Regarding emotions - I always told my three that emotions are emotions, it's what you do with them that matters most. They have to acknowledge what they're feeling and know that how they respond is within their power. They choose whether or not to sin.
As a 65-year-old mother of three, I'll give you the quick answer; no. At least not the way I'm seeing it today. Gentleness is a fruit of the spirit and we should all manifest grace and gentleness, especially to children. But firm "no's" and consequences are in short supply the way I see modern parenting done. That does not make for strong emotionally, spiritually, psychologically healthy individuals.
I agree I am a special needs preschool teacher; children don't know what boundaries are to engage with their peers or adults unless you tell them. Not knowing what is expected makes them less confident or secure. As to how you approach teaching, I like what Supernanny says, " Mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't say it mean."
So Jesus died, for our sins were in vain? My question is, where did the word discipline come from (disciple) even in the beginning of creation Adam and eve sinned against God (thier punishment for their sin was being cast out of the garden of eden and without the communion with God ( I don't call that gentle I call that drastic. And that is the way God is. Jesus was gentle until he came up against the scribes and phericies and the Devil . Sins need delt with not coated.
Thank you for your pearls of wisdom! Parents are under a lot of pressure nowadays to do this gentle parenting trend. Mama here to almost 4 and oldest has ASD so I especially understand the pressure. I’ve learned though the hard way just what you advise and look to carry out my discipline and guidance as a mother with the Gospel at the centre and Holy Spirit for strength and power.
Alisa thank you SO MUCH for discussing this. I am a former gentle parent and switched to authoritative parenting when our child was around 4 and have since been deeply interested in the topic, especially since becoming a Christian. It’s extremely rare to hear Christians in the public sphere discussing the topic so I am SO grateful for this. I even mentioned this on Melissa Dougherty’s parenting video recently because it’s so so so so incredibly relevant to the Deconstruction Movement. Prepare yourself for a ton of backlash because GP’s gentleness ends where criticism of their philosophy begins.
Gentle Parenting Example : Friday 11:30am Lady gets on a city bus with 3 children, ages 7, 5,and 3. Children are excited the 7 and 5 yr old are seated together and chatting about things seen out the window. Mom is seated behind with 3 yr old by her side. 3 yr is getting fussy. Mom advises gently then controls talk for the 20 minute ride. I'm seated 4 seats back and reading a book. At first glance while boarding mom looked a little anxious, not sure how this was going to go. I read the look and returned to reading my book. I ride the city bus daily and I've seen it all. And a variety of parents running the gamut of styles. However, this mom seemed in total GRACEFUL control and the 7 and 5 yr old were well behaved but inside the range of normal reactions if the family car is in the shop and mom has to run an errand. She managed well all the way to town center. Time to disembark. Turns out everyone is getting out at the same stop. The driver usually waits about 8 seconds then pulls out if the doors clear. I look over my shoulder as I'm leaving...a strap is caught between the seats...4 seconds, 5 seconds I'm at the open door. I look over and mom has a 'getting panicked' look on her face. The next stop is too far and the children will have to walk. No terse comment. No swearing, just obvious frustration. A fellow passenger moves to help, the driver is staring at me...I'm holding the door open past his time to leave, the other passenger helps free the backpack strap, I hold the door and mom and the 3 kids and that last passenger disembark. I thought that lady's Grace and Patience was highly commendable. She DIDNT transfer her stress onto her children or anyone else. She might have just prayed she would be able to get off at the planned stop. In any case she managed really well in a stressful situation. As far as I could see, that's a great example of ' Gentle Parenting.
@@carriestout6422 The key point is to MOST OFTEN NOT to open a floodgate to your emotions or you forfeit controlled reaction and operate passionately under less control. They re children and they don't learn when you lose control of your emotions.
I agree about losing control of emotions. I do have ADHD and my parents treated me like an invalid, never punishing me. I deliberately did things I was not supposed to do, because I got away with the bad behavior. I am saved now and surrender to Jesus daily, but when I get off track and don't even think about how I have gotten off track, I'm grateful when the Holy Spirit corrects me. I need to know when I have done a wrong so I can repent of the sin and allow God to get me back on track. Don't children at least need to have light punishment sometimes to learn a lesson from parents? A night without dessert, for example, or going to bed an hour earlier?
This has me wondering if there is a connection between GP and the ex-evangelical movement. It also makes me wonder if there is any connection between GP and critical child studies.
Gentleness is strength controlled by love. There is no such thing as gentleness without strength or love (real value) for others, and if you take away either, you are left with weakness and/or a twisted form of self-centered thinking and behavior.
There is no "sin" as we understand it! We are born to behave as we do! All we have to do is practice UNCONDITIONAL LOVE to overcome our negative thoughts and feelings for they separate us from the protection of God and bring us our sicknesses and miseries. When we have learned how to UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE the Kingdom of Heaven will descend on Earth.
Disputations will arise because people hold on to cherished beliefs and surrender them only with the pain experienced by those who lose their dearest possessions. Nonetheless, dear as the beliefs may be to people-they are only beliefs. They are not a sure foundation on which to build new lives. Cherished beliefs, used as talismans, emotional supports and affirmations to give strength in times of crisis, are emotionally imprinted in the subconscious, and usually incorporate in them a fear of "offending" God when contemplating moving on to some higher Truth. Unless there is a sincere longing to know the TRUTH of BEING, rather than traditional beliefs, it will be almost impossible to receive Salvation. God is aware of the struggles of Jews to live a "good life," and of Muslims to truly reverence and venerate Him throughout the day, attributing all they do and achieve to His power working on their behalf, and of Christians immersed in their beliefs of Salvation by the blood of Jesus-you are all striving to attain "goodness," but will never do so, while you remain divided by your beliefs.
We do put adults in time-out when they misbehave. We just call it prison. Edited to add: Redirecing a child's rage to a wall or a piece of furniture isn't a good option. You may be willing to repair or repaint a wall your child has damaged. Are you equally willing to do so in other homes and businesses? Because, you will be equally responsible as long as your child is underage. When he is an adult he becomes responsible for those actions. If he has never been taught how to deal with anger in childhood while his mind is malleable, he will be forced to learn it as an adult when it is much harder. And he might also end up in that aforementioned adult time out if his property damaging ways persist.
One night while working Church with the kids, I caught fifth grade boys playing with sharp, dangerous kitchen knives. These were 10 year Olds who knew that they were not to go in the kitchen at all. The Children's pastor did not punish them. She said she wasn't allowed to give time outs anymore. I am mortified that we have no way to have children think of consequences. Those boys could have hurt themselves or me when I asked them to hand me the knives. No wonder we have a generation that protests everything. No consequences can make for a spoiled generation of children.
@@carriestout6422 a respectful parent would say "I can't let you play with knives that way, it's incredibly dangerous and someone could get hurt!" with passion. even saying something like "it scares me to see boys playing who don't know how much danger they are in." and of course, immediately confiscating the knives and putting them out of reach until they have learned to use them responsibly. to OP: don't redirect a child to hit a brick wall or an endtable. besides the fact that it would be very painful for your child to do so, a pillow cannot be damaged no matter where it is located, and it cannot hurt your child.
This is SUCH a helpful, insightful interview! Thank you so much!!! I had begun feeling ashamed tor choosing what my husband and I believed was a Biblical form of discipline in raising our four children without understanding exactly what “gentle parenting” really was!!! Thank you for clarifying what is being written and said without a strong Biblical foundation!
I've listened to multiple podcasts by Christian podcasters on this subject, but I think this one is the best by far! Alisa and Abbie did a great job really digging into this issue and talking about how the principles of gentle parenting really circumvent the gospel. I also loved how they tied in progressive christianity, very relevant but I've never heard anyone talk about how those two can be tied together.
Giving kids choices actually teaches them a life skill. Many adults are not able to make choices or fear of making the wrong one because parents always made the choices for them. Giving them options helps them think about things and helps them connect with how they feel about the situation. It also protects the bond they have with the parent and keeps an open communication to have a closer relationship with parents rather then push them away by being demanding. Also each kid is different so, parents should accommodate their differences and raise them the way they will grow best according to Gods word. Direction and protection will guide kids and teaching them what is bad and good but being authoritative and worrying about control rather than a relationship and love will destroy the kids self esteem and ultimately leave them makeing poor life choices. Building kids confidence and resilients through positive reinforcement mostly with a touch of nessessary discipline (not over stupid little things) and catering to each kids needs (some may be outgoing and others not and some may struggle with certain things) is a good way to balance parenting out. Also teaching kids about Gods word is good but kids are innocent until the age of understanding for themselves. In the bible it says to have faith like a child because kids dont have to know apologetics in order to have true faith, they dont have to understand things before they put their whole hearts into it. They are innocent in a holy sense but in a worldy sense they do things like hit friends which is obviously not Godly but it is a part of normal development since they copy eachother and adults. If its a part of normal development to what extent do they need punishment? Redirection is obviously appropriate but to punish them for something they are not fully able to understand themselves would be unfair (thats why God wouldnt send a toddler to hell). So if you send your kid to the room vs letting them make a choice about it then how are they able to truly understand why, they may know that you said it was wrong but inside they don't know that it was wrong, the only thing they understand is that your mad about it and maybe the thing that brought them to it in the fisrt place but they are not deeply reflecting on what they did wrong when they get sent to the room, so to what extent does authority need to take over to prove a point. Meanwhile, letting kids be confident by making choices and respecting them and involving them and trying to understand rather take control might actually help the next generation unlike this adult generation that is very messed up from how they where raised. Doing one extreme to the next is never healthy in any parenting style but gentle parenting with appropriate guidelines and protection is by far the most nurturing and beautiful. How would Jesus raise a little child? He would be so gentle and gracious and loving and protective and guiding, he would have so much space for all the crazy reckless things kiddos do and patience. He would never use authority as the leading highway to raise children.
I'd like to add that in the scenarios we often see online, we only see one part of the conversation. Thinking of the little boy who was asked to apologize to his sibling, we don't know if this was a one-off instance or a repeated issue. We also don't know what the conversation was like between him and the mom that made him ready to apologize. As a teacher, I often encounter issues like this - hitting, kicking, insulting other kids. If a child usually doesn't display that behavior, it's appropriate to have a short conversation with them, help them sort out the feelings that caused them to lash out, and and then lead them to the other kid and help them apologize and start again. If a kid often lashes out, that's usually a sign of a deeper issue that may require a more structured response, or even the involvement of outside help to sort it out. There are so many reasons why a child might regularly lash out at others, ranging from mental health and function to poor socialization or trauma. That being said, as a teacher, I often deal with accountability: how can you make things right? Kids don't always understand punishment if it isn't clearly explained to them - I still remember from my own childhood several times when I was put in time out and I couldn't figure out why. I've found that the most important tools for discipline are 1) clearly set rules established before an incident occurs(you don't necessarily need child input for this, especially if they're small. Even so, some ownership helps), 2) a clearly understood process to respond to certain behaviors (e.g. If you finish your homework this week, you get a sticker; if you insult another student I'm calling your parents), and 3) consistent accountability. That one goes for both the kid and the adult - a kid needs to be held to a high, achievable standard of behavior, and the adult has to consistently respond positively or negatively as appropriate to the behavior they see. That is very similar to our relationship with Christ. The Bible shows us that he loved little children and wanted them near him, but if you look at the standards he set for adults, you can clearly see what kind of people He wanted those children to become. He neither sets unreasonably high expectations for us to achieve to earn His love, nor does he let us slip through his fingers and fall into sin without a fight. We need to show that same kind of love and gentleness as Christ, just as you said.
It's not necessary for them to deeply reflect on the choice and to fully understand why it was good or bad. Until they have the ability to process and understand certain concepts, teaching is primitive. Action equals consequence. You add more onto it as they are able to understand but the problem with gentle parenting seems to be a lack of proper consequences for negative behaviors, therefore they can't ever get to a place of understanding even through deeply reflecting, why something is good or bad.
My parents philosophy was to punish us for disobedience not for simply doing something wrong. This had the added benefit for understanding sin and why Jesus challenged the Pharisees.
How does Jesus challenging the Pharisees have anything to do with that? If your parents punishing you for disobedience how does that relate exactly? Jesus doesn’t punish us…he literally took on that punishment for us.
I like aspects of gentle parenting but I'm not going to withhold the word "no" from my children because I've met adults that can't respect a "no" and I imagine it's because they were never told it themselves.
As a parent, our job is to say no, just as God sometimes says no to what we are doing and we repent and are corrected. My parents hardly punished me with ADHD. They treated me as an invalid and this caused me to do very wrong things that grieved God and myself. Parents need to always be parents and not the best friend to the child. Not spanking but grounding. Taking away dessert for the night from a 5 year old, etc.
This podcast was very helpful. I had never heard of this concept of Gentle Parenting though I have observed it. This whole philosophy made a mess of the children's ministry at church because parents were taking so many varied approaches to raising their children. I rarely found it productive to try to negotiate kids out of bad behavior and the end result being loss of productive instruction time for all the other children who do behave.
This is something I’d like to dive into more- kids’ ministry discipline. I attended a multicultural church & some children of a certain culture required way more verbal discipline than those of another. And honestly.. it’s hard. Each child is disciplined so differently at home.. how do we go about this? I spend a lot of time having to discipline a set of kids that the other ones are loosing, like you said, valuable instruction time. Does anyone know of speakers or author’s who dive into this?
@@KLC94 Great questions! I am sure school teachers could write books about this, experiencing it every day. My problem was that it seemed like the leadership of the children's ministry didn't see any problem with this approach to discipline. I would expect it from unbelieving parents but not from Christian parents. I will just say I am no negotiator. lol I had asked the children's minister to talk to the parents of a boy who would just wander around the auditorium as the other kids sat intently on the stage, as they were supposed to. There was nothing I could say or do to cause this child to conform to like behavior of the other kids. The children's minister never did talk to them but did apologize to me. Nothing changed.
Im NOT a "gentle parent", nor a harsh/negative parent. That said: "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is still largely misunderstood. Consider: What does a shepherd use his rod for? To GUIDE his sheep. Not wallop/hit/spank their sheep. Infact, Shepherds avoid causing injury to their sheep. Its important that theyre in pristine shape. I recommend not letting your children outwit/wear you down in the first place, espcly to the point where you feel like the only way to stop the madness is to wield the go-to "spanking". Calling hitting "spanking" doesnt make it better, nor even different, than hitting. Nor does the body part where you choose to hit them. Again-be smarter & more witty than your child. Dont know how?Talk to authoritive, kind but firm parents who raised exemplary ladies & gentlemen who never struck their children & ask for tips. And, of course, ask for Holy Spirit's guidance. Also consider other scripture that commands us to not provoke children to anger, etc.,
I think "spare the rod, spoil the child" is largely misunderstood by people who spank wrongly (in anger, arbitrarily, leaving marks, etc) and definitely by every single parent who doesn't spank. Yes and amen to never injuring your child with discipline--God forbid that evil. I would be curious to hear why we should use the idea of a Shepherd's rod in our thinking. Particularly with more clarifying verses like Proverbs 23:13, which says how a rod is used and highlights how children are **tempted** to groan like they're dying over having to do ANYTHING they would rather not do, like take out the trash, let alone receive a light, momentary spanking.
The verse actually says, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." (ESV). Also, there is no mention of sheep or shepherds in the entire chapter. To assume this is referring to a shepherd's rod as in Psalm 23 is taking it completely out of context. The verse sits in the middle of two whole chapters of proverbs about living wisely and righteously. It most certainly is referring to the rod of discipline.
In fact, Proverbs 23:13 literally says the child won't die if you beat them with a rod. Of course, I agree with the other posts about not beating to cause injury or out of anger... But I think we should always keep Scripture in its context. God bless
@@lkhai6243if you’re going to take those couple verse as literal means to spank then they really aren’t being taken literally. Nowadays children are spanked on their butt but the Bible says the rod is for the backs of fools. If we’re truly doing what we believe is laid out in scripture, parents would be beating their children on their backs (not butts, since the word butt is not the same for back) with some kind of rod/dowel. If we did that it would likely kill them or injure them tremendously and the majority of Christian parents would all be in prison for life.
Haven't watched the video, and I'm not here to agree or disagree with anything said. I just wanted to lay my heart out there more generally. I really, really struggle with social media discussions on these kinds of topics. I generally practice "gentle" parenting, (though it's been a learning process and I've definitely leaned too permissive at points as i try to figure it all out) and I'm passionate Christ follower. And reading through the comments here, I find myself feeling so misunderstood and scrutinized. "But I DO tell my children no," "but I DO hold limits and set boundaries," "but i DO make sure my kids experience consequences," "but i DO talk to my kids about sin and the need to repent and cling to Christ." I can't help but think about the mistakes that I've made, and wondering if my Christian friends secretly think the things written here in the comments about me and my kids. My middle kid is high-energy, as are a few of his friends who are parented differently. Is my parenting judged more harshly, even though the kids share the same struggles? When my 8yo is disrespectful, are we both given less grace, even though I do provide correction, just not punishment? Do my Christian friends secretly not want to be around me and my kids, because I haven't figured out how to be the perfect parent? Why is my parenting given less grace than other people's, even though I'm desperately trying to follow Christ too? I think it's just the nature of these kinds of conversations. I'm just complaining and having a pity party ❤️ I figure it's safe here in the YT comments, lol. Not as many people read and respond here anyway
I think as mom's we all parent differently. What i am learning is we can't worry what others think. Parent how you feel is best. Your friends may judge your parenting, and you may judge theirs. In the end, we will answer to Christ, and not our mommy friends. They very well may think your kids need a more harsher consequence....it's ok. It is their opinion. Wherever you fall in gentle parenting, someone will always judge. If you didn't gentle parent, someone will judge. It's ok. Just focus on raising and training your kids. ❤❤❤
Thank you both for such a wonderful explanation on gentle parenting. I’m a Mama of 2 young children and I was definitely edify with this episode. True, modeling is definitely a daily struggle for me but I’m so grateful that our Lord and Savior is full of compassion and grace. God bless ladies 🙏🏽✝️🤗
The irony of gentle parenting from what I’ve witnessed, is the parent who buys into this philosophy is anything but gentle to anyone who would challenge it.
Roman's 5 (3)"...we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about Perseverance (4) and Perseverance, proven character and proven character : Hope (5) and Hope does not disappoint because the Love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us."😊
I’m very “crunchy” as well, so happy to hear you can relate to that life/those values. 🥰 Also, fantastic episode, and SUCH an important conversation today!
Adding on: If a kids anger is redirect towards something else less harmel like an object rather than a person and if they grow up to continue that behavior and it escalated then that is a very extreme example to even point out because most likely even if the kid was punished very vigorously, the same outcome would have come since the situation is so extreme and more rare than not. It would mean that the kid is struggling psychologicaly with something so the way you handle it, either by punishing vs redirecting would not nessesarly affect the outcome. Either way they would grow up to have inappropriate urges towards violence. Redirecting in a normal situation with a average child is a very good option for problem solving since kids have short attention spans and they would very quickly get over hitting the object (unless there is something more going on like trauma or if they are copying a behavior they witness). Redirecting diffuses the situation while punishment encourages a fight and time wasted (keep in mind the older a kid gets and more aware of right and wrong the more you can teach them consequences and should appropriately but even laws change so things have to be tought for that time and age). It would be important to minimize violence in general by not encouraging violent video games or violent shows but giving a kid an outlet is 100 percent the right way to handle violence because even in psychology they would encourage an outlet so redirecting this negative behavior into a safe space which can be a pillow, sport, a wall, or whatever is age appropriate but safe is teaching a very good coping skill so that way they learn to live with the anger instead of supressing (parents try to pretend it doesnt exists or shouldnt exist) and letting it turn into something worse like self destruction later in life. Kids need to be br tought recilience without actually having to go through trauma and they need to know coping skills to handle hard emotions. Although emotions are not God, they do come and go and they are all over the place, they do influence how you live for God/Jesus and how you interact with the world and so thryy do have to be adressed and kids have to know how to handle them so emotions should never be shut down but instead worked through and talked through.
One woman advocate of gentle parenting recommended a guy who applied liberation theology to children. They are also pushing for tighter govt regulation of home schooling. I find it bizarre that the most abusive institution in the country right now the govt is supposed to stop abuse.
Love your content! Very helpful video Alisa. Being a Pentecostal protestant I would however reject the idea of having actually committed sins trough Adam for which I am then accountable for. The bible says that the person who sins shall die by them and that sons shall not be killed for the sins of their parents. It makes no sense to me that I am supposed to have committed sins in actuality while not being an active agent in Adam. I think the phrase "in Adam all sinned" can be taken differently and is fully satisfied in the idea that through Adams sin humanity was changed in such a way that our natural response to temptation would inevitably lead to sin. That however leaves open the question about the age of accountability. But since you affirm that babies can go to heaven that shouldn't be a problem. Just pointing out that even among conservative protestants there are different positions here.
Grandmother here: I see soooo many young Christian parents today who give their small child endless choices, asking rather than telling, always kneeling down to eye level instead of taking the stance of an authority figure. Of course, harsh parenting is not godly, but neither is not modeling what obedience to God will look like as a child grows older. Someone has to be in charge. And an undisciplined child is an unhappy child. (Plus, no one wants to be around your out-of-control child)
You can use your talents as a parent, seeking the best means of becoming successful in your job of promoting your children's well-being. What higher calling is there than to be a "good unconditionally loving parent," more especially if you take as your role model God who is entirely directed at growth, nutrition of mind and body, healing of mind and body, regeneration of mind and body, protection in every form and the fulfillment of every need of mind, emotions and body-all within a system of Law and Order and Unconditional Love. As a parent-have you measured up to the Mind of God? People who have made best use of their talents have been servants-they have looked after other people's children with devotion and unconditional love, cleaning the house with conscientious attention to detail, creating a peaceful calm and caring environment for the employer with unconditional love and gentleness. These are the great souls, the ones who have made paths for themselves leading directly into the Kingdom of Heaven. Alternatively, most people have used their talents for the purposes of the destruction of others to feed their vanity and the cold emptiness within their own heart. Ultimately, their use of their mind has led to their own destruction. Think of people in history and in the present time, who have brainwashed others into rebellion. They have become dictators. Then think about the likely end of such dictators. Such people have abused the privileges bestowed by God and they eventually pay the price, but not before they have ruined thousands of lives for no good reason, for there can never be a "good" reason for turning countries into war-torn wildernesses and ruining a prosperous economy. Think of families where emotional and mental abuse is rife. This is an abhorrent use of "mental power." It rebounds to the abuser in many, many ways-ill-health, sickness, addictions, depression and loss of self-esteem. However, do not use your brain, intellect, insight, knowledge and education as a platform from which to criticize, judge and condemn others who do not measure up to your own standards of efficiency or goodness in any area of your life. At the same time-since to criticize, judge and condemn is as natural as breathing to Satan, do not attempt to deny your perceptions of what might be improved. To do so is to deny the reality of the evolutionary process.
Yes. We should be kind and loving to our children, but if we don't say no, our children could be in physical danger as well as do mean things to others without consequences. We don't have to use corporal punishment, but grounding and time outs would sometimes be called for.
Could we then say, emotions and feelings are valid (we can acknowledge them), but not all emotions are legitimate (we will not affirm all of them as righteous)? There is room for allowing admission of what we feel. It is at that moment when we bring it to God in prayer and ask for wisdom. Do I need to reconsider and mature spiritually (repent) or do I need to take some sort of action (respond)?
There is 2 type of gentle parenting. There is disciplinary gentle parenting and there is passive gentle parenting. Disciplinary gentle parenting is the actual so called gentle approach. Passive gentle parenting is what most people see now a days. I would say if you do decide to gentle parent: you need to really STUDY it because how it works what consequences are there.. second hand gentle parenting creates the passive parenting people and that results to uncontrollable kids.
I'm not a mother, but I have seen solid, Bible-living Christian parents practice this. All I see the parents do is redirect, try "saying this instead of that" "Johnny, there's a better way to ask for something " and it is a continual, never ending negotiation with the children, that I get exhausted watching. I wonder if the parents ever analyze and ask themselves "is this method of parenting, effective?" I don't see good results.
Emotions are a thermometer. They let us know what is going on inside of us. They are however, a reflection of the perceptions of our heart. In Genesis 4, God asks Cain "Why are you angry?" God also tells him that if he does what us right he would be uplifted. Emotions are not sinful unti themselves, but the heart that fuels the emotion does. Cain was jealous of Abel--he felt that because Abel received God's approval and he did not. Cain needed an attitude adjustment; however, he chose to let the sin in his heart lead him to murder his brother. If we allow sinful attitudes to fester in the name of validating others' emotions, we are being destructive in their lives and towards society as a whole (e.g. the Tik Tock generation).
I agree the feeling are thermometer. But we should teach children to discern their emotions because sometimes what they are feeling is valid. For example a child does not feel safe around someone then we should listen. I knew someone who did not feel safe around certain person now in prison for crimes against children. Just maybe if she had spoken up there would been less victims. My point is there is a time and place to listen to feeling and their time not to
What about David and Bathsheba's son? He died as a child and David was confident that he would see his child again someday and that was even before Jesus's death on the cross.
That's a covenant child. Any child conceived by parents from God's chosen people (Jews) was immediately one of God's chosen people (Jews). There wasn't a particular age they had to grow up to in order to become one of God's chosen people. It falls under God's election of Israel.
Circumcision was the sign and seal of the covenant with Abraham. That child was most definitely circumcised. That said, I do believe children who are innocent of actual personal sin and who have no understanding of what obedience or disobedience even means do go to heaven when they die. I don't think the Bible tells the age of David's child, and I have always imagined he was at that young age.
18:47 a random Good Ranchers question: everyone who's advertising them talks about the 'price lock', but no one says anything about whether the quantity stays the same the same throughout the year??
What a wonderful guest. She makes many great points. No doubt parenting is a fluid and nuanced thing depending on the child, specific situations etc. What we know for sure are God's expectations of parents as He lays out in scripture. Many modern parents are following secular societal views on parenting rather than focusing foremost on God's Word about the matter.
You can use your talents as a parent, seeking the best means of becoming successful in your job of promoting your children's well-being. What higher calling is there than to be a "good unconditionally loving parent," more especially if you take as your role model God who is entirely directed at growth, nutrition of mind and body, healing of mind and body, regeneration of mind and body, protection in every form and the fulfillment of every need of mind, emotions and body-all within a system of Law and Order and Unconditional Love. As a parent-have you measured up to the Mind of God? People who have made best use of their talents have been servants-they have looked after other people's children with devotion and unconditional love, cleaning the house with conscientious attention to detail, creating a peaceful calm and caring environment for the employer with unconditional love and gentleness. These are the great souls, the ones who have made paths for themselves leading directly into the Kingdom of Heaven. Alternatively, most people have used their talents for the purposes of the destruction of others to feed their vanity and the cold emptiness within their own heart. Ultimately, their use of their mind has led to their own destruction. Think of people in history and in the present time, who have brainwashed others into rebellion. They have become dictators. Then think about the likely end of such dictators. Such people have abused the privileges bestowed by God and they eventually pay the price, but not before they have ruined thousands of lives for no good reason, for there can never be a "good" reason for turning countries into war-torn wildernesses and ruining a prosperous economy. Think of families where emotional and mental abuse is rife. This is an abhorrent use of "mental power." It rebounds to the abuser in many, many ways-ill-health, sickness, addictions, depression and loss of self-esteem. However, do not use your brain, intellect, insight, knowledge and education as a platform from which to criticize, judge and condemn others who do not measure up to your own standards of efficiency or goodness in any area of your life. At the same time-since to criticize, judge and condemn is as natural as breathing to Satan, do not attempt to deny your perceptions of what might be improved. To do so is to deny the reality of the evolutionary process.
Not a gentle parenting advocate whatsoever but…Wow the first example of punishment used was really the idea of Penal Substitutionary Atonement? I strongly urge Alisa and her guest and audience to look into the relatively recent history of PSA (first formulated as Satisfaction theory by Anselm of Canterbury in the 11th century) and alternative atonement theories held by the early Christians which aren’t mutually exclusive to each other, namely Recapitulation, Ransom (meaning rescue, not payment), Restored Icon, Christus Victor, and Moral Influence. It’s time we stop slandering God’s character by telling the world He can’t forgive without first whacking someone and pouring out His wrath on His Son. Paul Vendredi and Warren McGrew have excellent series on TH-cam going in depth on this. Please please please check it out. God bless❤
Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting. And yes it deal with emotions and that’s a good thing. This type parenting teaches a child how regulate their emotions and deal with them in healthy way. Which is taught by example. Christ himself remained calm even when he threw the stuff in the temple. Often times is when we are selves are disregulated that we are do or say something stupid. By teaching children regulate themselves unnecessary fights are avoided, rash decisions are also avoided. More over there parts of gentle parent that is rooted biblicaly, but there are parts that are not
The church's teaching on Original Sin is woefully lacking. Original Sin is our rebellion against our Creator, Genesis 3, our desire to be our own gods. Autonomy.
To allow children to believe there are no negative consequences to our actions is a lie, pure and simple and does not prepare them for interactions with other people.
The only difference between m is for mama and gentle parenting is terminology. And she gives some consequeces a little more arbitrary than a "gentle parent" would. Nothing she does is that mucb different... she just uses different "scripts"
You lost me at Calvinism. Inherite sin nature yes but inherited guilt? Not scriptural. This has been the most controversial topic ever amoung the reformed for centuries. If children are born guilty then how does one who cannot know right from wrong or make a choice to repent actually be saved? God's judgement in scripture is always tied to our deeds and heart.
absolutely everything in the word of God has been turned upside done, all the way to the one world government, And He made from one [common origin, one source, one blood] all nations of men to settle on the face of the earth, having definitely determined [their] allotted periods of time and the fixed boundaries of their habitation (their settlements, lands, and abodes), Acts 17;6 let alone He created them male and female, Maranatha
If it’s unbiblical to say that there is an age of accountability, does that mean Abbie believes that even babies go to hell when they die even though they aren’t yet able to understand that they need a savior? 😕 Or did I totally misunderstand her point?
I am not a parent but one of the reasons why I won't have kids is because the state will take them away from you fairly quickly. I think gentle parenting is humanity's downfall and sometimes kids actually misbehave because they can (if they don't get consequences). I think a parent should be able to at least spank or raise their voice without going to prison. This leniency culture is something I don't get.
You can use your talents as a parent, seeking the best means of becoming successful in your job of promoting your children's well-being. What higher calling is there than to be a "good unconditionally loving parent," more especially if you take as your role model God who is entirely directed at growth, nutrition of mind and body, healing of mind and body, regeneration of mind and body, protection in every form and the fulfillment of every need of mind, emotions and body-all within a system of Law and Order and Unconditional Love. As a parent-have you measured up to the Mind of God? People who have made best use of their talents have been servants-they have looked after other people's children with devotion and unconditional love, cleaning the house with conscientious attention to detail, creating a peaceful calm and caring environment for the employer with unconditional love and gentleness. These are the great souls, the ones who have made paths for themselves leading directly into the Kingdom of Heaven. Alternatively, most people have used their talents for the purposes of the destruction of others to feed their vanity and the cold emptiness within their own heart. Ultimately, their use of their mind has led to their own destruction. Think of people in history and in the present time, who have brainwashed others into rebellion. They have become dictators. Then think about the likely end of such dictators. Such people have abused the privileges bestowed by God and they eventually pay the price, but not before they have ruined thousands of lives for no good reason, for there can never be a "good" reason for turning countries into war-torn wildernesses and ruining a prosperous economy. Think of families where emotional and mental abuse is rife. This is an abhorrent use of "mental power." It rebounds to the abuser in many, many ways-ill-health, sickness, addictions, depression and loss of self-esteem. However, do not use your brain, intellect, insight, knowledge and education as a platform from which to criticize, judge and condemn others who do not measure up to your own standards of efficiency or goodness in any area of your life. At the same time-since to criticize, judge and condemn is as natural as breathing to Satan, do not attempt to deny your perceptions of what might be improved. To do so is to deny the reality of the evolutionary process.
Lakeside Sirocco, Evangelism at 0.5 Love takes Timeth, the youngest Sister M'carey, Moving in the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit, Intercession & healing, . Five fold, the Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, Jesus is the apostle, Paul put all it, together.. or have we forgotten, the many languishes Heaven speaks, Healings, intercessions of Faith. Jesus more then a man the coheir of our Faith.
don't bring on a well-educated advocate for the opposite position. don't read anything by alfie kohn. or janet lansbury. just assume everyone who says they are a gentle parent is actually understanding and executing the philosophy properly. take their word and assume they are poster children for gentle parenting. this is called a strawman argument, it is a logical fallacy and people use them for a reason! :)
Gentle parenting people are probably not teachers....otherwise they would quickly change their mind! Teachers get to 'enjoy' the consequences of this method
I would encourage you to read Mark 10. There are several verses I could give to you but this one would be especially fruitful on gently correcting what you’ve said. Both my sons know Jesus died on the cross for all of humanities past, present and future sin and that is the means by which we are saved, through His sacrifice and infinite grace and mercy. I’ve taught this to them from the very beginning…you choose age appropriate *explanations* yes, but never compromise the gospel for the sake of keeping it age appropriate. It’s not theology, it’s His promise! He says “let the little ones come to me, do not hinder them” what a Savior worthy of our praise and respect!
The Holy Spirit can save from childhood. Paul said Timothy knew the scriptures from childhood unto salvation. This is very Western in thinking, but in other places in the world christian parents take pointing children to Jesus very very seriously. Children are sadly not spared suffering in this world. Point them to Christ early and often, you don’t know when your child might need to cry out for His help.
Regarding emotions - I always told my three that emotions are emotions, it's what you do with them that matters most. They have to acknowledge what they're feeling and know that how they respond is within their power. They choose whether or not to sin.
As a 65-year-old mother of three, I'll give you the quick answer; no. At least not the way I'm seeing it today. Gentleness is a fruit of the spirit and we should all manifest grace and gentleness, especially to children. But firm "no's" and consequences are in short supply the way I see modern parenting done. That does not make for strong emotionally, spiritually, psychologically healthy individuals.
I agree I am a special needs preschool teacher; children don't know what boundaries are to engage with their peers or adults unless you tell them. Not knowing what is expected makes them less confident or secure. As to how you approach teaching, I like what Supernanny says, " Mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't say it mean."
So Jesus died, for our sins were in vain? My question is, where did the word discipline come from (disciple) even in the beginning of creation Adam and eve sinned against God (thier punishment for their sin was being cast out of the garden of eden and without the communion with God ( I don't call that gentle I call that drastic. And that is the way God is. Jesus was gentle until he came up against the scribes and phericies and the Devil . Sins need delt with not coated.
Thank you for your pearls of wisdom! Parents are under a lot of pressure nowadays to do this gentle parenting trend. Mama here to almost 4 and oldest has ASD so I especially understand the pressure. I’ve learned though the hard way just what you advise and look to carry out my discipline and guidance as a mother with the Gospel at the centre and Holy Spirit for strength and power.
Alisa thank you SO MUCH for discussing this. I am a former gentle parent and switched to authoritative parenting when our child was around 4 and have since been deeply interested in the topic, especially since becoming a Christian.
It’s extremely rare to hear Christians in the public sphere discussing the topic so I am SO grateful for this. I even mentioned this on Melissa Dougherty’s parenting video recently because it’s so so so so incredibly relevant to the Deconstruction Movement.
Prepare yourself for a ton of backlash because GP’s gentleness ends where criticism of their philosophy begins.
Can I ask if you switched to an authoritative parenting model because you became a believer?
This is encouraging to hear.
Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting. They’re both the same thing. So how did you switch when there same
The heart is deceitful above all else, who can know it, Jeremiah 17;9
Gentle Parenting Example : Friday 11:30am Lady gets on a city bus with 3 children, ages 7, 5,and 3. Children are excited the 7 and 5 yr old are seated together and chatting about things seen out the window. Mom is seated behind with 3 yr old by her side. 3 yr is getting fussy. Mom advises gently then controls talk for the 20 minute ride. I'm seated 4 seats back and reading a book. At first glance while boarding mom looked a little anxious, not sure how this was going to go. I read the look and returned to reading my book.
I ride the city bus daily and I've seen it all. And a variety of parents running the gamut of styles.
However, this mom seemed in total GRACEFUL control and the 7 and 5 yr old were well behaved but inside the range of normal reactions if the family car is in the shop and mom has to run an errand.
She managed well all the way to town center. Time to disembark. Turns out everyone is getting out at the same stop.
The driver usually waits about 8 seconds then pulls out if the doors clear.
I look over my shoulder as I'm leaving...a strap is caught between the seats...4 seconds, 5 seconds I'm at the open door. I look over and mom has a 'getting panicked' look on her face. The next stop is too far and the children will have to walk.
No terse comment. No swearing, just obvious frustration. A fellow passenger moves to help, the driver is staring at me...I'm holding the door open past his time to leave, the other passenger helps free the backpack strap, I hold the door and mom and the 3 kids and that last passenger disembark.
I thought that lady's Grace and Patience was highly commendable. She DIDNT transfer her stress onto her children or anyone else. She might have just prayed she would be able to get off at the planned stop. In any case she managed really well in a stressful situation.
As far as I could see, that's a great example of ' Gentle Parenting.
She has self-control over her emotions/actions. Therefore, her children are learning, by example, to have self-control over their emotions/actions.
@@lovelypandamom 14 people disagree with you.
Some children can learn from gentle parenting, but what about a child with ADHD or some behavior problems who need a firmer hand?
@@carriestout6422 The key point is to MOST OFTEN NOT to open a floodgate to your emotions or you forfeit controlled reaction and operate passionately under less control. They re children and they don't learn when you lose control of your emotions.
I agree about losing control of emotions. I do have ADHD and my parents treated me like an invalid, never punishing me. I deliberately did things I was not supposed to do, because I got away with the bad behavior. I am saved now and surrender to Jesus daily, but when I get off track and don't even think about how I have gotten off track, I'm grateful when the Holy Spirit corrects me. I need to know when I have done a wrong so I can repent of the sin and allow God to get me back on track. Don't children at least need to have light punishment sometimes to learn a lesson from parents? A night without dessert, for example, or going to bed an hour earlier?
I'm currently pregnant with our first baby, so very appreciative of this episode!
Congratulations, hope it's going well 🥰
Abbie's books have really helped me in my motherhood journey! She is so inspiring❣️
This has me wondering if there is a connection between GP and the ex-evangelical movement. It also makes me wonder if there is any connection between GP and critical child studies.
Gentleness is strength controlled by love. There is no such thing as gentleness without strength or love (real value) for others, and if you take away either, you are left with weakness and/or a twisted form of self-centered thinking and behavior.
That philosophy, that we're perfect, not sinners, is very new age. It's part of the beliefs of every "religion".
There is no "sin" as we understand it! We are born to behave as we do! All we have to do is practice UNCONDITIONAL LOVE to overcome our negative thoughts and feelings for they separate us from the protection of God and bring us our sicknesses and miseries. When we have learned how to UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE the Kingdom of Heaven will descend on Earth.
@@edgarmorales4476 that is not Biblical at all.
Disputations will arise because people hold on to cherished beliefs and surrender them only with the pain experienced by those who lose their dearest possessions. Nonetheless, dear as the beliefs may be to people-they are only beliefs.
They are not a sure foundation on which to build new lives.
Cherished beliefs, used as talismans, emotional supports and affirmations to give strength in times of crisis, are emotionally imprinted in the subconscious, and usually incorporate in them a fear of "offending" God when contemplating moving on to some higher Truth. Unless there is a sincere longing to know the TRUTH of BEING, rather than traditional beliefs, it will be almost impossible to receive Salvation.
God is aware of the struggles of Jews to live a "good life," and of Muslims to truly reverence and venerate Him throughout the day, attributing all they do and achieve to His power working on their behalf, and of Christians immersed in their beliefs of Salvation by the blood of Jesus-you are all striving to attain "goodness," but will never do so, while you remain divided by your beliefs.
We do put adults in time-out when they misbehave. We just call it prison.
Edited to add: Redirecing a child's rage to a wall or a piece of furniture isn't a good option. You may be willing to repair or repaint a wall your child has damaged. Are you equally willing to do so in other homes and businesses? Because, you will be equally responsible as long as your child is underage. When he is an adult he becomes responsible for those actions. If he has never been taught how to deal with anger in childhood while his mind is malleable, he will be forced to learn it as an adult when it is much harder. And he might also end up in that aforementioned adult time out if his property damaging ways persist.
One night while working Church with the kids, I caught fifth grade boys playing with sharp, dangerous kitchen knives. These were 10 year Olds who knew that they were not to go in the kitchen at all. The Children's pastor did not punish them. She said she wasn't allowed to give time outs anymore. I am mortified that we have no way to have children think of consequences. Those boys could have hurt themselves or me when I asked them to hand me the knives. No wonder we have a generation that protests everything. No consequences can make for a spoiled generation of children.
@@carriestout6422 a respectful parent would say "I can't let you play with knives that way, it's incredibly dangerous and someone could get hurt!" with passion. even saying something like "it scares me to see boys playing who don't know how much danger they are in." and of course, immediately confiscating the knives and putting them out of reach until they have learned to use them responsibly.
to OP: don't redirect a child to hit a brick wall or an endtable. besides the fact that it would be very painful for your child to do so, a pillow cannot be damaged no matter where it is located, and it cannot hurt your child.
This is SUCH a helpful, insightful interview!
Thank you so much!!!
I had begun feeling ashamed tor choosing what my husband and I believed was a Biblical form of discipline in raising our four children without understanding exactly what “gentle parenting” really was!!!
Thank you for clarifying what is being written and said without a strong Biblical foundation!
I've listened to multiple podcasts by Christian podcasters on this subject, but I think this one is the best by far! Alisa and Abbie did a great job really digging into this issue and talking about how the principles of gentle parenting really circumvent the gospel. I also loved how they tied in progressive christianity, very relevant but I've never heard anyone talk about how those two can be tied together.
Giving kids choices actually teaches them a life skill. Many adults are not able to make choices or fear of making the wrong one because parents always made the choices for them. Giving them options helps them think about things and helps them connect with how they feel about the situation. It also protects the bond they have with the parent and keeps an open communication to have a closer relationship with parents rather then push them away by being demanding. Also each kid is different so, parents should accommodate their differences and raise them the way they will grow best according to Gods word. Direction and protection will guide kids and teaching them what is bad and good but being authoritative and worrying about control rather than a relationship and love will destroy the kids self esteem and ultimately leave them makeing poor life choices. Building kids confidence and resilients through positive reinforcement mostly with a touch of nessessary discipline (not over stupid little things) and catering to each kids needs (some may be outgoing and others not and some may struggle with certain things) is a good way to balance parenting out. Also teaching kids about Gods word is good but kids are innocent until the age of understanding for themselves. In the bible it says to have faith like a child because kids dont have to know apologetics in order to have true faith, they dont have to understand things before they put their whole hearts into it. They are innocent in a holy sense but in a worldy sense they do things like hit friends which is obviously not Godly but it is a part of normal development since they copy eachother and adults. If its a part of normal development to what extent do they need punishment? Redirection is obviously appropriate but to punish them for something they are not fully able to understand themselves would be unfair (thats why God wouldnt send a toddler to hell). So if you send your kid to the room vs letting them make a choice about it then how are they able to truly understand why, they may know that you said it was wrong but inside they don't know that it was wrong, the only thing they understand is that your mad about it and maybe the thing that brought them to it in the fisrt place but they are not deeply reflecting on what they did wrong when they get sent to the room, so to what extent does authority need to take over to prove a point. Meanwhile, letting kids be confident by making choices and respecting them and involving them and trying to understand rather take control might actually help the next generation unlike this adult generation that is very messed up from how they where raised. Doing one extreme to the next is never healthy in any parenting style but gentle parenting with appropriate guidelines and protection is by far the most nurturing and beautiful. How would Jesus raise a little child? He would be so gentle and gracious and loving and protective and guiding, he would have so much space for all the crazy reckless things kiddos do and patience. He would never use authority as the leading highway to raise children.
I'd like to add that in the scenarios we often see online, we only see one part of the conversation. Thinking of the little boy who was asked to apologize to his sibling, we don't know if this was a one-off instance or a repeated issue. We also don't know what the conversation was like between him and the mom that made him ready to apologize. As a teacher, I often encounter issues like this - hitting, kicking, insulting other kids. If a child usually doesn't display that behavior, it's appropriate to have a short conversation with them, help them sort out the feelings that caused them to lash out, and and then lead them to the other kid and help them apologize and start again. If a kid often lashes out, that's usually a sign of a deeper issue that may require a more structured response, or even the involvement of outside help to sort it out. There are so many reasons why a child might regularly lash out at others, ranging from mental health and function to poor socialization or trauma.
That being said, as a teacher, I often deal with accountability: how can you make things right? Kids don't always understand punishment if it isn't clearly explained to them - I still remember from my own childhood several times when I was put in time out and I couldn't figure out why. I've found that the most important tools for discipline are 1) clearly set rules established before an incident occurs(you don't necessarily need child input for this, especially if they're small. Even so, some ownership helps), 2) a clearly understood process to respond to certain behaviors (e.g. If you finish your homework this week, you get a sticker; if you insult another student I'm calling your parents), and 3) consistent accountability. That one goes for both the kid and the adult - a kid needs to be held to a high, achievable standard of behavior, and the adult has to consistently respond positively or negatively as appropriate to the behavior they see. That is very similar to our relationship with Christ. The Bible shows us that he loved little children and wanted them near him, but if you look at the standards he set for adults, you can clearly see what kind of people He wanted those children to become. He neither sets unreasonably high expectations for us to achieve to earn His love, nor does he let us slip through his fingers and fall into sin without a fight. We need to show that same kind of love and gentleness as Christ, just as you said.
It's not necessary for them to deeply reflect on the choice and to fully understand why it was good or bad. Until they have the ability to process and understand certain concepts, teaching is primitive. Action equals consequence. You add more onto it as they are able to understand but the problem with gentle parenting seems to be a lack of proper consequences for negative behaviors, therefore they can't ever get to a place of understanding even through deeply reflecting, why something is good or bad.
My parents philosophy was to punish us for disobedience not for simply doing something wrong. This had the added benefit for understanding sin and why Jesus challenged the Pharisees.
How does Jesus challenging the Pharisees have anything to do with that? If your parents punishing you for disobedience how does that relate exactly? Jesus doesn’t punish us…he literally took on that punishment for us.
I like aspects of gentle parenting but I'm not going to withhold the word "no" from my children because I've met adults that can't respect a "no" and I imagine it's because they were never told it themselves.
As a parent, our job is to say no, just as God sometimes says no to what we are doing and we repent and are corrected. My parents hardly punished me with ADHD. They treated me as an invalid and this caused me to do very wrong things that grieved God and myself. Parents need to always be parents and not the best friend to the child. Not spanking but grounding. Taking away dessert for the night from a 5 year old, etc.
This podcast was very helpful. I had never heard of this concept of Gentle Parenting though I have observed it.
This whole philosophy made a mess of the children's ministry at church because parents were taking so many varied approaches to raising their children. I rarely found it productive to try to negotiate kids out of bad behavior and the end result being loss of productive instruction time for all the other children who do behave.
This is something I’d like to dive into more- kids’ ministry discipline. I attended a multicultural church & some children of a certain culture required way more verbal discipline than those of another. And honestly.. it’s hard. Each child is disciplined so differently at home.. how do we go about this? I spend a lot of time having to discipline a set of kids that the other ones are loosing, like you said, valuable instruction time. Does anyone know of speakers or author’s who dive into this?
@@KLC94 Great questions! I am sure school teachers could write books about this, experiencing it every day.
My problem was that it seemed like the leadership of the children's ministry didn't see any problem with this approach to discipline. I would expect it from unbelieving parents but not from Christian parents. I will just say I am no negotiator. lol I had asked the children's minister to talk to the parents of a boy who would just wander around the auditorium as the other kids sat intently on the stage, as they were supposed to. There was nothing I could say or do to cause this child to conform to like behavior of the other kids. The children's minister never did talk to them but did apologize to me. Nothing changed.
Im NOT a "gentle parent", nor a harsh/negative parent. That said: "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is still largely misunderstood.
Consider: What does a shepherd use his rod for? To GUIDE his sheep. Not wallop/hit/spank their sheep. Infact, Shepherds avoid causing injury to their sheep. Its important that theyre in pristine shape.
I recommend not letting your children outwit/wear you down in the first place, espcly to the point where you feel like the only way to stop the madness is to wield the go-to "spanking". Calling hitting "spanking" doesnt make it better, nor even different, than hitting. Nor does the body part where you choose to hit them.
Again-be smarter & more witty than your child. Dont know how?Talk to authoritive, kind but firm parents who raised exemplary ladies & gentlemen who never struck their children & ask for tips. And, of course, ask for Holy Spirit's guidance.
Also consider other scripture that commands us to not provoke children to anger, etc.,
I think "spare the rod, spoil the child" is largely misunderstood by people who spank wrongly (in anger, arbitrarily, leaving marks, etc) and definitely by every single parent who doesn't spank. Yes and amen to never injuring your child with discipline--God forbid that evil. I would be curious to hear why we should use the idea of a Shepherd's rod in our thinking. Particularly with more clarifying verses like Proverbs 23:13, which says how a rod is used and highlights how children are **tempted** to groan like they're dying over having to do ANYTHING they would rather not do, like take out the trash, let alone receive a light, momentary spanking.
The verse actually says, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." (ESV). Also, there is no mention of sheep or shepherds in the entire chapter. To assume this is referring to a shepherd's rod as in Psalm 23 is taking it completely out of context. The verse sits in the middle of two whole chapters of proverbs about living wisely and righteously. It most certainly is referring to the rod of discipline.
As it is most of the time in Scripture. "The rod of correction" not the rod of guidance@@astrongmama
In fact, Proverbs 23:13 literally says the child won't die if you beat them with a rod. Of course, I agree with the other posts about not beating to cause injury or out of anger... But I think we should always keep Scripture in its context. God bless
@@lkhai6243if you’re going to take those couple verse as literal means to spank then they really aren’t being taken literally. Nowadays children are spanked on their butt but the Bible says the rod is for the backs of fools. If we’re truly doing what we believe is laid out in scripture, parents would be beating their children on their backs (not butts, since the word butt is not the same for back) with some kind of rod/dowel. If we did that it would likely kill them or injure them tremendously and the majority of Christian parents would all be in prison for life.
Haven't watched the video, and I'm not here to agree or disagree with anything said. I just wanted to lay my heart out there more generally.
I really, really struggle with social media discussions on these kinds of topics. I generally practice "gentle" parenting, (though it's been a learning process and I've definitely leaned too permissive at points as i try to figure it all out) and I'm passionate Christ follower. And reading through the comments here, I find myself feeling so misunderstood and scrutinized. "But I DO tell my children no," "but I DO hold limits and set boundaries," "but i DO make sure my kids experience consequences," "but i DO talk to my kids about sin and the need to repent and cling to Christ."
I can't help but think about the mistakes that I've made, and wondering if my Christian friends secretly think the things written here in the comments about me and my kids. My middle kid is high-energy, as are a few of his friends who are parented differently. Is my parenting judged more harshly, even though the kids share the same struggles? When my 8yo is disrespectful, are we both given less grace, even though I do provide correction, just not punishment? Do my Christian friends secretly not want to be around me and my kids, because I haven't figured out how to be the perfect parent? Why is my parenting given less grace than other people's, even though I'm desperately trying to follow Christ too?
I think it's just the nature of these kinds of conversations. I'm just complaining and having a pity party ❤️ I figure it's safe here in the YT comments, lol. Not as many people read and respond here anyway
I think as mom's we all parent differently. What i am learning is we can't worry what others think. Parent how you feel is best. Your friends may judge your parenting, and you may judge theirs. In the end, we will answer to Christ, and not our mommy friends. They very well may think your kids need a more harsher consequence....it's ok. It is their opinion. Wherever you fall in gentle parenting, someone will always judge. If you didn't gentle parent, someone will judge. It's ok. Just focus on raising and training your kids. ❤❤❤
@ashlieleavelle thats a good word. The Lord has really worked on my heart over these past few months ❤️ thank you for your response!!
I almost fell for this at a school I worked at; thank you for this video!
Thank you both for such a wonderful explanation on gentle parenting. I’m a Mama of 2 young children and I was definitely edify with this episode. True, modeling is definitely a daily struggle for me but I’m so grateful that our Lord and Savior is full of compassion and grace. God bless ladies 🙏🏽✝️🤗
I found you through Abbie’s podcast. Would love more collaborations with her. Great conversation on this topic! Left me with lots to think about.
The irony of gentle parenting from what I’ve witnessed, is the parent who buys into this philosophy is anything but gentle to anyone who would challenge it.
Completely agree!
Roman's 5 (3)"...we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about Perseverance (4) and Perseverance, proven character and proven character : Hope (5) and Hope does not disappoint because the Love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us."😊
My two favorite worlds colliding! ❤ love you ladies and all the truth you speak into the world!
I’m very “crunchy” as well, so happy to hear you can relate to that life/those values. 🥰
Also, fantastic episode, and SUCH an important conversation today!
I love Abbie's content! She's been such an encouragement to me as a mom of 3. Thanks so much for having her on! This is such an important discussion.
Can’t wait to watch this
Adding on: If a kids anger is redirect towards something else less harmel like an object rather than a person and if they grow up to continue that behavior and it escalated then that is a very extreme example to even point out because most likely even if the kid was punished very vigorously, the same outcome would have come since the situation is so extreme and more rare than not. It would mean that the kid is struggling psychologicaly with something so the way you handle it, either by punishing vs redirecting would not nessesarly affect the outcome. Either way they would grow up to have inappropriate urges towards violence. Redirecting in a normal situation with a average child is a very good option for problem solving since kids have short attention spans and they would very quickly get over hitting the object (unless there is something more going on like trauma or if they are copying a behavior they witness). Redirecting diffuses the situation while punishment encourages a fight and time wasted (keep in mind the older a kid gets and more aware of right and wrong the more you can teach them consequences and should appropriately but even laws change so things have to be tought for that time and age). It would be important to minimize violence in general by not encouraging violent video games or violent shows but giving a kid an outlet is 100 percent the right way to handle violence because even in psychology they would encourage an outlet so redirecting this negative behavior into a safe space which can be a pillow, sport, a wall, or whatever is age appropriate but safe is teaching a very good coping skill so that way they learn to live with the anger instead of supressing (parents try to pretend it doesnt exists or shouldnt exist) and letting it turn into something worse like self destruction later in life. Kids need to be br tought recilience without actually having to go through trauma and they need to know coping skills to handle hard emotions. Although emotions are not God, they do come and go and they are all over the place, they do influence how you live for God/Jesus and how you interact with the world and so thryy do have to be adressed and kids have to know how to handle them so emotions should never be shut down but instead worked through and talked through.
I am listening to this from a coach's perspective and of course this has bled into coaching sports and is ruining it. Makes it nearly impossible.
@mbgrocott7115 Ooh this is interesting to hear. May I ask how this attitude is affecting kids from a coaching perspective? What have you experienced?
I have a heart for this topic!
One woman advocate of gentle parenting recommended a guy who applied liberation theology to children. They are also pushing for tighter govt regulation of home schooling. I find it bizarre that the most abusive institution in the country right now the govt is supposed to stop abuse.
Love your content! Very helpful video Alisa. Being a Pentecostal protestant I would however reject the idea of having actually committed sins trough Adam for which I am then accountable for. The bible says that the person who sins shall die by them and that sons shall not be killed for the sins of their parents. It makes no sense to me that I am supposed to have committed sins in actuality while not being an active agent in Adam. I think the phrase "in Adam all sinned" can be taken differently and is fully satisfied in the idea that through Adams sin humanity was changed in such a way that our natural response to temptation would inevitably lead to sin. That however leaves open the question about the age of accountability. But since you affirm that babies can go to heaven that shouldn't be a problem. Just pointing out that even among conservative protestants there are different positions here.
I am not Pentecostal, and I agree with this! 😅
Thank you for some clarity! A couple months ago I started hearing about gentle parenting.
Grandmother here: I see soooo many young Christian parents today who give their small child endless choices, asking rather than telling, always kneeling down to eye level instead of taking the stance of an authority figure. Of course, harsh parenting is not godly, but neither is not modeling what obedience to God will look like as a child grows older. Someone has to be in charge. And an undisciplined child is an unhappy child. (Plus, no one wants to be around your out-of-control child)
You can use your talents as a parent, seeking the best means of becoming successful in your job of promoting your children's well-being.
What higher calling is there than to be a "good unconditionally loving parent," more especially if you take as your role model God who is entirely directed at growth, nutrition of mind and body, healing of mind and body, regeneration of mind and body, protection in every form and the fulfillment of every need of mind, emotions and body-all within a system of Law and Order and Unconditional Love. As a parent-have you measured up to the Mind of God?
People who have made best use of their talents have been servants-they have looked after other people's children with devotion and unconditional love, cleaning the house with conscientious attention to detail, creating a peaceful calm and caring environment for the employer with unconditional love and gentleness. These are the great souls, the ones who have made paths for themselves leading directly into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Alternatively, most people have used their talents for the purposes of the destruction of others to feed their vanity and the cold emptiness within their own heart. Ultimately, their use of their mind has led to their own destruction. Think of people in history and in the present time, who have brainwashed others into rebellion. They have become dictators. Then think about the likely end of such dictators.
Such people have abused the privileges bestowed by God and they eventually pay the price, but not before they have ruined thousands of lives for no good reason, for there can never be a "good" reason for turning countries into war-torn wildernesses and ruining a prosperous economy.
Think of families where emotional and mental abuse is rife. This is an abhorrent use of "mental power." It rebounds to the abuser in many, many ways-ill-health, sickness, addictions, depression and loss of self-esteem.
However, do not use your brain, intellect, insight, knowledge and education as a platform from which to criticize, judge and condemn others who do not measure up to your own standards of efficiency or goodness in any area of your life.
At the same time-since to criticize, judge and condemn is as natural as breathing to Satan, do not attempt to deny your perceptions of what might be improved. To do so is to deny the reality of the evolutionary process.
I love some of Dr. Becky’s advice, but needs to be taken with a lot of discernment! But now Oprah is promoting her, so I’m keeping a close eye on her!
Abbey - Thank you so much for sharing your Godly insight!
Super excited for this video!!
Yes. We should be kind and loving to our children, but if we don't say no, our children could be in physical danger as well as do mean things to others without consequences. We don't have to use corporal punishment, but grounding and time outs would sometimes be called for.
Enjoyed this and learned so much! Thank you both! God bless❤
Love and discipline
Could we then say, emotions and feelings are valid (we can acknowledge them), but not all emotions are legitimate (we will not affirm all of them as righteous)?
There is room for allowing admission of what we feel. It is at that moment when we bring it to God in prayer and ask for wisdom.
Do I need to reconsider and mature spiritually (repent) or do I need to take some sort of action (respond)?
Alisa, what a very interesting topic and a wonderful guest. Thank you.
There is 2 type of gentle parenting. There is disciplinary gentle parenting and there is passive gentle parenting.
Disciplinary gentle parenting is the actual so called gentle approach.
Passive gentle parenting is what most people see now a days.
I would say if you do decide to gentle parent:
you need to really STUDY it because how it works what consequences are there..
second hand gentle parenting creates the passive parenting people and that results to uncontrollable kids.
I'm not a mother, but I have seen solid, Bible-living Christian parents practice this. All I see the parents do is redirect, try "saying this instead of that" "Johnny, there's a better way to ask for something " and it is a continual, never ending negotiation with the children, that I get exhausted watching. I wonder if the parents ever analyze and ask themselves "is this method of parenting, effective?" I don't see good results.
Wow I never considered gentle parenting would lead to parents not wanting to share the true gospel! That’s absolutely insane.
Emotions are a thermometer. They let us know what is going on inside of us. They are however, a reflection of the perceptions of our heart. In Genesis 4, God asks Cain "Why are you angry?" God also tells him that if he does what us right he would be uplifted. Emotions are not sinful unti themselves, but the heart that fuels the emotion does. Cain was jealous of Abel--he felt that because Abel received God's approval and he did not. Cain needed an attitude adjustment; however, he chose to let the sin in his heart lead him to murder his brother. If we allow sinful attitudes to fester in the name of validating others' emotions, we are being destructive in their lives and towards society as a whole (e.g. the Tik Tock generation).
I agree the feeling are thermometer. But we should teach children to discern their emotions because sometimes what they are feeling is valid. For example a child does not feel safe around someone then we should listen. I knew someone who did not feel safe around certain person now in prison for crimes against children. Just maybe if she had spoken up there would been less victims. My point is there is a time and place to listen to feeling and their time not to
What about David and Bathsheba's son? He died as a child and David was confident that he would see his child again someday and that was even before Jesus's death on the cross.
That's a covenant child. Any child conceived by parents from God's chosen people (Jews) was immediately one of God's chosen people (Jews). There wasn't a particular age they had to grow up to in order to become one of God's chosen people. It falls under God's election of Israel.
Circumcision was the sign and seal of the covenant with Abraham. That child was most definitely circumcised.
That said, I do believe children who are innocent of actual personal sin and who have no understanding of what obedience or disobedience even means do go to heaven when they die. I don't think the Bible tells the age of David's child, and I have always imagined he was at that young age.
@@astrongmamaI think he died almost immediately after he was born... Seven days or something
18:47 a random Good Ranchers question: everyone who's advertising them talks about the 'price lock', but no one says anything about whether the quantity stays the same the same throughout the year??
What a wonderful guest. She makes many great points. No doubt parenting is a fluid and nuanced thing depending on the child, specific situations etc. What we know for sure are God's expectations of parents as He lays out in scripture. Many modern parents are following secular societal views on parenting rather than focusing foremost on God's Word about the matter.
You can use your talents as a parent, seeking the best means of becoming successful in your job of promoting your children's well-being.
What higher calling is there than to be a "good unconditionally loving parent," more especially if you take as your role model God who is entirely directed at growth, nutrition of mind and body, healing of mind and body, regeneration of mind and body, protection in every form and the fulfillment of every need of mind, emotions and body-all within a system of Law and Order and Unconditional Love. As a parent-have you measured up to the Mind of God?
People who have made best use of their talents have been servants-they have looked after other people's children with devotion and unconditional love, cleaning the house with conscientious attention to detail, creating a peaceful calm and caring environment for the employer with unconditional love and gentleness. These are the great souls, the ones who have made paths for themselves leading directly into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Alternatively, most people have used their talents for the purposes of the destruction of others to feed their vanity and the cold emptiness within their own heart. Ultimately, their use of their mind has led to their own destruction. Think of people in history and in the present time, who have brainwashed others into rebellion. They have become dictators. Then think about the likely end of such dictators.
Such people have abused the privileges bestowed by God and they eventually pay the price, but not before they have ruined thousands of lives for no good reason, for there can never be a "good" reason for turning countries into war-torn wildernesses and ruining a prosperous economy.
Think of families where emotional and mental abuse is rife. This is an abhorrent use of "mental power." It rebounds to the abuser in many, many ways-ill-health, sickness, addictions, depression and loss of self-esteem.
However, do not use your brain, intellect, insight, knowledge and education as a platform from which to criticize, judge and condemn others who do not measure up to your own standards of efficiency or goodness in any area of your life.
At the same time-since to criticize, judge and condemn is as natural as breathing to Satan, do not attempt to deny your perceptions of what might be improved. To do so is to deny the reality of the evolutionary process.
Not a gentle parenting advocate whatsoever but…Wow the first example of punishment used was really the idea of Penal Substitutionary Atonement? I strongly urge Alisa and her guest and audience to look into the relatively recent history of PSA (first formulated as Satisfaction theory by Anselm of Canterbury in the 11th century) and alternative atonement theories held by the early Christians which aren’t mutually exclusive to each other, namely Recapitulation, Ransom (meaning rescue, not payment), Restored Icon, Christus Victor, and Moral Influence.
It’s time we stop slandering God’s character by telling the world He can’t forgive without first whacking someone and pouring out His wrath on His Son.
Paul Vendredi and Warren McGrew have excellent series on TH-cam going in depth on this. Please please please check it out.
God bless❤
This generalization of parents is dishonor. I see the breaking of the commandment all over liberal concepts surrounded parenting.
Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting. And yes it deal with emotions and that’s a good thing. This type parenting teaches a child how regulate their emotions and deal with them in healthy way. Which is taught by example. Christ himself remained calm even when he threw the stuff in the temple. Often times is when we are selves are disregulated that we are do or say something stupid. By teaching children regulate themselves unnecessary fights are avoided, rash decisions are also avoided. More over there parts of gentle parent that is rooted biblicaly, but there are parts that are not
so good!!
The church's teaching on Original Sin is woefully lacking. Original Sin is our rebellion against our Creator, Genesis 3, our desire to be our own gods. Autonomy.
When they told us children, go play in the freeway, we had a great child life 😂
To allow children to believe there are no negative consequences to our actions is a lie, pure and simple and does not prepare them for interactions with other people.
The only difference between m is for mama and gentle parenting is terminology. And she gives some consequeces a little more arbitrary than a "gentle parent" would. Nothing she does is that mucb different... she just uses different "scripts"
Do emotions grow? ( I wouldnt ask Jordan Peterson...get a 48 minute answer ) but i wonder.
You lost me at Calvinism. Inherite sin nature yes but inherited guilt? Not scriptural. This has been the most controversial topic ever amoung the reformed for centuries. If children are born guilty then how does one who cannot know right from wrong or make a choice to repent actually be saved? God's judgement in scripture is always tied to our deeds and heart.
absolutely everything in the word of God has been turned upside done, all the way to the one world government,
And He made from one [common origin, one source, one blood] all nations of men to settle on the face of the earth, having definitely determined [their] allotted periods of time and the fixed boundaries of their habitation (their settlements, lands, and abodes), Acts 17;6
let alone He created them male and female, Maranatha
I have two sets of twins, too!
Beautiful!! 💜🌈✨ 😻
If it’s unbiblical to say that there is an age of accountability, does that mean Abbie believes that even babies go to hell when they die even though they aren’t yet able to understand that they need a savior? 😕 Or did I totally misunderstand her point?
I am not a parent but one of the reasons why I won't have kids is because the state will take them away from you fairly quickly. I think gentle parenting is humanity's downfall and sometimes kids actually misbehave because they can (if they don't get consequences). I think a parent should be able to at least spank or raise their voice without going to prison. This leniency culture is something I don't get.
You can use your talents as a parent, seeking the best means of becoming successful in your job of promoting your children's well-being.
What higher calling is there than to be a "good unconditionally loving parent," more especially if you take as your role model God who is entirely directed at growth, nutrition of mind and body, healing of mind and body, regeneration of mind and body, protection in every form and the fulfillment of every need of mind, emotions and body-all within a system of Law and Order and Unconditional Love. As a parent-have you measured up to the Mind of God?
People who have made best use of their talents have been servants-they have looked after other people's children with devotion and unconditional love, cleaning the house with conscientious attention to detail, creating a peaceful calm and caring environment for the employer with unconditional love and gentleness. These are the great souls, the ones who have made paths for themselves leading directly into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Alternatively, most people have used their talents for the purposes of the destruction of others to feed their vanity and the cold emptiness within their own heart. Ultimately, their use of their mind has led to their own destruction. Think of people in history and in the present time, who have brainwashed others into rebellion. They have become dictators. Then think about the likely end of such dictators.
Such people have abused the privileges bestowed by God and they eventually pay the price, but not before they have ruined thousands of lives for no good reason, for there can never be a "good" reason for turning countries into war-torn wildernesses and ruining a prosperous economy.
Think of families where emotional and mental abuse is rife. This is an abhorrent use of "mental power." It rebounds to the abuser in many, many ways-ill-health, sickness, addictions, depression and loss of self-esteem.
However, do not use your brain, intellect, insight, knowledge and education as a platform from which to criticize, judge and condemn others who do not measure up to your own standards of efficiency or goodness in any area of your life.
At the same time-since to criticize, judge and condemn is as natural as breathing to Satan, do not attempt to deny your perceptions of what might be improved. To do so is to deny the reality of the evolutionary process.
Yes, please don’t have kids if you plan on hurting them enough that you’d have them taken away. I’m glad you’ve made this decision now.
The woman who said that " substitutionary atonement" is a western construct myst not have gotten the eastern memo 😂
Ugh so sick of the random ads
👍
Lakeside Sirocco, Evangelism at 0.5 Love takes Timeth, the youngest Sister M'carey, Moving in the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit, Intercession & healing, . Five fold, the Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, Jesus is the apostle, Paul put all it, together.. or have we forgotten, the many languishes Heaven speaks, Healings, intercessions of Faith. Jesus more then a man the coheir of our Faith.
Yes her original Channel, Sara,
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don't bring on a well-educated advocate for the opposite position. don't read anything by alfie kohn. or janet lansbury. just assume everyone who says they are a gentle parent is actually understanding and executing the philosophy properly. take their word and assume they are poster children for gentle parenting. this is called a strawman argument, it is a logical fallacy and people use them for a reason! :)
Gentle parenting people are probably not teachers....otherwise they would quickly change their mind! Teachers get to 'enjoy' the consequences of this method
No kidding. 20 different opinions on what we should do today. Sounds like a smooth classroom experience.
@@katherinelipari6610 Kids not being used to and not able to receive discipline, it really is no fun I can tell you
😂😂😂😂
Good content; tired of all the ads. Sorry, can't watch any more.
what parent would talk about Jesus dying on the cross. It depends on the child when you begin to discuss theology. Jesus didn'tpreach to children!!!
I would encourage you to read Mark 10. There are several verses I could give to you but this one would be especially fruitful on gently correcting what you’ve said. Both my sons know Jesus died on the cross for all of humanities past, present and future sin and that is the means by which we are saved, through His sacrifice and infinite grace and mercy. I’ve taught this to them from the very beginning…you choose age appropriate *explanations* yes, but never compromise the gospel for the sake of keeping it age appropriate. It’s not theology, it’s His promise! He says “let the little ones come to me, do not hinder them” what a Savior worthy of our praise and respect!
The Holy Spirit can save from childhood. Paul said Timothy knew the scriptures from childhood unto salvation.
This is very Western in thinking, but in other places in the world christian parents take pointing children to Jesus very very seriously. Children are sadly not spared suffering in this world. Point them to Christ early and often, you don’t know when your child might need to cry out for His help.