV victim (which is valid - were in a trial), they also go onto share that they hold inherently vile beliefs toward DV victims. Sentiments such as "Why didn't she just leave?" demonstrate a lack of understanding and empathy for actual DV victims who are not Ashley.
Asking why DV victims don’t leave is vile? Can you answer why they don’t leave? Can you see at all why someone who has not been in an abusive relationship would ask that? Just explain it instead of calling people vile.
To the people saying call 911: “When seconds count, police are only minutes away.”
Abuser is not going to allow you to get your phone and dial 911
As someone who has been with an abuser, I learned that the last call id make is 911. He always made it my fault and the cops always believed him. The cops became his enablers and I was scared to death of them being called. He’d abuse me and they’d threaten me with being kicked out of my home. No one will ever understand what you go through with an abuse partner unless you have been through it yourself.
From a friend's experience as well.. abusers are clever, they get out of things, you aren't safe, sometimes the police don't keep them/ arrest them and they are back before you know it.
The way she keeps apologizing for crying and being upset I feel in my soul.
@@crystalfarmer4074 if you believe the act, I heard she’s looking for a new victim to spend their life savings on a dance company for her
As a survivor, there isn't anyone I have met that has lived in a DV relationship, where the abusers behavior doesn't perfectly line up. When they rage the eyes turn black. Color just disappears from their eyes. They can rage over asking simple questions, if you try to leave, that is where you are in a very dangerous situation. Police will tell you not to be alone with them, make sure to have someone with you at all times. But it is hard to do. They also have the side that you trust.
This is self defense!
I was recently abused by my sister (escalated so far beyond and above what it ever had before)and from that experience, listening to this womans testimony, it rings absolutely true to me. The only thing i cannot understand is, how shw didnt insist on never being alone in his presence.
Don't forget about the messages Doug sent her when she was on the cruise with her mom. He created a scenario in his mind about her being "f'd and choked" and repeatedly said he would kill. He was psychopathic in those texts!
She was absolutely reliving that trauma. Her whole body was shaking. She did a great job on the stand
Completely agree body shaking is incredibly difficult to fake - shaking is a fight or flight response
Or maybe she’s scared because she might not seem credible to the jury and could face prison time.
@@Por2ugal Maybe you are high and made a stupid comment.
As a DV survivor, I am appalled at the people in the chat and in these comments who are totally convinced she is guilty. How do you explain the Google searches she did months before? She searched about how to coparent with an abusive ex. People are so quick to judge others even though they have no personal knowledge of the situation. Why can’t we be kinder to each other? I don’t have an opinion because I wasn’t there and I know nothing of what really went on. And, guess what? I don’t have to have an opinion.
Just because you were a DV survivor doesn’t make HER a DV survivor.
@@Por2ugalAnd it doesn't make her NOT one either. Stop victim shaming.
@@Gracelessheartsyes, sadly
You seem disproportionately affected by Ashley’s (a stranger) legal matters.
@@lynmarie1786Well, if one believes her husband is the victim, your “command” is irrelevant now, isn’t it?
As someone who was raised in an DV household and watch my mom try to pacify my dad every time out of fear he would unalive her I believe this woman was afraid and this was done out of self defence. I had no opinion till I saw her body contort on stage from ptsd of having to relive this day smh
They never hit just once and they usually never stop. You can never know how quickly things can flip until you’re in that situation.
Yes. She was obviously thrown by his sudden switch to hitting her and then getting into a fight stance. He can kill her with one knockout and she knew it. If she had shot once, that’d be better for her case, but none of us can know how we would react.
Taking out your phone escalates everything. If you're claiming to be someone that's been in a physically violent altercation, with emotions running high- u know its 100% ending with your phone in pieces. Its an instinctual feeling in the moment that if u reach for the phone, everything pops off. If u haven't been in that position, I can see how u wouldn't understand. Even if u have, every situation is different.
So true!!!
It’s a NG for me and I believe she’s very credible! I was completely against her in the beginning but her testimony has completely changed my mind.
Judge did not believe me in my DV case and it devastated me and my family daughter still I therapy over it🙏 but thank God we are SURVIVORS
God bless you and give to healing.🙏🏻
My prayers for healing
❤
Thank you the lawyer you know. You unlike a lot of your other TH-cam counterparts have not made victims of DV feel like crap. If you have never been through a DV situation you have NO place to judge. God bless you and yours for being real and compassionate ❤
Amen I Agree 🙏
I agree, too.
A jury has to make a judgement. And perhaps prior experience with DV would remove a potential juror because of bias. 🤷♀️
Lots of those comments are horrible. “She faking it, etc.” It’s like they were there. God bless them that they never have to go through this.
I dont know if she’s telling the truth or lieing….. I do know that in my youth I didn’t understand why my friends would stay with someone that was mean and abusive. I criticized them for being weak and refused to listen to them complaining about the treatment if they were going to stay in the relationship. I am currently 41 years old and have personally been in an abusive relationship of my own. There is nothing simple about a DV situation and if you haven’t been there yourself you have no idea what you’re talking about.
@@PhillyBirdGang1I’ve been engaged in 3 days of conversation about Ashley and abuse .She reached out to try and get help and nobody seemed to want to help her .All the signs and behaviours of Doug being an abuser are there .I hope she walks free as far as I’m concerned she was defending herself
I don’t understand why people expect her to do things differently (I. E. Moving, spending time, etc.) when she had no legal recourse. If the court doesn’t believe her, then he gets to be a part of the child’s life. Even if they DID believe her a lot of courts would still preserve his parental rights. So what is she (or someone else in the situation) to do? Continuing to fight might threaten her parental rights. You’ll hear people in this situation say that if they “are around then [they] can protect the children”. “That there is nothing [they] can do when child is out of [their] sight.” So they placate, try to keep the peace and hope the other parent eventually focuses their attention elsewhere. It’s so sad. But without a better cultural understanding of these complex relationship dynamics and the scaffolding that comes with it, then placating is really the only option.
HE filed for divorce. SHE wanted him not to. How is that placating?
@@Answer4242 First, I didn’t mention divorce petitions. But you bring up a good point. If she did want to stay married it could be for lots of reasons good or bad. It could have been pure desire to stay together or fear or for a tactical advantage or an attempt to manipulate. Idk! But no matter what the reason was it doesn’t mean it wasn’t an abusive relationship. period. Abusive relationships are complex, intricate and can change from one moment to the next. Victims aren’t always likable or free from fault. Sometimes they actively participate in the abuse too. Again, it’s complex. Not every action is an attempt at placation. However, when I look at everything in its totality instead of each act as a stand-alone event, I do see a lot of necessary placating here including the actions I mentioned previously. If you look at everything in their totality too but see something different then we’ll just have to agree to disagree. I would love to understand your perspective more though if you’re open to sharing!
She’s convinced me that this was self defence. His past behaviour with guns, the dog and holes in the walls prove that he was capable of physical violence. I need to add the MOST dangerous time for violence to happen is when the victim tries to leave for good.
@@Rayraycat32 Your last sentence is compelling, and something the average person doesn't understand or consider (the inherent danger).
They were moving together what are you talking about, she murdered him in cold blood , that act on the stand was a horrible performance and nobody including the jury doesn't buy it!!
And the late wife's texts where she said "you kicked me so hard" so that tells me he is a controlling abusive man.
@@jamiebourgault4481you didn't watch the trial then. Not one person has ever came out calling her manipulative or anything close. His LATE wife's text said "why did you kick me so hard" so that tells everyone that he abused his previous wife. Did you miss that or does that not fit your misogynistic narrative.
@@jamiebourgault4481 She lead him to believe that things were copacetic, and that they'd be together because she HAD to. It was a survival tactic. A DV victim will go to extreme lengths to 'keep peace' with their abuser until they're able to safely escape. She was also protecting her child from imminent harm. How many murder-suicides have we read about in the news? It seems to occur quite frequently.
My husband worked in family court for 30 years doing evaluations and custody evaluations .
Lot of works with abused spouses, he finds her credible from what he sees..
I work in the same field and she isn't believable and I'm a DV survivor.
@@storii4172might want to get a new job. There are so many people in this field who don’t understand or believe victims. You’re one of them.
@@storii4172she is absolutely believable..with respect my life, except for guns 1 of 3 cops had the courage to try to help
@@storii4172 There you go!!!
@@storii4172 why isnt she believable to you? I'm personally torn. I think he definitely created an atmosphere of fear and control, so she may have been scared to get beat but maybe not in imminent fear of death. Do you think someone is supposed to wait until they're beaten or can they act on the fear of it? THere are other survivors of DV that 100 percent believe her. I watched my mom go through it with my dad and luckily we left alive. She did not act similarly, but its not a 1 size fits all equation sometimes. My mom just ended up raging on me instead haha
For the record - reporters in courtroom - said there were actual tears - also gave info that after jury left was shaking - didn’t think would make back to seat - afraid was going to fall. For what it worth - some inside courtroom info
Thank you
The sheer number of people that think this is an act, that she’s lying, she’s a gold digger… is insane to me. Her ‘performance’ today was entirely truthful. She was visibly scared, shaking, crying. I truly hope every person that accuses her of lying never finds themselves on the victim end of DV with no one to believe you.
COLD BLOODED KILLER
Agreed! I hate how some people think they can unilaterally declare the level of authenticity of other people's feelings! It's completely insane and unfair.
Disgusting when people don't give the benefit of the doubt, as the constitution requires. Those people are the reason we can never trust juries - and the reason The Innocence Project has had to free 300+ innocent people who were wrongfully convicted from prison.
This girl is not acting or lying,,, what has to happen before she is freed of him,,,,death?? Do we never learn?,,,,,,It was her or him, she killed him before he killed her,,,
For everyone here if you watch Melanie Little’s live trial and then Peter’s recaps, they pair excellent! Chats are virtually free if vitriol and coverages are intelligent and educated. I watch both everyday, Melanie then Peter. I’m a victim and am triggered by this but also interested in learning more. It’s been a great experience.
I agree Laura! I literally unsubscribed to grizzly true crime because of the hate and disbelief of Ashley as a victim in chat. Sad as Gisela has been abused.
I have to disagree, Melanie is very if you don’t agree with me you can go watch somewhere else! It’s about allowing people to have a difference in opinion, not brow beating someone because you don’t agree with them!! She’s very passive aggressive! Peter is very even Kiel in his streams and doesn’t get down on people for their opinions like Melanie does!!!
Also, I’m a victim of DV!!
I’m glad I discovered Melanie for this trial.
Yes, I 💯 % agree too @laurajreicher good comment, I too love watching Melanie Little & Peter! Great coverage on both channels! I’m so sorry you have experienced what you unfortunately went through and this definitely can be triggering at times. But you’re interested in learning more, as I too, feel the same way! Much ❤ my friend. ❤
@@christygray5353 omg me too! Unsubbed from Grizzly when I saw the chat. The irony is she spouts constantly how it’s a “safe space.”
Thank you so very much Peter for your unbiased and fair approach to this difficult and confusing case! 😢❤
She's reliving it when he asked her about the shooting
This breaks my heart. She’s totally reliving it. It’s triggering to me to relive my own experiences. Ugh 😩
Those of us that have never been in a relationship like this don't understand. All I can say is I truly feel for anyone that has been through this horrible stuff. Bless you all. I would never judge a woman who's in, or has been through this.
Been there and got the t shirt and i dont believe her. It was her end game as she told the sheriff
When the case started, I thought guilty.
What changed this for me was the harm done to the animals, and I don't want to go into that as this was a massive trigger to me.
Many years ago, I had been in an abusive relationship, I didn't even go to police because I was afraid, and then when I did try, I wasn't believed, and I suppressed memories of that. I had real physical harm and was severely emotionally abused. Which brings me to why my mind changed - the strange religious undertoned text messages and some of what Doug did and said to Ashley, which were proven, were near exact copies of experiences I had. This made me realize how hard it must have been for Ashley. I see actions I took, reasons I stayed, and yes, I did not own a gun, and I was blessed to get away. This case brought on my PTSD. And why I am writing this is my plea for people to realize PTSD changes how you act and react. It changes your senses your experiences. Why is it that we realize abusers exist and we have come so far as a society that we still do not realize? Emotional psychological abuse leaves deep scars that change the core being of a victim. What we also as a society don't remember - not only does abuse from one abuser escalate as they destroy your boundaries, but people who tend to end up in relationships like this usually are wounded and struggle with C-PTSD and to children that grew up with abuse in any form - to them/us these insane situations are normalized.
My reason for saying all this - it is easy to miss the little details when you have experienced dv. If you have not, all I ask is to look at as much evidence as possible. Follow patterns we as society have learned. No one deserves die, and no victim is truly alive while in an active abuse situation. No one wins the case, she will still have to explain this to her daughter and work hard to prevent history from repeating - if you have a parent that was abused the odds of history repeating is higher. Im not saying this to try change anyone's opinion but merely share some of my experiences to help fill in some gaps.
I saw some comments below stating the case is about a life being lost in an overkill. This case is about how DV lead to an incident that was preventable. What I will also say Reactive abuse is a bitter and painful thing. And no two victims are the same. No two stories are. Only through compassion and understanding can we start working on preventing this from happening to anyone again.
Me too! My ex would kick our dog… so much that he would pee the floor when he walks in the room
I believe you🙏❤️🙏
@@glynn2023 thank you so much. And I hear you and I wish what you experienced and saw on no one. Animals are gifts to us. ♡ this means alot thank you
100%
Verbal threats are as bad as assault. Do you want her black and blue first? Have we learned nothing from Gabby Petito? He hurt animaks, kicked his ex-wife, shot a hole in the ceiling, and had a protective order. Did she have to die to be believed?
Or Nicole? The night my husband stood over me w/fist & arm drawn back said "you want me to punch you out like oj did to nicole?" He didn't that nite. But I started my way out plan w/kids.
Sad to say ....she would still be blamed for something.
Exactly
You need to understand this woman has BPD, it's a completely different dynamic than a regular person being a narcissistic abuser. She antagonized him, she used him, she got off on it. They were both creeps. She killed him only because she didn't want to share custody
This is exactly what I’m saying however I think if Gabby had shot him she would be treated exactly the same as Ashley. So so sad 🥲
Attempting to record him or the situation will just make him more mad. He'd most likely try to stop her.
Also, calling police could easilly have the same effect.
After 20 years, I’m still being gaslit and told I’m being “dramatic” and lying, enough that I had to get my medical records to prove to just myself I wasn’t somehow making it up in my head, even then I never said I had them because I knew it would only cause issues and more gaslighting.
So absolutely agree with you.
It’s also people like Heard who selectively record things and make people doubt even video evidence. The thing people forget is gender, relation, age and even mental illness don’t make the abuse any less valid.
20 years later, I still have to consciously make an effort to objectively evaluate my responses to assure myself they match my subjective thoughts.
As a life coach working with DV survivors, she is a textbook example!
Yep! Clearly, she read the TEXTBOOK and is reciting it back to the jury!
@@cj-jr7iz Exactly. No one accuses her of stupidity.
Agreed and i personally am a victim that didn't believe her@cj-jr7iz
Yes she is. These comments are so uninformed.
@cj-jr7iz did you watch the trial?? He ADMITTED to all of his behavior in deposition and other situations. Ppl SAW him trying to look through her windows. He sent her a "gift" when under an injunction not to contact her. What about her story are you doubting?
Some people here claim to be survivors of DV. I am too. I would never judge another victim because she didn’t do what others might have done or reacted the same way. Please stop judging other victims.
Amen. Perfectly stated. Thank you.
Her unfounded claims in prior court docs, her claims that he hurt the kid but suddenly wanted to get back w him when the child allegations didn't hold water, conversation w the cop when she kept calling and asking for him to be arrested so then she could have her kid, interviews w her ballet company dancers etc., make her out to have extreme trouble telling the truth especially when she wants her way.
@@yvettemoreel4237 I believe Eva and Eva only. Ashley isn’t a victim.
@@alicetoyou448do you believe Eva mothers claims against Doug ??
@@alicetoyou448Eva wasn’t there
Compare it to the Chad Daybell case. Remember Charles, Lori’s husband reported to the police many times that he was in fear for his life and they didn’t believe him. He ended up being killed by her in the end.
Great point! He did Everything right and no one believed him! Absolutely heart breaking 💔 and shocking
I believe her based on his prior violence, shooting at the ceiling, punching holes in the walls, texting about hurting anyone who messed with her, punching the dog unconscious, volatile arguments, possessiveness, etc.
@@e.starling141Again, the daughter to his first wife testified to the animal abuse.
@@LouiseLouise-eo9ot I believe her, too. He, obviously, wasn’t a great human. Not sure we lost much. But I don’t trust juries anymore.
Same. I believe her with the corroborating evidence. But I also felt like if I were relying just on her testimony, I didn’t feel like I saw actual tears. So wasn’t sure what to make of her until I heard the other messages and evidence that lay a clear abusive foundation.
@@lynmarie1786and the gun shot in the ceiling and holes punched in the wall…..she’s actually the daughter from his 2nd marriage…..Ashley was his 3rd wife
@@leahchase3699I saw tears on my tv screen. Maybe you just gotta upgrade your phone or tv, whichever device you used to watch it, and upgrade your internet too so you can watch in hd
The power and control wheel from the psychologist at the end now make perfect sense.
Sure...believe all females right?
That power/control wheel is a model and teaching tool not an evaluation tool with reliability and validity measures.
He isn't a psychologist. He doesn't have a Ph.D. or Psy.D.
That women was a prosecutor and under proffer the judge deemed she could not testify- she took the original complaint about mailing the birthday present
@@uraigroves7898if shes lying she did a fantastic job in what to look for. If you can impeach then impeach
The lack of compassion expressed by some in here is very upsetting but not surprising given the wave of apathy for others running rampant in the world these days. Once you’ve been through it yourself you know what dv looks like and this is it. Anyone who thinks otherwise, lucky for you, hasn’t been through it to this degree. Not everyone is AH.
Very well said thank you., from a D V survivor
Heard was one of the most public example of what happens daily and why so many in abusive relationships don’t say anything. It’s the downside to internet things like the #metoo movement that ended up causing so much harm instead of awareness. It’s a lose lose situation.
DV victims are often forced to continue to interact with their abuser because they share a child. This behavior that a lot of people find suspect happens every day for many DV victims.
I am sick to my stomach how some chats were talking about her . She’s believable and real. We need to do better for DV victims . Educate yourselves please. Great coverage Peter ! 🎉
She's fake AF. Poor little baby such a sniveling little victim....pathetic.
👏👏👏
I agree 💯. Some comments are so vile its clear these people have never been in, or know anyone who has been in a DV situation. I have and I believe her.
I thought the same thing. The other chats are gaslighting me on my own perception of DV. It's crazy. She was 100% believable IMO
Melanie Little's chat is pro DV victims. She does commentary similar to how EDB does her stream.
You're a class act Peter. This is why you're a great lawyer. So objective,strong moral character and integrity.
DV survivor and I believe that he was totally obsessed with her. How often obsession turns to violence. Fear can be crippling and you just don't know what to do. You take it until you just can't any more. In my opinion. Sometimes the emotional abuse is so bad but no one else can see it. Bruises can fade but the emotional harm is ongoing. I am now 70 years old and some of the things she is saying is so triggering to me. I am sitting here watching this with tears running down my face.
God bless you 🙏
❤
Hi history with the pets speaks volumes 😢
Omg! For sure! You punch my dog, and Bye!
No evidence he “punched” and “knocked” the dog out except for Ashley’s claims. Ashley who always claims that Doug was poisoning her.
@@Por2ugal to be fair, if he created an atmosphere of dread and fear, I might also believe he was poisoning me too. I used to think my mom was poisoning me as a child and I needed to trick her into taking a bite of my food before I ate it for a short period of time. She used to beat the shit out of me and tell me awful things, a rage-aholic. Sometimes your mind creates little stories as a defense mechanism to tell you to get away from a person or place now. Playing devil's advocate here, she may have genuinely believed it?
Only if you believe her…
And his dead ex-wife
I was an abuse victim..n a man can go from 0 to 100 in a second...It is terrifying.. she's alone.. she's trapped..I can understand..
@@maryannkucewicz4662 isn't this the same woman that went out of her way to become pregnant by a man that abused their pets?
I believe her, if I thought my child was being mistreated and the only way I could protect my child was to go back and be there 24/7