Update on the second story: UPDATE: Y'all. I don't even know what to say besides thank you. You have been... clear and generous and demonstrated ALL the sense I was lacking. I realize I was brought up, in a way, to think all this was normal. Until the past week, I thought it was. So to the update: mom's sibling has been a storm of getting things done. I guess there's been an unspoken awareness in the family of the way I've taken on so much and my meltdown was not a massive surprise. I've had several texts of "hey you take care of you, we got this." Nice but like ... where was this especially the last 10 years? She and mom are actually investigating assisted living. Mom told her she doesn't want to become a burden. (Insert eye roll?) In any event, they are copying me on websites and stuff. I'm staying home with no plans to go down. I feel regret. It feels wrong not to be there. But I'm also feeling relief. I realize what many of you said - it wasn't the money, it was the idea she had no thought about taking care of me or acknowledging me as much as my brother. She's my mom. But also, it feels awful that she's parentfied me and infantilized my brother and that would be her last message to us. My mom's sister texted me that there are life insurance policies for my kids to cover a chunk of college and that mom's funeral and all that is prepaid. She didn't have to break the expectation of confidentiality and tell me (and here I am telling Reddit) - and I'm so glad she did. It gave me some peace to know she thought of the kids. I guess this was the breakdown that changed the way of things for me. I'm sad in someways but free in others. It will take awhile but I think the biggest lesson here was that I did this to myself and my family by jumping to someone else's tune. I've apologized to my spouse and there's been a shift between us for the better. I guess I'm growing a spine? Mom doesn't know I had this crisis. Her sister just told her that I'm extremely busy and can't come down and that anyway mom should let others help once in a while. Mom was calling to see if everything was ok because that sounded odd to her and especially since I didn't tell her myself (... and be told I was abandoning her?) I texted mom that I hoped her sister was helping and she said 'yes thank you'. It's a start. To those of you that guessed there would be some nastiness - yes, there has. My dad (of all people!!) called and told me to 'let up on my brother'. I was completely confused until he said that my brother is brokenhearted that I broke my promise (huh?) to go help mom and was suggesting he needs to go. I told him it's true I'm not going but I haven't talked to my brother and it's not my job to tell my brother what to do. My mom's eldest sibling put in the family group chat (that is usually 100% birthday greetings and funny memes) that they and their spouse are highly concerned that mom isn't being taken care of and that sometimes "neglect is abuse" and people don't realize. My moms youngest sib sent a screenshot of the cost of a fight for the eldest' hometown to moms closest airport. Group chat is now silent. I laughed hysterically. Thank you all for being there best of Reddit community. I don't know if there will be another update so I want to take this moment and appreciate you. SMALL UPDATE: Sometimes, the Reddit community is empathy and strength in the best way. You all gave me the clarity of perspective and I'm sorry I couldn't reply to everyone individually. BUT before I could talk myself out of it, I texted my mom's youngest sibling and told her I was tapping out. I ranted a bit. A lot. She bought a plane ticket and is going down to help mom. She completely understood and was super supportive. She told me that mom has been having memory issues and is planning to move to assisted care. OK.... she said she's going make that a priority when she's down to help. Technically she's my aunt but I never knew her growing up but it was nice to feel like a family member had my back. I don't know if she told mom or shared my texts but mom has been calling. I muted her. I don't know what happens next but I think a good night's sleep is definitely first. Thank you again for being a clear voice.
Seems like golden child brother is still causing problems by lying to dad (he knows he’s the favorite and uses that to his advantage). Of course he doesn’t want to support his parents in their golden years after they spoiled him rotten.
@@LunaP1and how daddy is also on board with his enabling. It sounds like OP grew up expecting to follow stereotypical rules without her consent. That aunt deserves a meal at a fancy restaurant for what she’s done to help set things straight.
Rslash quotes with no context "OH no the evil monkey stole our hamburgers" "That's kinda one of the main duties of a husband, giving his wife some hotdog"
The thing is he probably is completely oblivious to it all too. When you're brought up to believe that certain people don't matter, they tend to remain below your notice. It's not intentional or malicious, you just don't think about them. Like giraffes--you don't have anything against giraffes, but you probably hadn't given a second thought to a giraffe until just now when I mentioned them.
@adamb89 no. Why would I forget Giraffes. They are one of the most unique animals on Earth. Now elk that's something that slips my mind because there are so many venison type animals. (This is mostly a joke response. Lol)
@@adamb89 I disagree. I think that unless the golden child is developmentally disabled, then they know full well that their parent disregards the Scapegoat sibling. Kids pick up on things like that quickly, especially when the favoritism is so patently obvious. My egg donor was the same way with her step kids. She wanted their father so badly, that she was eager to put me through ANY hell in order to keep him. (Not like that was new for her.. my whole life I've been nothing more than a shield, sword, bargaining chip, or tool for her to abuse. Anything for men, alcohol and drugs...) and within a week they (a then 7 and 9 year old) picked up the clues quickly and they reveled in it. OPs brother knows full well he is the golden bitch, and he takes advantage of it. Besides, you don't get to a place of "mommy dearest wants me to bankrupt my family making me her full time nurse slave, in order to save every penny for my ne'er-do-well brother who forgot she is still alive" without a bunch of degrading steps in between. OPs only response to her "mother" should be "I've already drained my savings, my kids college funds and my retirement to take care of an ungrateful old bag. Now that she's dead, I need to focus on rebuilding my savings and college funds. So, Unless you would like to deposit that 250k into my account to replenish what we wasted on you, you'll have to just rely on the only child you claim you have." And leave it at that. Anytime family texts OP, remind them that she went bankrupt supporting HER mother, and that if they want her to go into further debt taking care of ne'er-do-well's mother, then they will have to reimburse her those costs up front before any work is done. Ignore the "mother", and ignore he rest.of the "family" too.
Story 3: As someone who used to HAVE to shop in thrift stores just to have decent clothes to wear, I can attest that resellers are the absolute worst! These people actively try to take clothes intended to help less fortunate people who can't afford high-end brands and resell them at high markup. That's the problem. Clothes in thrift shops are HEAVILY discounted so people who normally wouldn't be able to afford them CAN afford them. Then you get moochers like these coming in and buying them up IN BULK at said discounted prices, which they take and resell online for exorbitant amounts! I cannot emphasize this enough that they do this for their own profit and are literally robbing low-income people of decent clothing! That's why everybody hates resellers and why they're saying that they're ruining thrift stores. Totally NTA! I would've done the exact same thing and actually have just to spite these people because I used to be low income.
I'd like to add it isn't even just about clothes alone. Many resellers also go after basic household necessities that are discounted at thrift stores. Pots and pans, plates, etc. I've seen people on local Facebook marketplace groups regularly trying to pawn off many household items you know they scooped at a thrift shop and trying to get near retail pricing. Then there's the scalpers that go after new release material like anything Pokémon related or numerous other brands/franchises. They will abuse bot systems online to scoop up preorders for everything and then try to get triple the retail price off avid fans who missed out.
My dad has been doing resale for mostly plates and other ceramics. I hate it. His house has become a hoarders paradise. I live with the fear that one day I will go over to visit and find him buried under all the china and boxes. I have been trying to get him help but he just won't listen.
I like looking around thrift stores for stuff like beanie babies (i collect a few specific babies myself) and a lot of thrift stores have started marking them up to prices like, $2 - $3 each, when those beanies online from collectors would be anywhere from 50 cents to a dollar. they USED to be in the 50 cent plush bin on their own even at thrift stores! i dont want to have to pay like $20 bucks for a handful of old common beanies! this happens with other "old" toys too like Furbys, there was a while where furbys were expensive in thrift stores bc people were getting into modifying them more (oddbody furbys) and people were buying and reselling them, as well as thrift stores marking them more expensive bc of it ;; it sucks for people who legitimately just want to collect these items at a fair price like they've been for YEARS
Honestly ya snooze ya lose (talking to the resellers). I don't get the resellers whining about hoarding/"wanting to see the clothes", cuz that's just how shopping works. If you take the last of something you don't get randomly stopped because someone else wants what you have.
Story 2: Ahh, the classic golden child/scapegoat family relationships, I absolutely despise that. Cutting your daughter out of your will and giving it to your favorite golden child brother is a surefire way to ruin the relationship with your daughter. Stand your ground, if she doesnt appreciate you, then you shouldn't be nice to her. NTA.
Not only that but it hit me that she expects her daughter to literally be her caregiver without question, but her son gets an entirely free pass so long as he does less than the bare minimum
I agree but I will say, him being single and child free is irrelevant - that does not mean he’s obligated to do more of the care support than his sister. They should be doing an EQUAL amount together. But she totally did the right thing - mum has only herself to blame!
OP: I need that money! Mother: I missed the part where that's my problem OP: stops helping her mother Mother: I'm dying, I need your help OP: I missed the part where that's my problem
Props to that kid for realizing on his own that he's not well set up for life instead of complaining. He definitely has potential even if things looked grim
*First OP:* Jane took dang near all the food from OP's BBQ and then asked for cake? Lol! OP is NTA no matter how much meat Jane brought. I'm surprised Jane didn't use her pregnancy as an excuse to take all the food. *Second OP:* OP's "mom" sounds ungrateful that OP despite the fact that she had to put her life on hold to help her. If OP's family couldn't help OP's mom on their own, then why couldn't they hire a caretaker for her? OP is NTA with or without the will. *Third OP:* OP handled the situation the best she could. OP is NTA. *Fifth OP:* OP was defending her daughter... from her other daughter. OP is NTA, but calling your kid a loser isn't the best idea depending on context.
Jane seems the be the kind of gal who goes to a party with a bag of uncooked dinner rolls and thinks this entitles her to take whatever she wants. Jane is selfish and I hope her spouse finally sees this. I’m sure there would be more repercussions if Matt wasn’t work colleagues with OPs spouse
Fifth: I can't believe the daughter thought that people who are losers in high school don't deserve to have anything good. Why should they have to suffer in high school and then suffer more after it's over?
Story 4: Oof, even if her trauma from her late first husband and child explained all of her actions, it doesn't excuse her proceeding to blame OP for the son's failures. Instead of helping him with life skills, she just fuels his habits, even tried to sue OP for money At least the son eventually realized how f**ked up things were, but I don't know if he'll be able to easily recover
The son did start to realize it. He needs to get into community college and find a passion. I went back and finished an IT Degree. It's helping me shift course. He's still young so he has a chance. It's a good thing this didn't progress too far for him and he started to realize how much things were screwed up for him the longer it went on. He needs to get into community college, get into an internship of some sort... or do a trade.
And OP needed to let her know that as a parent, her job isn’t always to help her cheerleader. OP used the high school reference in order to use terms Kelly understood since that was when she peaked.
Does Rslash just think you can walk into another person's house while they're there and take stuff? Giving the husband a score just because he was out to the store and trying to deescalate things, and because he invited people he knew over(which OP never said was a problem) to have a fun cook out, and they took advantage? It's not on him at all, the only thing he did wrong is trusting people who apparently have no regard for others.
In the last story, I had a mental flashback to the hot tub scene from Eurotrip where the cheerleaders are thinking they're going to be as popular in college as they were in high school and I'm thinking to myself "Yeah, Kelly's probably got that mindset in, which is probably why she flunked out".
2nd story: The reason OP lost all motivation to help her mom upon finding out she was not in the will wasn't because she only took care of her for money. But rather because OP wasted so much of her own money to help her. Both travel expenses and taking time off work would have costed her a lot over the years. But on top of that she also did tons of free labor for her while she was taking care of her. To do all that for a person and then find out that they don't value you or your time at all would break anyone. If I was OP I would sit down, calculate exactly how much money she's lost out on while helping her mom and send it to her to show her everything she's done for her. And how utterly ungrateful she's been to OP about it.
Wow, the final cherry on top is that OP was gracious enough to still let the kiddos get cake, but since entitled mommy didn’t get what she wanted nobody does. Im glad OP didn’t let her get her way
And remind the hospital, family etc, who her POA of attorney is whenever they harass her. I’m very sure it’s not about the money to OP but the will proves how little her mom values what she has done for her.
Once again, Rslash dishing AH points to the Husband of the story for making the slightest of mistake. No, Dabney, the Husband isn't responsible for the attitude of the main AH of the story, not everyone is aware that their coworker is a thief.
@@avatale8612 Got 3 theories about this takes. 1) Misandry. 2) he's doing engagement hate baiting to make us comments, or 3), He's trying to prove he's the best of the best husband/father that exist by criticizing anything others in his position are doing slightly wrong.
Story 1: My eyes almost rolled out of my head when you gave OP's husband 1/5. I just KNEW you were gonna give the husband a butthole score for not "supporting his wife", when he LITERALLY DID, both by calling his friend and by getting OP something else to eat. He's not responsible for his friend's girlfriend being a thief. We get it, you're an oh-so-perfect husband who would never make a mistake, but you can't hold it against other men. Honestly, also, part of me was surprised that Jane didn't pull the pregnant card, because people like her always tend to do that, but even without that, the AUDACITY to steal food and then come back expecting more is beyond mine or any person with an IQ above room temperature's understanding.
Jane was one of the guests invited by OP's husband. As such, it's his responsibility to make sure rules of the household are enforced, and to keep his guests in control. As in, NOT stealing food that his family hasn't eaten yet. If kids and teens has to follow rules in the house to ensure that THEIR friends and guests are well behaved and respectful, the same's true for the adults when it comes to their own friends and guests. Jane disrespected her friend and his family by stealing what WAS theirs and never gave OP and the son a chance to eat!
@@CooperGal24 Not everyone knows their coworker's partner is a thief, and not everyone has to know. OP's husband, for as much as we know about him, seems decent enough to know not to invite Jane to the next cookout. I can also kind of get by why he didn't do what Dabney said he should have done, a.k.a. go directly to their house and take back the stolen food. He wouldn't have necessarily been 'in the wrong' to do it, but he didn't want to cause a rift between him and Matt since they work together, and creating unnecessary drama between him and a coworker could negatively impact his work. If anything, he made a slight mistake, but nothing that deserves an ah score.
Honestly I can see both perspectives. As in, I don't really have an issue with being brash so for me it would be easy to step up. But I do understand not everyone is good with confrontation. He made sure they got to eat but he didn't rectify the insult of the act itself. Depends on his wife to determine whether that's something she wants or is willing to tolerate, which seems to be the case.
Some thrift / charity stores have had to add rules that you can only buy within 2 sizes because between resellers and the oversized trend no one could get ahold of plus sizes who needed them
Which I makes me wonder, OP could’ve brought this up during divorce proceedings. Even with the parental neglect his wife performed, how did he get no sort of custody? I agree with you that OPs ex screwed her son over and made him her emotional support child of sorts and needed therapy asap. My question is off base I know
It also reminds me of one the last videos were he shat on a dad for basically doing the same thing, the key difference is the son didn't constantly emotionally abuse his father to get what he wanted whereas the 12 year old girl did
It almost reminds me of my mother except I wish I had this kids mom. I’m an adult and have to be in therapy because of how she raised me. I literally have an anxiety disorder because of her.
Even the son started to realize how much she messed up his life. I hope the best for him and he can get into community college. IT might be a good field.
And being called out for stealing enough food to feed a large family and simply pout about it? Funny how she nor Matt brought back the food when confronted.
@@lorilancaster5917 That was my thought! Either the "friends" just didn't care that she took off with the all the food which shows how trashy they are or the husband severely downplayed how this upset her to them to "keep the peace" in which case he DID earn an AH score... Her and her kids had full stomachs before they left since they ate there and with the amount of food they thought was still left they did NOT eat all that, yet, she can't bring ANY back! She knew what she was doing when they told her she could have "some leftovers" and she had the gall to ask for more! SMH
Who takes all of the food?? Like id be nervous to take two plates. She took everything and came back for more. She gave nothing back. Id ban her from ever coming over 💀
So being a loser in high school means you deserve nothing good for the rest of your life? Four years decides the course of life, and if you don’t like it “suck it up, you shouldn’t have been a loser in high school?”
Story4 This happened to 2 of my cousins. Both of their parents raised them to believe they could do no wrong and that anyone who opposed them should be punished. They're now grown, both parents deceased, and are having to figure out how life works on their own. They behaved so poorly throughout their lives that none of the family want anything to do with them.
My daughter is the head of shoes for our local thrift store. It is actually a really big store and a very large department. Some people are there EVERY single day picking through the shoes to resell them. Most of the time, they grab them off the carts before my daughter even has time to put them out! They are absolutely horrible!! The main reason for the store is to help people who are really struggling. Our church will even give people vouchers to go in and get what they need for free. It broke my daughters heart during prom season when girls went in looking for their perfect shoes for prom but had to settle for the ugly shoes that were left over. Some people are just truly horrible and disgusting! 😡
Been watching RSlash for years, dude has just been going downhill. Still love his story readings, but a lot of them could do without his shit takes, especially with stories like these where he thinks, "Oh such a PERFECT husband & father & have done absolutely no wrong when it comes to my wide & child, so any other husband ever who isn't immediately at his wife's beck and call or minorly inconveniences his wife is a fool & an asshole in my eyes"
@@alexalverez9532 Yeah, at this point Rslash has become more of a guilty pleasure for me. I think he's declining but he reads good stories and has good presentations with his Karen voice and stuff but his takes just doesn't do it for me and it's getting worse.
@@alexalverez9532 Exactly! Like the one guy with the anxiety attack about his clashing love languages with his wife. Rslash called him a psycho and told him to get medicated
@@alexalverez9532 I remember that! "I have a bunker my wife has the house" And Rslash is like: "You're selfish, you need to give up half your bunker or give her her own bunker"
Yeah. R/slash is being a bit too harsh on these husbands/boyfriends it used to be if they just stood up for their wives/girlfriend. Now they have to be a knight in shining armor and blindly fight everyone even if it's not necessary.
Its the basement dweller redditor mindset. Just because the husband would be in the "right" if he went over and stole back the food, it's not the right decision. He works with the husband everyday, and it would cause unnecessary tension. He did everything right, and so did the wife. I think rslash might need to go outside.
That's why I'd say ESH. OP complains about them taking everything so no one else can see, then takes everything so no one else can see. They're all hypocrites, op and the (possible) resellers.
@DarthAxolotl I mean, technically, sure. But it's basically a moment of petty revenge and I won't count it against her. I've seen how frustrating and downright rude a lot of those reseller people can be. They're just mad someone else actually got to thrift a few items without them taking the lot to mark up elsewhere first.
Story 3: Resellers are the worst. Like, they swipe everything and give nobody else a chance to buy anything. I'm glad to know everyone is backing up OP. If those greedy a-holes want money, they can get a job
I'm not sure I can say the real term but I had that issue when that new sanrio x animal crossing cards were in target. Everything was sold out in a matter of minutes. And despite the 2 packs per person and pick up only, so many people reported that they saw a group of people carry a tower of packs.
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfanthose are scalpers, and they are honestly much worse than even the greediest resellers because they’re basically holding new product for ransom
Last Story OP Kelly is an adult not a child, she dropped out of collage and works as a waitress so she needs a bigger score for being a brat about it when she failed to finish collage or get a better job.
And she flunked out of college because she didn’t even try. I wonder if she’s staying as a waitress since a fair amount are high schoolers and she wants to cling on to what she was?
Story 1. Sure the neighbors brought over 2 lbs of burger meat but Jane ended up leaving with 8 burgers plus 10 hot dogs. So she basically left with her contribution to the BBQ plus extra! How was she comfortable enough to go back and ask for more damn food? Whaa... Edit: And she took the macaroni salad, Jeez.
Story 1: My favorite part of going to events is helping clean up in the end, so I have an excuse to take leftovers home. NEVER would I take the whole thing. Jeez.
imagine he said this about a woman. his weird takes and commentary are only getting worse. been watching for years but i think I'm officially done with his channel.
Story 2: asked the family why they can’t go, and when they give you the same excuse again, ask them why does that matter since your family and family support to always be there it’s especially when others can’t. You’ve been there for your mom and she was going to screw you over like this. Because apparently you dropping everything all the time is nothing prepared to the couple of times your brother come around to move furniture. Tell everyone you’re doing your brother a favor you’re staying out of the way so he can actually earn his inheritance so he doesn’t have to feel guilty that you do majority of the care while he gets the praise and appreciation.
Story 2: it won’t change unless the mom sees it herself. I have an uncle who’s the golden child despite being a MAJOR LEAGUE fuck up, and my grandma is willing to burn alongside him. It’s only increased since my grandpa died. You’re lucky if the person in the fog wakes up, but it’s near-impossible if you’re still in the fog in older age.
Last story: but she’s not down, she just can’t afford her sister‘s life and somehow think it’s not fair because high school stereotypes. Which is funny because in those stereotypes, it’s the popular people that end up screwing up their lives while the nerds get rich. But non of that matters because if she wants a better lifestyle than she needs to stop claiming and get to work.
And with her high school girl dream gone, she’s now focused on the “hope I find a rich patron wanting to spoil a poor waitress” story. No lady. Story time is over and adulthood has long since begun
Been watching RSlash for years, dude has just been going downhill. Still love his story readings, but a lot of them could do without his shit takes, especially with stories like these where he thinks, "Oh such a PERFECT husband & father & have done absolutely no wrong when it comes to my wide & child, so any other husband ever who isn't immediately at his wife's beck and call or minorly inconveniences his wife is a fool & an asshole in my eyes"
Well of course, the husband invited people over that he didn’t expect would be a thief. He should’ve looked into the future to know. Just like how rslash would’ve done if he was in that situation.
@@nickspur0798 RSlash need to prove that he is the pinnacle of being a perfect husband & father by putting others down because they'll never be as perfect as he is 🙄
@@nickspur0798 Of course not, he's the ONLY absolutely perfect husband & father to ever exist ever. The Bunker & Rock climbing stories are my favorite of these examples
Story 3: at most it was petty, but you were still with in your right and you made sure to put everything back when you were done. And I’m certain you didn’t completely take every last piece of clothing off the rack so instead of worrying about you they could’ve just gone and looked at other clothes, they’re only there to pick out valuable stuff and resell it anyway what does the size matter? Do that to the wrong person they would’ve left with a black eye, trying to harass people for shopping like that.
Story 1: I dont think the Husband deserves a butthole score. To quote rslash of the past, "the absence of nice isnt mean, its just not nice". Thats what the husband was. He wasnt mean, he was just not nice.
Story 2: The mother is being absolutely ungrateful. Showing her what happens when her daughter isn’t on hand every time she needs help might be a good way to teach her what her daughter is actually doing for her all the time
Second story is classic example of golden child and the other child. The least OP's mom in that story could do is either pay her the expenses for travelling or split the inheritance. If family are so keen on helping her then why don't they go help the mother or make op's brother to go there.
2 pounds of hamburger, unless you are making tiny sliders, is at best 4 hamburgers patties. I don't know if the husband deserves a butthole score, we don't know that the wife was upset or even tried to invite anybody to her friends in this story, my now ex-wife wanted a big party one year and asked me to invite my friends as well, so it could be a similar situation. He tried to keep the peace and fix the situation. He didn't know friend's wife was a hamburgler, lesson learned, will not do again.
I’m sure if op let the neighbor have cake she’d have taken almost all of it “I did leave a piece” really just the cake and icing that sticks. Who takes that much food at someone’s bday bbq. She didn’t ask “can I take all of the rest” she asked to take some. She knew what she was doing
I think OP should’ve added the zinger, “we haven’t served the cake yet since I haven’t blown the candles out yet. You see, someone ran off with all the food before me and my son got to eat and dear hubby had to go get us something. After we eat and I blow out the candles, you kids can have a slice. I think your tapeworm is well fed after you took enough food to feed a family of six and have come back for more.”
4th story: Mom definitely ruined that kid. Good on OP for continuing to try, but he should follow the “three strikes you’re out” rule going forward. Some people are just lost, no sense on wasting time and resources on them.
Story 1: My theory on why she came back was after she stole the food, 45 minutes later and she remembered/her kids asked about the cake. It's possible she expected OP, OP's kids, and OP's husband to still be preoccupied so she could steal the whole thing. But had to change plans when OP and her son were near the grill/cake
Story 1 is hilarious and funnily enough there a show made by a band called The Aquabats. One of their episodes was them dealing with a hunger that only burgers could satisfy and the villain of the episode had stolen all the burgers in town. It led to the greatest song ever. Burger rain.
If someone took away all the food and left nothing for me and my kid AT MY OWN BIRTHDAY, they would've earned a permanent ban from my house or anywhere near me and my family. NTA. Jane should be glad that only she was denied cake. Don't mess with other people's food, b----.
I think the only reason why the gauntlet wasn’t thrown was because Matt is a work colleague of her husband’s. I wouldn’t be surprised if Matt was higher in rank and maybe the husband worries about rocking the boat. However Jane shouldn’t return until she atones for her selfishness and sincerely apologizes.
I love that the dad still decided to do the right thing and help his son with his resume. It is so important that the kid makes the steps to get help, but I love that the dad is there to help when his son is ready to accept it. So much better than the mother's coddling.
The reseller stuff happens with the free table at my mom's curch too. The church has clothes that people donate and EVERY Sunday or Monday a bunch of ladies go through the tables and take everything that could be sold and leaves the clothes in a mess.
Why is the husband catching a stray? Like he holds a little fault for inviting a friend? But op didn't have a problem with that, so it's unfair to fault him for that. The problem is strictly with the friend and friends wife As they are the ones that took all the food. And what is he supposed to do just walk into their house and take the food back? They at first denied they took all of it when they talked, they weren't gonna let him just take it back. Wtf
In story 1, I had a similar experience with my mom and grandma inviting a crap ton of people to my graduation party. I only new my immediate family(a whole whopping 8 people) and the 4 friends that I invited. I didnt have a clue who the other almost 30 people were! They basically high jacked my party. And then- and then I got yelled at for playing monopoly with my friends INSIDE the house, when it was super windy outside! And yelled at some more for not interacting with everyone else! No matter how much I told my mom that I wasnt comfortable being around that many people I dont know.(mind you I'm an extremely introverted person) It got so bad at one point I was threatened with giving all presents and money back if I didnt go outside, so I went out, sat in a corner and kept to myself. Until my friend Sam came out to make sure i was ok and she stayed with me. It's been almost 10 years since that and I'm still mad! I just wanted a small get together with my friends. Not put on a pedestal for my mom and grandmas friends!
As someone who’s hobby (warhammer) is plagued with these kind of people, I can confirm that they are looked down on, hell even the company (games workshop) tried fighting back against them on occasion
@@joshuacouture479 They should flood the market with what resellers are trying to sell hard. No place for these fucking losers. They shouldn't even be able to be in a social context.
Story 1: I’m glad R/ said something because I thought it was weird that she stole all the food and came back for more. To me that says you stole all the food before someone could notice, realize you could’ve taken more food and came back. What kind of logic does that make? I brought burgers that means I get to take all the food, including the food, I didn’t bring or cook before the parties even over? She didn’t even bother to see if maybe someone didn’t get any since there was so much left. And how did you know no one else wanted to take some or wanted seconds? I actually think it was pretty nice of you to let the kids still have some cake, after that, this wouldn’t be on my property again. Be getting called out after stealing all the food.
11:00 I would have returned that to them. Like why do they have to be so butt hurt about someone trying on clothings? If they wanted to try the stuff, then they should come sooner and not be such nasty people.
Listen, r/slash. The husband isnt responsible for his friends girlfriend. And you seriously expect him, to go into another person's house, grab the trays of food (even tho, you dont know the state of their house, they can he horders, not clean their dishes well, etc. The stuff can be dirtied and now gross.) And expect nothing to happen?
I don't think I'd blame the husband in the first story. Going to take the food back will probably cause issues for him at work or get him reported. I think what he should just do from now on is never invite that friend to any kind of cookout or event involving food ever again.
Third story: yeah screw those resellers. I feel the moment thrift store owners start getting pissed off and start banning them they'll act like they're victims. They're as worst as a problem we have here of "boutique thrift stores", aka people who own thrift stores but sell everything massively overpriced acting like it's a fashion brand, and not used clothes; Meanwhile my grandma's friend used to own a thrift store (she sadly closed it down due to health issues) and my grandma managed to buy both a Swarovski ring, and a Dolce and Gabanna pair of glasses there for literally just five bucks each (a rich woman used to take things she didn't wanted anymore there to be sold); So yeah screw resellers and "boutique" thrift stores, ruining a nice thing for greed.
To the woman whose Golden Child brother is getting everything. You feel bad because they trained you to be the codependant, Black Sheep caregiver. You are feeling what they trained you to do and the conflict is your true self trying to stand up for you. Listen to your Self, it won't let you down. It cares about you.
I feel a little sick even thinking about the stolen food. I am greedy, I like food, but I don't like food enough to steal. I don't like food enough to make enemies. I might MAYBE have taken one burger for later if I was there and it was as good as my imagination. Maybe. But maybe not, because there were kids there, and my parents can fry, I feed kids first.
What's wrong with inviting a friend and his wife over to a birthday BBQ, that is WHY you have birthday BBQs to invite people over. Also, the husband was just as shocked as OP, he made sure to bring her home food so she didn't have to make something different, why does he get a 1/5? He met her needs, assessed the situation, investigated, and came up with a solution for her, he also didn't tell her to be nice and share her cake, sounds like a good supportive partner to me.
The twisted logic you people come up with. If you invite people over to your house and they behave badly, it's your job to call them out because they are your friends. Just like if the wife invited someone over It would have been her job to call them out. Also, don't allow people to steal from you and be such a pathetic people pleaser that you would rather just let them walk all over you than stand up for yourself.
Also, he didn't support her at all. Quite the opposite. He allowed her to be the one to do the confronting because oh he couldn't do it. Or you Have to keep the peace with people who steal from You. Because those are the feelings that matter in that situation the thieves.
Thrift store resellers suck, keep fighting the good fight, used to be a great way to get good clothes cheap, now you're lucky if you can find anything that actually fits or looks good. They either need to ban resellers or limit the items they can buy, but that wouldn't exactly be easy to enforce
Ok hold up, how was OP’s husband in the first story supposed to know that his friend’s wife was a land whale that would eat all of the leftovers? Husband doesn’t deserve a butthole score, it sounds like he tried to host a fun party for his wife’s birthday, and when some voracious food beast stole their food he tried to make it right
Not possible to eat 8 burgers and 10 hot dogs in 45 minutes?! Have you never been around a pregnant person, teenager, or Texan at a bbq?! The three of them could have easily polished those off.
Story 2, it isn't about the money, or that she's giving it all to their brother, it's that they found out, before she passed, that she's not giving them anything. It seems malicious on somebody's part.
Second story: OP found out that her brother who barely visit her get everything in the will and she get nothing plus he get a house from another family member, OP your whole family it toxic that when she had accident none of them go see her and they would bully OP to go if I was OP I would been either go low contract or no contract since she want leave him with everything, and I bet OP was treat like shit as kid but she can't remember since she was a kid
Story 4: I think there's still hope for the kid. He's recognized that what mom did is messed up and he's still young. If he can stay motivated long enough to learn basic life skills, and it sounds like OP is willing to help there, he may be able to be independent in a few years.
So the story with the woman in the thrift store, as a former 'roller' at probably the largest thrift brand in the US and Canada, resellers were the scourge of my time there, especially when I rolled electronics and household goods. We had a strict rule that they weren't to hassle us as we put out the merch and they still would. The one time that pisses me off is we had 5, FIVE, Google home devices out, and we have a two day policy for employees buying things, this one reseller who was eventually banned at my former location short stocked(his) all five in various places and then systematically came back and gathered them, cuz like hey, Hell, I didn't want ONE of them. The worst part is something is on the racks for like $10 for a name-brand, they'll buy and superinflate the price on eBay later.
First story: only thing I disagree with Rslash on, A grown woman, eating for two and 3 kids could _definitely_ make their way through 8 burgers and 10 hotdogs in 45 minutes. I once ate more than that, in only 20 minutes, for a bet.
Jane should be forever known as Oinkerella. Just to be clear, I’m not trying to insult the overweight community. I’m making fun of gluttonous entitled people who would let others starve just to appease their laziness.
Resellers ~ Scalpers in my eyes... So I am right there with OP when I say those women can go F off till OP is done looking. Not like anyone else will get a chance after they're done anyway.
I forgot to add this in my first comment, but why would you want the meat back at that point? Restaurants immediately discard anything you return because they dont know how clean you or your house is, most food illnesses are caused in a residential setting. He did the safer and smarter thing.
No, he didn't do the safer smarter thing. You know what the difference between your neighbor people you know and a restaurant customer returning things who's a complete stranger is the fact that they're a complete stranger. The husband invited people over. They behaved badly and he didn't call them out. He would rather placate neighbors who steal from him then stand up for somebody taking advantage of them. If the wife invited people over to the house and they behaved badly it would be her job to call it out.
As someone who has watched all of Paw Patrol, I can confirm that, while it didn’t happen in the show, a plot where someone steals all of the hamburgers at someone’s birthday is the exact type of thing that would happen in that show.
I’ve only ever met one nice reseller in all my time thrifting. I was looking at bags with my friend and she picked up a nice one. A lady near us told her it was a very good quality high end brand. She explained that she was a reseller and congratulated my friend on the good find. 10/10 interaction
Update on the second story:
UPDATE: Y'all. I don't even know what to say besides thank you. You have been... clear and generous and demonstrated ALL the sense I was lacking.
I realize I was brought up, in a way, to think all this was normal. Until the past week, I thought it was.
So to the update: mom's sibling has been a storm of getting things done. I guess there's been an unspoken awareness in the family of the way I've taken on so much and my meltdown was not a massive surprise. I've had several texts of "hey you take care of you, we got this." Nice but like ... where was this especially the last 10 years?
She and mom are actually investigating assisted living. Mom told her she doesn't want to become a burden. (Insert eye roll?) In any event, they are copying me on websites and stuff.
I'm staying home with no plans to go down. I feel regret. It feels wrong not to be there. But I'm also feeling relief.
I realize what many of you said - it wasn't the money, it was the idea she had no thought about taking care of me or acknowledging me as much as my brother. She's my mom. But also, it feels awful that she's parentfied me and infantilized my brother and that would be her last message to us.
My mom's sister texted me that there are life insurance policies for my kids to cover a chunk of college and that mom's funeral and all that is prepaid. She didn't have to break the expectation of confidentiality and tell me (and here I am telling Reddit) - and I'm so glad she did. It gave me some peace to know she thought of the kids.
I guess this was the breakdown that changed the way of things for me. I'm sad in someways but free in others. It will take awhile but I think the biggest lesson here was that I did this to myself and my family by jumping to someone else's tune. I've apologized to my spouse and there's been a shift between us for the better. I guess I'm growing a spine?
Mom doesn't know I had this crisis. Her sister just told her that I'm extremely busy and can't come down and that anyway mom should let others help once in a while. Mom was calling to see if everything was ok because that sounded odd to her and especially since I didn't tell her myself (... and be told I was abandoning her?) I texted mom that I hoped her sister was helping and she said 'yes thank you'.
It's a start.
To those of you that guessed there would be some nastiness - yes, there has. My dad (of all people!!) called and told me to 'let up on my brother'. I was completely confused until he said that my brother is brokenhearted that I broke my promise (huh?) to go help mom and was suggesting he needs to go. I told him it's true I'm not going but I haven't talked to my brother and it's not my job to tell my brother what to do.
My mom's eldest sibling put in the family group chat (that is usually 100% birthday greetings and funny memes) that they and their spouse are highly concerned that mom isn't being taken care of and that sometimes "neglect is abuse" and people don't realize. My moms youngest sib sent a screenshot of the cost of a fight for the eldest' hometown to moms closest airport. Group chat is now silent. I laughed hysterically.
Thank you all for being there best of Reddit community. I don't know if there will be another update so I want to take this moment and appreciate you.
SMALL UPDATE: Sometimes, the Reddit community is empathy and strength in the best way. You all gave me the clarity of perspective and I'm sorry I couldn't reply to everyone individually.
BUT before I could talk myself out of it, I texted my mom's youngest sibling and told her I was tapping out. I ranted a bit. A lot. She bought a plane ticket and is going down to help mom. She completely understood and was super supportive.
She told me that mom has been having memory issues and is planning to move to assisted care. OK.... she said she's going make that a priority when she's down to help. Technically she's my aunt but I never knew her growing up but it was nice to feel like a family member had my back.
I don't know if she told mom or shared my texts but mom has been calling. I muted her. I don't know what happens next but I think a good night's sleep is definitely first.
Thank you again for being a clear voice.
Thank you for posting the update.
Thank you. Glad things are shifting for OP. And glad she is ignoring her mother and the aunts are jumping in.
Seems like golden child brother is still causing problems by lying to dad (he knows he’s the favorite and uses that to his advantage). Of course he doesn’t want to support his parents in their golden years after they spoiled him rotten.
@@LunaP1and how daddy is also on board with his enabling. It sounds like OP grew up expecting to follow stereotypical rules without her consent. That aunt deserves a meal at a fancy restaurant for what she’s done to help set things straight.
Sounds like the youngest is the best in that family. I love her response to the eldest when they tried to guilt OP.
I work retail. I HATE resellers. They're almost always so rude!!
And greedy, entitled…. Basically they are the Karen of employment
i can never find cute affliction clothes cuz of it😢
They are the worst.
Well lets be rude back what are they gonna do resell us? Lol
They sound awful.
Rslash quotes with no context
"OH no the evil monkey stole our hamburgers"
"That's kinda one of the main duties of a husband, giving his wife some hotdog"
Lol
Story 2: The mother F-ed around and found out. This is what happens when you have a golden child -- you lose the other children.
One of the worst mother. Screw that massive b word and if the family complains they CAN HELP HER INSTEAD
And remind her that sonny boy is her POA and if there are things she’s uncomfortable with him doing, hire a caretaker instead of putting this on her
The thing is he probably is completely oblivious to it all too. When you're brought up to believe that certain people don't matter, they tend to remain below your notice. It's not intentional or malicious, you just don't think about them. Like giraffes--you don't have anything against giraffes, but you probably hadn't given a second thought to a giraffe until just now when I mentioned them.
@adamb89 no. Why would I forget Giraffes. They are one of the most unique animals on Earth. Now elk that's something that slips my mind because there are so many venison type animals. (This is mostly a joke response. Lol)
@@adamb89 I disagree. I think that unless the golden child is developmentally disabled, then they know full well that their parent disregards the Scapegoat sibling. Kids pick up on things like that quickly, especially when the favoritism is so patently obvious. My egg donor was the same way with her step kids. She wanted their father so badly, that she was eager to put me through ANY hell in order to keep him. (Not like that was new for her.. my whole life I've been nothing more than a shield, sword, bargaining chip, or tool for her to abuse. Anything for men, alcohol and drugs...) and within a week they (a then 7 and 9 year old) picked up the clues quickly and they reveled in it. OPs brother knows full well he is the golden bitch, and he takes advantage of it.
Besides, you don't get to a place of "mommy dearest wants me to bankrupt my family making me her full time nurse slave, in order to save every penny for my ne'er-do-well brother who forgot she is still alive" without a bunch of degrading steps in between.
OPs only response to her "mother" should be "I've already drained my savings, my kids college funds and my retirement to take care of an ungrateful old bag. Now that she's dead, I need to focus on rebuilding my savings and college funds. So, Unless you would like to deposit that 250k into my account to replenish what we wasted on you, you'll have to just rely on the only child you claim you have."
And leave it at that. Anytime family texts OP, remind them that she went bankrupt supporting HER mother, and that if they want her to go into further debt taking care of ne'er-do-well's mother, then they will have to reimburse her those costs up front before any work is done.
Ignore the "mother", and ignore he rest.of the "family" too.
Story 3: As someone who used to HAVE to shop in thrift stores just to have decent clothes to wear, I can attest that resellers are the absolute worst! These people actively try to take clothes intended to help less fortunate people who can't afford high-end brands and resell them at high markup. That's the problem. Clothes in thrift shops are HEAVILY discounted so people who normally wouldn't be able to afford them CAN afford them. Then you get moochers like these coming in and buying them up IN BULK at said discounted prices, which they take and resell online for exorbitant amounts! I cannot emphasize this enough that they do this for their own profit and are literally robbing low-income people of decent clothing! That's why everybody hates resellers and why they're saying that they're ruining thrift stores. Totally NTA! I would've done the exact same thing and actually have just to spite these people because I used to be low income.
I'd like to add it isn't even just about clothes alone. Many resellers also go after basic household necessities that are discounted at thrift stores. Pots and pans, plates, etc. I've seen people on local Facebook marketplace groups regularly trying to pawn off many household items you know they scooped at a thrift shop and trying to get near retail pricing.
Then there's the scalpers that go after new release material like anything Pokémon related or numerous other brands/franchises. They will abuse bot systems online to scoop up preorders for everything and then try to get triple the retail price off avid fans who missed out.
My dad has been doing resale for mostly plates and other ceramics. I hate it. His house has become a hoarders paradise. I live with the fear that one day I will go over to visit and find him buried under all the china and boxes. I have been trying to get him help but he just won't listen.
I like looking around thrift stores for stuff like beanie babies (i collect a few specific babies myself) and a lot of thrift stores have started marking them up to prices like, $2 - $3 each, when those beanies online from collectors would be anywhere from 50 cents to a dollar. they USED to be in the 50 cent plush bin on their own even at thrift stores! i dont want to have to pay like $20 bucks for a handful of old common beanies!
this happens with other "old" toys too like Furbys, there was a while where furbys were expensive in thrift stores bc people were getting into modifying them more (oddbody furbys) and people were buying and reselling them, as well as thrift stores marking them more expensive bc of it ;; it sucks for people who legitimately just want to collect these items at a fair price like they've been for YEARS
Honestly ya snooze ya lose (talking to the resellers). I don't get the resellers whining about hoarding/"wanting to see the clothes", cuz that's just how shopping works. If you take the last of something you don't get randomly stopped because someone else wants what you have.
I agree but I would rather have someone resell it than it going to the local or overseas landfill
Story 2: Ahh, the classic golden child/scapegoat family relationships, I absolutely despise that. Cutting your daughter out of your will and giving it to your favorite golden child brother is a surefire way to ruin the relationship with your daughter. Stand your ground, if she doesnt appreciate you, then you shouldn't be nice to her. NTA.
Not only that but it hit me that she expects her daughter to literally be her caregiver without question, but her son gets an entirely free pass so long as he does less than the bare minimum
I agree but I will say, him being single and child free is irrelevant - that does not mean he’s obligated to do more of the care support than his sister. They should be doing an EQUAL amount together.
But she totally did the right thing - mum has only herself to blame!
OP: I need that money!
Mother: I missed the part where that's my problem
OP: stops helping her mother
Mother: I'm dying, I need your help
OP: I missed the part where that's my problem
@@Josh_the_jester
Mom: **Surprised Pikachu Face**
It's just a shame that it took her that long to make the escape. How old did she say she was? 50s?
Props to that kid for realizing on his own that he's not well set up for life instead of complaining. He definitely has potential even if things looked grim
Yea he’s young enough that he can still learn and grow. Props to that dad for helping as well.
*First OP:* Jane took dang near all the food from OP's BBQ and then asked for cake? Lol! OP is NTA no matter how much meat Jane brought. I'm surprised Jane didn't use her pregnancy as an excuse to take all the food.
*Second OP:* OP's "mom" sounds ungrateful that OP despite the fact that she had to put her life on hold to help her. If OP's family couldn't help OP's mom on their own, then why couldn't they hire a caretaker for her? OP is NTA with or without the will.
*Third OP:* OP handled the situation the best she could. OP is NTA.
*Fifth OP:* OP was defending her daughter... from her other daughter. OP is NTA, but calling your kid a loser isn't the best idea depending on context.
Jane seems the be the kind of gal who goes to a party with a bag of uncooked dinner rolls and thinks this entitles her to take whatever she wants. Jane is selfish and I hope her spouse finally sees this. I’m sure there would be more repercussions if Matt wasn’t work colleagues with OPs spouse
2 lbs of hamburger? That’s what 4 maybe 6 hamburgers? That’s not half
Last story, op didn't really call the daughter the loser, just framed the situation in the daughter's philosophy.
She did. OP in the comments of the first post mentioned that the next day, she was crying that she was being targeted for her "pregnancy brain"
Fifth: I can't believe the daughter thought that people who are losers in high school don't deserve to have anything good. Why should they have to suffer in high school and then suffer more after it's over?
Story 4: Oof, even if her trauma from her late first husband and child explained all of her actions, it doesn't excuse her proceeding to blame OP for the son's failures. Instead of helping him with life skills, she just fuels his habits, even tried to sue OP for money
At least the son eventually realized how f**ked up things were, but I don't know if he'll be able to easily recover
The son can recover if his mom was taken out of the picture. She ruined that boy’s life and blamed OP for being an actual parent.
The son did start to realize it. He needs to get into community college and find a passion. I went back and finished an IT Degree. It's helping me shift course. He's still young so he has a chance. It's a good thing this didn't progress too far for him and he started to realize how much things were screwed up for him the longer it went on. He needs to get into community college, get into an internship of some sort... or do a trade.
Story 5:Kelly needs a reality check,High school is one thing,Real life is a whole other thing,NTA
And OP needed to let her know that as a parent, her job isn’t always to help her cheerleader. OP used the high school reference in order to use terms Kelly understood since that was when she peaked.
I'm impressed she's stuck in high school. Most I know that behave like this are stuck in Junior High.
Being a popular jock in high school may give you a few aces - like sports scholarships - but the academic suits are the trumps.
How does she not feel embarrassed after taking all the food, knowing damn well that some havent eaten yet? Doesnt matter if pregnant...
Yeah, I think that's just entitlement, not pregnancy.
Does Rslash just think you can walk into another person's house while they're there and take stuff? Giving the husband a score just because he was out to the store and trying to deescalate things, and because he invited people he knew over(which OP never said was a problem) to have a fun cook out, and they took advantage? It's not on him at all, the only thing he did wrong is trusting people who apparently have no regard for others.
Rslash is always extra tough on husbands or men even if they don’t deserve it
@@stuartwalker9597 having an Asian wife as a bottom leads to these things.
@@Tajarim88what? What does his wife and her being Asian have to do with this?
@@Tajarim88 , don't assume that, You're generalizing, having an Asian wife has no relevance to this conversation.
Tbh, rslash has always had a double standard when it comes to men and women, and a majority of the time, he sides with the women
In the last story, I had a mental flashback to the hot tub scene from Eurotrip where the cheerleaders are thinking they're going to be as popular in college as they were in high school and I'm thinking to myself "Yeah, Kelly's probably got that mindset in, which is probably why she flunked out".
Dude. 8 burgers and 10 hotdogs ANNNNNND a wholeass pan of BBQ.
And the nerve to expect cake
RightttttT!
2nd story: The reason OP lost all motivation to help her mom upon finding out she was not in the will wasn't because she only took care of her for money. But rather because OP wasted so much of her own money to help her. Both travel expenses and taking time off work would have costed her a lot over the years. But on top of that she also did tons of free labor for her while she was taking care of her. To do all that for a person and then find out that they don't value you or your time at all would break anyone.
If I was OP I would sit down, calculate exactly how much money she's lost out on while helping her mom and send it to her to show her everything she's done for her. And how utterly ungrateful she's been to OP about it.
Wow, the final cherry on top is that OP was gracious enough to still let the kiddos get cake, but since entitled mommy didn’t get what she wanted nobody does. Im glad OP didn’t let her get her way
Story 2:OP,Stay away from her,You gain nothing from helping that ungrateful b-word,If anyone who complains,They can help her
NTA
And remind the hospital, family etc, who her POA of attorney is whenever they harass her. I’m very sure it’s not about the money to OP but the will proves how little her mom values what she has done for her.
Once again, Rslash dishing AH points to the Husband of the story for making the slightest of mistake.
No, Dabney, the Husband isn't responsible for the attitude of the main AH of the story, not everyone is aware that their coworker is a thief.
Rslash's misandry leaking through again
It's not even the friend but the friend's wife.
@@avatale8612 Got 3 theories about this takes. 1) Misandry. 2) he's doing engagement hate baiting to make us comments, or 3), He's trying to prove he's the best of the best husband/father that exist by criticizing anything others in his position are doing slightly wrong.
ffs stop being an incel
@@Juju2927 or 4) In his own words, "don't attribute to malice what can be attributed to incompetency".
Story1 I agree 100% that Prego planned the burger heist. Like you said, who leaves a party with food then comes back later for more food?
Story 1: My eyes almost rolled out of my head when you gave OP's husband 1/5. I just KNEW you were gonna give the husband a butthole score for not "supporting his wife", when he LITERALLY DID, both by calling his friend and by getting OP something else to eat. He's not responsible for his friend's girlfriend being a thief. We get it, you're an oh-so-perfect husband who would never make a mistake, but you can't hold it against other men.
Honestly, also, part of me was surprised that Jane didn't pull the pregnant card, because people like her always tend to do that, but even without that, the AUDACITY to steal food and then come back expecting more is beyond mine or any person with an IQ above room temperature's understanding.
Jane was one of the guests invited by OP's husband. As such, it's his responsibility to make sure rules of the household are enforced, and to keep his guests in control.
As in, NOT stealing food that his family hasn't eaten yet. If kids and teens has to follow rules in the house to ensure that THEIR friends and guests are well behaved and respectful, the same's true for the adults when it comes to their own friends and guests.
Jane disrespected her friend and his family by stealing what WAS theirs and never gave OP and the son a chance to eat!
He litterally brushed off Janes stealing of the food so yeah he deserves the 1/5
Just another typical rlash take.
@@CooperGal24 Not everyone knows their coworker's partner is a thief, and not everyone has to know. OP's husband, for as much as we know about him, seems decent enough to know not to invite Jane to the next cookout. I can also kind of get by why he didn't do what Dabney said he should have done, a.k.a. go directly to their house and take back the stolen food. He wouldn't have necessarily been 'in the wrong' to do it, but he didn't want to cause a rift between him and Matt since they work together, and creating unnecessary drama between him and a coworker could negatively impact his work. If anything, he made a slight mistake, but nothing that deserves an ah score.
Honestly I can see both perspectives. As in, I don't really have an issue with being brash so for me it would be easy to step up. But I do understand not everyone is good with confrontation. He made sure they got to eat but he didn't rectify the insult of the act itself. Depends on his wife to determine whether that's something she wants or is willing to tolerate, which seems to be the case.
Some thrift / charity stores have had to add rules that you can only buy within 2 sizes because between resellers and the oversized trend no one could get ahold of plus sizes who needed them
Story 1: The neighbor trying to rationalize being entitled to the food, because she brought some of it to the party is so tacky to me. No manners.
Story 4:That woman literally ruined son's life
People,Do not be like her,NTA
Which I makes me wonder, OP could’ve brought this up during divorce proceedings. Even with the parental neglect his wife performed, how did he get no sort of custody?
I agree with you that OPs ex screwed her son over and made him her emotional support child of sorts and needed therapy asap. My question is off base I know
It also reminds me of one the last videos were he shat on a dad for basically doing the same thing, the key difference is the son didn't constantly emotionally abuse his father to get what he wanted whereas the 12 year old girl did
It almost reminds me of my mother except I wish I had this kids mom. I’m an adult and have to be in therapy because of how she raised me. I literally have an anxiety disorder because of her.
I'm 40 and I get an allowance every 2 weeks it is call a paycheck
Even the son started to realize how much she messed up his life. I hope the best for him and he can get into community college. IT might be a good field.
Stealing lunch and then asking for desert sounds like the ending of one of thoes stories the Peter Rabbit author would write
Story 1 nta the neighbor is so petty. That if she can't have cake then her kids can't have any? Wow.
And being called out for stealing enough food to feed a large family and simply pout about it? Funny how she nor Matt brought back the food when confronted.
@@lorilancaster5917 That was my thought! Either the "friends" just didn't care that she took off with the all the food which shows how trashy they are or the husband severely downplayed how this upset her to them to "keep the peace" in which case he DID earn an AH score... Her and her kids had full stomachs before they left since they ate there and with the amount of food they thought was still left they did NOT eat all that, yet, she can't bring ANY back! She knew what she was doing when they told her she could have "some leftovers" and she had the gall to ask for more! SMH
A narcissistic mooch. Those are the ones to never let in your home or life. They turn into destructive sneak thieves very quickly.
Who takes all of the food?? Like id be nervous to take two plates. She took everything and came back for more. She gave nothing back. Id ban her from ever coming over 💀
@@bryn1063 her and her kids and husband are definitely not invited next time
Story 1: I know who’s not going to be invited to the next BBQ. 😂
So being a loser in high school means you deserve nothing good for the rest of your life? Four years decides the course of life, and if you don’t like it “suck it up, you shouldn’t have been a loser in high school?”
Story4 This happened to 2 of my cousins. Both of their parents raised them to believe they could do no wrong and that anyone who opposed them should be punished. They're now grown, both parents deceased, and are having to figure out how life works on their own. They behaved so poorly throughout their lives that none of the family want anything to do with them.
The Hamburglar's going to be tried for fast food -related crimes against humanity at some point.
Story 1: and THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how to ensure you NEVER get invited to functions again.
(also, Rslash simp warning for story 1)
My daughter is the head of shoes for our local thrift store. It is actually a really big store and a very large department. Some people are there EVERY single day picking through the shoes to resell them. Most of the time, they grab them off the carts before my daughter even has time to put them out! They are absolutely horrible!! The main reason for the store is to help people who are really struggling. Our church will even give people vouchers to go in and get what they need for free. It broke my daughters heart during prom season when girls went in looking for their perfect shoes for prom but had to settle for the ugly shoes that were left over. Some people are just truly horrible and disgusting! 😡
Rslash showing his biases again with Story 1, just because the Husband didn’t do what you think he should do, doesn’t mean he’s an A Hole.
Been watching RSlash for years, dude has just been going downhill. Still love his story readings, but a lot of them could do without his shit takes, especially with stories like these where he thinks, "Oh such a PERFECT husband & father & have done absolutely no wrong when it comes to my wide & child, so any other husband ever who isn't immediately at his wife's beck and call or minorly inconveniences his wife is a fool & an asshole in my eyes"
@@alexalverez9532 Yeah, at this point Rslash has become more of a guilty pleasure for me. I think he's declining but he reads good stories and has good presentations with his Karen voice and stuff but his takes just doesn't do it for me and it's getting worse.
@@alexalverez9532 Exactly! Like the one guy with the anxiety attack about his clashing love languages with his wife. Rslash called him a psycho and told him to get medicated
@@AidenOcelot Or when he called the Bunker guy an asshole because "WhErE's HeR bUnKeR"
@@alexalverez9532 I remember that! "I have a bunker my wife has the house" And Rslash is like: "You're selfish, you need to give up half your bunker or give her her own bunker"
The husband did take reasonable action to reduce tension in the first story... I think you're expecting too much
Yeah. R/slash is being a bit too harsh on these husbands/boyfriends it used to be if they just stood up for their wives/girlfriend. Now they have to be a knight in shining armor and blindly fight everyone even if it's not necessary.
Its the basement dweller redditor mindset. Just because the husband would be in the "right" if he went over and stole back the food, it's not the right decision. He works with the husband everyday, and it would cause unnecessary tension. He did everything right, and so did the wife. I think rslash might need to go outside.
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfanat this point i think he is doing on purpose to get them engagement bucks
Rslash is turning into a male karen with every passing day
we will see a channel about his post/response eventually
He could have made a plate for his wife and child instead of saying the friends could take what they wanted. Husband's cluelessness is assholery.
It's the coming back for cake that gets me.
'brb i'm just taking all of this food home' lol
Story 3:They were literally gonna do the exact same thing,What a bunch of hypocrites,NTA
That's why I'd say ESH. OP complains about them taking everything so no one else can see, then takes everything so no one else can see.
They're all hypocrites, op and the (possible) resellers.
@@DarthAxolotl I wouldn't call it hypocritical to give the resellers a taste of their own medicine.
@@Zxceelxuz She's doing exactly what she complains about others doing. That's pretty much the definition of hypocrite
@DarthAxolotl but at least they did it with malignant intention towards the right people
@DarthAxolotl I mean, technically, sure. But it's basically a moment of petty revenge and I won't count it against her. I've seen how frustrating and downright rude a lot of those reseller people can be. They're just mad someone else actually got to thrift a few items without them taking the lot to mark up elsewhere first.
Story 3: Resellers are the worst. Like, they swipe everything and give nobody else a chance to buy anything. I'm glad to know everyone is backing up OP.
If those greedy a-holes want money, they can get a job
And if they want to rob and exploit the poor and the low income, they can go into politics
I'm not sure I can say the real term but I had that issue when that new sanrio x animal crossing cards were in target. Everything was sold out in a matter of minutes. And despite the 2 packs per person and pick up only, so many people reported that they saw a group of people carry a tower of packs.
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfanthose are scalpers, and they are honestly much worse than even the greediest resellers because they’re basically holding new product for ransom
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfanHappened with Pokémon TCG too, it sucks
@@silverflight01 and if they want to ruin the lives of the lower and middle class, they can go into politics
Last Story OP Kelly is an adult not a child, she dropped out of collage and works as a waitress so she needs a bigger score for being a brat about it when she failed to finish collage or get a better job.
And she flunked out of college because she didn’t even try. I wonder if she’s staying as a waitress since a fair amount are high schoolers and she wants to cling on to what she was?
Story 1. Sure the neighbors brought over 2 lbs of burger meat but Jane ended up leaving with 8 burgers plus 10 hot dogs. So she basically left with her contribution to the BBQ plus extra! How was she comfortable enough to go back and ask for more damn food? Whaa...
Edit: And she took the macaroni salad, Jeez.
Story 1: My favorite part of going to events is helping clean up in the end, so I have an excuse to take leftovers home. NEVER would I take the whole thing. Jeez.
TIL "the main responsibility of a husband is to give his wife some hot dog."
I had to pause the video after hearing that to manually unroll my eyes
@@PikalaxALT Same here
imagine he said this about a woman. his weird takes and commentary are only getting worse. been watching for years but i think I'm officially done with his channel.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I give you 5/5 buttholes for this one
Story 2: asked the family why they can’t go, and when they give you the same excuse again, ask them why does that matter since your family and family support to always be there it’s especially when others can’t. You’ve been there for your mom and she was going to screw you over like this. Because apparently you dropping everything all the time is nothing prepared to the couple of times your brother come around to move furniture. Tell everyone you’re doing your brother a favor you’re staying out of the way so he can actually earn his inheritance so he doesn’t have to feel guilty that you do majority of the care while he gets the praise and appreciation.
Story 3: Let’s call these “re-sellers” what they really are: Scalpers. NEVER apologize for ruining a scalpers business. Period. OP you’re a hero.
Story 2: it won’t change unless the mom sees it herself. I have an uncle who’s the golden child despite being a MAJOR LEAGUE fuck up, and my grandma is willing to burn alongside him. It’s only increased since my grandpa died. You’re lucky if the person in the fog wakes up, but it’s near-impossible if you’re still in the fog in older age.
Last story: but she’s not down, she just can’t afford her sister‘s life and somehow think it’s not fair because high school stereotypes. Which is funny because in those stereotypes, it’s the popular people that end up screwing up their lives while the nerds get rich.
But non of that matters because if she wants a better lifestyle than she needs to stop claiming and get to work.
And with her high school girl dream gone, she’s now focused on the “hope I find a rich patron wanting to spoil a poor waitress” story. No lady. Story time is over and adulthood has long since begun
Incredible that you'll see a story of someone stealing food and somehow give one of the victims a 1/5 for not doing enough apparently. L
Been watching RSlash for years, dude has just been going downhill. Still love his story readings, but a lot of them could do without his shit takes, especially with stories like these where he thinks, "Oh such a PERFECT husband & father & have done absolutely no wrong when it comes to my wide & child, so any other husband ever who isn't immediately at his wife's beck and call or minorly inconveniences his wife is a fool & an asshole in my eyes"
Well of course, the husband invited people over that he didn’t expect would be a thief. He should’ve looked into the future to know. Just like how rslash would’ve done if he was in that situation.
@@nickspur0798 RSlash need to prove that he is the pinnacle of being a perfect husband & father by putting others down because they'll never be as perfect as he is 🙄
@@alexalverez9532 right, cause other man can never be the “prefect” husband and father that he is.
@@nickspur0798 Of course not, he's the ONLY absolutely perfect husband & father to ever exist ever. The Bunker & Rock climbing stories are my favorite of these examples
Story 3: at most it was petty, but you were still with in your right and you made sure to put everything back when you were done. And I’m certain you didn’t completely take every last piece of clothing off the rack so instead of worrying about you they could’ve just gone and looked at other clothes, they’re only there to pick out valuable stuff and resell it anyway what does the size matter?
Do that to the wrong person they would’ve left with a black eye, trying to harass people for shopping like that.
Story 1: I dont think the Husband deserves a butthole score. To quote rslash of the past, "the absence of nice isnt mean, its just not nice". Thats what the husband was. He wasnt mean, he was just not nice.
You could say that the neighbor is a certified glizzy gobbler
Story 2: The mother is being absolutely ungrateful. Showing her what happens when her daughter isn’t on hand every time she needs help might be a good way to teach her what her daughter is actually doing for her all the time
Second story is classic example of golden child and the other child. The least OP's mom in that story could do is either pay her the expenses for travelling or split the inheritance. If family are so keen on helping her then why don't they go help the mother or make op's brother to go there.
2 pounds of hamburger, unless you are making tiny sliders, is at best 4 hamburgers patties. I don't know if the husband deserves a butthole score, we don't know that the wife was upset or even tried to invite anybody to her friends in this story, my now ex-wife wanted a big party one year and asked me to invite my friends as well, so it could be a similar situation. He tried to keep the peace and fix the situation. He didn't know friend's wife was a hamburgler, lesson learned, will not do again.
I’m sure if op let the neighbor have cake she’d have taken almost all of it “I did leave a piece” really just the cake and icing that sticks.
Who takes that much food at someone’s bday bbq. She didn’t ask “can I take all of the rest” she asked to take some. She knew what she was doing
I think OP should’ve added the zinger, “we haven’t served the cake yet since I haven’t blown the candles out yet. You see, someone ran off with all the food before me and my son got to eat and dear hubby had to go get us something. After we eat and I blow out the candles, you kids can have a slice. I think your tapeworm is well fed after you took enough food to feed a family of six and have come back for more.”
4th story: Mom definitely ruined that kid. Good on OP for continuing to try, but he should follow the “three strikes you’re out” rule going forward. Some people are just lost, no sense on wasting time and resources on them.
He’s getting more and more unhinged
Story 1: My theory on why she came back was after she stole the food, 45 minutes later and she remembered/her kids asked about the cake. It's possible she expected OP, OP's kids, and OP's husband to still be preoccupied so she could steal the whole thing. But had to change plans when OP and her son were near the grill/cake
Story 1 is hilarious and funnily enough there a show made by a band called The Aquabats. One of their episodes was them dealing with a hunger that only burgers could satisfy and the villain of the episode had stolen all the burgers in town. It led to the greatest song ever. Burger rain.
If someone took away all the food and left nothing for me and my kid AT MY OWN BIRTHDAY, they would've earned a permanent ban from my house or anywhere near me and my family.
NTA. Jane should be glad that only she was denied cake. Don't mess with other people's food, b----.
I think the only reason why the gauntlet wasn’t thrown was because Matt is a work colleague of her husband’s. I wouldn’t be surprised if Matt was higher in rank and maybe the husband worries about rocking the boat. However Jane shouldn’t return until she atones for her selfishness and sincerely apologizes.
I love that the dad still decided to do the right thing and help his son with his resume. It is so important that the kid makes the steps to get help, but I love that the dad is there to help when his son is ready to accept it. So much better than the mother's coddling.
Kicking a child while they are down is low. Kicking your adult bratty daughter while she is clearly being a petulant brat on the other hand...
The reseller stuff happens with the free table at my mom's curch too. The church has clothes that people donate and EVERY Sunday or Monday a bunch of ladies go through the tables and take everything that could be sold and leaves the clothes in a mess.
Dabney you had me laughing over the Paw Patrol bit. It really was like that😂
Resellers story - those people need to be automatically booted from thrift stores.
Can you say it louder for the back to hear!! 👏
Why is the husband catching a stray?
Like he holds a little fault for inviting a friend? But op didn't have a problem with that, so it's unfair to fault him for that.
The problem is strictly with the friend and friends wife As they are the ones that took all the food.
And what is he supposed to do just walk into their house and take the food back? They at first denied they took all of it when they talked, they weren't gonna let him just take it back. Wtf
Because when it comes to rslash he looks for ways to make the husband the ah even when he is innocent
3:22 you speal for your family alone. I was a bottomless void as a child and my brother was a slight smaller ravinus hell pit.
In story 1, I had a similar experience with my mom and grandma inviting a crap ton of people to my graduation party. I only new my immediate family(a whole whopping 8 people) and the 4 friends that I invited. I didnt have a clue who the other almost 30 people were! They basically high jacked my party. And then- and then I got yelled at for playing monopoly with my friends INSIDE the house, when it was super windy outside! And yelled at some more for not interacting with everyone else! No matter how much I told my mom that I wasnt comfortable being around that many people I dont know.(mind you I'm an extremely introverted person)
It got so bad at one point I was threatened with giving all presents and money back if I didnt go outside, so I went out, sat in a corner and kept to myself. Until my friend Sam came out to make sure i was ok and she stayed with me.
It's been almost 10 years since that and I'm still mad! I just wanted a small get together with my friends. Not put on a pedestal for my mom and grandmas friends!
Story 3 : HELL NAW fuck resellers, that stuff should Low-key be illegal or shunning-worthy.
As someone who’s hobby (warhammer) is plagued with these kind of people, I can confirm that they are looked down on, hell even the company (games workshop) tried fighting back against them on occasion
@@joshuacouture479 They should flood the market with what resellers are trying to sell hard. No place for these fucking losers. They shouldn't even be able to be in a social context.
And bounced off the premises asap. These businesses are meant to help people not financially well off.
Story 1: I’m glad R/ said something because I thought it was weird that she stole all the food and came back for more. To me that says you stole all the food before someone could notice, realize you could’ve taken more food and came back.
What kind of logic does that make? I brought burgers that means I get to take all the food, including the food, I didn’t bring or cook before the parties even over? She didn’t even bother to see if maybe someone didn’t get any since there was so much left. And how did you know no one else wanted to take some or wanted seconds?
I actually think it was pretty nice of you to let the kids still have some cake, after that, this wouldn’t be on my property again. Be getting called out after stealing all the food.
11:00 I would have returned that to them. Like why do they have to be so butt hurt about someone trying on clothings? If they wanted to try the stuff, then they should come sooner and not be such nasty people.
Listen, r/slash. The husband isnt responsible for his friends girlfriend. And you seriously expect him, to go into another person's house, grab the trays of food (even tho, you dont know the state of their house, they can he horders, not clean their dishes well, etc. The stuff can be dirtied and now gross.) And expect nothing to happen?
I don't think I'd blame the husband in the first story. Going to take the food back will probably cause issues for him at work or get him reported. I think what he should just do from now on is never invite that friend to any kind of cookout or event involving food ever again.
Third story: yeah screw those resellers. I feel the moment thrift store owners start getting pissed off and start banning them they'll act like they're victims. They're as worst as a problem we have here of "boutique thrift stores", aka people who own thrift stores but sell everything massively overpriced acting like it's a fashion brand, and not used clothes;
Meanwhile my grandma's friend used to own a thrift store (she sadly closed it down due to health issues) and my grandma managed to buy both a Swarovski ring, and a Dolce and Gabanna pair of glasses there for literally just five bucks each (a rich woman used to take things she didn't wanted anymore there to be sold);
So yeah screw resellers and "boutique" thrift stores, ruining a nice thing for greed.
First story spunds like a movie plot for pixar's next "best summer blockbuster " 😂
To the woman whose Golden Child brother is getting everything. You feel bad because they trained you to be the codependant, Black Sheep caregiver. You are feeling what they trained you to do and the conflict is your true self trying to stand up for you. Listen to your Self, it won't let you down. It cares about you.
I feel a little sick even thinking about the stolen food. I am greedy, I like food, but I don't like food enough to steal. I don't like food enough to make enemies. I might MAYBE have taken one burger for later if I was there and it was as good as my imagination. Maybe. But maybe not, because there were kids there, and my parents can fry, I feed kids first.
The Hambugler strikes again
What's wrong with inviting a friend and his wife over to a birthday BBQ, that is WHY you have birthday BBQs to invite people over. Also, the husband was just as shocked as OP, he made sure to bring her home food so she didn't have to make something different, why does he get a 1/5? He met her needs, assessed the situation, investigated, and came up with a solution for her, he also didn't tell her to be nice and share her cake, sounds like a good supportive partner to me.
The twisted logic you people come up with. If you invite people over to your house and they behave badly, it's your job to call them out because they are your friends. Just like if the wife invited someone over It would have been her job to call them out. Also, don't allow people to steal from you and be such a pathetic people pleaser that you would rather just let them walk all over you than stand up for yourself.
Also, he didn't support her at all. Quite the opposite. He allowed her to be the one to do the confronting because oh he couldn't do it. Or you Have to keep the peace with people who steal from You. Because those are the feelings that matter in that situation the thieves.
Thrift store resellers suck, keep fighting the good fight, used to be a great way to get good clothes cheap, now you're lucky if you can find anything that actually fits or looks good. They either need to ban resellers or limit the items they can buy, but that wouldn't exactly be easy to enforce
Ok hold up, how was OP’s husband in the first story supposed to know that his friend’s wife was a land whale that would eat all of the leftovers? Husband doesn’t deserve a butthole score, it sounds like he tried to host a fun party for his wife’s birthday, and when some voracious food beast stole their food he tried to make it right
Petition for RSlash to take a new vacation and do more wholesome atories
Not possible to eat 8 burgers and 10 hot dogs in 45 minutes?! Have you never been around a pregnant person, teenager, or Texan at a bbq?! The three of them could have easily polished those off.
Or anyone doing a hotdog or burger eating contest
Story 2, it isn't about the money, or that she's giving it all to their brother, it's that they found out, before she passed, that she's not giving them anything. It seems malicious on somebody's part.
Second story: OP found out that her brother who barely visit her get everything in the will and she get nothing plus he get a house from another family member, OP your whole family it toxic that when she had accident none of them go see her and they would bully OP to go if I was OP I would been either go low contract or no contract since she want leave him with everything, and I bet OP was treat like shit as kid but she can't remember since she was a kid
Story 4: I think there's still hope for the kid. He's recognized that what mom did is messed up and he's still young.
If he can stay motivated long enough to learn basic life skills, and it sounds like OP is willing to help there, he may be able to be independent in a few years.
I agree and he will have to limit contact with his mom since she’s still a huge detriment.
"R/slash stop being unreasonably hard on men/husbands while reading stories" challenge (impossible)
Pregnant or not, this is unhinged. Who steals that much food? ASlso usually you check with the actual host.
Rslash has to understand most men aren’t “wife guys” like he is. Seriously.
So the story with the woman in the thrift store, as a former 'roller' at probably the largest thrift brand in the US and Canada, resellers were the scourge of my time there, especially when I rolled electronics and household goods. We had a strict rule that they weren't to hassle us as we put out the merch and they still would. The one time that pisses me off is we had 5, FIVE, Google home devices out, and we have a two day policy for employees buying things, this one reseller who was eventually banned at my former location short stocked(his) all five in various places and then systematically came back and gathered them, cuz like hey, Hell, I didn't want ONE of them. The worst part is something is on the racks for like $10 for a name-brand, they'll buy and superinflate the price on eBay later.
First story: only thing I disagree with Rslash on, A grown woman, eating for two and 3 kids could _definitely_ make their way through 8 burgers and 10 hotdogs in 45 minutes. I once ate more than that, in only 20 minutes, for a bet.
She really is the Hambugler all she’s missing is the black-and-white striped shirt
Maybe she did wear one in the story?
*The 1st Post Sounds Like A Plot From The Actual Ronald McDonald Series!*
"$90 on hamburgers and hotdogs." Goddamn, OP. Who did you invite to your birthday party? Goku?
Where's the female version of Homer Simpson in a Krusty the Clown suit ready for the Hamburgler.
Stop, Stop! She's already dead!
Jane should be forever known as Oinkerella.
Just to be clear, I’m not trying to insult the overweight community. I’m making fun of gluttonous entitled people who would let others starve just to appease their laziness.
THIS IS BASIC ETIQUETTE DO NOT TAKE LEFTOVERS AND TELL THE WHOLE EVENT IS OVER
Resellers ~ Scalpers in my eyes... So I am right there with OP when I say those women can go F off till OP is done looking. Not like anyone else will get a chance after they're done anyway.
I forgot to add this in my first comment, but why would you want the meat back at that point? Restaurants immediately discard anything you return because they dont know how clean you or your house is, most food illnesses are caused in a residential setting. He did the safer and smarter thing.
No, he didn't do the safer smarter thing. You know what the difference between your neighbor people you know and a restaurant customer returning things who's a complete stranger is the fact that they're a complete stranger. The husband invited people over. They behaved badly and he didn't call them out. He would rather placate neighbors who steal from him then stand up for somebody taking advantage of them. If the wife invited people over to the house and they behaved badly it would be her job to call it out.
story 1: "oh your friend's girlfriend is a thief? you're also an asshole."
..take another vacation.
As someone who has watched all of Paw Patrol, I can confirm that, while it didn’t happen in the show, a plot where someone steals all of the hamburgers at someone’s birthday is the exact type of thing that would happen in that show.
I’ve only ever met one nice reseller in all my time thrifting. I was looking at bags with my friend and she picked up a nice one. A lady near us told her it was a very good quality high end brand. She explained that she was a reseller and congratulated my friend on the good find. 10/10 interaction
Never steal neighbor food.
Story one... That neighbor woman was the very height of rudeness! I'd never allow her back EVER! Perma-ban! 🤨